Conflict Management

Toolkit
 Table of Contents
I. Determining the current level of conflict level
in my work life (self-assessment)

II. Determining my conflict style (self

assessment)

III. Resolving a conflict with one other person

IV. Resolving a group conflict.

V. Supervisor’s role in resolving employee conflict

VI. The art of disciplining employees (for

supervisors)

VII. The role of HR in conflict resolution

VIII. Listing of informal and formal conflict

resolution processes

IX. Conflict Management Reference list

X. Supervisor Network: “Share your wealth of

experience”
Determining the level of
conflict in my life

Conflict Management
Toolkit
Part I
 Determining the
source of conflict
At times you may sense conflict
at work, but not know exactly
why.

The conflict self-assessment will

help you to pinpoint the
specific area in which you are
experiencing conflict so that
you can begin to resolve it. The
areas addressed are
supervisor, self, peers,
employees, and productivity.
What is my conflict
style?

Conflict Management
Toolkit
Part II
 Conflict Style

• Not only is it important to know

what relationship or situation is
causing conflict in our life, but it
is also important to look at how
we normally resolve conflict (our
natural inclination).

• We must then decide whether we

are satisfied with our current
approach or if we would like to
change it in some way to improve
our effectiveness at conflict
resolution.
 Style Explanation
As you discovered through the
conflict resolution assessment, our
natural inclinations usually place us
into one of these styles.

• Avoiding
• Accommodating
• Compromising
• Competing
• Collaborating
 Style Explanation

• Avoiding Style (-,-)

– If I ignore the problem, it will go
away
– If I confront the problem, I may
hurt someone’s feelings
– Why bother… it won’t change
anything
• Accommodating (-,+)
– It’s easier to just give in and give
them what they want
– You will be better liked if you just
agree
– By letting the other person win this
time, you will win next time… you
have to pick your battles.
 Style Explanation

• Compromising Style (-,-)

– It’s only fair because then neither
of us get what we want.
– Both parties are on an even playing
field
– We can choose to give up something
we really don’t need, thereby
winning.
• Competing Style (+,-)
– I’m right and you’re wrong
– There is only one solution
• Collaborating (+,+)
– We can find a solution that works
for both of us.
– By asking the other person’s
perspective, I can understand them.
– Once we find a common ground, we
can work from there.
 Conflict Style

If you find yourself

adopting a conflict style
that you’re not happy
about…

1. Analyze why you have adopted

that style.

2. Develop some simple action steps

that will help you break your
habit.

3. Read on for helpful tips that will

guide you through various
conflict situations.
 One-to-one
Conflict

Conflict Management
Toolkit
Part VI
 If you want to
constructively resolve a
conflict with another
person…
• FIRST, get into the right frame of
mind for a positive discussion,
always remembering to treat the
other person with respect

• SECOND, agree on the best time

and place for both of you to
discuss the conflict with each
other.

• THIRD, Set some ground rules.

• FOURTH, have a discussion.

 Step 1:

Adopt the right

frame of mind
 The Approach

When you are ready to approach

the other person remember to:

• Go in with the right attitude

• Send positive non-verbal signals
• Focus on the real issues
• Pay attention to communication
style
 Your Attitude
Leave Behind… Take With You…
• Your desire to win, • A willingness to work
punish, or control at this
• Your desire that • An understanding
everything be that “perception is
“fair” reality” both for you
• Your assumption and those around
that it won’t work you.
• Your tendency to • A willingness to learn
think in “black and from the situation
white”, “right or • A willingness to see
wrong” and acknowledge
• Your determination your own
to be right. contribution to the
problem.
 Be aware of your
nonverbal signals:
Others impression of you is based on:

• 7 % of the words
used;

• 38% on voice
quality; and

• 55% on nonverbal
communication
 Focus on underlying
Issues
• What happened?
– Difference in expectations:
• What did I expect to happen?; What
actually happened? Who did what?
– Intention inventory (Who meant what?)
• Feelings
– Don’t ignore or fail to acknowledge
– Feelings make relationships enjoyable
and difficult conversations difficult
(can’t have one without the other!)
• Identity
– Must face ourselves as well as other
person
– Am I competent?; Am I a good person?;
Am I worthy of love?
Communication Tips

 Avoid “you” statements

 Focus on behavior, not
employee
 Focus on actions, not intent
 Be descriptive and specific
(bring data)
 Practice active listening
skills
 Ask open and closed
questions to clarify points
 Step 2:

Consider time
factors
 Be Timely:

talk to the other person

while the issues are still
current

Anger and negative

feelings
tend to fester if not dealt
with quickly!!
Consider the other
person’s time needs
• Don’t interrupt the other
person’s schedule and state
that you need to talk
• Agree on a time to meet with
the other person and inform
him/her of the topic.
• Give him/her time to prepare
mentally.
 Step 3:

Set some ground

rules!
 3 “Golden” Rules

1. Everyone tells it like

they see it.

2. Get everything on the

table.

3. Focus on the future.

 Sample Rules for
discussion
In addition to general rules, it is
helpful to agree on how you will talk
with each other

• No interruptions
• No yelling
• Time limit on certain
topics of discussion
• Words to avoid
• Agreement on what to
do if you can’t agree
ahead of time
 Step 4:

The Actual
Discussion
 The Actual
Conversation
1. Define the conflict.

2. Communicate
understanding.

3. Explore alternative
solutions.

4. Agree on most workable

solution.

5. Evaluate after time.

Define the Conflict

 Describe the problem in

clear, concrete terms. Be
specific (use “I” not “you”)

 Focus on behaviors or
problems, not people

 Talk about the impact on you

 Define the conflict as a

problem to solve together,
not a battle to be won
 2. Communicate
Understanding
 Listen to really understand the other
person’s feelings, needs, Reflect
back.

– Explain how you see the problem

after you have heard them.

– Identify your contribution to the

situation.

– Describe feelings (not judgments or

accusations)

– Talk about identity issues.

3. Explore alternative
solutions
- Take turns offering alternative
solutions. List them all.

– Be nonjudgmental of other’s
ideas.

– Examine the consequence of

each solution.

– Think and talk positively.

4. Agree on most
workable solution
- Agree on a solution
you both understand
and can live with.

– Be committed to
resolving the conflict
5. Evaluate after time

Get together after

some time and see
how the new
arrangement is
working for both
parties
 Tips in difficult
Situations
• Pacing: one approximates the behavior
of the other person to subconsciously
build rapport.

• “Mental Aikido”: mentally moving

away from the focal point of the
adversary’s attack. Make a non-linear
response to the adversary’s words.
“Sharks expect you to react.”

• “Patterned interruption”:
involves varying your usual response. “You
have the capacity to interrupt the usual
destructive pattern by doing something
completely different or unexpected.”
Resolving Group
Conflict

Workforce
Development Toolkit
Part VII
 Meeting Conflict
1. If you sense a spoken or unspoken conflict in a
meeting over an issue, address it.
“There seems to be some disagreement over
this issue. Can we take a few minutes to clarify
the issue.

2. Clarify the conflict.

“O.K. so there seems to be some disagreement
over…….”

3. Decide if there is time to deal with it today or

if another meeting needs to be set up to give it
full attention.
“Since this seems to be quite an important
issue and we don’t have much time today. Let’s
agree to meet again to discuss it further. Can
we meet on….”

4. If another meeting is necessary, assign

responsibility for gathering more information on
the subject to staff.
“Sue, can you please research information on….
And Diane can you please check on that State
mandate.”

5. Insist employees let it go until the next meeting.

“We have a lot of other issues to discuss
today so let’s free our minds of this issue until
the set meeting and move on.”
 Group Resolution

1. Restate the issue to ensure clarity.

2. Have each group member, share

information gathered and give his/her
opinion.

3. Make sure everything is put on the table

(no unresolved feelings popping up later)

4. Brainstorm alternatives

5. Agree on best solution using team

decision-making steps (see reference
list at end)

6. Develop action steps.

7. Agree on follow-up session.

Supervisor’s role in
resolving conflict

Conflict Management
Toolkit
Part IV
 Your Role as a
Supervisor
Involves:

• Looking for ways to

reduce and prevent
conflict in your work
area

• Handling conflict as a
third party

• Handling grievances as
they come to you
 You can reduce
conflict by:
• Being a good leader

• Being aware of your

management style

• Training yourself and your

staff on conflict
resolution

• Looking out for signs

 Be a Good Leader

• Set a good example

• Communicate clear standards

• Set ground rules

• Provide clear rationale for

decisions

• Ensure employees have resources

and training to do their jobs

• Get to know your employees

 Be a Good Leader

• Conduct performance counseling

• Assist employees who have

performance problems

• Address misconduct promptly

• Get advice from HR when you

have questions or concerns prior
to the need to pursue
disciplinary actions

• Treat employees fairly and

equitably, applying rules
consistently
Be aware of your own
behavior
1. Allowing aggressive or inappropriate
conduct without taking action can foster a
hostile or intimidating work environment.

2. Decision-making without employee input or

participation can lead to frustrated
employees who don’t feel valued as
anything but “worker bees.”

3. Your staff looks to you to assist in

resolving conflicts. You are better
equipped to resolve conflicts if both you
and your staff have had conflict
resolution training.

4. If you are inconsistent or unpredictable,

your employees will be unsure of your
expectations and become frustrated.

5. Engaging in relationships with your

employees that are personal or too
informal may lead to misunderstandings,
as well as other employees feeling
alienated.
 Lookout for Signs of
discontentment

• A usually outgoing, communicative employee

becomes withdrawn and quiet.

• An employee frequently comes in late for work.

• An employee is more argumentative and erratic

than usual.

• An employee suddenly takes no interest in

maintaining his or her personal appearance or
hygiene.

• An employee makes comments about violent

means of dealing with, or coping with, a particular
situation.

• An employee talks about “having nothing to lose”

or not caring about anything anymore.
Handling conflict as
a third party
 Handling Employee
Conflicts
• Situation 1: An employee
complains to you about
another employee

• Situation 2: You observe a

conflict situation

• Situation 3: An employee
would like to file a formal
grievance
If an employee comes
to you with a possible
grievance:
• Take the complaint seriously

• Set a professional tone for the

interview– put the complainant at
ease

• Provide assurance of confidentiality

& non-retaliation

• Ask for– but do not require- a

written statement.

• Gather facts, do not make judgments.

• Listen and get answers to: “who,

what, when, where, why, how.”

• Communicate your concern and

describe the available options.
 Handling a formal
complaint cont…

• Ask how the complainant would like to

proceed.

• Tell the complainant that prompt

action will be taken.

• Ask about the person (s) need for

immediate assistance.

• Refer them to UMW’s grievance

policy

• Set a time for a follow-up meeting

and/or refer the person to the HR
office

• Document and contact HR.

The art of disciplining
employees
 Proactive Steps to
Disciplining employees
(Smart Discipline)

1. Make sure you know UMW’s

discipline policy.

2. Share the policy and

potential consequences with
your employees.

3. Treat all employees

consistently and fairly.

4. Before taking any action, be

sure of the facts.
Discipline
Policy
 Progressive
Discipline

Progressive Discipline means

you move through increasingly
stronger counseling or training
in an attempt at causing or
convincing the employee to
bring his/her performance to
an acceptable level
 Key Ingredients in
Progressive Discipline

• Due notice

• A chance to improve,
and

• A review process

The process should be FULL, FAIR,

PROMPT, and CONDUCTED IN
GOOD FAITH.
 Advantages of
Progressive Discipline

1. Protects you against accusations

of firing a person without due
process.

2. Chance to turn the employee

around into a well functioning
employee.

3. Chance to improve policies and

practices

4. Demonstrates to fellow
employees that you are fair and
willing to give employees a
chance.
Steps in Progressive
Discipline
 1. How to act when you
become aware of a
disciplinary problem

1. Personal Observation
If you observed the negative
behavior personally, you can
proceed to the slide labeled
counseling. (click here)

2. Complaint from a 3rd party

If a 3rd party makes you aware
of the negative behavior, you
must make sure you conduct
thorough and fair fact finding
steps. (see next slide).
 2. Fact Finding

1. Talk to the accused using the

“counseling” guidelines on next slide.

2. If the employee denies the behavior or

recounts a different scenario, explain
to him/her that further fact finding is
necessary.

3. Talk to only those directly involved in

the situation in a confidential manner.

4. Document all discussions with related

parties.

5. Review all relevant documents, pictures

or diagrams to substantiate the fact
finding.
 3. Counseling the
Employee

• Assure employee that only those who need

to know will be informed.

• Share concrete examples with the

employee of the negative behavior

• State the effects of this negative

behavior.

• Describe the behavior you would like to see

(what changes must occur).

• Give the employee a chance to explain or

comment.

• Agree together on a plan of action.

• State the consequences if this change of

behavior does not occur
 Additional Tips about
Counseling

• Utilize the Virginia Employee

Assistance Program (VEAP)
whenever you see it as
appropriate (This should be
offered in addition to
disciplinary action, not as a
substitute).

• Documentation of counseling
should be retained in supervisor’s
files, not in employee’s personnel
file.

• Don’t soften the blow, the

employee must understand the
severity of his/her actions.
 4. Formal Discipline

1. Before taking any formal disciplinary

action, consult with your supervisor.
2. Reference the “Code of Conduct” to
match severity of discipline with
negative conduct.
3. Issue a written notice when
counseling did not work or when the
conduct was severe enough to
warrant immediate discipline.
4. ALWAYS place a warning about the
consequences of failure to improve
performance in writing before
implementing any discipline measures
such as suspension, dismissal.
 4. Formal Discipline
Continued
5. If the employee’s performance
remains poor and you feel you have
provided enough counseling and given
enough warning, follow through on the
threatened discipline.
6. ALWAYS make sure of what you are
doing and that your final decision is
fair.
7. Listen to employee and review the
evidence one more time from the
employee’s point of view.
8. Finalize the discipline by following
your policies.
9. Consult HR as to the actual method
of implementing the discipline.
 5. Termination

* NEVER TERMINATE WITHOUT

CONSULTING HR

LOGISTICS:
Before conducting a termination, you
need to:

* Schedule (when, how long)

* Location
* Extra Support (HR, EAP)
* Prepare (physical & psychological)
* Review separation package
* Think about employee’s state of
mind and potential reaction
5. Termination Cont.

OBJECTIVES:
* Deliver the message quickly,
respectfully, & professionally
* Ensure individual understands that
employment if terminated
immediately or in the near future
* Deliver the separation package
* Strongly encourage employees to
utilize VEC Job Search Center
* Provide structure for the next 24
hours
* Ensure to collect agency property
before employee leaves for the day.
 Key Points in
Smart Discipline
• Always follow your written
policies and past practices in
similar situations
• Lack of consistency will cause
a judge to assume you are
discriminating against the
employee in some way.
• Remember that other
employees will be watching you
to see if you are fair.
• Always listen to employees
and give them a chance to
improve
 Top Ways to Get
Sued…
1. Ignore the union “salter”
2. Discharge the disabled worker
(without accommodation)
3. Misclassifying a non-exempt
employee as exempt and not
paying overtime.
4. Allowing managers and
supervisors to use offensive
words as a “joke”.
5. Failure to stop sexual
harassment.
6. Punishing the victim (intentionally
or unintentionally)
7. Letting managers “go postal”
when acting on behalf of
employer.
 In a disciplinary
situation…
“not taking action” is
a decision!
 The Role of the

Office of
Human Resources

in Conflict Resolution
 The Role of HR
If you are in a conflict situation and
don’t know how to deal with it, the
Office of HR can:

• Provide you with guidance and tools to

approach the conflict situation.

• Direct you through the appropriate

chain of command.

• Present formal and informal options

available to you.

• Coordinate mediation, facilitation, or

counseling sessions for you.
.
.
Things that will help us
to help you…
HR will try to help you no matter
what your situation, but we can best
assist you if you come to us:

• At the onset of the conflict;

• With clear examples or facts;

and

• With your ideas of what you

would like changed in your
situation.
 Consult HR as a
proactive rather than
reactive measure

A single injury is much easier to fix

when
compared to multiple wounds!
Informal and Formal
Conflict Resolution
Processes
Informal Processes
“Open Door”:
- Present concern to any available level of
management
– Make an appointment
– Be aware of the supervisory chain of
command

“Internal Mediation”
- If the conflict issue involves only work-
related situations, your supervisor or a higher
level manager can try to assist the two
conflicting parties in reaching a solution.

“Mediation”
– Voluntary Process
– Neutral mediators assist discussion
– Parties working out own solutions
– Call HR office or EDR for more information
Supervisor Network

As a supervisor, you have probably

dealt with a lot of conflict
situations. If you have some good
advice for your colleagues or would
like to ask for advice from other
colleagues, please send your advice
or question to: