The

Charisma Rules
The Simple Rules That Will Give
You Charisma Superpowers

GARY MARSHALL
Contents
Introduction – The Incredible Power Of Charisma
Rule #1 - Presence
Rule #2 - The Art Of Listening
Rule #3 - Body Language
Rule #4 - Become A Brilliant Conversationalist
Rule #5 - Vision And Goals
Rule #6 - Hit The Gym And Dress Sharply
Rule #7 - Never Complain & Take Responsibility
Rule #8 - Shine The Spotlight On Other People
Rule #9 - Be Humble, Friendly And Smile From Within
Rule #10 - Meet The Room
Rule #11 - Pay Everyone Some Attention
Rule # 12 - Power
Rule #13 - Visualization, Mindset And “Act As If”
Rule #14 - The Power Of Magic Moments
Rule #15 - Confidence
Rule #16 - Awareness – The Glue To It All
What Now?
Copyright 2017 - All Rights Reserved – Pomodoro Media

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be

reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, electronic, or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any informational
storage or retrieval system without express written, dated and signed
permission from the author.
 Introduction

The Incredible Power of Charisma

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya
Angelou

Have you ever met a really charismatic person? I have. They just seem to
have so much energy and life in them. They seem to have a light in their
eyes that exudes warmth and friendliness. They seem to have the world at
their feet and be surrounded by people that love and admire them. They
seem to have the ability to achieve any goal they set themselves, and
usually do. They live in the homes that other people admire, and go on the
holidays that most people can only dream of. In general, life seems to move
out of the way for them, and open all kinds of doors for them that don’t
open for normal people.
If there is one character trait a person can have, that can enhance their lives
in a powerful and positive way, and literally sky rocket them to success,
then this trait has to be charisma. Whichever way you look at it, being
charismatic will change your life, no matter who you are right now!
Often thought of as something only the lucky few have, charisma allows
people to build a rapport with others, which in turn means these people like
and admire them. When powerful people like and admire you, they will go
out of their way to create opportunities for you. They will want you in their
lives and invite you to parties and gatherings. They will want you to work
with them, and will take great joy in sharing their success and knowledge
with you.
When two people with the same skill set are going for the same promotion
at work, who do you think will get it? I can assure you it will be the person
that oozes charisma!
Charismatic people find that incredible opportunities present themselves all
the time, which make their lives exciting and fun. One of the most
charismatic people I know conservatively estimates that whenever he flies,
he is upgraded to Business Class at least 50% of the time. This is not
because he is lucky, but because charisma spills out of him. He is an expert
at building a rapport with people, which means they move mountains for
him because they genuinely like him.
Before anyone can truly become more charismatic, it is vitally important
that they understand what charisma is. I’ve found that many people think
they know what charisma is, but the truth is, they have no idea.
Charisma is something that’s pretty difficult to put into words, so let’s start
by identifying what charisma is NOT!
I’ve found that charisma is more than often confused with brashness,
arrogance, loudness and ebullience. One of my friends used to date a girl
who had many of these qualities, and he often commented on her
charismatic personality. At the time I used to cringe and think that she was
anything but charismatic.
You see, charismatic people don’t intentionally steal the limelight. They
don’t try to get everyone’s eyes on them, even though ironically this more
than often tends to happen naturally. They don’t obsess about being the
center of attention, or telling stories loudly. They don’t launch into stories
about themselves, or gloat about their latest achievements. This girl did,
which made her the direct opposite of charismatic in my opinion.
I’ve also seen charisma defined as the ability to talk to strangers on the
street, or in bars, or to approach people you don’t know and start talking to
them. While I believe this is a character trait of many charismatic people, I
don’t think it really describes charisma.
For me charisma is not about necessarily being the life of the party, or
striking up conversations with strangers. You may find yourself doing this
kind of thing naturally as a charismatic person, but I’ve seen this taught as
part of a charisma course, and while a useful skill, I don’t feel it’s the heart
and soul of charisma.
So What Is Charisma?
Charismatic people have an amazing ability to focus the attention on other
people. Read that again.
They focus on making the people around them feel amazing when they are
in their presence. They focus on making other people the center of
attention, rather than intentionally drawing the spotlight on themselves.
The Maya Angelou quote at the start of this book sums up charisma
perfectly for me.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Charisma is not about being loud, or being the life of the party. Charisma is
about how you make other people feel. It is the ability to make the people
around you feel like they are the only person on the planet when they are in
your presence. It is the ability to make them feel like they are the most
important person in the world!
There is a great story of two English statesmen Benjamin Disraeli and
William Gladstone who were running for office. After months of
campaigning they both had the chance to take the same lady out to dinner.
After this lady had dined with both of them on alternate evenings, and had
spent a couple of hours in their presence, a member of the press asked her
what she thought of them.
Her answer summed up charisma perfectly. She said that after spending a
few hours with each of the men, it was obvious that they were very
important, powerful and intelligent individuals, of that there was no doubt.
She went on to say “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr.
Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting
next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.
Do you see the difference?
This story optimizes what charisma is. It is the ability to build such a
rapport with people, that you actually make them feel like they are the only
person you care about. It doesn’t matter who these people are, or what they
do for a living, a charismatic person makes them feel incredible.
Charisma is the ability to build a rapport with people in such a way that
they genuinely like you and enjoy being around you. It is the ability to have
people warm to you, often not really knowing why they do but simply
knowing that they really admire you and want to spend more time with you.

Charisma is a Simple Skill Anyone Can Learn

The aim of this book is to give you charisma superpowers. One of the
things I’ve found about charisma is that most people don’t realize that it’s a
skill, just like any other skill, that can be learnt and mastered. Most people
think charisma is one of those traits that “you either have or you don’t”.
They think that charisma is something only the lucky are born with. They
think it is something that comes naturally to people, and if they aren’t
blessed with this ability then there is not much they can do about it.
This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Charisma is just like any other skill that can be studied, learnt and mastered.
It is a certain set of character traits combining body language, attitude,
conversation and awareness of your surroundings that transforms you into
this mythical beast we call “Charisma”.
In this book, we’ll move forward with what I feel are the “rules” of
charisma and find out how you can learn to apply these to your life slowly
and consistently to become a more charismatic person.
A number of years ago I became fascinated by the subject of charisma and
committed to developing my own charisma levels. I sat down and thought
about the charismatic people I knew in my life, and detailed what traits and
mannerisms they had. I read everything I could on the subject, and closely
watched these people as they went about their day. I created a “Black Book”
if you will, packed full of notes and ideas that I could use to develop my
own personality and character to become a more charismatic person.
After forming a list of skills and character traits I began to put them into
practice. I worked on them each and every day, trying and testing them to
find out what worked and what didn’t work. Once I knew that the principles
and ideas worked, I decided to organize them into a guide that I could pass
on to anyone else that was interested in developing their own charisma. The
end result is this book.

How To Use This Book

I’d like you to consider this book a manual that will transform you into
someone that has charisma by the bucket load. In-fact I would go as far as
to say that if you use this book and apply the rules within it, it is virtually
impossible for you not to double, triple or even quadruple your charisma
levels. I don’t say this to boast or impress you; I say this simply because I
know that the rules in this book work. I have used them myself, with some
great results.
The incredible thing that I discovered about these ‘Charisma Rules’, is that
they are either working for you, or they are working against you. You are
either charismatic or you are not. It all depends on which way the rules are
working for you in your life at the moment. Either way, they are working
for you whether you like it or not.
The key is for you to be aware of them and then to apply them positively to
your life, rather than negatively.
At the end of each chapter we will put the new skill or rule you have just
learnt into practice by using it in everyday life. The beauty of this is that
you can chose to learn a new skill or rule every day (If you’re an avid
reader), or you can take your time and learn a new skill each week or
month. The pace and urgency at which you learn and develop your
charisma is completely up to you. I’d encourage you to make this a lifelong
lesson in which the pace at which you proceed is entirely up to you.
By gradually harnessing and combining each of these skills, you will find
that your charisma level starts to shoot through the roof as you hone your
new skills more and more.
As you build on each skill with a new one, you will develop the ability to
build relationships with almost anyone, no matter what they do for a living,
or what financial status they hold. You will find that people love being
around you, and want to spend time around you because you make them
feel like a million bucks when they’re in your presence. When this happens,
you will find that people will start to move mountains for you, and
opportunities will seem to appear out of thin air. You will wonder how you
ever lived any other way, as your old life will be but a distant memory.
I encourage you to commit to learning these rules and then living by them
for the rest of your life. They are not intended to be read once, maybe tried
once and then never used again.
The aim is for you to become a student of charisma, always learning and
practicing your skills. The beauty of this is that when you do this, there is
no such thing as “failure”. You never fail, you simply produce results.
Instead of failing, you simply produce a result that you do not desire. All
you need to do then is make a small change and produce a slightly different
result. Eventually, if you do this often enough, you will produce the result
you are after.
You can only fail if you stop producing results. As you learn and apply
these charisma rules, it is not possible for you to fail. You will simply
become better and better at putting them into practice in the real world,
until you produce the perfect result that you desire. In this case, it is the
result of being someone that exudes massive amounts of charisma and
captivates the people around them.
When it comes to charisma you can never be too charismatic, and you can
certainly never stop learning and mastering your craft.

Before we get started, a little note about grammar. I know it, and love it, but
I haven’t always followed it in this book. I’ve done this for informality and
immediacy. I’ve chosen to write how I speak, almost as if I was giving a
presentation on the power of charisma and you were in the room with me. I
hope the sticklers will forgive me.
This book will change your life if you let it. When that happens, your life
will become the stuff that only dreams are made of. A life where any goal
and dream you have becomes easily achievable! All because of this
wonderful superpower called “Charisma”!
Lastly, at the end of the book, if you don’t mind, I’ll ask you to give me
your feedback. I read every single review personally, and I love hearing
from my readers, so I’d really appreciate it if you took 2 seconds to let me
know your thoughts.

Let’s get started….

 Charisma Rule #1

Presence

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your
attention” – Jim Rohn

Have you ever been having a conversation with someone, and you could
tell that they weren’t full invested in what you were saying?
While you were talking, their eyes were scanning the room. They kept
checking their phone. They kept checking their watch. How did that make
you feel?
The first important rule of charisma is presence. By this I mean that when
you are interacting with someone, you focus all your attention on them the
entire time.
This may sound obvious and really simple to do, but believe me it can be
tricky.
In a world where almost everyone has a smart phone that allows them to
surf the internet or browse social media sites, or there is always something
on TV, it has become increasingly difficult to get a person’s full attention.
In-fact I’d almost go as far as to say it has become impossible to get
someone’s full attention for any given length of time.

I know from first-hand experience just being in my own home in the

evenings. My wife often has her attention on her laptop while I’m talking to
her, or I do the same when she is talking to me. We seem to have our
iPhones in our hand all the time, surfing the internet and browsing social
media sites.
In this type of environment, giving someone your full attention is almost
unheard of.
The good news is that the ability to really focus on the person you are
interacting with, so that they have your full attention will make you stand
out from the crowd.
It will make this person feel like you are really interested in what they have
to say, and that they really matter to you.
People just aren’t used to this kind of attention and when it happens, it
makes them feel remarkably special. In essence, the ability to really focus
on the person you are interacting with, will literally sky-rocket your
charisma instantly. Take another look at Jim Rohn’s quote at the start of this
chapter and let it sink in. Your presence and attention is truly a gift to the
person you are dealing with.
The fact that almost no one does this anymore plays right into your hands,
because it will make your efforts even more phenomenal in the eyes of the
person you’re talking to.
This is why it’s extremely important to maintain presence and eye contact at
all times when speaking to people if you want to become a more
charismatic person.
Did you know Bill Clinton is widely known for his charisma? Of course he
is a politician and has the ability to interact with people, but did you know
that he is often thought of as one of the most charismatic individuals you
could meet?
One of his greatest skills is the ability to make you feel like you are the only
person in the room when he is talking to you. He is completely present as
he gazes into your eyes, and doesn’t look anywhere other than directly at
you. He makes you feel like you have his full attention as he listens and
really soaks in what you’re saying.

This has an incredible effect on the person he is speaking to, because they
literally feel as if they are the only person in his world and after all, that’s
exactly what charisma is all about.

In a world where it is difficult to get 5 seconds of someone’s time, let alone

5 minutes, Bill Clinton stops what he is doing, shuts out the world around
him, and focuses all his attention on the person he is speaking to.
There is a great story written by a blog owner that met Clinton a couple of
years ago. She had heard all about his charismatic ability, but wasn’t a huge
fan of his because of the Monica Lewinsky scandal. She ended up at a
dinner where he was the guest speaker, and after his speech the audience
had a chance to line up and meet him.
When a few people went up to meet him from her table, she decided to give
the experience a miss, after-all she wasn’t really a huge fan of his, and she
wasn’t about to waste her time standing in line to meet him.
She changed her mind however, when the people from her table returned
gushing about how charming he was and what an experience it was to meet
him. She decided to humor them and waited in line patiently to meet him.

What she described next was one of the most powerful 30 seconds of her
life. When it was her turn to meet Clinton, he took her by the hand, and
focused all his eye contact on her. With a warm smile, he began to ask her
all about herself, and never once took his eyes off her. She said she literally
felt as if she was the only person in a room that was full of 3,000 people.
She even joked that when she got home later that night, she half expected to
have a voice message on her answering machine from him.
That is the true power of Bill Clinton’s charisma, and a huge part of his
armory is the ability to be present with the person he is speaking to.

Maintaining presence is often a lot harder than it sounds. Think about a

conversation you may have had in the last day with someone. Were you
able to keep focused on them all the time, or did your mind start to wonder
as they were talking? I’m willing to bet it was the latter.
Maintaining presence takes work, and will not be easy right away, but as
long as you are aware that you are trying to improve your ‘presence’ when
talking to people, you will find that over time it will get easier and easier.
The first thing you can do that will help you be more present is to come up
with some sort of movement, or muscle twitch that you can do in order to
remind yourself that you are trying to be present.
For example you could slowly rub the thumb and index finger of your right
hand together while you are listening to people talk during a conversation.
You can also visualize and see the word ‘Presence’ floating around in the
air as you do this.

Now I realize this probably sounds really weird, but it will help remind you
that you are trying to be more present.
As soon as you find yourself starting to drift away, and find yourself
thinking about other things instead of listening to the person and remaining
present, try rubbing your fingers together again to snap back into it.
Of course you can use any sort of muscle memory trick you wish to remind
yourself to be more present. You can gently wiggle your toes in your socks
if you want to, or rub your tongue across the back of your teeth if you wish.
You can also focus on your breathing. It doesn’t matter what it is, the point
is to do something that you can feel and something that reminds you not to
drift away from being present.
Another trick you can use is to quietly repeat every fourth or fifth word the
person is saying back to yourself. For example, someone might say
something along the lines of “This weekend my brother Brian is coming
over to visit all the way from California, and he is bringing his wife and
children as well.” What you might do is repeat a few of the main words
such as “Brian”…”California”..quietly to yourself while they are speaking.
This will firstly help you remain present, but also engrain the key points of
the conversation in your memory. Imagine how impressed that person will
be a week later when you ask them how their brother Brian is!
Think of yourself as a sponge soaking up the person you are interacting
with. Absorb everything they say, and focus only on them.
The skill of presence takes a lot of work, so don’t get down on yourself if
you find it difficult in the beginning.
I strongly encourage you to start working on this right away if you want to
improve your charisma. It’s a great starting point and trust me, in a world
where people struggle to get someone’s attention for more than a minute, if
you can give someone your undivided attention while they speak to you,
you will stand out in their eyes and you will start to make them feel like
they are the only person in the world, which is the number one play right
out of Bill Clinton’s book.

Charisma Exercise #1:

Your first exercise is to come up with a body movement that you can use
during conversation. Remember I mentioned you could rub your thumb and
index fingers together and vividly see the word ‘Presence’ floating in the air
all while concentrating on the person speaking.
Once you have done this, use it in a conversation with someone. Next try
and repeat every fourth or fifth word quietly to yourself as they speak.
Focus on really being present while they are interacting with you. Don’t
look at the TV, or your phone – not even for a second. Don’t merely pass
the time waiting for your turn to speak. Focus all your attention on them
and remain present.
With practice you will find that you eventually no longer require your
movement to keep your focus. Eventually when you are interacting with
someone, you will no longer need to rub your thumb and index finger
together. Something in your head will scream “Presence” as soon as you
start talking, and through constant practice you will be able to give people
your undivided attention.
Try this once, and then keep trying it every opportunity you get. You’ll find
at first it is really tough to remain present for a lengthily period of time, but
as you work on this skill more and more you will start to find that you get
better at it.
 Charisma Rule #2

The Art of Listening

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the
intent to reply.” - Stephen R. Covey

The next rule of charisma is to listen. Charismatic people ALWAYS listen

way more than they speak. Remember my friend’s girlfriend that I
mentioned in the introduction? Well she was the exact opposite. She
dominated every conversation with anecdotes and stories about herself. As
soon as someone else would start to tell a story, she would interrupt them
with a story of her own. She clearly wasn’t familiar with Mark Twain’s
quote, “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two
tongues and one ear.”
My friend thought this made her charismatic, but it didn’t. It made her the
exact opposite.
Charismatic people are great listeners. They have the ability to let other
people do the talking, thereby making these people feel valued, important
and worthy. Remember, charisma is about how you make other people feel
when they are around you. Nothing makes a person feel more valued than
someone that takes the time to listen to them.
Taking the time to listen to another person speak, and more importantly
letting them finish what they are saying before you begin to speak, is
another rare skill that will make you immediately appear more charismatic.
It will make you stand out from almost everyone else, because this simple
art is found in rare commodities in this day and age.
If you’re like I used to be, you may find that you are guilty of only part-
listening to people when they speak. By this I mean that often in the past
(before I really started to focus on my charisma) I was guilty of listening to
the other person speak, only to the point where I wanted to chime in to the
conversation with a reply, or my own story. From then on, I would barely
listen to what they were saying, as I waited for my turn to speak. Can you
relate to this?
The problem is when you do this it becomes very clear to the person that is
speaking. You may not be aware of it, but they will be able to tell by your
facial expressions and more than likely lack of eye-contact that you are not
really listening to them and merely waiting for your turn to speak.
Listening to people when they speak and paying full attention to them is
vital if you want to improve your charisma. There are 2 simple tricks you
can use which will help you do this. Firstly, while they are speaking, try to
create images to go along with the words they are saying. Instead of only
listening to the words they are speaking, make a story in your mind, almost
like a movie, which goes along with their dialog.
This will immediately improve your listening ability as it will help you
“see” what they are saying, as well as remember what they were saying at a
later stage.
A really powerful result from using this process, is that it will lead you to
asking more intelligent and perceptive questions related to the person’s
story.
In the past you may have simply nodded as you went through the motions
of hearing them but not really listening. What you will more than likely find
though si that when you make mental movies in your mind as the person
tells their story, it will cause you to wonder about events and details of their
story. If they were telling you about how they were stuck in traffic, and you
had begun to make a movie of this in your mind, you may wonder to
yourelf “Where were they driving?”
You may then ask them this at a later stage, because you were genuinely
interested. Straight away it would be clear that you were listening with great
intent and that you are genuinely interested in their story, rather than simply
going through the motions and waiting for your turn to speak, as so many of
us do.
The second step is that you can then also make a concerted effort to wait for
a full 5 seconds until after they have finished speaking, before you start to
speak.
This may sound extreme and may sound like an eternity to wait, but give it
a try. Let the person’s word sink in and then only reply. It’s hard to really
emphasize the incredible power this will have on the person you are
speaking to. They will feel that you have really listened to them, and only
then have replied with your part of the conversation.

I’ve found that these two tips have worked wonders for me. Combined with
my awareness to be more present, I’ve noticed that I have started to really
listen to the other person in the conversation speak, as I know that I am not
allowed to talk until they are finished. In the past when I had something to
say, I would inadvertently stop listening to the rest of their dialog, and only
think about what or how I was going to speak next.
I would hear them say the words, but I didn’t listen to them, and I certainly
didn’t make a mental movie to go along with them. The result was that they
washed over me with little or no effect. This in turn had a knock-on effect
to my presence ability, as instead of listening to them, my mind was
wondering off elsewhere thinking about my side of the conversation.
Charisma Exercise #2
Your next exercise is to have a conversation with someone, and as they
speak, try to make a mental picture or movie in your mind of what they are
saying. If they told you a story about how they were stuck in traffic earlier
that day, create a vivid image of them sitting in their car, waiting in the
traffic.
You will be amazed how more clearly you interact with them and will really
connect with them in a way you may not have in the past. Then wait a full 5
seconds after they finished speaking to start talking.
Of course you don’t want to make this seem weird or creepy. To ensure you
don’t do this, make sure you keep a warm friendly expression on your face.
I’ve found that having a gentle smile (if the situation allows it), or nodding
my head slowly in agreement help avoid any weirdness that my come from
delaying your response after they speak. Keep eye contact as well, as you
wait for your turn to speak. This will appear as if you are really letting their
words sink in.
Trust me when I say those 5 seconds will feel like a lifetime when you first
try this exercise, but the more you practice this, the more you will start to
see the power behind it. Continue to build on this skill with each and every
conversation you find yourself having.
 Charisma Rule #3

Body Language

“You can tell a lot by someone's body language.” - Harvey Wolter

The next rule of charisma is your body language. It goes without saying,
that without the correct body language, it is virtually impossible to be
charismatic. The reason for this is pretty simple. Think of someone you
know that is charismatic. Picture them in your head right now. Are they
slouched over, looking depressed? I seriously doubt it.
When you picture them in your head, do they have a frown on their
forehead, or are they smiling openly with warmth, welcoming you into their
lives?
Charismatic people know that body language is important, and they focus
on making sure they are projecting the right kind.
It all starts with the correct posture. They make sure they are standing or
sitting upright, with their shoulders back. Charismatic people don’t slouch,
or sit with their shoulders in a rounded position. They keep their heads held
high looking directly at the person they are dealing with. They never slouch
over and look at the floor. This immediately projects self-confidence. It
portrays an image of assurance.
Right now as you read these words, try and work on your posture. Hold
your shoulders back and make sure you’re sitting upright. If you’re a serial
sloucher, this may take a bit of work to get used to, but it is vital that you
focus on this if you wish to improve your charisma.
The second important element of body language that charismatic people
have mastered is their facial expressions. You will seldom see these people
with scowls, or frowns on their faces. They usually seem to have a stifled
smile, or calm look on their face that projects warmth and friendliness.
Facial expressions can be one of the toughest parts of body language to
master, as usually they are made sub-consciously without the person being
fully aware of the expression they are making.
I know from experience in the past, I’ve had people comment that they saw
me earlier in the day across the room, but I looked annoyed or grumpy. I’ve
often been surprised by this, as at the time I was usually anything but
annoyed or grumpy. The truth is I was perhaps thinking about something
else, or my mind was elsewhere, and I was totally oblivious to the fact that I
was frowning or scowling. Facial expressions are very important in the
world of charisma.
The third important body language skill I want you to focus on is the way
you walk. Every charismatic person I’ve ever met walks with certainty. This
comes from the confidence that they carry with them. They walk with a
purpose, rather than amble along slowly. They walk with passion and drive.
You can almost see they are on a mission, with somewhere to go. Make sure
you walk in an assertive manner, rather than slowly and aimlessly.
The last body language aspect I want you to develop is the use of your
hands. Charismatic people use their hands when they are talking, or telling
a story. If you think of some of the best orators you’ve seen, you will notice
that they use their hands to tell their story. Think of politicians, or
motivational speakers. They all gesture powerfully with their hands as they
get their point across. This is something that can bring you to life when you
speak and goes a long way to making you appear more dynamic, with very
little extra effort on your behalf.
Charisma exercise # 3:
Your next exercise is to first work on your posture. When you have your
next conversation, make sure your posture is confident and proud. Sit
upright, and make sure you don’t slouch. Really pay attention to this.
Next you will want to try and be fully aware of your facial expressions.
Start by spending a little time in-front of the mirror each day (it doesn’t
have to be long), and give yourself a great big smile back. Seriously! Give
yourself a big huge grin. Notice how your eyes and face light up.
Immediately you will look more charismatic and appear to be friendlier.

Of course I’m not saying you should walk around all day grinning like an
idiot. In-fact if you did this you would probably come across as plain
stupid, rather than charismatic.
There is obviously a time and place for smiling, but it is certainly
something to be more aware of. Smile as often as you can in conversation
and as you go about your day. This projects warmth, which is a vital part of
being charismatic. We’ve already discussed that charisma is about how you
make other people feel about themselves, and being warm and friendly will
go a long way to making the people in your life feel great and want to spend
time around you.
Once you’ve spent some time working on these exercises, I want you to
practice your walk. It sounds like a strange thing to do, but try it. Walk with
certainty and purpose, rather than ambling along slowly.
Lastly, work on the use of your hands when you speak. The best way I have
developed this skill is by spending some time speaking in-front of the
mirror and working on moving my hands. It’s really easy to do once you get
into the habit of it. Take 5 minutes right now to tell a story to yourself and
simply use your hands to gesture your point. The more you do it, the more
natural it becomes and the more dynamic you will appear.
 Charisma Rule #4

Become a Brilliant Conversationalist

“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually

uses in conversation.” - Mark Twain

People that ooze charisma are interesting, and make great conversation.
You will do well to find a charismatic person that is dull and boring. In-fact
I think the words ‘dull’ and ‘charisma’ may be considered an oxymoron.
Being a great conversationalist is actually a lot easier than you think in
terms of being more charismatic. Of course you can obviously make sure
you are well read, and have an excellent general knowledge. This will
always make you a better conversationalist because it will allow you to
contribute more to conversations. But you knew that already didn’t you.
If you have the time to do this and want to build up your subject
knowledge, that’s fantastic. The downside to this though is that it may take
some time. I encourage you to read as much as you can on as many subjects
as possible. You can never be too well read, but of course it will take you
time to really build up your knowledge.
The good news is that there is another much quicker way that you can
improve your conversation skills, and it doesn’t require any reading at all.
In fact, ironically it doesn’t involve much speaking either.
Dale Carnegie once wrote that “A person’s name is to that person the
sweetest sound in any language”. Simply put, this means that people are
always more interested in themselves than anyone else and they will always
be more responsive to the sound of their own name. These are both two
vital charisma points this chapter will touch on.
Remember the anecdote in the opening chapter about the two British
politicians that took the same lady out for dinner? The one that made the
lady feel like she was the most interesting person on the planet ended up
winning the election.
Charismatic people know that people are more interested in themselves than
anyone else. Whether they admit it or not, it is more than likely that a
person’s favorite subject in the entire world is the subject of…well
themselves.
If you want to immediately improve your conversation skills, make an
effort to focus the conversation more on the person you are talking to, and
less on yourself. I’ve seen this referred to as “Social Jiu-Jitsu” because in
essence you are applying a form of marital arts, only instead of physical, it
is verbal or social.
Social Jiu-Jitsu is the art of getting people to talk about themselves without
them even knowing it. A social Jiu-Jitsu expert is completely fascinated by
the story of your holiday, or what you did last weekend, or what you are
going to do this coming weekend. They want to know everything about
what you do at work, and how you managed to get promoted to where you
are today. They want to know about your family and what your hopes and
dreams are.
Have you ever had experience with a Social Jiu-Jitsu expert? If you have,
you may find that you had a delightful conversation with someone for 10
minutes, only to realize afterwards that you didn’t really learn anything
about them. In-fact on reflection, you realize that you did all the talking and
they made you feel like you were the most interesting person in the world.
The biggest step you can take to becoming a Social Jiu-Jitsu expert is to
simply ask more engaging questions about the person you are speaking to,
and then listen intently, while all the time remaining present and ensuring
your body language is strong.
Let them do most of the talking, and when they have finished their
sentence, reply and follow up with more dialog that leads the conversation
back to them, prompting them to continue talking about themselves. Once
you have learnt something about them, ask them how they achieved it. Ask
them what they learnt from it, and how you can achieve the same thing.
You will be amazed how this can immediately make you appear more
interesting. As ironic as it sounds, people will find you more interesting and
will enjoy being around you a lot more, simply because you let them lead
the conversation and make them feel interesting.
I once had this experience first-hand a few years ago. I was at a party and
started chatting to a lady that I had just met. Her name was Erin. By the end
of the party as I drove home, I thought to myself what a friendly, warm,
interesting person she was.
When I reflected further and tried to work out exactly what it was that I
liked about her, I suddenly realized that I actually didn’t know that much
about her at all. The entire time I had been speaking to Erin, she had gently
kept steering the conversation back in my direction, and prompted me to tell
her all about myself.
Where I worked, what I did for fun, my hobbies and goals etc. I shared past
storied with her, and chatted openly for ages. As I looked back though I
realized that she had done very little talking herself, but somehow I had felt
as if she were incredibly interesting and really enjoyed being around her! I
realized I had been a victim of Social Jiu-Jitsu, and I had loved every
minute of it.
Erin was a master at this skill, and I later learnt that everyone loves her for
it. Wherever she goes, she makes the people she engages with feel like they
are the most interesting person in the world. The people I met that knew
Erin only had good things to say about her.
On the other end of the scale, I used to work with a lady who was the exact
opposite of a Social Jiu-Jitsu expert. We would usually take about a 15
minute tea break each day where employees sat around a table and made
small-talk.
This girl took it upon herself to dominate the conversation for those 15
minutes, always steering it back to herself. If someone else started a story
about a particular subject, she would chime in with an experience that was
similar. If someone started to talk about what they were up to the following
weekend she would chime in and tell everyone what she would be doing.
More often than not, she would end up talking for 80% of the tea-break,
while the other employees simply had to sit around and listen to her.
Ironically, as is so often the case with these kinds of people, she thought she
oozed charisma and was the life of the party, but to the rest of us, we found
her loud, rude and dominating.
People love talking about themselves. I don’t mean this in an arrogant or
selfless way, but it’s the truth. If you want to immediately appear more
interesting and improve your conversation skills, try and focus on directing
the conversation back to the person you are talking to rather than steering
the conversation towards yourself (as she did).
This technique is one of the greatest skills a charismatic person holds in
their armory. Remember Bill Clinton, and how he makes people feel like
they are the only person in the room when he speaks to them? It’s because
he looks them in the eye and keeps steering the conversation back to them.
He encourages people to keep talking about themselves, and then listens
intently and asks more meaningful questions.
A second powerful tool you can use to improve your conversation skills is
to use the person’s name more often. You obviously don’t want to overuse it
by mentioning it in every second sentence, but by sprinkling their name
around, it certainly makes them feel more important. It is especially
powerful if you use it at the start of the conversation. When greeting them,
be sure to say “Hi Peter”, as opposed to “Hi”. It sounds like a minor detail
but just adding their name to your greeting creates a far more powerful
impression.
Linked to this is also the importance of remembering a person’s name. I
experienced the full impact of this about 2 years ago and it has left a lasting
impression on me.
I had met someone briefly for a couple of minutes at an office sales
function. We didn’t work in the same department, and as a result, our paths
didn’t cross for about 3 weeks after that. Then suddenly we happened to
pass each other by on the corridor one morning. Without even blinking an
eye, the person said “Morning Gary”, as they walked past me.
I can still remember how surprised I was to hear them say my name. While
I remembered them from the conference, I had completely forgotten their
name, but somehow they had managed to remember mine.
The unexpectedness of this created a lasting impression on me, and since
that day I have always gone out of my way to try and remember people’s
names and then use them where I can. I find the best way to do this is to
make a rhyme about their name when you meet them, or even better,
associate their name with another person you know well with the same
name. Picture the other person and this new person together in the same
image and say their name a few times until it sinks in.
Additionally, when they do speak, charismatic people also seem to have a
certain way with words. They tend to use phrases like “We”, rather than “I”.
So if they were in a group of friends they would say something like “We
should go to XYZ restaurant”, rather than “I want to go to XYZ restaurant”.
The simple difference is that “We” creates a sense of togetherness and unity,
rather than the “I” which has more of an individual image associated with
it. The choice of “We” makes it sound like the user has the group’s best
interests at heart, rather than their own, which is a common skill of
charismatic people.

Charisma Exercise #4:

Your next exercise is to have a conversation with someone, and focus on
gently steering the conversation back to them so that they do most of the
talking. Of course you want to keep it natural, and will obviously have to
speak yourself to do this, but when you find that you are doing more talking
than them, simply move the conversation back to them, by asking them a
question, or their opinion about the subject.
An example could be if you’re chatting to your partner about your day.
Instead of rushing off and telling them all about your day, and what went
right or wrong, encourage them to talk about their day. Listen intently and
let them continue talking. If they ask you about your day, tell them a little
bit about it, but steer the conversation back to them, always letting them do
more talking than you. Ask empowering questions using why and how.
Charismatic people shine the spotlight on other people. Never forget that.

Charisma Rule #5

Vision and Goals

“If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you
go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good
things we build end up building us.” - Jim Rohn
You may not have expected to find a chapter on ‘goals’ in a book about
charisma, but the truth is that charismatic people have goals. It’s just that
simple.
They know where they are going, and they know what they want in life. If
you ask them what they want to achieve 12 months from now, they will be
able to rattle off a list of achievements in 5 seconds. If you ask them what
they want to achieve 10 years from now, they will be able to do the same.
They don’t simply amble through life like a large percentage of people do.
They are focused, driven and have clearly defined goals that they want to
accomplish during their time on this planet.
It’s not my intention to turn this book into a book about goals, but the
power of goals really can’t be underestimated. You may have heard this all
before, but trust me when I tell you that it’s the truth, and here’s why.
I believe that goals are incredibly important for the simple reason that when
you start to achieve your goals and you then start to achieve a degree of
success, no matter how big or small, you will find that you start to change
as a person for the better. Once you realize that the goals you have set
yourself are possible, you will become addicted to achieving them and your
entire mindset will change. No longer will you be a shy, quiet person living
in the shadows of life. No longer will you lack direction, motivation and
drive. Instead you will find you are suddenly more confident, and happy to
take on any challenge. These are both important character traits of
charismatic people.
You will find that instead of wasting your time talking about other people,
or complaining, you will have an incredibly positive outlook on life, and
will attack any challenge that comes your way. When you think of truly
charismatic people, I’m sure you’d agree that this is the type of outlook
they have on life. They seem to make everything look so easy. They glide
through life from one achievement to another, loved and praised by the
people around them. Don’t you want to have these character traits as well?
Goal setting is crucial if you’re going to become a more charismatic person.
Without turning this into a boring goal-setting chapter, which I’m sure
you’ve been through in other books, I’d like to take you briefly through a
goal-setting strategy, and how you can use this. Once I’ve done that, I’m
going to tell you how to apply this to one of your biggest goals of all…
becoming a more charismatic person.
I can promise you that your life will change when you really start to focus
on your goals. You will start to grow into the person you’ve always wanted
to be, simply because you will start to achieve success.
Although this success may be small at first, the mere fact that you have
accomplished a goal you’ve set yourself will lead you to setting bigger
more ambitious goals. Once you have achieved these you will set even
more goals, growing in confidence all the time.
When you meet someone that is in the process of working on their goals,
you can see it from a mile away. They have a passion for life, and seem to
have a sparkle in their eyes.
I like to keep my goal-setting process really simple. I’ve read many books
on goal setting, and while some of them have been excellent, I have come
up with my own formula which works really well for me.
There are 4 steps in my powerful goal setting process. Where I feel many
goal-setting books fall short is that they place far too much emphasis on
setting BIG audacious goals that challenge you. While I believe this is
important and even vital if you are going to reach your full potential, I’ve
found it can also be detrimental to your success if not done correctly.

The problem with setting massive, juicy goals is that you will often have a
hard time relating to them. It’s one thing to write down a goal of earning
$100,000 a month by the end of the year, but if you currently earn $2,000 a
month, your brain will have a hard time believing that this will be possible.
You will then find that because you don’t really believe it is possible to
achieve your goal, you start to lose interest in it, and will lack the
motivation required to get you moving in the right direction.
Before we get started with my goal setting formula, I believe that there is
one crucial element that you need to do before you even start to set yourself
goals.
You first need to create an overall vision. You need to create your overall
master plan. Think of your vision as the grand accumulation of all your
goals. Your vision ties all your goals together into one powerful result if
you will.

I personally believe that this is vital to achieving your goals because I found
that before I created a vision for myself, I would lose interest in my goals if
I found them too difficult, or if I wasn’t having much success with them. I
found that I tended to quit at the first hurdle or roadblock I faced. Looking
back I now realize that the problem was that I couldn’t see the big picture. I
couldn’t see how my goals tied in together and how they would impact my
life overall.
So the very first thing I do is create my vision. I think of the end picture,
where I want to end up eventually once I’ve achieved all of my goals.
My vision may be something along the lines of living in a beautiful 6
bedroom house with my wife and children. I run my own company that
makes $100,000 a month. I use a portion of the money I earn to give back
to charities and to help people in need. I am in peak shape because I work
out in my private gym every single day. I have incredible relationships with
friends and family and make them feel like they are the most important
people in the world when they are around me. I ooze charisma and have a
magnetic personality that attracts great people into my life. One day when I
am gone, people will remember that I made them feel good about
themselves when they were around me.
Now of course your vision may differ, but this is just an example of my
overall vision. It sums up where I see myself 20-30 years from now.
Now that I have created my overall vision, I then break this vision down
into small, tiny steps also known as goals. These goals will be the steps and
path I need to take in order to achieve this grand vision I have created for
myself.
The beauty of this is that if I don’t achieve one of my goals, I simply
remind myself of my overall vision and immediately feel a rush of
enthusiasm and power.
In the past I may have set myself a goal of losing 10 pounds. When I failed
to do this I would give up and get despondent, but after I created my vision,
I remind myself that my overall goal is to be in peak shape in the long-run.
This means that although I may have failed on this particular fitness goal,
all I need to do is start over again and keep going. Eventually if I do this
often enough, I will achieve my overall vision.
Essentially your vision will tie your goals together and keep you motivated
when you hit inevitable stumbling blocks along the way.
So now that I have created my vision, I will next focus on my goals. My
goal setting process has a few different steps. I first set myself what I like to
call “My Year Goals”, which are a set of goals I want to achieve by 31st
December of this year. These goals are all goals which are currently just
slightly out of my reach. I haven’t achieved them yet, but I know that with
some hard work and focus, I can achieve them by the end of the year. If I
currently earn $2,000 a month, I may set myself a goal of earning $5,000 a
month. I then compile a list of a variety of goals, from financial goals,
fitness goals, relationship goals, charisma goals and lifestyle goals.
I then create what is called a vision board. This is simply a set of pictures
I’ve found online of each of my goals. A good example is that currently one
of my goals is to book a holiday to New York by the end of the year. So my
vision board has a beautiful picture of the New York skyline. I also have
pictures of my financial goals, fitness goals and all sorts of other inspiring
pictures. I find that the trick is to find pictures that really inspire you and
grab your attention. Find pictures that get your juices flowing, and provoke
emotion when you look at them.

These two steps are vital to achieving my goals. The fact that I have set
myself goals which are only just out of my reach means I know they are
achievable and won’t lose heart or focus. My vision board reminds me what
achieving my goals will look and feel like, which has a powerful impact.
Remember these short-term goals are all geared towards achieving my
overall long-term vision.
I next repeat the process, only this time I set myself what I call “My 10 Year
Goals”. As the name suggests, these are the goals I want to achieve 10 years
from now. They may be something like earning $100,000 a month, or living
in a beautiful 6 bedroom home. They are what I would consider huge goals,
which at the moment seem miles away, but I set them nonetheless.
I then also create a vision board with these goals, containing inspiring
pictures that excite me.

Now here is where the real power comes in. By setting myself yearly goals,
but also setting myself 10 year goals, I make sure that I keep myself
focused, while also remembering to think big and shoot for the stars.
What I’ve found is that by focusing on my yearly goals, while at the same
time remembering where I want to be 10 years from now, the two sets of
goals slowly start to align with each other more and more each year.
If you achieved the goal of earning $5,000 a month by the end of the year,
you would then set a new yearly goal of earning $10,000 a month for the
next year. Year by year I’ve found that my goals get closer and closer to my
10 year goals. I’m still being ambitious by having these huge goals in the
background, but the real power comes from focusing on my short term
goals, and ticking them off each year.
I do this on my iPhone. You can use a piece of paper if you wish, but I
really like to keep this list on my phone so that I have it with me wherever I
go.
Whenever I get a chance, I open up the list on my phone and read through
my goals. This reminds me what I am trying to accomplish and what I’d
like to achieve. I then spend a few minutes just looking at my vision board,
letting the images sink in.
My biggest tip is to write out your goals each and every day, in the present
tense. When I do this, I also write out the time frame for which I would like
to achieve each of my goals.
Here’s an example off my list:
“I easily buy a house and start to renovate it by 31st December 20XX”.
In this example, you can see I have used the word ‘easily’. This is important
as it reaffirms in your mind that you will achieve this goal no matter what
the challenges are. I then specify my goal, and set a timeframe for it, being
the 31st December 20XX.
It only takes me 5 minutes to do this. I then make sure I read them a few
times throughout the day.
This sounds far too simple to actually work, but believe me when I tell you,
don’t underestimate the power of this. I first realized how powerful this
process is when I decided to set myself a goal of finding a new job, which
paid a far larger salary than I had been earning at the time.
I wrote out my goal exactly in the format as above, specifying the salary I
would earn (which was about $30,000 a year more than I had been earning
at the time), and the timeframe in which I would find the job. Would you
believe it I was offered a job earning that exact salary less than 2 months
after writing the goal down?
I had always been slightly skeptical of goal setting and although I was a fan
of it, I wasn’t convinced how useful it was. This changed though when I
had this experience. I wrote the goal down each and every day, and less than
2 months later I was offered a new job. I can still remember the powerful
feeling that flowed through me when I got the phone call offering me the
job. I sat on the bed in amazement and thought to myself “This stuff works!
I wonder what other goals I can set myself. What else can I achieve if I start
to write it down and focus on it?”
I then added additional goals, some more challenging, and since then I have
slowly started to tick them off my list.
So how did this work?
Well I’m certainly not an expert on goal setting, but I believe that by
writing out my goal each and every night, it planted the seed in my
subconscious mind. Of course this job didn’t just appear out of thin air. I
had to upload my resume onto various job websites online, but if I hadn’t
set myself that goal, I would never have had the desire to look for another
job. I wouldn’t have uploaded my resume onto job websites, I wouldn’t
have applied for jobs paying that salary, and I wouldn’t have got a phone
call from a recruitment agent. The bottom line is I would still be in my old
job earning $30,000 a year less.
Not only that, but even worse I would still have that terrible feeling that I
was underachieving. I would still be plagued by my thoughts, always
wondering if I could be earning more, and wondering how I can provide a
better lifestyle for myself and my wife.

Instead though, I don’t have that feeling that I am underachieving any

longer. This led to me feeling more confident and being far more outgoing.
It also led to me having the drive and confidence to pursue other, more
ambitious goals that lead to an even better lifestyle for my wife and I, as
well as increased my confidence and charisma even more in the long-run.
That is the real power of goal-setting. Your goals won’t appear magically
out of thin air, but what it does do is force you to focus on what you want
and then move towards achieving it slowly and steadily. If I had never set
myself a goal of earning $30,000 a year more than I was, I would never
have bothered to apply for jobs paying that salary.
Yes, this book is about charisma, but the fact is that goal setting can go a
long way to growing your charisma because when you start to achieve your
goals and start to realize you can achieve anything you focus on, you
immediately become more confident in your own ability. This leads to an
increase in charisma.
In-fact, one of my goals was to become more charismatic. I thought long
and hard about what I would need to do in order to become more
charismatic. It was then that I came up with the rules in this book, and
scribbled them down on a piece of paper. I set myself a goal of working on
each of these rules each day, and really started to build my charisma skills. I
knew this was possible because I had already achieved many of the other
goals on my list.
Make sure you write out your goals each and every night, and then read
them throughout the day. You will find that you automatically start to focus
on these, and will be amazed how you automatically start to take more
action towards achieving them. They say that success breeds success, but it
also leads to being more charismatic.
**** Update: I’m happy to say that I recently purchased the house I used in
the example of my goals above, and am currently working on renovating it.
Goal setting works!
Charisma exercise #5:
I want you to spend the next 20 minutes in a quiet area, and think deeply
what you want in life. Create a vision for yourself. Your master plan.
Now I want you to think about what kinds of goals you would need to
achieve in the next 12 months to start working towards this vision.
Think about all the different areas of your life, and what you would like to
accomplish. Think about your finances, your relationships, your character,
your leisure and holidays, your fitness, your habits.
Now create a list with each of these goals.
Here’s another example off my current goal list:
“I easily stop biting my fingernails by 31st December 20XX”.
“My wife and I easily book a holiday to New York by 31st December 20XX”.
“I easily review my charisma rules every day and make the people in my
life feel incredible by 31st December 20XX”.

Write out each of your goals just like this. Mine are on my iPhone, but you
can keep yours anywhere you like. Be sure to make one of your goals to
review the charisma rules every day and to continue to develop your
charisma levels.
Next spend some time making a vision board which contains inspiring
pictures of your goals. Once again, I keep these on my iPhone in a
document so that I have them with me at all times. I look at my vision board
several times a day and it really gets my juices flowing and keeps me
focused. I can immediately feel my charisma levels rising when this
happens.
Now repeat the process with your 10 year goals. Write them out, and create
a vision board once again.
An example might be “I easily own a beautiful 6 bedroom dream house by
31st December 20XX.”
Next commit to writing out both sets of goals on a new piece of paper, or in
your iPhone notes each night. It should only take you 5 minutes at most.
This is a key step in the process, as it keeps you focused and reminds you
constantly what you want to achieve. It sounds like an inconsequential step,
but it is the key to the whole process.
Once you’ve done this, I want you to spend a little time applying this
method to your charisma. Think of the overall vision you want when it
comes to your charisma. How will you look, how will you sound, how will
you carry yourself. How will you make people feel, how will you interact
with people. Then break this vision down into a set of both short term and
long term goals. Your short term goals may be to focus on the first 3
chapters from this book until you have mastered them. Perhaps you want to
really focus on your listening skills, until you have mastered this skill.
Keep doing this each and every day and you will be amazed how your
charisma levels start to grow. You will be amazed how your confidence
starts to increase as you realize that the silly little things you thought
weren’t possible now are.
You will find goal setting on the agenda of almost every charismatic person
on the planet. Make sure it is on your agenda too.
 Charisma Rule #6

Hit the Gym and Dress Sharply

“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”

- Jess C. Scott

Charismatic people come in all shapes and forms. From the dynamic
leader in your work place dressed in a suit and a tie, to the sports star or the
Hollywood actor. I’ve met skinny people that light up the room, as well as
overweight people that hold everyone’s attention.

Charisma comes in a variety of appearances, but a surefire way to increase

yours is to get into shape and to start dressing better. You don’t need to look
like a professional athlete or model, and you don’t need to wear expensive
suits and ties, but pay attention to your appearance, and do whatever it takes
to feel good about the way you look.
When you’re in shape and you wear clothes that look good on you, you feel
good. When you feel good you will automatically be more charismatic. In-
fact I would go as far as to say, that it’s virtually impossible to be truly
charismatic if you don’t feel good in your own skin. Try as you may, your
insecurity will eventually show through and it will stifle your charisma.
One of my goals (mentioned in more detail previously) is to either run or go
to the gym at least 4 times a week. My goal is not to look like a professional
body-builder, or to look like a football player, but I aim to stay in shape and
make sure that I feel good about the way I look. At the moment I am
embarking on a challenge whereby I do pushups each and every day. It
doesn’t matter how many pushups I do, the goal is simply to do pushups
each and every day.
Some days I may do 10 pushups, then another 10, and maybe 10 after I
have a shower. On another day I might knock out 30 in a row, and then do
another 30 a couple of hours later. Some days I might only do 10 pushups in
total.
My feeling is that if I consistently do this each and every day, 365 days
from now I should be trim and in great shape. I might not look like a fitness
cover model, but I know I will be a lot more toned and in better shape than I
am now. I also know that I will feel a lot better about the way I look and the
way my clothes fit me, which in turn will help my charisma levels.
If you’re not happy about the way you look, it’s never too late to start doing
something about it. Set yourself a goal of working out 3-4 times a week, or
do something similar to my pushup routine. If you’re a lady and don’t think
you can do pushups, do assisted pushups on your knees. Slowly but surely
you will start to build up strength in your arms, and will find that eventually
you are able to do a full pushup. Once you can do this, continue to build on
your success and keep doing pushups each and every day.
I also like to make sure I have clothes that fit me well, and make me feel
good when I wear them. I don’t buy expensive clothes, but I do buy clothes
that I like and that sit well on me.
A few weeks ago I picked up a really great polo shirt. It only cost me about
$30 (not a lot when you consider what some people spend on clothes), but
when I wore it last week I felt like a million bucks in it. The shirt fits well,
and because of this it makes my shoulders look a lot tighter and defined
than they actually are. I even had a compliment on the shirt.
It sounds all too simple, but it’s really important to make sure you feel good
about the way you look if you’re going to build your charisma levels.
Charisma Exercise #6
Your next task is to come up with an action plan to get in shape. You don’t
need to get a six-pack (although that will be great if you can manage it), but
come up with an exercise plan that will get you moving more and get your
body into better shape. This will have a knock-on effect about the way you
feel about yourself, which is vital if you are going to improve your
charisma levels.

My current workout plan is to do pushups each and every day. I have

installed an app on my iPhone which counts the number of days since I
started this challenge. I’m currently on day 183 and plan to continue doing
this indefinitely. As I mentioned I don’t have specific number of pushups I
have to do each day. I’ve found in the past when I get too ambitious or
specific about my workout goals, I end up overdoing things and as a result
start to lose interest eventually.
So this time my only goal is to do “some” pushups each and every day.
Some days I may do a total of 200 throughout the day, other days I may
only do 10. Most days I will start off with 20 quick pushups as soon as I get
out of bed. That way I know that no matter what happens for the rest of the
day, I’ve done my pushups today. My goal is to live a “Pushups Lifestyle”.
My thinking behind this is that a year or two from now, I will almost
certainly look a whole lot better than I do now, and it only takes me a
couple of minutes a day.
It’s quick to do and it’s free as well.
Formulate your own exercise plan and take action today.

Charisma Rule #7

Never Complain & Take Responsibility for

Everything

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because
thorn bushes have roses.” - Abraham Lincoln

Another key character trait of charismatic people is that you will never
hear them complain or moan about anything. They are like a positive beam
of light that shines wherever they go.

These people know that complaining gets you nowhere. Of course I’m not
for one second suggesting that you should be a walk-over and not stand up
for yourself when you have been wronged, but I’m stressing that you will
never see successful, charismatic people complain about day-to-day things.
It’s just not a character trait they have.
Getting stuck in traffic, doing the laundry, cleaning the house…You will
never hear them complain about trivial things like this. Instead they may
make a comment like “Wow, traffic was a killer this morning”. This is very
different to “I hate the traffic in the mornings. It’s not fair that I have to sit
for 45 minutes every day. I wish the traffic wasn’t so bad”.

The reason for this is that charisma and success go hand-in-hand and they
require a certain kind of mindset and thinking. This successful mindset and
thinking just doesn’t mix well with complaining.
Instead charismatic people take ownership and responsibility for everything
that happens to them. They know that they are in total control of their lives
and that their success and future lies in their hands. Their outlook on life is
not that “things happen to them”. Their outlook on life is that “things
happen BECAUSE of them”. They are where they are in their lives at this
very moment either because of the things they have done, or the things they
haven’t done!
This is a really great attitude to have, and it is an attitude that most winners
in life have.
When you start to take responsibility for your life, and where you are, you
will find yourself suddenly taking action on your goals and plans, and doing
whatever it is that you need to do in order to build the life you want. This in
turn leads to a sense of ownership, which leads to charisma.
Charisma Exercise #7
The next exercise is to think about the events that have led you to where
you are in your life at this very moment. Why do you live where you live?
Why do you work where you work? If you’re not working, why is this?
Of course not every single event that happens to you is your fault, but the
point is that you have the power to change anything and 99% of the time
you are where you are because of the decisions you’ve either made or
haven’t made in your life.

Take getting stuck in traffic for example. It’s not really your fault that the
traffic is moving slowly, but think about this… There are millions of other
people at that very moment who aren’t stuck in traffic. Why are you
currently stuck in traffic? Is it because you’re on your way to work? All the
decisions you have made in your life up to this point have led you to work
where you do. This has resulted in your being stuck in a traffic jam. Do you
see the point I’m trying to make. I’m not trying to play the blame-game, or
point out your faults, but if you’re stuck in traffic because you’re driving to
work, in one way or another, it’s because you work where you do. I bet
there are hundreds of your friends who aren’t stuck in traffic.
Charismatic people take ownership of every aspect of their lives, and it’s
important that you start to do this as well.
Think deeply about why you are where you are in your life, and then decide
what you can do to improve it. Decide that from this moment on, you will
take ownership for everything and that you will never complain about the
small, insignificant day-to-day things.
Once you do this, you will be amazed how differently your carry yourself.
People will notice this positive change in you and will immediately find
you more enjoyable and charismatic to be around.
Never complain….ever!
 Charisma Rule #8
Shine the Spotlight on Other People

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a

listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of
which have the potential to turn a life around.” ― Leo Buscaglia

As well as taking responsibility for everything that happens to them, and

never complaining, charismatic people specialize in complimenting others
and heaping praise on them. As charisma is the ability to make the people in
your life feel incredible, a great way to do this is to give them praise and
pay them compliments when they have earned it.
I’m not suggesting you lie to them or that you should be fake and insincere,
but rather to be acutely aware of when they have done well or are at least
trying their best. When this happens, charismatic people are always sure to
let them know they are doing well. This sounds like such a simple and
obvious thing to do, but you will be amazed how powerful this can be and
the warming effect it can have on a person.
When was the last time you praised the people in your life? When was the
last time you told someone you were proud of them or that they were doing
well?
For me it was yesterday when I praised my wife for remembering to buy
new toothpaste. We had been running really low the last couple of days, and
quite frankly I was getting tired of trying to squeeze the last drop out of the
tube (I’m sure you’ve been there before). When it came time to brush my
teeth last evening, I found a brand spanking new tube of toothpaste on the
sink counter. Sure it only cost a few dollars, and it’s something that is
purchased a million times around the world every day, but at that point in
time I was ecstatic to see a new tube in-front of me.
I shouted down the passageway to my wife as I brushed my teeth, “What a
champion you are for buying the toothpaste”. Her face lit up and I could tell
she appreciated it. It sounds trivial, but it had a huge impact on her in that
moment.

It’s the small things that make people feel great and charismatic people
make the people in their lives feel great.

Charismatic people are also masters at shining the spotlight on other people,
rather than taking the glory and credit themselves. Even in a team situation
when they are receiving credit, you’ll find them saying things like “Thanks,
but I was really lucky to have XYZ working with me on this one”. This
incredible modesty goes a long way to make the people around them feel
valued and important.
I try to do this as often as I can in my own life each and every day. If
someone visits our home and compliments us on the way it is decorated, I’ll
be sure to let them know it was “all my wife’s doing”. Sure I may have
played a part in it, but by complimenting my wife in-front of other people,
it makes her feel like a million bucks, as all the praise is heaped on her. In
essence I take the spotlight and swing it round so that it is shining brightly
on her.
If someone compliments me on a new shirt I’m wearing, I’ll tell them my
wife bought it for me, rather than simply saying “Thanks”. It’s such a small
difference, but can you see what a huge difference it can make to the person
you’re shining the spotlight on?
When was the last time you paid the people in your life a compliment? I’m
not talking about complimenting them on the obvious things they have done
well, I’m talking about the unexpected compliments like how you love their
smile, or you love their outlook on life.

Think about it. It costs you absolutely nothing to do this, and can give that
person a massive confidence boost. Another way to put it, is that it gives the
person that ‘warm fuzzy feeling’ inside. That is another way to define
charisma.
Think about a time when someone paid you an unexpected compliment.
Didn’t it make your day? Didn’t it make you feel like a million bucks?

When I stated that charisma is a simple skill that anyone can learn at the
start of this book, this is exactly what I was referring to. People think that
being charismatic requires you to have a mythical ‘wow’ factor but it
doesn’t. It requires you to do simple things that most people take for
granted.
Paying someone an unexpected compliment or praising them for something
they have done well is ridiculously easy to do and takes only a small
moment of your time, but how many of us actually do it.
Charismatic people do, and they do it all the time.

Charisma Exercise #8
Add this skill to your charisma toolbox by focusing on it for the next few
days.
Start by paying someone around you an unexpected compliment.
Remember not to be fake or insincere, but rather highlight their positive
aspects. You also want to make sure you don’t overdo it with the same
person, as it will lose its effect if done too often and insincerely.
When someone pays you a compliment, shine the spotlight on anyone that
assisted you if you are able to.
Work on this for the next few days until it starts to become a habit. Get into
the habit of looking for the good in people. Tell your partner they look good
when they do, tell your kids how proud you are of them, and the people
they have become. Heap praise and compliments on anyone that deserves it.
Charismatic people do, and you’re well on your way to becoming one of
them.
 Charisma Rule #9

Be Humble, Friendly and Smile From Within

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself,

it's thinking of yourself less.”
– C.S. Lewis

At the start of this book I mentioned my friend’s girlfriend that some

people, including my friend, may have mistaken as being charismatic. The
reality was that she was loud, brash, full of herself and overbearing. Within
20 minutes of meeting her, she had already told, without me even asking,
how much money she made a year!
This is the complete opposite of what you should aim for when trying to
increase your charisma levels.
Charismatic people have a confidence about them that means they don’t
need to make themselves the center of attention. They don’t need to brag to
others about their accomplishments. They certainly won’t spend the entire
evening telling you all about themselves without bothering to ask a few
questions about you as well.
Be Humble – Charismatic people are humble. They will never gloat, brag or
tell you about their achievements without first asking you about yours.
Have you ever met a person and only found out later that they had achieved
something incredible?
Here’s an anecdote I’ve never forgotten.
I once met a guy through some friends of mine, who at the time came
across as just a normal guy. He wasn’t particularly charismatic, although
very nice. If I’m completely honest, I must confess I thought he probably
had a low paying job.
He wasn’t flash, and didn’t ever mention what he did for a living. It was
only a few weeks later that he came up in conversation when I was chatting
to one of my other friends. I asked what this guy did for a living, as I had
been meaning to ask him, and was absolutely shocked when he told me that
he ran his own business and made more money in a month than I do in a
year.

You would never have guessed it when you met him. Immediately I had an
incredible amount of respect for him. I’ve met successful people in the past,
but usually these people have volunteered information about their success
without me asking them. This guy was so humble and unassuming that I
couldn’t help but be impressed by him for months afterwards. 5 years later,
I still remember this incident as it made such an impression on me.
Aim to always be humble. Never boast about your achievements. It’s so
much more appealing to others when they find out that you have achieved
something incredible without you telling them about it first!
Be Friendly and Smile from Within – Charismatic people are always
friendly and project a certain warmth when they are interacting with people.
They make people want to be around them because they treat others the
way they would like to be treated.
While it’s not always possible to be friendly all the time, if you want to be
charismatic then you need to project warmth and friendliness as often as
possible. You have to make other people feel good in your company.

When I was at University, there was a guy, let’s call him John, who had
everything going for him. He was tall, good looking, good at sports, and the
girls loved him. For all accounts he seemed to have everything going for
him, and the world appeared to be his oyster.

There was only one problem that I found with him. I hated the way I felt
when I was in his company. He was never mean to me, and he never said or
did anything horrible to me, he just wasn’t overly friendly either. I was
never quite sure where I stood with him, and never felt at ease when I was
around him.
I played in the same sports team as him, but because he never seemed to
warm up to me, I didn’t spend much time with him outside of sport.
Interestingly enough, I noticed that although he was popular in the sports
team (because he was a great player), he didn’t seem to have a lot of
friends. It seemed that I wasn’t the only one that felt slightly insecure in his
presence.

This guy had the world at his feet but his unfriendliness and lack of warmth
was holding him back.
In contrast to him, there was another guy in our sports team who never
seemed to stop smiling. He had the kind of smile that I can only describe as
coming from within. He was always beaming, no matter what the situation.
This guy didn’t have the same star-appeal as John. He wasn’t tall, wasn’t
the best player on the team. He wasn’t particularly good looking and he
didn’t have much luck with girls, but he had twenty times more friends than
John did, and I always remember enjoying being in his presence.
15 years later I’ve lost complete touch with John.
For all I know he may be a millionaire, running his own business. He may
be married with kids. He seemed like the kind of guy that would always do
well in life. One thing I know though is that 15 years later I still remember
how he made me feel. I still remember that I never felt comfortable in his
presence, and this has taught me the valuable lesson when it comes to
dealing with people.
Always be warm and friendly when possible. Smile from within, and aim to
make people feel great in your presence.
Charisma exercise #9
Focus on being warm and friendly whenever you can. Smile from within
and look for the good in everyone. Look for the magic moments each and
every day and be aware of how much abundance and goodness there is in
your life. Imagine a type of angelic halo hovering above your head giving
off a golden light. This,au help you project kindness and warmth whenever
you can.
This may not work for everyone, but your task is to come up with
something that reminds you to radiate warmth and friendliness. It might be
a halo, or it may be a quote or saying that you read a number of times a day.

Work out what yours is and then put it to use. Focus on being the kind of
person that people love having in their lives because they are kind and
friendly to be around.
Charismatic people have mastered the art of radiating warmth, and you can
too with a little effort and practice.
 Charisma Rule #10

Meet the Room

“I love meeting new people; I think everyone has a story to tell. We should
all listen sometimes.” - Kim Smith

Many years ago, I went to junior school with a guy called Simon. Simon
was the kind of guy you always knew would do well in life. He was the
kind of guy that captained every sports team we played in, had every girl in
school chasing him, and was friends with just about every kid in the school.
His blonde curly locks, tanned skin and Hollywood looks also didn’t do him
any harm either.
Whenever he had a birthday party, his poor parents ended up catering for
about 150 kids because he was so popular. He was a really great guy, and
even at the tender age of 12, he had charisma oozing out of him.
Sadly, when we turned 13, Simon was bundled off to a more prestigious
senior school. His parents earned good money and rightly so, they figured
they owed it to Simon to give him the best education they could afford.
Unfortunately as a result, I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Simon
during our senior school years, but I kept track of his achievements from
afar. Naturally he went on to captain every sports team he played in
throughout senior school, and was made the head-boy of the school in his
final year. More of a born leader, I had yet to meet.
Fast forward 15 years and Simon is now the director of a prestigious
advertising company. The scary, yet not surprising, thing is that he’s been a
director since he was 27 years old. Talk about an overachiever.
Simon is clearly an example of the power of charisma. Throughout his life,
he’s had that special magnetic quality that only the gift of the gab seem to
possess.
About 12 years ago when we were in our early 20’s, I bumped into a friend
who had been at school with Simon and I. As we shared a couple of beers,
the conversation moved on to Simon, and how well he was doing in life.
This was before I really knew anything about charisma, and certainly before
I knew that it was just a skill that anyone could learn and master. I made the
comment that Simon was just one of those guys who got lucky and was
born with the gift of the gab.
My friend disagreed and went on to share an interesting story with me.
A year or two before, he had bumped into Simon on a night out. They had
both been in the same town on holiday, and neither of them had ever been
there before.
As they were chatting and catching up, my friend noticed how many people
seemed to walk past and acknowledge Simon. It was almost as if he was
one of the locals and had been going there for years. At one point someone
even came over with a drink for Simon, and said “Here we go buddy”,
before moving on with his friends.

When my friend asked Simon how he knew so many people, considering he

had only been in town for a couple of days, Simon went on to share one of
the biggest secrets to his success. He explained that whenever he is in a
social situation, be it a nightclub, a bar, a birthday party, or at a BBQ, he
always makes an effort to introduce himself to as many people as he can.
He went on to explain that he didn’t do anything fancy, but whether it was a
guy or a girl, all he did was walk over flashing a great big smile and say
“I’m sorry we haven’t met yet, I’m Simon”, and stick out his hand to shake.
After introducing himself and shaking hands, he would then spend a couple
of minutes chatting to his new friend. He’d ask them who else they knew at
the party, where they were from, and what they did for a living. Basically he
just made general small-talk, nothing fancy as Simon claimed.

So why was this such a powerful and effective weapon? The reason why
this worked so well for Simon was that it made him stand out from the
crowd. It’s not often that you get someone simply walking up to you to say
“Hi”, and have a chat. Simon was sure to say very little about himself, and
ask all the questions, which encouraged the person to talk about themselves.
As we already know, there is nothing people enjoy talking about more than
themselves.
Simon stood out from the pack. He was something different to most of the
people he met. He didn’t have a hidden agenda or ulterior motive. If he was
chatting to a girl, he made sure not to hit on her, or flirt with her too much.
All he wanted to do was say “Hi”.

After about 2 minutes of chatting he would tell the person “It was great to
meet you”, and he’d politely let them know that he needed to get back to his
friends and would then move on. If anyone looked over at Simon a few
minutes later they’d see him standing around, laughing and joking with
another group of people.
What my friend found really amazing was that for the rest of the night,
Simon was treated like a celebrity. People would pop round to chat to him,
and wherever he went, girls had their eyes on him.
This simple act made Simon memorable. It takes confidence to walk up to
someone and introduce yourself, yet ironically it’s not that hard to do once
you’ve done it a few times.
Simon knew a secret that most people don’t. He knew that most people,
whether they admit it or not, are a little anxious when placed in a social
situation with lots of strangers. He knew that usually when this happens,
people tend to stick to the people they know and end up spending most of
their time talking to them, instead of branching out and meeting new
people.
This is not because they don’t like interacting with new people, or because
they don’t have anything to say. It’s because most people are too shy to
initiate conversation with someone they don’t know.
Simon went to the trouble of breaking the ice for them though, and once he
had done that, the conversation flowed naturally. When it was time for
Simon to move on, the people he had chatted to felt really great because
they had just spent the last 2 minutes talking about themselves, and they
had actually met someone new. Suddenly they had new found social
confidence, and all social awkwardness and anxiety had been swept aside
by Simon’s friendly introduction.
I have no doubt that this skill catapulted Simon all the way to being the
director of a company at the tender age of 27. Wherever he goes he makes
friends and people remember him.
So What Can You Learn From My Friend Simon?
Simon stands out from the crowd wherever he goes. In short, he oozes
charisma. Let me assure you though that Simon’s charisma is no accident.
The key point in this story is that he MAKES an effort to talk to as many
people as he can when he’s in a social situation. He goes out of his way to
interact with them, and introduce himself.
Charisma Exercise #10
Your next exercise is to take a leaf out of Simon’s book and get comfortable
talking to as many people as you can when you’re in a social situation. For
many of you reading this, this may sound daunting or even cause your
palms to start sweating, but don’t worry. This is supposed to be an
enjoyable exercise and it will help you grow into a far more charismatic
person instantly.
Simon talks to as many people as he can whether he’s in a nightclub, at a
bar or at a football game. You might be sitting there thinking “But I’m not
as outgoing as Simon though”, and that’s alright, neither am I. If the
thought of going out to a bar or nightclub intimidates you, then don’t go. Or
if you are happy to go to a nightclub but don’t feel comfortable introducing
yourself to strangers, then don’t!
Dial it down a notch and pick a scenario that you’re comfortable with.
When I started working on this exercise myself a couple of years ago, I first
put it into practice at a child’s christening. After the church service, we all
gathered at the host’s house for tea and biscuits. With this exercise fresh in
my mind, I was determined to engage and talk with as many people as I
could.
I knew about 5 or 6 of the 50 people there, so naturally I started off standing
with them in a circle mingling and making small talk as we drank our tea.
Gradually as the morning passed, I made the effort to introduce myself to
people as they came into contact.

I mentioned earlier that most people feel an element of anxiety when

interacting with strangers in a social situation, and very few are comfortable
introducing themselves. Instead, it’s far easier to remain silent and keep
talking to the people you already know. Have you ever been guilty of this? I
know I certainly was in the past.
This doesn’t have to be the case though. All you need to do is casually say
the words “I’m sorry, I haven’t met you yet, I’m…
This line has served me as an introduction to literally thousands of people
over the last couple of years and it’s been a huge part in building my
charisma levels.
The key is to make it natural. When Simon was introducing himself to
people in that nightclub, he didn’t move from one person to the next like he
was the Queen meeting a crowd of supporters. He kept it natural.
Once he had finished chatting to a group, he would politely mention that he
needed to get back to his friends and he would wander off back to them.
Then a few minutes later he’d head over to another group of people he
hadn’t met, drink in hand, and start chatting to them casually.
Next time you’re in a social situation, make a real effort to chat to as many
people as you can. Think of it as a game called “Meet The Room”. Think of
yourself as the most charismatic person in the room, and your challenge is
to talk to as many people as you can. It can be anywhere you feel
comfortable. Maybe there is someone in your office that you bump into in
the kitchen every morning, and you’ve been meaning to introduce yourself.
Maybe you sit next to the same person on the bus every morning but you’ve
never had the guts to say hello. It doesn’t have to be a bar or nightclub and
it doesn’t have to be a complete stranger.
My personal experience with this was that although slightly nerve racking
at first, it very quickly became easier and easier with every new person I
met.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t met you yet, I’m…”
I found my conversation skills improving dramatically, and a few weeks
later I didn’t even have to think about walking over to people and
introducing myself. It happened naturally. It had become a part of who I
was.
I’ve mentioned previously that I feel charisma is not necessarily about
being the life of the party, or talking to random strangers, but it is definitely
about interacting better with people. This exercise doesn’t have to be about
walking up to random strangers in nightclubs and talking to them, but if
you’re comfortable doing that then all the better to you.
This exercise is about practicing the art of interacting with people in the
same social environment as you. It is about interacting with people that are
standing around you. Once you have done this you will find you
automatically become more charismatic as you grow in confidence. After
enough practice you will realize that everyone feels an element of social
anxiety when placed in a room full of strangers, and most of them are dying
for someone to break the ice. If you can be the one to do it and ease their
anxiety, you will become instantly memorable in their eyes.
1) Decide that you are going to play “Meet The Room” wherever you
go.
2) Identify when your next social situation or opportunity will be.
3) Imagine yourself as the most charismatic person in the room.
4) Next time you are in a social situation and the moment is right,
simply say “I’m sorry I haven’t met you, I’m…”
5) As you speak to them, chat casually and confidently. Remember to
ask them questions which encourage them to tell you about
themselves.
Practice this as often as you can. After a couple of weeks it will start to
become a habit and you will find that you tend to introduce yourself to
people without even thinking or worrying about it. It will become a part of
who you are, a more confident and charismatic person.
 Charisma Rule #11

Pay Everyone Some Attention

“You can't get the attention of one who is focused on himself .” - Toba Beta

You may have just read the title of this rule and thought that it sounds
similar to the previous rule “Meet the Room”, but it has a slightly different
twist on it.
When I say, “Pay everyone some attention”, I’m not necessarily talking
about people you don’t know or haven’t met before. I’m talking about the
people that you do know and already have a relationship with.
The best way I can illustrate my point is with another anecdote which took
place about a year ago.
I was having dinner at a friend’s house and we started talking about a BBQ
we’d both been to the previous weekend. One of our other friends, Pete had
been there. Now Pete is the kind of guy that just seems to be larger than life.
He’s an ebullient character that really makes the most out of life. Although
he doesn’t quite ooze charisma like Simon does, he has certain charismatic
qualities that I admire and often try to emulate myself.
He’s the kind of guys that everyone gravitates towards when he enters the
room for the first time. Both my friend and I have a lot of time for Pete, and
we enjoy being in his company.
What I found interesting that night though was that my friend’s wife Kim
made the comment that she had always felt that Pete never made any time
or effort with her, and to be quite honest she never really knew where she
stood with him.
Now I can assure you, after knowing Pete for many years, he is just too nice
a guy to have any sort of issue with Kim. In-fact, he doesn’t really know her
well enough to have any hang-ups with her at all.
I assured her she was wrong, and that any insecurity she had was
unwarranted. After all, Pete was the nicest guy anyone could meet.
But after some further discussion Kim she said she felt that Pete never
really took the time to speak to her whenever they were in a social situation.
She said he was always friendly and amicable, but he seemed to move
towards “other” people in a social situation, but never her.
I found this very interesting. Being good friends with Pete, I guess I was
one of the people that he tended to gravitate towards instead of her, so I
have never had the problem of him not paying me any attention. To be
honest, I’d never noticed him not paying Kim or anyone else attention for
that matter, but I had experienced the same issue with other people before.
Whether or not they had done it intentionally I’m not sure, but I had
certainly experienced occasions where I felt that someone wasn’t making an
effort with me at all. I remembered how it made me feel.
In fact, after Kim brought it up, I realized that I too was guilty of this crime.
In fact we all are. It doesn’t matter which people are at a particular party or
gathering, there will always be people that you know better, or enjoy
spending time with more. This is only natural.
The problem with this though, is that we then tend to spend most of our
time with them and quite often don’t pay anyone else any attention.
Looking back, I can think of a number of these occasions where I too have
gravitated towards a group of people I like, without bothering to pay anyone
else that I know there any attention.
This thought struck me like a ton of bricks. When I got home that night, I
scribbled all this down in my charisma black book, and it’s since been a
vital cog in my charisma wheel. I never truly realized the power of making
the effort to talk to everyone until that day. I had no idea anyone could feel
that way about Pete, yet Kim did.
Next time you’re at a social gathering or party, don’t underestimate the
power of making an effort to spend a small portion of your time with
everyone you know. If Pete knew this, he would have had Kim eating out of
his hand like everyone else does. All he had to do was spend 2 minutes with
her and find out how she was, what was new in her life, how her week had
been. It doesn’t take much effort, but it can make all the difference.

So How Do I Use This Charisma Rule?

Well now when I have an upcoming social gathering I have the habit of
thinking about who will be there that I know. I then think of a few
conversation points I can raise with each of them. This ensures that they are
fresh in my mind, and when I see these people I remember to wander over
to them to say “Hi”.

For example last weekend I went to a birthday party at a friend’s house, and
I knew one of my friend’s wives would be there. I also knew she had
recently changed jobs, so I made a note beforehand to find the time to ask
her how it was going.

When we arrived, I naturally greeted her, as I did everyone else, but later in
the day when she walked past a group of people I was standing with, I leant
over and stopped her by gently grabbing her arm and said “How’s the new
job going, I bet you’re crushing it!”
Her face lit up with a bright beaming smile and she said “Very well thanks,
thanks for asking”. We then chatted for a few minutes before she moved on
her way.
People will always notice these kinds of gestures. They might sound simple
and they’re very easy to take for granted, but don’t underestimate the power
of them. I can guarantee you that in her eyes, she saw me as a thoughtful
and caring person that day.
That simple question was probably one of the highlights of her day. She
hadn’t mentioned her job all afternoon to anyone, and I hadn’t seen her for
a couple of weeks, yet I still managed to ask her about it.
It’s the small things that make you stand out to people and it’s these small
things that make you memorable.
Charisma Exercise #11
Your next task is to make an effort to spend a few minutes talking to
everyone you already know at your next social gathering.
Of course you will want to chat to new people you haven’t met as well, as
outlined in the previous rule, but the focus of this exercise it to really
concentrate on the people you already know and to give them your
attention.
1) Think about your next party or social gathering
2) Which people will be there that you already know
3) Find out what is new in their lives. Remember to focus the spotlight
on them, and to let them do the talking.
4) Don’t underestimate the power of this. Paying people attention is a
rare skill that will make you stand out from the rest.
 Charisma Rule #12

Power

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't
have any” . - Alice Walker

Another very important character trait of charismatic people is the

character trait of “Power”. In-fact I believe it is probably right up there with
the most important aspects of charisma. The reason I say this is because I
believe it is one of the two elements that binds all other charisma rules
together. The other element we shall touch on a little later in another
chapter, but for now let’s discuss the importance of ‘Power’ when it comes
to being charismatic.
You can master all of the other charisma rules already mentioned, but
without having power, you will simply come across as just a likeable, nice,
friendly person. When you think of a truly charismatic person, I’m willing
to bet you that they have a strong element of power to them.
This is one of the biggest differences between the truly charismatic people
and the friendly, nice people on this planet. Sure the guy or girl at work you
chat to every morning in the canteen while you make your coffee may be
outgoing and always friendly, but that doesn’t make him charismatic. I’d go
as far as to say that the value people place on your other charisma skills
depends completely on your level of power.
Without power, you are nothing more than a nice friendly person that pays
attention to people. Throw in the element of power as well, and suddenly
you are someone of importance who is also a friendly person that pays
attention to people. This suddenly doubles your charisma appeal.
Who would make a bigger impression on you? An average Joe that pays
you attention and makes you feel good about yourself, or the CEO of a
Billion dollar company that pays you attention and makes you feel good
about yourself? I’m not for one second diminishing the average Joe, but the
truth is the more power a person has, the more of an impression they are
able to make on other people.
The difference is that instead of being some obedient lap-dog that smiles
and talks to everyone, you are now someone that has value and importance
that also makes the time to smile and speak to everyone. Do you see the
difference?
The good news is that having power in charisma terms doesn’t necessarily
mean you have to be physically strong or be the President of the United
States.
Power, in charisma terms, means that you have the ability to be influential
and inspire people to follow you. I’m not talking about the kind of power
that makes people do things out of fear. I’m talking about power that
inspires people. The kind of power that leaders use to empower people.
They are leaders not by title, but because they have a passion and portray an
image of “Here’s what I’m doing, this is me, this is what I believe in…now
follow me”. This kind of power gets people excited and brings out the best
in them.
The good news is that this kind of power can be portrayed through a few
basic mediums which are fairly easy to learn and put into practice.
Appearance:
The first thing you want to do is pay special attention to your appearance.
One of the fundamental discoveries I’ve made in the last few years is that
people accept whatever you project.
If you project an image of dressing sharply in expensive clothes, people will
make the assumption that you have the money to afford nice clothes and
therefore must hold some sort of power to earn this money.

I’m not saying you need to spend a fortune on clothes (I certainly don’t),
but I’d like you to really focus on how you dress. Make sure your clothes
are neat, clean and fit you perfectly. As a guy, I only wear slim-fit clothing
because it hugs my body and makes me look leaner than I actually am.
Can you imagine a charismatic, powerful person that is dressed in shabby
old clothes that don’t fit them properly? Make the effort to try and add a
new item to your wardrobe as often as you can afford. I try to acquire
something new each month. I don’t spend a fortune, but I shop smartly and
I buy clothes that look good on me, and more importantly make me look
good.
Just last month I bought a new polo shirt and I can tell you I felt like a new
person when I wore it out a few nights ago. It wasn’t that expensive, it’s just
a great fitting shirt that makes me feel great when I wear it. This is my first
step to appearing more powerful.
Attitude and Manner:
Charismatic people that are truly powerful are almost always positive and
carry themselves in a calm manner. Can you imagine a charismatic person
shouting and screaming about small inconsequential details? Can you
imagine them nervous or fidgeting, can you imagine them biting their nails?
A sure-fire way to make yourself appear more powerful is to carry yourself
in a calm and graceful manner. Speak at a relaxed pace and in a calming
tone. When someone asks you a question, don’t get overexcited and shoot
them back an answer right away. Take a second to think deeply about what
you are going to say, and then calmly answer them. Powerful people don’t
panic or speak too quickly. They don’t get nervous or anxious either.
Instead they portray a calm and soothing image, even if the whole world is
on their shoulders.
Some of the best CEO’s I’ve worked with have been the calmest and most
graceful people in the organization, even though they’ve had the most
pressure and responsibility on them. Their ability to keep calm and graceful
at all times is the number one reason why they have managed to reach the
heights that they have in their career.
Strangely enough, I’ve also found that it’s often been the lowest paid people
with the least responsibility that have been the most stressed and irate.
Likewise this small-minded thinking and character trait is the number one
reason why they have struggled to progress in their careers.
Do your very best to remain calm and graceful at all times. It doesn’t matter
what the situation or what is at stake, if it’s possible for the CEO’s of some
of the biggest companies in the world to do this, then there is no excuse for
you not to do the same.
Knowledge and Intelligence:
Power can also be found in becoming an authoritative figure on a particular
subject. Being the person that everyone turns to for advice in your particular
field of interest, or being the go-to person when people need to find
something out, creates immediate power.
“I try to know as much as I can about as much as I can”. - Anonymous
Of course you can’t know everything, but you owe it to yourself to know as
much as you can about your particular field of expertise. Build up your
knowledgebase so that you are the person that other people turn to when
they need advice on your subject of interest. Be the go-to person. This
character trait combined with the other ‘Power’ elements we’ve discussed
will sky-rocket your power levels instantly.
Building up your knowledge will also give you instant confidence when put
in a situation that requires it. When you know your stuff, it shows from a
mile away. You will be far more engaging in discussions and meetings, you
will ask more questions, and most importantly you will be more inclined to
debate and argue, diplomatically of course, your point with other people.
Instead of remaining shy and quiet as you would when you don’t know
anything about a subject, you will be confident and outgoing, as well as
appearing more dynamic.
Confidence leads to increased charisma as you feel more comfortable in
your own skin, which is really what being charismatic is all about.

Body Language:
Body language is also a very important aspect of creating an image of
power. You won’t find many powerful people slumped over, looking at the
ground as they avoid eye-contact. Instead they stand tall and proud, with
their shoulders back. They have a strong posture and they also take up
space in a room. They don’t stand meekly where they will be unnoticed or
ignored. They stand right in the middle of the action and lead from the
front.
Have a Backbone:
When I say ‘Have a backbone’ I mean don’t be a pushover. Charismatic
people never order people around, or boss them about, but they certainly
don’t let other people do the same to them. They have a strong character
and a very strong set of morals and values that guide them through each and
every day. This creates a strong sense of knowing who they are and what
they believe in. If they feel someone is taking advantage of them, they will
let them know. If they feel like someone is asking them to do something
they are not comfortable with, or something that goes against their morals,
they will politely tell them this and decline their request.
Charismatic people are self-assured (not arrogant) and this creates a strong
element of power, which in turn leads to an irresistible aura. They know
who they are, they know what they believe in, and they live their lives by
these terms.
Charisma Exercise #12
Focus on the power traits and skills we have discussed in this chapter.
Which one can you implement right away? How can you implement the
other ones as well over time? Gradually practice each one and make them a
part of who you are as a person. This will have a huge impact on your
‘Power-level’ which in return will boost your charisma appeal greatly.
 Charisma Rule #13

Visualization, Mindset and “Act As If”

“We need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real, and
keep acting as if it were real, and it will infallibly end by growing into such
a connection with our life that it will become real”. – William James

Without a doubt, one of the most important skills I have learnt over the
last 5 years has been the power of visualization and the power of mindset.
Any success in life starts with the mind and with visualization. Anyone that
has achieved anything that is noteworthy will attest to that.
If you’re not a fan of visualization, or have never tried it before, let me
assure you that once you’ve read this chapter and have actually put its
principles into practice yourself, you will have changed your mind. If
you’ve tried it in the past and haven’t felt you’ve got anything out of it, then
it may well be that you weren’t doing it correctly. I’m about to run you
through my daily ritual so that you can try and implement it for yourself.
I know when I tried visualization in the past I first thought it was a total
waste of time. I didn’t get any benefits from it at all, and to be honest I
thought it was all part of this new-age, feel-good self-help genre that
seemed to be doing the rounds.
It was only after I started reading some of the bestselling books of all time
such as Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think And Grow Rich’ and the mind changing
book, ‘The Magic Of Thinking Big’ by David Shwartz, did I start to realize
the real power of using visualization in your everyday life.
The reason I am such a fan of visualization is that it allows you to see your
life as you want it to be. It is well documented that your brain has a hard
time telling the difference between reality and what is imagined. Don’t
believe me? Think about this. Have you ever woken up from a nightmare,
covered in sweat, trembling in fear?
Once you woke up, you would have realized you were only dreaming and
that you were never in any danger at all, but your body and mind didn’t
know this at the time. Whatever you were dreaming of seemed so real in
your mind that your body broke out in a sweat and it feared for your life.
Have you ever watched a scary movie and felt the fear and horror as if you
were the lead actor in the film? As you sat there petrified, heart racing at a
million miles an hour, you were never in any danger while you were sitting
in the comfort of your living room, but your mind fooled your body into
thinking you were.
This powerful concept allows you to really use the power of your mind and
visualization to your advantage. The key is to tap into this power and use it
productively.
The mind is everything, and here is why I believe so. Imagine for a second
that there are two men both aged 30 years old. One is incredibly successful,
the other is incredibly unsuccessful. One is an overachiever, the other an
underachiever.
The one man runs a multimillion dollar business, lives in a beautiful house,
has an incredible relationship with wife and children, and radiates charisma.
He is in peak shape because he works out 5 times a week.
The other man can’t hold down a job, he is lazy and overweight; he lies
around the house watching television all day, doesn’t have any friends, still
lives with his parents and has never had a serious relationship.
Although both men are 30 years old, they live completely different lives.
Now imagine if it was possible to take the mind of the successful man, and
put it inside the body of the unsuccessful man. Suddenly everything would
change. The unsuccessful man would start to work out and get in shape. He
would start to build a successful career and would soon be able to afford to
move out of his parent’s home. He would suddenly radiate charisma and
would start attracting the right kind of relationships and friendships into his
life. A year or two down the line and he would have become a carbon copy
of the successful man, all because there was a different mind running his
body.
You see, our bodies are nothing more than a portal for our minds to operate
in. They don’t determine who we are, or what we can achieve. These factors
are all determined by our mindset. We tend to forget this and think that our
bodies are the determining factor in who we are as people, but the reality is
that they are only controlled by the mind running them. In other words, the
mind is everything.
So if this is the case, what would happen if it was possible to take the mind
of an incredibly successful person, and put it in your own body? Imagine
how your life would suddenly start to change as well. Can you imagine the
look on your friends and families faces as you gradually began to become a
carbon copy of the successful person? It’s an interesting concept isn’t it?
When I first thought about this concept, it blew my mind. I couldn’t stop
thinking about the fact that my body could achieve anything if it had the
right mind running it. This thinking has now become the foundation of my
simple daily routine which I do each morning when I wake up, and then
each evening before I go to bed. I strongly encourage you to give it a try.
My Daily Ritual
I start off by looking at a picture of someone that I admire. This can be
someone you know in real life, or a famous celebrity. For me, this person
oozes charisma, is good looking, and has bucket loads of confidence. They
are hugely successful, having the ability to accomplish any goal they set
themselves. They have outstanding character and morals, treat people with
respect and have all the character traits I desire. They are one of the giants
on this planet and they live their life on their own terms.
I close my eyes and imagine this person standing in the corner, acting the
way that they do. I see them clearly, all their mannerisms, and their strong
character traits. I see this as a crystal clear image in my mind. It is almost as
if they are standing in the room with me.
I then imagine it was possible to take their mind and place it into my body. I
suddenly become this person. I have their same outlook on life. I have their
discipline, their drive, their mannerisms, their goals, their confidence, their
charisma. I think about this deeply, and really visualize the new version of
myself.
Of course it’s not possible to actually take their mind and place it in your
body, but there is nothing stopping you from emulating or copying their
mindset.

Give some deep thought to how they would carry themselves if they were in
your body running the show. How would they attack your goals? How
would they deal with the challenges you face? How would they radiate
charisma and interact with people? Now try this for yourself. Visualize their
mind inside your body. Their mind is now running your body, and you
think, act and do everything as they would do it.

You don’t have to only imagine one person either. As you go about your
day, feel free to “take” the minds of anyone that you see and admire, and
imagine them running your body. If you know someone that has the drive
and discipline you admire, imagine their mind running your body. If you
know someone that is a kind and gentle soul, imagine their mind is running
your body when you find yourself in a situation that requires kindness.
Of course you’re reading this book because you want to supercharge your
charisma, so think of the most charismatic person you know and imagine
their mind was running your body next time you are interacting with the
people in your life. How would you act if this was the case?
It might seem a little strange, but trust me that it will be worth the effort. It
takes a bit of time to master visualization, but you will find that it becomes
easier and easier the more you do it. Run through it a couple of times right
now. Really take your time, and think deeply about the person you want to
become.
By doing this simple act each and every day, I have found the effects to be
life changing. I’ve realized that everything I want to do in my life has
already been achieved by someone else. It doesn’t matter what goal it is, I
can guarantee that somewhere, there is someone else that has already
achieved it. So all I need to do is imagine that their mind is in my body, and
I am now them achieving the goal again.
This practice is also based around a well-known theory called the “Act as
if” theory. As the name suggests, it requires that you “Act as if” you are the
person you want to be. It requires that you “Act as if” you already have the
character traits that you wish to have. The thinking behind this is that by
doing this, you will eventually develop and grow into these traits.

By imagining that you are able to take the mind of someone you wish to be
like, and let it run your own body you are effectively applying this “Act as
if” principle. The idea is that you then act as they would if their mind really
was running your body.
I like to take this a step further by doing two things. First I like to also
“Think as if”. I try to take the mindset of the people I want to emulate and
think as they would think. I try to not only act like I have the character traits
I want, I also try to think like I would if I already had these traits.
Secondly, as well as “Acting as if” I already have the traits of the people I
admire, I try to focus on “Acting as if” I am the greatest version of myself. I
know that deep down inside, I already have everything I need. It is just a
matter of tapping into it and bringing it to the surface.
Don’t believe me? Think about this for a second. Let’s play a little game
that I try to play with myself as often as I can each day. I call it the ‘$20
Thinking’ and it goes like this.
Imagine you’re at a social gathering and someone said to you, “I’ll give you
$20 million if you go and introduce yourself to that person and start a
conversation with them”. Assume this person is a Billionaire and is dead
serious. Assume they are trying to demonstrate the power of the mind to
you, and are happy to spend the money to do this.
It would be a no-brainer wouldn’t it? You’d pretty much walk over there
without even thinking about it and strike up a conversation with them. “I’m
sorry, we haven’t met, I’m…” you’d probably say.
Of course this is a fictitious scenario because it’s highly unlikely anyone
will offer you that kind of money, but the idea of this simple game is to tap
into the power of your mind, as well as your full potential.
Clearly the goal of introducing yourself to someone you don’t know is not
the problem, because if someone was offering you $20m to do it you would.
The problem is the way you are thinking about the goal.
The fact that you might be shy and nervous when talking to new people
wouldn’t matter if someone was willing to offer you that kind of money to
strike up a conversation. This tells us that you already have everything you
need inside you, in order to be more outgoing. You already have the ability
to start a conversation with strangers. You just need the right motivation.
You just need the right push. You just need the right mindset.

Basically what I’ve found this game does is bring out the greatest version of
myself. It allows me to “Act as if” I am the greatest version of myself, by
pushing my boundaries.
If someone offered you $20 million to “Act as if” you were the most
charismatic person on the planet for the next 10 minutes, you’d jump right
into character and I bet you would radiate charisma. What else could you do
if you applied this mindset each and every day?
If someone offered you $20m to write a book within the next 3 months,
you’d spring into action and work on it each night until it was complete. If
someone offered to pay you $20 million to go for a run 4 times a week for
the next month, I bet you’d do it. $20m Thinking will bring out the greatest
version of yourself and will catapult you to new levels of achievement.
All you need to do is to really tap into it as if someone is really offering you
that money. Then apply it to the goals you set yourself in an earlier chapter.
This is one of the best ways to bring out your very best version. The version
that is already buried deep inside you, it just needs to be brought to the
surface.
Here’s a quick list of things you can apply $20m Thinking to each day by
asking myself empowering questions.
- Your business and career.
- Your relationship with your wife
- Your health and fitness
- Your goal setting
- Your charisma
Just ask yourself as many times as you can each day, “If someone offered
me $20 million to do x, how would I act?”
Do it with every single thing that you do. Suppose you’re debating whether
or not to offer your wife a cup of coffee in the evening. If someone offered
you $20 million to be the best husband in the world for an evening, what
would you do? Tap into the greatest version of yourself. The version that is
already inside you.
Let me assure you that these ideas and theories about the power of the mind
are not new-aged. The great philosopher from the 1800’s, William James
said, “We need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real,
and keep acting as if it were real, and it will infallibly end by growing into
such a connection with our life that it will become real”.
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who walked this earth more than
2,000 years ago wrote, “Our life is what our thoughts make it”.
The power of visualization is used by professional athletes and some of the
most successful people of all time. Did you know that before Jim Carrey
was a famous actor, he used to drive up to the Hollywood hills and lie on
the bonnet of his car, overlooking the city?
He would then imagine himself as a world famous actor, living his dream.
He once even wrote himself a $10,000,000 check and walked around with it
in his wallet, fully believing that he was a wealthy, famous actor.
In a study conducted by Harvard, two groups were asked to learn a simple
5-fingered piano piece. The difference is while the first group was
physically taught this piece for a couple of hours a day over the course of a
week, the second group only visualized playing the piano piece. The result
was that almost identical neurological wiring took place between the two
groups, and after the week was up, the second group was able to play the
piano piece just as well as the first group.
Can you imagine what you can do with your life if you apply visualization
like this?
Don’t underestimate the power of this tool. Commit to working on it for the
next 30 days each and every day. Visualize yourself becoming the
charismatic person you want to be. See yourself reading this book and
mastering each of its rules. See yourself then taking these rules into your
everyday life and putting them to use. Soon it will become a part of your
day and you will be amazed at how you change as a person just by doing
this simple act.

Two Words That Will Sky Rocket Your Charisma Levels

There are two simple words that I recite to myself at least 50 times a day as
I go about my day, and when doing this get an instant boost of charisma.
These words are so simple that you may make the mistake of overlooking
them as being too simple to have any consequential effect. The two words
I’m referring to are simply “I’m Responsible”.
Now let me tell you why they are so powerful and why they work so well
for me.
It doesn’t matter what situation you find yourself in, reminding yourself that
“I’m Responsible” will immediately send a surge of power through your
body and remind you of the phenomenal person you aim to be at all times.
You will find that charismatic people have an ability to take on
responsibility no matter what the situation. I’m not necessarily referring to
being responsible for running Billion dollar companies, I’m talking about
them being responsible for their own lives and taking responsibility for the
day to day events that come their way. Without really knowing it, this is one
of the aspects that make them so charismatic and charming.
Picture a social situation in which you are standing around with a few
friends having drinks. You notice that one of your friends has finished their
drink. “I’m Responsible”, you say to yourself, and kindly offer to refill their
glass. In the past you would have stood by idly, barely noticing their empty
glass, but instead you shoot off and return with a new drink for them
appearing charming, caring and of course charismatic in the process.
You see, while charisma is essentially about how you make the people
around you feel, it is also about having a magnetic, dynamic quality that
comes from taking charge of situations and leading the way. Taking
responsibility for every situation you are in will help you achieve this.
Picture again a situation in which you are at a restaurant with friends.
You’re all ready to place your order, but can’t see a waiter anywhere in
sight. Everyone sits there helplessly. “I’m responsible” you say to yourself
and stand up and walk over to the bar to ask them to please send a waiter
over to your table to take your order. This also creates an irresistible
element of Power, which we discussed in an earlier chapter.
Your house is a mess and needs cleaning. “I’m responsible” you say and
take the steps required to sort it out. Your wife’s car is low on petrol. “I’m
responsible” you remind yourself, and shoot off to fill up the tank for her.
You’re at a birthday party and everyone is standing around anxiously, too
shy to interact with each other. “I’m responsible” you say and break the ice
by saying “Hi everyone, I’m…So how do we all know each other”. You’re
at work and your boss is looking for someone to take on a project. No one
really wants the extra responsibility. “I’m responsible” plays in your mind,
and you put your hand up for the challenge.
Do you see how the simple action of taking responsibility will turn you into
exactly the person you are striving to become?
Taking on responsibility is one of the number one character traits that
charismatic people possess. This character trait is what makes them appear
dynamic and gives them that magnetic quality that so many people admire.
It’s important to note that by having the attitude of being responsible, I’m
not saying that you are to blame when things go wrong. Of course you are
not really responsible for every situation that comes your way throughout
the day, but there is true power in acting as if you are.
It’s also important to point out that in order to really maximize the effect of
this strategy, it is vital that you don’t make a big song and dance about your
own willingness to take on this responsibility. True charisma will come
from taking charge of each situation by saying “I’m responsible”, but then
not seeking any praise or approval afterwards.
Simply carry on with your day, as if taking on responsibility is just a part of
who you are. Have you ever noticed someone doing something
commendable, but then telling everyone about it themselves rather than
letting their actions do the talking? This instantly reduces the effect of their
achievement. It’s like the person who does the washing up in the kitchen
without being asked to, but then spreads the news far and wide of their good
deed, rather than letting people notice it for themselves. This dramatically
diminishes the effect of their good deed and eradicates it almost completely.
Do whatever you can to act as if you are responsible, but don’t seek any
gratification afterwards. You will immediately find yourself taking charge
of situations you never thought you were capable of. You will find yourself
leading from the front in a dynamic manner that will instantly make you
appear more charismatic and confident.

Charisma Exercise #13:

Step 1: Think of a charismatic person. This can be someone you know or a
celebrity.
Step 2: Close your eyes and imagine them acting the way they do. Imagine
them oozing charisma.
Step 3: Now imagine taking their mind and placing it into your body.
Step 4: Imagine how you would act if their mind was running your body.
How would you interact with people? How charismatic would you be?
Step 5: Think about this deeply and think about this often. Everything you
do each and every day is dependent on your outlook and mindset.
Step 6: Get into the habit of saying “I’m Responsible” several times a day,
as often as you can. This will automatically boost your magnetism and
make you a dynamic person that leads from the front.
Do this over and over again until it becomes engrained in you. Make it part
of your daily routine. Spend a couple of minutes doing this visualization
exercise every morning while getting ready for your day, and then again at
night before you go to bed.
It’s had a huge impact on my life and it has definitely sky-rocketed my
charisma levels.
 Charisma Rule #14

The Power of Magic Moments

“When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for
granted or take them with gratitude”. - Gilbert K. Chesterton

Every charismatic person I’ve ever had the fortune of meeting has carried
with them what is known as an “attitude of gratitude”.
You may have heard this term thrown about before, but basically it is the
habit of being grateful for the things you already have in your life, and it is
one of the foundations of charisma.
The reason for this is that when you are truly grateful for the things you
have in your life, your body physiology as well as your outlook on life
changes. You tend to walk with a spring in your step, and have a far more
positive outlook on life. Things that bothered you before suddenly don’t
seem that important and challenges you face seem inconsequential. The
result then is that you are naturally more charismatic because you project
warmth and friendliness.
Projecting warmth is a huge part of charisma. Have you ever met a
charismatic person that didn’t project warmth and friendliness?
As simple as the idea sounds, developing an attitude of gratitude requires
effort and a lot of practice. When I first bought into the idea, I found it easy
to be “grateful” and appreciate the small things in my life for an hour or
two, but after a while I would slip back into my old ways and forget how
lucky I was in life. I’d find myself taking the small things for granted, or
complaining about silly little things, the kind that you seldom hear
charismatic people complain about.
To overcome this I developed my own method which allowed me to stay
focused on this concept and remind myself constantly to have this attitude
of gratitude. I call it simply “Magic Moments” and it is nothing more than a
daily ritual I carry out at the end of each day.
As I am lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I think back over that day and try
to identify a few of the day’s highlights, or “Magic Moments” if you will.
These don’t have to be anything special and can range from things like
“Feeling the sun beating down on my back as I walked home from work”,
to “Holding my wife’s hand as we sat and watched television”.
The idea is to take a moment to realize just how lucky most of us are in our
lives. We tend to get fixated on this idea that happiness will come once we
reach a certain level of success, or achieve certain goals, but what we don’t
realize is that more often than not we have everything we need in our lives
right now to be happy.
The simple fact that you are reading these words probably means you are
better off than 90% of the people on this planet. For starters you have been
educated and taught how to read, secondly you had the money to purchase
this book and you also have some sort of device to read it on.
Now take a moment to look around you. What do you see? Perhaps you’re
at home and you have a roof over your head? Maybe a television standing
in the corner of the room? The fact that you can even see these things mean
you have your eyesight. In the exercise at the end of this chapter, I will
really hit home how powerful and true this kind of thinking is and how
lucky and how much I have to be grateful for just today, let alone every
other day.
You see we all, including me, take our lives and the abundance in them for
granted each and every day. Our level of success is purely our own
perception.
Think about everything you have in your life right now. I’m willing to bet
you that there are probably 5 Billion people on this planet that would give
anything to be in your position right now. If they could have exactly the
same life as you do, they would consider themselves a huge success,
because they currently don’t have food and clothing, a place to live, they
can’t read, they don’t have money let alone a bank account.
Do you have people in your life that love and support you? There are
millions of people out there that are all alone, with no family that care for
them.
I’m dead serious when I tell you that this is one of the fundamental keys to
building your charisma levels and I encourage you to spend a few minutes
just thinking about your life, and the huge amounts of abundance in it right
at this moment. You don’t need to be a millionaire, or live in a 6 bedroom
house to be grateful. You have huge amounts of abundance and success
right now, it is just your perception that determines whether you appreciate
this or not.
By finishing off each day by reliving my day’s “Magic Moments”, I am
filled with this huge feeling of gratitude and it shows in my personality and
outlook on life. This in turn really boosts my charisma levels as I am simply
a better person to be around.

Charisma Exercise #14

The best way you can start to cultivate an attitude of gratitude is to develop
the habit of reliving each day’s best moments. An example for me today
would be:

- The smile my wife gave me when I brought her coffee in bed.

- Eating my lunch under a clear blue sky
- Relaxing on the couch watching my favorite television program this
evening
- The phone call I got from my parents just to find out how my week
was going.
These are all such simple, ridiculously uncomplicated things to be grateful
for, but they are all things that many people would give anything to
experience. They don’t sound at all impressive or exciting, and are easily
overlooked each day.
Let’s just take my day for example. Think right now about the person who
lost their wife in a car accident. I bet they’d give anything to see her smile
one last time, the same way I got to see my beautiful wife smile today.
What about the person who has had 2 weeks of bad weather on their
holiday. Wouldn’t they give anything for a clear day of sunshine that I
experienced today?

What about the homeless person sleeping on the streets in the pouring rain
right now? Wouldn’t they give anything to have a roof over their heads, and
be able to lie on a warm comfortable couch and relax in-front of the
television as I did this evening?

What about the person that has lost both their parents. Wouldn’t they give
anything to hear their voices on the phone like I did with my parents?
I can’t emphasize enough how lucky both you and I are at this very moment
in time. Just reading the last few paragraphs in which I pointed out how
many people would be grateful to experience the things I did today makes
me emotional as it dawns on me how lucky I am. I have so much in my life
to be grateful for, and I have been walking around for most of it without
even fully being aware of this.
Take a moment each day to think about all that you are grateful for, and you
will find your life will start to change. Let the feeling of gratitude flow
through your body and feel its incredible power working.
You will start to see the world differently, and will not be bothered by the
small trivial problems you used to face. You will appreciate the people in
your life and everything you have already achieved and accumulated, and in
return you will naturally morph into a more charismatic person.
Trust me, a whole new outlook on life awaits you once you get into the
habit of developing an attitude of gratitude and finding the day’s “Magic
Moments”.
 Charisma Rule #15

Confidence

“With confidence, you have won before you have started” – Marcus Garvey

It goes without saying that without confidence you will find it virtually
impossible to be truly charismatic. Sure you might be able to fake it here
and there, and you might fool people into thinking you’re charismatic
occasionally, but eventually your lack of confidence will unravel your
charisma levels and your vulnerability will become exposed for the entire
world to see.
When you use the tools I’ve covered in previous chapters and visualize
yourself as being charismatic or you set yourself ambitious goals which
include becoming ultra-charismatic, do you for one moment picture
yourself lacking any confidence in these images of yourself? Of course not.
Charismatic people are some of the most confident people on the planet. It
is their confidence that draws people to them. It is their confidence that
allows them to boldly interact with people wherever they go, or to have the
ability to break the ice and start conversations with people they have just
met. It is also their incredible self-confidence that allows them to be so
comfortable in their own skin, and so at peace and ease with themselves
that they never feel the need to boast or show off to others.
This in turn allows them to easily implement the rules covered earlier in this
book, such as shining the spotlight on others, or allowing other people to do
the majority of the speaking while carefully steering the conversation back
to them.
Insecure people that lack confidence continually try to prove themselves to
others by bragging or uninvitingly offering stories about themselves in an
attempt to get people to like and think highly of them.
Amazingly, you never see people that have supreme self-confidence doing
this though. Confident people don’t feel the need to interrupt other people’s
stories or dialog with their own tales of triumph and success. They don’t
feel the need to gloat about their accomplishments and successes. Instead
they are more interested in other people’s stories and achievements and this
is what allows them to radiate charisma wherever they go.
With this in mind, developing your confidence is essential if you are going
to truly build your charisma to extraordinary levels. Fortunately, just like
everything else you’ve read in this book, confidence is a skill that can be
learnt and mastered over time.
There are 2 major aspects to building confidence in my opinion. I am an
advocate for both and have frequently used both to build my confidence
levels and in return my charisma levels over the last few years.
The Power of Repetition and Certainty
The single best method of becoming more confident at a particular skill or
task is to repeat it over and over again until you are certain you can perform
it with ease. Think about this for a second. If I asked you right now to sing
the alphabet to me, do you think you’d be able to do it? Of course the
answer is yes. The reason is because this is something you’ve probably
done a million times in your lifetime. It was ingrained into your mind at
school, and you write letters each and every day. There is no part of you
that doubts your ability to do this task, because you have done it a million
times before. In other words, you are certain you can do it.
The same applies for any other skill or task you may be faced with. The
level of confidence you hold in your ability to perform a task or skill is
directly related to the level of certainty you hold in your mind about your
ability to do it. In other words, if you are certain you are able to do
something you will be highly confident. If you are not certain you are able
to do something you may lack confidence.
So the solution then is to simply repeat whatever it is that you wish to be
confident at obsessively until you create such a level of certainty when it
comes to performing that task, that no part of your being doubts your ability
to do so.
The same applies to charisma. The only way to become more confident and
charismatic is to practice your charisma skills and rules. At the moment you
may find that you lack self-confidence when it comes to talking to people,
but I’m willing to bet that if this is true, it’s because it is something you
haven’t spent a lot of time doing. In contrast if you had a job where you had
to speak to and interact with people all day, and you had been doing this job
for the last 15 years, this would then be something that comes naturally to
you.
If you lack confidence in any aspect of your life, it is simply because you
haven’t spent enough time focusing on it. If you haven’t spent enough time
focusing on something you will be uncertain as to whether or not you have
the ability to do it, which in turn leads to lacking confidence. Repetition
leads to certainty, and certainty leads to confidence. Confidence in turn
leads to charisma.

Become Comfortable in Your Own Skin

After pointing out above that certainty determines your level of confidence
when attempting a task or skill, it is interesting to note that truly charismatic
people appear to be supremely confident even when doing things they have
never done before for the first time.
I stated that repetition leads to certainty and certainty in turn determines
your level of confidence, so how is it that these people are able to remain
confident even when doing something for the first time?

By definition if they are doing something for the first time, it is impossible
that they have repeated the task many times before and therefore couldn’t
be certain of their ability to perform it. How then are they able to be so
confident?
The answer lies in the fact that these people are completely comfortable in
their own skin. They are so at peace with themselves, and have such an
incredible understanding as to who they are, what they believe in, and what
their values are, that they don’t allow certainty to determine their
confidence levels.

Take a scenario in which you were required to stand up and give a short
impromptu presentation at your place of work. Imagine one of your
colleagues was leaving and your boss asked you to make a short speech at
the last minute. If this is not something you had done many times before,
you may doubt your ability to do this. As a result you may lack confidence
and this lack of confidence would show as you mumbled and bumbled your
way through your speech.

Now in contrast, imagine a person that was completely at ease within

themselves. A person that didn’t care what others thought because they had
such a strong sense of who they were as a person, and what they believed
in.
This person too may also lack experience in giving short impromptu
speeches, but their confidence level would never waver because of their
incredible self-belief. To them, their ability to stand up and make a speech
does not determine who they are as a person. It is their morals and values
that do, and these can never be taken away from them.
With this mindset, they are happy to approach any scenario, whether it is
something they have done before or not, because they have a rock-solid
self-confidence that is unbreakable.
Becoming at ease with yourself starts from within. It requires you to think
deeply about what you believe in, and what your values are. It requires you
to think deeply about the kind of person you are. How you carry yourself
each and every day and what your idea of the world is.
Once you have these beliefs, morals and values, the key then is to never let
them go. Never make the mistake of changing who you are around other
people and compromising these values, beliefs and morals. When you do
this, your confidence levels drop because suddenly you lose a sense of who
you are as a person. When this happens your confidence levels are then at
the mercy of your ability or level of certainty to perform a task.
However, if you can become such a strong individual mentally that you
never let go of your beliefs, values and morals, then it matters not what life
throws at you. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t good at speaking to people you
haven’t met before, because you know who you are as a person, you know
what you believe in and your confidence level is not determined by outside
factors.
As a result you have a level of confidence about you at all times that attracts
positive people into your life and makes them want to be around you.
Charisma Exercise #15
One of the best methods I know to build your confidence levels are to
repeat a task or skill you wish to be more confident in so many times that
your level of certainty becomes unbreakable.
If you want to become more outgoing, practice talking to people. If you
want to become better at speaking in public, do it. It sounds ridiculously
obvious when put it words like that, but remember, repetition leads to
certainty and certainty leads to confidence.
Think of a skill you are able to do right now that you couldn’t do 5 years
ago. You will find now that your confidence levels when performing this
task will be at an all-time high, because there is no doubt in your mind that
you are able to do it, however 5 years ago you will have been uncertain and
lacked confidence when doing the exact same task. A classic example for
me is playing guitar.
Now if someone asked me to play a particular song I’d pick up the guitar
and start to play it with ease and confidence (at an intermediate level mind
you).
10 years ago though I didn’t know how to play guitar and I wouldn’t have
been able to even pick up a guitar correctly let alone play it. If you want to
boost your confidence levels immediately when doing a task, practice that
task until you become so certain in your ability to do it that your confidence
levels shoot through the roof when doing it.
The second best method I know to build unshakeable confidence is to
become so comfortable in your own skin that nothing and no person can
ever make you doubt yourself again. To do this you need to reflect deeply
on who you are as a person, what you believe in, what your values are and
lastly what your morals are.
Once you have identified these and you commit to never breaking them,
you will find that there is nothing on the outside world that can determine
your confidence levels. When this happens you will find that you naturally
become more charismatic as confidence bursts out of you.
Confidence is one of the key elements of charisma. Make sure you work
hard to build yours and you will find your charisma levels rising in
correlation.
 Charisma Rule #16

Awareness – The Glue That Holds it all Together

“The first step toward change is awareness”. - Nathaniel Branden

Earlier, I mentioned that one of the most important rules of charisma was
developing power. I said that it was one of two vital aspects of charisma
because without it, none of the other rules mean anything. Well along with
power, the second vital aspect of charisma is awareness.
When it comes to changing the person you are, half the battle is awareness.
I have learnt that if you are completely aware of what you want to achieve
in life, you are half way there to achieving it.

The reason most people never achieve their full potential is because they
are not actively aware of what they are capable of. They are not aware of
what they can achieve, because they don’t actively set goals for themselves
or set themselves challenges. Instead they amble through life, with little or
no plan.

Think about this. If I challenged you to act as if you were the most
charismatic person in the world for 10 seconds, would you be able to do it?
I bet you could!
You would suddenly spark into life, your whole body physiology would
change. Your face would light up with character. Why? Simply because you
would be aware that you are trying to be more charismatic.

Being aware of what you are trying to accomplish, whether it’s trying to be
more charismatic, lose weight or make more money, is the first and most
important step to success.
So how do you make yourself aware of your charisma goals?
You remind yourself several times a day. This way, you will always be
fully aware of your desire to be more charismatic. As mentioned previously
I have various notes on my iPhone with affirmations and various positive
statements.
One of these reads “Charisma flows through me in bucket loads”. It sounds
corny, but it works wonders.

I read this every couple of hours, whenever I have a spare moment. I may
be waiting in line at the bank, or standing in line to pay at the supermarket.
I’ve made it a habit now to read this statement on my phone and it does
wonders when it comes to reminding me that I want to be more charismatic.
My charisma goals are never very far from my thoughts.

This has an incredibly powerful outcome because as soon as I become

aware of this, I spark into life and remember all the other charisma rules
that I apply to my life.

I strongly feel that awareness is the glue that holds all the other charisma
rules together.
You may have mastered all of the other rules, but if you forget to apply
them out in the real world, they will hold little value and will have little
effect on your charisma levels.
You will find that the more you remind yourself of your charisma goals, the
more it will become a habit. Eventually you won’t feel the need to read
your notes as often as you did, because charisma will have become a natural
part of who you are.
Charisma Exercise # 16:
The last exercise is designed to make you more aware of your goals and
desire to develop your charisma. Doing this exercise several times a day
will create a strong awareness within you and will eventually become a
habit. These are the exact steps that I carried out when I was building my
charisma levels, and I still do this on a daily basis.
Step 1: If you have a smart phone such as an iPhone or Android, create a
note and call it something like ‘Daily Affirmation’. If you don’t have a
smartphone, you can always make an old fashioned note with a good old
pen and paper, or create a note on your computer. If you followed the
exercise on visualization you may already have a similar note on your
phone. Feel free to use that if you wish.
Step 2: Create a powerful statement along the lines of “I am a charisma
God. I have bucket loads of charisma. Charisma literally flows out of me”.
Step 3: Make a list of the charisma rules in this book below this statement
and read them to yourself. This will engrain them into your memory and
remind you several times a day what character traits charismatic people
have.
Step 4: Read this statement and the charisma rules several times a day
whenever you get a chance. Read it while you’re waiting in line to pay at
the supermarket, while you’re waiting for your toast to pop in the morning
when making your breakfast, or any other time you get the chance.
Step 5: Make this part of your daily routine and keep doing this indefinitely.
Remember, it is the glue that holds all the other charisma rules together.
 Conclusion

What Now?

So where do you go from here? How do you take the information in this
book, and use it to turn yourself into one of the most charismatic people on
the planet?

Well it’s really easy. You may be sitting there thinking that these rules are
far too simple to work, but they’re not. You may be looking for that magic
bullet that turns you into a charisma God, but let me assure you it doesn’t
exist.
Instead, everything you need is right in-front of you.
I want you to take the rules you have learnt in this book and dedicate
yourself to mastering them. When I started to really focus on developing
my charisma, I created a game for myself in which I would take one of
these rules, and apply it for a couple of days until I thought I had made
some progress. Once I had done this, I would then move on to another rule.
Instead of feeling like a chore, it became an addiction as I started to get
better and better at each rule or skill if you will.
As I started getting better and better at each rule, I found I wanted to
practice more and more as I could feel my charisma levels starting to shoot
through the roof and I could feel that people were responding to me in ways
they had never done before.
Eventually I started getting so good at the rules that I started to apply more
than one at the same time. I’d be having a conversation with someone and
would find myself focusing on being present while also directing the
conversation back to them gently so that they would do most of the talking.
I had a little phrase which I use when it comes to this game, and I still use
this phrase today with all of my goals that I set myself. The phrase is
“Whatever it Takes”.
This phrase implies that no matter what is required, provided it is legal, I
will do it in order to achieve my goals. The beauty of this phrase is that it
has a huge calming effect on me. You see, once I have truly committed to
doing “Whatever it Takes”, suddenly it is no longer a question of whether or
not I will achieve my goals, it is only a question of what it will take to
achieve it.
In my mind, it’s a done deal. There is no wondering “if”, or “maybe” when
you achieve this mindset. All the anxiety and worry about my future
dissipates as I know that achieving my goal is inevitable provided that I
commit to doing “Whatever it Takes”.
I encourage you to apply the same mindset to your goals, and particularly
your charisma goals moving forward. “Whatever It Takes” means that each
and every day you will have one of the rules in mind, and will take that rule
out into the real world with you to work on it.
I also want you to develop the mindset that you’re in this for the long-run.
Becoming more charismatic is not a short-term game that will be over in a
few weeks or months. It is a lifelong dedication to mastering a skill for the
rest of your life. Can you imagine how charismatic you will be a year, 5
years, 10 years, 20 years from now if you just keep working on these rules?
Imagine if you had read this book 10 years ago and had actively been
practicing these rules each and every day. How good do you think you
would be making conversation with every person at a social gathering?
Below is a tabled list of ‘The Charisma Rules’.
Feel free to print it out and keep a copy in your wallet. Refer to it as often
as you can, so that the rules become second nature to you.
Just like the effect of reading your goals each day, reading the charisma
rules will engrain them into your memory and you will find that you start to
apply them without even thinking about it.
The Charisma Rules:

Charisma Rule #1 – Presence

Charisma Rule #2 – The Art Of Listening

Charisma Rule #3 – Body Language

Charisma Rule #4 –Become A Brilliant Conversationalist

Charisma Rule #5 – Vision And Goals

Charisma Rule #6 – Hit The Gym And Dress Sharply

Charisma Rule #7 – Never Complain & Take Responsibility For Everything

Charisma Rule #8 – Shine The Spotlight On Other People

Charisma Rule #9 – Be Humble, Friendly & Smile From Within

Charisma Rule #10 – Meet The Room

Charisma Rule #11 – Pay Everyone Some Attention

Charisma Rule #12 – Power

Charisma Rule #13 – Visualization, Mindset And “Act As If”

Charisma Rule #14 – The Power Of Magic Moments

Charisma Rule #15 – Confidence

Charisma Rule #16 – Awareness – The Glue That Holds It All Together

Everything you need to become one of life’s truly charismatic people is in

this book. I urge you to dedicate yourself to reading, and re-reading it over
and over again, until its contents and anecdotes are burnt into your
subconscious mind and oozing charisma flows naturally to you.
I truly hope this book has helped you get started on your exciting journey to
building your charisma, and I hope it continues to help you and millions of
other people around the world for many years to come.
Remember, charisma is not about being the life of the party, or being loud
and brash. It is about how you make people feel. Charismatic people are
masters at shining the spotlight on other people and making them feel like
they are the most important person in the world.
When you are long gone one day, how do you want people to remember
you? One of my biggest goals is that the people in my life will remember
me as someone that made them feel incredible, and it is my wish that you
are able to achieve this goal too…
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya
Angelou
 Did You Enjoy This Book?

Hi folks, Gary here.

I firstly want to thank you for purchasing and reading this book. I really
hope you got a lot out of it and can take a few of the nuggets I’ve given
you, and start working them into your life.

Can I ask a quick favor though?

As a small, upcoming author (this is my first project), I rely on your

feedback and reviews to build my brand and as a way to engage with my
readers.
If you enjoyed this book I would really appreciate it if you could leave me a
review on Amazon.com
I love getting your feedback, and reviews on Amazon really do make a
difference. I read all my reviews personally and would really appreciate
your thoughts.
Thanks so much.
Gary Marshall