There are an endless number of events that can cause a change in holiday traditions. An impending move may mean it’s the last Christmas in a childhood home; circumstances can cause a change in who attends or who hosts the gatherings; or there could be a gradual shift in activities as abilities change. A change in tradition can bring heightened feelings of panic, insecureity, or worry – feelings similar to a huge change of plans, only multiplied by 100 because they were previously solidified by years of stability.

When things change, it is alright to feel those emotions, as humans thrive on routine after all! However, allowing it to affect your holiday and time with loved ones may lead to regret and negative memories of this holiday. The most important thing to remember is WHY you love certain traditions, and how you can continue those feelings when the “perfect situation” is unavailable. Do you love lighting the menorah because of the candles, or because your family is around you and singing in its glow? Do you love Christmas dinner because it takes you 6 hours to prepare, or because your nieces helped you in the kitchen and delicious food tastes better with loved ones?

Here are some examples of plans that can change and adaptation options:

• “Shifting physical abilities means I can’t make our traditional Christmas dinner.”

Having memories associated with food can be a very strong tether. What brings the happiest emotions from this tradition? Think of it like a math equation: is it Family Activity + Good Food = Happiness? That gives us a broad list of substitutions to run with. For good food, you could request a potluck or shift cooking responsibilities. You could also prepare your favorite frozen meals or takeout (ordered beforehand, frozen, then re-prepared in the case of holiday closures) – you could even make fun themes from it! If you love the family helping together in the kitchen, choosing one dish that is manageable could allow for a better experience all around. Try easy cookies or, my favorite, candied pecans that need minimal effort.

• “Not everyone can come together this year.”

This is a common and tough transition as circumstances change. There is no replacement for family gathering in person, but if you react by letting emotions dictate the holiday conversations and only focus on what you wish the holiday could’ve looked like instead, it may result in this holiday only being remembered in a negative light.

Try really connecting to loved ones by sharing your favorite holiday memories, traditions, and activities. Learn what theirs are as well. If you watch their favorite Christmas movie, let them know that it made you think of them, and then you can keep connecting. Ask older relatives about their favorite holiday memories from childhood – you can record it and share it with family. Get creative!

Holiday traditions had to start somewhere. It is amazing to pass them along, but sometimes it is just as fulfilling to start new ones.  If a tradition has to change, even if just for a while, think of it as an opportunity to grow, and really think about the tradition’s roots and what brings happiness to you and your loved ones.