PARENTING THAT

LEAVES A LEGACY

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

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To those who are the most beautiful part of my everyday.
Doreen
Maame Frimpomah
Maame Obour
Barimah Kofi Baah

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 PARENTING THAT
LEAVES A LEGACY

BARIMAH KOFI ASARE KYEI-BAFFOUR

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 A TREE FOR A FUTURE
SHADE
There is a Chinese proverb which goes like this: “’One
generation plants the trees, and another gets the shade.”
This is how I think of parenting that leaves a legacy.

We enjoy the shade of trees planted by our parents and

grandparents. We must ask ourselves: Are we planting
trees that will shade our children and grand-children
from the oppressive heat of a post-Christian culture, or
are we leaving them totally exposed?

There is an urgency to take a second look at parenting and

begin to reinforce the timeless divine principles that gave
us the peaceful shades we enjoy today. This book is an
attempt to challenge you to become a parent that leaves a
legacy.

What the Bible says about parents.

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 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the
Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

The Greek word translated “fathers” is the masculine

noun “pater” and is translated in Hebrews 11:23 as
“parents.” This command to not exasperate our children
is not solely directed at dads. The translators, however,
were wise to use “fathers” here, because the father will be
ultimately held accountable to God for how he has led his
family. Biblical leadership is about responsibility.

“Provoke not your children to wrath...” God calls parents

to not exasperate their children. Here are eight
exasperators:

1. Failing to allow them to be children

2. Treating them with harshness and cruelty
3. Ridiculing them in front of others
4. Displaying favouritism/making comparisons
5. Failing to express approval
6. Being arbitrary in discipline/lacking consistency
7. Neglecting them/making them feel like intruders
8. Seeking to achieve our goals through their lives

The above is what not to do. Here is what to do“...bring

them up...”
§ Cherish them fondly
§ Rear them tenderly
§ Sustain them spiritually
§ Deal with them individually

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This bringing up is to be done “...in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord.” Nurture and admonition have to
do with discipline and instruction respectively. “Nurture”
is what we do (Hebrews 12:1-11; Proverbs 13:24; 22:15).
“Admonition” is what we say.

Remember, we will be held accountable, not for the

response of our children, but for the instruction of our
children. We must instruct them in such a way as to show
our children that behind us stands the Lord. He is the
ultimate Instructor. When it is all said and done, the
privilege, the honour, and duty which is ours is to seek to
be able to bring the hearts of our children to the heart of
the Saviour.

THE FOUR FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES

There are foundational principles from scripture on
parenting:

1. Children are a blessing, not a hardship. Thus,

parenthood is a gift from God to us. (Psalm 127) In our
cultural climate it is easy to view children as more of a
chore than a joy. Raising kids is hard, but it is a delightful
duty; not a drudgery.

2. Parenting is supposed to be a joy, not a burden.

Parenting is not easy, but it does not have to be
burdensome. (Proverbs 10:1; 23:24-25; 29:17)

3. Success in parenting is measured by what the

parents do, not by what the child does. (Joshua 1:7-9)

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4. A child’s most important influences come from
parents, not peers. Our children’s failures are not our
children’s friends’ fault. Parents must not allow anyone—
teachers, coaches, and/or peers—to have more input into
their children’s lives than they have. (Deuteronomy 4:9;
6:4-7; Joshua 4:20-24; 2 Timothy 1:5)

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

Have you ever been so frustrated with your children that
you find yourself thinking (or even saying), “How do I
know what to do with them? They didn’t come with
instructions!” The Bible says otherwise! The Bible
provides all the instruction parents need for the raising of
their children. The issue is not an absence of instructions,
but whether or not those instructions are being
understood and applied.

We are able to teach our children By nature,

well, and the book of Proverbs is we love our
an invaluable resource toward children
that end. Proverbs is Christianity dearly, but
in working clothes, providing we need the
Godly wisdom for every aspect of
our lives. scriptures to
love them
Whatever else may be said about wisely.
the home, it is the bottom line of
life. The anvil upon which
attitudes and convictions are hammered out. It’s the place
where life’s bills come due, the single most influential
force in our earthly existence...It is at home, among family

8
members, that we come to terms with circumstances. It
is here life makes up its mind.

Parents are to teach their children, and they are to teach

their children in every context (Deuteronomy 6:7):
victory, defeat, joyfulness, pain, friendship, betrayal, etc.
Since wisdom begins in the home, parents need to
understand that their children come with a label which
reads: Yours for a limited time only. Time is a limited
commodity, and time with your children is even more
restricted. While it is
Wisdom begins at possible to begin the task too
home… late, it is impossible to begin
Since foolishness too soon. By nature, we love
is bound up in the our children dearly, but we
heart of the child, need the scriptures to love
them wisely. This is why we
the way he would must train up a child in the
go is not the way way he should go, and use the
he should go. He rod of correction to drive
will never go the from him the foolishness that
way he should is bound up in his heart.
unless his parents
Wisdom begins at home. The
teach him. parents are the teachers. The
children are the pupils. Life is
the classroom. What do we teach them? We teach them
the Bible. What does the Bible teach? It teaches them a
worldview that answers the questions of who they are
and from where they have come. That we are sinners. That
we require a Saviour. That Jesus is that Saviour. That in
our place condemned He stood, so that we might be saved
by turning from our sin and turning to Him. The real key

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to raising children is theology! Because only a sound
theology will enable us to train up a child in the way he
should go, instead of the way he would go. Do not miss
the distinction! Since foolishness is bound up in the heart
of the child, the way he would go is not the way he should
go. He will never go the way he should unless his parents
teach him. To leave children without principles, is not to
make them free, it is to render them helpless. Here are ten
principles from Proverbs that parents should teach their
children.

1. Teach your children to fear the Lord - “The fear of

the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the
knowledge of the holy is understanding.” (9:10; 1:7)
This is the foundational principle upon which
everything which follows is built. (14:26-27)

2. Teach your children to guard their minds - “Keep

thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues
of life.” (4:23) “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”
(23:7a) (Mark 7:20-22) Outward conformity is not the
primary goal. Internal change which leads to outward
conformity is the aim.

3. Teach your children to obey you - “Hear, ye

children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know
understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye
not my law.” (4:1-4; 6:20-23; Exodus 20:12; Ephesians
6:2-3) Correction must be consistent, biblical, and
righteously administered for it to be effective.
4. Teach your children to wisely choose their friends
- “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a

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companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (13:20; 1:10-18;
2:10-15; 1 Corinthians 15:33)

5. Teach your children to control/direct their desires

- “Flee...youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22; Proverbs 2:16-
19; 5:3-5; 7:6-27; James 1:14-15) Lust is not restricted to
fornication. To lust is to desire. We must teach our
children to not only run away from sinful desires, but
to not desire good things too much, and to be filled
with a desire for God. (Psalm 42:1; 119:131; Isaiah 26:9; 1
Peter 2:2)

6. Teach your children to enjoy their spouses - “Drink

waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters
out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed: and
rejoice with the wife of thy youth.” (5:15-20; Ephesians
5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-9)

7. Teach your children to watch their words - “Put

away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put
far from thee.” (4:24; 10:11, 19-21, 32; 12:18, 22; 15:7; 16:23;
20:15; Luke 6:45; James 3:2-13) Teach them that their
tongue is a tattle tale on their heart. We cannot see
another person’s heart, but stick around long enough
and we will hear it.

8. Teach your children to pursue their work - “He

becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the
hand of the diligent maketh rich. He that gathereth in
summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is
a son that causeth shame.” (10:4-5; 6:6-11; 22:29;
Colossians 3:22-25; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15) Teach your

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children to work hard; not just when you are standing
over them but at all times.

9. Teach your children to manage their money -

“Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the
firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be
filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with
new wine.” (3:9-10; 6:1-5; 11:24- 26, 28; 15:27; 19:17; 22:9,
16; 23:4; Matthew 6:24; 1 Timothy 6:6-10)

10. Teach your children to love their neighbours -

“Withhold not good from them to whom it is due,
when it is in the power of
We teach with thine hand to do [it]. Say not
our mouths— unto thy neighbour, Go, and
didactically—but come again, and tomorrow I
will give; when thou hast it
we must also by thee. Devise not evil
demonstrate with against thy neighbour,
our lives the very seeing he dwelleth securely
instruction we by thee.” (3:27-29; Leviticus
teach. All 19:18; Luke 10:25-37)
behaviour is There is a way that seems
learned; even that right to our children;
which is caught. however, that way is the
Class is always in broad road which leads to
session; not just destruction; its end is the way
when you sit your to death (Proverbs 14:12;
Matthew 7:13). So we point
kids down to them to Christ. We
lecture them. demonstrate before them that
we are walking with Jesus.

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While we cannot force them to trust and follow Him, we
certainly teach them that is the way they should go, and
that the alternative is ruination.

At this point, an old cliché must be trotted out and clearly

understood. Here it is: Truth is caught more than taught. What
does that mean? Is this a suggestion that truth may be
absorbed through a mechanism other than teaching? No
doubt, some people use the cliché in that way. I agree
with the statement, but only to a point. The point being
this, not all teaching is didactic, but all instruction is
learned. We teach with our mouths—didactically—but
we must also demonstrate with our lives the very
instruction we teach. All behaviour is learned; even that
which is caught. Class is always in session; not just when
you sit your kids down to lecture them. The words you
speak, your body language, the manner in which you
relate to others, how you treat your spouse, your handling
of stress...with every situation and in every moment we
are teaching our children. They will catch it. We must
make sure that the it is God-honouring.

Teach your children well. Teach them the Bible, and as

you are living what you teach, they will catch it as well as
hear it.

Strive to become a parent that is willing to plant a tree

with solid roots that will in turn give shade to the next
generation.

Your fellow parent,

Barimah Kofi Asare Kyei-Baffour (PhD)

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 SEASONS OF PARENTING
Every Christian parent’s heart echoes 3 John 4 where it
says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in
truth.” As parents, we are given many principles so that we
might “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Every aspect of life is seasonal and parenting is not an

exception. Parenting is defined in specific seasons.

To everything there is a season, a time and every

purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

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Knowing and understanding the seasons of parenting
will help parents in knowing what to do and when to do.
The concept of parenting seasons brings milestones to the
journey of parenting. It brings awareness to where you are
as a parent based on the ages of your children and where
you would like to go as they mature. It also brings
awareness to your children’s needs at different seasons of
life and the parent’s role in meeting those needs.

Parenting Seasons:
1. Season of Being a Servant – Provide love and nurture
building to the Season of Authority.

2. Season of Authority – Increase in structure,

consistency, and expectations which builds to the Season
of Mentoring.

3. Season of Mentoring – Increase in instruction,

guidance, and support which builds to the Season of
Friendship.

4. Season of Friendship – Decrease in authority and

responsibility for meeting child’s needs while increase in
friendship and mutual respect which leads to healthy
family units that can serve in the church family and bring
glory to God.

Discerning Your Parental Role: In “real life,” parenting

does not move smoothly from one season to another, nor
do parents stay exclusively in one season. Instead, look at
the seasons of parenting as a general guide to what your
child will need from you at different stages of their
development. Parents need to ask God for wisdom and

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discernment so they are able to move from one parental
season to another based on the specific needs of a
situation.

Description of the Seasons of Parenting:

Servant Season (Ages 0-2): In the servant season, a

parent’s role is to serve the child by providing for his basic
needs. A child will not survive infancy without
consistent, direct intervention from parents. It is
important that mothers and fathers know their role and
fulfil it. This season can be extremely demanding on
mothers and fathers alike.

Authority Season (Ages 3-12): This season is the

parent’s prime time to establish the foundation of
obedience through intentional and purposeful training
and instruction (Deuteronomy 6). In today’s society it can
be difficult for parents to shift from the Season of Servant
to the Authority Season. One reason this shift is difficult
for some is because they have bought into the belief that
a “good parent” is someone who helps their child avoid all
disappointment and hurt. When this is the primary goal
of parents, they are not able to adequately step into the
Authority Season. Shifting into the Authority Season will
only take place if the parents make a shift themselves and
begin to give age-appropriate responsibilities to the child.
This transition takes work and intentional action.

Mentoring Season (Ages 13-18): During the Mentoring

Season, the parent’s role falls heavily into leading and
instructing the child towards managing the future
expectations of adulthood. It is a unique time of

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stretching the need to grow in responsibilities while
maintaining an anchor of willingness to still receive
counsel and advice. It is important for the parent to have
a clear understanding of the differences between
preferences and moral absolutes so they can lead and instruct
in the way of truth. Preferences are personal choices that
everyone has the right to make. Examples include a
favourite colour, food, or way to relax. It cannot be said
that someone’s preference is wrong. People may disagree,
but neither is wrong. However, moral absolutes are
defined in Scripture and are true for all people, at all
times, and at all places. For example, “Thou shalt not
commit adultery” is an absolute. Parents need to guide
their children by helping them learn and discern the
difference between absolutes and preferences. In modern
society many people believe that there are no moral
absolutes and that personal preferences rule. This belief
clearly does not square with Scripture. Parents need to
discern when an adolescent’s behaviour represents a
difference in a preference from the parents’ preferences
and when the issues are about biblical absolutes. One
battle is worth fighting for; the other will just lead to
strife.

Friendship Season (Ages 18+): Finally, the Friendship

Season is where the parent-child relationship looks more
like that of fellow peers. Here parents are enjoying and
building a lifelong friendship of transferring wisdom and
counsel to the next generation. Parents’ relationships
with children at this stage likely consist of asking
questions, challenging, encouraging, listening, offering
counsel, and so on. The difference is in the authority

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parents have in those interactions. The Bible is clear
about children obeying and honouring (Ephesians 6:1-2)
their parents. The Bible is also clear that as children grow
into adults they are responsible and accountable for their
actions (Ezekiel 18:20). These verses point to the concept
of growth in children’s lives from obeying and being
under the authority of parents to becoming accountable
for their own actions.

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 BASIC PRINCIPLES OF
BIBLICAL PARENTING
§ PRIVILEDGE AND RESPONSIBILITY
Parents are given the privilege and have the solemn
responsibility to bring up their children in a manner that
is pleasing to God and trains them to understand the
principles of Scripture. This will result in the blessings of
the Lord. Failing to bring up children according to God’s
Word will result in heartache and grief.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Proverbs 10:1, 13:18, 17:25, 22:6,

29:17; Colossians 1:10; James 1:25)

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 § GODS PRINCIPLES ARE APPLICABLE TO ALL
God’s principles and precepts are applicable to parents
and children alike. Parents are to be on one accord as they
teach the Scriptures to their children in a way that is
pleasing to the Lord. God’s standards and goals are the
same for you and in every member of your family.

(Proverbs 22:6; Isaiah 55:8-11; Luke 6:40; Romans 8:29; I

Corinthians 1:10; Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:20; II
Timothy 3:16-17; I Peter 1:14-16; II Peter 1:3-10)

§ PARENTS MUST UNDERSTAND THE

AUTHORITY OF THE SCRIPTURES
Since God’s Word applies to individuals of every age
level, it is important that every person in a family
understand that the Bible is the only standard by which
they must live. Other standards tend to borrow pieces
from the Word of God. However, Scripture is totally
sufficient to give direction for all of life, including the area
of parent-child relationships. No other authority is
necessary or adequate to take its place of support its
teachings.

(Deuteronomy 6:5-7; Psalm 19:7-11, 119:89, 105, 130;

Proverbs 30:5-6; Isaiah 55:5-11; I Corinthians 3:19-20; II
Timothy 3:14-17; Hebrew 4:12; 11 Peter 1:3-4)

§ DISOBEDIENCE LEADS TO CORRECTIVE

DISCIPLINE BY GOD
God has set forth His standards clearly and specifically
throughout Scripture. If you and every member of your
family will live according to them, you will all receive the

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blessings of the Lord. However, those neglecting or
disobeying God’s standards will receive His corrective
discipline.

(Matthew 5:2-12; Luke 11:28; John 13:12-17; I Corinthians

11:31-32; Hebrews 12:5-11; James 1:22-25)

§ UNGODLY COUNSEL AND “COMMON SENSE”

CAN LEAD TO DISASTER
Many of man’s philosophies for the rearing of children
typically arise from individual experiences. Even
Christians often look to ungodly counsel or to “common
sense,” rather than to the sole authority and totally
sufficient standard of the Scriptures.

(Deuteronomy 4:9, 6:6-9, 13-14, 17, 20-25; Ephesians 4:11-

20; II Timothy 3:16-17; Titus 1:10-11; 11 Peter 1:3-10)

§ EXAMINE YOURSELF
Parents, be careful to examine your own walk in Jesus
Christ as you guide your children in the ways of the Lord.
Start discussing and planning the training of our children
even before they are born. Pray consistently as you learn
and practice scriptural directives for raising your
children. After your children are born, firmly hold to your
commitment to follow God’s Word in training each child
according to his age and training needs.

(Psalm 37:4-5; Proverbs 16:3, 22:6; Matthew 7:1-5; I

Corinthians 1:10; Ephesians 4:1-3, 6:4; I Thessalonians
5:17)

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 § NOT PRACTICING BIBLICAL LOVE
PROVOKES CHILDREN TO ANGER
Parents provoke their children to anger by not practicing
biblical love, not considering their children as more
important than themselves, and not dying to self to
become a servant to the Lord Jesus Christ.

(Matthew 5:43-48; Mark 10:42-45; Luke 9:23-24; I

Corinthians 13: 4-8a; Galatians 5:14; Ephesians 6:4;
Philippians 2:3-4; Colossians 3:21; I Peter 4:8; I John 4:7-
8)

§ PARENTING MUST BE THOUGHTFUL AND

INDIVIDUAL
To instruct children in God’s way requires that you live
each moment to please the Lord in a deliberate and
thoughtful manner. When you teach children, you must
take into consideration each child’s level of spiritual
understanding and ability.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Proverbs22:6; Romans 12:1-2; I

Thessalonians 2:5-8; I Timothy 1:5; III John 1:4)

§ CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR POSSESSION

While raising your children you must remember that they
are not your “possessions”, but instead are God’s gift to
you. You are to exercise faithful stewardship in their lives.

(Psalm 19-7-11, 24:1, 127:3-5a; Proverbs 22:6; Ezekiel 18:4,

20:1; I Corinthians 4:2; Ephesians 6:4; I Thessalonians 2:3-
13)

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 § PARENTS MUST EXPRESS BIBLICAL LOVE
Consistently disciplining (training, educating,
correcting) your child in a manner that is pleasing to the
Lord is an expression of biblical love. It also is a step of
obedience for you as a parent and provides godly
direction for your child.

(Proverbs 13:24. 19:18, 23:13: Hebrew 12:5-13)

§ PARENTS MUST SET ASIDE TIME FOR FAMILY

DEVOTIONS
In addition to teaching your children throughout the day,
you must set aside specific, planned times to worship the
Lord and learn His Word together. Conducting family
devotions requires planning and diligence if this godly
practice is to develop and be maintained in your home.

(Deuteronomy 4:9; Psalm 95:6-7a, 145:1-7; Matthew

28:20a; John 4:23-24; Ephesians 5:15-17; Colossians 3:16; II
Timothy 2:1-2, 3:14-15)

23
“Dads, the best thing you can do for your kids
is to love their Mom.”

24
 LEGACIES OF PARENTING

Jonathan Edwards, was a Puritan Preacher in the

1700s. He was one of the most respected preachers in his
day. He attended Yale at the age of thirteen and later went
on to become the president of
Princeton college. He married his
wife Sara in 1727 and they were
blessed with eleven children.
Every night when Mr. Edwards
was home, he would spend an
hour conversing with his family
and then praying a blessing over
each child. Jonathan and his wife
Sarah passed on a great, godly
legacy to their eleven children.

An American educator, A.E. Winship decided to trace the

descendants of Jonathan Edwards almost 150 years after
his death. His findings are remarkable, especially when
compared to another man from the same time period
known as Max Jukes.

Jonathan Edwards’ legacy includes: 1 U.S. Vice-President,

1 Dean of a law school, 1 dean of a medical school, 3 U.S.
Senators, 3 governors, 3 mayors, 13 college presidents, 30
judges, 60 doctors, 65 professors, 75 Military officers, 80
public office holders, 100 lawyers, 100 clergymen, and 285
college graduates.

25
How may this be explained? Edwards was a godly man,
but he was also hard working, intelligent and moral.
Furthermore, Winship states, “Much of the capacity and
talent, intensity and character of the more than 1,400 of
Edwards’ family is due to Mrs. Edwards.”

Max Jukes’ legacy came to people’s attention when the

family trees of 42 different men in the New York prison
system were traced back to him. He lived in New York at
about the same period as
Edwards. The Jukes family
originally was studied by
sociologist Richard L. Dugdale
in 1877. Jukes’ descendants
included: 7 murderers, 60
thieves, 190 prostitutes, 150 other convicts, 310 paupers,
and 440 who were physically wrecked by addiction to
alcohol. Of the 1,200 descendants that were studied, 300
died prematurely.

These contrasting legacies provide an example of what

some call the five-generation rule. “How a parent raises
their child — the love they give, the values they teach, the
emotional environment they offer, the education they
provide — influences not only their children but the four
generations to follow, either for good or evil.” What a
challenging thought! If someone studied your
descendants four generations later, what would you want
them to discover? Do you want an Edwards’ legacy or a
Jukes’ legacy? The life you live will determine the legacy
you leave!

26
DISCOVERING YOUR CHILD
. . . AND YOURSELF
Wise is the parent who understands, “I need to spend time with my
child. I need to observe. I need to dialogue so that my child grows
up knowing his or her unique, God-given design.”

You are embarking on the most fascinating journey of

life—the journey of discovering your child. Your child
may be yours by birth, adoption, or marriage; he or she
may be your grandchild or nephew or niece who lives
with you. This amazing, one-of-a-kind boy or girl whom
God has placed in your life to nurture and guide is your
child.

27
Oh, the wonders of your child! Her heart is so tender and
pure. His mind hums like a power plant with imagination
and curiosity. Her personality sparkles with laughter and
joy like a multifaceted diamond. Your task is to explore
the hidden universe that lies within your child. Unlock
the secrets. And then release your child to be the mature,
confident adult that God intended him or her to be.

Along the way of discovering your child, a surprising

second discovery will unfold. You’ll discover yourself!

It wasn’t until we began to have children that I fully

began to understand how I am put together. As you reveal
to your child the wonders of who he or she is, God will do
the same for you. As you parent, God will parent you,
encouraging you to blossom right alongside your child.
You can—and will, with God’s help—grow with your
child!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psalms 127:3

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 ...IT STARTS WITH THE
PARENTS
Parenting is not about the children. It is about the
parents.

The Bible tells us repeatedly in His Word how all children

are a gift from God. Every single life, every single child, is
a reward and blessing. Whether they're bringing parents
pride and joy, or whether they are teaching us how to be
more parent and forgiving, children are a gift from God

29
and a source for the growth of His Kingdom here on
Earth!

God knows that children can bring us closer to Him and

help grow our Christian character.
God makes you a parent to guide and guard his own
heritage. Children indeed are a blessing to every home but
they are equally a physical and spiritual responsibilities
to the parents.

TRUTH 1:
Parenting that leaves a legacy starts with a
strong marriage!
Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in
body and spirit. And what does the one God seek?
Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be
unfaithful to the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:15

To become a parent that leaves a positive lasting

legacy, you must understand that God ordained
marriage for the purpose of raising a GODLY
offspring.

Successful marriages thrive on:

§ Dependence on God
§ Acceptance of one another
§ Celebrating each other
§ Tolerance to the flaws of each other.

30
 ...THEN KNOW THE
UNIQUENESS
OF YOUR CHILD

Your child is like a beautiful tapestry knit together by

God, the master weaver of the soul. David marvelled at
God’s delicate handiwork:

You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

(Psalm 139:13)

Your child’s hair texture, eye colour, voice timbre, and

body shape; personality, interests, moods, and abilities—

31
God entwines all these intricate threads in a unique
pattern to create the masterpiece that is your child.

These characteristics, or traits, become more visible over

time. Each stage of your child’s lifespan—infancy,
childhood, adolescence, early adulthood—reveals new
features of God’s design. Your job as a parent is to fit your
training to your child so that it is in keeping with his or
her individual gift or trait.

TRUTH 2:
Fit your training to your child so that it is in
keeping with his or her individual gift.

Seeing the trait accurately is the first parental task;

responding appropriately is the second.

Discover your child’s:

§ Temperament.
§ Ability
§ Interests.
§ Turn-offs.

What Is a Temperament?
A person's temperament is how they behave and
represent themselves based on personality traits and
impactful experiences. Temperament remains constant
and serves as a means to help you determine how you will
react to situations. It's a way to recognize consistent
personality traits.

32
Each person has a unique brain stem that cannot change
throughout their life. Although the brain stem does not
change, this does not mean that people are incapable of
change.

Rather, people can introduce new types of behaviour to

their temperament as they see more of the world and
evolve their behaviour. No matter your temperament, you
always have the potential to improve your life while
remaining proud of your own unique identity. Simply
existing in this world is a miracle, so try to make the most
of it.

Can Your Temperament Be Altered?

While your underlying temperament is permanent, you
can change how you behave as you get older and continue
building your experience based on how you see the
world.

1. Sanguine
People with sanguine temperaments are people-oriented,
exhibiting traits such as outgoing and
extroverted. Moreover, they emphasize people are
working together and trying to do good for one
another, generally being helpful overall. It is the most
common type of temperament and typically either a
primary type or secondary type.

People with the sanguine temperament type have a wide

range of emotions and a wide range of behaviour. They are
the most versatile of all the temperaments. Depending on
their secondary temperament, they might be involved in

33
nearly any human activity. However, they enjoy occasions
when they can interact with or change their environment.

When you first meet someone with a sanguine

temperament, you're likely to feel you've known them for
a long time. They are comfortable to talk to and get to
know. They are extremely friendly, talkative, and social.
They will frequently get caught up in conversations and
lose track of time. However, if they get bored, they can
lose attention quickly. Their attention span is directly
related to how much they enjoy the conversation or what
they are doing.

Sanguine temperaments are also highly dynamic. If they

think it or feel it, they will say it. They have no filter. Their
hyperactivity often leads to forgetfulness and being
disorganized. This temperament type is extremely
competitive. They dominate sports, politics, and the
business world. They also fear making a bad impression
and rejection. They want most to be accepted but also to
be the best they can be.

2. Phlegmatic
Phlegmatic temperaments are also common, but they can
be seen as almost the opposite of sanguine
temperaments. People with this temperament type are
service-oriented, exhibiting introverted personality
traits, but will work with others to achieve a common
goal. These people may seem passive and lack general
ambition or specifically to accomplish a goal or
milestone.

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The passiveness of the phlegmatic temperament type
leads to a distinct set of characteristics. They are easy-
going, calm, and unemotional. They can be indecisive and
agreeable and are usually happy to allow others to make
decisions for them.
Phlegmatic temperament people are slow to warm up to
others but will make friends fairly easily. They are one of
the easiest temperament types to get along with because
they are so agreeable and patient. However, they stick
closely to their routines and resist change.

People with a phlegmatic temperament tend to live quiet

lives centred around home and family. They don't get
involved in the world around them or with other people.
However, they are fiercely loyal to their friends and will
stick with a relationship regardless of what the other
person does or says. However, once a relationship does
break, they are not likely to return to it.

This temperament type is content to let things happen.

They are not quick to make decisions, and they are not
ambitious. However, they resist change. They may need
quite a bit of time and patience to adapt to change,
especially sudden.

3. Melancholy
When most people hear the word melancholy, they think
of depression. However, the melancholy temperament
type is not necessarily depressed so much as they are
cautious. Those with melancholy temperaments are
detail and quality-oriented, obsessing with
understanding what is right. Also, they might be seen as
paying strict attention to detail, which could make them

35
out as perfectionists. This is another common
temperament type.

The melancholy temperament is a rule follower. They can

be cautious and tentative in unfamiliar environments, but
they can also become aggressive when faced with an
unfavourable situation. They are private and introverted.
This temperament is factual, logical, and analytical. To
function without anxiety, these people need to have a
solid action plan and follow it to the letter.

The melancholy temperament may show symptoms of

being anxious. They might worry about the future and
what others think. They may also worry about how
things might have been done differently in the past. As
such, they may seem like they resist living in the present.

This temperament is generally well organized, even if

they become cluttered. They are usually on time for
appointments and expect others to be as well. Before
making decisions, they will gather as much information
as possible and ask specific questions to make sure they
are making the right decision. People of the melancholy
temperament are also suspicious and conscientious. They
are slow to trust others until they are sure of their
intentions. It is difficult for them to form relationships,
and they have high standards for their relationships.

4. Choleric
The choleric temperament is the rarest of the four primary
types.
Those with a choleric temperament are results-driven by
making goals and sticking with them until they are

36
completed. Thus, they exhibit a positive demeanour and
are constantly moving forward. Despite any opposition,
they face everything with the mindset of getting results
and achieving their desires.

People with a choleric temperament are extroverted and

exude self-confidence. They are independent and strong-
willed. They have quick minds and are generally active
and practical in their activities. Their communication
style is assertive and direct, often brief, almost to the
point of rudeness.

This temperament type enjoys taking risks and gets bored

easily. They can be domineering and opinionated. They
find it easy to make decisions, not only for themselves but
for others as well. They can be somewhat controlling in
relationships. Choleric types also tend to require less
sleep than other temperament types.
People with the choleric temperament are creative. They
never seem to run out of ideas or plans, all of which tend
to be practical. They are steadfast in their ideas, however,
and will not give in to peer pressure. While they can be
compassionate and rally for social causes, they are slow to
build relationships in their personal life. They likely only
have a few close friends, even though they are not afraid
to meet and talk to new people. They don't tend to
empathize with others. However, they are also very slow
to anger, though their domineering personality and direct
manner of speaking can be misconstrued as anger.

TRUTH: God Himself—not some impersonal force of

nature—forms each person at conception in the womb.

37
PRINCIPLE: We should value each person as a creation
of God.

TRUTH: Because God made my child, He knows all

aspects of my child.

PRINCIPLE: I can ask God for understanding and

insight into my child.

TRUTH: God made my child unique in body, mind, gifts,

abilities, interests, and needs.

PRINCIPLE: I should accept my child and avoid

favouritism.

TRUTH: My child is fearfully and wonderfully made.

PRINCIPLE: I can take delight in my child as a

wonderful treasure from God.

Parenting has moments of great ecstasy when you take

delight in your children. When you find certain things in
their lives delightful, tell them. Let them know that. Let
them know they delight you. Express to them how
grateful you are for the way God has put them together.

As a parent, you can cooperate with your child’s good

bents by watching over your child with the same
diligence that God took in His design.
§ Avoid re-bending God’s bents. In other words, don’t try
to “bend” children whom God designed to be
artists into athletes!

38
 § Applaud your child’s marvellous qualities when they
emerge. Let your child know the wonderful ways
God has made him or her.
§ Celebrate your child’s unique bents, rather than compare
or show favouritism. Be careful not to tell one child
that he or she is better than another child.
§ Nurture your child’s self-image as you tell the story of his
or her divine design. Recite to him or her the
wonderful truths of Psalm 139!

During their child’s formative years, parents cooperate

with the good bents and counteract the evil, for both are
present in every child.

Resist the temptation to force your child into your own

mould, and don’t hesitate to verbalize your praise and
encouragement. What are some specific ways that you
can nurture or cooperate with the good traits in your
child?

39
 THE CALL TO PARENTING:
NOURISH, INSTRUCT
AND DISCIPLINE
Our calling as parents is clearly defined. We are entrusted
with our children to nourish, instruct and discipline in
that order!

40
41
 NOURISH YOUR CHILD
To nourish is to adequately provide to satisfaction. A
child is a blessing to be nourished with love.

Children thrive on love. The story is told of an English

hospital in the 19th century. There were young, orphaned
children there who received medical attention but little
or no emotional support. Many of those ill children would
simply languish and die. But a lady janitor who worked
the hospital night shift asked for permission to carry a
declining child in a sling on her hip while she worked. She
would lavish attention and love upon the child while she
swept and cleaned. And, lo and behold, some of those
children who had been “failing to thrive” and were
expected to decline and die, reversed course and
responded to her love by rallying back to health. Love is
powerful!

42
Show physical affection. Hug your children, hold them.
One study of pregnant 13-year-old girls discovered that a
prevailing common trait was that while growing up they
had received little or no pure, wholesome physical
affection from their fathers. They told the researchers that
their craving for this lack of wholesome touches and hugs
in the home drove them to seek it elsewhere. And
unfortunately they too often found it in illicit sexual
encounters.

§ Tell your children and show them often that you

love them.
§ Be sure to affirm them. Praise them.
§ Give your children portions of your time. Give them
your full attention when they talk to you.
§ Be involved in their lives and interests ... listen to
them ... spend time with them ... include them in
housework (you can’t always play with them).

“Give” yourself to your children, even

as “...Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her” (Ephesians 5:25). Love is at its best when it is giving.

But love your spouse first and foremost! My first advice to

husband has always been:

“Dads, the best thing you can do for your kids

is to love their Mom.”

§ Let your children grow up in an atmosphere of love

where the parents love their God and each other.

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§ Let them grow up in an environment where they are
constantly made aware of how valuable they are to
you the parents.

Take keen delight in your children.

§ Delight in lingering around them. Enjoy spending time
with your children and having meals with them with
the television off and no distracting handheld devices.
§ Delight in listening to them. Pay attention when they
have something to say. Ask questions and dis- cover
their dreams.
§ Delight in learning alongside them. Do projects together,
read to your children, and grow together.
§ Delight in laughing with them. Funny stuff happens in
the family all the time. Lighten up! Laugh about life
and tell humorous stories from your past. Having fun
together is an essential ingredient in delighting in
your child.

Love cherishes and nourishes, it discovers, gets involved,

and listens with caring. Love draws out the other person,
boosts his or her self-esteem, and is essential for you and
your child to enjoy life together. In a word, to love is to
delight in your child.

PRAYER
Father, what a joy it is to call You Father. Please help me to reflect
Your delight and love for Your children in how I delight and love
mine. Thank You for blessing me with these children. Help me to
dedicate them to You and guide them in the paths that You have laid
for them. Amen.

44
 INSTRUCT YOUR CHILD
Even a child is known by his deeds,
Whether what he does is pure and right.
Proverbs 20:11

A child’s conduct is important to God and should,

therefore, be of great importance to parents. “A child
is known by his actions...” — Believe me, your children’s
conduct is obvious to onlookers. It is actually a part of
your total testimony.

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Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will
not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

This is the Bible’s promise, period. Treasure this

principle, apply it, hold onto it. Training a child involves
repetition, reinforcement, encouragement, sometimes
over and over. But in the end, it is worth it!

It has been said that until approximately age 8 (and that

will vary with the child), the training of children is
comprised mostly of input from us. After that, children
can begin increasingly to make sound moral judgments
from that godly input you have been giving them over
their earlier years.

Your child is to be instructed in the things of God and

instructed in character. We parents are entrusted with
taking our children from 0% to 100% responsibility for
their lives. Instructing children is about influencing their
lives positively with our own lives and words. Our
children are entrusted to us to first of all teach them
penetratively about God.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your

heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall
talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the
way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:6

We as parents must first of all make the commitment to

keep God in full focus (in our hearts), then we can
proceed to teach our children about God. Giving your
God to your children leaves an everlasting legacy. This

46
lasting legacy is encapsulated in David’s final words to his
son Solomon, he left him to His God.

“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and
serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the
LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the
thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you
forsake Him, He will cast you off forever. 1 Chronicles 28:9

So, exert a Godly influence on your children and you will

in turn leave a preservational influence on them. The kind
of influence that will preserve them against the turbulent
winds of life.

Your primary responsibility is to lead your child to

saving faith.

Be diligent to present your children to God and be wise to

lead them to eternal salvation by sharing the Gospel with
them. It is the practice of my family to explain the Gospel
to our children when they turn twelve so that they can
make their own decision. Never assume that your local
church’s Sunday school will do this for you. Do it yourself.

Your second responsibility is to teach your child to

submit to authority.

Two-year-old children may test their parents’ authority

to know the limits of their emerging autonomy. This is a
sign of healthy child development, and parents can help

47
their children feel secure by gently and patiently keeping
boundaries firm. As the child grows older, you will detect
the difference between child- like experimentation and
sinful defiance, which is evident in his or her
disobedience, out-of-control temper, sneakiness, and just
plain old lying. Be alert, discerning, and determined to nip
sinful attitudes and actions in the bud by teaching your
child to obey and respect authority.

Your third responsibility is to shape the character of child

positively.

Character training — Address conduct and attitudes that

are inappropriate, and instruct them in God’s
approach to each character issue. You don’t necessarily
need set times of character teaching. It works just fine to
seize upon “learning moments” in the midst of their
everyday lives.

Instruct your child:

1. Toward A Godward Orientation
§ Knowledge of His Word
§ Knowledge of the Gospel
§ Love and obey God

2. Toward a Parental Orientation

§ Receiving instruction and discipline
§ Honouring Dad and Mom

3. Towards a Respect for Others

§ Honouring Adults and those in Authority
§ Kindness toward other children

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 DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD
Shaping the Will with Wisdom
Now we come to a core teaching of parenting: loving
discipline. Discipline is a vital expression of parental love,
as the Proverb says, “Those who love their children care
enough to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24).

Discipline and love must go hand in hand. To neglect

discipline is to withhold love and disciplining a child
without love can harm the child. The same arms that
wrap a child in protective hugs also guide a child with
persuasive correction. Wise parents know to discipline
with love and avoid extremes.

The Distinction between Discipline and Abuse

Abuse is unfair and shocking, degrading and
demoralizing, extreme and even brutal. It erupts like a

49
volcano spewing red-hot anger, and its aim is to punish.
Abuse can be physical, such as slapping, pushing,
shaking, and jerking; or emotional, such as shaming with
sarcasm, withholding affection, name-calling, and yelling.
Abuse creates terror in a child’s heart and leaves deep
scars on the soul.

The aim of discipline is correction. Discipline is fair and

expected, upholds the child’s dignity and value, and is
restrained and controlled. It is motivated by a desire to
correct wrongdoing for the good of the child and to
enhance self-control and a sense of security—which leads
to the second distinction.

Abuse focuses on crushing. Discipline focuses

on shaping.

The Distinction between Childishness and Defiance

Childishness comes in a variety of colouring-box hues:
unrestrained energy, fidgety curiosity, clumsy spilling,
distracted forgetfulness, failure-prone fumbling, roller-
coaster mood swings, and mud-pie messiness. Defiance,
on the other hand, paints in darker shades: deliberate and
stubborn resistance, hateful and selfish bullying, repeated
disobedience, sassing, sneakiness, temper tantrums, and
a belligerent and demanding attitude.

Loving discipline deals with defiance head on. It changes

your child’s course from a destructive path of defiant
rebellion against all authority, including God, to a path of
love for self and others and respect for authority.

50
Describing loving discipline is simple; being loving is not
so easy! Shaping a child’s will without being too
permissive or too harsh requires the wisdom of God.

FOUR PRINCIPLES
TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINING.
Let’s learn some principles for disciplining a child from
the Bible:

1. Start early. The first principle is in Proverbs 13:24

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him
disciplines him promptly.

Be prompt. Let disciplining be on time, don’t wait until it

is too late. start disciplining your child in the early years
when the sun is dawning on his or her life journey. As the
years pass, the window of opportunity closes for
discipline to be effective for your child.

Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on
his destruction. Proverbs 19:18

2. Stay balanced. The second principle emerges from

Proverbs 29:15 NASB.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own
way brings shame to his mother.

Two words in the first line of this proverb describe two

elements of proper discipline: instruction and
consequences. Reproof refers to verbal instruction and

51
warning. Rod refers to consequences. To reprove is to
speak plainly about rules or boundaries. The rod is the
corrective response when rules are broken or boundaries
are crossed. A reproof uses words; the rod, action. Keeping
these two elements of discipline in balance is essential.
There is a time to stop talking and act; other times, it’s
wise to explain further before jumping to a quick
consequence.

3. Be consistent. Take a moment to read Hebrews 12:5–10.

Write down the similarities between our heavenly
Father’s discipline and discipline from an earthly father.

By the way, now is a good time to grab a Bible dictionary

or Bible encyclopaedia. Look for entries such as parenting
and children. Read over the material that describes how
children and parents related in biblical times, especially
in the Old Testament, since that’s the period in which
Proverbs was composed. Make some notes about things
that struck you as significant to your interpretation of
these principles.

4. Be reasonable. A final principle flows from the

compassion of Christ. When you see childish behaviour,
give correction from a soft heart. Remember your own
childhood and apply the oil of good humour and
understanding. Being stern and unreasonable is like
dumping grit in the gears, but reasonableness helps a
relationship run smooth.

God’s love and reproofs flow together in a steady stream.

What is true today is true tomorrow; what was wrong

52
before is wrong now, whether done in public or private.
The entire stream flows within the secure banks of a
consistent, loving relationship.
Say words of support as consistently as words of correction.
Emphasize love and encouragement, not just rules and
consequences. Assure your child how much you delight
in him or her.
§ explain rules beforehand
§ discipline with dignity (privately)
§ administer consequences firmly
§ assure tenderly.

Be consistent. Emphasize love and encouragement, not

just rules and punishment. Otherwise, you exasperate
your child. It’s easy to exasperate and frustrate a child by
overly engaging in discipline. How unwise. It builds fear,
resentment, and anger. Continue to uphold the dignity of
your child. Do so in public and private. Let the child have
the assurance how much you delight in her or him. How
valuable that is, and you will realize its value more as time
passes.

Discipline your children because you care about them and

want to protect them. Through discipline, you will align
with God in the process of shaping your children into the
people God intends them to become.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of

discipline will drive it far from him. (KJV: “the rod
of correction”) Proverbs 22:15

Interference from Grandparents

53
 If you’re a grandparent, your role is to undergird and
support your adult children who are parents. Affirm them
and let them know what a good job they are doing. Talk
about issues, and ask for clarification, but don’t take over
their job. How wrong it is for a grandparent to undermine
the authority of parents by giving the child anything he or
she wants despite the parents’ values . . . or by usurping
the parenting role and disciplining the child as if you were
the parent.

Clarifying the roles between parents and grandparents

requires open discussion.

SOME FINAL SUGGESTIONS

§ Public discipline? It is unwise to spank your child in
public. Deal with the transgression at home.
§
Ask yourself, do you believe it is acceptable for children
to be loud, running, jumping, and out of control in the
house?

§ Again, expect obedience the first time, every time, as God

does.

§ Don’t let children “play” one parent against the other.

§ Don’t conflict openly with your spouse about discipline.

§ Don’t provoke your children. Be fair and just.

§ Don’t tempt them to lie — “Did you do that?!!” — when

you already know that they did it!

54
§ Don’t make idle threats, such as: “One more time and I...”

§ Be consistent. A rule is a rule. Enforce it consistently.

§ When you do spank, make it count. Then pray together,

look for repentance, then forgive and drop it.

§ Don’t compare children openly — “Why don’t you act

like...?”

§ Don’t belittle them, because “the glory of children are their

fathers” (Proverbs 17:6, KJV).

§ Don’t nag. You shouldn’t have to nag a well-trained child.

§ Don’t keep putting them off. Put down the paper, or

close the laptop, and listen to them.

§ Spend quality time with them. But don’t let it put your
spouse into a secondary place of priority.

PRAYER
Father, help us in the journey of parenting to grow under Your loving
hand of discipline in our lives. Help us to model a submissive spirit
to Your authority. Shape our will. Mould our thinking. Create in our
homes a secure place where our children can become mature
individuals who love You with their whole hearts. In the name of
Jesus, amen.

55
 THE 21ST CENTURY PARENT

We have become parents in a completely different era

than the one we grew up in. probably our parents didn’t
face much of this problem than the challenges parents
face in the 21st century. Because the world, technology,
and lifestyle didn’t change as rapidly then as it does now.
In addition to it, you are expected to raise a child who is
perfectly ready for a world you know nothing about.

Hence, the challenges parents face in the 21st century are

much more difficult than the previous generations of
parenting. Being a parent today is the most satisfying and
at the same time, the most complicated task. This job is
never going to end or become easier.

56
 Challenges Parents Face in the 21st Century
Mobile Phone Addiction
No matter which country you live in, this is the most
common challenge of the 21st century. Your child will
surely be addicted to a Mobile phone. Be it just for
watching videos (up to six or seven years old) or for
playing games (from seven or eight up to 15-16 years) or
for chatting and being active on social media, Mobile
phones are their best friends. As a parent, this addiction
makes you worried about their eyes initially. Then their
studies and later for cyber-bullying or using an app that
can make them end their lives. Although, cell phones
might be a boon for you as parents in knowing your
children’s whereabouts with just a click of a button.
However, it is definitely not worth the issues that it
brings along with it.

Obesity
Our previous generations didn’t know much about junk
foods and obesity. All they knew was healthy eating
habits that included a good amount of fruits, vegetables,
whole-grains, and dairy products. Our kids today rarely
know of healthy foods. A kid as young as 2 years old
prefers pizza to a dish full of vegetables and fruits. Poor
dietary patterns evolved from the last few decades and a
sedentary lifestyle leads to a generation of obese kids.
These children not only face health issues from a very
early age but also lack stamina as compared to us in their
age.

Balancing Personal and Professional Lives

In this period where everything is costly – good food,
clothes, home, and education; it becomes indispensable

57
for both partners in the family to make the ends meet. If
the mother chooses to leave her career in order to raise her
children with full attention, the parents need to
compromise. Financially with something or the other.
Alternatively, if the mother chooses her career in order to
give the family a more financially stable condition,
parents have to leave their children alone with heavy
hearts.

Additionally, when both the parents are working, they

are always on a guilt trip for not giving enough time to
their kids. Moreover, they themselves start missing the
kids and their various milestones.

Saying a ‘No’
This is the consequence of the last point. The new-age
parents are guilty of not being there for their kids every
time they need them. That is probably the reason why we
are always ready to fulfil all their wishes, even before our
kids demand them. This behaviour raises children into
insensible adults who do not know how to face failures
and rejections. Further, they expect everyone to
understand their wishes just like their parents did. We all
know that in real life, this might not be the situation all
the time and that being expressive is important too.

Bad Habits
Teenagers and adolescents tend to have an inclination
towards bad habits like drinking, smoking, and drugs. No
matter how close you try to be with your kids as parents,
but you would not even come to know when a wrong
company, a small failure or just curiosity provoked your
child to fall into this pit.

58
However, challenges should not stop you or make you
worried. Challenges should motivate you to become
better parents by helping your kids grow into responsible
and sensible adults.

Just these two rules work for the 21st Century parent:

1. Children love happier parents more than

perfect ones.
2. Kids don’t listen, they imitate.

59
 SMART PARENTING
WAYS TO BREAK YOUR
CHILD’S GADGET
ADDICTION

60
Nowadays, a kid might not know how to talk or write but
he/she knows very well how to use a smartphone? Your
children using the phone better than you today. Video
games and mobile games have taken place instead of
outdoor games. When kids are playing the games on your
mobile, they ignore your messages and calls. Moreover,
they behave aggressively and irritated when the phone is
taken from them. Then, parents need to take steps
because your children might have addicted to
smartphones.

As a parent, first of all, you must know about the

detrimental effects of mobiles on kids. Following are the
a few adverse effects on children due to smartphones:

• Depression
• Behavioural problems
• Sleep disturbances
• Hearing Issues
• Obesity
• Nervous system problems

In addition to the above problems, the children are more

likely to be effected by phone radiation. They have a thin

61
skull and small head, so, it is easier to penetrate this
radiation deeper into the brain.

As a parent, it is an utmost important thing to protect

your child from the smartphone. Are you really worried
about how to keep your child away from mobile? Here are
some ways to avoid mobile phone addiction in your
children and diverted their minds.

Do not introduce a smartphone to your kid early than

2 years
Except for video calls, a baby should not be exposed to
media until 18 months of age. When we implement media
at this age it has to be a small amount and should be
educational value matter. Generally, we only introduce
smartphones to our kids to keep them silent when crying.
In this way, they are habituated for it. However, it’s better
to not introducing the mobile to kids below two years.

Indoor or Outdoor Activities

The best way to keep the mind of your child diverted is to
let him do more often his favourite indoor or outdoor
activity. If they are not involved in any specific activity let
them do some interesting hobby.

Keep your Child Engaged

Despite diminishing playgrounds, kids are gradually
being forced to live indoors. As a result, the children
spend their time either playing games with toys or
addicted smartphones. To stop this, take your kid out to
the park or nearby playground and let him spend his time
playing and running. If this is not possible, then join him
in a sports club.

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Bond with your Child
In these days, most parents are busy in their lives with
employment. So, there is no time to maintain a deep bond
with their children. It is very important to take the time
out for your children and make bonding. Moreover, join
your children in enjoying your interests like listening to
music, watching movies, playing board games, etc. It will
keep your child away from smartphones.

Set Passwords
If you set the password for your phone, your children are
unable to use the mobile without open the lock.
Moreover, they do not use it if you are away from them. It
is one of the best choices to cut your child’s smartphone
addiction.

Be a Good Example
It’s is a very crucial time for your kids when they are
growing older because he/ she learns to imitate you and
learn from what you are doing. Parents are the first role
model for the child. So, it is better to limit your
smartphone usage time and it helps to have more time to
play with your kids. These times of interaction with your
kid plays a vital role in a child’s growth and creating
towards child and parent relationship.

Maintain Strict Rules on Smartphone Usage

• No smartphones on dinning.
• Don’t use the phone when your kid is around.
• No phone before sleeping on the bed.
• Don’t give the mobile before finishing the homework.

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64
 MONITORING APPS FOR PARENTS
Before your child sets off with their new device, discuss
online safety. Here are some safety tips for discussing
(often) with your child.
§ Never give out their phone number without a
parent’s permission
§ Never give their real name or address to a stranger
or someone online
§ If someone says something inappropriate or that
makes you feel uncomfortable, tell an adult
§ Do not click on links strangers send you
§ Do not send photos of yourself to people you don’t
know.

Tracking Your Child’s Phone

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If your child is walking home alone or taking the bus to
an empty house, you can track their phone’s location. To
track your child’s location, you can use a couple of the
app’s features. To track your child’s location using
Family Sharing, follow these steps.

• On your kid’s phone, navigate to Settings

• Tap Location Sharing
• Tap Share Your Location

Another way to locate your child is with the Find My

Friends app.

If you are concerned about the amount of time your kid is

spending on their phone, you can track that too!
• On your kid's phone, navigate to Settings
• Tap Turn On Screen Time
• Tap Set Up as Parent

mSpy
Our main concern: Keeping your kids safe by monitoring
social media use, messages, and content while staying
discreet and in the background.

mSpy is the leading monitoring app in the business and

has been on the market for over ten years; and is our
number one pick! mSpy works 100% in the background,
so your child or teen will not know when and if you’re
monitoring them.

mSpy can scan text messages, emails, and messaging apps

to look for potentially harmful messages or inappropriate

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content or pictures. Additionally, this easy to install app
also can show you any videos or photos your child takes
on their phone in order for you to scan the content when
needed.

mSpy refreshes every five minutes, so you are always up

to date on what your child is doing and the content they
are viewing. In addition, the built-in GPS allows you to
track their movements so you know if they’re truly at the
mall like they said! It also allows you to set safe zones, so
you know when your child enters or leaves an area such
as school or grandma’s house.

mSpy gives parents the peace of mind they need to know

that their kids are safe from cyberbullying, inappropriate
content, and dangerous or unsavory peers or contacts, all
while maintaining discretion and allowing your child the
independence of having their own device.
Other fantastic mSpy features are its remote device
tracking capabilities and remote control, so you can block
apps, websites, and even callers. Control really is in your
hands!

Qustodio
Your main concern: Web browsing and social media
safety.

Qustodio promotes themselves as the internet’s best free

parental control app. Qustodio software is available for
Windows PC, Mac, iOS, Android, and Kindle devices and
provides a comprehensive dashboard to help you monitor
your child's online activity. The free version allows you to

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keep tabs on your child's web and search engine use, track
her Facebook and Twitter logins, and set time controls,
while Qustodio Premium also allows you to track her
location, block certain games and apps, monitor calls,
text messaging, and more. (Plans start at $44.95 per year
for five children/five devices). PC Magazine named
Qustodio Premium Parental Control 2015 an Editor's
Choice, and they are an approved app by industry leaders
such as Softonic and Softpedia.

Screen Time
Your main concern: The time your little ones spend on
their screens.

Screen Time is committed to letting kids be kids, and

exploring the realm of childhood, outside their screens.
Screen Time lets parents remotely monitor the amount of
screen time kids spend on their mobile devices. Screen
Time lets you set daily time limits, assign tasks to your
kids to complete like homework, see which apps your
child uses the most, and more. Our favourite feature?
Instant pause, allowing parents to instantly pause their
child's devices.

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 SPIRITUAL WARFARE
There is nothing more spiritual on earth than parenting.
It is the most dangerous arena for spiritual warfare.

UNPACKING OUR
“ANCESTRAL BAGGAGE”
In a typical airport, travellers crisscross wide corridors
enroute to far-off places. Almost all of them carry
luggage—backpacks slung over shoulders, bags draped at
one side, wheeled suitcases pulled behind. It’s a luggage
parade!

When these travellers arrive at their destinations,

unpacking is the first order of business. Every item must
find its place. Socks and shirts and coats and dresses are
neatly tucked away in drawers and closets, and when the
bag itself is empty, it goes into the closet as well.

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Imagine how strange it would be if no one unpacked their
bags and everyone hauled their luggage with them
wherever they went! Yet we do this all the time. All of
us—even our children—carry baggage. Not literal
suitcases, of course. We carry emotional and spiritual
baggage, which consists of the negative traits that were
passed down the family line from our parents to us and
from us to our children.

God chose Abraham and his family as the keepers of the

covenant—God’s plan of redemption for the whole
world. And yet, the baggage of sin in Abraham’s life
almost sunk him and his sons!

Abraham, the father of the Hebrew nation, was also a

father of lies. His habit of lying is not the legacy we would
expect from the great patriarch; however, it’s recorded in
Scripture, and it certainly triggered terrible troubles for
his offspring.

§ By telling the first lie, Abraham plants the seed of generational

sin. Read Genesis 12:10–20.
§ Abraham cultivates generational sin by repeating it. Read
Genesis 20.

Abraham’s fear conjured a half-truth; a half-truth created

a misunderstanding; a misunderstanding led to a serious
problem, which prompted embarrassment, injury . . . and
near disaster. If God hadn’t intervened, the covenant that
depended on Sarah and Abraham having a baby would
have crumbled. God’s redemptive plan nearly ended
before it began—all because of little white lies!

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And it got worse. Instead of confessing when he got
caught, Abraham gave excuses, minimized his sin, and
manipulated his own wife. Unless pulled out by the roots,
sin generates sin and always hurts the ones we love. In
this case, Abraham’s wife and his future son and
grandson.

§ Isaac repeats his father’s deception. Read Genesis 26:1, 7–11.

§ Jacob deceives his father, Isaac, with Rebekah’s help. Read
Genesis 27:1–29.

Abraham’s lies produced a crop of flaws in his family. In a

performance eerily like his father’s lie, Isaac lied to
Abimelech, who was most likely a descendent of the king
whom Abraham had deceived years before. Years later,
Rebekah borrowed lines from the family script to deceive
her own husband for the sake of her favourite son, Jacob.

With each new branch of Abraham’s spreading family

tree, the sinful bents of deception grew more twisted and
gnarled. The stories read like a Shakespearian tragedy:
wife plots against husband, son dupes dying father,
brother double-crosses brother. What was Sir Walter
Scott’s famous line? “Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practice to deceive!”

Abraham’s habit of lying spun through the family in

tangles of cunning, guile, treachery, jealousy . . . and near
bloodshed.

§ Jacob’s sons plot against their brother Joseph and deceive their
father. Read Genesis 37:3–35.

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§ Joseph breaks the family pattern by revealing his identity to his
brothers. Read Genesis 45:1–15.

Instead of perpetuating the ancestral pattern and

returning lie for lie, treachery for treachery, evil for evil,
Joseph, by God’s grace, reversed the cycle of sin with
honesty and forgiveness. Joseph’s response to his back-
stabbing brothers shone a ray of hope for a new day for
this dysfunctional family.

A principle is a statement based on a truth that

transcends time and culture; it applies to all people in all
times in history. Below are some truths from the text,
followed by principles based on the case study of
Abraham’s family.

§ Unpack the baggage of half-truths, deception, and secrets.

Sample principle: “I want to be an example to my
children of telling the truth.”
§ Unpack the baggage of rationalization, minimizing, and
manipulation. Sample principle: “I want to help my
children admit sin and encourage an environment of
forgiveness.”
§ Unpack the baggage of favouritism, jealousy, and sibling
rivalry. Sample principle: “I want to resist at all costs
the tendency to compare my children with each
other.”

As your children grow up, you will notice tendencies in

them. You can see these things occurring on the
playground. Or you can see them around the table as the
conversation is held. Or you can see them in a sibling

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rivalry. “A child is known by his doings.” Wake up and
see what your children are doing. They may be living your
darkness in under your light.

Think how much heartache could have been spared

Abraham’s family if someone in his life had confronted his
lying. The family baggage might have been unpacked early
on and replaced with a new legacy of honesty, confession,
and forgiveness.

Don’t be like some members of your family who shrug off

the issues, saying, “Well, you know our family— we
always keep secrets from each other.” Or “Well, you know
dad—anger is just his way.” Or “Well, you know mom—
she has to be in control.” Instead, be an agent of change
like Joseph!

Perhaps no one trained you to behave any different than

your parents, but now you can train in your children a
new way to behave. What new ways can you teach your
children to counteract the negative bents in your family
tree?

The good work you do now in the lives of your children

will reap benefits for years, perhaps, generations to come.
Don’t delay. Find strength from God and His Word and
start unpacking your ancestral baggage today.

The good work you do now in the lives of your children

will reap benefits for years, perhaps, generations to come.
Don’t delay. Find strength from God and His Word and
start unpacking your ancestral baggage today.

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WARFARE PRAYER

1. LORD cause any evil ancestral yoke upon my lineage

to be broken off the necks of my children.
2. LORD cause the destinies of my children to be
separated from an evil ancestral pattern into Your
Right hand.
3. I release my children from the plague of evil through
blood in the name of Jesus.
4. Let the cords of my children be severed from an evil
umbilical cord in the name of Jesus.
5. LORD separate the my children from collective
captivity.
6. May my children never walk in the evil shadows of my
ancestry in the name of Jesus.
7. LORD cause the identity of my children to be
redefined in you.

PRAYER
Father, help me in this delicate issue related to child rearing. Open
my eyes to the baggage in my family. Point it out. Make it clear. And
help me to stay faithful to the hard work of parenting, as I unpack the
ancestral baggage and change the course of my family history. In the
name of Jesus, amen.

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 VIRTUES TO TEACH AND
PRAY INTO YOUR CHILDREN
The dictionary defines virtue as “a quality considered
morally good or desirable in a person.” A better definition
is: “A virtue is a trait of character that enables a person to
flourish.”

Virtues keep us balanced. They prevent the excesses and

deficiencies that can lead to regret or guilt. Virtues help
us to get along better with people and to build better
relationships. They help us to avoid many of the pitfalls of
life. They keep us from sabotaging our own success.

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There are unique virtues that we need to teach our
children and more importantly pray into them.

FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,

longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness,
temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians
5:22-23

The Spirit Of God in you bears a unique FRUIT with nine

distinct flavours. These flavours are unique virtues to
aspire to as you go through your earthly life. God’s Holy
Spirit resides in you. He makes a tree out of your life to
bear His kind of fruit that yields excellent virtues. Let us
consider these sweet tasting flavours of the fruit of the
spirit. We as parents can aspire to live the unique flavours
of the fruit of the spirit and impart them into our children
by penetrative teaching and praying.

LOVE
The most important of all virtues is love. We are called to
love God and to love one another regardless of tribe, race
or nationality.
This is only possible when you have first of all accepted
the love God showered on us by giving His only Son to die
for us. When you have this understanding that love
provoked God to sacrifice His Son for you, your pursuit of
love for Him and humanity will be limitless.
The Bible also shows us what love is:

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 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. t does not dishonour others, it is
not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians
13:4-7

The true identity of the child of God is love. So teach your

children to love God first and allow His love to flow
through them to others.

JOY
Joy is the realization of God’s favour and grace in one’s
life. Biblical joy is happiness that is not dependent on our
circumstances. It is indeed difficult sometimes in this
world of uncertainties to be joyful but know this, when
God gives you a day, He has given you a reason to be
joyful.

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and
be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

Your children must be taught that their joy is not

dependent on what happen around them but is totally
dependent on the God who is in them.

PEACE
Peace is inclusive of life without conflict, as well as
wholeness and harmony with God and others. A life of
peace is safe and secure both physically and mentally.
Teach your children to be peacemakers and peaceful at all
times.

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You will have peace in abundance when you allow your
mind to be governed and controlled by God.

LONGSUFFERING
This is a challenging virtue but one that is worthy of all
your pursuit. The other word used for this word is
forbearance. It carries with it a meaning of ENDURANCE
and patience.

There are going to be times in your life that you will have
to endure painful times. You may have to put up with
something that you have absolutely no control over. Don’t
be quick to quit, revenge or retaliate. Be patient with life
and with people. The Holy Spirit empowers believers to
withstand challenging situations with perseverance and
endurance.

GENTLENESS (KINDNESS)
Gentleness or kindness conveys the meaning of moral
goodness, integrity, usefulness, and benignity. All
through your life on earth, be gentle to people. Be kind. Be
generous.
Let your kindness or gentility be seen in your words and
deeds.

Use hard words softly and be ready to seek to understand

people before condemning them.
Remember that, it is God’s kindness that leads us to
repentance not judgement. The Holy Spirit enables us to
have moral integrity with kindness and not get trapped in
self-righteousness judgement.

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GOODNESS
Goodness means uprightness of heart and life, goodness,
and kindness. Goodness is seen in our actions. This word
relates to not only being good, but also doing good things.

With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our

God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by
his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for
goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 2
Thessalonians 1:11

John Wesley said:

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can”.

FAITH
Faith is the ability to believe in God given by God. In
other words, faith is to be convinced that something is
true. Faithfulness is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in
our lives. Faithfulness is a character trait that combines
dependability and trust based on our confidence in God
and His eternal faithfulness.

MEEKNESS
Meekness does not identify the weak but more precisely
the strong who have been placed in a position of
weakness where they persevere without giving up. The
use of the Greek word when applied to animals makes

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this clear, for it means ‘tame’ when applied to wild
animals. In other words, such animals have not lost their
strength but have learned to control the destructive
instincts that prevent them from living in harmony with
others.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek

and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your
souls. Matthew 11:29

Meekness is not weakness. It is the peak of your journey

in life.

SELF-CONTROL
If you desire to see excellence in every area of your life,
this virtue is crucial. Self-control is ability to control one’s
body and its sensual appetites and desires – physically
and mentally – through the power of the Holy Spirit. Self-
control relates to both chastity and sobriety, and
particularly moderation in eating and drinking.

Self-control is the opposite of the works of the flesh that

indulge sensual desires.
Without self-control, you are defenceless against the
storms of life. Without it, you can hardly stick by
decisions.

A city breached, without walls that's what a man is

who has no self-control. Proverbs 25:28

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 31 BIBLICAL VIRTUES TO
PRAY FOR YOUR CHILDREN

1.Salvation. "Lord, let salvation spring up within my

children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in
Christ Jesus, with eternal glory" (Is. 45:8, 2 Tim. 2:10).
2. Growth in grace. "I pray that my children may grow in
the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus
Christ" (2 Pet. 3:18).
3. Love. "Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to live a
life of love, through the Spirit who dwells in them" (Gal.
5:25, Eph. 5:2).
4. Honesty and integrity. "May integrity and honesty be
their virtue and their protection" (Ps. 25:21).

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5. Self-control. "Father, help my children not to be like
many others around them, but let them be alert and self-
controlled in all they do" (1 Thess. 5:6).
6. Love for God's Word. "May my children grow to find
Your Word more precious than much pure gold and
sweeter than honey from the comb" (Ps. 19:10).
7. Justice. "God, help my children to love justice as You do
and act justly in all they do" (Ps. 11:7, Mic. 6:8).
8. Mercy. "May my children always be merciful, just as
their Father is merciful" (Lk. 6:36).
9. Respect (for self, others, authority). "Father, grant that
my children may show proper respect to everyone, as your
Word commands" (1 Pet. 2:17).
10. Biblical self-esteem. "Help my children develop a
strong self esteem that is rooted in the realization that
they are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus"
(Eph. 2:10).
11. Faithfulness. "Let love and faithfulness never leave my
children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks
and write them on the tablet of their hearts" (Prov. 3:3).
12. Courage. "May my children always be strong and
courageous in their character and in their actions" (Dt.
31:6).
13. Purity. "Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let
that purity of heart be shown in their actions" (Ps. 51:10).
14. Kindness. "Lord, may my children always try to be
kind to each other and to everyone else" (1 Thess. 5:15).

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15. Generosity. "Grant that my children may be generous
and willing to share, and so lay up treasure for themselves
as a firm foundation for the coming age" (1 Tim. 6:18-19).
16. Peace-loving. "Father, let my children make every
effort to do what leads to peace" (Rom. 14:19).
17. Joy. "May my children be filled with the joy given by
the Holy Spirit" (1 Thess. 1:6).
18. Perseverance. "Lord, teach my children perseverance in
all they do, and help them especially to run with
perseverance the race marked out for them" (Heb. 12:1).
19. Humility. "God, please cultivate in my children the
ability to show true humility toward all" (Titus 3:2).
20. Compassion. "Lord, please clothe my children with
the virtue of compassion" (Col. 3:12).
21. Responsibility. "Grant that my children may learn
responsibility, for each one should carry his own load"
(Gal. 6:5).
22. Contentment. "Father, teach my children the secret of
being content in any and every situation, through Him
who gives them strength" (Phil. 4:12-13).
23. Faith. "I pray that faith will find root and grow in my
children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has
been promised to them" (Lk. 17:5-6, Heb. 11:1-40).
24. A servant's heart. "God, please help my children
develop servants' hearts, that they may serve
wholeheartedly, as if they were serving the Lord, not men"
(Eph. 6:7).

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25. Hope. "May the God of hope grant that my children
may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of
the Holy Spirit" (Ro. 15:13).
26. Willingness and ability to work. "Teach my children,
Lord, to value work and to work at it with all their heart,
as working for the Lord, not for men" (Col. 3:23).
27. Passion for God. "Lord, please instil in my children a
soul that 'followeth hard after thee' (Ps. 63:8, KJV),one
that clings passionately to you.
28. Self-discipline. "Father, I pray that my children may
acquire a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right
and just and fair" (Prov. 1:3).
29. Prayerfulness. "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives
may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to
pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers
and requests" (Eph. 6:18).
30. Gratitude. "Help my children to live lives that are
always overflowing with thankfulness and always giving
thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ" (Eph. 5:20, Col. 2:7).
31. A heart for missions. "Lord, please help my children to
develop a desire to see your glory declared among the
nations, your marvellous deeds among all peoples" (Ps.
96:3).

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