The strength of this fiction lies in its subtlety. It's rather dramatic in presentation, building tension and dread with the deliberate pacing over a short subject.

Mostly, there's a factual, disinterested style which heightens the horror of the action - but when the author chooses to add a touch of drama, it's piercing. The interactive choices shook me when they changed tone, when the responses got more emotional and personal, I felt it.

You might want to try different attempts through this.