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 Who has confidence in himself will gain the
confidence of others
Leib Lazarow

Sample Module: What Does Self-Confidence Mean To You?

Self-confidence plays an important role in our everyday lives. Being
confident allows us to set and reach our goals. It provides stability when
we are faced with a challenge; it gives us that push that helps us
overcome difficulties. Self-confidence is necessary in our personal and
professional lives, as without it one would not be successful in either. It
gives us the ability to stand up to face our challenges and to pick
ourselves up when we fall.

What is Assertiveness?
An assertive person is confident and direct in dealing with others. Assertive
communications promote fairness and equality in human interactions, based on a
positive sense of respect for self and others. It is the direct communication of a
person’s needs, wants, and opinions without punishing, threatening, or putting
down another person.

Assertive behavior includes the ability to stand up for a person’s legitimate rights – without violating the
rights of others or being overly fearful in the process. A skill that can be learned, assertive behavior is
situational specific; meaning different types of assertive behavior can be used in different situations.

Assertive behavior involves three categories of skills; self-affirmation, expressing positive feelings, and
expressing negative feelings. Each will be explored during this course.

Estimated Time 15 minutes

To appreciate the value in oneself and others as a first step toward practicing
Topic Objective
assertiveness

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 Know Yourself

Topic Summary The ability to be assertive, rather than aggressive or passive, comes from
understanding that as a person, you have value. This exercise helps
participants understand how they see themselves and others.

Materials Required Paper and pens

Planning Checklist None

Provide paper to each participant. Ask everyone to:

 Draw a self-portrait. (Explain to reluctant participants that this is not

an art contest.)

 Turn the paper over and write five words they would use to
accurately describe themselves. Encourage them to use the first five
words that come to mind

Divide participants into groups of four. Tell group members to:

 Show their drawings to each other

 Ask them to pay particular attention to things like how much space
the drawing takes up -- or whether positive or negative words were
Recommended Activity used in the description.

 Once they have looked at other people's drawings, ask everyone to

analyze their own work and share any insights with the group.

 Have group members post their pictures on the wall.

 Ask everyone spend a moment writing something positive on each

picture.

 Conclude the exercise by allowing members time to read the positive

statements other people have written about them.

In debrief, ask:

How do you feel when you see positive words, as opposed to negative
words?

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What is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is a belief in oneself, one's abilities, or one's judgment. It is
freedom from doubt. When you believe you can change things -- or make a
difference in a situation, you are much more likely to succeed.

As a self-confident person, you walk with a bounce in your step. You can control
your thoughts and emotions and influence others. You are more prepared to tackle
everyday challenges and recover from setbacks. This all leads to a greater degree of
optimism and life satisfaction.

Estimated Time 10 minutes

To identify self-confidence actions and behaviors in a classic poem about

Topic Objective
assertiveness

“If”

Topic Summary The Rudyard Kipling poem “if” offers a number of tenets for assertive
behavior. In this exercise, we ask participants to list 3-5 behaviors described
in the poem that foster self-confidence.

Handout One: “if” by Rudyard Kipling

Materials Required
Flip chart paper and markers

Planning Checklist None

Divide participants into groups of four. Provide the handout to each

participant.

Tell the groups to read the Kipling poem.

Ask each group to list on flip chart paper 3-5 behaviors (in modern day
language) that we can take from the Kipling poem as best practices to foster
self-confidence.
Recommended Activity
Reconvene the large group.

In debrief:

 Compare findings among groups.

 Ask: What are some of the challenges of behaving with self-

confidence in today’s world?

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 An electrician went to a life coach:

Coach: What stops you noticing all the opportunities around you?

Electrician: Fear of failure

Coach: What would you like instead?

Electrician: Confidence

Coach: What stops you feeling confident?

Electrician: Fear of failure

Coach: What would you like instead?

Electrician: Confidence

Coach: Notice the loop? Now can I ask you - do you really want to change?

Electrician: Yes I want to. I want the confidence to make the changes
Stories to Share
Coach: OK. SO imagine 3 light bulbs screwed into a board with a common
cable. The first one is a 10 watt, second 100 watt, and third 1000 watt bulb.
What bulb is the brightest?

Electrician: The third one

Coach: If the same cable brings equal power to each socket, what's the
difference?

Electrician: Electrical resistance - ah, I see it is me that is resisting

opportunity.

Coach: Life, like electricity consists of pure energy. It flows through all is us
equally. There is no end to this supply - only you can cut it off through
resistance. Stop blaming external factors and accept full responsibility for
your actions.

Source:http://mabelandharry.blogspot.com/2007/02/lesson-on-self-
confidence.html

Review Questions Let’s list three behaviors of self-confidence.

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The Four Styles
There are four styles of communication: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and
assertive.

The Passive Person

Passive behavior is the avoidance of the expression of opinions or feelings, protecting

one’s rights, and identifying and meeting one’s needs. Passive individuals exhibit poor eye contact and
slumped body posture, and tend to speak softly or apologetically. Passive people express statements
implying that:

 “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”

 “I don’t know what my rights are.”

 “I get stepped on by everyone."

 “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”

 “People never consider my feelings.”

The Aggressive Person

An aggressive individual communicates in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive
communicators are verbally or physically abusive, or both. Aggressive communication is born of low self-
esteem, often caused by past physical or emotional abuse, unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of
powerlessness.

Aggressive individuals display a low tolerance for frustration, use humiliation, interrupt frequently, and
use criticism or blame to attack others. They use piercing eye contact, and are not good listeners.
Aggressive people express statements implying that:

 The other person is inferior, wrong, and not worth anything

 The problem is the other person’s fault

 They are superior and right

 They will get their way regardless of the consequences

 They are entitled, and that the other person “owes” them.

The Passive-Aggressive Person

The passive-aggressive person uses a communication style in which the individual appears passive on
the surface, but is really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.

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Passive-aggressive people usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful. Alienated from others, they feel
incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Rather, they express their anger by
subtly undermining the real or imagined object of their resentments. Frequently they mutter to
themselves instead of confronting another person. They often smile at you, even though they are angry,
use subtle sabotage, or speak with sarcasm.

Passive-aggressive individuals use communication that implies:

 “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”

 “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”

 “I will appear cooperative, but I’m not.”

The Assertive Person

An assertive individual communicates in a way that clearly states his or her opinions and feelings, and
firmly advocates for his or her rights and needs without violating the rights of others. Assertive
communication is born of high self-esteem. Assertive people value themselves, their time, and their
emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. They are strong advocates for themselves -- while being very
respectful of the rights of others.

Assertive people feel connected to other people. They make statements of needs and feelings clearly,
appropriately, and respectfully. Feeling in control of themselves, they speak in calm and clear tones, are
good listeners, and maintain good eye contact. They create a respectful environment for others, and do
not allow others to abuse or manipulate them.

The assertive person uses statements that imply:

 “I am confident about who I am.”

 “I cannot control others, but I control myself.”

 “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”

 “I know I have choices in my life, and I consider my options. I am fully responsible for my own
happiness.”

 “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”

Estimated Time 15 minutes

To practice identifying statements as aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive,

Topic Objective
or assertive

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 What Type Communication?

Topic Summary It takes practice to learn to discriminate the differences between the four
communication types. This exercise gives individuals that opportunity is
safe, small group environment

Materials Required Worksheet One: What Type Communication?

Planning Checklist None

Divide participants into groups of four and distribute the worksheet.

Ask groups to review the situations in statements and then classify each
Recommended Activity aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or assertive.

(Answers to the exercises are provided below.)

In debrief, discuss the responses to the exercises with the large group:

 How difficult was it to evaluate the communication type for each

statement?

Review Questions  How can an understanding of the four communication types help
you at work, or elsewhere?

Remind participants to consider adding an item to their action plan.

Case Study
It seems that today, many people who are used to saying yes are taken for granted, and used by other
people. Steven had to live with the idea for 20 years which he spent working at a job he did not enjoy
and for people who he did not like at all. He never said no to anyone, until an event changed the way he
thought.

At work, a new person was hired who was extremely confident and knew how to say no without feeling
ashamed. This idea quickly brought him up the ladder and he became a chief in no time. Steven took the
idea and started to improve his self-confidence which granted him a good belief in his abilities and
judgment. In the end, Steven managed to know when to accept to do something and when to say no,
which improved his life a lot.

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Module Two: Review Questions
1) Which of the following is not a skill involved by assertive behavior?

a) Self-affirmation
b) Aggressive imposing opinion on others
c) Expressing positive feelings
d) Expressing negative feelings

2) Which of the following statements IS NOT true?

a) Assertive communications promote fairness and equality in human interactions

b) Assertive behavior includes the ability to stand up for a person’s legitimate rights
c) Assertive behavior can be learned
d) Assertive behavior is universal and the same for every situation

3) Self-confidence is freedom from:

a) Fears
b) Other people
c) Doubt
d) Anxiety

4) Who wrote the poem “If”?

a) Rudyard Kipling
b) Walt Whitman
c) TS Eliot
d) Emily Dickinson

5) Which of the following is not a type of communication?

a) Passive
b) Aggressive
c) Assertive
d) Passive – assertive

6) Which of the following statements IS NOT true?

a) An assertive individual communicates in a way that clearly states his or her opinions and
feelings
b) Assertive people feel connected to other people
c) Assertive people are manipulators
d) Assertive people maintain good eye contact

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 Sample Worksheet One: What Type of Communication?
Read each situation and response below. Decide what type of communication or behavior is being
made:

 Passive
 Aggressive
 Passive-aggressive
 Assertive

Situation: Your co-worker Bill has just arrived an hour late for a business dinner while traveling . He
did not call to let you know he would be detained. You're annoyed about his lateness.

What You Say or Do Type of Communication

That's OK. Shall we eat now?

I've been waiting an hour. I would have appreciated a phone call to let
me know that you would be late.

You've got a lot of nerve coming late.

That's OK. (Then you conveniently make an excuse to go back to your

room and work before dessert.)

Situation: Your co-worker Sue continually gives you her work to do. You've decided to put an end to
this. Now, she just asked you to do more of her work.

What You Say or Do Type of Communication

I'm kind of busy. But if you can't get it done, I guess I can help you.

“OK”, you say, and then you tell the boss.

Forget it. It's about time you do your homework. You treat me like
your slave. You're so inconsiderate.

No, Sue, I'm not doing any more of your work. I'm tired of doing both
your work and my work.

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 Situation: Janelle, a manager, has just complimented you on your new suit. It's the first time you've
worn it, and you really like it.

What You Say or Do Type of Communication

Thank you.

Thanks. Aren't you getting a new suit too?

Well, I picked it up on sale.

I'm so fortunate to be able to pick up designer clothes for my job.

Situation: Your supervisor just gave you a mediocre annual performance review.

What You Say or Do Type of Communication

I understand. Maybe the workload should be lighter.

I appreciate your feedback and would like to know how I can do better
in the coming months

I don't think you like me very much. Maybe I should quit.

You hang your head.

Answers
Situation: Your co-worker has just arrived an hour late for a business dinner while traveling . He did
not call to let you know he would be detained. You're annoyed about his lateness.

That's OK. Shall we eat now? (Passive)

I've been waiting an hour. I would have appreciated a phone call to let me know that you would
be late. (Assertive)

You've got a lot of nerve coming late. (Aggressive)

That's OK. (Then you conveniently make an excuse to go back to your room and work before
dessert.) (Passive-aggressive)

Situation: Your co-worker Sue continually gives you her work to do. You've decided to put an end to
this. Now, she just asked you to do more of her work.

I'm kind of busy. But if you can't get it done, I guess I can help you. (Passive)

“OK”, you say, and then you tell the boss. (Passive-aggressive)
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 Forget it. It's about time you do your homework. You treat me like your slave. You're so
inconsiderate. (Aggressive)

No, Sue, I'm not doing any more of your work. I'm tired of doing both your work and my work.
(Assertive)

Situation: A manager has just complimented you on your new suit. It's the first time you've worn it,
and you really like it.

Thank you. (Assertive)

Thanks. Aren't you getting a new suit too? (Aggressive)

Well, I picked it up on sale. (Passive)

I'm so fortunate to be able to pick up designer clothes for my job. (Passive-aggressive)

Situation: Your supervisor just gave you a mediocre annual performance review.

I understand. Maybe the workload should be lighter. (Passive-aggressive)

I appreciate your feedback and would like to know how I can do better in the coming months.
(Aggressive)

I don't think you like me very much. Maybe I should quit. (Aggressive)

In response, you hang your head. (Passive)

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Sample Worksheet 2 Rudyard Kipling
'if' by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

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Icebreaker One: The 10 Minute Challenge
PURPOSE
It will help introduce the topic of time management in a fun, non-confrontational manner.

MATERIALS REQUIRED

1. Flip chart paper

2. Markers

3. Timer or watch

4. Craft supplies if desired (colored paper and pencils, glue, sparkles, etc.)

PREPARATION

Write out the following list on a piece of flip chart paper. Ensure that it stays covered until the end of
the activity explanation.

5. Do a lap around the room (5 points)

6. Create something for the instructor to wear, such as a hat or tie (10 points; bonus 5 points if the
instructor actually wears it)
7. Find out something unique about each person on the team (5 points)
8. Sing a song together (15 points)
9. Make a paper airplane and throw it from one end of the room to another (10 points)
10. Get everyone in the room to sign a single piece of paper (5 points)
11. Count the number of pets owned by your group (20 points)
12. Assign a nickname to each member of the team (5 points)
13. Create name cards for each team member (5 points; bonus 5 points if you use your team
nicknames)
14. Make a tower out of the materials owned by your group (10 points)
15. Convince a member of another team to join you (20 points)
16. Name your team and come up with a slogan (5 points for the name, 5 points for the slogan)
17. Re-create the sounds of the Amazon rainforest with the sounds of your voices (10 points)
18. Make a list of what your team wants out of the workshop (15 points)
19. Form a conga line and conga from one end of the room to another (5 points; bonus 10 points if
anyone joins you)

You can customize this list as you wish; just make sure there is a point value (which is completely up to
you) assigned to each item.

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You will also want to create a scoreboard matrix on flip chart paper that looks like this:

TEAM 1 TEAM 2 TEAM 3

TASK 1

TASK 2

TASK 3

TASK 4 (AND ON…)

TOTAL

This should stay hidden until the end of the activity.

EXPLANATION

Divide participants into teams of five to eight. Unveil the numbered list of tasks. Explain that they have
ten minutes to collect as many points as possible. They must be safe and they only have ten minutes!

ACTIVITY

Give participants ten minutes to perform their tasks, and enjoy the show! After ten minutes, add up
their points using your pre-designed matrix and announce the winner. Keep the list of tasks; you may
want to tape it to the wall.

DEBRIEF

After the activity, discuss learning points. Possible discussion topics include:

20. How did teams decide what tasks they wanted to do? Most groups will analyze the time the task
will take and/or the difficulty level, compare it with the value (possible number of points), and
prioritize as a result. We do this when managing our time, too: we often choose the high-yield,
low-effort tasks over the low-yield, high-effort tasks (and rightly so!).

21. Were any decisions based on task dependencies? For the name card task, for example, teams
received bonus points if they used team nicknames. Performing these two tasks together would
triple the points received. This often happens in life, too – batching tasks increases your results
exponentially.

22. What group dynamics came into play? If participants knew each other before, they may feel
more comfortable performing a personally risky activity, like singing a song. This comes into play

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 when prioritizing tasks, too; we’re more likely to stay within our comfort zone, especially if
we’re working in a team.

23. What skills came into play? For example, several tasks involved creativity and artistic skills. Did
teams find out whether any members had artistic talent before deciding to do the task?

24. What additional information did you ask for? How did that affect your approach? Some groups
will catch on to the fact that there is no rule that the whole group must perform every task, and
will divide their resources and achieve more points as a result. The lesson to learn here is that
you need all the information you can get before prioritizing tasks and making a plan. Some
teams may have even realized this partway through the activity and adjusted their approach as
a result. Kudos to them!

25. Did ethics come into play? Although “stealing” another team member was worth a lot of points,
some teams are uncomfortable with the idea and avoid this task.

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CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION

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[Name]
Has mastered the course
Assertiveness and Self Confidence
Awarded this _______ day of __________, 20___

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Presenter Name and Title