Hold You Accountable| ✓

Hold You Accountable [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

ʜᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴄᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴀʙʟᴇ

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No copy of this story should be posted in any other site without the author's
authorization or without putting the proper credit. Story belongs to Alluringli of
Wattpad. Do not copy.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and

incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a
fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual
events is purely coincidental.

Practice respect by not bringing the names of other characters from other authors
in this story. Also, please do not comment the names of my characters in the
stories of other authors.

Do not engage in any fight. If you do not agree with someone, please have a kind
discussion. Any rude and hostile behavior will lead to being muted.

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Started: May 21, 2020

Ended: July 8, 2020

ｓｅｎｉｏｒｓ ｓｅｒｉｅｓ [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

ｓｅｎｉｏｒｓ ｓｅｒｉｅｓ # 1

1# Hold You Accountable

(STEM & ABM)

2# Cost of Taste
(ABM & TVL- Cookery)

3# Pursuing Our Freedom

(STEM & HUMSS)

4# Embrace Your Assets

(ABM & ABM)

5# Bits of Chemistry
(STEM & STEM)

You can read in any order because the stories may stand alone on their own.
(All stories contain spoilers for the other books.)

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COMPLETE

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This story might contain loopholes, typographical, grammatical errors that will be
edited once I have found an available time. Thank you for your kind understanding!

CONTENT WARNING:
This might contain strong languages and explicit situations. Reader discretion is
advised. Trigger warnings may be included as this story will tackle about the
mental health of some SHS students.

Thank you.

All my love,
Li

Panimula [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Panimula

"Bakit ka nga ulit nag-ABM?" tanong ni Clary bago uminom sa cokefloat niya.

It made me stopped from my tracks. Ilang ulit kong nilista sa utak ko kung ano ba
dapat ang sagot sa tanong niya.
I contemplated what's the right answer for her question. It is because it's align
to my future course in college or it had the highest result in my NCAE?

"Gusto ko yumaman."

I decided to just leave it like that. Hindi naman ito masama. What's wrong with
wanting to be rich?

Nabulunan si Clary sa sinabi ko. I shrugged my shoulders.

It was the truth.

When we had our career fair at school, isa sa mga natandaan ko na sinabi ng speaker
ay kung gusto namin yumaman ang kunin namin ay Accountancy, Business and Management
or ABM.

Sino bang hindi gustong yumaman?

The speaker from the career fair told us that ABM is the strand of the rich mainly
because it covers the business sector. Malamang nandito ang mga bigating pangalan
na nasa mga pahina ng Forbes.

Humanga na ako sa strand na 'yon simula noon. I wanted to be rich. I was studying
twice as much because I wanted to be rich enough so that my parents won't need to
work anymore.

I was no hypocrite. Money is the thing that makes the world round. Kaya naman mas
gugustuhin kong mag-aral tungkol dito.

She bit the straw on her drink before commenting.

"Di ka man lang nagpanggap, ano? Pwede mo naman sabihin na pangarap mong maging
CPA."

Tumingin ako sa kanya, a smirk appearing on my face.

"Pangarap kong maging CPA kasi malaki sweldo nila."

Besides, the CPA beside your name is really enticing. Masarap sa pakiramdam kapag
may ikakabit sa pangalan mo na CPA. It makes everything worth it.

"Huwag mo na nga lang akong kausapin." Umirap siya sa akin.

Nagpatuloy na lang kami sa pagbili ng mga gamit. We were told to get everything we
might need for Senior Highschool. Wala namang guide o ano dahil bago lang din naman
ito sa pilipinas. Umaasa lang kami galing sa mga kakilala at facebook pages tungkol
sa SHS.

Nasa National Bookstore kami ngayon, inaaliw ang sarili sa pagpili ng mga notebooks
at ballpen. I decided to settle with a small amount of notebooks and pens. Ayoko
sana pangunahan pero ayoko naman pumasok nang walang sandata.

I have a week before the first day of school. Grade 11 na ako sa pasukan at lumipat
ako sa ibang school dahil wala pang Senior Highschool sa dati kong eskwelahan.

It was tough to convince my parents to let me transfer to the prestigious

University of Jeanne D'Arc. It was an international school that's renowned for
their good facilities and teaching methods. I also tried other universities, pero
malalayo na ito sa amin. Hindi rin talaga papayag ang mga magulang ko na mas maging
malayo pa.

I had to graduate with honors if I wanted to transfer to a University. Wala kasing

malapit na University sa bahay namin kaya sa mata nila Mama at Papa ang hassle na
mag-University pa ako.

I was persistent though so I offered them a bargain. Kapag honors ako ay papayagan
nila akong makitira kina Tita Clara na kapatid ni Mama.

Tita Clara lives in a house near UJD. Kinuha ko na itong sign na sa eskwelahan na
'yon talaga ako mag-aaral.

Kaya ngayon ay kasama ko si Clary na anak ni Tita Clara na bumili ng mga kailangan
namin para sa pasukan.

Sa totoo lang, wala pa naman talagang kailangan. We just bought some pens, yellow
pad and a few notebooks. Binilin kasi ng Kuya ni Clary na huwag daw masyadong
bumili ng mga gamit dahil depende raw talaga sa Prof kung magpapasulat sila ng
notes o hindi.

Laptop daw talaga ang puhunan sa Senior Highschool.

Tinanong ko kung bakit pero ang sagot lang sa akin ng Kuya ni Clary ay basta habang
mukhang constipated. Ayaw na 'yata balikan ang alaala ng Senior Highschool niya.

Mabilis ang paglipas ng isang linggo. Ganun naman talaga kapag malapit na ang
pasukan --- bumibilis ang oras.

The school was too good to be true. Para akong nasa ibang bansa nang mapunta ako sa
school grounds. Tall trees, an open field, and gigantic buildings welcomed us as we
took a stroll inside of it.
Napatingin ako sa uniporme namin. A plain white polo shirt and a plaid pencil skirt
that's below our knee. Inayos ko ang ribbon ko na nagsisilbing necktie dahil
tumabingi ito.

"Gusto mo samahan kita? Tanungin natin kung saan 'yung room ng ABM 1?" Clary
offered.

Umiling ako sa kanya. The offer was tempting because I was shock to see how vast
the school grounds were. Alam kong may kamahalan ang tuition fee pero hindi ko
inasahan na binawi talaga nila lahat sa facilities pa lang.

Lumingon ako kay Clary, she has concern written all over her face.

"You'll be late. Mas maaga ang start ng klase mo sa akin." I told her as I
pretended to look at my watch. Basta ang alam ko mas maaga ang start ng klase ng
GAS o general academic strand.

"Pero —" she looked worried but I decided to cut her off.

"Kaya ko na, okay? Alam mo na classroom mo 'di ba? Puntahan mo na." I smiled at
her.

She also gave a small smile before departing from my side. Natanaw ko siyang
papunta sa direksyon ng building na sa tingin ko ay building para sa GAS.

Pumunta siya sa isang sulok kung saan may grupo ng mga babae na kanina pa
nakatingin sa kanya. Kaagad siyang niyakap ng mga ito nang lumapit siya.

I knew it.

She already has friends here.

Good for her.

I went on my own way but I was clueless on where should I go.

I stomped my feet impatiently as the realization hits me that I'm just encircling
around the school grounds. Paulit-ulit na lamang ang mga nakikita ko.

Hindi pa nakatulong na ang laki ng University of Jeanne D'Arc. Dapat may kasamang
mapa 'yung matriculation namin e!
I bit my lip in frustration. Akala ko kasi ay hanggang dulo ay kasama ko si Clary
kaya hindi na ako nag-atubili pang ipagsawalang bahala kung saan ang room ko. I was
too preoccupied with fixing my things that I forgot to know the direction of my
room.

Napasapo ako sa aking noo. Ghad, Zafirah! You're so bad with directions!

"Dude, ABM ka 'di ba?"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang maki-tsismis sa mga kalalakihan sa likod ko. Medyo umawang
ang labi ko dahil mukha silang mga modelo. My eyes widened because this is such a
sight! Hindi naman ako mahilig sa mga gwapo pero ang aga naman 'yatang blessing
ito. It was probably because this school is allowing foreign students to be
enrolled.

I immediately shook my head. I have no time to idle. Ilang minuto na lang ay late
na ako!

I had no choice but to follow them. I'm assuming they're also ABM since one of them
talked about it. May pagdududa pero wala naman akong mapapala kung tutunganga ako
rito.

Wala naman sigurong masama kung makiki-bandwagon ako sa paghanap ng room, 'di ba?

They walked towards a building so I furtively followed them, even pretending that
I'm reading from my phone. Sinusundan ko lamang ang tunog ng kanilang mga hakbang
patungo sa isang kwarto.

Dama ko na agad ang lamig sa loob ng kanilang kwarto dahil sa nakikita kong moist
sa salamin na bintana. My hunch was only proven when they opened the door because I
felt the coldness of the room.

Mas lalo akong natuwa nang may makita akong 1 sa gilid ng pintuan. This is probably
the room!

They went inside a room where the windows were glass. All of the students inside
were already interacting with each other.

Ganito na ba ako ka-late? Lahat sila close na?

Nagsisi tuloy ako na 'yung sirang relo ko 'yung ginamit ko ngayon. Ginamit ko lang
kasi ito pang-display.

I also went inside, sumilip muna ako at unti-unting pumasok nang mapansin na
mukhang hindi pa naman sobrang late.
Umupo ako sa pinaka-malapit sa pintuan. Sa kabilang banda kasi nakalagay 'yung
aircon, I didn't bring any jacket so I didn't want to freeze to death.

I roam around my eyes and saw how everyone almost knew each other. The power of
social media, I guess? Pero wala pa naman akong nasasalihan na groupchat o kung ano
man.

May katabi akong naka-hoodie at gumagamit ng cellphone. Naramdaman niya 'yatang

nakatingin ako sa kanya kaya lumingon siya sa akin.

"Yes?" he tilted his head to my side. His voice sounded like he was bored. Hindi pa
nakatulong na halata sa kan'yang dila ang pagiging bihasa sa ingles.

My throat felt dry making me gulped my own saliva. I turned to his side and
eventually decided to talk to him.

"Wala. Medyo kinakabahan lang ako kasi akala ko late na ako." I tried forming a
small talk.

Hindi siya agad sumagot, the pause from him only made me more nervous. Pinatay niya
ang cellphone n'ya at sumagot sa isang mababang tono.

"Not really, there's a few minutes before homeroom." He said, shrugging.

Tinanggal niya ang hoodie niya kaya naman nakita ko na ang buong mukha niya. He has
thick eyebrows, pointed nose, and a fair skin without any flaws. His chestnut brown
hair looks like it was wax but it's probably not. He looks foreign though, parang
may half?

Natulala na lamang ako. Ghad, wala po sa plano ko ang lumandi ngayong school year.
Balak ko sana ay kapag nasa college na ako para mas matured na kami! Pero kung
ganito ba naman ang magiging kaklase ko, sino ako para tumanggi?

I held on my forehead thinking about the dilemma that I'm currently in. Ayoko
magka-crush ngayong school year dahil balak ko talagang maging valedictorian! I
know love is just a distraction from studies! So, it's definitely a no!

Pero bakit kasi ang gwapo nito?

Bakit ako napapalibutan ng mga gwapo? Requirement ba 'to sa school na 'to?

I swallowed hard, again. Have you been a 'bida-bida' before just because someone
has caught your attention? Well, currently I'm sweating like crazy because this guy
is too good looking for his own good.
"Hey, I'll share something." I said, out of no where.

I'll try to befriend him. Siguro naman mawawala na ang nabubuong paghanga ko kung
magiging kaibigan ko siya. Matutuldukan na ito na hanggang kaibigan lang. I'm too
centralized on academics, I couldn't really afford romantic love right now.

He looks at me, lifting one of his eyebrows. A look of confusion was evident in the
way his brow was raise.

"What?"

I chuckled before giving a small smile.

"Nag-basa ako ng iilang bagay pagdating sa accounting. Just some basic things to
know," sabi ko at nakita ko naman na nakikinig siya sa akin.

I think this is a bad idea. He looks hotter when he's serious. Nasaan naman ang
hustisya roon?

I continued.

"Ang mga accounts na nasa debit ay assets, expenses at drawings. Sa credit naman
ang liabilities, income at capital. Syempre depende pa rin siya sa transanction
pero 'yun 'yong normal balance nila. I just wanna share it to you 'cause maybe you
also have a few tips?"

I saw how his lips rose in amusement.

Bigla siyang ngumisi, he was obviously bemused for some reason. Nalaglag lamang ang
kanyang ngisi nang lumapit siya sa aking mukha.

In a serious tone, he asked me.

"Bakit mo ako tinuturuan ng accounting?"

I arched an eyebrow.

"Well, I just want to give you a heads up. It could help you in the future.
Obviously, pag-aaralan natin 'yon."

I blushed in embarrassment. Baka akala niya ay nagmamagaling ako? I just want us to

talk about something! Ilang linggo na kaya ako naga-advance reading sa mga subjects
ng senior highschool.
Siya na nga binibigyan ng kaalaman, ayaw niya pa? Choosy siya porke't yummy?

The side of his lips moved upward. Parang pinipigilan niya ang sarili na ngumiti.

He lumbered down on his seat and he lazily move his eyesight on me.

"Want to talk about Pre Cal?"

Pre Cal? Pre Calculus? That's not for ABM.

"Why would we talk about Pre Cal? ABM naman tayo, that's for STEM." I said,
confidently.

The amusement reappeared on his face.

"Ikaw lang ABM dito, STEM kami."

There was a mocking smile on his face.

"What?" Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

"You're in the wrong room, Miss. STEM 1 'to, you've been sitting on the wrong room
for a while now."

Umawang ang labi ko. Ilang beses akong kumurap-kurap dahil baka nabingi lang ako.

Wrong room? That's so cliché for a first day! Pero maaaring mangyari nga dahil
hinulaan ko lang naman ang room number ko.

Ghad, bakit kasi iniwan ko kay Clary 'yung mga dapat tandaan? I was too excited
that I forgot this piece of information!

Napatayo kaagad ako. Heat slowly rising on my cheeks.

Ang layo ng Accountancy, Business and Management sa Science, Technology,

Engineering and Mathematics!

His eyes followed me but his mockery was still on his face. Hinahawakan pa nga niya
ang labi niya na tila hindi makapaghintay na tumawa sa susunod kong gagawin.
The nerve of this guy! Kinasusuklaman kong sinabihan ko siya ng gwapo!

Hindi na talaga ako magkaka-gusto sa mga ganitong klaseng mukha!

Studies first na talaga ako! Hanggang college! Hanggang magka-trabaho! Nakakainis!

"Hey," tawag ko sa isang lalaki na nakaupo sa desk niya. He seems the friendliest
here.

"Po?" He turned to me.

"Anong strand 'to?"

The guy looks around before answering.

"STEM 1 po."

He wasn't lying!

Naramdaman ko ang pagtaas ng dugo ko sa mukha ko. Ghad! Nakakahiya!

In my last attempt to save face, I gulped as I was preparing my things before going
out.

"CR lang ako saglit," sabi ko sabay kuha ng bag at kaagad na lumabas.

He chuckled. Damn him!

"Ingat ka, baka maligaw ka ulit." That annoying voice!

Hindi na ako nagpahuli sa kanila. From my peripheral view, nakita ko na halos lahat
ng mga nasa STEM 1 ay nagtatawanan.

Nakakahiya talaga!

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 1 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 1
"Dora!"

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang may tumawag saakin sa pangalang hindi ko alam
saang lupalop ng mundo nila nakuha.

Binatuhan ko ito nang masamang tingin.

"Loko talaga 'yung mga STEM 1 'no? Hanggang ngayon Dora pa rin tawag nila sa'yo."
Bea said while I frowned.

Akala ko tatantanan na nila ako pagkatapos ng pangyayari na 'yon. Pero hanggang

ngayon ay tinatawag nila akong Dora dahil explore raw ako nang explore.

Hindi ba sila maka-move on? Matatapos na ang first semester pero gano'n pa rin ang
tawag nila sa akin!

"Sana nahanap mo na si The Map!" nagtawanan pa ang mga tangkay.

"Duda ko 'yung lalaking nakatabi ko 'yung may pakana e," I sighed and continued our
walk to our classroom.

"Zafi, kilala mo na ba 'yun?" Bea asked, pertaining to the guy I sat beside with.

Umiling ako. "Hindi pa at wala akong balak kilalanin dahil baka ma-stress lang
ako."

Katatapos lang ng lunchbreak at paakyat na kami ni Bea sa room namin. I can't

believe that I got lost during the first day. Ang lapit lang pala ng room ng ABM 1!
The buildings were also named after famous figures in their respective fields. Pero
madalas ay sa strand na lamang ito tinatawag.

When we were in front of the door, I noticed my classmates laughing with each
other. Nakikita ito dahil gawa sa salamin ang mga bintana sa school namin.

Nakapaskil sa harap ng pinto namin ang schedule namin. Para sa first semester, puro
lang kami core subjects. Bale, ang core subjects ay mga subjects na required kunin
ng lahat ng strand.

I thought Senior High will look like college but so far it still looks like it's
highschool. Nakakapanibago lamang ang mga subjects at pagkakaroon ng iba't ibang
strand pero halos highschool pa rin naman talaga siya. The subjects or courses as
they prefer to say are just a lot harder.

Pagkabukas ko pa lang ng pinto, rinig na rinig ko na kaagad ang maiingay kong mga
kaklase. Contrary to popular belief, maingay sila dahil nagkukulitan at hindi lang
dahil sa acads.

Lahat kasi ng ibang sections, ang tingin sa ABM 1 ay seryoso at matatalino.

I rolled my eyes because that's far from the truth.

Napaka-fake news.

Mababait naman mga kaklase ko pero competitive nga lang sila. I find that good
actually because I was competitive myself.

Iba naman kasi talaga kapag Senior highschool ka na. Hindi ka na pwede magpetiks-
petiks dahil may mga college schools na bumabatay sa performance mo sa senior high.

It is, after all, a preparatory step for college. You'll see here if you're really
inclined for your future career. I was really hoping that accounting is for me.
Gusto ko talaga maging-CPA.

I'm not smart like I was born with an IQ that matches with Eistein. Pero masipag
ako mag-aral at nataguyod ko naman ang mga grades ko noon hanggang ngayon gamit
lamang ng pagsisikap.

If you don't know it then know it. Sinanay ko ang sarili ko na palaging mag-aral
kahit walang exam. Hindi ako nadadaan sa stock knowledge. Aanuhin mo ang stock
knowledge kung wala ka namang knowledge in the first place?

"Anong sunod na subject?" tanong ko kay Bea.

I opened my phone to check it because my lockscreen was our schedule. It's really
helpful in Senior Highschool when you know your sched.

Hindi tulad ng highschool- sobrang gulo ng pagkakaayos ng mga subjects sa Senior

High. Hindi pa nakakatulong na minsan double period ang ibang subjects.

Media and Information Literacy pala. We sometimes just call it MIL as an acronym.

"MIL," sabi ni Bea at nilabas ang notebook niya para hindi na hassle pagdating ng
Prof namin.

Dumating na si Ms. Frias, she's actually a fresh graduate kaya medyo ka-vibes niya
kami. Binati namin siya at umupo na kami sa mga upuan namin.

"So, remember the groupings we had last time? I want you guys to go to your group
and we'll discuss our next performance task." Ms. Frias announced.
We did what she told us to do. Mabuti na lang at medyo close ko 'yung mga ka-grupo
ko kaya naman sa tingin ko magiging madali lang saamin 'yung gagawin.

"Yes! Kagrupo ko kayo!" Melanie squealed and immediately went beside Bea.

Ngitinian lang siya ni Bea.

"Our performance task will be..." may isinulat si Ms. Frias sa whiteboard.

Film making.

Halu-halo ang reaksyon sa loob ng classroom namin. May mga natuwa at meron namang
hindi dahil masyado itong magawa.

Ms. Frias explained that we had to make a film about a topic that is relevant in
our generation. Since MIL ang subject namin, we'll have to also upload it to get
insights from others. Pwede raw tungkol sa LGBTQ+, depression, teenage pregnancy, o
kahit anong napapansin namin sa panahon ngayon.

"Buti na lang kagrupo natin si Adren! May lugar na kaagad tayo!"

Everyone got what Gio's implying. Adren is probably the richest person in our
class. Ibig sabihin kung meron man kaming shooting place, malamang sa mansion nila
'yon.

"No prob, dude." Adren smiled, nakarinig tuloy ako ng mga hagikgik ng mga kaklase
kong babae.

"About the place, class. Unfortunately, you can't film outside the school." sabi ni
Ms. Frias.

Nalaglag ang panga ko.

There were violent reactions everywhere. Kahit ako ay nagulat sa sinabi niya.

"Ma'am paano 'yon?!"

"Ma'am, ano 'yon? Paano kapag teenage pregnancy? Sa school sila gagawa ng bata?!"

"Ma'am, ang pangit naman no'n! Hindi magiging realistic 'yung film!"
"You have to be resourceful. Marami namang shooting places sa school."

That didn't help at all.

Kaya naman nung nag-brainstorming kami. Nag-isip kami ng topic na hindi masyadong
lalayo ang lugar sa school. We decided bullying will be the topic for our film.

The director appointed me as the head of props. Hinati-hati kasi namin 'yung mga
gawain para mas madali.

Kinabukasan kaagad ay naisipan na namin magsimula ng shooting. We had 2 weeks to do

the film, gusto namin matapos kaagad para hindi sumabay sa ibang subjects.

"Evergreen garden daw 'yung first scene," Paulene informed me. Kasama ko siya sa
propsmen.

"Oy nandoon si crush!" hagikgik ni Melanie.

"Paano mo naman nalaman?" Bea raised an eyebrow.

"Nararamdaman lang ng radar ko!"

Si Melanie ang pinaka-excited sa amin kasi malapit daw ang room ng crush niya sa
evergreen garden.

Sana lahat kasing excited niya.

"Okay ka lang?" tanong ni Bea habang bitbit namin 'yung mga gagamitin na props.

"Yup," pilit ang ngiti ko kay Bea. She's always observant. Akala mo tahimik lang
siya sa gilid hindi mo alam napapansin niya na pala 'yung nararamdaman mo.

Sinong magiging okay kung 'yung shooting place namin malapit lang sa room ng STEM
1?

Ang evergreen garden kasi ang daanan papunta sa building ng STEM. Bale, teritoryo
'yon ng mga tangkay.

Hindi naman siguro kami magkakasalubong. What are the chances we'll meet there? I
hope it's close to none.

Nang makaraming kami sa shooting place. Inaayusan na si Heranie at LJ, ang mga bida
sa pelikula na gagawin namin.
Pero nakita ko si Gio na mukhang problemado. May kausap siya na isang grupo.
Naningkit kaagad ang mga mata ko nang makita ko ang isang pamilyar na mukha.

Oh ghad, just no.

Napako 'yata ako sa kinatatayuan ko. His familiar face seems unfazed, he was
looking over Gio who was talking to his group of classmates.

That prick. Hindi niya alam kung gaano ako ka-iwas sa building ng STEM dahil ayaw
ko siyang makita!

He was sporting the same outfit when I first saw him. A neat uniform with a hoodie.
Ibang kulay nga lang ang hoodie na gamit niya ngayon. May hawak siyang DLSR na
camera.

Don't tell me...

Lumapit ako kay Gio para makumpirma ang hinala ko.

"Sorry, hindi kami aware na kailangan pala muna ng permit bago makapag-shoot dito."
Gio was apologizing.

Anong permit?!

"Anong meron?" I asked. Napatingin tuloy saakin 'yung grupo na kausap ni Gio.

One of them was that guy. He was looking at me as if he was trying to remember who
I was.

When he did though, a smirk appeared on his face.

"Zafirah, kailangan pala muna ng permit para makapag-shoot dito. Marami raw kasing
gagamit ng lugar na 'to kaya nag-palagay sila ng permit para hindi magsabay-sabay
at hindi masira 'yung mga halaman," paliwanag ni Gio.

"Hindi ba pwede na gamitin natin kahit saglit lang? Nakapag-make up na kasi si LJ

at saka Heranie." Tinuro ko pa 'yung dalawang lead namin.

"Pwede naman, you can just use our permit—" sagot nung isang lalaki na agad kong
pinutol. Tiningnan ko naman ito at siya pala 'yung naka-hoodie. Awtomatikong uminit
ang ulo ko.
"Ikaw ba kausap ko? Bakit ka sumasagot?" nag-taas ako ng kilay.

O's can be heard from the group. Pero imbis na mainis, the guy looked amused.

"O puso mo, baka malaglag. Galit na 'yan?" he fired back.

"Ginawa ka ba ng Diyos para inisin ako?" I grimaced at him.

"Brave for you to say na ginawa ako ng Diyos para sa'yo," he said, hiding a smirk.

"Mag-Ex ba kayo? Bakit ganyan kayo mag-usap?" Gio asked, whispering to my ear.

"What the hell, Gio? Mukha ba akong papatol sa kanya?" I shamelessly pointed at the
guy.

Lalo lamang nagsi-tawanan 'yung mga tangkay.

"Grabe, basted na kaagad si Sarathiel! Payag ka no'n?"

"Okay lang 'yan, Sarathiel! Dami pa namang babae sa mundo na maiinis sa'yo,"

"ABM pala ang hangad ni Sarathiel kaya walang pinapansin na STEM."

I glared at Sarathiel. Ayon pala ang pangalan ng nakakainis nalalaking 'yon. An

angelic name for a demonic person!

"Well, here's the permit. Bigay niyo na lang sa amin 'yung permit niyo kapag
nakakuha na kayo." Sarathiel offered.

"Hindi na 'tol, nakakahiya —"

I decided to grab the permit from Sarathiel's hand. Pero sa sobrang pag-mamadali ko
ay pati kamay niya nahablot ko na rin.

My cheeks were flushed in red as I retrieved my hand.

"Permit lang po, hindi po ako kasama." Ayan na naman 'yung nakakalokong ngiti niya!

"Heh! Akin na nga. I-aabot na lang namin bukas 'yung permit namin. Thank you na
lang!"
I decided to drag Gio after we got the permit. Pagbalik namin sa mga kaklase namin,
alam kong napanood nila 'yung nangyari kanina at 'yung iba ay nakangiti na para
bang mga tanga.

“No, don't get me wrong...” I was going to explain but it already looks pointless
to do so.

"Sana all STEM." sabay-sabay nilang katyaw.

The hatred I buried for that STEM guy just got deeper.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 2 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 2

"Ikaw na mag-bigay nung permit," Gio said.

My mouth immediately crumpled into a scowl. Halos mapunit ko gamit ng titig ang
papel na nasa kamay ni Gio.

I let out a long sigh and arched an eyebrow at Gio.

"Hibang ka ba? Di ba nandoon ka nung muntik na akong mapatay ng lalaking 'yon sa

sama ng loob? Tapos ako pa magbabalik ng permit?"

Nakakuha na kami ng permit galing kay Ms. Frias kaya naman ibibigay na namin 'to sa
STEM 1 kapalit nung pinahiram nilang permit kahapon.

"Ikaw naman kumuha e," pagdadahilan ni Gio.

I wanted to refute him, pero may mga bumati kay Gio habang nasa hallway kami.
Tatakbo 'yata 'to bilang Mr.Congeniality sa dami ng kakilala niya. Partida ay sa
strand pa lang namin bukambibig na siya.

"Oy ako! Gusto ko mag-balik ng permit!"

Napangiti naman kaagad ako nang dumating si Melanie.

What a life saver! Dumadating talaga ang mga kaibigan mo kapag kailangan na
kailangan mo sila. Tuluran si Melanie, isang dakilang kaibigan!
"Sige, samahan mo si Zafi."

Napatingin ako kay Gio, staring daggers at him. He only shrugged his shoulders. Ito
naman 'yung mga kaibigan na masarap i-takwil.

"Hindi mo talaga ako tatantanan ano?"

Gio just smiled at me.

Wala akong nagawa kundi sundin ang utos niya. Kasama ko naman si Melay, medyo
makapal din mukha nito kaya kahit siya na lang siguro magbigay nung permit mismo.

Pakiramdam ko ay may bakal na tinali sa aking mga paa. Every step I took was
getting heavier as we slowly reached our destination. Pakiramdam ko ay may mga
kidlat pa nga sa paligid ko nang huminto kami sa harap ng room ng STEM 1.

The horror of facing one of the most embarassing things you've done in your life.

Nang makarating kami sa room ng STEM 1, nakita ko na may sino-solve sila sa

whiteboard. General Mathematics 'yata dahil halos pareho sa tinuturo saamin.

Nasa harap din si Sarathiel at nagsasagot. Medyo umawang ang bibig ko nang makita
na mabilis siyang nag-solve sa harap. Mukhang hindi lang ako ang na-amaze dahil
napatili si Melanie.

"Magaling ba talaga sila sa Math? Ang bilis naman niya mag-solve!" Melanie said in
awe.

Bumalik ako sa ulirat ko. So, what? GenMath lang naman 'yan. As long as you keep in
mind the positive and negative signs while solving with the proper formulas, you'll
manage it.

Habang tinatanaw namin ang mga tangkay na nagsasagot. Tiningnan ko ang isa sa mga
tanong doon.

It is a test use to determine if a function is one-to-one function.

The side of my lips lifted. That's easy.

Horizontal Line Test.

Nawili ako sa pagsagot ng iilang tanong na hindi kailangan i-solve.

It is the inverse of the exponential function.

That's Logarithmic Function for sure.

A function for which every element of the range corresponds to exactly one.

I smiled in satisfaction. Hindi pa rin pala ako kinakalawang sa General

Mathematics. The answer is One to one function.

Nakita ko na halos tama ang mga sinagot ko sa utak ko. I swear, GenMath is easy
when your Prof is good and also if you just keep on studying the gist of it.

“Magaling sila, Zafi 'no?” Melanie turned to me, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Tsamba lang 'yan, pakitang gilas." I scoffed.

Kumatok si Melanie sa pinto ng STEM 1. May nagbukas nito at sumilip 'yung isang
lalaki. A korean looking guy gave a smile upon seeing us.

Thank goodness, it was the friendly guy! Ito 'yung sumagot sa tanong ko nung first
day.

"Ano po 'yun?" the STEM guy asked.

"Ibabalik lang po namin 'yung permit," ngiting-ngiti si Melay. I couldn't blame

him, the guy's cute.

"Ah, sige po." He looked back and called for someone. "Sarathiel! Ibabalik na raw
'yung permit!"

My eyes widened as I slowly step behind Melanie. Hindi kami pwedeng magkita. Wala
akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanya! I can't help but stagger as I find a way to get
the hell out of here!

Pero hinawakan ako ni Melay sa aking braso. She looks at me as if telling me if I

choose to ditched her, she'll definitely get mad. Kaya nanatili ako. Ayoko rin kasi
siyang mag-tampo.

As we wait for the person to get the permit, I noticed that it was just the
students inside the room.

Ngayon ko lang napansin na wala silang Prof. Baka activity lang 'yung iniwan sa
kanila para gawin.
Halos nagdasal na ako sa lahat ng santo na sana hindi si Sarathiel 'yung kumuha ng
permit. I didn't want to see him. Nakakasira ng buhay 'yung pagmumukha niya!

I was silently hoping it was a different guy but when I saw the hoodie and how
lazily he put his hands on his pockets...I just knew it was him.

"Oh?" then came the devil. Nakapamulsa lang siya nang lumapit siya sa amin. I stole
a glance but reminded myself that he was the enemy.

Siguro kung hindi lang dahil sa ugali niya, matagal ko na siyang ginawang wallpaper
ng cellphone ko! Ang unfair kasi bakit ang gwapo nito?!

"Permit po," Si Melay 'yung nag-abot ng permit. Kinuha naman ito ni Sarathiel at
tumango.

Naramdaman ko na napatingin siya sa akin. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin.

Please let me peacefully walk out of here. Isa lamang po akong mabuting mag-aaral.
Ayoko na ulit makaalala ng katangahan ko.

I guess that's where the hate comes from. Buong buhay ko ay pinuri lamang ako, I
commit mistakes seldomly. Hindi rin ako natutuwa kapag pakiramdam ko ay natataasan
ako nang hindi naman deserving.

I work hard for whatever I have right now.

Sarathiel was the constant reminder that in the first day of my Senior Highschool,
I was already in the wrong direction. I was deeply chastened by the experience!
Simula noon ay hindi na ako umasa sa hula lang. It was embarassing that up until
now it makes me shudder by simply reminiscing about it.

Traydor ang mga mata ko dahil pumuslit ako ng tingin mula sa kanya.

I could feel my heart throbbing for some reason.

His stare was long and I could feel my cheeks heating because of how the way he
isn't taking his eyes off me. I heard him letting out a suppressed laugh.

"See you around," his voice. I swear there's something in his voice that annoys me
every time!

Para itong alarm clock na hindi mo naman ginawa! It's plain annoying!
I scoffed to myself and averted my gaze somewhere else.

See you never, kamo.

Nagmamadali akong umalis nang maibigay na namin. Halos habulin ako ni Melay dahil
malalaki ang hakbang ko.

Sana talaga huling pagkikita na namin 'yon!

Pero mas malakas 'yata talaga si Sarathiel sa langit. Sa sobrang lakas niya nga sa
mga santo sana nga kunin na siya ng mga ito e.

After two weeks, we finished our filming. Natapos na rin namin ang huling
performance task para sa 1st semester namin sa MIL.

Nagkaroon lang ng plot twist nang matapos na ang mga films na ginawa namin.

It was a sudden announcement that made us all shocked.

"So, the films that we made are entries for an award?" umawang ang bibig ni Bea.

May announcement kasi sa groupchat na lahat ng film na ginawa para sa MIL ay

gagawin pa lang activity para sa school. Isang red carpet event para sa lahat ng
mga napiling film.

We all gushed over when our film was selected. Syempre nalungkot kami dahil isang
film per section lang pero natuwa kami nang ang mapili ay 'yung film na ginawa
namin.

"Alam mo ba? Narinig ko sa ibang teachers na may potential daw na saatin 'yung
mapili as best film." pangt-tsismis ni Melanie.

"Pero maganda rin daw kasi 'yung sa STEM 1." Bea argued.

I can't really stand the comparison. Kaya naman pumagitna ako sa dalawa upang
magbigay ng komento.

"Mas maganda 'yung sa'tin."

I was sure of that. Hindi naman sa wala akong bilib sa STEM 1. Totoo namang
achiever din ang section nila pero mas maganda talaga 'yung film namin kasi kami
may gawa no'n e.
Duh.

Hindi lahat ay kasama sa red carpet event, may mga representative lang na sasama.
Ewan ko ba rito kay Gio at sinabi na kailangan daw nandoon ako. Head of props lang
naman ang role ko roon.

I shut my eyes tightly. Hindi 'yata talaga pwedeng hindi kami magkita. Pero sana
naman hindi siya representative para sa awarding. I can stand the presence of STEM
1 but Sarathiel was too much for me.

Is it because I find him attractive? Well, I'm not really into good looking guys. I
was more into guys who are intelligent. Aanuhin ko ang mukha mo kung ang grado mo
ay blangko?

I don't know if this justifies my thirst for achievements and high grades. Pero
noon pa man ay kilala na ako dahil hindi ako bumabagsak. Hindi ako nakakatanggap ng
pasang awa. I was that kind of girl who received good grades easily.

I'm hoping Senior Highschool will be like too. Masaya ako na hanggang ngayon ay
mukhang nasa tamang direksyon ako. I always get the highest mark on our quizzes and
I was known inside our room as the source of answers — that I won't tell them.
Mahirap kaya mag-review. Sabihan mo na ako na madamot basta hindi ko ibabahagi ang
mga pinaghirapan kong alamin.

Clary prepared things for me. Hindi kasi talaga ako kikay. She on the other hand
knows the current trends and she's always the one I can count on when it comes to
beauty.

Pinahiram ako ni Clary ng isang nude bodycon dress and it was sleeveless. Kinulot
pa niya ang buhok ko na hanggang siko. She applied light make-up on me.

"Kapag di ka pa talaga nakabingwit ng STEM nito," sabi niya habang nilalagyan ako
ng mascara.

I rolled my eyes at her statement. Excuse me? Wala akong pakialam sa mga tangkay na
'yon! I'm happily contented with ABM.

"Why are you guys so obsess with STEM? Ayaw niyo ba sa ABM? May Adren kami!"

Hindi naman tagtuyot sa mga gwapo ang ABM 'no! We have a freaking Reverio, one of
the most prominent students here in UJD. Ikaw ba naman mapasama sa angkan ng mga
kilalang business magnate.

"Oh gosh, type ko si Adren pero masyadong high class! Siya 'yung hinahatid sundo ng
isang BMW 'di ba?"
Well, she's right. Mabait at gwapo naman si Adren pero sobrang ibang level kasi
yaman no'n. Baka nga kapag na-stress 'yon sa school work, bilhin na lang niya bigla
'yung buong school e.

Mabuti na lang sa hapon ang ganap nung red carpet event. We had to be excuse from
our classes since we had to attend the said event. Sa auditorium ng UJD ginanap
'yung event.

LJ looked gorgeous in her sky blue dress and I wasn't expecting any less, siya kasi
ang muse namin sa ABM 1.

Heranie was looking good too. She was wearing a black cocktail dress and her hair
was curled. May kausap siyang ABM 2 pero hindi ko kilala kaya di ko na rin
pinansin. Since iisang building lang naman ang mga ABM, we see each other often but
we don't really socialized with other sections. Minsan lang dahil nga tambak din
kami sa gawain.

"May hinahanap ka 'yata?" biglang sumulpot na parang kabute si Gio sa tabi ko.

"Shut up, don't ruin this day for me."

Lumapit si Gio para bumulong sa akin. May tinuro siya sa bandang kanan namin.

"If you're looking for him, he's already looking at you."

Nanuyo 'yata ang laway ko dahil hindi ako nakasagot. Sinilip ko kung totoo nga ba
at halos manglaki ang mga mata ko nang matanaw ko siya.

Nagulat ako nang makita si Sarathiel na nakatingin saakin. Di ko mapigilan na

magtaas ng isang kilay.

Tingin-tingin mo riyan? Dukutin ko mata mo e.

He looks good though. He was wearing a semi-formal attire. It was a dark suit and
underneath was a white dress shirt. He wasn't wearing any tie.

A smirk appeared on his face. The same mocking one he gave me during the first time
we met.

"Done checking me out?" Sarathiel mouthed.

Nope. Hanggang mukha nga lang talaga ang maaaring magustuhan ko sa kanya. Umiling
ako dahil sa mga iniisip ko.
I clicked my tongue at him and he furrowed his eyebrows at me. Hindi ko na siya
pinansin at umupo na sa tabi ni Heranie. She was beaming and looking at the other
side.

Nasa kabilang banda 'yung STEM at HUMSS. Kami naman na ABM ay kasama ang GAS. Nasa
likuran naman ang mga TVL-Culinary. The other strands such as the Arts & Design,
and Sports track are still in the progress of establishing, kaya apat pa lamang ang
strand sa UJD.

"Sana manalo tayo 'no? Para worth it naman 'yung pagbugbog saakin." Heranie joked,
pero halata na kabado siya sa resulta.

"You'll win best actress for sure," I assured her.

Naglaan ng oras para sa Lupang Hinirang, pagdarasal at pagpapakilala sa mga tao na

naging parte ng programa na ito.

They also showed us the trailers of each film. Halos hindi ako makahinga sa kaba
nang makita ko 'yung pambato ng STEM 1.

Ang ganda ng cinematography nila. Akala ko professional na talaga 'yung palabas. It

was also about gender equality, sobrang relevant ng issue na ginawan nila ng film.
Medyo umakyat ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

I was so sure of winning! Ngayon ay naging 50/50 na. Hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ni
Heranie dahil pareho 'yata kaming kinakabahan para sa resulta.

I really wanted to win.

Sanay ako noon na galing ako sa unang section kada year level. Since the first
section consists of those who are considered as the intelligent and hardworking
students, madaling nabibingwit ang mga parangal.

The showing of the trailers ended and they proceeded on announcing the results.
From the smallest merit to the most anticipated award of the night.

I was stomping my foot impatiently. Hindi naman siguro sobrang ganda ng kanila.
Some trailers do not even match the actual movie. I feel bad for wishing that they
actually didn't do well in their final output.

Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko matatanggap kung matatalo kami.

"Best in soundtrack goes to...GAS 3!"

This was well deserved. Gumawa kasi talaga sila ng sariling kanta para sa film
nila. I heard it from their trailer, it sounded like an official sound track.

"Best in script goes to...HUMSS 1!"

Siguro sila talaga ang mga magagaling pagdating sa pagsusulat kaya wala rin akong
reklamo. I mean, I heard they have creative writing in their strand.

"Best Actor goes to...Declan Manzano of TVL 2!"

Tumayo 'yung tinawag. He was smiling at his blockmates. Siya 'yata 'yung bida sa
LGBTQ+ film sa TVL. It was brave of him to portray a character like that. They
really deserve the appreciation.

Dalawang award na lang. Wala namang supporting actor and actress. Kaya naman
naramdaman ko ang tensyon sa ABM at STEM. Kami na lang kasi ang wala pang award.

I squeezed Heranie's hand.

"Best Actress goes to...Heranie Mae Valdez of ABM 1!"

We roared our strand. ABM echoed inside the auditorium.

I can't help but be proud. Si Heranie naman ay hindi alam kung ano ang magiging
reaksyon niya. Para siyang si Pia nung kinoronahan bilang Miss U.

"Go Hera! Go ABM!" sigaw namin. Goodness! Kinabahan ako para sa wala! If Hera
manage to win this, for sure the best film can also be in our hands.

"For the most awaited award for this afternoon," the Emcee paused. Lahat kami ay
nakatitig lang sa kanya.

"The best film award goes to..." the Emcee smiled."STEM 1!"

Napuno ng sigawan galing sa STEM 1 ang auditorium. Bumagsak ang balikat ko at halos
nawalan ng kulay ang aking mukha.

I know their film was good but I was really expecting ours to win.

The anticipation for the award really made me feel like crap. Pakiramdam ko kahit
nanalo naman kami ng isang award ay kulang pa rin.

Bakit ganun? Nanalo rin kami pero hindi ako masaya? I wanted the best film so
badly. Ang laking achievement din 'yun sa section namin kung sakali.
The announcement made me stuck on my position. I can't be happy for some reason, I
was never a sore loser — ngayon lang 'yata. Nung nasa Junior Highschool ako ay nasa
pilot section ako, madalas kami ang nananalo sa mga ganitong klaseng school
activities. It was easy for us to win.

It's foreign to me. This feeling of losing something you thought you can achieve.
Palagi kaming nananalo. I was always on the winning side.

I clenched my fists. Babawi ako sa susunod. I can do it, this is just film making.
We can exceed this, I just know my strand is good too.

Natapos ang event at marami ang natuwa para sa STEM 1. I was not one of them. I was
probably just a sore loser.

"Congrats! Ang galing ni Heranie! Well deserved!"

"Thank you po!" Heranie accepted the compliments. I was happy for her, of course.

Pilit ang ngiti ko sa mga bumabati saamin. My blockmates however took note of my
sour mood.

"May next time pa naman." LJ patted me on my back. She probably notice my mood.

"Wala na tayong MIL next semester."

Which is true when it comes to Senior Highschool. Nagi-iba na ang subjects per
semester. A semester contains two gradings and each school year you have two
semesters. Matatapos na ang first sem namin, sa susunod ay ibang mga subjects na
ang kukunin namin.

"Meron pa namang ibang opportunity." LJ said, trying to lift up my mood.

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for.

Hindi ko namalayan na napatingin na ako kay Sarathiel. He was taking pictures with
his blockmates. Hawak-hawak nila 'yung trophy at certificate.

I must have been staring daggers at him because he tilted his head to my direction.

When our eyes met, a smirk appeared on his face. Tinaas niya 'yung trophy sa kamay
niya. He clicked his tongue at me and then winked.
My jaw dropped at the sight of him making fun of me. He turned his attention back
to his blockmates, leaving me wanting to scream at him because of frustration.

Just you watch, mukhang butas ng pwet ka! Nakakainis! We'll have more recognition!
I swear!

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 3 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 3

Dumating ang Practical Research I sa buhay namin nang mag-2nd semester na. Isa pa
'to sa nakakasira ng buhay.

Minsan napapatanong na lang ako na para saan ba ang Practical Research? Nabuhay
naman ako ng ilang taon na wala ito — but that wasn't the case. Our world is like
this because of research. Lahat ng bagay ay pinagaaralan muna bago ito nagiging
bahagi ng mundo.

We live in an imperfect world. By conducting research, we seek for improvements and

to make sure that our efforts won't go to waste all things that should be improved
should be research-based.

"Sa scope ba, ABM lang ilalagay natin?" tanong ni Heranie, kagrupo ko siya sa
PracRe.

Scope and Delimitations is a part of the research paper where you write the
specific research area or parameter and the possible weaknesses of your study.

Tulad na lang ngayon, nagkakaroon kami ng brainstorming kung dapat bang ilagay ang
lahat ng strand o may isang strand lang kami na pipiliin para sa research namin.
Ito kasi ang magiging sakop namin at bibigyan namin ng focus kapag nagkataon.

"Hindi kaya maging bias masyado?" tanong ni Paulene.

It's true, it will be just limited to ABM students if that's the case.

"It's qualitative naman, it's prone to bias. Pero pwede naman natin i-sama 'yung
ibang strands para mas malawak ang scope natin. Say, instead of ABM students why
not senior highschool students of UJD?" I suggested, raising a brow upon knowing
the current situation.

"Iba talaga kapag top 1," panga-alaska ni Melanie.

I rolled my eyes. "Ang topic naman natin ay tungkol sa mga achievers. Hindi naman
siya para sa ABM lang."

I hate to admit but the other strands also excels too. May mga school activities
kami na kailangan maglaban ang iba't-ibang strands. Of course, it's all competition
friendly but sometimes we take them personally.

We take pride for our strand.

I will never get tired of being proud that I'm part of the ABM strand. Hindi rin
kaya madaling mag-aral ng Applied Economics 'no.

"So, we'll have to interview them 'no? Since face-to-face interaction with the
respondents is more suitable for quali." Heranie said while taking notes.

Tumango naman ako.

There are two types of research. The Qualitative and Quantitative. From the root
words itself, Qualitative talks about quality so it's more about the hows and whys.
On the other hand, Quantitative is about quantity so expect that it collects
numerical data and analyzed it using mathematically based method.

"Bale, kukunin natin 'yung mga top 1 and 2 ng ABM 1, STEM 1, HUMSS 1, GAS 1, o
tapos sa TVL?" tanong ni Melay.

"Sa TVL, bawat top 1 na lang per strand siguro." Tatlo lang naman 'yung ino-offer
ng TVL sa UJD.

"Sige, pagha-hatian na natin 'yung mga respondents." Heranie said while writing it
down.

We were busy with the paper, that's why I left the whole respondents thing to
Heranie. Hindi ko alam na malakas din pala ang sapak nito sa utak dahil nilagay
niya ako sa STEM.

Lipat na lang kaya ako sa STEM? Matagal na nila akong binubugaw dito e. Mukha ba
akong interesado sa science at math? Well, ABM do have math also but it's more
about math in money.

"Hindi ba ako naging mabuting kaklase sa inyo? Bakit niyo ako ginaganito?" I
whined.

Tumawa lang si Heranie. "Inutusan lang ako ni Gio! Sabi niya kung may STEM related
daw tayong gagawin para sa research, ikaw daw i-assign."
Gio, our class president and top 2 definitely knew how to piss me off. Hindi ko
naman kasalanan na mas mataas ang grade ko sa kanya sa Oral Com nung 1st sem 'no!

Hindi niya matanggap dahil mas madaldal naman daw siya saakin pero mas mataas ako
sa Oral Communication. I rolled my eyes heavenwards. Kahit kailan talaga ay malakas
ang ubo no'n sa utak!

I begrudgingly went to STEM 1. Kasama ko si Paulene dahil kaming dalawa 'yung naka-
assign para sa STEM 1.

"Pumayag na ba sila? Meron na tayong letter of permission?"

I asked Paulene while trying to read the respondents' information. Nakuha nila ito
mula sa pre-survey na ginawa.

"Yup, both Sarathiel and Czanne agreed for the interview."

I halted from walking. Sakto namang tumigil ang mga mata ko sa isang papel kung
nasaan nakalagay ang mga impormasyon para kay Sarathiel.

My mouth formed in 'O' and my eyes almost bulged out from it's sockets.

"Sino ulit?"

I wanted to make sure.

"Sarathiel and Czanne?" ulit ni Paulene.

"Top 1 'yon?!"

I almost shrieked but my voice remained low, kahit halata ang pagdududa sa aking
boses.

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman na uso ang rankings sa Senior Highschool. Pero meron pa
rin honors, high honors and highest honors. Kami lang ang nag-label ng mga top para
mas madali silang hanapin para sa interview.

I can't believe that he's an honor student! Mukha lang kasi siyang antukin! Ano
bang malay ko 'di ba?

"Well, he's pretty lowkey. Mas napapansin si Czanne since she's eyeing for a spot
in the student council."
Paulene was flipping the information sheet we got from the pre-survey. Bago kasi
ang actual survey, meron munang pre-survey para malaman kung sino ang respondents
mo.

Kinakabahan ako. Wala naman akong atraso sa kanya. Pero ayaw ko lang talaga siyang
makita. Mukha ba siyang inidoro kaya lagi akong nac-cr kapag nandiyan siya?

Dismissal na namin. Halos kasabay lang ng dismissal namin ang dismissal ng STEM.
Hinintay na lang namin na lumabas si Sarathiel at Czanne.

Lumingon ako kay Paulene.

"Ako na mag-interview kay Czanne, ikaw na kay Sarathiel."

I almost pleaded but Paulene acted like she didn't hear the horror in my voice.

"Mas close kayo ni Sarathiel, ah?" pagtataka ni Paulene.

I scoffed at her reaction.

"What? Kailan pa kami naging close no'n?"

Close kami? Bakit parang sila lang ang may alam?

"I don't know? Kalat lang sa room na may sexual tension kapag magkasama kayo."

I wanted to vomit and my entire being shuddered at the thought.

"What the hell?! Anong sexual tension?!"

Bakit pakiramdam ko na-harrass ako sa sinabi niya?!

Sakto namang may lumabas sa room ng STEM 1. Mukha siyang manika at may bitbit
siyang isang box.

"Hi Czanne!" bati ni Paulene.

"Hi! Omg, is this for the interview? Saglit lang ha, ilalagay ko lang 'to sa SSG
office." She smiled at us.

Sa tingin niya siguro ay maiinip kaming hintayin siya. She's really sweet. Bakit
kaya hindi nakuha 'yon ng kaklase niyang si Sarathiel?

Hindi man lang nahawa ito. I don't really think all tangkays or STEM students are
bad. Meron lang talaga akong prejudice dahil kay Sarathiel.

"Samahan na kita," Paulene offered. "Ako rin naman ang magi-interview sa'yo."

Literal akong napanganga sa sinabi ni Paulene. Bakit ba sila ganito saakin? Bakit
ba parang pinagtutulungan nila ako? Mabait naman ako sa kanila, ah?

"Saglit—" hindi ko na sila napigilan dahil parang nag-mamadali si Paulene na dalhin

si Czanne sa SSG office.

I was left with no option but to wait for Sarathiel. Kitang-kita ko siya kahit nasa
labas ako dahil glass naman ang mga bintana ng classroom namin.

Ang daming kumakausap sa kanyang babae pero hindi niya pinapansin. Inaayos niya na
'yung gamit niya kaya naman inabangan ko na siya kaagad nang lumabas siya.

"Sarathiel," tawag ko sa kanya. Lumingon naman siya saakin.

A lazy smile appeared on his face.

Nilagay niya ang mga kamay niya sa bulsa ng hoodie niya. I decided to swallow my
pride for a moment. Kailangan ko siya ngayon. I don't have a choice.

"Sorry for making you wait," he said but he didn't sound remorseful at all.

"Let's just get this over with," I sighed and we went to Bonanza Area.

Umupo kami sa may malapit sa mga food stall at vending machine. I like Bonanza Area
because even though it's crowded, it's really an area where you can just talk and
do your stuff when you're too lazy to go the library.

"I have a set of questions you'll have to answer. You can be anonymous if you
want," pagsisimula ko. I know he has the right of confidentiality.

In PracRe, it's important that the respondent is aware of his or her right. Dapat
din na alam niyang gagamitin ang mga sagot niya sa research niyo, or else you'll
face the consequences later on if your research gets publish.

Umiling-iling naman siya.

"I don't mind," he said while playing with the hem of his jacket. Bakit ba palagi
siyang naka-jacket? Alam ko naman na malamig sa room nila pero nasa labas na kami!

"Okay, so what's your name?" I pressed my recording device. Mas madali kasi itong
sundan. Ang pangit naman kung papaulit ko sa kanya 'yung sinabi niya kapag hindi ko
nasulat.

"Sarathiel," tipid niyang sagot.

"Full name," I smiled, trying to prevent myself from being sarcastic.

"Sarathiel Zyler Smith Aracosa," I can't help but to think he really has a nice
name.

"Age?"

"one seven," he snickered.

"Ah, eight. Okay." I pretended to write it down. Akala ba niya siya lang 'yung
attitude?

Tiningnan ko siya at nakitang nakatingin siya saakin. I rolled my eyes heavenwards.

"Pwede ba huwag mo ako tignan?" I told him.

"Pipikit ako, ganun?"

"Hindi, tumalikod ka sana."

"Okay," he shrugged and he did turn his back to me. "Ano po ulit 'yung mga tanong?"

Napahilamos ako sa sarili kong mukha. Kailangan ko 'yata dumaan muna sa Chapel
dahil unti-unti na akong pinapasukan ng ideya na sakalin 'tong nasa harap ko.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 4 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 4

"So as an achiever, does the expectations of your classmates and teachers affect
your daily routine in your class?"
"Sakto lang," he rested his head on the chair. Halata sa mga mata niya na inaantok
na siya.

He has brown eyes — I was able to notice it since we're closely infront of each
other. Sabi ko na may lahi itong lalaking 'to e. Sayang lang talaga at naging
kampon siya ng kadiliman.

"Sagutin mo naman ako," I gritted my teeth. Gusto ko na rin umuwi kaso wala siyang
matinong sagot!

Kanina pa siya nakikipagtitigan lang saakin. Ilang oras na rin ang lumipas pero
hanggang ngayon ay wala pa akong matinong sagot na nakuha sa kanya.

Ano ba ito? Paunahan matunaw sa titig?

"Sinasagot na kita," he gave a small smile. Nagtaas naman ako ng kilay.

Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok. Why was he so complicated to talk to?

Nakita niya 'yata na malapit ko nang i-bato ang notebook ko sa kanya kaya nagsalita
ulit siya.

"Honestly, di naman. Pumapasok lang 'yata ako para matulog."

My jaw dropped at his statement.

"Paano ka naging high honor kung natutulog ka lang naman?!"

"Napapaginipan ko 'yung mga sagot," he said and looked at me mischieviously.

I grimace at his statement. "Bangungutin ka sana."

I'm at the verge of giving up. Pero hindi naman kasi pwedeng hulaan lang ang mga
sagot ng respondent. The answers from them will solidify your research. Kapag wala
kang respondent, parang wala ka ring ebidensya na totoo nga ang research topic.
Sometimes, RRLs are not enough to complete your research.

Nakakaramdam na rin ako ng gutom. Kumakalam na rin ang sikmura ko dahil halos wala
pa akong lunch.

Sarathiel was able to read my mood. Umayos siya sa pagkakaupo at tumikhim.

"Are you hungry? Gusto mo kumain muna?" tanong niya. Napatingin tuloy ako sa relo
ko, this time I made sure my watch works well.

Anong oras na pala. Hindi pa ako kumakain. Ang tagal kasi sumagot nitong kumag na
'to e.

"Bibili ka? Lilibre mo ako?" I teased.

Sumilay ang isang ngisi sa labi niya. Dang it, sana talaga ay hindi ko na lang
nalaman ang ugali niya. Baka isa siya sa mga inspirasyon ko para maka-graduate with
flying colors!

"Sige lang, gusto mo ba?"

Sino ako para tumanggi sa grasya?

I nodded my head eagerly.

Tumayo na kami upang tumungo sa Main Cafeteria. Maraming mga senior high sa
cafeteria na ito dahil mas malapit sa mga building namin. Nasa kabila pa kasi ang
sa college kaya may sarili silang cafeteria roon.

Pumunta kami sa Main Caf para kumain. Ilang minutong lakad lang naman ito sa
pinanggalingan namin.

Libre mo pala, ah?

I smiled to myself, trying to hide my hidden evil thoughts.

Nang nasa counter na kami at pipili na ng pagkain. Tumingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti
nang napaka-tamis.

"Libre mo, right?"

He looks at me and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Tao ka ba o sirang plaka? Ulit-ulit?"

I decided to avert my eyes towards the menu. Nakalagay ito sa itaas na bahagi ng
counter.

"Ako pipili nung saakin," sabi ko sa kanya. Hindi man ako makaganti sa kanya sa
panguurat niya saakin. Dito naman ako babawi!
I ordered thrice as much. Tinitignan ko ang reaksyon niyo pero parang hindi man
lang siya aware sa ginawa ko. Nagawa pa nga niya omorder ng sarili niyang pagkain.

Ginto kaya pagkain sa Caf namin. Bottled water nga lang nasa singkwenta na.

Ako ang naghanap ng pwesto namin habang siya naman ang nagdala ng pagkain namin sa
isang table. Umupo na kami at tulad kanina ay magkatapat ulit ang pwesto naming
dalawa.

Ang dami ko pa lang binili. Tatlong ulam, tatlong kanin, at tatlong drinks. Tapos
parang tanga 'tong si Sarathiel dahil bumili pa ng blueberry cheesecake na isang
buo.

I swallowed my own saliva, I'm hungry but not this hungry.

Sarathiel chuckled. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"Eat well," he smiled at me. Pero sa maikling panahon na nakilala ko siya alam kong
tinatawanan na ako ng hayop na 'to sa utak niya.

I inhaled some air before eating. I was eating like a viking. Hindi ko pinapansin
si Sarathiel na halos hindi matanggal ang tingin saakin.

Halos masuka na ako sa sobrang dami ng kinain ko. Medyo nanghinayang din kasi ako
kasi marami kayang nagugutom sa mundo! Pero itong nasa tapat ko nagawa pa akong
yayain kumain ng dessert.

"Thank you, huwag na sana maulit." I sneered at him.

He gave me a boyish smile.

Thankfully, I was able to get the answers needed for our research. Napilit ko naman
siyang sumagot nang maayos — tinutukon ko na siya ng ballpen e. Hindi ko rin
inakala na may substance pala siya sumagot kapag seryoso.

Kahit masakit man aminin ay nakita ko naman sa mga sagot niya...

Deserve nga niya 'yung with high honor.

『••✎••』

"Si Stacy na lang daw magp-print."

Halos mapunit ang mukha ko sa kakangiti. I was trying so hard not to show my
irritation on my face.

Sino ba kasing matutuwa? Ngayon lang sila kikilos porke't bukas na 'yung defense
namin? Tapos print lang, may grades na kaagad sila?

Edi sana di na ako nag-aral nagtayo na lang ako ng comshop kasi pwede naman palang
print-print lang aasenso na sa buhay!

"Sige," pumayag si Melay. Tumingin naman ako kay Melanie nang masama. I wanted her
to know she's not helping at all.

"Pabayaan mo na. Sa grades na lang tayo bumawi. Kawawa naman sila kung magkakaroon
sila ng individual research." Paliwanag ni Melanie.

"That's not fair. Paano naman tayo na nag-puyat, gumastos at nag-pagod? Ano? Print
lang pala katapat no'n?" reklamo ko.

Alam kong meron naman kaming peer evaluation. Pero ano ilalagay namin doon kung
simula't sapul ay hindi naman talaga sila tumulong? Ngayon lang na magkakaroon kami
ng mock defense?

Heranie, Paulene, and Isabelle hesitated too. Ilan kami sa grupo pero iilan lang
din ang kumilos para gumawa. Hindi pa naman ito 'yung final defense, parang mock
defense nga lang ito para tinqgnan kung may patutunguhan ba talaga 'yung research
namin.

Hindi ako kailan man naging pabuhat sa klase. Kaya hindi ko alam kung ano 'yung
feeling nila Stacy na lulubog at lilitaw na lang bigla-bigla. I'm probably not
compassionate enough and that's the reason I don't have many friends. Wala akong
time makipag-plastikan sa kanila.

Kaya naman nung dumating 'yung araw ng defense namin. Hindi ko talaga inakalang
magpapakita sila. I did send the paper and ppt to them, pero napapamura na lang ako
sa sarili kasi alam kong hindi nila 'yon binasa!

We wore formal attire. Habang inaayos ko 'yung coat ko, naramdaman ko 'yung
panginginig ng kamay ko.

I was always confident when it comes to acads. Ito lang 'yung alam kong magaling
ako e.

Pero ngayon ay parang pinanghihinaan ako ng loob. Hindi ko matatanggap na mababa

kami dahil lang sa kanila. That's unfair because I spent sleepless nights in
revising our paper. Minsan nga ay hindi na rin ako kumakain para lang maayos ang
paper namin.

Pumunta kami sa AVR at nakitang nakaupo na ang Prof namin, naka-ready na rin ang
ppt. Halos mangisay ako sa lamig. Required ba talagang malamig 'yung room kapag
gigisahin kayo?

Inabot ni Melanie 'yung research paper namin sa Prof namin. Since it's only mock
defense, siya pa lang panelist.

Ms. Cynthia smiled at us, trying to ease the tension. Pero nang binasa na niya ang
papel namin.

Halos gumuho ang mundo ko.

I was always confident that if I just work hard enough, it will pay off. Lahat ng
pinaghihirapan ay meron naman talagang katumbas na gantimpala.

Pero ngayon na nakakunot ang noo ni Ms. Cynthia habang tinitingnan ang papel namin,
I wonder if our hardwork will really pay off.

Nilagyan niya ng malalaking ekis ang mga paragraph na pinaghirapan namin. I know I
shouldn't take it personally but I know how much effort we put into that paper.

Hindi ako sanay. From elementary to junior highschool, I was always praise when it
comes to my performance in school. From projects to periodical tests, lahat ng tao
ay hanga saakin.

Kulang na lang punitin na ni Ms. Cynthia 'yung papel namin. Tapos lumingon siya
saamin, tiningnan kami isa-isa. She started throwing questions.

"What do you mean by achiever? Dami namang definition ng achiever pero di niyo
nilagay sa papel niyo?"

Crap. Definition of terms. Sa sobrang lutang 'yata namin, nakalimutan namin ilagay.

"How will you say it has an effect on their mental health? Psychologist kayo?"

She was right. It was psychological aspect — we're not experts when it comes to
that. Wala kaming basis man lang.

Sa dami ng tanong niya. Wala kaming nasagot. I tried defending our paper but Ms.
Cynthia knew I was bluffing.

No source, not reliable.

She always reminded us that.

“Next time, prepare more RRLs if necessary. Marami kayong mga sinabi rito pero wala
namang pangalan.”

In citing sources, always remember to state the name and the year. I should have
edited the final paper, mukhang nakaligtaan ng nakatoka sa editing namin. I made
sure to add that in a document, hindi 'yata nalagay. I bit my lower lip.

We focused on finishing the entire paper that we forgot it's quality over quantity.
Hindi pa nakatulong na qualitative 'yung research namin, it means we really did
mess our paper.

Nang lumabas kami sa AVR, tulala lang ako. I can't accept that I wasn't able to
defend our paper the way I imagined it to be.

I was disappointed with myself. I didn't do well. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam.

"Okay lang 'yan, bawi na lang!" sabi ni Stacy at patalon-talon pa kung maglakad.

I clenched my fists and turned my attention to her. I gritted my teeth to

suppressed my anger.

"Seryoso ka ba?" hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. Lumingon ang mga kagrupo ko
saakin.

"Kalma ka lang, research lang 'yan. Matataas naman grade mo e. Huwag ka masyadong
GC." Ngumiwi si Stacy at nagawa pang tumawa.

How dare you?

I exasperatedly sighed. I wanna bombard her with questions. Gusto ko maramdaman

niya 'yung nararamdaman ko kanina. Ang daming tanong pero wala akong nasagot na
tama.

"Zafirah," hinawakan na ako ni Melanie sa braso ko.

I was imagining myself holding Stacy's scalp and dragging her outside for a cat
fight. Sobrang inis na inis na ako sa kanya!

"Hindi mo alam 'yung puyat namin. Hindi mo naramdaman 'yung pagod. Hindi mo
naranasan na hindi matulog para lang i-proofread 'yung gawa natin. Gawa nga lang
namin e. Papel at ink lang ambag mo!"
Nagtaas ng kilay saakin si Stacy. "Wow ha, buti nga ako pa nagpa-print e."

Gusto ko kunin 'yung wallet ko at i-bato sa kanya para lang mabayaran na 'yung
binayad niya para sa print! Magkano ba 'yon, ha?!

"Tama na, Stacy." Umaawat na si Isabelle at Heranie. Si Paulene naman naguguluhan

sa nangyayari.

"Si Zafirah kasi e! Napaka-GC akala mo naman nakakain 'yung grade! E ano naman kung
mababa tayo? At least may grade, okay na 'yon!" katwiran niya pa.

Napahilamos ako sa sarili kong mukha. Hindi ko na kinaya at nag-walk out na ako sa
kanila.

Bakit ganito?

Ginawa ko naman 'yung best ko pero kulang pa rin.

Narinig ko na tinatawag ako ng mga kagrupo ko pero hindi ko sila pinansin. I had
enough.

Pagod na ako.

Pumunta ako sa pinakatagong lugar sa UJD. Sumandal ako sa isang pader at unti-
unting napa-upo. Hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na palang tumutulo 'yung luha ko.

Hindi nila nararamdaman 'yung frustration na pinagod ka pero hindi mo nakuha 'yung
pinagpaguran mo.

Pinupunasan ko gamit ng coat ko 'yung mga luha ko. I know they're probably looking
for me or not. Pero sobrang inis na inis lang talaga ako.

I was disappointed with myself.

Hanggang ngayon ay ramdam ko ang dismaya sa sarili ko.

I never failed. I was always above average. Hindi nga ako natatakot sa mga
reporting noon. I even volunteer for recitations!

So, what happened?

Bakit ganito ang Senior High?

"Hey," nakaramdam ako ng presensya sa tabi ko.

"Sabi ko na nga ba kapag nalulungkot ka may demonyong bubulong sa'yo e," lumingon
ako kay Sarathiel.

He arched an eyebrow. "Ano ba 'yan, uhugin."

Hinampas ko siya. "Kadiri ka naman!"

"Mas kadiri ka. Ikaw nga 'tong may tumutulo pang—"

Pinunas ko sa kanya 'yung basa kong kamay. Agad naman siyang napalayo. Duh, that's
just tears!

Naka-squat siya sa harap ko ngayon. Probably to match our level.

"Why are you crying, though? Sino nagpa-iyak sa'yo?" his voice was laced with
concern.

"Research," tipid kong sagot.

"Did you get sautéed?"

I grimaced. "Anong pinagsasabi mo?"

"Ginisa kayo?" he asked.

I wiped my tears and tried to laugh.

"Ginisa lang, sauté sauté ka pang nalalaman. TVL ka ba?"

"Do you want me to use STEM—"

"No please, Physical Science pa lang qouta na ako sa terms."

"Neutrons are probably having the best time when shopping, don't you think?" he
said, out of the blue.

"What the?"
"Because everytime they ask for how much, people will always say no charge."

"Di ko gets joke ng mga matatalino. Hanap ka kausap mo." Umirap ako sa kanya.

Nagulat ako nang siya mismo 'yung nagpunas ng mga luha sa gilid ng mata ko. He used
his handkerchief which actually smelled good.

"Pa-arbor ng panyo," biro ko. I was trying to lift my mood.

"Sige, sa'yo na. May uhog mo na e."

Umamba ako ng sapak sa kanya.

"Ang kapal-kapal ng mukha mo! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng uhog sa mata?! STEM ka tapos
di mo alam?"

He didn't say anything and continuously wipe the tears in my face.

"Thank you," I had a bad day. Akala ko mas papangit lang ito dahil sa kanya. Who
would have thought he'll be the one who's there for me?

I look up to him.

"You can vent if you want. Kung ayaw mo, okay lang din." he said then looked at me
in the eye.

His eyes are probably the most mesmerizing thing about him. He don't show emotion
often but his eyes speaks volumes.

"I just had...a bad day," I trailed off.

I was probably overreacting. He remove the falling strands of hair in my face.

He decided to talk. "A bad day ends in a day. You'll always have another day to
hope for a good one."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 5 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 5

"Sabi nila bagay daw talaga ang mga HUMSS sa STEM," sabi ni Melanie pero nakatingin
siya saakin.

Tinutukan ko siya ng ballpen ko.

"Bakit ganyan ka makatingin? Ano naman kung bagay sila? Tao naman tayo."

I mean, wala naman talagang issue 'di ba? Pakialam ko ba kung nandiyan si Sarathiel
sa harap namin at kausap niya si Philomena Gracia ng HUMSS 1? Pakialam ko ba, ha?

Of course, I knew her from the information sheet we had last semester for our
practical research. Ang alam ko ay running for honors din siya.

"Maganda pa naman si Philomena. Mahinhin. Matalino rin daw 'yan. Shocks, girl!
Lahat ng wala ka, meron siya!"

Maganda at matalino rin naman ako! Pero alam ko naman na binubuhat ko lang ang
sarili kong bangko kaya matalas kong tiningnan si Melay.

"Melay, ipapaalala ko lang sa'yo na nananakit ako ng kaibigan."

Tinawanan lang ako ni Melay.

Napatingin tuloy ako kay Sarathiel at Philomena kahit labag sa loob ko.

Philomena is pretty but her features were soft. She looks like a lost lamb in a den
of tigers. She's petite, fair and probably taller than me. On the other hand, I
have strong features, madalas akong mapagkamalang mataray. Hindi nga lumalapit
saakin 'yung ibang mga kaklase ko kasi baka raw sigawan ko sila.

Why am I comparing myself to her?

Pinagpatuloy ko na 'yung ginagawa ko sa MATH 002. Hindi ko talaga alam bakit kapag
ABM at STEM, pumapasok kaagad sa utak ng tao ay magaling sa math. Ghad, sana all! I
was good at Gen Math but Statistics and Probability is another story.

Si Melay ay pangiti-ngiti lang sa gilid. May ka-chat 'yata siya dahil halatang
nagpipigil siya ng kilig.

"Sino kalandian mo?" tanong ko sa kanya. Halata naman kasing may nilalandi siya sa
chat.
"Wala, neargroup lang 'to." sagot niya saka pinatay ang cellphone niya.

Bumalik na kami sa pagsasagot ng MATH002. Nakita ko na kumunot ang noo ni Melay-

same girl, di ko rin gets bakit kailangan namin malaman kung ilang heads o ilang
tails ang lalabas sa tossed coin.

Nasa Gonza Hall kami, isa itong hallway na ginagawang study area ng mga students
dahil malapit lang sa field. Presko ang hangin at nakaka-relax. Kalaban mo lang
'yung mga lumilipad na bola ng soccer at volleyball.

The sound of a familiar laughter erupted in the hallway. Natanaw ko si Gio at Adren
na naglalakad sa direksyon namin.

"Tayo na raw, 'tol." Halakhak ni Gio.

"Bro, no homo." Umiling-iling naman si Adren.

Papunta sila sa pwesto namin kaya naman awtomatikong napalingon kami sa kanila.

They stopped in front of us and I immediately rose an eyebrow. Tumigil ako sa

pagsasagot para tingnan kung bakit sila huminto sa harap namin.

Tinapik ako ni Gio sa balikat. "Zafi, tayong tatlo na raw sasali sa quizbee."

"Kasali tayo roon?" nagtaas ako ng kilay. Meron kasi kaming school event ngayon
kung saan meron kaming mga activities na gagawin tungkol sa science, mathematics at
technology.

In UJD, they like to put banners of events in every nook of the school. Pinapaalala
sa amin na marami pa kaming gagawin.

Nagkibit-balikat ni Adren. "Oo raw e, lahat ng strands."

"Pass," sagot ko at bumalik sa ginagawa kong activity.

"Taray, kailangan may password." Tumawa si Gio.

"Ew, not funny." Ngumiwi ako sa kanya.

"Kasama ka nga, Zafi. Di kita niyayaya, ini-inform kita. Ayaw mo 'yun? Makikita mo
si bebelabs?" hagalpak ang tawa ni Gio.
Awtomatikong nag-init ang ulo ko sa sinabi niya. I hate being paired with him! Baka
isipin pa no'n ay crush ko siya! Never! Not now, not ever!

"Alam mo di ko talaga gets bakit gustong-gusto niyong magkasama kami ni Sarathiel."

Sa room kasi parang mga ewan. Ginawa kaming artista ni Sarathiel! Meron kaming
loveteam tapos may page pa kami sa Facebook! Araw-araw ko talagang nirereport 'yung
page na 'yon. Mga walanghiya mga kablockmates ko!

"OTP kasi namin kayo," sagot ni Gio.

"OTP?" I arched an eyebrow.

"One True Pairing." Nag-finger heart pa siya saakin.

"OTP? O talaga po?" pag-uulit ko. Natawa tuloy sila Adren.

Alam niyo ba 'yon? Hindi niyo naman gusto 'yung tao pero tinutulak ka nila roon?
Hindi ba pwedeng i-reto nila ako sa gusto ko rin?

Bawal ba 'yon? Ha?

"Basta, tayo pinili ng mga teacher natin para roon. Kahit naman pumunta lang tayo
roon, okay na. Di naman natin kailangan manalo o ano. Di naman masyadong seryoso
'yun." Sabi ni Gio.

Si Adren naman ay nakangiti lang, it made him more attractive. Goodness, kung hindi
lang talaga ito rich kid— matagal ko na siyang nagustuhan. Pero huwag na lang.
Ayoko kasi maging k-drama kung saan binubugbog 'yong babae dahil sa mayaman 'yong
lalaki. At saka, halata naman meron siyang sariling mundo.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi tumango. Nagpaalam na aalis si Gio at Adren, magbabasa
raw sila ng mga dating lessons baka kasi lumabas sa quizbee.

Hindi raw seryoso pero magr-review? Wow, scam.

Umalis na rin si Melay dahil mukhang taga-rito lang 'yung naka-neargroup niya. Nag-
ayos pa kasi ng sarili ang loka bago umalis.

Naiwan akong mag-isang nags-solve ng activity namin sa MATH002. Nakakainis talaga

'tong Stats and Prob. Balik niyo na ako sa Gen Math!

May umupo sa pwesto ni Melay. Umangat ang tingin ko rito at kumunot ang noo ko.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" tanong ko kay Sarathiel.

Bakit? Tapos na ba siya kay Philomena?

Hindi niya ako sinagot. He rested his cheeks on his palm, plastering a bored look
on his face.

"Kasali ka sa SciMaTech?" he asked but his eyes were on my paper.

"Pake mo?"

"I was just asking," he shrugged his shoulders.

"Doon ka na sa HUMSS mo. Bagay daw kayo e," sabi ko habang tina-try hulaan kung
ilan ba club sa isang deck of cards.

Saan nanggaling 'yon? Pero pabor naman talaga saakin kung si Philomena ang ginugulo
niya.

"What?"

Patuloy lang siya sa pagtingin sa papel ko. I was conscious with my answer, ayokong
isipin niya na mahina ako sa math. I'm not that good but I was at least a little
above from the average.

"Kay Philomena, busy ka 'di ba? Tagal niyo ngang nag-usap e."

I tried diverting the topic.

"She just wanted some reading materials for the quiz. Kasali kasi siya sa
participants ng quizbee." He explained.

Tumingin ako sa kanya at umawang ang bibig ko.

"Bakit ka nag-explain? Tinanong ko ba? Ini-inggit mo ba ako kasi si Philomena

binigyan mo ng reading materials, tapos ako hindi? Oh edi sana all si Philomena."

He looks taken aback. He blinked a few times before letting out a hearty laugh.

"Ba't galit na galit ka? Gusto mo rin ba ng reading materials?"

The moment he spat those words out, I bit my lip. That was an offer I couldn't
resist but I have pride.

"Psh, huwag na." It was a tempting offer but no. My pride won't let me.

He continously tapped the table using his fingers. It was making me distracted but
I continued on answering my assignment.

"Di rin naman kailangan. Quizbees are more on trivias and lessons from JHS. Trust
me, mapipikon ka lang kapag nag-review ka." He said.

Nagulat ako nang makita ang kamay niya sa notebook ko. Damn those veins. Puno ba
siya? Bakit siya maugat?

He was tracing the question I was trying hard to answer.

"If we are selecting only one card from a standard deck of 52 playing cards, then
the probability of picking a club would be..." he trailed off.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. His eyes were also looking back at me. I can see my
reflection on his eyes.

"Four ba?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Malapit na," he licked his lower lip.

Fine, I give up. Sila naman 'tong STEM. Alam ko naman na kahit papaano ay mas
inaasahan sila sa math.

"Ano bang sagot?"

"Thirteen clubs." He said with finality.

"What the hell? Anong malapit doon? Kailan pa naging malapit ang four sa thirteen?
Nung bata ka ba ang turo sayo one, two, three, four, thirteen?" I asked, annoyed
because I didn't get his answer.

'Yon lang pala ang sagot doon? Halos mabaliw ako kakaisip kung ano ang tamang
sagot!

"No. I mean there's thirteen clubs so the probability of picking a club would be
one fourth or twenty five percent."
"Wow, nagsusugal ka 'no?" I accused him.

Hindi ko kasi talaga alam 'yung mga deck of cards na 'yan! Hindi ko nga alam paano
mag-tong its e!

"Nakikinig kasi ako. Di tulad ng iba riyan." He chuckled.

I felt offended. Alam ko sa sarili ko na nakikinig din ako. Pero ano bang malay ko
sa mga deck of cards, tossed coins at mga bagay na hinuhulaan ang outcome gamit ng
probability?

"Well, see you at SciMaTech. Just because you're STEM, it doesn't mean you're
already ahead of the line." Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko. Sinagutan na niya 'yung
kanina ko pa iniisip e.

I also wanted to review more. Hindi ko talaga matanggap na mas magaling siya saakin
sa mga bagay na ganito.

"Let's bet?" he arched an eyebrow.

What a cliché thing to say. Pero dahil competitive ako ay agad na sumilay ang isang
ngisi sa labi ko.

"Sure. The loser will have to be the winner's slave for a day." I clicked my tongue
and gave him a wave of goodbye.

Since what he said was cliché, why not make it more cliché?

"You'll wish you didn't say that," was all I heard as I walk away from him.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 6 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 6

I made sure I was prepared for the SciMaTech quizbee. I sacrificed a few hours of
sleep to review previous lessons.

Pero bakit wala akong masagot ngayon?

It was probably because most of the questions were from Junior High! We focused on
our current lessons that we forgot to review about the previous lessons from the
previous years of our school!
Sarathiel did make sense, hindi nga talaga advisable ang mag-review sa quizbee na
ganito! Nakaka-dismaya lang kapag wala ang mga binasa mo.

"What's the hottest color in the E-M Spectrum?" tanong ni Gio.

"ROYGBIV ba 'yan?" Adren said.

"Ano 'yung V?" I asked.

"Ultraviolet?" tanong ni Gio, obviously confuse with his own answer.

Nasa isang table kaming tatlo. Tatlong participants bawat section. Magkakalayo
'yung mga table namin. Pero kitang-kita ko si Sarathiel, Czanne tapos 'yung isang
lalaki na kanina pa naka-ngiti.

I know they have an edge on this quizbee but I tried my luck studying some concepts
for the SciMaTech. Pero wala ni isang lumabas!

"What does HTTP stands for?"

"What the heck, WWW lang alam ko."

"Did any one of you had an ICT class?" tanong ni Adren.

Umiling kami ni Gio. The questions were easy if only we knew more about
terminologies in technology. Napabuntong-hininga si Adren.

"Skip na lang natin," sabi ni Adren.

"Naka-ilang skip na tayo! Wala pa nga sa lima nasasagutan natin e." Reklamo ko.

We decided to skip a few questions, tumataas ang altapresyon ko sa bawat numerong

hindi namin nasasagutan. I was tapping my pen on the table nervously. Hindi
mapigilan ang sarili na tumingin sa orasan. Napapikit ako dahil ilang minuto na
lamang ang natitira.

"Oldest bank in the Philippines?" Gio asked.

"BPI! Bank of the Philippine Islands." I answered, confidently.

"Yes! May sagot na rin tayo." Humalakhak ni Gio. Napatingin tuloy sa kanya 'yung
iba namin kasama sa quizbee.

Yumuko naman ako sa hiya.

Bakit kasi ang lakas tumawa nito? Isipin pa nila nadadalian lang kami sa mga tanong
e!

They allocated one hour for us to answer these questions. Hindi namin namalayan na
ilang segundo na lang pala ay tapos na 'yon.

"Pencils up!" sigaw nung Proctor. Leche.

I groaned, feeling dejected. Tinaas namin ang mga lapis sa kamay namin kahit kulang
pa ng tamang sagot ang papel ng aming grupo.

For forty questions, sampu lang 'yung sure na sagot namin. I went out of the room,
feeling dejected.

Hindi naman siguro ako tataasan ni Sarathiel 'di ba? Goodness, I just wanted to
make him a slave for a day. Gusto ko lang naman siya utus-utusan!

After we packed up, I decided to go home since our class is already done.
Naramdaman ko ang presensya ng isang tao sa aking likod.

"Hi alipin," sumulpot si Sarathiel sa gilid ko.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Feeler mo. Wala pa 'yung scores, huwag ka mag-assume."

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad.

"What does HTTP stands for?" tanong ko sa kanya.

I'm testing if I have a chance. Malay ko ba kung nahirapan din siya?

He grinned at me. "Hyper Text Transfer Protocol."

I gulped at his answer. Agad akong nagmadaling maglakad pauwi.

I should probably get ready being his slave. Ghad, me and my compulsive mouth.

『••✎••』
STEM 1 40/40

ABM 1 19/40

"Tumama pa 'yung ibang hula natin." Tumawa na naman si Gio. Nakakainis kasi palagi
niya lang tinatawanan lahat!

"Well, they had an edge since it's basically their strand." Nakahalukipkip si Adren
habang nakatingin sa bulletin board.

"At saka, they have Aracosa. Gifted 'yun e, nung junior highschool siya kaya 'yung
valedictorian namin." Kwento ni Gio.

"Matalino talaga siya?" tanong ko kay Gio.

Gio nodded.

"Oo, tamad lang talaga. Kaya hindi masyadong nag-sasalita."

I can't help but give out a long sigh.

Mahina pa naman ako sa mga matatalino. Madali akong magka-gusto sa mga may sense
kausap. Pero kung sa sugo lang din ng kadiliman ako magkaka-gusto— naku, no thank
you na lang!

Kinakabahan ako kay Sarathiel. Iniwasan ko talaga dumaan sa mga lugar na maaaring
magkita kami. Hindi na nga ako umaalis sa ABM building para lang hindi kami
magkasalubong!

Niyaya ako ni Bea at Melay sa Gonza Hall. Gusto ko talagang tumanggi kaso
kinaladkad na ako ni Melay.

Ang bilis-bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Para akong may utang na may pinagtataguan! I'm
not even indebted to him, it is just a dare!

Medyo kumalma lang ako nang makitang wala siya sa G Hall kaya naman naisipan kong
mag-check na lang muna ng social media habang busy si Bea at Melay sa assignment.
Tapos na kasi ako riyan. Ayaw naman nilang komopya— baka raw kasi mali sagot ko.

Awtomatikong tumaas ang isa kong kilay nang makita kung sino ang nag-add saakin sa
Facebook.
Sarathiel Aracosa sent you a friend request.

Asa ka pang ia-accept kita, ulol.

I decided to click delete.

Kaso nagulat ako nang may mag-message request saakin.

Sarathiel Aracosa:

Accept me or I'll definitely go to your room tomorrow.

You wouldn't like that, won't you?

Baka lalong dumami 'yung likers ng page natin :)

Team ZafiThiel pala, ah?

Ghad! Saan niya nalaman 'yung Facebook page na 'yon?

Napasapo ako sa aking noo habang nagtitipa ng reply para sa kanya. Baka isipin nito
ay ako pa ang pasimuno ng pesteng fanpage na 'yon!

Zafirah Sanchez:

FYI

Hindi ako 'yung gumawa ng page na 'yon!

Ang kapal mo.

Sarathiel Aracosa:

Where are you?

Zafirah Sanchez:

Kung saan hindi mo ako makikita :)

Sarathiel Aracosa:
Lol, Gonza Hall.

See you.

Napalingon tuloy ako sa paligid ko. Nakita ko si Melay na nagtitipa sa cellphone

niya.

"Did Sarathiel messaged you?" tanong ko.

"Yup! Tinanong niya kung nasaan ka raw. Sabi ko G Hall." Sagot ni Melay.

Napangiwi naman ako sa sagot niya.

Bakit ba sila ganito saakin?! Si Sarathiel ba 'yung blockmate nila, ha?!

Dapat ay aalis na ako kaso nakita ko si Sarathiel na nakatingin sa akin. He was

already approaching us. He had this smug look on his face. Nakapamulsa siya habang
papalapit sa pwesto namin.

Bakit ako biglang tinubuan ng hiya? Bakit kasi may pa-slave slave pa ako? Ang
cliché!

"Hi Zafi, or should I call you my slave?" ngumiti si Sarathiel at umupo sa tabi ko.

Si Bea naman ay awtomatikong napalingon. Tumingin siya saglit kay Sarathiel at

nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

"Akala ko ba allergic ka sa tangkay?" Bea asked. She knows how much I avoided STEM
all the time!

I decided not to entertain her question and looked at Sarathiel with my eyebrows
furrowed.

I groaned. "Tell me, what should I do? And can you stop calling me your slave?"

"May project kami sa EAPP," he said, pouting his lips.

"Papagawa ka?" Nagtaas ako ng kilay.

He smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah, di ako magaling sa design-design. Notes lang 'yon."

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. Buti na lang at madali lang ang ipapagawa
niya sa akin. Hindi ko rin kasi matatanggap na utus-utusan niya ako 'no! My pride
won't let me. Kahit na ako naman mismo ang nagsabi ng dare na ito.

I nodded at him. "Sure, bigay mo sa akin notebook mo."

Hindi ko alam bakit lumawak 'yung ngiti niya.

"Okay," he said, curtly.

May kinuha siya sa knapsack niya at inabot ang isang Corona notebook.

Ang mamahalin naman ng notebook nito. Doble sa presyo ng notebook ko!

I skimmed through his notes. Everything is neat and concise. Sobrang liit pa ng
sulat niya.

"Akala ko kapag lalaki, parang kinahig ng manok ang sulat?" lumingon ako kay
Sarathiel.

Mas maganda pa sa sulat ko. My competitive side and ego as a woman was shattered. I
know there are men who have good handwriting but knowing that Sarathiel beats me in
this aspect? I can't help but feel bitter.

"Lalaki ka ba talaga, ha?" I asked, accusingly.

"What? Stop generalizing. I'm straight though, if that's what you're trying to
ask." he grimaced at me.

Fair point, medyo naging sexist ako sa part na 'yon. Pero ang unfair naman kasi na
ang ganda ng sulat niya.

Mukha namang kumpleto ang notes niya. Si Mrs. Reynes siguro Prof nila. Ganito rin
kasi pinagawa niya saamin pero tapos na ako. Last week pa siya nagpa-pasa saamin e.
Nauuna 'yata kami sa STEM.

Umalis na si Sarathiel pagkatapos ibigay ang notebook niya.

Nakatingin naman si Bea at Melanie sa akin. Both of their gazes told me that
they're expecting me to spill any tea. Agad naman na kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa
titig nila sa akin.
"Mag-jowa na kayo?" straight forward na tanong ni Bea.

"Of course not!" I denied.

Tumango silang dalawa — but the look on their faces says otherwise.

I decided to ignore them. Buti na lang dala ko ang watercolor at calligraphy pens
ko. I started designing his notebook. I made it colorful and bright because I know
he likes monotone colors. Tingnan lang natin kung hindi siya pagkamalang kinder sa
notebook niya.

It took me two hours to finish designing his notebook. Bukas ko na lang ito
dadalhin at ibibigay sa kanya.

Dadaan na lang siguro ako sa room nila. Napapadalas na 'yata ako sa building nila,
no matter how much I try to avoid it.

I was satisfied with my design. Pakiramdam ko ay nabawi ko lahat ng pangiinis

saakin ni Sarathiel.

Ang dami kong nilagay na mga pang-batang design sa notebook niya. Tinadtad ko ng
heart at rainbow. Goodluck explaining your design, Mr. Aracosa!

Kinabukasan, pumunta ako sa room nila. It was before homeroom. Maaga ako pumapasok,
madalas ay thirty minutes bago ang homeroom.

I was waiting infront of their room, yawning. May tao na sa loob pero wala pa si
Sarathiel. Hindi ko mapigilan ang matuwa dahil nauuna pala ako pumasok. I like
winning even in small matters like this. Ang babaw pero napapasaya ako.

"Si Sarathiel ba hanap mo?"

Oh geez! Si friendly guy! Agad akong ngumiti. Sa lahat ng STEM, siya lang 'yata
'yung feeling ko medyo okay. Biased na talaga 'yata ako.

"Ah yeah, may ia-abot lang ako." Kinuha ko sa bag ko 'yung notebook niya.

Umawang naman 'yung bibig niya.

"Oh," tipid siyang ngumiti.

"What's your name pala?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Caecelius. Cae na lang." Pagpapakilala niya. I was expecting a more foreign name
since he looks like korean.

Marami namang mukhang koreano rito. Meron pa ngang blue eyes e. Dapat 'yata United
Nation ang pangalan ng school namin.

"Morning," I felt ticklish when someone whispered into my ears.

Agad akong napalingon sa bumulong sa akin.

Si Sarathiel pala.

Sarathiel was wearing his knapsack while his hoodie was hanging on his arms. Uso ba
sa kanya ang muta o ano? He looks good even in the morning. I gulped and
immediately fetch his notebook to distract my thoughts.

"Notebook mo." Binato ko sa kanya 'yung notebook niya at nasalo naman niya.

"Thanks," he grinned in a boyish manner.

"Tapos na, ah? For a day lang 'yon! Expired na!" paalala ko sa kanya, baka kasi
humirit pa siya e!

“Sure,” tumango-tango siya habang ang tingin ay nasa mga pahina ng notebook niya.
Kinabahan naman ako dahil baka mapuna niya ito.

“Thanks, Zaf.” He smirked at me. “Study well.”

My forehead creased. Minabuti ko na lamang na hindi ito pansinin at umalis na.

Maybe he is also grade conscious just like me? Para kasing ang babaw ng binigay
niya sa akin na gawain. Pero hindi ako nagrereklamo, I would probably run away from
him if he wanted me to do things I don't even want to imagine.

I went back to our room and sat on my seat. Katabi ko si Bea at nakatitig lang siya
sa akin. Her curious eyes made me frowned. Agad ko siyang tinapik upang tanungin
kung anong meron.

"Alam mo 'yung tsismis?"

"Huh? Ang aga namang balita niyan." I laughed.

"There's this thing circling around in the STEM strand," panimula ni Bea. I got
curious so I nodded my head for her to continue.

"Ano raw?"

"Close kasi nila si Prof. Reynes—"

"Tapos?"

Mabait si Prof. Reynes tapos mahilig pa siyang maki-salamuha sa mga estudyante niya
kahit ilang agwat ang edad namin sa kanya. That's why she's easy to get close to.

"May special task pala 'yung project nila sa EAPP."

Beads of sweat started forming in my forehead. Kinakabahan ako sa sinasabi ni Bea.

Pakiramdam ko dahil sa pinagtripan ko ang notebook ni Sarathiel kaya ganito ang
nararamdaman ko.

"Ano raw?" I bit my lower lip.

"Kaya pala sila ang huling pinagawa ng project kasi...ibang tao raw dapat ang mag-
design ng notebook nila. It's either someone special to them or...someone they hate
the most."

Tumingin sa akin si Bea, the way she stared at me made me feel nervous. Para bang
may ginawa akong krimen.

"Alin ka roon...para kay Sarathiel?" She asked.

I didn't know how to respond.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 7 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 7

Mahaba rin ang panahon na hindi nagtagpo ang landas naming dalawa ni Sarathiel. It
was supposed to be a good thing, mas mabibigyan ko ng pansin ang acads ko. Just
like how I planned it to be.

Aral muna. Palagi namang aral muna. Ayoko rin talagang natataasan ako ni
Sarathiel. Hindi ko maiwasan na ikumpara ang sarili ko sa kanya. I can do better,
alam ko ang kakayahan ko. Bumuntong hininga ako at pinilig ang ulo upang lingunin
ang mga kaibigan ko.

"Undas break!" tumili si Melanie at inalog-alog ang balikat ni Bea.

Ang bilis ng panahon.

I guess time repels you. Kapag gusto mo ito bumilis, daig pa ang pagong sa sobrang
kupad ng paggalaw ng mga kamay ng orasan. Kapag naman gusto mo ito bumagal, mas
mabilis pa siya sa speed.

"May halloween party daw, ah?" paalala ni Bea.

UJD likes creating balls, parties and other events for the students. Syempre,
dagdag sa miscellaneous fees.

"Attend kayo?" tanong niya pa.

Lumingon ako kay Bea.

"Kailan daw ba?"

"Before Undas break," Bea answered.

Pwede naman. Wala naman akong gagawin. I may look like grade conscious but I know
how to have fun.

Sometimes.

Pero masaya naman ako sa pagaaral ko. I really like studying, it's a habit of mine
to at least read a few paragraphs from my subjects per day.

"Sige." Tumango ako.

We decided to shop for costumes. Si Melay napag-tripan maging isang kalabasa. Takot
daw kasi siya kumain no'n. Si Bea naman ay isang manananggal, she has a white wig
on, a pair of mananangal wings and she's dressed in all black.

Ako lang ba 'yung ginustong maging anghel dito? Bakit ganyan mga costume nila?

I opted for an angel look. I was wearing a white dress, a fake halo and a pair of
angel wings. I also applied light make-up on.
The Halloween event happened in our school. 6pm ang start ng event kaya naman mas
maaga kaming pumunta para di masyadong hassle kapag dumating 'yung ibang
estudyante.

Bea and Melay were lining up for the free beverages. Syempre, red iced tea lang
'yon. Lahat kasi ng pagkain ngayon ay libre dahil nga isa itong party.

My phone vibrated so I decided to check it.

09*********:

Costume mo?

Zafirah:

Who's this?

09*********:

Nevermind.

Mukha mo pa lang.

Nakakatakot na e.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay at nagtipa ng sagot para sa text.

Zafirah:

Sino ka at bakit ang pangit ni Sarathiel?

09*********:

You obviously knew it was me.

Zafirah:

Ikaw lang naman 'yung may kapal ng mukha na i-text ako. Stalker kita 'no?

Hindi na siya nag-reply. I decided to changed the name of the contact. He replied
after that.
Panget:

Asa.

Napangisi ako. I won! He's pissed off, for sure.

"Ka-text mo si Sarathiel?"

"Oo," biglang nawala ang ngisi ko nang mapagtantuan ko ang sagot ko. Lumingon ako
kay Bea na umiinom ng red iced tea niya.

She was eyeing me with accusation. Para bang may ginagawa akong mali.

"What?"

"Gulo niyo," her eyes turns to slits. Chinita na nga siya, lalo pang naningkit mga
mata niya. Para na tuloy siyang mawawalan ng mga mata.

"Mali ka ng iniisip. He's just pissing me off."

"Bakit ikaw pa, meron din naman siyang pwedeng inisin sa strand nila?"

Bea has a point. Pero ano bang malay ko riyan kay Sarathiel? Sobrang random niya
kaya.

"I don't have feelings for him, okay?" I assured her.

"Wala namang issue kung may gusto ka o wala. Ang gulo-gulo niyo."

"Paano kami naging magulo?" tanong ko kay Bea.

"You say you hate each other but look—" Tinuro niya gamit ang baso ng red iced tea
ang isang direksyon.

Lumingon naman ako rito at nakita ang tinutukoy niya. It was Sarathiel with his
friends.

Uminom si Bea sa kanyang baso bago sabihin ang kanina pa niya gustong ibunyag.

"He's wearing a costume that complements yours."

Sarathiel was wearing an all black outfit. He's also wearing a headband of red
devil horns. He also has fake blood on the side of his lips. He was smirking at his
friends.

"Nag-usap ba kayo?" tanong ni Bea.

Umiling kaagad ako. "No!"

It was just a coincidence! Marami rin kayang naka-angel at devil ngayon! I look
around to confirm what I've said but to my horror — those who have matching
costumes are couples.

"May extra costume ba kayo riyan?" I asked in desperation.

Bea laughed and shook her head. I groaned in response.

"Yo! Kalabasa in the house, yo!" inakbayan kami ni Melay.

My eyes travelled to her costume. Unti-unti akong napalunok pero wala akong choice.

"Melay, palit tayo ng costume!" pagmamakaawa ko kay Melay.

"Sure ka? I'm enjoying my costume though." Tumingin pa siya sa sarili niyang
costume.

It was a huge kalabasa mascot type of costume. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan niya ito
nakuha, it was probably the ones that you buy whenever it's nutrition month.

Ngumiwi naman ako. I can't imagine myself in her kalabasa costume.

"Ate! Halloween po! Hindi nutrition month!" may sumigaw na naka-body paint na kulay
brown.

Nagtaas ng kilay si Melay at akmang susugurin 'yung sumigaw pero agad namin siyang
pinigilan.

"Mukha kang nuno sa punso!" sigaw pabalik ni Melay.

Tumawa naman kami ni Bea. Hindi naman siguro ako lalapitan ni Sarathiel. I mean,
there's no reason to. Marami rin naman ang may angel na costume rito. Inayos ko ang
halo sa aking ulo dahil nawawala ito sa ayos.
Bakit ako matatakot?

“Hey, let's try the red tea!” anyaya ni Melay. Agad akong tumango at sumunod sa
kanya.

Pumila kami sa isang booth kung saan may mga TVL students na nagaasikaso. I don't
know what subject this is for them but it sucks because it's almost undas break yet
they still have to do some requirements.

I decided to also grab one of the beverages. It's nice to have some refreshments.
Kumuha ako ng red iced tea sa babaing nagbigay saakin at uminom dito.

"Hi," Sarathiel greeted.

Nasamid naman ako sa iniinom ko. Muntik ko nang bugahan si Sarathiel sa mukha.

Sayang, di ko ginawa.

My eyes widened when I realized he was standing infront of me. Nanglalaki rin ang
mga mata niya pero agad naman itong bumalik sa dati niyang ekspresyon.

He moved backwards.

"What the hell?" I grimace upon seeing his face.

Disgust was shown in his face. "Kadiri naman."

Tumikhim ako at tiningnan ang costume niya. I knew he was wearing the counterpart
of my costume but I didn't want him to think that I intentionally went as an angel
just to match with him!

"Bakit ganyan costume mo? Did you really stalk me?" I accused.

His eyes widened. Agad siyang umiling para itanggi ang paratang ko.

"No, I run out of options."

I scoffed at his reaction. Totoo ba? Pero ayoko naman maging assuming. Sobra nga
lang talaga ang pagiging coincidence.

Tumaas ang isang kilay ko.

"Ang daming ibang costume, ah."

"I—" he was about to speak but stop as if he remembered something.

I was curious why he suddenly stopped amidst of what he was suppose to say. Don't
you just hate it when someone stops speaking in the middle of almost saying
something?

"What?" I urged him to speak.

Umiling naman siya. He averted his gaze before speaking.

"Wala. Ingat ka, baka matuluyan ka."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko.

"Ano?"

"Sa langit. Baka matuluyan ka sa langit." He said and decided to walk away.

Nalaglag ang panga ko.

That prick! I almost crushed the cup of my red iced tea in frustration.

Mas mauuna siya sa langit! Baka nga hindi siya papapasukin doon e.

In my frustration, I wanted to get back at him. Lintik lang ang walang ganti!

Sinundan ko si Sarathiel. Hindi pwede na ang gabi ko lang ang masisira. Dapat sa
kanya rin! Para it's a tie!

"Sarathiel!" sigaw ko.

Lumingon naman siya saakin. He went back to his friends after he greeted me. Kaya
naman ngayon ay nandiyan ulit ang mga kaibigan niya.

"Oh, nandiyan na pala ang anghel na susundo sa'yo Sarathiel." Halakhak nung isa
nilang kasama. He looks playful.

"RIP bro." Tawa nung isa pa.

"Shut up, Iscalade." pagsusungit ni Sarathiel.

Medyo umawang ang bibig ko. These were the guys who I mistook as models! Sila rin
ang dahilan bakit naligaw ako sa STEM nung first day!

Ghad, si Sarathiel ba talaga ang puno't dulo ng kamalasan ng buhay ko?

"Sayo na siya, Miss. Kahit huwag mo na i-balik. Marami 'yang issues sa buhay kaya
lugi ka talaga." Iscalade was laughing his ass off.

Sarathiel's forehead creased. Nahagip na naman ako ng paningin niya. His lips
parted and he went towards me.

"We're leaving," nagulat ako nang hawakan ako ni Sarathiel sa pulso.

My mind went haywire because of it. Hinawakan niya ako. His mere touch sends
tingles to my entire being.

Sobra akong napako sa aking kinatatayuan. This was something I didn't think of. Ni
hindi ko nga kailan man naisip na magiging ganito ang epekto niya sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit sumama ako kay Sarathiel palayo sa mga kaibigan niya. Pero
agad kong hinatak pabalik ang kamay ko.

"Bakit kapag ako parang mamamatay ka kapag di mo ako naasar? Pero sa kanya, tamang
walk out lang? Ganun?"

I asked as I was rubbing my wrist. Pilit na tinatanggal ang naramdaman na kuryente

kanina. That's so freaking weird.

He fixed the horns on his head. Tinanggal niya ito at pinasadahan ang kanyang
magulong buhok.

Tumingin lang siya sa akin. Even if it was already dark, his attractiveness can
still be seen. Kahit yata ang anino niya ay kuhang-kuha ang pagiging matipuno niya.

“I don't know...” he answers blandly.

Sarathiel was sarcastic as hell. Kaya naman kanina akala ko ay babarahin niya si
Iscalade.

“You don't know? Talaga?” I sarcasticly remarked.

He shrugged his shoulders. Ang tingin sa akin ay hindi inaalis. There was a budding
smile on his lips before he chuckled softly.

"You're the only one I like pissing off."

Nalaglag ang panga ko. I thought I have already remove the volts of electricity
that he gave me — mukhang saglit lamang pala itong naka-switch off. He can switch
it on whenever he want to.

My cheeks went crimson and I decided to brush it off.

“Zafirah,” he called me.

“A-ano?” I hissed at him, gritting my teeth. Pinipigilan na mahuli niya sa akto ang
kiliting nararamdaman ko.

“About the costume...” he scratched his nape and his gaze lowered down.

“Ano meron?”

“I...” mukha siyang nahihirapan magsalita. Tumingin siya sa akin muli bago
bumuntong hininga.

“Nevermind.”

“Parang ewan, ayaw na lang sabihin e.” I rolled my eyes. He only smiled at me.

Ano ba dapat ang sasabihin niya?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 8 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 8

It was our undas break. Prente akong naka-upo sa dining table at ka-text si
Sarathiel.

Zafirah:

May dadalawin ka ngayong undas?

Sarathiel:

Dadalawin ko 'yung mga patay na patay saakin.

Zafirah:

Mamatay ka na. :)

"Samahan mo ako sa SM, Zaf." anyaya ni Clary. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at
bahagyang kumunot ang noo.

It was unusual for her to ask me to accompany her to the mall. Madalas ay mas gusto
niyang solo siyang nags-shopping dahil matagal siyang mamili ng damit. I wanted to
make sure of something so I decided to text her, just in case her reason cannot be
said out loud.

Zafirah:

Makikipag-eyeball ka 'no?

Clary's phone rung. Agad naman niya itong kinuha at napakagat siya sa kanyang labi.
Agad siyang nag-tipa sa kanyang cellphone.

Clary:

Ang jologs naman ng eyeball, Zaf! Pero yes, makikipag-kita ako sa naka-neargroup
ko. I'm curious with his face e. Pa-mysterious.

I straightened my posture. Agad ko siyang sinilip at nakitang halos nagmamakaawa

ang mga mata niya. I wasn't sure if this was a safe idea but Clary is someone you
cannot say no to.

Zafirah:

Baka magalit si Tita. At saka safe ba 'yan?

Clary:

Ako bahala. And yeah, I made sure sa crowded area kami mag-kikita!

I sighed in defeat. Napangiti naman si Clary nang makitang hindi ako makakatanggi
sa kanya. She was the only one I'm close to in this house. Ayoko naman na pati siya
ay hindi ako kinakausap. Tita Clara and I are civil to each other. Si Kuya Carlos
naman ay college na kaya di ko rin nakakausap. Nasa abroad naman ang papa nila.

I nodded my head. Umakyat na ako para makapagpalit ng damit. Itinali ko ang buhok
ko para presko. I wore a plain white tee and tucked it in the waistband of my
jeans.

Kaya naman pagkababa ko ay laking gulat ko sa suot ni Clary. She was wearing a
fitted crop top and a high waist shorts. Nadepina nito ang hubog ng kanyang
katawan. She's really sexy for her age.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm not even seventeen yet. Mukha akong nasa junior
highschool pa lang.

"Let's go?" she was trying to contain her excitement.

"Yup," ngiti ko sa kanya.

The nearest SM was actually near in Tita Clara's house. Isang jeep lang ay nandoon
ka na kaagad. Kaya naman mabilis kaming nakarating sa mall.

We waited infront of the department store. Ayaw kasi niyang pangunahan ang date
niya kung saan sila kakain. I get her point, kung sakali ngang maghintay kami sa
isang resto baka roon na rin sila kumain. I roam around my eyes to check if there
was any guy around, so far there's none.

She was nervous because she kept on pacing back and forth. I could see the redness
in her cheeks but at the same time the dread in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

"What if— pangit siya?"

"Seryoso ka ba? You're worrying yourself over that? Ikaw 'tong nakipag-kita e." I
scolded her.

She pouted her lips. "Well, I really liked his attitude and his respect for girls
like me."

She was pertaining to girls like her who likes wearing revealing clothes.

"Silly, every girl deserves respect. Wala sa damit ang batayan ng respeto sa isang
tao."
I hate how people would judge a person by their clothes. Ano naman kung mahilig
siya sa mga damit na pang-sexy? Bakit sila magagalit? Sila ba bumili? Pera ba nila,
ha?

The only reason I would probably dislike the thought of it if the girl is wearing
revealing clothes for fame or to make themselves a clot.

Napatingin si Clary sa cellphone niya at ngumiti. Mukhang malapit na 'yung lalaking

hinihintay niya.

I made sure that the place had a security guard nearby. It's better to be sure than
sorry.

May dalawang taong lumapit sa direksyon namin ni Clary. One of them is familiar to
me.

Nalaglag ang panga ko. I wanted to keep calm but my facial expression betrayed me.

What the hell is Sarathiel doing here?!

"Oh my God! Is that you?" lumapit si Clary kay Sarathiel, her eyes were twinkling.

Hinawakan niya sa magkabilang braso si Sarathiel. She was going to hug him when
Sarathiel steps back. Medyo natigilan tuloy si Clary.

"Hi, I'm Alex, the one you're talking to..." the other guy waved his hand to Clary.
He steps in the middle of Clary and Sarathiel.

Alex lets out an awkward laugh.

"That's my friend," turo niya kay Sarathiel.

Clary looks disappointed and she kept on staring on Sarathiel. Napakagat naman ako
ng ibabang labi ko, pinipigilan ang sarili kong matawa.

I examined Alex and the guy wasn't bad looking. Clary would probably be relieved
that he wasn't ugly. Si Sarathiel lang talaga ang sumira sa expectations ni Clary.

Any normal good looking guy next to Sarathiel would probably feel inferior. Ikaw ba
naman tumabi sa isang mukhang model ng mga sikat na magasin.

While Alex and Clary looks like they're in an awkward situation. Sarathiel looks
bored out of his wits. Sinisipa-sipa pa niya 'yung tiles na para bang may bola
siyang pinaglalaruan.
Hindi ba siya nakakaramdam na mukhang mag-aaway 'yung dalawa dahil sa kanya?

"Mukhang may kasama ka rin," napalingon saakin si Alex. I tried smiling but when I
saw Sarathiel's face— my smile immediately faded.

He was scowling at me. Anong ginawa ko sa'yo?

"Why don't we have a double date?" Alex suggested.

"No!" sabay pa kami ni Clary.

"Sayang kasi dahil nagpasama lang din ako kay Sarathiel. At saka sa tingin ko ang
pangit naman kung papauwiin mo si—" tumingin saakin si Alex.

"Zafirah," I smiled at him. Ngumiti siya pabalik.

This guy looks nice. He'll probably be able to understand Clary's temper. Ewan ko
ba, he has the vibes of a nice person.

I also wanted to watch over Clary. Hindi naman ito ang first boyfriend niya kung
sakali, pero madalas kasi ay madali siyang ma-uto ng mga nakaka-relasyon niya.
Ilang beses na nga siyang naloko e.

"What about we tag along? Pero hindi 'to double date?" I clarified.

Tumango si Alex at Clary. Sarathiel didn't say anything.

"Let's have lunch muna?" Alex suggested, looking at his watch.

We agreed and went to a japanese cuisine resto. A waitress guided us to a table for
four person. Hindi nakaligtas si Sarathiel sa tingin ng mga waitress.

Naku, bakit ba kasi hindi nakikita ang ugali sa panglabas na kaanyuan?

Umupo na kami at inabutan kami ng menu. I looked at Alex and Sarathiel since the
two of them are infront of us.

Alex was wearing a blue polo shirt and black cargo shorts. Sarathiel on the other
hand was sporting a grey Ralph Lauren hoodie and grey sweatshorts.

Halata naman na si Alex ang makikipag-date dahil sa damit niya, bakit kaya ang
unang nilapitan ni Clary ay si Sarathiel?

"Dude, walang blueberry cheesecake." Alex tried breaking the ice between the four
of us.

"Kaya pa naman niya umubos ng isang buo," I laughed then immediately bit my lower
lip.

Bakit ko sinabi 'yon?!

I look at Sarathiel and saw amusement on his face. Nilalaro niya 'yung chopsticks
sa harap niya.

"Wow, magkakilala pala kayo?" Clary asked me, there was accusation on her tone.

"Yeah," tipid kong sagot.

"Paano? Same strand? ABM ka rin ba, Sarathiel? Sayang! I'm GAS e." Clary giggled.

"ABM ka pala, Zafirah? I'm also ABM! UJD ka rin ba?" Alex was now asking me.

I feel bad for him. Clary isn't subtle in letting him know that she's interested in
Sarathiel.

"Yeah, ABM ako. Anong section mo?" I decided to talk to Alex. Kawawa naman e.

"ABM 3. Hindi kita madalas makita, you're probably ABM 1 'no?"

"Hala, paano mo nalaman?"

I never saw him. Sa dami ng ABM students, hindi naman lahat ay nakakasalamuha ko.

"Wala lang, you look smart e."

Tumawa naman ako. "Bolero ka porke't ka-strand kita ah. Hindi ako nagpapakopya pero
sige sabihin mo lang kung kokopya ka sa specialized subjects natin."

My phone vibrated. Tinignan ko naman kung sino ang nag-text.

Panget:
Tawa pa.

I arched an eyebrow and looked at Sarathiel who was now holding his phone. Nag-
angat siya ng tingin saakin. He was scowling again!

Zafirah:

Kausapin mo si Clary.

After I replied, ibabalik ko na sana ang phone ko kaso tumunog ito ulit. I look at
it and saw Sarathiel's message.

Panget:

Ingay niya.

Wala naman akong pake sa mga pinagsasabi niya.

Zafirah:

At least try to entertain her.

Panget:

Ako ba nagyaya makipag-blind date sa kanya?

Huwag mong kausapin si Alex.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Bakit naman? Alex is actually nice to talk to. Pareho pa
kami ng strand.

Zafirah:

Bakit naman?

Panget:

Ikaw ba ka-date ni Alex?

Hindi 'di ba?

Let the two of them talk to each other.

He has a point. Pero ayaw nga pansinin ni Clary si Alex.

Zafirah:

Ayaw nga nilang mag-usap.

Kasalanan mo 'to e. Bakit kasi sumama ka pa, nag-bago tuloy taste ni Clary.

Sarathiel:

Coffeeshop groundfloor.

"Dude, I have to go." Biglang tumayo si Sarathiel. Nakapamulsa siya at tumingin pa

saakin bago umalis.

I saw how Clary's face turned into a sad expression. Alex immediately got worried
and ask if Clary was alright. Ghad, ang bait nitong si Alex bakit di kaya 'yon
makita ni Clary?

"Clary, ako rin. Biglang tumawag mga kagrupo ko sa research." I lied.

Wala naman talagang gustong gumawa ng research sa bakasyon nila 'no.

"Okay," she replied, still sad.

May tiwala naman ako kay Alex. At least I know that Sarathiel knows Alex so I won't
be bothered that something might happen to Clary.

I decided to see why Sarathiel texted me a certain coffeshop on the groundfloor of

the Mall. I saw him on one of the tables of a famous coffeeshop. Pumasok ako sa
loob para tignan kung bakit niya ako niyaya rito.

He already ordered for two people. There were two frappucino, a whole blueberry
cheesecake and a slice of chocolate cake.

"Did you really ditch them for blueberry cheesecake?" I asked as I sat on the seat
infront of him.

He snorted. "I was craving."

Natawa naman ako. Grabe sa pag-crave ng pagkain.

"Ay sorry, those days mo ba? Masakit ba puson mo?" I faked my concern in a very
girlish voice.

"Hindi, buntis ako." He mocked my tone. Tumawa naman ako sa kanya.

"I didn't know you were friends with other ABM students." I asked while taking a
taste on the slice of chocolate cake.

Di naman siya umangal. He really did order the cake for me.

"Bakit, special ka ba? I can't have other friends from ABM?" he snarkily said.

"We're friends?" napaawang ang bibig ko. Kailan ko pa siya naging kaibigan?

Tumingin siya saakin.

"Bakit? Are we more than friends?" he arched an eyebrow.

"Ulol! Di nga kita tinatratong kaibigan!"

"So, you're treating more than a friend?"

My face immediately contorted in anger.

"Of coure not! If I was treating you more than a friend—" kinuha ko ang kutsara
niya na ginagamit sa blueberry cheesecake niya.

I sliced a portion of the cheesecake and pointed the spoon on his mouth.

"I'd say this — kain ka na po, huwag ka papagutom ha? Ayaw kong nagugutom ka." I
used a fake concern tone.

Nanglalaki ang mga mata ni Sarathiel. He licked his lower lip and bit the insides
of his cheeks. Namumula 'yung tenga niya.

He avoided my glance the entire time. Kahit nang makauwi na kami— hindi niya ako
pinapansin. He only booked a taxi for me and immediately left. Nagulat nga ako
dahil binayaran niya na kaagad 'yung taxi.
Did I went too far? Bakit ganun 'yung reaksyon niya?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 9 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 9

The following days, I avoided Clary's questions about Sarathiel. I also tried
diverting the topic to Alex — pero napupunta pa rin kay Sarathiel 'yung usapan.

Ghad, Sarathiel pati ba naman sa bahay binubulabog mo ang mundo ko?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang palagi na lang kaming nagkakaroon ng interaksyon.

It's not like we're super close. Hindi ko na siguro siya sobrang kinaiinisan pero
hindi pa naman naaalis ang pagkamuhi ko sa kanya dahil minsan hindi ko tanggap na
mas mataas ang mga scores niya sa akin sa mga core subjects namin. Although, I have
to admit that I see him as a friend now. A rival but a friend.

Sabado no'ng araw na 'yon at saktong nasa sala ako dahil gumagawa ako ng powerpoint
para sa isang presentation namin sa EAPP. Clary excitedly went to my side.
Nilingkis niya ang kamay niya sa braso ko habang nakanguso.

"Can you just give me his number, please?" Clary pleaded, giving me her puppy eyes.

I stopped typing, my fingers were getting numb. Lumingon ako sa kanya at kitang-
kita ko ang pagasa sa kanyang mga mata. She was really hoping and I could just give
it to her but...

I contemplated if I should give it to her or not. Pero sa huli ay binigay ko na

lang para hindi na niya ako guluhin.

I swallowed hard because deep inside I didn't know why did I even have to hesitate.
I shouldn't question it! She's my cousin! Kadugo ko siya at kung susundin natin ang
kasabihan na 'blood is thicker than water' I shouldn't even consider Sarathiel as
someone I should care for.

Yet, I feel that I did something bad to him.

Nasira lamang ang litanya ng aking iniisip nang tumili si Clary nang matanggap ang
text ko ng number ni Sarathiel.

"Thank you so much! I swear, ikaw ang bride's maid sa kasal namin." Hagikgik niya
habang tuwang-tuwa sa pagtitipa sa cellphone niya.
Hindi ko alam bakit natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. I choose to ignore the uneasiness
that I feel because I didn't have the right to feel this way.

I shouldn't feel this way.

Kaya naman iiwasan ko na lang si Sarathiel. It was easier this way. I didn't want
to feel awkward with him. It also didn't made sense why the both of us are speaking
to each other. Magka-iba kami ng strand- wala namang common saamin bukod sa core at
applied subjects.

My shoulders slowly slumped. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam dahil kailangan kong mamili.
Can I just have them both? Pero mukhang mali kung sakali.

I don't even know why it felt like it was wrong. We are just friends...

I did appreciate he treated me as his friend, though.

It was fun while it lasted.

I looked over my phone and realized that I have to choose. Si Clary ba o si

Sarathiel — and I know the reasonable answer, it was Clary and it will always be
her. Pinsan ko siya at siya ang kasama ko nang mas matagal. Sarathiel on the other
hand...

I nibbled on my lower lip, hindi madugtungan ang dapat sabihin. Sarathiel was a
friend. He was just a friend...

He shouldn't make me feel like he was more than that.

Undas break was over. I decided to block Sarathiel on Facebook and his number too.
Bumisita rin kasi ako sa bahay namin sa Batangas kaya pagbalik ko sa Manila ay para
na naman akong bagong salta.

I was walking towards the ABM building, pagod at tulala dahil sa haba ng biyahe
pauwi ng Maynila. I didn't want to go back yet because I was enjoying my stay in
our province. Pero may pasok na kasi kung kaya't nabitin ako sa aking bakasyon.

"Zafirah!"

I halted from walking and groaned as I spun around to face him.

"Tangina ka, Giorgi. Kaya unang scene pa lang sa IT, namatay ka na e." Iritable
kong sabi nang maramdaman ang presensya ni Gio sa likod ko.
He only chortled, he even had the guts to put his hand on my shoulders.

"Aga-aga, may dalaw ka? Wala kang dilig? Di kayo nagkita ni baby Sarathiel?" Gio
was smiling like an idiot.

It made me annoyed in an instant! Bukod sa pagod at iritable ako dahil kulang sa

pahinga, si Sarathiel pa ang ginawang bungad sa akin!

I remove his hands on my shoulders and nudge him as hard as I can. He groaned as he
followed me towards our room.

Papunta pa lang kami sa room ay inuurat na ako ni Gio. Gusto ko na lang kausapin
'yung teacher namin sa Oral Com nung first sem na palitan 'yung grades namin para
lang tantanan na ako nito! Di ko naman kasalanan na mas mataas ako sa kanya ng
isang puntos!

Wala pang tao sa room nang dumating kami ni Giorgi. Sa tingin ko ay may hangover pa
sa bakasyon ang mga kaklase ko. Although, I saw Adren reading a book while seating
on one of the desks.

Ghad, ang pogi talaga nito. His jet black hair complements his fair white skin.
Everything about him screams mystery. Ang alam lang namin sa kanya ay mayaman siya
at mahilig siya ngumiti.

Anak kaya 'to ng Mafia?

Matapobre kaya ang pamilya niya?

Kapag kaya nagalit 'to, bibilhin na lang niya 'yung kaaway niya?

I absentmindedly shook my head to dismiss the thought. Nope, isang malaking hard
pass kay Adren.

Kaya kahit gaano 'to ka-gwapo ay hindi ko magawang landiin. Takot ko lang makita
ang katawan ko na lumulutang-lutang sa ilog 'no.

"Hoy, ano 'yan? Bawal 'yan, ah?" I tilted my head to Gio's direction.

"What?" Kumunot ang noo ko kay Gio. He was looking at me as if I betrayed him.

"Teacher ang type ni Adren. Tirador 'yan ng student teacher. Di mo kaya 'yon."
Seryosong sabi ni Gio.
Sinapak ko siya sa braso. "Gagio ka talaga kahit kailan!"

"Totoo nga! Wala kang pag-asa riyan. Naku, ako na nagsasabi sa'yo kay Sara-"

Sarathiel. Pakiramdam ko ay may tinik sa lalamunan ko. I didn't want to talk about
him. Ilang araw ko tiniis na huwag siyang kausapin. I blocked every option for us
to communicate. Siguro naman ay nakagawa na ng paraan si Clary upang landiin siya.

Bitterness crawled into my heart as my lips twitched on the thought that maybe the
two of them was talking during our break. Pakiramdam ko ay traydor ako dahil
nakakaramdam ako nang pangungulila sa atensyon.

Pero, bakit ko naman ito mararamdaman?

Gio was talking when I decided to cut him off before our talk about Sarathiel would
escalate more.

"Gio, may sinend ba sa GC si Ms. Cynthia?" I diverted our conversation.

"Ha? Anong sinend?" he looks confused. Palagi naman 'tong mukhang walang alam.

"Format sa research? Mali kasi 'yung nagawa namin."

Isa pa sa maling nagawa namin sa research ay pinangunahan namin si Ms. Cynthia.

Dapat ay hininay-hinay pala namin. Hindi maganda ang isang research paper kung
minadali lang ito.

He nodded his head. "Sige, send ko na lang sa'yo ulit para di ka na mag-backread.
Baka kasi natabunan na."

"Wow, ang effort. Mahal mo talaga ako 'no?" tinusok-tusok ko pa siya sa tagiliran.

He chuckled. " Mas mahal ka ni Sa-"

My smirk immediately faded. Walang pagkakataon na hindi niya binabanggit ang

pangalan ni Sarathiel!

"Gio, tawag ka! May meeting daw mga class president!" may tumawag sa kanya na
kaklase namin.

Thank ghad, a life saver! Hindi ko kaya kakayanin na puro Sarathiel na lamang ang
lalabas sa bibig ni Gio. I wanted some peace and sleep! Kulang pa ako no'n!
"Ang aga namang gawain niyan! Pakisabi naman na kakabalik ko lang sa school, may
gawain na kaagad kami? Wala man lang welcome back party, ampucha." Napakamot sa ulo
si Gio.

"Class president pa more," halakhak ko. Umirap sa akin si Gio at pumunta na sa may
pintuan.

Hindi ko talaga alam bakit si Gio ang binoto nilang class president. Halata kasing
pinagtripan lang siya- halos lahat kasi ng nasa class officers ay matino, si Gio
lang talaga hindi.

I went back to my seat when Gio needed to go outside for the errand. Kinamusta ko
lamang si Bea at Melay na mukhang nabitin din sa kanilang mga bakasyon.

Habang nasa meeting si Gio. Dumating na ang homeroom teacher namin na si Ms.
Lourdes, she's our ABM001 teacher which is Applied Economics.

Ms. Lourdes was just asking us about our Undas breaks. Syempre may mga kaklase ako
na nag-kwento ng mga kababalaghan na nangyari sa kanila. Akala mo talaga mga nasa
KMJS dahil may actions pa mag-kwento.

The door went ajar and it revealed Gio with a goofy smile on his face. Agad siyang
pinahintulutan na pumasok ni Ms. Lourdes.

Pumasok na si Gio sa classroom at dumiretso kay Ms. Lourdes. May binulong siya kay
Ms. Lourdes kaya naman tumango ito. Tumikhim ito upang kuhanin ang aming atensyon,
all eyes went to their direction.

"Class, listen. Mr. San Pedro has something to announce," Ms. Lourdes said, to get
our attention.

I grinned when I saw how Gio's face cringed at the mention of his surname.

"Lahat kayo ay hindi makakapasok sa langit- Joke lang po." Nag-peace sign si Gio
kay Ms. Lourdes nang makitang kumunot ang noo nito.

"Ito na guys, seryoso na tayo. Sa susunod na linggo, Intrams na ng SHS department."

There was an uproar of cheers from my classmates. Hindi sila masaya dahil mahilig
sila sa sports activities- masaya sila dahil walang klase, puro lang panonood ng
mga laro na akala mo naman sports enthusiast kami.

"Ito 'yung dates para sa tryouts. Everyone is encouraged to join." He said while
writing the dates on our whiteboard.
Ang ganda ng sulat niya, grabe- talo pa ang cuneiform sa sobrang gulo. Parang
kailangan pang i-decipher ang meaning.

"Pres, ako na mag-sulat." Inako na ni Faye na aming secretary ang pagsusulat.

Naaawa na siguro siya saaming mga kaklase niya na hindi maintindihan ang sulat ni
Gio.

Sinulat ni Faye ang mga dates at nilagyan niya sa ibaba ng 'For ABM only' ibig
sabihin ay ibang dates ang para sa mga STEM, HUMSS, GAS at TVL.

"By the way, per strand daw po ang magiging labanan." Gio added.

"Excited na akong mag-cheer sa crush ko from STEM!"

"Traydor ka, ABM ka!" saway ni Gio kay Melanie.

"Tol paano 'yon?! Jowa ko nasa TVL!"

"Mag-break muna kayo, balikan mo na lang pagkatapos ng Intrams." Kibit-balikat ni

Gio.

Ako naman ay tulala lang. Nakaawang ang bibig dahil hindi makapaniwala.

Bakit para akong nilalaro ng tadhana? Pinapaikot nang pinapaikot ang mundo ko kay
Sarathiel? I thought it was possible for us to just mind our own business since
we're not from the same strands.

Paano ko iiwasan ni Sarathiel kung may mga activities kaming ganito?

“Any questions?” Gio asked and I raise my hand. Agad niya akong pinili dahil
mukhang alam niyang seryoso ang itatanong ko.

"Required ba manood ng lahat ng laban?" I asked. Tumingin naman saakin si Gio, he

has a playful grin on his face.

"Hmm, di naman. Pero attendance raw ang manood sa mga laban ng ABM sa iba't-ibang
strand," sagot ni Gio.

My heart thudded at the thought that there was a possibility that I have to watch a
game with STEM students. At dahil nga required para sa attendance, there was a
possibility that Sarathiel is there too!

Fudge. Ibig sabihin kapag may laban ang ABM sa STEM kailangan namin manood. Umakyat
na naman ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

I nodded as I slouched on my seat. Lumapit saakin si Bea dahil napansin ang biglang
pagbago ng ihip ng hangin.

"Dora na naman ba magiging pangalan mo, Zaf?" tanong ni Bea sa tabi ko.

"Sana hindi." Ngumiwi ako.

The remaining hours of classes was focused on remembering our past lessons before
we moved forward to new ones. After that, we had a meeting inside our class for the
upcoming intramurals. Lahat sila ay masaya at tanging ako lamang ang mukhang
binagsakan ng bato sa mukha.

"Gagawa ako ng banner! Go ABM!" Melanie said while waving her hand in the air,
acting like she has a banner.

"Gawa tayo ng ribbon headbands? Anong color ba ang ABM?" Lumingon si Bea saakin.

I answered despite not being in the mood.

"Blue 'yata." May color coding kasi para mas madaling makita ang support system ng
bawat strand. Red for STEM, blue for ABM, yellow for HUMSS, green for GAS, and
purple for TVL.

"Gawa ka ng red," sumingit na naman sa usapan namin si Gio. Akala mo walang

kaibigan sa room e, ako palagi kinukulit.

I shot up a brow. Why would I need to create a red one?

"Bakit?"

"May susuportahan ka sa STEM, 'di ba?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Kahit wala?"

"Ay shet, LQ sila." Umakto pang nagulat si Gio, may patakip-takip pa ng bibig.

"Kaya di ka crush ng crush mo kasi ang daldal mo e," umirap ako kay Gio.

Gio laughed. "Kasalanan ko bang lawyer ang nais niya? Ayaw niya sa CPA Lawyer na
tulad ko?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "Di mo sure sa CPA."

Magkakaalaman kami sa grade 12. Wala pa kasi kaming accounting ng grade 11. We'll
encounter that subject when we're already on grade 12 according to our specialized
subject teachers.

Pero ang balita ko ay sa ibang school mas nauna nilang kinuha ang subject na 'yon.
I guess it really depends on the school.

I sighed, I wanted to have an accounting subject already. Pakiramdam ko ay sawang-

sawa na ako sa mga nababasa ko lamang. I want an application too! Kaso sa kasamaang
palad ay mukhang next year ko pa malalasap ito.

Pagkauwi ko ay nakita ko si Clary na nakabusangot. Nakahilata siya sa sofa at

hawak-hawak ang cellphone niya.

When she saw me entering the house, she immediately run towards me as she pushed
her phone on my face.

"Zafi! Sure ka bang kay Sarathiel ito? Isang beses niya lang ako nireplayan e-
tapos question mark pa! After no'n, hindi na siya sumasagot!" ngumuso si Clary
saakin.

"Baka walang load," I shrugged my shoulders. Binaba ko ang knapsack ko saka pumunta
sa kusina para kumuha ng tubig.

She sneered at me.

"Niloloko mo lang 'yata ako, Zafi e! Ang mamahalin ng hoodie niya tapos wala siyang
load?"

"Di kami masyadong close ni Sarathiel. Ibang strand 'yon," sagot ko sa kanya habang
naglalagay ng tubig sa baso. As I pour water on the glass, I could see my hand
trembling.

"Ano ba strand niya? Matalino ba siya, Zafi? Lalo lang ako nat-turn on sa kanya!"
lumaki ang ngiti niya.

I gulped the water down, umaasang maaalis nito ang nakabarang mga salita sa aking
lalamunan. I wanna tone my voice down a bit. Ayokong masaktan si Clary.

"STEM? Matalino? Palagi siyang tulog sa klase."

It was the truth though. Hindi ko naman sinisiraan si Sarathiel at sa kanya mismo
nanggaling 'yon. In fact, I think I still have the recorded tape of his interview
from before.

"Type ko talaga siya, Zafi!" hagikgik ni Clary.

Uminom ulit ako saglit dahil parang may nakabara na naman sa lalamunan ko. Kailan
kaya ito maaalis? Then I remember someone, the root of the reason why Clary met
Sarathiel. Si Alex na dapat sanang ka-date nitong si Clary.

"Paano si Alex?"

"Anong meron kay Alex?" she ask, nonchalantly.

"The guy likes you. Don't you think he might be hurt that you like his friend
instead?"

That was a low blow and even I would be offended if someone use me as their bridge
to form a relationship. Masakit 'yon para kay Alex.

"Well, Alex and I still talk. Pero di ko naman siya masyadong type. Sakto lang,
ganun." She was typing in her phone.

"Bakit naman?"

"Masyado kasing mabait sa lahat? I want someone who's masungit but only kind to me.
Sarathiel has that kind of vibe." she was giggling.

Tinamaan na talaga siya kay Sarathiel. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya- but it felt like
I was faking it.

Good for her, I guess. Sarathiel's a catch - sans checking his attitude. Pero
mabait din naman siya, once in a blue moon nga lang.

After that, I decided to go to my room so I can have my rest already. It's been a
rough day, I wanted to relax.

I was preparing myself to sleep, I took a hot bath and drink some milk. Pero bwisit
na brain cells 'to dahil ayaw pa akong patulugin. Para silang mga tangang
bumubulong saakin na tignan ko ang account ni Sarathiel sa Facebook. Ginawa ko
naman. Bwisit na 'yan.

I unblocked his account and saw that I had to add him again as a friend. Mabuti na
lang na mutual friend namin si Adren dahil kung hindi, di ko siya ma-add ulit.
I was biting my lower lip when I click the 'add as friend' button. I was curious on
how he was doing during the time we haven't interact with each other.

I decided to check notifications and friend requests. Nakita ko ang isang pamilyar
na pangalan.

Iscalade Altreano was a familiar name so I decided to click accept. Since we've
become friends recently, some of his posts were on my feed.

Iscalade Altreano
Sino first time lang ma-ghost? Congratulations bro Sarathiel Aracosa Binata ka na!
I'm so proud of you, dude!

What? Sarathiel was ghosted? By whom? May kalandian pala 'yung tangkay na 'yon?

I checked the comments to see if someone mentioned the girl. Para lang aware si
Clary.

All I saw were comments from Sarathiel and his friends.

Sarathiel Aracosa:
Hari ka ba, Iscalade?

Iscalade Altreano:
Bakit dude?

Sarathiel Aracosa:
Kasi Kingina ka.

Wala namang mentioned na babae. Madalas ay mga babae lang din ang nagm-mention ng
mga kaibigan nila na sinasabing ang swerte raw ng nang-ghost kay Sarathiel.

Matutulog na dapat talaga ako dahil maaga pa ang pasok ko. I was about to close the
Facebook application when a notification came in.

Sarathiel Aracosa accepted your friend request.

For some reason instead of going to sleep feeling relaxed — I didn't even have a
blink of sleep. Dahil ito sa pusong naghuhumerantado na pilit binubuksan ang aking
mga mata.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 10 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

 Kabanata 10

The opening of our Intramurals requires us to wear our strand shirts— isa lang
itong t-shirt na may print ng strand at kulay na binigay para sa strand mo. In my
case, I was wearing a blue one since I'm from ABM.

I decided to tucked it in the waistband of my jeans. Tinali ko ang buhok ko, medyo
wavy kasi ito kaya ang kalat tignan kapag hindi nakatali. Since Intrams naman, I
decided putting on some cheek and lip tint tapos nag-mascara na rin ako. Pwede
naman mag-lagay ng make-up, as long as it's not too heavy.

Sabay kami ni Clary pumasok. She was wearing her GAS shirt proudly. She's also
obsessed with seeing people in red shirts though. Napapansin ko ang pagkinang ng
mga mata niya.

Sana lang hindi namin siya makasalubong.

"Goodluck ABM!" Ngumiti saakin si Clary while raising her fists.

"Galingan niyo GAS!" Ngumisi naman ako sa kanya.

Pumunta na ako sa room namin. Nakita ko na inaayusan si LJ, since she's the muse
for the ABM strand. Maganda naman kasi talaga siya.

"Zafi, si Sarathiel daw escort ng STEM!"

I begrudgingly turned my attention to him. I saw his boyish grin and immediately
grimace.

"Ang aga-aga mo naman maging tangina, Gio."

Bakit updated ba 'to si Gio kay Sarathiel? Idol niya ba 'yon? Crush niya? Kulang na
lang sambahin niya e.

"Medyo lamang kasi ng kaunting ganda sa'yo si LJ e. At saka, sa height." nag-

explain pa si Gio at talagang nag-demostrate pa kung gaano katangkad si LJ.

"Di ko tinatanong," Umirap ako.

It is not like I'm interested in pageants either. Sa Miss Universe nga, tanging ang
Q&A lang ang inaabangan ko.

Nakarating na kami sa classroom, all of them were already preparing for the
intrams. Halos maging langit na ang buong klase dahil sa mga asul na damit at
ribbon na nakakalat sa mga sulok ng kwarto.

Lumapit ako kay Melay at Bea. Both of them were wearing ribbons as headband. May
nakalagay dito na 'GO ABM' tapos tinotoo talaga ni Melay 'yung banner niya.

Lumingon si Bea sa akin.

"Zafi, lagay natin 'to sa ulo mo." Bea said while raising the blue ribbon on her
hands.

Tumango naman ako. Nilagay niya ito sa noo ko banda. I said thanks and proceeded to
fix my things before the bell for the torch ring.

Pumila kami para hindi magulo mamaya pagbaba sa gymnasium. Ang iingay na agad nila
dahil sabay-sabay lumabas ang mga ABM. Lalo lamang tumingkad ang kulay asul na mga
damit dahil sa dami ng mga tao na nakasuot nito. I can feel the anticipation of
everyone.

Lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. Wala kasi talaga akong ambag sa sports, pero gusto ko
rin manalo ang strand namin. No'ng nasa junior highschool ako ay madalas kami
talagang mga nasa higher section o pilot section ang nananalo.

"Adren, ang cheer natin — go ABM ah. Baka iba masigaw mo. Ikaw rin, Zafirah.
Tandaan niyo, it's go ABM!"

"Zafi," lumapit saakin si Adren, nakapamulsa siya. He was wearing a sportswear

since he's our escort.

Lukot ang kanyang mukha nang tawagin ako. He secretly pointed at Gio who also had
his brows furrowd at him.

"Yes?"

"May gusto ka bang gawin kay Gio? Just want you to know that I'll support you in
whatever you want to do with that idiot." he has a scowl on his face, obviously
annoyed.

Napakagat naman ako ng ibabang labi ko. Sabi ko na nga ba anak 'to ng mafia e.
Suportahan ba naman daw ako sa pagpatay kay Gio. Pero syempre hanggang sa utak ko
lang 'yun pwede gawin, I have goals to fulfill.

I laughed at his remark and nodded. Umalis na si Adren dahil tinawag na siya sa
harapan.
Tiningnan ko ang messenger ko. Sarathiel and I are now friends in Facebook but it
seems as if he just accepted me out of boredom.

The bell rung, signalling that the torch for the opening of our Intramurals is
about to get lit.

Maayos kaming bumaba papunta sa gymnasium. It's a really wide one. Bawing-bawi
talaga ang binayad namin sa UJD pagdating sa facilities nila.

We saw different colors of shirt. My mouth was slight agape because of awe. Masyado
na 'yata akong kulong sa room namin dahil ngayon ko lang napansin talaga ang iba't-
ibang strand.

"Hi pwede mangligaw?"

I tilted my head to the direction of a STEM guy and a TVL girl. The STEM guy looked
cocky.

"Pwede naman," the TVL girl smirked. "Hindi nga lang saakin."

Burned! Ngumisi naman ako, go girl! Nakita ko naman na ngumiwi 'yung lalaki. Akala
niya siguro kina-gwapo niya 'yung pagsuot ng STEM shirt.

Ang lakas din kasi ng loob niya kausapin nang ganoon 'yung TVL girl. Mukhang 'yung
TVL girl pa kasi 'yung muse ng TVL strand. She's gorgeous though so I can't blame
the STEM guy.

"Zafirah!"

May tumawag sa pangalan ko kaya napalingon ako sa direksyon kung saan ito nagmula.
It was Iscalade and he was waving his hand to me.

My eyebrows furrowed but I decided to wave a little. I think he's harmless. He

looks nice.

Lumapit saakin si Iscalade.

"You're Zafirah from ABM, right?" he was smiling from ear to ear.

Bakit marami bang mga gwapo sa mga tangkay?!

"Yeah, bakit?" tanong ko.

"Wala lang, I just wanted to say hi!" he chuckled. Ngumiti naman ako, he has a
contagious laugh. Kahit di ka naman natatawa ay matatawa ka na lang din.

He looked shock for a moment and proceeded to say "There's a stain on the back of
your shirt."

"Hala," ghad! Baka nung naghaharutan kami ni Clary kanina ay nalagyan niya ng iced
coffee niya!

"Wait, I'll try to fix it." seryosong sabi ni Iscalade.

Tumango naman ako. He really is nice! Tumalikod ako para kay Iscalade. Pinagpag
niya 'yung t-shirt ko sa likod. Tumigil lang siya at tumawa nang mahina.

"What?"

"Hindi po ako nandito para makipag-away," he said in a serious tone but he

immediately laugh.

Tumingin ako sa harap ko at nakitang nakatingin saamin si Sarathiel. He looks

annoyed and he was furrowing his eyebrows at us. Nasa stage na kasi silang mga muse
at escort.

He looks...good. He was also wearing a sportswear. Halos mga naka-jersey lang naman
sila pero hindi ko alam bakit di ko matanggal 'yung tingin ko sa kanya. Siya ang
unang nag-iwas ng tingin.

He chuckled. "Una na ako, Zafirah. Baka mamatay ako nang wala sa oras e. Kaya niyo
'yan, ABM!"

"Loko ka. Sige lang, go STEM!" I cheered. Ngumiti saakin si Iscalade bago siya
tuluyang bumalik sa mga STEM.

"Sabi ko na nga ba, traydor ka e!" Nagulat ako nang sumulpot si Gio sa tabi ko.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa paratang niya. What? Traydor?

"Go STEM, ampucha. Sabing go ABM e! Sinasabi ko na nga ba marupok kayong mga ABM!"
Gio accused me.

Di ko na lang siya pinansin at nanood na lang ng opening program. The torch was lit
by our PE teachers.

They proceeded on announcing the Mr. Intramurals and Ms. Intramurals. They had to
walk and introduce themselves. I was laughing on the inside. Lalo na nung si
Sarathiel na ang rarampa. Gusto ko ito kuhanan ng video kaso bawal 'yata maglabas
ng cellphone sa loob ng gym.

Mukhang hindi aware si Sarathiel na kailangan 'yon dahil nakakunot ang noo niya.
When it was his turn, hindi man lang siya nag-effort mag-lakad talaga. Sobrang
monotone pa ng pagpapakilala niya.

I was laughing on the inside. This type of event does not suit him but it makes him
look cute. I supressed my smile because I didn't want anyone to notice it.

Nanalo si Adren at saka 'yung TVL girl na nakita ko kanina bilang Mr. and Ms.
Intramurals — Adren looks flushed in red and the TVL girl was smirking, may
binubulong siya kay Adren dahil nakikita kong gumagalaw ang labi niya.

"Congrats, Adren!" bati ko sa kanya nang makabalik siya saamin. This is the 1st win
for the ABM! Mukhang maganda ang magiging resulta ng Intrams sa amin.

"Thanks." He smiled but his gaze was somewhere else. Agad din siyang umalis.

Babalik na dapat ako sa pila nang mapansin ko ang tingin ng mga naka-red sa akin. I
became conscious because of it.

Nakarinig ako ng mga tumatawa sa likod ko. Nilingon ko naman ito at nakitang ang
mga tangkay pala.

"Bakit sila tumatawa?"

Some were shameless enough to point at me. Ghad, is this still about the wrong
room? The Dora The Explorer? First Sem pa 'yon, ah?

Ganyan ba mga STEM? Hindi maka-move on?

I saw Sarathiel talking with his blockmates. I felt guilty— hindi ko rin naman
siguro magugustuhan kung bigla na lang ako lalayuan ng isang tao. Pero ayoko kasi
talaga maging awkward kami dahil kay Clary.

I was surprise when he look at my direction. He tilted his head and his jaw
clenched.

I was about to go when he walk towards me. Nagulat ako sa biglaang pagtanggal niya
ng ribbon sa noo ko.

"What was that for?!" I shrieked at him.

Anong problema niya?!

He smirked. "Since you're supporting our strand. I might as well support yours,
don't you think?"

Tinali niya 'yung ribbon na blue sa braso niya. Umawang naman ang bibig ko dahil sa
ginawa niya.

Isn't he aware that some people are watching him? Baka itakwil pa siya ng strand
niya dahil sa ginawa niya! And also, kailan ko pa sinuportahan ang STEM? I am ABM
all the way!

"Hibang ka ba? Kailan pa ako sumuporta sa STEM? I just said go STEM, it doesn't
mean I fully support you! Syempre sa ABM ako!"

He licked his lower lip and grinned. "I didn't hear you say go STEM though. The
support on your shirt says it all. I'm very touch, really. Nag-effort ka pa,
Zafirah."

Unti-unting kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya, ilang beses pa akong kumurap dahil
iniisip ko ang mga ginawa ko kanina. I don't remember doing anything for STEM.

He chuckled lightly as he pat me on the head. Agad akong umiwas at umismid sa

kanya. May ngiting naglalaro sa kanyang labi.

“Nice shirt, Zafi. Hope you'll wear it until the end,” he winked before slowly
striding away from me.

Anong shirt? Tumingin ako sa t-shirt ko at nakita naman na ABM ang nakalagay pero
may bumabagabag sa akin. I decided to run towards the nearest bathroom to check
something.

Nang makita ko na sa salamin ang likod ko. My eyes widened as I read the content of
a paper plastered on the back of my shirt.

GO STEM! GO MY BABY SARATHIEL! I HEART YOU!

My cheeks immediately heated because of embarrassment. Wala akong nilagay na

ganito!

I was biting my lip in frustration. Nakita 'yon ng mga tangkay?! Nakakahiya!

Bwisit na Iscalade na 'yon! Wala talagang matino sa mga tangkay!

Kinuha ko ang papel at pinunit-punit. Sana lang talaga malamangan ng ABM ang STEM
sa intrams.

Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko sa kahihiyan. That was so embarrassing! Kaya naman pala
ang kapal ni Sarathiel na sabihin suportado ko sila!

Lumabas ako ng bathroom at nakita ko na nagr-refill ng tumbler sa water fountain si

Philomena ng HUMSS. When she saw me staring at her, she immediately look down.

Geez, baka akalain niya galit ako sa kanya. I tried to calm myself down and walk
towards her.

"Tapos ka na mag-refill? Gusto ko kasi uminom," sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumango naman siya. "Sige lang po."

She really looks soft. Agad naman akong na-guilty dahil tunog mataray ang tono ko
kanina. It is not like it was on purpose, it's my natural tone.

"I'm also sorry for staring." I apologized. Bigla naman siyang namula.

"Wala 'yon! It's nothing, really. Nagandahan lang po ako sa'yo kaya ano po..." she
was mumbling, eyes still casted on her feet.

I can't help but smile. When a woman compliments another woman, it's really
empowering.

“Ikaw din, you're pretty.” I told her and she looked up to me. Agad siyang tumango
at binaba muli ang tingin nang mapuno na ang tumbler niya.

Umalis na si Philomena nang matapos siya mag-refill. She gave me a short nod before
walking away. Mahiyain nga siya, just like how other people label her.

Hindi ako makapaniwala na siya rin 'yung Philomena na halimaw daw sa debates.
Sobrang hinhin kasi niya.

She's well known because of her contrasting personality in the field that she
excels in. Ang tsismis ay mahinhin siya pero talagang mamaw sa mga activities sa
HUMSS.

I went back to the lane of ABM. Nakita ko si Bea na may kausap na naka-yellow
shirt. Si Melay naman ay may kausap na naka-red at may pahampas-hampas pa siya sa
braso nito.
I also saw Clary and she was talking to Sarathiel. Hindi siya pinapansin ni
Sarathiel, she looks rejected. Tumingin silang dalawa sa akin.

I wanted to ignore them and feign ignorance. Pero lumapit sa akin si Clary at
hinatak ako papunta kay Sarathiel. She yanked my arms even if I protested by trying
to get it back from her.

Hanggang sa nasa harap na kami ni Sarathiel. Hindi ako makatingin aa kanya nang
diretso, remembering the shirt incident. Namumula na nga ako dahil paulit-ulit na
lumalabas sa utak ko ang nakasulat dito.

"Zafirah is rooting for us! Di ba, Zafi? Bagay kaming dalawa?" Clary sounded
desperate. I look at Sarathiel and he was waiting for my answer.

What? Bakit nadamay na naman ako? Tumingin ako kay Clary, I saw how her eyes were
almost pleading. Wala namang mawawala sa akin kung sasabihin ko na oo...

Pero parang mali.

Parang ayoko.

In the end, I decided to just go with her. She's my cousin. Siya dapat ang
kakampihan ko.

"Oo," I said. Tuwang-tuwa naman si Clary.

Lumingon siya kay Sarathiel. Nilingkis niya ang kanyang braso sa braso ni Sarathiel
na mukhang nanghihina. Sarathiel looked suddenly looked sullen.

"See? I told you she was the one who wanted us together! She even gave me your
number!"

For a second, I saw how Sarathiel's expression was hurt but he immediately
concealed it with a smirk.

Tinanggal niya ang kapit ni Clary sa kanya at lumingon sa akin. His eyes were
unwavering.

Sarathiel laughs coldly. "Really? Who are you to say who should I like? Sino ka
ba?"

Malamig ang bawat bato niya sa akin ng salita. Hindi ako sumagot dahil ramdam ko na
kung may sasabihin pa ako ay lalo lamang magiging malala ang trato niya sa akin.
I felt a pang in my chest. That hurt— I didn't know Sarathiel was capable of
hurting my feelings.

When I didn't answer, he decided to leave and I can feel the animosity that
surrounds him. Clary chase him, not bothering to ask if I was okay.

Akala ko ay magiging okay ang lahat kung lalayo kami sa isa't isa. Pero bakit
ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon?

I was left there with an empty feeling I can't get rid of.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 11 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 11

"Seryoso 'yan?" tinuro ko si Gio na nagf-flex ng sarili niya sa mga kablockmates

namin.

Naka-jersey siya na pang-basketball. It was color blue and has ABM printed on it.
Sa likod nito ay 06 San Pedro nakalagay.

Tumitili ang ilan sa mga kaklase namin. The guys even joined the cheer for him. Ako
naman ay nanatiling nakataas ang kilay dahil sa pagmamalaki niya sa kanyang
muscles. I mean, he did have the body for it. Hindi siya sobrang maskulado at hindi
rin naman siya payat.

"Ginawan ko ng banner si Gio!" Melanie squealed in delight. She's always supportive

when it comes to our blockmates and our strand itself.

"Guys, ako lang 'to. Itatayo ko talaga bandera ng ABM." ngumisi si Gio saamin.

Kaya naman ngayon na nanonood na kami ng laban ng ABM at STEM sa grade 11

basketball ay tuwang-tuwa kami kay Gio. Lahat kami ay halos mamamatay na kakatawa
sa kanya.

Bumunghalit ng tawa ang buong ABM 1 kay Gio nang nasa loob na kami ng court.
Kitang-kita namin kung paano niya kami ipagmalaki sa kanyang laro.

"Go Gio! Seat properly!" sigaw ko kay Gio na kanina pa nakaupo sa may bench para sa
mga basketball players ng ABM.

Ilang oras na 'yata siyang nakaupo. Pakiramdam ko ay naiputan na siya ng Adarna

dahil sa tagal niyang hindi pinapasok sa mismong laro. Ang malala pa ay mukha
siyang batang iniwan ng nanay niya sa grocery store at sinabing huwag aalis o
gagalaw sa kanyang pwesto. He was just there, sitting straightly.

"Melay, ibaba mo na banner mo. Nanonood lang din naman 'yata si Gio e." Hagalpak
ang tawa ni Bea.

Si Melanie naman ay unti-unting binaba ang banner na ginawa niya para kay Gio.
Sayang dahil ang ganda pa naman ng quality ng banner niya.

"Itatayo raw bandera ng ABM- pero kanina pa siya nakaupo." nagpupunas ng luha si
Melay, naiiyak na siya sa kakatawa.

We didn't really hope for him to do well. Pinili lang naman siya dahil sa height
niya at dahil nasa ibang sports na ang mga athletic kong mga kaklase.

Bangko kasi si Gagio. Kapag sinasalta naman siya sa loob ng court- hindi siya
nakaka-shoot. Sa tagal niyang naka-upo sa bench, baka isipin ng tao na upuan din
siya.

"Buti na lang talaga matalino si Gio." Halakhak ko. Bano sa basketball.

My arms were across my chest as I watch the ball being pass on by one player to
another. A familiar guy was on the court, his hair was plastered on his forehead
because of his sweat but it didn't make him look bad - on the contrary, it made
almost all of the girls to root for him.

Naningkit ang mga mata ko dahil namukhaan ko na kung sino ito - it was no other
than Iscalade himself. Gumapang ang kaba sa puso ko dahil nawala sa isip ko na STEM
nga pala ang kalaban namin ngayon.

Iscalade decided to go for a half court shot before the buzzer goes off. Kaya naman
hiyawan ang mga STEM dahil mukhang tinatambakan talaga kaming mga ABM.

"Ang galing ni Iscalade! Palaging three points!" Melay said in awe.

"ABM ka, uy!" sita ko sa kanya.

"Okay lang 'yan, magpapanggap muna akong STEM dahil kay Gio." Melanie chortled
whilst continuing her cheer for the other side.

Kasali rin pala si Iscalade sa basketball team ng STEM. Siya rin talaga ang
nagdadala ng laro nila. Ang laki nga ng lamang nila sa score namin.

Iscalade was wearing a bandana and even though he was sweaty- he looks good in his
jersey. Ang dami tuloy tumitiling mga babae sa STEM at ABM dahil sa kanya.

I didn't really like the game because the other side was continously scoring. Hindi
man lang ito naging challenging dahil nga sa una pa lang ay tinambakan na kami.

I roamed my eyes but I didn't see even a hint of his shadow. Disappointment crept
inside my heart.

Sa huli, nanalo ang STEM laban sa ABM. Tinambakan nga ng STEM ang ABM kaya hindi na
nakabawi.

"G na g kasi maglaro si Iscalade. Gusto talaga makalaban mga HUMSS," kwento ni Gio
sa'kin nang puntahan ko siya matapos ang laro.

Inabutan ko siya ng tubig at tinanggap niya naman ito. Uminom si Gio bago lumingon
sa'min at sumama na kumain muna bago siya umupo ulit para sa susunod na laro.

"Bangko ka lang e," I chuckled and Gio nudged me on the shoulder. Totoo naman 'yung
sinabi ko.

"Anong over all scores? Sino leading?" tanong ko.

"STEM 'yata? Sunod ABM," sagot ni Gio habang naguunat-unat.

My forehead creased because of his gesture.

Akala mo naman talaga gumalaw siya. Napagod ba siya kakaupo?

We were walking to the cafeteria when I notice his sweats. Hindi naman ito dugyot
tingnan pero nalalagkitan ako sa kanya kaya ngumiwi ako at nilabas ang panyo ko.

"Punasan mo nga sarili mo. Bakit ka pawis na pawis, wala ka namang ginawa?" tanong
ko sa kanya. Pinunasan ko siya gamit ng panyo ko.

"Naglaro ako!" He defended himself. Natigilan lang siya at nagulat ako nang nagtaas
ng dalawang kamay.

He looked pale as if he have seen a ghost. Agad siyang umatras habang tinaas ang
dalawa niyang kamay na para bang sumusuko siya.

"Gusto ko lang sabihin na mali 'yang iniisip mo," bigla siyang nagsalita.

"Gagio ka talaga. Ano 'yon?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

Lumingon ako sa kung saan siya nakatingin.

My lips parted.

It was Sarathiel and he was wearing his signature jacket. He was looking at us from
head to toe. May hawak siyang soda can.

May kakaiba akong naramdaman dahil sa paraan kung paano niya kami tingnan. I
remember how hurt he looked like before this. The way he made me feel so cold.

He arched an eyebrow and drink on his soda. Nilagpasan niya lang kami ni Gio na
para bang hindi niya kami kilala.

Napasabunot si Gio sa sarili niyang buhok. "Tangina mo naman, Zaf e!"

"Anong ginawa ko sa'yo?"

Siya na nga pinunasan, siya pa galit?

Gio dismissively rolled his eyes and continued walking. Sumunod naman ako sa kanya.

As I saw Sarathiel's back from us. Nakaramdam ako ng kung ano sa dibdib ko.

Ito 'yung gusto ko 'di ba?

Pero bakit parang may mali? I shouldn't be sad. I should feel happy because he
finally stops pestering me.

I sighed as we went back to our building. Mabibigat ang bawat hakbang ko kaya naman
tumingin saakin si Gio at kinalabit ako.

Nawalan na ako ng gana kumain. Gio decided to tag along with me, masama raw kasi
ang maglaro pagkatapos kumain. Pinapanindigan niya talagang naglalaro siya kahit
ang ginawa lang naman niya magdamag ay umupo.

"May laban mamayang hapon 'yung grade 11 volleyball," sabi niya.

Lumingon ako sa kanya.

"Required manood?"
"Yup, ABM vs STEM 'yun e. Ako na bahala sa seats niyo. Front row pa, promise."
Ngumiti saakin si Gio.

I smiled back at him.

I'm grateful for having Giorgi as a blockmate and also as a friend.

Joke lang pala. Tangina talaga ni Giorgi.

I appeared gauchely seated on the seat that Gio provided. Ilang santo na 'yata ang
pinakiusapan ko sa utak ko na kung alam man nila kung nasaan si Gio ngayon ay nasa
paki-batukan para sa akin.

"Ang awkward mag-katabi 'yung STEM pati ABM."

"Baka mag-jowa 'yan sila."

"Sana all."

Napahilamos ako sa sarili kong mukha. Si Bea at Melay naman ay nakatingin saakin at
nagpipigil sila ng ngiti.

I abruptly shook my head at them when they were secretly pointing at Sarathiel.
Pinanglalakihan ko sila ng mata para tumigil na sila.

Alam kong katabi ko siya, please don't make him oblivious of that fact!

Hindi ko alam paano ko naging katabi si Sarathiel. Pero alam kong gawa 'to ni
Gagio.

And I would strangle him because of it! Akala ko pa naman ay mawawalan ako ng sama
ng loob pero mukhang lalo lang itong lumalim.

"Bibili lang kami ng tubig," paalam ni Bea at akmang tatayo nang pigilan ko siya.
She squinted her eyes at me, kaya naman agad ko siyang binitawan.

"Bibili ako ng popcorn," dumagdag pa si Melay at kinindatan pa ako.

I heaved a sigh and pleadingly looked at them. Pareho lang silang nagtataas sa akin
ng kilay, like they're planning something.

"Bumalik kayo ha," I gritted my teeth. Nakita ko na malaki ang ngisi nung dalawa.
Duda akong babalik pa sila.

Fudge.

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Sarathiel. May katabi naman si Sarathiel at kausap niya
ito. He really didn't even spare me a glance. Alam niya sigurong nasa tabi niya
lang ako dahil sa kabilang dako ang atensyon niya.

If he hated me so much, he didn't need to make me feel like it. Lumamlam ang
pakiramdam ko dahil dito. I shouldn't feel like this.

Para tuloy akong ewan dito na inaabangan na magsimula na 'yung laban ng STEM at
ABM.

Lumabas na 'yung players. I saw Czanne as one of the players for STEM. Kaya ba
nandito si Sarathiel para suportahan si Czanne?

No, probably not.

Baka para sa attendance lang din. I didn't know why I had to convince myself.

This seriously made me feel down. It made the empty feeling inside my chest more
hollow. Parang sinimot pa lalo ang natitirang meron dito.

Hindi kami naguusap ni Sarathiel. Hindi niya ako pinapansin. Masyado rin akong ma-
pride para kausapin siya.

The game started and I tried to enjoy it since it is still my strand against
another one.

Lamang ang ABM sa STEM. I was cheering the whole time for our strand. Pero
natigilan lang ako dahil pagka-spike nung isang player sa STEM ng bola ay napunta
ito sa direksyon namin.

Out of reflex, I close my eyes and decided to hide in the nearest person I know.

Sa sobrang takot ko matamaan ay hinatak ko ang katabi ko para magtago sa kanya. The
person beside me did shield me from the ball. Mabuti na lang at doon sa walang
bakanteng upuan ni Melay at Bea napunta 'yung bola.

"Thank you," nanginginig kong sabi. That was close. Masakit pa naman matamaan ng
bola.
Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya at sinalubong naman ako ng mga mata niyang nag-
aalala. He was looking at me with a perturbed expression. Agad niyang tiningnan
kung may natamaan sa akin.

"Welcome," napalingon ako sa katabi ko. Si Sarathiel nga pala 'yung katabi ko! Sa
sobrang kaba ko kanina ay nakalimutan kong siya ang katabi ko!

"Mag-jowa nga sila!" someone gushed from the crowd.

"Sorry," sabi ko at bumitaw sa pagkakahawak ko sa jacket niya.

I meant it for what I've said. I didn't want to offend him and honestly this set up
is making me feel so bad. Parang naging way na lang ito upang lumabas na ang
kinikimkim ko na sabihin sa kanya.

"For what?" his tone was cold.

"Kay Clary-" I stopped and inhaled some air before speaking.

I nibbled on my lower lip and decided to go for it. Lumingon ako sa kanya at
tiningnan siya nang diretso sa kanyang mga mata.

"I didn't really say that. Pero gusto ka niya talaga. She's a really nice girl once
you know-"

He cutted me off by shaking his head in disapproval.

"I don't wanna know her. I'm not interested." He firmly said.

No, that can't be. Hindi pwedeng - bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? I feel bad
because I feel so relieved! I should feel the otherwise! Not this one.

I exasperatedly sighed.

"Sige, ako na lang-"

"Ikaw na lang?" nagtaas siya ng kilay. Namula naman ako.

My eyes immediately glared at him. There's no way I'm feeling like this because of
him. This was just my guilt because I think I offended him.

"Patapusin mo muna ako, lintik ka. Ako na lang magsasabi kay Clary na maghanap na
lang siya ng iba 'yung hindi sugo ng kadiliman."

"Right," he sneered.

Nilipat niyang muli ang kanyang paningin sa laro. It made me realized that I
shouldn't be too harsh on him. Ako na nga itong humihingi ng pasensya.

"I'm sorry..." my pride was crumbling down.

I saw him stiffened on his seat. Unti-unti niyang binalik ang tingin niya sa akin.
The aloofness of his gestures immediately softened.

"Bati na tayo?" tanong ko sa kanya. He was about to speak when someone sat beside
me.

"Ang rupok rupok rupok naman ng upuan na 'to," it was Iscalade, hindi ko alam 'yung
ginagawa niya sa upuan nila Melay.

Iscalade acted surprise, even putting a hand on his mouth. He grinned at us while
continously shaking the chair he was using.

"Hi Zafi! Hi Sarathiel! Ang rupok ng upuan ko!" Halakhak ni Iscalade.

"Share mo lang?" I snorted at him.

He only shook his head and laugh.

Hindi ko na tuloy nalaman ang sagot ni Sarathiel pero sa buong oras ng laro ay
naguusap kami tungkol sa mga nangyari sa undas break namin. Si Iscalade naman ay
umaalis din kaagad dahil may laro pa pala siya- may inutos lang daw sa kanya si Gio
kaya siya pumunta sa'min.

The game ended with ABM winning. Tumayo na si Sarathiel at akala ko ay iiwan niya
na ako na walang sagot. I get it, my apology probably looked like it was half
assed. Hindi kasi talaga ako sanay na mag-sorry sa mga ganitong bagay.

I was about to also return to our room when Sarathiel traipsed over my direction.
His cheeks were crimson while looking down.

"Do you mean it?" he asked in a low tone.

"'Yung a-ano? Sorry?" I ask, distracted with his sudden movement.

He abruptly nodded.

"Yeah, sorry if I offended you..." mahina kong tugon.

He looked up to me, hope lingering on his eyes. It made my heart pound against my
chest. Those hazel eyes will be the death of me.

"I'm sorry too, Zafi. I just don't like being paired with others..." he had a glint
of smile on his lip. "When I already have someone I like."

Oh. That's why he was pissed off.

I slowly nodded my head.

"R-right, sorry ulit."

He gave me a boyish smile.

"Bati na tayo."

Buong araw ay halos para akong lumulutang sa mga ulap. Simpling pahayag lang naman
'yon pero buong araw itong nanatili sa utak ko.

Halos 6pm na nang makauwi ako sa bahay. Naabutan ko si Clary na nakapameywang at

tinataasan ako ng kilay.

She was glaring at me. Kaya naman agad kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya. Hindi ko pa nga
nailalapag ang aking knapsack ay agad niya akong hinila.

"Anong meron sa inyo ni Sarathiel?"

I looked at her with pure confusion on my eyes. I even laughed because of how she
was acting.

"Ha? Anong pinagsasabi mo?"

She showed me a picture of Sarathiel and I talking in the volleyball match. Kanina
lang 'yon ah.

I frowned upon knowing this information and look at her with discomfort.

"Clary, that's creepy. You shouldn't take pictures of other people-"

She had tears under her eyelids, mga nagbabadyang lumandas sa kanyanv pisngi.

"Someone posted this on UJD confession page! Sana all daw mag-jowa kahit magka-iba
ng strand!" She shrieked.

I get where she's coming from but at the same time she doesn't make any sense.
Hindi naman sa kanya si Sarathiel.

"Di kami mag-jowa pero hindi rin ako natuwa noong nagsinungaling ka tungkol sa may
sinabi ako sa'yo." I sighed.

She cannot always use me as a bait for Sarathiel. That's just awful. At ayoko na
ulit na magkaroon kami ng hidwaan dahil lang kay Clary.

She chuckled, bitterness dripping on her tone.

"Do you like him, Zaf?"

I looked away but decided to answer what I always say.

"No-"

"Liar! Nagbago ka na, Zafirah!"

Did I really change? Wala namang nagbago sa'kin. Pero sa nararamdaman ko ay hindi
ako sigurado. Hindi ako maka-sagot sa kanya nang diretso kung kaya't sumigaw siya
dahil sa kanyang inis.

"Zafi, bakit?! You know I like Sarathiel!"

I didn't want her to think I seduced Sarathiel because she liked him. Ayoko rin
isipin niya na may ganito nga akong nararamdaman. Dahil kahit ako ay hindi pa ito
matanggap.

"Clary, stop it. Marami pang lalaki riyan. Di ka mauubusan ng lalaki! Nandiyan pa
nga si Alex e!"

We were both startled when the door went ajar, niluwa nito ang panganay na kapatid
ni Clary.

"Ano 'to?" Kuya Carlos came in. Naguguluhan siyang tumingin sa'min. He looked tired
but he was intrigued that we were both shouting.
"Wala, Kuya." Clary averted her gaze. I knew the reason why she was hesitant to
open up.

Takot si Clary malaman ng magulang at kuya niya na nagb-boyfriend siya. That's why
I'm the only one who knows her boyfriends before.

"Hiniram ko kasi 'yung notes niya sa E-Tech kaya lang hindi ko mahanap." I lied,
covering for Clary.

Bumuntong hininga si Kuya Carlos bago niya kami nilapitan at tinapik sa aming mga
ulo.

"Sige, sa kwarto na ako ha. Huwag na kayong mag-away dalawa. Kayo na nga lang
magka-sundo sa bahay e." Ngumiti si Kuya Carlos at umakyat na.

Ilang segundo lamang ay padabog na naglakad si Clary palapit sa'kin. Clary glared
at me with blazing eyes.

"I'm not going to lose to you," Clary said before going upstairs.

She stopped midway and decided to throw me a glance of disgust.

"Akala ko pa naman puro ka lang pag-aaral, Zafirah. Inaaral mo na rin pala paano
lumandi ng taong gusto ng pinsan mo?"

That hit me hard. Naiwan ako roon at napaupo na lang sa may sofa.

Did we really have a competition in the first place? Masama nga ba na lumalapit pa
rin ako kay Sarathiel?

I liked competitions but not like this. I'm trying to understand her perspective.
Mali nga naman na magkagusto ka sa taong gusto na ng taong malapit sa'yo. It's like
a code you can't break.

I was so torn between the two of them. Kung sa ibang tao lang ito, I'll always
choose Clary over them. She's basically family. Pero iba si Sarathiel, for some
reason I can't just give him up.

Naaawa ako kay Sarathiel. He doesn't deserve to be treated like a trophy of

affection. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon si Clary. Nasanay siguro siya na lahat
ng lalaki na gusto niya ay nagkakagusto rin sa kanya pabalik.

In the end, I realized that it is not up to us but only Sarathiel can give her an
answer. I remember how Alex looked hopeful when they were together. Sayang dahil
kay Sarathiel niya binibigay ang atensyon niya.

I shut my eyes close as I rest my head on the sofa. Gusto ko na lang muna mag-
pahinga. This day was too exhausting. Pakiramdam ko ay ramdam ko na ang
nararamdaman ni Gio kahit umuupo lang naman siya tuwing may laro.

Sarathiel and Alex, huh? If I was Clary, I probably already knew the answer. It is
not simple but it is a way to get hurt less.

Choose whoever stays with you.

We can't always have what we want but we can always choose those who decided to
stay with us.

I hope she knows that.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 12 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 12

Hindi ako pinapansin ni Clary. Maaga rin siyang umaalis ng bahay kaya di kami
nakakapagusap. Wala akong magawa kundi hintayin na kumalma siya para makapagusap
talaga kami.

Hindi ko naman kasi talaga pwedeng pagpilitan ang gusto niya. Ang daming lalaki sa
mundo, hindi naman sila limited edition. Ang pangit lang kasi tingnan na hinahabol
niya si Sarathiel na hindi naman nagpapakita ng motibo sa kanya.

Mas mainam pa nga 'yatang lumandi sa bato kesa kay Sarathiel na hindi ka na nga
papansinin — tatarayan ka pa.

The Intramurals ended, iba't-ibang strand ang nakakuha ng trophies sa bawat

kategorya. Although STEM got the highest number of trophies and ABM came second, it
was a close call. May araw din talaga 'yang mga tangkay na 'yan saamin.

"Adren! Pwede ka ba maging sugar daddy? Kung hindi, kahit daddy na lang! Rawr!"

Napatingin kami sa itaas ng building ng TVL at nakitang may babaing nakasilip doon
at nakasandal sa railings. Kumindat siya kay Adren saka umalis.

"I won't judge your taste," I said as I recognized the girl as the Ms. Intramurals
during our Intrams.
Ang wild naman ng type ng anak ng mafia na 'to. Pero maganda talaga siya kahit
maikli lang 'yung buhok niya. Siya 'yung tipong girl crush, ganun?

Hindi sumagot si Adren. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya rin 'yung buhok
niya bago siya naunang maglakad saakin.

Nakita ko naman si Bea at Melay sa Bonanza Area. Nilapitan ko sila at nakita

kaagad ang problemado nilang mga mukha.

"Bakit?" I asked as I went to them.

"GC." Sagot ni Melay.

I checked my phone for notifications and messages. Ang GC namin para sa buong
section ay naglabas ng isang announcement.

Presidente Gio:
Summative raw next week y'all.

Handa na ba kayo?

HAHAHAHAHA

My lips went slightly agape because of what I've read. What the hell? Ang dami pa
namang gagawin! Bakit kami tinatambakan!

In Senior highschool, mas gugustuhin mo na lang maging octopus. Ang dami talagang
gawain tapos isa ka lang. Di ka naman pwede mag-taympers o sumigaw ng sandali!

Ang swerte mo kapag nag-extend ang deadline. Malas mo kung kinabukasan kaagad ang
pasahan. Sobrang malas mo kung surprise ang pasahan ng notes niyo tapos di ka pa
pala gumagawa.

"Summative? Meron pa tayong gagawin sa ibang subjects ah!" reklamo ni Melay.

"May practical research pa tayo," Bea sighed exasperatedly.

"Ilang subjects pa 'yung it-test natin." Napabuntong hininga na lang din ako dahil
naalala ko ang MATH002.

Halatang problemado kaming tatlo habang nakapila sa bilihan ng snacks sa Bonanza

Area.
Bumili lang ako ng softdrinks pati chips dahil nakalimutan ko magbaon ng pagkain.
Ang bigat din kasi sa bag pero wala akong magawa kasi ang pagkain namin sa school
ay gawa sa gold.

Pumunta kaming main caf at doon kumain. Although, it was just our short recess so
we didn't really eat a lot. Nasa mukha namin ang problema namin dahil malapit na
ang summative.

"What's with your face?" Sarathiel sat beside me. I tilted my head to his
direction.

"Kagandahan."

"What the fuc—" bago pa siya makapag-reklamo ay sinubuan ko na siya ng tsitsirya na

kinakain ko.

"Ha? Kain ka lang diyan." I smiled sweetly at him.

Hindi ako mananalo kay Sarathiel kung palagi akong mapipikon sa mga banat niya. I
found his weakness though— he couldn't stand me acting caring towards him.

"May problema ka ba?" Sarathiel was examining my face.

"Ikaw. Ikaw ang problema ko." Nag-finger heart pa ako sa kanya. Umirap sa'kin si
Sarathiel.

"Summative niyo rin next week 'di ba?" tanong ni Melay Sarathiel. Tumango naman si
Sarathiel.

"Di ka kinakabahan?" tanong ni Bea.

Sarathiel snorted. "Di naman nakamamatay 'yon."

Nang matapos kami kumain. Naunang naglakad si Melay at Bea kaya naman kaming dalawa
ni Sarathiel ang naging magkabasay maglakad.

"May nickname ka ba?" tanong ko sa kanya. I can see how some girls will stop from
what they're doing just to look at him.

"What's with the sudden question?" lumingon siya saakin.

He's really hot. Alam niyo 'yung mga pilipinong nalahian ng dugo ng dayuhan? He's
like that but he's more on the foreign side. Siguro nga kung hindi mo siya kilala
tapos bigla siyang nag-Tagalog, iisipin mong may youtuber na pinagtitripan ka sa
gilid e.

"Hey," I was almost caught red handed. Masyado 'yatang tumagal ang pagtitig ko sa
kanya.

"Wala lang, ang haba kasi ng name mo. Pang-santo, hindi ka naman mabait."

"Sorry, akin." Nagkibit-balikat lang siya. "I don't have nickname, if that's what
you want to know."

"Sath," I called his attention. He stopped from his track and tilted his head to my
direction.

"I'll call you Sath from time to time. Pwede rin Sara? Sara, ang munting prinsipe
ng kadiliman." Halakhak ko.

"Ikaw bahala," he said, snifling a smile.

"Mukhang natuwa ka naman sa nickname na binigay ko sa'yo. May kapalit 'yon."

"Ano?"

I smiled cheekily. "Pahiram ako ng notes mo sa MATH002, please?"

Imbis na notes ang binigay niya saakin. Binigyan ako ni Sarathiel ng one-on-one
reviewing. Niyaya niya ako sa isang study hub na alam niya.

The place looks nice. It has a minimalistic interior design and a vast space—
securing that everyone can study at peace. They also offer drinks and small snacks
that could help their customers boost their energy for studying.

Umupo kami sa pinakadulong lamesa. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at nag-picture. Ang ganda
kasi ng lighting dito! Instagram-able!

"IG mo?" tanong ko kay Sath, I'll tag him there. Ayoko sa facebook kasi ang kalat
ng nasa friend list ko.

"I don't have IG." He answered as he was preparing his study materials.

Sayang naman mukha nito, hindi niya binibiyayaan ang IG feed ng iba.
"Gawa ka, tapos follow mo ako." Utos ko sa kanya.

"Okay," he grab his phone and a few minutes later, a notification from my IG popped
in my screen.

sathrcs followed you

I followed him back and decided to post my IG story. It was a photo of him while he
was creating his IG account.

I decided to add a caption:

I made @sathrcs make his IG account. No need to thank me.

Hindi ko inakalang marami ang magr-reply sa IG story ko.

Ladegetslaid: whipped hahaha

Giorgiyo: Yabang naman. Flex na flex.

Adonisrr: bagay kayo lol.

I also added it in my instagram account. Since I liked the place. I posted a

picture of the interior, a picture of me and a stolen picture of Sarathiel.

I saw a familiar name in the comment section. He also recently followed me.

AlexSantiago: akala ko ba @sathrcs hindi ka gagawa ng IG ever? Hahaha dudeee

Hindi rin makatarungan dahil mas marami na kaagad ang followers ni Sarathiel kesa
saakin. Wala pa namang siyang post at ako pa lang naman fina-follow niya.

Sarathiel ordered smoothies and a trail mix of dark chocolate and random nuts. Para
raw may kinakain kami habang nagr-review.

We also decided to hide our phones so that we can review thoroughly. Lalo na sa
MATH002 dahil ito 'yung core subject na meron kami pareho.

Nakakalito kasi 'yung Probability and Statistics sa totoo lang.

Nahihirapan ako rito dahil hindi tulad ng Gen Math na basta sundin mo lang 'yung
formula para sa equations ay sureball na tama ang sagot mo, just always be careful
with the signs though.
"Gets mo na 'yung factorial notation, 'di ba?" tanong ni Sarathiel.

I nodded my head. "Yup!"

"Answer this," may inabot siya saakin.

In how many ways can you arrange 6 persons in a picture.

I wrote my answer. 6! 'yung sagot e. I proudly handed it to him.

"Mali," he sighed.

"Hoy tama 'yan! 6! naman talaga 'yung sagot."

"Yeah, it is 6! but that's only part of the answer. You should still solve for it,"
pinakita niya saakin kung paano.

6(5)(4)(3)(2)(1) = 720 ways.

"I forgot," napaawang ang bibig ko.

He was playing with his pen when he looked at me.

"In MATH002, always analyze the question. Hindi pwedeng i-solve mo lang kaagad
'yung numbers."

He was really good in teaching me our past lessons. Akala ko nga aasarin niya ako
pero hindi. He was serious on making sure I understand everything.

"Magaling 'yung teacher natin pero minsan talaga tulala ako sa klase niya," I
pouted.

He chuckled. "Before recess?"

"Yes! Gutom na kami kaya naman ang hirap i-pasok sa utak 'yung mga lessons."

Nagkaroon kami ng pahinga kaunti. Tapos na kami sa core subjects kaya naman kanya-
kanya na kaming review para sa specialized. Specialized subjects are designated for
each strands, bale parang exclusive subjects lang ito sa strand na kinabibilangan
mo. I think GAS is an exception though.
I listen to most of my subjects so I didn't have a hard time in reviewing. Madali
lang naman kasi talaga kung nakikinig ka sa klase.

Sarathiel on the other hand was focused on his specialized subjects. One of them
was Basic Cal.

Natawa naman ako, I remembered our first meeting.

"Want to talk about Pre Cal?" I mocked his tone as I skimmed through his old notes.
Apparently, iisa lang notebook niya for Pre Cal and Basic Cal since iisa lang
teacher nila roon.

"What the? Circle lang pina-kumplikado niyo pa?" nagtaas ako ng kilay. Isipin mo
bilog lang may radius at center pa?

"Sath, ano 'to?" turo ko sa parang equation. Sinilip naman niya ito.

Written in his note was this:

(x-h)²+(y-k)²=r²

"Standard equation of a circle," he said, shrugging. He pinched the bridge of his

nose, he looks sleepy. "If the center is at h,k."

"Anong h at saka k?"

"The abscissa of center is h and the ordinate of center is k."

"Ganyan palagi topic niyo? Hardcore." Halakhak ko.

Ngumisi lang siya.

Akala ko totoo na palagi siyang tulog sa klase. Pero kung totoo man— bumabawi naman
pala siya sa pag-self study. Nothing's more attractive than a person who takes
their studies seriously. Makikita mo kasi na kung ang pag-aaral nga kaya nilang
seryosuhin, ikaw pa kaya?

Qoutang-qouta na sa pamumuri si Sarathiel sa utak ko. Sana lang hindi niya malaman
dahil baka magyabang pa siya saakin.

Since I was done with reviewing. I decided to check my IG. I saw Clary hearted my
post and left a comment.

ClaryMorales: ship <3

What the hell? I decided to send a direct message to her.

ZafiSanchez: you're not mad anymore?

ClaryMorales: Nope! Actually, I want to be the bridge between you guys <3 if
you'll let me?

ZafiSanchez: I think you got the wrong idea. We're just friends.

ClaryMorales: C'Mon, Zaf. I just want to help so that I can make it up to you. :D

Clary and I were really close. Kaya naman hindi ko alam bakit hindi ako mapalagay
sa sinabi niya. I know her too well.

Tumingin ako kay Sarathiel. He was still busy reading his notes on Pre Cal.

I replied to Clary.

ZafiSanchez: If he likes me, he'll like me. You can't force people to like you, it
just happens. You can't force feelings. It's not how things work.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 13 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 13

Inabangan ko si Sarathiel sa Bonanza Area nang maguwian na. I just got the results
of my summative tests. Nang makita ko siyang nakapamulsa ay kaagad ko siyang
nilapitan.

Pinangpunas ko kunyari ng imaginary pawis ang test paper ko sa MATH002. It was

obviously to flaunt my score.

"Grabe, Sath. Ang init talaga. Tignan mo 'tong score ko, 45 lang naman over 50." I
said, with smug look on my face.

"Grabe, ang galing mo. Congrats," he said in awe.

"Ilan ka?" I smiled at him.

"Huwag mo na alamin. Nakakahiya." He acted shy.

Hinampas ko siya sa braso. "Para ka namang others! Dali na, I won't judge."

Kinuha niya sa knapsack niya 'yung test paper niya at inabot saakin.

"Huwag mo ako pagtatawanan, ha?"

I chuckled. "Oo naman! Ikaw kaya nagturo-"

49 over 50. That was his score.

"Nahiya ka pa 'no. Di mo pa ginawang 50." I scowled.

Ngumisi siya. "No one's perfect, Zaf."

I'll be lying if I tell others that we're not friends. We became close after
reviewing for the summative.

I did say that I'm attracted to smart people since I like talking with people who
have substance.

As I look closely at Sath, I bit my lower lip and smiled.

I think I have a crush on him.

『••✎••』

"The more you hate, the more you love." Halakhak ni Melay nang kinuwento ko sa
kanya na feeling ko crush ko si Sarathiel.

Nasa Main Library kami ngayon. Kumukuha kaming mga RRL para sa Practical Research
namin.

Hindi ko kasi alam bakit tirador ako ng mga matatalino. Even my past crushes were
from section 1. Minsan nga kaklase ko pa basta nasa top 10 siya, isa na siyang
prospect ng aking feelings.

"Di ko alam paano ko sasabihin kay Clary. Sabi pa naman niya gusto niya maging
tulay saamin." I nervously said.

I feel like I'm betraying Clary and I'm being insensitive towards her. Kaya di ko
rin masabi kaagad kay Sarathiel dabil baka masaktan si Clary. I know she's still
not okay.

I want to talk to her about it.

"Tulay? Bridge? Ano kayo building? Bakit kailangan ng tulay?" Melay arched an
eyebrow.

"Ewan ko nga e. Natatakot din kasi ako na baka dahil kay Sath mag-away ulit kami.
Di ako sanay na gano'n."

Clary was the one who liked him first. Para namang ang sama ko kung aagawin ko sa
kanya si Sarathiel.

"Naku, kasi alam naman ni Clary na may sexual tension-"

"Melay, ano ba 'yan!" namumula kong siniko si Melay. Tumawa naman siya.

"Alam mo 'yun? Ikaw lang 'yata walang alam e. Totoo ngang na-bobobo sa pag-ibig mga
matatalino 'no?"

"By the way, malapit na pala ang field demo. Makakalaban na naman natin strand ng
bebe mo." Kumindat siya sa akin.

Ito pa 'yung isang awkward. Magka-iba kami ng strand. Madalas talaga ay nagiging
kalaban namin sila sa mga activities sa school. Minsan pareho pa kaming
participants ng mga quizbee.

"Kalat kaya sa STEM at ABM ang tungkol sa inyo. Ikaw naman kasi- sa dami ng mga
STEM na nagkakagusto kay Sarathiel, mas ginusto niyang makasama ang isang ABM na
tulad mo."

"Anong meron sa amin?" I was confused.

Malalim na napabuntong hininga si Melay. She looked at me, disbelief written all
over her face.

"Since you're not from STEM and you're not interested in their strand. I'll fill in
some details, okay? Sobrang ilap ni Sarathiel sa tao. Ikaw nga lang 'yata
tinatabihan no'n e."

She continued. "That's why some STEM students has their eyes on you. You're like
taking away their king. Aware ka naman na si Sarathiel ang pride ng STEM 1
pagdating sa academics, 'di ba?"
I nodded. That's true, Sarathiel established his name as the genius of the STEM
strand. Siya kasi palagi ang nangunguna sa mga announcement ng awards.

"Some says Sarathiel likes you," Melay trailed on.

Napatigil ako sa pagkuha ng mga thesis sa bookshelves. I could hear the loud
beating of my heart.

"Some also says Sarathiel sees you as a challenge since you're the highest achiever
of ABM. I think it's the latter though- "

Natigilan si Melay at nanglaki ang mga mata niya.

"Bakit?" tanong ko. My heart almost stopped beating when I heard a familiar tone.
Ang kalabog nito ay unti-unting humina.

"I heard my name, are you talking about me?"

Sarathiel was peeking over my face. I craned my neck to his direction and our faces
were an inch apart.

My heart started palpitating. Para bang binawi niya ang ilang segundong katahimikan
na ginawa niya kanina.

Sarathiel didn't even shifted his gaze at me.

I was scared that he might hear the loud beating of my heart.

Hinampas ko tuloy 'yung thesis na hawak ko sa noo niya.

"Tsismoso ka 'no," I sneered at him.

"I'm just curious if you're badmouthing me." He said as he was caressing his
forehead.

"Ay hindi ah. Puring-puri ka nga e," tumawa si Melay.

Gusto ko siyang kurutin para manahimik! Ngayon lang ako kinabahan nang ganito.
Hindi ako makatingin nang diretso kay Sarathiel.

"Sasali ka sa field demo?" I asked, trying to change the topic.

He furrowed his eyebrows which made his forehead creased.

"Lahat naman 'yata kasali?"

"I mean dancer ka ganun?"

Since all of the sections of one strand are considered as one. Hinahati ito sa
dalawang grupo, those who will do the props and those who will dance. Strands na
naman kasi ang labanan dito.

"Baka hindi, I was appointed to be the head of props." He pouted which made him
look like a kid. How cute.

"Wow, isipin mo 'yun? Head of props ka tapos di ka naman artistic." Halakhak ko.

Duh, sobrang dull kaya ng mga designs ng notebook niya. Alam ko kasi suki ako ng
paghiram ng notes niya sa core subjects.

"They say I'll be a good leader, so I hope I won't disappoint them." He sighed,
exasperatedly.

"I'm eyeing for the head of props too." Ngumisi ako.

Wala pa namang announcement pero pwede naman akong mag-volunteer o kaya 'yung
coordinator ng strand namin mismo mamimili.

He smirked at me. "Is this a declaration of war?"

I smiled at him. "I mean, nakita mo naman siguro mga notebook ko kumpara sa
notebook mo 'di ba?"

"Zafi, I'm not exerting effort on those...but since you're involve with this..." he
put some strands of hair behind my ear and whispered to me.

"I might be all in for it. " He grinned at me.

I can feel my face heating up. Sobra rin akong pinagpapawisan at tanging ang tibok
ng puso ko na lang ang naririnig ko.

"Well, let's see if being all in will make you win, STEM." I was able to give him a
smile even if my knees are slowly getting weaker.

"Sure thing, ABM." He mocked my tone. Umalis na kami ni Melay bago pa man ako
tuluyang mamatay sa kilig kay Sarathiel.

I had crushes before but my crushes never had this effect on me. Si Sarathiel lang.
He's literally the one who can make my knees weak.

"London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is
falling down- wala ng pagasa si Clary," I heard Melay singing.

"Melay!" saway ko kahit pulang-pula na ako.

"Sa review ka lang pala madadaan, Zafirah! Jusko ka, review lang pala katapat ng
damdamin mo!" tawang-tawa si Melay.

"I like smart guys, okay?" I muttered under my breath.

"Dami-dami sa room natin!"

Ngumiwi naman ako. "Yuck! Blockcest! At saka matalino nga pero may kaltok sa utak.
Ikaw ba bet mo si Gio?"

"Pass!" Melanie grimaced.

Kawawang Gio.

Dumaan ako sa Chapel at nakitang nandoon si Ms. Intramurals, taimtim siyang

nagdadasal.

I felt bad because I know people like stereotyping too much. I heard rumors about
her such as she's wild and she's dirty. Pabaya raw sa pag-aaral. Pero hindi ako
naniniwala roon hanggang hindi ko pa siya nakikilala.

Why do people like judging others when in fact they don't even know them at all?
All they know are hearsays, not even an ounce of truth. Even if they do know the
truth - who are they to say how a person should live their life?

Mukhang naramdaman niyang nakatingin ako sa kanya. She smiled at me. She's really
beautiful. The type that you can't get your eyes off.

I smiled back.

Umalis na rin ako dahil ayoko naman isipin niyang tibo ako. I don't swing that way.
I like men especially the man who owns the name of Sarathiel.
I texted Clary because I wanted to make myself clear. I can't always hold back my
feelings because of her. Alam kong pwede naman ako magparaya - but not with
Sarathiel. I'm not willing to give up that guy.

Clary:

G Hall. Usap tayo. :)

"Clary," I called her when I saw her seating on one of the benches.

Umangat ang tingin n'ya sa akin. Agad naman akong napalunok dahil hindi ko talaga
inaasahan na hahantong pa kami sa ganito. Just for a guy? It was absurd.

"Do you like him?" seryosong tanong niya.

I sighed and looked at her sternly.

"I do."

Clary was petrified on her seat. Hindi siya makagalaw at nanatili siyang nakatingin
sa akin.

"Why do you like him?" I asked her.

She gulped. Binawi ang tingin sa akin at nagsimulang magsalita nang utal-utal.

"He's g-goodlooking—"

"No, Clary. I don't wanna invalidate your feelings but..." I inhaled some air
before continuing.

"Sarathiel's more than that. He's funny, he's considerate, he's smart and he's
someone you can depend on. He's more than what the surface offers, Clary...I like
him for that."

I saw how Clary clenched her fists.

"I wanted to get to know Sarathiel more, Zafi. I wanted the way he treated you. You
don't even know how lucky you are." Malungkot niyang sabi.

"I'm sorry —"

"I'm the one who should apologized. I became selfish because I thought I had a
chance too. Kung si Zafi nga tinatrato niyang ganun, bakit ako hindi?"

"You'll find someone and if you still insists on having a crush on him. Pwede naman
tayong share ng crush-"

Bigla siyang tumawa.

"Gaga ka rin 'no? Sa tingin mo crush lang 'yan? I don't wanna risk my feelings
anymore." There was sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry if you think I lied to you before. Pero ngayon lang talaga ako nagka-
crush sa kanya, promise." I even raise a hand.

"Okay lang 'yun. He was just my top 1 crush, you know? Pero dahil gusto mo siya-
talsik na siya sa listahan ko. I have 9 crushes left, so I think I'll survive."
Nagkibit-balikat lang siya.

"I'm glad we've talked about this," para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib.

"Yeah. Sisters before misters." Niyakap ako nang mahigpit ni Clary.

Nagpaalam si Clary na kailangan niya na umalis dahil meron pa silang gagawin sa E-

Tech. I nodded my head and hugged her before she went back to her blockmates.

Pabalik na ako nang may humarang sa daan ko.

"Crush pala, ha?"

Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko at hiniling ko na sana bumuka ang lupa at lamunin na
lang ako nito.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 14 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 14

"Gio, huwag kang maingay!"

Gusto kong burahin ang ngisi sa mukha ni Gio. Kanina ko pa siya hinahabol kasi
parang tanga lang pupunta ba naman siya sa STEM building.
"Anong gagawin mo kasi sa STEM building?!" Hinihingal na tanong ko. Bakit kasi ang
haba rin ng legs nitong lalaki na 'to?

Madrama siyang pumikit. "Papasyal lang. Magu-unwind. Hahanapin ang sarili."

"Gagio ka talaga! Ano nga?!"

"Tatanong ka pa! Syempre pagkakalat kong crush mo si Sarathiel!"

"Huwag kasi!" Para akong batang nagmamaktol dahil sa sinabi niya.

Magmula nang marinig niya akong umamin kay Clary. Atat na atat na siyang magsumbong
kay Sarathiel. Nakakainis lang kasi ayaw niya talaga ako tantanan!

Nakakahiya kaya umamin! I mean, kaya ko naman pero di ngayon! May field demo pa
kami. Ayokong ma-distract dahil balak ko talagang manalo ang ABM.

Sakto naman na nakita ko si Sarathiel na naglalakad habang kausap si Czanne.

Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko dahil ayaw kong magkasalubong sila ni Gio.

"Gio, tara na kasi!" Nahawakan ko na si Gio sa balikat at pilit siyang hinahatak

pabalik sa building namin.

Namumula na ako sa sobrang inis. Si Gio kasi mukhang tuwang-tuwa pa.

"Sarathiel, my love!" Sigaw ba naman ni Gagio!

Napalingon tuloy sa amin si Sarathiel na nakakunot ang noo. He was examining the
both of us.

I gritted my teeth in frustration. I was about to turn around and run when
Sarathiel called for me.

"Zafi," unti-unti siyang lumapit sa amin. Gio was smiling from ear to ear.

"Dude! Alam mo ba may crush—" tinakpan ko ang bibig ni Gio.

"Sa'yo si Gio!" dugtong ko sa naudlot niyang sasabihin.

Gulat na gulat ang ekspresyon ni Gio. Napahawak pa siya sa dibdib niya. Akala mo
naman talaga!
"Thanks?" Sarathiel looked confused. He immediately turned his attention to me.

"Did you eat lunch? Sabay na tayo?"

"H-ha?" nauutal kong sabi.

"Will you stay at school? Baka raw may meeting ang heads for props." He said,
shrugging.

"Ah sige. Oo. Sabay na tayo kumain. Balik lang ako sa room."

"Samahan na kita?" Sarathiel offered.

"Ampucha, hatid-sundo naman pala." Halakhak ni Gio. Siniko ko nga para manahimik.

Sinamahan ako ni Sarathiel sa building namin. Halos lahat 'yata nang makasalubong
namin ay napapalingon sa kanya. Some even tried avoiding to glance at him but he
still gets their attention.

Ang weird naman kasi talaga na may STEM sa ABM building.

Kinuha ko ang baunan ko saka bumaba na ulit kami ni Sath papunta sa Main Caf.
Nakita ko na nandoon din si Iscalade kasama ang ilan pa sa mga kaibigan nila.

Nang makita kami ni Iscalade, agad siyang kumaway sa'min.

"Sarathiel! Zafirah! Dito tayo!" Yaya niya sa aming dalawa ni Sath.

Tiningnan ko si Sath pero umiling-iling siya. He looks pissed off as his friend
strides his way towards us.

"Bakit? Niyayaya tayo nila Iscalade roon oh," turo ko pa sa direksyon nila
Iscalade. Patuloy itong kumakaway sa amin.

Ngumuso siya. "We were supposed to eat together."

"We'll still eat together. Kasama lang sila," I laughed. I heard him cussed under
his breath but we eventually went to Iscalade's table.

Umupo ako sa tabi ni Sarathiel na katabi ngayon ang lalaking naka-headphones. Sa

tabi ni Iscalade ay may dalawang lalaki na nag-uusap.
"Ikaw si friendly guy! Cae, right?" I tried to to form a small talk.

"Hi. Zafirah, if I'm not wrong?" he said, as if trying to remember who I was.

"Yes, that's me." I smiled.

Tumingin sa'min si Iscalade, nagpalipat-lipat ang mata niya sa akin pati kay Cae.
He whistled before asking.

"Magkakilala kayo?"

"Hindi naman." I answered before taking a bite of my food.

"Good, baka may magselos." Halakhak ni Iscalade. Binatuhan siya ni Sarathiel ng

tissue sa mukha.

"This is Sachael and Ade by the way." Pakilala niya sa dalawa niyang kasama na bago
sa paningin ko.

Sachael was the one beside Sarathiel. Si Ade naman 'yung isa pang katabi ni
Iscalade. Hindi ba sila 'yung mukhang mga model nung first day?

"Ade is ABM too, Zafi. Baka nagkikita tayo?"

I looked at Ade. "ABM ka?"

"ABM 2 po. Nakikita kita sa corridor ng ABM, palagi kang nagr-review." Tumawa nang
mahina si Ade.

"Ah yeah, araw-araw kasi may surprise recitation kami sa E-Tech."

I'm studious. Hindi ako sanay na walang review, kahit pa alam ko namang gets ko
'yung topic — hindi ako pumapasok ng walang alam.

"Ganyan ba talaga kapag galing section 1? Sobrang talino?"

"Hindi ah. Masisipag lang talaga sa pag-aaral." I denied.

"Si Sarathiel din naman, ah. Section 1 pero di number 1 sa puso ng crush niya,"
hagalpak ang tawa ni Iscalade.

Natigilan ako.
May crush si Sarathiel?

"Sino crush mo?" I straight forwardly asked. Nabilaukan si Sarathiel sa iniinom

niyang softdrink.

"Awkward!" Iscalade was wiping the tears from his eyes. Naiiyak na siya kakatawa.

"Mga katanungan bago mangyari ang sakuna," Ade chuckled.

Cae was hiding a smile and Sachael was grinning.

It is Czanne? Philomena? Sino?

Ako?

Hindi sumagot si Sarathiel. His lips were parted and he kept avoiding my gaze.

"I mean, it's your privacy. Huwag mo na lang pala sabihin." I smiled before putting
the lid back on my tupperware.

Tumayo na ako saka umalis.

I was shaking.

I didn't know how to react to that. Ang alam ko lang ang sakit pala talaga kapag
may gustong iba ang gusto mo.

I shouldn't feel this way. Wala naman akong karapatan. It is not like we have
mutual feelings. I know my limits.

Ayoko naman umasa. I always remind myself that I'm better off alone than hurt. Kung
aasa ako na baka ako 'yon pero hindi naman — I probably can't study for our
periodical test. Ayoko naman ng ganun. Ninety over landi.

I should set aside my feelings for Sarathiel. If I wanted ABM to win the upcoming
field demonstration of UJD, I should plan ahead.

Ako naman na ang napili bilang head of props. I really did my best in designing my
notebooks, projects and etchetera to make my Adviser impressed. She recommended me
to the ABM coordinator and it took a day for them to tell me that I was picked as
the head of props.
Ilang araw rin na hindi kami nagkita ni Sarathiel. When we were called to have a
meeting for the field demo, nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon na magkita muli.

He had his arms crossed while peeking over me. Ako naman ay nanatiling hindi
umiimik sa kanya. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagkunot ng noo niya.

Nagkaroon ng meeting sa Main Lib kaming mga head of props. Si Icarus ng HUMSS, si
Tabitha ng GAS, si Suzette ng TVL at si Sarathiel ng STEM.

The SHS department coordinator briefly explained our responsibilities as head of

props.

Bawal kaming gumawa ng props kapag hindi oras ng paggawa. Ibibigay naman daw 'yung
time para sa roon. Disqualified daw kapag nanira kami ng props ng ibang strand. We
should also refrain from pointing fingers on who owned the design of the props
first.

I was writing in my notes when Sarathiel gently pulled my ponytail.

"Galit ka?" he asked, soft spoken. Nakiliti naman ako sa paraan ng pagsasalita
niya.

He smells like mint. Naaamoy ko siya ngayon dahil malapit siya saakin. He always
had this fragrance with him.

Honestly, it is unfair how fragrance works on men. Bukod sa long lasting ito ay ang
lakas talaga makahatak sa pangamoy. But maybe it is just because I find him
attractive that's why even his smell makes my heart feel hammered.

I decided to shook my head and gaze back at him. Kitang-kita ko ang kulay
kayumanggi niyang mga mata. His brown eyes can easily make my knees weak.

I gulped and returned my focus on my notes. Nagsulat ako kahit wala naman nang
pinaguusapan.

"Hindi, I'm busy. Alam mo na, gusto ko lang naman manigurado na kami ang panalo." I
pursed my lips.

He was about to speak when he decided not to. He bit his lower lip and nodded.
Umalis na siya dahil tapos naman na 'yung meeting.

Sinundan ko lamang siya ng tingin. I wonder if he notice how much his mere presence
can make me feel like this.
I was determined to win this time. I was always competitive when it comes to
school. Gusto ko talagang manalo.

There's this part of me that always aim to be the best. Naniniwala kasi ako na kung
kaya ko naman gawin ang best ko, bakit ako mags-settle for less?

Ang foundation ng UJD ay sa January. It's already December now and the first two
weeks of January is allocated for the preparation of the field demo. Grade 11 lang
ang event na ito dahil ang mga grade 12 ay dapat daw nage-enjoy ng foundation day
dahil huling taon na nila sa SHS.

Medyo malayo pa pero inisip ko na agad ang mga maaaring gagawin ko para rito. Plan
ahead, they say. It always works with me.

『••✎••』

"Lapit na Christmas break ah," Bea said while looking at me.

"Yeah." I slowly nodded my head as I was scribbling some design for the backdraft
of ABM.

Ang theme ng foundation namin ay ang strand namin mismo. So we'll be performing a
field demo that promotes each and every strands. I heard TVL will soon have more
strands, bukod sa culinary. Handa ang UJD sa facilities para sa senior highschool
pero mukhang nangangapa rin sila pagdating sa mismong panibagong curriculum.

We were currently having our class in principles of marketing, groupwork ito kaya
naman umupo si Melay sa aking tabi. I was taking down notes for the potential
feasibility study that we'll have to do for this subject.

"Ang lamig naman ng Pasko natin, girl. Away kayo ni Sarathiel?" tanong ni Melay.

I shook my head. Pero sa kaloob-looban ay binabangabag ako ng sinabi ni Melay.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nakain ni Sarathiel dahil halata namang iniiwasan niya
ako.

Well, I saw him before but he decided to walk the opposite direction. Awtomatikong
napikon ako sa nagawa niya pero ayoko naman i-chat siya dahil lang doon.

Did he notice I have a crush on him? Did someone tell him?

I don't know.
Ang babaw niya kung lalayuan niya ako dahil crush ko siya. Hindi ko naman
ipagpipilitan 'yung feelings ko sa kanya.

Pero meron naman itong magandang dulot sa akin. Iniiwasan niya ako kaya naman mas
nagkakaroon ako ng oras para sa sarili ko. Not thinking about him or anything else
but my plans for the field demo.

This was also a good thing because I have more time to focus on the field demo.
Seryoso talaga ako rito.

I thought he'll act like that until God knows when — pero nagulat ako dahil may
nadatnan ako sa aking desk nang pumasok ako.

I thought he didn't care...

Until one day, a pack of yakult was found on my desk with a sticky note.

Kinuha ko ang sticky note at binasa ito. The handwriting was as neat as always. It
opened the cage of butterflies in my stomach. Sobrang liit lang ng note na ito pero
iba sa pakiramdam.

Hi Zafi, my blockmates forbids me from meeting you 'cause they're scared that I'll
intentionally let our strand lose because of you.

Have some Yakult. So everyday, you'll be okay. Without me. For now.

I hope this field demo ends now because seriously I just want to tell you
something.

Sincerely,
Sath

I giggled as I decided to keep the note and the yakult. Nakita ko ang ilan sa mga
kaklase ko na nakatingin sa akin. I ignored them and went to my seat.

Kagagaling lang ni Melay sa cafeteria kaya nang makita niya ako ay agad na umawang
ang labi niya.

“Kanino galing?” Melay asked upon seeing me drinking a yakult. Inabutan ko naman
siya nito dahil hindi rin naman maganda kung uubusin ko ang isang pack sa isang
araw.

“Sath,” I answered. “Hindi raw siya pinapayagan na makita ako.”

“Bakit naman?”

“Takot daw matalo ang mga STEM,” I shrugged off and decided to throw the bottle of
yakult in the near trashbin.

“Crush ka rin ba ni Sath?”

Kumunot ang noo ko at umiling sa kanya. I went back to my seat beside hers.

“No?”

“Hmm, feeling ko crush ka rin niya.” Pumalumbaba siya at ngumisi sa akin. “Sobrang
effort naman niya kung sakaling hindi ka niya crush pero gumagawa siya nang paraan
para makapagusap kayo.”

“Silly, it's Sath...” I wanted to rebuke her but then I realized...

Lalo lamang lumawak ang ngisi ni Melay at pumalakpak pa siya.

“Exactly, Sath rarely inserts effort. Pero sa'yo, sobrang effort.”

My eyes squinted. Ghad. Namumula na 'yata ako ngayon. I could feel the anticipation
in my heart. Baka nga, baka sakaling crush niya rin ako.

Pero, I'll still beat them in the upcoming field demo. Ngumisi ako. That's right,
I'm not backing down just because of my feelings.

Ninety over landi.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 15 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 15

Days passed and I kept on receiving Yakult everyday. Kulang na nga lang mag-suot
ako ng bucket hat at maglako sa school dahil hindi naman nauubos 'yung isang pack
kada isang araw.

"Anong magandang regalo sa babae?" Adren approached me with a question.

Malapit na nga pala ang Christmas Party namin. Hindi ko namamalayan dahil busy ako
sa pag-aasikaso ng plano ko para sa field demo.
"Ano bang gusto niya? Saan siya mahilig?"

"She's very practical," Adren ran his fingers through his hair. Ito 'yung may
magulong buhok pero parang dumadagdag lang sa appeal niya.

"Bigas?" natawa ako sa sinabi ko. Pero seryoso si Adren na nakatingin sa phone
niya. He typed my answer on his phone.

Seryoso 'to? May bibigyan talaga siya ng bigas?

"What's down, mga tropa." Sumingit si Gio sa gitna namin.

"What's a good gift for a practical girl?" Adren asked.

"House and lot, 'tol. Promise. Ididiretso ka no'n sa simbahan." Halakhak ni Gio.
Nakita ko naman na tulad kanina, Adren typed Gio's answer.

I wanted to give something to Sarathiel too. Kahit keychain lang sana.

"Sa tingin mo may gusto makuha si Sath sa pasko?" tanong ko kay Gio.

"Ikaw," he chuckled. "Ibalot mo na lang sarili mo."

"Gagio ka, baka di tanggapin." I laughed.

He playfully wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"Tatanggapin niya 'yon. Wala naman siyang choice."

I decided to just text Sath. I mean, siguro naman pwede kaming mag-text sa isa't-
isa?

Zafirah:
Ano gusto mong gift?

I immediately received a reply.

Sarathiel:
HI ZAFI SI ISCALADE 'TO BAWAL MAKIPAG-TEXT SAYO SI SARATHIEL KASI MARUPOK SIYA OO
MARUPOK. KAILANGAN NAMIN MANALO SA FIELD DEMO KASI AYAW NAMIN MAG-TEST SA BASIC
CAL. YAKANG-YAKA KASI 'YON NI SATH KAYA NATATAKOT KAMI BAKA ILAGLAG KAMI NI
SARATHIEL.

Ang sakit sa mata naman mag-text ni Iscalade! Capslock lahat! Galit na galit.

Zafirah:

Bakit ka naka-capslock?

Sarathiel:

MAY NABASA KASI AKO NA NAGKAKA-LOVELIFE RAW MGA NAKA-CAPSLOCK.

Zafirah:

PARANG DI NAMAN TOTOO.

Sarathiel:

KAYA NGA E. DAMI NAMAN UTO-UTO.

Zafirah:

OO NGA.

Tawang-tawa ako kasi nagpa-uto ako kay Iscalade. Ang lakas talaga mang-alaska nito!

Zafirah:

PATANONG NA LANG ANONG GUSTO NIYANG REGALO.

Sarathiel:

SURPRISE MO NA LANG DAW SIYA.

Ano ba 'yan. I don't know what to get him. Ngumuso naman ako dahil sa huli ay wala
pa rin akong nakuhang matinong sagot.

Kakapit na ba ako sa mga novelty stores na merong mga binibenta na kahit ano?

I decided to just get him a handkerchief. Kapalit nung hiniram ko na panyo sa kanya
dati.

I went to SM to buy one. Nag-paalam pa ako kay Tita na dadaan lang saglit dito.
When I got her approval, I decided to wear a t-shirt and denim pants at dumiretso
na rito. Mamimili talaga ako ng magandang kalidad dahil baka sabihin niya kuripot
ako. At saka, crush ko kaya siya. Kailangan ko rin mag-effort kahit papaano.

I was currently at the department store, sa accessories area. Namimili ako sa

dalawang brand kung anong klaseng panyo ang ibibigay ko sa kanya.

"Hey," someone tapped me from behind. When I saw it was Alex who was smiling.

I returned his smile and immediately gave him a quick nod.

"Hi! May ka-eyeball ka ulit?" tanong ko.

"Eyeball?" He looks confused but he still laughed. "You mean blind date? Wala. I'm
just here to buy Sarathiel a gift."

Napaawang naman ang bibig ko. What a coincidence, kahit pala ganun si Sarathiel,
marami pa lang nagmamahal sa kanya.

"Same!" I beamed at him, showing him the pair of handkerchief that I'm trying to
pick.

"You'll give him that?" umawang ang labi niya pero agad naman niya itong pinalitan
ng isang ngiti.

"Yup, hindi ko kasi alam kung saan talaga siya mahilig. Pero sa tingin mo kaya ay
unan na lang ang bigay ko since mahilig siya matulog?"

"Hmm," he pursed his lips and quickly chuckled. “Bilhan na ba natin siya ng bedroom
set? Para kahit saan ay pwede na siyang makatulog?”

We both laughed. Pareho pala kami ng iniisip. Sarathiel likes to sleep a lot. Kahit
saan 'yata ay makakatulog ang taong 'yon. Kaya siguro palaging may jacket para may
instant kumot na siya.

“I have a suggestion though.” Alex muttered.

"Ano 'yon?" I excitedly craned my neck to listen to him.

He smiled and pointed towards a stall where candies are being sold. My lips parted
as I nod.
"I think Sarathiel likes sweets."

"Oh," I replied curtly. He does like eating sweets. Hindi niya nakakalimutan ang
bumili ng dessert pagkatapos kumain.

The way he's obsessed over blueberry cheesecake. Napangiti ako sa sarili ko.

"It's weird, right? Usually girls are the ones who's fond of sweets."

I shook my head. That's not weird and it's never weird to like something that makes
you happy. Maliban na lang siguro kung makakaapak ka na ng tao pero kung hindi
naman, wala namang mali rito.

"Let's say no to toxic masculinity. Let men like what they want to like. Ako nga
nanonood ng Marvel movies- obviously not to impress any fanboy. I just like their
cinematic universe."

Tao lang naman ang nagbibigay ng malisya sa lahat ng bagay. I remember being
labelled as bandwagon because I decided to watch avengers on my own for the first
time. I was a girl and some boys on the cinema immediately concluded that I'm
trying to be 'not like the other girls' and for that I'll always hate the idea that
girls cannot enjoy what boys enjoy and boys cannot enjoy what girls enjoy. Pareho-
pareho naman kaming mga tao at humihinga — what's the big fuss?

Napaawang ang bibig ni Alex, he immediately smiled again though.

Bumili ako ng isang panyong kulay brown sa department store, nakasunod lang saakin
si Alex. Pagkatapos no'n ay pumunta ako sa Sweet's Corner at bumili ng chocolate
sunflower seeds. I also bought assorted candies for Sarathiel. Dumaan din ako sa
NBS para bumili ng mga stationery na gagamitin ko.

Si Alex naman ay bumili lang ng jacket sa Giordano. Sinamahan ko na rin siya dahil
sinamahan niya ako.

"Hatid na kita?" Alex offered.

"May sasakyan ka?" I asked because I'll definitely decline if he's the one who will
be driving. Nahihiya kasi ako.

He shrugged his shoulders. "May sundo. Kukuha pa lang ako ng student license."

"Di na, oy. Malapit lang 'to sa bahay namin — unless gusto mo makita sa Clary,
pwede naman." Ngumisi ako sa kanya at nagtaas-baba ng kilay.
Namula naman si Alex at nag-iwas ng tingin.

Gotcha!

"I'm not sure that she'll be happy, though." bumuntong hininga siya at mukhang
nahihiya dahil binanggit ko si Clary.

Biglang nawala ang ngisi ko.

Nobody's really sure about their feelings- because feelings change constantly. You
can't always assure that they will always feel the same way. It makes love scary
because falling out of love is inevitable.

『••✎••』

Nakatayo ako ngayon sa building ng STEM. I was pacing back and forth. Wala na
kaming klase dahil Christmas party naman namin.

I was even wearing a red turtleneck partnered with denim skirt. Kanina ay may suot
pa akong headband ng isang reindeer pero tinanggal ko na ito. I heaved a breath
before deciding to just end my suffering.

After we had our party, dumiretso na ako rito para ibigay ang regalo ko kay
Sarathiel. I prepared it with a basket. Naglagay ako ng mga maliliit na notes doon.
Words of wisdom, quotations, bible verses at mga pang-motivate sa kanya.

I hope he appreciates it.

I saw him walking out of their building. He was wearing a striped shirt and pants
as he was walking towards my direction. My heart was wildly pounding against my
chest. I was about to approach him when Czanne grab him in his arm.

May inabot si Czanne na paperbag. I think it was Adidas.

Hindi ko namalayan na nagtago na pala ako sa may gilid para di nila ako makita. I
feel awkward upon seeing them together. Sumilip pa rin ako dahil gusto ko pa rin
naman makita kung anong meron sa kanilang dalawa.

"What's this?" Kunot ang noo ni Sarathiel habang sinisilip ang laman ng paperbag.

"Obviously, a gift for you." I heard Czanne said.

"You shouldn't have bothered. I don't celebrate Christmas." Sarathiel looked at her
with guilt. “Sorry, I didn't prepare any gift.”

My forehead creased. He doesn't celebrate Christmas? Bakit naman?

"I know, silly. It's funny because you still attended our party even if you don't."
Czanne playfully punch Sarathiel on his chest.

"I'm here for someone else," Sarathiel says. Agad niyang inikot ang paningin niya
kaya naman muli akong nagtago sa kanyang paningin. That was close!

“Hm? Kanino naman, ha? Ikaw ah, may hidden desire ka na sa school ha...” Czanne
giggled.

Sarathiel looks hesitant while Czanne continued on talking.

"Any way, that's a jacket. Since your wishlist in our room says you'd like to have
a jacket. Hope you treasure it."

Umirap ako dahil bakit hindi ko 'yon naisip? Of course, he will like jackets more!
Pero ayoko naman na maging jacket din ang regalo ko sa kanya!

Jacket na naman? Dapat pala si Kuya Will na lang niregalo ko kay Sarathiel para
palagi siyang may jacket!

"Let me pay for it—" Sarathiel was cutted off by her. She placed her fingers on his
lips.

Czanne was smiling. "Ano ba, Sarathiel. It's for you. You've done more for me."

She gave a quick kiss on Sarathiel's cheek.

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko at para akong binuhusan ng gas sabay binatuhan ng
posporong may apoy.

What the frick?!

"This is the payment." Czanne said before giggling and going back to their
building.

Naningkit naman ang mga mata ko. Bwisit 'tong mga 'to sa school pa mismo
naglandian!

I huffed.
Ang unfair! Dapat ako rin!

Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagpunas ni Sarathiel sa pisngi. Gumuhit ang dismaya sa

kanyang mukha. I decided to march my way towards him.

Naiinis akong lumapit sa kanya. My steps were heavy and I made sure that the
clicking sound of my shoes would be heard. Yep, I'm that petty.

I gritted my teeth and accused him. "Sa School pa talaga ha? Papatawag ko kayo sa
POD!"

Bawal kaya ito! Malaki rin ang sanction ng PDA 'no!

Nagulat naman si Sarathiel sa presensya ko. He looks taken aback and his lips were
parted.

"Oh! May regalo ako sa'yo! Panyo! Punasan mo 'yang pisngi mo kung ayaw mong buong
mukha mo 'yung burahin ko!"

I shoved the basket to him.

"Chill." Halakhak niya. Binitawan niya 'yung paperbag na binigay ni Czanne at

kinuha 'yung basket na hawak ko.

He was smiling from ear to ear. Ganyan pala epekto sa kanya ng halik ni Hudas?

Nandidilim ang paningin ko kaya naman aalis na dapat ako nang hawakan ako ni
Sarathiel sa kamay.

It brought volts of electricity so I decided to turn around to face him. Meron pa

rin siyang nakakalokang ngiti sa labi.

"I have something for you," he says.

Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na huwag tanggalin ang inis sa sistema ng aking katawan.
Ano naman ngayon kung may regalo rin siya? Kung naisip din niya ako regaluhan? Si
Czanne nga naka-halik sa cheeks niya!

"Nasaan?" I gave in.

Nag-effort din pala siya mag-isip ng pang-regalo saakin. Bakit ako kinikilig?
Nakakaasar!
Even if I wanted to hide my smile, I just can't. I wasn't expecting anything in
return but it's nice to have your efforts returned.

"Pina-deliver ko sa bahay niyo. I got your address when Alex went to your home."

Umawang ang labi ko nang mapagtantuan ito.

May hidden agenda pala si Alex? He's sneaky! Pero nagawa naman nilang maglandian ni
Clary nung pumunta siya sa bahay.

I arched an eyebrow. "Bakit di mo na lang binigay saakin? Sayang sa shipping fee!"

At saka, baka isipin nila Tita Clara bumili ako nang bumili sa online shopping!

"You'll know why when you're home." He said, grinning.

Kahit tuloy galang-gala pa ako ay umuwi na ako agad para lang tingnan kung ano
'yung regalo niya. I excitedly went home because I was anticipating his gift.

True to his words. When I arrived home, there was a package for me. Agad ko itong
tinago at balak na sa kwarto ko na lamang buksan ito.

It was a huge box. Mabigat din ito kaya naman dahan-dahan ang pagbuhat ko papunta
sa kwarto.

When I opened it, it contains a set of different calligraphy brushes, highlighters,

G-Tech ballpens, color papers, bond papers, and other school materials I always
use. Meron pang mamahaling jar of nuts and chocolate.

I plopped to my bed, facing the mattress. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko habang

pinipigilan ang ngiti na umabot hanggang sa langit. This was just heavenly!

Sa Senior Highschool, design ang labanan. You'll always be surprised how creative
your blockmates are. Sobrang essential ng mga pens, high lighters, calligraphy pens
at mga tapes na may design.

I almost kissed everything that he decided to gift to me. Sobrang saya ko dahil
gamit na gamit ko ito panigurado! I liked designing my notes because it motivates
me when my notes are well organized and aesthetic to the eyes.

I texted Sarathiel, I mock his way of picking gifts for me. Kahit sa totoo lang ay
halos sambahin ko na siya dahil sa mga regalo niya sa akin.
Zafirah:
Tay nakuha ko na po padala niyo. Tamang-tama magagamit ko po ito sa school.

Sarathiel:

WRONG SEND KA PO
WALA PA PO AKONG ANAK
BATA PA PO AKO

Zafirah:

VSEAT KA ISCALADE

I rolled my eyes. I forgot he still doesn't have his phone. The pout on my lips
appeared, kailan kaya ulit kami makakapagusap?

I was just grateful to him. He makes my day whenever I need some push. He knows me
well. The loud thumping of my heart made me shake my head.

Tinamaan ka na 'yata, Zafi.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 16 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Why Don't We - 8 letters

Kabanata 16

I celebrated Christmas and New Year in Batangas. I tried greeting Sath but
apparently Iscalade still has his phone. Ayoko naman ma-stress kapag si Iscalade
ang textmate ko.

Kaya naman nang magpasukan na ulit. I was excited to make preparations for our
field demo. Tuwing may ganito kasi na event, 'yung mga gawain namin sa ibang
subjects ay binibigyan ng mas mahabang deadline.

Sa library ay nagkaroon kami ng meeting para sa foundation week at sa field demo.

Sinimulan ko ang paguusap tungkol sa mga balak ko para sa mismong field demo.

“Mira, nakuha na ba 'yung mga pera bawat section?” panimula ko. Agad namang tumango
si Mira sa'kin. She's from ABM section 2. Siya ang naatasan sa treasury.
"Mamimili kami sa Divisoria na lang para mas mura. Pagkatapos naman kasi nito ay
itatapon lang o kaya itatambak sa storage room 'yung props."

"Kailan?" tanong ko.

"Probably after class." She lifted the paperbag that contained the money she
collected. Mukhang mabigat ito dahil may mga baryang tumutunog nang alugin niya
ito.

"Sige, sasama ako para mas ma-budget natin 'yung pera." I told her as I nodded my
head.

Lahat kasi kami ay pinagbayad para sa props ng field demo. Since it's for the
strand, marami naman ang nalikom na pera para sa fund ng ABM.

I showed them the draft that the designer created for the background. Tumulong
naman ako pero syempre mas may maalam sa akin pagdating sa pagguhit kaya naman
pinaubaya ko na ito sa kanya.

Ang theme namin ay umiikot sa pera, business at ABM itself. The ABM coordinator
agreed with my idea.

"Bibili tayo ng paper money tapos ididikit sa t-shirt," I instructed. "Sa backdraft
naman, lalagyan natin ng mga building."

“Noted, Zafi!” Mira nodded and took down notes. Ngumiti naman ako sa kanya.

"Make sure every dancer have a corporate attire, ha. If wala, hiraman sa ibang
section."

Most of the ABM leaders from each section agreed. There are 5 sections per strand.
Wala naman masyadong naging pagbabago sa ginawa kong plano. I don't know if it is
because we don't know each other that much, kaya nahihiya silang magbigay ng
opinyon o talagang maganda na ang plano ko. I'm hoping for the latter.

Matapos ang meeting ay dumiretso na ako pabalik sa classroom. I was massaging my

nape, nakakangalay pala ang posisyon ko kanina habang nasa meeting. Nakaramdam ako
ng presensya sa likod ko.

"You're very hands on," lumapit sa'kin si Ade. “Pinupuri ka ng mga nasa ibang
section. Pakiramdam din nila malakas ang laban natin kumpara sa ibang strand.”

Ngumisi ako kay Ade. "Thanks!"

That brings warmth to my heart. Kahit naging busy ako habang nasa bakasyon ay
talaga namang binigyan ko ng atensyon ang paggawa ng plano para sa field demo.

"Kaya pala siniseryoso ni Sarathiel itong field demo e." He chuckled.

Speaking of Sath, kailan kaya kami mag-uusap? Miss ko na 'yung crush ko. Pero
tatalunin muna namin 'yung strand nila.

Ngumuso ako at lumingon kay Ade.

"Nakakausap mo si Sath?" I decided to ask Ade.

He shook his head. "Hindi, he's really busy these days. Iscalade also has his phone
— and I don't want to talk to Iscalade."

It was my turn to laugh. "Same. Sumasakit ulo ko kapag kausap si Iscalade."

Gio was one of the dancer so we don't talk often. Melay and Bea are both propsmen
too but since I'm the head, I mostly do the work with other leaders.

Nakabili naman na kami ng mga ibang materials na kailangan. Binuhat ko ang isang
box na may lamang props. Mabigat pero wala naman akong ibang maaasahan dahil 'yung
iba ay nasa backdraft na mas mabigat.

I was slightly falling while trying to walk. Nakaka-out of balance kasi 'yung
bigat. Mabuti na lang at may nakasalo saakin sa likod ko.

I was stumbling even if I try to balance the pace of how I walk. Hanggang sa
muntikan na akong matumba mabuti na lamang at may sumalo sa'kin.

"Thank you — Sath!" I beamed at him. Pero nang makita ko kung sino kasama niya,
kaagad akong nagtaas ng kilay.

Si Czanne.

She looked as picture perfect as before. Bagsak na bagsak ang kanyang buhok at
halatang walang gusot at palaging plantsado ang damit. She was really that neat.
Isa talaga siyang role model bilang representative sa SSG. Binigyan niya lang ako
ng tipid na ngiti nang mapansin na nakatingin ako sa kanya.

"Do you need help?" Czanne said and pointed the box that I was holding.

"Hindi na—"
Nagulat ako nang biglang hinawakan ni Sath 'yung box na hawak ko. Kinuha niya ito
sa'kin. Medyo nahiya naman ako dahil baka naging istorbo pa ako kung sakali man na
may gagawin din sila para sa field demo.

"Saan ka ba pupunta?" he asked.

"ABM building, Sath. Baka di ka papasukin doon." Halakhak ko. I appreciate his help
but I know this will be an issue.

Wala siyang sinabi at naglakad lang sa direksyon ng ABM building. Czanne was left
there, speechless.

"I'm sorry, I'll talk to Sath —" lumingon ako kay Czanne. She immediately shook her
head.

"No, it's okay! He helped you because he's such a gentleman. I hope you don't take
it in a wrong way," she smiled.

Agad din siyang umalis nang sabihin niya 'yon. I decided to follow Sath in our
building. Pinagtitinginan siya pero hindi niya ito pinapansin.

"Thanks, Sath." I told him. I'm trying to catch up with his pace but damn those
legs!

Ako lang ba talaga 'yung maliit sa kanila? Ang bibilis kasi nila maglakad.

"Oh! Sarathiel, ABM ka na pala." Ade laughed when he saw Sath.

Sath brought the box down near the other ABM students assigned for the props. May
ilang mga ABM students na napalingon din kay Sath.

"You have to go, baka isipin pa nila espiya ka." I told Sath. He was looking at me
oddly.

Ang tagal niya akong tinitigan.

"Sath?" I tried calling for his attention. I even waved my hand in front of him.

"I'm trying to memorize your face," he scowls as he remove my hand in front of his
face.

My eyes widened. "Bakit?"

"It's going to be two weeks more before I see you again," he pouts.

I laughed and tried to hide my blushing face by looking around.

"Umalis ka na! Sendan na lang kita ng pictures ko para nakakatulog ka sa gabi." I

joked.

His lips parted, unti-unti na naman siyang ngumuso. Para siyang tuta na hindi
pinagbigyan umihi sa isang gulong.

"Iscalade has my phone!"

I stick out my tongue.

"Edi si Iscalade makakakita ng pagmumukha ko!"

"That's so unfair," he was like a kid who didn't get his candy.

"Life's never fair. Tsupi na, tangkay!" I slightly pushed him.

He groaned before walking away and leaving our sight. I can't stop myself from
smiling.

How cute.

Tumikhim ang mga kaibigan ko na gumagawa ng props. Umakto naman ako na parang wala
lang.

"So masaya ka naman? Di pa kayo niyan? Sa harap pa namin kayo nag-landian 'no?"
sumulpot si Melay na nakapameywang sa gilid ko.

I pushed my cheeks using both of my hands to stop myself from smiling again.

"Tara na nga! Tapusin na natin 'yung sa props," I dismissed her question and
dragged her to the props area.

『••✎••』

2 weeks passed and I was so confident that we would win. I know our props were
better from the other strands since I saw snippets of their performance. Kahit
naman sila at ini-expect na mananalo ang ABM dahil sa dry run namin.
Nasa ugali ko na 'yata talaga ang pagkakaroon ng tiwala na magaling ako. It is a
good thing since I tend to want just the best.

The day has come and we were trying to chill since it's the last day of our
foundation and it's the day of the field demonstration.

"I'm so excited! Next year, tayo naman ang magbebenta," Melay was hopping.

The ABM and TVL strand are required to sell food or offer different services during
our Foundation. Hindi ko pa alam kung para saan na subject ito. Pero ang sabi
sa'min, mas marami na kaming business related subjects next school year.

Nasa Bonanza Area kami, it was crowded and packed with people. Nandito kasi 'yung
mga stalls ng ABM at TVL.

Bumili kami ng mga shake, finger food at minsan ay naghahati kami para sa mga rice
meal dahil ayaw namin mabusog agad. Honestly, mas masarap pa ang mga tinitinda ng
mga estudyante ngayon kumpara sa pagkain sa canteen. Hindi pa ito sobrang mahal,
hindi ako magtataka kung kikita ang mga stalls ngayon.

Since we were just propsmen, I made sure that we will finish our props early so we
can enjoy our Foundation week. Kahit isang araw lang sana na wala kaming gagawin
related sa field demo.

"Naka-ready na damit ng dancers 'di ba? The props are also in their respective
places?" tanong ko kay Bea.

Bea nodded her head, she seems lost in her thoughts though. My forehead creased and
decided to ask Melay, mas may alam kasi si Melay sa mga ganap.

"Away sila ni HUMSS guy," Melay giggled.

Oh, Bea did have someone from the HUMSS strand. Sumulpot si Gio sa gitna naming
dalawa ni Melay. Ang dami niyang hawak na pagkain. He even offered some to us,
mukhang free samples ang mga binigay sa kanya. Alam ko naman kung bakit, Gio is a
living marketing material.

"Dapat di ka nakikipagsagutan doon, maga-abogado 'yon e." Gio muttered while biting
on his sandwich.

"Gio! Baka gusto mo ng panulak!" sigaw nung isang lalaki sa isang booth, offering a
calamansi juice to Gio.

Gio laughed and nodded his head to his upperclassman.

"Sige, pabili ako! Utang muna!"

The guy grimace and shouted back.

"Kuripot mo, San Pedro! Pareho namang CPA lawyer mga magulang mo!"

Gio was dragged by the grade twelve students from ABM. Mukhang gagawin pa 'yata
siyang promoter ng product nila.

Umiling na lang ako habang nakangiti. Aalis na dapat kami sa Bonanza Area dahil
tapos naman na kami bumili ng pagkain. I just stopped from my track when I saw
something.

I saw a booth of TVL that sells pastries. May nakita akong blueberry cheesecake na
nag-iisa na lang. Naka-tupperware ito. Agad kong hinatak si Melay para tingnan ito.
Nakalagay ito sa isang dome glass container kaya lalong nagmukhang masarap.

"Grabe 500 na 'yan?" gulat na sabi ni Melay nang makita kung saan ako nakatingin.

"Mahal naman kasi talaga 'yung mga 'ganyang klaseng cake. Madali lang sigurong
naubos kasi kaunti lang binenta nila." Bea stated.

Tiningnan ko ang wallet ko at nakitang dala ko ang ipon ko ngayon.

"Wait lang, bibilhin ko lang 'yon." Paalam ko sa kanila. Both of their jaws were
dropped. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil inalog-alog pa ni Melay si Bea habang ang mga
panga nila ay nanatiling nakalaglag.

“Sampalin nga kita, Bea. Baka nananaginip ako. Si Zafirah gagastos? Totoo ba?”
Melay says, even pretending that she's shock.

“Hoy, gumagastos naman ako!” I defended myself.

"Hala ka, girl? Sinapian ka ba? Ikaw ba talaga si Zafirah? Super tipid mo kaya!"

Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at pumunta na sa mismong cashier ng booth para

bumili. The girl in charge asked if I wanted it to be wrap with their fancy boxes
and I agreed. Nilagay niya ito sa isang paperbag na may ribbon pa.

Bumalik ako sa kanila at nakitang nakabalik na si Gio na mas marami pang dalang
pagkain ngayon.he was surprised to see me and pointed towards the blueberry
cheesecake.

"Zafirah, patikim niyan!"

"Para kay Sath 'to!" tinago ko sa kanyang paningin ang box na dala ko.

Gio wiggled his eyebrows at me, a hint of teasing smile on his face. Agad naman
akong namula dahil napagtantuan ko na nahuli niya ako sa akto. Alam na rin siguro
ni Gio.

Mamayang 5pm pa ang start ng mismong field demo para sa SHS kaya tambay-tambay muna
kami at nanonood ng field demo ng mga JHS. Hindi pa namin nakakasalubong si Sath,
busy siguro sa preparations.

When it was announced that the field demo is starting for SHS. Nagsuot kami ng mga
ribbon na kulay blue. I decided to tie the ribbon on my hair.

"ABM! GO ABM!" sigaw ko nang makitang nagaayos na ang mga dancers. Si Gio ay
pinagt-tripan 'yung make up artist na inaayusan siya.

"Umayos ka aahitin ko lahat ng kilay mo!" banta sa kanya nung make up artist.

"Huwag! Kilay is life ako!"

Lumabas na kami para mag-stand by. Mauuna kasi ang HUMSS, TVL, GAS bago ang ABM.
Panghuli ang STEM sa bunutan.

Pumunta sa pangalawang palapag ng Main Building para mapanood ang mga performance.
Magaling ang HUMSS sa ginawa nilang twist ng performance nila. Ang creative ng GAS
sa mga props na ginamit nila. TVL also made a good performance to watch.

When the GAS finished their performance. Lumabas na ang ABM kaya todo cheer ako.
Tumitili si Bea at Melanie para sa strand namin.

I was anxious as I watch them preparing themselves for the performance. Randam ko
ang kaba ng bawat dancer at mga propsmen.

I know we have the chance to win. Nakita ko ang pagod at dedikasyon ng strand
namin.

Umuuwi na kami ng sobrang late para lang masiguradong maganda ang props.

Umaga hanggang hapon ang practice ng mga dancer, pagod na sila pero nakangiti pa
rin sila para lang hindi maramdam na pagod na sila.

I want this to be worth it.

"Let's all welcome! Grade 11 ABM!" sigaw nung Emcee. Lalong lumakas ang tilian. I
could feel the love and support for my strand.

I'm so proud of my strand. I'll never regret being in ABM.

Nagkaroon lang ng katahimikan dahil ang tagal mag-start ng music. May lumapit sa
Emcee. Umakyat ang kaba sa puso ko.

"ABM, wala pa raw 'yung music niyo."

Nalaglag ang panga ko. Everyone was quiet. I knew we were doomed. I saw the horror
in their faces and the hope slowly leaving their souls. Miski naman ako ay unti-
unting nawalan ng gana nang marinig 'yon.

Wala na. Talo na kami.

Ang laking minus kapag wala pa 'yung music bago 'yung performance.

I clenched my fists.

Lahat ng pagod namin...Hindi na naman nasuklian.

May nag-abot ng isang flashdrive sa Emcee. Kaya naman nakapagsimula na rin. Pero
ang tagal bago makapag-perform ang ABM.

The deafening silence from the crowd made my eyes welled up with tears.

Hindi mapalitan ng masayang tugtog ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. My heart was being
eaten by my own sadness. We were there — I knew we had the chance to win. Pinilit
ko manood pero hindi ko magawang sumigaw para sa kanila. It shattered my heart
knowing that they were dancing even if winning is not even possible now...

“Zafi...” Melay offered a kind smile. “Okay lang 'yon.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya, nangingilid ang mga luha.

Naiiyak na naman ako. Ang babaw talaga ng luha ko pagdating sa school. This was my
life. It was the only good thing about myself.

Kung hindi rito ay wala namang espesyal sa akin. I'm only known because of my
grades or my standing when it comes to academics and school related activities.
Bakit parang nawawala na 'yon sa akin?

"Go ABM! Ang galing niyo!"

The voice made me struck me like lightning. Sa katahimikan ng mga tao ay akala ko
hindi ako makakarinig ng kahit anong cheer mula sa kanila.

I searched for the person who shouted those words. I saw Sarathiel who was cheering
from afar.

He was the only one cheering for us.

He was clapping and whistling. Even nudging some of his classmates to cheer for us.

Lalo lang akong naiyak. When people weren't there for me - he's always there. He
would always be there during the darkest times of my life. He was simply my light.

How couldn't I fall for that?

"Go mga mukhang pera! Lampasuhin niyo na kami!" another one shouted. I saw that it
was Ms. Intramurals who was also cheering for us.

"Go ABM!" even the soft spoken Philomena Gracia was cheering.

Sunud-sunod na ang pagc-cheer ng iba't-ibang strand sa strand namin.

Pinunasan ko agad ang mga nagbabadyang luha at nag-cheer na lang din sa ABM.

That's right.

If I let this feeling overcome me, hindi ko na maipapakita ang suporta ko para sa
strand ko. They deserve this and I should yell how proud I am. They are performing
with everything they've got.

All the loneliness I feel immediately faded and was replaced with joy.

When our performance finished. The crowd went wild and a series of applause was
given to our strand.

Pumalakpak ako nang pumalakpak, my palms are almost red because of how much I have
clapped. Still, I'm so proud of them.
I was right. We did win - we won the hearts of many and that would suffice for now.

『••✎••』

"Sath," I called him as I approach. "Congratulations."

Marami ang nasa STEM ngayon. The confetti were being thrown around on their area
and the students were having their victory party. Maingay ang bawat sulok ng
kanilang building at buhay na buhay pa ang mga ilaw kahit halos gabi na.

STEM was hailed as the champion. HUMSS came in as 1st place and TVL for the 2nd
place.

Agad na nagpaalam si Sath sa mga kaklase niya. Tumango naman mga ito at tuluyan
nang lumapit s'ya sa'kin.

"Hey," he was peeking over my face. Kumuha siya ng panyo sa bulsa niya at pinunasan
'yung gilid ng mga mata ko.

He looked worried as he scanned my face. Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko at agad na

pinunasan ang ilang bakas ng luha na hindi ko natanggal kanina. I gently remove his
hand and offered a smile.

"Did you cry?"

"Tears of joy, tapos na rin kasi lahat. Makakapagpahinga na rin." I said, smiling.

I would lie if I didn't say that I was bitter but I was really happy for those who
won. Deserve naman kasi nila talaga.

I just had to accept things. Nakita ko ang mga pagod sa mukha nila kanina pero
nagawa pa rin naman nilang maging masaya. I apologized for not making sure that the
song was already given on the technical staff but they told me it wasn't my fault.
Huwag ko raw isisi ang lahat sa sarili ko.

Even if I knew I could have done better for them. I bitterly thought of that.

"May next year pa," he tried to comfort me.

Bumuntonghininga ako at umangat ang tingin sa kanya.

"Yeah, sana manalo 'yung grade 11 ABM next year."

"Mananalo sila kasi grade 12 na ako no'n," he said, casually.

I scowled. "Yabang mo, ulol."

He laughed and ruffled my hair. Nainis ako kasi parang tanga lang naka-ponytail
ako, lalong gugulo buhok ko!

"What's that?" turo niya sa bitbit kong paperbag.

I showed him what the paperbag has inside of it. He looked so cute when his eyes
almost twinkled when he saw the blueberry cheesecake. Agad siyang tumikhim at
umiwas ng tingin dahil nahiya siguro sa kanyang reaksyon.

"Blueberry cheesecake! Tara kainin natin habang nanonood ng fireworks," I beamed at

him.

Hinatak ko siya papunta malapit sa fireworks display. Umupo kami sa isang bakanteng
bench sa Bonanza Area. Nagliligpit na kasi 'yung mga booths ng ABM at TVL.

The lights were already dimmed. The grade twelve students were packing already,
kaya naman rinig na rinig pagpapatong nila ng mga gamit at ang paghugas ng mga
ginamit na kitchenware sa lababo na malapit sa aming pwesto.

It made me anticipate for next year. Sa susunod ay babawi ako! I want to be the one
who sold the most for our next foundation week.

“Zafi?” Sath called for my attention. I giggled because he was really into the
food. Ang worth it naman ng limang daan kung ganito ang reaksyon ni Sath.

Nilabas ko 'yung tupperware at binuksan ito. I gave him a spoon.

We were eating while waiting for the fireworks. Ito na lang din kasi ang hinihintay
ng halos lahat bago umuwi.

"Baka maubos ko," Sarathiel was biting his lower lip, snifling a smile.

"Sa'yo naman talaga 'yan. Nakikisaling kitkit lang ako." I told him. I really did
buy that for him. Di naman ako mahilig sa ganyan.

A familiar song was playing in the near stereo. Nagpapatugtog 'yung isa pang
nagliligpit na booth. It was 8 letters by Why Don't We.

The fireworks was starting and my heart was beating as loud as the fireworks in the
sky.
This wasn't new to me. Every new year, there will always be fireworks display. Pero
iba ngayon ang dala ng bawat bigay ng iba't ibang kulay sa itim na kalangitan sa
gabing ito.

It was because Sarathiel was looking at me intently. I decided to look at him too,
my mouth felt dry as his brown eyes were staring right into my soul.

He knows.

"Do you think saying the eight letters is hard?" he asked, out of the blue.

"Eight letters?"

He smiled.

"I like you."

My lips parted. The fireworks didn't even matter anymore. All I could hear was my
heartbeats. I was hyperventilating.

He smirked.

"See? It wasn't so hard at all. Don't you think, Zafi?"

Yeah. It wasn't so hard for you to make me fall just by using those eight letters.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 17 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Brown Eyes — Destiny's Child

Kabanata 17

"Happy Valentine's!" Melay presented a rose in front of me.

"Thank you! Happy Valentine's din," I said and proceeded to get my gift for her.

Kinuha ko sa bag ko ang isang balot ng chocolate. I bought this with my remaining
savings.
"Bless ka muna kay Tita," I offered the back of my hand.

Melanie laughed at my gesture. "Gaga ka, galing ba 'yang abroad?"

Napalingon kami sa mga tumitiling babae sa may pintuan. Gio was smiling awkwardly
while his hand was on his nape.

I rolled my eyes. Akala mo naman talaga shy type ang isang ito.

Gio was being surrounded by girls from other strands with chocolates and letters on
their hands. Siguro mga hindi nakakaalam ng tunay na kulay ni Gio. Hindi sila aware
na baka masiraan sila ng bait kapag si Gio naging boyfriend nila.

Gio was the boy next door type so I guess he is goodlooking. He's easy to approach
and he always has a boyish grin on his face. Pero hindi pa ako nakakakilala ng
babaing kinahumalingan niya. Palagi lang niyang sinasabi na hindi siya kina-crush
back ng crush niya.

"Adren's missing?" I asked Melanie, noticing that Adren's desk was filled with
chocolates, letters and — what the hell Gucci paperbags?!

"Siguro nga, elites only likes elites." komento ni Melanie.

I nodded. He was indeed rich but he was too mysterious for me. Madalas ay may
sariling mundo ang isang 'yon kaya medyo malayo rin siya sa'min. Supplier nga lang
namin siya ng papel kapag nauubusan kami. May National Bookstore 'yata 'yon sa loob
ng bag niya e.

"Anong ibibigay mo kay Sath?" hindi pinalagpas ni Melanie ang pagtatanong saakin.

My cheeks flushed in embarassment upon the mention of his mere name.

Ever since that night, Sath has constantly acted like he's courting me. Di ko naman
alam kung mangliligaw ba siya o nililigaw niya lang ako ng landas. I want to ask
him but I'm afraid that I won't like his answer.

"Nagpatulong ako sa ano..."

Before this day, I went to Adren and asked for his help to get Ms. Intramurals to
help me bake a blueberry cheesecake. He gave me her number and I texted her if she
could help. Surprisingly, she extended her help without hesitation. Tinulungan
naman ako ni Ms. Intramurals tapos sa kitchen mismo ng strand nila namin ginawa.

"Sa?" Melanie was anticipating my answer.

I laughed and scrunched my nose. Hindi ko nga sasabihin sa kanya! Baka asarin niya
pa ako na buti hindi nasunog ang buong kitchen. I wasn't really a cook in the first
place so I knew she'll tease me.

"May kukunin lang ako sa TVL."

Medyo tumulis ang kanyang nguso at pabiro akong hinampas.

"Pabitin naman 'to e. "

I laughed at her. Tumayo na ako at nagpaalam kay Gio na pupunta lang ako saglit sa
TVL building.

『••✎••』

"Hi, kinuha ko na sa refrigerator 'yung blueberry cheesecake." Ms. Intramurals

showed me a box with a ribbon.

"Binawasan ko ng kaunti para matikman mo 'yung ginawa mo," sabi niya sa akin sabay
bigay ng isang platito na may lamang blueberry cheesecake at kutsara.

I tasted it and immediately beamed. This is good! Hindi ko inakala na bukod sa

sunog na itlog ay kaya ko naman palang mag-luto!

"It's good!" I smiled at her. Ngumiti siya pabalik.

"Thank you, Ms. Intramurals!" I thanked her.

"Gandang-ganda ka naman sa akin hanggang ngayon gan'yan tawag mo," halakhak niya.
She's really pretty though.

Mabuti na lamang na hindi ako naniniwala sa mga sabi-sabi tungkol sa kanya. She was
really nice. Hindi naman masama ang ugali niya tulad ng sinasabi nila. Marami raw
kasi ang hindi masyadong qualified sa strand nila, ayon sa mga sabi-sabi. It's
seriously annoying to listen to them degrade another one's track.

"You never told me your name," I stated with realization.

She winked at me. "Mrs. Reverio na lang."

My lips pressed in a thin line.

She's really bold to like Adren. Hindi ba siya natatakot na makatapat 'yung mga
nagbibigay kay Adren ng mga luxurious goods?

I looked at the clock and realized that it's almost break time. Agad akong nagbigay
ulit ng pasasalamat sa kanya bago mag-paalam.

"Sige una na ako, thank you ulit!" I told her as I grab the box of blueberry
cheesecake.

"Gora lang sis, goodluck sa inyo ni Kuya Will!"

I laughed at her reference. Palagi kasing naka-jacket si Sath kaya ganun na lang
ang tawag niya rito.

Papunta na dapat ako sa may evergreen garden. Meron din kasing Valentine's event
ang mga SSG dito kaya naman puro puso at kulay pula ang disenyo ng evergreen garden
ngayon.

The whole garden was colored with pink, red and white in almost all areas. May mga
pahabang gupit ng japanese paper na ginamit sa entrance at sa bandang dulo ay meron
pa akong nakitang marriage booth.

Nahagip ng tingin ko si Iscalade at Cae na naguusap. I went to greet them.

"Alam mo ang benta ng mga jokes ko sa'yo 'no? Sa tingin ko mai-in love ka sa
malakas mag-joke o kaya sa sobrang mais na tao." Iscalade said, his forehead
creased.

"That's unlikely..." umiling-iling si Cae habang nakangiti.

"Iscalade! Cae!" tawag ko sa kanila. Lumingon sila sa direksyon ko.

They looked good in their uniform. Napansin ko na may nametag sa bulsa ng kanilang
polo. May nakalagay dito na 'Hi, I'm' at dudugtungan na lamang nila.

"Hi Zafi! Wala rito si Sarathiel, pero baka pumunta kasi nandito ka na." Iscalade
chuckled.

I sheepishly smiled.

"Is that for him?" Cae pointed the box that I was holding.

"Yeah," nahihiya kong tugon.

"Sana all!" Iscalade exclaimed.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Didn't he receive any? Hindi ako makapaniwala.

"Wala pa bang nagbibigay sa'yo, Iscalade? May chocolates ako—"

"Anong wala? Tumatakas nga 'yan sa fangirls niya e. Punong-puno 'yung desk niya sa
room." Cae said while laughing.

"Nags-sana all ako pero di ibig sabihin no'n nai-inggit ako." Halakhak ni Iscalade,
smirking.

Sakto namang nakita ko si Philomena Gracia. She was looking over us with a sad
expression. She was holding a teal hat box. When she saw me looking at her, agad
siyang yumuko at umalis.

That's weird because the building of HUMSS is far from the STEM building.

Maybe she wanted to go here too. Sa mismong event na ito. Lalapitan ko sana siya
ngunit may umagaw ng atensyon ko.

"Zafirah!" tumatakbo si Gio papunta sa direksyon namin.

"Bakit ka nandito?" tanong ko kay Gio.

He stopped infront of us. Hinihingal pa siya nang tumigil siya sa harap namin.

"Bakit? Ikaw lang pwede mag-celebrate ng Valentine's?" pilosopong sabi ni Gio.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Balak mo sumali sa activities ng SSG for Valentine's?" tanong ko kay Gio.

There were various activities available for us to enjoy the day of hearts. The SSG
created an event here in evergreen garden to celebrate Valentine's. Of course, the
school permitted them to do so.

"Actually..." pilyong ngumiti si Gio at biglang umalis muli.

That was weird. Ano na naman kaya ang ginawa ng lokong 'yon? Kinakabahan ako tuwing
may pumapasok sa isip ni Gio e.
"Hey," sakto namang dumating si Sath na nakapamulsa.

My heart pounded rapidly as he strolled his way to us. His eyes immediately find
mine and he gave a small smile. I can't help but smile back.

"Iba talaga radar mo kay Zafirah 'no? Gusto ko na lang isipin na nilagyan mo ng GPS
si Zafi kasi kung nasaan siya— nandoon ka rin e." Iscalade pointed out.

Sath just shrugged his shoulders and went beside me.

“Zafi —” he was cutted off because of the booming voice from the speakers.

"Okay! For the next request is... We have Zafirah Sanchez of ABM to request a
song!"

I furrowed my eyebrows causing my forehead to be creased. My teeth snapped in

spite.

Kailan pa ako nag-request ng kanta? Kararating ko lang dito!

"She dedicated this to her future boyfriend — Sarathiel Aracosa of STEM."

What the?

Agad nanglaki ang mga mata ko. "Wait lang! Sandali! Wala akong nir-request!"

My frantic attempt of clearing things out were futile. Lalo na at mukhang tuwang-
tuwa pa ang katabi ko ngayon. He was playing with his lips while looking over me,
his eyes with a glint of tease.

He put his hand on his chest and acted like he was beyond touch. Halos hindi naman
ako makagalaw sa sobrang hiya.

"Di mo naman ako sinabihan, Zafi. I didn't know you were...very futuristic," he was
snifling a smirk.

Namumula ako sa sobrang kahihiyan. I could feel myself wanting to pee in

embarrassment. I really just want to go somewhere but here!

"Brown Eyes by Destiny Child's!" rinig na rinig sa speaker ang boses nung SSG na
naga-announce.
I closed my eyes shut, naririnig ko ang mahihinang tawa ng mga kaibigan ni Sath.
Ayokong makita ang reaksyon n'ya dahil alam kong baka masaktan ko si Gio kapag
nakita ko ang mukha ni Sath habang naririnig ang kanta na ito!

Tangina mo talaga, Giorgion San Pedro! Ikaw lang kilala kong malakas ang loob na
kinakaya-kaya lang ako!

"Kaya pala pumunta ka rito, Zafi. Di kami aware." Even Iscalade was surprised.

I shook my head.

Ako rin naman hindi aware! Gagio talaga 'yon kahit kailan! Di ko alam kung
pabaliktad ba siyang pinanganak bakit ganun siya kakulit?!

The music started playing and I swear I was trying so hard to contain my
embarrassment. Napayuko na lang talaga ako habang kagat ang ibabang bahagi ng labi
ko.

"May OST sila, dude. Di mo kinaya." Hagalpak ang tawa ni Iscalade. Cae was trying
to contain his laughter based from his face.

Tiningnan ko talaga kung nasaan si Giorgi at nakitang todo tawa si Gagio sa gilid
nung mismong naga-announce. He was even giving me a thumbs up. Gusto ko talaga
siyang ibitin patiwarik!

I wanted to save face so I decided to give him what I made for me.

"Oh!" Abot ko kay Sarathiel nung box ng blueberry cheesecake.

He gently reached for the box. Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya na hindi sadyang dumapo
sa daliri ko. It sent volts to my entire system.

"Thanks?" hindi mawala ang ngiti ni Sath sa labi.

I cleared my throat and flipped my hair. I decided to turn the tables, ayoko talaga
isipin niya na sobrang patay na patay ako sa kanya. My pride won't let me.

"Alam ko naman kasing crush mo ako kaya ginawan kita ng cake. Mamatay ka sa kilig,
please." I sarcastically said.

"Mas matindi ka nga e. Naghanap ka pa talaga ng kanta para saakin. How thoughtful
of you," Sath was smirking.
I rolled my eyes at him. I like you raw pero kung tratuhin ako parang di niya ako
crush ha?

“I have something for you too...”

Nagulat ako nang hawakan ako ni Sath sa kamay. May kinuha siya sa bulsa niya— it
was a small box. He opened it and it revealed a bracelet with a stethoscope
pendant.

"Hibang ka ba? Mukha ba akong magd-doctor?" I asked him, my forehead creased.

I know I sounded ungrateful but it didn't make any sense to me. He laughed as he
slowly put the bracelet on my wrist. Ngayon ko lamang nakita ang kagandahan nito
nang suot ko na.

I looked at me and he was staring at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. My

heart softened because of his gaze. Ghad, I must have done something good in my
past life to have Sath right here infront of me.

"This signifies that in the future you'll live your life with a doctor." He raised
my hand and kiss my knuckles which caught me off guard.

"I'll be waiting for you, my future CPA."

I bit the insides of my cheek as I feel my face becoming heated. I was sure I was
blushing as red as a tomato right now.

Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga at tiningnan siya sa kanyang mga mata.

"I don't do mutual understandings— magulong usapan lang 'yon. So are you serious
about me?" I straight forwardly ask him.

I know relationships are hard. I saw how some of my friends or even my classmates
are troubled because of their romantic links. Kaya naman ayoko sana pumasok sa
relasyon habang nag-aaral pa ako. The mere idea that I have to go through it while
studying is already scaring me. Pero iba kay Sarathiel, he makes me want to try. I
just want it to be serious. I don't want to invest when I know in the end that it's
not worth it.

I thought that it just happens in the movies— everything stops in motion and the
only thing that you can hear and see is the one who makes you have butterflies in
your stomach. The one who makes you awake at the middle of the night. The one that
you can see your future with. Sarathiel was that one for me.

It was crazy because I never felt like this before. I was always cautious when it
comes to love — it was a mere distraction when it comes to my studies...but he made
me feel like I could balance them both.

I wished I really could.

Sarathiel licked his lower lip and stared at me with a gentle gaze.

"I have never been more serious in my life. The only time I was ever serious was
when it comes to you."

My heart is being consumed by extreme bliss.

His ears went red. He blew off some air before finally saying the words that also
made me feel the way he was feeling.

"Zafirah, can I court you?"

All I could do was nod. Words cannot come out from my mouth.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 18 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 18

Cherophobia. The fear that something bad might happen after excessive joy. There's
a saying that you shouldn't be too happy — because you won't be prepared when
misery hits you.

"Practical Research 1, Feasibility Study, Business Proposal. Guys? Kaya pa? Kaya
niyo pa this week?" Gio asked infront of our class.

We all groaned, dala ng stress ay may isa pa nga akong kaklase na tinumba ang isang
desk namin at nagpanggap na nagt-tantrums. Ang gago lang pero sa totoo ay gano'n na
rin 'yata ako sa loob ng utak ko.

Inaayos kasi namin ang schedule namin since tatlo 'yung major na gagawin ng section
namin pero iba-iba kami ng groupings.

I groaned. "Adren, bilhin mo na 'yung buong school."

Okay lang sana 'yung gawain e kaso sabay-sabay sila. Hindi tuloy namin alam kung
ano uunahin. I was also stressed because Stacy was on three of my groups.
The mere presence of Stacy made me feel like I'm doing the groupwork myself.

Hindi naman kasi tao si Stacy e. Printer siya— puro print lang ang ambag niya sa
grupo.

"Zafirah, ikaw na lang maging leader." Siniko ako ni Ria. Gusto ko siyang iripan
pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"Ayoko."

Kapag leader ka kasi madalas sa'yo iaasa lahat tapos kasalanan mo pa kapag may
nangyari sa grades nila. Dapat sa isang grupo, wala talagang leader e. Para lahat
gagawa.

"Matalino ka naman ah," nakahalukipkip si Stacy at tinataasan ako ng kilay.

"Kaya nga ayoko e, matalino ako para malaman na iiwan niyo 'to saakin kapag ako
'yung naging leader." I said through gritted teeth.

Ngumiwi si Stacy.

"Nauurat na ako rito ah. Matalino nga pero mayabang."

"Pigilan mo ang sarili mo, Stacy." Ria laughed.

The audacity of these two to mock me?

I sighed and put both of my hands up, waving a white flag.

"You know what? Sige, I'll be the leader."

"Papayag ka rin pala e. Nag-drama ka pa." Umirap si Stacy. Pumalakpak si Ria,

supporting her friend.

I smiled sweetly at them. "Since I'm the leader, I have the right to remove you two
as my groupmates."

The two of them stiffened. Nakita ko kung paano umarko ang kanilang mga kilay sa
aking sinabi. In my defense, I only shrugged my shoulders.

"Tanga ka ba? Sa tingin mo papayagan ka na ni Ma'am na tanggalin kami?" Matapang na

sabi niya.
"Well, edi papiliin natin mga kagrupo natin. Ako aalis o kayong dalawa 'yung
tatanggalin? Siguro naman kung by group na ang desisyon, wala ng magagawa si Ma'am
'di ba?"

Mataray siyang tumingin sa mga kagrupo namin. Nanlisik ang mga mata ni Stacy nang
makitang walang tumitingin sa kanya sa grupo namin.

I clasped my hands. "So guys, aalisin niyo ba ako o silang dalawa ang tatanggalin
natin?"

Umiwas ng tingin ang ilan sa mga kagrupo ko. Some of them though voice out their
opinions so that we can get started.

"Sila...na lang, Zaf."

"Sorry Stacy,"

"Stacy, Ria...may ibang grupo pa naman."

Nalaglag ang mga panga ni Stacy at Ria. They looked at me with disbelief.

Dinuro ako ni Stacy, her anger is evident in the way her fingers pointed at me.

"Ang kapal mo! Pagsisisihan mo 'to, Zafirah! Akala mo kung sino ka!"

"Sus, feeling matalino ka lang naman! Kapit ka lang kay Gio!"

Hindi ko inakalang may gana pa silang sabihin ang mga ito. Gio does help me but I'm
sure that I rely on my own knowledge when it comes to examinations and such.

I snorted at them. "Ganyanin niyo ako kapag mas mataas na kayo saakin sa Stats,
ha?"

Padabog na umalis si Stacy at sumunod naman si Ria. My groupmates were silent. If I

will be the leader for our Business Proposal, then I don't want any freeloader in
our group.

I thought it will be the last time that I would see their faces, unfortunately I
still had them on my other groups. As usual, wala pa rin silang kwentang kagrupo.

Sa Practical Research naman ay nagreklamo si Stacy bakit ang baba raw ng grades
niya kumpara sa grades namin. Dapat daw pareho-pareho kami ng grades dahil grupo
naman daw kami.
Hindi ko talaga alam kung saan niya nahuhugot 'yung kapal ng mukha niya.

When we had our meeting for our Feasibility Study. Wala na naman si Stacy at si
Ria. Kailangan na raw kasi nila umalis dahil masakit ang tyan nila.

Hindi 'yata nila alam na friends kami sa Facebook kaya kitang-kita namin na
nakikipag-inuman lang pala sila sa mga tropa nila. Nag-My Day pa kasi sila habang
nagiinuman.

Bumuntong hininga ako at pinigilan ang sarili ko na magwala.

I don't care about your habits or what you do on your personal lives but there's a
line between being a considerate person and someone who wants the best for the
entire group.

Sobrang stress na ako dahil halos araw-araw akong may dalang papel. Kapag uuwi
naman ako sa bahay, may gagawin pa rin ako. Hindi natatapos sa school ang gawain
kaya iuuwi pa namin. Ang aga pa ng pasok tapos halos gabi na kami umuuwi.

Habang naglalakad ako papunta sa Main Lib para gumawa ng layout ng organization
chart ay nakita ko si Sarathiel na nakakunot ang noo. His arms were crossed and he
was talking to Czanne.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at humilig sa likod niya. When he saw me, napaawang ang bibig
niya bago siya ngumiti. Agad siyang humarap saakin.

"Hi mangliligaw, musta naman?" I ask, teasingly.

Czanne was looking at me with wide eyes but she immediately return to her usual
compusure.

"You're tired? May gagawin ka pa ba? Do you want me to help you?" he asked while
examining my face, nagulat ako ng maramdaman ang isang daliri niya sa ibabang
bahagi ng mata ko.

"You're getting eyebags," he chuckled. I pouted at his remark.

"Di mo na crush? Turn off ka na saakin?"

"Is that even possible? To get turn off by you? I didn't like you for your looks —
ang dami kayang mas maganda sa'yo."

He chukled when he saw the grimace on my face.

"Ang sarap mong bastedin, alam mo 'yon?" Umirap ako sa kanya.

"I'm kidding. You may not be the prettiest but you're the only one in my eyes," he
pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I have to do something, see you later." I beamed at him.

Alam mo 'yung pagod ka na pero isang sulyap mo lang sa taong mahal mo, nawawala ang
pagod mo na parang bula? Sarathiel has that effect on me. He's the only one who can
cheer me up despite of how tired I am.

"Okay, I'll go to you after we finished our miniature." He bobbed his head.

Habang paalis ako ay hindi ko maiwasan na mapatingin kay Czanne. When I looked at
her, she was eyeing me with curiosity. I tried to smile but Czanne already turned
her back at me.

Umupo ako sa isang desk sa Main Lib at tahimik na ginawa ang organization chart
namin para sa Business Proposal. Madali lang ito kaya inako ko na.

I also revised some parts of our research paper using the computer in the lab.
Since nasa main lib ang isa sa mga computer lab na pinapagamit sa mga estudyante.

Nang matapos ako ay pumunta na ako sa isang couch malapit sa Filipiñiana section.
Humilig ako rito at pumikit.

"Zafi," I could feel someone lightly tapping my cheeks.

"I love you...Always."

I thought I was dreaming and I heard Sath saying something — it was just too dreamy
to hear those words coming from him.

Unti-unting dumilat ang mga mata ko. I saw Sarathiel removing the fallen strands of
hair away from my face.

"May laway ka sa gilid ng labi mo..."

I unconciously wiped the sides of my lips. Hinampas ko siya dahil wala naman akong
laway doon!

He chuckled. "You fell asleep. Nakakahiya naman gisingin ka. Kaya hinintay ko na
lang na magising ka."

"Anong oras na?"

He checked his watch. "It's close to 5pm. Do you wanna grab some food before going
home?"

"Seryoso ba? Uuwi na ako. May gagawin pa ako e," I told him.

Bale kanina pa pala siya naghihintay? Waiter naman pala 'tong si Sarathiel.

"I can help you." He offered. Kinuha niya na rin 'yung bag ko at siya na ang
nagbuhat.

"Kaya ko na. Nangaagaw ka ng bag ah. Wala ka bang bag?" panga-alaska ko sa kanya.

"Ang hirap mong ligawan, alam mo 'yun?"

I laughed at him and snatched my bag back. Kaya ko naman 'tong bag na 'to.

Hinatid niya ako sa bahay gamit ng kotse nila. He told me it isn't his since he's
still applying for his student license.

“Are you sure you don't need help?” tanong niya ulit habang nasa biyahe kami. I
shook my head.

I know he also has things to do. Ang problema ko ay problema ko lang. He shouldn't
be involve and be burdened with my own academic workload, alam ko naman na may mga
gawain din sila.

“I can do it,” I rested my head on his shoulder.

Sa bahay ay naabutan ko si Clary na nakatingin kay Sarathiel. When I looked at her,

she only smiled at me and went to her room.

“Ingat ka pauwi,” I told Sarathiel after he made sure that I'm finally home.

“Yeah,” he drawled and he looked at me with a worried expression. “Zafi, huwag mo

kalimutan magpahinga ha?”

I only nodded at him and bid him goodbye.

Pumunta na rin ako sa kwarto ko at tinapos na ang parte ko para naman sa
Feasibility Study. Kapag kasi groupings, madalas pinaghahatian na lang talaga 'yung
gagawin para maiwasan 'yung meeting palagi sa grupo. Hindi na kakayanin kapag araw-
araw kayo may meeting tapos may iba ka pang gagawin sa ibang subject.

Tatlo groupings niyo tapos isa ka lang— ang sarap na lang talagang hatiin ng buong
katawan mo e.

When I finished my task, I watched mukbangs when I had some spare time. Hindi pa
kasi ako dinadalaw ng antok.

It was a bad idea.

"Ang sarap nung chicken nuggets," I groaned as I saw the person stuffing her mouth
with nuggets from McDo.

Okay sana kung maaga ko ito pinanood. Takte lang kasi dahil anong oras na, wala
namang walking distance na McDo rito.

I copied the link and decided to send it to some of my friends and Sarathiel.

These were their reactions.

Iscalade Altreano:

Kung bold 'yan

Di ako interesado

Melanie:

KAKATAKAM

Bea:

Ano 'yan, beh?

I also sent it to Gio since I know he's gullible.

Zafirah Sanchez:

Nood ka tapos sabayan mo ako magutom.

Gagio:

Demonyo ampota.

Anong oras na Zafirah

Baka di ka aware.

Sarathiel also replied back.

Sath <3:

Cravings?

Zafi Malupet:

Yep

Pero bakit ganyan nickname mo saatin. Malupet? Okay ka lang? Sana okay ka lang.

Sath <3:

Wala lang.

Zafirah the great.

Zafirah malupet.

I rolled my eyes heavenwards. He's really random sometimes. Nagtipa na lang ulit
ako ng sagot para sa kanya.

Zafi Malupet:

Gutom na ako. Gusto ko McDo. Bukas kain tayo please.

Sath <3:

Pwede naman ngayon.

Zafi Malupet:

LOL ang layo ng 24hrs na mga McDo.

Sath<3:

Delivery. Lol

Ano bang gusto mo

Zafi Malupet:

Ikaw <3

at saka fries, sundae, chicken nuggets, chocolate pie, and kiddie meal.

Hindi nakapag-reply kaagad si Sath. Baka kinilig masyado.

I was still watching mukbangs when I heard a knock from my door. Binuksan ko ito at
sinalubong ako ni Clary na naka-facemask.

"Did you order McDo?"

"Huh? Hindi ah."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "May delivery sa baba, naka-pangalan sa'yo."

"Seryoso ba?" I was shocked. Nakatulog na ba ako? Is this a dream?

Bumaba ako at nakitang may nakaabang nga na delivery galing sa McDo.

"For Ma'am Zafirah po?" tanong nung delivery guy.

"H-huh? T-teka, magkano ba 'yan?" I was still in my PJs and my wallet is in my

room.

"Bayad na po," Ngumiti 'yung delivery guy. "Sweet po nung jowa niyo."

Inabot niya saakin 'yung dalawang balot. I stood still while accepting it.
Umalis na rin 'yung nag-deliver at naiwan ako sa sala kasama si Clary na tinitignan
'yung laman ng McDo na nilapag ko sa dining area.

"Dami naman pera ah, sponsored ka ba ng Mcdo?" biro ni Clary.

Sponsored lang ni Sarathiel. Ayoko naman kay Clary dahil baka sabunutan niya ako
bigla.

Tinignan ko ang isang sticky note at nakumpirma ko na tama ang hinila ko.

Eat well po. Huwag matulog kaagad pagkatapos kumain. Baka bangungutin ka—
papakasalan pa kita kaya bawal 'yon. — Sath

I laughed.

Ang corny! Pero effective! Siguro kung galing ito sa iba ay matagal na akong
umirap. Sath made it sound so sweet. I decided to thank him for his effort.

I opened my messenger to chat him but he already sent me a message.

Sath <3:

McDo ka ba?

Kasi...

Love ko 'to. :P

Sino kaya nagtuturo sa kanya ng mga kakornihan na 'to?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 19 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 19

It was the day of our final defense. Natapos na namin ang sa Feasibility Study at
Business Proposal.

"Halos araw-araw na lang kitang nakikitang naka-corporate attire," pinuna ni

Sarathiel ang damit ko.
He was leaning against the fence, nakasandal ang mga siko niya rito habang masinsin
ang pagkilatis niya sa aking suot.

I was wearing my formal attire. When I say formal, what I really meant was
something that is considered as presentable. Black blazers, white blouse underneath
and black dress pants. Isa sa mga binanggit ng Professor namin sa Principles of
Marketing, if you want them to take you seriously then dress professionally.

Wala man sa damit ang grades niyo, makikita naman nila kung seryoso kayo sa
presentation sa maayos niyong pananamit. It is, after all, a presentation. You are
presenting yourself and your idea to them.

I snorted. "Uniform ng ABM."

That was also the truth for most strands though. Halos maubos na nga ang mga damit
ko dahil sa dami ng mga activities na kailangan naming mag-comply sa dress code,
lalo na pagdating sa practical research.

He slowly nodded his head and lazily gave a small smile. “You look pretty when
you're serious.”

“Tumigil ka nga, lalo akong kinakabahan e.”

Hindi ko alam bakit hinihintay pa niya ako. Kanina pa tapos ang klase nila, kami
naman ay hinihintay matapos ang naunang group na mag-defense.

I was fanning myself since I was sweating and my legs are acting like a pair of
jelly-ace. Nanginginig ako kahit wala pa nga sa harap ng mga panel. This is
probably because of how many coffee I took before this event.

Sarathiel decided to help me calm myself. Kinuha niya saakin ang research paper ng
grupo ko para makapag-ayos at maging kalmado na ako.

"You're sure with your paper?" Sarathiel was scanning our research paper.

I turned to him, not hiding the fact that I can really feel the pressure even
before the presentation.

"Bakit? May mali ba?" I asked, anxiously.

I was always confident with my work in school. Pero iba ang practical research,
you'll never be sure until the defense for it ends. Kahit talaga anong gawin mo,
magkakaroon pa rin ito ng butas.
Kumunot ang noo niya, unti-unti niyang tiningnan ang bawat pahina. He suddenly
widened his eyes and pointed towards the introduction.

"May typo—"

"Saan?!" I panicked causing my face to be inches apart from his.

Oh dear, no! Nandito na ako malapit sa AVR! I can't believe that there's a typo! I
was biting my nails as I groaned in frustration. Nilayo ko ang mukha ko kay
Sarathiel.

"I w-was kidding," Sarathiel looked away. Inagaw ko sa kanya ang papel namin.

"Loko ka! Kinabahan ako sa'yo," napahawak ako sa dibdib ko.

Halos mabulag na nga ako kaka-revised sa papel namin tapos may typo pang
makakalusot? Ang sakit sa ulo kung ipapa-print pa namin ulit.

He heartily chortled before reaching for my head.

"Goodluck. Walang iiyak, ha?" he ruffled my hair. Hinawi ko naman kaagad ang kamay
niya.

My cheeks immediately went red. Nakakahiya! No way, I won't cry over this anymore!
Kapag bumagsak kami sa defense dahil sa mga kagrupo ko, I would rather do this by
myself than force them to help me. Basta ba ay saakin lang din ang grade!

"Mama mo iyakin." I stuck out my tongue.

Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa research paper namin bago ako pumasok sa AVR. Nandoon na
ang mga kagrupo ko at hinihintay na nila ako.

I opened the doorknob and saw Ms. Cynthia smiling again. Humugot muna ako nang
malalim na hininga bago siya suklian ng ngiti.

Here goes nothing.

『••✎••』

"Tapos na rin siya!" napatalon ako sa sobrang saya. Niyakap ako ng mga kagrupo ko,
maliban kay Stacy na umalis kaagad.

"Buti na lang puro recommendations na lang sinabi saatin. Akala ko gigisahin na

naman tayo," bumuntong-hininga si Melay.

Paulene gasped and her eyes widened.

"Bakit, Paulene?" I asked her. Tinuro niya lang 'yung isang direksyon.

Agad akong napalingon dito at nakita ko si Czanne at Sarathiel na pinagtatabi ng

mga kapwa 'yata nilang STEM students.

I immediately arched an eyebrow.

Lumapit ako rito para malaman kung anong meron. I wanted to know why both of them
are so close to each other.

"Czanne, ngiti naman diyan! Katabi mo na crush mo, oh!"

Czanne was pushed towards Sarathiel. Kada lalapit si Czanne ay agad namang lumalayo
si Sarathiel, an annoyed look plastered on his face.

"Sarathiel! Swerte ka na kay Czanne!"

The group was bursting in laughter. Napapalibutan sila ngayon ng mga tangkay.

It looks like this was planned. Para bang pinana ng punyal na may lason ang aking
dibdib. The hardest part of loving will always be this, when not everyone roots for
you.

Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako deserving kay Sath. My eyes went misty because of it.
Czanne was indeed pretty, smart and probably good at socializing. I was not even
sure if I was also like that.

"OTP kayo ng buong STEM!"

Nalaglag ang panga ko sa mga sinisigaw ng mga kaklase nila. I was fuming mad. I
didn't know why I wanted to shout at them to stop.

It hurts because I feel like I'm not the right person for Sath. Para bang
pinapamukha saakin na mas bagay sila ni Czanne.

"Tumigil na kayo. Nakakahiya kay Sarathiel." Hagikgik ni Czanne.

"I have someone I like—" Sarathiel was cut off by his blockmates who booed at him.
Iritadong lumayo si Sath mula sa kanila.
"Like pa lang naman! Ito si Czanne oh! Love na kaagad!"

Czanne was smiling and her cheeks were all red. Kitang-kita na gusto nga niya si
Sarathiel. I also knew because she did kissed him on the cheeks before. Naunahan pa
nga ako ng babaing 'yan!

I clenched my fists. Tumalikod ako at babalik na sana sa mga kagrupo ko nang

makitang kanina pa pala sila nakikinig sa mga sinisigaw ng STEM na blockmates ni
Sarathiel.

"OMG! Bagay kayo ni Gio!" nagulat ako nang sumigaw si Heranie bigla.

"Pinagsasabi mo?" I looked at them, puzzled.

Heranie only winked and whispered towards my other groupmates. May mga sumipol sa
direksyon kung saan naglalakad papalapit sa amin si Gio.

"Grabe! Sakto! Nandiyan na pala si Gio mapagmahal!"

Melanie shouted at Gio's direction. Nagbabasa lang ito habang naglalakad, his full
attention was on his research paper. Nakakunot ang noo habang binabasa ang kanyang
papel.

Naglalakad siya papunta sa'min nang hatakin siya ni Melay. Halata sa mukha ni Gio
ang gulat at hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nadawit.

Gulat na sumigaw at pumiglas si Gio kay Melay. "Wala po akong droga! Mas mukha ka
pa ngang nagbabato saakin, Melay!"

"Gio! Picture kayo ni Zafirah! Pambato ng ABM! Boss Mapagmahal at Cholla Malathek!"
sigaw ni Melay.

Lahat tuloy ng STEM na kanina pinagtitripan si Sarathiel at Czanne ay napunta

saamin ang atensyon.

I saw how Sarathiel's brows almost knitted. Umawang ang kanyang labi nang makitang
pinagtatabi kami ni Gio.

"Ano 'to? Bakit ako? Hindi ako mga tsongs! Si ano!" Gio was panicking.

"Picture lang, Gio! Grabe ka kiligin!" Paulene giggled, even slightly punching Gio
on his arm.
"Para kang mamamatay sa kilig!" ginatungan pa ni Melay.

"Mamamatay lang pero hindi sa kilig," ngumiwi si Gio habang nakatingin sa direksyon
ng STEM.

Kahit ako ay pinatatabi kay Gio. Ang lakas ng trip nila. Pero sinakyan ko na lang
baka sakaling humupa ang nararamdaman kong inis sa nakita ko kanina.

Sumenyales saamin si Melay habang nakatutok saamin ang cellphone niya.

"I'll be taking your picture in five four three two—"

Someone blocked the phone from taking the picture. The person had a cold scowl on
his face as he remove his hand from blocking the view.

"Pasali ako, kahit si Gio na lang sa gitna."

It was Sarathiel who had his forehead creased and eyebrows furrowed. He looks
annoyed.

"Bakit ako sa gitna?" Gio asked, confusion on his face.

"Namamatay daw kasi 'yung nasa gitna," Sarathiel scoffed.

Gio put both of his hands up.

Tumakbo si Gio palayo. "May ipapasa pa ako kay Ms. Cynthia! I heart ZafiThiel
forever!"

Tumawa naman ang mga blockmates ko.

Sa huli, kami ni Sarathiel ang kinuhanan ng litrato. He was on my side and his
other hand was enfolding my waist.

"Si Czanne nagpapa-picture sa'yo." I told him, trying to hide what I really feel.

Ayokong malaman niya na nagseselos ako. Pero gusto kong malaman niya na
naaapektuhan ako.

"Ayoko. I only like my pictures when it's with you." I didn't know why he had to
fix his posture.
My groupmates were all giggling. Nawala na ang grupo ng mga tangkay at Czanne. Kami
na lang ang mga natira.

"Okay! In five, four, three, two, one! Say ZafiThiel!"

Namula naman ako at kaagad na ngumiti para sa picture.

"ZafiThiel," bulong ni Sath saakin.

I smiled because I used to dislike that couple name but now it just sends
butterflies in my stomach.

Mukhang magiging admin pa ako ng fanpage namin.

『••✎••』

Recognition day.

I smiled to myself as I saw my name on the presentation of honors.

It was the day where all of our hardwork pays off. Ilang beses kaming nag-practice
para rito kaya naman medyo wala na ang kaba sa puso ko.

"Congrats over all top 1 of STEM!" I hugged Sath. I can't believe that the man who
top the STEM strand is my future boyfriend!

He hugged me back.

"Congrats over all top 1 of ABM," nilagay niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko sa likod
ng tenga ko.

I did it! Hindi ko nagawang maging valedictorian noon dahil sakitin ako at
nagkaroon ng factor ang attendance pero ngayon ay bawing-bawi naman. I always had
high grades and was constantly on the honor roll, I can feel that being the
valedictorian of this batch will be easy for me now.

Suot namin ngayon ang mga medalyang binigay saamin. The over all top 1 of each
strand are those who got the highest general average for both 1st and 2nd semester.
Luckily, I was the one for the ABM strand.

"Nandiyan Mom at Dad mo? I wanna meet them. Nandiyan sina Mama pero wala si Papa
dahil sa trabaho. Gusto mo rin ba makilala?"
Umawang ang bibig ni Sath. He was also trying to hide a smile.

The awarding was already finished and we were just taking pictures. I dragged Sath
to where my Mama is.

"Ma, si Sarathiel nga po pala." Pakilala ko kay Sath.

I looked at him and his usual calm demeanor cracked. He looks nervous.

"Good Afternoon po," Sath greeted Mama politely. I can see the respect in his eyes
as he slightly bow his head down.

"Naku ka, Zafirah! Mabuti na lang talaga saakin ka nagmana! Maganda ang magiging
lahi natin anak!" tuwang-tuwa si Mama kay Sarathiel.

Imbis tuloy na ako ang matawa dahil kinakabahan si Sath, mukhang si Sath pa ang
natatawa dahil sa inaakto ni Mama.

"Ma, we're just still friends. Mangliligaw ko pa lang siya."

"Friends pa lang? Hina mo naman anak!" Tinapik niya si Sath sa balikat. Ngumiti
lang nang tipid sa kanya si Sath.

I wasn't scared that Mama and Papa wouldn't approve of Sath. Sa buong buhay ko,
ngayon lang ako lumandi nang todo 'no. Madalas talaga textbook at module lang ang
katuwang ko sa buhay.

"Sarathiel," a woman that screams elegance walked towards him. She looks like a
foreign model. Her brown eyes glistened with admiration when she saw us.

"Ah, Zafirah. Meet my Mom." Sath introduced. Nalaglag ang panga ko.

"Sure ka nanay mo 'yan? Hindi ba kapatid lang?"

She looks young! Kahit si Mama ay nanglaki ang mga mata.

"Trust me, everyone says almost the same thing." Sath sighs.

"Hello there, I'm Sarathiel's Mom." She smiles, revealing a perfect set of white
teeth.

Pressure naman ito. Now I know where he got his genes from. I gulped before
extending my hand. Nang maramdaman ko ang malambot niyang kamay ay gusto ko na lang
tanungin kung ano ang hand cream na gamit niya.

"Hello po, Tita."

Shems, uno reverse card talaga.

Ako naman ang kinakabahan ngayon dahil sa Mama niya!

"You must be Zafirah! My son has been talking about you non-stop. Did you know you
have pictures on his—"

"Mom, too much info..." Sath trailed off, his ears were red.

"Oh, look how shy he is! It reminds me that he used to sing Barney songs when he
was a kid! But look at him now all grown up!" His Mom pouted. She reminds me of
Sath so much.

Barney? How cute!

"Wow naman, sample naman diyan." I teased Sath in which he groaned in response.

Makapag-download nga ng mga kanta ni Barney. I didn't know Sath had a unique taste
for music.

"Congrats for the both of you. Do you want to join us for lunch, Zafirah and Mrs.
Sanchez or should I call you Balae?" her tagalog accent only confirmed that she is
indeed a foreigner.

"Ay bet ko 'yan!" Mama gushed. Para silang ewan dahil kaagad silang nagusap na
parang BFFs.

"My Mom likes you," Sarathiel whispered towards my ear.

I smiled at him. "Gusto ka rin ni Mama."

As we were walking towards the exit of our school. I saw a familiar figure.

It was Philomena crying in a corner. Kanina pa siya malungkot kahit nung nasa
coliseum pa kami. Teacher din ang nagsabit sa kanya ng medalya niya. Sayang, she
was the over all top 2 pa naman sa HUMSS.

"Hey," naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Sath sa baywang ko.

"Let's go?"

Tumango naman ako nang makita kong may lumapit kay Philomena. Nakatalikod ito at
nakasuot ng placard at may hawak na lightstick. It was also a familiar figure but I
wasn't able to see his face.

Niyaya kami ng Mom ni Sath sa bahay nila. Let me rephrase that— sa mansion nila. I
knew Sath was well off but I didn't know he was this rich!

It was a modernized mansion, there was a touch of colonial style from the outside.
It kind of resembles the ones you see on television advertisements. Akala ko noon
ay malaking joke lang ang magpatayo ka ng ganitong klaseng mansion tapos isang
pamilya lang kayo.

"Anak ka rin ba ng mafia?" I accused him as we were entering the gate of their
mansion.

He chuckled. "No, the Reverios are far more suitable for that category."

When we went inside their mansion. I was petrified to make any actions. Halos mukha
kasing mga babasagin ang gamit at 'yung iba ay gawa pa 'yata sa ginto.

"Mom, I'll just show Tita where the restroom is..." paalam ni Sath kasama niya si
Mama na kanina pa tulala.

Hindi niya rin siguro akalain na ganito pala kayaman 'tong lalaking 'to.

I only know Sarathiel from school. Sino ba talaga si Sarathiel Aracosa?

Naiwan kami ng Mom ni Sath sa dining area nila. I could tell that the tables and
chairs are expensive because this is exactly the same furnitures from the dramas
I've watched! Mga long table ng mga mayayaman!

"Hi Zafi," nagulat ako nang hawakan ako sa kamay ng Mom ni Sath.

“You're a pretty lady...” she complimented me.

“Mas maganda po kayo...”

“Can I say something to you, if you won't mind?”

My throat felt dry but I nodded.

“Sure po...”

She looked at me with a pained expression. Her lips quivered as she try to speak up
her mind.

"Sarathiel is a very complicated person to understand and I hope you'll be there

for him whenever we're not..." she smiles, sadness in her eyes.

"Did you know that he isn't really fond of us since we neglected him ever since he
was a child?" her voice sounded solemn.

In my mind, I imagined Sarathiel lonely and alone here in this big house. Doon pa
lamang ay naninikip na ang aking dibdib.

Sarathiel's Mom gently reached for my hand and squeezed it. It was the same way of
Sath when it comes to comforting me.

"He never made me attend any of his awarding ceremonies. He doesn't even let me
know about his plans for his life. He doesn't celebrate most of the celebrations
because he never knew how to celebrate them."

She was almost crying. Nakikita ko kung gaano ito kasakit sa kanya. I can feel her
pain because she's still trying to smile even though the tears on her cheeks are
telling me otherwise.

"I'm not a good mother for Sarathiel. His Father also focuses more on the welfare
of the patients in our hospital. We simply didn't give him the love he deserved."

That's not true. Sa tingin ko, hindi lang maipakita ni Sarathiel ang pagmamahal
niya sa kanila pero mahal niya rin ang mga ito.

"Mahal po kayo ni Sarathiel." I smiled at her then realized something.

"Tangina! Di ka nga pala marunong mag-Tagalog!" I bit my lip because I was shock.

There was silence until she decided to break it.

"I actually can understand tagalog," she chuckled, awkwardly.

"Sorry po!" napatakip ako sa buong mukha ko.

She smiled and dismissively shook her head.

"Nevertheless, I'm glad he has you. This was the first time Sarathiel asked me for
something..." she trailed and looked at me in the eyes.

She has the same brown eyes. It reminds me of her son.

"He asked me to come this recognition day and be friendly towards you. He asked me
if I can make time for him...Even just for today...." a smile appeared on her face.

"You don't know how much I'm happy my son found someone he can cherished, Zafirah.
I hope you won't break my son's heart."

"I promise not to po." I said with utmost sincerity.

She looks at me, almost pleading.

"Please don't. I don't think Sarathiel deserves to be hurt by someone he deeply

cares for."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 20 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Stephanie Poetri -I Love You 3000

kabanata 20

It has been months since Sarathiel decided to court me. Gusto ko sana sagutin na
siya bago magtapos ang bakasyon namin.

I didn't want to make him wait for more months. I like him too and I think he can
still court me even if we're already together.

Hindi ako nagbubukas ng mga social media accounts ko dahil ayaw kong ma-spoil sa
isang movie na inaabangan ko. Wala pa kasi akong pera pambili ng ticket. Syempre,
walang baon kaya walang ipon. Pero balak ko kuhanin sa allowance na pinapadala ni
Mama.

I plopped on my bed while gazing at the ceiling. Should I just review some of the
powerpoints that our professors sent? O baka pwede ako humingi ng errand na gagawin
para naman makaipon ako ng pera? Tita is quite generous when it comes to money.

My phone vibrated. I reached for it and the screen showed Sarathiel's name. Agad
akong napangiti.

Sarathiel:
Gawa mo?

Zafirah:
Nagiisip paano kumita ng pera.

Sarathiel:
ABM ka talaga 'no?

Zafirah:
May gusto akong panoorin na movie. Huhu 'yung bago ng marvel? Last na 'yon e.
Samahan mo ako, nood tayo next week.

Sarathiel:
I've already watched it though. Premiere night.

Zafirah:
Bakit di mo sinabi saakin?!

Sarathiel:
Niyaya lang ako nila Iscalade.

Zafirah:
Hope all :(

Sarathiel:
Let's watch it together then.

Zafirah:
Napanood mo na e.

Sarathiel:
It's different if it's with you.

I already bought two tickets. See you later. 3pm, the nearest Mall.

Napabalikwas ako sa pagkakahiga. Nanglalaki ang mga mata at paulit-ulit na binasa

ang tinipa niyang sagot sa akin.

Zafirah:
HOY ANONG LATER
LEGIT YAN?

Sarathiel:

Dali na.

Baka magbago pa isip ko.

Zafirah:

SEE YOU

Halos mapunit ang mukha ko sa sobrang pagngiti ko. It's funny how the mere thought
of Sarathiel could make me this happy.

I plopped to my bed as I stare at the ceiling, holding my phone on my chest. Hindi

mapigilan ang nararamdaman sa aking dibdib.

So this is how love feels like.

I used to think going to movies with someone you like is cliché and disrespectable
for those singles who really wanted to watch to film. Pero wala e, hanap na lang
sila ng Sarathiel nila.

I asked for Clary's help when it comes to picking an outfit and preparing for the
movie — I can't even call it a date without blushing.

I decided to wear a white off shoulder and partnered it with high waist jeans.

"Walang monkey business sa cinema ha," Clary said while ironing the tips of my
hair. Kinukulot niya ito.

"Di tayo sure. Madilim doon e. Maraming nangyayari sa dilim." I wiggled my eyebrows
at her.

"Susmaryosep ka, mas natatakot pa ako para kay Sarathiel kaysa sa'yo e. Mas
inosente pa 'yata sa'yo 'yon kung anu-ano iniisip mo." She rolled her eyes.

I laughed. I was kidding! I really wanted to watch the movie. Hindi naman ako
nandoon para lumandi lang. I'm really anticipating the movie ever since the trailer
was released.

"May humalik sa pisngi niya! Grabe! Talo pa ako!" kwento ko kay Clary. Napanganga
naman siya.

"Ang daya! Gusto ko rin naman agawin si Sarathiel sa'yo pero hindi ako naka-isa sa
kanya!"

Tumawa siya at nilagyan ng clip ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko.

"Hay naku, Czanne Ocampo ang pangalan. STEM representative ng SSG!"

I don't hate Czanne but I kind of envy her. Nagkaroon na siya ng kiss kay
Sarathiel. Namula naman ako sa naisip ko. It's not like I want a kiss either...

"Stalk ko 'yan later!" nanggigigil na sabi ni Clary.

She applied nude make up on me. She also gave some finishing touches on my outfit.
Binigyan niya ako ng isang kwintas na may tatlong heart na maliliit bilang pendant.

"Thank you, Clary." I sincerely thank her. She really made me feel pretty today.

Ngumiti siya sa'kin at niyakap ako. I embrace her in return.

"You're my cousin. My favorite one so this is nothing."

『••✎••』

I was playing with my bracelet which Sath gave me when I saw him walking towards
me. Hindi kami sabay dahil sabi ko ayokong susunduin niya ako dahil nasa bahay
ngayon si Kuya Carlos.

Sarathiel really looks like the popular boy from teen flicks who can sweep you off
your feet except for the fact that he's really a dork on the inside. He was wearing
his signature jacket with a t-shirt underneath and denim jeans.

Nakataas ang kilay niya saakin habang nakapamulsa siya.

Isn't he supposed to be amaze because I look pretty today?

"Problema mo?" I asked him.

"Saan po ang bakuna?" he pointed my off shoulder top.

My cheeks went crimson. Agad ko namang tinakpan ang gilid ng aking braso. He
lightly chuckled and even covered his mouth to supressed it.

"Kakaasar ka, alam mo 'yun?" singhal ko sa kanya.

Bakit di kaya ako bigyan ng normal na reaksyon ng isang taong may gusto saakin?
Lait na lait na ako kay Sarathiel e.

"Malamig sa loob," he looked at his watch."The movie's about to start too."

"So?" I raise an eyebrow.

Hinubad niya 'yung jacket niya at pinatong ito saakin. I was frozen in the spot
because of his gesture. Ramdam ko ang bawat pagtibok ng puso ko sa bawat galaw
niya.

Inayos niya ang jacket sa balikat ko.

My heart went wild as his fingers slide on my skin. Alam ko naman na hindi siya
aware dahil ako lang ang nakakaramdam ng tensyon.

"Let's go," sabi niya habang hinawakan ang kamay ko. He interwined his fingers into
mine.

Tulala lang ako habang hinihila ako ni Sath. This feels surreal. Hindi ko mapigilan
ang ngumiti sa kilig dahil sa mga nararamdaman kong paru-paru sa aking tiyan.

We went inside the Director's Club. Nagulat ako dahil hindi lang pala sa regular
cinema siya bumili ng ticket.

Mas kaunti ang upuan sa Director's Club. The chairs also have head and foot rests.
Umupo na kami sa bandang dulo.

"Di tayo bumili ng popcorn," I told Sath.

"It's given here for free and also water but if you want to buy something from the
snacks, push this one." Turo niya sa isang button.

"Ano 'yan?"

It was my first time in this kind of cinema. Hindi naman kasi kami mahilig manood
ng sine talaga dahil meron namang Netflix.

"Butler call," he answered.

"Taray may butler." I laughed.

"Di mo kaya," Sath grinned.

There were movie ads before the actual movie. I was so engrossed with the movie. I
couldn't contain my excitement, my cheers and also how devastating some scenes were
for me since I have watched the previous films.

Mahirap hindi maging maingay sa loob ng sine ngayon. All of us probably had a
connection with the movie. Bawat sapak at tadyak 'yata ay may reaksyon kami.

"Bakit si Black Widow pa? My Natasha Romanova!" I was crying like a baby.

Itong demonyong katabi ko tinatawanan lang ako habang inaabutan ako ng tissue.

“Is this because you have already watch the movie? Kaya di ka na umiiyak?” I asked,
still sobbing.

Umiling siya. “Uh, well I'm not really into marvel movies. I kind of prefer DC,” he
spoke, faintly.

“You want darker ones?”

“No, I just find Gal Gadot hot.” He chuckled and bit his lower lip. “You're hotter
though.”

“Maganda nga si Gal Galdot,” I swallowed the lump on my throat. What the hell,
Sath. Bakit ganyan ka naman? Nabibigla ako.

My tears were still cascading down my face because it was almost near the end. Stan
Lee, what a legend! Sobrang galing! And the directors really made the live action
so good!

"Kahit uhugin ka, ang ganda mo pa rin sa paningin ko." He said while helping me
wipe my tears.

“You're crying again...” he mumbled. Ilang beses na ako umiiyak dahil sa mga ganap
sa movie.

"Crush ko kasi 'yon!" I said in my defense.

Sath only shrugged his shoulders, kanina pa siya tahimik dahil siguro napanood na
rin niya ito kaya di na siya ganun ka-excited.

Napapatalon ako tuwing may labanan na nagaganap lalo na nung sinabi ang mga
katagang 'avengers assemble'.Natatawa ako sa mga moments ng mga karakter dahil
sobrang natural lang, parang hindi sila artista dahil parang sila talaga 'yung mga
karakter nila.

I was sobbing when it was almost finished. It was the funeral scene and Tony Stark
was delivering his message.

As I was wiping my tears, Sath leans towards me.

"I love you 3000." The scene from the movie and Sath's voice spoke out the same
time.

The entire cinema was full of sorrow because of the scene. Hindi lamang ako ang
umiiyak pero ako lang 'yata ang natigilan dahil sa ginawa n'ya.

Napalingon ako kay Sath. He was looking at me with such intensity that I couldn't
look away from him.

His brown eyes made me feel a thousand emotions over.

My heart was palpitating loudly. I was so sure that it was for him. Sarathiel's
the only one who has this effect on me.

He gently reached for my hand. He interwined our fingers and kissed my knuckles.

"I love you 3000," paguulit niya. "I'm sorry for the spoiler."

The movie ended with us holding hands. Hindi na ako makaiyak dahil hawak-hawak ni
Sath 'yung kamay ko.

Nasa labas na kami ng cinema ngayon, kitang-kita ko ang mukha ni Sath dahil may
ilaw na.

"Ang galing ni Stan Lee," I decided to break off the silence.

"Yeah," his ears were red. I smiled at the thought that I wasn't the only one
affected.

"Ihahatid na kita," he told me. Tumango naman ako, I don't mind Kuya Carlos seeing
us anymore.
We went to the parking lot. It was quiet and we were the only people around.

"Sath," tawag ko sa kanya. Napalingon naman siya sa'kin.

"Yeah?"

I tiptoed and cupped his face. I stole a gentle kiss from him. Sath looks taken
aback when I look at him.

Sa gitna ng dumadagundong na pagtibok ng puso ko ay nagawa ko rin sabihin ang mga

katagang kanina pa umuulit sa aking isipan.

"I love you 3000." I said as our noses touch.

I smiled to myself.

Sorry ka na lang, Czanne. Hanggang cheeks ka lang.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 21 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

T/W: Depression

Kabanata 21

"Grade 12, huh?"

First day of being a grade 12 and I can already feel the difference between being a
grade 11 and grade 12 student.

Nangangapa ka pa sa grade 11 pero ngayon na grade 12 ka na ay mas may alam ka na o

mas inaasahan nilang may alam ka na sa pagiging isang senior high.

The difficulty of the grade level actually depends on how your school distributes
your subjects. Ang ibang mga kakilala ko sa ibang school ay mas nahirapan sa grade
11 dahil nga iba sa kasanayan at agad na binigay sa kanila ang mga hardcore na
specialized subjects ng strand nila. However, in UJD we were more focused on the
core subjects during grade 11. Ngayong grade 12 pa lamang namin mae-encounter ang
mga specialized subjects na 'yon.

Personally, there's advantages and disadvantages for both side. Mahihirapan ka man
sa grade 11, at least kapag grade 12 ka na mas marami kang oras para sa mga
entrance exams kung balak mo pang lumipat. Kabaliktaran naman ito kapag hindi ka
masyadong nahirapan sa grade 11, you'll be bombarded during grade 12.

"Hi Gio," I greeted Gio who was surprisingly silent. He returned the greeting with
a smile.

"Sungit naman natin ngayon," I nudged him, hindi ako sanay na tahimik siya.

"Nagbabagong buhay na ako," his forehead creased. "Ayoko na maging friendly."

I laughed because that was the sole reason why our former classmates voted for him
to be the class president last year. Friendly kasi siya nung first day pa lang kaya
napagtripan tuloy.

Wala pa kaming homeroom teacher. I scan the classroom with my eyes, most of the
faces are familiar and some were new. May mga nilipat kasi ng section dahil hindi
nila naabot 'yung average para sa section 1.

Hindi ko na rin kaklase si Stacy. Bawas sa mga free loader sa room. Pero nandito pa
rin si Ria dahil kahit papaano ay nakasabit ang grades niya.

"Zafirah?" someone called my name.

"Ade!" I greeted back. "Nilipat ka pala ng section."

"Yeah, I guess?" he shrugged his shoulders. Nadagdagan na naman ng gwapo ang room
namin.

Dumating ang homeroom teacher namin. Lalaki ito at hindi tulad noon ay medyo may
edad na kumpara sa mga teachers namin noong grade 11. Halatang hindi na fresh
graduate.

"Dictate your name and your age. After that, recite what you know and what you
wanna learn about accountancy."

What the frick?

『••✎••』

I was freaking traumatized! Unang araw pa lang namin, may surprise recitation!
Tapos grabe pa 'yung tension kasi di mo alam kung may sense ba 'yung sinasabi mo.
May muntik pa ngang maiyak kasi di niya alam kung ano 'yung gusto niyang malaman
tungkol sa accountancy.
Hindi kasi pinapaupo hanggang di siya satisfied sa sagot mo.

"Di ako prepared," napaawang ang bibig ko.

"Ang order ko bagong buhay, bakit ako bibigyan ng surprise recitation?!" reklamo ni
Gio at ginulo pa ang buhok niya.

"Ulol! Nasagot mo naman e! Ikaw na nga favorite kaagad no'n kasi ikaw kaagad
pinaupo niya kasi nagustuhan niya sagot mo!" I accused Gio.

Kahit gaano kaloko itong si Gio, hindi naman mapagkakaila na matalino talaga siya.
Ikaw ba naman maging anak ng bumuo ng SP Law Firm e. The home of the best CPA
lawyers in town.

"Magbabasa na talaga ako bukas!" I shouted in frustration.

Tumambay ako sa G hall dahil maaga ang dismissal. It was the routine for first day,
sasabihin lang ang rules at regulation ng school and such. So, I already started
reading some notes I collected from the internet.

"Huwag mo ako landiin, badtrip ako ngayon." Sabi ko nang may maramdaman akong
presensya sa likod ko.

He gently put his arms around my shoulders and peek over my notes in Fundamentals
of Accountancy, Business, Management.

"Ang aga mo namang magbasa? First day pa lang..." malambing na sabi niya.

"May surprise recitation kami kanina!" I blurted out, annoyed because I wasn't
ready.

"Uh? Pero first day pa lang..." Kumunot ang noo niya.

I pouted. "I know! Buti nga wala pa siyang binigay na take home activity. Kayo?
Kamusta?"

"Nothing's really new. Subjects lang 'yata nagbago." He said, shrugging.

"Mahihirap subjects niyo? Ang dami naming math!" I said, horrified. Tatlo 'yata
'yon?

"Same," he chuckled. "Although I have more science subjects now."

He looks gorgeous as ever. His chestnut hair and brown eyes are tantalizing me.
Hindi siya nakakasawang tingnan. The more I look at Sath, the more reasons I fall
for him.

"I love you 3000," I smiled at him cheekily.

Hinilig niya ang ulo niya sa gilid ng leeg ko.

"I love you 3000," he whispered.

I know grade 12 will probably be more harder than grade 11 but I'm not scared. I
have Sath with me. I don't really think anything could go wrong right now.

Sath's my boyfriend and my acads is still my priority. I can balance them both.

I think.

Weeks passed and I was slowly adapting into grade 12. Unlike grade 11, mas marami
kaming specialized subjects ngayong semester. Business Finance, Business Math, at
FABM.

Binabawi ko na ang sinabi kong Prob at Stats ang pinaka-ayaw kong subject. Hindi ko
akalain na ni isa sa mga specialized subjects ng ABM ay hindi ko magugustuhan.

"May Philo kayo, 'di ba?" I asked Sath as we were dating in a study hub.

Ewan ko ba bakit parang normal na saamin ang mag-date sa mga study hubs o kaya
pupunta kami sa museum para mag-date. It was weird but it was our thing.

"Yeah," tumango lang si Sath, not removing his sight on his notes. Ang linis niya
talaga magsulat.

"That's for?"

"Gen Bio," he answered curtly.

Kaya pala seryoso ang isang 'to. Mukhang favorite subject niya.

Nagpalumbaba ako habang tinititigan si Sarathiel.

"Pahiram ako ng notes sa Philo," I asked Sath.

Tumango siya.

"I think Iscalade has better notes on Philo though," nagulat ako dahil ngumisi si
Sath. Parang may naalala.

"Bakit? Ano meron? Favorite subject niya rin?" I laughed.

"Ewan ko. Aral na aral siya roon e, pinag-aralan nga niya hanggang 2nd grading na."
He was smiling.

I couldn't imagine this was the same person who used to always avoid talking to
people. He's very talkative to me.

"Kamusta pala sa accounting?"

"I'm still not sure if I'm fit for accountancy," nalukot ang mukha ko.

I was certain that I will pursue accountancy in college but my recent experience
with FABM is making me doubt I can survive accountancy.

Hindi ko kasi talaga siya maintindihan. Magaling naman 'yung teacher namin. Pero
hindi ko alam bakit hindi ko siya gaano gets.

The worst part was everyone almost got it. Kanina sa klase, ako lang 'yata ang
hindi makapagtaas ng kamay dahil hindi ko alam kung paano nila ginawa. I tried to
learn it my own way but I just couldn't.

Pakiramdam ko mali ako ng pinasukan.

It makes me doubt myself.

"Hey," Sarathiel flick me on my forehead. "You'll manage to get through it. Siguro
naninibago ka lang. Remember you even told me tips when we first met?"

Namula naman ako dahil naalala ko na naman ang pagiging know-it-all ko no'n.

"It left quite an impression, really." Ngumisi si Sath. Hinampas ko nga sa balikat.

"I hope I never fail your expectations," bumuntong hininga ako.

The mere thought that I would disappoint Sath and my family is making my insides
somersault in an awful way.
He gave a warm smile.

"You never fail to amaze me, Zafirah. I'll always be proud of you regardless what
kind of achievements you get."

I smiled but deep inside I really didn't want to be left behind by Sath. He was
gifted with wits and looks — I would like to be someone who is equal to him.

I really didn't want to lose my standing. Gusto ko pareho kaming magaling sa

academics, hindi pwedeng siya lang. Kahit na boyfriend ko na siya, ayokong mapag-
iwanan.

So I tried my best. Di baleng walang kain basta makapag-review. Di baleng walang

tulog basta magkaroon ng kaalaman. Di baleng pagod basta makakuha nang mataas na
marka.

I was sweating even if the aircondition was already set on sixteen. Papasa ako,
kahit siguro pangalawa lang sa mataas ay okay na ako. I would even settle just for
a passing grade.

That's what I've said. That's what I've thought.

That's why I was so devastated when I saw my score on our first quiz on FABM.

I got 4 out of 20.

Nanginginig ako habang hawak ang papel ko.

"Sino pinakamataas? Manlilibre siya ah! I got 6!" tawa pa nang tawa si Melay.

My tears are forming, even my eyelids were catching those tears. Fudge. Bakit? Nag-
aral naman ako...

"Uhm, I got 12." Awkward na ngumiti si Bea. Lumingon saakin si Bea at Melay.

I was terrified as I crumbled my paper to my bag. Don't ask for my score. I don't
even wanna know my score...

Please.

"Zafirah, manglilibre na 'yan! Huwag mong itago score mo! Ilan ka, top 1?" Melay
was smiling at me, expecting me to say I was higher than them.
I couldn't speak. My mouth can't utter a single word.

Siguro naman lahat kami ay mababa? That's right! That's possible —

"Highest daw si Gio. He got 20 out of 20. You're probably 19 'no? Or 18?"

That made my heart sank even more. Paano niya nagawa 'yon? Pareho lang naman siguro
kami ng reading material?

Paano?

How did he achieve that?

Nag-aral din naman ako...

I was freaking 4 out of 20. I would have accepted my score if Gio didn't get a
perfect score. I would have accepted my score if I was higher than Melay or Bea.

The thought that I could be the lowest was haunting me.

"I..." I trailed off.

Hindi ko masabi score ko. I was so ashamed. Nag-aral naman ako. Ilang beses ko
kinabisado 'yung mga notes ko.

Saan ako nagkulang?

"Hey..." Melay noticed my mood and consoled me. "Meron pa namang next time. Wala
naman kasi talagang nag-akala na ganun magpa-quiz si Sir."

Tumango lang ako.

Naguwian na pero tulala pa rin ako. I was still holding that piece of paper. It was
funny, really. How a small piece of paper can make someone be as devastated as
this.

Hinihintay ko si Sath sa Bonanza Area. I saw him walking so I was about to go to

him but I saw Czanne, nakita rin ako ni Czanne pero agad niyang binalik ang
atensyon niya kay Sath.

May pinagusapan sila bago kinuha ni Sath ang cellphone niya. He was typing on his
phone.
My phone vibrated.

Sath:

We have something to do for our PracRe 2. Do you wanna come?

Ang awkward kapag nakisali ako sa kanila. I immediately replied.

Zafirah:

Nope. I'm fine :) may gagawin din ako, Sath.

Sarathiel:

You sure? Can I call? Or can I at least see you? Saan ka sa school?

I hide from his sight. Nakita ko kasi siyang lumingon sa paligid. He's probably
trying to spot me.

Zafirah:

Nakalabas na ng gate. Pauwi na ako. Ingat ka mamaya paguwi :)

Sarathiel:

Can I go to your house later? Let's talk? Is something bothering you?

Zafirah:

Lol nope. Huwag na rin. I'm fine. Really. Dami ko lang gagawin. Hahaha

Sath:

Please tell me if something is bothering you. Don't hesitate, okay? I love you
3000. Call me when you're home.

May sarili siyang buhay. He also has activities to do. Sino ako para isipin niya
pa?
Zafirah:

Yup! <3 love you 3k

Umuwi akong dinidibdib na 4 out of 20 lang ako sa specialized subject ko. Worst, it
was FABM and it was connected to my future career.

It was better not to tell Sath that I'm not doing great at FABM because I'm not as
good as he thought I was. I'm afraid he might break up with me if he knew I was not
as smart as I thought I would be.

The sudden realization made me feel down more. Czanne was as smart as he is or at
least she can catch up with him. Siguro, mas bagay sila lalo na ngayon na mukhang
hindi naman pala talaga ako matalino. Bitterness crawled into my heart.

So this is how grade 12 welcomes me.

I was a constant honor up until now. Sobrang dami kong achievements, I even have my
own frames of medals and certificates. Pero bakit may score ako na four out of
twenty?

Score ba 'yon ng honor student?

Maybe I've let the medals and certificates fooled me before. Akala ko lang siguro
na matalino ako. I felt dizzy as I went inside the house and decided to go upstairs
to my room.

I locked myself inside and plopped into my bed as I stared at the crumpled paper
where 4 out of 20 was written. Unti-unting lumandas ang mga luha ko.

Ang bobo mo, Zafirah.

Bobo. Bobo. Bobo.

Bakit napakabobo mo naman, Zafirah?

Si Gio nga naka-twenty over twenty pa. Ang dali-dali lang sa kanila tapos ikaw nag-
aral ka na nga, bagsak ka pa rin?

I laughed because the pain was excruciating until I was screaming because I wanted
to let the anger out and the frustration to be heard, but then I was voiceless
because the emptiness was still there. Namamala na ang aking lalamunan. No one
heard me. The feeling of being alone is making me feel down. Nagtalukbong ako ng
kumot, I hugged my knees as the paper continues to haunt my mind. Patuloy lang ako
sa pag-iyak.
Papel lang 'yon. Papel lang...

I shouldn't feel this sad because of it yet the hollow feeling was slowly consuming
every fiber of my being.

Nakakapagod talaga. I'm trying so hard but nothing goes my way. I feel like
floating in the bodies of water, trying to swim across just to find any land of
comfort...

But there's none...

I can only see the water filling my eyes and it invades my lungs — making it hard
for me to breath. To live.

Pagod na talaga ako.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 22 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 22

July pa lang pero 'yung pagod ko pang-March na.

The academic workload was just too heavy. Ito na siguro 'yung part na pang-college
sa senior highschool. Palagi na akong walking zombie sa hallway dahil sa dami ng
iniisip. I had to review everyday, para makahabol ako sa klase.

"Kagrupo kita sa PracRe 2 'di ba?" I asked Ade who was seating on one of the desks.

Nakahalukipkip lang siya habang nakatingala sa'kin. He slowly nodded his head at
me.

"Yeah."

In a small voice, I ask him.

"Pwede bang ikaw na lang leader?"

Wala talaga akong panahon maging leader ngayon. I was already stressed because my
grades were declining from my expectations.
At saka, nawawalan na talaga ako ng gana sa pag-aaral. It doesn't feel the same
anymore. It is more like a responsibility that I don't want to do anymore.
Pakiramdam ko ay ayoko na lang bigyan ito ng kahalagahan.

He gawked at me before slowly nodding his head. Mukhang hindi siya makapaniwala.

"Sige lang. I already created a GC and added our members by the way." He said, in a
laidback tone.

I wanna be as chill as Ade. Hindi ko siya nakikitang nagr-review sa school pero

kahit papaano naman ay matataas ang scores na nakukuha niya. I know because I'm the
one who records our scores before giving the summarized version to our Prof.

Imagine knowing all of the scores of your classmate. It just makes you feel like
crap, lalo na kapag nakikita kong mas mataas pa saakin si Ria.

Bumuntonghininga ako.

It's not like my practical research groupmates are bad. Ayoko lang talaga maging
leader sa ngayon.

All of our groupmates in PracRe 2 are responsible. Although, I don't really have
friends in them unlike last time.

They're really detached compare to my groupmates last year. Alam ko naman kung
bakit. Sometimes forming friendships in practical research is bothersome.

PracRe 2 is more stressful than PracRe 1 because our topics are limited to our
strand. It also deals with statistics. Kaya kung akala mo goodbye stats ka na, you
got it all wrong.

Hindi ko rin maiwasan ang tingnan ang bawat progreso ng ibang grupo at i-kumpara
ito sa progreso namin.

Gio's group had the best topic proposal. Saamin ay ilang beses pa kaming ni-reject
dahil marami kaming kaparehas na topic. Our topic should be aligned for our strand
this time, dapat may connection 'yung research na gagawin namin para sa strand
namin.

I didn't want to compare myself to Gio. Pero pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti na akong

napagiiwanan.

I was walking down the hallway of the main library, bagsak ang mga balikat nang
makatanggap ako ng text.
Sath:
Did you skip lunch?

Nagulat ako nang may nag-text saakin. I was in the middle of browsing some RRLs for
our PracRe, nasa study hall ako ng library ngayon.

Zafirah:

Hindi. Why?

Sath:

Didn't see you :( also been asking your friends if you're okay. You look gloomy
daw.

Zafirah:

LOL I'm fine. Pagod lang.

Sath:

Don't forget to rest, please. I love you 3000.

Zafirah:

Love you 3k

Bumalik na ako sa ginagawa ko. I didn't know why but I saw tears falling down from
my face to my phone. Hindi ko namalayan na galing pala ito saakin.

Agad ko itong pinahid. Nakakahiya. Bakit mo ito iniiyakan. Naiinis ako sa sarili
ko. Sa mga gawain na ito. Sa lahat, sa totoo lang.

I did skip lunch. I also didn't have enough sleep because I needed to review for
the five quizzes I had today. My head was already spinning but I still had to do my
part for PracRe.

I slammed my pen down. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko sa sobrang inis dahil sa mga
iniisip ko.

Bakit ba kasi kailangan pang gawin ko ang mga ito?! This is too frustrating!
Kinusot-kusot ko ang mga mata ko, the side of my eyes were already swollen and red.
Para akong sinapak. My low whimpers were heard by students.

"Ate, okay lang 'yan..."

"Umiiyak siya..."

"Baka nag-break sila ng jowa niya."

The more that my ears heard their murmurs, lalo lamang nagbabaga ang inis ko sa
sarili ko. Bakit ka na naman umiiyak, Zafirah?! Ang babaw ng luha mo!

Umalis muna ako para umiyak sa isang sulok. Nakakahiya kasi kapag sa study hall ako
umiyak. I just wanted to release some stress.

I was leaning towards the wall. Sobrang pagod na ako pero anong gagawin ko? I have
to do this because if I won't — my grades will fail. I can't even breath properly.
Paulit-ulit na lamang ang scenario na ito. I always have to think about it again
and again. My grades are important to me. Pakiramdam ko ito lang ang tanging
napapansin saakin. It was the only remarkable thing about me. Hindi ako magaling sa
sports. I'm not really an artist whose creativity is overflowing. I don't even know
if I have a hobby aside from studying.

I leaned towards the wall and slightly slammed my head a few times just to get rid
of the thoughts. I just want to make myself feel good again. Pero paano kung araw-
araw pinapamukha sa akin na bobo naman pala ako?

Nagiisang anak ako at alam ko ang hirap ng mga magulang ko para lang makapag-aral
ako. This was the least that I could do to lift the burden...

Paano na lang ako haharap kina Mama? Maybe she'll even think that having a
boyfriend is bad for me. Baka sobrang disappointed na sila sa akin...

I was sobbing so hard and it startled me when someone appeared on my side.

"Fuck, akala ko minumulto na ako."

Nagulat ako kay Ade na nakahawak sa dibdib niya na para bang gulat na gulat siya.

"Ade..." my voice was croaked.

His eyes softened. Lumapit siya sa akin at sinilip ang mukha ko. He reached on his
pocket and gave a handkerchief but I declined.
"Bakit ka umiiyak? May umaway sa'yo? Resbak kailangan mo?" tanong niya.

I didn't answer. I knew the truth. Wala akong kaaway kundi ang sarili ko. The one
that makes me feel shit is also myself. How do you even fight someone that is
inside your head?

Kinuha niya ang phone niya at nagsimulang magtipa.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling Sarathiel. Sobrang magagalit 'yon kapag nalaman niyang umiiyak ka -"

I snatched his phone away.

He can't.

Sarathiel has nothing to do with this.

"Don't," pinunasan ko ang mga bakas ng luha sa mukha ko.

He gritted his teeth, he was looking at me sternly. Lumambot ang mga tuhod ko
habang halos nagmamakaawa ang boses.

"Please don't," tumingin ako kay Ade nang seryoso.

"He must know. Boyfriend mo 'yon-"

I cut him off.

"I know! I also know he's busy and probably tired too so I don't want to burden
him." My voice was shaking.

Natigalgal si Ade. Silence filled in the room because of my sudden outburst.

Lumalandas na naman ang mga luha galing sa aking mga mata.

I can't see Sath like this.

Not when I'm a wreck and I couldn't even think properly.

"I don't think Sarathiel will have no time for you if he knows you're crying like
this." His voice softens.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. Nanghihina na talaga ako. I don't know if it because of the
lack of sleep, the loss of appetite or just simply the lack of motivation to do
things but everything is just making me listless.

"That guy would leave everything behind for you." Ade said with utmost sincerity.

"I know..."

Nahihiya ako kay Sarathiel. He was known for his good grades. Paano naman ako? I
was struggling now and this was even align for my future course. I feel so small
compare to him right now.

"I'll listen..." Ade offered a smile. "What makes you feel like that?"

I nibbled on my lower lip. Unti-unting nagiging manhid ang mga binti dahil sa
pagtayo. I decided to just sit down on the unoccupied monoblock chair. Ginamit ang
mga kamay panakip sa lahat ng nakikita ko. In the darkness, I feel so alone yet I
don't have to think about it anymore.

Narinig ko ang mga hakbang ni Ade palapit sa akin. He decided to pat me on the head
slowly, offering comfort in each pat he gives me.

"Breath, Zaf." Ade said. "Just breath for a while."

So I did. Humingit ako ng hininga bago ito pinakawalan. Isang beses, dalawa, tatlo,
apat hanggang lima...

The atmosphere becomes lighter. It didn't change the whole situation but at least
now I'm sure I'm still capable of breathing.

Lumingon ako kay Ade na kanina pa nakatingin sa akin.

I tried giving a smile. Hindi man tuluyan nawala ang pangamba sa aking puso, it did
lighten things a bit.

"I just feel stress about school." I said, opening what I really feel.

"Nakakastress naman talaga ang school. That's normal..."

"It's not..."

I wasn't this stress when I was on my junior highschool before. It was an easy path
for me. Lahat ng mga kaklase ko ngayon ay kahit papaano ay nakukuha ang lessons
namin. Bakit hindi ko magawa?

Ade exasperatedly sighed before puting one of his hand on his nape.

"Learn to take a rest. Aanuhin mo ang diploma kung patay ka na?"

"Loko loko!" Hinampas ko siya dahil sa biro niya. Pinatay ba naman ako?!

He laughed.

"Totoo naman!"

Magsasalita pa dapat ako kaso kumalam ang tiyan ko at hindi nito natago ang gutom
na nararamdaman ko. Nahihiya akong tumingin kay Ade. He was already holding back
his laughter.

"Do you wanna eat first before going back?"

『••✎••』

I burped infront of Ade which caused him to laugh without hesitations.

"Excuse me," nahihiya kong sabi.

"Bakit mo ginugutom sarili mo?" Kumunot ang noo ni Ade. He was only drinking a
smoothie while watching me eat like a viking.

Pakialam ko kung sabihin nila na parang di ako babae kumain? Who the hell cares if
I could swallow as much as I can in a short period of time? I didn't know that
there's a gender standard when it comes to things - and honestly it sucks because
it limits a person's capabilities.

I decided to answer Ade.

"Mas madaling makatapos ng gawain kapag inuuna mo 'to."

I tend to give more time when it comes to projects, reviewing or anything related
to school. Magagawa ko pa naman ang kumain, matulog o kung ano pa man dahil wala
itong mga deadline - unlike most of the things that we do in school.

Ade shrugged as he sipped on his smoothie.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you'll forget about your basic needs. Naligo ka na ba?
Baka mamaya di ka rin naligo ah."

Umirap ako sa kanya. "Alam ko na bakit kayo mag-kaibigan ni Sath. Pareho kayong mga
manglalait! FYI, naligo ako 'no."

He chortled and gave a small smile.

"Well, the boys are actually friends since junior high. Pero si Sarathiel kahit
kaibigan namin siya, may sarili talaga siyang mundo. Isipin mo may GC kami pero di
siya kasama?"

Tumango naman ako. I knew Sarathiel wasn't talkative but not to that extend.

"Ba't di niyo sinali?" I sipped from my iced tea.

"Palagi namin siyang ina-add tapos magl-leave siya. Nalaman lang namin na 'yung
messenger niya puro GC lang pala ng pang-school. He didn't like GCs for friends,
relatives, and such."

I don't know why I'm learning this because of Ade. Hindi ko man lang pala
natatanong 'to kay Sath. I was always talking about academics with him. Hindi ko
man lang natanong kung anong favorite color niya kahit kailan.

"Tapos ka na?" Ade asked, upon noticing the empty plates infront of me.

I nodded.

"Yup, babalik na ako sa study hall."

Tumayo na kami ni Ade at nagligpit ng pinagkainan. Alam kong hindi naman namin 'to
trabaho pero kami rin naman kumain kaya kami na rin siguro dapat magligpit.

"You remind me of someone," Ade said out of the sudden. Nagtaas ako ng kilay.

"Sino?"

Pero hindi niya ako sinagot at ngumisi lang siya. Afterwards, he decided to tag
along as I go back to the study hall.

"Zafirah," someone called me.

Napalingon naman ako. It was Sath with Czanne. Czanne looked shocked when she saw
us but she conceals it with her smile.

"Hi Ade," Czanne greeted Ade and he just nodded at her.

"Sath." I tried to smile but it didn't reach my eyes.

Unti-unting gumapang ang kaba sa puso ko. This is not cheating but I feel bad that
he caught me with someone else during the break. Hindi naman seloso si Sath pero
pakiramdam ko talaga ay may mali.

Will Sath get jealous because I was with Ade? The worst part was I lied about not
eating yet.

Agad na lumapit saamin si Sath. He looked at Ade with a perturbed expression on his
face.

"Kumain na siya, Ade?"

"Yup, gutom nga." Tumawa si Ade.

Sath sighed as his eyes flew back towards me. Kita ko kung paano ito puno ng
disappointment.

Disappointment...

Ngayon pa lang ay dismayado na siya sa akin...

Paano pa kaya kapag nalaman niya ang grades ko. I can't help but feel bitter about
it.

"Thanks for checking her up for me." Sath to Ade. Ade saluted at him, like a
soldier to his commander.

Lumingon saakin si Sath, he pinched my nose.

I don't know why my heart skipped a beat. He smiled at me softly before putting a
strand of my hair on the back of my ear.

"Don't skip meals."

Hinawi ko ang kamay niya. "I know! I'm sorry, okay?"

I feel irritated all of the sudden.

"Can we talk?" Sath asked while staring at me. "Just us two, if it's okay? Tulungan
na lang kita sa ginagawa mo kapag masyadong humaba 'yung usapan."

I felt guilty so I nodded.

"Sarathiel, may gagawin pa tayo sa Practical Research." Sumingit si Czanne.

"Hindi halata sa mukha ko pero magaling naman ako kahit papaano sa research, ako na
lang muna gagawa ng kay Sarathiel." Ade volunteered. Czanne only smiled at him.

"I think it's better if it's my groupmate who will do his part." Czanne disagreed.

"Yeah, I think you should help in your PracRe first." Tama naman si Czanne. Ayokong
maging pabuhat si Sath.

Umiling siya. "I can do that later. Let's talk first."

"Know your priority," bulong ko kay Sath. Baka magalit si Czanne, ang hirap pa
naman kapag may kaaway ka sa Research.

"You are the priority, Zafirah. I know my priorities well." He said and reached for
my hand.

Umalis kami sa Main Caf at pumunta sa evergreen garden. Tahimik kaming umupo sa
isang bench.

"You're not jealous of Ade?" I didn't know where I got the courage to ask him.

"The only thing that I'm jealous of is the fact that you can vent out to Ade but
not to me."

Tumahimik ako. Pero hindi ko alam bakit bigla akong nairita. Bigla kong gustong
magwala. I wanted to vent out more. I wanted to just tell everything.

"Zafi..."

"What?"

His fingers went to my cheeks as his thumb remove the falling tears from my face.
"I'm just stressed about school. That's it, ang babaw 'di ba?" naiiyak na naman
ako.

It has been days but my scores still bothers me. Ang babaw naman talaga e. Grades
lang naman ito pero bakit ko iniiyakan?! There are other people who have bigger
problems than this - pero ang sakit e. Ang sakit-sakit na ang baba na ng tingin ko
sa sarili ko.

"That's not shallow. No one has the right to invalidate anyone's feelings. If
that's how you feel, don't let others think you can't feel that way. They're not in
your situation, so who are they to say how you should feel?"

He gently squeezed my hands.

"I don't wanna burden you with my thoughts." My eyes were filled with tears.

It was the truth. I can't even handle them myself, paano pa kaya ang iba? Surely,
they won't understand. They can't understand....

Sath rested his forehead into mine.

"You'll never burden me. You were never a burden. Please learn to open up to me
because I have always been open to you." He gently cupped my face.

"I would have kissed you right now," he said as he was wiping the traces of tears
from my face.

"Pero ayokong ma-POD." He chuckles.

I laughed too.

"Same."

I wished I could go back to how peaceful our days were. I thought everything will
be fine as long as I have Sath.

It was all just my thoughts clouding the reality.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 23 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 23
"Grabe pala pangalan mo, Ade. Banal na banal, Ama na nga Deus pa." Manghang sabi ni
Gio.

Gio immediately bit his lip in guilt at nakita ko ang bahagyang paghingi n'ya ng
tawad sa hangin. Ade on the other hand was frowning at him.

Pinakyuhan naman siya ni Ade sa mukha. Amadeus Montejo kasi full name ni Ade.

"Gagio, edi alagad kita kasi San Pedro ka."

Humalakhak si Gio."Sama natin si Sarathiel! Archangel 'yon e!"

I didn't even join in their conversation. Hanggang ngayon ay naguguluhan pa rin ako
sa basic na accounting problem na ito. I decided to ask them because I really can't
grasp the idea.

"Gio, pasagutan naman nito." I asked Gio and showed him the problem.

Fajardo paid 45,000 pesos on account to ABC Equipment Corp.

"Ano debit at credit diyan?" I was sure there was cash but I was confused since
it's on account.

Sumeryoso si Gio. "Debit mo 'yung account diyan, bale magiging accounts payable.
Tapos credit naman 'yung cash."

Sinulat ni Gio 'yung journal entry sa columnar pad niya. I immediately peek over to
learn from him.

Debit
Accounts Payable 45,000
Credit
Cash 45,000

"Pero ang normal balance ng cash ay debit 'di ba? Bakit nasa credit?" I asked him.

Tumango siya at pinakita muli sa akin ang entry para hindi ako malito. He even put
some guides on each account and numbers so that I could follow.

"Well yeah. That's actually right but the cash was used to pay for the liability,
isn't? Ibig sabihin, nabawasan ka ng pera."
Kumunot ang noo ko. According to their normal balance, it was a different case.
Tiningnan ko ulit ang chart na meron ako at tama nga ako. I don't get it.

"Hindi ba parang baliktad? Nasa debit dapat ang cash at nasa credit ang accounts
payable?"

"Well, if we're following ALCDIE then you're correct. However, in this situation or
in this problem — hindi siya applicable." Gio explained further.

Natawa si Gio nang mapansin na halos magkasalubong na ang kilay ko sa kanya. He put
his pencil on the entry to emphasized his point.

"For example you're Fajardo. May utang ka which is 'yung accounts payable tapos
naisipan mong magbayad edi naglabas ka ng pera o 'yung cash."

"Tapos?" I trailed on.

"Babalik lang tayo sa basic. Kapag debit, 'yung pinapasok. Kapag credit, 'yung
nilalabas. Nabawasan ang utang mo 'di ba dahil naglabas ka ng pera? Kapag ang
liability ay nabawasan, magiging debit siya."

Napaawang ang bibig ko. that's it? All this time I was stressing over this kind of
problem?

"Same as sa cash, kapag nabawasan 'yung pera magiging credit ito imbis na debit."
Gio said, shrugging.

"Dude, Luca Pacioli is that you?" panga-alaska ni Ade sabay pumalakpak pa.

"Dude, ako lang 'to. Giorgion San Pedro from the South." Halakhak ni Gio.

"Pahiram utak!" I was amazed. I mean, siguro sa kanya ang sisiw lang nito pero ang
simple niya lang kasi mag-paliwanag. Hindi siya masyado gumagamit ng jargons.

We were trying to review for our upcoming quiz when we heard someone shouting.

"Hoy mga ABM! Ang galing niyong humawak ng pera pero di kayo marunong humawak ng
relasyon!"

Nagulat kami sa sumigaw na grupo ng mga estudyante. Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa
narinig ko.

"Ilag, Zafi." Humalakhak si Ade. Binatukan ko nga.

"Bakit ako lang? Ako lang ba ABM dito?" Kumunot ang noo ko.

Ade shrugged his shoulders. "Wala akong girlfriend."

"Marami lang siyang nilalandi," dugtong ni Gio kaya naman sinapak siya ni Ade sa
braso nang pabiro.

"Loyal ako 'no," depensa ni Ade sa sarili niya.

"Loyal to ten." Ginatungan na naman ni Gio.

Umiling-iling na lang si Ade at pinagpatuloy pagsagot sa kanyang reviewer.

Nagulat ako nang lumapit saakin si Adren na nakangisi. It was the first time I saw
Adren having a different facial expression beside from smiling.

"Zafi, pwedeng pahingi ng number?" Adren asked shyly.

Nalaglag ang panga ko. Seryoso ba si Adren? That's quite surprising.

"Bakit nakagat mo ba dila mo?" humalakhak si Gio. "Number 1 para letter A! Si A

nakakaalala sa'yo."

Adren scowled. "Hindi. Basta. Pahingi na lang."

"Kuya Adren!" may lumapit na isa pang babae kay Adren. She's from ABM 2, I think?
She's the muse of ABM 2 if I recall since I saw her with LJ when we were trying to
pick our Ms. Intramurals for intrams last year.

"Yeah?" lumingon si Adren.

"Ito na pala 'yung listahan ng number ng mga kaklase ko po. Sana makatulong po."
She looks pure. Para siyang living snow white.

"Hoy, alam kong business minded ka pero bakit mo hinihingi number ng mga babae?"
Gio was getting suspicious.

Hindi sumagot si Adren pero ngumiti lang siya nang makita ang listahan ng mga
numero ng mga nasa ABM 2. Umalis na rin siya kaagad.

"That's so freaking weird." Hindi ko mapigilang sabihin.

Adren is not someone who will just ask for anyone's number. Nagtataka tuloy akong
bumaling kay Gio.

"We all do weird things for love, Zafi." Ngumisi si Gio saakin.

『••✎••』

"Utang ko na buhay ko sa'yo, Gio!" I was elated. I wanted to jump in joy.

Halos halikan ko na ang maliit na papel na hawak-hawak ko. I was hopping as we went
towards the cafeteria.

"Naks naman, debit buhay credit accounts payable." Biro ni Gio.

I saw Sath walking towards the Main Caf. I run towards him and immediately hugged
him from behind.

"Sath!" Inangkla ko ang kamay ko sa braso ni Sath. Ngumiti naman siya saakin.

"You seem to be happy," Sath stated, ruffling my hair. I beamed at him and gave him
the paper that I had in my hand.

"Sorry ka, I just got 30 out of 30 sa quiz namin sa FABM." I giggled.

The best part was because most of us didn't passed the first quiz, kapag daw na-
perfect 'yung pangalawang quiz ay automatic perfect na rin 'yung unang quiz. Say
salamat, Gio!

I was reviewing earlier with Gio and Ade. Gio was really helpful to us because he
explained our topic in layman's term. Anak talaga siya ni Luca Pacioli!

Sath looked pleasantly surprised. "Congrats!"

"Bawing-bawi talaga!" I was smiling from ear to ear.

Sath cupped my face.

"I'm so proud of you. I miss seeing you this happy."

My mouth formed a small pout. I've been very busy trying to focus on my academics
and going back on my track. I forgot my responsibilities as his girlfriend.
"Date tayo? I did everything in advance so that we'll have a day together!" Niyaya
ko siya. I also miss him, hindi na kami masyadong nagkikita.

He looks genuinely happy when I told him that. His lips parted and he nodded
cutely. It brought warmth to my heart.

"Sure, I'll dismiss our PracRe early."

"Wait, kung may gagawin ka pala—"

"Wala ng bawian!" Sath pouted. I laughed at his reaction, akala mo bata na

sinabihan na hindi na siya bibilhan ng laruan.

"See you later!" I beamed at him.

Nakita ko si Czanne sa gilid. Agad siyang umalis nang mapansin niya na nakita ko
siya.

I trust Sath. I really do. Sometimes, I just can't help but feel that Czanne is a
little too much. Hindi ko maiwasan ang maging threaten sa kanya. It was probably
because she's pretty, smart and has the same strand as Sath. They're more
compatible if we had to make sense.

After our classes. I waited for Sath in Bonanza Area. Sabi niya saglit lang naman
daw siya sa PracRe nila.

So I waited.

I waited.

And waited.

Until I knew he wouldn't come.

I called Sath just to make sure he was still in the school. Baka kasi nasa bahay
sila ng kaklase niya o ano tapos nagkasalisi kaming dalawa.

When he picked it up. My face brighten but it immediately changed when I heard
someone else.

"Hello?" it was a soft spoken voice, I was sure it belongs to a female.

"Uh? Pwede po kay Sath?"

"Sino 'to?"

"Zafirah. Girlfriend niya po."

"Ah," the girl from the other line sounded confused. "Well, Sath's asleep. May
ipapasabi ka ba? Sabihin ko na lang kapag nagising na siya."

"Sino muna 'to?" this time, my forehead was creased.

"Czanne. I think we know each other? Nakatulog kasi si Sath kanina dahil sa pagod."

"Oh," I didn't know what to say.

"Yeah, sobrang hectic din kasi naming mga STEM students since we have a lot of
science and complicated math subjects." She sighs.

"Pakisabi na magpahinga siya nang mabuti." I didn't really know what to say.

"Will do!" she said. I was the one who hang up the phone.

I texted Sath because I was also worried. All this time, I was getting stressed
about my acads and didn't even bothered asking if Sath was doing fine.

Zafirah:

Please don't forget to rest. There's another time for a date. I care for you so I
hope you're doing okay. If not, I'm always here for you. I love you 3000.

I thought love was all about dating, kisses, hugs, and sweet gesture. However, now
that I'm experiencing it with Sath — it was different. Love is caring,
understanding and knowing that in the end of the day both of you are human beings
that aren't perfect but is willing to take risks for each other.

I'm not just quite sure if I can risk it all for him. I can't risk my heart. I
can't risk being hurt.

Lumamlam ang mga mata ko habang iniisip ito. I just can't, lalo na ngayon na hindi
pa ako sigurado.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
 Kabanata 24 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 24

Sath:
Can we talk?

I was reading a lesson on philosophy when Sath texted me. It was already 9pm, baka
kakauwi lang niya? I don't know, sometimes PracRe requires overnight to finished
the papers. Pero Chapter 1 pa lang naman kami.

Zafirah:
Yup. You okay?

Sath:
Yeah. Are you mad?

Zafirah:
Nope.

Tumawag si Sath. I panicked a little but immediately answered the phone call.

"Yes?"

"Can I go to your house?"

"Loko ka, gabi na."

"I just want to make sure you're not mad." His voice was almost pleading.

"I'm not."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

I sighed. "Please stop that. Tao ka lang din naman at kailangan ng tulog. We can
always date next time. Please don't forget to rest."

Grade 12 makes you feel restless. Literal na papasok ka sa school na walang tulog
kapag naghahabol ka ng deadline.

"I can't sleep knowing you might be mad about this. I swear I didn't know why I
fell asleep all of the sudden."
"Nakalimutan mo lang 'yata matulog sa school. Gawain mo 'yon 'di ba?" I teased him,
trying to lift up his mood.

Sath has always been understanding. I wanted to be like that too. Hindi naman kasi
tayo nabubuhay para lumandi lang.

"I'm really sorry. Please let me make it up to you."

"Sure, what about ensuring you have 8 hours of sleep? Pwede na siguro 'yon?" I
smiled a little.

"I love you 3000, Sath. I really do. I hope you can take care of yourself for me.
That's the best thing you can do."

Binaba niya 'yung tawag. Bumalik na ako sa pagbabasa para sa philosophy. Matutulog
na sana ako nang may kumatok sa pintuan ko. It was Clary who looked shock.

"Bakit, Clary?"

"Nasa ibaba si Sath."

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko. Loko 'yon! Sabing anong oras na e.

Bumaba ako para tingnan kung totoo nga na nasa baba at labas nga si Sarathiel.
Nagulat ako dahil nandoon nga si Sath, he looks restless. Dama ang pagod niya sa
bawat buntong hininga na kanyang ginagawa.

"Sath," tawag ko sa kanya.

"I'm really sorry," he looks so vulnerable right now.

"Okay nga lang,"

"I feel bad." He sighs and holds my hand.

"Don't be. Hindi naman ako galit o ano. I know you would never intend to hurt me."
Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

Humilig siya braso ko.

"It's not even I love you 3000 anymore..." he whispered.

"What?"

"I don't think I can put any value on how I feel right now. This feels like more
than 3000. I really am in love with you." His hands gently find it's way to my
waist.

I hugged him back. I can feel his warmth in this cold night. He really was my light
and I don't want him to lose his light because of a petty fight.

"I love you," I cupped his face and made him look at me. "More than 3000."

"More than 3000," he smiled and I can see how the tiredness in eyes faded.

We were both startled when someone opened the door.

"Ang tatapang niyo sa harap pa talaga kayo ng bahay naglandian." Nakahawak si Clary
sa bewang niya. She was wearing her facemask.

I laughed at her and I saw Sath's ears reddening.

How cute.

『••✎••』

"Anong joke ang hindi nakakatuwa?" Gio asked.

"What?" Ade's forehead creased and he looked at Gio.

"GASGAS." Halakhak ni Gio.

"Ano 'yan? Kakatuwa?" Ngumiwi ako sa kanila.

"Ano sinabi ng driver nang tumigil ang kotse niya bigla?" Gio once again, asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Ano?"

"Pa-GAS!" lalo lamang lumakas ang tawa ni Gio. Binatukan siya ni Ade.
"Isa pa," Ade threatened Gio with his finger.

Gio smiled slyly. "Anong ginagamit ng mga TVL sa pagluluto?"

"What?" I entertained Gio because I saw Ade clenching his jaw.

"GASul!" He laughed at Ade's face. Ade massaged his temples.

"Gagio ka talaga kapag nalaman ko strand ng babae mo, di rin kita tatantanan!"

"Baka may babae!" Gio snorted.

"Gio, ikaw na choreo sa cheerdance ha. Para naman may laban tayo." Pagi-iba ko ng
usapan. Hindi ko kasi ma-gets 'yung pinaguusapan nila.

"Choreo niyo mukha niyo."

"Dali na, Gio! Magaling ka kaya sumayaw." I insisted. Malapit na kasi ang
cheerdance competition para sa PE namin. As usual, strands na naman ang maglalaban.

"Hindi ako ganun kagaling, Zafi." isinabit niya pa kunyari ang buhok niya sa likod
ng tenga niya.

"Gusto mo lang pinupuri ka e. Dali na, Gio."

"Fine. Basta ikaw ulit sa props?"

"Sure!" I beamed at him. I wanted to win this cheerdance competition.

Sath and I are not always together but we do make sure we make time for each other.

Ade decided to leave us when a girl called him. Lalong lumawak ang ngisi ni Gio
habang kumakaway siya kay Ade na sumama roon sa babae. We also went back to our
classroom but on our way, we encountered someone.

"Arrisea!" Gio called someone from afar, it was Ms. Intramurals. Lumapit naman siya
sa direksyon namin ni Gio.

"Sup, Gio?" mapangasar niyang bati kay Gio. She smiled at me.

"Anong ginagawa niyo sa coliseum?" tanong ni Gio.

"Manonood kami ng UCBL, susuportahan lang namin si Cristyl sa panglalandi niya sa
mga college." Arrisea said, laughing.

"Ikaw susumbong kita! Bakit ba ganyan trip niyo sa isa't-isa?" isang ngiwi ang
iginawad ni Gio.

"Bet ko 'yan! Sumbong mo, send ko sa'yo mga pictures ko kasama ng iba't-ibang
bastketball player." Ngumisi si Arrisea.

I frowned at the both of them.

I couldn't understand them. May something ba si Arrisea at Gio? I thought it would

be Adren.

Gio laughed. "Ayoko baka ako 'yung mapatalsik sa school kapag ginawa ko 'yon."

Arrisea turned her attention to me and pointed her finger at me. She looked like
someone who would create a fight, kaya naman bahagya akong napaatras.

"Ito girlfriend ni Sarathiel 'di ba?" she squinted her eyes, pilit 'yatang inaalala
ang mukha ko.

"Yup!" Ngiting-ngiti si Gio.

Agad siyang umiling na para bang dismayado siya. I felt offended because she helped
me before and now she's disappointed?

"Shet ka girl, nilalandi ng iba 'yung boyfriend mo huwag ka papakabog."

"H-ha?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

She decided to put one of her hand on my shoulder.

"Sis, iba tumingin si Czanne sa jowa mo. Baka nga kung ako Prof nila sa PracRe,
iisipin ko ang background of the study nila Czanne ay behind the scenes na
panglalandi niya sa jowa mo."

That's not it...

"You're being malicious." Umiling-iling ako. I didn't want to see Czanne like that,
she's nothing but a classmate of Sath.
I don't wanna add more doubts for myself. Sobra na ang nararamdaman ko. If another
pile were to be added, I don't even know where I'll be right now. I don't even what
to think about it.

"May tiwala ako kay Sath." I added. Ngumisi lang sa akin si Arrisea.

"Yeah right. May tiwala ka kay Sath, kay Czang baliw meron ba?"

Hindi ko nasagot ang tanong niya. After that, the thought of Czanne kept on bugging
me. Mali na isipan ko ng mali 'yung tao. Wala pa naman siyang ginagawang mali. At
saka, hinalikan man niya si Sath noon, hindi pa naman kami magka-relasyon ni Sath.

I decided to focus my attention to somewhere else. Kinakain na naman ako ng

pagdududa. I know Arrisea meant no harm but the feeling isn't just right.

Since I was the head of props for our cheerdance, I was busy preparing with the
drafts of costumes and the design for the other props that the dancers will use.

Sa cheerdance kasi ay magkakaroon muna ng elimination sa mismong strand bago

isalang sa semi-finals kalaban ang iba pang strand.

"Zafi, ano gagawin mo para sa birthday ni Sarathiel?"

"Ha? Kailan ba birthday ni Sath?" napalingon ako kay Ade na tumutulong sa paggawa
ng plano para sa cheerdance.

Napaawang ang bibig niya.

"Seryoso ka ba? Di mo alam? August 16!" Ade exclaimed. Lumapit naman si Gio para
makitsismis. He's also here to create some steps.

"Sa Friday?!" I gasped. That was tomorrow!

"Di mo talaga alam? Jowa-jowa ka tapos di mo man lang alam birthday niya? May
monthsary ba kayo?" Gio winced.

"Uso pa ba 'yon?" Kumunot ang noo ko.

I just thought that monthsary isn't even a thing anymore. Anniversary pa siguro
pero monthsary? That's really not my thing.

"Goodluck na lang talaga kay Sarathiel p're. Buti na lang mahal na mahal ka no'n,
di ka man lang nag-effort alamin birthday niya." Ade shook his head.
I was so busy to know. At saka, hindi ko naman talaga alam kung kailan naging kami.
Basta isang araw, sinabihan ko lang siya na boyfriend ko na siya.

I was conscious because of that, so I decided that I will make an explosion box.
Tamang nood lang sa youtube kung paano gumawa.

"Himala, nagyaya ka sa mall?" sumama si Clary sa akin sa pagbili ng materials.

We're currently at the nearest SM. Walang ginagawa si Clary sa bahay kaya sumama at
ako naman ay ginawa ko na lahat ng tasks ko sa school para makagawa ng ganito para
kay Sath.

"Yeah, bibili rin kasi ako ng jacket."

I opted for the safe option. Ito rin naman talaga ang hilig niya. I might as well
give it to him.

"Monthsary niyo?" tanong ni Clary.

I shook my head and turned my attention to her.

"Uso ba talaga 'yon?"

Her lips parted and rolled her eyes heavenwards. She looked at me as if I'm
kidding.

"Girl, ako nas-stress sa inyo. May monthsary ang mag-jowa. Bakit di mo 'yun alam?
Di ba kaya ng schedule mo 'te?"

"Ewan ko sa inyo. Hindi naman big deal sa'min 'yon ni Sath."

Sath and I don't really talk about lovey dovey stuff. Alam ko naman na para sa iba
ay normal ito, pero sa aming dalawa ni Sath ay mas pinaguusapan namin ang mga
nangyayari sa buhay namin. I have nothing against those who celebrate it, I just
find it troublesome to always celebrate at every little event in your relationship.

I bought two jackets from a known store for it's fabric. One for a male and one for
a female, obviously to make it look like a couple's thing.

Si Clary naman ay natukso sa Watson's kaya naman kung anu-anong skincare products
ang binili niya.

Pagkauwi namin ay sinimulan ko na. Ilang beses pa akong napaso sa glue gun kasi
malaki 'yung explosion box na ginagawa ko. I decided the theme of the box will be
our pictures together that I saved using my phone and of course MCU because we're
both dorks for it.

Using the fonts of Avengers, I printed 'I love you more than 3000' in small papers,
I printed at least more than 3000 and put it inside the box. After I finished the
box, nilagay ko ang jackets sa loob at mga binili kong chocolates, and I also
ordered a blueberry cheesecake from his favorite resto to be picked up tomorrow.

Ghad, nakakapagod maging jowa.

『••✎••』

Kinabukasan, I was ready to surprised Sath because I acted I didn't remember his
birthday today. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil parang wala lang ito kay Sath. He acts
nonchalant.

Sath:

Lunch later?

Zafirah:

Busy :(

Sath:
Okay :) text me when you have some time.

"Kailangan mo ng tulong? By the way, the cake is here." Gio said, siya kumuha sa
cake dahil tropa naman daw niya 'yung mga guards sa gate.

"I'm so nervous, baka di niya magustuhan." I pouted while looking at the huge box.

"Wow ha, parang kahapon lang di mo nga alam na birthday niya ngayon." Halakhak ni
Gio.

"Gio naman e!" I pouted.

After classes were done, we went to the STEM building. Todo tago pa ako sa box kasi
nakakahiya rin kaya siyang dalhin.

It was really big. At halata naman na explosion box siya. Nakakahiya kasi noon ay
diring-diri ako sa mga ganitong klaseng tao tapos sa huli ay gagawa rin pala ako
nito.
I saw Sath and I immediately hide behind a wall. Hinila ko si Gio na kasama ko
ngayon para di kami mahuli.

I was ready to surprised him but a blast of confetti and thunderous cheers made me
halt.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday happy birthday..." a
song was being sung by a lot of people.

Sumilip kami ni Gio. There were confettis everywhere and STEM students were
cheering for Sath who looks taken aback like he didn't expect any greetings at all.

There were nine people who were wearing jackets and when they turned around, the
letters on their back formed the name 'Sarathiel'.

"Thanks..." I knew it was Sath who told them that. He doesn't look happy though
even if I can only see his side view, I knew he wasn't even smiling.

"Ngiti naman diyan, birthday boy! Sobrang effort ng girlfriend mo sa'yo!" someone
from their building shouted.

I didn't prepare that...

I was the girlfriend...

But I didn't do that.

"Nandiyan na si Czanne!"

I looked at Czanne's direction and saw she was holding a blueberry cheesecake with
candles on it.

"Happy Birthday, Sath." Czanne was blushing while looking at Sarathiel.

My lips parted. Muntik ko na mabitawan 'yung box na hawak ko. Gio was the one who
grab it for me.

"Zafi..." Gio looks torned. He bit his lip and decided to rub my back gently.

"Mamaya na lang natin ibigay kay Sarathiel. Gusto mo ng shake? Libre kita, dali!"
Gio was trying to lift my mood.
"Gio..." my voice was shaking. I don't know why, because of anger? Jealousy? Pain?

Parang kinukurot ang puso ko habang nakikita silang dalawa. My emotions were slowly
consuming me as I tightened my grip on my skirt.

"Zafi...I..." Gio was lost for words. "You don't deserve this."

"You're right..." my eyes were starting to form tears.

Parang minamartilyo ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit. My heart was pounding against my
ribcage, making me feel how it was aching as Czanne gracefully went to Sath.

Ayoko sana itong isipin pero tama naman sila. Czanne who knew Sath even from before
is indeed worthy of him and it makes me think...

I don't deserve Sarathiel like Czanne does.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 25 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 25

"Wala bang nagmamahal sa kanya? Kulang ba siya sa aruga? Tangina naman. Kuya, two
points po kay Czanne kasi akala niya syota niya 'yung syota ng aports ko." Gio was
pissed off, he was still rubbing my back while I was sobbing.

I was petrified in the same spot. I couldn't move even a finger because I'm still
trying to digest in my head what's infront of me.

May kaparatan ako, I know. Pero sino ako para pigilan siyang sumaya? It's my fault
for not knowing his birthday earlier. Ano naman ang laban ko kay Czanne? She did
things with more effort.

Kung tutuusin ay kaya niyang pagsabayin siguro ang pag-alaga kay Sath at ang pag-
aaral niya. Unlike me who's finding it hard to even know my own boyfriend's
birthday.

Envy crept inside my heart as I saw Czanne being cheered on by the people around
them.

"Hey," parang kabute na biglang sumulpot si Arrisea. She was licking a lollipop.
Her eyes went to the box that Gio was holding for me.
"Para kay Sarathiel? Bakit hindi mo ibigay?" Arrisea asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Umiling ako.

"Mamaya na lang..." I tried to get the box from Gio but Arrisea snatched it.

"Sis, hindi ikaw 'yung sidechick. Bigay mo na. Kapal ng mukha nung Czang baliw na
'yon." She bit her lollipop and walked towards the STEM building.

"Hoy Sarathiel! Tapos na ba 'yan? May surprise kami rito, si Zafirah naka-hubad!"
Sigaw ni Arrisea. My jaw dropped and Gio was hiding his laughter.

The people around them made way for Sarathiel to come to our direction. He strides
towards us. Agad naman akong umiwas ng tingin.

"Arrisea!" bigla akong namula dahil nakakahiya ang isinigaw niya!

"Saan?" I could hear the teasing voice of Sath.

"Hoy PG-13 lang tayo rito!" Gio added. I was about to run away but someone grabbed
me in my wrist.

"Akala ko ba naka-hubad?" Sath chuckled.

Namungay ang kanyang mga mata nang makita na umiiyak ako. Agad na nawala ang
mapaglarong ngiti sa kanyang labi. Napalitan ito ng nagaalalang mukha.

"S-sath, d-di pa tapos surprise sa'yo roon." Pinahid ko 'yung mga bakas ng luha sa
mukha ko.

I was so weak when it comes to Sath and my acads. They were my biggest
achievements, that's why without them — I really think I can't do things well.

"Hindi naman mahalaga 'yon." Sath was the one who wiped the tears for me and he
also remove a few strands of hair from my face.

"Sayang effort..." I cleared my throat, napatingin sa direksyon nila Czanne. She

was still holding the cake with distraught written all over her face.

"Mas sayang mga luha mo. Di mo dapat iniiyakan 'yung mga bagay na di naman mahalaga
saatin." He scoffed while looking at me.
The lump on my throat only gets bigger when he decided to hugged me. Agad din naman
siyang humiwalay sa akin.

"Lunch?" yaya ni Sath. Tumango naman ako.

Inabot ni Arrisea saakin 'yung box. Kinuha ko naman ito sa kanya. Inakbayan ni Gio
si Arrisea pagkatapos kong makuha 'yung box.

"Sana all may jowa." Bumuntong hininga si Gio.

"Si Gio wala," halakhak ni Arrisea. Ginulo ni Gio buhok ni Arrisea kaya naman
biglang sinabunutan ni Arrisea si Gio nang pabiro.

Kawawa naman si Adren.

"Let's go?" Sath reached for my hand and interwined his fingers into mine.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at tumango. Pumunta kami sa main caf para kumain ng lunch. Gio
and Arrisea gave us a quick nod before going on their own separate ways.

"Happy Birthday, sorry kung ganito lang nagawa ko..." I felt bad because unlike
Czanne who did many efforts for Sath, I can only do this.

I didn't even know it was suppose to be his birthday. Hindi tulad ni Czanne na
mukhang naghanda talaga para sa kanya. Tinalo pa ako ng kaibigan lang. As much as I
hate losing, deserve ko naman 'yata ito dahil hindi tulad niya ay hindi ako
makapag-effort nang todo kay Sath.

Sath saw my expression and he immediately sighed.

“I didn't know about the surprise and if I did, I would have avoided it.”

I abruptly shook my head. I didn't want to be the type of girlfriend who makes her
boyfriend change his social life. Hindi ko 'yon gusto. He has friends before me. I
don't have the right to make him unfriend them just because...

“Okay lang, Sath. Okay lang naman...”

"I never celebrated my birthday." Sath suddenly confessed. I was initially confuse
with his statement.

“Why?” I asked.
"Wala naman kasing tao tuwing birthday ko. I get gift cards for my birthday ever
since I can remember. Meron man mga engrandeng handaan, I don't even know the
people who are invited." He was gently unboxing the box, afraid that the box might
get ripped.

When he saw what's inside, he beamed like a child of innocence. Lahat ng sama ng
loob na nararamdaman ko kanina ay nawala. Iyon naman kasi ang mahalaga saakin, si
Sath na masaya.

"It's funny how chocolates tastes sweeter when it comes from you," he mumbled while
checking the chocolates I bought for him.

I playfully rolled my eyes. Bolero pa ang isang ito. I only bought the same
chocolates he liked to eat whenever we had review sessions.

"It's your favorite brands. Iisa lang naman lasa niyan."

Ngumuso siya.

"I don't know. If it's from you, it just tastes different."

I chuckled because of his reaction. Hindi ko alam bakit napalitan ang lungkot sa
aking puso. All of the negative feelings I had earlier vanished because of how he
comforted me.

"Kapag binilang mo 'yung mga maliliit na papel diyan. It's more than 3000." Sabi ko
sa kanya na para bang may trivia ako.

"You have pictures of us?" Sath looks quite shock when he saw the pictures.

Inisa-isa niya pa ang bawat pagtingin dito. I rolled my eyes lazily as he spread
the pictures on the table.

"Duh, di ka naman mahilig mag-picture kaya puro stolen 'yan."

"Pahingi akong softcopy." He smiled. "I'll make it my desktop wallpaper, my phone

wallpaper, kahit wallpaper na mismo ng kwarto ko."

I laughed at him. "Sure. Pipiliin ko lahat ng maganda ako sa picture."

He looked at me as he cleared his throat.

"Send mo na lahat. Maganda ka naman sa lahat ng picture." Seryosong sabi niya.

My heart warms up and the beating of my heart went fast. He really has that effect
on me.

"S-sure." I bit my lower lip.

"Can we always wear these on?" Sath looked incredibly happy upon seeing the couple
hoodies.

Agad akong umiling. Mahal kita pero mainit sa pilipinas!

"Huwag naman araw-araw! Hindi naman araw-araw malamig sa Pilipinas!"

"I want it so much! It's matching!" he said, his eyes were twinkling. I can't
believe Sath can be this happy, he's always either sarcastic or sleepy.

My smile disappeared when I remember that Czanne had more hoodies created for him.
That feeling crept inside of my heart again.

"Mas maraming hoodies na pinagawa si Czanne para sa'yo..." I mumbled.

Sath frowned at me and sighed. Napapikit siya ng mga mata saka tumingin ulit
sa'kin.

"Zafi, I'm sorry if what Czanne does hurts you. Please tell me if it bothers you. I
can avoid her or even not talk to her," his tone was serious.

Can he really do that? Paano 'yon? Kagrupo niya si Czanne sa Practical Research 2?

But I also didn't want him to recreate his social life just because I'm already his
girlfriend. I know we sometimes need to compromise but I just didn't want to
involve his social circle.

"Just...tell her about us. I think she'll keep her distance once she knows you're
taken."

Czanne and I are both girls. I know she'll understand. Hindi naman kasi talaga
maiiwasan ang selos pagdating sa relasyon. I'm just glad that Sarathiel gives his
best to assure me even if I always have doubt in my head.

"She knows though..." he furrowed his eyebrows causing his forehead to crease.

Bumuntong hininga na naman siya. He also looks tired already, tiningnan niya ako at
kinuha ang isa kong kamay.
"I'll talk to her. I don't want you getting upset over things that shouldn't
matter." He said as he kissed my knuckles.

"You're the only one that I'll love more than 3000, Zafirah. It will be just you."

I smiled because I know it's the utmost truth. He loves me as much as I love him
but the thing was I don't know if I deserve the love I'm receiving.

I always have doubt — not in him, but for myself.

『••✎••』

I thought everything was going fine until Czanne was waiting for me outside our
classroom.

Nginingitian niya ang bawat taong dumadaan dahil kilala siya. She's well known
because of her position in school. My knees went weak upon realizing she's here for
me.

"Anong ginagawa niyan dito?" naningkit ang mga mata ni Bea.

"Sabihan mo kami kapag kailangan mo ng back up." Melanie raised her fist.

Umiling ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"Baka may sasabihin lang." I sighed as I walk outside so that Czanne and I can both
talk.

"Hi," bumati muna ako sa kanya.

Lumingon siya sa akin. She had her award winning smile on her face.

"Can we talk?" tanong niya. I nodded my head.

We went to evergreen garden since we wanted to talk privately. The garden had the
vibe for open forums. The stoned benches with vines are the perfect places to talk
with someone. At saka, tsimoso't- tsismosa kasi mga kaklase ko.

Czanne smiled at me. She really has an award worthy smile, kaya naman hindi
nakapagtataka na nanalo siya sa SSG last year. I bet she will also run this year
for another position.
"Zafirah, I just want to say sorry if I hurted you by doing things for Sath. I just
thought as his closest friend, I should do something for his birthday." She said in
her soft voice.

My eye softened and slowly nodded my head. I feel bad for thinking badly of her.
Tingnan mo, she's even apologizing...

"Pwede naman 'yon. Hindi naman ako magagalit. You should have just told me earlier
so that I didn't take it in a wrong way." I wanted to explain my side too and gave
her a small smile.

I didn't want to hate Czanne. I have too many problems already, ayoko na
madagdagan.

Nalaglag ang ngiti niya at bahagyang naging seryoso ang tingin sa akin.

"Honestly speaking, I really think it's immature of you to make Sath avoid me. Can
you be mature enough and trust him?" she was still smiling, she has a tone of
someone lecturing a young person.

My mouth went dry. A lump seemed to rise to my throat as I find the proper words to
address her.

"Frankly speaking, I do trust Sath but I don't trust you."

She snorted and rose an eyebrow. Parang nagmaang-maangan ang kanyang mukha. I
gritted my teeth in annoyance. I can't believe I even defended her in my mind!

"It's because of your immaturity. This is probably your first relationship, that's
why you're so possessive of Sath." She said as if she's spouting facts.

Napaawang ang bibig ko. Saan niya nakukuha ang lakas ng loob na sabihin ito saakin?
Ako na pilit siyang iniintindi?

"Hindi ako immature, malandi ka lang." I can't help but fired back.

I'm trying so hard to understand her. Pareho kaming babae, I just don't see the
worth of fighting over a guy. Kahit pa si Sarathiel ito.

She laughs mockingly.

"See? I'm not even flirting with Sath. I'm just doing things for him like how
friends do." She was shaking her head like she was disappointed.
I never asked you to do any of those and that's my responsibility as his
girlfriend. Bakit ba ito sumasapaw?

"Bakit mo inaagaw responsibilidad ko?" I asked her, unleashing my inner thoughts.

“Probably because you don't do them?” malamig niyang usal.

That hit a nerve. Lalo lamang lumiyab ang galit na namumuo sa puso ko. She's going
too far.

"Wala ka bang ibang kaibigan, ha? Ang hirap bang tanungin kung okay lang saakin
kasi girlfriend ako nung kaibigan mo?"

"If you're his girlfriend, act like one. You're not even there for him when he's so
frustrated with his acads. Ikaw palagi niyang iniintindi. Isn't that immaturity?"
she rolled her eyes.

I know Sath is not vocal with his own problems but I didn't know he was hiding this
from me. Akala ko ba open kami sa isa't-isa?

Sa katahimikan ko ay nakita niya ang kanyang pagkapanalo. She patted me on my

shoulder and leaned in to whisper.

"See? Talk to me when you're already matured enough. Poor Sath, babysitting a
fucking crybaby who doesn't even care for him like a matured person would do." I
saw how Czanne has a smug look on her face. She immediately concealed it with her
smile.

Lumayo siya agad at tiningnan ako sa aking mga mata. Nananatili akong hindi
makagalaw sa aking posisyon. Her words still lingering in my mind.

"You know what? I used to think you're smart. Sadly, grades can't really measure
someone's capability of understanding. Perfect example? You." She shook her head
before throwing me another dirty glance.

“Be mature, senior highschool ka na.”

Iniwan niya ako mag-isa sa evergreen garden na nakatulala. Napaupo na lang ako sa
isa sa mga benches.

I was pondering over the words she told me. Totoo naman, I knew how she's better
than me when it comes to knowing Sath. That mere fact made me clutched on my chest.

"Zafi," I saw Sath walking towards me. Malapit nga pala ito sa building nila.
Sa sobrang inis at galit ko ay galit ako lumingon sa kanya. I feel it so annoying
that everything Czanne told made sense!

"What?! Are you also going to call me an immature person?! A crybaby?! Someone who
can't understand you?!" I was so frustrated that I started shouting at Sath.

Natigilan si Sath at unti-unting lumapit sa akin. He immediately cupped my face as

the tears flow down my face.

"Who the fuck told you that?" I can see how Sath's face contorts in anger.

I can't help but cry in frustration because I couldn't hurt Czanne physically. She
emotionally scarred me. Never have I ever been mock like that!

"Sino pa ba?! Edi 'yung bestfriend mo!" I was freaking crying again! Wala na akong
ginawa kundi umiyak ngayong taon!

His peers were also there. Nakita ko kung paano tinuro ni Iscalade 'yung sarili
niya.

"Ako? Putangina bakit ako?! Ma? Bakit parang kasalanan ko?" Iscalade asked in
confusion.

"Iscalade? Cae? Ade? Sach? Who?" Sath didn't have a clue and was utterly confuse.
“Sinong bestfriend?”

Hindi ko alam bakit kay Sath ko nalabas lahat ng galit ko kanina. I pushed him
because of how I was feeling. Para akong sasabog sa galit.

"Magsama kayo ni Czanne! Tutal mas kilala ka naman niya 'di ba! Mas naiintindihan
ka niya!"

I was so mad! Lahat ng sama ng loob ko ay ngayon ko nalalabas. Matagal na akong

nagkikimkim pero hindi ko alam bakit ngayon lang sila lumabas nang ganito. I
probably had enough.

"Let's talk," hinawakan ako ni Sath sa pulso ko. "Calm down, Zaf. Let's talk,
okay?"

He was brushing my hair using his fingers. Unti-unti akong tumatahan habang
ginagawa niya ito. My shoulders were shaking. Sobrang galit ko dahil hindi ko
mapagtanggol ang sarili ko sa mga sinabi ni Czanne.
"Gusto mo ng tubig?" alok niya habang humihikbi pa rin ako.

"I'll talk to Czanne or we'll talk to Czanne. Tangina, hindi nga kita pinapaiyak
tapos papaiyakin ka lang niya nang ganito." He sounded pissed off.

Sath was my human tissue. He's always there to wipe my tears for me.

Pero hanggang kailan?

No one would stay with someone who cries every time. Nakakapagod pa lang isipin na
palagi na lamang ganito.

"I don't want to see her." I said through gritted teeth. She made me feel so small,
so little and worthless.

He breathed out and hold my hand. He squeezed it to offer assurance.

"I'll fix this for us. Please stop crying. Zafirah, you're not immature or whatever
shit she told you."

Naalala ko kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Maraming alam si Czanne na hindi
ko alam tungkol kay Sath. She knows him too well. Ano na lang ang puwang ko kung
ganoon?

"How can you open up to her about your problems but never to me, Sath? Don't you
think I can handle your problems too?"

He abruptly shook his head.

"I never had any problems—"

"Stop lying!" I shouted out of frustration. "Alam mo ba bakit ako nagseselos kay
Czanne? Because I think she knows you more than I do! I think she deserves you more
than I do! Sath, how can I freaking calm down knowing she might be better than me
for you?"

"She can never do that..." Sath rested his head on my shoulders.

Mariin siyang pumikit at namamaos ang kanyang boses.

"This is not a fucking competition, Zafi. Fuck, even if it was — I will always
choose you. You're my fucking finish line. You're not even a participant in the
first place because you're the fucking trophy, Zaf. You're the highest merit I
could ever achieve."
I could pretend not to feel but I could feel how scared Sath was. His heart beat
was racing and he was trembling. He was also scared of losing me as much as I was
scared of losing him to Czanne.

This shouldn't be a competition but why do I feel like I'm losing?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 26 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 26

I was nervous because today Sath and I will talk to Czanne. I really didn't want to
see her because of what she told me but I wanted to prove that I was matured enough
to handle her.

Ganito naman dapat ang mga problema. Pinaguusapan at hindi tinatakbuhan. Pero
pakiramdam ko ay mas gusto ko na lamang ito takasan. I didn't like confrontations.

Sath assured me that no physical fight will happen. Hindi naman daw ganoon si
Czanne.

I saw Czanne walking towards us. Some students from our school notices her and
greets her. She's really known to others, huh?

Czanne greeted me with one of her smiles. Naningkit kaagad ang mga mata ko. She had
the audacity to smile at me?

"So, what's the problem? Did I hit a nerve the last time we've talked?" Czanne
asked while sitting infront of us.

She sounded so...nonchalant.

Parang wala siyang sinabi mali sa akin.

We're at a nearby café. Malapit lang ito sa school dahil alam namin na mamaya ay
may gagawin pa kami. This will be just a small talk.

"Czanne, can you stop using that tone? It isn't helping at all." Sath said, looking
at Czanne with his serious eyes.

Napakagat ng labi si Czanne. She looks at Sath like he did her wrong.
"Your girlfriend's immature. I used to do things like that even way before Senior
highschool. Do you really expect me to just stop because of her, Sath?"

Umiling si Sath kay Czanne. I was just watching them converse with each other.

"From the start, I never wanted any of that. Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na may
girlfriend ako at kung pwede ba tigilan mo na 'yung mga ginagawa mo para saakin?
Things are not the same anymore, Czanne." Bumuntong hininga si Sath.

Czanne lowered her head, her neck appearing to shrink. Hindi siya makatingin sa'min
ni Sath.

"What changed, Sath? Siya ba nagsabi sa'yo ng ganyan? She's being immature. Some
girls are mature enough to know that boys can have girls as friends too!" Czanne
said, her soft spoken voice reaches it's highest peak.

"Do you like me, then?" Sath asked, not removing his gaze at Czanne.

Czanne couldn't answer. Napaawang ang bibig ko. She knows she like Sath but she
keeps claiming that they're only friends!

Tingnan mo ang isang ito! She kept on saying that there's no hidden motive but she
can't even say that she doesn't like Sath. Lalo lang akong nagkaroon ng inis sa
kanya.

Sath shrugged, half-heartedly.

"That changes everything, Czanne. Stop using the excuse we're friends to justify
the actions you're doing for me. The mere fact that you like me already creates
malice." Sath holds my hand.

"That's not it..." she drawled, avoiding eye contact with us.

"Czanne, please just stop. We can be friends but there's nothing more than that. I
love Zafirah enough to know that I'm willing to lose relation with other people to
be with her."

This time, she looked at Sath with misty eyes. Nangingilid ang mga luha niya.

For some reason, my heart ached upon seeing her expression. Galit ako sa mga sinabi
niya pero hindi ko naman siyang gustong masaktan nang ganito.

"You're choosing her over me?" Czanne's voice croaked as she glance at me. I also
looked at her with the same intensity.
Sath abruptly shook his head. He closed his eyes to shut everything out.

"I'm not choosing because in the first place, Zafirah was the only option. It's
Zafirah or no one."

She stood up and her face contorts in anger. Marahas niyang pinunasan ang mga luha
sa kanyang mata. The way she decided to stood made her chair create unnecessary
noises, making people look at her.

"I can't believe I liked a jerk like you for a long time!"

Sath looked at her boredly. "Edi huwag mo akong gustuhin."

She laughed mockingly. This time a hint of hurt was laced on her face. Nanginginig
siya habang pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili. Her facade slowly tearing down because
of her actions.

"You know what? It's fine. I'm tired of pretending not to care about Zafirah. In
the end of the day, Sath...You're mine. I'm the only one who understands you. Fine,
have your fun with Zafirah. Boys do tend to like girls they can take care of."
Tumingin saakin si Czanne, she looks at me as if I stole her favorite toy.

My heart was rapidly racing because I definitely don't want any cat fights. Mukhang
hindi rin naman niya ito gusto pero sa paraan kung paano niya ako tingnan ay para
bang kaya niya akong saktan.

"You think you won? Everytime you have a fucking problem, you either cry or run
away from it. You think someone as immature as you can handle a relationship? No,
so you can laugh now but you'll see and say I was right all along." Czanne said,
smiling.

Sath coldly glared at her. "Czanne, just stop. Know your worth. Spouting hurtful
things to her won't make me love her less -"

"She doesn't deserve you!" she seethed. "Sath, all she does is cry and wait for you
to fucking fetch her every damn time! Hindi ka nga niya inaalala!"

"Czanne, once I know that you harrassed Zafirah- I swear I could put everything
behind just to make sure you get what you deserved." Sath decided to squeezed my
hands to assure me that he had my back.

"Also, stop acting like you own me. I was never yours to begin with." Sath glared
at Czanne, I could see the look of hurt in Czanne's face.
She walked away, leaving Sath and I behind. Sath hugged me while assuring me that
everything will finally be okay.

I was finally at peace.

『••✎••』

I was walking peacefully towards the ABM building. Para akong naglalakad sa ulap sa
sobrang saya ko. Nabunutan ako ng tinik sa puso dahil alam kong hindi na kami
guguluhin ni Czanne.

We also passed the eliminations for the cheerdance. Isa kami sa mga lalaban para sa
semi-finals tapos sa championship na ang sunod.

"Oh, the menu is for Thursday. Wednesday pa lang naman ngayon?" I thought as I
passed by the small stall where food can be bought.

Then it hit me. Tiningnan ko ang phone ko at nakitang hindi pala Wednesday ngayon,
it was already Thursday! It was freaking Thursday! It was our quiz for FABM today!

Akala ko Wednesday pa lang kaya iniwan ko ang SciCal ko! I also left my notes
behind. Walang problema sana sa notes pero 'yung SciCal! Bawal maghiraman!

Hindi ko alam kung papasok pa ba ako o lalabas ng school para bumalik sa bahay at
kunin ang SciCal ko! Shit lang talaga!

I was panicking when someone tapped me from behind. Nilingon ko ito at nakitang si
Sarathiel pala.

"Good morning?" he smiled.

"Walang good sa morning! Naiwan ko calculator ko!" I hissed at him. He arched an

eyebrow at me.

"ABM 'yan? Akala ko jowa niyo na mga calculator niyo?" he chuckles.

"Very funny," I sarcastically told him. "Babalik pa ako sa bahay."

I looked at my watch and remembered that FABM was the first subject today. Ano bang
kinain ko ngayon? Kamalasan?

"Hey, use mine instead." He opened his knapsack and rummage it.
He handed me his SciCal and I was impressed. It was the latest model from Casio,
mahal kaya ang ganito! But it's worth it since there's a lot of functions you can
use.

"Are you sure?" I bit my lower lip. He ruffled my hair.

He nodded at me. "Yeah, just go. You have a few minutes to review if you haven't
yet."

I hugged him before going to my classroom. Sobrang desidido akong maging mataas sa
FABM para lang hindi masayang ang pagpapahiram sa akin ni Sath ng SciCal. I know
SciCals are also an essential for STEM students.

After class, we had a little time to be with each other. We stayed at the school's
plaza. Nasa gitna ito ng school dahil nandito rin ang fountain with the school's
logo.

"Bakit ka pa naging balance sheet kung di ka rin naman pala balance?" I groaned as
I keep scribbling my answers.

"Dahil hindi ka naman balance, sheet ka na lang." Napahawak ako sa ulo ko at dahan-
dahan itong minasahe.

Humilig ako sa braso ni Sath habang pinapakita ang papel ko.

"Tama ba 'to?" tanong ko sa kanya. He looks at me and stifled a laugh.

"Bakit?" kumunot ang noo ko.

"Zafi, I'm a STEM student. I don't know anything about accounting." This time, he
really chuckled.

"Dapat pala ABM na lang jinowa ko." I pouted in which made Sarathiel frowned at me.

"Bawiin mo 'yon kung hindi hahalikan kita para parehas tayong ma-POD." Ngumuso
siya.

"Sige mamaya ko na lang sasabihin kapag nasa labas na tayo ng school." I giggled.

I miss this. I wish time would stop when everything was just this good and steady.
Where everything didn't have crumble down.

Was that too much to ask?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 27 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 27

"Malapit ka na maging legal."

"Illegal ba ako dati?" mataray kong tanong kay Gio.

"Grabe ka naman, sinabi ko lang kasi alam kong tatanungin mo kung pwede ba ako
maging kasama sa 18 roses mo. Syempre ang sagot ko ay oo kung may shanghai."

He winked which gathered laughter from my classmates. Inaasar kasi nila ako dahil
nga malapit na ang birthday ko.

I puffed my cheeks as I remember my birthday. Ang araw na inaabangan ng halos lahat

ng kakilala ko. They were looking forward for it. I, on the other hand, cannot
really see what's the hype is about.

My birthday is on September 8. Which is a week from now, kaya naman kahapon pa ako
tinatawagan nila Mama kung ano ang balak ko. Of course, there's a freaking party.
I'm their only daughter.

I'm really grateful that they are planning for it. Pero hindi ko kasi talaga gusto
magkaroon ng party - rather I really don't want to do the planning for it. Hassle
lang ito para sa akin.

"18 blue bills lang talaga inaabangan ko sa birthday ko." I said, honestly.

Tumawa sila sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. Akala ba nila nagbibiro ako? I
really like the idea of eighteen thousand for your eighteen birthday. Easy money.

I had to set the invitations. I decided to just invite those I know and I had
interactions with. Pero kahit pala ito na lang ang mga imbitado ay kulang pa rin. I
really need to extend my social life, huh?

Of course, some of my classmates were also invited. Some declined since it was past
their curfew and others had things to do that day.

"Ano pa bang mahihiling mo sa buhay? You have Sath." Melay asked, probably asking
me what I want for a gift.

"Pera." I said while doing the money sign using my hand.

"May Church ako sa araw na 'yon pero pipilitin kong makahabol," sabi naman ni Bea.

I also decided to invite those who I think I'm close with.

"Pwede ka na mag-nomi! Ako magpapakilala sa'yo sa mga alak!" Arrisea clapped her
hands, she was obviously amused.

"Arri, don't scare her like that." Adren chuckled and I notice his right hand was
on her waist.

I never really saw Adren looked at someone like that- he was looking at her like
she was his world. She got him whipped for her. I know Arrisea's really pretty but
she's really good at her game because I know how hard it is to get into Adren's
circle.

Kaibiganin nga lang si Adren parang suntok na sa buwan. Jowain pa kaya?

Even those who are not from my strand are invited. Including Sath's friends and
even Philomena Gracia who I met a few times.

"Titingnan ko kung papayagan po ako. Pero reregaluhan kita, promise." Philomena

said while fidgeting her fingers. She was really shy, I got to know her because of
Iscalade. Medyo close kasi sila.

She's honestly so cute and if someone dates her, I hope it will be someone who
really dotes on her.

I opted to invite Sath's friends since I had to complete the eighteen roses. Adren
and Gio were the only ones that I consider to be my guy friends.

"Sure! Sasama ako! Gusto mo ako pa maging mascot e!" Iscalade agreed to go.

"Can I bring someone along? I have a date that day but I think she'll like go to a
party too," Cae asked for my permission.

Tumango naman ako. I don't really have a lot of friends so I don't mind if someone
is tagging along.

Lumingon ako kay Sath. He looked troubled, agad naman akong lumapit sa kanya para
tanungin kung bakit.

"Last dance talaga ako?" Sath asked. I nodded, si Papa kasi nauto ni Mama na
pumayag na si Sath ang last dance.
"Hindi ba mas maganda kung Papa mo?" his lips curled into a smile.

"Si Mama na lang tanungin mo, ikaw kasi masyado mong kinaibigan nung pumunta kami
sa bahay niyo. Masyado tuloy boto sa'yo." I teased.

Ang tagal kasi nila sa CR no'n. Kinausap pala siya ni Mama nang masinsinan. Mama's
really protective of me.

The thing about my parents, I know they have sacrificed a lot for me. Sa
pamamagitan ng pag-aaralan nang mabuti na lang ako nakakabawi sa kanila. That's why
I'm easily tense whenever I cannot achieve what I set as my standard. I feel like
I'm failing them and also I failed the expectations of others for me.

A week passed and I can't believe that I'm finally freaking legal.

I feel so old. My lips quirked, nang makita ang sarili sa salamin. I was at the
middle of being a teen and an adult now. I don't even know what to feel.

My birthday's theme was blue because I always liked the color of royal blue. Ito
ang main motif kaya naman kahit ang gown na susuotin ko ay kulay royal blue na rin.
It was A line tulle dress that is floor length.

I had photoshoots before my birthday. I had to sacrifice days of me reviewing for

my subjects just for this. Iba pala talaga ang dala ng ganitong klaseng handaan. It
makes you feel special somehow.

We rented a venue for my birthday. Umaga pa lang ay inaayos na kaagad ang mga
gagamitin ko. We also have photographs of me before the main event since it will be
like a preview of my debut.

It was mesmerizing to see how everything about the venue screams elegance and
class. A huge eighteen standee was on displayed and every little detail was colored
in royal blue. The flowers used were even in the same shade as my gown.

The event made me really appreciate my parents the most. I know this isn't cheap
but they still did their best to welcome me to the adult world. I love them for
that, really.

My hair was curled and I was wearing make up that enhances my look. I really looked
like a woman today. It made me feel beautiful.

Namumula ako dahil iniisip ko pa lang ang mga matatanggap na puri. I'm not really
narcissistic but sometimes there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful.
I heard the announcement from the venue so I inhaled some air before going inside
when I was called.

There was an Emcee, of course. Nagsipalakpakan naman sila nang tawagin na ako.
There was a seat for me. All this attention is really making me feel so loved and
appreciated.

After introducing me, the event proceeded with the greetings, messages and gifts
for me. Some made me teary eyed because I was a sucker for these people. I'm glad
I'm surrounded by the right people, though.

Of course, the 18 roses came.

Natatawa ako nang si Gio ang bumungad sa akin. He was laughing too. Mukhang pareho
ka ng iniisip habang inaabot niya kamay niya sa akin.

"Giorgion San Pedro."

Gio playfully offered his hand, people laughed because of that. Tumawa rin ako at
inabot ito, we danced while he was asking if he can take out some shanghai. Gagio
talaga kahit kailan.

"Iscalade Altreano."

Iscalade offered his hand while smiling. He was telling me about things that could
calm my nerves since I think he knew I was nervous. What a thoughtful guy.

"Adonis Reverio."

Adren, the gentleman that he was - the only one who offered his hand correctly.
Wala naman masyadong usap na nangyari saamin, he just greeted me. A man of few
words talaga.

Papa was second to the last.

"Hi Pa," I smiled at him. He also smiled at me, causing the wrinkles on the side of
his eyes to show.

"Happy Birthday, anak."

"May birthday wish ka ba para saakin?"

Papa sighed as he looked at me. Sa kanyang mga mata ay nakita ko ang pinagsamang
pagod at galak.
"Sana anak, kahit gaano ka maging successful sa buhay- huwag mo kami kakalimutan.
At saka, sana huwag puro aral anak. Sana may oras ka rin para saamin at sa mga
kaibigan mo. Sa mga taong mahal mo. Ang pagaaral, nandiyan lang 'yan. Pero kaming
mga nagmamahal sa'yo..." Papa smiled with sadness.

"Di mo sure." Papa tried copying what young people usually say.

Niyakap ko siya. He's a busy man since he's the one who puts food on our table.
Pero nandito siya ngayon para sa akin. I hugged him tightly and people were
reacting in awe.

That's why I want to repay all of their efforts. Alam ko kung gaano nila ako
kamahal. The tuition of my school isn't a joke, kaya dapat lang na matumbasan ko
ito. Humilaway na sa akin si Papa at sumunod naman na ang last dance ko.

My lips curled into a smile upon seeing my boyfriend being cute as he nervously
strides towards me. He even let out a breath.

"Sarathiel Aracosa."

Sath looked so nervous, I was laughing. Everyone even laughed at him because the
rose on his hands fell.

"Zafirah, can you stop being so beautiful? It makes me stop functioning." He joked
while gently putting his hands on my waist.

"Can't help but be beautiful. It's not my fault." I said, shrugging.

I could feel his trembling hands so I quickly squeeze his shoulders to ease his
worries. Napalingon naman siya sa akin, namumungay ang mga mata habang tumatama sa
amin ang sari-saring ilaw na ngayon ay binibigyan kami ng kakaibigang pakiramdam.
It is as if, we're the only ones here in this room.

"Thank you for coming into my life. You are the highlight of my entire Senior
Highschool. I would always be indebted to Him that he let someone like me meet
someone who's as beautiful as you, Zafirah." I could see his ears reddening.

I rested my forehead on his shoulders.

"I'm more thankful for meeting you, Sath. I never knew being in a wrong room would
let me meet someone who would be a huge part of life."

Sarathiel made me feel like I was a gem among the rocks. Habang sumasayaw kami ay
hindi ko maiwasan ang tingnan siya. The lights were almost half lit but his face is
as vivid as it can be. My heart was wildly beating for this man infront of me.

"I love you more than 3000. I have a gift for you aside from the gift on that
table." He said glancing at the section where the gifts are.

"Ano 'yon?"

His hot breath caressed my ear as he whisper. Kahit malakas ang bawat kabog ng
aking dibdib ay narinig ko ang kanyang pahayag para sa akin.

"You have my heart now, Zafirah. You'll always do. Please don't break it. I'll love
you more than 3000 in this life."

I was lost for words. Sarathiel was giving me his heart- the embodiment of
someone's whole life.

I didn't mind the stares and the whispering when I did what I have to do - I kissed
Sath on his lips because I'm also in love with him. I love this guy more than 3000
- more than any number this world can offer. It's crazy, I know.

Hiyawan ang lahat nang gawin ko 'yan. Sath immediately widened his eyes. Agad
siyang namula nang lumayo na ang mga labi namin.

"Ang tapang mo naman, Zafirah. Sa harap talaga ng lahat ng tao?" Clary nudged me
after the whole 18 roses.

"Sorry, legal na ako." I said, smugly. I could flaunt that I have a boyfriend since
I'm already eighteen.

"Happy Birthday po!" A girl who was smaller than me approached with a bright smile
on her face.

She wasn't familiar so I just smiled. She was jumping and giggling.

"I'm Ashanti — teka, teka wait lang. Aisha na lang! Aisha po pangalan ko." She
beamed at me.

"Hi Aisha, thank you." I greeted back.

"Pwede ba kita i-hug? Mas maganda ka pala sa personal! Grabe alam mo ini-stalk pa
kita sa FB kasi akala ko kaagaw kita. Jusko, di ko kakayanin kung kasing ganda mo
'yung kaagaw ko kay Cae! Sabi ko talaga kay Cae, swap na lang sila ni Sarathiel
kung pipiliin ka ni Cae. Sabi ko akin na lang 'yung palaging nasa pictures mo kasi
pogi na rin naman, hindi na ako lugi. Tapos alam mo ba-" she was cut off by Cae who
hugged her from behind.

Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko. Ako ang naubusan ng laway sa kanya.

Grabe, ang daldal!

"Sorry about her, Zafi. She's just really talkative." Nahihiyang sabi ni Cae.

"Grabe ka, Cae. Sinasabi ko lang naman kasi baka akalain niya hater niya ako. Hindi
'no! Ang sinasabi ko lang kung pipiliin mo siya, akin na lang si Sarathiel para
fair lang!" She explained further. I was laughing because Cae looks so annoyed.

"That won't happen because you're my only noob. Silang dalawa mahilig sa
matatalino, okay?" Cae tried calming his girl down.

The girl furrowed her eyebrows. "Matalino rin naman ako! Sige, tignan mo magtanong
ka tapos sasagutin ko nang mabilis!"

"Who created-"

"Di ko alam!" sagot nung babae. Cae's jaw dropped.

"Akala ko ba sasagutin mo nang mabilis?"

"Sinagot ko naman! Sobrang bilis nga, di mo pa tapos 'yung tanong sinagot ko na!"
Aisha has a smug look on her face.

Tumatawa lang kami ni Clary sa kanilang dalawa. What the hell is wrong with these
two? Ito ba jowa ni Cae? For someone who's as calm as him, his girlfriend is really
hyper!

Cae chuckled. "Your answer wasn't even correct."

"Ang sabi ko sasagutin ko nang mabilis, hindi naman sasagutin ko nang tama." Aisha
lectured Cae.

Tumingin ako kay Sath na ngayon ay kausap si Mama at Papa.

I smiled to myself.

My birthday wished was for Sath and I to always be happy. Actually, I wished that
Sath should always be happy with me...
Or even without me.

I just wished for his happiness because it's what he deserves. To be happy despite
of everything.

That was my initial thought. Masaya naman ako. I have my family and friends. I have
Sarathiel.

Yet deep down in my heart, I wasn't happy. Pakiramdam ko ay may mali sa akin. I
should be happy because I have almost everything. Kumpara sa iba, my life is much
better. It wasn't the case.

Umiiyak na naman ako. I crumpled the paper and throw it in the trashcan. In just a
week, binawi na agad ang kasiyahan na naramdaman ko sa kaarawan ko. Parang
pinatikim lang sa akin ito. In the end, I'm still stuck in this hellhole of a
feeling. This empty feeling. This...

"Zafi, tara na! Meron pa tayong gagawin sa..." Melay peeked over my face. Agad
akong umiwas ng tingin sa kanya.

"Hala, Zaf. Okay ka lang ba?"

I abruptly nodded and force the corner of my lips to form a smile.

"Oo naman," sagot ko. My heart reacting rapidly to what I feel.

Parang ang hirap naman huminga.

Pilit kong pinapakinggan ang usapan nila para sa isang groupings pero walang
pumapasok sa isip ko kung hindi ang mga marka na nakuha ko. Hindi nga ako
makapagbigay ng opinyon.

Those grades are not ideal - hindi man lang ito umaabot ng pasang awa. Kaya ko
naman siguro bawiin sa periodical pero kailangan halos perfect ang periodical kung
nagkataon para mabawi. I'll probably just review and put an all nighter for it.

I wanted to eliminate those thoughts. Ilang beses kong pinikit ang aking mga mata
sa mga ito pero lalo lamang nila akong ginugulo.

It makes me question if I was really smart in the first place? Baka nga totoo na
pinagbibigyan lang naman ako noon sa mga academic award na nakukuha ko. Maybe I was
just really hardworking and I'm not that intelligent enough to attain the titles I
was hoping for.
I couldn't take away the feeling, kahit kay Sath ay hindi ko magawang masabi ito. I
wonder why I find it hard to tell him...that I wasn't okay.

Maybe because sometimes we just involuntarily say 'okay' to make them feel better
instead of making ourselves feel better. Mas mahalaga pa minsan ang nararamdaman ng
ibang tao kumpara sa mismong nararamdaman ko. That's how I felt during the days I
can't even lift myself out of the bed without feeling down.

"You'll have poem recitations din?" Sath asked upon noticing me holding the poem
that I will present for our class next week.

Tumango naman ako. We're at the usual study hub while he's studying for his
favorite subject, hindi nawala ang pagiging masipag ni Sath sa subject na ito kahit
mukhang pagod na rin siya. I can't help but feel envy because I cannot say the same
when it comes to accounting. Gusto ko naman ito pero hindi ganyan ang reaksyon ko.

Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa tulang pilit kong kinakabisado. Sath looked over me
with his forehead creased.

"Do you want to sleep? Gisingin na lang kita mamaya. You look tired..." malambing
niyang usal. I shook my head.

"May binabasa pa ako," I replied curtly.

Sath snatched the paper from me with a teasing smile plastered on his face. Binasa
niya ang tula na kinakabisado ko.

"The woman is perfected. Her dead body wears the smile of accomplishment..." Sath's
tone went low. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagbaba ng kanyang mga mata, he was silently
reading the poem.

Unti-unting nagbago ang kanyang ekspresyon. His lips parted while he blink a few
times. I feel so cold as I rubbed my hands on mg legs.

Kumakabog ang puso ko sa kaba. I don't know why I feel like this. I feel so bad
letting him read the poem that I pick. My pulse was racing as I averted my gaze
away from him.

"Zafirah," he called me in an almost breathless manner. "Why did you pick this
poem?"

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 28 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

maybe we need a break — slchld

Kabanata 28

I laughed as I playfully punched him on his arm. Nanatiling seryoso ang kanyang mga
mata sa akin. Nanunuot sa aking balat ang lamig ng aircon na malapit sa pwesto
namin at hindi ko maitanggi ang kaba. The lump on my throat only got bigger. I
cleared my throat before I took the paper from him.

“Wala lang, parang ang abstract lang kasi pakinggan.” I told him as I folded the
paper to hide the content.

“there are other poems to choose, you could try bonsai —” Sath stopped when he saw
me frowning at him.

“Kabisado ko na 'yung edge,” matigas na saad ko. “Ayoko na sana palitan. Malapit
na rin ang recital namin kaya bakit pa?”

His eyes softened. Bumuntong hininga siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. The volts of
electricity from his touch made me realized that I was still there and I feel like
I was caught red handed.

“The meaning of the poem...” tumikhim siya. “Alam mo ba?”

“Of course...” I drawled, trying to calm my heart. “Alam ko, Sath.”

Sath looked at me, his eyes glistened with pure somber. Unti-unti niya akong
niyakap. He enfolded his arms around me.

“Para naman 'tong ewan...” I laughed dryly. “Bakit mo ako niyayakap?”

“Sylvia Plath wrote edge, didn't she?” his low tone was comforting me. Naramdaman
ko ang init ng kanyang mga bisig na ayaw ako pakawalan.

“Yeah...” I nodded my head.

“She wrote it...six days before she committed suicide.”

Katahimikan na puno ng pamamanglaw ang nanaig sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“I didn't know.” I smiled. I lied. “I just thought that the poem was good.”

I saw how Sath's expression shifted. Lalo lamang lumungkot ang kanyang mga mata. I
feel bad for dragging him into this empty pit of sadness. He doesn't deserve it.
The energy that I omit cannot be pass to someone else.

Dapat sa akin lang. Ako lang dapat ang nakakaramdam ng hilahil na ito.

“The poem is great but I think romanticizing death is not really good,” Sath cupped
my face. “May di ba ako alam, Zafi? Is something bothering you?”

Tulad noon, umiling at ngumiti ako.

I'm okay.

I should be okay.

Like how they expect me to be.

Exams came for the 1st grading of the 1st semester.

Hawak-hawak ko ang mga reviewer ko. Hindi alam ang uunahin. I didn't have any time
to review since we were also doing some of our activities. Sabay-sabay silang
lahat. Parang utang pa namin kung magpapahinga kami.

Kinakabahan ako kahit may aral naman ako. The thing about the computations in ABM,
once you fail to analyze the given statement — everything is already wrong.

"FABM, Business Ethics and Business Math for day one?" I can't believe our
schedule. Lahat ng mahihirap ay unang-una pa talaga.

Natulala na lamang ako habang binabasa ang mga dapat kong i-review. Sath looked at
me and offered me an assuring smile.

"Goodluck, you'll do good for sure." Sath kissed the top of my head. Kakatapos lang
namin mag-review sa study hub.

"Yeah, of course." I faked a smile.

Not.

I don't know how to put everything in my head! I was so nervous that I'll fail.

Bago kami umuwi ay bumili si Sath ng nuts at dark chocolate para raw paguwi ko ay
may kakainin ako habang nagr-review sa madaling araw. He advised me to take a rest
first. Mas gumagana raw ang utak kapag may pahinga at kapag umaga. I beg to
disagree. Inaantok ako sa umaga.
"Matulog ka na pagkauwi, okay? You can review tomorrow. Don't force yourself too
much. Please." Sath's voice was laced with concern.

"Yup!" I nodded at him.

Even when I was already at home, I still reviewed some notes I have for the
subjects I'll take tomorrow. Hindi ako nakatulog at pinilit ang sarili na matapos
lahat ng binabasa ko.

I just didn't want to fail. Ayoko magkaroon ng pagkakataon na bumagsak kaya naman
nag-review pa rin ako kahit pagod na ang mga mata ko.

It was a freaking wrong move.

Kinabukasan, during the exam itself I was dazed and sleepy. I took coffee before
going to school but it failed me.

Wala akong tulog.

Wala akong pahinga.

"Zafi?" Gio gently shakes my shoulder.

"Huh?" tumingin ako sa kanya. The exam is about to end. Unti-unting pumipikit ang
mga mata ko kahit na pilit ko itong dinidilat.

"Are you okay?" he murmured, his eyes scanned me. “You just seem..”

"Yes? Yes. Bakit?" My head's spinning. I can't focus on anything.

"Tapos na ang exams," Gio said.

"Okay." I was still not in my proper state.

I sighed lethargically as I rested my head on the my desk. Umiikot talaga amg

paningin ko.

At least I answered my exams well, right? The all nighters was worth it.

Not at all.
The results were out. Halos lahat ay may ngiti sa kanilang labi. I even saw Ria
thanking someone because she got some answers from that person.

Bakit gano'n?

"Shit shit shit." I wanted to crumbled my paper into pieces.

Ang dami kong mali! The thing was, iba ang nakuha nilang mga sagot sa sagot ko!
Lahat sila naka-balance pero saakin hindi!

"Napagpalit mo ba 'yung accounts?" mahinahon na tanong ni Gio.

"Hindi ko alam!" my breathing hitched, I can't breath. Shit. I can't breath

properly.

I was shaking vigoriously. I can't hold my papers well. Nanginginig pa rin ako sa
sobrang takot. Takot na baka hindi na talaga makakapasa.

A sense of panic was taking over my body.

My head's hurting. Napakagat ako ng labi ko. This was a major exam. This determines
what we learned during the 1st grading and I freaking failed?!

Ria strode towards me and peek on my paper, when she saw my scores — a grin
immediately appeared on her lips. She pretended to cover it with her hand but I
could see the mockery on her eyes.

"Tanga, sinong bobo kaya makakakuha ng 16 out of 50? Ang bobo lang." Ria laughs.

My lips parted and immediately look at her. She mockingly smirked at me while
flaunting her score. It was 45 out of 50.

I was okay. I am okay.

I'm sweating so I decided to get my towel but someone got my attention.

"Si Zafirah, ang baba sa FABM. Top 1 'yon?" someone laughs.

I...

"Hindi kaya kumopya lang siya nung grade 11?"

I didn't...

"Kagrupo ko 'yan dati nung grade 11. Mayabang 'yan tapos di naman pala talaga
matalino."

I'm not...

"Tumatawa siguro ngayon si Stacy. Totoo nga 'yung sinabi niya, puro yabang lang si
Zafirah."

I don't know why but everyone didn't have a face anymore. All of them have blank
expressions but only judgement can be seen in their eyes.

"Hey, Zafi..."

"What?!" I yelled at Melay. Melay was taken aback.

"Z-zafi..."

"Bakit ba?! Ano ba 'yon?!" I was trembling.

Melay tried to laugh it off but her worried expression tells otherwise.

"Sino nag-english, bakit dinudugo ilong mo?"

What...

"Zafirah!"

『••✎••』

"Stress and over fatigued can cause someone to faint and get a nosebleed."

Nagising na lang ako na ang tanging nakikita ay puting kisame. There was also a
curtain, I decided to move it. My prediction was right, I was at the school's
clinic.

My eyes darted towards the doctor's desk. Someone was talking with the doctor, I
couldn't see the figure well because my vision is a bit blurry. I decided to close
it shut and open it again to see who it was — it was Sath.
"Will she be okay?"

"Resting will do. Kulang lang talaga siya sa pahinga, Hijo."

"Thank you po."

I decided to get up and lean on the wall. I can see Sath talking to the school's
Doctor. When Sath saw me, he immediately frowned at me. There's a look of
disappointment.

He probably heard of my scores, huh?

My lips quivered as my heart begun to race.

Bobo na rin ba ako sa paningin niya?

"Zafirah, get some rest." Nakapamulsang lumapit saakin si Sarathiel. His expression
was also blank.

The blank stares — reminds me of everything. Napayuko ako, I gathered the remaining
strength I have to breath properly.

He returned the curtains from it's original position, so we can have a little
privacy.

I laughed.

I fucking laughed.

"Bobo na rin ba ako sa paningin mo, Sarathiel?"

"What?" his eyebrows furrowed, there was confusion all over his face.

I knew better, though. Tulad ng iba, bobo na rin ako sa paningin niya.

"I'm stupid, huh? I'm the lowest in our class. I freaking failed my major exams.
The awards and medals I used to get are not really for me." I was beginning to feel
so small again.

I wonder where it all started to crumble down. Where did I go wrong? Did my own
expectations clouded what's real infront of me? I just wanna know...
Wala na ba akong mararating sa buhay? I know I'm probably overthinking but for
someone who used to get all the praises? I feel like I was at the buttom.

"Calm down, Zaf..." Sath tried rubbing my back but I pushed him away.

"How can I calm down when I'm already failing?!"

He exasperatedly sighed.

"Makakabawi ka pa."

The lumped on my throat only gets bigger. My sobbing gets more loud as I try to
express how I really feel.

"Major exams 'yon, Sath! Major 'yon! Anong mababawi ko?!"

"Zafirah, 1st grading pa lang. You still have 3 gradings — a fucking semester to
get it back." His calm voice makes me feel he's tired of me.

He's tired, huh?

"Pagod ka na ba saakin?" my voice suddenly cracks.

"No..." his hands cupped my face. "Of course not."

"Pagod na ako, Sath. Sa lahat." Unti-unting tumulo ang mga luha ko.

"Take a rest—"

"I need a break..."

Natigilan siya, he looked at me with widened eyes. I could feel his trembling hands
on my face. I'm sorry, Sath. I really do feel like I'm only a burden for you.

"S-sure, let's go somewhere else during weekends—" I hold his hands that was
cupping my face.

I gently removed it away from me.

"I need a break from everything, Sath."

This was too much for me. Pagod na ako. Pagod na rin siya. Everything was just too
tiring. Hindi ko alam kung paano kami magtatagpo sa gitna — when both of us are in
the verge of giving up.

"T-that's good. I'll make sure to help you for your n-notes during the time you're
away..." Sath was avoiding my gaze all this time.

Umiling ako.

He knows what I want.

He just keeps avoiding it.

But avoiding doesn't ease the pain — It only prolongs it.

Napayuko ako at sinandal ang ulo ko sa kanyang braso.

"Pagod na ako, Sath."

In a hoarse voice, he whispered.

"Please don't be tired of me..."

Napatingin ako kay Sath. I have never seen him this desperate before. Ngayon ko
lang siyang nakitang halos magmakaawa na.

"Zafi, please don't do decisions when your emotions are like this."

"Pagod na pagod na ako," my tears are already on his polo shirt.

"Ikaw lang ba?" his hoarse voice reveals how tired he was.

"See? We're both tired of this." I smiled despite of how emotionally exhausted I
was.

I never blame Sath. I just don't think he deserved me during this time. He deserves
to be with someone who's emotionally stable.

"Pagod din ako, Zafirah pero hindi kita sinusukuan." Namumula na ang gilid ng mga
mata niya.

Huminga siya nang malalim.

"Do I have to beg for you not to give up on me? Because...I will. I will fucking
beg if I had to." He looks at me, almost pleading.

Umiling-iling ako.

"You don't deserve to beg for anything, Sath. You deserve everything good in this
world." I rested my forehead to his.

Right now, I'm not even good enough to understand my current situation. I don't
want him always compromising because of what I lack. A relationship works with two
people — a single person cannot always carry the relationship.

"I'm not in my best state, I'm not even good—" he cut me off.

"Fuck, Zafi. You think I really care about that? Did you think I only loved you for
your best traits? Did you think my love for you was that shallow?"

He sounds like he was betrayed. I shook my head. Tumingin ako sa kanyang mga mata.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

I know what's the best for the both of us. We're both hurting. We're both trying to
avoid this. We're both tired. We probably need to rest from each other.

"Zafi, it's only been weeks since I told you not to break my heart..." hurt was
evident on his face.

"I'm sorry..." My eyes can't form any tears anymore. Naubos na gaya ng lahat ng
lakas ko.

"I love you...more than 3000." He looks at me, waiting for my answer.

There was only silence.

He knew. He knew the answer from my silence.

I removed the bracelet he gave me during Valentine's. It felt like something part
of me was being remove — it hurts and it stings.

I gently handed him the bracelet. I could see the betrayal in his eyes. I forced
him to take it by putting it in his palm.
"I don't deserve to be part of your life. I don't deserve your heart. I don't
deserve you at all."

I saw how hurt he was from hearing those words from me.

"Zafi..."

For the last time, I tried to smile.

"Let's break up."

I immediately got up and went out of the clinic. I left him behind, I can't see him
like that. I can't see him hurting because of me.

Pinunasan ko ang mga lumandas na luha sa aking mga mata. My heart was pounding so
hard against my chest. Sa sobrang sakit ay halos hilingin ko na lang sa langit na
sana'y wala na lang akong puso — so I don't have to suffer this excruciating pain.

"You know, there's a reason why the heart and the mind are in different areas of
our body."

I halted from walking when someone spoke. Napalingon ako, a guy with grey eyes was
leaning towards the wall beside the clinic.

His hands on his pockets as he looked at me. Binigyan niya ako ng isang ngisi.

"When you make bad decisions, who do you hold you accountable, Ate? Is it your
heart or your mind?"

The weird guy only shook his head.

"You can't mix your heart and your mind at the same time. It's fucking chaotic.
Choose one to follow so the next time you fuck up your decisions, you know who's
accountable."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 29 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 29

I couldn't breath— was that possible? For you to lose your reason for breathing
even if you were alive?
Bobo. Tanga. Mayabang.

The hurtful words were just words on the surface but they were like knifes plunging
into my skin— it was marking my every being.

My eyes welled up with tears as I try to keep swimming in the vast space of
loneliness — but I was already drowning. It was already too hard for me to keep up.

I was so lost.

This wasn't the Zafirah I know. Where did she go? I was so strong before...

What happened?

Why did it hurt so much to be alive?

Kung hindi ako matalino, wala akong kwenta. This was the greatest thing about me —
without it, who am I?

I sat down in one of the benches of Bonanza Area. Mahangin. Mahamog. Wala na ang
araw.

No one would know if I was gone tomorrow.

"Zafirah,"

I look up to the person who called the name that was so unfamiliar to me. I was
Zafirah, the future topnocher in the CPA board exams — but right now I was just the
broken Zafirah, the nothing Zafirah and the useless Zafirah.

"Kamusta?"

My tears immediately flown down from my face. I broke down and cried until I
couldn't even see anymore. My vision was so blurry and I was holding tightly on my
own skirt.

"Nak, usap tayo? Gusto mo?" lumapit si Ms. Cynthia saakin. Hinagod niya ako sa
likod.

Umiling ako. She has her own problems. I don't want to burden her.
"Sige lang, nak. Kung hindi ka pa handang mag-kwento, nandito lang ako. Sasamahan
lang kita." Ms. Cynthia didn't leave my side.

Iyak lang ako nang iyak.

"Zafirah, noong unang kita ko sa'yo— alam ko na magiging successful ka pagdating ng

panahon. You were strong— so strong that some of your classmates even hesitated to
talk to you," mahinahon niyang pagkukwento.

"But Zafirah, just because you're strong it doesn't mean you can't be weak. Just
because you keep raising your head doesn't mean you can't cry. Tao lang tayo,
Zafirah. Napapagod, natatakot, nasasaktan, nalulungkot pero kinabukasan ay
babangon."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. I wiped my own tears using my hands.

"Naniniwala ka po bang makakabangon ako?"

Ngumiti siya sa akin. "Alam mo ba bakit kahit deadline na, tumatanggap pa rin ako
ng mga pinapapasa ko sa inyo kinabukasan?"

Umiling ako. Akala ko ay dahil ito sa mabait lang talaga siyang Professor.

"Kasi naniniwala akong hindi natatapos ang buhay mo sa isang araw. May bukas pa.
May susunod pa sa bukas. Nakakalungkot Zafirah kung ang buhay mo ay hindi mo na
bubuksan sa panibagong bukas."

"Ms. Cynthia, bakit ang hirap naman nito? Bakit ganito 'yung grade 12? Parang lahat
ng achievements ko noon...Mga papel at mga biniling medalya lang pala sa bangketa."

“That's not true, your achievements are the fruit of your hardwork.”

Lumamlam ang kanyang mga mata at nagpakawala siya ng isang malalim na hininga.

"Pagdating mo sa college, you'll have to strived harder. Hindi lahat ng bumabagsak,

hindi na nakakabangon. I believe in you, Zafirah." Ms. Cynthia was looking at me.

I tried to smile again.

"Sana pala, Ma'am. Lahat ng iniyak ko sa'yo noong grade 11, inipon ko na lang para
sa grade 12."

"Baliw," she flicked a finger in my forehead.

We were both there. She was just listening to my muffled cries. I was just trying
so hard to forget everything.

Kinabukasan, I was summoned by our Professor.

My heart was racing, alam ko naman ang rason bakit ako pinatawag. I know it is
because of how my grades were failing. Hindi ito grades ng isang honor student.
It's even below average. Nahihiya akong pumunta sa faculty ng mga ABM teachers.

"Sorry, Sir." I muttered upon reaching Sir Castro's desk.

Bumuntong hininga siya. "I know your score for the previous exam is not good, Ms.
Sanchez."

"S-sorry po talaga, sir..." I was ashamed of how I performed during the exams.

Nagtuturo naman siya nang maayos. I just couldn't focus on his subject even if I
wanted to. Sobrang hirap ako magkaroon ng focus dahil marami akong iniisip sa iba
pang subject. It is not his fault but everything falls upon me. Ako naman talaga
ang may kasalanan bakit ako bumabagsak.

"This is the main reason why we detached ourselves from grade 12 students. Unlike
grade 11, we are here to bid your goodbyes." Tumingin saakin si Professor Castro,
our adviser and FABM Prof.

Nagulat ako nang abutan niya ako ng isang papel. It was a paper with his name on
it. Luma na ang papel at mukhang matagal na ito dahil sa tinta ng ballpen.

It was Mr. Castro's test paper. May nakalagay itong score na 5 out of 60.

Napaawang ang bibig ko at tumingala ako sa kanya.

Mr. Castro was the best teacher for FABM and also a CPA topnocher. Pero nagkaroon
siya ng ganitong klaseng score noon?

He gently tapped me on my shoulder. A smile was plastered on his face as he showed

me his old test paper.

"Don't get discourage, kid. Your scores don't determine your worth as a person. Sa
tingin mo ba hindi bumagsak 'yung mga pumasa sa CPA board exams sa ibang exams
nila? Of course not, because failure is part of success."

Nagbabadya na namang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Tumawa si Mr. Castro at ngumiti sa
akin.
"Balang araw, tatawanan mo na lang na umiyak ka sa mga ganitong klaseng bagay. Sa
kolehiyo, tres lang sapat na. Kaya huwag mo masyadong dibdibin ang mga nakukuha
mong scores ngayon."

"Salamat po talaga, Sir..." I was so grateful.

Words are so powerful, it can either destroy you or make you. That's why you should
carefully know whose words should you listen to.

"Your mental health is also important, Zafirah. Take care of it."

Mental health.

I forgot about that — rather I took it for granted. Nakalimutan ko itong

pahalagahan dahil hindi naman ito madalas pagusapan. I focused more on what others
might think about me and forgot about how I think of myself.

Tumango-tango ako.

“Here,” may inabot siya sa akin. Tiningnan ko naman ito. It was a piece of paper
with a contact number on it.

“Call your parents,” he softly said. “Tell them how you really feel. It's not too
late to open up.”

I decided to do it. My fingers were shaking as I press each number written on the
paper. Iniisip ko palang ang dismayado nilang mga tono ay sumasakit na ang dibdib
ko.

“Hello? Anak?” sumalubong ang boses ni Papa.

I...cried.

Puno ng pait ang bawat hagulgol na lumabas sa aking boses. Lahat ng kinimkim ko ay
bumuhos na parang bagyo. I could feel him panicking on the other line.

“Zafirah? Anong nangyari? Anak?”

“Pa, I failed...” namamaos kong sabi. There was silence on their line. Pumikit ako
nang mariin.

I know others might think failing is just part of education but for someone who
always excels in their academics, this was a huge thing for me. It meant everything
for me.

“Okay lang 'yon, anak.” he assured me. “Kain tayo sa labas sa sabado. May gagawin
ka ba?”

“P-po? Pero b-bumagsak po ako...”

“Edi para sa unang bagsak ng anak ko!” humalakhak siya sa kabilang linya.
Nangingilid ang mga luha sa aking mata.

“Anak, huwag mong iisipin na hindi namin gusto na matataas ang grado mo ah.
Pinagmamalaki ka nga namin e. Pero hindi rin naman ibig sabihin na ganyan ang mga
scores mo sa school ay 'yan lamang ang mahal namin sa'yo...”

The heartstrings of my heart were tugged. Unti-unting napawi ang bawat kirot na
nararamdaman ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. Narinig ko ang buntong hininga sa
kabilang linya ni Papa.

“Zafirah, sobrang proud ako sa'yo. Walang mababang grado ang makakapagpabago no'n.
Anak kita e, at syempre bilang ama mo dapat alam ko na ginagawa mo naman ang lahat.
Huwag mo kaming masyado alahanin...”

“Sorry, Pa...” I lamented.

“Okay lang 'yon. Mahal ka namin. Huwag mo na masyado isipin 'yon. Kain na lang tayo
sa labas, luluwas kami sa sabado para sa'yo.”

I broke down. Nanghihina akong napaupo habang umiiyak at nakikinig lang sa kabilang
linya si Papa. All this time I feel like I was disappointing them but all they ever
thought was me spending more time with them. Akala ko noon kapag nakapagtapos ako
ng may karangalan ay ibig sabihin no'n isa na akong huwarang anak para sa kanila.
In the end, all I had to do was be a daughter to them. Spend more time with them.

“S-sige, Pa...” I wiped the tears away and decided to genuinely smile as I rest my
head on the wall. “Kakain tayo sa sabado.”

That day, I started to be more calm and collected when it comes to receiving my
scores. Kapag mataas, edi thank you. Kapag hindi, edi next time babawi.

It wasn't easy, it didn't happen in a snap of a finger. It was step by step, little
by little but I'm moving forward.

My friends also helped me in recovering myself. I surrounded myself with positive

energy. Natuto na lang din ako ng art of dedmatology. Wala naman akong mapapala sa
kanila.
I also had my own way of coping with my own thoughts.

Ilang araw ang lumipas matapos ang mga pangyayari na 'yon. I don't see Sarathiel
anymore in our campus. It was funny how we would always see each other when we were
still together, ngayon naman ay parang pinapamukha na magka-iba talaga kami ng
strand dahil hindi man lang kami nagkakasalubong.

I was at the G Hall while watching my blockmates practice a roleplay for our 21st
Litt. Umiinom ako sa tumbler ko nang may tumawag ng pansin ko.

"Zafirah," I saw Czanne walking towards me. Her smile didn't changed at all. It was
the same sickening fake smile I always wanted to get rid off.

"Yes?" I calmly asked, inaalala na nagbabagong buhay na ako.

"Can we both talk?"

"Sure." I nodded. Umusog ako para makaupo siya sa tabi ko. She sat down beside me.

"You broke up with Sath?"

"Did you just go here to ask that?" lumingon ako sa kanya, salubong ang mga kilay.

"I was making sure it was true," she cleared her throat.

"Oo. We broke up."

Her smile fades as I spoke those words. Nakita ko kung paano unti-unting naging
seryoso ang mukha niya.

"Can you take him back?"

What?

Kumunot ang aking noo sa kanyang sinabi. Ilang beses ko itong pinaulit-ulit sa
aking isip. She wants us to get back together?

"Aren't you supposed to be happy that we're already broken up?" seryosong tanong
ko. She was one of the reasons why we almost had a fight.

I just don't get her.

"I love Sath to know who he really needs. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, kung may
mamahalin man si Sarathiel at hindi ako..." she breaths deeply, mukha siyang
nagpipigil ng pag-iyak.

"I...will support him. I'm smart enough to know my worth. I really wanted to like
you for him, Zafirah. I tried. I really did." Her eyes were staring at me.

I could feel her hatred for me. Nanunuot ito sa aking balat. It was as if she's
really trying to make me feel it. Gano'n na lamang ang kanyang galit sa akin.

"The only reason I did those things behind your backs because I thought you didn't
deserve Sarathiel. I saw how you acted when the two of you are facing problems,
Zafirah. Tumatakbo ka lang, not minding if Sarathiel will get hurt. You're selfish
and immature, that's why I hated you." I saw how she clenched her fists.

I understand her. I hate myself before too. Ilang beses na sarili ko lamang ang
inisip ko noon at hindi man lang inisip ang mararamdaman ni Sath. Yet, I'm trying
to become a better version of my past self. I don't want to be hated for what I am
before because clearly I'm not the same person anymore.

"I really hate you." The Czanne who always looks calm with her smiling facadé is
now gone. She was openly stating her hatred for me.

"I want Sarathiel to love someone who would love him equally, Zafirah. Akala ko ay
kung ipapakita ko sa kanya na kaya ko siyang mahalin higit sa pinapakita mo...I'll
win him over." She smiles, I can taste the bitterness in her tone.

“Pero ikaw e, kahit anong gawin mo ay ikaw talaga 'yung mahal niya...” her eyes
blink a few times and she smiled painfully.

"But seeing him lose himself because you gave up on him on his most vulnerable
state? May puso ka pa ba?"

I didn't know how to answer. I could just feel how heavy my heart was and how cruel
I am for doing that to Sarathiel.

She was right. I was immature and selfish. At some point, I didn't think like an
adult when it comes to facing our problems. All I thought about was myself...I
didn't want to get hurt — because no one really does like to get hurt.

Sarathiel was willing to risk getting hurt just to be with me. I was only there for
him during the days where happiness is abundant.

"Please just take him back. I love him to know that if he has you...he'll p-
probably be okay."
"Czanne..." Umiling-iling ako. "I'm sorry. Mahal ko pa rin si Sarathiel pero hindi
pa ako handa."

The wounds are still open. The pain is still there. I'm still trying to mend
myself.

"I feel bad someone like Sarathiel had to be in love with the likes of you," she
said through gritted teeth.

"I love him enough to become desperate like this, what about you? Palagi na lang ba
si Sarathiel ang maga-adjust para sa'yo?" She stood up, eyes criticizing me.

"Czanne..." I looked at her with sincerity. "That's why I can't be with him right
now because as you said, I'm still immature. I wanna be with him when I'm matured
enough to handle a relationship with him."

I was young and this is my first relationship. I wanted to be a better version of

myself for Sarathiel. I just wanted to become deserving of his love.

It will take time before things will fall into places. I will use that time to heal
and become someone deserving of Sarathiel. Hindi 'yung parang ako lang ang palaging
swerte sa kanya.

If Sath and I continue our relationship, masasanay kami sa gantong set up.
Masasanay kaming nagtataguan ng problema — until it's too to late to take away the
toxic in it.

She heaved a breath. Ramdam ko ang panghihinayang sa kanya.

"Zafirah, you'll realize what you lost when it's too late. "

I only smiled at her."It wouldn't be considered lost if it was mine in the first
place."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 30 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 30

This was the kind of heartbreak I was trying to avoid. The kind that just wrecks
you inside and you can't even do anything about it. It immobilizes you from moving
on.
Pumikit ako nang mariin. Ang mga tinig ng aking mga kaklase ay unti-unting nawawala
sa aking pandinig. I slowly opened my eyes. All of them are slowly turning into
mere shadows. All I can see is just the list plastered on the whiteboard.

This was what I wanted, right?

Memories was surging into me. The thing about memories, it makes you remember
everything but nothing changes. You can't change it. Hanggang sa alaala na lang
ito. Paalala kung bakit at paano nangyari ang mga bagay-bagay.

Hindi mo na ito mababago.

"Zafirah, congrats." Gio cheerfully tapped me from behind.

Nilabas kasi ang results ng over-all topnotchers para sa first semester. On top of
the list was my full name. Sa average lang kami nagkatalo nang sumunod sa pangalan
ko. I lowered my gaze as I move away from the crowd.

I never thought I can actually redeem my spot. I smiled but I wasn't elated. It
didn't even make me excited knowing I gained back my spot.

It felt empty, like it didn't even matter to me if I was number one or not.

I walked towards my friends. Ipinilig ang aking ulo nang makitang niyayaya nila ako
pumunta sa direksyon nila. All of them also had honors. Pero hindi tulad ko, masaya
talaga sila. I, on the other hand, feel nothing because I realized I have sacrifice
a lot of things in order for me to gain that spot.

Despite the sacrifices I've made, it didn't feel like it was worth it. It didn't
even feel like it was breakeven, it didn't reach the bare minimum. Parang nalugi pa
ako dahil hindi naman ito naging tulay para bumalik ako sa pagiging masaya.

"Adren, congrats din!"

Gio almost hugged Adren, in which made his friend move backwards. Tawang-tawa kami
dahil sobrang clingy ni Gio sa lahat. He was really happy for everyone. He didn't
treat it like a competition. I wonder if that's the reason why he doesn't get
stress often. Hindi niya ito tinitingnan bilang karera namin.

That's probably why I was so supressed by the tightness of my chest whenever

someone gets a higher score than me. Nasanay ako sa tuktok kaya naman kapag
bumababa ako, I feel like I'm being oppressed which actually isn't even true. Each
of us have our own track to follow. I shouldn't compare mine with others because
we have different paths created for each and everyone of us.
Life's not a competition. Stop comparing your track with others. Ikaw lang ang
lulungkot. You have your own track, focus on it.

"Congrats, Gio." Adren gave a smile. "Korean BBQ Resto, tonight?"

"Just what I needed!" Gio exclaimed. Gio was the only one who didn't changed at
all. He was the same bubbly guy I met before.

Adren organized a party to celebrate our achievements for the 1st semester. I knew
better though, it was just a reason for him to get drunk and drown himself in
alcohol so he could forget.

How can I say? Because I'm about to do the same thing.

We went to a Korean BBQ Resto near the seashore. It was really a unique place to
visit. Sa pagkakaalam ko ay nirentahan 'to ni Adren para sa buong gabi. Most of our
classmates went here because it's technically Adren's blowout for everyone in our
class.

"Being eighteen is so fun! Pwede ka na makulong!" Halakhak ni Melay, she was

raising a small cup containing soju.

Ang ilan sa mga kaklase ko ay nagluluto para sa lahat. Not everyone likes the smell
of smoke in their clothes and not everyone knows how to cook. Kaya naman tamang
patay malisya na lamang ang iba sa pagluluto ng karne sa grill.

I rubbed my arms as I look towards the waves splashing across the land outside this
resto. The tranquility reminds me of how gloomy this night is for me. Gaano ko man
pilitin sumaya, hindi ko ito magawa.

It was really cold here. Mabuti na lang at naka-longsleeves sweater ako which is
slightly tucked in into my high waist denim jeans.

I drank on my cup too. Rumehistro sa lalamunan ko ang lasa kaya agad akong
napangiwi. It didn't really taste like alcohol to me but it did had an effect.

The song was blasting while some of our classmates were dancing along, pretending
to be kpop idols themselves. Of course, not everyone was allowed to drink. We're
young adults now, we should drink responsibly and moderately.

Wala akong masyadong magawa sa loob kaya lumabas ako para magpahangin. I wanted
some air.

As I was walking, I saw a familiar figure and it was Adren. Drinking alone while
looking at the moon.
Nakaupo lang siya sa buhangin. I decided to tag along. A lonely night for two
people.

"Mind if I join?" I asked him, raising my soju. Pumuslit kasi ako ng isang bote, I
was already legal anyway.

He only gave a small smile.

"How can you always smile despite everything?"

"Smiling doesn't mean I'm happy, Zafirah. I thought of all people, you're the one
who knows that the most." he was playing with the bottle of soju from his hand.

"She probably had her reasons..."

These past few days were also hard for Adren. I saw how he chase over Arrisea who
kept on pushing him away.

How can someone who's so in love with you pushed you like that? I know she has a
reason...

She couldn't possibly get over him in a span of just a few days.

Kasing kung nagawa niya 'yon, I wanted to know how...

I want to know how to forget someone you've love...

“Arrisea probably still loves you...”

I saw how he stiffened when I mentioned her name. Nanatili ang titig niya sa bote
ng soju habang unti-unting tumango.

"She also had plenty of reasons to stay, Zafirah yet she still choose to leave.
Even if she only had one reason to stay, if she really loves me — she'll fucking
stay. Ewan ko pero ganun kasi ako. Kahit na isang putanginang rason lang para
manatili ako — mananatili ako." Adren looked to me, his eyes darkened.

I cleared my throat as I averted my gaze somewhere else.

"M-malay mo natakot lang siya...Natakot na baka wala na palang kahahantungan

pagmamahal niyo..." I didn't know why my heart was beating so fast.
I heard him chuckling even if it sounded humorless.

"Are we still talking about Arrisea or are we talking about you? Because both of
you are so fucked up. You can't fucking make someone so in love with you and leave
them for your own convenient."

He knows what happened between me and Sath. I guess everyone who knew me knows
about it. Noon ay halos hindi kami mapaghiwalay ni Sath kahit pa iba ang strand
namin sa isa't isa. We always find ways to give time for each other. No matter how
busy he was — he will be there for me.

"Sometimes people need to have a break for them to find what's their own worth." I
said, justifying what happened between me and Sarathiel.

"Hindi ba pwedeng kasama mo siya sa paghahanap mo sa sarili mo?"

Hindi ako makasagot sa tanong niya. He chuckles, sarcasm was dripping in his tone.

"Did you even ask him? Hindi? Gumawa ka lang ng desisyon para sa sarili mo?"

"I thought it would be for the best..."

"Gaano ba kahirap magtanong, Zafirah?"

I guess, he was right. I never considered how Sarathiel would feel.

"If he really loves me, he'll wait for me."

It made my throat constricted.

"What if he doesn't?"

I didn't have a response for that. It was possible though, maaaring hindi na niya
ako mahihintay. I'll get hurt for sure but I'll be happy for him if he found
someone who will make him more happy than how I used to.

"I'll be happy for him. If he finds comfort in another g-girl while I wasn' there
for him...I'll try to be h-happy..." My voice cracks.

"In the first place, I was the one who left and gave up. Kaya magiging masaya ako
para sa kanya." I said, my heart swelling with emotion.

He tried smiling but failed miserably.

He slowly stood up. Pinagpag niya ang buhangin na dumikit sa kanyang damit. I
watched him try to tidy himself.

"Enjoy your night." I knew he didn't want anyone to accompany him from his tone.

He slowly walked away but I decided to tell him my thoughts before he drift from my
sight.

"Adren, you still don't know her reason..."

I was hoping that if Adren and Arrisea can still find the love that they've lost
then maybe...Just maybe...Sath and I still had a chance.

He halted from his track and decided to turn around to face me.

"You know what I learned tonight, Zafirah?" his eyes were glistening in the dark.

"Maybe we should just stop doing the right things for the wrong people."

I could hear my heart being crushed by those words. I knew I was one of those
people.

"Stop taking people for granted just because you know that one fucking call — they
will be at your fucking doorstep. Hindi lang ikaw ang napapagod, Zafirah."

Adren left me there and I realized how much hurt he was to say those words.
Usually, he's emotionless and tries to fake his emotions too much.

Maybe, he was right. At some point, susukuan ka rin ng taong mahal na mahal ka.
They will grow tired of you too and you don't have any right to blame them because
you know you were the reason why they got tired.

I was so devastated that night, I decided to befriend every soju bottle I could
find. Bumalik ako sa resto at uminom nang uminom.

Ginawa ko itong parang sprite lang. Kahit na ilang beses na akong pinigilan nila
Gio. Even Melay was giving me a huge slap on the back just for me to stop. Pero
walang nakapigil. No one can really stop a broken person from trying to forget.

Hindi ko iniinda kung gaano ito kasakit sa ulo, I wanted to get drunk so that I
could sleep without crying. Diretso tulog na kaagad.
"Zafi, tigil na. Ginawa mo ng sprite 'yan. Hindi 'yan softdrinks, oy." Gio was
reprimanding me.

"Hi Giorgi! Sabi ni Pennywise." I giggled, micmicking the scene from IT.

I feel my cheeks burning. Ang init din ng pakiramdam ko. I want to take my long
sleeves off.

"Ihahatid na kita," seryosong sabi ni Gio. He was about to lift me when I shook my
head.

"Magagalit boyfriend ko!"

I yanked myself away from him.

"Ulol, wala ka ng boyfriend."

"Heh! Meron kaya!" I pouted like a child who was defending her imaginary boyfriend.

Bumuntonghininga si Gio, he even massaged his temples as he looked over for

something.

"Tawagan mo si Clary kung ayaw mong ako ang mag-hatid sa'yo. Ikaw na lang natitira
rito. Isipin pa ng mga magulang ko, syota kita." Ngumiwi siya.

"Ayaw mo, Giorgi? Maging syota ako?" I rested my head on the table. Pinaglalaruan
ko na lang din ang tira-tirang lettuce.

No one was left but me and Gio. Ang iba ay maaga umuwi samantalang may mga nauna
nang umalis. I was just stubborn and Gio who have no curfew is the one trying to
let me go home.

"ABM ako kaya alam kong malaking lugi kung sakali. Gusto mo ba ng financial
statement kung bakit lugi ako kung sakaling jojowain kita?"

I knew he was capable of that. Gagawa talaga siya ng ganun para lang ipamukha
saakin na hindi ako worth it maging jowa. Ganyan 'yang si San Pedro, sobrang
nakakapikon.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Di rin naman kita jojowain!"

"Tawagan mo na si Clary!" he groaned impatiently.

"Okay okay, chill ka lang." My head's spinning. I tried to grab my phone from my
pocket.

Clary was on my speed dial. So I decided to press one number which I'm sure saved
her number on my phone.

"Clary! I'm drunk." I giggled.

"..."

I frowned at her silence. Usually, she'll scream at me for disturbing her beauty
sleep. Pero ang tahimik niya ngayon...

"Clary, pasundo ako. Ayoko sumabay kay Gio, ayoko siya maging jowa." I pouted while
raising my middle finger to Gio.

Gio had his arms crossed and he was looking at me as if I just did the most
horrible thing in the world.

"..."

"Clary? Clary?" I chanted.

"Saan ka?"

The voice made me feel numb. Pero agad ko itong winaksi sa isipan. It's impossible
for him to answer my call.

"Sino 'to? Bakit lalaki ka na, Clary? Kailan mo pa nakita ang tunay mong kulay?"

"I'm gonna hang up—"

That made me panic. Whoever this is, siya ang maguuwi sa akin. It's not like I
don't trust Gio but I really don't want him to take me home. Magkakaroon ng isyu sa
klase.

"Wait, I'll send you the address. You're so impatient. Kaboses mo pa ex ko,
kakainis."

He has the same sardonic tone that Sath usually uses when he's talking to someone
else or trying to piss me off.

I hang up and send my address to that number. Tumingin ako kay Gio who was
supressing his laughter.

"Oh God..." I saw how Gio's lips rose in amusement.

"Bakit?" naningkit ang mga mata ko.

"Wala, wala." He shook his head. "I just think this will be a very long night for
you."

Bumalik ako sa paghiga ng aking ulo sa lamesa. I could still hear the familiar
korean song playing on the videoke.

"Goodnight, Giorgi..." my eyelids are being heavy so I decided to close them.

Ang tagal naman ni Clary.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 31 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 31

I could feel the throbbing pain in my head. Gio was talking to someone when I
opened my eyes...a familiar silhouette of a person caught my attention.

My vision was a bit blurry, kinuskos ko ito upang maging malinaw. I only saw
someone wearing a plain white shirt and black jeans.

"Is she asleep?"

"Nagtutulog-tulugan lang. Hoy Sanchez, gising na. May dalaw ka." Halakhak ni Gio.
Lalo lamang naningkit ang mga mata ko.

I tried to stood up but I can't walk in a straight line. My legs are getting weaker
each step I took, napasandal tuloy ako roon sa kausap ni Gio.

His scent was fresh mint. The way it hit my nostrils feels oddly familiar.

"Si Clary?" I asked, weakly.

Umiling si Gio. "You didn't call your cousin, Zaf."

"Gago, sino tinawagan ko?" my eyes are still half-open.

Napatingin ako sa sinasandalan ko. I almost vomit when I saw who it was.

"Shit, kamukha ng ex ko!" I laughed loudly. Even Gio was laughing. See? Kamukha nga
ni Sarathiel!

The guy slackened his jaw. Agad na kumunot ang kanyang noo. His arms were across
his chest. He really reminds me of Sath.

Do I miss him that much that I can even see him on other people?

"Really now?" the guy muttered sarcastically. It's funny because they sound the
same too.

"Ang cutie lang," I beamed at him like how I used to Sath.

He was caught off guard. Naningkit ang mga mata niya. Ang sungit naman nito! He
reminds me of my first meeting with Sath.

I saw Gio smirking before he spoke. "Can you carry her? Do you still need help?"

"Hindi na, kaya ko na siguro siya. Thank you, Gio."

The guy carried me in a piggyback ride style. Natawa lang ako dahil kahit amoy ni
Sath ay kuha niya. I think I'm being delusional right now, is this an effect from
soju?

I could tell that the guy was being careful with his steps. Sinusundan kami ni Gio
dahil nakikita ko pa rin siya sa gilid ko. He was biting his lower lip, halatang
nagpipigil ng tawa.

When the guy who looked like Sath gently lay me down on the shotgun seat of a car,
I saw Gio taking pictures which immediately made me frown.

"Ano 'yan?"

"Mga larawan bago ang sakuna," halakhak ni Gio.

"Send mo saakin bukas." Hagikgik ko. Umiling-iling si Gio.

"Baka mapatay mo ako nang wala sa oras."

The throbbing pain on my head kept on reminding me that drinking beyond my limit is
a bad decision. Who made soju taste so sweet any way? Ang traydor ng tama.

"Ingat kayo mga dudes. Sarathiel, I trust you. Paki-uwi nang buo." Gio said and
closed the door of the car on my side.

I saw the guy nodded at Gio then he went to the driver's seat beside me. He started
the engine after the door of the car was closed. Narinig ko pa nga ang pagsara niya
rito.

The AC made me feel cold but the atmosphere was definitely colder. Did Sath had a
car? I remember him saying he'll take a driver's license test...

Ilang minuto kong pinanood ang bawat pagdaan namin sa mga poste ng ilaw. It was
offering me a sense of light in this night. Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko sa driver. He
was serious as he maneuvered the car.

I pouted while examining his features. "Kapag nakikita kita, nam-miss ko jowa ko."

Nauntog ako sa headrest ng shotgun seat dahil sa bigla niyang pag-preno. Medyo
nagising ang diwa ko kaya tumingin ako sa kanya.

"May dumaan na white lady," he said which made me widen my eyes in shock.

"Buti hindi mo nasagasaan." I said, unconsciously.

He exasperatedly sighed as he lower his head. Ibinalik niya rin muli ang tingin sa
kalsada at nag-drive na ulit.

Patuloy lang siya sa pag-drive habang ako ay nakatingin lang sa kanya. He was
serious even it was too dark to see his full face. All I can see is his expression.
He was frowning at something.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niya, lalo na sa kanyang pulso. A familiar bracelet was on
his wrist.

"May ganyan din ako...Pero stethoscope..." I mumbled while looking at his bracelet.

It was the almost the same bracelet I once had...Pero iba 'yung pendant niya, it
was a calculator.

He didn't say anything but he looked like he wanted to say something.

I can't help but reminisce because of him. I miss Sath so much. Pero hindi pa ako
handa. I still think I'm not capable of loving him when I'm just a wreckage.

"I hope he gets to eat blueberry cheesecake whenever he feels sad..." ngumiti ako
at sinandal ang ulo ko sa may bintana ng kotse.

Lumandas na naman ang mga luha galing sa mga mata ko. It was probably the alcohol.
Now I know why people get drunk when they have problems, so they can blame
everything on the alcohol.

Inabutan ako nung lalaki ng tissue nang mag-pula ang traffic lights. Natawa naman
ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Even his gestures are like Sarathiel's!

Inabot ko ito at agad na pinunasan ang mga luha ko. This was a gesture of
Sarathiel. He always gives me tissue whenever I cry or even provide his own
handkerchief.

"You remind me of my ex!" I said, tilting my head to his direction.

"I am your ex," sarkastikong sagot niya. I pretended I was shock.

"Lasing lang ako pero di ako bulag! You don't look like Sath! You look like a
shadow!" A blurry shadow!

A shadow that looked like my ex. I laughed to myself. Wala kasing ilaw at hindi ko
maaninag ang buong mukha niya.

The traffic light turned green and he went to another direction. He stopped over a
nearby cliff. Walang masyadong tao at halos bakante ang daan.

I stiffened at his sudden movement.

Wait, itatapon na ba niya ako sa bangin?

I wasn't expecting him to lean forward to my face and I held my breath when he did.

His long lashes, brown eyes and perfect jaw made me realized that he really was
Sarathiel. He was right infront of me.

My Sath...

I feel like tearing up.

"Do you believe me now?"

"Sarathiel?" my voice came out as weak.

Unti-unti na namang lumandas ang mga luha ko. I feel like there are always onions
around me. Palagi na lamang akong umiiyak. I always cry at the smallest thing.

He stopped the engine and opened the lights inside the car. He leaned towards his
seat as he closed his eyes.

"Let's talk," humugot siya nang malalim na hininga.

I was about to speak when he decided to drop the bomb first.

"I wanna forget you."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang may sumaksak sa dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
Halu-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Siguro dahil sa alak. Pero sa
tingin ko ay wala naman na akong tama.

Sadyang masakit lang ang nabitawan niyang mga salita.

"I fucking loved you, Zafirah." he lowered his head and gently shakes it.

"I loved you more than myself, more than anyone, more than everything," sabi niya
sa nagsusumamong boses.

"I really just want to say I love you." Namumula ang gilid ng mata niya, his voice
hoarse.

"I don't even expect you to love me the same way. I don't even expect anything from
you at all..." his voice was cracking as he say those words.

I don't know if it's the alcohol on my system but I can feel my entire body being
weak. My emotions are also stirring inside me.

I cupped his face as I planted kisses on his lips. I just want to take away his
pain - the pain I caused him.

"Sorry..." I said along with the kisses, even if my tears were touching his cheek I
couldn't careless.

He didn't respond to any of my kisses.

I could taste how salty my own tears were because I was kissing him on the parts
where my tears touch him.

He gently pushed me away.

"You're drunk..." pumikit siya nang mariin. "I just wanted to tell you how much I
love you but..."

This time, he was the one who cupped my face. His touch made me feel a different
sensation like something is tingling inside of me.

"Nakakapagod kang mahalin, Zafirah."

I didn't know Sarathiel can hurt me like this. He was always different when it
comes to me. He was gentle, kind and loving. I know he can get sarcastic and
cold...

I just didn't expect he can be like that to me.

His eyes were misty. Parang ilang minuto na lamang ay may lalabas na rin na luha
mula rito. He gently shook his head as he rest his forehead on my shoulder.

"You know, you remember that you gave me a handkerchief..." napapaos niyang saad.

"Yeah..." I was catching my own breath. "I did."

Parang ang hirap huminga. Pinipiga ang puso ko habang kausap ko siya. He has all
the reasons to feel this way. I left him when he needed me the most. I feel like
I'm accountable for every pain he is feeling right now.

"I wonder if you also knew what it meant if you give someone a handkerchief as a
gift."

My shoulders were wet. Umiiyak si Sath ngayon. Sa aking mga balikat. He is crying
because of me. Lalo lamang ako nagkaroon ng dahilan para mahirapan huminga.

"They say, gifting a person you love a handkerchief would mean that one day they
will wipe away their affection for you..."

It only gave me more reasons to feel guilty. It was a random gift. I didn't know
any meaning behind it. Sath slowly went back on his position. Namumugto ang kanyang
mga mata.
"I'm sorry..." aniya.

"This will probably be the last time..." his breathing was deep. "This will be the
last time because I'm gonna forget everything about you..."

So this is how it feels like when someone was ripping your heart from your entire
body. This is how it feels like when you're still fighting but the game was already
over.

So this is how Sath felt when I gave up on him.

I smiled painfully and nodded my head.

I understand, Sath.

"Okay," I told him with utmost sincerity and averted my gaze. "Sorry ulit, Sath."

Bumalik na siya sa pagmamaneho hanggang sa makauwi na ako sa aming bahay. I watched

as he never turned back and went away with his car. I went directly to my room and
let myself fall on my bed as I hugged my pillow and let it drain my tears.

So this is how he felt when I said those words to him. All I ever wanted was to
lessen the pain, but it only tripled it. Akala ko noon ang OA ng mga tao na umiiyak
dahil sa pag-ibig, who would have thought I would end up like them with the same
painful reason for my tears?

Masakit pala talaga.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 32 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 32

It was as if time stopped but it wasn't the truth. Hindi dapat umiikot ang mundo mo
sa isang tao. Hindi titigil ang ikot ng mundo para sa'yo.

You really just have to move with the flow of your life.

It sounded so easy but change is never easy — because if it was then why do some
people refuse to change? Why do people still cling to their past just to avoid the
inevitable change because the present is preparing for the future? Mahirap iwanan
ang nakaraan at nakasanayan.
I looked at the red tea that I was drinking. Unlike last year, this tea was more
flavorful. Mas magarbo rin ang ilan sa mga decorations na ginawa nila para sa taon
na ito. I roamed around my eyes and saw that everyone prepared well for this event.

Nagtatawanan kaming mga ABM 1 students sa classroom nang makita ang mga costume
namin. It was the traditional halloween party for University of Jeanne D'Arc bago
mag-undas break.

I was wearing a tigress clothing which consists of a body hugging top and buttom.
My hair was curled and I have stripes on my cheeks. I was also wearing make up that
makes me look a bit more fiercer.

This was a huge contrast to my previous costume last year. Ang mga costume kasi
namin ay naging bunutan para raw mas may thrill. I knew better, they just wanted to
manipulate Gio's costume since last year he didn't attend the annual halloween
event. Ngayon ay gusto nila itong pagtulungan sa magiging costume niya.

"Saan ka na, Pennywise? Kailangan ko pa bang hintayin umulan at pumunta sa

sewers?" Halakhak ni Gio, who was sporting a very familiar yellow raincoat. He was
also holding a red balloon.

Georgie from Pennywise. Of course, people would like to see him wear that. I
laughed and teased Gio. Namataan ko naman ang mga kaibigan ko na papalapit sa
direksyon namin.

"Pechay? Really?" I nudged at Melay who was wearing a pechay costume.

"Yes! Ang saya saya maging pechay!" hagikgik niya. Lokaret talaga kahit kailan.

Hindi na ako magtataka kung bago kami maka-graduate sa school na ito ay susubukan
niyang magsuot ng buong bahay kubo. She was really just enthusiastic when it comes
to vegetables.

Lumabas kami ng classroom at bumaba para kumuha ng mga beverages, since the red tea
was really good. Lumapit sa akin si Melay at may binulong sa tenga ko.

"Pagkatapos daw nito may party sa club nila Daphne."

My forehead creased. Daphne? I don't remember any person. Agad akong lumingon kay
Melay para tanungin siya tungkol dito.

"Invited tayo?"

She slowly nodded her head.

"Lahat ng seniors or grade 12 may access. Apparently, it's also a tradition that
only grade 12 students know."

Kaya pala last year ay halos mga grade 11 lang ang mga nakakahalubilo ko noong
halloween party. There was another party for grade 12 students. Probably a more
wild one than the event done in school.

Nagtagal kami sa school hanggang 7pm lang dahil pumunta kami sa club na kung
tawagin ay Les Gens. It was a half hour ride away from school. Nakarating kami roon
ay medyo marami ng estudyante galing sa UJD.

My eyes roamed around the area. It was a simple hang out place. Hindi talaga siyang
club. I feel like it is really made for our age. Pero parang hindi rin dahil sa mga
alak na nakikita ko kahit nasa labas pa ako.

A lot of LED light signs with different statements welcomed us. Nakapalibot ito sa
bawat pader na makikita ko. Maraming nagpapa-picture rito, it was indeed good for
instagram.

When we entered inside, the nightclub was spacious and very neat. May open
dancefloor sa gitna habang may DJ sa pangalawang palapag kung nasaan ang terrace.
It offered a good ambiance.

"Bigla akong nahiya sa costume ko," umawang ang bibig ni Melay nang makita ang mga
costume ng nasa dancefloor.

All of them were definitely looking for hook ups. The costumes they had were all
very revealing. Meron ngang lalaking naka-hubad at tanging maong pants lang ang
suot, obviously to flaunt his body.

"Pechay ka pa, girl?" pangaasar ko kay Melay.

Pumunta kami malapit sa may bartender. I saw Arrisea and she was wearing a staff
uniform, she immediately beam when she saw us.

"Zafirah!" she called us. So, she's working here?

"Hi, Arrisea. Kamusta?" I smiled at her. Matagal na kaming di nagkikita, since she
and Adren are not speaking with each other anymore.

She smirked. "Maganda pa rin. Ikaw?"

"Okay lang," I laughed at her confidence. I miss talking to her because she's so
carefree.
"Caitlyn!" may yumakap sa likod ko. When I turned around to see who it was — I
don't know who she is!

My eyes went wide in bewilderment. Hindi ko alam kung prank lang ba ito o ano dahil
ang higpit ng pagkakayakap niya sa akin.

"Cait, nagpalit ka ng costume? Hinahanap ka ni Zy..." the girl was mumbling.

"Sorry?" I asked for pardon since I don't know what she was talking about.

Umiling-iling si Arri. "She's not Caitlyn."

"Huh?" mukhang naguluhan 'yung babae at sinilip pa muli ang mukha ko.

"Oh my! Sorry, akala ko si Cait..." she looks shocked upon seeing me.

I smiled and shook my head.

"Sorry, I don't know any Cait..."

I didn't really participate much when it comes to this year's extracurricular

activities and my attention span is very limited. Wala akong matandaan na Cait.

"You look like..." she trailed off. Namumula na siya at halatang lasing na. She
dismissed us and walk to another direction.

Bumuntong hininga si Arrisea at may inabot sa akin na mango shake. She was
preparing it while the girl was here. I immediately thank her and took a quick sip
on the shake.

“You're a bartender?” I curiously asked. Agad naman umiling si Arrisea.

“No, I just do drinks for fun. Wala pa kasi ang bartender para sa shift na ito.
Pero may isa pa namang bartender sa second floor kung gusto niyo talaga ng alak,”
she dismissively said while wiping the drinking glass on her hand.

Napalingon ako sa babaing yumakap sa akin kanina. She was clearly looking for
someone in the crowd. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Arrisea nang tuluyan na nawala
ang babae sa paningin ko.

“I thought it was a prank, may hinahanap pala talaga siya...” I mumbled and took
another sip on my mango shake.
Bahagyang nagkibit ng balikat si Arrisea. She continously wipe the drinking glass,
not even sparing me a glance.

"That's Monique from STEM. Hindi ka siguro aware pero may kamukha ka raw sa strand
nila."

I blinked a few times before looking back at Arrisea.

Kamukha? Sa STEM?

I slowly licked my lips as I consume this skewed information.

I decided to take a break from being consume by academics for a month. Ilang beses
akong nag-decline ng quizbees at umuuwi kaagad ako pagkatapos ng klase. It was my
way to move on and heal my broken system.

Of course, I still do my part in groupworks but my participation is minimal compare

to how I usually do. Hindi na ako masyadong nag-mamagaling.

That being said, I didn't have any time to meddle with others. Lalo pa sa mga hindi
ko ka-strand.

Kaya halos wala na rin akong balita sa ibang strand dahil sa mismong strand ko ay
nagpapahinga ako sa mga kaganapan.

"Kamukha?" paguulit ko, I wanted to make sure I heard it right.

"Yup, pero hindi naman. Para sa akin ha. She's just someone who kind of resembles
you just because..." Arri trailed off. Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin.

"Di ko siya kilala." I shook my head.

"Same. Pero matunog ang pangalan niya sa STEM dahil..." she looks at me then bit
her lower lip.

“Nevermind, puro lang din naman tsismis ang alam ko.”

I was curious though, hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi niya tinuloy ang kanyang
sasabihin. I wanted to prompt her to tell me more.

"Arrisea! Libre mo naman ako!" may umupo sa tabi ko. It was Gio who was clearly
already drunk.
Wala na ang lobo niyang kulay pula at mukha siyang nalugi. His shoulders were
slumped. I wonder who made him have this kind of mood.

"Sige tapos bayaran mo bukas." Ngumisi si Arrisea.

Tumango-tango si Gio na parang bata. "Okay! Thank you!"

Iscalade who was with Gio also sat beside us. He was wearing a spiderman mask,
hinubad niya ito at ngumisi saakin.

Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. He was just a friend of Sath but I feel more guilty.
Napansin naman niya ako kaya agad niya akong binati.

"Kamusta ka, Zafi? Long time no see! Kung hindi pa kita nakita ngayon ay iisipin
kong iniiwasan mo ang STEM building!"

He was chuckling. Pero duda ko ay alam niya na totoo ngang umiiwas ako sa STEM
building. The break up made me feel awful whenever I think of the STEM building.
Hindi tulad ng mga gamit na pwede mong itapon o ipamigay, hindi mo naman pwedeng
ipagiba 'yung building na hindi iyo.

I smiled at him to conceal the guilt on my face.

"I'm sorry, I got really busy these days..." I replied bashfully, still trying not
to have any eye contact with him.

"Iscalade, nandiyan na girlfriend mo!" Gio tapped Iscalade on his back.

Luminga-linga si Iscalade.

"Dude, saan?"

Aalis na dapat si Iscalade sa upuan niya nang bigla siyang huminto at tumawa nang
malakas.

"Gago, wala akong girlfriend!" biglang na-realize ni Iscalade.

We all laughed because of that. Si Gio naman ay napasalampak ang ulo sa lamesa.

"Gusto ko na ng girlfriend!" Gio said while wiping his eyes.

"Ba't ka umiiyak?" nangaasar na tanong ni Iscalade.

“Bwisit kasi kayo, kapag kayo nasasaktan naghahanap kayo ng ibang babae. Mga bobo!
Edi lalong aayawan kayo ng mahal niyo.” Gio hissed at Iscalade who looked taken
aback. “Hindi niyo ako gayahin, nasasaktan man, sa kanya at siya lang ang
makakagawa sa akin no'n...”

The sudden outburst from Gio made us all laugh. Hindi alam kung ano ang hugot sa
buhay niya. We don't even know if he really has a girl or what.

“Tinanong lang kita kung bakit ka umiiyak, bakit ka naman nag-open forum sa akin?”
Iscalade cackled.

"Iscalade! Ano ba 'yan nagkakalat ka ng lagim dito." may babaing lumapit saamin.
She has an apple cut hair and very authorative voice.

She was frowning at Iscalade who looks happy to see her.

"Naiara! Bakit mo ako hinahanap? Miss mo ako? Crush mo talaga ako, no?" hagalpak
ang tawa ni Iscalade. Naiara raised her dirty finger at him.

"Where's Philo?" Gio asked all of the sudden. Iscalade only smirked at him.

"Pumunta ba? Di naman 'yon papayagan..." there was something laced on his voice.

"Iscalade, tara na. Magpapaturo ako mag-gitara. Nasa stockroom daw 'yung mga
instruments," yakag nung babae.

"Hoy, Naiara. Duda ako sa stockroom na 'yan." Iscalade frowned at her. Naiara only
wriggled her nose.

"Edi huwag!"

Iscalade went off in his seat. Agad niyang sinundan 'yung babae.

"Di ka naman mabiro! Tara na nga basta sa labas kita tuturuan ah."

The girl rolled her eyes.

"Akala mo naman talaga interesado ako sa'yo!" she huffed.

"Sinabi ko bang interesado ka sa akin? Ikaw nadudulas ka na. Aminin mo na lang

kasi," Iscalade laughed.
The two of them are bickering with each other. They could be a cute couple if they
wanted to. The smile on my face vanished. I fidget my fingers to distract myself
from going to the memory lane.

"Reminds you of old times?" Gio asked.

My gaze went to Gio who had his gaze on me. Seryoso ang kanyang titig sa akin. His
eyes fell when he notice my expression. Concern was written all over his face.

"Sath and I are more mild, I think?" tumawa ako nang maalala ko kung paano kami
mag-asaran ni Sath.

Unlike Iscalade, Sath always made me win arguments with him. Hindi ko ito
napapansin noon pero ngayon na inaalala ko ay natatawa na lang ako.

He always let's me win. He always let's me get my way. He was clearly selfless when
it comes to me.

Siguro ngayon ko lang talaga napagtantuan na masyado akong naging makasarili

hanggang sa dulo. All of my decisions were clearly only favorable to me.

I regret it now because I could have done better. Para sa akin at para kay
Sarathiel. Pero hanggang doon na lamang 'yon. Natuldukan na ang aming pagmamahalan.
Even if I wanted to go back, Sath already moved on from me. I should do the same.
Kahit pa gaano kasakit ito para sa akin.

Uminom ako sa mango shake na binigay ni Arrisea. This didn't taste so bad. I could
survive the whole night with just this drink.

"Kakanta raw si Cait!" may sumigaw galing sa kumpol ng mga tao.

The name caught my attention. My eyes darted on the girl who was called as Cait.
Natigilan ako nang makita kung sino siya.

A petite girl went to the small stage below the DJ's booth. Kumaway-kaway pa siya
habang tumatawa. She's wearing an angel costume.

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ang kabuuang mukha niya. She's morena but has
chinky eyes taliwas sa mga mata at kutis ko. Pero kung may pagkakahawig man kami,
siguro kapag naka-sideview siya o kaya'y nakatalikod.

Ang kumpol ng mga tao ay naghihiyawan dahil sa kanya. She was waving her hand
towards that direction, para siyang artista.
"Go Cait!"

"Caitlyn! Itayo mo ang STEM strand!"

"Cait! Ang ganda mo! Swerte ni Sarathiel!"

The name rendered me speechless. Ilang beses ko itong pinaulit-ulit sa utak ko. My
mouth fell as I can feel my insides being twisted. Hindi ko matanggal ang
pagkabuhol-buhol ng mga ito.

What the fuck?

Napalingon ako sa sumigaw. It was a group of boys who was nudging, pushing or
clearly teasing Sarathiel who was laughing while holding a plastic red cup.

All this time. He was here. Sa ilang linggo na hindi ko siya nakita, I could feel
the trail of nostalgia rising to my heart. The same brown eyes, wavy brown hair and
grin made my heart jump out of it's ribcage.

He looks good...and happy.

Nandito rin pala siya. Umiling ako sa sarili ko, of course he is. He's also a grade
12 student like you. He also wants to experience the most of it.

Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Pero bawat kabog nito ay parang sinusuntok ang
dibdib ko sa sakit. I should be happy seeing him finally having no burden anymore.
He can finally be happy.

"Okay, I'll be singing a song for you..." she was blushing and she looks at a
certain direction.

It was the direction where Sarathiel was. Hindi ko alam bakit sumikip bigla ang
dibdib ko. Of course...He's with someone new. Kahit na parang ang bilis naman
'yata.

A sense of emptiness rolled through the pit of my stomach. Parang nawalan ako ng
gana sa aking mango shake. I looked over Cait and she was smiling widely.

May nag-abot sa kanya ng isang gitara. She started strumming it and when she starts
to sing, her soft voices make everyone feels like they're in love. Just like a
cliché movie scene, everyone stopped to hear her sing.

In the back of my mind, bakit ko iniisip na sana ay sintunado siya? That isn't
nice. Wala akong karapatan na isipan siya ng masama.
"All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop," she sings like an angel. It was
Officially Missing You.

Para bang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko. It's okay, Zafirah. Don't be someone who
eats their own word.

Hearing her sing was torture. Unti-unting natatanggap ko na ang totoo nang makita
ko kung saan siya nakatingin.

After singing, she went Sath. The two of them looked so close. She was whispering
something to Sarathiel. Mas matangkad si Sath sa kanya kaya naman lumuhod nang
kaunti si Sath para marinig niya 'yung binubulong nung babae. Unlike to Czanne,
Sath clearly entertains her.

I sighed as I shook my head. Stop it, Zafirah. It's not like you weren't the one
who wanted a break up. This is the consequence of your decision.

You also clearly told yourself you'll be happy if he found someone new. He deserves
it. He deserved to be loved even if it's by someone else. He deserves to love
someone — even if it's not you anymore.

I tried looking at them, trying to numb the pain that I'm feeling. Tinitigan ko
talaga sila para masanay na ang puso ko. Pero habang tumatagal ang tingin ko ay
lalo lamang ako pinanghihinaan ng loob.

I did say I'll be happy but I never said I won't get hurt. Masakit pa rin pala
talaga.

"I wonder why people fall in love even if they'll only get hurt in the end..."
napalingon ako kay Gio na nakatitig saakin, pity on his eyes.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"Some love are worth the pain, Gio. They're worth getting hurt for. You only know
it's real when you feel pain."

The reality and the truth that Sath and I are already over.

He playfully shook his head.

“For some reason, I agree...” bumuntonghininga siya. “There are different kinds of
love in this world, Zaf. Pero may mga pag-ibig na hindi mo kaya bitawan kahit
nasasaktan ka na — and you know it will be better to just let it go but you'll stay
because in the back of your mind, you just know it won't work with anyone else. ”
“Do you have someone you like?” tanong ko kay Gio. Agad naman siyang lumingon sa
kanya. He gave a smile, full of anguish.

“I have someone I love, Zafi.”

“Did you already tell her?” lumambot ang aking tingin sa kanya.

“Yeah,” he slowly nodded his head. “I think she already knows but she acts
oblivious to it.”

My jaw dropped. Agad na hinagod ko ang likod ni Gio. I didn't know but...

“I'm sorry, I love Sath and I think he's the only person I can love right now.”

Marami nagsasabi na baka crush ako ni Gio dahil close kami. I always dismiss the
thought. Hindi ko makita ang sarili ko na si Gio ang kasama. It will always be
Sath.

Kumunot ang noo niya at agad na lumayo sa akin. Parang nandidiri.

“Alam mo, Zafi. Ako 'yung lasing pero parang ikaw 'yung may tama?” he grimaced.

“You mean it's not me?” I tease, alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi talaga ako.
But I really have no idea who the girl is.

“What the fuck? No? No offense but I don't beat around the bush. If I like someone,
I'll tell her. Di naman ako tulad ng Sath mo na dinaan ka sa pagiging hater —” he
stopped babbling when his lips curved into a pout. “You're lucky you found someone
who's willing to get hurt just to be with you, you know?”

Tumango ako kahit labag sa loob ko na tanggapin na 'yung tao na 'yon ay maaaring
hindi na talaga ako mahal.

I know that and I lost him. Masakit man pero kailangan kong maging masaya para sa
kanya. I looked back and saw that Sarathiel was already gone from his position. Si
Caitlyn kasama ng ibang STEM students na lamang ang natira sa pwesto nila.

I hope you already find your happiness, Sath.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 33 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

 Kabanata 33

"Sana tayo na lang, sana tayo na lang ulit." Gio was micmicking the lines from the
movie.

Binato ko siya ng unan sa mukha kaya napuno ng tawanan ang buong sala.

I rolled my eyes at him as I went back on creating a powerpoint template for our
entrepreneurship presentation.

"Ginagaya ko lang! Ba't ka nasasaktan?!" Reklamo ni Gio habang hawak-hawak ang

binato kong unan.

"Alam mo magpa-pasko pa naman tapos ginaganyan mo lang ako?" nagtaas ako ng kilay
sa kanya.

"Di mo rin naman ako reregaluhan kahit na maging mabait ako sa'yo. What's new?"
ngumuso si Gio.

Nasa bahay kami ngayon at gumagawa ng preparations para sa product proposal namin
para sa Foundation week na gaganapin next month.

I can't believe it's December already. Ang init pa rin kasi sa Pilipinas.

"Alam niyo bakit kaya nanonood lang tayo ng One More Chance? Di natin tinatapos
'tong powerpoint para sa presentation?" tanong ni Bea, who was focused on doing the
ppt.

I felt guilty so I immediately went to her to help her with designing and adding
information for the ppt.

Gio and Melay were really good with reporting and marketing. The rest of our
groupmates are also good with other things such as cooking, doing the financial
statements, and preparing the things we'll use for the event.

I used to think that people are being a free loader when they're not helping with
certain actions needed for our group — hindi ko man lang naisip na iba't-ibang tao
kami na may kalakasan at kahinaan. We all have our differences, we just have to
accept it. Some put so much effort and some are just laidback.

Instead of being piss off because of free loaders, you just might as well use them
for what they're good for. Mapipikon ka lang kasi talaga kung palaging iisipin mo
na dapat fair distribution. May mga tao kasi talaga masisipag sa pag-aaral at may
mga tao naman na talagang makapal ang mukha — but in the end, sila rin naman ang
mahihirapan humabol sa reyalidad na kailangan nila ito matutunan.
"Tapos na ang ppt?" tanong ng isa naming kagrupo. If this was asked by someone to
me before, I'll probably roll my eyes and answer in sarcasm.

That was me before. I was clearly different in a span of a month.

Slowly but surely. I'm trying to change. Hindi man sobrang bilis o sobrang laki ng
pagbabago ay inuunti-unti ko naman ito.

Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, it's the experience who let's you heal
your own wounds and accept your scars.

"Yup!" Ngumiti ako.

"Thanks, Zafirah and Bea! Thank you sa effort!" our groupmate said with sincerity.

The simple appreciation made my heart swell with happiness.

"Dati akala ko sobrang sungit ni Zafirah. Ayaw nga kitang maging kagrupo noon..."
another one commented.

“You always tend to be bossy,” may tumikhim pa.

"Mukha ba akong nangangangat?" I joked.

"Hindi naman. Pero sobrang focus ka kasi sa grades, GC ba. Nakakalimutan mo nang
makisama..."

I didn't get hurt by what he said. Kung dati ay parang balat sibuyas ako sa mga
kritisismo saakin, ngayon ay kinukuha ko na lamang ito para mag-improve ako. I was
trying to help improve my mental health and in order to do that I don't have to
take everything to my heart and let my mind be consumed by it.

There's a reason why the heart and mind are in two different areas of our body.
Minsan dumadaan muna ito sa isip bago sa puso o kaya'y dadaan muna ito sa puso bago
sa isip. Madalas nananatili muna ito sa isang lugar.

Pero nakakalimutan natin na pwede naman kasing pumasok at lumabas ito sa tenga
natin. Piliin lang natin ang mga maaaring manatili sa puso man o sa isip para sa
mas tahimik na buhay.

"Well, I really did value my grades. Of course, I still do. Pero mas gusto ko na
munang i-enjoy na lang. Sa college na lang ulit ako mas-stress." Pagbibiro ko. All
of them laughed at me heartily.
Walang mali sa pagiging grade conscious. But not with the expense of actually
sacrificing your social life because you value your grades too much. Ang grado ay
mababawi pa, pero ang tingin sa'yo ng mga tao ay maaaring hindi na.

It was already our Christmas break but we're still doing something related to our
school. Ganun naman talaga e, pinipilit lang namin na maaga matapos para hindi
hassle sa mga uuwi ng probinsya sa darating na pasko.

"Ade is inviting us. Party daw?" Anyaya ni Gio saakin nang magsimula na ako
magligpit ng materyales na ginamit kanina.

Tumingin ako sa wallclock.

It was already 5pm and almost all of them are already home. Si Gio na lang ang
natira dahil tumulong pa siyang mag-ayos ng bahay.

"Inom? Ayoko."

Gio shrugged his shoulders. "Pwede ka naman hindi uminom. Karaoke lang daw."

After being legal, akala mo palaging octoberfest kung magyaya ang mga kaklase ko o
kaya kaibigan ko ng inuman. Syempre 'yung iba hindi naman pumapayag pero madalas
lahat sila ay game na game.

Hindi naman talaga everyday walwal kapag eighteen ka na. Honestly, I don't even
like the taste of it. May mga kaklase o kaibigan lang talaga ako na sinusulit ang
pagiging eighteen nila, as if they can't drink anymore in the next years of their
lives.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang magtaas ng kilay. "Kakanta ako?"

Masakit man pero matagal ko nang tanggap na wala akong talent. Singing is
definitely not my forte, kahit nga skill ay hindi talaga e.

Humalakhak si Gio. "Alam mo pwede mo namang sabihin na ayaw mo e."

I contemplated if I can ask this. Ade is friends with him. Kaya agad akong umiwas
ng tingin at binatuhan ng tanong si Gio.

"Pupunta ba siya?"

Natigilan si Gio at tumingin lang saakin nang seryoso.

"Nevermind. Bakit ba nagyaya si Ade?" I asked, trying to change the topic. Ano
naman ngayon kung pupunta si Sath? What will I do? Nothing.

"Ewan ko roon? Trip niya lang." kibit balikat ni Gio.

Sa huli ay napapayag ako ni Gio dahil ayoko rin namang maging loner sa bahay. Nasa
probinsya kasi si Tita Clara at ang mga pinsan ko. Pagbalik nila ay saka ako naman
ang pupunta sa Batangas para roon mag-Pasko.

I decided to go with jeans and a white button down shirt. Napatingin ako sa salamin
habang nag-aayos, I applied some mascara and a nude lipstick I always wanted to try
on.

Sa isang KTV Bar kami pumunta ni Gio. Mukhang may nakapagpa-reserve na nga talaga
para sa'min. Pumasok kami sa isang kwarto kung nasaan nandoon na si Ade at ang mga
kaibigan niya. The dancing lights welcomed us as we enter the room.

"Hey," Ade was the one who greeted us.

They already ordered food. Most of them were sizzling plates and grilled seafood.
Siguro ay talagang gusto lang ni Ade ng get together. I saw his friends on the
couches.

Si Iscalade ay may kausap na babae. Sachael was typing on his phone while Cae was
entering the number on the karaoke with Aisha, if I recall her name right.

"Bakit ka nagyaya?" tanong ko kay Ade. Umupo ako pinaka-gilid kasama si Gio.

Agad na kumuha si Gio nung mga pagkain sa lamesa. Wala ngang alak, puro juice lang
ang nandoon.

"States ako sa pasko. Gusto ko lang kayo makita," Ade pinched my cheeks.

I pouted and tapped his hand away. Tumawa naman si Ade.

"Gumaganda ka."

Humalakhak ako. "What the hell? Araw-araw mo ako nakikita noon!"

Since we're on a break, I decided to cut my hair to shoulder length and dyed it
with a lighter shade of my hair. Sabi nga ni Clary, it made my skin look more fair.

"I don't know? You seem prettier or well more okay. You look gloomy before..."
I know it didn't seem malicious to Ade. Sanay na sanay na ito pumuri ng babae kaya
naman walang malisya 'yung pagkakasabi niya saakin.

I furrowed my brows, causing my forehead to crease.

"Geez, did I really look too stressed out before?"

"Yup, anyway order anything you like." then realization came into his face.
"Pupunta pala mamaya si Sarathiel..."

"Oh," I tried to calm my racing heart. "I don't mind."

Sakto namang bumukas ang pintuan. I knew he was coming but it felt like I haven't
seen him for ages when I saw him again.

"Sarathiel!" tawag ni Ade kay Sarathiel na kaagad lumingon para tanawin si Ade.

Sarathiel was sporting a longsleeves polo and pants with leather shoes. He looks
nice.

Our gazes met and locked with each other.

He smiled.

He fucking smiled.

There was no hurt, pain, anger or any emotion on his smile.

It was pure indifference.

But it hurted so bad.

It made my insides burst out. It was stomach churning for me.

How could he hurt me by only smiling?

I smiled back. Kahit labag sa loob ko at kahit para bang may mabigat sa dibdib ko.

It was the only thing I could do for now.

"Did you bring Cait along?" tanong ni Sachael na tahimik kanina.

"Nag-restroom lang saglit," Sarathiel said, shrugging.

I knew I was delusional to think it was false alarm. Of course, Cait was also here.
Sath used to always ask me if I like to tag along with him during events like this.
Iniiwasan niya kasi 'yung nangyari noon sa movie.

Gio suddenly leaned towards me to whisper. "Magpapanggap na ba ako na syota mo?"

I looked at him and widen my eyes.

I laughed at his serious expression. "Baliw! Hindi makatotohanan."

Ngumuso siya. "Sabagay, tap the table three times if you wanna go home. Iuuwi na
lang kita kapag dumating 'yung babae..."

I knew Gio felt guilty but he wasn't responsible for anything. Kahit si Ade ay wala
namang pananagutan. Everyone thinks we've moved on.

I was just stuck with the thought that there's still something. Kahit kaunti
lang...Kahit kapipirangot...Tatanggapin ko.

When Caitlyn entered the room, I knew I should just stop fantasizing about it
anymore.

Her outfit was matching the color of Sarathiel's. She was wearing a shirt from a
luxurious brand, denim jeans and doll shoes. I was watching Sarathiel the entire
time, I knew the way Sath looked at her...like she was a precious diamond among the
rocks.

Of course I know...

He used to look at me like that before too.

I cleared my throat. Tigilan mo na ito, Zaf. You're clearly only hurting yourself
with these thoughts.

I painfully returned my gaze to Sarathiel who was staring at me indifferently.

Masasanay din ako, Sath. But for now, let me hurt a bit. Let me just swallow this
painful truth that I no longer have your heart.
❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 34 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 34

"Cait, kanta ka naman!"

"Anong kakantahin ko?" Cait said, she was sitting beside Sarathiel. Panay ang
tingin niya kay Sath na may tinitipa sa cellphone.

Sath oddly looks relaxed. Ako lang 'yata ang hanggang ngayon ay hindi magawang
mapakalma ang puso.

"Wala na bang pag-ibig." Gio suggested. Nabilaukan si Ade na umiinom ng mango

shake.

"Gagio," I laughed. "Wala na bang pag-ibig sa puso mo?"

Ngumisi siya saakin. "Ako ba, Zafirah? Baka mali ka ng tinatanungan."

Ngumuso si Cait. She really does look pretty. Hinawi niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok
na nagiging sagabal sa kanyang paningin.

"Hindi ko 'yun alam e. Ano pa ba?" Cait asked Gio.

Gio looks up as if he's really thinking. Seryoso siyang bumaling kay Cait.

"Kung ako na lang sana."

Tumikhim si Sarathiel kaya napalingon ako. Kumuha siya ng juice at nilagok ito.

Ngumuso si Cait at umiling. "Hindi ko 'yon kabisado e."

"Ako na lang maga-adjust. Ako na lang kakanta." Boluntaryo ni Gio st kinuha ang
mic.

Nagpanggap pa si Gio na nag-gitara."Tayo na lang dalawa! Tayo na lang magsama!"

Tawang-tawa si Ade kay Gio. "Ang senti ng mga kanta mo, gago!"
"Naku, mas matindi pa rin mga kantahan ni Arrisea!" Gio laughed while shaking his
head.

Humagikgik si Cait. Inabot niya kay Sath 'yung song book. Tumingin lang sa kanya si
Sath.

Sath looks annoyed though. Pinili ko na lang huwag alamin kung bakit. Bakit ayaw
niyang masyadong close si Gio kay Cait.

Imposible namang dahil sa akin. Hindi ko alam bakit naiisip ko pa ito. I shook my
head in dismay.

"Iscalade, pwede tayo mag-duet?" tanong ni Cait kay Iscalade.

I looked over Iscalade. Agad naman na nanglaki ang mga mata ni Iscalade. Tinuro
niya pa ang sarili niya habang nakaawang ang labi.

“Ako?”

Ngayon ko lang napagtantuan na 'yung kausap niyang babae ay si Philomena, she looks
different because her hair isn't braided and she isn't wearing her glasses.

Caitlyn blushed and bashfully nodded her head which made me frowned. Bakit naman
siya mamumula sa tanong ni Iscalade?

"Anong kanta?" bumaling si Iscalade sa direksyon namin. He was too preoccupied with
Philomena.

"Why don't Zafirah choose for us?" ngumiti saakin si Cait. "I wanna get close to
her too."

Hindi ko alam bakit iba ang titig saakin ni Cait. If Czanne has a friendly aura,
Caitlyn definitely knows how to use her charms well.

Gio bit the inside of his cheeks. He looks at me and rolled his eyes. I decided to
go along with it despite of how Gio reacted.

“Go, Zafi.” Gio leaned to whisper. Tumawa naman ako sa kanya at tumingin kay Cait.

"Hate That I Love You?" I blurted out. It was a song I used to really bop into and
the only duet song I remember as of now.

I don't know why but I can feel Sarathiel staring at me. Uminit ang pisngi ko at
medyo bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko, hindi ko alam bakit sa simpling titig ay
bumukas na ang kulungan ng mga paru-paru sa tiyan ko.

Tumango si Iscalade at lumapit na para kuhanin 'yung isang mic. "Gusto ko 'yun!
Nakaka-relate ako!"

Philomena pouted. She looked at me and gave a small smile. Mukhang ngayon lang din
niya ako namukhaan. Of course, I returned the smile. Agad naman siyang yumuko, she
really is shy.

Ngumisi si Caitlyn. "Then we'll sing it."

Nilagay nila 'yung numero sa karaoke at nagsimula na itong tumugtog.

They started to sing when the lyrics appeared on the screen. Mala-anghel talaga ang
boses ni Cait at malamig naman ang kay Iscalade. I didn't know Iscalade can sing so
well. Akala ko puro katarantaduhan lang ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

I hate how much I love you, boy

But I just can't let you go

Parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko. Nakalimutan ko 'yata ang lyrics ng kanta nung
sinabi ko ito. Hindi pa nakakatulong na 'yung ex ko nasa harapan ko lang.

Kukuha sana ako ng juice para matanggal ang pagkatuyo ng lalamunan ko. I felt bolts
of electricity when I touch someone's finger. Sabay pala kaming inabot ni Sarathiel
'yung baso.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay saakin. Bumalik na naman siya sa pagiging masungit. Binitawan
ko 'yung baso at kinuha 'yung nasa gilid, marami pa namang baso.

Nag-huhumerantado na naman ang puso ko kaya naman pinilit ko itong ikalma gamit ng
pag-inom ng juice.

"Restroom lang ako," paalam ko sa kanila. I wanted to take a bathroom break, dahil
siguro sa sobrang dami ng juice na ininom ko.

Tumayo ako at lumabas na muna para pumunta ng restroom. It was near our room so I
didn't really had to ask for where it is.

Naghuhugas ako ng kamay nang may lumabas sa cubicle na pamilyar sa akin. The same
familiar girl made me stiffened on the exact spot.

My eyes widened because it's been a while since I saw her. Hindi naman niya siguro
ako aawayin? I mean, she still had a reputation to maintain. Kahit naman nasa labas
kami ng school, lumilipad ang balita.
"Czanne?" I called her attention. She turned her head towards me.

Umawang ang bibig niya bago siya tuluyang ngumiti ulit. It's her typical smile.

"Cousins. What about you?" mukhang nabasa niya ang tanong sa isipan ko.

I was about to ask her why she was here. Mukhang meron siyang sinamahan na mga
pinsan.

I pointed towards the exit and acted a bit flushed because I didn't expect her to
act friendly towards me. Alam ko naman na galit din siya sa akin. I hurted someone
important to her.

"Niyaya lang nila Ade," sagot ko. "Nandoon din sila Sath..."

Her smile faded and she rolled her eyes heavenwards. Lumapit siya sa isang sink at
naghugas din ng kamay.

"Cait's there, 'no? Kapal niya talaga." Czanne said and it made me frowned at her.

Okay na ba kami dahil si Cait na ang gusto ni Sath? Did her hatred passed on her
because of that? That was kind of absurd, kaya ba siya friendly sa akin dahil wala
na kami ng taong gusto niya?

"May galit ka ba talaga sa mga nagiging girlfriend ni Sath?" I can't help but ask.

She turns her head to my direction and laughs at me. Agad siyang umiling at
binigyan ulit ako ng ngiti.

"You're the only girlfriend of Sath that I acknowledge."

That made my heart fluttered. To hear that once again is heavenly. Pero nasa
nakaraan na 'yon. I shouldn't bring it up again.

"That's in the past. She's his present now." Pagtatanggol ko kay Cait. She didn't
deserve any hate just because she has what Czanne and I both wanted — Sath's
affection.

I didn't want Cait to go through the pain I went to. Mahal ko si Sath, I'd never
want to harm someone important to him.

Her eyes turned to slits. "Manhid ka ba? Bobo o tanga? Baka naman all of the
above?"

"Excuse me?" I wasn't offended but it was quite shocking because Czanne always
keeps her words as mild as possible since she's part of the SSG.

She has an image to maintain.

She sighed exasperatedly.

"I'd prefer a crybaby over a user any day, Zafirah." Pinagpag niya 'yung kamay niya
bago tumingin sa salamin para ayusin 'yung ilang hibla ng buhok na nasa mukha niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya sa akin. Sinong user? Si Caitlyn? She seemed to
be nice. Kahit naman gusto ko si Sath, hindi naman ito dahilan para ayawan ko ang
babaing maaaring gusto na niya.

"What do you mean?"

"She's just using Sath who's being gentle towards her and guess why?"

Hindi naman sobrang init pero pinagpapawisan ako.

Kinakabahan ako sa maaaring sabihin ni Czanne. Baka umasa na naman ako. Baka isipin
ko na totoong meron pa nga.

"Bakit? Is it because..." I licked my lips.

"Yup. It's because the two of you have some similarities. If that doesn't convince
you how crazy Sath is towards you, ewan ko na lang talaga." She got something from
her purse and it was a lip balm.

She applied it on her lips. Sinara niya ito at tumingin ulit sa akin. She looked at
me with regret. Naramdaman ko ang pagsisisi sa kanyang titig.

"I used to think that I was better for Sath than you." She chuckles then smiled at
me with sincerity.

"I'm sorry for everything. This time, no excuses. I'm simply sorry for the things
I've done...I know I can't undo it. I'm sorry if I made you doubt your
relationship...I was just..." pumikit siya bago nagpatuloy.

"I was in love with Sath and I simply wanted the best for him. Being the narcissist
that I was, I though it was me." Para bang may nilunok siyang bato bago niya kunin
ang isang kamay ko at may inabot sa palad ko.
"It was clearly you from the start, Zafirah. It has always been you." Tiningnan ko
ang inabot niya sa akin. It made my eyes welled up with tears.

It was the bracelet with the stethoscope.

"I got it from Sath when he was so devastated that he threw it in the field. Pero
parang tanga lang dahil hinanap niya kaagad ito kinabukasan. I thought that if I
hide it, he'll just give up." She said, reminiscing a certain event.

"Yet he bought an exact copy but with a different pendant, it was a calculator."

Even if it was blurry in my memory, I think I saw the bracelet she was referring
to.

“I'm apologizing because clearly I've done you wrong. You have all the right to
hate me. Pero sana bigyan mo si Sath ng pagkakataon ulit. Sath means a lot to me,”
she muttered each word precisely. “This time, he only means a lot to me as a
friend.”

“He already has someone else, the least that I can do —” she cut me off. Agad
niyang binuksan ang tubig sa lababo upang lumikha ng ingay. Tumigil naman ako at
tumingin sa kanya. She closed the faucet once again.

"Caitlyn isn't in love with Sath. She's trying to use him to get closer to
someone..."

I furrowed my eyebrows because of that. Sino naman? And why would Sath let her do
that?

"Sino?"

"I don't know? I don't care about that girl." She sneered and fixed her hair once
again.

She clearly despises her. Ano kayang ginawa ni Caitlyn para kainisan siya ni Czanne
nang ganito?

Tumingin ako sa hawak kong bracelet. I tried supressing the memories but I fail
every time. Siguro hindi talaga posibleng makalimutan ko si Sath. The only way for
us to both move on is for me to accept the past and do things in the present to
have something in the future.

"Do you think Sath is willing to give it another try?"

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya.

Czanne smiled at me with utmost sincerity.

"It's for the both of you to find out."

As soon as I got out of the restroom. I saw Sath walking towards a certain
direction, kaagad ko siyang hinabol at hinawakan sa pulso.

I always wonder about the past not seeing that I have the present to change the
future.

The chance of changing my future lies here right now. Buong tapang kong pinigilan
si Sath na umalis.

I saw how Sath was taken aback. Nakita ko rin kung paano niya pinilit maging
kalmado.

"Yes?" his voice was hoarse as if he was trying to tame his breathing.

I gave him a small smile.

I intertwined my fingers into his. Nakita ko kung paano natigilan si Sath. I still
have the effect on you, huh? Lalo lamang umaalon ang pagasa sa puso ko.

"I'm r-ready to open up now," my lips were quivering. "Can you listen t-to me being
honest with y-you?"

Pumungay ang kanyang mga mata.

In a small voice, he answered me.

"I thought you'll never ask."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 35 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Warning: tackles about depression.

Kabanata 35
We decided to ditched them and went to a nearby park. Walang masyadong tao pero
hindi naman mukhang delikado. Pinarke niya ito at lumabas kami ng kotse upang umupo
sa isang bench na bakante.

The vague memory of lamp posts made the insides of my stomach churned. It was the
only thing that illuminates light in this night, pati na rin ang buwan na mukhang
manonood pa 'yata sa aming dalawa.

I glanced at Sath who was already looking at me. He cleared his throat and gave a
faint smile.

"Kamusta ka?" he almost stammered, eyes lowering down. He knew I felt uncomfortable
so he opened the conversation. Typical considerate Sath.

"I'm doing better," I responded dryly. "Not good but not as bad either. Ikaw? I
hope you're doing good..."

"Not really," he answers. "But yeah, it's getting better. The days are not always
bad for me."

I'm glad because if he is still broken because of what I did before, kahit siguro
ako ay mahihirapan mapatawad ang sarili ko.

"Thank you for hearing me out." I found the words stuck in my throat but it pushed
through. "I know you have a date but you still..."

"A date?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Caitlyn. Well, you were with her and both of you were wearing a couple's
outfit..." my gaze fell down. I started to slowly rub my hands on my thighs.
Tinatanggal ang kaba na nararamdaman.

"We had our entrep meeting before going to Ade's invitation. We had to dressed that
way because we were trying to find the proper attire for our presentation." He
explained, sighing.

"Oh, I thought..."

"You tend to assume without asking, Zafirah." He muttered sharply. Iniwas niya ang
kanyang tingin sa akin. He was right though, I tend to overthink a lot. I tend to
think things ahead, making the reality distorted in my head.

"I'm sorry..."
"You don't always have to feel sorry for everything, Zaf." He says. Pero lalo
lamang ako nakaramdam ng guilt. If he was angry at me, I would have accepted it.
Pero parang wala talaga silang nararamdaman na kahit anong galit para sa akin.

"I know it's hard to forgive me but thank you, Sath..." namamaos kong sabi.

Sath slowly shook his head. Nanatili ang kanyang tingin sa aking mga mata. In his
brown eyes, I could clearly see my reflection.

"It's easy to forgive you, Zaf. Ikaw lang naman ang hindi marunong magpatawad sa
sarili mo..." his words attacked me with the same intensity of slapping my face.

Hindi ako nakasagot. Para na naman akong natuod sa aking pwesto.

"I got hurt because I was doing everything I can, Zafi. Pero parang kulang. Parang
kahit anong gawin ko hindi kita kayang gawing masaya. You don't even tell me what's
wrong. You don't tell me anything at all. Saan ako lulugar no'n?" bakas sa kanyang
boses ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. Unti-unti siyang pumikit, kitang-kita ko kung
gaano siya nahihirapan sa pag-kwento sa akin ngayon.

My heart sank knowing that I made him feel like this.

How can I forgive myself for hurting someone who have done nothing but love me?
Pero tama siya, I have to forgive myself for the things that I have done before by
changing what I can change now. Wala na akong mapapala sa pagbalik tanaw sa
nakaraan, all I can do is give myself the forgiveness that I deserve.

"I broke up with you not because you weren't enough, Sath." hinawakan ko siya sa
kanyang mga kamay, offering him assurance that it was the truth.

I cupped his face to make him looked at me. Agad naman na pumungay ang kanyang mga
mata nang magtama ang aming mga paningin.

"I just wanted to stop everything, Sath. Gusto ko lang huminga no'n. I also didn't
want you to see me as someone who is..." nangangatal akong tumigil sa pagsasalita.

"My grades were my everything before you came. It was my only validation of who I
am."

I was still young when people planted on my mind that I can't fail. I'm someone who
can't have failures because people look up to me. My relatives would tell their
sons and daughters about my achievements and how they should be like me. It should
feel like they were praising me but it is just masked to seem like a compliment but
the reality is — it is almost a burden to carry everyone's expectations.

I remember everyone telling me that I had the higher chance of being successful in
life because of my grades. Ang swerte ng mga magulang ko dahil seryoso ako sa
pagaaral. My friends are in a good circle because I'm in it and they will be
influence to be good at academics too.

Zafirah is only Zafirah if she has good grades, she is on top and she's always
soaring high.

Kaya nang bumagsak ako sa matayog kong paglipad ay naramdaman ko ang pait nang
realidad na hindi naman pala talaga ako magaling.

And that's okay.

I can't always be best and sometimes I'm not even going to be good. And that's
fine. There are things that I can't control or it is beyond what I can do.

And it's okay.

Nahihirapan ako sa bawat bigkas ko ng mga salita.

"Grade 12 came...and unlike before I suffered a lot from the pressure of being on
top, having good grades and maintaining the image I had..."

The smart and untouchable Zafirah wasn't that great at all...

I smiled bitterly at Sath, even licking my dry lips because I still have a lot to
tell.

I exhaled some air to allow myself to breath. Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga
bago nagpatuloy.

"I just didn't know what to do, Sath. I didn't want to disappoint you and the
judgements I got from those who used to praise me made me feel like shit."

To fail is already a thorn to my heart but to think that I fail everyone's

expectations of me — made me feel like I was struck by lightning. Lahat ng titig at
bawat salitang lalabas sa kanilang mga bibig ay parang kinukuryente ako. I can't
even look at their faces because all I can see is darkness with their thoughts
clouding my vision.

"Bakit di mo sa akin sinabi noon?" malumanay niyang tanong.

Malalim na ang gabi at tanging ang simoy ng hangin na lang ang kasama naming
dalawa. Nakakarinig din ako ng iilang gamo-gamo sa paligid.
"I was afraid you'll judge me because of how I think. Unlike others, my mental
health wasn't as strong as theirs. It just kept on deteriorating..." I forced a
smile.

I remember all the judgements I received because of just a test score in a paper.
Isang papel lang pala ang magdidikta kung magiging successful ako sa buhay.

"Most people would think lowly of those who are suffering from their own mental
health...Hindi naman kasi ito nakikita sa labas 'di ba?" I said, bitterness
dripping in my tone.

I breathed out. Pinikit ang mga mata bago muling tumingin sa kan'ya.

"Sometimes, I just wished that people can see how they can affect someone's mental
health just like how others can see if someone is already harming another person
physically."

If only they knew how others sacrifice their own well being without anyone knowing
that they are already suffering. Kapag nasaktan ka ng pisikal ay maiintindihan ito
ng lahat, you won't be question because of it. But when it comes to your mental
health — excuses are made to make you feel that you shouldn't feel that way. Para
bang mali ka na nakakaramdam ka ng gano'ng klaseng sakit.

But did I want to feel like this?

Did I want to jump into this empty pit of darkness?

I didn't.

No one really wanted this kind of feeling. No one wants to experience this. Pero
bakit parang kasalanan pa namin? Kulang sa pansin, kulang sa aruga — I had to hear
those words just when I needed someone to talk to just so I can get rid of the
thoughts encircling inside my head. It was painful.

"It's all in your head, they say. It's just the way you think...You're too
sensitive...Not everyone would understand how your mind runs your thoughts."
napatingin ako sa langit. Nararamdaman ang bawat kabog ng aking dibdib.

I wanted to pull my hair out of frustration just so I can get rid of the pain I was
feeling inside my head. Gusto ko biyakin na lang ito at kunin lahat ng mga iniisip
ko para tumigil na. Mabuti sana kung hanggang sa ulo lang ito. Yet, the damage
spreads holistically. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even do basic things for
me to live.

Tumingin ako kay Sath. His mouth was half opened like he was processing the things
he heard from me. Agad siyang umiwas ng tingin.
"It made me feel I wasn't the right one for you. You deserved someone who's
emotionally stable and someone who's mentally strong enough to handle a
relationship..."

I can never forgive myself for allowing you to think that you weren't enough, Sath.
Palakas nang palakas ang pagkabog ng puso ko. Para itong tambol na hindi
mapatahimik.

"Everyone keeps on telling people that if you ever felt like you're depressed you
should talk to someone but the reality is — there's no one who's actually willing
to listen. That's how I felt..." My breathing was deep. I know it's hard for me to
open up my thoughts because it was full of darkness and gloom.

I couldn't tell anyone. Ayoko marinig ang mga sasabihin nila sa akin dahil alam ko
naman sa sarili ko na hindi ito normal. Pero natatakot ako sa kanila. I was afraid
that one word from them and things will only get worse because I can't explain why
I was feeling this way. I didn't want to lose them because I have already lost
myself.

Sarathiel was only listening. He didn't dare to move his lips but only stared at
me. I bit my lower lip and gulped before continuing.

"I didn't tell you any of these because I know you have your own problems. I didn't
want to burden you at first...then I realized you just deserved better. So,
after...seeking for help from some professionals..."

I told my parents about it. Luckily, they showed concern and they immediately
helped me find a clinic and a doctor I could trust. Nagkaroon ako ng referral to
see a Psychiatrist.

One of the reasons why I intended to go home earlier than before because I went to
a mental health professional. Siguro para sa iba ay para lang sa mga may sira sa
ulo ang mga ganitong klaseng doctor pero di nila alam na may clinical depression.

Sira sa ulo. I repeated the word in my head and realized how the stigma is real.
How it affects those who want to ask for help. I bit my lower lip to suppressed the
surging of feelings inside my chest.

I was glad I didn't let the stigma stopped me.

It made me realized that there are people who are willing to listen to you. There
are people who had the same situation as you before — being in the dark and
drowning in your own thoughts. They survived. They keep going; they didn't end
their own story. They still believe there are still chapters for them to write.

Some just hides their real mental state because not everyone can afford the
treatment for it and also some people are not aware that it's an actual symptom of
an illness. It's because people treat it like a joke.

We're not romanticizing depression. It's there and it really exists. People are
just not accepting that it's real.

It's hard to accept something you can't see. Lalo na kapag tinatago lang ito ng
isang tao.

Sa tingin nila, gawa lang ito ng utak. Isang imahinasyon. Isa lang itong
pagiinarte. Isang uri ng pagpapapansin.

Sino ba naman ang hindi mawawalan ng gana humingi ng tulong kung hindi ka naman
pala maiintindihan?

Bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko kaya naman huminga ako nang malalim. I breathed out. I
don't want this to distort my mind.

"I wanted to create a better version of myself. Someone worthy of you...Someone who
can also love you...So I needed to love myself first before learning to love
again..."

My eyes are starting to form tears. My breathing hitched as I was trying to look
straight at Sarathiel.

"Alam kong ang sama kong tao...p-para hilingin sa'yo 'to..." my throat was feeling
dry and I was holding the hem of my shirt.

Lumingon ako kay Sarathiel.

There was a lump in my throat. Naninikip ang dibdib ko at para bang sasabog ito
kapag nagkalapit pa kami.

"Alam kong maaaring masaya ka na sa iba...T-tanggap ko naman..."

Hindi siya mahal ni Cait pero maaaring mahal na niya si Cait...

I have to accept it. Pero sa ngayon ay gusto ko lang malaman kung meron pa ba akong
puwang sa kanya. Even if it is as friends, I will accept it.

I was the one who let you go. I was the one who gave you up first. Who am I to ask
for another chance when I broke your heart in the first place?

Clearly, I was a hypocrite.

Pero ayoko na hayaan ang sarili ko na hindi maging masaya.

"Pero pwede bang a-akin ka na lang ulit? Kahit ilang segundo lang? K-kahit ilang
minuto lang? Maramdaman ko lang ulit na m-mahal mo ako?"

Lumandas ang mga luha galing sa mga mata ko. I never asked for anything in my whole
life so badly. Ito lang at siya lang ang tanging kaya kong ipagmakaawa.

He didn't say anything.

Nababalot kami ngayon ng katahimikan.

In his silence...

I think I found my answer.

I chuckled, laughing the pain off. Pero nandito pa rin ang sakit at kinukurot ang
puso ko. Ngumiti ako kay Sarathiel kahit hindi ko siya maaninag dahil sa mga luhang
nakadikit sa aking mga pilikmata.

Yumuko ako bilang pagsuko. Hinayaan ko na lang tumulo ang mga luha sa hita ko.

Maybe he only wanted answers... He didn't want to rekindle our love for each other.
Siguro ako na lang ang tanging umaasa roon.

Hindi ko naman siya masisisi. You don't really want to be with someone who won't
hesitate to hurt you to get away from the pain, right?

Natigilan ako. I look up to him and finally saw his solemn expression.

The same guy who offered me comfort when I needed him the most.

"I never stop..." his hand gently reached for mine.

Para bang napawi nito ang nararamdaman kong sakit. Tatlong salita lamang 'yon pero
para bang unti-unti na naman akong nabubuo.

"You don't have to ask for me to love you again because I never stop..." his tone
was hoarse and he sounded vulnerable.

"Kahit nakakapagod, Zafirah. Ikaw pa rin naman. Sayo lang ako mapapagod pero hindi
kita kayang sukuan."
I cried in his arms that night. Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin, his arms
were enfolded around my body. Mahigpit ito habang unti-unting pinapatahan ako ni
Sarathiel. The night was already dreadfully cold but he offered me warmth. I hugged
him back.

"I love you more than 3000. Thank you for giving me another chance." I told him as
he separates himself from me. Agad niyang pinunasan ang kanyang mga luha.

"I'm sorry if I wasn't there, Zafi." He cupped my face and his finger touches the
trails of tears on my cheeks. "God, I..."

"You're here now," I kissed his thumb and looked up to him, offering him a weak
smile. "And that's all that matters."

"What you feel is always valid, Zaf. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself now,"
niyakap niya muli ako, he buried his face on the nook of my neck.

"I love you, Zafirah. I love you beyond any digit. I love you beyond your demons
and wreckage. I love you even if sometimes you fail to love yourself...." his
shoulders were shaking. "So please don't give on life, okay? We'll get through
this. Not everyday will be okay, scam si yakult. Gago siya."

I laughed at his remark and he examined my face. His eyes softened.

"I'm going to be honest, not everyday will be okay, good or best. We will always
have bad days. But we'll always have tomorrow too. We will always have tomorrow if
we only believe in it." He kissed my knuckles, nangingilid ang mga luha.

"Please be with me there,in our tomorrows. I want you to be there for me. I want to
see you in my tomorrow, Zafirah. I want you to be there." Malumanay niyang saad.

I caressed his face. I love how humane he is. How he can show me that having
emotions are okay. Isang bagay na pinagkait ko sa sarili ko. I thought I was being
overdramatic and I was overreacting if I showed them what I really feel and I
thought keeping what I feel is the right thing to do...

I nodded my head slowly.

"Yeah, life is not always going to be good. But things will eventually get better.
It will eventually be better than today, so let's hope for our tomorrow."

I let myself kissed my happiness. My lips pressed on his lips. Ramdam ang pagiingat
niya sa bawat galaw ng kanyang labi. Kumunot ang noo ko nang maglayo ang aming mga
labi.
"Who told you how to kiss like that?" naningkit ang aking mga mata. Namula naman si
Sarathiel.

"Imagination," he scoffed, his cheeks were beet red.

"What?" I was baffled but laughing.

"Imagination mo ang limit." He chuckled lightly and cupped my face once again.

I was glad that I choose to live for tomorrow and realized the truth that life may
not always be in our favor but it gets better. It will get better soon.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

You're not alone in this fight. You have someone. Please keep going;
https://youtu.be/txJGm6zhiBA

Note: I'm not romanticizing depression. It is a serious mental illness that needs
to have proper treatment. In case you ever feel like this and you have the means to
consult a mental health professional — please don't hesitate. There's nothing wrong
with having yourself check. We are with you. I wrote this to express that not
everyone have the same mental capacity and sensitivity to endure life. Please
always choose to be kind. We all have our battles in life — but it will get better
soon. Soon enough.

Kabanata 36 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

SATH
Kabanata 36

"Sarathiel..." Mom was looking at me while straightening my polo with her hands.

I moved backwards because I feel awkward. Hindi sa ayokong matawag na mama's boy o
kung ano man, I just didn't feel like we were close enough for her to address me
like this.

It was funny because she's my Mom. Under any circumstance, I should be close to
her. Pero hindi naman lahat ng anak ay close sa magulang. It is as simple as that.
I didn't feel any hate towards her but I know I'm not also as filial as any other
child.

“Can I at least see you off to school?” she asked in a small voice. My eyebrow shot
up, hindi ako agad nakasagot sa kanyang tanong.

“Nevermind...” dismayadong lumukot ang kanyang mukha. Hindi ko na lamang ito

pinansin, I grab my knapsack and decided to leave before anything else happens.

I'm not a kid anymore but she still does that. Did she really want to make up for
the times they neglected me?

I was opening the door of the car when my Mom hurriedly went towards me. A hopeful
look on her face makes me feel guilty that I couldn't share the same sentiments
with her.

"Please do tell if I can help with anything, okay?"

I nodded even though it wasn't true. I could never ask her for anything — ayokong
umasang maibibigay nila. I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing, again.

They're trying and I'm grateful for it. Pero hindi talaga ako sanay. All my life up
until now, all they ever do is work. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi, a child
shouldn't be a reason for you to step down from your career.

I was watching a show on my phone while we were on the way to school. I was trying
to divert my emotions from reacting to what happened earlier. I feel awful but
indifferent at the same time. Hindi maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman para sa mga
magulang.

Hinatid ako sa school ng family driver namin. I wasn't allowed to drive but Dad
told me he'll let me choose my own car when I'm already on my legal age, that way
he's sure I'm responsible enough for driving.

Being the good son that I am, I agreed. I never really saw them while I was
growing, it made me feel I don't have a right to disagree with them.

Maaga akong nakarating sa classroom. All of them are almost familiar with each
other since a groupchat was already made prior to our first day.

“Ang layo mo naman sa amin, Sarathiel.” Iscalade hang his arm around my shoulder. A
goofy smile plastered on his face.

“Mas malapit sa pintuan, mauuna ako sa dismissal.” I clicked my tongue out. Sa

totoo lang ay ayoko lang muna sa ingay. I wanted to finished the show that I was
watching, I really didn't want to be bothered by anyone.

“You sure you don't want to sit with us?” tanong niya at tinuro pa ang ilan sa mga
kaibigan namin na nasa iisang linya ng mga upuan. They even reserved a seat for me.

“Tunog mean boys,” I smirked and nudged him. “Nah, I'm good.”
I like being alone sometimes. Mas nagkakaroon ako ng oras para makapagisip-isip. It
is not like I don't like their company, I just prefer not mingling with people.

Hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa upuan at tinakluban ang mukha ko ng hoodie na suot ko. I
like wearing jackets and hoodie because I'm sensitive to cold.

I didn't want to be disturbed so I kept myself hidden from their sight by wearing
the hood of my hoodie. Tinapos ko lamang ang natitirang episode nang marinig ko ang
kaluskos ng upuan sa tabi ko.

I sense someone sat beside me. I was near the door so the person probably didn't
also like cold places.

I decided to check my phone for the time. Binalik ko ito sa aking bulsa nang
maramdaman ko ang titig niya sa akin.

I was dumbstruck.

She looks uptight. Masyadong malinis ang uniporme at naka-ponytail ang buhok na
para bang walang makakatakas ni isang hibla sa pagkakatali nito.

Her cold exterior contrasts her nervous behavior. Kaya naman minabuti ko na
kausapin siya para malaman kung bakit mukha siyang kinakabahan.

"Yes?" I asked, noticing how she was staring at me.

I didn't mean to sound arrogant. Sa katunayan nga ay hindi naman talaga malaking
bagay sa akin ang itsura ko. I'm only considered as good looking because my blood
is mixed.

It wasn't new to me. I did inherit the genes of my supermodel mom. Pero minsan lang
may makakuha ng atensyon ko.

I don't stalk my blockmates but I'll immediately notice her if she was on our
groupchat.

I was pretty sure I wouldn't be this bored if I knew someone like her will be my
classmate.

She looks like someone with wits. I was weak for those type of girls. Sapiosexual
pa more, dude.

"Wala. Medyo kinakabahan lang ako kasi akala ko late na ako." She said, nervously.
I had to stop myself from lifting the corner of my lips.

Cute.

Snap out of it, Sarathiel. Kakakilala mo pa lang sa kanya. I wanted to smack myself
because I can't believe I said that.

"Not really, there's a few minutes before homeroom." I said, maintaining my

composure.

I removed my hoodie because I was feeling hot. Tangina, Sarathiel. Kinausap ka lang
akala mo naman nag-hubad na sa harap mo. Kumalma ka, gago.

"Hey, I'll share something." Lumapit pa siya sa akin na para bang close kami. Medyo
nahihiya man, I also decided to enclose the remaining distance between us.

She sounded almost giddy. Para bang may natuklasan siyang bagay.

Lumingon ako sa kanya. It was a bad idea. I got a closer look of how she looks
like. She has an almond shape eyes, pointy nose and full lips.

I cleared my throat.

"What?" just fucking kill me already. First day na first day pa lang, tinitest na
ako ni Bathala.

"Nag-basa ako ng iilang bagay pagdating sa accounting. Just some basic things to
know," she said and I tried to listen to her. Focus on her voice, Sarathiel.
Makinig ka nang mabuti.

"Ang mga accounts na nasa debit ay assets, expenses at drawings. Sa credit naman
ang liabilities, income at capital. Syempre depende pa rin siya sa transanction
pero 'yun 'yong normal balance nila. I just wanna share it to you 'cause maybe you
also have a few tips?" she enumerated.

My jaw dropped. Ilang beses pa siyang kumurap-kurap sa akin. She was expecting me
to tell her something about accounting too. Tang ina? Anong alam ko roon? Hindi nga
ako nag-advance study dahil galing naman ako sa special science class noon?

Teka, STEM ba 'to? Bakit para siyang ligaw na kaluluwa?

She's speaking jargons from the corporate world. I know because I have friends who
are future stockholders of certain companies.
"Bakit mo ako tinuturuan ng accounting?" I ask, curiously.

She arched an eyebrow.

"Well, I just want to give you a heads up. It could help you in the future.
Obviously, pag-aaralan natin 'yon."

What the hell? She's not from STEM then. Sayang.

I mocked her tone. "Want to talk about Pre Cal?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapuna ang perpektong pagkurba
nito. What the fuck? Lahat na lang ba ng gagawin niya ay maganda sa patingin ko?

"Why would we talk about Pre Cal? ABM naman tayo, that's for STEM." She said,
oblivious that she's not in her rightful class.

"Ikaw lang ABM dito, STEM kami." I smiled, mockingly.

"What?" her forehead creased in confusion.

Ayoko man na mapahiya siya pero habang tumatagal siya rito sa aming classroom, I
feel bad that she might really be late for her real class. Kaya naman sinabi ko na
sa kanya ang tingin ko.

"You're in the wrong room, Miss. STEM 1 'to, you've been sitting on the wrong room
for a while now."

Ilang segundo lang ay mukhang natauhan na rin siya. I can't help my face from
reacting.

She stood up, her face was flushed. I can't help but look at her being shy all of
the sudden.

"Hey," she called Caecelius.

"Po?"

"Anong strand 'to?"

Umiling naman ako sa sarili ko. Ayaw pang maniwala, ah? Mukha ba akong hindi
mapagkakatiwalaan?
"STEM 1 po."

Her face turned into the color of tomato, cheeks almost glowing in red. Agad na
hinanap niya ang gamit niya. She's probably aware of it now. I supressed my laugh.
I wasn't laughing because she's embarassed, it just made me feel like she was
acting cute. The hell, lahat na lang ng gawin niya.

"CR lang ako saglit," she said, it was obviously an excuse. Kinuha niya ang bag
niya at akmang aalis na.

I waved my hands off.

"Ingat ka, baka maligaw ka ulit." I told her and I saw how she stared daggers at
me.

She didn't say her name. I only know her strand. Well, it's not like we're going to
see each other anymore. We have no reason to. Sayang talaga.

“Kaya pala ayaw tumabi sa amin, lalandi naman pala.” Iscalade teased me. Agad naman
akong umiling.

“Hindi, ah?” I denied, drinking on my soda. We were already having our breaktime.
Inikot ko ang paningin ko pero hindi ko na siya mahagilap. Sa laki ng school namin,
I wonder if I'll ever stumbled upon her again.

“Noted na sa first day pa lang uupo na ako sa pinakadulong upuan para instant
lovelife.” Tumango-tango pa si Iscalade na para ba talagang gagana itong sinabi
niya.

It's been months since that happened and I never saw her again.

Hindi naman ako umasa. Pero gusto ko pa sana siyang makilala. It felt weird that I
wanted to know her more. Crush ba ito? Sa unang tingin? I can't help but feel bad
because I wasn't this rusty. I had a few mutual understandings before, pero hindi
mauwi sa commitment dahil sa mga edad namin.

"Pwede ka raw ba maging cameraman, Sarathiel?" Czanne asked me. Tumango naman ako
sa kanya.

"Thank you! Malakas talaga ako sa'yo," Czanne said. I only shrugged at her.

She was my only female friend since junior highschool. Palagi kasi kaming magkasama
sa mga quizbees o kung ano mang paligsahan sa school.
Pumayag ako dahil ako lang din naman nakakaalam ng settings ng DSLR ko. We went to
evergreen garden and was about to start shooting when we saw a group of students
already setting a scene.

"Time natin, ah? May permit tayo..." one of my blockmates said.

May kumausap sa amin na galing sa kanila nang mapansin ang pagtitig namin sa
ginagawa nila. Apparently they're from ABM 1 and they weren't aware of the permit.
Sa dami siguro ng gawain ay nakaligtaan na lang din nilang gawin.

"Anong meron?"

Fuck.

There she goes, effortlessly making me look at her.

She walked towards our direction. She's so beautiful that she deserved a fucking
background music as she walks her way to us. Nakakunot ang kanyang noo.

I smirked because finally I'll be able to ask for her name. We started at the wrong
foot, I hope we can still be friends or more if she wants to.

Walang pilitan, kung gusto lang naman niya. Sino ba naman ako para mag-inarte?

"Zafirah, kailangan pala muna ng permit para makapag-shoot dito. Marami raw kasing
gagamit ng lugar na 'to kaya nag-palagay sila ng permit para hindi magsabay-sabay
at hindi masira 'yung mga halaman," the other guy explained.

Zafirah. Her name suits her strong personality. I like it.

"Hindi ba pwede na gamitin natin kahit saglit lang? Nakapag-make up na kasi si LJ

at saka Heranie." She pointed at the girls who were already dressed up.

So, they already had their set up. Pupwede pa naman siguro kami mag-shoot sa
susunod. Mahina akong tumikhim sa mga kasama ko. I got this, guys. Salamat sa
kooperasyon niyo, ako na bahala.

"Pwede naman, you can just use our permit—" ewan ko bakit ako nagpakitang-gilas.

"Ikaw ba kausap ko? Bakit ka sumasagot?" she rosed an eyebrow.

I was baffled with her sudden attitude. Kitang-kita ko ang inis sa kanyang mga
mata. Anong ginawa ko sa'yo? Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya.

Sungit.

"O puso mo, baka malaglag. Galit na 'yan?" wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya? Bakit
ang init ng ulo?

"Ginawa ka ba ng Diyos para inisin ako?"

Hindi ako sigurado sa paratang mo pero sana ginawa ka ng Diyos para sa akin.

"Brave for you to say na ginawa ako ng Diyos para sa'yo," I told her, supressing a
smirk.

Hindi ko alam bakit parang naging ganado pa akong kausapin siya sa ganitong paraan.
Her annoyance was evident on her face.

The other guy whispered something to her. Her lips parted as she shook her head
furiously.

"What the hell, Gio? Mukha ba akong papatol sa kanya?" she pointed towards me.

Woah, baka kainin mo sinabi mo ah.

My blockmates laughed at her. She was being rude but I was clearly amuse by it.

"Grabe, basted na kaagad si Sarathiel! Payag ka no'n?"

"Okay lang 'yan, Sarathiel! Dami pa namang babae sa mundo na maiinis sa'yo,"

"ABM pala ang hangad ni Sarathiel kaya walang pinapansin na STEM."

She glared at me, as if I didn't deserve to be in her sight.

Easy, kinakabahan na tuloy ako. I really didn't want to piss her off. Kahit na ang
cute niya mainis. I decided to act like it was all cool. Sana lang ay kagatin niya.

"Well, here's the permit. Bigay niyo na lang saamin 'yung permit niyo kapag
nakakuha na kayo." Still, kahit papaano ay gusto kong maging maayos ako sa paningin
niya.

"Hindi na 'tol, nakakahiya—" the other guy was cut off.

Zafirah grab the permit from my hand because she did it instantly, she accidentally
pulled me too.

Our hands touch. I felt a volt of electricity when her skin touches mine. She
withdraw her hand as she glared at me. Mukha siyang bulkan na sasabog sa inis. Ang
pikunin naman nito.

"Permit lang po, hindi po ako kasama." I decided to tease her.

I really want to get close to her but seeing her pissed off face makes my day.

Saan na lang ako lulugar?

"Heh! Akin na nga. I-aabot na lang namin bukas 'yung permit namin. Thank you na
lang!"

Halos patakbo niyang tinahak ang daanan pabalik sa kanilang ginawang shooting
place. Naiwan naman akong tulala at may ngiti sa labi. Hindi ko mapigilan ang
mapatingin sa kamay ko. It was a weird feeling.

Damn, Zafirah. Can't wait to see you again. I should be annoyed because everytime
we meet you're always angry for some reason.

I didn't want her anger and I really didn't want to look like an annoyance to her.
Pero...

I like pissing her off though because that way I know she's feeling something for
me too. Even if it was hate — I'll accept it wholeheartedly.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 37 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 37

"Gloves and hairnet, huwag kalimutan para sa sanitation." Paalala ko sa mga kagrupo
ko.

Paulene nodded her head. "Yes po! Buti na lang kagrupo natin si Gio, sa dami ng
kaibigan niya sa ibang strands di tayo mahihirapan mangdarag para bumili sila
saatin."

It was the week I was waiting for — it was our foundation week. It means we'll be
having stalls for our specialized subjects. Isa lang ang gagawin namin pero halos
lahat ng specialized subject ay involve rito.

We decided that our stall or business should focus on food since it's really easy
to sell it during foundation. Syempre, marami ang takam na takam tumikim ng ibang
putahe bukod sa pagkain na ginto sa mga cafeteria sa school.

"Hi, bukas na po ba kayo?" A Med student based on his uniform asked.

"Hindi pa po," I answered while wearing the hairnet.

Masyado pang maaga.

"Ikaw si Zafirah, 'di ba? Crush ka kasi ng kaklase namin..." the Med student nudge
someone beside him. Kanina pa ito hindi tumitingin sa direksyon ko.

Sasagot na sana ako nang may naramdaman akong presensya sa likod ko. Inayos nito
ang ilang hibla ng buhok na nakatakas sa pagkakapusod ko ng buhok ko.

Sarathiel greeted me. "Morning, Zaf." then he look towards the guys who were
infront of our stall.

"Crush mo girlfriend ko? Bili ka sa kanila mamaya." Ngumisi si Sath sa mga lalaki.

"Ah 'tol, nice..."

"Sige, una na kami."

Umalis na rin 'yung mga lalaki. I can't help but laugh and turn towards Sarathiel.

"Sakitin ka ba? Bakit lapitin ka ng mga magd-doktor?" Sarathiel furrowed his

eyebrows.

"Sayang 'yon, baka di na sila bumili sa amin mamaya."

Sarathiel scowled. "I'll buy their share in your target market for your profits."

"Nice! May alam sa business!" I tease him.

"May Entrep din kami." Mayabang na sabi ni Sath.

I pinched his cheeks and he pouted like a child.

"Manonood ka ng battle of the bands mamaya? Nandoon si Iscalade."

"Malaki na siya, kaya na niya 'yon. Magbabantay na lang din ako rito."

"Ano ka? Security guard? Wala pa kaming kita, di ka pa namin afford."

"I can work for free!" parang ewan si Sarathiel na pinagpipilitan ang sarili sa
stall namin.

"Inggit ka? ABM ka?" pangaasar ko.

He groaned, obviously pissed because he has nothing to do.

"Nope, enjoy the foundation week. Kayo nga 'yung halos walang gawain." I told him.

GAS and STEM are actually the ones who makes the most of it. Ang TVL at ABM ay busy
sa mga stalls na tinayo nila samantalang meron namang film showing ang mga HUMSS.

"Anong oras ba out mo?"

"Morning shift ako e," sagot ko.

Maghahati kasi kami sa oras ng mga kagrupo ko dahil hindi naman buong week ang
pagbebenta namin, halos tatlong araw lang naman.

"So, you're free in the afternoon?"

"Yup. Huwag mo ako masyadong ma-miss." Ngiti ko sa kanya.

"Alam niyo hindi naman matamis 'yung product namin pero bakit maraming langgam?
Baka mabawasan pa tayo sa grade dahil dito." Gio said, while having a blank
expression.

Kararating niya lang dahil nakasabit pa sa isang braso niya ang knapsack niya. He
was wearing a shirt and denims jeans, lalo tuloy siyang nagmukhang boy next door.

"Bitter mo naman," ngisi ko sa kanya.

He only grimaced before walking inside the stall. I only chuckled knowing why he
had a sour mood.
Hindi kasi siya napagbigyan na shanghai ang maging product namin. Mabenta naman
talaga 'yon at saka madaling gawin pero baka pakyawin lang ni Gio kung 'yun ang
ginawa naming product.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Sath squeezed my hand. Kanina pa niya ito hawak magmula
nang dumating siya, akala mo naman mawawala ako.

"Yup! Bumili ka saamin mamaya kapag nagutom ka."

Tumango-tango siya."I'll tell my friends to buy here too."

Umalis na si Sath kaya naman lumingon ako kay Gio na nag-aayos ng mga plastics cups
para sa drinks.

"Baka naman pwede mo ako i-libre kasi nagkabalikan na kayo?"

"Libre kita mamaya kapag luto na 'yung footlong na ititinda natin."

Gio smirked. "Matalino ka talaga, 'no?"

"Sayang ang profit," ngumisi ako pabalik sa kanya.

"Sayang di natin kagrupo si Adren. Magaling 'yon sa financial statements." Gio

muttered while preparing the utensils.

“Sayang nga. Pero nandiyan ka naman, kayang-kaya mo 'yon! Cheer ka na lang namin,”
pagbibiro ko.

Tanggap ko na hindi ako masyadong kagalingan sa accountancy. Unlike Gio who really
excels in it and Adren who is naturally gifted with numbers, I'm probably
struggling compare to them.

So, I won't compare myself to others anymore.

I won't let my mind cloud my heart with thoughts that could possibly hurt me.

Senior highschool made me realize that being smart isn't equivalent to being
successful. The thing that really makes you successful is character. Arrogance
would lead you nowhere but humility brings you to places you've always wanted to go
to.

Failure can indeed hurt you, but you can always cry it out. Just don't forget to
continue. Iyak ngayon, pero tutuloy pa rin para sa pangarap.
Nababawasan na rin ang mga panahon na nilalaan ko sa pag-iyak.

Because 10 years from now, will the thing I cried for...matter?

Mahalaga ba 'yon, matapos ang sampung taon?

Siguro ay tatawanan ko na lang na umiyak ako dahil nakatanggap ako ng four out of
twenty.

"Zafirah! Ikaw daw mag-prepare nung mga gulay na ilalagay."

I smiled because finally I'm really at peace.

Not because I maintained my grades, I still get low scores from time to time in
some subjects. Adjusting entries makes me cry a river.

Not because Czanne is finally with someone else, minsan ay inaasar niya pa rin ako
sa pagiging sweet niya kay Sath. Sumbong ko siya sa manliligaw niya e.

It's all because I have Sath in my life again. He's the one that keeps me at peace.

My heart is in peace when I'm with him.

I shouldn't deprived myself with the peace that I deserve.

I answered my blockmate with a smile.

"Okay!"

I'm really okay. It was good to hear a sincere okay from my own lips.

『••✎••』

“Hey,” I called Sath upon seeing him waiting for me. He was on one of the benches
designated for those who are waiting for their turn.

“So, how did it go?” he asked. Ngumiti naman ako sa kanya habang papalakad kami sa
exit.

“I'll have a few CBT sessions left,” I answered. “It's improving.”

My therapist told me that most of the time, the way we react or do actions for
certain situations is based on our thoughts and not on what really occurred. We
tend to distort our thoughts. Kaya naman sa pamamagitan ng CBT sessions namin ay
pinapakita niya sa akin kung paano ko maaagapan ang mga naiisip ko.

“I'm proud of you, Zaf.” He mumbled, softly ruffling my hair. “You're the bravest
person I know.”

I beamed at him. “Kain tayo bago umuwi? Drivethru?”

Agad naman siyang tumango sa akin. I'm glad Sath volunteered to be with me during
the weekends to attend my therapy. Sobrang laking tulong na may taong nandiyan para
sa'yo.

“Hi Zaf!” may bumati sa akin habang nasa parking lot kami. It was Sasha, one of the
few people I meet in therapy.

“Hi Ate Sasha, ingat ka po sa paguwi.” I waved my hand at her as she opened the
door of her car. Agad naman niya itong sinuklian ng ngiti.

“Ingat rin kayo, Zaf! Enjoy sa date niyo!” she chuckled and entered her car.

“Who's that?” tanong ni Sath habang papaupo ako sa shotgun seat. Ang kanyang mga
mata ay nasa papaalis na kotse ni Sasha.

“Si Sasha, she's one of my friends that I met during the therapy. Nakakausap ko
siya no'ng hindi mo pa ako sinasamahan. She's really fun to talk to.”

The first time I went to therapy made me feel nervous. Kahit na kasama ko noon si
Mama at Papa, they were there to support me. Sa mga susunod na araw na bumalik ako
sa clinic na ito ay minabuti ko na lang na mag-isa pumunta kahit may takot pa rin
ako. I was scared of people knowing I have to go through sessions like this.
Iniisip ko pa lang ang mga iisipin nila ay agad na akong nanghihina.

But then, I met Sasha. She was one of the most wonderful people here on this world.
Unang kita pa lang niya sa akin ay agad na niya akong kinausap at pinakisamahan. I
learned a lot about her even in just a few hours.

She was bubbly and friendly. Akala ko noon ay therapist din siya. Pero isa rin pala
siya sa mga pasyente. She was opened when it comes to her own experiences. She had
an abusive ex-husband and she blames herself for being hurt by him. She told me it
was hard at first to accept that it was beyond her control. Unti-unti naman niya
itong nalalagpasahan.

“What happened to her?”

“It's kind of confidential but she had it harder than me.” I answered, sighing.
“Pakiramdam ko nga ay halos lahat ng nandoon ay mas malala ang nangyayari sa
kanila. I feel bad for feeling this way just because...”

“Zafi, stop invalidating what you feel.” Sath sighed, his eyebrows were furrowed.
“Susumbong kita sa therapist mo.”

I chortled at him. “I know, pero pakiramdam ko talaga ay ang tatapang nila. It

motivates me, Sath. Not because they had it worse than me but because I know they
also struggled but still kept going.”

May maliit na ngiti sa labi ni Sath.

“I'm glad you're opening up to me when it comes to this,” malambing niyang saad.
“Thank you, Zaf.”

“People that I meet there had more struggles in life. If only I could tell you how
hard life it is for them,” hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa headrest ng upuan ko habang
naguusap kami ni Sath sa gitna ng traffic.

“Yet they're still here. They choose to continue. Kaya kung kaya nila, siguro ay
kaya ko rin.”

“Some of them told me that they're not continuing for themselves but they live for
the people who still want their existence here in this world.” I mumbled under my
breath.

It's hard to live for yourself sometimes. Lalo na kung mababa ang tingin mo sa
sarili mo. When you don't know your own worth, it's really hard to live.

I cast a glance at Sath who had his eyes focused on the road.

“That's okay, as long as you find a reason to keep going,” he replied. “I don't
think living for another person is bad at all.”

That's partly true. When those dark thoughts almost invaded my existence, I had to
held towards my parents and friends to find a touch of hope for me to continue.
Maswerte ako dahil kahit papaano ay nandiyan sila at naiintindihan nila ako. I
can't help but think about those who are suffering and they have no one to talk to
about it.

Sobrang hirap.

I couldn't blame them for ending it already.

“Sath, I'll live for you.” I muttered breathlessly. “Thank you for being one of the
reasons why I still exist.”

Sath gave me a small smile. His hand reached for mine and he kissed my knuckles.

It comforts me knowing I have reasons to live — that despite of my own

imperfections, there are people who accepts me beyond it.

I'll live to give my parents a more comfortable life. I'll live to travel with my
friends in the future. I'll live to marry Sath one day. I'll live to become a CPA.

I'll live.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 38 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 38

We had four days dedicated to seminars for our work immersion. There were different
topics such as confidentiality, work ethics, responsibilties and etchetera.

There were different speakers for each topic. Most of them were successful managers
and accountants from big corporations.

After the seminars, the remaining days are allocated for the prepation of our
documents such as recommendation letter for the company, valid ID that you'll use,
your waiver, and more.

Gio and I were assigned for a telecommunication company that's located at the upper
floor of a mall.

"Ang lakas maka-OJT feels nito," halakhak ni Gio, while we were touring around the
office.

We saw how busy the employees were. Halos lahat ay tutok sa kanya-kanyang computer
nila at may mga kausap sa telepono. Some were only busy typing.

Soon, I'll work in an environment like this. Hindi ko mapigilan ang andrenaline ko,
I felt goosebumps all over me because I can't wait to work in a corporation!

Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, CPA.

Ang sarap pakinggan.

We were briefly given instructions by our Supervisor on what tasks will be given
to us.

Pumunta kami sa isang kwarto kung saan tinatambak nila ang mga papeles nila. We
were assigned to do the documents. Pag-aayos lang naman halos ang pinagawa saamin.
We encoded the numbers, names of the PhilHealth, SSS, health card of the
employees of the company we're in. We also have daily accomplishment with DTR.

After our work, we had to list down what we did for the day and give to our
supervisor to have it signed.

Two weeks and we had to complete 60 hours of work within that timeframe.

"Uuwi ka na rin ba?" Tanong ni Gio saakin, inaayos na niya kasi gamit niya at
mukhang pauwi na siya.

I raised some papers on my hand. "Magpapa-photocopy pa ako."

"Una na ako? May sundo ka naman 'di ba?"

I laughed. "Opo, San Pedro. Di mo pa naman ako kailangan sunduin."

He clicked his tongue. "Ulol, di kita papapasukin sa langit."

Nakakapagod din pala ang trabaho tapos halos gabi na kami nakakauwi. Matapos ang
shift ko, bumaba na ako ng 1st floor para puntahan si Sath.

Hindi ako natagalan sa paghahanap sa kanya. We had our own spot in the donut shop
we always went to. Kitang-kita ko ang seryosong mukha niya habang may binabasa na
libro. I can't help but giggle as I went towards him.

"Hi," Sath always waits for me at the J.Co Donuts. Kahit anong oras na ako
natatapos sa shift ko, hinihintay at hinahatid niya pa rin ako.

"Kilala ka na ng mga employees dito," I told as I sat down. He already ordered

something for the both of us.

A dozen of assorted donuts and two frappes. I inserted air inside my cheeks. I'm
starving!

"Bumibili naman ako sa kanila. Di naman sila nalulugi."

Umiling-iling ako. Di ba niya alam na ang dali lang tandaan ng mukha niya? He looks
like a foreign model!

"Kamusta immersion?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Hindi naman kami kasi pare-pareho. Even some of my classmates are assigned to
different companies. I think Sarathiel is assigned to a near Medical Center.

"Okay lang," he lazily answered. "Ikaw? Kamusta?"

"Okay lang din." Halakhak ko. "Masaya naman!"

We would just eat here and talk about how our days went. It was probably boring for
most people but it meant everything to me.

It was nice to have someone who can listen about how your day went.

『••✎••』

"Tanginang narrative report 'to, para na akong gumagawa ng nobela." Reklamo ni Gio
habang inaayos ang narrative report niya.

Natawa naman ako sa kanya. I also feel frustrated but it's one of the final
requirements already. Matatapos na ang hirap namin! I was looking forward to have
some rest.

"Grabe ang kapal! Pwede na panampal!" Gio continued ranting about his narrative
report.

Tinatawanan ko lang siya.

Bumalik na kami sa classroom pagkatapos ng two weeks na nilaan para sa immersion.

Ewan ko, pero pakiramdam ko ay isa na akong professional. Ang laki rin pala ng
ambag ng immersion dahil mas nakikikita mo kung saan ka hahantong kapag dumating
ang araw na magtatrabaho ka na.

Pero habang tinitingnan ko ang narrative report namin ay bumabalik ako sa reyalidad
na estudyante pa lang ako. Marami pa akong dapat malaman at aralin.

After our immersion, we were required to do a narrative report about our

experience.
For our narrative report, it includes documentation pictures, our daily
accomplishments, the waiver, recommendation letter, and the certificate from the
company.

Nagunat-unat ako nang mapasa ko ang narrative report ko sa Professor namin sa

immersion.

I look around the area of our hallway. I remember the memories of us cheering for
our cheerdance here. I remember running here to be able to get on ABM 1 since I
mistook STEM 1 as our classroom. I remember crying because of my grades in the
comfort room in the end of this hallway.

Napailing-iling ako at ngumiti sa sarili ko.

Indeed, some memories are worth remembering. Memories should always be kept even if
it hurts us because it serves as a reminder of who you turned out to be. I hope
that people will allow other people the growth that they deserve.

Everyone can change because people can grow. Let's allow each other to grow from
our experiences and stop dragging others by their past mistakes.

My tears became the water that helped me grow. My experiences became the sun that
made me grow. The people around me are those who watch me tenderly as I grow.

Sarathiel made me grow. I'm happy to be with someone who let's me grow on my own
and doesn't hesitate to help me to learn more about myself.

We all deserve that kind of love. A love that makes us grow as a person.

After my CBT sessions during the weekends, pumupunta kami sa bahay nila Sath. We
bond with her Mom most of the time. Halata sa kanya na bumabawi siya kay Sath. And
I'm proud that Sath is letting her do her duties as his mother.

“Sath, just dance tayo!” yaya ko kay Sath habang inaayos ng Mom niya 'yung camera
ng PS4.

He shook his head apprehensively.

Kumunot naman ang noo ko at ngumuso sa kanya.

“Dali na, para namang hindi ka sumasayaw.”

“Hindi naman talaga,” sagot niya.

“Sus, sumasayaw nga tayo sa PE.” I accused him. “Wala namang exceptions doon ah.”

I yanked him towards the living room. Para masama siya sa camera ng PS4 na inaayos
ng Mom niya. His Mom looked excited and I'm glad this makes her happy, having
moments with her son. Kahit ako ay umuuwi rin kada buwan para bisitahin sina Papa
at Mama. Gusto ko rin bumawi sa kanila.

“Isipin mo na lang graded 'to tapos nasa PE tayo,” pamimilit ko. Lalo lamang siyang
ngumiwi sa sinabi ko.

“The lowest grade on my card is PE, Zaf. I think that tells much about my skills in
dancing.”

“Totoo ba?” my eyes widened at his confessions. He bashfully nodded his head and
whispered his grade on my ear.

Oh.

I guess, Sarathiel is human after all.

Hindi ko na siya pinilit maglaro. Pero naglaro kami ng kanyang Mom. She was really
fun to be with. Sobrang swerte sa kanya ni Sath. I saw them hugging each other when
his Mom needed to go to her work.

“I'm sorry, I had to go...” malungkot na paalam ni Tita sa amin.

“It's okay, Mom. Ingat ka.” Sath even kissed her on her cheeks.

Ngumiti lang sa amin si Tita bago umalis. She's trying to have more time with her
son. She even let me borrowed one of the rooms here, kung sakaling hindi ako
mahahatid ni Sath. We decided to watch Netflix instead in their living room.
Nanonood kami ng The Silence nang abutan na ako ng antok.

"Hey, Zafi..." Sath nuzzled his nose in my hair and it gently found it's way to my
neck.

"Yup?" I answered despite feeling sleepy.

"I love you more than 3000." He kissed my neck.

I kissed the top of his head.

"I love you more than any digits a person can give."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 39 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 39

We all have tiny little demons in our heads and sometimes - they will conquer us.
They can make us think all the possible negativities in our world and act like they
have no part in destroying ourselves.

My chest usually gets hurt when I let myself succumb to them - I'm just fortunate
that Sarathiel has always been a good support system.

The thing about the demons in our heads - they can't control us if we don't let
them.

"Are you okay?"

Those three words are my everything.

Lumingon ako kay Sarathiel na nakakunot ang noo. He was looking at me worriedly. He
even had his phone on his hand, para bang handa na siyang may tawagan na dedepende
sa aking sagot.

"No..." I smiled sadly. "Baka kasi wala na ako sa honors...I'm not confident with
my past scores..."

"Papasok 'yan..." Sath gently squeezed my hand. "Kung hindi, there's always
college. Our lives doesn't end in Senior High."

Tumango naman ako. That's right, I did my best and if my best wasn't good enough -
there is probably next time. I have an entire lifetime to succeed in another
opportunity.

He kissed my knuckles while we were waiting in line for our graduation pictures.
Magkasabay kasi ang STEM 1 at ABM 1 sa pagpila para kuhanan ng grad pic.

"ABM ka na pala ngayon, Sarathiel?" pangaalaska ni Iscalade kay Sarathiel.

Bumunghalit ng tawanan ang pila ng mga tangkay. Kahit kaming mga ABM ay natawa
dahil nagiisa lang si Sath sa tabi ko.
Sa pila kasi ng ABM nakatambay si Sarathiel kaya naman halos nakatingin saamin ang
lahat.

"Kapag inggit - pikit." Ngumisi si Sarathiel kay Iscalade, who only raised his
dirty finger to him.

I looked at the near window to see my face. Alam ko naman na inayusan kami pero
hindi ko mapigilan ang kaba sa dibdib ko na baka mukha akong mannequin dahil sa
kapal ng nilagay na make up sa akin. Medyo nagpaplastikan kasi kami kanina tungkol
sa make up namin kaya hindi ko alam kung totoo ba na okay lang ang mukha ko.

"Please, sana maganda ako sa grad pic." I crossed both of my fingers.

For sure, isasabit 'yon sa sala ng aming bahay! Tapos araw-araw makikita ng mga tao
'yung pagmumukha ko!

Katatapos lang kami ayusan at nakapila na lang kami para kuhanan ng picture.
Sarathiel looks dashing as always, sarap iuwi sa bahay at gawing ama ng mga
magiging anak ko.

I giggled when he looked confuse as people dragged him back to his line.

"Gusto mo pa 'yata na kasama ka sa picture ni Zafirah, bumalik ka na nga sa pila

mo!" Iscalade scolded Sath, who only frowned at him.

Tiningnan lang ako ni Sath kaya naman nagkibit ako ng balikat at ngumiti.

When it was my turn, I composed myself as I sat down. Sinuotan nila ako ng toga at
binigyan ako ng posisyon para maganda ang kuha sa kanilang camera.

The lights hurt my eyes a bit pero nilabas ko ang praktisado kong ngiti.

I gave my brightest smile. Sana talaga maganda ako rito kasi araw-araw ko 'tong
makikita sa sala namin.

I heard the camera as it took my photo. Agad na nawala ang ngiti ko dahil sumakit
'yata ang panga ko sa sobrang lawak nito. Please, let it be good!

"Okay! That's good. Creative shot naman." Sabi nung Photographer.

I gasped and immediately got something out of my pocket.

Kaagad kong nilabas 'yung ginawa kong poster. I made this during our free time.
ABM pero nag-jowa ng STEM
I LOVE YOU, SARATHIEL

Nakarinig ako ng hiyawan galing sa ibang mga nakasilip sa akin. I heard them
because the door was slightly opened. Namula naman ako pero pilit na nilagay ang
atensyon sa harapan ko.

I clicked my tongue and winked as I hold the sign I made.

This picture just like the other pictures taken and displayed in our house - will
be a lifetime memory for me.

『••✎••』

"Pasahan na lang ng mga ibang requirements, wala na talagang klase." Ngumuso si

Melay.

I nodded as I roamed around my eyes in the building.

Hindi ko inakalang nakaka-miss din pala 'yung pagtuturo ng mga Professors ko. Hindi
ko inakalang mamimiss ko mag-review para sa mga subjects nila. Hindi ko inakalang
ang ikli lang pala ng panahon na nagsama kami.

Two years.

Who would have thought two years can change an entire person? Sobrang ikli lang ng
panahon na ito kung ikukumpara sa buong buhay ng isang tao.

The nostalgia is hitting me while I was cleaning my school stuff. I will miss this.
I will truly miss everything about Senior High.

Tiningnan ko ang mga papel na nagkalat sa bag ko. Ang mga yellow pad paper na
hinati sa iba't ibang sizes, ang mga papel na may mga marka na minsan ay iniyakan
ko, mga notebooks na hindi ko na matandaan ang lahat ng mga sinulat ko. I looked at
it with a bright smile on my face.

I want to keep them.

"Pwede ko na i-delete lahat ng pictures ng papel at powerpoint sa phone ko."

Hagikgik ni Melay habang pinapakita sa akin ang cellphone niya na halos may 1,456
photos to delete.

Tumawa naman ako dahil kahit ako ay kinain na rin ng mga school works ang storage
ng phone ko. We decided to exchange pictures with each other. Pabiro pa ngang nag-
tour kami kunyari sa school dahil ang alam ko ay hindi sa UJD mag-aaral si Bea sa
kolehiyo. We were making the most out of it.

"I'll miss you," niyakap ko siya habang nagpapaalam kami sa isa't isa.

"Huwag ka magpapaloko sa mga lalaki sa lugar na 'yon ha. Alagaan mo ang sarili mo,"
mangiyak-ngiyak na paalala ni Melay habang nakayakap sa likod ni Bea.

"Pupunta ako roon para mag-aral, ikaw talaga..." pabirong kinurot ni Bea si Melay.

I can't help but feel sad. We're about to enter college and as much as we want to
stay with each other — we need to accept that sometimes growing means growing
apart. Growth doesn't always mean staying with the right people because it's
inevitable not to be apart from them.

I sighed as these thoughts circulate in my mind.

It made me feel like I took Senior High for granted. Siguro, ang malas namin dahil
naabutan pa kami ng K-12 pero para saakin? Ang swerte namin. We had two more years
of creating memories with strangers who turned out to be great figures in our
lives.

I will always be grateful to my senior highschool phase. It made me grow and made
me who I am today.

It also made me meet the person who made me feel whole. Sarathiel Zyler Aracosa.

"Farewell party daw para kay Sir Castro," our President announced while Sir Castro
is not around.

"Kailan pa namatay si Sir Castro?" tanong ni Gio.

"Gagio! Sinong namatay? Aalis lang tayo kaya may farewell party." Halakhak ko.

Gio only chuckled. I will miss this guy too. I know there's a thin chance that we
will be blockmates again.

We organized a farewell party for Sir Castro. May kinita kami sa booths namin nung
foundation day at nilagay namin 'yon sa class fund. Kaya naman nakabili kami ng mga
pang-design at pang-handa para kay Sir Castro.

"Anong catering?! Gago ka, isipin ng buong school bida-bida tayo kasi farewell
party lang, magpapa-catering ka?!" Gio scolded Adren who responded by rolling his
eyes.
"I was just trying to be a good student. He deserves the appreciation." Adren
explained lazily.

Adren changed too. Sa pagkakakilala ko sa kanya, he was avoiding to show any

emotion but now he was able to express himself.

Medyo nanghinayang lang ako sa kanya. Arrisea and him used to be great together.
When Arrisea came into his life, he suddenly had emotions shown rather than almost
just smiling at everything.

Siguro nga, some love are not meant to last but only serves as a lesson in our
life.

Medyo nanikip ang dibdib ko. Hinihiling ko lang na sana ay hanggang dulo - kung
papayagan man ng langit...kami ni Sarathiel ang mananaig.

It will hurt me or even destroy me if one day Sath and I will end up forgetting how
much we love each other.

This kind of love was hard to let go.

I don't want that to happen.

Black and Gold ang ginawa naming theme. Bumili kami ng lobo na black at yellow.
Meron din kami ng pambansang pangdesign- crepe paper! Black and yellow din ang
kulay na binili namin.

Nilagay na namin ang handa sa hiniram naming long table sa cafeteria. It was
carbonara, fried chicken, lechon (sponsored ni Adren), blackforest cake, and
shanghai. Si Gio 'yung namilit na dapat may shanghai.

"Happy Farewell to you!" Gio chanted. Binatukan ko nga dahil di ko talaga alam
paano 'to naging top 1.

The thought didn't bother me anymore. I was so afraid that if that spot was taken
away from me, I might not be myself anymore. Pero tingnan mo nga naman, I'm still
Zafirah and I'm still doing what I can do to succeed.

Yeah, he snatched the position from me but it didn't hurt. Gio deserved it - nung
una nga ay nireklamo pa ni Gio na dapat daw mas mababa siya saakin dahil binuhat ko
siya sa Entrep.

"Gio..." bumulong ako sa kanya kaya naman lumapit siya sa akin. "Thank you."
He only furrowed his brows and gave a hearty laugh. Umabot ang kanyang ngiti sa
kanyang mga mata at umiling siya sa akin.

"I did nothing, Zaf. Whatever makes you happy right now is all your doing.
Congrats, Zafi. Thank you for being a genuine friend to me." He said, it made my
lips twist into a smile.

We all deserve someone like Gio in our lives. The one who still believes in you
despite of your own doubts.

"Kunyari nag-suntukan kami ni Adren tapos may magsusumbong kay Sir Castro para
galit siyang pupunta rito tapos pagpunta niya rito sisigaw ako ng it's a prank! Na-
gago kita, Sir 'no?"

Sinapak ko nga sa braso si Gio. Ang gagio talaga kahit kailan!

Umiling-iling ako. "Mamamatay muna siya sa konsumisyon bago 'yon makarating dito."

"Nandiyan na raw si Sir Castro!" sigaw nung isang kaklase ko.

Lahat kami ay gumilid para kunyari walang tao sa room. Pagpasok ni Sir Castro ay
kaagad na pinaputok ang confetti na binili namin.

"Thank you for everything, Sir Castro!"

Pure shock was on his face. Nangingilid ang mga luha sa kanyang mukha.

"Kayo talaga..." ngumiti siya habang pinupunasan ang luha sa kanyang mga mata.

He may not show it often but he deeply cares for us. Ganun naman daw talaga ang mga
grade 12 Professors, they detach themselves from us but they still care for our
well being.

Nagkaroon ng speech giving para kay Sir Castro. Lahat ay halos naiiyak dahil nga
halos nagpapaalam na kami sa isa't-isa. When it was my turn, I inhaled some air and
exhaled it.

"So, hi guys. I just want to say how thankful I am to be part of ABM 1. I'm sorry
if I offended anyone from this class and I want to express how grateful I for those
who are still with me despite of my shortcomings. I will continue on improving
myself. Thank you, Sir Castro for giving me the courage to still try my best even
if I already failed a lot of times. You were one of my supporters and I couldn't be
more thankful..." I said as my tears were slowly forming.
Nang matapos ako ay umupo kaagad ako para umiyak. Hinagod-hagod naman ako sa likod
ni Paulene. Bea and Melay were also crying in the corner.

"Gusto mo suklayan kita?" Paulene offered and it immediately made me laugh. Bakit
naman niya ako susuklayan porke't umiiyak ako? Kaloka 'tong babaing 'to.

In the end, Sir Castro stood and gave his speech. Tumikhim muna siya bago niya kami
bigyan ng isang malaking ngiti. The way he addressed us made us feel that it is
already ending- tapos na talaga ang klase namin.

"Thank you ABM 1. I know I may not show it often but I do love you all. Always take
care because I will always care."

My heart was being overwhelmed by emotions.

The days of my Senior Highschool is slowly reaching it's end.

Tuwing sabado, sinasamahan ako ni Sath sa therapist ko. I was fortunate that he was
always supportive of me. Habang nasa sasakyan ay naguusap kami tungkol sa therapy
ko.

"Cognitive behavioral therapy?" ulit ni Sath sa klase ng therapy na meron ako. Agad
naman akong tumango.

"Yup, it works well for me. Sinasabi rin sa akin ng therapist ko na may
improvements ako pagdating dito kaya naman hindi na kami lumipat sa iba pang
paraan."

"Is it hard?"

"No..." umiling ako. "Mas mahirap noon na hindi ko pa alam kung bakit ganito ako
mag-isip. I'm lucky that I was able to ask for help when I still can..."

I know that there are a lot of people who wouldn't seek help because for them
having this kind of illness is taboo. Idagdag mo pa na hindi maganda ang reputasyon
ng mental illness sa bansang ito. Its hard to let yourself heal when the people
around you are ignorant of your wounds.

"Kakaunti lang din ang clinics o offices na binibigyan ng pansin ito. I hate how it
looks like it's for the privilege when everyone should have the access to check
upon their mental health." I can't help but rant. Lives could have been save if
only these were accessible to almost everyone who needs it.

"You're right. I know that sooner or later, if only people would have more empathy
in their hearts then maybe we can achieve a country where physical and mental
welfare are treated with the right treatment."
Ngumiti ako kay Sath. I kissed him on the cheek and he immediately pouted. Natawa
naman ako sa kanya.

"I bought you something..." Sath stopped the engine and reached for the paperbag in
the back. Inabot niya sa akin ito at agad ko naman tiningnan kung ano ang laman.

The Bell Jar. Sylvia Plath.

"Oh," the insides of my stomach were being twisted. I remembered reading her poems
when I was so down before. I trace the title on the book as I examine it.

"I thought you'll like to read her novel. She really writes well." Sath said.

"Yeah," ngumiti naman ako sa kanya. "Sylvia Plath wrote good poems and stories -
and she could have written more if only..."

"She choose to live." Sath continued the sentence for me. "But we can never condemn
her for doing it. Sayang lang dahil mas marami pa sana siyang nasulat na
magagandang akda."

I hugged the book to my chest. Living is indeed hard. But I will choose to
continue...

I will keep going.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Kabanata 40 [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Kabanata 40

I checked my look in my compact mirror before going out of my car. I look decent
enough, I guess. Medyo hindi ko kasi napansin ang schedule ko kaya nakalimutan ko
na meron nga pala akong pupuntahang seminar ngayon.

"Ms. Sanchez?" a Teacher approached me with a smile on her face. "This way po, to
the auditorium."

I went with her to the auditorium. Iginala ko ang paningin ko sa paligid, the
school became more eco friendly. Mas dumami ang mga halaman na nakapalibot sa
school at mas dumami rin 'yata ang mga palamuti. Evergreen garden became more
green, it should be called super green na green garden.
Sinalubong ako ng mga matatayog na puno at walang halong alikabok na simoy ng
hangin. Nilanghap ko naman ito dahil binabalik ako nito sa nakaraan.

This was my first time to have a seminar in my alumni. Nagkaroon na rin naman ako
ng mga seminar sa ibang schools pero ngayon lang ako naimbita sa mismong naging
school ko noon.

That's probably the reason why I felt nostalgia all over myself. The feeling of
coming back to a place where you created memories with the people who became a part
of your life.

Sadly though, not everyone stays in your life.

I have read before that nostalgia used to be a medical condition and people died
because of it. Soldiers who were experiencing homesickness was diagnosed with
nostalgia. Pero ngayon ay pakiramdam na lamang ito, a feeling of intense longing
for the past even at the expense of forgetting your future.

We were at the Bonanza area, a familiar voice called me.

"Zafirah?"

I immediately smiled upon seeing him.

He looked almost the same. Hawak-hawak niya pa rin ang lesson plan at ang kanyang
laptop. I could even see the index cards on his pockets. Mukhang kabado ngayon ang
mga ABM students na hawak niya.

"Sir Castro!"

Tumingin naman ako sa kasama ko. The teacher who was guiding me only smiled and
mouthed 'go on' when she saw Sir Castro approaching me.

"Grabe, akala ko hindi mo na ako makikilala." Halakhak ni Sir Castro.

There were lines of aging on his face but he still has the smile that made me
believe in myself.

"Ikaw pa ba, Sir? Malakas ka saamin ni Gio e," hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti ko.

Habang tumatagal ang tingin ko sa kanya ay lalo akong nakakaramdam ng pangungulila

sa nakaraan. I realized that no matter how painful our past memories were, we will
always try to visit it to see our progress — to see if the pain was worth it.
“Kamusta naman ang buhay CPA?” tanong ni Sir Castro habang binabaybay namin ang
daan papunta sa auditorium.

I miss Fundamentals of Accountancy, Business and Management because of him. Lahat

ng tinuro niya saakin noong senior high ay nadala ko hanggang college.

The sleepless nights, tears of frustration and cups of coffee were worth it.

“Okay naman po. Mas stress po siguro si Gio kumpara sa akin,” pagbibiro ko.

"Si San Pedro? Ang galing ng batang 'yon 'no? CPA na nga, Lawyer pa."

After pursuing accountancy, Gio went to a prestigious law school. We still talk but
we seldom see each other, hindi ko inakalang dadating ang panahon na magiging
seryoso 'yon. Inaasar ko nga siya noon dahil ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanyang
kolehiyala.

Still, he told me he was waiting for someone but I don't know who it was even if he
told me before that she was just near us. It was crazy how secretive he was when it
comes to his own lovelife.

"I'm so proud of you, Zafirah."

My heart felt how much Sir Castro meant every word he said. Gumuhit ang isang ngiti
sa kanyang mga labi. Iba pala ang pakiramdam kapag ang taong nagturo sa'yo noon ang
magsasabi ng mga katagang ito. It was fulfilling and it made my heart swell with
happiness.

"I would remember and relive the struggles you went to just to become who you are
today," he gave me a pat on my back. "You are the product of your own failures that
you turned into your own successes, anak."

"I could cry but the mascara will ruin my face, Sir Castro. Mahirap mag-retouch." I
kidded and he laughed.

Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. I felt his warmth as he returned the embrace.

"You are part of my successes, Sir Castro. Always remember that."

We had to part ways because Sir Castro had to attend his class. Nakita ko kung
paano niya pinilit maging masungit ang kanyang mukha, just like how he did to us
before. Ang swerte ng section na hawak niya, they have someone who will always
believe in them. No matter what.

Pumasok na ako ng auditorium at kaagad naramdaman ang lamig ng aircon. Fortunately,

I was wearing my blazers on and black slacks with my stilettos.

Pagkarating ko pa lang ay nandoon na ang mga estudyante, it was probably only ABM
students.

Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga bago tumuntong sa stage.

"Could we all please welcome our guest speaker and former student of University of
Jeanne D'Arc," the teacher looked at me before continuing.

"Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, CPA.''

I will forever be grateful that I attained that title.

"Hi!" I greeted and smiled as the teacher handed me the microphone. "Future CPAs,
Entrepreneurs, Managers, and people who will earn a lot of money in the future."

Nagpalakpakan naman sila. Laughter can also be heard at every corner of the room.

"I was a student just like you at UJD. I had my fair share of failures even though
people would consider me as GC or grade conscious, I still receive failing marks,"
I shrugged my shoulders.''Welcome to Senior High."

Nakarinig naman ako ng tawanan. Nakakatawa pa sila dahil wala pa sila sa kolehiyo.
Natawa na lang ako sa sarili ko. It was funny how every hardship I went through
senior high was nothing compare to college. Sa kolehiyo ay breakdown now, quiz
later ang aming kataga. Sayang lang talaga 'yung mga luha ko. Pero sa pamamagitan
naman no'n, I was able to learn and I think crying is a way of releasing stress. I
should never feel bad for releasing toxicity from my body.

''You see, it's not enough to be just smart. You need to have the character of
those who are considered as successful. What characteristics do they have? Marami
e, but one thing that they all have in common," I raised my index finger,
pertaining to that one characteristic.

"They never gave up."

"Even though they have already failed and fall, they still learn how to get up."

Nagpalakpakan sila. I only gave a small smile upon realizing that I was once just
like them — nakaupo lang at kunyari ay nakikinig sa seminar dahil hindi ko pa naman
alam kung gaano ito ka-importante.

"However, we also have to take our mental health in consideration." I shifted into
our next topic. A topic most people forget to tackle.
“Not giving up doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your mental health — it just
means whenever you feel like giving up, you can take a rest.” I said, my voice
slightly shaking. It's been years since I have been talking about my experience but
sometimes it still has an effect towards me.

"It's also important to learn how to say no," I said, as a large NO flashed into
the background. There was a ppt being played in my background.

"Why? We can't always say yes because we're human beings. We also get tired and we
need rest. Robot nga nawawalan ng baterya e, tayo pa kayang tao lang?"

The background showed a group of people who are supporting each other. I can't help
but think of that person whenever I see the word 'support' because he has always
been there for me. My family and friends were also there for me. I really had a
good support system back then.

"Surround yourself with people who understands and supports you," I reminded them.
"Okay lang ang makisama, but life is too short to surround yourself with
negativity."

A semicolon was shown as the last picture on the background.

"Lastly, keep going." Mariin akong pumikit bago magpatuloy. "No matter what
happens, you should keep going."

Take a break if you want but you should keep going. Ang mundo ay hindi tumitigil sa
pag-ikot. But taking a break doesn't mean that the world would abandon you, you can
always catch up. Mahirap pangaralan ang isang tao dahil siya at siya lang naman
talaga ang nakakaalam kung paano siya mabubuhay sa mundo ito. But if you can,
please keep going.

"Keep going because your life doesn't end in one failure. A life is a combination
of failures and successes, even if you failed now...You should keep going to reach
your success."

A round of applause was given to me and I smiled at them because once upon a time
in my life, I used to be just like them...

A senior highschool student dreaming to be a CPA in the future.

The seminar ended and I needed to go to my next schedule.

Nagpasalamat sa akin ang ilan sa mga spokeperson sa programa. I told them as much
as I wanted to stay, I have somewhere else to go.
As I was walking in the hallway I saw my picture on the Senior Highschool
department hall of achievers.

I halted from walking and examined the frame. My face was there with the huge
congratulations greeting.

Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, CPA

TOP 7, CPA Board Exam

Looks like you made it, Zafirah.

I smiled to myself as I prepared to leave the area.

It wasn't an easy path. Did I always pass? No. Did I always receive the highest
score? No. Did I always impress my blockmates in accounting? No. I only had
perseverance with me. Umiiyak pa rin ba ako sa kolehiyo? Hindi na, sanay na e. Pero
kung magkaroon man ako ng breakdown, I don't hate myself for it because I know that
I just had to release it or else those thoughts can come back — and I don't want to
be in that place anymore.

Before entering my car, I took one last look at my former school. Ang matatayog
nitong building, ang mga daan na halos magkulay berde na dahil sa mga halaman at
naalala ko kung paano ako naligaw sa isang classroom kung saan nakilala ko ang isa
sa mga taong tinulungan ako na mabuo muli.

Thank you for the memories and making me a better version of myself, University of
Jeanne D'Arc.

I will forever treasure the fireworks, the laughter, the tears and the love you
gave me.

You are marked into my body, heart and soul.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

Wakas [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Wakas

"Alam mo bakit ABM si Zafirah?"

I tilted my head to Iscalade's direction. He was grinning like an idiot.

"Bakit?" Cae, being the joke enthusiast that he was, entertained Iscalade's
question.

"Kasi mahilig siya sa firah!" Iscalade said, slapping his thighs because of
laughter.

I only furrowed my eyebrows.

Cae laughed while Sachael was looking over me with a smirk on his face. I continued
on stretching parts of my body because our current class is PE. Nasa main gymnasium
kami ngayon.

I hate PE. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang tinatamad lang ako o talagang palaging tulog
ang katawan ko kaya hindi ko magawang magustuhan.

"Swerte ni Ade, ano? Magka-strand sila ni Zafirah," Iscalade kept on bugging me.

"Hindi sila magka-section," I said, stating out facts.

I already asked Ade and knowing Ade who likes girls a lot, hindi makakalagpas sa
paningin niya si Zafirah. So, I stake my claim and told Ade to back off. He even
told me he didn't want someone as stern as Zafirah, para raw kasing walang gagawin
kundi umirap sa kanya.

May pilyong ngiti sa mukha ni Iscalade.

"Still, mas nagkikita sila kumpara sa inyong dalawa."

When he saw how my mouth formed a scowl, he knew he won the argument.

I just want to know why I had Iscalade as my friend?

Is there really no other options?

There were times where Zafirah and I had close interactions despite of our strands,
hanggang sa ako na mismo ang naghahanap sa kanya. She was the easiest to spot among
all people --- simply because she was the only one that stands out the most in my
sight.

One time, I saw her crying alone in a corner. I didn't know why she seems fragile
that time but when I talked to her, I learned that it was because of practical
research.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang maramdaman na lungkot para sa kanya. I've never really took
things too seriously, even my academics. Sumasakto lang talaga na mas mabilis ako
makapagkabisa at matuto kumpara sa iba. Pero bukod doon, I don't even know if I
have any talent. I only looked at her as her tears kept on streaming down her face.

She was really devoted to her studies, that's the reason why she was crying. It was
important for her, it made me realized that Zafirah despite her constant fiery
comments --- she actually had a soft place when it comes to her grades.

It made me appreciate how much she was working hard for herself.

She was the type of person who reviews her notes even though the quiz will be next
week. She was that diligent and her efforts in academics makes me admire her more.

"Whipped," Iscalade nudged me during our Basic Cal class. I rolled my eyes at him
as I was putting digits on my Scientific Calculator.

“Please stop disturbing me,” pakiusap ko pero lalo lamang niya akong kinulit.

"I can't believe you're 'searching how to say you like someone' on google!"

I nibbled on my lower lip as I glared at him. Fine, I did that. I just wanted to
know how to tell her. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ito sasabihin. All my life,
girls were the ones who tell me they liked me first.

“Alam mo pwede naman kitang turuan,” he positioned himself holding his chin.
“Zafirah, I like you. Do you like me too?”

Parang gago talaga.

Umiling ako.

“Ikaw na nga tinutulungan, ayaw mo pa?”

Ang daldal mo, Iscalade.

"Sorry, Bestfriend." I retorted at him.

It made him shut up.

Before SciMatech, Zafirah challenged me despite knowing I have the advantage since
it's more about my strand. The loser will have to be a slave for a day.
"That's so kinky," Iscalade commented when I told him about it. " Slave? Ano
ipapagawa mo?"

"I don't know? I actually just feel great because she's talking to me," I can't
help but smile at the thought that Zafirah was acknowledging my existence.

"Bro, you had it so bad." Umiling-iling si Iscalade.

After our Basic Cal class, it was our EAPP and Mrs. Reynes announced us a project.

"I'll give you another week for you to find someone you love or hate to design your
notebook. I'll see how professional you can be when it comes to this," Mrs. Reynes
said.

For some reason, Zafirah was the first one who I wanted to do this project for me.

I just didn't know how can I convince her to do it for me. Hindi pa kami sobrang
close, and sometimes I can still feel that she secretly despises me. In my
annoyance, I can't help to either tease or mock her constant hate for me.

Until, I remembered our bet in SciMaTech. I was tapping my desk with my pen as I
licked my lower lip.

This was the first time I really wanted to ace a mere quizbee.

Since it was more about our strand, I was able to identify the questions easily.

"Bakit ka nagmamadali mag-sagot, Sarathiel?" Czanne asked me. Hindi ko siya

sinagot. I didn't want to be distracted. I was really aiming for a perfect score
since I know Zafirah was serious about this.

Thank goodness the questions were just repeated questions from junior highschool.
Hindi ako nahirapan dahil nga mas forte talaga namin ang mathematics at science.

When the results were out. I can't help but smirk because Zafirah will have to
design my notebook. At first, I hesitated but then she's the only person I can
think of.

"Mayabang," Iscalade was skimming my notebook, checking the design.

I shrugged my shoulders as I grinned at him.

Ako lang 'to, Iscalade. Pinange-effortan ni Zafirah.

Iscalade chuckled as he returned the notebook to me. Balak ko talaga ito itago
kahit tapos na ang first semester dahil lang si Zafirah ang gumawa ng design.

"Ginawa niyang kindergarden sheet notebook mo, bro."

"Well, she can put 'design ito' as borders and I'll still think it's beautiful."

Iscalade deadpanned. "We're both hopeless at love and I think that's why we're
friends."

I was proud of it despite of the childish design. Gawa ni Zafirah e, anything she
touches are valuable for me. She has that kind of magic, bewitching me into
believing that everything she does is amazing.

This crush of mine grew into something more that I imagined it to be. That's why I
can't believe all this time she was pairing me with someone else.

"Sarathiel! It's me, Clary! Remember?" a girl who was beaming at me stopped me from
my track.

Nilingon ko ito, my forehead creased.

Who the fuck is this?

I was trying to remember who she was and I realized she was that talkative girl
with Zafirah during Alex's blind date. Alex was into this girl, is she trying to be
on my good side because of Alex?

"Hm?" I looked at her with indifference.

"You know that I like you, right?"

What.

"Sorry?" I can't help but raise a brow. Isn't she supposed to be liking Alex
instead? Tangina, paano niya ako nagustuhan di ko nga siya kinakausap?

She went to someone and pulled that person to our direction. It was Zafirah. I was
supposed to greet her but the girl already spoke. Ano ba 'to? Panira.

"Zafirah is rooting for us! Di ba, Zafi? Bagay kaming dalawa?" The girl said in
desperation.
Kulang ba 'to sa aruga? Di ba 'to inaalagaan ni Alex?

I waited for Zafirah's answer.

Say no, Zafirah. Say no. Please.

"Oo," Zafirah answered straightforwardly.

Wow.

All this time I thought I had a chance.

She wasn't feeling the same.

Ouch.

Siguro nga sa academics lang ako magaling, when it comes to love? I was really dumb
as fuck.

"See? I told you she was the one who wanted us together! She even gave me your
number!"

Ah. That hurts, Zafirah.

I was disappointed and probably hurt because I rarely give my number to anyone and
I even had to ask for Ade's connection to get her number. She was just giving it to
someone like it's nothing.

Like I was nothing. Sino ba naman ako 'di ba? I don't even know if she sees me as
friend, baka nga hanggang ngayon ay kinasusuklaman niya ako.

Siguro, I got my hopes up for nothing. I was expecting the same affection but I was
probably too in love to see she wasn't feeling the same thing.

How could you fall for someone who can hurt you easily, Sarathiel?

Ang bobo ko sa part na 'yon.

So, I laughed. I laughed at my own foolishness.

"Really? Who are you to say who should I like? Sino ka ba?"

You're just the person I admire, right?

I thought I could just cut her from my life because this was just infatuation.

Of course, that wasn't the case.

"Sorry," she said as she loosen her grip on my jacket.

Akala ko noon ay kapag hindi na kami nagkikita, my feelings would eventually fade.
Pero tingnan mo nga naman, tinabihan niya lang ako ay para bang hindi na naman ako
mapakali. I gulped and tried to contain my voice.

"For what?"

"Kay Clary —" she hesitated but continued.

"I didn't really say that. Pero gusto ka niya talaga. She's a really nice girl once
you know-" nice girl, my arse.

I didn't want to show any disrespect but I didn't want her to continue either. Kaya
minabuti ko na putulin na ang sasabihin niya.

"I don't wanna know her. I'm not interested."

I looked at her and saw her sullen expression. Agad naman na nanlambot ang puso ko.
Fuck. Bakit parang may nagawa akong mali? I wanted to console her that everything's
fine but I really didn't want her pairing me with other girls. Kung sa kanya pa ay
baka natuwa pa ako.

She looked up to me.

Can't you see I'm interested in you? Did you really think I'll pester someone just
because I hate them? I'm not you, Zafirah. I won't bicker with someone just because
I hate their guts, I won't talk to them because I couldn't careless. You're the
only exception because for now, your hatred for me is what I'm holding onto.

"Sige, ako na lang-" yes, please.

"Ikaw na lang?" I raised an eyebrow and she blushed.

She freaking blushed. I suppressed a smile. I reminded myself that she did me
wrong...But damn, how can she blush like that and still look cute?

"Patapusin mo muna ako, lintik ka. Ako na lang magsasabi kay Clary na maghanap na
lang siya ng iba 'yung hindi sugo ng kadiliman."

"Right," I sneered. Sige, kunyari naniniwala ako.

"Bati na tayo?"

How can she say that in such a voice and expect me to say no?

I was supposed to tell her that I wasn't mad at her at all. Maybe she can just tell
me that she thinks we're better together and I'll put everything in the past.

Madali lang naman talaga ako kausap.

"Ang rupok rupok rupok naman ng upuan na 'to," fuck you, Iscalade. Sagad.

"Hi Zafi! Hi Sarathiel! Ang rupok ng upuan ko!" Iscalade chuckled and I just wanted
him to fall from his own seat. Itong bestfriend ni Philomena, humanda saakin kapag
nakita ko silang magkasama ng subject na 'yon.

"Share mo lang?" Zafirah retorted at him.

After that, Zafirah and I became closer. Sometimes I feel like she's also falling
for me. Of course, never assume unless stated. They do say, to see is to believe
--- but can't I delude myself that she also feels even just a tiny portion of
feelings for me?

"Huwag niyong istorbohin 'yung Doctor," Iscalade grinned at me, noticing how busy I
was.

"Tangina mo, Engineer." I retorted as I was viewing the plans for the upcoming
Foundation week.

I was assigned as the head of props, it was ironic because I really hate designing
the most.

"Ang seryoso mo naman diyan," Iscalade commented. "Ka-text ko si Zafirah, di mo

sinabi saakin na halos araw-araw pala kayo nag-uusap."

"You're using my phone," I scoffed. "Basically, she's texting me."

"Sabi ko nga," Iscalade has a mocking smile on his face. "Can't believe you're
grumpy because you can't talk to Zafirah, Sath."

They confiscated my phone and told me not to talk to Zafirah for now. Of course, I
could not follow them if I wanted to but Iscalade will annoy me to death. The
former option was indeed better.

"Don't call me that."

Hindi ko alam bakit pinagdadamot ko 'yon. It feels like an endearment to me. Para
bang dahil sa pangalan na 'yon ay may puwang na ako kay Zafirah.

"Pero si Zafirah, pwede?" he arched an eyebrow. "Yikes, favoritism!"

"Hey," Czanne folded her arms as she approached us. "Anong meron?"

"Si Sarathiel ayaw mag-patawag ng Sath," Iscalade shrugged his shoulders.

"Bakit naman? It sounds nice, Sath." Czanne smiled at me.

My lips formed a quick cringe. Iba talaga kapag si Zafirah ang nagsasabi.

I choose to ignore her. For old time's sake, I didn't want to make Czanne feel that
I didn't treat her as a friend, but I couldn't see her as more than that.

I started courting Zafirah. I was new to this so I had to ask my friends for some
tips. Pero mukhang maling mga kaibigan 'yata ang mga nakasama ko.

“Just always ask her, kumain ka na ba? Magpahinga ka na ah, aasawahin pa kita.”
Iscalade smoothly said.

Nagpanggap naman si Ade na nasusuka at tumatawa lang ang dalawa ko pang kaibigan sa
gilid.

Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

“Well, I kind of did that. And also, I started giving some pick up lines—”

“Dude, no. What the hell.” Ade protested, he even slammed his fist on the table
playfully. “Dude kung ako si Zafirah, auto block ka sa akin. Ano naman pake mo kung
kumain na ba siya? Dietician ka ba niya?”

“Well, it shows concern.” I defended myself. Totoo naman na walang masama sa

pagtanong kung kumain na ba siya.

“At anong mga pick up line naman ang sinasabi mo sa kanya?” Ade rose an eyebrow at
me. Hindi ko alam bakit bigla akong tinubuan ng hiya.

“Mcdo ka ba? Kasi love ko 'to.” I shyly read out loud my text. Nalaglag ni Ade
'yung kubyertos niya at halos mamilog ang kanyang mga mata.

“Tang ina? Totoo?” Ade asked in disbelief.

The expressions of their faces shifted from shock to laughing. Halos ibalibag na ni
Iscalade 'yung lamesa namin sa sobrang tuwa niya. I let my tongue touch the side of
my cheeks to supressed my laugh. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na ang corny nga.

But with Zafirah, it sounds romantic.

Zafirah and I were officially together when summer ended. I confessed to her during
our foundation week and we got together after months of courting. I can't believe
she'll initiate our first kiss though. Mapapa- I love you 3000 ka na lang talaga.

Grade 12 came into our lives, I thought it would just be another school year for
the both of us but it was more than what I've asked for.

"There's a meeting for practical research," Czanne said.

I groaned as I flip out the pages of our paper. Buong hapon na naman 'yata kaming
maguusap para lang sa papel na ito.

Mas marami pa 'yatang oras ang ginugugol ko sa Practical Research 2 kumpara sa oras
na nasa klase ako. Umaga hanggang gabi puro na lang Practical Research. Tangina,
kahit nga 'yata sa panaginip ko hinahabol ako ng mga Review of Related Literatures
na kailangan ko ayusin.

I texted Zafirah because I felt bad not informing her. Kung pwede nga lang ay
palagi na lang niya ako samahan dahil mabilis akong antukin sa mga kagrupo ko. All
of them were actually really helpful but they're not talkative. These were the
times I miss Iscalade as a groupmate.

She replied okay and she was busy.

I don't know but it felt forced and I wanted to know the reason why she was acting
like that.

Ayaw naman niya sabihin.

Edi huwag.

Of course, that was my initial response but it was Zafirah. Hindi ako panatag kapag
may gumugulo sa kanya. At first, I thought it was Czanne and her constant tactics.

"Czanne," I called Czanne during our break, lumingon naman siya sa akin. She was
smiling and it made me feel uncomfortable.

"I don't like you exerting efforts for me. I get it, we're friends but I have a
girlfriend." Seryoso kong sinabi.

I could see she was hurt but she concealed it with her smile.

"Bakit si Iscalade? Philomena is exerting efforts for him too," dinuro niya pa si
Iscalade na tahimik na naglalaro sa cellphone niya.

Umangat ang tingin ni Iscalade sa'min at kumunot ang noo. He even tilted his head
to us.

"Bakit ako na naman? Nadamay na naman ako! Nakikipag-rank game na nga lang ako rito
e," Iscalade grimaced.

"Bestfriend siya ni Philomena," I said, suppressing my laughter when I saw how

Iscalade reacted.

Binaba ni Iscalade ang cellphone niya sabay taas ng dalawang middle finger saakin.
Pikon si Bestfriend.

"Anyway Czanne, I hope you stop. It's not appropriate to do things like that
because it fuels jealousy from Zafirah." Bumaling ako kay Czanne who looks hurt and
angry at the same time.

"She's being immature..."

I snapped when she uttered those words.

"No, she's not. One day, Czanne...You'll find yourself in her position and you'll
realized that she was acting mature when it comes to handling you."

I know Zafirah could have posted Czanne online just like how others would do or
even hurt her physically but she never did any of those. She remained her class and
grace despite of how Czanne constantly mocked her.
"Zafirah won't do anything but I would. I'll even break the years of friendship we
had if I have to," I sternly said.

That day, Czanne was crying and no one from our class knew the reason why except
for me, of course. I felt guilty but at the same time, I'll break her heart a
thousand times if it means Zafirah's heart won't be broken.

"I'll talk to Czanne," Sachael volunteered upon seeing my expression. "I know you
feel bad but she'll think she's special to you if you'll always come every time
she's distressed."

"I didn't want her to feel like that," I sighed. Ang lakas umiyak ni Czanne, parang
namatayan.

Sachael shrugged his shoulders. "Love is so hard to find nowadays that people can
mistook kindness as a sign of the aforementioned."

"Kaka-Practical Research mo 'yan." I kidded when I heard him using words that are
commonly used for PracRe.

Yet, Czanne was only part of the problem. There were more things that I didn't
know. Zafirah was good at hiding her pain that I didn't even know it was slowly
consuming her.

"Stress and over fatigued can cause someone to faint and get a nosebleed."

"Will she be okay?" I asked the school's doctor.

Her friends immediately called me because Zafirah collapsed during their class. I
had to be excused from my class and begged my current Professor to let me go see
her.

Kabado ako nang madatnan siyang walang malay sa isa sa mga higaan sa clinic.

"Resting will do. Kulang lang talaga siya sa pahinga, Hijo."

"Thank you po."

I saw Zafirah woke up and slowly leans towards the wall. Pinuntahan ko siya kaagad
dahil gusto ko malaman kung okay na ba ang pakiramdam niya.

"Zafirah, get some rest." I told her, not knowing how should I react. I didn't know
what to say, I just wanted her to rest for a while.
I returned the curtains from it's original position. Tinakpan ko para walang
masyadong gumulo kay Zafirah.

She started laughing, her body was trembling and her voice sounded like she was
crying.

I didn't know what happened. She was okay the last time we saw each other. Pero
okay nga ba talaga siya? Or did I just think that she was?

"Bobo na rin ba ako sa paningin mo, Sarathiel?"

"What?"

Saan nanggaling 'yon?

"I'm stupid, huh? I'm the lowest in our class. I freaking failed my major exams.
The awards and medals I used to get are not really for me."

Who the hell made her feel like that?

What's happening, Zafirah?

Bakit wala akong alam?

"Calm down, Zaf..." I tried comforting but she wouldn't budge.

"How can I calm down when I'm already failing?!"

Natigilan ako. She always put her grades first and I know how important this is for
her. Pero ayoko naman na dumadating na sa punto na pinapabayaan na niya ang sarili
niya para lang sa mga marka.

"Makakabawi ka pa." I told her.

"Major exams 'yon, Sath! Major 'yon! Anong mababawi ko?!"

She was hysterical. Ayokong sumabay sa daloy ng emosyon niya. I opted to hide my
disappointment that she was neglecting herself. Dahil kung pinapabayaan niya ang
sarili niya, I feel like I was failing as someone who cares for her. I was more
disappointed to myself. I should have known.

"Zafirah, 1st grading pa lang. You still have 3 gradings - a fucking semester to
get it back."
Sa mahina at namamaos niyang boses ay nagawa niya akong tanungin.

"Pagod ka na ba saakin?"

Seeing how she plummet down to her lowest made my heart break more than I have ever
felt before. Why was she asking me this? Tangina, ano naman kung pagod ako? I'm
always tired but never of her, she was the source of my strength.

"No, of course not." I sighed.

"Pagod na ako, Sath. Sa lahat." Her tears were flowing down her face.

Fuck, saan ba ako nagkulang?

"Take a rest—"

"I need a break..."

My breathing was heavy and I had difficulty in swallowing. I look at her and tried
to divert the topic.

"S-sure, let's go somewhere else during weekends-"

"I need a break from everything, Sath."

My heart sank. Every fiber of my being was being swallowed by the fear of her next
words. Parang alam ko na ang mga susunod niyang sasabihin pero parang ayokong
marinig. I'm not ready for it. I'll never be ready to hear it.

If she's tired...

Did that mean including from me, Zafirah?

Ang dali-dali lang talaga para sa'yo saktan ako, ano?

Still, I was hoping that we could still fix this. Maybe, we can still...

Napapikit ako. I bit my lower lip in anguish because I don't know what to do if I
hear her next words. Ayoko. Huwag sana.
Just please stay with me. I don't mind getting hurt if it means you're still with
me. Saktan mo na ako nang paulit-ulit, Zafirah. Basta sa huli ako pa rin ang nasa
puso mo...Hindi ko iiwasan ang masaktan para sa'yo.

"T-that's good. I'll make sure to help you for your n-notes during the time you're
away..."

"Pagod na ako, Sath."

"Please don't be tired of me..." I pleaded.

I wanted to cup her face and tell her how much I love her. But her crest fallen
expression made me feel like it's already too late.

"Zafi, please don't do decisions when your emotions are like this."

I know she was probably just saying this because she's feeling different emotions
right now. I'm trying to understand her. I really do.

"Pagod na pagod na ako."

"Ikaw lang ba?"

I was also tired, we almost have the same subjects except for the specialized ones.
Still, I was fighting for us. Mahirap ba 'yon?

"Pagod din ako, Zafirah pero hindi kita sinusukuan."

Hindi niya ako sinasagot.

"Do I have to beg for you not to give up on me? Because...I will. I will fucking
beg if I had to."

Just don't give up on us, please.

She gave a bittersweet smile.

"You don't deserve to beg for anything, Sath. You deserve everything good in this
world."

"I'm not in my best state, I'm not even good—"

"Fuck, Zafi. You think I really care about that? Did you think I only loved you for
your best traits? Did you think my love for you was that shallow?"

I love you beneath everything, Zafirah. I love at your best and I'll still love you
at your worst. Your strengths and weaknesses are part of you, Zafirah and I love
every part of you.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Zafi, it's only been weeks since I told you not to break my heart..." what a jinx.

"I'm sorry..."

Please don't apologize. Are you sorry that you loved me? That we are both in pain
because we love each other? It makes me feel that you regret that you love me...

"I love you...more than 3000."

She didn't say anything. I knew we were over.

Pero mahal ko pa rin siya e.

Mahal na mahal.

"I don't deserve to be part of your life. I don't deserve your heart. I don't
deserve you at all."

She gives back the bracelet I gave her.

My hand was slightly trembling because of it. I close my palms to feel the bracelet
digging into my skin.

It was so easy for her to break my heart. She didn't even say a thousand words but
my heart was suddenly put into a thousand pieces.

"Zafi..." A last attempt...

"Let's break up."

She went out of the clinic and left me.

Just like that. It's funny how she made me with three words and also broke me with
three words too.

Nang pauwi na ako, tumambay muna sa field. I'm trying to digest everything she told
me. Ang hirap lang talaga ipasok sa utak ko. My mind kept dwelling to the thought
that maybe I wasn't enough and that's the reason why she gave up on me.

I wasn't enough.

I decided to throw the bracelet in the field.

There goes my life.

Pero sino kaya itong hinanap kaagad kung nasaan 'yung bracelet kinabukasan? Of
course, Sarathiel Zyler Aracosa. Matalino sa acads, bobo sa pag-ibig.

"You really love her, Sarathiel?" Czanne asked.

My grip on my pen tightens.

"Can we just talk about Chapter 3? We're busy, Czanne."

I was annoyed. Kahit ang ilan sa mga kagrupo ko ay ramdam ito. I tried to keep
everything under control but I couldn't really focus well. Samahan pa nitong si
Czanne na pilit inuungkat si Zafirah. Bistado tuloy kung bakit wala ako sa mood
palagi.

"She still loves you," Czanne said. Napalingon ako sa kanya.

"And I'm still hurting."

Czanne only offered a sad smile.

I think it was cliché for me to go to a bar and get drunk but I wanted to give it a
try. To let go of all my inhibitions and just forget about her.

"Dude, sinasabi ko sa'yo. This is a bad idea." Iscalade keep nagging me as I

continued taking shots after shots.

"Let him," Sachael countered back. "He won't listen to you anyway and he's already
legal."

"Hindi dude, nabasa ko na 'to sa mga libro ni Philo." Iscalade was acting
animatedly.
"What?" I asked, groggily.

"May makakasalubong ka mamaya na babae tapos makaka-one night stand mo, tapos
magkakaanak kayo pero ten years pa bago mo malaman. Dude, ganitong-ganito 'yung
eksena!"

"Kakabasa mo 'yan ng kung anu-ano, Iscalade." Umiling-iling si Sachael.

"I need to puke," paalam ko sa kanila.

"Dude, huwag! Huwag ka papayag makipag-one night stand!" Iscalade shouted,

dramatically.

I raised my dirty finger at him before going out.

Nang medyo mahimasmasan na ako, may nagabot saakin ng tubig. A familiar girl with a
short hair smirked at me. Saan ko nga ba siya nakita? She was nipping a lollipop
the last time I saw her.

"Wala si Zafirah?" she asked.

"Wala na kami ni Zafirah." I corrected her.

She whistled before nodding her head.

"Czanne?"

"Hindi ko alam..."

Napapikit ako dahil sa nararamdaman na pagkahilo.

She didn't tell me why she had to broke up with me. It only adds more reason why I
can't move on from her.

"Magbabalikan kayo."

"How sure?" I smirked at her.

She showed me her palm.

"5K kapag nagbalikan kayo, payag ka?"

"Sure, whatever..." I nodded my head. I was drunk so I don't know where that came
from.

"Sarathiel, 'di ba? Kapag mahal ka ng tao, kahit pa dumating ang panahon na
kailangan ka niyang iwan..." she heaved a breath. "Babalikan ka niya. Kung
maghihintay ka lang sa kanya, babalik siya. Dahil kapag mahalaga sa'yo ang isang
bagay at naiwan mo ito, hindi ba't babalikan mo ito?"

I was about to respond when someone shouted.

"Hindi pang-one night stand 'yung kaibigan ko! Pang-habambuhay 'yan!"

Iscalade pulled me into his back.

"Miss, maganda ka naman. Maghanap ka na lang iba, ayoko maging ninong nang maaga."
Iscalade talked to the girl who only arched an eyebrow at him.

"Arrisea..."

A guy walk towards us. His grey eyes were glistening in the dark, he smiled upon
seeing the situation.

"Do you want to get her back?" he asked me.

"Wala kang alam, hindi nga kita kilala." I told him firmly.

He laughed at me.

"Kuya, they say people only know something's worth when another person already owns
it. Why not try it then?" he says.

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo?" Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Huwag kang magpa-demonyo riyan." The girl said to me while shaking her head.

"Nagpa-demonyo ka nga saakin, Ate Arrisea." The guy chuckled but it sounded like
mocking us.

"I'm not saying anything bad," he raised both of his hands. "I'm just saying,
malalaman mo lang talaga ang halaga ng tao kapag may Caitlyn na sa paligid."
Iscalade frowned at the guy who only smirked at him.

"Anyway, you're older so you're wiser! We have to go now, I'm not legal yet." He
wriggled his nose. "No clubbings for me, boohoo."

He acts like a child but talks like an adult.

Who is this? Really?

Hindi ko alam bakit ako nakinig sa kanya. There was a transferee named Caitlyn who
had a resemblance to Zafirah. How did that grey eyed guy even know?

"Can we be friends?" Caitlyn approached us.

"Marami na akong friends," Iscalade only smiled at her.

Cae was busy talking to his girlfriend on his phone while Sachael was nowhere to be
seen.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. Fine, I'll talk to her.

"Sarathiel," I offered my hand.

She beamed at me and accepted my hand.

Caitlyn was a good company, there was never a dull moment with her. She was funny,
talented and even pretty.

Hindi ko alam bakit nila ako pinagtutulakan kay Cait. Sa totoo lang ay halos sa
lahat ng lalaki ay nagkakaroon si Cait ng koneksyon. In their words, she was
shippable to almost everyone. Kahit na sa kalagitnaan siya ng klase nakapag-enroll,
she easily blended with the crowd.

Still, I would prefer silently watching Zafirah while she was studying or ranting
about her subjects. Every time I'll see Cait, I'll remember Zafirah.

Pero hindi pumasok sa isip ko na palitan si Zafirah. Cait is another person and
Zafirah will always be my Zafi. I don't get it why people would think I would date
Cait just because she look slightly like Zafi. Malayo nga para sa akin e.

"I wanna forget you."

That night, I just wanted Zafirah to know that I was hurting but also for us to
move on. Ayoko na habang buhay niyang iisipin na nasaktan niya ako. Yeah, I got
hurt but it was my choice to love her therefore it was my choice to be hurt by her.
Sabi nga nila, we can only tolerate the pain we think we deserve.

I knew it will be hard but I can't keep loving someone who won't hesitate to hurt
me everytime there's a problem. It will hurt for now, Zafirah. But I have to move
on and the only way for me to move on is to forget you.

"I fucking loved you, Zafirah." And I think I'll forever love you.

"I loved you more than myself...more than anyone...more than everything."

"I really just want to say I love you." Even just for the last time, let me love
you with my all.

She kissed me. Plenty of times.

I was too exhausted to respond. It was exhausting to fall for her every time and
she'll just run every single damn time...

So I pushed her away.

"You're drunk, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you but...Nakakapagod kang
mahalin, Zafirah."

I saw pain registered on her face.

"This will probably be the last time...This will be the last time because I'm gonna
forget everything about you..."

"Scam ka, ulol!" Iscalade ruffled my hair.

"Pinagsasabi mo?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Anong dini-date mo raw si Caitlyn? Dude? Okay ka lang? You know it right?" he was
raising his eyebrows at me. "The issue? Right?"

"I'm not dating her..." Wala rin akong balak.

"Yes! Makakatulog na ako nang mahimbing 'tol, thank you!" he sounded frustrated.

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. I decided to taunt him to get even.
"She's only with me because she wants to get closer to you..."

"Dude..." umiling-iling si Iscalade.

I know Caitlyn's playing with us but she really never harmed anyone so I don't see
anything bad with it.

Besides, Caitlyn was Iscalade's problem. Kaya naman laking gulat ko nang lumapit sa
akin si Zafirah matapos niya kaming makita ni Cait na magkasama. In my defense, I
didn't know she was going to be there and also Cait was my groupmate that's why we
were together when we went inside the room.

"Bakit di mo saakin sinabi noon?" I asked Zafirah, my heart was pounding.

Ano bang sasabihin niya?

I knew in my heart that whatever she will say tonight will change my decision
forever.

"I was afraid you'll judge me because of how I think. Unlike others, my mental
health wasn't as strong as theirs. It just kept on deteriorating...Most people
would think lowly of those who are suffering from their own mental health...Hindi
naman kasi ito nakikita sa labas 'di ba?"

She was going all through this... and I didn't know...

My fists tightened.

Wala kang kwenta, Sath.

"It's all in your head, they say. It's just the way you think...You're too
sensitive...Not everyone would understand how your mind runs your thoughts." I saw
how she was having a hard time opening it up. Para bang unti-unti niyang
binabalatan ang mga sugat niyang kakahilom pa lang.

"It made me feel I wasn't the right one for you. You deserved someone who's
emotionally stable and someone who's mentally strong enough to handle a
relationship..." her lips were quivering.

"Everyone keeps on telling people that if you ever felt like you're depressed you
should talk to someone but the reality is - there's no one who's actually willing
to listen." Her voice calm but I could tell she was trying to contain her emotions.
So I just listened. She didn't want my opinion. She didn't need any advices. She
just wanted to be heard and I'm all ears for you.

"I didn't tell you any of these because I know you have your own problems. I didn't
want to burden you at first...then I realized you just deserved better. So,
after...seeking for help from some professionals..."

She seek for help. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. My admiration for her
only grew more.

"I wanted to create a better version of myself. Someone worthy of you...Someone who
can also love you...So I needed to love myself first before learning to love
again..."

Her eyes were already creating tears. Zafirah really was a crybaby, my crybaby.

"Alam kong ang sama kong tao...p-para hilingin sa'yo 'to..."

She looks at me. My heart was racing and I couldn't calm down.

Zafirah, I'm sorry. I wasn't there for you.

But I'm here now.

And I'll never leave again.

"Alam kong maaaring masaya ka na sa iba...T-tanggap ko naman..."

There's no one else, it will always be you.

"Pero pwede bang a-akin ka na lang ulit? Kahit ilang segundo lang? K-kahit ilang
minuto lang? Maramdaman ko lang ulit na m-mahal mo ako?"

I kept my mum. I was still processing what she said.

I know I'll get hurt again.

But if it means that I'll have Zafirah in my life again...

I think getting hurt will be worth it. The pain of loving her was better than the
agony when she's not in my life.
We will always experience pain, but we can always choose what pain we can endure.

And I'll choose her over any pain everytime.

"I never stop..." I gently reached for her hand.

"You don't have to ask for me to love you again because I never stop. Kahit
nakakapagod, Zafirah. Ikaw pa rin naman. Sayo lang ako mapapagod pero hindi kita
kayang sukuan."

"Doctor Aracosa?"

"Yes po?" I smiled at the old lady who called for me, I was doing my rounds for the
patients.

"Anong pangalan mo, Hijo?"

"Sarathiel po," I answered while checking my watch.

"Hoy Elle! Ayan na, Sarathiel daw pangalan!" Sigaw nung Ginang doon sa dalagang
kasama niya.

Namula naman 'yung babae pero ngumiti saakin. I think this is the one who is
watching over her.

"Doc, parang gusto ko ma-admit Doc." She pretended like her stomach was hurting.

We laughed at her acting.

"Hala huwag, stay healthy." Ngumiti ako.

"May girlfriend ka na ba, Hijo?"

"Wala po," I answered.

"Talaga?" the girl giggled.

"Asawa lang po meron," I chuckled.

Para namang binawian ng candy 'yung babae kanina. She pouted and stump her feet.
"Sayang! Swerte naman nung asawa mo, Doc."

I shook my head.

Mas maswerte ako sa kanya.

That was my last patient to check. It was my free time after that and I saw her on
one of the benches looking at some papers.

I straightened my labgown and walked towards her.

"Pasingit naman sa schedule mo," I whispered to her and she looks startled.

She laughed at me.

"Mahaba pila, sorry." She shrugged her shoulders, a smug look on her face.

Napangiti naman ako.

You deserve everything you achieve so far, Zafirah. The nights where I hugged you
because CPALE was stressing you so much and the times where you loathe Oblicon more
than anyone was all worth it, My CPA top notcher.

“Inaasar mo akong masipag mag-aral, hanggang ngayon nga nag-aaral ka pa rin.” She
says while laughing.

I rolled my eyes heavenwards.

I was still on my residency. Samantalang siya ay pa-seminar seminar na lang.

She uses her maiden name whenever she's attending or speaking for seminars. Alam ko
naman at naiintindihan ko, she wants to bring the honor to her parents because all
of her achievements were done when she was still a Sanchez.

Tumayo na siya at sabay kaming naglakad sa kung saan man siya patungo.

"By the way, sa'yo 'yan." May inabot siya saakin na mga papel.

I look upon it and it was a financial statement.

I laughed at her. Grabe, may utang ba ako sa kanya? Well, at least I have a wife
who knows how to handle our finances.
"Accountant ba ako? Bakit mo ako..." I was about to tease her when I read some
words from the paper.

Infant care...

I halted from walking and look at her. She was already looking at me with a smile
on her face.

"What's your next schedule?"

She shrugged. "OB-GYN."

My lips parted.

"Sama ako!"

"Nah, baka sabihin pa ng Doctor ko naligaw ka ng room!"

"Bakit di ako pwede sumama? Sabay naman natin 'yan ginawa!"

"Sarathiel! Ang bibig mo!" She laughs.

I cupped her face as I pressed my lips on her. This wasn't our first kiss but it
still feels the same.

I'm still so damn in love with her.

I'm holding you accountable for making me so in love with you, Zafirah. This isn't
payable by any monetary amount. You are accountable to love me and our future child
as much as I'm responsible for making you feel loved for the the rest of our lives.

❛ ❪Zafirah Sidney Sanchez Aracosa ❫ ❜

Hi will post my message soon but I just want to say how grateful I am if you're
reading this right now. Thank you so much. Thank you so so much.

Do you have any messages for HYA? Please do tell.

I love you guys, more than any digits this world can offer.
All my love,

li ♥

All My Love, Li [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

Wow.

Can I just thank you for being here? Like, in this chapter? You've been through a
lot but hey, you're reading this now! You're fighting, you're standing, you're
alive — you keep going. I'm so proud of you.

I wrote HYA because I wanted to preserve my SHS memories. That was my only reason.
I only wanted to write down my experience — no, I didn't have a Sarathiel in my
life but I had friends and my family when I doubted myself. Believe me, they care.
They love you. So please, keep going. In all of my stories, I won't get tired of
telling this — keep going.

Thank you for cutting me some slack. This was my first story and believe me, I
wasn't serious at first. I just wanted to finish a story while on quarantine. I
know, I have technicalities such as grammatical and typographical errors to fix in
this story. I promise I'll improve in each book I write. I was never a writer in
the first place, I was a mere reader. I started reading here in 2013 and only
started writing in 2020. So, I hope you'll have patience as I hone my crafts.

I dedicate this book for those who read Zafirah's journey in SHS. You know who you
are, I'm really grateful. There's too many to mention, but I'm always grateful.
Really. Di ako magsasawang pasalamatan kayo.

I also dedicate this to my SHS teachers and classmates. They'll never get to read
this, of course. But hey, it's the thoughts that counts!

I hope you learned something in this story. Kahit katiting ay sana may nakuha kayo.
I know it's mostly fluff but I really want you to know that it's okay to feel sad
sometimes, but learn to open up to others — there's someone who are willing to
listen to you. If you can't find them, then talk to me. You matter to me. Always
take note of that. But sometimes, you find solace within yourself. Yes, that's
possible. And I hope, even just a little bit, you found solace within this story
too.

Finally, always take care of your mental health! It's important! Take care of it,
okay? Ily more than 3000. (I miss this line, haha!)

UPDATE: I have tweaked this story a bit (revamp) because I felt like I rushed
writing it before. Please do forgive the typographical and grammatical errors that
I didn't notice as I was revamping the story. I will edit it again once I have
found an available time.
I hope after reading this story, you won't invalidate the feelings of others.
Having empathy won't hurt you. Try to understand their situation more. It may not
look hard for you but for them it is already a battle to live everyday.

In case you find yourself in the same position as Zafirah, here are numbers where
you can contact and have someone to talk to:

HOPELINE

Tel: 632-804-4673

0917-558-4673

2919 (for Globe and TM Subscribers)

National Center for Mental Health

Tel: 0917-899-8727
989-8727

Crisis Line Philippines

Tel: 893-7606, 893-7603

63 917 800 1123

63 2 893 7603

63 922 893 8944

Email: crisisline@i-manila.com.ph

FROM DOH:

<img src="https://img.wattpad.com/ff95be19e20d4ecd9246bac17af277f1855c941c/
68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d73657
2766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f5f585941585837304b6b4f4858773d3d2d3934333530343130
322e313637353437333433303366343763313632393438303434333135322e6a7067" style='max-
width:90%'>

You can also message me in this account. I'm willing to listen. :)

08/26/2020

All my love,

Li ♡

Z&S: how they celebrated the valentine's. [Hold You Accountable| ✓]

not an official special chapter

Z&S: how they celebrated the valentine's.

happy valentine's !

"Zaf, stop reading. Baka lumabo mata mo." saway ni Sath habang nagmamaneho.

I pursed my lips, sinara ko ang binabasa kong reviewer para sa finals sana namin.
Inihilig ko ang aking ulo sa headrest bago nagpakawala ng isang buntong hininga.

"Baka makalimutan ko e."

"Inaral mo naman 'di ba? You probably won't forget it, may tulog ka na ba? You want
me to park up, para magkaroon ka muna ng idlip?" tanong niya, eyes still on the
road.

Ngumiti naman ako. It's been years, huh? Nagtagal siya sa akin? Kahit para bang
wala pa sa kalahati ang kaya kong ibigay sa kanya?

"Zafi?"

"Ayoko na mag-aral." I replied.

Kolehiyo lang pala ang makakapagpatigil sa kasipagan ko, pinatagal niya pa edi sana
hindi na ako napagod no'ng senior highschool at junior highschool. Nakipag-chinese
garter na lang sana ako sa labas ng school no'ng elementary. At di na ako
nangolekta ng stars sa kamay no'ng kinder.

"Kulang ka na nga sa tulog," Sath chuckled and gradually shook his head.

"Kiss mo na lang ako para magising ako," pangaasar ko sa kanya. Agad naman na
namula ang kanyang tenga. Cute.
"Kaya inaasar ako ni Iscalade kung bakit daw tinted ang kotse ko," he grinned.
"Ayoko naman puyatin ka sa gano'ng paraan. Magpahinga ka muna."

"Gusto ko lang naman yumaman. Bakit kailangan pang mag-aral?"

"Ikaw ba talaga 'yung girlfriend ko?" he chuckled.

"Totoo naman e. Gusto ko lang naman maging mayaman." I laughed, heartily. "Magkano
ba magiging sweldo mo? Aasawahin na lang kita, di na ako maga-aral."

Sath pursed his lips and grinned. Lumingon siya sa akin, his brown eyes met mine
and it felt like the first time. Kung paano ako halos matulala sa kan'ya noon,
gano'n pa rin naman hanggang ngayon.

"Paano kung ganito na lang? Maga-aral ka, pero aasawahin mo ako. Pwede naman 'yata
'yon?" malambing niyang saad.

"Hindi na rin masama," sakay ko sa kanyang sinabi. Pinikit ko na ang aking mga
mata, pinadaloy ang antok sa aking sistema.

Sarathiel never failed to make me feel at ease, to not pressure myself and always
remind me to take a rest. Sa kan'ya ako nahihimbing at sa kan'ya ko lang kaya
magpahinga nang ganito.

Naalimpungatan ako nang maramdaman ko ang haplos ni Sath dahil sa inaalis niya ang
mga buhok na naging sagabal sa aking mukha.

"Hi..." I yawned. "Anong oras na?"

"Isang oras ka lang nakatulog. Okay na ba 'yon? Or do you want to sleep more?"
tanong niya.

"I'm okay..." napatingin ako sa nangangamoy na kape. "Bumili ka ng kape?"

"May malapit na coffee shop kaya naisipan ko na bilhan ka muna. Although, hinay
hinay ka lang sa kape..."

"Thanks," I smiled at him and took a quick sip on the coffee. Napatingin ako sa
cellphone niya dahil bigla itong umilaw. His lockscreen is a picture of us.
Napangiti ako pero agad na nanglaki ang mga mata nang makita ang date.

February 13 na pala ngayon? Edi bukas ay Valentine's Day?

"Valentine's Day bukas, Sath?" I asked, almost choking on my coffee. I didn't know!
I lost track of the days actually. Sa sobrang babad ko sa pagaaral ay limot ko na
nga kung anong petsa na ngayon!

"Yeah..."

"Wala tayong plano?" I bit my lip. Shit, nawala sa isip ko! I feel bad for not
planning anything.

"May gusto ka bang puntahan? O ano? Pwede naman ako bukas..." Sath probed.

Wala akong maisip. Hindi ako makasagot sa kan'ya. Ilang minuto 'yata ako
nakipagtitigan kay Sath bago siya tumawa at ginulo ang aking buhok.

"Okay lang naman sa akin kung wala o ano. Wala nga tayong monthsary, e. Don't think
about it too much..."

"Pero..." my shoulders slumped.

Naiinis ako dahil ako rin naman ang dahilan bakit wala kaming monthsary, I didn't
want that. No'ng tinanong nga ni Sath 'yon sa akin, sabi ko baka pwedeng tuwing
thirty one na lang para anim na beses lang kami magc-celebrate. Tinawanan niya lang
ako. So, we decided not to celebrate it. Hindi ko rin kasi talaga gusto.

Pero iba ang Valentine's! Isang beses lang ito sa isang taon, at kahit papaano
naman dito ako nakababawi sa kanya. Pero ngayong taon ay nakalimutan ko. It's
probably because of my hectic schedule but it isn't an excuse to neglect Sath.

Tahimik lang ako habang pinagpatuloy ni Sath ang pagpapaandar sa sasakyan.

I have to think of something, somehow.

Pero halos isang araw na lang ang meron ako. Maybe, I can buy him something? Pero
hindi naman materialistic si Sath, at medyo hindi na rin siya nagsusuot ng jacket.
Mas na-stress pa 'yata ako rito kumpara sa mga magiging exams namin.

"Girl, sabi ko naman kasi sa'yo. Bawal mag-syota kapag college. Tingnan mo, stress
na stress ka na riyan." puna ni Melay sa akin.

"Hindi naman dahil sa kan'ya e. Wala kasi akong ibibigay sa Valentine's ngayon..."

"Bigay mo na lang sarili mo. Kayo talagang may mga syota, nanghahampas ng privilege
sa mukha e." Umirap si Melay.

I laughed at her.
"Alam mo, masarap kaya magkaroon ng syota. Lalo na kapag nasa tamang tao ka na. You
flourish, you grow, and he nurtures you with so much love, it's overflowing..."

"Oo na sis, ikaw na may dilig." Ngumiwi si Melay. "Leche ka rin e, nagawa mo pang
mang-inggit."

Uminit ang aking mga pisngi. I didn't mean that! Iba ang tinutukoy ko. Agad akong
umangal sa sinabi niya.

Natigilan ako nang may maalala. I remember greeting Melay before. Blueberry
cheesecake. Biglang may bumbilya na umilaw sa aking isip.

That's right! Blueberry cheesecake! I'll bake one for him. Bukod sa itlog at mga
simpling lutuin, I learned how to bake a simple blueberry cheesecake since Sath
likes it.

I decided to bake one after my school hours, hindi inalintana ang pagod dahil ilang
oras na lang ang meron ako. Mabuti na lamang na pwedeng i-fridge na lang ito nang
ilang oras at okay na.

Sath:

Zaf, susunduin na ba kita?

Zafirah:

Wait lang!

Hintayin mo na lang ako sa baba.

Inalis ko na sa fridge 'yung blueberry cheesecake na ginawa ko. At inilagay sa

isang box. Nagmamadali akong bumaba ng hagdan para salubungin si Sath. We'll be
having dinner at his favorite steakhouse.

"Hi!" I beamed at him, agad naman niya ito sinuklian ng ngiti.

"Ano 'yan?" tanong niya sa hawak ko na box.

"Para sa 'yo," I kissed him on his cheeks. "Happy Valentine's, Sath!"

•.─── ❪✎❫ ───.•

"Are you sure? Walang okasyon ngayon?" pumanhik ang isa kong kilay dahil parang may
graduation ceremony sa loob ng steakhouse.

The lights were too blinding, may pa-red carpet pa at ang tugtog na ginagamit
madalas sa mga graduation ang siyang nag-aalis ng katahimikan sa paligid. Madalas
kami rito dahil sa simoy ng hangin at matatayog na puno na pinapalibutan ng mga
nakasabit na ilaw. Pero ngayong gabi, parang may iba.

Valentine's day ngayon pero bakit parang may graduation sa loob? Martsang pandangal
talaga?

"Wala nga," Sath chuckled and held my hand as he turned off the engine.

Pagkalabas pa lang namin ay natatawa na ako. Bakit kasi gano'n ang tugtugan? Ano?
Graduate sa pagiging single? Masarap naman ang pagkain dito pero bakit ganito ang
trip nila?

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti.

"Wala ba siyang remix diyan?" biro ko nang makahanap na kami ng upuan.

My eyes widened when there's a small stage in the center of the venue. Pakiramdam
ko talaga may graduation dito. I decided to point towards it.

"Sath, look! Baka may event nga! Sa iba na lang kaya tayo?"

"Hmm?" patay malisyang lumingon sa akin si Sath.

Biglang may spotlight na tumutok sa amin. Agad na umawang ang mga labi ko.

"Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, Summa Cum Laude in Sarathiel's heart."

My eyes widened as I guffawed. Ang daming alam ni Sath! Ano'ng pakulo ito? Siya ang
may gawa? Sobrang out of nowhere pero parang nilalagyan ng asin ang mga bulate sa
aking tiyan dahil sa sobrang kilig ko. Parang ewan kasi, hindi ko inakala!

"Pupunta ako roon?" I was still laughing, pinupunasan ang mga luha sa aking mga
mata dahil sa katatawa.

"Congrats," ngisi ni Sath at nagawa pang pumalakpak. Daming alam talaga!

Sumama naman ako at nakayuko habang pinipigilan ang tawa. Bakit kasi ganiyan ang
tugtog? Parang kulang na lang ay toga at mukha talagang martsa na. Nang nasa maliit
na stage na ako, nagulat ako dahil sumunod pala si Sath. He was looking at me
lovingly.

"May I have the honor to present your awards?"

"Seryoso ba ito?" I laughed. "You may."

"I present this award to Zafirah Sidney Sanchez, for being best in stealing my
heart." Sarathiel gave me a certificate. Binasa ko ito at may pangalan ko pa
talaga! The date, name of the merit and he even signed it!

"Best in loving me," malambing niya sabi at inabot ang isa pang certificate.

"Best in always trying to do her best, best in not giving up, most beautiful, most
understanding, most lovable, most —" ang dami niyang binibigay na certificate!
Sobrang namumula na aking pisngi dahil halos nakalagay ito sa lalagyan ng isang
bundle ng bondpaper.

"Sath, that's enough!" I chortled and immediately stopped him. "I love you more
than 3000, thank you for this."

Natigilan siya at ngumuso. He pointed using his lips at a certain direction.

Napalingon ako rito at nakita na may mga medals pa pala!

My heart swelled in happiness. Halos kuminang ang mga mata ko nang makita ang mga
medalya. He did all of this? For me?

"That's..." I was rendered speechless. "For me?"

"I know I've always told you that you are my greatest merit..." Sarathiel kissed me
on my cheek. "But you deserve this much too. You deserve appreciation for being
there to love me. I will always appreciate the time you lend for me..."

"Kahit parang kulang?" lumamlam ang mga mata ko.

"You're a busy woman, Zafi. Kahit isang oras lang sa buong araw mo, masaya na ako.
And you're giving me more than that..." he kissed me on my temples. Agad na gumuhit
ang isang ngiti sa aking labi.

Kumuha siya ng isang medalya at sinuot sa akin.

"Thank you for always reminding yourself that you have me, that you are never
alone, and I'll always love you for choosing to stay with me despite how hard it
is..." he kissed on my lips, and he decided to deepened the kiss making me tiptoe
so that I could reach him.
"I love you 3000..." bulong ko, almost breathless.

"Remember when you created something for me? You wrote qoutes and bible verses. I
decided to do the same. I wrote a whole box of I love yous. Para hindi mo
makalimutan na mahal kita."

He cupped my face, tinanggal niya muna ang ilang hibla na sumayad sa aking mukha.
His touch was full of affection.

"Let me guess? 3000 I love yous?" asar ko sa kanya. Agad siyang umiling, unti-
unting gumuhit ang isang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

"It's 3001, because I love you more than 3000."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

bye, balik na ako sa pof. <3 might delete this later. All love. Li.