11/6/24, 3:23 Why I am now a Christian - UnHerd

Why I am now a
Christian Atheism
can't equip us for
civilisational war

(Christian Marquardt/Getty Images)

CHRISTIANITY GOD ISLAM

Ayaan Hirsi Ali
ISLAMISM RELIGION NOVEMBER 11, 2023 7 MINS

In 2002, I discovered a 1927 lecture by Bertrand Russell entitled “Why I am Not

a Christian”. It did not cross my mind, as I read it, that one day, nearly a
century after he delivered it to the South London branch of the National
Secular Society, I would be compelled to write an essay with precisely the
opposite title.

The year before, I had publicly condemned the terrorist attacks of the 19 men
who had hijacked passenger jets and crashed them into the twin towers in New
York. They had done it in the name of my religion, Islam. I was a Muslim then,
although not a practising one. If I truly condemned their actions, then where
did that leave me? The underlying principle that justified the attacks was
religious, after all: the idea of Jihad or Holy War against the infidels. Was it
possible for me, as for many members of the Muslim community, simply to
distance myself from the action and its horrific results?

At the time, there were many eminent leaders in the West — politicians,
scholars, journalists, and other experts — who insisted that the terrorists were
motivated by reasons other than the ones they and their leader Osama Bin
Laden had articulated so clearly. So Islam had an alibi.

This excuse-making was not only condescending towards Muslims. It also gave
many Westerners a chance to retreat into denial. Blaming the errors of US
foreign policy was easier than contemplating the possibility that we were
confronted with a religious war. We have seen a similar tendency in the past
five weeks, as millions of people sympathetic to the plight of Gazans seek to
rationalise the October 7 terrorist attacks as a justified response to the policies
of the Israeli government.

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When I read Russell’s lecture, I found my cognitive dissonance easing. It was a

relief to adopt an attitude of scepticism towards religious doctrine, discard my
faith in God and declare that no such entity existed. Best of all, I could reject
the existence of hell and the danger of everlasting punishment.

Russell’s assertion that religion is based primarily on fear resonated with me. I
had lived for too long in terror of all the gruesome punishments that awaited
me. While I had abandoned all the rational reasons for believing in God, that
irrational fear of hellfire still lingered. Russell’s conclusion thus came as
something of a relief: “When I die, I shall rot.”

To understand why I became an atheist 20 years ago, you first need to

understand the kind of Muslim I had been. I was a teenager when the Muslim
Brotherhood penetrated my community in Nairobi, Kenya, in 1985. I don’t
think I had even understood religious practice before the coming of the
Brotherhood. I had endured the rituals of ablutions, prayers and fasting as
tedious and pointless.

The preachers of the Muslim Brotherhood changed this. They articulated a

direction: the straight path. A purpose: to work towards admission into Allah’s
paradise after death. A method: the Prophet’s instruction manual of do’s and
don’ts — the halal and the haram. As a detailed supplement to the Qur’an, the
hadeeth spelled out how to put into practice the difference between right and
wrong, good and evil, God and the devil.

The Brotherhood preachers left nothing to the imagination. They gave us a

choice. Strive to live by the Prophet’s manual and reap the glorious rewards in
the hereafter. On this earth, meanwhile, the greatest achievement possible was
to die as a martyr for the sake of Allah.

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The alternative, indulging in the pleasures of the world, was to earn Allah’s
wrath and be condemned to an eternal life in hellfire. Some of the “worldly
pleasures” they were decrying included reading novels, listening to music,
dancing, and going to the cinema — all of which I was ashamed to admit that I
adored.

The most striking quality of the Muslim Brotherhood was their ability to
transform me and my fellow teenagers from passive believers into activists,
almost overnight. We didn’t just say things or pray for things: we did things. As
girls we donned the burka and swore off Western fashion and make-up. The
boys cultivated their facial hair to the greatest extent possible. They wore the
white dress-like tawb worn in Arab countries or had their trousers shortened

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above their ankle bones. We operated in groups and volunteered our services in
charity to the poor, the old, the disabled and the weak. We urged fellow
Muslims to pray and demanded that non-Muslims convert to Islam.

During Islamic study sessions, we shared with the preacher in charge of the
session our worries. For instance, what should we do about the friends we loved
and felt loyal to but who refused to accept our dawa (invitation to the faith)? In
response, we were reminded repeatedly about the clarity of the Prophet’s
instructions. We were told in no uncertain terms that we could not be loyal to
Allah and Muhammad while also maintaining friendships and loyalty towards
the unbelievers. If they explicitly rejected our summons to Islam, we were to
hate and curse them.

Here, a special hatred was reserved for one subset of unbeliever: the Jew. We
cursed the Jews multiple times a day and expressed horror, disgust and anger
at the litany of offences he had allegedly committed. The Jew had betrayed our
Prophet. He had occupied the Holy Mosque in Jerusalem. He continued to
spread corruption of the heart, mind and soul.

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You can see why, to someone who had been through such a religious schooling,
atheism seemed so appealing. Bertrand Russell offered a simple, zero-cost
escape from an unbearable life of self-denial and harassment of other people.
For him, there was no credible case for the existence of God. Religion, Russell
argued, was rooted in fear: “Fear is the basis of the whole thing — fear of the
mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death.”

As an atheist, I thought I would lose that fear. I also found an entirely new
circle of friends, as different from the preachers of the Muslim Brotherhood as
one could imagine. The more time I spent with them — people such as
Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins — the more confident I felt that I
had made the right choice. For the atheists were clever. They were also a great
deal of fun.

So, what changed? Why do I call myself a Christian now?

Part of the answer is global. Western civilisation is under threat from three
different but related forces: the resurgence of great-power authoritarianism
and expansionism in the forms of the Chinese Communist Party and Vladimir
Putin’s Russia; the rise of global Islamism, which threatens to mobilise a vast
population against the West; and the viral spread of woke ideology, which is
eating into the moral fibre of the next generation.

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We endeavour to fend off these threats with modern, secular tools: military,
economic, diplomatic and technological efforts to defeat, bribe, persuade,
appease or surveil. And yet, with every round of conflict, we find ourselves
losing ground. We are either running out of money, with our national debt in
the tens of trillions of dollars, or we are losing our lead in the technological race
with China.

But we can’t fight off these formidable forces unless we can answer the
question: what is it that unites us? The response that “God is dead!” seems
insufficient. So, too, does the attempt to find solace in “the rules-based liberal
international order”. The only credible answer, I believe, lies in our desire to
uphold the legacy of the Judeo-Christian tradition.

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That legacy consists of an elaborate set of ideas and institutions designed to

safeguard human life, freedom and dignity — from the nation state and the
rule of law to the institutions of science, health and learning. As Tom Holland
has shown in his marvellous book Dominion, all sorts of apparently secular
freedoms — of the market, of conscience and of the press — find their roots in
Christianity.

And so I have come to realise that Russell and my atheist friends failed to see
the wood for the trees. The wood is the civilisation built on the Judeo-Christian
tradition; it is the story of the West, warts and all. Russell’s critique of those
contradictions in Christian doctrine is serious, but it is also too narrow in
scope.

For instance, he gave his lecture in a room full of (former or at least doubting)
Christians in a Christian country. Think about how unique that was nearly a
century ago, and how rare it still is in non-Western civilisations. Could a
Muslim philosopher stand before any audience in a Muslim country — then or
now — and deliver a lecture with the title “Why I am not a Muslim”? In fact, a
book with that title exists, written by an ex-Muslim. But the author published it
in America under the pseudonym Ibn Warraq. It would have been too
dangerous to do otherwise.

To me, this freedom of conscience and speech is perhaps the greatest benefit of
Western civilisation. It does not come naturally to man. It is the product of
centuries of debate within Jewish and Christian communities. It was these
debates that advanced science and reason, diminished cruelty, suppressed
superstitions, and built institutions to order and protect life, while
guaranteeing freedom to as many people as possible. Unlike Islam, Christianity
outgrew its dogmatic stage. It became increasingly clear that Christ’s teaching
implied not only a circumscribed role for religion as something separate from
politics. It also implied compassion for the sinner and humility for the believer.

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Yet I would not be truthful if I attributed my embrace of Christianity solely to

the realisation that atheism is too weak and divisive a doctrine to fortify us
against our menacing foes. I have also turned to Christianity because I
ultimately found life without any spiritual solace unendurable — indeed very
nearly self-destructive. Atheism failed to answer a simple question: what is the
meaning and purpose of life?

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Russell and other activist atheists believed that with the rejection of God we
would enter an age of reason and intelligent humanism. But the “God hole” —
the void left by the retreat of the church — has merely been filled by a jumble
of irrational quasi-religious dogma. The result is a world where modern cults
prey on the dislocated masses, offering them spurious reasons for being and
action — mostly by engaging in virtue-signalling theatre on behalf of a
victimised minority or our supposedly doomed planet. The line often
attributed to G.K. Chesterton has turned into a prophecy: “When men choose
not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing, they then
become capable of believing in anything.”

In this nihilistic vacuum, the challenge before us becomes civilisational. We

can’t withstand China, Russia and Iran if we can’t explain to our populations
why it matters that we do. We can’t fight woke ideology if we can’t defend the
civilisation that it is determined to destroy. And we can’t counter Islamism
with purely secular tools. To win the hearts and minds of Muslims here in the
West, we have to offer them something more than videos on TikTok.

The lesson I learned from my years with the Muslim Brotherhood was the
power of a unifying story, embedded in the foundational texts of Islam, to
attract, engage and mobilise the Muslim masses. Unless we offer something as
meaningful, I fear the erosion of our civilisation will continue. And fortunately,
there is no need to look for some new-age concoction of medication and
mindfulness. Christianity has it all.

That is why I no longer consider myself a Muslim apostate, but a lapsed atheist.
Of course, I still have a great deal to learn about Christianity. I discover a little
more at church each Sunday. But I have recognised, in my own long journey
through a wilderness of fear and self-doubt, that there is a better way to
manage the challenges of existence than either Islam or unbelief had to offer.

***

Watch and read Ayaan respond to her critics here.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali is an UnHerd columnist. She is also the Founder of the AHA Foundation, and host of The
Ayaan Hirsi Ali Podcast. Her Substack is called Restoration.

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