ACT Toolkit

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When the Going Gets Tough,

the Tough Get Mindful:

A Toolkit Based on the Principles of


Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Created by Jeremy Jenkins & Andrew Ahles: admin@helpwithact.com


www.helpwithact.com

Permission is granted for clinical use of all original material; all other material is cited and in
the public domain for clinical use.
When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Mindful

Contents

General Information and What to Expect 3

Weekly Rating Sheet 4

Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control 5

Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion 12

Module 3: Past, Future & Present 26

Module 4: The Observing Self 35

Module 5: Values & Committed Action 39

Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here? 48

Bibliography 54

2
General Information and What to Expect

- This Toolkit is based on an approach to treatment called Acceptance and


Commitment Therapy (ACT). At its most basic, this approach is about
learning new skills to deal with painful thoughts and feelings in a way
that allows you to live a better life.

- The general format for each module is:

Step One: Rate how well your life is working

Step Two: Review the practice exercises you’ve been working on

Step Three: Learn and discuss the main ideas for the current module

Step Four: Practice new skills

Step Five: Plan your practice exercises for the next module

- As we work through this toolkit together, you will have the final say in
what works and what doesn’t, based on your experience. If your
experience shows that what you are doing works, keep doing it! If your
experience tells you that your choices are not working for you, consider
trying something different.

- What you get out of this toolkit will depend a great deal on how much
you put into it. Your mind will probably try to get in the way of doing the
exercises we recommend, by telling you things like “I don’t have time,
this won’t help, it’s too difficult, I can just imagine doing the exercise
instead of actually doing it,” etc. If this happens, you can choose to say
to your mind, “Thanks for the advice, mind! But I’m going to give this a
try anyway and see what happens. I’m going to let my experience decide
instead of my thoughts.” If you do choose to say this to your mind and
move ahead with the toolkit, we believe you will benefit a great deal from
learning the information and practicing the exercises inside.

- Many sources were used directly and indirectly in the creation of this
toolkit. Direct sources or adaptations are specifically credited, while
other sources that informed and inspired this work are listed in the
bibliography.

3
Weekly Rating Sheet

On a scale from 0 to 100, how well is your life working?

Date →

Scale ↓ The way I’m spending each day makes me feel alive and fulfilled

100

95

90

85

80

75

70

65

60

55

50

45

40

35

30

25

20

15

10

The way I’m spending each day makes life seem pointless, meaningless, and not worth living at all

4
Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control
Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

Main Ideas:

1. Pain is a fact of life. Every human being experiences pain.

➔ Please watch “The 3 Happiness Myths” [4:02]:


https://youtu.be/93LFNtcR1Ok

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. We get to choose how we respond to pain. Some choices will make things
worse and lead to suffering. Other choices will help us live a better life.

➔ Please watch “The Choice Point - By Dr. Russ Harris” [3:55]:


https://youtu.be/vKE9e8pgrg8

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5
Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

3. It is common and normal to respond to pain by trying to control our


thoughts and feelings. We want to cling to the good ones and push the bad
ones away.

➔ Please watch “Internal Struggles by Dr. Russ Harris” [2:28]:


https://youtu.be/phbzSNsY8vc

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. The bad news: Over the long run, trying to control our thoughts and feelings
does not often work very well. Our negative thoughts and feelings don’t tend
to go away forever. Trying to control them might seem to help in the short
term, but eventually it can lead to more suffering and cause other serious
consequences.

➔ Please fill in a few lines from “My Coping Strategies.” You can add more
between modules if you are willing to look deeper into how these
attempted solutions have affected you.

6
Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

My Coping Strategies

Please list a few Does this strategy Does this strategy Does this strategy
of the ways you work in the short work in the long have any negative
have been coping term? Do you feel term? Do the consequences or
with your difficult better? difficult thoughts cause any
thoughts and and feelings show problems of its
feelings: up again? own? Does it help
you live a better
life?

If any of these coping skills are working for you and aren’t causing their own
problems, keep using them! If any of them are not working or are creating
other problems for you, this toolkit will offer you some alternative skills to try.

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Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

5. The good news: There are psychological tools we can learn to use instead of
trying to control our thoughts and feelings. These skills can help us live a
better life.

➔ Please watch “The Unwelcome Party Guest - an Acceptance &


Commitment Therapy (ACT) Metaphor” [4:20]: https://youtu.be/VYht-
guymF4

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Three

Practice new skills:

➔ Dropping Anchor: Sometimes when negative thoughts and feelings


threaten to overwhelm us, the most effective response we can have is
focusing on the present. This is like a ship dropping an anchor in the
middle of a storm. It doesn’t stop the storm from happening, but it keeps
the ship from getting blown off course. Here’s how you do it: Let your
thoughts and emotions continue to run and at the same time press your
feet firmly into the floor. Notice your body sitting in your chair. Pay
attention to the air in your lungs as you take a few normal breaths. Look
around the room and notice where you are. Notice that we are here
working together and that you are in a safe environment. Let’s try that
together now.

➔ The following exercise will help you experience the main concepts of the
ACT approach. Sometimes it is easier to understand something if you
experience it, rather than have someone try to explain it to you in words.
As I read the following exercise to you, follow along as best you can with
the instructions as I’m reading them. Don’t worry if you get distracted or
lose focus. This is normal. Just refocus on the exercise as soon as you
notice that your mind has wandered.

Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

8
Introduction to ACT

Please find a comfortable position in your chair; one where you can stay
relatively still for about 5 to 10 minutes. I recommend feet flat on the floor with
arms on your legs or folded in your lap, but feel free to do whatever is most
comfortable for you.

If you feel comfortable closing your eyes, please do so; or you can simply pick a
spot in the room to focus on.

Take a few moments to mentally scan your body from head to toe… Notice if
there are any areas of tension such as your jaw or shoulders… If you notice
any tension, see if you can let some of that tension go… If not, that’s okay, just
notice what’s there.

Take a few moments to connect with your sense of touch… Notice what
physical sensations are happening in your hands… See if you can feel where
your hands make contact with each other or with your legs… See if you can
feel your feet on the ground…

Next, take a few moments to notice what you can hear… There may be several
sounds, or just one, or it may be silent. Just notice whatever is there…

When you’re ready, move your attention to your breathing… Watch the breath
come in and go out on its own, without you having to control it… See if you can
feel your breath in your nose or your belly…

As you breathe, you will notice that thoughts may come into your mind… They
may be pleasant thoughts, or unpleasant thoughts, or neutral thoughts… This
is what the human mind does, it is a thinking machine… Just see if you can
notice the thoughts without getting caught up in them, and then return your
attention to your breathing… Each time a thought pops up, notice it and then
return your attention to your breath… This will happen over and over and over
again, and that’s okay, it means you’re normal… With practice you can get
better at noticing your thoughts, rather than getting carried away by them.

As you continue breathing, you will notice that certain feelings or emotions will
also show up… Some of these may be pleasant feelings, unpleasant feelings, or
neutral feelings… See if you can notice these feelings the same way you notice
your thoughts… There is no need to try and change what’s there, just try to
notice what you feel… When you notice a feeling, see if you can locate where it
is in your body… Notice what sensations come along with the emotion… There
may be heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness, tingling, or tension… You may
find these sensations in your head, shoulders, arms, legs, or abdomen…

Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

9
Whatever you feel and wherever it happens, just notice what’s going on and see
if you can let it be…

And now see if you can return your attention to your breathing… See if you can
notice that there is a part of you that’s able to watch your breathing, watch
your thoughts, watch your feelings, watch the sensations that happen in your
body… There is a part of you that does the thinking and feeling, and a part of
you that can notice the thinking and feeling… Take a few moments to
experience what it’s like to connect with the part of you that just notices…

And now take a few moments to consider what brought you here today… There
is something you care so much about that you took steps to get here… Just
reflect for a few moments about what it is that you really, truly care about most
in your life… Recognize and appreciate the fact that you made a choice to take
action for change… And as the exercise comes to a close, see if you can bring to
mind an image of what kind of person you want to be when you are handling
your pain effectively… Consider how you’ll be acting toward other people… How
you’ll be acting toward yourself…

And when you’re ready, slowly bring your attention back to the room and back
to where we are now. If you like, move your fingers and toes around and have a
nice stretch.

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

10
Module 1: Pain, Suffering & Control

Step Four

Between now and the next module:

➔ If you are willing, fill in a few more lines from “My Coping Strategies” to
see how effective your past or current coping strategies are.

➔ If you are willing, try the “dropping an anchor” technique anytime


negative thoughts and feelings are threatening to overwhelm you. If you
practice this, briefly notice or write how you act after you drop anchor.

➔ Please decide how often you are willing to read through the “Introduction
to ACT” exercise from today’s module and write your answer in the space
below. It can be once a day, every two days, or just one time between
now and the next module. You decide. Just try your best to practice as
many times as you are willing. Don’t worry if you don’t reach your target.
We’re not aiming for perfection, just for trying our best. Whatever
happens, come to the next appointment. Sometimes difficult thoughts
and feelings interfere in our lives and keep us from doing the things we
set out to do. This is normal! And this is exactly what we will be learning
about in Module 2.

Between now and the next appointment, this is how often (or how many
times) I am willing to practice the “Introduction to ACT” exercise:

______________________________________________________________________

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

Looking back at the last module, this is how often I was willing to practice the

“Introduction to ACT” exercise: ____________________________________________

This is how often I did practice: ____________________________________________

This is what the experience was like for me -AND/OR- These are the thoughts

and feelings that got in the way of practicing as often as I set out to (ex. “I don’t

have time, this won’t help, it’s too difficult,” depression, anxiety, etc.):

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Three

Main Ideas:

1. Since we can’t always control our negative thoughts and feelings, the
alternative is to make room for them. This doesn’t mean we like them or
want them around, but we are willing for them to be there.

➔ Please watch “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Acceptance” [1:46]:


https://youtu.be/jrmKtaMqOh4
Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. When we spend less time trying to control our negative thoughts and
feelings, we have more freedom to make choices that improve our lives.

➔ Please watch “The Struggle Switch - By Dr. Russ Harris” [3:02]:


https://youtu.be/rCp1l16GCXI

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. We can make room for our negative thoughts and feelings by practicing
skills called mindfulness and defusion.

➔ Please watch “Accepting the Mind” [1:06]:


https://youtu.be/qUcC71-W9Os

➔ Please watch “Changing Perspective” [1:16]:


https://youtu.be/iN6g2mr0p3Q

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

13
4. Research has shown mindfulness and defusion skills to be very effective.

➔ Please watch “Why Mindfulness Is a Superpower: An Animation” [2:43]:


https://youtu.be/w6T02g5hnT4

➔ Please watch “What Do We Have All Wrong About Meditation? Featuring


Dan Harris” [4:11]: https://youtu.be/JP7o4BKG6hM

➔ You can read more about the benefits of mindfulness before the next
appointment if you are willing (see Step Five)

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. Mindfulness and defusion aren’t about controlling negative thoughts and


feelings. The purpose is not to make us feel better (although sometimes this
does happen), the goal is to reduce the impact that negative thoughts and
feelings have on us. Remember from Module 1 that negative thoughts and
feelings never go away for good. The aim is to give ourselves the freedom to
make choices that improve our lives.

Step Four

Practice new skills:

➔ The following exercise will help you experience the process of


mindfulness. Sometimes it is easier to understand something if you
experience it, rather than have someone try to explain it to you in words.
As I read the following exercise to you, follow along as best you can with
the instructions as I’m reading them. Don’t worry if you get distracted or
lose focus. This is normal. Just refocus on the exercise as soon as you
notice that your mind has wandered.

14
Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Five:

Between now and the next appointment:

➔ If you are willing, please read the article “7 Really Good Reasons to Start
a Mindfulness Meditation Practice” by Jennfier Abbasi. If you are feeling
ambitious, you can also read “The Skeptic’s Guide to Meditation” by Dan
Harris.

➔ If you are willing, please select one or more of the methods listed below to
help you practice mindfulness and defusion skills. You can also practice
with the Mindfulness of Emotions script from today’s module:

YouTube Videos:

- “Leaves On a Stream” [7:57]: https://youtu.be/yIlZHoiOb0s

- “Making space” [9:32]: https://youtu.be/Qkw89NRcowA

- “Observing & Naming Thoughts, Mindfulness Exercise with Naomi


Goodlet” [9:47]: https://youtu.be/AVRGF3e4Zxw

- “Exploring the Difficult Meditation” [24:00]:


https://youtu.be/Qu7blXX1a8A

- “10 Min Sitting Meditation” [9:49]: https://youtu.be/2L00t5VeVjQ

Free Apps for Your Phone:

- Calm: Includes a free 7-day course on the basics of mindfulness

- Headspace: Includes a free 10-day course on the basics of mindfulness


including explainer videos like the one from today’s module

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

- One Moment Meditation: Starts with a 5 minute video about how to


meditate in just 60 seconds a day, then has a timer with an optional
guided introduction and conclusion. https://youtu.be/F6eFFCi12v8

- Insight Timer: Has many free guided exercises

- Smiling Mind: Has many free guided exercises

At first glance, the method that looks most appealing to me is:

__________________________________________________________________________

I am willing to practice with this (or any other method I end up liking better)

this many times before next appointment:

__________________________________________________________________________

Again, don’t worry if you don’t reach your target. We’re not aiming for
perfection, just for trying our best. Whatever happens, come to the next
appointment.

17
Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

7 Really Good Reasons to Start a Mindfulness Meditation Practice

By Jennfier Abbasi
http://my.happify.com/hd/7-benefits-of-meditation/

Meditation used to feel like something reserved for yoga addicts, but growing
research is showing benefits for the mind and body that every one of us could
use.

Meditation Helps You Sleep Sounder

Researchers at the University of Minnesota looked at seven studies on


mindfulness meditation and sleep, concluding that the practice helps some
people get better rest. Mediation might help people break the cycle of obsessing
about not being able to get to sleep, which makes it harder to your zzz’s, says
Nicole Winbush, who co-authored the study. Reducing stress hormones like
cortisol, which can interfere with sleep, may also help.

Meditation Eases Pain

Mindfulness meditation has been shown to help ease chronic discomfort like
neck and back pain, arthritis, fibromyalgia and recurring headaches. It teaches
you to open your senses to your breathing, the sound of the wind rustling or
the feel of the sun on your skin, says Jeffrey Greeson, a clinical health
psychologist at Duke University. “If some attention’s going toward other things,
the pain’s not going to bother you as much,” Greeson says.

Meditation Improves Your Ability to Focus

“Mindfulness training improves your ability to maintain attention and regulate


emotional distractions,” says Fadel Zeidan, a cognitive neuroscientist at Wake
Forest School of Medicine. In one study he conducted, people who did 20-
minute meditation sessions for just four days did significantly better on timed
cognitive tests than a control group. The meditators were better able to ignore
the timer and simply focus on the task, he explains.

Meditation Reduces Anxiety and Stress

Recent studies are proving that meditation can actually lower levels of the
stress hormone cortisol in our bodies. And in a new study by Zeidan, levels of
everyday anxiety decreased by a whopping 39 percent after just four 20-minute
mindfulness meditation classes. How? Being more aware of our immediate
experiences through meditation may keep us from stewing over the past or
worrying about the future.

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

Meditation Makes You Feel Less Moody

Many of us automatically interpret things in a negative way and assume the


worst about ourselves and others. This can cause depression, which meditation
has been shown to alleviate. “One of the reasons why meditation is effective for
mood and depression is because it helps us not believe these automatic
thoughts that we have,” says Greeson. “It involves focusing on what’s possible,
not what’s impossible.”

Meditation Improves Your Sex Life

Your sex life could get a boost with mindfulness meditation, which enhances
the connections and size of an area of the brain called the insula that’s
important for awareness. Strengthening the insula may be what helps some
women pay better attention to arousal after meditation training—and even have
better orgasms—says Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist in
Washington, D.C.

Meditation Helps You Heal Faster and Live Longer

In a study last year, people who took eight weeks of mindfulness meditation
training had far fewer cases of colds and flu and less severe infections
compared to a group of non-meditators. Daniel Muller, a doctor at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison who worked on this study, says meditation
may help to restore the body’s homeostatic balance. It may even help us live
longer by keeping our DNA from degrading over time, according to recent
research at the University of California, San Francisco.

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

http://my.happify.com/hd/skeptics-guide-to-meditation-infographic-dan-harris/

20
Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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Module 2: Mindfulness & Defusion

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Module 3: Past, Future & Present

Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

Looking back at the last module, this is how many times I was willing to

practice mindfulness and defusion: __________________________________________

This is how often I did practice: ______________________________________________

This is the method or methods I used: ________________________________________

These are the articles I read (Please circle one, both, or neither):

- 7 Really Good Reasons to Start a Mindfulness Meditation Practice

- The Skeptic’s Guide to Meditation

- Neither

This is what the experience was like for me -AND/OR- These are the thoughts

and feelings that got in the way of practicing as often as I set out to (ex. “I don’t

have time, this won’t help, it’s too difficult,” depression, anxiety, etc.):

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

26
Module 3: Past, Future & Present

Step Three

Main Ideas:

1. Pain and suffering come from negative thoughts and feelings about the past
or the future.

2. The present moment is a safe place that we can learn to connect with at any
time.

➔ Please watch “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Presence” [2:34]:


https://youtu.be/kthk-vmQ02A

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. When we practice being in the present, negative thoughts and feelings about
the past or future have less impact on us.

➔ Please watch “Dan Harris: Hack Your Brain's Default Mode with
Meditation” [3:43]: https://youtu.be/FAcTIrA2Qhk

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. Connecting with the present isn’t about controlling how we think and feel,
it’s about having the freedom to make choices that improve our lives.

Module 3: Past, Future & Present

27
Step Four

Practice new skills:

➔ Please choose one of the options below to help you experience the
process of present moment awareness. Sometimes it is easier to
understand something if you experience it, rather than have someone try
to explain it to you in words. As you listen to whichever exercise you
choose, follow along as best you can with the instructions. Don’t worry if
you get distracted or lose focus. This is normal. Just refocus on the
exercise as soon as you notice that your mind has wandered.

Option 1:

3 minute body scan from UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center

Please click here: http://marc.ucla.edu/mpeg/01_Breathing_Meditation.mp3

Option 2:

10 minute exercise on Mindfully Eating A Raisin by Mindfulness Meditation

Please click here: https://youtu.be/NlGuRVBeLVA

Option 3:

7 minute exercise on noticing the details of your hand from Naomi Goodlet

Please click here: https://youtu.be/Fq-MqZDkKdQ

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Module 3: Past, Future & Present

28
Step Five:

Between now and the next appointment:

➔ If you are willing, please select one or more of the methods listed below to
help you practice connecting with the present moment:

YouTube Videos:

“Meditation 101: A Beginner's Guide” [2:00]: https://youtu.be/o-kMJBWk9E0

“10-Minute Meditation to Reframe Stress” [10:10]: https://youtu.be/sG7DBA-


mgFY

“Automatic Breathing Mindfulness Exercise With Naomi Goodlet” [6:45]:


https://youtu.be/Hk__YDdDVCQ

“Guided Breathing Exercise (Clouds)” [4:51]: https://youtu.be/awc8MLSpjlQ

Free Mindfulness Resources:

- UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center: Recordings of a variety of


mindfulness exercises for use in various situations.
http://marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations

- One Moment Meditation: Starts with a 5 minute video about how to get
present in just 60 seconds a day, then has a timer with an optional
guided introduction and conclusion. https://youtu.be/F6eFFCi12v8

Other Exercises (found on the pages that follow, in order):

- Eating One Raisin: A First Taste of Mindfulness (feel free to substitute a


different piece of fruit, chocolate or other candy if you prefer)

- Mindful Breathing

- Mindfulness Exercises

29
Module 3: Past, Future & Present

At first glance, the method that looks most appealing to me is:

_____________________________________________________________________________

I am willing to practice with this (or any other method I end up liking better)

this many times before the next appointment: ________________________________

Again, don’t worry if you don’t reach your target. We’re not aiming for
perfection, just for trying our best. Whatever happens, come to the next
appointment, where we will be talking about the part of you that is able to
notice your thoughts and feelings.

30
Module 3: Past, Future & Present

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Module 3: Past, Future & Present

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Module 3: Past, Future & Present

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Module 3: Past, Future & Present

34
Module 4: The Observing Self
Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

Looking back at the last module, this is how many times I was willing to

practice connecting with the present moment: ________________________________

This is how often I did practice: ______________________________________________

This is the method or methods I used: ________________________________________

This is what the experience was like for me -AND/OR- These are the thoughts

and feelings that got in the way of practicing as often as I set out to (ex. “I don’t

have time, this won’t help, it’s too difficult,” depression, anxiety, etc.):

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

35
Module 4: The Observing Self

Step Three

Main Ideas:

1. There is a part of us that thinks, a part of us that feels, and a part of us


that is able to notice and observe our thinking and feeling.

2. We can call this part of us the Observing Self, the Noticing Self, the
Watching Self, Pure Awareness, or any other name that makes sense to us.

➔ Please watch “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Observing Self”


[1:45]: https://youtu.be/kl5cyCXelZc

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. This Observing Self is a safe place that we can learn to connect with at any
time.

4. When we connect with our Observing Self, our thoughts and feelings have
less impact on us.

➔ Please watch “Underlying Calm” [1:14]: https://youtu.be/F0WYFXxhPGY

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. Connecting with our Observing Self isn’t about controlling how we think and
feel, it’s about having the freedom to make choices that improve our lives.

36
Module 4: The Observing Self

Step Four

Practice new skills:

➔ Please choose one of the options below to help you experience the
process of connecting with the Observing Self. Sometimes it is easier to
understand something if you experience it, rather than have someone try
to explain it to you in words. As you listen to the exercise, follow along
as best you can with the instructions. Don’t worry if you get distracted or
lose focus. This is normal. Just refocus on the exercise as soon as you
notice that your mind has wandered.

Option 1:

6 Minute Observer Self Exercise

Please click here: https://youtu.be/fUZfjwL2H24

Option 2:

Brief Observer Self Exercise (13 Minutes)

Please click here:


https://portlandpsychotherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/Brief-
observer-self-exercise-13-minutes.mp3

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Module 4: The Observing Self

37
Step Five

Between now and the next appointment:

➔ If you are willing, please decide how often you are willing to practice with
the 6 Minute Observer Self Exercise or the Brief Observer Self Exercise
(13 Minutes) and write your answer in the space below. It can be once a
day, every two days, or just one time between now and the next
appointment. You decide. Just try your best to practice as many times as
you are willing. Don’t worry if you don’t reach your target. We’re not
aiming for perfection, just for trying our best. Whatever happens, come to
the next appointment, where we will be learning how to take committed
action to make your life better.

Between now and the next appointment, this is how often (or how many times)
I am willing to practice the 6 Minute Observer Self Exercise or the Brief
Observer Self Exercise (13 Minutes):

______________________________________________________________________________

38
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

Looking back at the last module, this is how many times I was willing to

practice connecting with the Observer Self: __________________________________

This is how often I did practice: _____________________________________________

This is what the experience was like for me -AND/OR- These are the thoughts

and feelings that got in the way of practicing as often as I set out to (ex. “I don’t

have time, this won’t help, it’s too difficult,” depression, anxiety, etc.):

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

39
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

Step Three

Main Ideas:

1. Values are what we care most about in our hearts. They are different from
goals because goals can be completed and marked off a list, but values are
always there to guide us. They are like points on a compass.

➔ Please watch “The Values-Focused vs The Goals-Focused Life” [3:50]:


https://youtu.be/eiPxLpYlw4I

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. Values are about how we want to act, not how we want to feel or think.
There are no “right” or “wrong” values. We all get to choose what we care the
most about in life, and we don’t all have to have the same values.

➔ Please take a look at the handout “Reflecting on Your Values” for help
with figuring out some of your values.

40
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

Reflecting on Your Values

Below is a list of values. As you read through them, please circle the ones that
are most important to you. Or, you may want to circle all the ones that are
even somewhat important, and then go back and star the ones that are most
important. There are many other values besides the ones listed here. We
encourage you to list any other values that come to mind that you don’t see on
the list.

Remember, values are about desired, ongoing action. They describe HOW we
want to live our life. They are not about accomplishing a specific goal or
achieving a certain level of “success”. We can’t always control whether or not
we meet our goals, but we can choose to act according to our values even if our
goals are not met. In addition, values are about our own actions, not the
actions of others. So, for example, if you decide that “Compassion” is one of
your values, your focus should be on you acting compassionately toward other
people and toward yourself, not having other people be compassionate to you
(although that would be nice!)
Accepting Fair Leadership Respectful

Adventurous Forgiving Learning Responsible

Assertive Freedom Loyal Safe

Authentic Fun Mellow Skillful

Aware Generous Open-minded Spiritual

Bold Healthy Optimistic Stable

Brave Honest Organized Teaching

Committed Humble Passionate Thoughtful

Connection Humorous Patient Tolerant

Consistent Independent Peaceful Understanding

Contribute Interesting Playful Wise

Disciplined Intimacy Powerful Other: ________

Energetic Justice Reliable Other: ________

Equality Kind Religious Other: ________

Module 5: Values & Committed Action

41
3. Committed action means living in line with our values even when we have
difficult thoughts and feelings.

➔ Please watch “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Values and


Committed Action” [1:54]: https://youtu.be/yoVmoOnjscM

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. It takes careful planning to set the right goals, and it often takes
mindfulness and defusion skills to follow through on those goals in the face
of painful thoughts and feelings.

➔ Please watch “Demons on the boat - an Acceptance & Commitment


Therapy (ACT) Metaphor” [4:46]: https://youtu.be/z-wyaP6xXwE

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Four

Practice new skills:

➔ Please take a look at “My Action Plan.” Begin by thinking of a small but
specific goal that you would like to set. It’s best to choose one you can
realistically accomplish between now and the next appointment, so we
can talk about how things turned out.
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

42
My Action Plan

Set a SMART goal (Specific, Meaningful, Action-oriented, Realistic, Time-


specific): Ex, Between now and the next appointment, I will call one friend and
ask if they are available to meet for lunch next week.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

This goal is meaningful to me because I value: ________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

These are the uncomfortable or painful thoughts and feelings I’m willing to

make room for in order to reach my goal: _____________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

If these uncomfortable or painful thoughts and feelings show up, these are

some skills I can use to deal with them effectively: ____________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

I am willing to take the first small step toward this goal on this day and at this

time: ________________________________________________________________________

Module 5: Values & Committed Action

Step Five

43
Between now and the next appointment:

➔ Try your best to follow through on your Willingness and Action Plan.

➔ If you need more help, you may also want to read the article “Ten Tips for
Motivating Yourself to Practice New Skills or Pursue Important Goals” by
Russ Harris. Don’t worry if you don’t reach your target. We’re not aiming
for perfection, just for trying our best. Whatever happens, come to the
next appointment.

44
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

Ten Tips For Motivating Yourself To Practise New Skills Or Pursue


Important Goals

© Russ Harris 2013 www.actmindfully.com.au www.thehappinesstrap.com

1. Link the Goal To Values


Values can provide a deep motivation that helps to sustain the practice of new
skills, or the pursuit of challenging goals, even when it’s boring, tedious or
anxiety-provoking (as it so often is). Ask yourself: is this really important to
you? What is it that matters enough, that you’d even think about doing
something like this? What values would underlie this course of action? How
would doing this make a positive difference in your life? If we can link our new
behavior to something personally meaningful, we’re far more likely to do it!
2. Set Goals Effectively
A wealth of research shows that if we set goals effectively, we significantly
increase the chances of following through on them. A simple acronym for goal-
setting is: S.M.A.R.T.
S = Specific What specific actions will you take? If a goal is vague and non-
specific (e.g. I’m going to really be there for my kids this week) it’s going to be
hard to know if you have achieved it or not. So change it to a specific goal (e.g.
I’m going to get home at 4pm on Friday and take the kids to the park to play
basketball.)
M = Meaningful What values will you be living by, when you do this? If the goal
is not meaningful – i.e. aligned with values – why bother? Either set a new one
that is meaningful, or explicitly link the current goal to values, so it becomes
meaningful (e.g. remind yourself “Doing this would be living my values of being
loving and caring.”)
A =Adaptive How will this action be adaptive for your life (i.e. make your life
better)? What are the likely benefits? If the goal seems likely to have more costs
than benefits – then change it. For example, if the value is justice, and the goal
is to “Punch anyone who treats me unfairly”, then clearly this is going to be
maladaptive (i.e. make your life worse). Be clear about the benefits, and remind
yourself what they are e.g. “Practicing this mindfulness skill will help me to
handle anxiety provoking situations more effectively.”
R = Realistic Is the goal realistic for the resources currently available - which
may include time, energy, money, physical health, social support, and so on? If
not, modify the goal so that it is realistic for the available resources; or else put
it to one side and make a new goal. (Of course the new goal might be to get the
necessary resources for the original goal.)
T = Time-framed What day, date, and time will this occur, and for how long will
you do it? A time-frame contributes to the specificity of the goal.
Module 5: Values & Committed Action

45
3. Take Small Steps
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. So if the goal seems too
big, make it smaller. If ten minutes of mindfulness practice is too much, cut it
back to five. If doing it daily is unrealistic, perhaps do it every second or third
day, or weekly. Ask yourself: “On a scale of zero to ten, where ten is ‘I’ll
definitely do this no matter what’ and zero is ‘There is absolutely no chance I’ll
ever do this’ – then how likely are you to actually do this?” If you score less
than seven, best to change the goal to something smaller and easier.

4. Carrot Versus Stick


Many people try to motivate themselves through being harsh, judgmental, self-
critical, or punitive. But if beating yourself up were a good way to change
behavior, wouldn’t you be perfect by now? Learn to “drop the stick”: unhook
yourself from excessive expectations and harsh self-judgments, and instead
practice self acceptance and self-compassion. Then “create a carrot” by linking
your action to values, and reflecting on the likely positive outcomes. For
example, ask yourself, “If I do this, what will I be standing for?” or “If I do this,
what will the benefits be, in the long term?”

Acknowledge every little step “in the right direction”. Pay attention to what you
are doing, and notice what difference it makes in your life. Find ways to reward
yourself for following through. These rewards may be as simple as saying to
yourself “Well done. You did it!”, or keeping a record in a journal, or reporting
your progress to others who are supportive.

5. Anticipate Obstacles
When you commit to a goal, it’s helpful to ask yourself, “What might get in the
way of that?” As the saying goes, “forewarned is forearmed”. So once we have
identified obstacles to action, we can then plan how to get around them. And if
there is no possible way around an obstacle? Then clearly we’ll need to set a
different goal, and make room for our inevitable disappointment or frustration.
Some of the most common obstacles to the intended course of action are
activities that compete with it for time and energy. In such cases, we can ask
ourselves, “What am I willing to give up, or do less of, or say ‘no’ to, in order to
free up time and energy for doing this?”

6. Confront the Costs


Although the ‘carrot’ is far more useful than the ‘stick’, at times it is important
for us to realistically and deeply connect with the costs of not following
through. We may compassionately and gently ask ourselves, “If I keep on doing
what I’m doing: What is it costing me, in terms of health/wellbeing/
relationships? What am I missing out on? What will my life be like: one year
from now? Two years from now? Ten years from now?”

Module 5: Values & Committed Action

46
7. Cultivate Willingness
The practice of new skills is often boring or tedious; and the pursuit of goals
that pull us out of the “comfort zone”, almost always generates significant
anxiety. So if we are unwilling to make room for discomfort, then obviously we
will not take action. So we can ask ourselves: “Am I willing to feel some
discomfort, in order to do what matters?” or “Am I willing to make room for
sweaty hands, and a knot in my stomach, and a tightness in my chest, and a
voice in my head that tells me scary things, if that’s what I need to make room
for in order to do the things that really matter?” This of course, overlaps with
our first strategy: linking the goal to values. If you are unwilling to make room
for the inevitable discomfort, you may need to a) work on acceptance skills; b)
enhancing the link to your values; or c) setting an easier goal that elicits less
discomfort.

8. Defuse From Reason-giving


The mind is a reason-giving machine, and as soon as we even think about
doing something that pulls us out of our comfort zone, it cranks out all the
reasons why we can’t do it, shouldn’t do it, or shouldn’t even have to do it: I’m
too tired, I’m too busy, it’s not important, it’s too hard, I’m not good enough, I
can’t do it, I’ll fail, I’m too anxious, and so on. And if we wait until the day our
mind stops reason-giving, before we do the things that really matter in life …
we’ll never get started. So if fusion with reason-giving is a major barrier to
action, then naturally we target it with defusion: e.g. “Aha! Here it is again. The
‘I can’t do it story’. Thanks, mind!”

9. Enlist Support
Social support is often hugely motivating. Can you find a partner, friend,
relative, co-worker, or neighbor, with whom you can share his aspirations and
achievements? Someone who will encourage and support you? Acknowledge
your successes and cheer you on? Is there a group or a course you could join
that might serve this purpose? Can you find an “exercise buddy” to go running
with, or a “study buddy” to help you with homework?

10. Use Reminders


It’s very easy for us to forget what our goals are. So how can we create
“reminders”? Can we put messages or alerts in the computer, mobile phone,
calendar, or journal? Can we ask people in our support network to remind us?
Can we stick up notes on the mirror or the fridge or the car dashboard? Can
we put a sticker on our watch strap, or an elastic band around our wrist, or a
gadget on our key ring, so that whenever we see these things they remind us of
our goals? Can we use a recurring event to cue our new behavior: for example,
we might do a breathing exercise for ten minutes immediately after dinner, or
as soon as our alarm clock goes off in the morning? Can we schedule the
activity into a calendar or diary or onto our daily “To Do” list – and highlight it
in some way, to emphasize its importance? (This of course also gives the goal a
time-frame, and helps avoid competing activities.)
Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

47
Step One

Using the Weekly Rating Sheet, please rate how well your life is working.

Step Two

This is how “My Action Plan” went for me -AND/OR- This is what I learned

from the thoughts and feelings that got in the way:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Three

Main Ideas:

1. If we fall short of our goal, we have two choices:

A. Give up

B. Be mindful of our negative thoughts and feelings, learn something, focus


on our values, and re-commit.

➔ Consider these words by Dr. Russ Harris, from ACT Made Simple:

“When we do go off-track, what helps is being kind and accepting toward


ourselves: we accept the painful thoughts and feelings, then reconnect
with our values, and get moving again. What doesn’t help is beating
ourselves up. I mean, if beating yourself up was a good way to change
your behavior, wouldn’t you be perfect by now?”

Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

48
2. All the skills you have been learning and practicing – mindfulness, defusion,
connecting with the present, connecting with the Observing Self – have the
same purpose: To give you the flexibility to make choices that improve your
life. Remember, we aren’t trying to control negative thoughts and feelings;
that doesn’t always work in the long run. Instead, we are trying to make
room for our negative thoughts and feelings so that we can live a better life.

➔ Take a look at the image below. This is a visual representation of the


processes you’ve been working on in this toolkit.

Psychological Flexibility

https://headsted.co.uk/static/img/act/act-processes.jpg

Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

49
3. You can remember these skills by remembering a very basic acronym for the
word ACT:

A = Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present

C = Choose a valued direction

T = Take action

➔ Please watch “Struggling with Internal Hijackers?” [3:28]:


https://youtu.be/NdaCEO4WtDU

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Step Four

Practice new skills:

➔ Now that you have worked through these modules and learned some new
skills, let us return to the Introduction to ACT exercise to put it all
together. As I read the exercise to you, follow along as best you can with
the instructions as I’m reading them. Don’t worry if you get distracted or
lose focus. This is normal. Just refocus on the exercise as soon as you
notice that your mind has wandered.

50
Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

Introduction to ACT

Please find a comfortable position in your chair; one where you can stay
relatively still for about 5 to 10 minutes. I recommend feet flat on the floor with
arms on your legs or folded in your lap, but feel free to do whatever is most
comfortable for you.

If you feel comfortable closing your eyes, please do so; or you can simply pick a
spot in the room to focus on.

Take a few moments to mentally scan your body from head to toe… Notice if
there are any areas of tension such as your jaw or shoulders… If you notice
any tension, see if you can let some of that tension go… If not, that’s okay, just
notice what’s there.

Take a few moments to connect with your sense of touch… Notice what
physical sensations are happening in your hands… See if you can feel where
your hands make contact with each other or with your legs… See if you can
feel your feet on the ground…

Next, take a few moments to notice what you can hear… There may be several
sounds, or just one, or it may be silent. Just notice whatever is there…

When you’re ready, move your attention to your breathing… Watch the breath
come in and go out on its own, without you having to control it… See if you can
feel your breath in your nose or your belly…

As you breathe, you will notice that thoughts may come into your mind… They
may be pleasant thoughts, or unpleasant thoughts, or neutral thoughts… This
is what the human mind does, it is a thinking machine… Just see if you can
notice the thoughts without getting caught up in them, and then return your
attention to your breathing… Each time a thought pops up, notice it and then
return your attention to your breath… This will happen over and over and over
again, and that’s okay, it means you’re normal… With practice you can get
better at noticing your thoughts, rather than getting carried away by them.

As you continue breathing, you will notice that certain feelings or emotions will
also show up… Some of these may be pleasant feelings, unpleasant feelings, or
neutral feelings… See if you can notice these feelings the same way you notice
your thoughts… There is no need to try and change what’s there, just try to
notice what you feel… When you notice a feeling, see if you can locate where it
is in your body… Notice what sensations come along with the emotion… There
may be heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness, tingling, or tension… You may
find these sensations in your head, shoulders, arms, legs, or abdomen…

Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

51
Whatever you feel and wherever it happens, just notice what’s going on and see
if you can let it be…

And now see if you can return your attention to your breathing… See if you can
notice that there is a part of you that’s able to watch your breathing, watch
your thoughts, watch your feelings, watch the sensations that happen in your
body… There is a part of you that does the thinking and feeling, and a part of
you that can notice the thinking and feeling… Take a few moments to
experience what it’s like to connect with the part of you that just notices…

And now take a few moments to consider what brought you here today… There
is something you care so much about that you took steps to get here… Just
reflect for a few moments about what it is that you really, truly care about most
in your life… Recognize and appreciate the fact that you made a choice to take
action for change… And as the exercise comes to a close, see if you can bring to
mind an image of what kind of person you want to be when you are handling
your pain effectively… Consider how you’ll be acting toward other people… How
you’ll be acting toward yourself…

And when you’re ready, slowly bring your attention back to the room and back
to where we are now. If you like, move your fingers and toes around and have a
nice stretch.

My Notes (optional): _________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Module 6: Where Do We Go From Here?

52
Step Five

Congratulations on completing this ACT-based toolkit! We hope you have found


these new skills helpful in moving toward a life based on what you care about
the most.

Going forward:

➔ Feel free to re-use this toolkit in whatever way helps you the most. You
might want to work through it again and try new exercises that you
haven’t practiced with yet. Along with the tools and skills you have used
thus far, you can find countless other resources on the Internet by
searching online for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness,
Defusion, or Present Moment Awareness.

➔ Remember that the most common obstacle to progress is not doing the
exercises. With mindfulness and defusion skills, it is very easy to think
about using them instead of actually trying them out. So if you haven’t
made as much progress as you’d hoped, consider if you are willing to do
more of the exercises, do them more consistently, or do them more often.

53
Bibliography
Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and
commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Harris, R. (2012). The reality slap: Finding peace and fulfillment when life hurts.
Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Harris, R. (2007). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living.
Boulder, CO: Trumpeter Books.

Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The
new acceptance and commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger
Publications, Inc.

Luoma, J. B., Hayes, S. C., & Walser, R. D. (2007). Learning ACT: An


acceptance and commitment therapy skills-training manual for therapists.
Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Stoddard, J. A., & Afari, N. (2014). The big book of ACT metaphors: A
practitioner’s guide to experiential exercises & metaphors in acceptance &
commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

54

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