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Communication Strategies
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 Agenda: Day One
8:30-8:45 Icebreaker: What Are You Going To Do With That?
8:45-9:00 Session One: Course Overview
9:00-9:15 Session Two: Creating Positive Relationships
9:15-9:45 Session Three: Growing Our Self-Awareness
9:45-10:30 Session Four: Communication Basics
10:30-10:45 Break
10:45-12:00 Session Five: Communication Barriers
12:00-1:00 Lunch
1:00-1:15 Energizer: Word Play
1:15-2:15 Session Six: Asking Questions
2:15-2:30 Break
2:30-4:15 Session Seven: Listening Skills
4:15-4:30 Day One Wrap-Up
 Session One:
Course Overview
Learning Objectives

• Identify common communication problems that may

be holding you back
• Develop skills to ask questions that give you
information you need
• Learn what your non-verbal messages are telling others
• Develop skills in listening actively and empathetically
to others
• Enhance your ability to handle difficult situations
• Deal with situations assertively
 Session Two:
Creating Positive Relationships (I)
1. Speak to people.
2. Smile at people.
3. Call people by name.
4. Be friendly and helpful.
5. Be cordial.
6. Be genuinely interested in people.
7. Be generous with praise, cautious with criticism.
8. Be considerate with the feelings of others.
9. Be alert to give service.
10.Practice your positive sense of humor.
 Session Two:
Creating Positive Relationships (II)
Uplifting Talk

Self-Defeating Talk Uplifting Talk

• There is nothing we can do. • Let’s look at the choices.
• They won’t allow that. • We can try something new.
• I can’t… • I will…
• I must… • We can…
• If only… • From here on…
 Session Three:
Growing Our Self-Awareness
Do You Question Your Competence? (I)
• I’m concerned that I’m not effective enough when
dealing with my supervisor or my co-workers.
• After I’ve had a conversation with someone, I
sometimes worry if I’ve said anything that could be
construed as offensive.
• I am frequently in a position of trying to counteract a
bad impression I believe I’ve made.
• I rarely worry about being considered by others as
misinformed or ignorant on things.
• When I’m in social situations, I’m not concerned about
following rules of etiquette or being self-conscious.
 Session Three:
Growing Our Self-Awareness
Do You Question Your Competence? (II)
• I tend to fret that others may think I don’t know
what I’m doing.
• I fear that others may not see me as adequately
disciplined.
• I usually wonder whether my co-workers think
that I’m not putting enough time and energy into
my job.
• I avoid criticizing someone else’s judgment for
fear of appearing in the wrong.
• I tend to worry that others will laugh at my ideas.
 Session Three:
Growing Our Self-Awareness
Developing Confidence

• Fake it until you make it

• Be well prepared
• Learn how to relax
• Be consistent
 Session Four:
Communication Basics
Defining a Skilled Communicator (I)

• What is your definition of a skilled communicator?

• Think of a time when you are at your best.
– What do you do?
– How do you act?
• Think of a time when you are at your worst as a
communicator.
– What do you do?
– How do you act?
 Session Four:
Communication Basics
Defining a Skilled Communicator (II)

• Think of someone you know who is an

excellent communicator.
• What makes that person stand out to you?
• What things are they doing that we could
learn from?
• Do you also see things in them that they could
learn to make themselves even better at
communicating?
 Session Five:
Communication Barriers
Case Study: New Neighbors
What is the problem?
a) They don’t like your culture.
b) You appeared pushy by introducing yourselves as
soon as you arrived.
c) The Midlanders do not necessarily socialize with their
neighbors.
d) Midland culture dictates that newcomers to a
neighborhood must wait for an established neighbor
to initiate the association.
 Session Five:
Communication Barriers
Group Exercise

• Experience • Prejudice • Perceptions

• Emotions • Mood • Non-verbal
• Background • Wording messages
• Attitudes • Education • Hearing
• Culture • Noise Level difficulties
• Subject • Ambiguity
knowledge
 Session Five:
Communication Barriers
Applying the Answers

• What are some of the things that can be done

in your organization/department to
communicate better?
• Are these physical or mental activities?
• Are these individual or team activities?
• If your organization/department were a zoo,
what kind of inhabitants would it have?
 Session Five:
Communication Barriers
Being Mindful (I)
Sample Questions
• How many times is the number 20 printed on my side?
• How many times is the word “twenty” spelled out on
my side?
• How many numbers are in the serial number?
• Whose picture is on this side?
• What other features are there?
• What direction is the person in the portrait facing?
• What sentences are on my side of the bill?
 Session Five:
Communication Barriers
Being Mindful (II)

• What work-related resources do we take for

granted?
• What are the dangers if we take resources
(including people) for granted?
• What can we gain by paying attention to these
things?
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Asking Good Questions (I)
Closed Questions
• Can be answered by either “yes” or “no,” or with
a specific bit of data
• Restrict responses
• Require very little effort on either person’s part
• Can be used to close down a conversation
• Tend to get over-used
• Can lead us to make assumptions (=barriers)
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Asking Good Questions (II)

Open Questions
• Encourage people to talk.
• Cannot be answered with yes/no
• Begin with a variation of the five W’s (who,
what, when, where, why) or ask how
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Asking Good Questions (III)

Open Questions
Can be used to:
• Get information
• Focus conversations
• Solicit opinions
• Gain consensus
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Asking Good Questions (IV)

Types of Open-Ended Questions

• Leading: Don’t you just love the way vanilla ice
cream smells?
• Rhetorical: Do I look like I care?
• Probing: On the following slides
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Probing (I)

When you probe, you:

• Get others involved and participating.
• Get important information on the table.
• Force yourself to listen.
• Help improve communication on both sides of
the table.
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Probing (II)

Five Ways to Probe

• Open question
• Pause
• Reflective or mirroring question
• Paraphrasing
• Summary question
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Pushing My Buttons
• I’m really nervous about speaking in public.
• I am looking for a new car, and I hate car shopping.
• I really hate my job.
• I think this city is too hot.
• I really dislike cooking.
• You’re not very good at your job.
• I don’t like the way you speak to me.
• I think the report you wrote is terrible.
• Your new hair cut isn’t flattering.
• I wish I didn’t have to go to that meeting tomorrow.
 Session Six:
Asking Questions
Debrief
• How difficult was it to probe someone being very
negative and not open to conversation?
• Were the personal insults more difficult to probe
than the general comments?
• Did the person being probed become more or
less open to communication as the discussion
went on?
• Were you able to extract more information from
the person being probed?
• How did the person being probed feel?
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Can You Hear Me?

1. Wildflowers
2. Richard Stewart
3. Computers, a printer, and a fax machine
4. Third anniversary
5. 2 W’s are missing: the when and where
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (I)

1. Do you enjoy listening?

2. Is it easy for you to listen with interest to a large variety of
subjects?
3. Do your friends seek you out to discuss a problem or
decision when they need help?
4. Does your attention usually stray?
5. Do you interrupt?
6. Are you more apt to be thinking ahead to what you will say
next rather than weighing what you are being told?
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (II)
7. Do you stop listening to everything when you strongly disagree
with the speaker on one point?
8. Do you assume or anticipate regarding the other person’s
views?
9. Do you feel you can judge most people quite quickly before
hearing them out?
10. Do you generalize ?
11. Do you encourage others to elaborate or clarify points you
have misunderstood?
12. Do you listen to what is not said, such as the obvious omission?
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (III)

Scoring
• Give yourself 2 points if you answered “Yes” for
question 1.
• Give yourself 2 points if you answered “No” to
questions 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.
• Give yourself 2 points if you answered “Yes” to
questions 2, 3, 11, and 12.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (III)

Interpretation
• 20+: Strong communication skills; use them to help
others.
• 10-18: Average range; identify where you’re doing
well and where you would like to do better.
• 10-0: It’s time to start learning! Use this quiz to help
you set some goals.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Active Listening Skills (I)

• Most of us were fortunate to be born with hearing,

but listening is a skill that must be learned and
practiced in order to use it successfully.
• When you hear something, sound enters your
eardrum, passes through your ear canal, and
registers in your brain.
• Listening is what you do with that sound and how
you interpret it.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Active Listening Skills (II)

Tips for Successful Listening

• Listen intentionally for people’s names.
• Listen with interest.
• Try to get rid of your assumptions.
• Listen for what isn’t said.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Active Listening Skills (III)
• Listening is hard work!
• Active listening means that we try to understand
things from the speaker’s point of view.
– It includes letting the speaker know that we are
listening and that we have understood what was said.
– This is not the same as hearing, which is a physical
process.
• Active listening can be described as an attitude
that leads to listening for shared understanding.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Active Listening Skills (IV)

• Responding to feelings
• Reading cues
• Demonstration cues
• Physical indicators
– Verbal cues
– Questions
– Summarizing statements
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Active Listening Skills (V)
Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
• Make a decision to listen.
• Don’t interrupt people.
• Keep your eyes focused on the speaker and your ears
tuned to their voice.
• Carry a notebook or start a conversation file on your
computer.
• Ask a few questions throughout the conversation.
• When you demonstrate good listening skills, they tend
to be infectious.
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
What is Said and What is Heard
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Communication Situations
What would you do if you were trying to talk to someone…
• In a noisy workplace?
• And there were lots of visual distractions around?
• And you felt really tired?
• And they had a very strong accent?
• And they were speaking too fast for you to understand?
• And they were speaking too slowly or softly?
• And they kept using jargon words or terms you didn’t understand?
• And they appeared to be very stressed?
• And they were using emotionally charged words or statements?
• And they were verbally attacking you?
 Session Seven:
Listening Skills
Planning a Vacation

• Even though this was a game, was Round One

starting to bug you at the end of the minute?
• How do you see those two little words (“and”
and “but”) now?
• How can we carry this lesson into real life?
 Agenda: Day Two
8:30-8:45 Icebreaker: Paperclip Confessions
8:45-9:45 Session Eight: Body Language
9:45-11:00 Session Nine: Communication Styles
11:00-11:45 Session Ten: Creating a Positive Self-Image
11:45-12:00 Morning Wrap-Up
12:00-1:00 Lunch
1:00-1:15 Energizer: Observation Skills
1:15-2:00 Session Eleven: Frame of Reference
2:00-2:15 Break
2:15-3:00 Session Twelve: Techniques for the Workplace
3:00-4:15 Session Thirteen: Assertiveness
4:15-4:30 Workshop Wrap-Up
 Session Eight:
Body Language
What Do Our Bodies Say? (I)

Albert Mehrabian’s Research

• When discussing emotions:
– 7% of speaker’s message communicated by words
– 38% communicated by tone of voice
– 55% communicated by body language
• Even in other conversations, we know that
tone of voice and body language have a large
impact on those messages, too.
 Session Eight:
Body Language
What Do Our Bodies Say? (II)
• Your eyes, eyebrows, and mouth send out the
signals that can make a world of difference.
• People who smile are happier.
• Eye contact helps you carry your message.
• Learn to speak with your hands.
• Work on appearing sincere and comfortable.
• Let your hands do what they want to do (mostly).
• Your body posture affects your emotions and
how you feel determines your posture.
 Session Eight:
Body Language
What Do Our Bodies Say? (III)

• Pick up cues from people that

you are making them
uncomfortable.
• Adjust your approach: Take
one step back or get the
other person to talk instead.
• Result: People will be more at
ease and open with you.
 Session Eight:
Body Language
Gestures (I)

• We all interpret body language differently and we can

also feel differently about images.
• We are influenced by past experiences, background,
culture, and so on.
• A gesture is a type of non-verbal communication that is
communicated through body language, with or without
speech.
• If you travel around the world or work with people
from different cultures, you need to be aware of the
multiple meanings to some gestures.
 Session Eight:
Body Language
Gestures (II)
 Session Eight:
Body Language
Emotions

1. Anger 10. Resentment 19. Fear

2. Shock 11. Jealousy 20. Shame
3. Sadness 12. Disgust 21. Desire
4. Disbelief 13. Surprise 22. Courage
5. Confusion 14. Curiosity 23. Amusement
6. Rage 15. Acceptance 24. Patience
7. Happiness 16. Understanding
8. Excitement 17. Love
9. Joy 18. Hate
 Session Nine:
Communication Styles
Dichotomies in Theory (I)
• Differences among groups of people can be
identified by marked preferences among pairs of
opposites.
• We will call these pairs of words “dichotomies.”
• Do you prefer to receive direct communication
(the words we say) or indirect communication
(how we say it)?
• Why do you feel this way?
• What is your preferred way to communicate with
others?
 Session Nine:
Communication Styles
Dichotomies in Theory (II)

• What are the advantages of the direct mode

of communication?
• What are the disadvantages of the direct
mode of communication?
• What are the advantages of the indirect mode
of communication?
• What are the disadvantages of the indirect
mode of communication?
 Session Nine:
Communication Styles
Dichotomies in Action
• abstract - concrete • formal - informal • playful - serious
• accommodating - • harmonious - • realistic - idealistic
competing disruptive • reflective - impulsive
• active - passive • hesitant - impulsive • simple - complex
• animated - lethargic • individualistic - team • structured - flexible
• arrogant - humble oriented • taking turns -
• assertive - meek • listening - talking interrupting
• attached - detached • objective - subjective • tense - relaxed
• big picture - details • optimistic - • yes, and - yes, but
• concrete - abstract pessimistic
• decisive - indecisive • organized - chaotic
• deep - shallow • patient - impatient
• direct - indirect • personal -
impersonal
• factual - intuitive
 Session Nine:
Communication Styles
Debrief (I)
• Do you believe that people who belong to different cultures and
different groups may look at each of these dichotomies differently?
Why or why not?
• Are there any dichotomies about which all human beings will have
the same preference?
• How did your personal preferences impact the way you prepared
and presented your case?
• How difficult was it to come up with positive points about the side
that you personally dislike? How hard was it to come up with
negative points about the side that you personally like?
• Which was easier: making a case for a side or making a case against
a side?
 Session Nine:
Communication Styles
Debrief (II)
• Which dichotomy was the most difficult for you to think about and
prepare your case for?
• Did you get some new insights as a result of this activity? Which of
these insights occurred during the preparation time? Which ones
occurred while listening to the other person?
• Do you think that people's preferences for one side or the other of
a dichotomy is due to logical thinking or due to social pressure?
Why do you think so?
• How would you feel if you keep reflecting on both sides of each
dichotomy without taking a stand? What would other people feel
about you?
• What are some other dichotomies that could be used during future
rounds of this game?
 Session Ten:
Creating a Positive Self-Image
Seven Things People Determine from Your Appearance

1. Income
2. Educational Level
3. Social Position
4. Sophistication slob
5. Success
6. Moral Character
7. Trustworthiness
 Session Ten:
Creating a Positive Self-Image
Self-Evaluation

• Have you tried to wear your hair in a different way?

• Do your glasses allow for good eye contact to take
place?
• Do people notice your jewelry?
• Are people distracted by your clothing or jewelry?
• Do you organize the clothes in your closet so that they
are coordinated for easy dressing in the morning?
• Are you always neatly groomed?
 Session Eleven:
Frame of Reference
Frame of Reference (I)

• A frame of reference is way in which we judge

other people.
• In order to really get the meaning of what’s going
on, we need to be able to suspend those
judgments.
• Your frame of reference is made up of your
beliefs, assumptions, values, feeling, judgments,
emotions, advice, moods, thoughts, biases, and
stress levels at any given moment.
 Session Eleven:
Frame of Reference
Frame of Reference (II)

Try to:
Put others before yourself
Check things out before jumping
to conclusions, making
assumptions, or reacting
emotionally
Give others the benefit of the
doubt
 Session Eleven:
Frame of Reference
Clear Communication
• Active listening behaviors
• Common communication mistakes
• Non-verbal language
• Communication dichotomies
• Ways in which people filter the messages they receive
• Purposes of communication
• Types of questions
• Types of written communication
• Rules for effective speaking, writing, telephone calling,
etc.
 Session Twelve:
Techniques for the Workplace
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

• Have a purpose.
• Have an outcome.
• Make sure the receiver is ready.
• Apply positive intent.
 Session Twelve:
Techniques for the Workplace
Testing Our Theories (I)

Situation One
Your supervisor calls you to say that he has
chosen someone else for a project team position
that you were hoping for. You love your current
job, but you know you would have done a great
job on that project team. Your first reaction is to
be mad at your boss for being a jerk and not
selecting you.
 Session Twelve:
Techniques for the Workplace
Testing Our Theories (II)

Situation Two
You are in a team meeting and you suggest a
great solution to the problem. Your supervisor
says that she cannot go in that direction, and
asks the team for other suggestions.
 Session Twelve:
Techniques for the Workplace
Delivering Your Message

• Use direct language and deliver a message that is

clear, calm, and direct.
• Factual descriptions and relevant details are more
likely to be heard.
• Use repetition respectfully and to keep things on
track.
• Be aware of your nonverbal messages as clearly
as you are about your verbal messages.
• Check for understanding.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (I)

Words to Watch Out For

• I’ll try
• Ought to
• Should have
• Must
• Always
• Never
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (II)
Your Inner Self Talk
• Be aware of the internal messages you give
yourself.
• Can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• The more you replace your self-talk with positive,
confident words, the more confident you
become.
• We know that is easily said, and more difficult to
realize, but it’s worth the results!
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (III)

Persuasion
• Expect the best.
• Know when to stop talking.
• Have you ever known another person who
talked so much that other people stopped
listening?
• Balance enthusiasm with control.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (IV)
Thirty Ways to Persuade
1. Learn to link and connect with individual clients.
2. Demonstrate your expertise and knowledge.
3. Think fair/fair, not win/lose.
4. Be consistent and predictable.
5. Make sure integrity is reflected in your standards, values, and
behavior.
6. Never assume they understand you.
7. Never assume they believe you.
8. Know when to be silent.
9. Tell the truth.
10. People believe exact numbers.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (V)
Thirty Ways to Persuade (ctd.)
11. Show you have nothing to gain.
12. Flush out problems assertively.
13. Clients believe written words over verbal words.
14. Create an obligation for one or both parties.
15. Proceed a bit at a time, from inconsequential points into major areas.
16. Practice diffusion; show that you are out for the same things.
17. Never corner clients. Leave them a way out.
18. Give two options that are both acceptable to you, so that you win
regardless of the choice. (Old sales trick!)
19. Play with innocent questions such as, “Why would you want to do that?”
20. Never accept an invitation to attack, since it creates a trust issue.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Self-Attitude (VI)
Thirty Ways to Persuade (ctd.)
21. Exude charisma and read the auras of individuals.
22. Everyone is important and unique. Some literature says that you should
treat all clients like they were an interesting guest on a TV talk show.
23. Don’t patronize.
24. Give sincere compliments.
25. Smile before you dial (or meeting someone in person).
26. Be childlike: open and transparent. Expand your center of interests to
include others and explore the talents of others.
27. Use humor if appropriate.
28. Remember names.
29. Remember: difficult people don’t play by the same rules.
30. Practice strategic apologizing.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Case Study: A Negative Image

• What steps would you suggest that Marlene

take?
• Do you think she will face obstacles in her
quest for a more assertive style?
• Why might she succeed?
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
The Assertive Formula (I)

You Message I Message

• You talk too loudly. • I have sensitive hearing.
• You should send out an • I'd like to know what we're
agenda. going to discuss in the
meeting tomorrow so I can
bring the right information
with me.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
The Assertive Formula (II)
Step Goal Example
Step 1 Non-judgmentally describe a specific behavior of When you…
the other person.
Step 2 Describe as specifically as possible the effect or The effects are…
practical problems this behavior is causing in your
life.
Step 3 Describe how you feel as a result, without using I feel…
the expression, “you make me...”
Step 4 You describe what you want, preferably after you I prefer/would like…
give the other person a chance to state what he
or she thinks might be done.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Expressing Your No (I)
• Say no firmly and calmly.
• Say no, followed by a straightforward explanation of
what you are feeling or what you are willing to do.
• Say no and then give a choice or alternative.
• Say no and then clarify your reasons.
• Use your natural no.
• Make an empathetic listening statement and then say
no.
• Say yes, and then give your reasons for not doing it or
your alternative solution.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Expressing Your No (II)
The Persistent Response
• Select a concise, one-sentence statement and repeat it
no matter what the other person says or does.
– “I understand how you feel, but I’m not willing…”
– “I’m not interested…”
– “I don’t want to…”’
– “I’m uncomfortable doing that, so I don’t want to…”
– “You might be right, but I’m not interested.”
• After each statement by the other person, say your
persistent response sentence.
 Session Thirteen:
Assertiveness
Expressing Your No (III)

Guidelines for Saying No

• Say your statement firmly, calmly, and as
unemotionally as possible.
• Be aware of your nonverbal behavior.
• Be persistent.