Superior Donuts

a play
by
Tracy Letts

Copyright 2008 final workshop draft

6/15/09
"So in the dark we hide the heart that bleeds. And wait, and tend
our agonizing seeds."

Countee Cullen
SETTING:

Superior Donuts, a small donut shop in Chicago's Uptown

neighborhood

December-January

CHARACTERS (in order of appearance):

Max Tarasov, 49 years old, Russian

Officer Randy Osteen, 49 years old, Irish-American

Officer James Bailey, 43 years old, African-American

Lady Boyle, 72 years old, Irish-American

Arthur Przybyszewski ("(p)Shub-er-shef-ski"), 59 years old, Polish-

American

Franco Wicks, 21 years old, African-American

Luther Flynn, 45 years old, Irish/Italian-American

Kevin Magee, 28 years old, Irish-American

Kiril Ivakin, 35 years old, Russian

 AT RISE:

The donut shop.

The glass front door and display case

have been shattered. One wall has been
spray painted with a single word:
PUSSY.

RANDY (female), a uniformed cop,

listens to MAX and fills out paperwork.
JAMES, another uniformed cop, walks
around the store, inspects the
graffiti, surveys the damage.

MAX
A real fucking shame, y’know? Little son-of-a-bitches trash
my store too, just next door, twice in three years. I got
more locks than they got in White House, and so now they come
torture this poor man. Why they do this to this man? Must
we all live behind bars?

RANDY
I want to hear all this, Max, but let’s start with your name.

MAX
You know my name. You just now say my name.

RANDY
Your full name. Your last name--

MAX
I am not the person who has done this, this is not my store,
I do not know why my name is all so important as--

JAMES
Answer the question.

LADY BOYLE, an elderly homeless woman,

enters. James deals with her.

RANDY
You made the call. I just need it for my report.

LADY
What happened?

MAX JAMES
Max Tarasov. Nothing, Lady, you
got to move on--

RANDY LADY
Oops, all right, Where’s Arthur?
spell that. Is Arthur okay?
 2.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX JAMES
M-A-X T-A-R-A-S-O- Arthur’s okay, but
V. you got to move
on.

RANDY LADY
Like it sounds. Can I get a donut?

MAX JAMES
Like it sound, Come back later
yes. for your donut,
but for now--

RANDY LADY
And you run the You want me to go.
video store on the
corner.

MAX JAMES
How many times you Yes, ma’am.
come in my store?

RANDY LADY
C’mon. I’m goin’.

Lady exits.

MAX
Uptown International DVD Rental, right next door, ten-
nineteen. You want me to spell DVD?

RANDY
And you think you know who did this?

MAX
I see the little black son-of-a-bitches every day, no
offense. They run in my store smelling like the pot. They
are ripping off my DVDs, they break in my store and write
their paints on my walls, twice in three years. Have you not
heard me or not?

JAMES
Calm down.

MAX
Is anyone paying attention in America? Our neighborhood
needs help. They put in Starbuck and you think they do not
sell drugs on corner still? What, you think Starbuck stop
drugs? These black son-of-a-bitches don’t care about
Starbuck. No offense.

JAMES
These guys you say did this, you can name them?
 3.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
I do not know names but come back tonight and I will point
them out to you. James, you know who they are! They are
same ones who do all crime on this street!

JAMES
How is it a man who runs a DVD store shows up to his place of
work before a man who sells donuts? Lot of people anxious to
rent DVD’s at six in the morning?

MAX
I do not “run” DVD store. I own DVD store; I am the
proprietor. ‘Kay? I am here early because I expanse my
store and a lot of work needs to be done. I have three
workers here from Nizhny, just arrived, do not speak the
language, and they have red necks, so I will not allow them
to work unsupervise. I see Arthur’s shop is smashed and so I
call you police because I am a good citizen. I am guilty of
nothing other than working hard. I am guilty only of living
American dream. And why Arthur is not here is not my
business. Some day Arthur does not show up at all. Why he
treat his shop in such lazy fashion is not for me to say.

RANDY
Arthur’s been closed a lot lately.

MAX
You know his wife die.

RANDY
Arthur’s not married.

MAX
No. Yes. His former wife.

RANDY
He’s not married.

MAX
Not now. She’s dead.

RANDY
But he was married before she died.

MAX
He was married, then he was divorced, then she die.

JAMES
How’d she die?

MAX
He does not tell me these things. I find that out from
douchebag who work here some days, that Ray. But no, since
she die, Arthur has not been so much on his balls.
 4.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
“On the ball.”

MAX
Yes, not so much.

RANDY
He doesn’t talk to you?

MAX
We talk every day. “Hello, how are you, can I have a donut.”
I know Arthur eleven years, since I first come to America,
since I open my store. All my life I try to buy his shop
from him but he will not sell. I give him good price, is
very frustrating. But Arthur always help me when I ask, help
me with language and give me free everything. But he is
private man. He is not natural...no, how do you say this?
He is not in nature a man who wants to talk.

RANDY
It’s not in his nature.

MAX
Yes. Thank you. It is not in his nature. He is a good man,
Arthur, I think, and I call him my friend, but no, he does
not want to be pulled into light, so I do not pull.

Arthur enters. His clothes are

unwashed, wrinkled; his hair is a
greasy gray tangle tied in a ponytail;
he sports a scraggly beard; he is half-
asleep, maybe stoned; he is a mess.

No one speaks as he surveys the damage.

ARTHUR
I’ll make some coffee.

MAX
It’s a goddamn fucking shame, Arthur.

ARTHUR
Yeah...

MAX
A goddamn fucking shame.

ARTHUR
Anybody want coffee? Randy? Coffee?

RANDY JAMES
Yes. Yeah.
 5.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
Please, coffee. Arthur. I show up this morning and see your
store is smashed so I call police. I hope you don’t mind.

ARTHUR
What day is it?

RANDY
Tuesday.

ARTHUR
You sure?

RANDY
Yeah.

ARTHUR
My coffee guy comes Mondays. Sure it’s not Monday?

MAX
Monday was yesterday, Arthur. You were not here yesterday.

ARTHUR
I think I missed my coffee guy.
(beat)
I missed my coffee guy.
(beat)
I don’t have any coffee.
(digs for wallet)
Anybody want Starbucks?

JAMES
Arthur, who did this to your store?

ARTHUR
I don’t know.

JAMES
Got a theory?

ARTHUR
No.

MAX
I have theory, if anyone is interested. Little black son-of-
a-bitches sell drugs on corner smash up. How is that for
theory? Arthur, you know this is true.

ARTHUR
I’m going to Starbucks.

MAX
I am more angry than he is. They smash his store, and I am
more angry than he is. Why are you not angry?
 6.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I just need coffee.

MAX
Then maybe you get angry later when those black son-of-a-
bitches on the corner laugh at you, call you “old hippie”--

JAMES
Thank you for your information. Thank you for making the
call. You are free to go.

MAX
I am?

JAMES
You should go. Now.

MAX
I cannot say they are black? Have I done something wrong?

JAMES
I’m not asking you--

MAX
You are black man, I see this. I do not say you do crime. I
do not say you are black son-of-a-bitch. Am I not allowed to
call black people, “black people”?

JAMES
(nose to nose with Max)
Say one more word about black people and I’m gonna bust your
lip.

MAX
(quietly, to Arthur)
I come by later.

ARTHUR
Mm. Thanks for calling, the um...thanks.

Max glares at James, backs to door...

MAX
So much for my inalienable rights!

...and quickly exits.

JAMES
Russians, y’know? Russians and Polacks.

RANDY
I wish I could tell you there’s something we could do, but
truth is. I mean if we happen to pick somebody up and they
tell us something, but that’s not likely.
 7.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
Max is wrong, you know, this isn’t Up-Town Lawds. They’d hit
it with a CVL tag, bunny or five-pointed star. And they
would’ve boosted some shit too, at least the register. This
is just random, or somebody hates you.

ARTHUR
Hate crime.

JAMES
No, hate crime’s aimed at specific social groups, minorities.

RANDY
Pussies aren’t a social group.

JAMES
You got insurance, right?

ARTHUR
Well, I’ll...see what it covers, but yeah.

RANDY
You better call a board-up service.

ARTHUR
Uh-huh. Yeah.

JAMES
Sorry, Arthur.

ARTHUR
Yeah, what a drag.

JAMES
I feel bad, you know? I mean we’re in here--

RANDY
--yeah, we’re in here a lot--

JAMES
Maybe you need more security.

ARTHUR
Interesting concept.

RANDY
Where’s what’s-his-name? Douchebag works here some days.
What’s his name?

ARTHUR
Ray. Ray Repko.

JAMES
Pretty name.
 8.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
He moved on.

RANDY
What for?

ARTHUR
I don’t recall...

JAMES
All right.

ARTHUR
I’m sorry.

JAMES
For what.

ARTHUR
I don’t know.

RANDY
You wouldn’t want to go get us some coffee, would you?

JAMES
Yeah, sure. Arthur, you want coffee?

ARTHUR
(fishing for money)
Oh, please.

JAMES
No, I got it. I need some cigs, too. You need cigs, Randy?

RANDY
Yeah, thanks.

James exits. Arthur pulls curtains,

draws shades over windows.

RANDY (cont’d)
Closing up shop.

ARTHUR
Just till I get it cleaned up.

RANDY
You’ll miss the morning rush. People need their sugar fix.

ARTHUR
Business isn’t so hot anyway. That Starbucks is killing me.

RANDY
Your coffee’s better.
 9.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I used to ask a quarter for a cup of coffee. Free refills.

RANDY
You replace him yet, the douchebag works here some days?

ARTHUR
No. I put up a sign. It’s tough to find someone.

RANDY
Your shop’s closed quite a lot lately.

ARTHUR
I haven’t felt so hot.

RANDY
You okay?

ARTHUR
Yeah, just.

RANDY
We miss you when you’re not here. You’re the high point of
the day.

ARTHUR
You guys must have some crummy days.

Pause.

RANDY
Hey. Last week. We took a guy in for beating hell out his
wife and she give us his Blackhawk tickets.

ARTHUR
Yeah?

RANDY
Blackhawks, Bruins. Great seats.

ARTHUR
Right, you’re a big fan, hockey fan.

RANDY
It’s the best. I grew up in the middle of seven brothers so
I like all sports and all, but hockey’s just so grrr, you
know? Really gets your blood up.
(beat)
So I got these two great seats and no one to go with me.

ARTHUR
James won’t go with you?
 10.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
Him? We’re sick of each other.

ARTHUR
Right.

RANDY
The guy hates sports. Only thing he likes is that Star Trek.

ARTHUR
Oh, right--

RANDY
Voyager, Deep Space Now, all that shit. Him and his wife
watch that shit every night.

ARTHUR
Yeah.

RANDY
Yeah.

ARTHUR
I couldn’t do that.

RANDY
No.

Silence.

RANDY (cont’d)
Max told us your wife just died.

ARTHUR
Mm. Ex-wife. Yeah. Yeah, we split up...some years ago.

RANDY
How’d she die?

ARTHUR
Cancer. Yeah, cancer, yeah.

RANDY
Sorry.

ARTHUR
Yeah, thanks.

RANDY
I’m sorry.

ARTHUR
Thanks.
 11.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
My mother died of cancer.

ARTHUR
Mm.

RANDY
Were you there?

ARTHUR
Where?

RANDY
Wherever she was. Were you with her?

ARTHUR
No, I...my...I got a call. She had moved, to North Carolina.
I got a call. After she died. My daughter called.

RANDY
I didn’t know you had a daughter.

Someone bangs on the door.

ARTHUR
I’m closed.

LADY (O.S.)
What’s that?

ARTHUR
I’m closed.

RANDY
It’s Lady. She came by a few minutes ago--

ARTHUR
Lady? Is that you?

LADY (O.S.)
Is what me?

ARTHUR
Hold on.

Arthur opens the door and Lady enters.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I’m closed today.

LADY
You were closed yesterday.
 12.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I’m closed today too.

LADY
Why?

ARTHUR
Somebody broke in.

LADY
Somebody broke in.

RANDY
Hi, Lady.

LADY
Hello.

RANDY
You’re out and about early today.

LADY
What’s that?

RANDY
I say you’re out and about early today.

ARTHUR
Lady’s always out and about early. She’s an early riser.

LADY
I got a Big Book meetin’. Down at the Rec Room.

RANDY
You doing the meetings?

LADY
What’s that?

RANDY
You’re still going to your meetings?

LADY
Oh, sure. Every day.

RANDY
How many days sober?

LADY
What’s that?

RANDY
How many days do you have sober?
 13.
REV. 6-15-09

LADY
Just today.

ARTHUR
Try me tomorrow. I should be open tomorrow morning.

LADY
You’re fuckin’ with my routine.

ARTHUR
Try me tomorrow morning.

LADY
Arthur, you don’t look good. What’s the matter?

ARTHUR
I haven’t had any coffee.

LADY
That’s a bullshit answer.

ARTHUR
It’s a tough day. Somebody broke in.

LADY
Someone always breaks in. They might leave you alone for a
long time, but...eventually...they get in.

Lady exits. Randy stands. Silence.

RANDY
So no, James won’t go to the Blackhawks game with me.

ARTHUR
That’s too bad.

Silence. James reenters, distributes

coffee, cigs.

JAMES
I think it froze, just crossing the street.

RANDY
(covering)
You talking about the coffee or your pecker?

She laughs, too loud.

JAMES
Wow. Jesus. Are you ready to go?

RANDY
Yeah.
 14.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
Arthur. Call us if you have any thoughts.

Randy takes a card from her pocket,

gives it to Arthur.

RANDY
There’s my cell. Give it a ring.
(beat)
Maybe you just want to talk.

Randy and James exit. Arthur looks

after them, thinks. He locks the door,
turns off lights. Studies Randy’s
card, tucks it behind the phone on the
wall. He takes a cookie tin from under
the counter, opens it, rolls a joint
from the contents inside. Arthur
lights the joint, sits in his darkened
shop.

ARTHUR
I’m disappearing here.

What happened?

I don’t even know where to start.

My parents. John and Marie.

They met in a refugee camp, end of the war.

My dad, John. He was in the Polish army, and he...um, he

spent most of the war in a...as a POW.

My mom was shell-shocked. She must’ve seen some...she had to

see some just...Christ, fifteen years old. White Russian
farm girl.

Keep going. They came here...‘49, straight to Jefferson

Park.

Cause of Uncle Wit and Aunt Irene. My parents didn’t have

any money, couldn’t speak the language, Mom was pregnant with
me. Borrowed from their brothers and sisters to make a down
payment on the shop. They opened in 1950. Year I was born.
Superior Donuts.

My dad wanted to call it Przybyszewski Paczki. Uncle Wit

told him Superior was easier to remember and sounds a little
like Przybyszewski. The sign makers charged by the letter.
The old man was tight, like all those people, understandably
tight.

(MORE)
 15.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont'd)
I asked him “Pop, why’d you open the store in Uptown? Why
not Jeff Park?” He said there were too many Polish bakeries
on the Northwest Side, and since Uptown was already on the
way down they got a good price.

I don’t believe it. I think he liked taking the bus.

Really, the bus? Weird.

I know. But I think the bus gave the old man a sense of...
industry.

Remember him?

Oh yeah. I still see him, bundled up. Stepping out of the

house, bitter morning, still dark outside. Hunkered against
the wind. Clomping down the icy sidewalk to catch the bus.

A bang on the door.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I’m closed.

FRANCO (O.S.)
You’re closed.

Arthur says nothing.

FRANCO (O.S.) (cont’d)

I’m here about the job.

Arthur does not respond.

FRANCO (O.S.) (cont’d)

Hello?

ARTHUR
I’m closed.

FRANCO (O.S.)
Why?

ARTHUR
Chemical spill. Very dangerous. Haz-mat team’s on the way.
Come back tomorrow.

Long pause. Another bang on the door.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I’m closed.

FRANCO (O.S.)
Haz-mat team. You called about a chemical spill?
 16.
REV. 6-15-09

Arthur pinches out his joint,

carelessly waves away smoke. Unlocks,
opens the door. Franco, backpack on
his shoulder, smiles at Arthur.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Hey, good-lookin’.

ARTHUR
I’m closed.

FRANCO
I’m here about the job.
(beat)
You got an opening.

Arthur studies Franco.

FRANCO (cont’d)
What do you do?

ARTHUR
I run a donut shop.

FRANCO
I can do that.
(enters)
Is it hard?

ARTHUR
No harder than anything else.

FRANCO
How hard is anything else?

Arthur turns on the light to get a

better look at Franco.

FRANCO (cont’d)
I’ve got work experience. School library, at Truman. I
shelve books.
(beat)
I’m not in school, not right now. I’m taking a break.

ARTHUR
Taking a break. To work in a donut shop.

FRANCO
What do you have to do?

ARTHUR
Work the counter, serve the food. Brew coffee. Make change.
 17.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
I ain’t gotta make no donuts.

ARTHUR
No.

FRANCO
How come?

ARTHUR
I make the donuts.

FRANCO
So you got this basket here says “bismarck” on it. So say I
sell the last bismarck. Then someone comes in here and says
they want a bismarck.

ARTHUR
You say we’re out of bismarcks.

FRANCO
That’s all there is to it.

ARTHUR
Pretty much.

FRANCO
So say someone comes in and they’re havin’ a party.

ARTHUR
People don’t have parties here.

FRANCO
No, they’re gonna have a party, somewhere else. So they want
all the donuts and all the coffee so I sell ‘em all the
donuts and all the coffee and then there’s no more donuts or
coffee. What happens the next dude comes in, wants a donut?

ARTHUR
You say you’re sorry but we’re out of donuts.

FRANCO
But the sign says Superior Donuts. Someone comes in and I
say we’re out of donuts, that don’t look good. I mean if I
go into Kentucky Fried Chicken...

ARTHUR
I follow you--

FRANCO
...and they’re all outta chicken--

ARTHUR
--right--
 18.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
--that’s false advertising. You got to think of a thing like
that when you name the place. The word donut is part of the
brand, right? I mean if you called this place House of Wax,
and they come in here and they find you done run out of
donuts, the customer complaint takes on a different tone.
And seein’ as you’re not here.

ARTHUR
No, I’m here.

FRANCO
No, I mean in the hypothetical.

ARTHUR
Oh, I thought you meant...I thought you meant I wasn’t here.

FRANCO
No, I can see you’re here.

ARTHUR
Good.

FRANCO
I mean in the hypothetical.

ARTHUR
Right, where someone’s--

FRANCO
--someone’s bought all the donuts, you ain’t the one gotta
bear the brunt of the public reaction.

ARTHUR
What is your name?

FRANCO
I’m sayin’ if we stick to your system you got to make damn
sure we got an abundance of donuts when I’m runnin’ the show.

ARTHUR
But in the hypothetical.

FRANCO
What?

ARTHUR
In your hypothetical, I could have a thousand donuts. I
could have ten thousand donuts.

FRANCO
Lot of donuts.
 19.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
And this person comes in to supply donuts for their party.

FRANCO
Let’s call him Bongo.

ARTHUR
Who?

FRANCO
Hypothetical-Man.

ARTHUR
Bongo?

FRANCO
You don’t like Bongo?

ARTHUR
So Bongo comes in to supply donuts for his donut party. And
it just so happens that Bongo is having a really big donut
party and so he purchases ten thousand donuts and what the
hell am I talking about?

FRANCO
No, I’m with you. So when the next customer comes in and
we’re out of donuts, we’ve got the same issue.

ARTHUR
Right.

FRANCO
Seems to me we got two choices at this point.

ARTHUR
Okay.

FRANCO
Close the store.

ARTHUR
Oh.

FRANCO
Yeah, I’d need to close up shop, turn out the lights, cause
there won’t be no donuts for sale, superior or otherwise.

ARTHUR
What’s my other choice?

FRANCO
Show me how to make the donuts.
 20.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You want to make the donuts.

FRANCO
“Teach a man to fish.”

ARTHUR
That’s very industrious, but I’ve had this shop a long time
and I’ve never been caught without donuts and coffee.

FRANCO
First time for everything.

ARTHUR
What’d you say your name was?

FRANCO
Franco Wicks.

ARTHUR
Franco Wicks. “Franco Wicks.”

FRANCO
Who are you?

ARTHUR
I’m Arthur. Przybyszewski.

FRANCO
Arthur S.

ARTHUR
P.

FRANCO
Huh?

ARTHUR
It starts with a P.

FRANCO
It starts with a P.

ARTHUR
Yes.

FRANCO
Say it again.

ARTHUR
“(p)Shub-er-shef-ski.”

FRANCO
I don’t hear no P.
 21.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
It’s in there.

FRANCO
Arthur P. You ain’t scammin’ me about makin’ the donuts, are
you? You ain’t just shippin’ ‘em in from Acme Donut Factory.

ARTHUR
I make the donuts. By hand.

FRANCO
You gotta get up early.

ARTHUR
I make the dough in the evening, after I close.

FRANCO
Stick it in the fridge, then fry it up in the morning?

ARTHUR
More flavor that way.

FRANCO
Just flour and oil, right? Then hit it with the sugar?

ARTHUR
No, it’s a little more sophisticated than that.

FRANCO
Really sophisticated?

ARTHUR
Well, no, not really sophisticated. Just different.

FRANCO
What kind of oil you use?

ARTHUR
Peanut oil.

FRANCO
Not exactly a healthy choice, is it?

ARTHUR
Could be worse.

FRANCO
Yeah, could be. Could be horse fat, but that’s not much of
an endorsement, is it? You ain’t gonna put that on the sign.

ARTHUR
No...
 22.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
“Superior Donuts...It Ain’t Horse Fat!”

ARTHUR
Consider the donut. It’s a dessert cake.

FRANCO
A dessert cake?

ARTHUR
Yes.

FRANCO
Or a meal substitute.

ARTHUR
I suppose either one.

FRANCO
Or an additional meal. Which contributes to obesity and
cardiac disease in the African-American community.

ARTHUR
You’re not giving much credit to the discernment of the
consumer, African-American or otherwise.

FRANCO
Discernment implies a choice. You don’t see no Whole Foods
in this neighborhood, do you?

ARTHUR
Oh it’s coming. We got a Starbucks right across the street.

FRANCO
Brother, they got Starbucks in wheat fields now. They got
Starbucks in Appalachia. Loretta Lynn’s got a Starbucks in
her home town, right outside the coal mine. Anyway, you
don’t see a lot of brothers in the Starbucks, do you? And
you ain’t never seen a brother in the Whole Foods, unless
he’s stockin’ the shelves. Can you picture that, some big
angry black man shoppin’ in Whole Foods, his arms all loaded
with soy cheese and echinacea and star fruit?

ARTHUR
I wouldn’t know.

FRANCO
Why not?

ARTHUR
I don’t shop at Whole Foods.

FRANCO
Oh. I do.
 23.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I see.

FRANCO
Shit, I’m just about hooked on that soy cheese.

ARTHUR
Your point is, because no alternative is readily available,
I’m contributing to the poor health habits of low-income
African-Americans by providing unhealthy meal substitutes?

FRANCO
Well spoke, Arthur P.

ARTHUR
Are you encouraging me to close my business, Franco Wicks?

FRANCO
I’m encouraging you to provide some heart-healthy
alternatives. Some fruit or even low-fat bran muffins.

ARTHUR
Bran muffins.

FRANCO
If you want to stay in the world of the donut.

ARTHUR
Hold on, this is your job interview.

FRANCO
How’m I doing?

ARTHUR
No, yeah, pretty good.

FRANCO
Today’s your lucky day, Arthur P. I’m a self-starter.

Arthur studies Franco, considers.

ARTHUR
Okay, give me a few days to mull it over.

FRANCO
I can start tomorrow.

ARTHUR
Give me a few days.

FRANCO
I can start now.
 24.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You need a job that bad?

FRANCO
I wouldn’t waste your time if I didn’t.

ARTHUR
You’re not in any trouble, are you?

FRANCO
I’m in debt.

ARTHUR
We’re only talking about a little help at the counter. Five
days a week.

FRANCO
What’s the pay?

ARTHUR
Minimum wage.

FRANCO
Which is...

ARTHUR
Eight dollars an hour. It just went up.

FRANCO
How many hours a week?

ARTHUR
Thirty?

FRANCO
Thirty hours a week at eight bucks an hour. Two hundred
forty a week. Nine sixty a month. Little over eleven-five a
year. Before taxes.

ARTHUR
Sounds right.

FRANCO
Sounds right? Eleven grand a year sounds right?

ARTHUR
Sounds accurate.

FRANCO
Benefits?

ARTHUR
None.
 25.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
Workmen’s comp?

ARTHUR
Sure.

FRANCO
Social security.

ARTHUR
Yeah.

FRANCO
What about profit sharing?

ARTHUR
Profit sharing.

FRANCO
Do you believe in profit sharing?

ARTHUR
Sure, I believe in it. I don’t provide it.

FRANCO
What if I can demonstrate an increase in sales?

ARTHUR
We’ll talk about that at your first employee evaluation.

FRANCO
Does this mean I got the job?

Arthur considers another moment...

ARTHUR
Yeah, okay.

They shake.

FRANCO
You won’t regret it.

ARTHUR
You live in the neighborhood?

FRANCO
Born and raised, brother. Wilson and Sheridan. You?

ARTHUR
Jefferson Park. But the shop’s been in my family almost
sixty years.
 26.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
I walk past every day of my natural life.

ARTHUR
How come I’ve never seen you in here?

FRANCO
I don’t eat no nasty-ass donuts. But if I’m gonna be workin’
here, I better know what the hell I’m sellin’, so...donut,
please, and a large coffee.

ARTHUR
Actually, I’m all out of coffee and donuts right now.

Franco stares at him.

During the following, Franco puts on an

apron, cleans up the damaged shop. The
shattered glass front door has been
boarded up (revealed when Franco opens
the shades).

ARTHUR (cont’d)
What was it like?

What, as a kid? A kid, in Chicago, in the ‘60’s? Magic.

Pure magic. Well. Magic for a white kid, anyway. Christmas
windows at Marshall Fields, twilight at Riverview.

Man. How’s that feel?

My chest gets hot. My heart flushes. Another world.

Keep talking.

The city was true working class, and the bars were clean and
well-lit and immigrant factory workers would sit and have a
beer after a day’s work. And sleeping outside with my
family, with all the families, on the lawn at Jefferson Park
on sticky summer nights. Every Sunday hanging out in someone
else’s basement, food all day. Or a trip to a forest
preserve, all free back then, Polish the only language I’d
hear, twenty pigs spinning in fire, and every friend I made
became my parents’ friend, just because they were my friend.
Coming back from a family trip, driving along Congress
Expressway, I’d see the giant neon lips of Magikist and I
knew I was home.

It changed though. ’66. Dr. King was pelted with

firecrackers and rocks in Marquette Park. My mom got the old
man drunk in the middle of the day to keep him from going
down there and shaming us. Maybe that’s where the trouble
started with the old man.
(MORE)
 27.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Then in ‘68 I got my head cracked open by Daley’s police in
Old Town, the riot no one saw on TV, the one even more brutal
than the others. The old man drove down and bailed me out of
county the next morning and didn’t say a word to me, which
was worse than if he’d socked me one. He just drove me to a
recruiting station, parked the car, got out, and walked away.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I sat and I waited.
I waited for my old man to come back to the car. I waited
for hours with dried blood in my hair.

Did any of it matter?

I guess not. Cause my notice came in a few weeks anyway and

by October I was living in Toronto.

Lights shift. Arthur and Franco. End

of a business day. The graffiti has
been covered by a thin coat of paint,
but the word “PUSSY” is still visible.

FRANCO
You don’t talk much, do you?
(beat)
Arthur?

ARTHUR
Hm.

FRANCO
You don’t talk much.
(beat)
Why is that?

ARTHUR
I guess I don’t have a lot to say.

As Franco steps into the kitchen, KEVIN

MAGEE enters the shop, approaches the
counter. Arthur steps up to serve him.

KEVIN
Can I just get a Coke?

ARTHUR
One dollar.

Arthur gets a can of Coke from the

fridge. Kevin pays.

KEVIN
Do you have a bag?

Arthur, vaguely irritated, turns to get

a bag from an empty shelf behind him.
 28.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Franco? Will you bring me some small paper bags?

Franco enters from the kitchen with

bags. Arthur bags the Coke, gives it
to Kevin. Franco cleans counter tops,
takes no note of Kevin. But Kevin
takes note of Franco, quickly exits.

FRANCO
See, you just cost yourself some money.
(beat)
Cause you don’t talk. “Have a nice day.” “Thanks for
stopping by.” “You look like a guy needs more fritter in his
diet.” That kind of thing. You don’t engage the customers.

ARTHUR
He wanted a pop.

FRANCO
He just thinks he wanted a pop. He don’t know he wants a
fritter. You gotta help him find out.

ARTHUR
Yeah, okay, thanks.

Arthur clicks off the neon sign, fires

up a joint.

FRANCO
How come you close so early?

No response.

FRANCO (cont’d)
You’re missing out on the evening trade.
(beat)
Did you know you’re missing out on the evening trade?

ARTHUR
I catch some commuters.

FRANCO
They’re going home to dinner. They ain’t stopping for donuts
on their way to dinner.

Arthur does not respond.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Do you eat donuts for dinner?

No response.
 29.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO (cont’d)
Just on weekends maybe, stay open a little later. You might
get a coffee house atmosphere in here. Like some students
tapping away on their laptops or whatever. Get some posters
up here for yoga classes and chakra readings. “Release your
kundalini energy.” Get some art on the walls. And how ‘bout
some music, brother, can we plug in a radio or some shit?

ARTHUR
A radio, huh?

FRANCO
Yeah.

ARTHUR
Radios interfere with my quiet time.

FRANCO
Or howzabout a poetry reading? You get some poets up in here
and I’ll show you a trick. I’ll do it, I’ll run the whole
show. I’ll be the producer. I’ll produce a coffee house
series here in your Superior Donuts establishment.

ARTHUR
You really think I’m missing out on those big poet dollars.

FRANCO
Poets can’t pay the rent, but they drink coffee like a
motherfucker.

ARTHUR
How do you know what poets do?

FRANCO
You don’t think I know what poets do?

ARTHUR
I don’t think you don’t know what poets do.

FRANCO
I think you don’t think I know what poets do.

ARTHUR
I think you don’t think...Jesus, I’ll never make it.

FRANCO
I know what poets do.

ARTHUR
Are you a poet? Is that the point?

FRANCO
Nope.
 30.
REV. 6-15-09

Franco unzips his backpack, pulls out a

collection of worn notebooks, legal
pads, typing paper, all of it scribbled
on and marked up, and bound into a
single package with elastic bike cords.

Franco “presents” the package. Arthur

is unmoved.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Don’t you recognize it?

ARTHUR
Should I?

FRANCO
You’ve heard about it. You’ve read about it. Maybe even a
long time ago, you thought you’d write it. It’s the Great
American Novel, my man. Authored by yours truly.

ARTHUR
Really.

FRANCO
Damn straight.

ARTHUR
And you wrote it. You wrote the Great American Novel.

Franco grins.

FRANCO
What do you want to ask me?

ARTHUR
Whatever it is you think I want to ask.

FRANCO
You want to know what it’s called?

ARTHUR
What’s it called?

FRANCO
America Will Be. That’s from a Langston Hughes poem:
“O, yes, I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!”

ARTHUR
You’re an optimist.
 31.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
I don’t know about that. I’m intrepid.

Beat.

FRANCO (cont’d)
What else do you want to ask me?

ARTHUR
Was there something else I wanted to ask?

FRANCO
Ask me how long it took.

ARTHUR
How long did it take?

FRANCO
Let’s see, I’m twenty-one now, so...about twenty-one years.

ARTHUR
Your life’s work.

FRANCO
That’s an exaggeration. I started when I was fourteen, but
I’ve already thrown out most of that stuff and rewritten it.
But yeah, about seven years. And it’s finished. I finished
it. Night before last.

ARTHUR
(laughs)
Night before last.

FRANCO
The Great American Novel.

ARTHUR
Good for you.

Arthur exits into the kitchen.

FRANCO
You don’t believe me.

ARTHUR (O.S.)
Hm?

FRANCO
That I wrote the Great American Novel. You don’t believe
me.

ARTHUR (O.S.)
No, I believe you.
 32.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
You don’t sound like you believe me.

ARTHUR (O.S.)
Why wouldn’t I believe you?

FRANCO
I don’t know why you wouldn’t believe me. Maybe you’re a
racist.

ARTHUR
(reentering)
I could not believe you and still not be a racist.

FRANCO
So you don’t believe me.

ARTHUR
I didn’t say that.

FRANCO
Are you a racist?

ARTHUR
No. I mean, I don’t think so. I mean, I hope not. I mean,
probably not, but...you know.

Franco stares at him.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I hired you, didn’t I?

FRANCO
Scoot over, Lincoln, make room on the penny.

ARTHUR
Okay.

FRANCO
You think I can’t write the Great American Novel cause I’m a
black man.

ARTHUR
No, of course not.

Franco stares at him.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Of course not.

FRANCO
Then why haven’t you asked to read it?
 33.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I.

FRANCO
Mm-hm.

ARTHUR
Let me read it.

FRANCO
Yeah, right.

ARTHUR
No, I want to read it.

FRANCO
No, you don’t.

ARTHUR
Please let me read it.

FRANCO
Hell, no.

ARTHUR
Why not?

FRANCO
You wouldn’t understand it.

ARTHUR
Is it in English?

FRANCO
You wouldn’t get a lot out of my book, Arthur P. I just
mean, you know...you run a donut shop.

ARTHUR
Okay.

FRANCO
Don’t take it that way. I work in a donut shop, so that’s
why you don’t hear me goin’ on about writing the Great
American Novel.

ARTHUR
You mean you haven’t been going on about writing the Great
American Novel?

FRANCO
Don’t get me started.

ARTHUR
You mean you haven’t started?
 34.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
I can talk about this book all goddamn day.

ARTHUR
C’mon, hand it over. I won’t criticize.

FRANCO
I don’t care about that.

ARTHUR
Then hand it over.

FRANCO
Why you hasslin’ me about my book?

ARTHUR
You brought it up!

FRANCO
And then you started hasslin’ me about it.

ARTHUR
I’m asking to read it.

FRANCO
Cause it’s “Be Nice to a Negro Week”?

ARTHUR
You said I didn’t want to read it cause you’re black.

FRANCO
And now the only reason you want to read it is cause I’m
black.

ARTHUR
I don’t care that you’re black!

FRANCO
Well you should. Proud black man.

ARTHUR
Franco. Regardless of your skin color, yet in acknowledgment
of your estimable heritage, I’m asking to read your book.

FRANCO
Cause you’re so crazy about “Afro-American” literature?
What, you read The Autobiography of Malcolm X and so now you
know all about the Experience? They made you read Langston
Hughes in school and now you’re an expert? Can you name any
black poets other than Langston Hughes?

ARTHUR
Yeah, in fact, I can.
 35.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
Go.

ARTHUR
Is this a test?

FRANCO
Yeah. This is a test. This is your racist test.

ARTHUR
I have to take a racist test.

FRANCO
You said you weren’t no racist.

ARTHUR
Do you have to take a racist test?

FRANCO
You better re-read Malcolm, Arthur P. I can’t be a racist.
I’m the oppressed.

A moment. An appraisal. Then...

FRANCO (cont’d)
Five bucks says you can’t pass my test.

ARTHUR
Make it a sawbuck.

FRANCO
Get your money on the table, sucker.

They produce tens, put them on the

table.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Okay. Okay, the test is...name ten black poets.

ARTHUR
Ten.

FRANCO
Yep.

ARTHUR
That’s not a racist test, it’s a poet test.

FRANCO
I’ll even throw in Langston, all right, he can be Number One.
Go. Ten poets. If you say Nipsey Russell, the game is over.

ARTHUR
Langston Hughes.
 36.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
That’s a gimme. One.

ARTHUR
Maya Angelou.

FRANCO
Yeah, you saw her on Oprah. Good for you, that’s two.

ARTHUR
Gwendolyn Brooks.

FRANCO
Sure, Chicago blood. Three.

ARTHUR
Countee Cullen.

FRANCO
Oh, now that’s a good one. I’m impressed. You just answered
the four black poets who might be in your crossword puzzle.
But it gets tougher now.

Arthur stares into space, thinking.

Franco cracks up.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Brother, you are finished.

ARTHUR
Don’t goad me. Give me a second.

Arthur stands, thinking.

FRANCO
Don’t hurt yourself now.

ARTHUR
Give me a second.

Arthur thinks.

FRANCO
Dang, Arthur, your head’s about to split open.

ARTHUR
C’mon...

FRANCO
Your brain’s gonna splatter on the floor here like an old
mushy grapefruit.

ARTHUR
Oh, wait, what is his name?
 37.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
Here comes Nipsey.

ARTHUR
Shh.

A long silence.

FRANCO
It’s like watching George Bush on “Jeopardy.”

ARTHUR
The names will come to me.

FRANCO
(holding up the two tens)
You don’t want to bump up the bet, do you? By a couple of
million dollars?

ARTHUR
If I pass the test, you let me read your book.

FRANCO
If you can’t, you let me try out my coffee house idea.

ARTHUR
Deal. Where were we?

FRANCO
Just four--

ARTHUR
(rapid fire:)
Alice Walker, Ntozake Shange, Amiri Baraka, Lucille Clifton,
Nikki Giovanni, and Yusef Komunyakaa.

Arthur snaps the money from Franco’s

hand, heads behind the counter. Franco
stands, frozen. He turns slowly, faces
Arthur...who smiles, winks.

Max enters.

MAX
Arthur.

ARTHUR
Hey, Max.

MAX
Coffee, please. This is your new man?

ARTHUR
Franco. Franco Wicks.
 38.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
Franco. Like the Generalissimo?

FRANCO
No, like Franco Harris.

MAX
Franco Harris?

FRANCO
Pittsburgh Steelers? C’mon, man, Franco Harris? The
Immaculate Reception?

MAX
The immaculate reception? There was an immaculate reception?
We have different Bible, I guess, you and me. Mine only has
immaculate conception.

FRANCO
They ain’t the same thing.

MAX
No. I would not think so.

FRANCO
No, see, cause the Immaculate Reception is something that
actually happened.

MAX
So. Arthur. You employ demon worshippers to sell your
donuts. Speaking of, give me a dozen donuts, please, for the
boys from Nizhny.

ARTHUR
The work’s going okay?

MAX
They are good boys, good at their work, but I think their new
country distract them. They are not used to so many black
people, no offense. And the girls, too, they cannot keep
their eyes from pretty girls.

ARTHUR
They must see pretty girls in Russia, too.

FRANCO
Yeah, but no “bleck people.”

MAX
(ignoring Franco)
Oh yes, very pretty. But American girls, they do that thing,
they have that sassy thing they do, they have confident way,
they have equal way that women in Russia will never have.
(MORE)
 39.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX (cont'd)
This boy, my oldest sister’s oldest boy, Kiril he is called,
he fall in love with lady bartender. She is very tough and
she wears boots and a black watch on wrist and she calls
Kiril “baby” and “honey.” And now he is there every night,
drinking one beer for four hours, and staring with big eyes
at this bartender. So he comes in to work in mornings and he
has no strength, he cannot lift particle board. I say,
“Kiril, have you told this bartender you love her?” He says,
“No, because she will laugh at me and then I cannot go back
and look at her no more.” I say, “Would that be a bad thing?
Would you want to look at this woman if she laugh at you?”
He says, “If I cannot look at her, I will pray for God to
kill me.”

Max laughs. Arthur and Franco do not.

MAX (cont’d)
It’s more funny how you say it in Russian. So no, work is
slow because boys cannot stop thinking about it. As they
must. And by the way, Arthur, I can still see your “pussy.”

Max refers to the spray painted wall.

ARTHUR
You can still read it, can’t you?

MAX
It looks like today’s special.

ARTHUR
Franco, can you put another coat on that?

Franco exits to the back room.

MAX
Arthur, sell me this store. I am desperate!

ARTHUR
Sorry, Max.

MAX
I give you good price! I give you same price I offer before
big business fat cats put it straight in our ass.

ARTHUR
It’s not for sale.

MAX
But is so important for me. I expanse my business for
electronics next, plasma, HD, Blu-Ray, all digital
everything. Nola says she will sell me nail salon on other
side of you, but it does me no good if you take up space in
between. With that footage? Mine and you and Nola? I would
be biggest electronics shop in Uptown.
 40.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Until they open a Best Buy on the other side of Broadway.

MAX
Let them try. Best Buy cannot do business against me. I
offer something Best Buy will never have.

ARTHUR
Which is?

MAX
The personal touch. And Croatian pornography.

ARTHUR
Maybe Uptown would miss my personal touch.

MAX
Arthur, no one come! You sell donut and no one wants donut
anymore! People now, they eat yogurt and banana, not donut.
And people who want donut can go to Duckin’ Donut and eat the
shit cake! If they want coffee, they go to Starbuck and pay
four dollars for caramel fuck-a-cheeto. You are only donut
shop on North Side, you have said this. All the others
close. Why? Because they are selling product no one want!
Donut is like videotape, it is over! Time change everything
and donut has been left behind.

ARTHUR
Time hasn’t changed me.

Franco reenters from the back room,

carrying paint and brush. During the
following, he opens the can, mixes
paint, starts to apply a second coat to
the spray painted wall.

MAX
Maybe not. But people still can, can always change later.
Donut cannot change. Donut will always be donut.

FRANCO
“Donut will always be donut.”

MAX
Come on, how much you think shop should sell? I mean real
estate only. One hundred sixty thousand? One sixty-five?

ARTHUR
It doesn’t really matter--

MAX
(a real explosion)
Goddamn it, I need this store!
 41.
REV. 6-15-09

Arthur and Franco are taken aback.

MAX (cont’d)
I have plans for my life. I have a picture in my head of
what my life should be and that picture look more and more
like fairy tale. I am almost fifty years old. My hair has
disappear and my breasts are falling to Earth and still, I
rent my home from old Jewish woman. I cannot ask any woman
to be my wife in a rented home. Almost fifty. These boys
from Nizhny, they think I am homosexual because I am still
bachelor. I’m embarrassed. I come to this country to make a
mark, not fade away.

ARTHUR
I’m sorry, but my store is not for sale.

MAX
Believe me: day will come you wish you take my good price.

ARTHUR
(with irony)
Donuts are my life.

MAX
Donuts are not your life. Donuts are not anybody’s life.
Your life is your life. A home. A home of your own, that is
life. A home and children and a wife.

The room goes icy.

MAX (cont’d)
I’m sorry, Arthur.

ARTHUR
Don’t worry about it. Here’s your donuts.

MAX
No, I feel very foolish. I was not thinking about your wife.

ARTHUR
Max. Please stop.

MAX
What has got inside me? These boys! Seeing these boys see
this country for first time has got my insides all worked up.
I remember first time for me, in America...my eyes blur just
to think about it. Just to remember so much...
(re: donuts and coffee)
How much for these?

ARTHUR
On the house.
 42.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
No, Arthur--

ARTHUR
Tell the boys from Nizhny to enjoy.

MAX
I will tell them it is American hospitality.

ARTHUR
Tell them it’s Polish hospitality.

MAX
That they will never believe.

Max exits.

FRANCO
How you know them poets, man?

ARTHUR
I--

FRANCO
You’re a damn hustler!

ARTHUR
I’m a reader, that’s all.

FRANCO
Are you like one of those idiot-savants?

ARTHUR
Yeah, probably.

FRANCO
You’re cold-blooded is what you are.

Franco collects his book, delivers it

to Arthur.

FRANCO (cont’d)
You got to take real good care of this. Cause I don’t have
any other copies. I just now finished it so I haven’t had it
typed or put on a computer.
(beat)
No one’s read it yet.

ARTHUR
I’m the first.

FRANCO
You’re the first.
 43.
REV. 6-15-09

A moment between them.

Franco resumes his paint job as Arthur

tends to the register. Franco laughs.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Way you just rattled them off? Cold-blooded. Like you was
Rain Man, only entertaining. Hey, tell me you ain’t sellin’
this place to that Russian cracker.

ARTHUR
What’s it to you?

Franco shrugs.

FRANCO
What’s that about your wife? Are you married?

ARTHUR
No.

FRANCO
I thought Max just said--

ARTHUR
Max talks a lot.

Silence.

FRANCO
Divorced.

ARTHUR
Yes.

FRANCO
Recent?

ARTHUR
Let’s just. Skip it. Okay?

FRANCO
Okay.
(beat)
So you’re single these days.

ARTHUR
Yeah.

FRANCO
Yeah, me too. Kinda. Yeah. How come you don’t go out with
that lady cop?
 44.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Why would I do that?

FRANCO
She’s sure into you. I seen her when she comes by, I think
she wants to drink a big tub of your bath water. And I wish
I hadn’t said that cause I just got a little sick in my
mouth.

ARTHUR
You’re crazy.

FRANCO
You hadn’t noticed.

ARTHUR
She’s just friendly.

FRANCO
No, I’m friendly. She’s good to go.

ARTHUR
It. I. I.

FRANCO
Pick a verb, any verb.

ARTHUR
I haven’t dated in a long time.

FRANCO
That’s hard to believe, way you dress and everything.

ARTHUR
What do you mean?

FRANCO
Nothing.

ARTHUR
What’s wrong with the way I dress?

FRANCO
C’mon now. Look at yourself. I hate to break it to you, but
the Grateful Dead ain’t gonna hire a new guitar player. That
old man died and they just called it quits.

ARTHUR
I like to be comfortable.

FRANCO
You might be comfortable naked, but that don’t mean it looks
good.
 45.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You’re not really a fashion plate yourself.

FRANCO
I ain’t goin’ out with no lady cop.

ARTHUR
Neither am I.

FRANCO
Suit yourself.

ARTHUR
What would you suggest?

FRANCO
First of all, the pony tail has got to go.

ARTHUR
Now stop right there.

FRANCO
Let me tell you who looks good in a pony tail: girls...and
ponies.

ARTHUR
I’ve had this pony tail almost forty years, man.

FRANCO
And you’re not ashamed yet?

ARTHUR
You’ve got a mean streak, you know it?

FRANCO
I’d lose the t-shirts. Get you some shirts button down the
front, hide your belly a bit. And it might be time for some
new jeans. Y’know what, let me rephrase that: might be time
to soak those in jet fuel, light a match, and run for your
goddamn life.

ARTHUR
These are my lucky jeans.

Franco laughs heartily. Arthur laughs

too.

FRANCO
Get you some good shoes. And not tennis shoes, neither,
unless you’re gonna play tennis. And shave that nasty-ass
beard. And wash your hair. And get a new coat. And get
some glasses don’t have tape and shit on them. And trim your
eyebrows. And stop carrying shit around in plastic shopping
bags, you look like a homeless man.
(MORE)
 46.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO (cont'd)
Get a leather bag or light backpack. And cut your
fingernails. Lose that earring. And throw out all those
white tube socks. And here’s a tip about patchouli: it
smells like cat piss.

ARTHUR
Is that it?

Franco studies Arthur, thinks.

FRANCO
Did I say trim your eyebrows?

ARTHUR
Yes.

FRANCO
Then yeah, that’s it.

ARTHUR
Didn’t know you had such a strong reaction to my appearance.

FRANCO
Ain’t nothing to me. You do what you want. But if you want
that lady cop to frisk you, you better clean up your act.

ARTHUR
You really think she digs me, huh?

FRANCO
Why do you think she keeps “following up” on the Scarlet
Pussy here? I’ve been here four days and she’s already stuck
her nose in here twice, “oh hey, just wonder if you had any
thoughts about who might’ve done this, just wonder if you
heard anything, just following up.” You’d think Lindbergh’s
baby got swiped out of your donut shop. She needs you to
make the first move, though. She’s at least got that much
self-respect.

ARTHUR
I don’t know how to do that.

FRANCO
Are you telling me you really don’t know what to say to that
sad, middle-age, milky-gray lady cop?

ARTHUR
She’s a cop; a day in her life is more interesting than a
year in a donut shop.

FRANCO
Then you tell her about your colonoscopy.
 47.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I haven’t had a colonoscopy.

FRANCO
Well, you really should have a colonoscopy. We can talk
about that later. Tell her how you feel about disco. Tell
her why you think it’s wrong for the Catholic Church to
sanction pedophilia.

ARTHUR
Oh Jesus--

FRANCO
Tell her who you voted for president. Like there’s any
doubt. Tell her about donuts. I guess if you know so damn
much about black poets, you might know a thing or two about
donuts. Look at you. All worked up over some female lady.

Arthur frets.

FRANCO (cont’d)
Hey. Arthur P.

Arthur looks at Franco.

FRANCO (cont’d)
(quiet encouragement)
It’s cool, man. Go for it.

Arthur smiles, nods.

FRANCO (cont’d)
She’s good-lookin’, don’t you think?

ARTHUR
You just said she’s “milky-gray.”

FRANCO
I just mean she’s good-lookin’ for you. She’s single, she
ain’t no fatty, she’s got a good job--well, maybe not a good
job, but she don’t work in a donut shop. Seems like there
aren’t too many entanglements.

ARTHUR
There’s always entanglements.

FRANCO
She doesn’t have any kids, does she?

ARTHUR
I don’t think so.

FRANCO
You don’t have any kids, do you?
 48.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Mm.

FRANCO
Do you?

ARTHUR
I have a daughter.

FRANCO
No shit. How old?

ARTHUR
She just turned nineteen.

FRANCO
Nineteen. You got a picture?

ARTHUR
I don’t think so. How’s that paint job coming?

FRANCO
Come on, man, you don’t carry a picture of your own daughter?

ARTHUR
I really. I don’t want to talk about this.

FRANCO
Why?

ARTHUR
Franco. Would you mind.

FRANCO
Mind what.

ARTHUR
Just. I’d just like to keep things here on the...I don’t
want to talk about this stuff--

FRANCO
Keep things here on the what?

No response.

FRANCO (cont’d)
You want to keep things here on the what?

ARTHUR
(taking check from till)
What is this? Did you take a personal check?

FRANCO
Yeah.
 49.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I don’t take personal checks. I told you I don’t take
personal checks. Some hard-luck story bought twenty dollars
worth of donuts?

FRANCO
No.

ARTHUR
You didn’t give cash back.

FRANCO
She said she needed food for her three babies!

ARTHUR
Did she buy anything?

FRANCO
A Long John.

ARTHUR
You gave her nineteen dollars back?

FRANCO
She’s good for it. The check’ll clear.

ARTHUR
If it doesn’t? You’ll make up the difference?

FRANCO
Yeah, right. I’ll make up the difference when you start
paying into my 401 K.

ARTHUR
Don’t take any more checks.

FRANCO
You give a free donut to that old winehead comes in here,
every day.

ARTHUR
Lady is different.

FRANCO
How’s she different? She ain’t got no babies.

ARTHUR
She’s different cause I say she’s different. Because this is
my store and I can give away anything I want to. You can’t.

FRANCO
I just asked to see a picture of your daughter--
 50.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
I’m not talking about this stuff. And I’m not paying you to
talk about this stuff, or turn my shop into some nightclub.
Or cut off my pony tail. I’m paying you to sell donuts.

The lights shift and Arthur continues

his story.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
What I did is called evasion. Not resistance. Draft evaders
are different from draft resisters.

And what’s the difference?

The fight is the difference. Resisters fight. Evaders

evade.

Toronto in ‘68, ‘69. The whole bit. The Annex neighborhood,

Baldwin Street. I wrote a couple of articles for our hairy
little newspaper. I sat in a basement with other members of
the Union of American Exiles, howling about Mao while we
nursed our American hangovers.

We were informed, we were angry, we were righteous. We knew

the war was flat fucking wrong.

Course we were all keeping a big secret, too:

We were scared.

I was ashamed of it then.

Maybe I’m ashamed of it now.

But really...

What could be more human...

To be scared...

To keep it a secret...

LUTHER FLYNN enters, followed by Kevin.

LUTHER
Franco.

ARTHUR
Sorry, I’m closed.

LUTHER
I’m sorry, I’m really here just to see Franco.
 51.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
(to Arthur)
It’s cool, he’s a friend of mine.

Arthur exits to the kitchen, grabs his

coat.

LUTHER
Mary Mother of God, where’s the heater in this joint? My
blood is frozen.

Arthur reenters, zips up a money bag.

ARTHUR
I gotta get to the bank before seven. You good until seven?

FRANCO
Paintin’ it up over here, boss.

The four men consider each other for an

awkward moment. Arthur exits. Franco
and Luther hug.

LUTHER
Great to see you.

FRANCO
You too.

LUTHER
You remember Kevin? He was out there at Hawthorne with us
some.

KEVIN
(presses a handshake)
How’s it goin’?

FRANCO
Yeah, good.

LUTHER
Where you been?

FRANCO
I been around.

LUTHER
I haven’t seen you. I thought for sure we’d see you over at
the club for the Breeders Cup. Grady had a big thing, with
barbecue, all the nuts. It was okay.

FRANCO
I been too tapped out.
 52.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER
Tell me about it. I got my ass handed to me last couple
months.

FRANCO
Yeah?

KEVIN
NC-double-A’s been a bloodbath.

LUTHER
Every fucking thing, the Series set me back a good chunk and
I been playing catch up ever since. Then all of a sudden
Notre Dame decides to play ball and I gotta pay off every
mackerel-snapper this side of South Bend. Fucking freak
show.

FRANCO
Times are tough.

LUTHER
Times are tough. Times are tough. How ‘bout you? You doing
okay?

FRANCO
No, I. Hey, I’m working here, so you see how I am.

KEVIN
Yeah, you’re working in this donut shop.

FRANCO
Yeah, for now.

LUTHER
We’re the last of the working men.

KEVIN
What do you get here, like minimum?

LUTHER
Last time I saw you though, you had something else working,
right? Some crazy thing about, what was it, gold?

FRANCO
Yeah, no, that fell through--

KEVIN
What, like a--you had a treasure map?

LUTHER
(laughs)
Right, it was like a treasure map, and the X marked the spot.
 53.
REV. 6-15-09

KEVIN
Where you found the buried treasure--

LUTHER
Gold doubloons.

FRANCO
No, it wasn’t...it doesn’t matter--

LUTHER
I’m just bustin’ your hump. Christ, at least you’re trying.
That’s why I love you, kid, you’re always working some
Chinese angle. What do you got for me?

FRANCO
Not much.

KEVIN
What is not much?

LUTHER
How much?

FRANCO
Three hundred.

LUTHER
Oh, jeez, Franco, that’s rough on me, y’know? I mean I got
Grady snapping at my heels. The wolves are at the door.

FRANCO
I’m sorry, Luther, that’s what I got.

LUTHER
I hate this. Y’know? I mean I really hate it. You and me,
we drink out of the same bottle. But I’m in a tough spot.

FRANCO
I hear you.

LUTHER
You don’t act like it. And then you disappear on me.

FRANCO
I didn’t disappear.

LUTHER
When’s the last time you’re in the club?

FRANCO
I had to come up with a new plan.

KEVIN
The Donut Plan.
 54.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
That’s why I got this shitty gig, just cause I figured
something is better than nothing.

LUTHER
You’re into me for twenty-two K, Frank. Three centuries just
won’t cut it.

FRANCO
Okay...

LUTHER
So you tell me, what else can we do about this?

FRANCO
Extend my credit. Give me the Bears on Sunday. Double or
nothing.

LUTHER
Can’t do it. Cutler tanks and you’re into me for forty-four
thousand and that can’t happen. Anyway, you want to gamble
on paper only and I need cash in hand, right?

KEVIN
Meanwhile the juice is adding up.

LUTHER
That’s right, our debts just get bigger, yours and mine.

FRANCO
I’d lay it off with another bookie if I could--

KEVIN
If you could find someone who’ll let you bet twenty-two grand
that you don’t have. And you can’t find that.

LUTHER
Credit’s dried up all over.

KEVIN
And word’s out on you.

LUTHER
And word’s out on you, Frank. So what are we going to do
about this situation? Cause I’m worried.

FRANCO
Let it ride, double or nothing, one more week.

KEVIN
The fuck.

FRANCO
Let it ride. Bears plus three-and-a-half.
 55.
REV. 6-15-09

Luther winces, grabs his stomach.

LUTHER
Got any milk?

Franco gets Luther a glass of milk.

LUTHER (cont’d)
Ulcer. Like I swallowed a hot coal. My wife’s sister showed
up at the apartment last week, from Puerto Rico, left her
husband or he kicked her out, some fucking thing, nobody has
a job, brought her two kids with her. They’re living in our
dining room, for Christ’s sake, got their toys spread out all
over. I wake up in the morning and all I hear all day is
these electronic video games and computers. I live with
robots. I said, “Marisol, for the love of God, your sister
can’t afford to rent a place for her and her kids but she’s
got more electronics than NASA.” My wife bawled me out:
“Chu got no caring is what. Chu got no empathy.” I said,
“Why do you think I got an ulcer? What do you think gave it
to me?” She says smoking cigars and eating Italian beef. I
say, “No, it’s empathy.”

KEVIN
Right.

LUTHER
I got a hole in my stomach because I take on the worries of
the world. That’s my problem, Franco: it’s empathy. Your
worries are my worries. You can’t come up with a solution to
your problem and it makes the hole in my stomach get that
much bigger. So let’s get practical here. How about your
Mom? Can you hit her up for it?

FRANCO
Luther, my mom is livin’ on a government check. I pay for
her and my baby sister.

LUTHER
C’mon, nothing stashed in the coffee can for a rainy day?

FRANCO
No way.

LUTHER
And you don’t know where your old man is.

KEVIN
There’s a shocker.

FRANCO
(ignoring Kevin)
No, I don’t hear from him.
 56.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER
Grannies? Uncles? Aunties?

FRANCO
No.

LUTHER
How about the teachers over at your old school, at Truman,
none of them are--?

FRANCO
No, we don’t keep in touch.

LUTHER
Neighborhood buddies.

FRANCO
Nope...

Luther stares at Franco. The

temperature drops precipitously.

LUTHER
You’re very negative, Frank.
(beat)
Okay. Here’s the deal. I don’t have the inclination to jump
on you and start whackin’ you on the head.
(points to Kevin)
But he does. Grady is coming down on me hard and before I
take a beating from him, you’ll take a beating from Kev. And
I don’t mean love taps. We’re gonna take digits. I don’t
like it, but...that’s your incentive. I don’t care if you
got to walk into Bank of America with your momma’s panty hose
on your head and your pickle in your hand. I need my fucking
money. I need to get paid.

Silence.

LUTHER (cont’d)
I’m embarrassed.

KEVIN
Don’t be.

Arthur enters.

LUTHER
Let’s go.
(to Franco)
See you about a week.

Again Kevin presses the handshake with

Franco, but this time he pulls Franco’s
fingers to him for closer inspection.
 57.
REV. 6-15-09

KEVIN
I like these right here.

Franco pulls his hand back. Kevin

laughs and exits. Luther shrugs
apologetically.

LUTHER
Nothing personal, kid.

Luther exits.

ARTHUR
What’s all that about?

FRANCO
Just some friends...

ARTHUR
That didn’t seem too friendly.

FRANCO
Yeah, well. You’re not paying me to talk about this stuff.
You’re paying me to sell donuts.

ARTHUR
Right...

Franco shoulders his backpack, exits.

Lights shift.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Dad dropped dead. Right here, right where I’m standing. May
Day, 1970. Three days before the National Guard murdered
four kids at Kent State University. Wonder what the old man
would have said about that.

What did you do?

Couldn’t come to the funeral. Mom sent photos. Including a

snap of two guys from the FBI. Just looking around. Looking
around at my father’s funeral. That seems weird, they’d send
someone just for me. But they did.

What did you do, where did you go?

Further away. Split Toronto, headed up to the Great Slave

Lake, outside Yellowknife, in the Northwest Territory.

What did you do?

Cut timber and read a lot of books. Until President Carter

invited me home.
(MORE)
 58.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont’d)

What did you do?

Caught a cab at Midway, had the driver take me directly to

the cemetery. Stared at the old man’s headstone there in St.
Adalbert’s. Remembered the last word he ever said to me:
coward.

Coward.

END OF ACT ONE.

 59.
REV. 6-15-09

ACT TWO.

Arthur, Franco. Franco’s book is

between them.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I read it.

FRANCO
That was fast.

ARTHUR
It’s a quick read.

FRANCO
And?

ARTHUR
It’s really impressive, Franco.

FRANCO
You think?

ARTHUR
Yeah.

FRANCO
Really?

ARTHUR
It’s really something.

FRANCO
No. Really?

ARTHUR
No. Really. I’m impressed.

FRANCO
Really?

ARTHUR
I just think it’s great.

FRANCO
Arthur P. You just sit right down and tell me every little
thing you can think to say about it.

ARTHUR
It’s completely engaging, from start to finish.

FRANCO
Engaging, you mean in the sense you were interested.
 60.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Yeah.

FRANCO
You were engaged, it was engaging, yes! Okay, what else?

ARTHUR
From start to finish, I was really swept along by the story.

FRANCO
“Swept along by the story.” Arthur P. says: “Swept Along by
the Story.”

ARTHUR
The writing, really. I would never believe it was written by
someone so young. I just can’t think of enough good things
to say about it. It’s just great.

A long moment.

FRANCO
Did you like Rocco, the main character?

ARTHUR
Rocco Biggs is just a great character.

FRANCO
Yeah?

ARTHUR
He’s funny and smart, and we cheer for him, y’know? We want
to know he’s going to be okay. That’s what keeps us reading.

FRANCO
Right.

ARTHUR
That chapter about his dad, that’s a killer.

FRANCO
Which one, you mean when his--

ARTHUR
Well, that whole section really, at the race track, after his
dad gets straight and starts a new family on the West Coast--

FRANCO
--right--

ARTHUR
--and when his Dad leaves home finally, and you know this is
really the last time, and he sits Rocco down and he explains
how this is really it. He’s not going to be around anymore.
 61.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
Yeah.

ARTHUR
And that if Rocco wants to survive in America, he’s got to
just keep hustling, keep, what is it he says? The little
mantra he gives him?

FRANCO
“Never stop moving.”

ARTHUR
That’s it.

FRANCO
“Never stop moving.”

ARTHUR
I think you should show this to some people.

FRANCO
What do you mean? Who?

ARTHUR
Get it typed up or put on a computer or whatever, then show
it to I don’t know, a publisher, or an editor.

FRANCO
No shit?

ARTHUR
No, I’m serious. I mean you have to clean it up, right, no
one wants to go through all these legal pads and--

FRANCO
Right, right, right, right--

ARTHUR
--but no, get it cleaned up and then find someone who does
this sort of thing.

FRANCO
You know anybody?

ARTHUR
What do you mean?

FRANCO
You know anybody who does that sort of thing?

ARTHUR
You mean the typing?
 62.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
No, man, the publishing. You know any publishers?

ARTHUR
No. How would I know publishers? No.

FRANCO
You don’t know anyone like that?

ARTHUR
No. Hey, don’t let that stop you. You know what, I get the
feeling you won’t let that stop you. You’ll find someone.

FRANCO
Thanks, Arthur.

ARTHUR
I haven’t done anything.

FRANCO
Just that you read it. Y’know? Means a lot.

ARTHUR
Thanks for letting me read it.

FRANCO
You won the bet, fair and square.
(beat)
Nah. I wanted you to read it.

ARTHUR
I guess it’s not real unless someone else reads it.

FRANCO
That ain’t it. Just. Well, that’s what friends do, right?
They share their stories.

Arthur takes this in...seems to want to

respond.

Lights shift.

ARTHUR
Magda asked me to talk. She begged me to talk, begged me to
fight, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t say why. And I can’t
say why because I don’t know why.

Magda was the daughter of a family friend. I met her at my

mom’s wake, 1988, and we hit it off. Maybe that doesn’t
sound too romantic, but wakes can be heady stuff, especially
to us, to the Polish. The root of the Polish character is
hopelessness. A wake is proof; death is confirmation. The
old ladies take the mourner by the arm and guide him straight
to the casket and gesture at the body as if to say, “See?”
(MORE)
 63.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont'd)
We came from similar backgrounds. We knew some of the same
people. We were neighbors. When I asked her to marry me, it
was a comfortable notion. “Hey, I really dig you and you dig
me too and so maybe we should get married.” Comfortable.

Come on...

It’s easy to underrate that now, but there’s nothing wrong

with comfort, you know? You’re lying in a bed in the city of
Chicago and you have your arms wrapped around a person who’s
made the decision to move through the world with you. That
may be comfort and not much more, but it may be love, too...

Light shift. Arthur, Randy.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
...but then there’s also the example of the French. They
have a donut they call pet de nonne, which means “Nun’s
Fart.” The story is that a young nun living in an abbey was
preparing a meal when she suddenly...emitted flatus. The
other nuns laughed at her and she was so startled that she
dropped a ball of dough into a bubbling cauldron,
accidentally inventing the donut.

RANDY
Huh.

ARTHUR
Yeah.

RANDY
Emitted flatus.

ARTHUR
Right?

Franco, with dough-covered hands,

enters from the kitchen in a cloud of
flour. He hands Arthur a small plate
which holds one tiny wrinkled donut.

FRANCO
Eat that.

Arthur tries the donut.

ARTHUR
Little overdone.

Arthur pitches it. Franco exits to the

kitchen.

RANDY
Got him cooking, huh?
 64.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
He’s been messing with the dough for a few days, trying to
get that just right. But today’s his first day at the fryer.

RANDY
Big day.

An awkward silence.

ARTHUR
Do you want a donut?

RANDY
What’s good today?

ARTHUR
Everything’s the same. Not the same as everything else. The
same as it always is.

RANDY
What’s your favorite?

ARTHUR
I don’t eat them so often.
(off her disappointment)
Cinnamon. Cinnamon’s the most fresh. The freshest. The
most recent. I made the dough the most recent of the doughs
I made so the cinnamon is...the freshest.

RANDY
Okay. I’ll have a cinnamon.

He serves her a donut.

RANDY (cont’d)
Franco make this?

ARTHUR
No no. He’s a long way from edible.

RANDY
You make the dough from scratch?

ARTHUR
By hand. Every evening.

RANDY
I bet not a lot of people do that anymore.

ARTHUR
It’s a dying art.

FRANCO
YEE-OWW, GODDAMN IT, MOTHERFUCKIN’ PEANUT OIL GETS HOT!
 65.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Would you like some coffee?

RANDY
Yeah, sure.

He pours her a cup of coffee.

ARTHUR
How was your game?

RANDY
What?

ARTHUR
The Blackhawks.

RANDY
Oh right. I didn’t go.

ARTHUR
Oh.

RANDY
Yeah, I gave the tickets to my brother Mike.

ARTHUR
That’s too bad.

RANDY
Yeah.

ARTHUR
That’s too bad.

RANDY
Hey.

ARTHUR
Mm.

An awkward silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I better check on Franco.

Arthur exits to the kitchen. We can’t

hear their conversation, but Franco
essentially kicks Arthur out.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Where’s James?
 66.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
On the phone with his wife. They’ve got a convention coming
up. Star Trek convention.

ARTHUR
Convention, wow.

RANDY
Yeah, they get all dressed up like characters from the show.

ARTHUR
James dresses up?

RANDY
Yeah, pointy ears, the whole shebang.

ARTHUR
Whatever gets you through the night.

RANDY
He’s a total nerd and a freakin’ idiot, but it’s kinda sweet
that he and his wife do all that together, y’know? No matter
what losers they are, at least they got each other. My whole
family is guys, right, all of ‘em cops. My dad was a cop,
and six of my seven brothers are cops, and so all my life
it’s been cops and sports and whiskey and all that good Irish
horseshit, and I love it and everything, that’s my home,
y’know, that’s who I am. But I don’t know, I used to wish I
didn’t always have to be in the club. I thought, wouldn’t it
be nice if I got to be who I wanted to be and maybe someone
could come and join in with me for a change.

ARTHUR
Yeah...

RANDY
I don’t know.

ARTHUR
No, I...yeah.

An awkward silence.

RANDY
(re: donut)
Really good.

RANDY (cont’d) ARTHUR

Good coffee, too-- Y’know I think I--

RANDY (cont’d)
Hm?
 67.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
No, sorry.

RANDY
No, go ahead.

ARTHUR
No, you.

RANDY
No, I was just, I just said “Good coffee.”

ARTHUR
It is good.

RANDY
Yes.

ARTHUR
I mean, “Is it good?”

RANDY
Yes. So you were saying.

ARTHUR
I...

A long painful silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I don’t remember.

Franco enters with a plate which holds

an ugly ball of dough.

FRANCO
Eat that.

Arthur tries the donut.

ARTHUR
Yeah, that’s hot raw dough.

Arthur pitches it. James enters.

JAMES
Arthur. Give me a large coffee, please, extra cream, extra
sugar. Hey, Franco. How’s your mom?

FRANCO
She’s good.

JAMES
Tell her I said hi.
 68.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You guys know each other?

JAMES
All black folks know each other. Didn’t you know that?

Arthur looks to Franco, who nods.

JAMES (cont’d)
(to Arthur)
Franco’s mom worked with my mom in the cafeteria. High
school, at Senn.
(to Franco)
You’re not in college anymore? Weren’t you going to Loyola?

FRANCO
Truman.

JAMES
I thought you were at Loyola.

FRANCO
Just for a semester.

JAMES
Then you went to Truman.

FRANCO
Yeah.

JAMES
You drop out?

FRANCO
I had to take a break.

JAMES
Why’d you do that?

FRANCO
Had to get a job.

JAMES
Don’t stay out too long. You let too much time go by and you
won’t go back.

FRANCO
No, I’m going back, I just need to make some scratch.

JAMES
I hear that.

Franco exits to the kitchen.

 69.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
How’s Crystal, she got your little costume all picked out for
your little convention?

JAMES
Oh, man...

RANDY
She get your little plastic ears all sharpened?

JAMES
(to Arthur)
I had a beer over at Carol’s Pub last night. Know who I ran
into?

ARTHUR
Ray Repko. That’s his hang-out.

JAMES
He tells me you two didn’t part on such good terms.

ARTHUR
Yeah, I suppose.

JAMES
Suppose he’s the one who vandalized your store?

ARTHUR
Nah.

JAMES
You sure? What was your fight about?

ARTHUR
No, we didn’t have a fight.

JAMES
He called it a fight.

ARTHUR
It wasn’t a fight.

JAMES
You don’t want to say.

RANDY
No, he doesn’t want to say.

ARTHUR
No, it’s not like that, we just...it was political.

JAMES
He made it sound personal.
 70.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Same thing, man.

JAMES
No, reason it got me thinking about the writing on your wall
there...he called you a coward, more than once.

RANDY
Hey, what is this?

JAMES
What?

RANDY
You need to interrogate the man? It’s obvious he doesn’t
want to talk about it.

ARTHUR
It’s no big deal.

RANDY
Why are you forcing him to talk about this?

JAMES
We’re just having a conversation.

RANDY
Just a conversation--

JAMES
Arthur and I talk to each other. We’ve known each other a
long time.

RANDY
Why don’t you give people a break?

JAMES
What do you mean by that?

RANDY
You’ve always got to get in everybody’s business.

JAMES
I do?

RANDY
“Stay in school, Franco.” “Tell me why Ray what-the-fuck
called you a coward.” You’re like a fuckin’ after-school
special. You hear yourself?

JAMES
Is that bad advice? “Stay in school,” is that wrong?
 71.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
What is this, are you the Captain of the starship now?
Captain what’s-his-fuck on Deep Space Now?

JAMES
Nine! Deep Space Nine, damn it!

RANDY
Who gives a fuck?!

JAMES
You say that shit on purpose!

RANDY
We can’t get along unless you fix everybody, right, Captain?

JAMES
Hey, Randy.

RANDY
Arthur just wants to be left alone. He knows we care about
him. We don’t have to spell that out. I think he knows how
we feel. So I think it’s pretty clear he’s not interested in
us! That’s clear!

She storms out.

JAMES
Where did that come from?

Arthur shrugs.

JAMES (cont’d)
This is my job. Solving problems is a part of the job.
Settling disputes. I’m just taking care of my business.

ARTHUR
Right.

JAMES
I’m not trying to make myself more important than I am.

ARTHUR
I know.

James sits, stews.

JAMES
I hate having people mad at me.

James exits. Arthur calls into the

kitchen.
 72.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
Franco, I blew it. I was almost there and I tightened up.
If James hadn’t come in. I would’ve pulled the trigger if
James hadn’t come in.

Franco enters with another plate,

another donut.

FRANCO
You just gotta wade in there, man. If you get knocked
around, you get knocked around. No way to protect yourself.

ARTHUR
And how do you know this? You’ve been knocked around?

FRANCO
I can’t complain.

ARTHUR
You can’t?

FRANCO
I won’t. Now try this please.

Arthur tries the donut, makes a face:

“pretty good.”

FRANCO (cont’d)
It’s good?

ARTHUR
I think you nailed it.

FRANCO
Nailed it!

ARTHUR
That’s a very good donut.

FRANCO
And that’s from my dough, too. I made that donut from the
ground up.

ARTHUR
That’s right.

FRANCO
Look out now, I start crankin’ out delicious dessert cakes
and everyone’s just gonna have to get the hell out the way.

ARTHUR
You’re on the path to donut greatness. Which reminds me, I
had a thought about your book.
 73.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
What’s that?

ARTHUR
I thought of someone we might get to look at your book.

FRANCO
Who?

ARTHUR
Look, this isn’t anything, but--I see the look in your eye,
and I’m telling you, this isn’t anything.

FRANCO
What.

ARTHUR
My ex-wife’s brother’s...partner. Okay? I told you. He
wrote--used to write little restaurant notices for the
Reader.

FRANCO
And?

ARTHUR
And nothing, that’s all I got. A guy used to write
restaurant notices, for a free paper. That’s as close to a
publisher as I can get you. If I can even track him down.
But it’s a place to start.

Franco leaps in the air, screams,

dances, pumps his fists.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Okay, just settle down--

FRANCO
HELL yeah! Look out, Arthur P., cause here we come, baby,
back from the dead! Ain’t no stopping us now, man! Let me
tell you how it’s gonna be: this man is gonna read America
Will Be and he’ll set me up with the next man I need to talk
to and that man’s gonna put a check in my hand--

ARTHUR
--Franco--

FRANCO
--and they’re gonna print my book and we’ll put my book right
here in a big display in the window that says “The Great
American Novel.”

ARTHUR
Whoa, whoa, whoa--
 74.
REV. 6-15-09

FRANCO
And meanwhile you and me are poppin’ out the delicious
dessert cakes and there’s people out the door of this place
and down the street, lined up to buy my book and eat our
donuts and drink our coffee and then wait till we get Poetry
Night going--

ARTHUR
Yeah, hey--

FRANCO
--the Superior Donuts Literary Festival and Poetry Jam, and
we get a microphone and a little stage right over here and
we’ll get all the people from the neighborhood, my mom and
baby sister’ll be right over here, eating their donuts, and
listening to me read from my book. You can sit right over
here with your lady friend, right, taking it all in, the King
and Queen of Uptown, and your daughter shows up too, to take
her place in the kingdom, all of us together, a real home
filled with books and ideas and food and family.

Silence.

ARTHUR
That’s not going to happen.

FRANCO
Why not?

ARTHUR
It’s not going to happen because that isn’t what happens.

FRANCO
We’ll make it happen.

ARTHUR
Life isn’t just what you wish for.

FRANCO
You know what life is?

ARTHUR
Derailment.

FRANCO
You’re wrong.

ARTHUR
I’m old.

FRANCO
Sometimes good things just happen.
 75.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
“Good things just happen.” I used to know a restaurant
critic. I can appreciate that you’re excited for someone to
read your book--

FRANCO
You don’t seem like it--

ARTHUR
--but I think your fantasies are kind of dangerous.

FRANCO
Dangerous to who? To you?

ARTHUR
You’re going to get crushed.

Beat.

FRANCO
What are you so scared of?

ARTHUR
I’m not scared of anything.

FRANCO
Are you serious? You can’t even ask that old lady out on a
date.

ARTHUR
That’s got nothing to do with this--

FRANCO
You can’t even talk about your own daughter.

ARTHUR
You’re way outta line.

FRANCO
Oh, that’s right, if I mention her, I’m just an employee.

ARTHUR
You are just an employee.

FRANCO
Right, you’re not scared of anything.

ARTHUR
Just because I don’t share your pipe dreams doesn’t mean--

FRANCO
They ain’t pipe dreams, goddamn it, they’re possibilities!
You wait and see, old man, wait and see what happens with
this book. I’ll show you. I’ll prove it to you!
 76.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You’ll prove it to me? You’ll prove it to me? Who the hell
are you? Even if I find this joker, and even if I convince
him to wade through your frickin’ legal pads and even if he
pats you on the head, that isn’t your ticket. It’s just
another dead end. They’re all dead ends. How many knocks do
you have to take before you grow up?

Franco exits. Lights shift.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
“I’ll prove it to you.”

Magda and I had our problems. Usual stuff. I didn’t talk.

I didn’t listen. We didn’t have enough money and I didn’t
care. No big deal. Nothing insurmountable.

Something went sour.

Joni.

Our marriage became an arrangement. We became partners in a

business and the business was Joni. A child is born, and
kiss becomes a handshake, and you no longer cast a shadow in
your own house.

Five years ago last summer, Magda and Joni packed up the car
to drive to North Carolina, where Magda had found a job
through some relatives, cleaning hotel rooms. I stood in the
driveway of our house while Magda and Joni got into the
station wagon. Joni stuck her head out of the window, tears
streaming down her face. I told her I’d see her soon. She
said she didn’t believe me. I said, “I’ll prove it to you.”
That was the last time I saw my daughter. She was thirteen
years old.

Lights shift. Arthur dials the phone.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Hi, it’s me, it’s Arthur. Sorry for all the messages but
I’m...I’m just getting a little worried here. You didn’t
come in today and I guess that means you’re not coming in
today. Which is...I mean I don’t care at this point, but I
wish you’d at least call me and tell me you’re not coming in.
Because then we could...I don’t know, I guess I’m feeling
like...like we had that argument and maybe, I don’t know,
hello? I just heard a click. Is the click indicative of
something? Okay, well. The number at the shop is you know
the number.

He hangs up. Thinks. Takes Randy’s

card from behind the phone, studies it.
Takes a deep breath, dials.
 77.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Hi. Randy. It’s Arthur. Mm, Arthur, from the donut shop.
Superior Donuts. I, I think you said this is your cell
phone. And hey, I was just thinking that...

Lady enters.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
That’s Lady. Lady just walked in. Man, it feels cold out
there. Um. Where was I? I thought if you were up for it,
you, we could...

LADY
Can I have a donut?

ARTHUR
What? Yeah, uh. Randy, sorry, I just, it’s getting kind of
busy here, so I guess I’ll talk to you next time you come in.
To the shop. Thank you.

He hangs up.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Hi, Lady.

LADY
Can I have a donut?

ARTHUR
Yeah, sure.

She sits as he gets her a donut and

coffee.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Looks pretty nasty out there.

LADY
Yeah. And the weather ain’t so great.

Arthur looks out the window, scans the

street.

ARTHUR
You’ve got kids, right, Lady?

LADY
What’s that?

ARTHUR
You have kids, don’t you?

LADY
Oh, sure. Two boys, two girls. One of ‘em’s still alive.
 78.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You’ve outlived three of your kids?

LADY
Yeah.

ARTHUR
That’s awful.

LADY
One of ‘em got shot by the coppers in a gasoline station
stick-up. One of ‘em had a grabber, mowin’ the yard. And
one of ‘em died in the crib with that disease. Where the
spinal cord gets a mind of its own and decides it don’t want
to live trapped inside those little bones no more. You know
what I’m talkin’ about?

ARTHUR
I don’t think so.

LADY
Your spinal cord gets it in its head to go free and
slitherin’ out into the world. That’s what killed my little
Venus. Her spinal cord got its own notions.

ARTHUR
Wow.

LADY
It happens. Happens to all of us, just not so extreme.

ARTHUR
It does?

LADY
The body don’t work together. You know how the heart wants
one thing but the brain wants something else?

ARTHUR
Yeah, sure.

LADY
The spine. It don’t speak up for itself much. But when it
does? Look out. Trumps the heart and brain every time.

Arthur thinks about this.

ARTHUR
You’ve still got one kid.

LADY
Walter.
 79.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
What’s he do?

LADY
He’s a bum.
(beat)
No, he’s okay.

ARTHUR
You and Walter...you on good terms? I mean you talk?

LADY
Not so much.

ARTHUR
Mm.

LADY
He’s got a lot goin’ on.

ARTHUR
Right.

LADY
You got kids?

ARTHUR
A daughter. One daughter.

LADY
Aw. That’s nice. Girls are better.

ARTHUR
Better than boys?

LADY
Yeah, they’re just better people. What’s your girl’s name?

ARTHUR
Joni.

LADY
Aw.

ARTHUR
Yeah, Joni.

LADY
And she’s still alive?

ARTHUR
Yeah.
 80.
REV. 6-15-09

LADY
Good for you. You still got time.

ARTHUR
Time for what?

James enters, out of uniform.

JAMES
Arthur, I have to talk to you.

ARTHUR
Okay.

JAMES
Come over here.

ARTHUR
You want some coffee?

JAMES
No, that’s okay. Just some water.

Arthur pours water while James removes

his coat, revealing a Captain Kirk
costume.

LADY
Holy shit.

ARTHUR
Wow.

LADY
The spacemen have landed.

JAMES
I know, I know. Arthur, listen--

ARTHUR
You look great.

JAMES
Right, thanks. Sit down.

ARTHUR
Where are your ears?

JAMES
What?

ARTHUR
Randy said you wear ears.
 81.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I don’t wear any
damn ears.

ARTHUR
Yeah, cause that might look odd.

JAMES
Me and Crystal were at the convention when I got a call on my
cell phone. Franco’s mother called me.

ARTHUR
His mother.

JAMES
Franco’s in the hospital.

ARTHUR
What’s the matter?

JAMES
They’ve got him over at Masonic. I just came from there.

ARTHUR
What’s the matter?

JAMES
He’s been assaulted. It’s pretty bad, Arthur.

ARTHUR
How bad.

JAMES
Someone cut off three of his fingers.

James indicates the last three fingers

of his right hand.

JAMES (cont’d)
These three fingers.

Beat.

ARTHUR
What?

JAMES
Yeah.

ARTHUR
Well, is he...what, is he going to be okay? I mean--
 82.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
He lost a lot of blood but he’ll survive. They’ve got him on
some serious pain killers, you know, and he’s still in the
ICU, still pretty out of it. So he can’t have visitors yet,
but in a day or so.

A moment, as this sinks in.

JAMES (cont’d)
I’m sorry, Arthur. I know you like that kid.

ARTHUR
Who did it?

JAMES
He wouldn’t tell me. But like I say he’s not making a lot of
sense. He never said anything to you, did he?

ARTHUR
What do you mean?

JAMES
You never saw him dealing with anyone, or--?

ARTHUR
No.

JAMES
You sure.

ARTHUR
No, no, nothing.

JAMES
Okay. If you think of anything. I gotta run.

ARTHUR
Right.

JAMES
I mean anything, you call me, you understand?

ARTHUR
Yeah.

JAMES
Take it easy.
(as he goes)
Night, Lady.

LADY
Live long and prosper.
 83.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES
Oh, one more thing. What’s the story on this book?

ARTHUR
Hm?

JAMES
You know anything about a book?

ARTHUR
What about it?

JAMES
About all he said in the hospital is, “They destroyed my
book.” You know what that means?

ARTHUR
No.

JAMES
Okay. I’ll see you.

James exits. Silence.

LADY
Who’s this now?

ARTHUR
Franco. The young man who works here.

LADY
That’s rough. They’ll patch him up though. They can patch
up most anything these days.

ARTHUR
Lady, I don’t know what to do.

LADY
Sure you do. You know what to do.

ARTHUR
I do?

LADY
Sure you do.

ARTHUR
I don’t want to do this. I’m scared.

LADY
What are you gonna do, run away?

ARTHUR
I can’t.
 84.
REV. 6-15-09

LADY
That’s right. Why not?

ARTHUR
That kid. Because of that kid.

LADY
Which kid are we talking about here?

Arthur turns, looks at Lady.

LADY (cont’d)
Got it now, champ?

Lights shift. Nighttime. Arthur and

Kevin.

KEVIN
Do we know you?
(beat)
Does Luther know you?
(beat)
Didn’t you ask to see Luther?
(beat)
Anything you can say to Luther you can say to me.

ARTHUR
Go get your boss.

KEVIN
You said something about some money.

ARTHUR
I didn’t say anything to you. Now go run and get your boss.

KEVIN
You got a big mouth.

ARTHUR
Don’t waste my time.

Kevin stares at him, uncertain.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Your boss wants his money, right? So go get your boss and
I’ll pay him his money.
(beat)
I’m not calling any cops, all right? Now I guess your boss
is sitting in a car about a hundred feet from here, so go get
him and bring him in here so I can pay him his money.
(beat)
Shoo.
 85.
REV. 6-15-09

Kevin exits. Arthur crosses to the

phone, dials.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
(into phone)
They’re here.

He hangs up. He waits.

He waits.

Luther and Kevin enter.

LUTHER
Hi. Arthur?

ARTHUR
That’s right.

Luther extends his hand.

LUTHER
Luther Flynn.

Arthur stares at him.

LUTHER (cont’d)
All right, whatever. What’s this about? I’m getting paid?

ARTHUR
Yeah.

LUTHER
Well. Terrific.

KEVIN
Sure.

LUTHER
That’s just terrific.

ARTHUR
Wait here.

LUTHER
I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d already dropped a dime on
me. Which would be silly. No one has anything on me.

ARTHUR
I didn’t call the cops.

Arthur disappears into the kitchen,

reenters with a large Kotex box.
Luther and Kevin share a laugh.
 86.
REV. 6-15-09

KEVIN
The fuck.

ARTHUR
Count it.

LUTHER
I trust you.

ARTHUR
Count it.

Arthur tosses the box to Luther.

Luther tosses the box to Kevin. Kevin
sits down, opens the box, takes out
sheaves of bills, starts counting.
Luther winces.

LUTHER
Can I have a glass of milk?

ARTHUR
No.

LUTHER
Franco told you how to find me?

No response.

LUTHER (cont’d)
How is he?

ARTHUR
He’ll make it.

LUTHER
Was that ever a question?

ARTHUR
He lost a lot of blood.

LUTHER
That’s awful. He’s a good kid. I’ve known him a long time.
He used to run some bets for me out at Hawthorne. Christ, he
couldn’t’ve been more than fourteen? Fifteen?

ARTHUR
Run bets?

LUTHER
You know, where you don’t want to leave your seat. He takes
your money and runs to the window, makes the bet for you.
Gets a little tip and he can make some bets himself.
(MORE)
 87.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER (cont'd)
He’s always had the itch, Franco. His dad had it, too.
Action junkies.

ARTHUR
He doesn’t run bets anymore.

LUTHER
No, I know.

ARTHUR
He’s a writer now.

LUTHER
Is that so?

ARTHUR
Yeah. He’s written a book. A great book.

LUTHER
Really. God bless him. He’s a sharp kid.

KEVIN
And he’s got this donut thing working for him too.

Luther and Kevin share a look. Kevin

continues counting money.

ARTHUR
You don’t know about his book?

LUTHER
Can’t say I do. Wait a minute. You don’t mean that pile of
garbage he tried to sell us, all tied up with cords? No,
see, I’ve read a few books, and they didn’t look like that.

Arthur and Luther stare at each other.

ARTHUR
He’s twenty-one years old.

LUTHER
Old enough to know better.

ARTHUR
Right, cause you and me, we only made good decisions when we
were twenty-one.

LUTHER
I never forced him to make a bet with me.

ARTHUR
You never stopped him either.
 88.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER
That’s a gray area.

ARTHUR
Know who talks about gray areas? People who exploit them.

LUTHER
Where you from? You’re Chicago, right?

ARTHUR
Jefferson Park.

LUTHER
North Side Polish. I knew it. Kevin, I told you, right?

ARTHUR
You’re South Side.

LUTHER
Bridgeport. Originally.

ARTHUR
Now?

LUTHER
Right here. Historic Uptown.

KEVIN
(replacing money in box)
It’s all here, Luther.

LUTHER
Great. Well--

ARTHUR
Wait. How much is there?

KEVIN
It’s all here.

ARTHUR
How much? What’s the dollar amount?

KEVIN
Twenty-two thousand.

ARTHUR
Is that the total amount of money you were owed?

LUTHER
What do you mean? Yes.

ARTHUR
There’s no bullshit. No add-ons, no extras.
 89.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER
No.

ARTHUR
No more juice.

LUTHER
The debt is paid.

ARTHUR
Then you don’t ever need to see Franco again. Right?

Luther hesitates. Kevin urges him to

the door.

KEVIN
Let’s go.

ARTHUR
Right?

LUTHER
Yeah, that’s right.

ARTHUR
Good. Whatever else happens, you’re leaving with that money.
You’ve been paid.

LUTHER
Yeah, okay...

KEVIN
I feel like an asshole carrying this fucking Kotex box.

ARTHUR
You really gave him the business, didn’t you?

LUTHER
How’s that?

KEVIN
Come on, Luther--

ARTHUR
You humiliated that boy’s body and you think you can justify
that. But you can’t justify destroying that kid’s story.

LUTHER
The end justifies the means.

ARTHUR
Y’know, it doesn’t. It really never does.
 90.
REV. 6-15-09

KEVIN
Fuck him. Let’s get out of here.

ARTHUR
Hold on.

LUTHER
What?

ARTHUR
You can’t go yet.

LUTHER
Why?

ARTHUR
We’re not through.

LUTHER
We’re not.

ARTHUR
No.

KEVIN
Yes we are.

LUTHER
What are we forgetting?

ARTHUR
I’m going to fight you.

LUTHER
Sorry?

ARTHUR
I’m going to fight you. And I’m going to win. I’m going to
beat you up.

Silence. Then Luther and Kevin laugh.

LUTHER
Good night.

Again, Luther and Kevin move for the

door. Arthur grabs Luther’s arm and
Luther effortlessly pushes Arthur away.

LUTHER (cont’d)
We’re all done here, okay?

Again, they turn for the door, and

again, Arthur grabs Luther’s arm.
 91.
REV. 6-15-09

LUTHER (cont’d)
Goddamn it--

Luther shoves Arthur more forcefully.

Arthur falls.

LUTHER (cont’d)
Now cut the shit, old man. We’re leaving here now.

Arthur begins to stand.

LUTHER (cont’d)
Stay down. Kevin, if he gets up, put him on his ass.

ARTHUR
No, not him. I want to fight you.

LUTHER
You don’t have a choice.

Max enters.

LUTHER (cont’d)
Who the fuck are you?

MAX
I’m the guy who make sure this douchebag stays away from
Arthur.

LUTHER
This is ridiculous. Kevin. Deal with this.

Kevin approaches Max.

MAX
And this is Kiril.

KIRIL, an enormous stone-faced Russian,

enters.

MAX (cont’d)
And he is the guy who make sure this douchebag stays away
from me.

LUTHER
What the fuck is going on?

MAX
(in Russian)
[Kiril. Lock this place up. Close the shades.]

LUTHER
Arthur, this doesn’t make any sense. Now use your head,
please.
 92.
REV. 6-15-09

Luther looks around, perplexed. Max,

Kiril, and Kevin stand by the door,
watching.

LUTHER (cont’d)
(to Kevin)
What do I do?

KEVIN
You want me to take the German?

LUTHER
You kidding? Look at him. It’s Ivan Drago, for God’s sake.

MAX
(to Kiril, in Russian:)
[This asshole’s so stupid he thinks we’re German.]

ARTHUR
No one else gets in this. Just you and me.

LUTHER
What’s the point?

ARTHUR
You don’t get away with hurting my friend.

LUTHER
All right. Fuck it. Christ.

Luther, out of options, gets out of his

coat, hat, etc. Arthur awkwardly
assumes a boxer’s stance.

LUTHER (cont’d)
Look at the fucking Marquess of Queensberry over here.

KEVIN
(laughing)
Marquess of Queensberry...

LUTHER
Okay, Arthur. Let’s do this.

KEVIN
Kick his ass, Luther.

The fight:

The fight is long. And painful. It is

sweaty and bloody. The fighters
display great ferocity.
 93.
REV. 6-15-09

The fight involves fisticuffs,

grappling, wrestling, and found
objects. The fight contains gouging,
biting, kicking.

Arthur and Luther speak very little

during the fight. They swear, they
grunt, they cry out in pain.

Max, Kiril, and Kevin are for the most

part silent.

The fight goes through phases.

The early phase of the fight is

somewhat of a surprise for both men...
that they are in fact engaged in a
fight, that they land blows, that they
receive blows.

It is apparent in the early phase of

the fight that Luther is the superior
and more experienced fighter. He is
also in better physical condition.

The middle phase also holds a surprise

for both fighters in that their
opponent shows tenacity and resilience.
This fight will not be easily decided.

By the endgame, both men are bloodied

and sweaty, their bodies bent with
exhaustion. But ultimately, Arthur
prevails, not because of dexterity or
muscle, but because of his strength of
purpose...and Luther’s ulcer. And
although Luther will readily recover,
Arthur has genuinely hurt him.

The fight is over.

MAX
May I say one thing, please? We believe this is over. There
should be no more effort to retaliation. Yes? Because you
have friends, I am sure, and they are bad men, I know, but I
also have friends, and they are Russian, and so they do not
give a fuck.

LUTHER
(to Kevin)
Get me to a hospital...

Kevin assists Luther to the door.

 94.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
Wait.

Max points to the Kotex box on the

counter.

MAX (cont’d)
Do not forget your box of Kotex.

Kevin grabs the box, and he and Luther

exit.

Arthur has pulled himself into a chair.

MAX (cont’d)
Well, old boy. That is the goddamndest thing I ever saw. If
I live to be a hundred, I will never forget the fight I see
in Superior Donuts.

ARTHUR
I don’t know...

MAX
What?

ARTHUR
I don’t know if it did any good.

MAX
Maybe not for you. But I sure got the charge. You beat the
piss out of that big guinea.

ARTHUR
I think he’s Irish.

MAX
I don’t care if he is Eskimo, he think next time before he
hurt someone. He stick his finger in wrong asshole.

Arthur and Max look at each other...and

start laughing. Then Arthur collapses.
(The following is in Russian.)

MAX (cont’d)
[Help me get him up. We’ll take him next door and lay him
down in the couch in my office.]

Kiril picks Arthur up in his arms.

MAX (cont’d)
[Christ, you’re strong. Did you hear what that guinea said
about you? He said you look like Dolph Lundgren in that
Rocky movie.]
 95.
REV. 6-15-09

KIRIL
[I get that a lot.]

MAX
[Really? I don’t see it.]

KIRIL
[When we’re done with this, can I go see my bartender?]

MAX
[Again with this bartender! Give it a rest!]

Lights shift. Two weeks later. Randy,

in civilian clothes, hangs a “Welcome
Back” banner. A Tupperware cake
carrier sits on the counter.

Lady enters. Snow falls heavily

outside.

RANDY
Hi, Lady.

LADY
Where’s Arthur?

RANDY
He’s gone to pick up Franco, from his mother’s place. You
want coffee?

LADY
Yes.

Lady takes her seat at the counter as

Randy pours her a cup of coffee.

LADY (cont’d)
Who are you?

RANDY
Lady. You know me.

LADY
I do?

RANDY
Randy. Osteen. You’ve known me forever.

LADY
Oh.

RANDY
Are you drunk?
 96.
REV. 6-15-09

LADY
No.

RANDY
You’re just not accustomed to seeing me out of uniform.

LADY
You’re different.

RANDY
Yes.

LADY
Can I have a donut?

RANDY
Would you rather wait and have some cake?

LADY
No, I want a donut.

RANDY
Sure. We’re having a little party.

LADY
We are?

RANDY
Not a party so much. Well, sure, why not, we’re having a
party.

LADY
What’s the occasion?

RANDY
Franco’s first time back at the shop. Franco’s first time
out of his mother’s apartment.

LADY
That’s the colored fella.

RANDY
Yes, that works here.

LADY
The one got cut up.

RANDY
(beat)
Yes.
 97.
REV. 6-15-09

LADY
You never see the bad stuff coming. Just always comes up
behind you and pow! Socks you behind the ear with a glove
fulla marbles. Sets you back a few steps.

Max enters, followed by Kiril. Max

carries a half-drunk bottle of vodka.
He is drunk, more jovial than usual;
Kiril seems embarrassed, sheepish.

MAX
Hello, good people. I trust you have wonderful holiday time.

RANDY
Sure. You?

MAX
Very nice. Very nice indeed. This is my nephew, Kiril.

RANDY
Hello.

Kiril nods.

MAX
Say hello to the good people.

KIRIL
(mumbling, quiet)
Hello.

Max whacks Kiril on the arm, too hard.

MAX
This is your country now, boy. You have to speak up!

KIRIL
Hello.

MAX
(to Randy)
He is shy. I believe you are having a party. Yes?

No response.

MAX (cont’d)
Delightful. I trust we do not interrupt.

No response. Max opens the cake

carrier.

MAX (cont’d)
The cake looks wonderful. Did you bake that cake?
 98.
REV. 6-15-09

RANDY
I did.

MAX
I will be standing in line for a big piece, please. You will
know me from my smile across from ear to ear. My oh my, it
is a wonderful January day for a party, is it not? The
world is white; the air is snap. How do you say this?

RANDY
I don’t know what you’re saying.

MAX
Don’t you say this? “The air is snap.”

RANDY
No, I don’t say that.

MAX
You don’t know what I am--

RANDY
Oh yeah, “there’s a snap in the air.”

MAX
There’s a snap in the air?

RANDY
Yeah, I don’t know anyone who says that.

MAX
Well, it is a wonderful day, with or without the snap.

Arthur, James, and Franco enter.

Arthur is bruised, cut. Franco wears a
bandage on his right hand.

RANDY
There we are.

ARTHUR
Here we go.

MAX
The man of the hour!

Franco barely nods, grunts hellos--

ARTHUR
Take a seat.

RANDY
Can I get you something?
 99.
REV. 6-15-09

MAX
Yes, make yourself at home!

RANDY
What do you want? Do you want some coffee, or--?

JAMES
Yeah, get yourself something--

RANDY
I bought some beer. Do you want a beer?

FRANCO
(quietly)
No, I’m good.

Franco moves to a chair, sits, his head

down.

Then silence.

Max walks up to Franco, pulling Kiril

behind him.

MAX
This is my oldest sister’s oldest boy, Kiril Ivakin. Kiril,
say hello to the man of the hour.

KIRIL
Hello.

Kiril extends his hand. Franco looks

at it. Max gently pulls Kiril away.

ARTHUR
Does the old place look the same to you?

JAMES
Looks kind of like a donut shop, don’t it?

MAX
It looks better with you in it, young Franco!

JAMES
That’s the truth.

RANDY
No, hey, there’s been an improvement. Show him, Arthur.

Arthur goes behind the counter,

displays a small new boom box.

RANDY (cont’d)
How about that, huh?
 100.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR
You wanted a radio. There you go.

JAMES
Before you know it, there’s going to be a pool table in here.

MAX
Shop has gone sixty years without radio! No sound other than
Arthur’s beard, growing slowly! Now it gets radio with only
one month left!

ARTHUR
I never knew I needed a radio and now that I’ve got one--

FRANCO
(to Max)
What’s that mean?

MAX
What--?

FRANCO
What’s that mean, only one month left?

MAX
Sorry, I am drinking vodka and do not know anything.

ARTHUR
(to Franco)
I’ll tell you later.

FRANCO
Tell me now.

ARTHUR
It’s nothing.

FRANCO
What’s that mean, only one month left? Month left till what?

ARTHUR
I sold the shop.
(beat)
I sold it. I needed the money. And it was time.

MAX
(bursting)
I bought it. Finally. One hundred thirty thousand and now
Superior Donuts belongs to me. It feels like a dream. My
God, if my father could be here now and see me...
(to Arthur)
You should have listen to me, my friend. You cannot live in
the past. If we could change things. If life were
different. This unhappy life.
 101.
REV. 6-15-09

Max seems to notice for the first time

that this is not being received in the
spirit he intends it.

Lady weeps.

MAX (cont’d)
What’s the matter? Turn on the radio.

No one approaches the radio. Max turns

on the radio, dances.

MAX (cont’d)
Come on everyone, dance! It’s my shop now and I say dance.

He pulls Lady from her stool, twirls

her to dance. She cries, but he
laughs, props her up, dances with her.

MAX (cont’d)
Lady, is a good day. Not a sad day. See? We are dancing at
a happy party--

Kiril gently tries to restrain Max.

KIRIL
(in Russian:)
[Uncle Maxim, they don’t want to dance right now--]

Max breaks off the dance and slaps

Kiril, yells at him. Lady is left
alone, slumping, weeping.

MAX
Goddamn it, I told you to speak English! Do not hang down
your head like a dog, mumbling in Russian. You are American
now! Speak up!

Max sees that the party is spoiled.

MAX (cont’d)
I am drunk now. My stomach is sick. Good day all. Good
day.
(to Kiril)
Let’s go and eat some fried chicken.

He staggers out. Kiril assists Lady

back to her seat, then nods graciously
to the others.

KIRIL
Thank you. Thank you.

Kiril exits.
 102.
REV. 6-15-09

Silence.

RANDY
I’m going to cut this cake. Who wants some? Arthur?

ARTHUR
Yeah, it looks good.

RANDY
It is good.

ARTHUR
What kind of cake is it?

RANDY
Red velvet.

ARTHUR
That sounds good.

JAMES
I better get going too, actually. My wife’s waiting for me.

James grabs his coat, approaches Lady.

JAMES (cont’d)
Lady, you need a ride someplace? It’s snowing outside.

LADY
I guess I gotta find someplace else to go.

JAMES
Where would you like to go?

LADY
If you’re headed south, I’m going to a meeting at the Rec
Room.

JAMES
What if I’m going north?

LADY
Then I’m going to Ole St. Andrews Bar.

James lays his hand on Franco’s

shoulder.

JAMES
You promised your mother you’d be home in a couple of hours,
right?

Franco nods.
 103.
REV. 6-15-09

JAMES (cont’d)
Arthur? You’ll take care of him?

ARTHUR
I’ll take care of him.

JAMES
All right. Take it easy, Franco. I’ll see you around.
(to Randy)
See you tomorrow, pardner.

James and Lady exit. She looks pained

and perhaps even a little panicked as
she takes a final look at the shop.

Arthur and Randy share a private

communication, eyes only.

RANDY
All right. I’m out of here.

Randy grabs her coat, lays her hand on

Franco’s shoulder.

RANDY (cont’d)
Great to see you.

She gives the “call me” signal to

Arthur, who nods. She exits, leaving
Arthur and Franco alone.

ARTHUR
Hey. I did it. I called her. We’ve had one lunch and one
dinner. It’s nice. No, not nice, it’s great. Could be
great.

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
You want some of this cake?

Arthur eats cake.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I think they finally gave up trying to figure out who broke
into the shop, Randy and James. I’m pretty sure it was Ray
Repko, my old assistant.

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Ray supports the war. He’s got a brother there and. I got
in an argument with him about it.
(MORE)
 104.
REV. 6-15-09

ARTHUR (cont’d)
I don’t know, I’d just gotten the news about Magda--that’s my
wife--and I was feeling...Anyway, he took exception to
my...history. He got offended and quit.

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you? Magda, or the
war...my history. My parents. Maybe I can tell you about
myself.

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Look, don’t take this hard, me selling the place. It’s just
a place, for Chrissake. I’m almost sixty years old and I’ve.
I’m. I’ve run this place long enough. And I’ve got some
money in the bank. For a change. Max and I agreed to give
me the month. Just to make the, y’know, the transition. I’m
going to see if I can sell off some of this stuff. The
register’s no good anymore, but someone’ll buy that freezer.

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Now you’re not talking to me? Is that the thing? I deserve
a break, right? And I got paid for it. We...both of us, we
got helped.

FRANCO
I didn’t ask for no handouts.

ARTHUR
I know that.

FRANCO
I’m gonna pay you back too, every penny of it.

ARTHUR
Okay.

FRANCO
Don’t expect me to walk around kissin’ your ass.

ARTHUR
I don’t expect that.

FRANCO
Yeah, you better not.

ARTHUR
I also don’t expect to be treated like an asshole. All
right? I didn’t just do it for you.
 105.
REV. 6-15-09

Silence.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
All right, screw it...

Arthur takes his cake plate behind the

counter, drops it, breaks it.

Franco cries, quietly, holds his

bandaged hand in front of him.

Arthur turns to him.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Franco.

Franco refuses to look at him. Arthur

takes a step toward him.

ARTHUR (cont’d)
Franco. Look at me.

Franco does not.

Arthur goes behind his counter, gets a

notebook and pen, rejoins Franco at the
table. Arthur opens the notebook,
smooths out a blank page, and speaks
the words he writes on the top of the
page:

ARTHUR (cont’d)
“America...Will...Be.”

Franco looks up.

Arthur and Franco look at each other.

BLACKOUT.

END OF PLAY.