Sexting Guide
Sexting Guide
Sexting Guide
We wrote this handbook for teens because we know that sexting can be a hard topic to navigate, plus,
adults are panicking about teens’ sexting. So what’s the big deal? Some teens think sexting is horrible,
stupid, and sure to ruin your future. Others don’t get what the fuss is all about. So which is it -- and
what do you really need to know about sexting?
“Knowledge is power”
Amanda Michelle Todd
(November 27, 1996 - October 10, 2012)
My daughter, Amanda Michelle Todd, took her life at the age of 15. It all
started with a topless photo. She didn’t know the person at the other end
of her computer was taking a picture. She didn’t know that he was showing it
to other men. Then she started to get blackmailed into showing more of herself
via her webcam. And if she didn’t, then her image would be sent throughout
the Internet. What Amanda didn’t do was tell an adult that this was happening
to her. She kept it to herself. This
image and what happened thereafter
was the start to the emotional breakdown of Amanda. The loss of
her confidence, her spirit and her friends. The embarrassment that followed was unbearable as was
the name-calling, the slutshaming and the bullying online and offline that occurred. Eventually Amanda
retreated into a shell, not being able to re-emerge as the girl she once was. As a parent and Amanda’s
mother, it is important to me that young people understand what can happen online and also how to
protect themselves online …
… We need to always tell our young people that it is okay to admit to making a mistake and then also
to support them in talking to an adult. This action is so very important before things escalate. We all
need to remember that making mistakes is normal and a part of growing up. The teen
years is when a lot of these happen. Also that these experiences become learning experiences for the
future years...
What is your gut reaction? Why do you think Amanda showed her breasts via a webcam? What do you
think prevented Amanda from seeking help or support when the situation started spiraling out of control?
What would you have done in this situation if you were Amanda’s friend? What if you were Amanda
herself?
Most sexting is deliberate, meaning that the person who sent it meant for it to be sent. The sender will
pose or act in a sexual way and make a direct effort to send it to the person they want to see it, usually
a boyfriend or a girlfriend. There are plenty of risks with deliberate sexting, and we’ll get to those soon.
But sometimes it isn’t deliberate -- as in Amanda Todd’s case, when she didn’t know the pictures
were being taken and saved. In these cases, when
the sexts happen accidentally, the larger
consequences and privacy issues really come to the surface.
The media has been full of stories of leaked personal photos of celebrities, such as the iCloud incident
where actresses including Jennifer Lawrence and Kirsten Dunst had their images hacked and posted
onto 4chan. Another example is the “Snappening,” where a third-party app hosting thousands of
Snapchat images was hacked and the pictures were released. Many of the hacked snaps were nude or
risque’ images of teenagers that were then re-posted onto sites such as Facebook and Tumblr.
It’s fair to say that sexting has become a part of our everyday pop culture. We see references
in popular culture such as the 2014 “comedy” film Sex Tape starring Cameron Diaz or the song Dirty
Picture by Taio Cruz and Kesha. Although
the media tends to normalize sexting and minimize
the consequences, we want to make sure you know that sexting is not “no big deal” --
and the aftermath is far from normal or desirable.
Revenge Porn
Aside from deliberate vs. accidental texting, we also want to separate both from another, even more
concerning kind of issue: revenge porn. “Revenge
porn” describes the act of sending out
another person’s nude pictures and/or videos of the person naked and/or involved in
a sexual activity as a way to get revenge or
express anger. Think: A couple breaks up, and
an angry ex decides to release, send, post, or share What are the consequences of oversharing
online? Check out Common Sense
sexual content to humiliate the other person. In some
Education’s Oops! I Broadcast It on the
cases of sexting, the major issue is whether or not
Internet lesson.
you’re a minor -- meaning that adults who engage in
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
the same behavior might not get in trouble. In other educators/lesson/oops-i-broadcast-it-inter-
cases, such as revenge porn, it’s
a HUGE issue net-6-8
and not ok, no matter who or how old you
are. Around the world, governments are starting to
take action and consider revenge porn a criminal
activity that can land you in jail.
In your parents’ younger years, the embarrassing stuff they did was rarely seen by anyone else. Today,
with mobile phones and the Web, that scenario has changed. The World Wide Web means the potential
of a huge audience, and, of course, if a photo is uploaded and shared, it can be online forever. Pretty
scary thought that something you did at age 14 can potentially affect your life 5, 10, or
15 years down the road.
“Estimates varied considerably depending on the nature of the images or videos and the role of
the youth involved. Two and one-half percent of youth had appeared in or created nude or nearly
nude pictures or videos. However, this percentage is reduced to 1.0 percent when the
definition is restricted to only include images that were sexually explicit (i.e., showed
naked breasts, genitals, or bottoms). Of the youth who participated in the survey, 7.1% said they had
received nude or nearly nude images of others; 5.9% of youth reported receiving sexually explicit
images. Few youth distributed these images.”
So we can say, based on real data, that no matter how it might feel, it’s just not the case that everyone
else is sexting.
You hope you can trust the person you text. But do you need to send them
pictures of your body in the first place? If someone is pressuring or guilt-tripping you, is it someone you
can really trust? Honestly, a good partner is someone who will accept your answer without question if you
find the courage to say, “No, thanks.
Even if you decide you totally trust the person, it’s worth it to really think about a few “what if’s” …
What if the recipient loses his or her phone?
What if a friend scrolls through his or her messages and sees it?
What if a parent checks the recipient’s phone and sees it?
What if the recipient changes his or her mind?
What if the relationship circumstances change?
What if you want to say no, but you just feel So. Much. Pressure? It’s totally normal to want to be
liked and be accepted -- whether it’s by your friends, your crush, or just a group of people you like
hanging out with. For
some people, the pressure to sext isn’t even coming from the person
on the receiving end of the nude photos; it’s a more complicated kind of pressure
coming from all around. For guys, it might be the pressure to have girls sending you photos to prove
to friends that girls are basically throwing themselves at you. For girls, it might be the pressure not to
seem like a “prude” or even just the pressure to look or act like your friends do. We know the reality is
that you may know sexting isn’t the wisest decision, but the short-term consequences (like how you’re
going to say “no” to the guy or girl you like or how you’re going to deal with your friends taunting you)
can feel much more stressful than the longer-term potential risk that the photo is leaked. But trust us:
If the photo is leaked, it’s much, much worse than being called “lame.” It can ruin people’s
lives. So, we want to arm you with a few tips for how you can navigate sticky situations without giving into
the pressure.
1. Use humor. Using a lighthearted response, such as referencing the latest star tabloids drama
and telling them, “I wouldn't mind striving for Jennifer Lawrence's freebies, great wardrobe, and chill
attitude, but getting involved in an accidental leak of nude photos is one thing I don't really want to have
in common.”
2. Keep it offline. There's a difference between online and offline, and someone’s argument may be
that they have already seen you exposed offline, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. Remind them that you like
to have control over who sees your image and how they see it.
3. Don't fall for “I'll show you mine if you show me yours.” We want to be perfectly
honest about something: There is a really ugly double standard. The consequences for girls of
sharing naked pictures can be way worse than the consequences for boys. So, it's not really an even
trade. Also, plentyof teens say they will find a picture online or send someone else's and
pretend it’s their own. So if you're sending your own picture, you might not even realize you're taking
a much bigger risk than the person on the other end of the conversation.
Devices such as smartphones, tablets, or personal Ready to set the example of how can you
respect the privacy of others online? Take a
computers nowadays allow for easy screen
look at Common Sense Education’s Private
capturing. Even if a snapchat is disappearing,
Today, Public Tomorrow lesson.
someone can capture it with a quick click or two https://www.commonsensemedia.org/edu-
before it goes “poof” and disappears. So where cators/lesson/private-today-public-tomor-
could your picture be? row-9-12
Webcam sharing sites also can cause problems when people record your actions. Sites such as
Omegle and Chat Roulette often attract criminal behaviors due to their anonymity. Sometimes these
“anonymous” services encourage people to be more adventurous and risky, but being online is
never completely anonymous. It only takes screen or webcam capturing software to allow a copy
to be made, thus making that private incident all of a sudden not so private.
Cloud storage sites such as iCloud, OneDrive, GoogleDrive, or Dropbox allow server space for people
to store material, such as images, virtually. Other users, with permission, then can access the files.
Once again, it is difficult to know where your content actually sits and where the cloud servers are
based. Those that are based outside of the United States often don’t have the same laws about personal
data, and your content could be sold and shared with other networks globally.
First off, are you ok? You don’t have to shoulder this alone. Find
a trusted person to support
you right now: an older sibling, a family member, a teacher, or a coach. You choose.
Check out the list of some organizations that can help on the next page.
If you’ve sent something directly to someone’s cell phone and then had second thoughts, you
need
to have an honest conversation with them as soon as possible to get them to delete
it.
School
You might want to consider telling someone at school, as your welfare is their no. 1 concern. Trained
staff have access to a whole range of help. Reach out to someone you feel comfortable confiding in
such as a school counselor, a teacher, or a coach. It will be much more effective dealing with this
together than on your own.
Local police
Police sometimes are involved if an incident involves the well-being of minors. However, they are also
trained to support before, as well as after, something occurs.
There are lots of places you can go to for support and advice. Consider who is the best person to
support you. It
could be a trusted adult from a youth club, job, sports team, or faith-based
organization. Anyone who is trained to support young people should have some ideas for you.
Whether it makes sense or not, those who that consensually share intimate photographs of minors
with one another face the same punishment as those who maliciously send naked pictures of minors.
Even those who receive the picture of a minor, even without asking to see it, can be
prosecuted. That could mean being charged with a misdemeanor or worse. One could face felony
charges, prison time, and mandatory sex-offender registration. So it is important to ask yourself, is it
really worth it? Do I want to take that chance?
So before you post, tweet, text, or press that send button, take a mo-
ment and think:
Could this photo get me in trouble?
Could this get my partner or friend in trouble?
Is this photo going to cause drama?
Am I aware that anyone can share it?
Would I be ok with my grandma seeing it?
A year from now, will I feel good about sharing this image?
Rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t want your grandmother seeing something, don’t post,
share or take it!
,
If you find anything offensive or require anything to be removed, report it to the hosting site immediately.
Remember, the image will need to break the site’s terms and conditions. If it is a naked or semi-naked
image of you, the legal implications will mean that the site host is likely to remove it quickly.
Not sure exactly how to take down those embarrassing or inappropriate photos? Take a look at this
infographic from Who Is Hosting This on How to Remove Your Embarrassing Photos from Social Media:
http://www.whoishostingthis.com/blog/2014/09/16/remove-photos/
Increase and curate your positive online presence ... If you feel as though your online presence is not
what you want it to be at the moment, proactively create a positive online presence that, over time, may
overshadow those past online mistakes. Think before you post. Take a moment to imagine those
“what if’s” to determine whether that post or that text is really worth it.
It is also important to understand how you can change or remove content that you have posted. That
profile pic of you in your underwear was funny at the time, but now you’ve changed your
mind. While you can’t be sure if others have saved it or if copies will live on in other servers, taking it
down is a really important and valuable step.
The South West Grid for Learning Trust is a not for profit, charitable trust company, providing
schools and many other educational establishments throughout the United Kingdom with safe, secure,
and reliable broadband Internet connectivity; broadband-enabled learning resources and services; and
help, support, and advice on using the Internet safely. Find more resources at www.swgfl.org.uk.
Common Sense Education is the nation’s leading independent non-profit organization dedicated
to empowering kids to thrive in a world of media and technology. Familes, educators, and policy makers
turn to Common Sense for unbiased information and trusted advice to help them learn how to harness
the positive power of media and technology for all kids. Find more resources at
www.commonsensemedia.org/educators.