Unit Sequence

1. Voice 8. Good Setting Descritions

• Develop a Personal Voice when • Planning a Setting
Writing • Create a Setting
2. Point of View 9. Sentence Structure
• Point of View – First and Third person • Add Phrases
3. Structure of a Narrative • Join Short Sentences
• Planning your Narrative • Vary sentence length
• Orientation • Smooth Transitions
• Complication • Using Conjunctions
• Resolustion 10. Appropriate Dialogue
• Sequence of Events • Improve your Dialogue
• Short Stories 11. Descriptive Language
4. Good Beginnings • Create Similes
• Opening Paragraphs • Create Metaphors
• Examples of Story Beginnings • Personification
• The Opening Sentence • Onomatopoeia
• Active Beginnings • Impact
5. Plot Development • Make every Word Count
• Improve your Plot • Create Word Pictures
• Plot Development • Focus on the Facts
6. Good Endings • Replace Overworked Words
7. Good Character Description • Strong Verbs
• Characterisation • Don’t Say…
• Character Profile
• Character Wheel
 Develop a Personal Voice when
Writing
VOICE shows your personality when writing. The writing has a sound different
from everyone else's. It has feeling and emotion so that it does not sound boring.
The reader should be able to tell if you are happy or sad. The writer should be
writing from the heart and bring the topic to life for the reader.

Funny One day my mom took me to the circus. I

LOVE the circus. There are always some
very funny clowns. My favorite clown
there came up to me and told me he had
a secret for me. He got real close to me
and I thought he was going to whisper in
my ear when POW he squirted me in the
face with his water flower. I never
laughed so much. I had a great time at
the circus and will remember it for the
rest of my life.
Serious It was the day for the big test. I studied
all week and knew I was ready. I was
still a little bit nervous, but knew once I
started I would be fine. The teacher
asked us to get some books out to
read when we were finished so we
wouldn't bother the other kids if we
finished early. The test was a
breeze. When I was done I started to
read my favorite book.
Mysterious Yesterday when I was on my way to
the grocery store I saw a very strange
man. He had on a brown trench coat,
red hat and was carrying a purple
umbrella. I'm sure he was some kind
of investigator. As he began walking I
noticed he was just peeking over the
top of his coat and I could only see his
eyes. He was very sneaky
looking. I'm sure he was watching
somebody, I just wonder who!
Frightening As a baseball let me tell you I have some
pretty frightening experiences. Imagine
being hit by a hard bat. OUCH, I want to
scream every time someone hits me.
Then for the flight through the air. You
can't believe how scary that is. I am
always asking myself three questions.
Will someone catch me? Will I fly over
the fence and land with a hard thud? Or
will I just go bouncing across the field?
The next time you are frightened, stop
a minute and think about how I feel.
That is the true meaning of frightened!
Look at the picture below and reading the short paragraph.
Choose the voice that you think is being used in each paragraph.

Remember when writing with voice it can be:

Funny, Serious, Mysterious, Frightening
Have you ever seen two Martians
in a play before? Well you should
have been at the same show as I
was. I never laughed so hard in my
life. These two green creatures
were trying to back to their land
safely, but came across many
strange people. They never saw
humans before. They kept trying to
act like us. Well, that is where the
fun begins. You should go see the
Martian's On Earth if you get a
chance. It is your chance to sit
back and laugh!
Halloween night was finally here. I
was very excited to trick or treating
with my friends. There is always
one house that everyone is afraid
to go to and this year we decided
we would go. We slowly crept up
the steps and tap lightly at the door
hoping nobody would hear us and
we could get out of there quickly.
Before we could turn around there
she was. There were bats flying
around her head, a frog in one
hand, a broom in the other hand
and a black cat next to her leg.
Before she could speak my friends
and I let out a scream and ran all
the way home. That is one house
we will NEVER go to again.
The first day of school is
always a tough one. You are
always waiting to see who is
in your class, what your
teacher will be like and how
your day will run. Usually
everyone is very quiet trying
to set a good example. We
all get out our books, sit in
our seats nice and tall and do
everything the teacher says
with very little noise.
I bet this is the teachers
favorite day of the year!
I will never forget my 5th
birthday. My mom
surprised me with a
clown to entertain my
friends and I. This clown
was very funny and had
many tricks up his
sleeve. When his show
was over he made
everyone at my party a
balloon animal. This was
a great day for me!
Exercise:
You and your friends were playing a ball game outside on the top quad. You
know that you are not allowed to kick balls on the quad. When the ball was
passed to you, you kicked it back. The ball didn’t go where you wanted it and
you broke Mrs. Jones’ office window.

Describe what happened to Mrs Jones, using a serouis

voice, and then in a funny voice described to your
friends what happened.
 Point of View
When a writer begins a new story he must decide:"Who will tell my story?"

An author can tell a story from the first-person point of view.

OR
The author can use the third-person point of view

First-person Point of View Third-person Point of View

•A character in the story is the •The story is being told by an
narrator. This character is telling outside observer - someone who is
the story. The narrator uses the not in the story. The author uses
pronouns I, me and the pronouns he, she, and they.
we. •In third-person point of view, the
•In first-person point of view, author can tell about the thoughts,
readers learn about events as the actions, and feelings of the other
narrator learns about them. characters.
First - Person Point of View
I walked home from school today with my friends.
We stopped for ice cream. I had vanilla. It's my
favorite. When I got up this morning I brushed
my teeth. Then I got dressed and ate my
breakfast.
Third - Person Point of View

Ted plays on a baseball team. He loves to play

with his team. He has a game next week. His
coach thinks he's a good baseball player.

The princess was locked in the tower. She had no

way to escape. She hoped that a prince would
rescue her. Her wish came true. He came and
took her to his castle.
Read each group of sentences.
Decide if it is written in first person or third person point of view.

The hunter had a cottage in the woods. He lived there all alone.

I ride the bus to each every day. I like to sit with my friends.

My friends and I went camping. I toasted marshmallows over the fire.

Joey likes to go swimming. Sometimes he asks his friend Sam to go with

him. He brings his ball to play with.

Frosty the snowman had a hat on his head. He also had a pipe and a carrot
nose. He held a shovel in his hand.
 Point of View
The role of the narrator is vital as her or his bias can affect the way the story
develops.

Retell Little Red Riding Hood from two of these points of view:
• grandma
• Red Riding Hood’s mother
• the wolf
• the wood cutter

Use the first person “I” when you write your two or three paragraphs.
 Narrative Writing
In a good narrative, the reader relates closely to the story,
feels involved with the plot and often identifies with the
characters. A good story is hard to put down and the reader
feels a sense of loss when it ends. The features of a
narrative are:

the plot this is what happens

characters the people or animals in the story
the setting where the narrative takes place
theme the aurthors message
 Planning your Narrative
Brainstorm your ideas. This does not need to take to long and can be
added to.
Plan the path your writing will take. This plan is in a flow-chart form.
 Opening Paragraphs
The opening paragraph of a narrative will
often give us an introduction to the
characters, the setting, or both and will often
give us a hint about the plot.
Another name for this is orientation. You
orientate your readers, give them an idea,
right from the start, that your text is going to
be worth reading.
 Opening Sentences
The Opening Sentence
To write an opening sentence which will grab the reader’s attention.
Stories can start using the following ways:
Dialogue: “Hands in the air this is a stick up!” he hollered roughly.
A statement: The school principal had to collect the boy from the roof.
Problem: David didn’t know what to do: the school bully, Ted was
expecting him to hand over five doallars and all he had
was fifty cents.
Action: Without a moments hesitation, Maude Drinkwater lifted
the revolver and fired.
Description of people: Mr Sherman looked ordinary for someone who had just
solved one of the world’s most difficult maths problems.
Description of place: The sky was the colour of dish water.
Description of time: As the clock struct twelve it echoed around the hall.
Write an opening sentence for one of these stories using the different
ways to start a story:
• A mysterious stranger
• An accident
• An act of bravery
• The arrival of a new pet
• A win
• A loss

Try two other ways of starting the same story.

 Active Beginings
In order to capture your reader’s attention, the beginning of your story must be
interesting and lively enough to make your reader want to keep reading. One way
to do this is to begin with an action.
Directions: Revise each story beginning. Put your main character in the setting,
and have the character do something relevant to the story.
Example: One rainy day I went to the mall.
Revision: I splashed across the parking lot, yanked open the tall glass
door, dripping wet, stepped into the mall.

1. Hi. My name is Kate. This is a story about the time I went to the zoo.
Put Kate at the zoo doing something
2. This is a story about the time I built a robort in my basement.
Put yourself in the basement doing something
3. I will tell you about my adventure swimming at the lake
Put yourself at the lake doing something
 Exercise 1: The Keeper

1. What is meant by unblemished?

2. What is an expedition?
3. Do you think this book is written about the past, the present or the future?
4. What were the clues that gave you the answer to question 3? Discuss the
reason.
5. Does the opening paragraph make you want to read on? Why/why not?
 Exercise 2: Rocco
Here is an orientation that gives a setting.

1. Is it daytime or night-time? How do you know?

2. Is the youth sleeping peacefully? Give reasons for your answer.
3. What do you think the story is going to be about? Making reference to the
text, give reasons for your answer.
 Exercise 3: Uncles Three
The following extract also starts with a setting.
at Kamahi

1. Is the book set in New Zealand? Give a reason for your answer.
2. Is the setting in the past, the present or the future? Give a reason for your
answer.
3. What is meant by “the clemantis was shining in start palaces in the bush”?
 Exercise 4: Opening Paragraphs
Choose a title and opening sentence from the list below. Use the sentence
beginnings to write an opening paragraph which will orientate a reader into
your narrative.
 Plot
A plot starts with an introduction to the narrative. A
plot will include problems or crises and how these
are solved, and the conclusion to the narrative. If it
is a good plot, there will be situayions which happen
throughout the narrative thaat will make you want to
read on.
What happens in a novel has been carefully planned
by the author. Some authors use a flow chart to plan
their work. Others might write a brief overview of
events noting each crisis, climax or problem and how
each will be resolved.
 Improve your Plot
Who are your story’s main characters?
What are their main needs?(motives)
Who or what tries to stop or thwart them from
achieving their needs? (conflict)
Do the characters succeed or fail in achieving
their goals?
How do they succeed or fail? (resolution)
 Exercise 1: Plot
Development
The folowing extract from The Keeper is an example of a crisis in a plot.
 Plot development: The
Keeper
1. What is the setting in this extract?
2. Name the people who seemed to be present.
3. Where were Jean and the narrator:
a. at the beginning of the text?
b. when they saw the tiger?
4. How do you think the group felt after this crisis?

This text gives a good example of the rise and fall of a crisis within the
plot. There is a build up with all the action of trying to get out of the way
of the tiger and it leaping, then the feeling of relief when the animal is
dead. Short quick sentences: “Then it looked at me. It did not see me.”
keep the feeling of excitement and suspense going.
This is how the plot of The Keeper might look in graph form.

The plot may have many parts to it. It may have subplots within the main
plot. Whether the plot is action-packed or slow and leisurely, a good plot
will keep the reader interested.

A crisis is a turning-point, a moment of danger or suspense. A climax is

the highest point in a series of events. There is often a build-up to a big
climax near the end of the narrative.
 Characterisation
A person’s appearance, their posture and ways of walking, their hobbies, the way
in which they express their emotions, their secret wishes, fears, prejudices and
religious beliefs are all pointers to their character.
We develop character through the following:
Dialogue what the characters say and how the say it
Action what the characters do
Reactions how the characters think and feel in different situations
Relationships how the character interact with each other, and how others view
them
Crisis a turning point in the story for the character; the way in which
the characters respond in a crisis revaels true character
Exercise
Write 4-6 sentences, using the ‘Show, don’t tell’ method, which reveal the
characters of the following people:

• a greedy child
• a stressed teacher
• a bossy bus driver
• an impatient explorer
• a terrified airline passenger
• a mother trying to get her reluctant todler to eat
 Characters
Narrative Characters may be people of animals. Although they are imaginary, the
author may have modelled their character on people they know. A reader can
usually identify with characters, either through a character’s personality, actions or
experiences, or physical appearance.
Characters in a book may be built up over several chapters with the reader getting
an impression of their personality through actions, reactions and relationships to
other characters.
Character Wheels
Planning a Setting
Things to think about
These settings all paint a picture for the
reader. Think carefully about which style
of scene setting appeals to you.
Do you prefer to be given a clear
description?
Do you prefer imagery where the writer’s
use of words lets you use your
imagination?
Do you prefer a character in the text to
help establish the mood of the setting by
talking about it?
 Create a setting
Write a setting that vividly portrays the background to the plot.
The setting is where the action is happening and when the action occurs ie.
Time of day, month, year.

Choose one of the following and write a short description of it. The description
should include:
time of day,
the weather,
the sights,
sound and smells.

•The beach
•Inside a restaurant
•A city street
•A favourite park
•A swamp
 Add Phrases
Phrases add information and interest to short, dull sentences.
To add an adjectival phrase, you can ask questions like ‘how’, ‘when’, or
‘where’.
Adjectival phrases: The boy was a culprit.
The boy with a cheeky grin was a culprit.
Adverbial phrases: We skipped.
We skipped across the playground.
We skipped across the playground with great abandon
after our win in soccer.
Add phrases to:
1. The girl cried.
2. The door opened.
3. They killed his parents.
4. We worked.
 Join Short Sentences
Sometimes short sentences can be combined to create longer, more interesting
sentences.
Example
First Draft: The rosella was feeding in the tree. It was attacked by
another bird. It flew away
Revised: Attacked by another bird as it fed in the tree, the rosella
flew away.

Rewrite the following examples to turn each example into one interesting sentence.
1. It was Sunday. The cricket match was cancelled. The pitch had been ruined by
rain
2. I was not pleased with my sister Natalie. She scribbled on my homework. I told
mom.
3. I’ve been working all day. I’m tired. I think I’ll take a rest.
4. Every night for dinner we have boiled rice. I don’t like boiled rice. It is my least
favourite food.
 Vary Sentence Length
When you vary your sentence lengths, it creates a pleasant rhythm.
A story can become boring if all the sentences are the same length.
Example
Listen to what is happening. These sentences have five words. Here are
another five words. Five more words to follow it. The sentences begin to
drone. There is no variety here. It’s like a stuck record. It goes on and on.

1. Write a five sentence story; the first sentence should have one word, the
second two words, the third three words and so on.
2. Write a five sentence story with a different number of words in each
sentence.
3. Study sentence lenghts in a page from a published story.
 Smooth Transitions
One way an author can get the reader’s attention is by using pharases
that we call “red flags.” red flags, such as all of a sudden or the next
thing I knew, indicate a new twist in the plot. Red flags can replace
predictiable words and phrases, like next and then.
Read the sample sentences below. Create your own “Red Flag Menu” by filling
in the blanks.
Suddenly I manage to escape from the monster.
Just then I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
I manage to escape from the monster.
 Improve Your Dialogue
What is Dialogue?
It's the conversation that takes
place between characters in a
story.
You can tell more about your
characters' thoughts and feelings
if you include dialogue in your
stories.
 Let's look at a story without dialogue.
Sharing a room with her sister wasn't always
fun. Kristi was tired of always cleaning up after her
sister Ashley. Just because they shared a room, that
doesn't mean they had to share the mess! Ashley was
always leaving dirty dishes on her desk, and there
were always dirty clothes under the bed. Kristi had
tried to talk to Ashley about cleaning up the mess, but
somehow talking didn't help.

Let's add some dialogue to that story.

Sharing a room with her sister wasn't always fun. Kristi was
tired of always having to clean up their room.
"Ashley, you've left your clothes on the floor again! I'm not
picking them up for you this time," said Kristi.
"I'm sorry, Kristi, I don't mean to be a slob!" joked Ashley.
"I just don't notice the mess--really! I guess it just doesn't
bother me.“
"Well, it bothers me! You know it does," said Kristi.
"I'll try harder, I guess," sighed Ashley. "But I can't promise
anything. Neatness just isn't my thing!"
Your audience will have a better understanding of Kristi and Ashley after
reading the conversation that takes place between them. It's more
interesting to read...AND...it helps to understand how both Kristi and
Ashley FEEL .

Dialogue lets you tell so much more about your characters.

It allows your readers to understand your characters more too.

Reminder When writing dialogue you must remember to:

1. Use Quotation Marks.

2. Identify who is speaking.
3. Indent each time the speaker changes.
4. Use commas correctly.
Read the following story:
Paul and his dad were planning their first fishing
trip of the year. Paul wasn't sure what to bring
with him, so he asked his dad. His dad told him
to bring his pole. His dad would bring
everything else. His dad also told him to dress
warmly because it's always cold in the morning
near the lake. Paul told his dad he was excited
about going and would have trouble sleeping.
Rewrite the story adding dialogue.
Here's a sample of what your story might look like.
Notice the quotation marks and commas.
Check your story to make sure you have the correct punctuation.

Paul and his dad were planning their first fishing trip of the year.
"What should I pack, Dad?" said Paul. "I don't want to forget
anything."
"Just bring your pole, Paul. I've got everything else we'll need already
in the car," said Dad. "Mom's already packed us a big lunch. We want
to get an early start!"
"Should I bring a sweatshirt?" questioned Paul.
"Oh, it's always cool in the morning near the lake. You'll need more
than a sweatshirt. You need to make sure you dress warm."
Paul headed up to bed.
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep, Dad. I'm too excited!"
LEARNING INTENTION: To liken something to something else, by using
similes.

Examples: My attention was as far away as love on a

battlefield.
Her skin is pale as eggshells.
LEARNING INTENTION: to understand that a metaphor is a word picture in
which the writer replaces the thing to be described with another image. It makes
a more direct and vivid comparison to a simile.

Examples: The moon is a pearl from a necklace.

The moon is a cold, cheesy pizza.
The moon is earth’s halo
LEARNING INTENTION: to understand that in personification, the non-human is
identified with the human or given human characteristics.

Examples: The steel beam clenched its muscles.

Clouds limped across the sky.
The pebbles on the path were grey with grief.
Cricket has been good to me.
The New Zealand dollar had a quiet month.
Life dealt him a heavy blow.
LEARNING INTENTION: to understand that Onomatopoeia is found in a group
of words that attempts to replicate certain sounds.

We have words like woof-woof, or bow wow, tweet-tweet, and cock-a-doodle

doo. However, these words are still the creation of the human mind.

Examples: crackle, splat, ooze, squish, boom.

The tyres whirr on the road.
The pitter-patter of soft rain.
The mud oozed and squished through my toes.
 IMPACT
Show Don’t Tell
To write what is happening in the story without explicitly stating it.
Telling sentence: Joe was old.
Showing sentence: Joe creacked when he moved, his arthritic limbs
bowed beneath the weight of his eighty years

Below are some telling sentences which simply state facts. Transform them into
showing sentences:
1. It was cold on the beach.
2. Dad was angry.
3. My friend is a great rugby player.
4. The house needed repairs.
5. The car braked suddenly.
You can improve your writing by removing unnecessary words. It is possible to
eliminate unnecessary words but still retain the same information.

First Draft The idea was thought of by Jim at four o’clock early in
the morning. (14 words)
Revised Jim’s idea came at 4 am. (6 words)
 Create Word Pictures
We can add details to a sentence to make an image more vivid and life-
like.
Bland The man had a hairy face.
Interesting The hair on Mr Twit’s face didn’t grow smooth and
matted as it does on most hairy-faced men. It
grew in spikes that struck out straights like bristles of
a nail brush.

Rewrite these sentences using details to make the image live.

1. The room was dark
2. The girl ran
3. His dog was unwashed and smelly
4. The lady next door is a busy body.
 Focus on the Facts
We can add on sufficient information to help the reader understand better.
Example A boat came to the island.
What kind of boat was it?
Who was aboard the boat?
What were the feelings of the passengers about reching
the island?
When did the boat arrive?
What was the purpose of the visit?

Read the following sentences. What questions would you ask the writer to
ensure that all the essential information was given.
1. I don’t like school.
2. My aunt is in hospital.
3. We like going out for dinner.
Select one of these sentences. Rewrite them with sufficient information.
LEARNING INTENTION: To think of as many different ways as you can to
express the same idea.

Example: Mary is a good person.

Mary is a lovely person.
Mary is a wonderful person.
Mary is a superb person.
Mary is a delightful person.
 Strong Verbs
By using strong verbs we can express movement and help to create a picture in
the reader’s mind.
Well-chosen verbs can give writing power.
With throttles open all the way, big bad bruce and his gang charge down the
highway on their Harleys. Bruce blasts along the highway at top speed. Icy
wind whacks into his face. He whacks it back, twice as hard. He zooms around
corners and shoots up the straight. He pushes his bike to the max.
from Big Bad Bruce by Dianne Bates

Write a description of the action in each of thes pharases using strong verbs.
• a man kicking a door
• a lion stalking prey
• a rabbit digging a hole
• a getaway car speeding around a corner
• a dog chasing a cat
 Using a Thesaurus
A thesaurus extend your word power.

declared
exclaimed
questioned
replied
repeated
bellowed
shouted
responded
whispered
asked