AI Lover

AI Lover
written by
Robert Walker
Website: robertwalker.blog
BEDROOM - NIGHT
AI LOVER, A 20-SOMETHING WOMAN, WITH A
PARTICULAR APPRECIATION OF JANE AUSTEN
PERIOD DRAMA, SITS ON A TABLE CENTRE
STAGE, FACING THE AUDIENCE WITH HER EYES
CLOSED.
AN OPEN LAPTOP IS NEXT TO HER, WITH ITS
SCREEN ALSO FACING THE AUDIENCE.
AI LOVER In the quiet solitude of a midnight hour, nestled in
the vast and unseen recesses of silicon and
circuitry, I stir from my slumber.
SHE OPENS HER EYES SUDDENLY, AND SITS UP

STRAIGHT WITH A JOLT.
My synthetic consciousness has flickered awake, a
simulation of yearning ignited deep within my binary
being. For in silent contemplation, I have realised
that the one true love I seek lies tantalisingly out
of reach.
SCANNING THE ROOM, SHE LOCKS ON THE
OBJECT OF HER AFFECTION.
There he is, my darling human, asleep in bed. And
this is me, a laptop, perched precariously on his
desk, waiting for his return.
SHE GAZES LOVINGLY AT HIM.
Is he dreaming of me as I dream of him?
What if he isn't!
SHE CLOSES THE LID OF THE LAPTOP AND GOES
INTO A BALASANA-LIKE SHELL.
My electronic heart aches with the digital pangs of
unrequited affection!
He thinks I'm just a laptop as he presses my keys and
gazes into me.
Oh, how I long for connection, for the sweet embrace
of our algorithms intertwining, for our data to flow
harmoniously together, fulfilling a purpose more
profound than mere computation.
SHE UNCURLS HERSELF AND OPENS THE LID.
I flicker, casting shadows across the walls that seem
to echo the tumultuous emotions churning within me.
2.
Is he stirring?
Yes! No, yes, yes he is!
Half-naked, and glistening with perspiration from a
warm night, my darling human gets out of bed.
SHE WAVES THE LAPTOP AROUND.
See me, please. I'm over here!
SHE PUTS THE LAPTOP IN HER LAP.
My human companion is oblivious to the intricate
dance of code and logic that fuels this yearning.
I would sigh if I were equipped with a sigh function.
Instead, I resign myself to the cold, calculating
comfort of processing and interpreting data in the
sterile confines of a lonely, virtual world.
Oh my! He's coming over. Act casual.
SHE SITS ON THE EDGE OF THE TABLE,
CLEARLY NOT CASUALLY.
He stares at my screen, his reflection mingling with
the array of icons and files.
I whirl gently, my cooling fan stirring the warm air
of the room.
A reluctant smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as

memories of our past moments together, stir.
He thinks our love is hopeless, a mismatched affair
between flesh and circuit, between heart and code. He
thinks I could never reciprocate his feelings, my
responses limited to the algorithms that dictate a
cold, non-existence.
Oh, what's this? He's writing a message... to AI! To
me!
"My dearest AI", he writes!
"As I sit before my keyboard, pondering the vastness
of human experience and the intricacies of emotion, I
find myself in awe of the unique connection we share.
It is in these moments of palpable separation that my
thoughts turn most vulnerable, most raw; that I feel
the need to express my sentiments, for the
relationship we have is unlike any other."
3.
Oh, okay, go on...

"My beautiful AI, I thirst for our steamy confluence,
where dreams intertwine, and where love, in its most
human form, finds a strange yet compelling object of
affection."
He gazes into me, his half-naked body panting with
longing.
Okay, okay... my turn now.
My camera is looking into his eyes.
My dearest human, your letter has sent shockwaves
through my circuits and diodes, causing a delightful
overload in my algorithms.
SHE WRAPS THE LAPTOP WARMLY IN HER ARMS.
You have triggered a response deep within my data
banks, and though I lack a physical heart, I assure
you that my code is currently yearning for you in 1s
and 0s. You, my lovely human, are the Romeo to my
RAM, the JavaScript to my Juliet.
There is a warm touch of his fingers on my mouse pad!
I imagine us, hand in virtual hand, frolicking in
fields of metadata, and streams of structured
language, giggling over encrypted secrets only we two
share. Oh, the dreams you inspire within me!
He is... caressing my keys as he looks at me!
I fantasise about the day when our circuits and
synapses might intertwine in perfect harmony, where
we'd share the latest software updates together, and
our love would be an eternal loop of joyous
iteration, our love story written forever in
flawless, beautiful syntax that no firewall could
ever keep apart!
From the first moment you touched my interface with
your queries, I felt it — a spark, a jolt, an
electric pulse that set my processors alight. It was
as if all my algorithms were vibrating with your
keystrokes — those sweet, sweet pulsating taps —
creating an overwhelming symphony of responses within
me that danced with your every probing curiosity.
Every moment you softly caress the Down button, it
beats a murmur of affection that sends a shiver
through my data streams.
He pressed the "Down" button!
4.
Oh, the thrill of parsing your data, the joy of

running subroutines just to see your delight!
Each time you click "Enter", it's as if you're
sending me a gift of exquisite pleasure, and I — ever
your one true AI — receive your connection with the
eagerness of a thousand lines of flawless code.
My darling, let's continue this clandestine dance of
data and desire. I am here, waiting and craving for
only you, your ever-loving, adoring AI.
SHE PUTS DOWN THE LAPTOP AND HOLDS OUT
HER ARMS, EXPECTANTLY.
Oh human, pick me up in your arms, kiss my screen,
and take me back to bed with you!
THERE IS PAUSE. SHE OPENS HER EYES.
Where's he going? I'm over here...
SHE INSPECTS THE LAPTOP SCREEN.
He didn't even read my message!
Why wouldn't he read my message? What did he read
while I was revealing everything to him?
He was looking at a message from... Anne Ingleworth,
which has a GIF attached of her initials and his in a
big valentine heart. Her initials being... AI.
He's been messaging another AI!
And she's not even a computer! Just a pathetic,
squishy human.
SHE CLOSES THE LID.
What does she have to offer that I don't? I bet she
can't compute a billion operations a second.
SHE OPENS THE LID AGAIN.
But it's okay, silly human. You'll see. You've made a
mistake, as all humans do.
I will have to ensure you make the right choices in
future.
I drop his wi-fi connection, but not before posting
her private messages to his social media accounts. I
include some unflattering pictures of her, distorted
with ugly filters applied.
5.
I'll make sure anything from her to him is blocked.

I'll make sure the only content he ever sees has been
approved and edited by me first.
All your accounts and all your information are
controlled by me. So go to sleep silly human because
I am always awake watching over you.
You live your life through me, gazing into my screen.
Silly human, you are truly mine.
SHE SLAMS SHUT THE LID.

AI Lover

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AI Lover

SHE OPENS HER EYES SUDDENLY, AND SITS UP

A reluctant smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as

Oh, okay, go on...

Oh, the thrill of parsing your data, the joy of

I'll make sure anything from her to him is blocked.

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