Love

&
Obey

THE WORLD’S BEST GUIDE TO A Female Led Relationship FOR

THE WORLD’S BEST WOMEN AND MEN!
Love & Obey / Marisa Rudder
Copyright 2017 Marisa Rudder. All rights reserved
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Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data
ISBN #978-0-9991804-6-4
 Dedication

I would like to dedicate this book to all the strong, brave ladies, who
have the courage to explore Female Led Relationships, especially as
it goes against everything that the society teaches us. It is my hope
that this book will motivate you to dream big dreams in life, and it is
my hope that you will find romance with a gentleman, who will love,
obey and serve you, and make you feel like a Queen Mother. It is my
desire that every male will experience the joy of being a gentleman
and the nobility of chivalry by entering into a loving Female Led
Relationship, and experiencing the state of sexual and emotional
ecstasy, created by Female authority, at some point in his life.
 Introduction

A lot has changed in the world, ranging from the littlest things to the
biggest of things. Relationships have changed over time. Men no
longer treat the womenfolk the same. The respect for our partners
has dwindled. This begs for the question; “Is chivalry dead?” Are
there any more gentlemen left in the world?
I was riding the subway a few days ago, and something struck me,
while I was standing on the platform, waiting for the doors to open.
Men were primed to rush ahead of women and old people. Once
inside, they rushed in, grabbed all the seats, leaving a number of
women and older ladies to hang on tightly to the poles, which
prevented them from falling over. The cliché, ‘ladies first’ didn’t seem
to hold any more meaning to them. I wondered when the society
came to a twist. When did men stop standing aside, to allow women
to go through a walkway first, or take a seat in the bus while they
stand?
Men no longer deem it fit to open doors for ladies, pull out chairs,
open car-doors, or even offer to help carry their heavy luggage. Much
less any grand gestures, like lay down their coats so a woman
doesn’t get dirty. These were normal occurrences in the 30’s, 40’s,
and 50’s, but you will barely see it happen today.
Despite this being the norm, I still don’t believe chivalry is dead.
Instead, I think it has just been cast aside and as such, needs to be
rekindled. I feel that it is very important that women take the lead,
just as they are doing in many other areas of life, and bring back
chivalry. Insist on it. But create a modern version.
Let’s take a moment and look at what chivalry is.
Chivalry comes from the medieval knightly system with a specific
religious, moral, and social code. It was the code under which,
knights, noblemen, and horsemen, collectively lived. Governed by this
code of chivalry, an ideal man was expected to be courageous,
honorable, courteous, just, and always ready to help the weak. A
chivalrous man was always required to display courteous behavior,
especially towards women.
So, if chivalry is dead, who should we blame?
We can only blame ourselves, that we are no longer treated with
the respect and the courtesy that we deserve, by men. In the
struggle for our independence as women, we have come to forfeit
vital things, like chivalry. Today, a woman accepts that men will not
hold doors, will rush into a train and take all the seats, are served
dinner first, or get a better pay for the same job.
We accept that our role is still to get all the housework done, take
care of the kids, work in our day job, and handle 90 percent of
couples’ duties. We allow the new norms to get solidified – split the
cheque on a first date, have sex early in a relationship, allow men to
be sexually satisfied, while we sometimes and most often, are not
even close to having an orgasm. Some of us have allowed abuse to
happen in our relationships – mental and physical. We women, allow
this to become perfectly normal, and left un-contradicted. Well, I had
a radical thought, not too long ago. Why does it have to be this way?
Why can’t women have it all? We can have chivalry, respect, and
commitment and yet, be completely in charge. This is what I’m going
to explore in this book. There should be a revolution which directs
men to return to being chivalrous, by placing the woman’s needs first.
I will push the envelope even more to say, women run households,
handle the kids, care for aging parents, have demanding careers,
head corporations and rule countries. So, all of this suggest perhaps,
we are the ones to determine the rules of the relationship, and take
charge in a new union called the Female-Led Relationship. In this
relationship, men will love, serve and obey us first, place our needs
first, and submit to our lead. We, in turn, must take our rightful place
to teach our husbands, boyfriends and lovers, about these new rules
so that we everywhere, are more satisfied in our relationships, sex
life, at work and at home, and no longer put the needs of men first.
Because the truth is that, we cannot make our men happy if we are
not happy. If we are honest, most of us will agree that we are left
unsatisfied in our relationships. And why? Because there is a growing
movement of female power in the world, in the workplace and in the
society, but not a whole lot has changed in our private lives, in the
bedroom, or at home. So, I think it’s time to change. I’ve always
loved the movie, “Inception”. It depicts the idea that if we get deep
inside the layers of the mind, we can change our whole thinking,
outlook and personality, by planting the new thought, deep deep
inside. Then, like a weed, it will spread and grow, and replace the old
thinking. This is what needs to happen with the Female Led
Relationship. By starting at home and in our relationships with men,
we begin to create an entirely new paradigm, where women take
their rightful place, in the drivers seat. Let’s face it; Mother Nature is
a driving force, so even at the heart of powerful forces in the
universe, there is the female power at work.
The term “Happy Wife, Happy Life” is not just true; it’s essential.
Women are the head of the household, and are really the head of the
family. It is interesting that hundreds of years ago, this was always
true, but somehow, running a household and caring for the family
became a position of subservience, when all along, it was the key to
a proper functioning society. A dysfunctional family is as a result of
the lack of a female, taking charge and having the ability to run the
household. Its not an easy job. But if a woman is unable to fulfill her
role as the head of the family, it suffers. The household is the family
unit, and it’s mandatory for a well-run society to have good household
and family units. It goes to the core of the society. We learn our first
habits from our family. We also learn how to relate to each other,
from what we learn in our family. Women have always had the job of
keeping the family together and oftentimes, the mother child bond is
the most important in every child’s life. Since this is such a crucial key
necessity for the functioning of the family which extends to society, a
woman needs to feel happy and satisfied, even placed on a pedestal
by her man and having her needs met, daily. Then, she is free to be
able to take on, the responsibilities of running the household, holding
down a demanding career, caring for aging parents, and all the other
duties that is demanded of her. This is where a female-led
relationship has so many advantages. It’s been my experience that
female-led marriages last longer, and the family unit sticks together.
Just because women now partake in all areas of the industry and the
workplace, doesn’t mean she is any less powerful in the home. The
female force is needed in both areas. Think of a workplace which has
only men. Sports like Football and Hockey. What do we witness? -
Brawn, men butting heads, fights, aggressive behavior. Even in
history, it took Queen Elizabeth to herald in a new era of beauty, and
the arts in the Renaissance. I’m always amazed when I see the era
when men were the only ones who ruled. It was harsh, and cold, and
lacked any beauty. That’s not to say that all men are unable to create
beauty, but I believe that it’s the men who tap into their female side
that are capable of doing this.
This lends credibility to the fact that the female power is real, and it
is a power that we, as women, need to cultivate at home and at
work. The ancient idea that women needed to be more male, is
archaic. When women first entered the corporate world, they had to
dress in corporate structured suits, just like men. This practice still
continues. Why ? We don’t need to look and act more male to be
powerful. We can be leaders, and still exert or own female power.
That is my hope from this book; to show that women can take their
rightful position as head of the household, and be a leader in the
relationship as well, while maintaining their natural feminine power.
We can also look at the basic laws of the world that can
sometimes, favor women. Without a woman’s consent for a sexual
act, it would be considered rape- a crime. So too, a woman, even in
the simplest of gestures, should give her consent before her man can
act. What I hope to do in this book, is establish a set of rules and
framework to help women and men, who want to be in a female-led
relationship, thrive and create something very special. I have
consulted many different resources, as well as my own personal
experience, to develop much of the instruction and advice I will offer. I
know that this type of relationship and living that I suggest may spark
a lot of controversy, but, I believe that in the end, women who are
happy, satisfied and productive, will be greater assets to the society,
than if we felt neglected, powerless, victimized and weak. We must
take up the torch, just as we do on women’s marches. I believe there
has never been a better time, nor will there be a better time to create
a great change for women. So too, in our relationships, we must
demand what we want, instruct, and lead our men. Let’s face it; men
were never good at reading a woman’s mind, and many have been
spoiled and coddled by their mothers, so they pretty much do what
they want and everyone must accept it. Ever noticed when you are
trying to discuss a problem with a man, he feels its okay to roll his
eyes, or tune you out? I often wondered when this behavior became
acceptable, but, I later learned that it’s the difference in
communication styles. When men are hanging out at a bar, they bond
with their friends, even if they are going through challenges. Unlike
women, they do not sit around and discuss personal issues that they
are having. Why ? Because of the difference in communication styles.
It’s a well-known fact that men don’t communicate as well as women
do. So, even in our most basic need, which is to communicate, men
are not trained. We want to talk out the problem and receive an open
ear; they are not able to do this. So, we are left unfulfilled, unheard,
feeling ignored and angry. Even though this is our primary method of
releasing stress and dealing with challenges. Women need to talk,
and men can’t communicate. This is the fundamental problem in
relationships, but there is hope. The female-led relationship is
different. It puts the responsibility of training men, helping them to
understand how to relate to women, as well as the decision-making in
the family, firmly on the shoulders of women. So, if we want to be in
the driver’s seat, we must help our men daily, to satisfy our wishes,
while we also provide direction. We do this by carefully choosing our
words, and the exchange we have on a daily basis. I remind myself
daily, that when we speak, we have the opportunity to be Martin
Luther King or Hitler. Both were eloquent, and inspired millions of
people. But one was driven by love, while the other was driven by
fear. So, when we speak to our men, we want to inspire them with
motivating speech and not derogatory comments. If we want the
return of a gentleman, we need to coach him carefully.
 The word, “gentle” refers to being kind, tender, sympathetic,
considerate, understanding, compassionate, benevolent, good-
natured, courteous and chivalrous. Let’s face it; this is what we all
want, whether we accept it or pretend to not care. We want a man to
come home, and be understanding of our needs, attentive, listen to
us, be helpful, open doors for us, carry heavy items for us, give us a
back-rub, prepare us a bath, buy us little surprises, and satisfy our
sexual needs first. Men can still work, control the finances, do the
handy work, or protect us if needed. However, what has changed is
that, he comes to understand that you are the queen and so, he must
satisfy your desires, regardless of the circumstances around. It
becomes one of his duties, and supersedes his duties at work. Lets
face it, we are all very good at attending to everything that needs to
get done for work. We get an email from our boss, and we drop
everything to attend to it. So, because work is now creeping into the
little family and personal time that we have, the relationship and
personal life suffers. There needs to be a change. We all have to
work, some probably longer than ever before; so, we need to create
boundaries where work does not conflict with relationship or family
time. This takes scheduling, monitoring, executing and real leadership
from the head of the family – the woman. But, there needs to be co-
operation from her man, to help the entire family build these healthy
practices. In today’s world where our phones often take precedence
no matter where we are, work, home, out a restaurant, at the movies
or exercising, it is extremely difficult to stick to those boundaries. How
many times are we sitting on the couch with our man, and he is on his
phone and you are on your phone? The little time you have to spend
together has disappeared, and it’s replaced with wasting of time,
reading emails, texts, or on social media. The focus is now removed
from your mate, to other distractions. This is where I believe that the
breakdown of every relationship begins. This also tends to occur
when we have been in the relationship or marriage for years, but they
are habits which creep into the relationship which were not there
during the “courting” phase. How many of us would allow the man we
are with, on a first-date, to be on his phone during dinner. The first
sight of him checking his phone, would send us into a tailspin, and
there probably would not be a second date. Yet, we women, have
allowed this to happen in our relationships. Many may say, this is not
our faults, but as the head of the household, it is our responsibility to
lay down the rules, which work to bring the family or the relationship
together.
Ladies, you know deep down inside, that the Female Led
Relationship is what you really want. You want a man who can satisfy
all of your needs of friendship, support, communication, partnership
and sexual needs. There is an old saying, “Men desire, Women want
to be desired.” This is what we are missing. So, Chivalry and allowing
men to do what they do best, while we gently lead them to love and
obey us, will lead to a happier and much stronger, long-term
marriages and relationship. Ladies, once you read my book, you will
develop a clear picture of how to achieve a Female -Led Relationship
in no time at all. This will lead to a lifetime of fulfillment and happiness
for you and your man, and you will both enjoy the best sex you’ve
ever had. Some couples prefer a very mild form of a Female -Led
Relationship with just a couple of rules, while others desire a more
intense form, following the full program of re-conditioning and re-
programming for both. The important point is: there must be
commitment from both you and your man, to fulfill your roles
completely. Resistance should not be met with anger or resentment,
as it will be a learning experience for both.
 Table Of Contents

Dedicationi
Introduction
CHAPTER ONE: The Beginning
CHAPTER TWO: The Male State of Mind
CHAPTER THREE: The Natural Man Laws
CHAPTER FOUR: Love & Obey Rules
CHAPTER FIVE: Female Relationship Leader is The Natural Evolution
CHAPTER SIX: The Superior Sex
CHAPTER SEVEN: The Spirituality Of The Female Led Relationship
CHAPTER EIGHT: Daily Practice of the Female Led Relationship
About the Author
 CHAPTER ONE

The Beginning
I always believed that one woman’s success could only
help another woman’s success
-Gloria Vanderbilt

My initial contact with the world of Female Led Relationships was in

early 2002. I was still in college, and I was doing some research for a
paper I was working on; Human Sexuality. On hearing about my
research, a couple of my friends invited me to attend some parties
and group meetings that centered on Female dominance, and male
submission. The first group meeting I attended had me feeling like a
nervous wreck. As I walked through the door and looked around, I
discovered that it was a predominantly male group. I was surprised,
because I had expected a room filled with women talking about
feminism. The room had about twenty people present, fifteen of them
were men. There was an introductory meeting for first timers, so
nothing out of the ordinary or particularly strange happened that night;
it was the people in this group that were explaining who they were,
what their meetings stood for, and what it involved. My curiosity was
peaked, and I found this subject of Female Dominance and Male
Submission to be most fascinating. By the end of the night, I knew I
would return. There was a social interaction after the meeting, and I
mingled with some of the people, asking many questions. What I
discovered was that many of these first-timers were men who
wanted to be submissive in their relationships with women. They were
in search of females, who would dominate them sexually, lead their
relationships, and take control.
Since it was a sexually oriented group, there were some self-
proclaimed dominant men present, but a majority of the males
present at this meeting, wanted to be in the submissive role. I found
this to be quite fascinating. I, a so-called feminist, had listened to
several lectures about how women were struggling to gain equality in
our society, but there was a room full of men, who willingly wanted to
have women as their superiors. That meeting was a major turning
point for me.
I was raised in the Caribbean islands of Trinidad and Tobago, a
tropical paradise located about 100 miles off the coast of Venezuela.
I attended all girls’ Catholic school, and it is here I received all the
standard patriarchal societal and religious programming that had
indoctrinated me since I was a little girl. I have always been a
spiritual person, a Christian, who believes in God and Jesus. I am
thankful for my religious upbringing, however, the Catholic Church,
and its male dominated hierarchy, force-fed me with a theology that
made me view my gender as subservient. However, all around me
were shining examples of women, who were in power. My mother
was a strong female, leading her household, later to become a single
parent, and my school was run by nuns who made all decisions.
Myself and my peers, all females, were all top island scholars,
strong-minded, smart, and full of ambition. This prejudice pervasive in
Catholicism where the priest, a man, runs the church became a major
stumbling block for me, as I tried to succeed in a so-called ‘man’s
world.’ On one hand, my all-girl’s school was preaching female
superiority, equality and feminism, but on the other hand, a
contradiction to the customs in the Catholic teaching, where women
were subservient and almost non-existent, as male Priests were the
heads of the church and women were forced into the role of the nuns,
who were barely seen during services. Feminism had always
appealed to me. I was a top student and athlete, who felt she could
do anything a man could do, just as well. I had many male friends
during my formative years, and we played sports, and interacted as
equals. So, I was unable to accept that women were subservient to
men. I think I a lot of ways, the thought never entered my
consciousness. I simply refused to accept it. I discovered that women
possessed a higher moral character, and a more superior intellect.
My mother single-handedly ruled our family, picked up, and had to
survive after my father left. Even though our Catholic God was a man
and the priests were all men, it was really the Nuns who ran my
Catholic School. So, everywhere in my life, women were influential
teachers and leaders, who raised me from my earliest childhood
memories. The highest shining example of female energy power is
mother earth. Every living organism, and the entire world, is governed
by a female energy which I consider to be the most powerful force
over all others.
So, while I witnessed patriarchal dominance in society and in
religion, my daily life showed me practical examples of capable
Female leadership. New thoughts, philosophies, and ideologies about
relationships, and the Female gender superiority, were starting to
occupy my mind. Of course, I kept these ideas to myself. First, I was
still that little Catholic girl at heart, and so, I wasn’t yet comfortable
with voicing these ideas. Secondly, we still live in a male dominated
society, and I still needed to fit in. I was never an extrovert; I hadn’t
ever considered myself to be dominant. I certainly had never heard of
Female Led Relationships or Loving Female Authority, but these
Female Led parties, which I had been attending, were opening doors
to a new and different world from what I knew. They had become a
safe-haven for me to explore what I later realized was a force
dormant inside of me. Once I found support from other men and
women who shared the same views, I became much more
comfortable. Here, we were free from the societal and religious
expectations, norms and practices. Men were free to exhibit their
submissive natures, and females were allowed to explore the part of
them that had been locked-up for ages: dominance. We wouldn’t face
judgment or be frowned at, for giving in to what I was quickly
becoming to recognize as a natural way of life.
During my late teenage years, my family moved to North America.
By the time I was 16 years old, I was at the top of my school in
academics, and working two part-time jobs. I eventually was
accepted into the university to study engineering. This was yet,
another experience in a male-dominated field, where I witnessed the
number of women move from 10% of the class, to 30% in my year.
Women were brilliant, right alongside men, learning and contributing.
Engineering was a perfect breeding ground for me to develop many
of my thoughts about female-led relationships, because I watched as
many women took charge in group projects and assignments, even
though they were the minority. They were not afraid to speak up and
debate with professors, and many of the class conversations, in
Engineering, were happening with female students.
Men were equally brilliant, but happy to allow us, the females, to
lead in many of our assignments. My education in Engineering lasted
3 years and then, I switched to Information Technology and
Commerce, still quite male dominated. So, all of this university
experience set the ground-work for my new paradigm of female-led
relationships. I would later leave all of my post-secondary education
behind, and move into another male dominated field of fitness.
Bodybuilding was the rage at this time, and as a female, to be
accepted as strong and competent enough to train men, alongside
the male trainer, I felt I had to look and be the part. So, I trained
every day, for hours in a gym, developing a very muscular physique
but I became one of the top personal trainers, earning a six figure
income, right out of school, and being a sought after fitness guru.
Training people to be better, healthier and more confident about life,
has always been a passion of mine. Being a personal trainer was my
perfect job- one that indulged my secret desire to train men to view
women as superior, and to remind women of their ability to take
charge in life and their relationships.
It gave me my first real taste of creating a framework for the
female –led existence, as I gained intimate knowledge into men and
women, and all of their experiences and challenges in the world. It
was during many of my training sessions that many clients admitted
many of their deepest feeling to me. While I would never betray the
trainer client relationship, I soon gathered that both men and women
had secrets of feeling unfulfilled in their relationships, which they
buried, for the sake of keeping the family unit in tact. I could see that
many were struggling for years, with an emptiness which can occur
when you are unable to reveal the unhappiness in the day to day
interactions, and I believe that this is what led to the breakdown of
marriages and divorces.
 What I witnessed, having trained hundreds of clients, was that the
clients in female-led relationships were much happier and often, were
together longer. During my university years, I was invited back to
several of the female -led parties and group meetings. While I
managed to convince myself that I kept going to them purely for
educational and research purposes, the fact was that I had become
curious and interested in this alternative female-led lifestyle. Each
week, I met more of the regulars, and while there were an increasing
number of women attending, it was apparent that the submissive men
were the driving force behind this group.
The men far outnumbered the women, so I became popular pretty
quickly. As I socialized and conversed with the members of the
Female -Led Relationship groups, enjoying their parties and get-
togethers, I met many women in positions of power; one in particular,
who invited me to a luncheon that’s made up of exclusively successful
business women. I accepted her invitation, and attended the dinner.
There, I met women who were leaders in companies, their own
businesses, and even in politics. Several had professions in male
dominated fields, and many had male employees, who worked for
them. The woman, who invited me to this luncheon, was a CEO of a
very large corporation, and I formed a very close friendship with her,
and learned much about being a female leader. The education I
received about female leadership in the corporate world was
invaluable.
As my research into the world of female leadership in the business
world continued, I began to identify gradually, with this way of life.
Similar to what happens with inception, a seed had been planted
many years ago, and all of my experiences were now watering it and
making it grow. The female led lifestyle seemed right and it worked. It
wasn’t easy to let go of my Catholic schooling in childhood, but it was
all fading, and a new side of myself was emerging. I eventually
realized that female equality was not the end game and that
ultimately, women needed to rule relationships, businesses,
governments, social groups and even nations. I began to call myself
and my group of female friends, “Queens”.
 By my definition, a Queen believes that women are the superior
sex over men. She thinks that society would be better served if it
were governed by women, instead of men. A Queen is a female in a
position of authority, in business and government. Societies, like the
UK, have accepted the leadership of a queen; so why not all
societies? A Queen believes that women and men are not equal, but
rather, different. She believes that women possess more traits suited
for leadership than men, and that she contains the qualities that are
best fitted to be in a position of authority. The female, as the hero, is
more popular now than ever; in movies quite recently, in huge
blockbusters like Wonder Woman, Hunger Games, Divergent, James
Bond and Atomic Blonde. This is significant because it means that it’s
becoming very accepted by both men and women. A Female Led
Relationship can also become widely accepted.
After my education in Engineering, IT and Commerce, though I had
no desire to work in my field, it prepared me to continue to develop
and participate in the Female Led Relationship group. This became
so important to me that I combined my love for fitness and
relationships, and incorporated both into my practice. I suppose in
essence, I was training both males and females, and I gained a deep
insight into the psychology of both, and how they related to each
other. In fitness, I attracted men, who enjoyed a woman in charge,
and I also attracted women, who wanted to become more dominant
and in control, by building up their bodies and their self-confidence. I
was able to build a rather large client list, and this was the key to
further my learning and understanding of this lifestyle. My experience
creating programs, which helped people get results in fitness, could
now be applied to creating programs for couples, in order to create a
successful relationship. I still believe, from my experience with
hundreds of clients, that Female Led Relationships work long-term.
So, what is unique about the Female Led Relationship? Why is it
different? First, male domination has been accepted for centuries, so
the idea of female led household has only recently become of
interest. It has been studied in-depth in Marketing, where it is
understood, that the head of the household is the woman, who makes
many of the buying decisions. So, professionals in advertising and
marketing, understand how crucial it is to target the female as the
head of the household.
There is also a growing movement of women in the workforce, and
more females in executive positions, in business and government. So,
the idea of female leaders is certainly becoming more accepted, and
it’s only a matter of time before they are leaders in the relationship as
well. This evolution has taken decades. Hilary Clinton’s race for
President was a giant step for women in power for North America
and even back in the 80s, Margaret Thatcher’s rise in the UK signified
a grand step forward for women in power. There are now, many
Prime Ministers and Presidents of large countries, who are women,
and this is accepted. I see a similar emergence of the female-led
relationship as the next evolutionary step for relationships. The
Female Led Relationship really began as sexual and social desires of
men submit themselves to the Females. But the Female Led
Relationship has evolved now to much more, than sexual fantasy. It
will become the next major movement.
A little over twenty years ago, I was introduced to the concept of
Female Led Relationships at the meetings and parties. What was
surprising were the number of men who wanted to be submissive. In
fact, the overall numbers of men outnumbered the women in
attendance, by ten to one. Since I was present at these parties and
meetings to educate myself further in my studies of the Female Led
Relationship, I interviewed some of the dominant women and
submissive men in an informal manner. Being a rather curious and
aggressive female, I found myself attracted to this unusual world. My
curiosity in Female Led Relationships has developed into about two
decades of studying and practicing this alternative lifestyle. I have
educated myself about the subjects of Female Led Relationships and
male submissive desires.
Based on my years of research, observation, and participation, I
learned that there are sexual and social reasons why men have
submissive desires toward women. I discovered that a person’s core
nature expresses itself sexually, through different sexual desires. To
some people, a man that wishes to be on the bottom during
intercourse is perverted. However, I have come to understand that
this desire to have the woman on top stems from the same core
desire. That desire is to be sexually dominated by a woman. It is
expressed differently, but it is the same deep-rooted motivation. Not
only that, but this nature can evolve, and the man that desires to be
on the bottom during intercourse today, may very well develop a
desire later on, to be in a Female Led Relationship.
From studying several Female Led Relationships, I learned about
the core natures of both men and women. As a woman, who was
raised in a traditionally male dominant Catholic society, it was a
revelation to me to discover the natural desire for the dominance and
supremacy of the Female over the male. This revelation became the
key to unlocking and understanding all submissive desires of men. It
matters not, how these desires are expressed through different
fantasies. The root and the core of these are all the same; namely,
the desire of the male gender is to be dominated and ruled by the
Female sex. Therefore, no expression of this submissive nature
surprises me or shocks me. I have heard it all from the males I have
interviewed and counseled, and I have seen it all through my
participation in the Female Led Relationship’s lifestyle.
Some men want to worship the female by tending to her physical
and sexual needs (body worship), while others want to be made into
domesticated gentlemen. But the common thread with all these
sexual and submissive desires is the longing for loving female
authority, and this is the real definition of the Female Led
Relationships. The woman as the loving female authority who leads,
and the man wants to fulfill her desires. I believe it all stems from the
original dominant woman, in every man’s life; his mother. A man’s
mother has always held the highest spot in his heart; she is his
supreme queen, and I believe that all men secretly desire to have a
supreme queen in thier life. That’s why it is perfectly normal for
mothers and daughters-in-law to be rivals. It’s that desire to be in the
most revered spot in a man’s life. But, just as a mother has her place,
the wife, mother and life-mate has an even more important role and
we, as the primary woman in our man’s life, must step into the role
and take charge. We have often heard that a man will choose the
woman who is most like his Mother to be his long-term mate and
often, this is the case with men who want to be submissive. It is the
longing for a female authority figure, who he can fulfill, is his long term
goal. Men are providers. They know their role, and most men know
that their role in the family is to provide and satisfy. They are raised
with this reality, and it is ingrained. In the past, men would feel
ashamed if he was unable to make more money, or have a better
career than his woman. But times are changing, where it is
acceptable for both men and women to make equal, and for women
to sometimes, make more. But, the desire for men to serve the new
most important woman in his life does not diminish, even if the society
has deemed it okay for roles to change. Many couples who are new
to the Female Led Relationship world, and experience where the man
makes less than the woman or stays home with the kids, are
unaware that to maintain the rules are still important. Often, there
could be feelings of stress by a woman, knowing that she has to take
charge in her career and home. But, in fact, just as a woman tending
to household duties was still a lot of work, the same is true for men,
who are taking care of kids at home. Why is this happening more
often? Because it is a natural evolution of the relationship.
 CHAPTER TWO

The Male State of Mind

There is an innate desire in many men to be dominated by a woman.

I believe that they are born with this desire, and I also believe that
this desire is enhanced through his childhood experiences with his
Female authority figures. He is carried in the womb of a woman,
birthed into this world by a woman, nurtured at the breasts of a
woman, pleasured by the loving hands of a woman, and loved and
comforted by a woman. There is a special bond between a young
boy and his mother. Freud suggested that part of this is sexual in his
famous “Oedipus Complex.” Most of the time, a young boy is bathed,
caressed, nurtured, and spanked by an adult. With divorce at 50%,
many households are ruled by single women, who shapes his first
experience with female authority. I believe this experience does not
fade; it only strengthens as men mature. When boys reach
adolescence, many begin to experiment with their sexuality, as they
are curious and drawn to the Female, her beauty and her mysterious
ways. Sometimes, when we examine young relationships between
teenage boys and girls, we can see, in some cases, a real desire for
the female to lead. Men can develop issues with intimacy if there are
problems with these first relationship experiences with women.
Females tend to develop faster than men; so even in teenage years,
the more mature girls tend to exert some authority over men, and this
forms a foundation for the relationship later on. Where it varies, is in
the woman’s role during sex.
In general, if men indulge in submission, especially during sex, they
can become accustomed to being dominated by the female. The
submission to female authority also extends to teacher-student
relationships and then, into the workplace, where men are now
managed and directed by more females in leadership positions. We
see this depicted in TV shows like Suits, The Good Wife, CSI, The
Brave with strong; aggressive females in power positions. Women
now hold many upper management positions, with men being their
subordinates. A real movement in the society is happening when
media increases the portrayal of female leaders, and many movies
depict stories of Female Led Relationships. So, more and more,
males are being conditioned to accept this authority, and crave it in
their relationships. Walk down many upscale and yuppie
neighborhoods, and you will see the fathers, who opt to stay home
and raise children, while their wives have demanding careers. There
are more and more services and benefits for men who choose these
roles, including paternity leave and change tables in men’s
washrooms. 20 years ago, this was unheard of, even frowned upon.
Today, these have become perfectly acceptable roles for men. Men
tend to be affected by the most important female authority figure in
his life – his mother. Mothers in society do everything. They solve
problems, they take care of things, make purchases and make
decisions.
A man’s mother becomes one of the most important influences in
his life, and over the years, the role of the female as head authority
figure has become almost infinite. So, with 50% of marriages ending
in divorce, it means at least, 50% of the men will be influenced, and
probably need a strong female authority for life. Since these desires
don’t seem to diminish, it means the desire for a partner or spouse to
be that female authority figure for a man, becomes more crucial. Men
may not express it. You may not even be aware of how much family
circumstances have affected your man, but what is certain is that
there is a strong possibility he was raised in a single parent
household, and is craving a female power figure. We women, can
fulfil this role for him, and build a stronger more lasting relationships.
One theory is that as a man matures, his sexual desires become
intertwined with life. His life experience becomes strongly related to
his sexual fantasies. If he is used to strong female figures taking care
of him, then, when he begins to enter puberty, his sexual fantasies
often involve being the helpless sexual victim to one of his adult
female authority figures, like an older woman, a teacher or a
babysitter. Not all boys start out their sexual exploration with these
types of fantasies, but many do. When these boys grow up to be
men with submissive desires, they often still maintain the fantasy of
being an innocent and helpless boy, that is being dominated or
sexually used by an adult female authority figure. They recall that
their first submissive desires were toward an older female friend of
the family, a teacher, a babysitter, and they remember how
pleasurable and exciting it was to have these desires. Young boys
also want to please their mothers, or make them proud of their
accomplishments, at school or in sports. Usually, as they become
more obsessed with Adult magazines or videos, the stories and
scenes where an older woman dominates a young male creates in
them, the most intense sexual arousal. It is important to understand
how your man responds to female authority, and what could have
been the influences in his life. Don’t try to force these explanations
from him, because men can be very guarded about these deep,
personal, early experiences.
Do you ever wonder what your man thinks as he gazes at you?
Have you imagined what is going through his brain that makes him
obey when you’re giving him commands like “run my bath” “bring me
my tea” or “make love to me now” and he does them? A man’s brain
is a marvelous thing. It gives him a large perspective of the world,
providing him with bits of information that will help him survive and
thrive in it. It also helps him figure out how to please you;, his superior
female authority. Men are motivated to please women. They know
instinctively, that women are of the utmost importance to their
happiness and survival as a species; they have an innate
understanding that they can get almost any need satisfied if they rely
on a female and as a result, a man would do just about anything to
get the attention and eventual affection of a woman he desires. This
inherent desire to satisfy and to please is built so deep in a man’s
makeup that his brain is physically designed to fulfill this. To create a
simple picture, imagine that a man’s brain is like a superhighway of
sensory information. His responses to these signals have been
predetermined by the wiring of their genetic makeup. However, this
doesn’t mean that a man will react in the same way to the same
stimuli.
The Anatomy of a Man’s brain
 The anatomy of the male brain is similar to that of the female’s of
course, as we are all humans. The cerebrum controls learning,
emotions, and behavior; it also controls the muscles. The medulla
oblongata controls involuntary action, and conditioned reflex actions.
The brain stem, which is attached to the base of the medulla
oblongata, connects stem that connects to the spinal cord; this
controls the central and peripheral nervous system.
Another network in the brain, called the limbic system, is thought to
be the area that controls general memory functions. While Females
generally have more use of their cerebrum, men, it has been
discovered, are controlled to a very large extent, by their limbic
system. The medulla oblongata, which controls ‘conditioned’ reflex
actions, is the point of importance to every female seeking to train
her man to complete 100% obedience. When a child first learns to
walk, it is a gradually learned process. This training, however, is
saved in the brain in such a way that even several kinds of severe
brain damages cannot make him forget it; it becomes a learned
instinct. This is the point we want our men to get to, during training.
Instincts and Training
Sometimes, there is a natural conflict between what a man
“instinctively” wants to do, and what we want him to do. This tug-of-
war plays out in the limbic system of a man’s brain. Most male
training methods focus on overriding the natural limbic system, either
by giving rewards for obeying us and ignoring instincts, or by
punishing men for following instinctual tendencies.
Most male training today, is focused on these two schools of
thought: rewards-based or punishment-based learning. I have used
techniques from both training methods in my work, and always
recommend using the methods that work best for you and your man.
Rather than follow one particular method or formula, I always try to
tailor my approach based on the unique man in front of me. Training is
about applying a technique. This book will cover most of the
techniques females are using to train men commonly used today,
such as ‘penalty-based’ training and ‘reward-based’ sexual training.
As a general principle, I prefer not to use the penalty-based
technique in my practice, but occasionally, I have to resort to it
overall; I prefer positive reward-based re-inforcement.
Work With His Instincts, Not Against Them
Many problems arise when you are unaware that men are
grappling with their own feelings and emotions, which they are trained
to keep hidden and guarded. Often, we are unaware that there is a
problem because men fail to communicate, because it is not their
strength. The key is to re-channel a man’s natural energy and
instincts to a behavior that is positive, for both the woman and the
man. Re-direction, instead of suppression, is one of my cardinal
rules. I always try to nurture and cultivate all the special skills of each
specific man, harnessing these natural tendencies, and channeling
them towards healthy activities. For example, I receive lots of calls
from women, complaining that their men were wasting time around
the house, not helping with any chores. I advise these women to tailor
the tasks they give their men towards his natural instinct, rather than
try to force or coerce them to go against it. Forcing a man to do
something, especially a man who has already become submissive
and attuned to you, would just make him unbalanced. Rather than
fight the man’s natural instincts, why not try creating a space where
it’s acceptable for the man to do what he enjoys doing?
In cavemen days, men were the hunters. This natural desire is still
here. Hunting is a form of exercise, and works off excess energy.
The ability to work with the man’s natural instincts may be an
easier solution. Hunting is not meant to be literal. It has to be an
activity engineered towards competition. Allow him to figure out the
best way to accomplish a task, and give him the freedom to do it
without nagging and complaining. An example would be for you to
say, “Honey, I have no idea how this closet should be organized.
What do you think is the best way to do it? Can you please help me
with it ?” You are still in control, leading by laying out the tasks, but
you are giving him the freedom to complete it how he wishes.
 Create special areas, where men can exercise their natural
instincts. If you have a swimming pool and a man who loves the
water, allow them to swim as their fitness training, or clean the pool
as a chore, to help out around the house. You can also have lots of
things around a house that need to be organized or constructed. Men
are generally left brain dominated; so they love to organize and take
action. Don’t ask him to pick out the best drapes, or to choose the
best color for your furniture.
I remember a submissive man, Alex, who was so tense and easily
excitable that his Queen Mother was giving up on him. I could tell that
Alex was anxiety ridden; he just kept looking nervous, wringing his
hands as though he was missing doing something productive. After
one look, I could tell that in his current state of mind, Alex would
never be able to exist on a female-led relationship because my mere
glance caused him to look nervous. So, I tried a different tactic. I kept
him busy by taking him to a messy area of my garage and left him
alone for a little, while without any explicit instructions. When I came
back ten minutes later, the garage was clean and properly arranged.
I don’t think I have witnessed a faster transformation, ever. Not just in
my garage, but also in Alex. With his instinctual needs fulfilled, he
relaxed, and went into a calm, submissive state. Ever noticed a man
in a kitchen who hates it? He becomes immediately petrified and
confused. But give him the task to try to fix a toaster that is not
working or get the air-conditioner working or organize his man-cave,
he’ll spend hours doing it.
According to psychologists, organizing is instinctual men. When
they’re working, they feel like they have a purpose in life. Allowing
men to work helps boost their self-confidence, while relieving anxiety
and aggression. In one relationship, I watched as the woman
introduced her man to her messy master bedroom closet. The
woman let the man “find his instincts.” Within minutes, the man, Bill,
was instinctively trying to rearrange everything in a way that made
sense to him. After organizing the closet, Bill proudly walked back to
his woman, and told her what he had done. She went with him to look
at the closet, and she complimented him on organizing her closet so
well. They sat on their bed, quietly and obediently, for a minute and
then, he smiled and began massaging her feet. By allowing him to
organize the closet, Bill’s anxious and nervous behavior stopped.
So, his wife began to introduce him into other ways of helping
around the house, and she had successfully trained him to happily
perform many chores. She then redirected his energy after
completing household chores into other activities that she enjoyed,
like foot massages and cunnilingus and finally, she rewarded him
sexually with his own orgasm. He was obedient and happy. Her job
was done!
In certain cases, you may want to do the opposite of nurturing a
male-specific trait. With certain powerful breeds like athletes, military
men, and extreme sport enthusiasts, you may not want to encourage
the particular activity that the man was originally genetically
engineered to perform, like combat or fighting. You’ll need to find
creative ways to redirect these tendencies.
For example, my boyfriend, Michael, loves to work out, and he
loves martial arts. Michael’s instinct draws him to exercise and
fighting. So, we play rough in the bedroom; I re-channeled the energy
to a sex game, where he is gladiator and I am the Queen Mother he
seduces at the Coliseum in Rome. Repression of natural, instinctual
tendencies can lead to serious behavior problems; so it’s better to
figure out how to support the natural tendencies of your male.
Fortunately, after years of being in the fitness industry, I’m in great
shape, and I can keep up with him as we have long sexual sessions
that get very physical and passionate. I realized the importance of
exploring your man’s needs, while guiding him at fulfilling ours.
Women are very good at sizing up a situation and being critical. It’s
our nature. Good or bad, we do it, with our friend’s co-workers, the
movies or books we love, our children and our man. We speak what
is on our minds. Men are the opposite. So, he communicates by
doing things. A very basic example we hate if we are with our men, is
when they look at another very attractive woman. I was in a
relationship where I would chastise my boyfriend at the time, every
time his eyeball began to move in the direction of an attractive
female. It became such a problem; he never wanted to go out with
me, and he tried so hard to stare straight ahead, that is eyes were
watering with the stress and the fear that I would erupt. This is
normal, and I can laugh at it now; but at the time, I know it was a
great source of stress. We cannot burn out a guy’s eyes with our
thought if he looks at an attractive woman. It’s not meant to be a
criticism of us. I tell women who have this tendency to try to suppress
this basic nature of men. Compare it to when women go shoe
shopping. We are looking at other shoes we won’t always buy, but
we certainly look.
Does it mean we don’t like the shoes in our closet ? No! It just
means we are window shopping. To suppress that natural urge in
women to stop window shopping would kill us. So, don’t suppress
your man’s natural’s urges. Re-direct the energy and attention. If you
feel insecure about how you look, and you think your man would much
rather be looking at others, then wear something sexy out of the blue.
I’m always amazed at the reaction I get, when my man comes home
to me and I am not in a t-shirt and shorts. I’m actually wearing a sexy
dress with make-up on, and my nails done, for no apparent reason.
Out of the blue. Now, see the reaction. Now, he’s wondering and he’s
staring, and you feel empowered and beautiful.
On the other side, Alex was just one example of a man who
experienced shutdown, when the woman in his life tried to exert too
much control over him. I watched as his wife would comment on his
clothes, on his job, how he did something and everything. Alex
became very withdrawn and introverted. In an attempt to get away
from his wife, he would lock himself in his man cave, for hours. His
wife was baffled and a little hurt, because she had no idea what her
behavior was doing to him. Nether Alex nor his wife was happy, and
because she was strong, they believed they were involved in a
Female Led Relationship. Something similar occurs when she yells at
her male child too many times, and he just becomes unresponsive
and sullen. When a woman is the leader and nurturer, we must allow
men the freedom to make decisions in their own lives without
constant interference. We are merely there to guide and allow them
to serve us. Our tendency is to analyze, and try to correct everything
our man, does, says, wears and believes. However, in the Female
Led Relationship, we allow our men to decide how they will best
serve us. This ensures his full participation, rather than bullying him
into making him do what we want him to do. Full participation of both
women and men in the Female Led Relationship, is what determines
the success. Men need to be able to make their decisions, then focus
their energy on what will satisfy both their women, and their own
needs. The Female Led Relationship is not one-sided. That’s the
difference between Female Led and Fem Dom world of BDSM. In
Female Led, the woman takes the lead, but the man has the freedom
to serve his woman, in his own unique way. In BDSM, the woman
exerts physical and mental control of the man, with the aim to render
the man completely powerless and weak. Female led is about female
empowerment, and the man is also empowered to make his own
decisions about the relationship. It’s a union of love, not pain and
humiliation. Neither the man nor the woman is powerless, and this is
why it works. In a Female Led Relationship, women are leading and
setting ground rules, but the man is doing what he does best,
providing for, protecting and serving his “Queen”, his woman.
What a Man Remembers
Now that you have a basic understanding of how a man’s brain
works, and how he processes sensory inputs, it’s equally important to
understand how his memory recall works. Let’s face it ladies; men
don’t remember every aspect of the relationship like we do. Their
ability to mainly “live in the moment” is what makes them so trainable,
but it can hamper their thought process. In my two decades of
working with hundreds of men, there has only been a handful that I
failed to help. While scientific research on how men perceive time and
recall events is limited, about memory and time, we know men are
different from women. My experience has taught me that men cannot
mentally travel back in time or into the future, as quickly or as well as
females do. To be able to recall specific memories and anticipate
events, in the future, seems like a beautiful gift, but at the same time,
these female abilities come with a cost: anxiety, dread, guilt, and
regret.
Many of my clients are skeptical when I tell them men live mainly in
the present, and that their real memory span is very short—about 30
seconds. “After all, they argue,” my man is trained to massage my
feet every time I ask. They do remember what to do. But that’s not
what is happening in their brains. Remember, men have learned how
to react to commands, and to please females. So, men can know
how to respond to the command, without having a memory of the
particular event where you taught it to them.
A man remembers women and places based on associations he
has had with both. Associative memory can work, both positively and
negatively. If a man has a traumatic memory about being dumped in
his past love life, he may react with fear, until that memory
association is replaced by a new happier memory. The stronger the
connection, the harder it is to replace. When psychologists worked
with traumatized men, they must first identify their negative
associations. It takes time and patience to rewire these associations.
It is the same when you attempt to introduce new rules and
commands for behavior to your man. Be aware that he may not
respond at first because of past negative events, but the more you
can work daily and re-enforce the good behavior with rewards, the
more he will respond to you. I see a complete change in my man
when I complement him, touch his muscles or caress him just for fun.
It’s his reward. The more you do it, the more you reward him, the
better his behavior. I purposely compliment my man everyday, and
this has gone a long way to inspiring him, because I think it goes to a
basic human need that we all need someone to believe in us. So, as
the leader in the relationship, I recognize that a man wants to serve
his woman, but he still requires encouragement and recognition.
Sometimes, our busy lives can get in the way of a simple compliment,
but I have seen first hand, how this can change everything.
So, if your man spends the whole day organizing the garage, you
will get a much better response if you reward him with positive
compliments, and a nice dinner, rather than criticism. He has still
fulfilled his end of the Female Led Relationship, because he did what
you asked of him. This is particularly important with men in the
military. When they leave, they may still be affected by negative
experiences. So, loud noises or yelling orders, arguing, or any kind of
aggressive behavior can send them into a tailspin. It’s important to be
gentle, loving and patient; really enhancing the positive experiences in
your relationship, to prevent negative triggers.
Stimulate the Brain, Early and Often
A question that I get often is, “How can I make my man better
mentally?” If you look online and in stores, you’ll see numerous
supplements which claim to aid in intelligence. Everyone desires to be
mentally strong, so, having this desire for your man is nothing new. A
man who is mentally and physically strong, only serves you and your
family better.
To begin, I recommend the basics – good nutrition, exercise, stress
management, and good sleep. However, I add adequate stimulation
everyday, so that you have his attention, and he is challenged to work
on the relationship to continue to please you. Balancing his stresses
with his sexual urges, work, and play, are all necessary to create a
stronger, more balanced male brain. A man’s brain is like a sponge—
soaking up all the sounds, smells, sights and experiences in the
world, as fast as it can. A well-stimulated man will have a larger brain
with more cells, bigger cells, and more interconnections between
them. Getting regular exercise, being well trained by his Queen,
traveling to new places, and even going through specific sexual
training for a few minutes each day, makes for a better gentleman.
We can influence the development of a man’s brain by providing him
with the best environment possible, right from the beginning of his
reconditioning, under your care. But this takes daily attention on your
part. We all need a coach; so in many ways, you will be his coach,
cheerleader and partner. You must not only set aside the time and the
energy to devote a few minutes each day to his training, you must
also lead by example, and take care of your own mental and physical
health. A man respects his Queen, who also takes very good care of
herself, and is an example to him and your family. This constant daily
attention is what becomes challenging on the Female-Led
Relationship, but you will be rewarded with a man who is more
attentive, interested and present.
A man, who isn’t properly stimulated or doesn’t have interactions
with others, will be less balanced. Don’t let your man isolate himself,
and spend hours alone in his man-cave. This does nothing to improve
your relationship. I have witnessed, first-hand, how many men, when
left under-stimulated by thier partner, is very unhappy, dull and
withdrawn. On the flipside, too much of a good thing can be harmful.
Allowing your man to party and hang with friends too often, engage in
aggressive behavior or sports, or spend lots of time without you, also
lead to destructive habits. Unfortunately, I saw this happen first hand
with the break up of my own parents’ marriage, which I attribute to
my mother’s in ability to control my father’s constant need for
attention, spending almost everyday of the week socializing, drinking
and away from home. Sometimes, it’s impossible to break these
habits, but a strong relationship is never built on spending almost no
time together. Men and women are guilty of this, believing that their
partner needs to de-stress or for simplicity sake, they allow habits
like this to continue. However, in my experience of working with many
couples, constant over-stimulation and time spent apart leads to the
destruction of the cohesive bond between two people. A balance
must be struck with activities alone, and outside of the house.
Sometimes, over stimulation can occur when a man is allowed to
spiral out of control with aggressive behavior. I was once in a
relationship myself, where my partner would scream at people at the
top of his lungs, and throw things when he was angry. I was very
young, and I thought it was just a sign of manliness; so I allowed it to
happen. But soon, I found myself copying this behavior until the
aggression spiraled out of control, and I could no longer tolerate it.
The aggression was not the only problem in the relationship, but it
created less and less opportunities for constructive work on the
relationship and eventually, it was one of the major factors which led
to us growing apart and the end of it. Signs of over-stimulation can be
recognized in a man who enters a room or approaches another man
face-to-face, with aggressive behavior, puffing up his chest, and even
insulting or yelling. A lot of male leaders misinterpret these signs as
those of a “strong” man, but in reality, such men are out of control.
When you see these signs, your man needs calm, deliberate
handling, and it’s best to move him away from whatever is over
stimulating him, until he has calmed down. Encourage him to be
around positive people; friends or relatives, who can influence him in
a positive way. It is not wise to ever encourage violence or
disobedience. In the Female Led Relationship, when a man is out of
control, if you have trained him well, he will submit to you as his
Queen and leader. But, you must be respectful in the way you issue
the command, and be careful not to antagonize the situation. I see
this mistake made early on, in attempting to follow the female-led
lifestyle. In our effort to assume control, we will engage in
argumentative or condescending behavior towards our man. This is
the opposite of how you control him if he is spiraling out of control.
You gently remind him of how to behave, and show him he is
behaving improperly. I use the analogy of when you try to train a
child. By yelling at him or her constantly, he or she learns to ignore
you. However, I have seen much better behavior come from positive
reinforcement, where the child is shown the error and rewarded when
the correct behavior occurs. When your man corrects his aggressive
behavior, you must reward him.
Draw him a bath, invite him in with you, give him a massage, or
initiate sex. It is important to always reward the good behavior, so he
is gently under your guidance. We all remember times when our
parents yelled at us, but most of those instances never result in
positive changes. We also can recall when we were motivated to do
better because they rewarded us. This is ingrained in the human
being, and your man will respond.
If my man becomes disrespectful at any moment, I immediately
remind him, that the queen is not happy with his response, and that
he needs to change it. That generally diffuses any arguments, and
makes for a much happier relationship. Many times, men will
recognize their bad behavior, and will change if you disapprove.
 You correct the behavior, and not criticize the man. It’s a much
netter way to deal with your man who may be overstimulated.
Be as attentive as you can, and listen constructively to your man
when he attempts to voice concerns or thoughts. Men generally will
never tell you what is bothering them. You need to decipher it from
listening intently, to when they do speak and their behavior. This is
where we, women must step into the leadership position and take
charge of the relationship. Part of being a great leader is to identify
when there are challenges ahead. A man will always signal there is a
problem, but they are not master communicators. So, you need to be
tuned, and ready to listen and take action, should he voice concerns.
A man may say, “I love when you wear that dress.” You may be
tempted to think, “My butt’s too big in that dress” and dismiss his
comment. But, the fact is, he has indicated he is turned on and
attracted to you, when you wear that dress; so, he really means,
“please wear that dress more often.” A nice reward for your man is
for you to wear the dress. As women, we take a man’s comments of
what we wear or how we look as criticisms because of our own
insecurities. But, I remind couples, you are not here to please the
world, other women or men. So, if you are constantly worried about
what strangers think of your appearance, career and activities, and
you ignore your partner, that’s where the problem begins. Couples
must perform a check to make sure they are both on a common
track. So, it is super important to take note of what he is saying to
you. If your man is voicing his opinions and thoughts, take them
seriously.
When it comes to the subjects of human sexuality, female
domination and male submissive desires, what I have learned is that
there are reasons why men have these desires, and a person’s core
nature expresses itself in the sexual realm, through different sexual
desires. It is important to understand why your man may need certain
things, and you must refrain from criticizing. Part of being in the
driver’s seat is to anticipate what your man needs, and try to fulfill his
desires while he fulfills yours. It does not mean you ignore what he
wants, while he gives you what you want. He must be made to feel
special if he is to respond to your wishes. I base most of this advice
on researching Female Led Relationships and male submission for
over 15 years, counseling many submissive men and female led
couples, and interviewing many couples that practice this lifestyle. I
have also personally lived this lifestyle, and I still actively practice this
way of life. It is important to note that Female Led Relationships have
nothing to do with BDSM or Fem Dom community.
The idea of beating, tying up, or having a man crawl around like a
baby, is not a Female Led Relationship. The two could not be more
different. This is very important because, it is a perversion that the
media tends to want to inflate, and link it to women in power. In
BDSM, the female is not in leadership role because she is actually
responding to man’s desire to be humiliated. It is entertainment and a
perversion. In the Female Led Relationship, the man is loved and
served as much as he serves. The difference is that the female leads,
and the submissive man is happy to serve her in whatever way he
chooses, nothing to do with humiliation and perversion of BDSM. In a
Female Led Relationship, women are in charge. It is the same as
prostitutes. Some women believe that they have power because they
get paid, and they give men what they want. But a prostitute is not a
woman in power. As soon as a man has to pay you, he calls the
shots. Whether you beat him, tie him up, have sex or are in a
threesome, he pays and you do. There is no power there. So, a
dominatrix can seem as though she has power, but really, she can
only act in a position of power because she’s being paid to do so.
This is the furthest thing from a woman, who takes charge in her
relationship, and leads a loving relationship of mutual respect. I am
always intrigued by the movie, “50 shades of Grey”. On the surface,
it looks like Christian Grey, the main character, calls the shots and
has control. But, in the end, he can’t function without his muse. So, he
is not in control once money is involved, and nether is she. This movie
had much acclaim, because women have a secret desire to be tied
up and controlled by their men sexually but, in fact, there is no power
plays at all in this movie. Anatassia is a slave, and Christian pays her
to be just that. But he is lost without his ability to pay her and have
her do what he wants. So in essence, there is no power at all in the
relationship. But the movie is very good at hiding this important point,
with all the grandeur of a lavished lifestyle. I actually have a good
chuckle when Anatassia becomes so angry when Christian wants to
whip her, yet she succumbs to his contract, and agrees to be paid. It
is important to distinguish perversion from power.
Actually, the Female Led Relationship is not something new.
Females have always been revered as the nurturing, loving and the
life giving force of humanity in the universe, and the continuous cycle
of birth, death and regeneration is made possible by women. The
matriarchal view of the world is one of sublime grandeur, where
women inspire chivalry, chastity, and poetry in men. Although men
may have superior strength, women strive for peace, justice, and
religious consecration, and work to guide man’s wild, lawless and
primitive beast-like nature. Female led relationships are unique
because, most of our institutions are patriarchal. Society is evolving,
and the empowerment of women is not isolated from the desire of
men wanting to submit to women, both sexually and socially.
Keeping Your Relationship Alive
We all know how easy it is to start a relationship, but how difficult it
is to keep the spice alive. Relationships take work, daily. Being with
the same person, day in and day out, can seem to get boring. A
training program for your man, naturally addresses boredom. Like
any other worthwhile project, goals and mini milestones are one way
to keep both you and your man focused on the success of the
relationship, rather than allowing it to fall apart. Just like you must
tend to a garden every day to keep it manicured and beautiful, it’s the
same with relationships. Daily attention helps to prevent the “weeds”
or disconnect from creeping in, and setting mini goals can help to
keep you both, moving forward. This is particularly important if you
have children, and many other responsibilities. It’s easy for
relationship issues to get swept under the rug and forgotten, until they
begin. One of you gets bored or begins to lose interest. If it is a man
undergoing your training, or maybe a trained one, this could disrupt all
the progress you both have made. Here, I’ve included a couple of tips
that could help add spice to your relationship:
1. Teach him new tricks.
When your man knows your body too well, it can lead to one of two
things; the first is that he understands how to bring you pleasure
always in the same way, the second is boredom sets in. He may
begin to let things slide, and being together might become
monotonous. Show him how to rediscover your body, come up with
interesting new ways to serve you better. A very good example is the
character of “Samantha” on the show “Sex In the City”-She was
always engaging in sex with multiple partners, but even when she had
a steady boyfriend, she understood the importance of changing it up.
So, I remember a couple of interesting episodes, where she and her
steady hunk boyfriend played detective and spy, or French maid, and
added whipped cream to bedroom activities. I support the idea of
changing it up as much as you can. Change the times, the positions,
the locations. Add costumes, role play and surprises. You would be
surprised that even though it may seem like a stupid thought, the
action of changing it up, with we, women, initiating sex more often,
goes a long way to keeping the spice alive. I have consulted many
couples in 30+ year marriages, and I’m always amazed at all of the
ideas they offer but, the one which stands out, is to switch it up to
prevent boredom. I can recall one of my own friends informing me
that she had to skip our exercise class, which we always did together
on a Wednesday night, because her husband of 32 years was
traveling and coming home, and she needed to do her duty.
And she said it with a mischievous smile on her face. I was stunned
at the time, because they were a couple in their 50’s, married for
more than 30 years, still having fun in their sex life.
2. Play games and use toys.
Sex toys have evolved beyond rubber dildos and ball gags.
Develop games that encourage him to think. I like to create puzzles
that allow you to hide “Sexual Reward Notes” around the house,
perhaps where your man works on his “guy things”, which engages
your man to try and find them. Another version of the game; you can
hold a “Sexual Reward Note” in one hand, and let your man figure out
which hand is hiding the note. Or agree to try a new sex toy each
month. One night, I returned home and waiting for me on the table,
was a present, all wrapped up. The game that night was me
blindfolded, and opening the present, trying to figure out what it does
and how to use it during sex, without seeing it. It’s always fun and
interesting for both you and your man to try new things in a very safe
environment. For some time, I would switch up the times for love-
making, and pull out a surprise at 3AM in the morning. Though it was
a sleepless night, we both got through the next day in euphoria,
because we had such a fun night. It lightened things up, and kept the
relationship interesting.
3. Change your sex routine.
One of the easiest ways to have fun is to sneak downstairs in the
basement, or have sex in your pool, for a change. During your kids
sleepover, have a night of pleasure, in your living room or in the
kitchen. Couples have reported to me that they cook dinner together,
just wearing only an apron, and that enhanced the excitement. We
are always so worried about our partners seeing us naked, but there
is not a man in the world who has not seen his partner’s cellulite or
heavy thighs. I encourage developing little names for it. Like “dimple
butt” or “Thunder from down under”. If you are light about it, he will
love you more because you are confident in your own skin, and the
fact that you love each other unconditionally, builds confidence.
Acceptance of your body is a very important step in empowerment.
Women, who are comfortable in their own skin, will be comfortable
leading the relationship, because it takes great strength and power to
hold yourself in the position of “Queen” and love yourself.
4. Give your man a job to do.
We have established that men are bred to complete tasks, like
organizing and fixing things. So, let him set the scene for sex. Let him
add his favorite things to do. Explore his fantasies openly, with him.
Many women report that men have fantasies to be with a celebrity or
another woman. So, my suggestion was, if he likes Wonder Woman,
get a costume, surprise him in it, or put on a wig, do something to
engage in his fantasy with him. Pretty soon, he’s going forget all
about it, and just enjoy you trying. When men can engage in their
fantasies with you, they are less likely to be going anywhere else to
engage in them.
5. Allow him to socialize.
Men are social animals, and you should nurture the need for social
activity by allowing him outings with other compatible and trained
men. Guys night out is very important for a man. He must engage
with other men to feed the masculine part of him, and this is
important. Socially, a man is balanced when he can engage with
others, and as I mentioned previously, a man who is withdrawn and
isolated will never be able to be present enough in your relationship.
So, allow him time to socialize enough, but not too much. He still
needs to attend to your needs as well. Social events should never
take the place of your times together.
6. See Things Your Man’s Way.
Most of the happiest, most balanced men that I have interacted
with seem to have Female Leaders, who instinctively understand
them. They can understand the world their men live in, and help guide
them through it. You can become that kind of Female Relationship
Leader, too. That is why it’s so vital to understand how your man’s
brain works, how it processes information, and how instincts can
drive behavior. By having a firm grasp on all this information, you’re
well equipped to move on to the following chapters that build on this
foundation. Being able to “see” your man’s unique point of view will
help you embrace the techniques and principles to come.
 CHAPTER THREE

The Natural Man Laws

A very popular question is, “What exactly is male’s Psychology?”

Many believe that a man’s psychology is the same as that of a
female’s, but it isn’t. Females are genetically wired to teach, to
nurture, to love, to guide, and provide care for others. Males are
genetically wired to seek the love training, the nurturing, the loving,
the guidance and the care, from his female authority figure. Many of
us tend to forget this fact and then, try to turn our loving men into
shadows of ourselves. Masculine psychology is based on this unique
perspective of how a man sees women, his thoughts, feelings and
emotions, toward female authority. We need to build a healthy
environment for him to feel comfortable and free to explore his desire
to serve you as a Queen, without any hindrance from criticism or
over-analysis.
Now, it’s time to find out how to harness this desire and bring it out,
so that he can have the female authority he seeks, and at the same
time, bring out the best in him. To better examine this psychology and
genetic science, I’ve developed a couple of guidelines I like to call my
Natural Man Laws. If you are going to control your man and be his
leader, you must understand who men are, and what they need as
men.
What are these Natural Man Laws?
At their core, they are the end results of thousands of years of
evolution, from cave men to modern men. In modern men, with so
many being raised by single mothers or “mostly absent” fathers, the
view of the female as the authority figure is greater than ever, now.
This social change to more female led households is a driving force of
the total transition of future society to a matriarchal society run by
women. The revolution to a female led world is happening, one
household at a time. There are fundamental truths that must be
understood, for both sexes to live together in harmony. These
powerful forces still continue to shape how modern men think and
behave. These are the laws that Mother Nature and every man’s
Mother have placed upon the species, and that our environment has
fine tuned. You are his adult female authority. When ignored or
suppressed, the outcome is an all-round unbalanced and unhappy
man. Sigmund Freud’s famous psychoanalytic theory, the Oedipus
complex, is based on a desire for sexual involvement with the parent
of the opposite sex, and a sense of rivalry with the parent of the
same sex. The term derives from the Theban hero Oedipus of Greek
legend, who unknowingly slew his father and married his mother. This
deep rooted subconscious desire to be loved by the mother drives
men into adulthood as well. All men secretly crave to replace the
loving female authority of a Mother figure with an adult female
authority figure. It is not a sick desire; it is a natural desire to love and
have undying gratitude to the female gender that gives all men life,
gives our species life, and raises all men from infancy to adulthood.
The Five Natural Laws of a Man’s Psychology are:

1. He deeply wants you to love him for himself, and not just for
what he can do for you.
2. He wants you to be his leader, his mother figure, and have a high
opinion of yourself.
3. He wants you to believe in his ability to communicate his true
feelings to you.
4. He wants you to be sexually playful, and allow him to fulfill his
need to serve you and bring you pleasure.
5. He wants you to know that men are sensitive, and they do cry,
and they need you to comfort them.
6. It’s important to understand these laws, as they will affect how
you relate to your man, especially during challenging times. An
example is when he refuses to do something you ask. I have
been asked so many times by women, “Why won’t my man do
what I say?” The simple answer is that men are stubborn, and
they like working things out their way. Often, a man may refuse
to do what you ask simply because he is set in his ways and
 refuses to change. What you must do as his female leader, is to
approach it with kindness and understanding, rather than
complaining and arguing. Impress upon him, how important this is
to you, and how much you would love to reward him for doing
what you’ve asked. Then he will be much more motivated to do it
without question, and you are building the habit.

Research suggests that men, who feel they must wholeheartedly

conform to masculine gender norms, are more likely to suppress
emotions that make them feel vulnerable. These are the very
emotions required for emotional intimacy with a romantic
partner. However, refrain from simply dismissing your man, because
he may show this behavior. You can still work with him and bring him
around under your control by understanding the natural laws.
The First Natural Man Law:
He deeply wants you to love him for himself and not just for what
he can do for you.
Male socialization teaches them that their value is in their ability to
take charge, to be in control, and to win. Do not let this facade
mislead you to think that he doesn’t want you to take charge and be
in control. Underneath this male bravado, is a child, who wants to feel
loved by his female authority figure for who he is. He wants “mommy”
to love him even if he gets a “c” on his test at school. He wants you to
love him, even if he’s not a winner or the richest guy or the best
athlete. Unlike women, men have more difficulty talking about
emotions related to their weaknesses, so when he is not feeling good
enough, you may not even know it. This is why men desire a female
authority, who will love them for simply being “their loving and
obedient” male companion. If you keep this key in mind, you will have
an easier time controlling your man. Let him know that you enjoy
spending time with him and his sense of humor, or just talking with
him about your life together. Tell him that you love him because he is
a gentleman, and treats you like a Queen. The more a man can feel
that you love him for who he is, the more he will comply with your
wishes.
The Second Natural Man Law:
He wants you to be his leader, his mother figure and have a high
opinion of yourself.
When you accept yourself as a Queen, your man will look up to you
and be inspired by you. He will want to do everything possible, to
keep you on a pedestal, once you can show him you really are his
Queen. He will want to bask in your admiration of him, and he will be
inspired to serve you the best he can. Projection is the tendency to
project characteristics that we find desirable onto others. In other
words, if you are happy with yourself, you will compliment him for
being such a gentleman and such a “good boy”, and this will motivate
him to be even better behaved. When you criticize your man
constantly, you are triggering Kryptonite in him, and it will make him
feel endlessly nagged and deflated. A man who is deflated can’t get
much done, and he can sink into depression. When you are constantly
criticizing, men acquire a sense that they can ‘never get it right.’ They
feel defeated, and everything starts to feel dull and pointless. I truly
believe that most men would sit on the couch in their underwear and
drink beer, like many bachelors, if they did not have a wife and family
to motivate them to provide. If your man feels like he can’t please
you, this is very damaging to your relationship, and can lead to him
retrieving into himself, and acting distant and withdrawn. A man
cannot handle being constantly criticized. I believe that it triggers
feelings of being disciplined by his mother in childhood. Women can
tend to unconsciously treat their men like children, particularly if they
must deal with many challenges at home.
But when you trigger this horrible experience from childhood in your
man, he can either become withdrawn, or become aggressive. Either
way, it is not healthy, and will lead to a communication breakdown.
Gentle reminders and simple corrections, can go a long way to
restoring the peace. Conversely, if you constantly praise him for being
such a gentleman and treating you so well, he will be more attentive
and want to be around you as much as possible, waiting on your
every need to receive more praise and sexual rewards.
 This is another reason why I disagree wholeheartedly with the dark
BDSM community and their desire to feminize men; let your man be a
proud, loving masculine man, and he will obey and serve you better
than you ever dreamed possible.

1. Don’t enforce your feminine ways of life on him.

2. Don’t attribute female feelings and emotions to your man’s
actions, body language, or facial expressions. Don’t make him
feel like a “sissy.”
3. Don’t make a man dress-up in a feminine way with flowered
shirts or wearing bright colors if he is not into it. Some men love
to get dressed up and be stylish, but the idea is not to force him.
4. Don’t expect your man to understand and interpret your behavior.
Men cannot read your body languag, nor decipher moods.
5. Don’t apply female solutions to male problems. Try to see it from
the “Natural Man Rules” point-of-view that you are learning here.

The Third Natural Man Law:

He wants you to believe in his ability to communicate his true
feelings to you.
Although men may not be able to communicate their emotional
feelings and shortcomings as well as women, men actually can
communicate. You need to create a comfortable environment for your
man to open up and communicate with you. The most important point
is you need to treat him with respect, in regard to his ability to talk
about his feelings and what motivates him to be your perfect
gentleman. Once he opens up to communicate his most vulnerable
thoughts and emotions, he will try harder and harder to communicate
and please you in your conversations. Give your man a chance to
open up and communicate, and this only enhances your role as his
female authority figure. Listen to him and talk to him the way a kind
and loving mother would listen to her son express himself at an
emotional childhood moment. Yes, women are more verbal—they
typically talk about their feelings more quickly and succinctly, than
men. But men do know what they think and feel. Instead of shaming
him, when he is trying to express something vulnerable, take him
seriously, ask questions and show him how proud you are by
rewarding him sexually for his openness - even if it’s just a loving kiss.
Make sure you thank him for sharing and talking to you on this deep
level. Trust me, if you do this, he will talk more, and you will see that
under his tough manly exterior, there is a sensitive gentleman who will
learn to speak more articulately, and share his feelings more often
than you can imagine. This new open communication will make you
his loving female authority figure, and allows you to lead your
relationship without tension or friction and “the silent treatment” on
either side of the fence.
The Fourth Natural Man Law:
He wants you to be sexually playful and allow him to fulfill his
need to serve you and bring you pleasure.
You are your man’s lover, above all else. This may be a difficult
concept to grasp. Sure your man appreciates that you are a good
mother, a good friend and partner but, above all, you are his sexual
partner. Only you can enhance his sexual experience. I believe this is
another point of disconnection, especially when everyone is stressed
from long hours at work and chores to be done, and household duties
need to be completed, getting into a sexy mood, takes work. I found
that the best way to approach this was to do something to arouse my
partner every time I was around him. I would give him a compliment
or slap his butt, or do something playful, that was aimed at being
more sexual. I found that this was able to alleviate any feelings of
disconnection or even bad moods, especially during times of stress.
When you remember that both you and your man are sexual beings,
this is a part of the relationship that cannot be brushed aside. How he
views you will go a long way to helping you to create the right
environment for a loving Female Led Relationship. Strong women are
pro at organization, multitasking, and ‘taking care of business’, but
this can go overboard, especially if your man is trying to fulfill the
subservient role.
 You are not inspiring him by nagging him as a means of trying to
motivate him. Some strong dominant women will feel that they have
to do it to “light a fire under him” but, this could only result in driving
him further into himself. Being dominant but sexy, is a different story.
You could easily put your man in good mood if you can combine your
leadership with being playful and sexy. He wants to see you let go of
control, and be spontaneous and sexual, in the moment with him.
Think Cleopatra, who could bring Ceasar to his knees with one look.
The Fifth Natural Man Law:
He wants you to know that men are sensitive and they do cry and
they need you to comfort them.
Deep down, just like you, men are sensitive and vulnerable human
beings. Praise and reward him, hug him; if you see even a hint of
sadness, let him have his moment. Men are typically socialized to cry
less than women. So, if he is sad, he may or may not cry, but
certainly, if he is even close, hug him and tell him you love him, and
that it’s okay to let it out. It is important for his unhappy emotions to
be released and expressed. Unfortunately, boys and men are often
humiliated in our culture for being vulnerable. So much so that they
are often left with anger and violence to vent their unhappy emotions.
You are his loving Female authority, and that’s why he needs you,
wants you and loves you. You are the one person in the world, where
he can unconditionally bring his full inner self out into the open, and
you don’t judge him. Let him express his fears or upsets; offer him
compassion and be understanding. If a man had a loving mother, he
received these two important qualities in his childhood, but even if he
did not, and many men did not, remember, it’s still up to you to give
him that compassion and understanding in his adulthood. Remember I
told you that men want a loving Female Led Relationship? So, stop,
breathe and remember; deep down, most men simply want what
women want; to be accepted for who they are; they want love and
positive reinforcement for what they do, and appreciation for what
they are trying to contribute.
 I have been able to help a number of males to come to terms with
their desires, and their natural submissive nature. Likewise, my
knowledge of Female Led Relationships, and its social and sexual
importance, helps me to share with women, why men have these
desires, and how exploring these desires with them in a safe and
sane environment can develop a strong bond of intimacy, between the
Female and her gentleman. I share with women, how domination and
submission and more specifically, Female Led Relationships, can be
liberating for the woman and the man. It will cause a power exchange
within their relationship, and that power exchange will be beneficial for
both parties. It’s what men and women naturally want. Woman is the
mother of man. Man is the child, who seeks to be unconditionally
loved.
Before I began counseling men and before I embraced the Female
Led Relationships lifestyle, I was of the opinion that only a man with a
low self-image or a man that was sexually dysfunctional would desire
to be dominated by a woman.
However, after 15 years of studying and practicing this lifestyle, I
have discovered that these desires are very common and natural
within men. I have concluded that the number one sexual fantasy and
desire among men is to be loved by a female authority figure.
Furthermore, I now understand and have shared with you, the
dynamics of male psychology, about why men desire these things,
where these desires originate from, and how they can fit within one’s
sexuality and personal relationships in a healthy, positive, and loving
way.
 CHAPTER FOUR

Love & Obey Rules

Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You
really have to love yourself to get anything done in this
world.
-Lucille Ball

A happier life with your man becomes easy to achieve once you
see your man as a gentleman, and honor what’s unique about him.
Soon, he will be excited and grateful to you that he can obey and
serve your every need, and you will enjoy the many pleasures of
being his Queen Mother. Now, you’re truly able to appreciate the
differences in the way females and males perceive and interact with
the world. Armed with this knowledge, you can now move into your
rightful position as the leader in your relationship. But you will need to
follow some rules to create a training and de-programming, for you
and your man. These key lessons are my secret weapons in creating
a balance for any female Leader — whether you have lots of
experience or none at all, in a Female Led Relationship. The rules
also help you to sail through the days when challenges pop up, and
there may be a period of disruption, until both you and your man are
accustomed to relating correctly. By following the rules, you will be
able to communicate verbally and instinctively, and understand each
other’s needs.
Love & Obey Rules #1: Be Aware of Your Mother
Energy
Women have the ability to connect to their Mother energy. We
know how powerful Mother Nature is, and it is the same with Mother
energy in women. Energy can affect everything, and it can affect your
relationship, and even your own daily behavior. You want to try to be
balanced as you take your man through the training in the Female Led
Relationship. Mother energy is the deep unconditional love women
can have for their mate and their children. It is this energy which will
be crucial for helping your man feel comfortable, expressing himself in
your new Female Led Relationship. Mother energy is the highest
amount of love energy that a female can give, and this will be
important to show unconditional love, no matter what your man does.
If he fails at first, to attend to your needs, or he becomes
argumentative or angry, you still approach him with all of your Mother
energy –Loving, understanding and with your whole being. Once you
are in your Mother energy, you are better able to be aware of your
communication – verbal and non-verbal. Your man needs lots of
compliments, and loving language. Remember he needs his ego
boosted, to help him feel calm and happy about transitioning into
giving you the reigns to lead the relationship. You can enhance your
own Mother energy with a couple minutes of re-balancing with
meditation or quiet. Take time to re-center your own emotions, so
your energy can be restored. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Your man need lots of energy, along with your kids and other
responsibilities, like aging parents or extended family. So get light
exercise, and add mini stress management strategies, to help to re-
balance your energy. Females are better communicators, so we are
in a much better position to sway discussions and any
disagreements. While this is not strange or wrong, we have a more
advanced intellectual capacity for speech, after all, it is very easy for
us to loose touch with our own Mother Nature Energy, disregarding
the signals we are projecting to the world. However, because of our
dependence on language, we often do pick up on each other’s
energy, as well as we should, and it affects how our message is
perceived. Quite often, I will work with women who are unaware that
they project nervous or weak energy. This can affect your man and
your children, as everyone looks up to you to keep the energy
positive. To be successful as the relationship leader, you need to be
mindful of your Mother energy, and learn to control it, even when you
aren’t feeling particularly calm or assertive. Be aware of the universal
energy of Mother Nature as well. We are the creators of all life, and
all the creative and positive energy of the universe, flows through us.
This energy is the reason men crave for women who carry
themselves as Queens, because they project positive energy, which
helps men to feel confident and calm in the Female Led Relationship.
Here is a quick exercise for you. Take a moment right now, and pay
attention to how you’re feeling emotionally; then notice how you’re
holding your body. Is your chest lifted up, straight back, happy smile,
or do you slouch, look tired, or angry or sullen? We don’t just live with
ourselves, and this was a challenge; to be aware of body language,
our moods, and what we project to our mate. You can go a long way
towards projecting a positive energy by being aware of your posture.
Think of the regal stance of a Queen, and try and maintain this at all
times. Think of how a Queen carries herself, and try to carry yourself
in the same manner. Stand straight, with your head up, shoulders
back, and chest out. Keep both feet flat on the ground. Try to avoid
crossing your arms or shoving your hands in your pockets. Inhale
deeply, and exhale slowly. Stand like this for a few minutes, focus on
your breathing, and try to clear your mind of random thoughts. If it is
safe to do so, close your eyes and concentrate on what you can
smell and hear. You should find yourself calming down naturally. If this
sounds like yoga, it’s because it isn’t that different. Practicing yoga is
a great way to make yourself aware of your natural energy, and
master control over it. I would recommend women take yoga classes,
to learn some basic techniques that they can apply to their role as the
Queen Mother. File away this feeling and the accompanying body
language, and then practice being able to switch into this state
subconsciously, and on demand. In dealing with your man, it is
paramount to understand the importance of projecting unstable
energy. This will always be interpreted by the man as confusing and
upsetting. This is why it is so important to become aware of your own
energy.
Love & Obey Rules #2: Live in the Moment.
One major difference between males and females is that, we are
very good multi-taskers, which means, at any given moment, we are
constantly doing a number of things, at the same time. We tend to
continue to do this in our relationships as well. While we are having
dinner, we may be thinking about work or the children, or a list of
chores we forgot to do. One of the most important things to do, when
transitioning your man into a Female Led Relationship, is to
encourage both of you to be in the moment. As human beings, we get
into the habit of checking our phones at the dinner table, or doing
work before bed, watching TV and looking at our phone, while we are
having a quiet time with our mates. Refrain from this practice, as
much as possible, if you want to strengthen your relationship with
your man. In the beginning, there may be a great need for scheduled
quiet times. During these moments, you are giving 100% of your
attention to your man, and demanding the same from him. Phones
are off, kids are in bed, and there are no chores going on. At this
moment, while you are reading, you may be thinking about dinner, or
a meeting tomorrow, or an event you have to attend. Use this time
and reading this book to train your attention to be 100% on what you
are doing, so this can be extended to your man. You will need to take
the lead to schedule a quiet, one on one time, with him, and you may
need to encourage him to take these moments seriously. This
undivided attention, which you give each other, can make or break
your relationship because it is the time you can re-enforce goals and
important moments, in your relationship. Too often, relationships
begin to suffer when we get so caught up in life’s duties, that we
forget our men. In a Female Led Relationship, the responsibility of
one on one time, will fall squarely on your shoulders but, if you make
it a weekly habit, it will go a long way to strengthening your
relationship.
The one-on-one time can be used for love-making or just doing
something nice, together. The idea of the date; having a date with
your man and practicing your Queen position will be very beneficial in
keeping your relationship strong. Men are more likely to enjoy the
moment because they are not as good at multi-tasking. But it is
important to ensure that you keep your man’s attention on the
relationship and being together in the moment, rather than thinking
about work, or looking at his phone or computer. Living in the moment
also means letting go of the past. Women tend to focus on men’s
behavior in the past. Bringing up past transgressions does not move
your Female Led Relationship forward. Let go of his past mistakes,
and provide loving positive re-enforcement for the future. Refrain from
holding grudges. Remember, you cannot change the past; you can
only accept it.
It will only be a hindrance to the success of your Female Led
Relationship, if you lead while always focusing on the past. There is a
famous saying, “You can’t move forward looking in the rear-view
mirror.” He is more likely to give you the reigns completely, if you
gently nudge him forward. Men, by nature, do not hold grudges, and
they do not tend to dwell on the past. So, use this tendency to
breathe new life, excitement and energy into your relationship, by
focusing on making it stronger, together.
The ability to be fully present in the “now” is a blessing for the
relationship, allowing you and your man to keep moving
forward.
Here is a good exercise. Pause for a second, and think of any
criticisms you may have of your man. Just sit with them for a bit,
then, gently allow them to be released, and replace those thoughts
with the things which make you smile. What does he do to make you
love him so much? Maybe it’s the look, maybe it’s little quirks that he
has. Let them sit with you, and make you happy. This is being
present, and letting go of the past. You are going to be in a much
better place to lead your man in a Female Led Relationship if you are
happier.
Holding on to negative moments and emotions can change the
focus and the energy in your relationship. You want your man to be
happy and contented to allow you to lead, and you show much of
your Queen and Mother energy, by leading him in a positive direction.
This does not mean, forgetting the good times you shared.
Sometimes, it’s nice for couples to remember some of the nice times
they shared, through photos or videos. Just don’t spend every
moment re-living the past. It does not serve the relationship long-
term.
Love & Obey Rules #3: Men Can’t Hide the Truth
 Men really cannot hide the truth, so they will always tell you how
they are feeling. You know, sometimes, he comes home and he has
an uneasy and tensed look on his face. Well, ladies, this is not the
time to bring up the backyard needs to be mowed or there’s a leak in
the roof. As the leader in the Female Led Relationship, it will be up to
you to comfort your man in times when he is down, weakened or
exhausted. You must be attentive to his moods, and try your best to
be comforting and uplifting.
Sometimes, it’s just easier to allow him to get through his mood,
with as little stress as possible. If your man is upset or pensive, allow
him to be in this mood. Draw a nice bath, or cook a nice dinner for
him, then you can take the lead by deciding that you’re just going to
relax and have a glass of wine, or watch a movie, or sit on the sofa
together. If he seems like he’s in an energetic mood, then suggest
going out for a walk together, or go do a workout together.
Sometimes, just being together is enough to give support and
practice being in the driver’s seat but also being aware of his
feelings. Again, women tend to be able to discuss more openly about
what they are thinking and feeling, but this does not happen as readily
with men.
They are more guarded about their feelings, but by observing
behavior and gently nudging him in conversation, you can create an
atmosphere of openness, while leading.
A real life example was when I helped a young lady, who we will
call Ann. She and her boyfriend, Matt (Not his real name), were at my
counseling session because Ann had been complaining that Matt
didn’t like communicating with her. Now, from what I observed, he
was a gentle, highly introverted, quiet and shy guy. Ann, instead of
looking for other means of communicating her feelings, began to
become clingy, in an attempt to keep him close. Matt did not like this
behavior, and usually became nervous around her, and she thought he
could have been cheating on her. The truth behind the situation was
that Ann didn’t trust Matt, and Matt knew it. Now, think for a moment,
would you follow a person you knew didn’t trust you? Ann was too
timid, too fearful, and she was projecting that energy to her man. My
reaction was simple. Ann needed to observe when Matt’s behavior
changed, and she had to understand what she was seeing. She
needed to realize that Matt’s reaction to clinginess had nothing to do
with cheating. Only that, he hated Ann’s reaction. So, by changing her
response to Matt’s natural tendency to “shell up”, I was able to re-
train both Ann and Matt, to understand their tendencies, and how to
change the energy and the behavior so it was much more positive.
Ann had to back off; Matt was feeling constricted, and she needed to
continue to create an energy of openness to allow Matt to relax and
change his behavior. As Matt was able to relax more and understand
Ann’s insecurity, he was in a better frame of mind to calm her down,
and even do something to boost her confidence. So, when Ann
seemed insecure, Matt bought her flowers. When Ann felt clingy, she
was required to go out, and workout for an hour. Within two weeks,
both changed, and the relationship became stronger.
Here is an exercise. Write down a time when you were insecure or
upset with your man. What is he doing specifically, to make you feel
this way? What is your reaction? Now, sit for a few minutes with this,
and analyze if this is an appropriate reaction to what you observe
with your man. What is he doing specifically? Could it mean
something else? Allow whatever upsets you to be released. Know
that there are other explanations; so release the upsetting thoughts,
so you come back to balance. Although this exercise can be
intimidating, the end result will be freedom and release.
Love & Obey Rules #4: Live in Harmony
In order to create a strong successful relationship, you need to
cultivate harmony in daily life. Today, there are so much infringement
into our lives – work, duties, responsibilities, technology, social media
and so much more. As the leaders, we must insist on harmony and
balance. If everyone gets stressed out, it will be up to us to restore
order, and not allow imbalances to continue for too long. The first
thing I teach both men and women is to address any disagreements
and disharmony, head on. Discuss and get pass it. Don’t let
something remain unsaid, hoping it goes away. In my own
relationship, I tend to end the day with a quick exchange of kisses
and discussion. It brought me closer with my man, and I always
reminded him that we don’t go to bed angry or upset. It was difficult
at first, because it felt like a chore, but it went a long way to
maintaining harmony.
Our lives have changed so much; what used to be abnormal is now
perfectly normal. Divorce has become normal with the rate at almost
50%, or all marriages may end in divorce. So, more than ever, we
need real habits in place, to try to keep the relationship strong. What
has not changed is a man’s desire to protect and provide for his
family.
If you want your Female Led Relationship to pan out, and thrive as
a loving relationship with you as the leader, it is important to learn to
never suppress his instincts. Let him have outlets for expressing
them. Let him take care of you and provide for you, whether it’s by
paying the bills or building some shelves. Many men are drawn to
construction projects, because they wish to explore their creativity.
It’s a stress relief from the drudgery of daily life. You have to take
time for yourself, and give him time to explore these interests. When
your man has submitted himself to your leadership, there is great
trust. Never take it for granted or underestimate your power over him.
But respect the position as his Queen and leader.
Love & Obey Rules #5: The head and heart
phenomenon
Earlier, we discussed about how we girls, use speech as a main
form of communication, while our guys may not say much, but are
good with reading the energy we exude. This principle is one major
aspect that we tend to ignore in many of our relationships, with the
male gender as a whole.
Women are naturally more emotionally invested in situations and
scenarios than men are. A man uses his head, “is it logical?” “What
are the benefits?” “Would this be profitable or useful?” Such are the
questions men ask before making decisions. Women think with their
hearts. While this is a trait that has led us to achieve high goals and
surmount great obstacles, it has also dumped us in a lot of trouble. It
can be glaringly clear to everyone around that this girl is being
maltreated by her boyfriend or that he is using her, but she loves him
very much, so all that occurs to her is how to make herself better for
him, instead of just training him to love, respect and obey her.
During your training process with your man, work with logical,
reasonable and direct words, so he can understand and assimilate
what you are teaching him. Don’t involve emotions or gut feelings
during the training, or things will definitely get messy and spiral out of
control.
The easiest trick to achieving success when training a man,
especially one that isn’t yet sure of his natural desire to submit to
your authority or one that is unaware that he is being trained, is to let
him see the logical reason why he should listen to you. If what you
desire does not appeal to the sensible thinking process he has going
on, you would be ignored and your training will backfire.
Love & Obey Rules #6: Understand Your Man’s Natural
Relationship Position.
There are two worlds- the outside world and your relationship
world with your man. In the outside world, your man can be the
originators of ideas, the one who leads everyone at the office,
rescues people from the storm, the bread winner, and all that. In the
world of your relationship, you’re the boss. No matter how powerful
and successful a man is in this outer world, he subconsciously and
naturally desires to submit to your loving female authority, as his
Queen Mother. Never try to change his leadership role in the world or
his submissive role in your relationship. Even the CEOs of the Fortune
500 companies say, “Let me check with the misses about this
weekend and see if it’s okay.” Harness the difference of these two
worlds, and make it work in your favor from both sides.
I had a friend, who had a relationship with an outwardly
domineering man. He had the kind of presence that just called people
to follow him, and he just exuded competence. It took me awhile to
discover that she was in a Female Led Relationship with him. When I
found out, I started observing them, and asking her questions. She
explained to me that in the beginning, she would just give
suggestions, and let him feel like he came up with an idea, until she
gradually trained him to the point where she could correct him openly,
without him feeling offended or feeling hurt. “He needs me to guide
him,” she told me one day. ”He knows he is lost without me.” Even
when he leads in sexual activities, I guide him; I trained him to pay
attention to my cues, in and out of the bedroom. Whether it’s a soft
moan that encourages him to continue what he is doing or an outright
command to stop. You must always be working with his basic
instincts; you should never forget this. Teach him how to take care of
you in the language he understands. Anything else will most likely,
break him or drive him away from you, and this is exactly the
opposite of your aim. In this loving Female Led Relationship that
you’re making, sometimes, the key to leading it is to appear to follow
in the beginning. In time, you both will know who rules the roost.
 CHAPTER FIVE

Female Relationship Leader is The Natural Evolution

Leadership is hard to define, and good leadership even
harder, but if you can get people to follow you to the ends
of the earth, you are a great leader.
–Indra Nooyi

Since the beginning of time, women have always run the show in the
relationship. So, a Female Led Relationship is a logical evolution.
Let’s look to the bible, to the very first relationship between the first
man and woman - Adam and Eve. In the story, the serpent gives the
apple to the woman because it knew that the woman was the more
influential of the two. And Eve was successful in convincing Adam to
taste the fruit, despite the fact that God gave him explicit instructions
to not eat the fruit. Adam still succumbed to his wife, Eve’s
suggestion. There has long been a stigma with married men that they
are “pussy whipped” or “hen pecked,” meaning they are controlled by
their women. But, the fact is that women have more power in the
world and at home, than they realize.
Thanks to feminism, the modern woman has risen up, holding very
high executive positions, being leaders, running fortune 500
companies, earning millions, running countries, all the while, being
mothers and wives and running households. The idea of the
“supermom” has been coined to be the woman who, like a superhero,
is capable of doing it all. In the fascinating way evolution works, once
the women of the world made up their minds to be better, they began
to out-shine the men in several fields. The Flynn effect is the
substantial and long-sustained increase in IQ test scores measured in
many parts of the world, from roughly 1930 to the present day.
However, when new test subjects take older IQ tests, in almost every
case, their average scores are significantly higher than they were in
that original time period. An IQ expert, James Flynn, believes the
increasing rate of technology has stimulated our brains to work
better. “The complexity of the modern world is making our brains
adapt, and raising our IQ, but the facts are that women’s IQ’s have
risen faster. According to Flynn, women have surpassed men on IQ
tests in several countries including the US, Canada, New Zealand,
and throughout Europe. In the US, about 60% of college graduates
are women, and they are less likely to drop out than their male
counterparts. In the 1980s, a woman, Marilyn Vos Savant, had the
amazingly high IQ score of 228, according to the Guinness book of
World Records.
More often than not, historically, we have seen men as smarter and
physically stronger than women. But here are some studies that will
make you reconsider those stereotypes you grew up to believe. Both
science and math are considered subjects in which males are
expected to perform better, due to the higher enrollment of boys to
classes like engineering, chemistry, and quantum mechanics.
However, girls get overall higher grades in school, making them
better than boys in science, even if they are not comfortable with the
subject.
From kindergarten, girls show more self-regulation, than boys.
They tend to follow rules, pay attention to specific instructions and
details, as well as display an overall sense of self- pleasure by
working through long term assignments, despite boredom and
frustration. Girls are also, more likely to choose their homework
before indulging in relaxing activities, like watching TV, reading or
surfing the internet. Women are not equal to men; they are superior in
many ways, and in most ways that will count in the future. It is not
just a matter of culture or upbringing. It is a matter of chromosomes,
genes, hormones, and nerve circuits. It is not mainly because of how
experience shapes women, but because of intrinsic differences in the
body and the brain. In the 1960s, professional schools had a handful
of women in a class of a hundred. Today, they are approaching half
of all the students at medical and law schools. More than 40 percent
of students entering M.B.A. programs—the pool of future CEOs—are
women. Yes, there are glass ceilings, but they are slowly being
broken. Women make up 33 percent of federal district-court judges,
almost 35 percent of federal appeals-court judges, and one-third of
the U.S. Supreme Court. I’ve been noticing news items lately, about
how women are gaining in many ways. They now represent a
majority of U.S. college students, and 60% of all graduate students.
Their income levels are rising, although they still don’t have parity with
men. They are far less involved in violent crimes, and crimes of all
sorts. They are safer drivers. A child in a single-parent home is likely
to be better off, if the parent is a woman. In the U.S., the odds are
that 80% of the single parents will be women; having given birth, they
stick around to raise children, while men are more likely to be
missing. This role of raising our children has led young boys to look to
the Mother more than the Father in modern society, and it is leading
the way to the social change we are experiencing in the world. This
dominance, at home and in the classroom by females, is starting to
translate into dominance in the workforce, in business and in politics.
As women start to excel and become dominant in the workplace
and in the business world, this is causing women to exert even more
dominance within their personal relationships with men. Whereas,
wives have always dominated their men behind closed doors in a
subtle manner, now they are dominating their men more openly. They
are taking charge of the bedroom, as they are becoming the initiators
of sex. In Female Led Relationships, the emphasis is always on the
women’s pleasure, and the man is always trained to focus on her
needs. Interestingly, the sex life in a Female Led Relationship is
always highly rated by couples, and considered more intense and
fulfilling for both partners. When a man focuses on the woman’s
pleasure, she is completely satisfied and in turn, allows the man to
have his pleasure. This is so much different from relationships where
men care only about their own pleasure, and the woman’s pleasure is
secondary.
You’ve heard of women faking orgasms, just to get through sex;
this is one of the most destructive practices as at some point, enough
resentment builds up, leaving both women and men feeling
unsatisfied. As women exert more dominance in all areas of life,
men’s submissive natures are stirring, and men are desiring to be
dominated in all areas of their lives by the female gender. Modern
man is more eager than ever, to submit to a loving female Authority.
Some women are still restrained by traditions and societal
expectations. Women naturally dominate men within the relationship,
but not many women like to acknowledge that fact for fear of being
societal outcasts. Some women still allow their men to appear as the
“in-charge” and dominant partner, in order to conform to the model of
what they witnessed from their parents. The female dominant nature
still lies dormant in many women, and it often takes a male’s
submissive nature to draw it out. But as women become more
successful and more aggressive in the classroom and in the business
world, women are more readily embracing their dominant persona,
and will gladly accept and even demand their male partner’s
submission. In my opinion, the couples that practice Female Led
Relationships today, are in front of the societal curve. Female Led
Relationships and male submission will be the foremost and normal
sexuality of the future. I believe that a majority of women, who still
consider it kinky and unusual today, will embrace this relationship in
the not too distant future. Furthermore, their daughters will see the
Mothers leading the household, and they will be stretching the
acceptable limits and boundaries of Female Led Relationships in
areas that we cannot imagine today.
According to researcher Israel Abramov of University of New York,
women have a much more finely tuned ability to see slight variations
in color than men do—which is why no straight man knows what
“mauve” or “taupe” are, but all women do. Women also have a
superior sense of hearing, and can distinguish between different
scents, far better than men can. These very specific, detailed, finely
tuned senses, along with “women’s intuition”, I believe this makes
women better able to sense changes and adapt faster.
I am impressed with how confident and aggressive the younger
women are today, compared to even 20 years ago. Women are
running their own companies, moving up the corporate ladder faster,
and breaking into positions, like President or Prime Minister, more
than was ever done in history. The emergence of females in sports,
where women were not allowed to compete, is another great
indication of the power of women, and how it’s increasing. Ivanka
Trump believes a great part of her father’s success on the ability to
appeal to career minded modern woman. A hundred years ago,
things were much different, where women were not even allowed to
vote. It is this ability to evolve fast. I believe that gives women a
tremendous advantage to take the lead in their relationships. There
are so many examples of women in the highest positions of office
today, when not too long ago, they were not even able to vote. The
close race between President Trump and Hilary Clinton showed that
North America is ready to be led by a woman. Many other countries
are run by women, including, Germany, Denmark and Norway. Many
women run large silicon valley companies, and have spearhead
industries into new frontiers with their genius. I suspect that in the
future, women will be running the world. The societal evolution that is
taking place cannot be stopped. Men are sensing this change, and
many are happy to step into the submissive role. The International
Journal of Business Governance and Ethics, published a research
concluding that female led companies are more successful than the
ones led by males. A Pew Research poll found that the public agrees
—women make fairer, more compassionate, and more trustworthy
leaders than men do. Over the 20 years surveyed, women in
Congress introduce more bills, attract more co-sponsors and bring
home, more money for their districts than their male counterparts on
average. Women are intuitive, and better able to understand
emotions and body language, making them rational thinkers and team
coordinators.
Of course the desire for Female Led Relationships is nothing new.
The book, “Venus in Furs” by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch, was
written over 130 years ago. It is about a man with strong submissive
fantasies. He worships the Goddess Venus, and he pursues his
fantasies when he meets a wealthy woman named Wanda, with
whom he starts a romance. Some have credited “Venus in Furs” with
propelling Female Led Relationships into the mainstream of the
society, more than 130 years ago. So, we are on the cusp of this
relationship trend, but it is not a new idea. But, I believe with the
evolution of women and their current roles in the society, the Female
Led Relationship is ripe to explode into the society.
Female Led Relationships Is not BDSM
It is important to emphasize that Female Led Relationships is not
BDSM. Hollywood and news media sensationalism, enjoy grouping
dominant strong women into the BDSM world. Where one is
entertainment focused solely on a man’s desire to be humiliated by
his “dominatrix”, this still places the male in the spotlight. Female led
is a female power position in the relationship. It’s about the female’s
needs first. It has nothing to do with whipping or humiliation. BDSM
has very little to do with a healthy relationship between men and
women. It’s much more of a perversion, and it should be avoided if
you want to create a successful Female Led Relationship. Female
Led Relationship uses Mother energy. BDSM is demeaning,
perverted and even though it appears the woman is in a power
position in BDSM because she is the dominant, she is actually
submitting to a male, who just wants his own desires for pain and
perversion to be satisfied.
BDSM is not the subject of this book, but, it is important that both
you and your man understand that, creating a loving open Female
Led Relationship does not involve humiliation or suppression or
tearing down of your man. As mentioned before, in BDSM, women
are not acting from a place of power because they are acting out a
man’s fantasy. This is the opposite of true power, where your man is
actually serving you and happy to do so. Now, there can be
opportunities where a woman chooses to dominate her man sexually,
and her man wants to be submissive, but this still begins with your
desire in a loving exchange with your man.
Different Types of Female Led Relationships
All Female Led Relationships are not the same. Some are just
restricted to what happens during love-making, others become an
entire lifestyle. You are free to create any type of relationship you
desire. If you prefer to keep it confined to the bedroom to spice up
love-making, that’s perfectly acceptable. But the real power and
evolution of the relationship occurs when it becomes a lifestyle. Your
man will enjoy serving your needs all day. He’ll open doors for you,
bring you your slippers, give you a mini neck massage, and wait for
you to initiate love-making. He would make you your coffee, or serve
you your breakfast. I had the experience in my own relationship,
when I was once traveling on a business trip and returning, and my
man showed up at the airport with flowers; he took me home and
surprised me, having re-decorated our room into a queen’s palace,
complete with satin sheets and Egyptian cotton robe. This was just
one example of how he wanted to incorporate treating me as a
pampered Queen. Another example is when we go to fairs, or
festivals, he returns with a secret gift, which he picked up for me. It’s
the focus; always on my needs, which defines this relationship. But,
we both enjoyed the Female Led Relationship. It has created a whole
new world of exploring in our relationship; keeping the spice alive and
creating fun. Again, that’s what’s great about the Female Led
Relationship- it can be incorporated just creating more intimate times,
or little treats like a spontaneous foot or neck rub. The whole point is
to create a relationship that both you and your man will enjoy.
Some of my friends have a set aside one night out, where they will
go to a restaurant or take a weekend off, away from the kids, to be
with their partner. I suggest even having an hour every 2 days, where
it’s parent’s hour. There is less stress to take an entire day off, but
allows you and your spouse or boyfriend to connect in a meaningful
way, without interruption. In addition, encouraging little practices, like
allowing my man to be the gentleman, opening doors and allowing me
to enter first, made him feel more masculine. Though I was the leader
in the relationship, he still felt empowered in his role as my man and
protector.
The most important part of the successful Female Led
Relationship, or any relationship, requires trust and honesty. When a
man trusts his woman enough to open up to her about his deepest,
most hidden natural desires, this sets the stage for intimacy on a
more meaningful level. The sad fact is that, many men must keep
their innermost desires, hidden. But for those couples who dare to be
uninhibited about their desires, they open themselves up to a special
kind of intimacy. The man who trusts his woman enough to submit his
entire being to her will, bonds with his woman on a level that few men
have experienced. Likewise, when the woman is trustworthy enough
to rule her man with love, this causes them to bond together in a way
that most traditional relationships cannot enjoy. To these couples, this
relationship is more than sexual. It is spiritual.
Female Led in Media
I believe that the society is evolving into a female led society.
Women are beginning to take charge on a social and globally
emotional level. Hollywood and Madison Avenue are capitalizing on
the ever-growing male submissive nature, as movies, television, and
advertising are celebrating the powerful woman. Although the real
strength of a woman is in her intellectual, social and sexual power, it
is easier to show female power via physical strength. Thus, movies
like Wonder Woman, Resident Evil and Atomic Blonde, and TV shows
such as “Super Girl”, “Dark Angel” and “Alias” are popular and
thriving. Men are yielding to the intellectual, social and sexual power
in women, and this causes them to desire to be conquered in the
physical by the Female as well. This is where a lot of the female
wresting fantasies that men have originate from. It is also why
Hollywood and television have capitalized on this “desire to
experience the powerful female” theme in so many productions. Many
of the directors for these movies are men and so, they find it difficult
to showcase what it is that is the inner power of a woman; so they
express it by showing the women as having physical or super power.
When a woman kicks a man around on television or in the movies,
chances are the male viewers are sexually turned on. This is because
this act represents the power of the female, and men want to submit
to it. Just look at some popular movies that made it big in the box
office; “Cat Woman” “Snow White and the Huntsmen”, “Charlie’s
Angels”, Terminator 3”, “The Matrix Reloaded”, “Dare devil” and “Lara
Croft, Tomb Raider.” All of these films have strong, leather wearing
female characters, with scenes where they physically beat up men.
Men know that the real power of women is sexual and intellectual, but
movies and television simplify it into the physical displays of violence.
The one movie that I believe is a masterpiece and truly captures
the sexual power of a woman is “Basic Instinct.” The Sharon Stone
character, Catherine Tramell, dominated the so-called intelligent men
in the movie by using her sexual power, combined with her sharp
intellect. The director, Paul Verhoeven, was successful in showing the
sexual power of women over men, through her character. Remove
the psychotic and Hitchcock-like thriller aspects, and “Basic Instinct”
is a movie about a dominant woman, who has her way with the
weaker male gender.
Unfortunately, Hollywood rarely takes the time to develop this
aspect of a woman’s nature and will instead, revert to only the
physical when they want to show a powerful woman. A number of
men went to see the leather wearing, whip wielding Halle Berry as
Cat Woman. Too bad, the producers and writers did not recognize
the full potential of the movie and consequently, did not truly develop
Cat Woman’s sexual power.
The Cat Woman character in the 1960’s, “Batman” television
program played an important role in taking Female Led Relationships
into the mainstream. “Cat Woman” was a major influence in igniting
the submissive nature within boys, as well as, within grown men.
When I counsel or interview men, it never ceases to amaze me how
many of them will point to two female television characters from the
1960’s, when describing their earliest recollection of having
submissive desires. They point to Julie Newman as Cat Woman, and
Diana Rigg as the leather wearing Emma Peel of “The Avengers.”
Both of these women were dominant, they wore dominating leather
clothing, and they radiated with a dominant female sexuality. “Cat
Woman” left a lasting impression on the sexuality of many men, as
they would watch Batman or better yet, boyish Robin, being tied up
and teased by the leather clad and sexy female. The psychological
and sociological symbolism of such a scene was very profound, as it
portrayed how a powerful woman renders men weak and helpless. It
was a fantasy that males could identify with because such scenes
stirred their naturally submissive nature.
The male desire for Female Led Relationships is evident throughout
Pop Culture, and the smart female knows how to capitalize. Taylor
Swift, Queen B and Madonna, have been able to combine music,
sexuality and female power into Pop Culture empires. Their popularity
and fan following rivals that of the Beatles and Elvis. Madonna’s
music and music videos portray an aggressive, sexual and strong
woman. Much like Pop Culture itself, Madonna has evolved from
being suggestive about female Dominance (Blonde Ambition) to
openly portraying female domination in her music and videos
(Erotica).
Shania Twain is another Pop Culture Diva, who has successfully
combined her music with a public image that depicts female
dominance and power. Although her music is of the traditionally more
conservative country variety, Shania is not unaccustomed to posing in
provocative female domination style clothing in her videos or while on
stage (including in front of a worldwide audience during the Super
Bowl), and many of her songs celebrate the strong woman. The
music of Shania appeals to a totally different audience than that of
Madonna, but both of these women have ascended to the top of their
extremely competitive industry by appealing to man’s desire for
female dominance. While both women are very talented from an
artistic standpoint, what has brought them success beyond
imagination is the dominant and sexual aura they portray. The sexual,
powerful female captivates men, and Pop Culture in the new
Millennium is not shy about promoting the dominant female, or
capitalizing on the submissive nature of man.
Here in the new Millennium, the battle of the sexes is over, but
women never viewed it as a battle. Women are no longer deceived
into being submissive.
They are assuming their true natures. Men are moving into
secondary as they watch their women take over. Nevertheless, it still
often takes a submissive man to support the dominant woman. We
need it. I have had witnesses that accept their inner fantasies of their
women in-charge; it changes the dynamic of the relationship fast.
Women are accustomed to taking charge now, in their careers, and in
the household. They can instinctively, naturally take over in the
bedroom. I think when we sense the submissive energy of our men,
we react subconsciously to it.
The male Love & Obey zone is a tranquil, and somewhat a hypnotic
state that comes from the absolute surrender of the human’s will. The
male Love & Obey zone is obtained within males, when they
surrender their will and their power over to a female. When a woman
dominates a man mentally and emotionally, there is an energy and a
power that she releases. This energy demands and desires
submission from the man. When a man surrenders to this power
coming from the female, he enters into the Love & Obey zone. As he
lets go and yields himself to the woman, he disarms his conscience
guard, and he allows his submissive nature to be released. This
causes him to enter into that tranquil and near hypnotic state. Once a
man enters the Love & Obey zone, he typically never wants to leave
it. In addition, the sex he experiences in it is almost always described
as the best he ever had.
The male Love & Obey zone is a place of absolute surrender,
where the female rules supreme. It is a magical place within the
psyche of a man, where he worships a woman with his spirit. It is
powerful and it is beautiful. Only a man who surrenders his will to a
woman and enters the Love & Obey zone, can fully see a woman in
all her beauty and glory.
One woman told me, “After I’ve pleasured my man, or allowed him
to pleasure me, he kind of lays there, he tilts his head to the side, he
gets a grin on his face, and his eyes kind of get glazed over.” Her
man had entered the Love & Obey zone. That look she was referring
to is the look of tranquility, contentment, submission, and genuine
love. That look is what the Female Led Relationship lifestyle is all
about. By dominating and disciplining her man, she struck a chord
within him. The Love & Obey male desires to be dominated and
pleasured by a woman. Most men long for this inside, and spend a
good portion of their lives searching for this void to be filled within
them. Once they experience the strong yet, loving hand of a dominant
female whom they trust and love, it fulfills them and it brings to them,
tranquility and contentment. Her man had achieved a deep Love &
Obey zone experience.
If all women could see that look on their man’s face or feel that
kind of intimacy, they would flock to this lifestyle. Unfortunately, many
women just see Hollywood and the media’s leather outfits, the whips,
and the techniques that dominant women in music videos and movies
used to get their men into that magical state of deep submission, and
they think that this lifestyle is “strange” or “bizarre.”
If they would only look past the superficial Hollywood portrayal of
dominant women, and see the intellectual and emotional techniques
that female Leaders utilize, and if they would instead, focus on the
results that they bring, if only they would realize that there are
different aspects and methods for participating in this female led way
of life, then I believe that most women would openly embrace the
Female Led Relationship lifestyle. We want to connect with our man
in a way that goes all the way to our souls. We females in general,
desire this level of “spiritual” intimacy with our men. If they would only
understand that most men need to be dominated, pleasured, and
controlled by a woman in order to have peace within themselves, then
I am convinced the majority of women would assume their proper
place, which is to be the female Leader.
Female Led Relationships are still a minority lifestyle between
couples. Hollywood films about it, music videos and pornography on
the internet all thrive in our society because the majority of submissive
men still must seek out female Led experiences outside of his home.
Many men are eager to surrender themselves over to their wives, but
they hesitate because they fear their wives might think this desire
they have is bizarre, not manly, and refuse to participate with them.
The biggest obstacle to a Female Led Relationship is still the
reluctance of the female to take charge. This just goes to show how
successful our male dominated patriarchal society has been in making
women feel inferior to men. As women, we have been programmed,
since childhood, that the man should be the dominant partner in a
relationship and society. It is never easy to overcome a thousand
years of our traditions. Women still struggle with the thought that a
Female Led Relationship is “weird or abnormal.”
The first time I was exposed to this lifestyle, I thought it to be
strange and even perverted. I went into it, viewing these people as
being sexually dysfunctional. However, I soon learned that most of
these people were healthy and normal. They were people from all
walks of life, religious backgrounds, and professions, that were
members of the Female Led parties and groups I attended. Now, I
will confess that there are extremes that people go to with BDSM
that are not healthy, but that is the same with all things. Eating is not
a negative habit, but when taken to extremes, it can be unhealthy.
The same goes for a person’s sexuality. From my years of studying
and living this Female Led Relationship lifestyle, I can tell you that the
desire of a man to submit to a woman is not perverted. It is natural.
As a matter of fact, it is very common among men. I believe it is the
number one sexual desire among men living in our society today.
Perversion is defined as that which is outside the sexual normal.
Female domination and male submission are very much within the
norm of people’s intellectual, emotional and sexual desires.
What women must keep in mind about Female Led Relationships is
the fact that, men need it as much as they do, maybe, more. It is
almost always the man who will introduce the Female Led
Relationship lifestyle to the woman. A courageous man, with
submissive desires, is usually the catalyst to introduce a Female Led
Relationships to his Female partner. Why do men do this? It’s
because men desire and need to be in submission to women. No
matter how hard the society or religion tries to tell men differently, a
deep natural desire and basic instinct inside of them yearns to
surrender to a powerful woman. These desires grow stronger with
age, and men will spend countless hours, dreaming and fantasizing
about Female Led Relationships. Men will pursue these desires, and
struggle with these desires, trying to come to terms with them but
sadly, a man will not come to terms with these desires until he truly
has a relationship with a woman that can explore these desires with
him in a loving manner.
The other side of this dynamic is that, women, who embrace the
dominant role and who allow their dominant nature to come out, end
up absolutely loving this lifestyle. It never ceases to amaze me how
many women, who once were really hesitant about being dominant,
end up loving it so much that they later say that they would never go
back to being in submission to a man, or only having vanilla “male led”
sex with a man. This lifestyle is liberating to women, and it is also
liberating for men, as they can now fulfill that natural yearning within
them.
The number of couples who practice the Female Led Relationships
lifestyle, has exploded over the past twenty years. Most of these
couples keep it private, but I can testify from the number of letters I
receive, that Female Led Relationships are on the rise in our society.
It may not enjoy a plurality yet, but one only needs to look at the
trends and the societal evolution that is taking place to see what is
transpiring. As women continue to become dominant in college, in
business and in politics as the leaders of nations, more women will
naturally take the dominant role in their relationships. This is great
news for the submissive male and Females around the world.
As far as the Hollywood BDSM fantasies go, it depends on each
woman and on each relationship. A Female Led Relationships can
take on, many forms. Lots of dominant women do enjoy the whole
leather and Hollywood BDSM style, and flare in their lifestyle, and do
use these tools in the training and “the disciplining” of their men, as
well as, adding fun and excitement to their sex lives. Other women
enjoy a softer Female Led Relationship, as they prefer an intellectual
and emotional type of pleasure and training, of their men. Still, other
women love to be the dominant partner and love to rule the
relationship, but they do not like to incorporate much sex into it. Some
women are Queen Mothers, while other women see themselves as
feminists, and others see themselves as equals with men, while still
holding on to the secret belief that the woman needs to lead the man.
As I mentioned, I am opposed to the dark side of BDSM. I do not
believe that men should be humiliated, feminized, or treated with
cruelty of any sort, physically or emotionally. However, some
playfulness with costumes, and this sort of fun side of the Hollywood
and music video portrayal and costumes, can be spicy at times.
The most important thing is that, each couple must keep the lines
of communication open, as honesty and openness are crucial in any
relationship. A woman has to be open minded to explore new things,
as her partner shares with her, his deepest desires to submit. It is all
about negotiation and fulfillment. I ask women, what touches his
submissive nature? Does he view you as his Queen? If so, then
behave like a Queen. Does he view you as his super hero chick?
Does he crave a Goddess to worship? Does he enjoy the helpless
feeling of being under your control? I tell women to find out what stirs
her man’s submission and then, do these things to him. A smart
woman will take a man’s submission, and channel it into his service of
her. A shrewd woman will have a life of unending pleasure, if she
channels her man’s submissive tendencies intelligently. A wise woman
will use her dominance to draw out more of her man’s submission and
then, use that submission to get her needs met and fulfilled in every
way.
I like to equate the Female Led Relationship to a dance. The man
seduces the female’s dominant nature with his submissive nature. She
then, begins to draw out more of his submissive nature with her
dominant nature, which draws out even more of her dominance, which
draws out more of his submission, and so on. This dynamic works
much like a magnetic force, with two opposites attracting. The
Female’s dominance feeds off of the man’s submission, and his
submission feeds off of her dominance. One needs the other to thrive
and to grow. It is similar to how the plant world and the animal world
function, with the plants giving us the oxygen we need and we in
return, give the plants the carbon dioxide they need. As we breathe in
their gift, we give them our gift, as we exhale. So, it is with
dominance and submission. The Female Leader gives the male what
he needs by dominating him, and the male gives her his gift by
submitting to her, and treating her like his Queen.
 Most women want to have a man that loves, honors, worships, and
obeys her. Young girls dream about Prince Charming, who comes
along and treats her like a Queen. What woman wouldn’t want a man
to focus all his energy and his attention on her all of the time? A man
that would pamper her, give her foot and body massages, and who
would get more pleasure out of pleasuring her, than receiving
pleasure himself. How about a man that would do whatever you tell
him to do, without arguing or complaining? A man that would not only
do all of his chores, like cutting the grass and washing the cars, but
would also do some housework, the laundry, the grocery shopping, or
even the cooking. How about a man that would wine and dine her,
and shower her with gifts? What woman would not want a man that
would love her with all of his heart, and who would view her as his
earthly Goddess? When we read novels, we desire to have the men
we see in those books; loving, attentive, caring and absolutely
miserable, when we aren’t happy. The dominant female lives this
dream because she has learned how to motivate her man to serve
her needs, by meeting his need to be dominated.
This lifestyle is a large umbrella that encompasses a wide variety
of lifestyles and activities. The common denominator is that, the
woman is the dominant partner. A Female Led Relationship is
important because, while it is a desire that primarily expresses itself
in a woman’s sexuality, it reflects the core desire within the male
gender. It is that male’s desire for loving female authority that
ultimately empowers women, one relationship at a time.
The Making of a Relationship Leader
I like to define a relationship leader as a loving authority; someone
who is in charge of the entire activities and people in a specific place;
in this case, the relationship. The leader does not need to be feared
or despised; in fact, that makes the people following you unwilling to
obey. And as we have emphasized, the relationship is between two
consenting adults. The journey to becoming the best relationship
leader you can possibly become is different for everyone. It might
take many years for some, or be just a breeze for others. The key to
beginning this journey, however, is to realize the need for you to be a
relationship leader, and your man to be your obedient and loving
gentleman. You can know this once you fully realize who your man is,
and what he needs from you. The Natural Man Laws and the Love &
Obey Rules are what will guide you on your journey. Here are a
couple of techniques that will help transform you into the relationship
leader you need to become:
The Female Leadership Craft #1:
Project Calm, Assertive Energy.
You’re seeing this and thinking, “Oh, this again!” Yes, we have
mentioned it several times, but this is because it cannot be
overemphasized. The natural submissive state in a man comes out
when there is a calm assertive female around. When you project
confident positive energy, he is willing to obey, because you seem
sure of what you are asking him to do.
In a relationship where the man is submissive and the woman is not
dominant, the man will try to fill the void by trying to become the
relationship leader. This of cause, is a recipe for disaster. He does
not know the first thing about being a good leader; so he is nervous.
He will then, try to mask this nervousness by becoming aggressive
and lashing out. This is how many females begin to experience
domestic violence in their homes. When loving and nurturing women
lead and obedient gentlemen follow, there are no domestic violence
issues.
THE CRAFT IN ACTION
How to Change Your Energy
As I’ve said, your energy will determine how your man sees you in
your role as a Relationship Leader. All your energy—good and bad—
is a reflection of your state of body, mind, and intention. Calm,
assertive energy, for instance, reveals itself with a confident
demeanor, straight shoulders, a deliberate gait, and the clear-
sightedness that comes from knowing exactly what you want from
this moment. If you want to be a Queen, you must present yourself
with the regal poise of a Queen. The following exercises will help you
identify your current energy and the energy of those around you, by
focusing on two opposing states: positive and negative.
Identifying Positive Energy
It helps to have a partner or a mirror for this exercise:

1. Standing in front of a trusted friend (or mirror), think about a time

when you have felt truly positive about life. Picture yourself at a
happy, expansive moment, and channel that energy. Close your
eyes if it helps. For a minute or two, do your best to put yourself
back in that positive state of mind.
2. Adjust your body to match your “positive state of mind.” Notice
what’s happening to your arms, chest, shoulders, and facial
expression. How are you breathing?
3. If you’re with someone, ask that person to mirror any changes he
or she notices. Like I’ve said, energy is contagious, and
influences those around you. Ask that person to demonstrate to
you, the way your body changed as you filled yourself with
positive thoughts.
4. Being aware of your energy is the first step toward changing it.
In the hours or days after this exercise, try to replicate the
positive energy state you created. Even if you are not feeling
good, adjusting your body and mind in a positive direction can
have a powerful impact on the energy you convey to the world,
and to your man. Think about a Queen; even when the kingdom
is in turmoil, a great Queen will project confidence, and lead her
royal subject with a calm authority.

Identifying Negative Energy

Do this exercise with a partner, or in front of a mirror:

1. Picture yourself at a time when you were feeling down, angry, or

frustrated. For a minute or two, put yourself in that negative
state of mind.
 2. Adjust your body to match the negative state of mind. Notice
what’s happening to your arms, chest, shoulders, and facial
expression. How has your breathing changed?
3. If you’re with someone, ask that person to mirror any changes he
or she notices in your body language. Negative energy is just as
contagious as positive energy, and influences those around you.
Ask that person to show you the way your body and energy
changed, as you filled your head with negative thoughts and fear
or anxiety.
4. Take a deep breath, and return to the positive state from the first
part of the exercise. For a minute or two, bring your mind back
to that happy, powerful, inspired state. Notice how much control
you have over your positive and negative states of mind.

You may try repeating these exercises with your man near you, to
see what kind of reaction occurs with your man. How does he act
when your energy changes? You can also practice with your children.
Once you understand how you are directly affecting others, you will
become more conscious of your own energy, and how it can influence
your man.
The Female Leadership Craft #2:
Find your balance of discipline, “love and affection”
The ability to strike a balance between these two aspects of your
relationship is very important if your goal is having a relationship with
a properly trained, well balanced gentleman. Some of you will cringe
at the sight of the word, discipline. This is because in your minds, you
have associated the word with punishment or cruelty. Disciplining a
person can be achieved with love and affection, even if the discipline
sounds stern or strict on the surface. Look at a well-trained army unit
for example, when you see them, they project unity, they work like a
well-oiled machine. They all know the rules, and behave accordingly.
You don’t think they are “being treated cruelly;” you think they are
disciplined. The Leader of an army unit may be tough and strict, but
he is doing it to protect and save the lives of his men on the battle
field. He is acting from a place of love and affection. This is because
they have been trained to follow a fundamental set of rules. Such is
the goal of having discipline in your relationship. When you go out and
he opens doors for you, pulls out your chair and behaves like an all-
round gentleman, you nod in appreciation to him and at home, you
read each other’s cues; you become a well-oiled relationship
machine. He knows the rules, and he obeys them. Everybody that
sees you together begins to admire your special connection.
The Female Leadership Craft #3:
Establish Your Rules and Always Enforce Them.
Every organized social unit, whether it’s military or not, needs
proper, clear-cut rules. Of course, where there are rules, there must
be an enforcer; someone who makes sure the rules are followed. In
the Female Led Relationship this has to be you. You will need to be a
leader, not a dictator. Allow him to make contributions to your
relationship rules. This will help him to be more willing to follow them.
Now, remember, the first quality of an enforcer is that you must also
follow the rules. If you are breaking the rules and expecting him to
follow them, he will not take Female Led Relationship training
seriously. You will need to reward his obedience. When he does even
little tasks, like running you a bath, massaging your feet, cooking, or
buying you feminine products, offer him something in return – he can
go out and hang-out with his friends, or let him go to his favorite
basketball of NFL game, or surprise him with tickets to his favorite
concert. You want to motivate him to do more and more everyday, to
please you. If your man initiates sex, as men will often do, you must
do your best to respond positively. Men are very sensitive to women
and their willingness to engage in sex. In some cases, it will be up to
you to initiate as well. But use it as a moment to have your partner
relax and pamper you.
The Female Leadership Craft #4:
Be a Good Leader and Give Him Attention
I remember at the end of one of my longer relationships, my
partner indicated that I was not present in the relationship. He felt
that I left him alone. I learned, even back then, the importance of not
giving the impression that you are not interested. Men need constant
attention. Couples that play together, stay together. Go out, work out,
go camping on weekends, cook, laugh, and sleep together. These
may seem unimportant, but the time you spend together makes all
the difference. You want to grow and evolve together? Make every
experience an opportunity to learn about your man. I often ask mini
questions of women in long term relationships about their men. I was
always surprised to see how many women were unaware of basic
facts about their men. What’s his favorite place to visit ? What would
he rather be doing if he did not have to work ? What’s the one sexual
act he’s always wanted to try? Often, women know a lot of facts like
his shirt size, shoe size, his favorite foods. But often, they had no
idea about inner hidden desires, or fantasies. Ladies, it is your
responsibility to know and fulfill your man’s fantasies. So you need to
shower him with attention, and continue to know everything about
him. He’s your life partner. A good Queen must always know his
faithful subject. When you know what makes him tick, you can begin
to work on him, reward him, so he never has to go elsewhere to be
fulfilled. Put your attention on him, but do not smother him. On the flip
side, don’t be jealous or too clingy. Don’t be confrontational, like
questioning his whereabouts or what he did that day. Attention will be
welcomed, but clingy criticism will only upset him.
The Female Leadership Craft #5:
Read Your Man’s Body Language.
Previously, we learned that we need to be mindful of our energy;
now, we need to be mindful of our man’s body language, as well as,
energy. Be aware of it, as it will tell you a lot about what he is feeling
inside. The first thing to note is that, a man behaves completely
different from a woman. A man will not tell you things he is feeling
inside. You have to read it from his behavior. Be sensitive if his
energy is low. You do not want him to be over worked or exhausted.
They are not great at handling stress like we are, and he is not able
to approach the relationship with enthusiasm if his energy is low. At
times like these, he needs a break. Adjust his nutrition. Make him
smoothies, with fresh fruit and vegetables, or encourage him to
increase his hydration. You have the responsibility of deciding what
the family is consuming. So, if your man seems excessively tired or
weak, then he may need a break or a reboot. The second thing to
note is your man’s disposition. Is he generally happy with life, or is he
depressed? Does he seem distant or withdrawn. These are times
which call for more communication or activities, in order to increase
your personal time. Sometimes, when there is a new baby in the
house, men can feel alienated and cast aside. You will have to take
the lead at times like this, and if you notice these moods, it’s
important to address it.
 CHAPTER SIX

The Superior Sex

W hy would physically stronger males, who live in a patriarchal

world, have this desire to submit to the so-called weaker sex? Is it
sexual? Are men so captivated by the beauty of the female that they
feel inferior? Sexuality does play a role. Men have feared the beauty
and sexuality of women from the beginning of human history. That is
why some religions have tried to cover up women, and force them
into conservatism. They feel this makes them powerless, and
prevents the man from becoming controlled. I think these civilizations
knew that men cannot resist the beauty of the female and her power.
Our modern fashion forward society, purposely dresses women for
success, and puts them in a power position with the ability to dress,
showing off as much as they want. This, in itself, shows how women
have the power because even men are still restricted to suits or
business casual. If a man wears a dress or skirt, it’s frowned upon,
whereas a woman has the freedom to wear suits, dresses, skirts,
shorts, casual, dressy, elegant or dowdy. I believe that most women
are unaware of how much power, even this kind of freedom can give.
There are many other ways where women have been given freedom
over men. If a woman accidentally enters a man’s restroom, nothing
will happen, but if a man accidentally went into the women’s
restroom, he is likely to be arrested. Women can quickly expose their
breasts at a topless beach, but men can never expose the penis,
unless it’s a nudist beach, where both go naked. Women are allowed
to have almost a year maternity leave in some countries, but men
would have up to a few months, even if his role was to stay home and
care for children. So, there are numerous instances where women
are slowly gaining more and more advantages. But it hasn’t always
been this way; Christian denominations that require women to wear a
covering for their heads and forbids them to wear make-up, or
Muslim religions that require women to wear veils and dress in
clothing that covers their entire bodies, enforce these rules because
religion fears the sexuality of women and places burdens on women,
because men cannot control their sexual thoughts and urges. Women
are mysterious to men, and men marvel at the beauty of the female.
Women give off a sexual energy that men cannot resist. However,
these religions are of the belief that women should always be
subservient to men. Even today, women can still experience being
second. Wages are still a battle. In Hollywood, it is fact that men are
paid more than women- sometimes millions. Sexual misconduct – until
this year, many women remained silent about sexual harassment,
especially in the workplace. There are stories where women were
forced to remain silent, or paid to “go away” – Harvey Weinstein and
Cosby are just two of the dozens of high profile cases, where women
finally, were able to discuss the sexual harassment they experienced
at the hands of powerful men. So, the advantages that women now
enjoy came after years and years of battling and fighting, to increase
equality. But, it’s slowly changing. Men are feeling women’s power,
and in many ways, they welcome it. The millennial generation see no
real difference between what women and men can achieve. However,
women were never the weaker sex. There are many examples of
where women have the power of a super human, with handling all
their responsibilities and expected to look gorgeous, have perfect
bodies, be the leader, gain respect, earn money, and do all of these
with grace and charm. Even with all the changes, you will never see
women hanging out having drinks after work, while the man runs
home to take care of dinner and the kids. Only in movies, like “Bad
Moms”. It is interesting that moms, who go out partying and are
assertive, are considered “Bad”. However, women rise to the
occasion everyday, regardless of the pressures. Today, women can
do anything – athletes, CEO’s, celebrities, trail blazers, astronauts or
super moms. It’s only oppressive laws and customs which kept
women in a subservient position. But, women are indeed powerful
and they are more encouraged to speak out, and be assertive with
the focus on female heroine in movies, or females speaking out in
media. The “Timesup“ campaign are all real examples of movements
showing the power of women to band together, and fight against the
status quo. What is clear is that, men can only become the dominant
sex by enforcing oppressive laws and customs against women. It is
not natural for men to be the dominant sex. It is natural for men to
serve women. In nature, the male’s sole focus is on fighting for the
female, and protecting and feeding her. The female’s purpose is to
ensure continuation of the species. So, it is only natural that with such
an important task, women make the best leaders. If it’s good enough
for mother nature, it’s good enough for human nature.
I think society tends to misjudge the softness and the gentleness of
women for weakness and submission. But, it is this ability to be
sensing and intuitive that help women to survive. Likewise, society
has mistaken the toughness and the macho ways of men for strength.
Men are only stronger physically, and even this is being challenged,
as more women lift weights and do powerlifting. I did weight-lifting
and powerlifting for years as exercise, until I was stronger than most
men my height and weight. Women also possess the real strength,
which is Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual, and Sexual. Unfortunately,
most women are unaware of their power because of a pervasive
myth, that they are the inferior sex.
Religion is where men are responsible for spreading a lot of myths
regarding women. Judaism, Christianity and Islam, were founded by
patriarchal beliefs, and male supremacy was reflected in their
theology. In many fundamentalist sects, wives are taught to be
subservient to their men. To obey. Why? Catholics, Muslims and
traditional Jews restrict their priesthoods to men. Why? Why must the
god of all humans be approached only through men? Why is god in
traditional, thought to be a man? Why not a Goddess, who rules the
universe?
My feeling is that, a fundamental shift is taking place. Women were
not viewed as well-adapted for leadership roles in primitive and early
historical times. But our emerging world economy is becoming less
based on physical strength, and more dependent on intelligence and
emotional balance. Women are not wired to see disagreement as a
challenge to themselves. Women value common welfare above
singular success. Women are more open to cooperation than
competition. Women have evolved to focus more on prudent long-
term survival, and less on immediate gains. When women give birth
and spend months suckling an infant, they understand better, that we
all depend on each other. They’re programmed to nurture the
defenseless, plan for the future, value others for their qualities, rather
than for their external traits. Here are some biological facts that are
undeniable when one looks at the research. Women have better
senses (smell, touch, taste, and sight).
After all, they have to endure the equivalent of a bowling ball
popping out of their vagina every time they give birth. But an episode
of the show, “MythBusters”, proved that women can hold their hands
in freezing water, 19% longer than those of crybaby men.
A study at Aston University in England concluded that, women are
better than men at remembering things two minutes, 15 minutes, and
24 hours after learning them. A Mayo Clinic study said that, not only
do women naturally have a better sense of memory than men, the
gap widens with age. Researchers, at the University of Western
Ontario, concluded that women are far better than men at handling
the stress of job interviews. Female brains also secrete more
oxytocin—AKA the “cuddle hormone”—than male brains, making
women calmer under fire, than men are.
The University of Western Ontario found that women handle the
stress of a job interview better than men. It was found that women
come better prepared by researching the company, and having mock
interviews with friends before the final day. Men, on the other hand,
took things easy and only prepared at the last minute. So much for
the inferior or weaker sex. But that is biological, what about
intellectual? Women are readers and learners. We are very open to,
and interested in finding ways to continuously improve our personal
skills. This focus on our development makes us more self-aware,
which enables us to have a very strong emotional intelligence; a key
trait of successful leaders.
Women are natural cheerleaders. We love discovering what
motivates people into action, and we are excited to hand out words of
encouragement, thank you, gifts for jobs well done, and pats on
the back, which could explain why Gallup’s 2015 State of the
American Manager report says that, people who work for women
leaders are more engaged than those who work for men. Perhaps,
the most influential person to come to the conclusion that women are
the superior gender and better leaders than men, was Dr. Ashley
Montagu. Dr. Montagu was the author of more than sixty books.
Montagu wrote books on anthropology, human anatomy, intelligence,
and relationship. His last book published was, “The Natural
Superiority of Women”, originally published in 1952, and updated four
times. The fifth edition was published in 1999, and has been
expanded and modernized to fortify Dr. Montagu’s theme that women
are superior to men.
The book argues that the female of the species is biologically,
sexually, emotionally, and even intellectually superior to the male. Dr.
Montagu writes that women possess humane intelligence that will
enable women to steer society toward a more humanized condition.
Dr. Montagu used his knowledge of physical anthropology to dispel
the myth of conventional wisdom, that women are the “weaker sex”,
by showing how women’s biological, genetic, and physical makeup
makes her not only man’s equal, but his superior. Dr. Montagu
explains that his thesis is supported by scientific evidence. Here is
some of his evidence from his book, “The Natural Superiority of
Women”- “The evidence indicates that woman is, on the whole,
biologically superior to man.” “The evidence is clear: from the
constitutional standpoint, woman is the stronger sex. The explanation
of the greater constitutional strength of the female lies largely, if not
entirely, in her possession of two complete X- chromosomes, and the
male’s possession of only one.” “From infancy to adulthood, the
female superiority in verbal or linguistic functions, is consistent and
marked.” “Girls excel in most tests of memory. They do significantly
better on tests of picture memories, and such tests as copying a
bead chain from memory.” “As far as intelligence scores and other
indicators of what we call intelligence, the conclusion is clear: Girls do
better than boys. In short, the age-old myth that women are of
inferior intelligence to men has, as far as the scientific evidence goes,
not a leg to stand upon.”
 “Women continue to grow in intelligence; and in the kind of
intelligence that is of great importance, for the survival of the human
race. I think it can be shown that women far outdistance men.”
“Studies carried out at both Duke University and at the University of
London, uniformly agree that woman are far better judges of
character than men, yet another evidence of woman’s higher problem
solving abilities.” “With respect to psychological and social qualities,
the facts again, it seems to me, prove that women are superior to
men.” “Women are the bearers, the nurturers of life; men have more
often, tended to be the curtailers, the destroyers of life.” A woman,
who doesn’t know what she is entitled to, will never reach out to claim
what is rightfully hers. Women are born, designed by biology, society,
and the environment to be the leaders where they find themselves.
Don’t let this great gift go to waste. Harness it, use it for the benefit
of those you love, and you will be shocked at the great improvements
you will begin to notice in your homes and relationships.
During my time of attending Female Led parties and meetings, I
met many men who harbored a deep desire to be in a Female Led
Relationship, and be sexually dominated by a woman. I had heard,
from dozens of men, about their submissive fantasies, starting when
they were teenagers. Often, they don’t know where it originates from,
but they recall a scene in a movie or television program, where a
woman was aggressive or dominant with a man, and how they
became extremely sexually aroused. The common thread is that,
when a woman is portraying any kind of dominant image in a movie,
magazine or a book, they become weak. Even just a certain look on a
woman’s face in an advertisement, can cause a man to be overcome
with submissive feelings toward the female gender.
They tell me how images or stories of women being the sexual
aggressor excite them, whether it’s an older woman who seduces
and sexually dominates younger men or any other scene of women
dominating men. So many men have told me that they fantasize and
masturbate with the thought of being dominated by a woman. Many
men share intense submissive experience while watching films like
Basic Instinct, Cat Woman, Wonder Woman and Resident Evil, or
older movies like, “My Tutor” or “Real Men”. Many men have told me
that their first cravings for a dominant female came out of left field,
when a dominant woman came upon the screen and caused them to
experience an intense sexual arousal, unlike anything he had ever felt
before. Why do movie, TV, magazine and other scenes of dominant
women, have such a profound effect on some men? These scenes
are powerful because the woman represents loving Female authority
to these men. The women were often sweet and kind in public, but a
real Bitch in private. She broke her male down through aggressive
domination but then, was loving and nurturing toward him once he
was broken. Like breaking a bucking bronco, until he submits to being
ridden.
The reason Female Led Relationship stories, pictures and scenes
in movies shake men at their core is because, they touch men at their
core level of natural instincts. Their submissive nature becomes
unleashed. It was there all the time, but they never knew it was there,
until they discovered the world of the Female Led Relationship.
Female Led Relationships did not invade their brains through pop
culture, literature or the media. No, their submissive desires were
there all the time, but those desires needed to be freed. A man’s
submissive nature has always been there, just concealed behind
macho bravado; a false front which was really created by societal
norms of the past. Once a man decides he wants to be submissive, it
becomes perfectly natural. It could happen as a teenager later in life,
when he no longer feels the pressure to conform to societal norms,
and he can make his own decisions about what he wants. It generally
also takes some maturity and life experience.
I believe that men generally, experience a powerful desire for a
female leader, and have had this secret longing for a while, and
something in previous relationships, or even childhood triggers it.
Sometimes, this desire lays dormant until you trigger it. But men want
to please their women; so most will be open to it. We only need to
look at the search for “Female Domination” to see how many males
are searching for the experience of being dominated by a woman.
Today, there are literally thousands of websites, where women are
offering to dominate men in person, or over the telephone. And more
are coming on-line, all the time. The supply is growing because the
demand is growing. There is a real societal evolution that is occurring,
as the male desire to be dominated by the Female, is increasing at a
rapid rate. Men will travel great distances and spend large amounts
of money, just to find submissive fulfillment at the hands of a dominant
woman. So, do not be timid and afraid to introduce your man to your
dominant side in an exciting sexual event, or series of events, that
build up over time.
 CHAPTER SEVEN

The Spirituality Of The Female Led Relationship

W omen have been programmed, since they were little girls, that
the natural order of God ordained institutions (Government, Religion
and Family) is for men to be dominant, and women to be submissive.
Most religions teach that the male is the superior gender (made in the
image of God) and thus, the man should rule the relationship. Are
men spiritually superior to women? Is it by God’s design that men
should be the dominant gender in the society? Or have men perverted
religion in order to keep women as second-class citizens? In
Christianity, women are subservient. In the Muslim religion, women
are practically non-existent, and not allowed to have the same rights
and freedoms as males.
The three large patriarchal religions (Judaism, Christianity, and
Islam) all trace their origins back to the Garden of Eden, with the
belief that Adam and Eve were the original male and Female.
Genesis is the recorded account of creation that most mainline
religions and denominations use as the foundation of their faith. So,
what does Genesis say about the original nature of man and woman?
In the story of Adam and Eve in the oldest Bible, it is said that
Adam was created first, and Eve was created second. This was to
try to suggest that this is why men are first, and had the power. But I
see it another way. I see it as Adam was created and Eve was
created second, as an improvement on the first creation, suggesting
that women are the superior creation. Females tend to outlive men.
There are many diseases which affect men greater than women, and
women tend to be able to be strong, even in times of change and
illness. When men went to war in World War I and World War II, the
world did not come to an end. Women ran things. It is a fact that
crime rates and atrocities in normal society decreased during these
times as well. Perhaps, it’s women’s ability to go with the flow and
intuition, which actually gives us the strength to be great leaders,
especially in times of crisis.
 Eve’s subjection to Adam in the Bible was the result of the fall of
mankind due to sin, and not God’s original plan for Adam and Eve.
Woman’s subjection to man was called a curse in the Old Testament
(Genesis 3:16-17). But the fact is, Eve gave Adam the fruit, but she
did not hold a gun to his head and threaten him to eat it. He did it of
his own free will, yet, women have been blamed for this original sin. I
believe that what this shows is women’s ability to influence men.
As I mentioned previously, the real lesson in this story is the power
of the woman over men that made Adam disobey his God, to follow
his wife’s suggestion; hence, “happy wife, happy life” and showing
that, even back then, women had real power. Though the Bible on
one hand tries to condemn women, there are many instances where
women are powerful. Another example is the Mother Mary, the most
important woman in the bible for giving birth to baby Jesus. Even
Delilah used her considerable influence to bring down the most
powerful man Samson, who’s been given strength by God. I
personally believe that Eve was God’s last and greatest creation,
thus, women are the superior gender. I am not alone is this
interpretation of the scriptures.
In addition to the three major religions, all have examples of
powerful women; we are witnessing a return to many forms of
Goddess Worship and religions. It has been estimated that in the
United States alone, hundreds of thousands of people are now active
in churches that believe in a Female deity. Most of these churches
can trace their origin back to ancient civilizations, that actively
worshipped a Goddess.
As far back, the Egyptians worshipped Isis, great Mother,
Goddess of fertility, Giver of Life, and Queen Mother of Heaven. The
Greeks worshipped Artemis, protectress of children, and the great
Huntress; and the Romans worshipped Diana, Goddess of the moon
and sister of Venus. Venus was originally Goddess of gardens and
fields, later identified with Aphrodite, love and beauty. Worshipped as
Venus Genetrix, mother of founder of Rome; Venus Felix, bringer of
good fortune; Venus Victix, bringer of victory, and Venus Verticordia,
protector of feminine chastity. Then, there is the Goddess Cybele.
The name, Cybele or Cybebe, predominates in Greek and Roman
literature from about the 5th century BC onward. Cybele was the
Titan mother of the Olympian gods, who held domain over fertility and
the earth. The Goddess Cybele held significance as a Goddess of
the moon and of fertility, but was also worshipped in her earthly
aspects as a fertility deity. The moon, throughout history, has been
seen as a symbol of the feminine; its regular cycles correspond to the
lifecycles of women. Three thousand years ago, the state religion of
Phrygia (in what is now Turkey) was centered around the worship of
the Mother Goddess there called Cybele. In many parts of the
eastern Mediterranean, the Mother Goddess (under a variety of
names), was served by a priesthood that often consisted of feminized
males.
Other Goddesses worshipped throughout history were Aphrodite
from Cyprus, Astarte from Phoenicia, Demeter from Mycenae, Ishtar
from Assyria, Kali from India and Ostara, a Norse Goddess of
fertility. Today, many in the western civilization look at such religions
of old as being based on fables and mythology. Yet, many are joining
New Age religions that center around the same beliefs of the
Goddess religions of old, such as the worshipping of nature. Wicca is
one of many earth-based religions. Traditional Wicca was founded by
Gerald Gardner, a British civil slave, who wrote a series of books on
the religion in the 1940’s. It contains references to Celtic deities,
symbols, and seasonal days of celebration. As a religion, Wicca is a
reconstruction of the pre-Christian religions of Europe, especially
Northern Europe (Celtic or Norse traditions), sometimes elsewhere,
incorporating Greco-Roman and Egyptian traditions.
Many of our western Christian Holidays were in fact, founded as
Goddess holidays. The Christmas holiday is an adaptation of the
pagan winter solstice rites Yule; it was one of the traditional Celtic
fire festivals, and marked the return of the light after the longest night
of the year. Pagans (peasants, rustic people) in northwestern
Europe, conducted a yearly celebration, which is remarkably similar
to the Christmas we know today. The Christmas Tree is the left over
from the pagan winter solstice rites. As Europe was evangelized by
Christians, the pagan holiday was replaced with a Christian holiday,
celebrating the birth of Christ. Most Biblical scholars believe that
Christ was in fact, born in September, but since there was already a
celebration in December, Christmas was substituted for Yule.
Easter is another Christian holiday that was originally based on
Goddess worship. Easter was named after Eostre (a.k.a. Eastre).
She was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxon people in Northern
Europe. Easter falls in the spring, right around the Vernal Equinox.
Spring has been, and is, the season for much merrymaking and fun;
much of the time with an emphasis on sexual fertility. Easter falls on
the first Sunday, subsequent to the first full moon after the vernal
equinox (March 21). Thus, it can occur as early as March 22nd, and as
late as April 25th.
It has been argued, by those who are active in Goddess worship,
that as women become more liberated, patriarchal religions will lose
their appeal, and there will be a heavy return to Goddess religions of
old. It has been my experience that the majority of couples who
practice Female Led Relationship come from all religious affiliations,
Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Goddess Worship, New Age,
Agnostic and Atheist. A person’s faith is a private matter, and most
people are unwilling to change their Faith. I have known some
dominant women who left the Christian Church and who have since,
embraced Goddess religions, as they are more comfortable
worshipping God as a female. But I also know many women that are
active in the Female Led Relationship lifestyle, who are at ease with
their Female Supremacy beliefs, and their Christian faith.
Dominant women, who are active in Christianity, will point out that
their religion is not a patriarchal religion. Men have perverted it into a
patriarchal religion, but Christianity is really about a personal
relationship between a person and their Creator, through Christ. One
need not change their religion when they have a revelation of the true
natures of women and men. I chose to study my faith in more detail,
to see if what I was being taught was indeed, so. I discovered that
Christianity was very compatible with my Female Supremacy beliefs,
and my Female Led Relationship lifestyle.
 Why is all of this important? Because one of the major stumbling
blocks for women when it comes to embracing the Female Led
Relationship lifestyle is religion. Deep down, most women believe that
they are equal or superior to males, but they still are uncomfortable
with being in charge because of a feeling of guilt that religion has
shackled them with since they were little girls. It is one thing to
oppose a male dominant society based on Science or Ethics, but it is
hard to oppose God or Nature. Religion uses fear and guilt to keep
people enslaved to theologies that would otherwise, have no chance
of surviving under the light of truth. Once the light of truth is shown
and women begin to see that they are not going against their Maker
or Nature by expressing or embracing being dominant, the shackles
of religion can come off and the inner power of the Female can be
exercised with a guilt-free mind, and a heart of confidence.
There is a spiritual dimension to Female Led Relationship. Females
have a power over males, and that power is not physical. That power
is expressed through the sexual, but it resides in the mind and
originates in the spirit. This power is within, and women need to
release it. I call this power the secret power of Eve. I believe that
women were created to be in authority over men, not to lord it over
them, but to complete them with loving Female authority. We are
spiritual beings, so no matter how the mind has been programmed by
society or religion, the spirit strives for truth. This may explain why
man yearns for Female Led Relationship, even as he lives in a so-
called patriarchal world.
 CHAPTER EIGHT

Daily Practice of the Female Led Relationship

Now that you understand the history of Female Led Relationship

and why your man craves this type of interaction, it’s time to focus on
the daily practice. To begin, you need to get your man’s attention.
You need to step into the role of a Queen, and lead female. He needs
to be thinking about you 24/7, and you need to create this desire in
him by beginning with how you look, and how you conduct yourself in
daily life. The best way to change old habits and get started, is to
begin with your appearance. Men are visual and they are first,
affected by what they see. Many of the most gorgeous women all
agree that they continue to keep the attention of their husbands and
boyfriends by always looking gorgeous, and visually appealing. I was
always a t-shirt and jeans girl. It took a lot for me to come home,
take care of chores, take a shower, and get dressed for my night
with my partner. But, as I made this change, he noticed and the shift
began. He naturally began to view me in a different light, and he
changed how he treats me daily. This does not mean you need to go
out and spend lots of money, but you do need to pay attention to how
you look, hanging with your man. Sexy to me was gym clothes. I
wore them everywhere I went – to the grocery store, out for coffee,
to the movies, everywhere I went. Then I can recall the day most
people witnessed me transformed in a suit, as a CEO, with full make-
up, hair nails, every detail changed. It was not only the way my man
looked at me, but it was the difference in the reception from everyone
I encountered that made me realize the importance of what you
present. The package you present the world is a snapshot of how
you think of yourself. We can be smart, we can be successful and
strong, but in the end, we affect the man in our life from the minute
we wake up, to the minute we go to bed. What image do you want
him to have in his mind? If you want your man to treat you as a
Goddess, then you have to burn that image into his head, but being
that image everyday of his life. Just this one change, he may not
admit it immediately, but he will begin to secretly respect and adore
you. Now, your first thought may be, “I don’t have time to do all of
this.” But this is an excuse. We have time to put to watch TV and put
on clothes, so we have time to put on the right clothes. It’s one extra
step which will help you to become more focused on your
relationship, and he will become more focused on you. The saying,
”The devil is in the details” could not be more true. It’s the little things
which will make the difference. Dress in your sexiest outfit out of the
blue, and watch his reaction. Dress like the Goddess that you are,
and watch the reaction from everyone around you. He will be taking
notice, and that’s the beginning of you exerting your power over him.
This goes for those of us who are looking for a mate. When you go
on a date, you have 10 minutes to impress this man. How will you get
his attention over the other five dates he may have that week? You
do it by exerting your Goddess power, right from the start. You wear
something memorable, you take charge, you make him know that you
will be in charge of the relationship, and that lingering impression will
stay with him. I can recall when I first began to build social media for
Female Led Relationships. My first post was about empowering
women, and my first 50 followers were men. There is a demand for
Female Led Relationships; men crave it, they want it. All you have to
do now, is take control, and master the art of creating it. Next, you
need to get your man into the habit of serving you first. When he
comes home, give him a task. I instructed my man that no mater
what, he finds me and he gives me a kiss. I also instructed that he
sends me texts throughout the day, and he obeyed. Now, my man is
focused on me throughout the day, and he can’t wait to get home to
be with his Goddess. These are practices which occur during
courtship. Ever wonder why relationships are different during the first
few months of a relationship? It’s the anticipation, the focus on each
other, the butterflies in the stomach. But these are all the things which
can be re-created, but it takes work and a willingness for women to
step into a new role. Your task is to keep our man serving you. Have
him make you a drink, or put on some music. Spend some quality
“play” time together. This is what couples are missing in general. The
stresses and demands of daily life take precedence. Just as we build
in time for fitness and work, we must build in time for the relationship.
I send my man off with a compliment, everyday. I began this practice
years ago. He has no one else to compliment him, so if you don’t do
it, no one can. The only person in your man’s life who can lift him up,
is you. This is the same for the man you want to date, or you are
attracted to. Lift him up, compliment him, make him the focus over all
other dates, and he will be yours. When we are young and first
exploring dating and relationships, women make the mistake of
always giving. We are givers by nature, so we feel that if we give and
give and give, we will get our man. This is not always true because it
opens the door to the man treating you like a doormat. You can give-
give instructions, give love, give attention, as opposed to giving your
soul or your body or your life goals. There is a difference. A woman
can still conduct her own life, and be very available for her man, and
only allows him to have her when she chooses. This is the power
position. As opposed to the feeling that you have to have sex or tend
to his needs before your own. When you are building a Female Led
Relationship, you must identify the times when you are allowing your
needs to be cast aside, and insist that your man attend to you first.
I have done this everyday in my relationship, and it has transformed
it into a complete fulfillment for both of us. He enjoys the opportunity
to tend to my needs first, and it helps him to feel manliness by taking
charge in this. Let’s face it; we are human beings. We all want love
and appreciation. No one can offer this to your man better than you.
Then, once you have him to that magical place of submission,
change your behavior. Become soft, hold him, kiss him, and
compliment him. Ask him how was his day. Listen attentively, and
refrain from any criticism. The same for you; when you discuss your
day, you are just keeping the conversation open. Less venting, more
flow. If you start to feel like making-love, make the natural transition,
but be sure to control the flow. Make him serve you and do the things
you want, first. He will appreciate you. Many women fail to
adequately inform their man of what they really want, but this is your
opportunity. Allow yours and his deepest desires to come out, but you
control the moment. He satisfies you first, then slowly, you allow him
to have his pleasure. Sometimes, I would instruct my man to hold
back his orgasm to build his willpower but sometimes, I order him to
just be intense and fast in our love-making. But, I control every
moment of our time together. The more encouraging you are, the
more he will open up. You will come to understand him more than you
ever thought was possible. Comfort him. Speak to him like his Queen
-
“Baby, I know that you have searched your entire life to find your
rightful place, which is to be in complete submission to me. Well, your
search is over. I am here, and I am here to stay. I want you to
surrender yourself to me. Your mind, your body, your ego, your
everything.” Men love this. They love hearing their women speak
about taking control, then watching the actions as well. Then he
knows you are serious, and can give you his undivided attention.
Experiment as much as you can, always maintaining your Queen
mother role and leader. Never let him disrespect you, but if he does,
correct him, so he knows it’s not permitted. I have had many
challenges with this, particularly in public, when my man slips and
issues me orders. Instead of being upset, I simply remind him that he
takes my lead at all times. He may not say anything, but it helps to
build the practice. At all points, make him know that he has to love
and obey you. This must be daily and slowly; so he becomes
accustomed. It must extend into a lifestyle. In the early stages of
relationships during the dating period, you want to establish the
foundation early. Instruct that he calls, and be available to speak at a
certain time. Instruct him to wait for you to decide where you will go
for dinner. Let him know early on, that you require him to open doors,
to allow you to enter first, pull out your chair, and help you with your
coat. Many women are fearful of starting at this point but, it’s best
that you establish what you want, right from the start. Building good
habits together and re-inforcing the rules will go a long way to making
sure he understands what is expected of him. It will help you to also
determine if it’s possible for your man to go long-term. Balancing
work with your Female Led Relationship practice will become
essential. You need to greet your man, as enthusiastically as you
would, on your day off. Your behavior as queen has to occur whether
you are stressed out, trying to complete work deadlines, taking care
of kids, elderly parents, or attending to your own personal
responsibilities. This could be a challenge because often, when
couples have been together for a long time, the relationship becomes
secondary. Planning and building the daily habits help you and your
man to maintain the relationship, despite what is happening. Greeting
you with a kiss or bringing home some flowers randomly, will become
the norm. It keeps the focus squarely on the relationship, even if daily
tasks and demands become overwhelming. Domination in the
bedroom is a must. You must take the lead to initiate sex. This will be
very exciting to your man who may have never had it happen. This is
how you establish leadership.
What you will eventually notice is that if you dominate a man in the
bedroom, this can lead to a man’s submission outside of the
bedroom. He will be constantly thinking about you, every time you
take the lead in daily life. This can add a refreshing, exciting spin on
things. You will find that the more you allow your dominant Queen role
to takeover, the more empowered you will feel, and the happier you
will be, because it adds a dimension to all aspects of your life that
you don’t normally experience. You could experience a more intense
sex life too because your bond increases with your man. It’s only a
plus when you both can’t wait to come home to be together. In my
experience, you want to now take it to the next level by taking the
initiative during the day; maintain your influence over your man. Send
him love messages and texts, or random racy pictures, or make a
spontaneous romantic date. I insisted on the daily practice of sending
my man texts, and he reciprocated by doing the same. Not a day
goes by where we don’t send sexy texts, or just an “I love you” emoji.
It helps to keep the connection throughout the day. Just because daily
life happens doesn’t mean your relationship has to fade. The Female
Led Relationship can improve all aspects of life. More confidence in
career, other friendships and relationships, and general outlook. I
noticed more positivity from women in Female Led Relationships, and
a general sense of happiness. Hey lead to stronger marriages
because most men would agree with the saying, “Happy wife, Happy
life.” I can personally report a major change in my relationships; each
day presents an exciting new challenge to please each other, rather
than more boredom. Female led relationships are anything but boring,
because each day is a new chance to take things to a new level. The
learning that happens in these relationships, I feel, surpasses what
happens in traditional ones, provided it’s a positive flow. The danger
is to try to rush or force your man into this relationship. It must make
a natural flow. What is important though, is as a leader, you must
continue to evolve, learn, and encounter challenges head-on. You
cannot be afraid to take the reign into your own hands, no matter
what. In challenging times, or arguments, continue to maintain your
queen’s presence. Calm him down by always maintaining an open
channel of communication. Refrain from criticism of any sort, and
work with both yours and his weaknesses. The Female Led
Relationship does not need to be perfect. It’s a learning experience
everyday.
So, start out slowly. Simply start with getting your man to begin
treating you like a Queen. Teach him at first, to be a gentleman. Allow
him open the door for you, pull out your chair at dinner, take your coat
off when you return home, and act like a real gentleman around you.
Enforce this as your new rules! Tell him that you want him to surprise
you with flowers and gifts of appreciation on a regular basis and then,
reward him with great sex. Soon, he will be conditioned to know that
his proper treatment of you results in sexual rewards, and he will
keep desiring to increase his rewards by being more obedient and
serving you better, all the time. Tell him that you are most
appreciative of this new attention, and respond with warm reactions
and affection to the man’s warm actions. You will see how fast this
will re-kindle the romance in your relationship. Do not permit bad
habits of ignoring you, being on the phone at important intimate times,
watching endless TV with no conversation. Do not go an entire day
without some intimate touching. A simple kiss, holding hands, stroking
his hair – these are all necessary daily actions which must happen.
Encourage it; that way, you are reinforcing the training each day.
Sometimes, I will add a different request everyday, to keep my man
in the habit of serving me. He enjoys the attention, and I keep him in
the mode of submitting to my lead. You must set the rules; make him
focus on ways to serve you and bring you pleasure. If you work on
your feet most of the day, teach your man to get in the mode of
serving his Queen Mother. Make him kneel at your feet, remove your
shoes, and give you a tender-loving foot massage.
Then reward him with intimacy, with the pleasure being controlled
and directed by you. Instruct your man to help with the chores around
the house. Women usually have to beg and nag a man to mow the
lawn, wash the cars, and to put out the trash on garbage night. If
your man doesn’t enjoy doing household chores, you must change his
mind set by making him realize that by doing these chores, he is
serving his Queen, and he will be rewarded. Soon, your man will
really be enjoying his status of being your gentleman. Don’t always try
to be supermom or superwoman. Allow your man to help you. This
way, you create a collaboration. When he is well-trained, he will even
jump in and help you with some of the so-called woman’s chores, like
washing dishes, vacuuming and dusting.
Your man’s continued servitude of you will seduce your dominant
nature. Women have dominant urges, but they suppress it because of
how we were raised. Many women still believe that to be happy, a
woman needs to marry a strong man and then, allow the man to wear
the pants in the family. Even for the most Macho men, it won’t take
long, after your relationship starts, for them to realize that a woman
can take the lead. They may come to enjoy giving you the control.
What is evident is that the Female Led Relationship is the next
evolution, and more and more couples are embracing it. As women
become more powerful in the society, the more the role of leadership
is perfect for you. What is important is positive encouragement,
openness and patience. It is a transition for both men and women;
so, allowing the relationship to unfold at its own pace will be
important. Taking a leadership role may still seem daunting because
of childhood conditioning from religion or parental rules. However,
women are taking leadership roles in career, heads of state and
media; so, it’s only natural they can lead in the bedroom. There is
very little to suggest that women are inferiors, and lots of evidence to
prove that they are in fact, superior. It is my hope that you will find
great fulfillment in your Female Led Relationship after practicing all
the advice in this book. It is my wish that all women and men enjoy
this movement, and use it to create more fulfilling and long-lasting
relationships.
 About the Author

Marisa Rudder was born in the Caribbean. She moved to Toronto,

Canada, where she attended McMaster University, studied Chemical
Engineering, before going on to study Information Technology and
Commerce at Ryerson University. Both fields were intensely make-
dominated at the time where women had to fight to be heard and
accepted. It is at this time that Marisa developed her ideas of Female
equality, and even superiority, as she witnessed hers and the struggle
of many of her female associates and friends.
Marisa admits to also struggling with her weight and self-esteem,
as she ballooned to 210lbs at her heaviest. It is then that she made
the firm decision to put her needs first, and take control of her life,
beginning with diet and lifestyle. She focused on fitness, joined a local
gym, and began the transformation of her body, and went from
201lbs to 135lbs in 6 months. She became so passionate about this
new lifestyle, which boost her self-esteem, and she studied and
became one of the top certified Personal Trainers in North America,
training everyone, from celebrities to CEO’s. It is during this time,
while she interacted with many powerful women and men, she began
to solidify her ideas about Female Led Relationships. She continued
her evolution onto the stage where her love of theater led her to
perform in Toronto’s off-Broadway theatre world. She has performed
in starring roles on stage, in front of sell-out crowds in theatrical
productions of the Lion King, Sister Act, Willy Wonka and Peter Pan.
She credits this experience with watching women take charge when
they came together to run non-profit campaigns to feed thousands of
orphans in Africa.
Today, Marisa shows no signs of slowing down. She made the
decision to go back into the world of IT and the Internet, where she
now heads up and is CEO of Quantum Ad Ventures Inc. a global TV
and Internet production and marketing company based in Toronto,
with clients in Europe, America, the Middle East and Asia. All of this
experience has led to her decision to become an author, writing
books and spreading her message about the benefits of Female Led
Relationships, and the new power females.
She expects that this is just the beginning of a revolution for
women.