La Cage Aux Folles Script

La Cage Aux Folles
Music and Lyrics Book

Jerry Herman Harvey Fierstein
Based on the Play La Cage aux Folles by Jean Poiret
A EA MUEL OR ENCH AcT I N G ED IT I ON
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I O U N D ED I g 3O
SAMUELFR£NCH.COC
SAMUELFR£NCH-LONDON.CO.UK
ACT ONE
SCENE 1
(GEORGES appears downstage cnitcr and addressm the

audistde.)
[MUSIC NO. 00: PROLOGUE
GEORGES. Box sore! Bon soil! What pleasure it gives me
to say, Ben so'ir! Here we are at the pride of St.
Tropez, the envy of the cabaret world, the jewel of
the Riviera. What legend has told and rumour has
promised we shall do our utmost to deliver. (waving
and Nnking) Ah, so many old friends. And so many
new faces. And so many old friends with new faces.
But we can linger no longer—the inevitable is upon
us-Messieurs-dams, I welcome you to the fifteenth
edition of our world famous revue starring the one
and only Zaza, and featuring the notorious and
dangerous Gagelles!
Ladies and Gentlemen and...you, we issue the following

warning: Please remain in your seats while Los Cagellrs
perform. The management cannot be responsible for
your safety, And now, I beg you...open your eyes. You
have arrived at La Cage Aux Folles!!!
fMUSIC NO. 2: ITE ARE I/I/?7AT ITE AAEJ
(Curtain rises to meal ‘Les Cagelles“, a chorus line of
beautiful dra8 perfomiers.)
CAGELLM. ( onl )
WE ARE WHAT WE ARE
AND WHAT WE ARE
IS AN ILLUSION
14 LA CAG E AU X FO LL ES
WE LOVE HOW IT FEELS

PUTTING ON HEELS
CAUSINC• CONFUSION
WS FACE LIFE
THO IT'S SOMETIMES SWEET AND SOMETIMES BITTER
FACE LIFE
WITH A LITTLE GUTS AND LOTS OF GLITTER
LOOR UNDER OUR FROGKS
GIRDLES AND JOCKS
PROVING WE ARE WHAT WE ARE
WE ARE WHAT WE ARE
WOMEN.
HALF A BRASSIERE
MEN.
HALF A SUSPENDER
HALF REAL AND HALF

FLUFF YOU'LL FIND IT
TOUGH GUESSING OUR
GENDER
SOJUST w£istb)
IF WE PLEASE YOU THAT'S THE WAY TO SHOW US
JUST {whistle)
CAUSE YOU'LL LOVE US ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW US
LOOK UNDER OUR GLITZ
MUSCLES AND TITS
(After the “PARADE,” GEORGES steps forward.

to presmt the featured §erfo ers.)
GEORG£s. For your delight, I present the songbird of
Avignon, the nightingale of Nice, the triller from
Manila. When she opens her throat, the swallows
return to Capistrano in shame. Permit me to present:
Chantal!
(GHANTAsLings a coloratura run and «xits.)
(GEORGES intmduces his next Gagelle.)
LA GAG E AU X FO LL ES IS
Merci, Chantal. And now, turn your attention to a

darker hue, Hanna from Hamburg!
Men call her diva.
Women call her devil.
Police call her dailyl
(iJANNA § erm with a bu,llwhip. GEORGES takes
back the stage.)
Danke Hanna.
And lastly, Phaedra the enigma.
All the fortunes of the pharaohs, the riches of Rangoon,
the babble of Babylon cannot pry loose the secret of
her fatal charm.
(PHAEDRA sticks her tmgue out and exits.)
(GEORGES i back the stage.)
Thank you Phaedra. And now on with the extravaganza!
(Les Gagelles rectum, in bathing outfits.)
cHANTAL. Auntie Em, Auntie Em.
(2 CACELLE tap)
(beach ball section)
MERCEDES. Hi boys!
CHANTAL, AFIHH1
(Beach balls are kicked into the audience.)
CAGELLES.
FACE LIFE
THO IT'S SOMETIMES SNEET AND SOMETIMES BITTER
FACE LIFE
LOOK UNDER OUR FROGK8
GIRDLES ANDJOCItS
16 LA CAG E AUX FO LL ES
[MUSIG NO. 2A Introducing has J

CAGELLES.
WE FAGE LIFE
THO IT'S SOMETIMES SWEET AND SOMETIMES BITTER
FACE LIFE
HANG ONTO YOUR WIG
AND GIVE A BIG WELCOME TO ZAZA OUR STAR
(They present Zaza’s entrance. Nothing ltaffens.)
(Cage.lles te.m to fase upstage and repeat their intro.)
HANG ONTO YOUR WIG
AND GIVE A BIG WELCOME TO ZAZA OUR STAR
(The cu'rtain falls and the CAGEIJ-ES fall to the forr)
(FRAN‹sIS, the stage manager, has entered witlt h.is
clipboard and headset, shouting at the CdRLs. He has
a swill ban i-aid on his tuple.)
FRANcis. Get back on, get back on, Zaza isn't here yet,
You've got to give them an encore.
BITELL£. Phaedra's feet hurt.
reANcis. Phaedra's ass is gonna hurt; get back on stage!
ABETTE enters with basb,et.)
BABETTE. Wigs. Wigs.
FRANCIS. No. They have to do it. again. Zaza s still in
her room. Shoo.
cHANrAL, If she's late, why do I have to suffer?
PHAcDRn. You want to be a woman? Leai'n to suffer,
(HANNA sid/n up to r tNcis seductivel .)
HANNA. And you must learn to suffer?
acts. If I can't get Zaza to the stage...
arrsLL£. Will we get overtime?
cHANrAL. Only Zaza gets overtime.
PHAEDRn. Zaza is overtime!
LA CAG E AUX FO LLES 17
(GEORGES enters and crosses to bang on the dressing

mom dcor)
GEORGES. Albin! Albin! Please let me in.
HANNA, Step away from the door, Georges. Leave this to
a professional. QA eral Jer whig.) Zaza! Come!!!!
OEORGEs. Francis, would you please get her back on the
stage!
FRANCIs. Hanna doesn't take orders well.
HANNA. But I give them brilliantly.
GEORGES. How about this: You do the encore this instant
or tomorrow night you appear as a man.
HANNA. You wouldn't dare!
GEORGES. Francis, inform wardrobe. I'm sure they can
find a pair of trousers large enough to fit
Herman. QA slorms out and reANCiS follows...)
GEORGES. (catching FRANCIS) Francis! Be careful.
fRA:NeIs shags and retreats.)
vOIGE. (off stage) Prepare the way! J’a!pproclie!
GEORGES. Albin, at last!
(The dressing TOOW door op0TIS and out stefi•J*COB ia
full feather drag.)
JACOB. Dim the lights, cue my music, and start the
applause. I am ready.
GEORGES. And just what do you think you are doing in
one of Zaza's gowns?
JACOB. Madame Zaza's appearance has been delayed due
to circumstances beyond earthly control. And so, as
my mistress is indisposed, I feel it my duty as her
friend, confidante, and personal handmaiden to be
certain that the show go on.
GEORGES. An applaudable sentiment, Jacob. But this
season we are not featuring butlers in the revue.
JAcOB. I am no one's butler. I am the maid!
GEORGES. I hired a butler.
18 LA CAG E AU X FO LL
ES
JACOB.And you got a maid!

(JACOB start.1 to exit - GEORGES returner to dres,siiig
GEORGES. (bangs on, tloor) Albin, I will count to three and

then, so help me, I will... have someone break down
this door!
JACOB. Very forceful. And I’m certain my mistrefs would
be shaking in her boots if she could hear you. But
Madame is in repose above.
GEORGES. Above?
JAGOB pstairs.
U.
[MUSIG NO. 2B.’ INTO THE. APARTMENT1
(JACOB rktals ltte Oflartinent and exits.)
GEORGES. Thank you; very clever,
SCENE 2
GEORGES. Albin! Albin!!

ALBIN. (offstage) Who dares to call my name, I who have
been so wronged?
GEORGES, What are you doing in the kitchen?
ALBIN. Wrestling with a casserole that wouldn't come cleans
GEORGES. Albin, you are going to drive me mad. Do you
have any idea what time it is? Hurry and get dressed,
ALBIN. Where were you this afternoon?
GEORGES. What's the difference? Get dressed!
ALBIN. I made a magnificent luncheon. You said you'd be
home. You weren't.
GEORGEs. See how she listens to me,
ALBIN. I c1e-boxed a chicken, stuffed her with wild rice and
pistachios, anointed her with apricot glaze and
topped her off in truffles and where were your In
absmtia!
GEORGES, There are two hundred paying customers
waiting for HER, and HE'S reciting the luncheon
inenu.
ALBIN. It's not the chicken, Georges. It's the thought
behind the chicken,
GEORGES. The thought behind the what ???
{}ACOB afif›sars om behind a drape.)
JAGoB. The thought behind the chicken. (off GEORGES'
leer) Did I say that out loud? Pardon mci.
GEORGES. (to JACOB) Don't you have something else to dot
JACOB. Many things.
GEORGES. Then do them!
ALBIN, Don't yell at my maid.
GEORGES. She's not your maid. She's your butler.
JACOB. Now I ask you.
qncoB axiu os reAncIs mtce.)
ES
FRANCis. Mercedes is on. You're next, Zaza.

ALBIN. They'll wait. We're speaking.
DCIS retreats.)
GEORGES. They will not wait, get clressed!
(xxm holds out two gold brar,elets.)
What now?
ALBIN. Ankle bracelets, if you please.
GEORGES. If you didn't wear that iron lung of a corset you
could bend clown and put them on yourself.
ALBIN. You used to love putting on my ankle bracelets,
GEORGES. There is a dil”ference between loving to and
having to,
ALBIN. And so we have it. The beans are at last spilt. The
cat is out the baggage. Feeling trapped, my love? In
this what twenty years together adds up to? Where
once knelt a prisoner of love, now crouches a caged
creature longing to be free.
GEORGEs. We're in fine form tonight. Brava, Zaza.
ALBIN. Oh, it's all painfully clear. First you start missing
meals, then my ankle bracelets, and then...bunk beds.
GEORGES. Could I stop you now if I begged?
ALBIN. I can already see the final blow: Some boney,
brunette boy, draped across my chaise, popping bon-
bons, puffing pot, making a mockery of our
marriage vows. It's all my fault for falling in love with
a younger
IIlilIl.
GEORGES. Darling, please. I'm only eight years younger,

ALBIN. Five years.
GEORCrES. Actually, sixteen.
ALBIN. Alright, eight,
GEORGES. Albin, you know there's no one else but you,
ALBIN. Pity me, Betray me. But don't lie to me Georges.
How could I have been so blinds For months I've
watched my roles dwindle down. Where once I was
LA GAG E AU X FO LLES 21
youi inspiration, your muse, I am now ieduced to

naught but comic relief.
GEORGES. Oh, I see where this is headed. Forget it!
ALBIN. Forget what?
GEORGES. You want me to drag out that old warliorse
production of Safe again, don't you? Well, you can
forget it.
ALBIN. Who said anything about Salome.! I'm talking
about... {Tlte ar.tress cargo.s.) And just what is wrong
with my 3afo ?
GEORGES. Ancl away we go.
ALBIN. Audiences adored my Salome. I'll have you know
that when I finished the dance of the Seven Veils and
raised the head of J hn the Baptist to my lips, the
audiences cried out, tears in their eyes, handkerchiefs
stuffed in their mouths.
GEORGES. But darling, audiences prefer laughing without
stuffing handkerchiefs in their mouths. Albin, Albin
my love, there comes a time in every Salome's life
when she can no longer risk dropping the last veil.
GiS appear in the door again.)
FRANCIS. Are you coming? Mercedes is on her last verse.
For the fourth timel
ALBIN. And apparently so am II
freswc›s ‹xits.;
Jacob, pack my gowns. We leave at sunrise!
GEORGES, Albin, the show...?
ALBIN. The show will go on. And so shall I, Solo. Perdutto.
Abandonat,ta, Like a dog on a rock.
GEORGES. Like a what? On a what2
({ACOB Wlttrs.)
JACOB. Like a dog on a rock. Pardon.
GEORGss. All right. I give in. You win, my Albin, yoti win.
You shall play Salome again next season. Now—get
dressed. Please.
ES
[MUSIC NO. 3: MASCARA1
ALBIN. And so I've won. What have I won? Zaza gets to play
Salome, and Albin eats alone. (looking in mirror)
ONCE AC.AIN I'M A LITTLE DEPRESSED
BY THE TIRED OLD FACE THAT I
SEE-
ONCE AGAIN IT IS TIME TO BE SOMEONE

WHO'S ANYONE OTHER THAN ME—
WITH A RARE COMBINATION
OF GIRLISH EXCITEMENT AND MANLY RESTRAINT—
(checking brushes)
I POSITION MY PRECIOUS ASSORTMENT
OF POWDERS AND PENCILS AND PAINT-
SO WHENEVER I FEEL THAT MY PLACE IN THE WORLD
IS BEGINNING TO CRASH
I APPLY ONE CREAT STROKE OF MASCARA
TO MY RATHER LIMP UPPER LASH!
AND I CAN COPE AGAIN!

(He does a 2nd lash and Luke front,.)
GOOD GOD! THERE'S HOPE ACAIN!
WHEN LIFE ISA REAL BITCH AGAIN

AND MY OLD SENSE OF HUMOUR HAS UP AND GONE
IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG SWITCH AGAIN
I PUT A LITTLE MORE MASCARA ON...
WHEN I COUNT MY CROWS FEET AGAIN
AND TIRE OF THIS PERPETUAL MARATHON

I PUT DOWN THE JOHN SEAT AGAIN
AND PUT A LITTLE MORE MASCARA ON...
AND EVERYTHING'S SPARKLE DUST
BUGLE BEADS
OSTRICH PLUMES
WHEN IT'S A BEADED LASH THAT YOU LOOK THROUGH
CAUSE WHEN I FEEL GLAMOROUS AND
ELEGANT AND
BEAUTIFUL
THE WORLD THAT I'M LOOKING AT'S BEAUTIFUL TOO!
WHEN MY LITTLE ROAD HAS A FEW BUMPS AGAIN
AND I NEED SOMETHING LEVEL TO LEAN UPON
I PUT ON MY SLING PUMPS AGAIN
AND WHAM-THIS UGLY DUCKLING IS A SWAN!
SO WHEN MY SPIRITS START TO
SAG I HUSTLE OUT MY HIGHEST
DRAG
AND PUT A LITTLE MORE MASCARA ON...
AND EVERYTHING'S
ANKL£ STRAPS
CARIBOU
SHALIMAR
IT'S WORTH SUCKING IN MY GUT...GIRDLING MY R£AR
'CAUSEEERY£H1NGSVVSHING
SENSUAL
FABULOUS
WHEN ALBIN IS TUCItED AWAY
AND ZAZA IS HEREI
PIN crosses downstag# and is suddenl) Zaza in the
Gome to Mama...
WHEN EVERYTHING SLIDES DOWN THE OLD TUBES AGAIN
AND WHEN MY SELF-ESTEEM HAS BEGUN TO DRIFT
ES
I STRAP ON MY FAKE BOOBS AGAIN

AND LITERALLY GIVIi MYSELF A LIFT
SO WHEN IT'S COLD AND WHEN IT'S BLEAK
I SIMPLY ROUGE THE OTHER CHEEK
(TJie CAGELLES 0Q é0t.)
ALBIN. {font.)
FOR I CAN FACE ANOTHER DAY
IN SLIPPER SATIN LINGERIE
TO MAKE DEPRESSION DISAPPEAR
I SCREW SOME RHINESTONES ON MY EAR
AND PUT MY BROOCHES AND TIARA
AND A LITTLE MOR£ MASCARA
ALBIN. 6 CAGELLES.
ON... SPARKLE DUST
BUGLE BEADS
ANKLESTRAPS ANKLE STRAPS
MAIuBOU MARIBOU
ON. OSTRICH PLUMES
RAVISHING
ON!!! ON!!!
IMUSIC! NO. 3A.’ MASCARA ENGORE
6 CAGELLES.
SPARKLE DUST
BUGLE BEADS
ANKLE STRAPS
MARIBOU
OSTRICH PLUMES
SHALIMAR
RAVISHING
ALBIN. My hair may be black, but my ioots are blonde.

AND EVERYTHING'S
ANKLE STRAPS
MARIBOU
LA CAG E AU X FO LL
ES
SHALIMAR
IT'S WORTH SUCKING IN MY GUT AND GIRDLING MY REAR
‘CAUSE EVERWHINCI'S RAVISHING
SENSUAL
FABULOUS
WHEN ALBIN IS TUCKED AWAY AND ZAZA IS HERE!
(t'ransforin bask iitt0 the living room)
26 LA CAG E AU X FO L L
ES
SCENE 3A
(The. Living Room)
GEORGES. (c/trr£/iig his watch) C)nly seven minutes late. Not

bad for the first show.
JAcOB enters from th,e kitchen now dresse,d in tranche.oat,
dnrk glasses and hat as a, lady spy.)
Ah, the return of the very pink panther.
JACOB.Be nice or I will run as fast as these feet (mules)
will carry and tell my mistress all about the “special
visitor“ stashed in the kitchen.
GEORGES. (excite.dll) You clon't mean. .,he s here?
JACOB. Oh, he s here, all tight,
{GEORGES Iris to rush to the kitchen Mf JACoa blocks
his way.)
Not so quick, Slick. Before I let you see him we will
reiterate our bargain.
GEORGES. (gritting his teeth) two on.
JAGOB. I will keep my mouth shut about you-know-
who being up here while keeping Albin away down
there.
GEORGES. And in return?
J ACOBY. ou put me in the
show. GEORGES. For one
number.
JACOB. Agreed.
GEORGEs. In the chorus.
JACOB. They haven't built the chorus strong enough to
hold met
GEORGss. Go. See to Albin.
JACOB. Yes, any collaborationist. (}ACOB vPS G S£0T8f H!0G
, on the kitchm door} {secretioel through tlte ‹look) Attention!
The manly moose mainly moons Mongoliansl Carry
LA CAG E AU X FO LL
on! ES
ES
and Mjwting his spy collar of1'JAGOB tes)

GEORGES. Well, at least he's not on drugs.
(MUSIC NO. 3B: fEAN MICHEL'S ENTRANGE1
(A h,andsome Contig can, enters wi.th a in.e hot.tlr,
in. hand. He sees GEORGES and opens his mouth,
but GEORGES halts his...)
Mon Conir. At last you have returned to me. No. Don't
say a word. Let me simply drink you in.
JEAN-MICHEL. Wouldn't you rather have a glass of wine?
GEORGES. How wonderful you look. And how I've
ached to see that smile. A month without you seemed
an eternity.
J*'***-MICHEL.I've missed you too. And Albin...?
GEORGES. Safely tucked away. We have hours to ourselves.
Come and give me a kiss.
-MICHEL takes GEORGES ttQ ia meM .Bro!ce,
kissing both clocks.)
My love. My life. My heaven.
JEAN-MICHEL. Oh, Papa. Can we save the dramatics for
when Albin gets back?
Q4GOB reappear through the club door ca.rr in,g Zazn’s
gown. He is now dressed as a said.)
Jacob. Gonmnl mameilleux! At last our son is home!
GEORGES. OUR sun? And are you supposed to be
watching Albin?
JAGOB. Do I tell you how to do your job?
JEAN-MICHEL. Papa, let him be. I must say I like the outfit.
J'*COB.Just a little something to serve your every need.
ZIS FOR ME,
2AT FOR YOU,
AND ZIS FORYOUR PAPA1
and flees the now, as -K laugh.)

GEORGES. Stop! You're encouraging him.
28 LA
LACAG
CAGE EAU
AUXXFO
FOLLLL ES 27
ES
JEAN-MICHEL. He only behajfes that way because he loves

yOU.
GEORGES. If he loved me he'd vacuum!
JEAN-MICHEL. C›od, it's good to be home.
GEORGES. No more holidays for you. I can’t bear the stress.
JEAN-MICHcL. I won't be here long, Papa. I'm gett.ing
married.
GEORGES. You know, this is what I love about you. You have
something to say, you say it. No hemming. No
hawing. Clear, precise, and right to the point. Like a
knife in the heart.
J -MICHEL. I was going t.o send a telegram.
GEORGEs. What? And miss t.he pleasure of seeing your
father die before your eyes? Nonsense.
J*•*^- nd I was worried you wouldn't take it well.
MICHELA.
GEORGES. You could be right.
J -MIGHEL. You mean you're not pleased for me?
GEORGES, Not that I noticed. Birt perhaps I'm working
up to it, And who is it you're marrying? Not that
Veroniquel
J*****-MICHEL.Her name is Anne, Papa.
GEORGES. Don't change the subject. You go off on holiday
with this Antoinette and she coerces a proposal out
of you. It's ridiculous. You're twenty years old. Jean-
Michel. Much too young to engage with any
Annisette.
JEAN-MICHEL. Her name is Anne. And I'm twenty-four.
GEORG£S. Are you sure?
JEAN-MICHEL. Sit down, Papa, I have a little problem,
GEORGES. Twenty-four? So have I.
JEAN-MICHEL. The problem is Anne's parents. Her father
is Dindon...E‹louard Dindon. ,.Deputy General of the
T.F.M.
GEORGES. You know me and politics darling. What is
the T,F.M?
JEAN-MICHEL. The Tradition, Family, and Morality Party.
40 LA CAG E AU X F O LL ES
GEORGES. Ooh, I like the sound of that. There's a little

something in there for everybody.
JEAN-MIGHEL. But it s not terribly compatible with La Cage
Aux Folles.
GEORGES. Anal why not? We have Tradition. And who
loves their family more than we? And Morale is an
area in which we certainly don't stint. And a Deputy in
the family. We can use a little political clout these
days, what with that fanatic running for office. You
know the one who›’s pledged to close down all the
transvestite clubs if elected.
AGOB re-tn,ters to tOIIP6I OF trOM, O 1'!*! !
for...)
JEAN-MIGHEL. His name is Dindon.
JACOB *J*'***-MICHEL.Edouard Dindon.
J COB * J -MICHEL & GEORGES. Deputy General of the
T.F.M.
J*'*>-MICHELA. nd he's coming to meet you.
GEORGES. You're insane.
JEAN-MICHEL. He, his wife, and Anne will be staying
overnight.
GEORGEs. Probably certifiable.
J*'***-MICtiEL. They'll arrive for cocktails tomorrow.
GEORG£s. And we'll all come see you at the asylum. Why
would you want to marry into a family like that?
JEAN-MICHEL. Anne is nothing like her father, so there's
nothing to worry about.
GEORGES. Except her father1
JEAN-MIGHfiL. We'd better get to work, We should start by
toning this place down a little. You know, ditch a
few of the more obvious ironies in the decor.
GEORGES. And while you're ditching the ironies, what's to
become of me?
JEAN-MICHEL. I took the liberty of telling them you were
with the French Foreign Service. Retired, of course,
Don't worry. I was very vague.
GEORGES. Well, if you can't be truthful, be vague.

J -MIGHE LW. e'll use the house entrance, and we'll close
off that door to the club.
GEORGES. And just who will Albin be? French attaché to
Finnochio's?
JEAN-MIGHEL. Anyt.hing he’ll like as long w.s he isn't here.
Papa, you know the way he is. The way lie talks anal
moves and...dresses. You know,
GEORG£S. So, it's a farewell to Albin! Just like that. The
man raises you as his own for the last Verity years
and suddenly you turn ‘round and say, "I'm engaged
to the
daughter of a fanatic. So, “Zis is for her, Zat for you,
and Zilch for your papa!")udas!
J*•**-MIGHEL. Papa!
OEORGES. Traitor!
J -MIGHEL.Papa, please...
GEORG£S. Heterosexuals
JEAN-MICHEL. Papa, there's no one like Anne. I'd do
anything for her.
GEOROES. Nonsense. You've been in love a dozen times.
JEAN-MIGHEL. Not like this,
GEORGES. No? What about Paulette? Helene?
JEAN-MIGHEL. No one, Never like this.
GEOROES. She's bewitched you1
JEAN-MIGHEL. Entirely.
MUSIG NO. 4: WITH ANNE ON M¥ARM]
GIRLS HAVE COME AND GONE, PAPA
ANGELIQUE AND ANTOINETTE
WHO DID I PREFER?
LESLIE OR HELENE?
IT WAS ALL A BLUR AND YET, PAPA
WHEN ANNE GOMES RUNNING DOWN THE STREET
AND I LINK MYARM IN HERS
LA CAG E AU X FO L L 31
ES
GIRLS HAVE COME AND GONE

GIRLS MAY GOME AND GO
BUT SOMETHING VERY ODD OCCURS, PAPA
‘CAUSE
LIFE IS IN PERFECT ORDER
WITH ANNE ON MY ARM
IT MAKES MY SHOULDERS BROADER
WITH ANNE ON MYARM
EVEN WHEN THINGS WON'TJELL
AND THE PIECES WON'T FIT
I'M SUDDENLY IN
I'M SUDDENLY ON
I'M SUDDENLY IT!
WHO ELSE CAN MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE I'M HANDSOME AND
TALL WHO ELSE GAN MAEE ME
FEEL I'M ON TOP OF IT ALL
I FOUND A COMBINATION
THAT WORKS LIM A CHARM
I'M SIMPLY A MAN
WHO WALItS ON THE STARS
WHENEVER IT'S ANNE ON MYARM
(JAGOB aM)EAN-MICHEL tfts0r6.J
J****'*-MICIIEL. GEORGES.
LIFE I8 A CELEBRATION
WITH ANNE ON MYARM
SINCE GIRLS AND SEX ARE
HIS CREDO
WALKING'S A NEW
SENSATION
WITH ANNE ON MYARM
THANK GOD HE'S CLOT MY
LIBIDO
VCHTIMEIACEA
MOR NG
THAT'SBOMNGAND
BLAND
ES
JEAN-MICHEL, {l:0itt.) GEORGES, c0itt.)

WITH HER IT LOOKS GOOD
HE'S FANNING ANOTHER
HIS RHETORIC IS THE SAME

IT'S GRAND
IT'S ONLY THE NAME
SOMEHOW SHE'S PUT A THAT

PERMANENT CHANCES
STAR IN MY EYE
EVEN THE DEAD OF BUT AFTER ALL, HE'S A

WINTER GREAT KID
CAN FEEL LIKEJULY
WE START A SO FULL OF CHARM FORA

CONFLAGRATION STRAIGHT KID
THAT'S CAUSE POR ALARM
WE'RE GNING OFF SPARK8
IF THERE'S A GHANCE
THEY'LL BE
THEN MAYBE IT'S ANNE MUST LIM ALBIN AND ME
THEN MAY8E IT'S ANNE
THEN MAYBE IT'S ANNE
THEN MAY8E IT'S ANNE
QACOB magirall) ttansforis into ANNE,)
({EAN-MICHEL Oftd ANNE dG7tGt.)
(orchetra)
g»t«-Micuzz whii'ls ANNS around the r‹›am and
finally spins her off tb.e stage.)
JEAN-MICHEL.
WHO ELSE CAN MAKE ME FEEL
ES
LIM I'M HANDSOME AND TALL
ES
WHO ELSE CAN MAItE ME FEEL

I'M ON TOP OF IT ALL
THAT WORKS LIKE A CHARM
I'M SIMPLY A MAN
WHO WALKS ON THE STARS
WHENEVER IT'S ANNE ON MY ARM
GEORGss. You make a most convincing
case. JEAN-MiGHEL. One more thing...
GEORGES. Please, no more things.
J***-MICHEL,The Dindons are coming to meet my parents.
GEORGES. So you've said.
J****-MICHEL.I'd like to invite Mother.
GEORG£s. Mother whom
J -MICHEL. Mother Sybil. My mother.
GEORGzS. You haven't seen her in decades. Why would you
want to invite her?
JEAN-MICHEL. Because the Dindons want to meet my
parents.
GEORGES. NO2
J*'***-MICHEL.That usually involves a father and a mother.
GEORGES. So?
JEAN-MICHEL. So Sybil's my mother.
GEORGES. So?
J -MICIIEL.So would you please call and invite her?
(GEORGES pawns nonplwsed.)
I love you.
GEORGzs. You had better.
(Thy embrace.)
Now, just who breaks all of this wonderful news to
Albin2
ALBIN. Wedding bells? Is someone tolling wedding bellsi1?

1?li
ES
GEORGEs. Jacob strikes again!

ALBIN. What have we raised, Georges, an animal? Snnkes
live male and female together. Cats live male anal
female together. We are human beings. We know
better. Chilcl, child, child. You are a boy, she is a
girl. What would you talk about?
GEORGES. There's no reasoning with him when he's like
this. Run.
JEAN-MIGHEL. I love her, Albin.
ALBIN. I love women too, but I wouldn't marry one. Oh,
Georges, we're losiIig our only child. And I shall have
no more.
GEORGES. Not without a miracle.
ALBIN. (to JEAN-MICHEL) Look how t.liin you are. It's t.hat
girl!
JEAN-MICHEL. You always say I'm too thin.
ALBIN. Just march yourself into the kitchen and have Jacob
warm some soup.
JEAN-MICHEL. Albin, ..
ALBIN. You're not a mart'ied man yet, Now marchl
GEOROES. (to J -MICHEL,) I'll talk to him.
JEAN-MICHEL. Albin, I'm sorry.
(He exits.)
AI.BIN. He's sorry. He's sorry. Oh, Geor6es, our baby is
getting married, Where did we go wrong?
GEORGEs. We've been through worse my love. We'll get
through this. We still have an hour before the next
show. How about some fresh air?
ALBIN, I'm too upset. I couldn't possibly be seen in public.
MU$IC NO. 5. lH7Zf YOU ON MYARM J
GEORGES. With me you could.
LIFE ISA CELEBRATION
WITH YOU ON MY ARM
36 LA CAG E AUX FO LLES
ALBIN. I'm too upset.

GEORGES. That's because you're not listening.
ALBIN. I am listening. I'm always listening.
GEORGES.
LIFE IS A CELEBRATION
WITH YOU ON MYARM
IT'S WORTH THE AGGRAVATION
WITH YOU ON MYARM
ALBIN. Well, he always did bounce back quicker.
GEORGES. That’s because I’m more limber.
ALBIN. You always were.
GEORGES.
EACH TIME I FAGE A MORNING
THAT'S BORING AND BLAND
WITH YOU IT LOOKS GOOD.
ALBIN. You can’t dance.
GEORGES. With you I can.
WITH YOU IT LOOKS GREAT
ALBIN. Do I have to?
GEORGES. Yes,
WITHYOU IT LOOKS GRAND!
(GEORGES and PIN dance.)
ALBIN. Like the old days!
GEORGES. (executing a fancy step) Uh huh.
ALBIN. (imitating lits) Uh huh.
GEORGES. (anothm step) Uh huh.
ALBIN, (imitating his again) Uh huh.
GEORGES. ( an specially complex stef) Uh huh.
ALBIN. (giving u,p) Unh-unh.
ONYOU IT LOOKS GOOD
ALEIN woMltes GEORGES s0ft-shoe.)
ONYOU IT LOOK8 GREAT...
ON YOU IT LOOitS GRAND...

LA CAG E AU X FO LLES
BOTH. stepping top•ether)

SOMEi-IOW YOU’VE PUT A PERMANENT
STAR IN MY EYE
EVEN THE DEAD OF WINTER
CAN FEEL LIKE JULY
THAT WORKS LIKE A CHARM
(ALBIN is suddenly on the end of the c,haise, stuck in
in.id. air GEORGES lifts hi'in off.)
OEORGES.
IT'S SUDDENLY...
(blows a hiss t,o ALBINJ
ALBIN,
IT'S SUDDENLY
(siglts)
BOTM,
WHENEVER IT'S YOU
WHENEVER IT'S YOU
WHENEVER IT'S YOU ON
WHENEVER IT'S YOU ON
WHENEVER IT'S YOU...
ON...
fMUSfC NO. 3A.• P£A¥Ofi‘fi’]

36 LALACAGE
CAG EAUXFOLLES
AUX FO LLES gY
SCENE 4
[MUSIC NO. '7. PROMENADE]

(The Promenade)
June and MME. RENAUD set the café as -
MICHEL said anxiously on the. corner.)
(cOLETTE and ETIENNE dpfir00th. . )
RENAUD. Bolts0tf
JEAN-MICHEL. Bonsoir
co£sTTc. Well, jean-Michel!
J*'*>- ello Colette.
MIGHELH.
COLETTE. You know my friend Etienne?
JEAN-MtGHEL. Nice to meet you, Etienne.
G*****’*** Y^’J***>-MICHELfrHNfJ.)
coLc*•• Jean-Michelis my cousin,
Etienne. ETHANE. You have a lot of
cousins.
COLETTE. Family is family. (on the sly f0J*'*^-MIGHEL)Give
me an hour to ditch him and I'll meet you at La Cage.
JEAN-MhL, It's all right, Etienne, I won't be in town
long. Colette, I'm getting married.
COLETTE. Congratulations. Give me half an hour.
(Music swells as ROSETTE and ETIENNE exit. ANNE
ANNE. Jean-Michell Sorry I'm late.

(Thy kiss.)
How did it go with your parents?
J*'*>-MtCHEL.Oh, they're thrilled for us. They can't wait to
meet you. How about yours2
ANNE. My mother's happy. But my father is so busy
lecturing the world on how to run their families that
he has no idea what's going on with his own.
Oh,Jean- Michel, you're so lucky to have normal
parents.
38 LA CAG E AUX FO LL
ES
JEAN-MICHEL. Well, I'm not sure how normal any par..,

(JEAN-MICHEL frsrirs. ALBIN a'nd GEORGES erttei: His
moutlt hangs open...)
**••- J•an-Michel, what's wrong?
J -MICHEL. What say we take n walk on the beach?
ANNE. Are you reading my mind?
J -MICHEL. Let.’s go.
ANNE. But the beach is that way.
J -MICHEL. It's starting t.o iain. We'd bett.er run for cover.
J -MICHEL.I just felt a drop.

ANN£. Jean-Michel, the sky couldn't be clearer.
(He grabs her and kisses her)
JEAN-MICHEL. It's starting to rain. (kiss) Axine, if you love
me you'll believe me. (kisses her again) It's starting to
rain. (kiss)
(JEAN-MIGHEL starts to exit, pulls his f0 kH Oftd
kisses him,)
ANNn. And so it is.
{Thy rim off. ALBIN ‹ind GEORGES m‹:n›e dawnstage.)
GEORGES. Feeling any better, my love?
ALBIN. A bit. And yet the world appears so dark and gloomy.
GEORGES. It's nighttime and you're wearing sunglasses.
(GEORGES and ALBTN st.t at a café

tabm.) TABARRO THE FISHERMAN. Bon s0fY,
reset.mrs GEORGES & ALBIN. don. soil ssieuz
TABARRO. The fish are running well.
ALBIN. Jacob will be by in the morning,
TABARRO. beret. An rvoir
GEORGES & ALBIN. An rwoir
ALBIN. Oh, Georges, our nest is on empty.
LA CAG E AU X FO LL ES 39
GEORGES. An ineludible fact of life my love; you can't

keep children in cages.
ALBIN, (r.misidr,ri,ng thi,s) Well, not forever.
(COLETTE and ETIENNE mln)
GEORGES. Bon soir, Etienne.
ETIENNE. Bon soir...
GEORGES. Bon soir.?
ROSETTE. Colette.
GOL£TT£ & £TiENNc. Bon Soir
GEORGES. Oh }ilease.
(COLETTE Oftd ETIENNE eXit.)
ALaIN. It seems like only yesterday Jean-Michel bounced
on his mama's knee.
GEORGES. Speaking of mamas, there's something we
need...
(JACQUnLINE, e sfilish and imposing woman Barr in,g
JAGQUELINE. Char Georges! Gé,erAlbin!

GEORGES & ALBiN. CñrrJacquelinel
J ACQUELINEH. ow opportune! I have just sent a party
of very important patrons from my restaurant down
to your little club. Midnight show. Ringside table?
GEORGES. Of Course.
JACpUELINE. Problem, mn doux?
GEORG£S. No, not. for you. I'll send them champagne.
JACQUELINE. Meet.
ALBIN. And I'll send you the bill.
JAGQUELINE. Oh, Albin, you little jokester! Mille fois!
She exits with a flourish.)
ecNAUo. Bimvmue. Mx cliv axis.
GEORGES. The usual.
MME. RENAUD. (appeahng with two brandies) Voila!
ALBIN. And how are the childrens
RENAUD. Getting bigger.

MME. RENAUD. Growing older.
ALBIN. K’en’t we all, n,’est
pas? MME. RENAUD, Ou,i„ tu
part,...
(MME. RENAUD goes tñfo the Raj, RENAUD sits tit mite
cafe entrance a.nd reads.)
GEORGES. While we're on the subject...
ALBIN. What subjects
GEORGES. Mothers. You know that Anne's parents are
coming to meet Jean-Michel’s family and I thought it
would be nice if he had his mother there with him.
ALBIN. Well of course I'll be there. Where else would I
be? GEORGES. Not you, Albin. Sybil.
ALBIN. {pawe) Sybil who?
GEORGES. Sybil. Jean-Michel’s mother.
A£BIN. By “Sybil. Jean-Michel’ mother” do you refer to
that British tart who seduced you one night backstage
at the Lido in Paris? That Welsh rarebit who once,
every three or four years, thinks to send her own
flesh
and blood son a birthday card? Always, I might add,
on her birthday and not his? Is that the English
muffin to whom you refer?
GEORGES. That's the one.
ALBIN. Georges, without threats or tantrulus I tell you now;
if that woman comes, you die.
GEORGES. If only it were that easy.
ALBIN. What right has she to butt into the boy's life now?
Where has she been all these years when he was
growing up and actually needecl his mother* I'll tell
you where: huddled in even corner of the world, in
any corner of the room with any kind of man she
could lay her claws on, that's where she's been. When
I think of the times he called her, he wrote her, he
begged her to come and always the same reply: “So
LA CAG E AU X FO LLES 41
sorry, son, some other time.” Oh, I could bat the bitch(
GEORGES. Nevertheless, sheñ his mother. She did carry

hint for nine months.
ALBIN. I'd have delivered in eight. And not to your
doorstep!
GEORGEs. Nevertheless, I have called her and she is
ALBIN. And what else? I know your face when you're

holding back. You might as well give me all the bad
news at once. Who else have you invited to this
soiree?
GEORGES. It's not the invited that's bothering me.
GEORG£S. Tonight of all nights there has to be a full moon.

ALBIN. Beautiful, isn't it?
IMUSIC NO. 8 . SONG ON THE SAND1
GEORGES. And you had to wear that cologne.
ALBIN. Don't you lJke it?
GEORGEs. Like it? And on top you had to wear that
parucular shade of blue.
ALBIN. But it's your favourite.
GEORGES. I know. I know, Oh, Albin. ,.
(GEORGES goes to touch ALBIN ’s sh.oulder.)
ALBIN. (pulling away) Georges, please. We're in public view,
GEORGES, I must be insane. To think that after all these
years you can still bring a blush to my cheek.
ALBIN. You old fool.
GEORGES.
DO YOU RECML
THAT WINDY LITTLE BEACH WE WALKED
ALONG? THAT AFTERNOON IN FALL
THAT AFTERNOON WE MET
A FELLOW WITH A CONCERTINA SANG...
WHAT WAS THE SONG?
IT'S STRANGE NHAT WE RECALL
AND ODD WHAT WE FORGET...
I HEARD LA DA DA DA DA DA DA
AS WE WALKED ON THE SAND
I HEARD LA DA DA DA...
I BELIEVE IT WAS EARLY SEPTEMBER
THROUGH THE CRASH OF THE WAVES
I COULD TELL THAT THE WORDS WIRE ROMANTIC
SOMETHING ABOUT SHARING
SOMETHING ABOUT ALWAYS
THOUGH THE YEARS RACE ALONC•
I STILL THINK OF OUR SONG ON THE SAND
AND I STILL TRY AND SEARCH
FOR THE WORDS I CAN BARELY REMEMBER
THOUGH THE TIME TUMBLES BY
THERE IS ONE THING I AM FOREVER
CERTAIN OF
I HEAR LA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA
AND I'M YOUNG AND IN LOVE
(Musical interlude; thy turn to each other,’ GEORGES
reaches for ALBIN s hand., he moves a.way...)
. .I BELIEVE IT WAS EARLY SEPTEMBER
THROUGH THE CRASH OF THE WAVES
I COULD TELL THAT THE WORDS WERE ROMANTIC
GEORGES’/ngvs creep across the J&k.)
( iN ? fingws do tb,e same.)
THOUGH THE YEARS {tb it fingws link) RACE ALONG
THERE IS ONE THING I AM FOREVER
CERTAIN OF
DA DA DA DA DA DA
AND I'M YOUNG AND IN LOVE
ALBA. (with a romantic sigh, as th.e mwic cotitinues) Oh,

Georges, you play my heart like a concertina. Yoii're
such a poet. I'm not so sure about “the cIa h of the
waves”, this being the Mediterranean. But basically
you are correct. This is all about love, this wedding.
Not jealousies or old wounds. So, Sybil can come.
And the three of us will bear witness to our son's
marriage together. Hated in hand...in hand.
GEORGES. Albin, there's something more you should
know...
(a cbc# chimes)
ALBIN. {rising) Oh, Georges. We'll be late for the second
show.
GEORGES. Wait. Albin! I need to tell you something.
ALBIN. (stopping and tuning) Later; clerir. I mustn't keep my
audience waiting.
(He exits.)
GEORGEs. Tonight for the first time in his life he has to be
on time. Oh, Albin, you're still a surprise.
DA DA DA DA DA DA
AND I'M YOUNC AND IN LOVE
(GEORGES exils.)
MUSIC NO. 8A: SONG ON THE LAND - PLAYOFFJ
(The RENAUDS clear the café as tlte stage transforms
into backstage, with CAGELLES in vanors stage of
SCENE 5
Th,e club wings)
r.Iif›boa.rd, in. hand an,d w an,ng a i«.#, bran, t,rirs

to she ann,ou,nr.einent.s.)
SEAL. (sott,o) (offering sort take ‹may t0 BITELLE)
You want a little?
$ITELLn. (sotto) Oh, no thank you, dear. I ate last week.
FRANGIs. Tomorrow’s schedule has a brush-up rehearsal
for the tap number at four. And at five I want to
see everyone involved in last night.’s Dragon Dance
disaster. How many times do I have to tell you: The
flames are meant to come out of the dragon's u,th!
{Tlte KIRLS all laugh.)
(checking Url aofo))acob will be taking the collection for
Jean-Michel’s wedding gift.
MERCEDES. Oh, what are we giving htm?
CHANTAL. We could bake a cake.
BITELLE, And I could come out of it.
MERCEDES. I could make a ratatouille!
HANNA. Rat-tat-touille?
(actors pmforms Rat-tat-touille to the t,une of
La Gucaracha. Thy all join in.)
FRANCIS. Five minutes! Five minutes to the top Of the show.
(No one listms or eves. FRANCIS t T0lhS lits lid.nds
uf in fnistration. GEORGES cutters.)
GEORGES, Here are my lovelier. Happily laughing the
night away while my business goes down the
drninpipes,
HANNA, Leave them to me. All right, Ladies. Move it or

lose itl
ES
(IJANNA cracks her whip, and LES CAGELLES rdit.

HANNA advttnces on ERANGIS.)
GEORG£S. Practicing, Hanna?
HANNA. Making perfect.
GEORGES. (looking at the brace) What's been haprening to
you?
FRANGIS. I'm dating Hanna.
(HANYA cracks her whip and points offstage and
r tNCIs rushes off, followed HANNA.)
GEORGES, (to hi reef Could I make this a rest. home?
JEAN-MICHEL mters through the stage door)
J*'***-MICHEL.I've got a van outside to put it all
in. GEORGES. Put all what in?
JEAN-MICHEL. All the things from the apartment.
GEORGES. Are you planning on moving something?
JEAN-MICI-tEL. Just the statues, the paintings, some
furniture...
GEORGES. Some furniture?
J*'***-MICHEL.I guess we can start in Albin's closets.
GEORGES. Start what in Albin's closets? Surely these people
are not going to conduct searches of our closets?
J*•***-MiCHEL.Where will Mother put her clothes?
GEORGES. She can leave them in the taxi for all I care.
JEAN-MICHEL. But how will it look if she doesn't sleep in
your room?
GEORGES. Like any couple married nventy years.
''RANGIS. Herr Kapitan, we await your order to attack. {clicks

his heels)
GEORGzS. Alert the orchestra, I'll get Zaza.
jars gore off.)
JEAN-MICHEL. Papa, I'd like to get this settled now...
ALBIN afpcars from the apartrtent in a buthrobe. nAN-

MICHEL IHrns awa).)
(GEORGES crosses to ALBIN.J

GEORGES. Ah, look at my Zaza. A vision in teriy cloth. You
take my breath away.
ALBIN. Thank you, Georges. {crossing to J£AN-MICHEL Jean-
Michel, I thought after the show you, your father and
I might share a bit of supper and discuss the wedding
plans. Doesn't that sound delightful?
JEAN-MIGHEL. (exti/ag) Absolutely. I'll be up in the
apartment working on your room.
ALBIN. Working on my room?
GEORGES. Spring cleaning. Swatting the cobwebs and
lassoing the dust bunnies.
ALBIN. But why spring clean when it isn't spring?
GEORGES. It will be. One day. With any luck.
(rnAscis enleri agoia.J
FRANcIs. I've got an audience, an orchestra, and a song to
sing. All we need now is a star.
ALBIN. Fear not, sweet Saint Francis, your star is on the
rise. Jacob, Jacob, lips! Mcs Infants... j'approche!!!
{jACOB appltes ALBIN ’s fiJsiick did ALBIN ex:its to tlte
FRANCIS. Places, everyone. Places.

FRANCIS foll,ows ALBIN off- JACOB rxiti into the
J£AN-MICHEL. I'm sorry. I thought you'd told him.

GEORGEs. You've a lesson to learn in your young life:
Discretion is the better part of marriage.
JEAN-MIGHEL. Come on. Let's go. There's lots to do.
GEORGES. Just one minute. Come here. I want to make
sure you know what you're asking me to do. Look
at him. The man who has dedicated the last menty
ES
years to making a home for us. Who has lived almost

exclusively for our comfort. Your's and mine. I want you
to look at him and consider what it is you're doing;
throwing him out of the home he has made for us...
JEAN-MIGHEL. For one night. Please. (u mmnif) I am
only doing what's necessary.
LA GAG E AU X FO L L 47
ES
SCENE 5A
IMUSIC NO. 8B.’ BEFORE LA GAGS

(The stage tran,sforiiis into t,b,e club.)
(GEORGES greets his guest ‹retd with a gesture starts a
dun rol.1.)
GEORGES. Midnight. It makes you even more attractive.
You know why you're here, and so do I, It's time for
our midnight show! What legend has told and
rumour has promised, we will do our utmost to
deliver. And now the moment you have long
awaited; La Cage Aux Folles proudly presents the
greatest star on the Riviera—the one, the only Zaza!!!!
(Music note: ZaZa's entrance occurs at meaiure 35 of
8B.’ BEFORELA G4GA.)
ALBIN. Good evening. Good evening. Bon soir, one
and all. Are you having fun? C›ive me a moment,
I'm just getting started.
Shall we try that again?

(busy and nuliot)
I hope our staff has made you comfortable. (gain.g
so one in the house) Perhaps not th,at comfortable 1
Did you all get enough to drink? Obviously you did.
Don't you look decorative? Have you ever pictured
yourself on the arm of an older woman? Let me
rephrase that. On the aria of a rich, older womans
Write down your number, I will give it to my
mother, being that {arson again) So you've all
come to see our little show, have you? Well, tlint
you shall. For those of you who have wandered in
ol"f the street unbeknownst.., I am Zaza!
LA CAG E AU X FO LL 49
ES
ORGHESTRA, Hi, Zaza!1!

ALBIN. Hello boys! (They are so needy) And for those of
you who couldn't guess from our tastefully appointed
signage outside, this is La Gage Aux Folles
{MUSIC NO. 9: LA CAGE AUX POLLESJ
Here at La Cage we live life—how should I put it*—
on an angle. Ok, when I say that, can you all lean
slightly that way? On an angle... ! There are some
people in the cheap seats not sure which way they go.
Shall we try again? On an angle. Stop, stop, There is a
man down here trying to go both ways! Not to worry.
You'll soon get your bearings. Take a deep breath,
open your eyes. What do you see?
(She, sings...)
IT'S RATHER GAUDY
BUT IT'S ALSO RATHER GRAND
AND WHILE THE WAITER PADS YOUR CHECK
HE'LL KISS YOUR HAND
THE CLEVER GIGOLOS
ROMANCE THE WEALTHY MATRONS
AT IA CAGE AUX FOLLES
IT'S SLIGHTLY FORTIES, AND A LITTLE BIT “NEW \VAVE"
YOU MAYBE DANCING WITH A GIRL WHO NEEDS A SHAVE
WHERE BOTH THE RIFFRAFF
AND THE ROYALTYARE PATRONS
AT LA CAGE AUX FOLLES
LA CAGE AUX FOLLES
THE MAITRE D’ IS DASHING
CAGE AUX FOLLES
THE HATGHEGK GIRL IS FLASHING
WE IMPORT THE DRINKS THAT YOU BUY
SO YOUR PERRIER IS CANADA DRY!
ECCENTRIC COUPLES ALWAYS PUNCTUATE THE SCENE
A PAIR OF EUNUCHS AND A NUN WITH A MARINE
TO FEEL ALIVE YOU
GET A LIMOUSINE TO DRIVE YOU
TO LA CAGE AUX FOLLES
JACQUELINE,
IT'S BAD AND BEAUTIFUL; IT'S BAWDY AND BIZARRE.
ALBIN,
I KNOW A DUCHESS WHO GOT PREGNANT AT THE BAR!
JAGQUELINE & ALBIN.
JUST VTIO IS WHO
ALBIN JACQUELINE.
AND WHAT IS WHAT
IS QUITE A
QUESTION
JACQUELINE,
AT LA GAGE AUX FOLLES
GO FOR THE MYSTERY, THE MAGIC AND THE MOOD
( K {whes JAGQUELINE ém/t info /ter seat.)
AVOID THE HUSTLERS
ALBIN,
AND THE MEN'S ROOM
FRANcIs
AND THE FOOD
ALBIN.
FOR YOU GET GLAMOUR
AND ROMANCE
JACQUELINE,
AND INDICESTION
ALBIN & JACQUELINE.
LA CACHE AUX FOLLES

ALBIN.
A ST. TROPEZ TRADITION
ALL.
CAGE AUX FOLLES
ALBIN.
YOU'LL LOSE EACH INHIBITION
ALL EEKL0NGWI/R£WONDEMNGWHO
LEFTAGREENGWZNCHYGO INTHELOO
LA CAG E AU X FO LL 51
ES
YOU GO ALONE TO HAVE THE EVENINC• OF YOUR LIFE

ALBIN.
YOU MEET YOUR MISTRESS AND YOUR BOYFRIEND AND
YOUR WIFE
IT'S A BONANZA;
IT'S A MAD EXTRAVAGANZA
(The curtain ’ii raised to meal a birdc,age full ofLcS
(Ballet)
(Tlte BIRDS rxfl.)
( iN reapfears in a huge white for aitd blonde wig.)

ALBIN. Did you miss me? You could hardly expect me to
stay out here with those girls leaping and flying and
flailing in that manner. {to that patroit again) Hello.
Have you ever seen legs go up so high or so fast? Well,
I'm sure you have. In the mirror!
(modelling the dress) While I was backstage, I took the
rportunityto slip into a little something...else. This
is something else, isn't it!
{gein,g someon,e in the audknce) Hello darling. Oh, I
know why you got seau so close to the stage. Hoping
to peek at all our little secrets aren't you? Well, I will
tell you something confidentially. . ,
Among my girls there are no /ifib secrets!
(tnnnprt: u›ah, wah, wah)
ALBIN. (cant.) Ah, I see we have a new trumpet player.

Does your mother know what your lips do for a living?
But cloes she know what they will do for me after the
show?
Hello, this is a little song I sang in the war. I sang it in

Paris. I sang it in Berlin. I sang it in Sicily. I sang it till
they made me stop, It 1s about a soldier. He meet a
girl and fall in love. He give her his heart. She look at
it and give it back. I sing it for you now.
YOU'LL BE SO DAZZLED BY THE AMBIENCE YOU'RE IN
YOU'LL NEVER NOTICE THAT THERE'S WATER IN THE GIN.
COME FORA DRINK...
AND YOU MAY WANNA SPEND THE WINTER
LA CAGE AUX FOLLES
A ST. TROPEZ TRADITION
CAGE AUX FOLLES
YOU'LL LOSE EACH INHIBITION
WE INDULGE EACH CHANGE IN YOUR MOOD
COME AND SIP YOUR DUBONNET IN THE NUDE
Come on girlsl
(The curtain rises to meal a Moulin Rouge set piece
and Let CAGELLES appear for the cawan.)
(Solo tricks)
(Bitelle's ac.ro)
{Legs)
(Solos section)
(Pairs spinning)
LA CAG E AU X F O LLES 5S
(Splits #J)
Aspirin ez)
(Snap h.cads to au,di e)
{Buttm}
(Nwnber restarts.)
( K appears in t,he centre of the cancan line)
ALBIN.
COME AND ALLOWYOURSELF TO LOSE YOUR SELF
CONTROL
COME AND INVESTIGATE THE DARK SIDE OF YOUR SOUL
COME FORA GLIMPSE AND YOU MAY WANNA STAY FOREVER
AT
LA CAGE AUX FOLL£S
YOU CROSS THE THRESHOLD AND YOUR BIRDGES HAVE

BEEN BURNED
THEBARISGHEEMNGFORTHEDUGHESHA8 ETURNED
THE MOOD'S CONTAGIOUS
YOU CAN BRING YOUR WHOLE OUTRAGEOUS ENTOURAGE
(OUTRAGEOUS ENTOURAGE)
54 LA CAG E AU X FO LL ES
OUTRAGEOUS ENTOURAGE!
IT'S HOT AND HEGTIG
EFFERVESCENT AND ECLECTIC
AT LA CAGE AUX FO..........,..LLES!
(Tlte stage t’ransf0rPtS int0 backstagc.)

LA CAG E AUX FO LL ES 55
SCENE 6
MUSIC NO. 10. HANNA'S I ftOJ§

$MUSIC NO. 10A. HANNA'S TANGO
(CAGELL£s frantically change HANNn into dominatrix
rostwne, and ANGEIZQ E tnto a Irofiard.)
(FRANCIS, standing bcfore a microphone., hand over his
BITELL£. SweetJesus, take me nowt

FRANCIS. Ladies and Gentlemen, the management of
La Cage Aux Folles continuously scours the globe
to bring you the fiercest in entertainment. And
now, from the deepest corner of your darkest
fantasies...the eternal struggle of man versus
beast...the apocryphal battle of beauty versus
leather...tanned, tawed and tenderised...HANNA
FROM HAMBURC!
A loud en:tel of the ship and a scream!)
( K is changing for his next number behind a
dressing screen.)
GEORGES and JEAN-MIIHEL, cafritag a large tzttde
statue and some clothing, are spotted hmding frmii
the apartment toward the exit.)
GEOROES. All clear.
ALBIN. (reclaiming in French:) Attention! (in English)
Spring cleaning is one thing, but where are you going
with my gowns?
GEORGES. Go change, I'll explain it all later.
AI.BIN. Explanations are being entertained now, if you
please,
J£AN-MICHEL, Would you tell html
FRANGIS. Two minutes, Zaza.
GEORGES. Finish changing. Everything's fine.
ALBIN, No, ever ing is not fine.
56 LA CAG E AU X FO LLES
FRANCIs. Keep it down, ladies. There's an artist at work

here.
(HANNA cracks her whi,p “on,sto.ge. ”)
ALBIN. Georges. I'm waiting,
J -MICHEL, Papa, please. Tell him.
GEORGES. All right, Albin. I shall explain it all. Ariel I'm
certain that if I tell you quietly and calmly we can
discuss this like two mature adults.
ALBIN. (crossing behind Up SffdM) It's that bad.
GEORGEs. Not really. You know that Anne's parents are
coming. And I told you that Sybil is coming. What
I failed to tell you is that you’ie not, You know that
politician who’s trying to iin{Jose his morality on the
coast? Well, he is the girl's father. So, what can you
do? You can't choose your parents. But)ean-Michel
assures me that Anne is nothing like her father. So, let
us be thankful for small favours, Meanwhile, they are
who they are and they're on their way here. And so,
for one night, I shall be someone else for them. And
for that night Sybil will be my wife.
And after they've gone we'll have a good laugh at how
we pulled one over on them. When you think about
it, it's all very funny; me a diplomat with the French
Foreign Service, Sybil, my wife, and you...believe inc,
this will be one of t.hose stories we'll laugh about
for years to come. So, what do you say?
(AtBINappears fms behind the scrcen fully dressed to go
onslage. ffe looks at GEORGES a d JEAN-MIGHEL, éRf
JEAN-MICHEL. I'm sorry, Albin,

(GEORGES beans to we towards ALBIN.)
ALaIN. Excuse me, I have a show to finish.
(ALBIN crosses to center stage as the stage with LES
cAGxLLzs in position is rnealed.)
(GEORGES °^ J -MIGHEL xit.J
LA GAG E AU X FO LL 57
ES
SCENE 6A
ALBIN & CAGELLES.

WE ARE WHAT WE ARE
AND WHAT WE ARE
IS AN ILLUSION
WE LOVE HOW IT FEELS
PUTTINC• ON HEELS
CAUSING GONFUSION
WE FACE LIFE
THO IT'S SOMETIMES SWEET AND SOMETIMES BITTER...
{But he hereof go through it and suddenly hokls
up his hands for t.hemoMrANY, for the archest.ra, for
EVERYBODY Io si :)
ALBIN, No! Please, please,
...FACE LIFE
WITH A LITTLE GUTS
ALBIN. qaiet«r, In sha GoMPANv) Get off.
(ALLexit. Axem stands alone, and after a long rioiiinit,
starts to sing a capella:)
I AM WHAT I AM
I AM MY OWN SPECIAL CREATION...
SO GOME TAItE A LOOK
GIVE ME THE HOOK
OR THE OVATION.
IT‘S MY WORLD
THAT I WANT TO HAVE A LITTLE PRIDE IN
MY WORLD
AND IT'S NOT A PLACE I HAVE TO HIDE IN
LIFE'S NOT WORTH A DAMN
TILL YOU CAN SAY"HEY, WORLD
I AM NHAT I AMI“
I AM WHAT I AM
I DON'T WANT PRAISE
58 LA CAG E AU X F O LLES
I DON'T WANT PITY

I BANG MY OWN DRUM
SOM£ THINK IT'S NOISE
I THINK IT'S PRETTY
AND SO WHAT
IF I LOVE EACH FEATHER AND EACH SPANCLE?
WHY NOT
TRYAND SEE THINGS FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE?
YOUR LIFE IS A SHAM
TILLYOU CAN SHOUT-OUT LOUD
"I AM WHAT I AM!"
I AM WHAT I AM
AND WHAT I AM
NEEDS NO EXCUSES
I DEAL MY OWN DECK
SOMETIMES THE ACE
SOMETIMES THE DEUCES
THERE'S ONE LIFE
AND THERE'S NO RETURN AND NO DEPOSIT
ONE LIFE
SO IT'S TIME TO OPEN UP YOUR CLOSET
LIFE'S NOT WORTH A DAMN
TILLYOU CAN SAY-“HEY, WORLD
I AM...
WHAT...
GEORGES stefs from the, wings toward his.)

( K turns aitd flexes GEORGES with his
determined glare. AL IN tltriists his wig to
GEoRGEs and walks tnumphantl off the stage, into
the house and straight

(GEORGES ts left alone, aghast.)
ACT TWO
(MUSIC NO. 12. ENTR'AGTE

SCENE 1
(Town and Café.)

(Thunder. A funeral dirgr plays. ALBIN enters we,aring
a blask pants suit and sunglasse,s. J*COB follows in
makeshift Greek tragic robes, holding a parasol acer
(GEORGES ente,rs from the cafe.)

GEORGES. Albin, I've been worried sick. I searched all
night for you.
JAGOB. Please to keep your distance. Have you no respect
for a homeless widow wandering the earth, ill-fated, ill-
starred and ill-dressed?
f* JACOa) You said you liked this outfit.
JAGOB.It was better on Liza.
GEORGES. Albin, please, I need to talk to you.

JACOB. A t.raitor’s needs are but specks of sand tossed into
the hurricane of humiliation.
(Agaitz GEORGES Q< '° JACOB aside but still can’t
rem:h ALBIN blond the parasol.)
GEORGES. Where did you sleep? Have you eaten? You look
exhausted.
JACOB. The Gods watch o'er their woeful child, oh, Jasonl
GEORGES. Listen, Medea, I've got fifty francs say you've got
someplace else to be.
5B
ES
)ACOB. As if my loyalty could be bought for fifty francs.

You make me laugh. Ha, lia!!!
GEORGES. What woulcl you say to a hundred?
JACOB. I'd say, just in time. My arms are killing me, (to
ALBIN) I take my leave, Mistress, Even the devotion
of thy faithful servant cannot. shield thee from the
whizzing arrows of destiny. But I'll pick up lunch and
meet you back at the house. Okay?
(exiting while counting the many)
Later!
(JACOB go’tt.e, GEORGES approaches ALBIN,)
GEORGES. Albin, my love...
ALBIN. I have nothing to say to you, Georges.
GEORGES. I'm sorry. All right?
ALBiN. No, I'm sorry, it. is NOT all tight, To think I
would live to see the day when Jean-Michel, who I
raised as my own, would turn lits back on me,. .
GEORGES. And didn't you lie to your parents about me?
ALBIN. But I had to lie. They would never have accepted
that you were...in show business.
GEORG£S Jean-Michel is a kid. He wasn't thinking.
He's in love.
ALBIN. And you?

GEORGES. I'm just. a fool. Who also wasn't thinking. Who's
also in love.
ALBIN. (hearing the music) How much do you pay him/herb
GEORGES.
THROUGH THE,.. SPLASH OF THE WAKES
I GOULD TELL THAT THE WORDS WERE ROMANTIG
ALBIN.
LA CAG E AU X F O LLES 61
(GEORGES and AI-BIN be,gin to move logethw, but st,of

as thy see into enter.)
GEORGES & ALBIN.
THOUGH THE YEARS RACE ALONG
THERE IS ONE THING THAT I AM FOREVER
CERTAIN OF
GEORGES.
I HEAR LA DA DA DA DA DA DA...
ALBIN.
,..LA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA
GEORGES & ALBIN.
AND I'M YOUNG AND IN LOVE!
(GEORGES moves to ALBIN, but PIN puts up ñ ii
hand to h0kl his off.)
ALBIN. The fact remains that I am unwanted.
GEORGES. Albin, yoti are wanted. It's all you bring with
you that's questionable. Now, you have certain
mannerisms, albeit charming mannerisms, which
could shock people who haven't been forewarned.
ALBIN. Et tu.! (mocking his) “Which could shock people
who haven't been forewarnedl”
GEORGES. My mannerisms can translate as tasteful
affectation. While yours are no less than suspicious.
ALBIN. “No 1es.s than sssssussssspicioussssssss,”
(1t£NAUD cutters fms the rafé,)
RENAUD, Bonjou¿ mcs xvii. Breakfast?
ALBIN. No!
GEORGES. Yes.
ALBiN. You can eat while I suffer?

62 LA CAG E AU X F O
LLES
GEORGES. I'll force myself.

ALBIN. Pig.
GEORGES. Albin, the point is if you wish to attend tonight's
affair you can do so simply by donning the pi oper
attire and appropriately straightening up your ac.t.
Yoti will assume the role of Jean-Michel’s dear Uncle
Al.
ALBIN. Uncle K!?!?!
GEORGES. What’s the matter with that?
ALBIN. The displacement in stature for one thing! Even if
you had a wife who was a drunk, you wouldn't pass her
off as a maid.
GEORGES. Ah, but a drunken wife is at least a woman.
And in the minds of the masses a lush is more
presentable than a fruit.
ALBIN. And suddenly you're no fruit° Just because you
had a baby one night by accident.
GEORGES. It was no accident.
ALBIN. You told me it was an accident.
GEORGES, I said no such thing. Sybil was the most beautiful
showgirl at the Lido...
ALBIN. Sybil's a pig.
GEORGES. I shall ignore that remark. Sybil was the most
beautiful showgirl at the Lido and I, playing a Greek
God, was certainly pound for pound her match. The
opportunity presented herself and I thought, “Why
not? Everybody talks about it so much. I might as
well see what the fuss is all about.” And it was a
beautiful and moving experience.
ALBIN. As if you could remember, drunk as you were.
GEORGES. I lasted from midnight till quarter to three, How
drunk could I have been?
ALBIN. That's right. Smack me in the face with your
infidelities. Animal!
GEORGES. Albin, are you coming tonight or not?
ALBIN. As Uncle Al?

GEORGES. As Uncle Al. Please.
ALBIN. All right. I'll come as Uncle Al... bert. But only
because, whether he knows it or not, the boy needs
me. Besiiles, without me there, you're bound to screw
things up.
GEORGES. Thank you, my love. Now to prepare. Up up up.
Slouch!
ALBIN. Slouch?
GEORGES. Go ahead. Slouch!
Perhaps a standing slouch is too advanced. Lets try

slouching in that chair.
RENAUn appe,ars with a breakfast tray and sit.s it on,
(ALBINsits itt a chair at the table.)

He's going to {mass as a heterosexual man tonight.
It will be the greatest acting challenge of his career.
(sWr§l lo ALBINJ SLOUCH!
(ALaIN screams.)
What's the matter?
ALBIN. You yelled at me.
MME. RENAUD. What?
ALBIN. I'm sorry, he yelled at me.
lMt!SIG NO. 12G: MOUNTAIN BIMLD ( ttffJA(
GEORG£s. Yes, I yelled at you. But you're all man. You

must face up to your destiny. Even if it means being
yelled at. You must say to yourself, "Something
untowarcl has happened to me. I have been yelled
upon. But I am all mam I ant strong! I am invincible!
I will climb back up that mountainl!1"
64 LA CAG E AU X F O
LLES
GEORGES tits off the orchestra with a flourish. ALBIN

jumps to his feet.)
ALBIN, Bravo! Bravo, mon heros!
(GEORGES tfshers ALBIN é 6 â !.0 HP. SP.I.)
GEORGES. And now you—drop your shoulders. Let them go
all round and beaten. Stop holding in yorir stomach.
Let it spill out over your lap, a testament to all the
nights out drinking with the boys. Now spread your
legs.
ALBIN, Ax6ttsm-tnof?
GEORGES. You're wearing trousers, not a skirt. Spread
them!
(ALBIN iiictri h,i.s few.t apart wh,ile keeping his k,n,ees
together.)
Ahem.. .
(AL8iN farts Itis Ie.gs and quickly close.s t.h,em again,)
Now pick up that croissant,
(He does, notices its shape and ti,m.es suggestive
Not like that. Like a he-man. Let's try the toast. Think
of...
RENAUD. John Wayne!
MUSIC NO. 13, MASGULfNITY
GEORGES. Perfect! John Wayne. I want you to pick up
that toast as if you were John Wayne,
(AL8IN prepares, does his best giinslinger swaggw, their
sits bark down and lifls thr. toast, fa,nning lii e,lf wit.h
I thought I said John Wayne.

ALBIN. It is J hn Wayne. John Wayne as a little girll
GEORGES. Let's try this again.
THINK OF THIS AS,..
MASCULINE TOAST
LA GAG E AU X F O LLES 65
AND MASCULINE BUTTER

READY FOR SPREADING BYA MASCULINE HAND
PICK UP THAT KNIFE AND MAKE BELIEVE IT'S A MACHETE
IT'LL TAKE ALL YOUR STRENGTH AND STEADY NERVES
FOR HACKING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE CHERRY
PRESERVES!
THINK OFJOHN WAYNE
ANDJEAN-PAUL BELMONDO
THINK OF THE LEGIONNAIRES AND CHARLEMAGNE'S MEN
SO LIKE A STEVEDORE YOU GRAB YOUR CUP
AND IF, GOD FORBID, THAT YOUR PINKS POPS UP
YOU CAN CLIMB BACK UP THE MOUNTAIN ONCE AGAIN!
You got that?
ALBIN. I think so.
GEORG£S. Don't think. Known You're a man.
ALBiN. I'm a man.
RENAUD. You're a man.
ALBIN. I'm a man.
MME. RENAUD. You're a man.
ALBIN. Does anyone hear an echo?
MME. RENAUD. Oh, Albin!
. RENAUD titles ALBIN playfully and lie sci•eams.)
GEORGES. That's great, (Now, about that voice of yours.)
CRUNT £IX£ AN BE
ID GROWL LM A JJGER
GNE US THAT ROARING, SNORING, MASCULINE LAUGH
AL IK, /uIsetto) HAS
GEORGES.
ALWAYSREMEMBERTEATJOHNWAYNEWA8NOTSO£RAN0
VEPMAMNGITROUGH,ANDGRUF,ANDLOW
ALBN,
HO HO
GEORGES.
TRY MORE LIKE]OHN WAYNE AND LESS BRIGITTE BARDOT1
RENAUD.
THINK OF DE GAULLE
ES
AND THINK OF RASPUTIN

MME. RENAUD,
THINK LIM A DANIEL MARCHING INTO THE DEN
GEORGES.
WHILE TRYING TO]OINTHE BURLY BRUTES
IF YOU FORGET THAT YOUR NYLONS ARE UNDER YOUR
BOOTS
GEOROES, RENAUD & MME. RENAUD.
YOU CAN CLIMB BACK RIP THE MOUNTAIN ONCE AGAIN!
GEORGES. Now try to imitate my walk.
(GEORGES date with qu«ztion,able iiiachismo.)
ALBIN. I can't do that. , .I’ll put my back out!
RENAUD. Watch me.
MME, RENAUD. No, no, no. Watch me.
(Sb,e wallis in an cap ale style.)
GEORGES. Yes. You see how she holds heIselP
Shoulders back, hips planted.
ALBIN. It s easy for her. She's wearing flats.
GEORGES. just feel it, right?
RENAUD, Rightl
TABARRO. Rightl
GEORGES. Albin, you are the greatest performer on the
Riviera. You've done the likes of Shakespeare, Moliere,
and came this close to getting that tour of Dolly,
Are you telling me that playing dear simple Uncle
Al is beyond your range?
(The gauntlet has now been thrown. ALBIN stan‹1s und
stefs centre of the group.)
ALBIN. Stand back!
(And with that ALBA haunches into hi.s own masculin.e
march. The OTHERS join in.)
ALL,
THINK GHENGIS KHAN
AND THINK TARAS BULBA
LA CAG E AU X FO LLES 6Y
THINK OF ATTILA'S HUNS AND ROBIN HOOD'S MEN

TRY NOT TO WEAKEN OR COLLAPSE
IF THEY DISCOVER THE PANTY-HOSE UNDER YOUR CHAPS
YOU CAN GLIMB BACK UP THE MOUNTAIN ONCE AGAIN1
WHOA...YEAH!
(pla'f Off
(PIN, GEORGES, RENAUD, A MME. RENAUD cTtt.J
SCENE 2
(The lights coin, uf on I.he apart ,t. It is n.ow star.

{fed bare but for a huge woollen crucifix upstage nght
and a fa fetes of da,rk wooWi fu,rnitu,re.)
brocade and powdered wig. The doorbell chins.)

(MUSIC NO. 13A and 13B. MASGULlNirr
PLAYOFF andfACOB’S CROSSJ
(JACOB opens the for to roeafJEAN-MiCHEL.)
JACOB. Ah, the prodigal son.
J*'**-MICHEL, {entering with a large tray) I picked up the hers
d 08tt res.
JACOB.Thank you. I'm starving.
J -MIGHEL.Has Mother arrived yet?
JACoB. Mother who?
JEAN-MICHEL. Don't you think that outfit smacks a bit of
overkill?
JAGOB.No more than your decorating.
J*•***-MICHEL.Do you think I went too far?
JACOB. When it comes to going too far, you're asking the
WI'OKlQ JJtISOI1.
J***>-MICHEL.You'd better behave tonight. Father, you and

I have made a deal.
JACO8, And so we did. For twenty-one hours I perform to
the full perfection of my butler best, and in return,
tomorrow night, when the curtains of La Page rise -
they rise on ME1
JEAN-MICHEL. In the chorusl
JACOB. Featuring ME!
J***>-MICHEL.Just for the fitiale,
JACOa, What more do ME need? Theatrical legend will
recall the moment when a single lavender spot
revealed this quinceañera goddess adrift in a cloud
of
LA CAG E AUX FO LL ES 69
perfumed mist, draped from comely crown to flawless

foot in leopard lame. Men will reach out to me in
longing. Women will avert their envious eyes. And
you will have to speak to my agent, ‘cause if you
think I'm going to keep dusting and vacuuming this
mess once I have been discovered you got another
thing coming!
({ACOB sRJi hiiiiself down in a chair with a “humph.”)
GEORGES ettters dressed in a tasteful suit.)
GEORGES. Ahl Mother Theresa's decorator has returned.
JEAN-MIGiIEL. I suppose that suit will do. You are, after all,
supposed to be retired.
GEORGES. If that's a compliment, I accept.
JEAN-MIGHEL. I'm sorry. You look very handsome.
GEORGES. I know. Wait until you see Albin.
JEAN-MICHEL. Albin?
JAGOB. {cmssing hiinsep Oh yes. Albin.
GEORGES. Oh, but it's fun to be on the other side of
shocking news. Yes, Albin! We've been rehearsing
all afternoon, This will be the crowning moment of
his long illustrious career. Tonight, the great Zaza as
“Uncle Albert.”
J£AN-MICIIEL, God save us all,
GEORGES. Alberts Oh, Uncle Albert! Come forth and show
our son the Frankenstein his love hath wrought.
K a{{mrs in a blue suit and black fats.
Noons, his hands rest uncomfortably in his pockets.)
Voilal A fellow to be reckoned with. Your Uncle Albert,
(JEAN-MIfiHEL 100 Aghast. ALBIN looks worried, but
GEORGES Mrourogrs firm to come fo ard.)
(AL8IN &cfdo this is all too much and makes a

dash for the door GEORGES retrimes his and
ushers his iM0fJsJEAN-MlGHEL.)
ES
ALBIN. It's not working,

GEORGES. Srri. Vcai. You're doing splendidly. Handsome.
Dashing. You'll soon have women mobbing you in the
streets. And not just for make-up tips.
ALBIN, (in I.rtm.Htm bOS50) Beii jour It is Indeed it is a

pleasure to make your acquaintance,
(JEAN-MICHEL grabs ALBIN ’s hand and holds it up
for GEORGES to see. There is o huge 4iam,ond clustm
ring on it.)
J*'*>-MICHEL.Papa, lookl The crown jewels.
AI-BIN. Please. Allow me some comfort.
GEORGEs. (retiring the hng) Albin the boy is right. Leo not
gild the lily.
cis e.nt,iws from the. club. His ann is now in a
sling.)
FRANCIS. Hey, this is nice,. What time's mass?
JEAN-MICHEL. I thought you locked that floor,
GEORG£s. Francis has a key. Did you need something2
FRANCIS, Sorry. A telegram arrived. (giving it to ALnIN) I
thought it might be important.
ALBIN. (being the sling) And what happened to you?
GEORGES. Don't tell me; you and Hanna are engaged.
FRANCIS. (blushing) No. But we're getting serious.
(HINGES exits a5 GEORGES crosses to AIBIN Off ALBIN
huts the telegram behind his.)
GEORGES. Bad newsi
ALBIN. Just a request for an interview.
(ALEIN takes the note over to a chair to study il in
fhuate.)
JEAN-MICHEL thmws his ha’nJs up.)
)EAN-MICHEL. This is never going to work. Grazy people
coming in and out. Mother's not here yet,
LA C.AG E AU X FO LLES 71
GEORGES. You must get hold of yourself.

JEAN-MICHEL. It's going to be a disaster.
GEORGES. Not if you keep your wits about you,
J*'***-MICHEL. Papa, I love Anne and I'm going to lose her.
GEORGES. I'll let you in on a little secret, my son. If she
loves you, you won't lose her. No matter what happens
here.
JEAN-MICHEL. I should have known better. I ask for one
lousy favour from him and look. I should have known
better. My whole life I've had to put ur with his
nonsense. When I think of what I've been through
because of him. The ribbings I took at school. The
beatings I got defending him. The gawking stares
every time we left the house because he'd always insist
we stroll arm in arm. I'd need a shirt for school, and
he'd buy me a blouse.
GEORGES. What about what he's given up for your The
vacations and holidays. The hours helping wit.h your
homework. The nights sitting up in your sick room,
Have you ever wanted for anything? Private schools,
Cars, cash, clothes, anything2?? Have you ever asked
for anything that you were denied?
JEAN-MICHEL. Yes! How about a little respect for what
I want? How about a little understanding?
GEORGES, A little tespect? A little understanding?
MUSIC NO. 14. LDOK OVER THEIW1
HOW OFTEN IS SOMEONE CONCERNED
WITH THE TINIEST THR£AD OF YOUR LIFE?
GONCERNED WITH WHATEVER YOU FEEL
AND WFiATEVER YOU TOUCH
LOOK OVER THERE
LOOK OVER THERE
SOMEBODY CARES THAT MUCHI
HOW OFTEN DOES SOMEBODY SENSE
THAT YOU NEED THEM WITHOUT BEING TOLD?
WHENYOU HAVE A HURT IN YOUR H£ART
YOU'RE TOO PROUD TO DISCLOSE

LOOK OVER THERE
LOOK OVER THERE
SOMEBODYALWAYS KNOWS
WHEN YOUR WORLD SPINS TOO FAST
AND YOUR BUBBLE HAS BURST
SOMEONE PUTS HIMSELF LAST
SOTHAT YOU CAN COME FIRST
SO COUNT ALL THE LOVES WHO WILL LOVE YOU
FROM NOW TO THE END OF YOUR LIFE
AND WHEN YOU HAVE ADDED THE LOVES
WHO HAVE LOVED YOU BEFORE
LOOK OVER THERE
LOOK OVER THERE
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU MORE
WHEN YOUR WORLD SPINS TOO FIST
AND YOUR BUBBLE HAS BURST
SOMEONE PUTS HIMSELF LAST
SO THAT YOU CAN COME FIRST
(JEAN-MICHEL Wakes 0 move t0MOrd ALBIN, biil h,r.
cannot deal with the conflict betweeit h.’i.s feeling.s
for ALBIN and his love for ANNE. And to lie exits,
leaving GEORGES singing, finiill , to his ALaIN.)
GEORGES. {tortt.)
SO COUNT ALL THE LOVES WHO WILL LOVE YOU
FROM NOW TO THE END OF YOUR LIFE
WHO HAV£ LOVED YOU BEFORE
LOOK OVER THERE
LOOK OVER
THERE
{ALBINlooks over at GEORGES andf ! **•*
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU MOR£1
AL8IN. Oh, poor Jean-Michel.
GEORG£S. Poor }ean-Michel?
ALBIN. {referring to the telegram) Front Sybil. (reading)
“Dearest darlings. Stop. The Duke proposed. Stop, Off
to Amsterdam for a red light district ceremony. Stop.

Sorry, Sybil."
GEORGES. (t.aIii,+ig they paper) Sorry Sybil .should be her name.
ALBIN. She's done it to him again.
GEORGEs. We'll tell the Dindons that a telative took ill and
that Sybil went a’ nursing.
ALBIN. And what do we tell the boy?
GEORGES. The truth, no?
ALBIN. Oh, Georges, he'll be so disappointed. No mother.
(The 4ootbcll *•a- J*'**-MICHELrttns on tn a panic
from the ki,tshen.)
J*'*>-MICHEL.They're here! They're here!
dAG0B runs on and joins the §onic.)
GEORGES. Take a breath. You'll burst something.
JEAN-MICHEL. It's them! They're at the door and mother is
nowhere in sight.
GEORGES. I was thinking; once you're born is a mother
really all that importanti
(doorbell rings again)
J*'**-MICHELJ. acob, answer the door.
ALBIN. I can do that.
JEAN-MICHEL. No! LetJacob do it,
(dcoDell nngs again)
(JACOB begins to skip merrily toward the door JEAN-
MICHEL grabs ltis are ‹itid swings his toward the
bench,)
On second thought,..DOWN!
All right, you three. Listen carefully. For the next

Verity-one hours there will be people of a lifestyle far
removed from the one you live, I beseech you, for the
next twenty-one hours to dispense with everything you

take pride in and everything that brings you personal
joy. My future depencls on it.
ALBIN. I was raised a Christian. Huiniliation is lny lot. They
hold a place foi me in paradise,
J -MICHEL. All right. Now, Papa. You stand over there.

And, Albin, please, ,.back there somewhere,
(The dooDell rings again.)
Everybody ready? On your marks. Get set, C o!
firi/sc no. s+c: ansml
(xLam jumfis up, screams and runs inta the drr.ssing
room. Simultaneously, GEORGES and J COB Jum§ u§
and bump into each other.)
GEORGES. Albin!
(JACOB throws fen the duos in Bhtish Butler manner.)
(Y/n DINDONS enter one by one.)
JACOB.His Excellency The Deputy Dindon.
MUSIC NO. 14D: DINDON'S MARCHJ
(DINDON miers confused.)
Madame Dindon.
(She enters c.nsume.)
And the Mademoiselle in question.
GEORGES. (appmashing ANNE) Charming child. Welcome to

our home.
ANN£. Thank you.
DINDON. {calling lv to his side) Annex
JEAN-MICHEL. May I present icy father.
GEORG£s. A pleasure.
LA CAG E AU X FO LLES Y5
DINDON. A pleasure.
MARIE. A pleasure.
ANNE. My pleasure.
GEORGES. Jacob! Fetch the luggage.
QACOB barks tn›ice and exits.)
DINDON. Your home makes quite an impression. Yes,
that's the word. Imptessive. One hardly expects to find
this almost monk-like atmosphere in a district
notorious for its pleasure palaces.
GEORO£s. Yes. It ‹foes take some getting used to.
QACOB throws open the door tossing suitctises into the
JACOB.Oops!
(He closes the door, picks up all the cases anal exits.)
MARIE. Is that a nightclub I saw downstairs?
DINDON. Marie, please. (t0 GEORGES Is that a nightclub I
saw downstairs?
GEORGES. Oh, I really wouldn't ktiow. It does appear so.
DINDON. And what sort of club would it be?
GEORGES. Oh, I really wouldn't know, We don't associate
with that sort of people.
DINDON. Ariel what sort of people would they be?
GEORGES. Oh, I really wouldn't know. They don't go out in
the daytime and I was brought up in the dark.
DINDON. I see.
GEORGES. You do?
ne‹non. Well, let them frolic while they may. After my
election I'll sweep them clean.
GEORGES. And I'll be right behind you with a broomstick,
MARIE. Oh! That crucifix is beautiful. Is it an antique?
GEORGss. It's my fnther. I mean, it's our father. I mean,
my father found it, On an archaeological dig, In a
pyramid,
JEAN-MtCHEL. Would anyone care for champagne?
Y6 LA CAG E AU X FO L L
ES
DINDON. No, thank you. I leave champagne to those who

PSU tO lmpress. Myself, I stick to a working man’s wine.
I am, aftet all my success, still just an old working tIian.
GEORGES. Bravo. And is Madame just an old working
woman? And I, after all, am just an old Foreign
Legionnaire.
(MUSIG NO. 15. GOGKTAIL COUNTERPOINT J
J****-MICHEL.No, Papa, you were with the French Foreigti
Service!
GEORGES. Sir!
IJOINED THE FOREIGN LEGION
WITH A SABRE IN MY HAND
AND CRAWLED ACROSS THE
DESERT WITH MY BELLY IN THE
SAND
WITH MEN WHO LOV£D THEIR CAMELS
AND THEIR BRANDYAND I SWEAR,
NOBODY DISHED, NOBODY SWISHED
WHEN I WAS A FOREIGN LEGIONNAIRE.
(}ACOB tHffT3 Wtth a tray and plate.s. JEAN-MICHEL
picks up dishes...)
JEAN-MICHEL. Would anyone like an hoes d'oeuvi’«?
A:NNE. (passing plates to h,er mum and dad) Here. Let me
help. Mama, papa.
MARIE. Oh, what adorable dishes. Are these
youngsters playing together?
(JEAN-MICHcL looks at a dish and tltcn charges after
JAGOB wlt0 flees for the kitchen..)
DINDON. They look like Greeks.
GEORGES. (taking the dish from DINDON) I assure you there
are no Greeks on my plates...unless they weren't
washed well.
MARIE. They appear to be young boys, in any case,
GEORGES. I'm cert.ain there are girls t,oO. This is a
mixed service.
LA CAG E AUX FO LL YY
ES
OH, WHAT LOVELY DISHES THEY'RE .SO

DELICATE AND FRAIL
MINE HAVE NAKED PEOPLE I BELIEVE THEY'RE ONLY MALE
OOPS, I THINK THEY'RE PLAYING SOME EXOTIC LITTLE
GAME
JEAN-MICHEL. caâhi'ng the plate)
OOPS, I THINK THAT LEAPFROG IS ITS NAME
My mother, the wife of my father, begs your
forgiveness. She had to be at the bedside of her sick
godmother. She shouldn't be delayed much longer.
GEORGES. How did you know that?
J*'**-MICiIEL. She phoned. A little while ago. Anyway, she
5 very sorry.
(DINDON feâ rJ MAeIs aside.)
DINDON.
THIS IS EW.N WORSE THAN I FEARED
THE SON IS STRANGE, THE FATHER IS WEIRD
TO MEET THE WIFE, I'M ACTUALLYAFRAID
I PREFER 7’HAT ANNE REMAIN AN OLD MAID
(GEORGSS breams between MARm and DINDON.)
GEORGES. You know, my wife and I are a devoted couple.
Now my son knows how much I love him and to
what extremes, but my wife...I love her like an
animal.
J*'***-MICHEL.Nibbles. Anyone?
JACOB.
IT'SAPPALLINGTOCONWSS
OUR NEW IN-LAWS ARE A MESS
SHE'S A PRUDE
HE'S A PRIG
SHE'S A PILL
HE'S A PIG
SO ZIS...
ZIS FOR YOU PAPA!

all sing together:)
78 LA CAG E AU X F O LL
ES
GEORCIES.
I JOINED TLIE FOREIGN LEGION
AND CRAWLED ACROSS THE DESERT
WITH MY BELLY IN THE SAND
WITH MEN WHO LOVED THEIR CAMELS
AND THEIR BRANDY AND I SWEAR,
WHEN I WAS A FOREIC•N LEGIONNAIRE.
MARIE,
OH, WHAT LOVELY DISHES THEY'RE SO DELICATE

GAME
OOPS, I THINk THAT LEAPFROG IS ITS NAME
DINDON.
THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN I FEARED
TO MEET THE WIRE, I'M ACTUALLYAFRAID
I PREFER THAT ANNE REMAIN AN OLD MAID
JAGOB.
IT'S APPALLING TO CONFESS
OUR NEW IN-LAWS ARE A METS
SHE'S A PRUDE
HE'S A
PRIG SHE'S
A PILL HE'S
A PIG SO
ZIS...
zIs...
ZIS FOR YOU PAPA!
GEORGES.
I JOINED THE FOREIGN LEGION
AND CRAWLED AGROSS THE DESERT
ES
WITH MY BELLY IN THE SAND

WITH MEN WHO LOVED THEIR CAMELS
AND THEIR BRANDY AND I SWEAR,
WHEN I WAS A FOREIGN LEGIONNAIRE.
OH, WHAT LOVELY DISHES THEY'RE SO DELICATE

AND FRAIL
GAME
OOPS, I THINK THAT L£APFROG IS ITS NAME
DINDON.
THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN I FEARED
TO MEET THE WIFE, I'M ACTUALLYAFRAID
I PREFER THAT ANNE REMAIN AN OLD MAID
JACOB.
IT'S APPALLING TO CONFESS
OUR NEW IN-LAWS ARE A MESS
SHESAPRUDE
HE'SAPIdG
SHE'S A PILL
HE'S A PIG
so zis...
ZIS FORYOU PAPA!
{A£BIN aNves on the musical. button. He is dressed as a
ALBIN, Here's mother!
I do beg your forgiveness, but my great-uncle was dying

and I just had to wait,
DINDON. No apology necessary. But we were led to believe
it was your godmother,
ES
ALBIN. And so it was. It was my great-uncle who also

served as my godmothei since my godmother
passed away. God knows what I'll do for a
godmother now!
(He lauglu.)
MARIE. Let alone a great-uncle! joins in lauglting)
(JACOB xits lattghittg.)
)EAN-MICHEL. May I present my
mother. DINDON. Madame,
ALBIN. Dear Sir. (to MARIE) Madame. (tell ANNE) And the
little mademoiselle. Gonie here. Come here, May I
kiss you?
ANNE. Please.
ALBIN. I could be your Marian.
JEAN-MICHEL. (with the trap) Something to put in your
mouth, have.*
ALBIN. Did you wash your hands before serving?
J*•***-MICHEL. Maman...
ALBIN. About to be wed, yet still my baby. (to GEORGES,) Are
you not well, darlings You're looking a little
ashen. DINDON. Your husband seemed upset by your
absence. ALBIN. Were you worried, ma chou.!
GEORGES. I still am,
ALBIN. (to MARIE) Oh, what a lovely dress, I just adore
comfortable clothing. Believe it or not, before you
arrived I was lounging in one of my husband's suits.
GEORGES. More food?
ALBIN. But Georges just hates me in his pantsl
GEORGES. I do not hate you in my pantsl
J*****-MICHEL. I think we've had enough h,ors d'osuvres.
GEORGES. I'll ring for dinner.
JEAN-MICHEL. (to the heavens) Please, dear Lord.
ES
pwhes his off stage and turns to the greets.)

ALBIN. We'll be dining out. I hope you don't mincl if I take
the liberty of choosing a restaurant myself.
DINDON. I don’t much care for restaurant food.
ALBA. Oh, I'm c,ertain the Deputy Dindon will find
something to amuse his palate at Ch,m Jacqwline.
MARIE. Chr incline! Did you hear, Edouarcl?
DINDON. Quiet, Marie.
ALBIN. You've been t.here, Madame?
MARIE. No. I've been trying to get my husband to take me
there for years. Chr Jmqueline.
ALBIN. I'm so pleased you're pleased.
DINDON. I understand they're booked months in advance.
Just how will you get a reservation?
ALBIN. Never underestimate the ingenuity of a mother,
First locate your instrument.
QACO8 enters with a phone on a tray. ALBIN r«rtwss
his eaning, and lifls the receiver)
Next you lift the receiver. Dial the number.
AGOB dials.)
And them speak sweetly:Jacqueline? ... Our. I need you.
We'll be six.
IMUSIG NO. 15A: TO,fAGQ NE
ES
SCENE 3
(Music - and a magical. transform,ation. As the

apartment and the people in it disapp«a.r, t.he suhdut•d
elegance. of the restaurant called C/tmJorque/tnr replace.s
({ACQUELINE ettter5.)
JACQUELINE. Welcome to Chez Jacqueline!
ALBIN. How good of you to find room for my little party.
JACQUELINE,For an old friend, anytime. And thank you
for accommodating my friends last nlght. You do
know how to put on a show. No one's heard from
them since.
GEORGES. (butt.ing tlii,s off Shall we take our seats?
JACQUELINE.Ah, Sir Georges. So dashing. So distin,gue!
GEORGES. Not at all!
JACQUELINE. Come, let me show you to your table.
(She leads the to a banquette.)
DiNDON, (whispers to MARIE) This place is a gold mine.
Remind me to have it audited.
yAcQUELINE. Voila! I'll send your waiter to you at once.
(to AtBiN) And perhaps, after you've settled in, I can
beg a little favour. Yea?
ALBIN. No!
JACQUELINE. {wading away) We'll see.
ALBIN. Happy, children?
J***>-MICHELO.tti, 3fa .
DINDON. I have to confess that when Anne announced her
intention to be married we were taken by surprise.
GEORGES. As were we,
AFBIN. (settling in distractedly) You should have seen the
look on Georges' face when Jean-Michel told us lie
was marrying a woman. I mean, a white woman,
LA CAG E AUX FO LL 83
ES
GEORGES. (trying to never) They are, you will admit, quite

pale, these young...virgins.
DINDON. I should hope so,
ALBIN, Well, I can account for our son.
DINDON. I don't know if our daughter's told you, but
Anne stands to inherit a hefty dowry on her wedding
day. Of course, if we approve her choice of husband.
JACQUELINEtakes the stage and rolls to all in
JAGQUELINE.Attention. Attention. MessinirsAames. As

those of you who frequent our little establishment
know, we count many celebrities and heads of state
among our treasured clientele. And I would liever
think of disturbing their privacy by introducing
t,heni, BUT
tonight, I cannot resist because among you sits one of
my favourite people on this earth. Someone who has
made their own unique place in the world and from
there spreads happiness to us all.
MARIE. Edouard, she's going to introduce you.
DINDON. Please Marie, I have ears.
JAGQUELINE. Messieurs-dames, lift your glass with me
to toast a singular individual...
QINDON begins to hse...)
The one and only Zaza!
QACQUELINE ttires to ALBIN.)
(bINDON sits.)
J*'*>-MICHEL.Goodbye wedding.
DINDON. Zazal You? An actress?
ALBIN. Oh, it's nothing I took seriously. Just a pastime, a
hobby.
GEORGES. She tried her hand at bowling, but singing
seemed to suit her better.
JACQUELIN£. After an introduction like that I'm certain
we can persuade Zaza to favour us with a little song.
ES
ALBIN. Thank you, Jacqueline, but no. I've given all that
up. I’m just a mother now.
)ACQUELINE. Another miracle at Lourdes?
MARiE. Well, I'd love to hear you sing if anyone wants my
vote.
DINDON. No one does, Sit down.
JACQUELiNE. Oh, please, Zaza. Just one little chanson.
I won't take no for an answer. I will stand here and
badger you all night..
JEAN-MIGHEL. Perhaps you'd better, Mother.
ALBIN. If you insist, cñ c.
)ACQUELINE. Oh, but I do. G?
ALBIN. G flat. I've had a child.
jAcpucizsE. (hack,i».g away) Merit, Lille fore.
ALBIN. I would like to dedicate this song to someone
very special: Dear Anne, welcome, dear child, to our
family. (to Ih band) MaestrO, J* •uis diSpOJP,
MUSIC NO. 16.’ BEST OF TINIESJ
(He turns with the swim and sings.)
THIS IS A LITTLE SONG
NOSTALGIC AND UNIQUE
I LEARN TO SING THIS SONG BEFORE I COULD SPEAK-EH
I LEARNED TO SING THIS SONG UPON MY MOTHER'S KNEE
AND SHE LEARNED TO SING THIS SONG
UPON HER MOTHER'S KNEE
AND HER MOTHER LEARNED THIS SONC•
UPON HER MOTHER'S ItNEE
(GEORGES coughs to tnterru{t a carried away ALBIN.J
AND IFYOUR MOTHER SANG THIS LITTLE SONG TO YOU
Then sing along with me...
THE BEST OF TIMES IS NOW

WHAT'S LEFT OF SUMMER BUT A FADED ROSES
ES
AS FOR TOMORROW, WELL, WHO KNOWS,

WHO KNOWS,
WHO KNOWS?
SO HOLD THIS MOMENT FAST
AND LIVE AND LOV£ AS HARD AS YOU KNOW HOW
AND MAKE THIS MOMENT LAST
BECAUSE THE BEST OF TIMES IS NOW
IS NOW
IS NOW!
NOWl
NOT SOME FORGOTTEN YESTERDAY
NOW!
TOMORROW IS TOO FARAWAY
AND LIVE AND LOVE AS HARD AS YOU KNOW HOW
AND MAKE THIS MOMENT NOT
IS NOW
IS NOW!
J°GQUELINE.
THE BEST OF TIMES IS NOT
IT'SLEFT OF SUMMER BUT A FADED ROSE?
ALH]N&/ACQEELINE
AS FOR TOMORROW, WELL
jAcQUnLlNE.
WHO KNOWS?
ALBIN.
*** JACQUELINE.
WHO KNOWSi

BECAUSE THE BEST OF TIMES
ES
JAGQUELINE,
IS NOW
ALBIN,
IS NOW
ALBIN & JACQUELINE.
IS NOW!
coLETTE.
IS NOW!
TABARRO.
IS NOW!
{The song is in,fectious, and drawn i,n lff ALBIN and
JACQUELINE, 1/tr OTHERS sing, too.)
ALBIN & JACQUELINE,
NOW...!
wAITER,
.NOW!
ALBIN, JACQUELINE & CHORUS.
NOT SOME FORGOTTEN YESTERDAY...
ETIENNE.
...YESTERDAY
ALBIN, JACQUELINE & GHORUS,
NOW...1
. .NOW!
AI.ftIN, JACQUELINE&
CHORUS. TOMORROW IS TOO
FAR AWAY
puaiE rise and sings.)
MARIE,

ES
ISNWW
ISNOW!

WHAT'S LEFT OF SUMMER BUT A FADED ROSE?
WHo KNoWS,
WHO KNOWS?
{}EAN-MIGHEL a d ANNE are Up.)
IS NOW
@INDON rise, getting into the spirit, and dances with

J<CQUELINE.J
NOW!
NOT SOME FORCOTTEN YESTERDAY
NOW!
TOMORROW IS TOO FARAWAY.
{Pollia st‹irts aii,d DINDON scans to dance with ziN,)
AND MAKE THI8 MOMENT LAST
IS NOW
18 NOW!

AND MAItE THIS MOMENT LAST
IS NOW
ES
ISNOW!
ISNOW!
(NIU!$IC NO. 16A: BEST OF TIMES PLAYOFFF/
fURfES GHASM
(It? one of those rare, glonow momcnts when everyone
is really having the true af his li,fe. And th,e
tnumph, of course, is MOTHER ALBIN’s. “Brava,
Zaza! B!rava!” EVERYONE rris and applauds.)
(And ALBIN, her tlte stay back, in her «lement,
curlsi,es a.nd rertsies, a.nd ends, as she always does,
with lix habitual gesture.’ She takes off her wig. And
frcezes in
ALBIN. Oh, merde!

pzsoo also fremes in horror.Then he starts to run
8fagr Left. A aiRo from La Cage Aux Folles enters
and stops his.)
DINDON. La Cage Aux Folles!
(He runs stage right, stage left, upstage, downstage and
gets stopped by a bird at cop turn)
ALL those shameful young men! Gendarme!
Gendarme! Help me!1 Help me!! Cults, cats, punks,
perverts!
(Tñe lights ga berserk: a fantastic nightmare. The
restaurant di,iappears and the walls of the apartment
con itt closing around the DINDONS end the others.)
ES
SCENE 4
(The. Apartiitrn,t,)
(JEAN-MICHEL, GEORGES, o I thc DINDONS have
arrived brea.thless. ALBIN sits quietly poised.)
DINDON. To think-to think that a daughter of mine would
get herself involved with filth like this,
MARIE. Edouard!
DINDON. It's all your fault, Marie.
MARIE. My faults
GEORGES. I say lets call it a night, go to bed, and start out
fresh in the morning.
DINDON. Homosexual!
ALBIN. Perhaps we should sit out this round.
MARIE. March on, Edouard. Lead us out of this house of
sin. We are right behind you.
. Sorry, Mother, but we are not right behind you.
I'm staying here with Jean-Michel and we're getting
married.
DINDON, Dare to defy me and I will cut you off without a
soul
ANNE. Cut me off. Do you think I brought you here just to
get a dowry?
DINDON. You mean you knew about these people?
ANNE. No. But now that I do, it doesn't matter. I like them.
DINDON. HOMOSEXUALS1
ANNE. Father, don't bellow. They know what they are.
DINooN. Young lady, you march yourself straight out that
door.
ANNE. No. I love you Father. (to MARIE) You too,
mother. You are my family, But. I love Jean-Michel,
So we are going to marry and start our own family.
DINDON. And what sort of family do you think this son
of a pervert. could make, being brought up as he was
by no transvestite homosexuals?
ES
ALBIN. One tralisVestite.

GEORGES. One plain homosexual.
QEAN-MICHEL fl7toll steps for a,rd.)
JEAN-MICHEL. Deputy Dindon, I must apologise for
everything that happened here tonight. I made a
terrible mistake but I'm goitig to spend the rest of my
life trying to make up for it. And I hope to one day
receive forgiveness for being stupid and thoughtless.
DINDON. While I appreciate the sentiments, I do not
accept your apology.
J -MICHEL. That's quite all right as it wasn't to you I was
apologising. It was to my parents.
DINDON. Your parents? What parents? Oh, one of them
could have possibly fathered you, but you can't tell me
that the other one is your mother.
J -MICHEL. That's precisely who he is.
(MUSIC NO. 16B: LOOK OVER TH REPftfSE1
DINDON. I see no mother here.
J£AN-MICHEL. (tc ALBIN,) I do.
HOW OFTEN IS SOMEONE CONCERNED
WITH THE TINIEST THREAD OF YOUR LIFE?
CONCERNED WITH WHATEVERYOU FEEL
AND WHATEVER YOU TOUCH?
LOOK OVER THERE
LOOK OVER
THERE
SOMEBODY CARES THAT MUCH
SO COUNT ALL THE LOVES WHO WILL LOVE ME
FROM NOW TO THE END OF MY LIFE
WHO HAVE LOVED ME BEFORE
LOOK OVER THERE
JEAN-MICHEL & GEORGES.
LOOK OVER THERE.
SOMEBODY LOVES ME/YOU MOREI
(ALBIN )oin,s with OEORGES and J -MICHEL for a
DINDON. Marie, they are nll insane. Let's get out of here
before they turn on us,
(At fOIJACOB tmters with their luggage.)
JAGOB. Here's a fun idea; you get the bags and I'll get the
door. Our?
(Ar"*JACOB tosses the luggage to the floor)
DINDON. Marie, bags!
(JACOB fb the, door open. to rmrafJACQUELINE.)
JACQUELINE. Ah, there you are, Deputy Dindon. You all
came and went so quickly I didn't even realise who
you were. Naughty little Zaza. You should have told
me who he was.
ALBIN. Somehow I knew you'd figure it out.
JACQUELINE. And somehow I didl And once I realised
who you were I sad to myself, “Jacqueline,” I said,
“Here comes, and there goes, the famous Deputy
Dindon and you didn't even get your picture taken
with him,” And that made Jacqueline so sad, And then
I thought, “Jacqueline, seeing as how he left in such
a hurry, without even paying his bill, I'm certain
that he wouldn't mind my inviting a few of the
newspapers
and television stations to an impromptu photo
session with his old friend Jacqueline,” So here we
are. The press awaits outside.
DINDON. Newspapers?
J*CQUELINE.Uh-huh.
DINDON. Television stations?
JAGQUELINE, Mm-hm!
DINDON. I'll be ruined.
JAGQUELINE,But of course.
ALBIN, Oh, Jacqueline, you are such a star ffff. o1lower.
ES
JACQUELINE.Now, Zaza, there is more to running a

successful restaurant than good food. I always say,
"A little publicity can do more good than a delicious
sauce.”
GEORGES, And having your picture taken with t.he most.
famous anti-homosexual on the Riviera alongside the
most infamous homosexual on the Riviera...
J AGQUELINEN. ow that's a delicious sauce.
GEORGES ñ ALBIN. Brava, Jacqueline.
(ALaIN approaches DINDON.)
ALBIN. Deputy Ding Dong...
DINDON. The name is Dindon.
ALBIN. Be nice.
GEORGES. I believe we can help you out of this awkward
situation.
DINDON. You can? How?
GEORGES. But first, Albin and I have been discussing the
matter and we've decided to give our blessings to the
union of our two children.
ALBIN. We think you should do the same, Don't you?
DINDON. Never! Do you hear? Neverl
(DINfiON butts 10 1d6 0Of and JACOB throvls it span..
Flashbulbs explode in his face. JACO8 sbim it sltu,t.)
They have my blessing.
GEORGES. Arid about the dowry, . .?
DINDON. The dowry is hers. What. more do you want?
ALBIN. On those occasions when you're invited to
family gatherings; Christmas, birthdays,
anniversaries, coulcl you do us a small favour?
DINDON. We'll come,
ALBIN. Don’t1
DINDON. Very well. It's a deal,
ALBIN. (to the kids) Congratulations,
JEAN-MICIIEL. (Missing ALBIN) Thank you, Mavmn.
LA CAG E AUX FO LLES 9S
ANNE. (kissiitg ALBIN) Thank you, Mavtan.

ALBIN. Mainait. (crosses to MARI£) Maman
JAGQUELINE.And how about me?
GEORGES. Jacqueline?
ALBIN. Jacqueline.
JAGQUELINE. Ja•queline1 Yes, you all forgot about
Jacqueline.
ALBIN. And we wouldn't want to do that after all she's done
for us, woultt we?
GEORGES. Jacob? Escort Jacqueline out to the
photographers and say we'll join them in a moment.
Jacqueline, I trust you'll keep the gentlemen
entertained while we freshen up.
JAGQUELINE, You can count on me. (to DINDON) An garb/
JACOB opens the door for JAGQUELINE’s and exit
into the flashbulbs, and shots it after her.)
GEORGES. Did you lock it?
JACOB. Taran didn't raise no fool.
EVERYONE, axr i DINDON, lattghs.)
DINDON. Well, I'm glad to see you are all enjoying
yourselves. Meanwhile I'm right back to where I
started: Blackmail to the left of me, betrayal to the
right, ruination in front of me and God knows what in
the rear. Help ine.
GEORGES. I think I know one way out.
DINDON. Tell me. Take me. I'll do anything.
(ALBIN dads DINDON, JEAN-MICHEL frodo ANNE,
JACOB MARIE is thy exit.)
ES
SCENE 5
[MUSIC NO. 16C.’ AU REKOIRJ
GEORGES. Lights
Curtain
And it's just vous ct mt
IT'S RATHER GAUDY,
BUT IT'S ALSO RATHER GRAND
AND WHILE THE WAITER PADS YOUR CHEQUE HE'LL KISS
YOUR HAND
THE CLEVER GIGOLOS ROMANCE THE WEALTHY MATRONS
Ah bon soir Harry, and Duchess is that you? I didn’t
recognise you behind the moustache. It bFlngs out your
eyes. And Marcel, you've had your hair straightened.
What? You did it yourself Marvellous the things one
learns in prisonl
YOU GO ALONE TO HAVE THE EVENING OF YOUR
LIFE YOU MEET YOUR MISTRESS
AND YOUR BOWRIEND AND YOUR WIFE
IT'S A BONANZA IT'S A MAD EXTRAVAGANZA
AT LA CAGE AUX FOLLES....
And so, my friends, once again the inevitable is
upon us. It is time to bring our entertainment to a
close. Time for all the pieces that have flown apart
to come back together again. And, if we have done
our jobs correctly, you will leave with more than a
folded program and a torn ticket stub.
MessieursAa s! La Gage Au,x Folles proudly presents
our Finale, featuring a cornucopia of tasty morsels
from our home grown garden of delights. And, as
an extra added one time only surprise, some of the
newest, most promising and oddest talent ever to
appear in cabaret.
LA CAG E AUX F O LL 95
ES
Ladies and Gentlemen, hold on to your seats. Maestro,

if you please!
IMUSIC NO. 17: ANALEJ
music plays)
CAGELLES.
AHHHHHHHHH ctr..)
(The she c,urtain rises on CAGELLES and G•EOPGES.)
OEORGES.
LIFE IS A CELEBRATION
WITH YOU ON MYARM
WALItING’S A NEW SENSATION
WITH YOU ON MYARM
EACH TIME I FACE A MORNING
THAT'S BORING AND BLAND
WITH YOU IT LOOKS GOOD
WITH YOU IT LOOItS GREAT
WITH YOU IT LOOKS GRAND
SOMEHOWYOt1'VE PUT A PERMANENT STAR IN MY EYE
EVEN THE DEAD OF WINTER CAN FEEL LIM JULY
I FOUND A COMBINATION THAT WORKS LIKE A CHARM
IT'S SUDDENLY, OOH!
IT'S SUDDENLY, LA!
WHENEVER IT'S YOU
IT'SYOU
IT'SYOU
XSYOU...
And now, introducing the stars of tomorrow!
Presenting the last of the vestal virgins. Innocent,
virtuous and chaste..,by every boy in t.own.
Ann-Genue1
And now, the temptress of the tropics. She's made of

sugar and spice and ev-e-ry vice,. Jacobina!
gacoa appears at last in the show only to fall]lat on
Iris br.id fare. He's crestfallen.)
ES
GEORGES. (rciil.) Perhaps we'll ti y again tomorrow.

({ACOB lcoks up at GEORGES iriiJ glen, and blows /iivt
And now welcome a siren for every season. A surprise

in every sencse, Ave Maria!
And lastly, what family doesn't have otie? The women

no man can ever forgetl Hard as he tries. One look in
her eyes and men flee gratefully home to their wives!
I give you, Winhilda!
(oINDON appears as tlte, ugliest woman ver)
(Rumba music blames foi'th and the nisoo s and
JACOB are swept up by the company and dance along.)
YOU GO ALONE TO HAVE THE EVENING OF YOUR LIFE

YOU MEET YOUR MISTRESS AND YOUR BOWRIEND AND
YOUR WIFE
THE JOY'S CONTAGIOUS
(Dunng this JAGQUEL , followed by bulb flashing
PHOTOGRAPHERS, chase throu,gli the audi,tmce, toward
LA CAG E AUX F O LL 97
ES
YOU GAN BRING YOUR WHOLE OUTRAGEOUS ENTOURAGE

ENTOURAC•E!
(GEORGES p •’•!• JACQUELINE off in the
wron,g dirert.iolt as LES CAGELLES M6Q the
DINDONS awa] to safet).)
IT'S HOT AND HECTIC
EFFERVESCENT AND ECLECTIC
AT LA CAGE AUX FOLLESI
(But jEAN-MICHEL returns to the stage and kisses
GEORGES on both r.heels with deep gratitude. He turns
and rejoins ANNn, and thy escape hand in hand.)
GEORGES is alone on the stage. Satisfied, kut saddened
the loss of his son.)
(The vtinic shi.fts to SONG OfV Tf K SANS. ALBIN
appears stinging so@/y,..)
ALBIN,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT I AM FOREVER
CERTAIN OF
I HEAR LA DA DA DA DA DA DA...
GEORGES.
LA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA
GEORGES & ALBIN.
AND I'M YOUNC AND IN LOVE1
(GEORGES 1 !HSA£nIN And IQ kiss)
IMUSIC NO. 18.’ 2tOlFSJ

WHAT'S LEFT OF SUMMER BUT A FADED ROSE?
ES
wuo xx‹iws,
WHO KNOWS?
IS NOW
IS NOW!
AND LIVE AND LOVE Y8 HARD AS YOU KNOW HOW
IS NOW
IS NOW!
(curtain down)

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La Cage Aux Folles

Music and Lyrics Book

Based on the Play La Cage aux Folles by Jean Poiret

A EA MUEL OR ENCH AcT I N G ED IT I ON

(GEORGES appears downstage cnitcr and addressm the

Ladies and Gentlemen and...you, we issue the following

WE LOVE HOW IT FEELS

HALF REAL AND HALF

(After the “PARADE,” GEORGES steps forward.

Merci, Chantal. And now, turn your attention to a

[MUSIG NO. 2A Introducing has J

(GEORGES enters and crosses to bang on the dressing

JACOB.And you got a maid!

GEORGES. (bangs on, tloor) Albin, I will count to three and

GEORGES. Albin! Albin!!

FRANCis. Mercedes is on. You're next, Zaza.

GEORGES. Darling, please. I'm only eight years younger,

youi inspiration, your muse, I am now ieduced to

[MUSIC NO. 3: MASCARA1

ONCE AGAIN IT IS TIME TO BE SOMEONE

AND I CAN COPE AGAIN!

WHEN LIFE ISA REAL BITCH AGAIN

AND TIRE OF THIS PERPETUAL MARATHON

I STRAP ON MY FAKE BOOBS AGAIN

ALBIN. My hair may be black, but my ioots are blonde.

(The. Living Room)

GEORGES. (c/trr£/iig his watch) C)nly seven minutes late. Not

and Mjwting his spy collar of1'JAGOB tes)

and flees the now, as -K laugh.)

JEAN-MICHEL. He only behajfes that way because he loves

GEORGES. Ooh, I like the sound of that. There's a little

GEORGES. Well, if you can't be truthful, be vague.

GIRLS HAVE COME AND GONE

JEAN-MICHEL, {l:0itt.) GEORGES, c0itt.)

HIS RHETORIC IS THE SAME

SOMEHOW SHE'S PUT A THAT

EVEN THE DEAD OF BUT AFTER ALL, HE'S A

WE START A SO FULL OF CHARM FORA

WHO ELSE CAN MAItE ME FEEL

ALBIN. Wedding bells? Is someone tolling wedding bellsi1?

GEORGEs. Jacob strikes again!

ALBIN. I'm too upset.

ON YOU IT LOOitS GRAND...

BOTH. stepping top•ether)

fMUSfC NO. 3A.• P£A¥Ofi‘fi’]

[MUSIC NO. '7. PROMENADE]

ANNE. Jean-Michell Sorry I'm late.

JEAN-MICHEL. Well, I'm not sure how normal any par..,

J -MICHEL.I just felt a drop.

(GEORGES and ALBTN st.t at a café

GEORGES. An ineludible fact of life my love; you can't

JAGQUELINE. Char Georges! Gé,erAlbin!

RENAUD. Getting bigger.

GEORGES. Nevertheless, sheñ his mother. She did carry

ALBIN. And what else? I know your face when you're

GEORG£S. Tonight of all nights there has to be a full moon.

ALBA. (with a romantic sigh, as th.e mwic cotitinues) Oh,

Th,e club wings)

r.Iif›boa.rd, in. hand an,d w an,ng a i«.#, bran, t,rirs