Vol.

9, Issue 3 October 22, 2010 (CAPS LOCK DAY)

Carney Linkletter Garfunkel...

(Lame pun, we know.)

Angelo States Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

Leditors to the Editor

Dear Ramdiculous, I can't find my sandals. Also, I woke up in Clovis yesterday with a kidney missing, did you do that? -Dell Hoverton ***** Dear Ramdiculous, Your weekly rag is nothing but boring and pretentious crap. So please print this letter to validate my claim. -J.B. Fix ***** Dear Ramdiculous, Train A, traveling 70 miles per hour (mph), leaves Westburg heading toward Eastford, 260 miles away. At the same time Train B, traveling 60 mph, leaves Eastford heading toward Westburg. When do the two trains meet? How far from each city do they meet? -Your high school math teacher Dear Ramdiculous, Do not be alarmed by our presence. We just want to ask your readers to answer two questions honestly: 1.) What color are your sister's toenails? Be specific. 2.) Whatever happened to Alicia Silverstone? Thank you for answering. And don't mind the intrusive probing device around your nether regions; that's perfectly normal. -Grand Overlord Svn2qxxyp 12, Tertiary Adjunct to Vega Theta ***** Dear Ramdiculous, YOU have my sandals. Or perhaps Mark does. One of you. -Dell Hoverton ***** ***** Dearest Ramdiculous, I love you SO much. I want you to be my hot girlfriend. I already bought you a swimsuit to wear to the lake; I know all your measurements by heart. Come over to my apartment later, I left you a spare key. And please love me the way I love you, or we might die. -Aldo Kelrast ***** Dear Ramdiculous, Okay, SERIOUSLY, where is my kidney? I'm not kidding, my skin's starting to turn yellow. I'd walk to the hospital, but I seem to be missing my sandals. -Dell Hoverton

Quote of the Week

Teacher, I dont wanna do this for homework! -Some guy I knew in junior high back in 1999

DellOkay, fine, we sold your kidney for publishing money. Do you realize how difficult it is to print this paper every other week? And your sandals are your own problem. -Top Ed.

TeacherHow on earth did you get this address? Im officially scared now. -Top Ed.

Have a leditor for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at bparsons1@angelo.edu, or message him through our Facebook page. Good luck.

Vol. 9, Issue 3 Something to read in class today

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons R A M D I C U Homeboy of the world Seth Chomout L O U S Artists and writers The Ramdiculous Goons P A G E Should I try to do some more 25 or 6 to 4 P O L I C Y

Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite blood type via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. And why exactly are you reading this fine print, anyway?

Ram of the Week: Isabel Ventura

Meet Isabel Ventura. Shes cool. When we contacted her to be Ram of the Week for this week, we asked her what shed like us to mention about her. She responded that she works in residential programs as a P.A. Shes done it for two years. She also wants people to attend their programs. So youd better do it. I mean it. You had better attend these programs, because if you dont, then YOU WILL FACE THE FULL WRATH OF THE RAMDICULOUS PAGE. And Im being totally serious. Isabel is way too nice for her hard work to go unnoticed, so youd better attend those programs. Just sayin.

Pictured: An awesome P.A.

Want to be our Ram of the Week? Message us @ facebook.com/ramdiculous.

the incredible question

Poetry Time.
Doing Some Art and Stuff
By Thomas Nast Today In the park With the trees And the sky I paint things. Tomorrow In the hallway In the building On the campus I sing. Right now In the lab On the library At a quarter to five I write some artsy prose To make deadline. :-P

Snakes with jetpacks attack Ram Band; battle ensues

By Joseph L. Haydn During the Ram Band's halftime show at last Saturday's football game, the stadium was unanticipatedly attacked by a swarm of jetpack-wielding snakes. The snake's numbers were reported to be approximately nine-thousand or more. The band promptly took defensive measures against the flying reptiles. The trumpets were the first to react as they pointed their instruments into the sky and bombarded the snakes with the highest notes that they could make. Unfortunately, this did absolutely nothing and the snakes continued to slitherfly toward the stadium. Seeing the trumpet's brave display of fortitude, the upper wind section began marching around in circles while their section leader shouted orders at them. By this time, the snakes were directly above the stadium and were shooting fireballs into the crowd. As chaos erupted within the mass of people, the saxophones stood around and complained about various things such as how hot the uniforms were, how nostalgia isn't what it used to be, and that the specifics as to how magnets function seem to be elusive. Meanwhile, the trombones moved into a defensive formation and fired flak rockets from their instruments into the sky. This was the first remotely effective strategy, and should be noted in case of future flying-reptile attacks. The percussion sections became jealous of the trombones and did some spinny things with their drumsticks, but then quickly realized that they're really not as cool as the rest of the band. After the trombones had exhausted their ammunition, the tubas decided to get together and form a giant robot to fend off the remaining aerial scale-bearers. In doing so, however, the entire stadium was destroyed and the snakes decided to just go back home. At this time, the total cost of damages to the stadium are unreported, but we can all rest easy knowing that the Ram Band is here to protect our campus, even if that means destroying it in the process.

Dante Residential By Bryce J. Parsons

Whos This?
(562) RAMDIC-7 (562) 726-3427
Last weeks answer: Lord Zedd (Caleb Rodriguez got it right)

Text us your answer!

Write or draw for us! Contact us at: page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you write that gets published, you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)

Artworks of the world

10.) Birth of Venus 9.) American Gothic 8.) Nighthawks 7.) L.H.O.O.Q. 6.) Led Zeppelin II

Top Ten Motherly Advice: Insults, Shakespeare style

By Mary Martin To insult or not to insult, that is the question. If you are wanting to sling some arrows out there at your worst enemies, hit em with some of the best insults ever written courtesy of William Shakespeare himself. Yes, the old Bard had a knack for humiliation. Girls are you mad at that favorite boyfriend? Try this out on him from Loves Labours Lost, His intellect is not replenished, he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts. If you want to ditch the wretch, you might prefer this one from Hamlet, Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow face! That ought to get him. Guys, I know you get mad at the ladies too, so here are a couple for you to try. As spoken in Titus Andronicus, That kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake. Oh! You really want to get to her, tell her friends something like this from Bloody, bawdy, villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain! Hamlet; You are not worth the dust which blows in your face. King Lear, or Such is thy audacious wickedness, thy lewd, pestiferous and dissentious pranks, as very infants prattle of thy pride. Henry VI, Part I. And now good offenders of dignity, I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows The Merry

Much Ado About Nothing,

Being no other but as she is, I do not like her. Having issues with your boss? Use this little ditty from Troilus and Cressida, The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord! Or how about this piece from Richard III, Thou elvish -markd, abortive, rooting hog. To really get under his skin, use his mother, as in this lovely remark from Henry VI, Part II, Thy mother took into her blameful bed some stern untutord churlwhose fruit thou art Your boss will never know what just hit him. And finally for that friend whom you just love to hate try out some of these laudable quips:

5.) The dollar bill eye 4.) That sunflower one 3.) Mona Lisa 2.) Action Comics #1 1.) Lady Gaga

Wives of Windsor.

Laconic Trope of the Day

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Mike Nelson Destroyer of Worlds

The bumbling goofball causes collateral damage (or planetary destruction) without even thinking things through or having a good reason... hell, it was probably just an accident.

Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday before publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdiculous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space. The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

Weareyourvoice,thevoiceof theStudentsofAngeloState.Be heard,wewouldliketoknow whatyouloveaboutASU,what youhateaboutASUandwhat youthinkneedstobechanged aroundhere.Weareherefor YOU! Ifyouhaveacomment,complaint,concern,orquestion,dont hesitatetocontactus.Viaemailsga@angelo.edu,viaphone (325)9422063,viaoursuggestionboxintheUC,inourofficeUC 133orevencomeattendourmeetingsat6PMonMondaynights.

Ramdiculous Observances
Saturday, Oct. 23: iPod Day (An obsolete holiday next year) Sunday, Oct. 24: Mother-in-Law Day (Poor you.) Monday, Oct. 25: Sourest Day (Immediately following Mother-in-Law Day.) Tuesday, Oct. 26: Time Travel Day (When this baby hits 88...youre gonna see some serious $#!%.) Wednesday, Oct. 27: Cranky Co-Workers Day (No comment.) Thursday, Oct. 28: National Chocolates Day (Because of the forthcoming Sunday, natch.) Friday, Oct. 29: Internet Day (Beware the memes!) Saturday, Oct. 30: Haunted Refrigerator Night (Leading up to...) Sunday, Oct. 31:

Formula for doing some really neato artwork

Step 1.) Buy some paintbrushes, paint, and canvas. Step 2.) Put paint on the canvas with the brush. Step 3.) Do it randomly and invent a new art style. Step 4.) ??? Step 5.) PROFIT!

The Breakfast Club (1985)

By Walter M. Waffles
I first saw this movie on AMC when I was a teenager, and I couldnt believe how accurately it portrayed my brooding teenage angst. Who didnt have angst as a teenager? I know I certainly did. Man oh man. Really, I could have easily been classified as an emo kid, even though I didnt really dress in black and wear 80s eye shadow or any of that business. No, I had oodles of brooding angst. Like the time I was going to ask Christie Emerson to the senior prom, but she spat a loogie in my face. That was a bit of a downer for me. Or how about when I leaned in for my first kiss with Jen McDoodle, and her lip ring got caught in my braces? The ER doctors laughed at us, man! Jen ended up doing three years in therapy, and every time she sees me she has panic attacks. So yeah, thats what The Breakfast Club means to me.

Movie Times from present day

Hereafter 1:15 4:15 7:30 10:30 Jackass 3 in 2D 1:00 3:30 6:00 8:30 11:00 Paranormal Activity 2 2:00 3:15 4:30 5:45 7:00 8:15 9:30 10:45 Red 1:10 3:00 4:10 6:15 7:50 9:15 10:55 Alpha and Omega 2:05 4:35 Easy A 7:05 9:35 Secretariat 1:05 4:05 7:45 10:50 The Social Network 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:20 My Soul to Take 1:30 4:50 7:35 10:35

HALLOWEEN xkcd
e pp l e A the it th r Vis tore o to s ke t App id Mar the ro oad lous And nl dow mdicu Ra p p! ne w b i l e a mo

By Randall Munroe

xkcd.com

Walter M. Waffles is the Ramdiculous Pages movie critic. He forgot to take his medication this morning. Uh oh.