Information from

Human
Human Development
Environmental Helping Children
Sciences
Extension 
Adjust to Divorce
 A Guide for Teachers

ur ee
du
Kim Leon, Human Development State Extension Specialist
 Leanne Spengler, Human Development Specialist, University of Missouri
Extension in Pike County

so - S
i.e
A pproximately one of every two
divorces in Missouri (51 percent)

is -
involves children. Although children
whose parents divorce are at greater
m on
risk for problems such as aggression,
depression, lower self-esteem and
poorer school performance, most chil-
dren adjust to the divorce successfully.
Approach
n. si
However, the adjustment process is
stressful and takes time. It is typical for The approach is the framework partner-
io er

children to experience distress for 1-2 used for working with families. The ship. All
years following the divorce. partnership approach emphasizes families have
families and schools working together strengths, even
ns v

Schools can play an important role toward the shared goal of ensuring all if they face many
in helping children make a positive students’ success in school. Using a challenges. Some
te ive

adjustment to their parents’ divorce. partnership model involves three things: strengths of single-
This guide suggests ways that schools, (1) two-way communication, (2) appre- parent families and
preschools and childcare centers can ciating family strengths, and (3) mutual stepfamilies are:
support children through difficult family problem-solving. • Flexibility. Children learn
transitions. By working together, fami- Two-way communication is essen- to adapt to changes and to live in
ex ch

lies and schools can form a network tial for a successful partnership. This environments with different rules
of support that promotes healthy child means that parents keep teachers and expectations
development. informed about important events in • Multiple role models and
Ar

There are four key elements their child’s home life, and teachers extended kin network. Children
of successful family-school keep parents informed about their living in stepfamilies often have
relationships — approach, child’s school activities. If parents have several adult role models in their
attitudes, atmosphere and recently experienced stressful life tran- lives and a large network of grand-
action. These four categories organize sitions, such as divorce or remarriage, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
ideas for how schools can support their attention may be focused on the • Greater independence and matu-
children through family transitions. events in their lives. It may take extra rity. Children living in single-parent
initiative from teachers to obtain infor- families may be given greater
mation. responsibility for household tasks.
Appreciating family strengths is They can gain a sense of compe-
also essential for forming a successful tence and independence if they are

Published by MU Extension, University of Missouri-Columbia GH 6611 

 given a reasonable number (not too attitudes about divorced parents and cation that creates a welcoming atmo-
many) of tasks they are capable of their children. If you have worked with sphere includes:
doing. a family that had an especially hostile Communicating with both parents
• Negotiation and conflict resolu- divorce, that experience may affect how Often, mothers manage most of the
tion skills. When parents divorce you think about divorced parents. It is communication with the other adults
and are able to negotiate and important to be aware of our attitudes in a child’s life, such as child care pro-
resolve conflicts in a constructive about families. By knowing what our viders, teachers and coaches. After a
manner, children learn from their attitudes are, we can ask ourselves divorce, many assume that the com-
parents’ example. where those attitudes come from, and munications will continue to be with the
• Parents who love them. Most chil- decide whether they are accurate or mother. However, in most cases, both
dren with divorced parents have one not. Becoming familiar with research on parents should be actively involved in
or more parents who nurture and divorce and families can help in devel- communicating with other adults in the
support them, which is a very impor- oping informed attitudes. See child’s life. Both parents should have
tant resource for a child living in any http://missourifamilies.org (“Relation- equal access to health and school
type of family. ships” section) for brief research sum- records unless there is legal documen-
A third element of working with maries. tation, such as a protective order, pro-
parents as partners is mutual It is also important to be aware of hibiting access.
problem-solving. When a problem parents’ attitudes, which range from The parenting plan is a document
arises, the teacher and parent work avoiding involvement with school to that details how the parents will provide
together to solve the problem. Both being overly involved. Most parents fall for the care and well-being of the child,
teacher and parent provide their per- somewhere in the middle — they are which includes the residential and legal
spectives on the problem and come up happy to be involved on occasion if custody arrangements as well as the
with solutions together. they are approached. Parents’ attitudes financial responsibilities of each parent.
are often influenced by their own expe- Sole legal custody gives one parent
riences with school as a child. Those the decision-making rights, responsibili-
Attitudes who had positive experiences at school ties, and authority related to the health,
Attitudes can foster partnership or may be more willing to be involved. education and welfare of the child. Joint
create a barrier to partnership. Viewing Parents who understand the school legal custody gives parents shared
parent involvement as a continuum, system in the U.S. and come from decision-making rights, responsibilities,
rather than categories (uninvolved vs. similar cultures may be more likely to and authority related to the health, edu-
involved) helps develop partnerships get involved than parents who are from cation and welfare of the child. Physical
with parents. This means taking the cultures in which school personnel are custody designates where the child will
perspective that all parents are involved viewed as authorities rather than part- reside and who provides the care and
to some degree. Some parents are ners. Parent involvement is also greater supervision.
involved at a high level, acting as active when parents perceive the school envi-
partners and educational leaders at ronment as warm, but structured, with Involving the nonresidential parent
home and school, whereas others are clear limits and routines. in school activities
involved at lower levels, acting as a Nonresidential parents often feel
recipients of education and support excluded by institutions and organiza-
from the school. For parents experi- Atmosphere tions, including schools. Invite nonresi-
encing transitions such as divorce or An essential part of supporting dential parents to participate in school
remarriage, lower levels of involvement divorced parents and their children is activities, programs, and field trips.
may be all that are possible. creating an atmosphere that welcomes Involving the nonresidential parent in
Attitudes are often shaped by our all types of families and encourages school activities encourages and sup-
own experiences, professional and per- involvement of all adults that play an ports that parent’s involvement in the
sonal, in childhood and adulthood. For important role in the child’s life. One child’s life.
example, if your parents are divorced of the primary ways of creating such
or you have experienced a divorce, a welcoming atmosphere is through Sensitivity to family diversity
those experiences may color your communication with parents. Communi- Avoid terms that may be offensive to

2 Human Environmental Sciences Extension

some families, such as “broken home,” be able to attend conferences large numbers of families. There are
or “real parent.” Don’t assume that together, but if there is hostility several ways that require minimal time
individuals in the same family have the between parents, it is probably investment for teachers to support chil-
same last name. Be sensitive to family better for them to attend separately. dren experiencing parental divorce:
differences when writing invitations for • Notes home. Make sure that the
family members to participate in school nonresidential parent receives notes, Provide resources to promote posi-
activities — for example, “Bring your unless there is a court order that tive parent-child relationships
grandparent or grandfriend.” limits the parent’s access. Some You can set up a parent information
teachers make up a weekly packet center or lending library, perhaps with
Using a variety of formal and of information that the parent can the help of a parent volunteer. Consider
informal methods to communicate pick up. This is more reliable than providing information or resources on
with families expecting the child to get the infor- the following topics:
• Parent orientation nights. Offer mation to both parents. • Stages of child development
multiple parent orientation nights at • Telephone calls. If possible, make • Children’s responses to family tran-
different times and days of the week. calls to both the residential parent sitions, such as divorce and remar-
• Develop a system for keeping and nonresidential parent. Sending riage
track of family changes. Collect a note home at the start of the year • Coparenting
parent information cards (see to find out when parents are avail- • Single parenting
sample) at the beginning of the able for telephone calls may make it • Building family rituals and traditions
year. Send them out again mid-year, easier to reach parents. Call parents • Community resources
asking parents to make changes as to share both positive information • Basic parenting strategies
needed. and concerns.
• Offer parent-teacher conferences Encourage all parents to monitor
at times convenient for parents. Action their children’s school progress
Offer opportunities for divorced Schools are in a prime position to Children’s school performance may
parents to have separate confer- offer support to children experiencing be affected when then their parents
ences. Some divorced parents may family transitions because they reach divorce. However, if children continue to


achieve in school, they are less likely to volunteer can recruit other parents to Resources
develop other problems. Parents may participate in school activities, making Center for Effective Parenting,
need information about how to help a special effort to reach out to single http://parenting-ed.org. Their Web site
their children succeed in school. Send parents, nonresidential parents and includes information on home-school
home a handout at the beginning and stepparents. partnerships, as well as many other
middle of the school year offering tips parenting topics, parenting handouts,
for improving study habits. If a child is Classroom activities and materials and links for educators.
having problems with completing home- There are many ways you can
work assignments, talk with parents integrate efforts to support children Missouri Families,
about using daily report cards to facili- with divorced parents into your daily http://missourifamilies.org. Provides
tate communication between home and classroom routine. You can incorporate information on a variety of family topics
school. See http://parenting-ed.org for activities that: including divorce.
free parent handouts about improving • encourage understanding of different
study skills, using daily report cards, types of families, National Coalition for Parent
and many other topics. • help children communicate about Involvement in Education,
their family, http://ncpie.org/. Gives tips for devel-
Encourage all parents to engage in • increase self-esteem, oping family-school partnerships; has
learning activities with their child at • help children appropriately express an extensive list of resources
home feelings, and
This is the most effective form • support positive parent-child rela- ParentLink, 1-800-552-8522,
of parent involvement for promoting tionships. http://outreach.missouri.edu/parentlink.
student achievement. There are a Such activities benefit all children Ask questions about any parenting situ-
variety of learning activities parents — not just those who have experienced ation; check out books, videos, or other
can do with their children at home. For parental divorce. You can also choose resources about parenting.
example, parents can be encouraged curriculum materials that portray dif-
to read, explore educational Web sites ferent types of families positively. Parents as Teachers, http://patnc.
(see Resource list at the end of this Finally, if you include activities that may org. Provides services to help parents
guide), or play word or number games make some children feel excluded or support their children’s learning. The
with their children, help with homework, uncomfortable, such as making Moth- website contains information about the
and take their children on educational er’s Day or Father’s Day cards or gifts, location of local programs.
outings, such as museums or the public adapt them so that all children feel
library. included. Allow children to make items
for all of the significant adults in their
Encourage parent networking lives, if possible.
Rebuilding a supportive network
is an important part of the process of
parents’ adjustment to divorce. Schools Conclusion
can provide opportunities for parents In conclusion, many children expe-
to interact with other parents. One way rience parental divorce and live in a
to do this is to recruit parent volunteers stepfamily for part of their lives. Schools
to coordinate events for parents, such can support children through family
as breakfast at school. Parents may transitions by taking a partnership
be able to attend a breakfast meeting approach, having informed attitudes,
before work. Another idea is to ask a creating an atmosphere that welcomes
parent volunteer to create a parent- all types of families, and taking action
to-parent newsletter. Parents can con- that supports all children and parents.
tribute articles and the teacher could
notify parents about upcoming events
in the newsletter. Finally, a parent

University of Missouri-Columbia 
Educational Web For more information
sites for parents See GH 6600, Helping Children
and children Understand Divorce, and GH 6602,
Activities for Helping Children Deal with
http://nationalgeographic.com Divorce. Call 1-800-292-0969 to order
The National Geographic Web a copy of either publication. For more
site includes activities for children, as information, please visit the MU Exten-
well as a section with information for sion Web site at:
parents on helping children with home- http://muextension.missouri.edu/
work. explore/

http://nytimes.com/learning/parents/
athome/index.html
This Web site provides activities
for using New York Times newspaper
articles to enhance children’s learning
at home.

http://school.discovery.com/school-
home.html
This Web site includes math and
science information and activities for
children and a section with information
for parents on helping with homework.

References
Berger, E. H. (2000). Parents as
Partners in Education: Families and
Schools Working Together. New Jersey:
Prentice Hall.
Christensen, S.L, & Sheridan, S.M.
(2001). Schools and Families: Creating
Essential Connections for Learning.
New York: The Guilford Press.
Coleman, M., Ganong, L.H., &
Henry, J. (1984). What teachers should
know about stepfamilies. Childhood
Education, 60, 306-309.
Long, N. & Forehand, R. (2002).
Making Divorce Easier on Your Child:
50 Effective Ways to Help Children
Adjust. Chicago: Contemporary Books.

University of Missouri-Columbia 
 Information Card
1. Name_______________________________________ Child’s name ___________________________________

2. What is your relationship to the child:

❏ I am a biological or adoptive parent.
❏ I am a stepparent.
❏ I am a legal guardian.
❏ I am the adult the child is living with.
❏ I am the ________________________________________________________.

3. If you do not live with your child’s other parent, what is the parenting arrangement (check all that apply):
❏ I have sole legal custody.
❏ I have joint legal custody.
❏ I have joint physical custody.
❏ I have educational rights as specified by the ____________________________.
❏ I have a private agreement with the other parent.

4. Please list the name and phone number of adults who are involved in this child’s life.
• Biological mother ______________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Biological father _______________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Stepfather ___________________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Stepmother __________________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Relative _____________________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Guardian ___________________________________________ phone # ______________________________
• Other _______________________________________________ phone # ______________________________

5. Which adult(s) should be called if you cannot be reached?

Name(s) _______________________ _____________________________ _____________________________

6. Please indicate which adults may be involved with each of the following activities by writing their name(s) on the
appropriate line.
• Parent-teacher conference _______________________________________________________________________

• Classroom visits _______________________________________________________________________________

• Emergency release to this adult ___________________________________________________________________

• Adult to contact regarding discipline ________________________________________________________________

7. Please indicate to whom and where the following correspondence should be mailed:
• Report cards: Name_________________________________ Name ________________________________
Address _______________________________ Address ______________________________
_____________________________________ _____________________________________

• Progress reports: Name ________________________________ Name ________________________________

Address _______________________________ Address ______________________________
_____________________________________ _____________________________________

• Newsletters: Name_________________________________ Name ________________________________

Address _______________________________ Address ______________________________
_____________________________________ _____________________________________

■ Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension Work Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the United States Department
of Agriculture. Thomas A. Henderson, Interim Director, Cooperative Extension, University of Missouri, Columbia, MO 65211. ■ University of
Missouri Extension does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, sexual orientation, religion, age, disability or status
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need this publication in an alternative format, write: ADA Officer, Extension and Agricultural Information, 1-98 Agriculture Building, Columbia,
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$.7 GH 6611 New 11/05/5M