Conversation

Conversational Intelligence
Taking your own talk, Seriously

From Pentagon Spokesperson during a press brief
during Vietnam War
“ I KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE YOU

UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU THINK, I
SAID, BUT I AM NOT SURE YOU
REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU HEARD IS
NOT, WHAT I MEANT.”
•As a Leader, you have to
facilitate Conversations,
NOT talk to the people.
Because you have an intention behind the conversation,
that MUST impact the listener the way,
YOU WANT IT TO.
IT ALL STARTS WITH
• At the moment of contact:
• Are you a friend or foe???
• Am I feeling good or bad in this conversation?

What is Conversation ?
• When we convey anything to anyone, using

any language, gestures etc, so that the
other person understands what we want to
pass on to them.
Convert, Converse, Convey…..from one state to other, to a new place…physically or mentally

• Talking:
Three things that play a crucial role when we convey
feelings and attitudes to each other face to face, these are
as follows:
a. Words
b. Tone of voice
c. Nonverbal behavior/Body language (such as facial
expressions and eye contact)
• Listening: Good listening supplies the building blocks of good understanding.
a. Are you listening to understand or comment ?

b. Are you asking questions that will encourage the speaker to
open up more?
c. Are we assuming the intentions of the speaker?
Listening is an active process involving:
• ears - for verbal communications

eyes - for nonverbal communications
body - for physically showing that you are listening
Conversations Trigger
• Trust
• Mistrust
• Thru
• Good Feelings and Emotions

• Bad Feelings and emotions
• (These are controlled by different parts of Brain)
Important points to note:
• Conversations are not just a way of
sharing the information.
• They actually trigger physical and
emotional changes in the brain that,
• Either open you up to having a healthy,
trusting conversation or,
• Close you down so that you speak from
fear, caution and worry.
• It has an intention
• And the speaker wants the listener to be

impacted accordingly
Leaders who only focus on their intention, and do not see their impact,
are living in an I- centric world.
www.rajeevaranjan.in; +91 9869768045
LEARN EXERCISE:
L – LIKE – WHAT DID YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT THIS MEETING?

E – EXCITE – WHAT EXCITED YOU MOST?
A – ANXIETY – WHAT CRETAED THE GREATEST ANXIETY?
R – REWARD – WHAT CAN YOU CELEBRATE ABOUT THIS MEETING?
N – NEED – WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO NEXT?

• What the listener listens to?
• Interpretation of Conversations - The

reaction is in the listener’s brain.
Conversational BLIND SPOTS
• Blind Spot ‘3’: It shows an inability
• Blind Spot ‘1’: It involves an to stand in each other’s shoes when
we are fearful or upset.
assumption that others see what
we see, feel what we feel and • Blind Spot ‘4’: It is the assumption
think what we think. that we remember what others say,
when we actually remember what
• Blind Spot ‘2’: It is the failure to we think about what others say.
realize that fear, trust and • Blind Spot ‘5’: This blind spot
distrust changes how we see characterizes the assumption that
and interpret reality and meaning resides in the speaker,
therefore how we talk about it when in fact it resides in the
listener
Leadership
• To get a high-performing team, a good leader must possess following traits:
• Must be We-centric
• Should always be in a Level-III mind set, he must stay open, curious and
nonjudgmental, be willing to be influenced and focus on listening with an open
mind.
• Should be able to move people forward from Level I or Level II into Level III
transformational conversations.
• Is self - aware how to regulate his/her own behavior. Self - aware Level-III leaders
look inside and explore the dynamics of their own nature and the impact they
have on their culture. Follows the trust model in his everyday life in totality
• Should have the clarity of VISION – how can we create the greatest team and the
greatest company as the by product?
The four pitfalls to look for on the path to success
• You cut people off before they complete speaking.

• You blame others when things go wrong and pat yourself on the back
for all right things.
• You find a reason to complain about almost everything.
• You strongly believe that you are always right…………………………..
• If you have any of these talents, you sure will succeed – only in
blocking your life force of creativity………………………
Getting to the Next level of greatness
Culture
Relationship
Conversations
EVERYTHING HAPPENS THROUGH CONVERSATIONS
TRUST IS THE FOUNDATION OF OPEN, CANDID,
CARING CONVERSATION.
• Step 1: T……….Transparency
• Step 2: R……….Relationship
• Step 3: U……….Understanding
• Step 4: S………..Shared Success
• Step 5: T………..Testing Assumptions and Truth – Telling
Focus on listening to connect, not judge or react

How do we trust people? -----FORCES
• Fairness – Does this interaction • Co operation – When all we join
and relationship feel fair? Are forces and work to support each
we establishing a WE or is this other?
relationship about I? • Expression – Do we allow each
other to speak and express as what
• Ownership – Are we clear about is in our mind? Do we give each
our stakes, what is yours and other space and time to share our
what is mine? thoughts?
• Reciprocity – Do I care for you • Status – Do we honor where we
and you for me? Do we help stand in social hierarchy and do we
each other? respect each other for what we
stand?
Do we know what is going on in other person’s mind?
Conversation Types
• Type 1 – Transactional
• Type 2 – Positional
• Type 3 - Aspirational – SHIFT from “I” to “WE”

Epigenetics – Neuroscience - DNAs
• Template Genes – Real Genetic from our ancestors
• Transcription Genes - is controlled by our environment including

conversations
• Mirror Neurons
WORDS SHAPE INTERPERSONAL REALITY
A Negative self- image will
A Positive self- image will incline you towards
bias you towards seeing suspicion
the good in others. and doubt.
Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which

changes your perception of yourself and
the people you interact with. Over time the structure
of your thalamus will also change in response to your
conscious words, thoughts and feelings. Thalamic changes
affect the way in which you perceive reality
How we can co-create reality
• Meanings evolve
• We shape meaning with others
• We need to validate meaning with others
• Breakdown occurs when we hold different meaning than others
• Breakdown occurs when we try to persuade others our meanings
are right ones
• Breakthroughs occur when we take the time to share and discover
• Breakthroughs occur when we co-create and partner in creating a
shared reality.

How to get to the truth in a meeting
• Acknowledge that your truth may not be the only truth
• Help others see that their truth may not be the only truth
• Keep an open mind of discovery in the pursuit of truth
• Discuss gaps between “your truth” and “my truth” with the intentions
of creating bridges to close reality gaps
• Encourage conversations that start with empathy and move toward a
common goal or outcome
• Speak and show appreciation to others for their efforts and successes.

Getting to the Next level of greatness
Culture
Relationship
Conversations
EVERYTHING HAPPENS THROUGH CONVERSATIONS
The most important conversation
we have, is with ourselves.
Thank You, All

Conversations
• Internal – that we have with • External - that we have with
ourselves others
• We will talk about it in the end, if

time permits and if u r still willing…
Conversational Matrix

Game – Back to the future
• Create a lifeline
• Identify situations, people or events that had a big impact and
summarize that
• Share the story with your team
• Try to find a pattern or meaning making in your events
• Back to the future – How the pattern is going to affect your future
• Map/Path making
• Trust in the future
Rewiring Level III into everyday life
• See Resistance in a new light
• Welcome and facilitate Conversations
• Engage Head, heart and spirit; and
• Create space for change

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Conversational Intelligence

Taking your own talk, Seriously

“ I KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE YOU

• Are you a friend or foe???

• Am I feeling good or bad in this conversation?

• When we convey anything to anyone, using

Convert, Converse, Convey…..from one state to other, to a new place…physically or mentally

• Listening: Good listening supplies the building blocks of good understanding.

a. Are you listening to understand or comment ?

• ears - for verbal communications

• Good Feelings and Emotions

• And the speaker wants the listener to be

L – LIKE – WHAT DID YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT THIS MEETING?

www.rajeevaranjan.in; +91 9869768045

• What the listener listens to?

• Interpretation of Conversations - The

• To get a high-performing team, a good leader must possess following traits:

• You cut people off before they complete speaking.

Focus on listening to connect, not judge or react

• Type 3 - Aspirational – SHIFT from “I” to “WE”

• Transcription Genes - is controlled by our environment including

Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which

www.rajeevaranjan.in; +91 9869768045

www.rajeevaranjan.in; +91 9869768045

Thank You, All

• We will talk about it in the end, if

www.rajeevaranjan.in; +91 9869768045

• Welcome and facilitate Conversations

• Engage Head, heart and spirit; and

• Create space for change

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