Narcissistic Abuse: Signs, Effects, &

Treatments
Narcissistic abuse occurs when a narcissist progressively manipulates and mistreats people to
gain control over them, creating a toxic environment full of emotional, psychological,
financial, sexual, or physical harm. Narcissists exploit those around them through gaslighting,
sabotaging, love-bombing, lying, and twisting situations to suit their needs. As a result,
victims can suffer long-term effects from their abuse.

What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse typically involves emotional abuse in the form of put-downs, accusations,
criticism, or threats. A narcissist may gaslight you or contradict you in front of others.
Withholding money, the silent treatment, isolation, and lying about you to others are
other narcissistic manipulative techniques in their toolbox. The end goal of a narcissist is to
control their victim’s behavior into maintaining their supply.

Victims of narcissistic abuse have been reported to experience symptoms similar to PTSD,
known informally as narcissistic abuse syndrome. Symptoms include intrusive, invasive, or
unwanted thoughts, flashbacks, avoidance, feelings of loneliness, isolation, and feeling
extremely alert. Being placed in a similar situation may trigger the victim physically or
emotionally.

25 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissists have an arsenal of tactics to destroy their partner’s reality and confidence to gain
or keep control over the relationship or marriage. They may make you feel like you’re crazy,
making it less likely that you will reach out to family and friends for help. A narcissist may
use emotional, mental, physical, financial, spiritual, or sexual forms of abuse.

Here are 25 signs of narcissistic abuse:

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is the intentional act of making you distrust your views of reality or believe that
you’re mentally unstable using specific targeted phrases to make you feel this way. Here are a
few signs you are being gaslighted:

 You no longer feel like the person you used to be

 You feel like everything you do is wrong
 You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong
 You feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be
 You often wonder if you’re being too sensitive
 You often question whether your response to your partner is appropriate
 You’re apologizing often
 You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is
 You make excuses for your partner’s behavior
2. Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse could include accusing, belittling, blaming, bullying, criticizing, demanding,
ordering, raging, sarcasm, shaming, or threatening.

3. Projection

Projection involves dumping their issues onto their victim instead of taking any blame. For
instance, a narcissistic abuser may accuse their partner of lying when they have lied (this is
sometimes referred to as “Deny, attack, reverse victim & offender“). Or they make a partner
feel guilty when they’ve done nothing wrong. This creates confusion.

4. Twisting

When a narcissist is confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their
actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim
apologize to them.

5. Lack of Empathy

The lack of empathy or ability to feel and express emotions is the major reason why
a narcissist’s relationships fail. In a healthy relationship, both partners care for each other’s
well-being. In a narcissistic relationship, the non-narcissistic partner will not feel cared for
and will show signs of sadness and loneliness.

6. Lying

Persistent deception to avoid responsibility or to achieve the narcissist’s own ends.

7. Silent Treatment

Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they let their victim “off the hook” by demanding an
apology even if they weren’t to blame. A narcissist may also have a history of cutting others
out of their life permanently over small things.

8. Sabotage

Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or
personal advantage.

9. Grandiosity & Overstating Their Own Importance

A narcissist’s grandiose sense of self-importance leaves no time or space for their partner or
anyone else, leaving their partner feeling alone in the relationship.

10. Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail is another form of manipulation to make you feel fear, guilt, or doubt.
They may use anger, intimidation, threats, warnings, or punishment to keep you in line.

11. Making Everything a Competition

One-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means, such as cheating in a

game.

12. Love Bombing

Love bombing involves demonstrating attention and affection in an attempt to influence

someone. It can cause internal conflict and confusion to the narcissist’s partner.

13. Financial Abuse

Financial abuse might include controlling you through economic domination or draining your
finances through extortion, theft, manipulation, or gambling, or by accruing debt in your
name or selling your personal property.

14. Privacy Invasion

Ignoring your boundaries by looking through your things, phone, or mail; denying your
physical privacy or stalking or following you; ignoring your request for privacy.

15. Arrogant & Superior Attitude

Narcissists are incapable of connecting with other people’s feelings, causing their partner to
feel unheard or ignored in the relationship. Over time, you will learn to not express your
feelings or share the things that are happening in your life.

16. Character Assassination or Slander

Spreading malicious gossip or lies about you to other people.

17. Negative Contrasting

Unnecessarily making comparisons to put you in a negative light, pitting you against the
narcissist or other people.

18. Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists expect to receive special treatment. If you do not bow to their every wish or
demand, they will act out. You may receive the “cold shoulder” or “silent treatment,” or be
met with name calling or physical abuse.

19. Withholding
This may include withholding such things as money, sex, communication, or affection from
you.

20. Manipulative Behavior

Narcissists are the masters of emotional manipulation. They will try to control your thoughts
and desires. Making future promises and emotional blackmail are two forms of manipulation
but gaslighting is most common. Manipulation causes confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety,
shame, and guilt. You may also be manipulated to stay home, not go to work, engage in
sexual acts, or spend money on the narcissist.

21. Playing the Victim Card

When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain
sympathy and further control behavior.

22. Ignoring Your Achievements

Talking about your achievements will trigger a narcissist’s insecurities and jealousy. They
will escape the topic by cutting you off or changing the conversation. They will talk
negatively behind your back or make up lies to discredit you and your accomplishments.

23. Hoovering

This term is used to describe a narcissist “sucking” someone back into a relationship, usually
after a round of silent treatment.

24. Hogging the Conversation

Narcissists love to talk about themselves. They will embellish and flat-out lie to make
themselves look better than others or inflate their accomplishments. There is no room to talk
about your accomplishments, nor do they care about them in the first place.

25. Exploitation

People in their life are viewed as objects to meet the narcissist’s needs. They will take
advantage of others without guilt or shame. They do not think about how their actions affect
others, leaving their victims feeling unloved and uncared for.

The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of highs and lows in which the narcissist confuses
their partner through manipulation and calculated behaviors aimed at making their partner
question themselves. Each phase in the cycle works in tandem with the other in order to keep
someone entangled in the narcissist’s web.

Narcissists tend to deflect all their feelings onto others because of the pain they feel about
their own feelings. They too may have had narcissist caregivers or parents, or experienced
some kind of abuse or traumatic event which shaped their upbringing. However, this is not an
excuse for the emotional and/or physical abuse inflicted on their victims.

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse has both short and long-term effects no matter how long or short the
involvement. This type of control and manipulation is slow, subtle, and deliberate.
While narcissistic abuse syndrome is not a diagnosable disorder, the symptoms of the
emotional pain can leave you feeling disconnected and confused.

Narcissistic abuse is a form of trauma, and the body internalizes and reacts to stress and
trauma in many ways. You may experience body aches, headaches, and digestive problems
from feeling on edge. In addition to stress on the body, the brain is affected too.

You may experience a wide range of issues after surviving narcissistic abuse, including:

 Cognitive difficulties including confusion, hypervigilance, or intrusive thoughts

 Behavioral issues including withdrawal, increase in alcohol or substance
consumption, or a change in communication
 Emotional problems like fear, guilt, or irritability
 Depression
 Anxiety

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

 Work through denial, guilt and shame.
 Process the grief of ending the relationship
 Challenge your negative thoughts and feelings
 Deal with depression, anxiety, or other mental health symptoms
 Reclaim your identity
 Forgive yourself
 Understand your feelings
 Build new coping skills
 Tell others about the abuse
 Fight the urge to contact or get back with the abuser
 Overcome self-harming behaviors