Accept Me!

INTRO
Living Smile Vidya, also known as Smiley, is an Indian transwoman writer, activist, theatre
artist and film director.
“Accept Me” is a chapter from her autobiography, I am Vidya, the first transgender
autobiography in India. It discusses the troublesome experiences and journey of Vidya in
search of her identity.
Transgenders are marginalised, discriminated against and humiliated by society. Her
old name was “Saravana” before she became a “tirunangai” named “Vidya.” Her dilemma in
facing her family and father after becoming a “tirunangai” is emotionally portrayed.

ESSAY
1. Discuss the agonies and anxieties felt by Vidya on her journey to be a tirunangai.

Living Smile Vidya is an Indian transwoman writer. “Accept Me” which is a chapter
from her autobiography, I am Vidya, discusses the agonies and anxieties felt by Vidya on her
journey to become a “tirunangai.”
Vidya faced a lot of problems before her transformation from a boy named Saravana.
From childhood, she liked girlish things such as dress, and dance. She liked to wear her
sister’s dresses, and dance to the tune of Chitra’s songs. Her mother didn’t like this.
Vidya wanted to remove all traces of manliness in her. To become a transgender,
Vidya was taken by train from Chennai to Pune by Kalaichelvi Ayah and Shanti. The older
tirunangais would boss over her which she didn’t mind. They gave her many things to do.
Then she was taken to Nani. Nani told her that she could sing and dance but respect the
elders, and get on well with younger people. She asked Vidya to go out with Satya and
“shop” i.e., collect at least Rs. 300 each day. Then in six months' time Vidya's nirvana would
be performed.
Meeting the family members after the transformation was an agonizing experience.
Her sister, Radha was shocked to see her in a sari. Her father refused to see her in a sari; she
had to change into a shirt. When he met her, he was crying; Radha was also in tears. They
explained Vidya's position to Appa.
 Vidya very calmly spoke to Appa. That even science accepts tirunangais was
explained to him. Vidya told him she would become an actress. It made them angry all the
more. In this way, Vidya’s journey to be a tirunangai was filled with agonies and anxieties.

SHORT ANSWER
1. Who is Kalaichelvi Ayah?
It was Kalaichelvi Ayah who took Vidya to Pune by train. According to the tradition
of the tirunangais, she was Vidya’s nani or maternal grandmother.

2. What are the etiquettes expected by the older tirunangais from the younger ones?
The older tirunangais expect a great deal of respect from the younger ones. They don't
tolerate the young ones sitting with them on an equal level. Touching their feet, cleaning the
spittoons, and massaging their legs are also expected.

3. Who is Arunamma?
Arunamma is Vidya's amma in the world of tirunangai. She ran an NGO and was in
contact with the external world.

4. How is the harassment of tirunangais different from the ragging of college students?
Once you settle down in a group of tirunangais, the harassment stops. When a
newcomer comes, attention goes to her.

5. What was the advice given by Kalaichelvi Ayah to Vidya on their way to the City Post
in an auto-rickshaw?
Kalaichelvi Ayah advised Vidya to follow her closely and not to go wandering
around. As soon as she enters the City Post, she should fall at Nani's feet and receive her
blessings.

6. Why did Ayah ask Vidya to change her name?

Vidya wanted her name to be Preeti. Nani suggested to change her name from Preeti
because there was someone named Preeti who died young. So that name was considered a
bad omen at her new home. So, she accepted the name Vidya.

7. Why did Satya propose the name Vidya?

Satya proposed the name Vidya because it rhymes with her name Satya. Now, they
are sisters.

8. What is a reet?
A reet is a ritual of formally enrolling a person in the community of tirunangais. A
small sum is paid as enrolment fee in the Parivar.
9. Why did Vidya get disturbed when Radha called her Saravana?
Vidya got disturbed when Radha called her Saravana because nobody had called her
by that name for a long time. Now she was wearing a sari and she did not expect to be called
by her old name.

10. Why was Vidya anxious to meet her father?

Vidya was anxious to meet her father because she was worried about how her father
would react to see her in a sari with her new name Vidya, a tirunangai.

11. What was the only consolation felt by Vidya at the end?
The only consolation felt by Vidya at the end was that her family now knew the truth
about her - that she was a tirunangai named Vidya and not the old Saravana.

12. How does Arunamma help in consoling Vidya's Appa?

Arunamma helped in consoling Vidya's Appa by telling him that times have changed
and even science accepts the tirunangais as they are. The tirunangais can do what normal men
and women can. So, he should change his attitude.

PARAGRAPH
1. What advice does Nani give to Vidya?
Nani told Vidya that she could sing and dance, but she should respect elders, and get
on well with young people. Nani also asked Vidya to go out with Satya and “shop” (collect)
at least Rs. 300 each day. Then in six months' time Vidya's nirvana would be performed. She
warned Vidya not to be proud because of her college education. Any mischief on her part
would make Nani angry. Nani also suggested to change her name from Preeti because there
was someone named Preeti who died young. So that name was considered a bad omen at her
new home.

2. Comment on the "parivar" or family system of tirunangais.

The parivar is a family of tirunangais. By doing a “reet”, a person is enrolled as a new
tirunangai. There are seven parivars in Chennai. Each parivar has a name. All the tirunangais
in Mumbai come under one of these seven groups. Vidya was registered with the Bhendi
Bazaar Parivar. Change of group is done with a payment of fine. There is a hierarchy of
amma, nani and dadi, i.e., mother, grandmother and great grandmother. A young tirunangai
chooses her amma and becomes her “chela” or disciple. After registration, a veteran
tirunangai gifted her a customary sari. There are thousands of unwritten rules and regulations.

3. What are the customs followed by tirunangais?

Tirunangais follow several customs. A new person is supposed to fall at the feet of
Nani to get her blessings. A tirunangai has to “shop” at least Rs. 300 each day. The younger
tirunangais should respect elders. They should clean the elders’ spittoons and massage their
legs. The younger tirunangais are not supposed to sit with the older ones. A new tirunangai is
enrolled by performing a “reet” and payment of a fee. There is a whole hierarchy of amma,
nani and dadi - mother, grandmother and great grandmother. Usually, a new person chooses
her amma and becomes her chela or disciple.

4. What was the reaction of Saravana's family when they learned that he was a
tirunangai?
When the family learned that Saravana became a tirunangai, they were shocked.
Meeting the family members after the transformation was an agonizing experience for Vidya.
Her sister was shocked to see her in a sari. Her father refused to see her in a sari; she had to
change into a shirt. When they met, there were in tears. The family explained Vidya's
position to Appa. Vidya very calmly spoke to Appa. That even science accepts tirunangais
was explained to him. Vidya told him she would become an actress. It made them angry. The
journey to be a tirunangai was filled with agonies and anxieties. (Para 4 & 5 of essay)

5. Comment on the first meeting of Vidya with her parents?

The first meeting of Vidya with her parents was very agonising. Vidya wore a
beautiful black sari with a broad silver border. When she saw her sister Radha at the entrance
to the railway station, tears filled her eyes. Radha called her by the name “Saravana”. Vidya
corrected her. Mama and Sekhar Chitappa also joined them. Her sister was shocked to see her
in a sari. Her father refused to see her in a sari; she had to change into a shirt. When they met,
there were in tears. The family explained Vidya's position to Appa. Vidya very calmly spoke
to Appa. That even science accepts tirunangais was explained to him. Vidya told him she
would become an actress. It made them angry.

6. How did Appa react when he first met Vidya?

When Appa met Vidya, he didn’t talk to her because she was wearing a black sari. For
him she was his son Saravana, not Vidya, a tirunangai. She changed into a shirt and met him.
When they met, there were in tears. The family explained Vidya's position to Appa. He was
totally unwilling to listen and he was weeping throughout. He then folded his arms and
pleaded with Arunamma to release his son. Vidya very calmly spoke to Appa. That even
science accepts tirunangais was explained to him. Vidya told him she would become an
actress. It made them angry.