I opened my front door to a wall of sound. I had stepped out to my car for a moment and returned inside to people laughing, shouting, eating, and talking some jovial smack. Friends were piled onto chairs, teenagers sprawled over the backs of sofas, kids stretched across the floor. It was a sound and sight that filled my soul with joy.
I love my friendships, and I am always so very glad to have had people over. I end up on such a high afterwards. But I certainly am not on a high beforehand as I’m running around wiping down sinks, vacuuming dog detritis, throwing things into the garage or my office (the two catch-all rooms), while the words, “You write a blog on housecleaning! You can’t let folks see a mess!” run through my head.
Why don’t I host more often?
I want to host people at my home more often without the frenzy, and so I want to capture ideas for simple hospitality for my own record here, but I hope this also helps you. Gathering together is, I think, a lost practice. I don’t think we do it often enough as a culture, especially in the midst of busy professional or childrearing years. Maybe this is just my experience here. But I think the more we don’t do it, the more daunting it becomes.
I know the reasons we don’t do it—it can be pricey and time-consuming and intimidating. And we all have mind-boggling imagery of what hospitality entails. As we devour TV shows, social media posts, and articles about gorgeously prepared food and inspiringly decorated houses, we swallow the message that this is what entertaining must look like. To make our entertaining look like that, we would need to hire a staff and take a sabbatical from our day job (which is exactly what is happening in the background of those TV shows and magazine photo shoots).
As my mom says, “People make the party.” So, let’s ditch burdensome expectations around setting and food that only hold us back, and instead focus on the people. The goal after all is to get together and connect and have fun. I hope these ideas for hosting simply and easily help you do just that. I’ll be putting them into practice myself.
17 ideas for simple hospitality
Easy food:
1. Cook together. This eliminates the façade that cooking isn’t messy. One of the great pretenses of hospitality is that if guests arrive to a completely prepared meal, the kitchen also has to be clean. What kind of fairy magic is that? Instead, invite people over to prepare the food together. That’s less prep for you and provides a group activity. Also, making a mess during a gathering is perfectly acceptable. Hopefully they’ll help clean it up, too! This idea I snagged from Shauna Niequist’s inspiring and on-point book Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table.
2. Build a food bar, potluck style. Decide on a theme and everyone brings their favorite part. Salad bar, taco bar, pasta bar. We’re not talking about prepping full dishes – unless you have a foodie guest who volunteers to do so, and then by all means! But everyone just brings an ingredient. I’m usually good for the cheese. And you as the host, all you need to have is a clear counter.
3. The host doesn’t cook. This can take the form either of a potluck where the host gets a pass on contributing food, or a duo-hosted gathering where one host provides the place and the other host brings the food. The food-prep mess stays behind at the cook’s house. The host-house only has to be ready to receive food & people.
4. Get takeout. There’s no virtue in cooking the food yourself if that’s not something you enjoy. And every restaurant these days does take-out and would love your business.
Even easier food:
5. BYOC. Credit goes to my mom for this one. For years now, she has hosted a Saturday morning “Bring Your Own Coffee” gathering. That’s it. It’s not breakfast. Everyone just comes with their coffee. My mom provides an open door and chairs.
6. Gather for breakfast. Breakfast is much less of a lift, in terms of the food, the personal care, and the setting. Pjs and messy hair welcome. And there are so many yummy breakfast foods that can be prepped the day before. Or, skip the prepping and put out yogurts, fruit, and pastries. So long as the coffee is hot!
7. Host a Happy Hour. Prep one special cocktail (or not) and have a couple other easy-grab options. Maybe some cheese and crackers for some nibbles. No need for a full dinner.
8. Just dessert. This can be simple or elaborate. I enjoy making complex desserts, but I never have the wherewithal for them if I’ve already made a full meal. And no one’s really hungry from them either. If I have folks over only for dessert, then I can make the layered pumpkin praline cheesecake, a chocolate soufflé, a Baked Alaska (Ooh! Fire!), or even a Croquembouche! (Ok, that last one might take a weekend, and I’ve never made one, but looks fun!) If dessert-making isn’t your thing, a brownie sundae bar or a sweet from a local bakery are equally delicious.
No food required:
9. Watch a movie. Throw names in a hat and pick one out: Oscar Winners, Spaghetti Westerns, Black & White, Musicals, Movies of the 80s, Documentaries. Maybe this does need some snacks, but nothing fancy—no one is going to be looking at the food. Then you can discuss the movie afterwards (something I enjoy much more than book discussions, oddly enough).
10. Play games. I know a group of friends (who are in their 50s) who have an ongoing Dungeons & Dragons game. I’m always up for a Scrabble match or some other word or trivia game. Actually, I like most games.
11. Learn something. Bread making. Beer making. Crocheting—this one I’ve done. Personally, I’ve been curious about some of those card games my parents played—Bridge? Pinochle? Euchre? Canasta? Cribbage? A little retro fun!
12. Craft time. Not just for preschoolers, there are some pretty cool adult crafts out there. I have a neighbor who is an incredible resin artist, and I’m working on persuading her to do a little workshop for our local bunch. Succulent wreaths, origami, adult coloring, no-sew fleece blankets (see #17 below, also great to make for shelters or relief organizations).
Hosting elsewhere:
While the word “host” implies hosting at your home, I think it also qualifies as hosting if you are the organizer of a gathering elsewhere.
13. Group walk/run/hike. Walk around a neighborhood, a mall, a lake. Invite friends to your regular jogging route (I don’t want to misrepresent myself—I’m not a runner, but I know they exist.) But I do love hiking, so meet at a local hiking trail and get to know your local land. (The Afoot & Afield book series has fantastic guides to different areas.)
14. Meet up at a “third place.” (A gathering place that is not work or home, commonly cafes, bars, community centers, parks, gyms…) Throw an invite out there to meet at a coffee shop or wine bar or dessert place and no RSVPs needed. Whoever comes is who comes, and you might end up with a great one-on-one convo or the hubbub of a group.
15. Go see a live show. I’m a huge fan of live theater. There’s something so engaging and so unpredictable about it. If you haven’t seen a live show recently, you likely have a local theater who would love to have you and your friends in their seats. Grab a gelato afterwards and share your thoughts.
16. Host a virtual “wine time” or “coffee klatch.” When life is too busy for an in-person get together—or you live too far apart—set a day & time, charge your phone, put on your comfy cozies, and grab your thematic beverage.
17. Volunteer together. Ok, so this may seem like a different sort of thing, but working side by side, serving side by side, is incredibly bonding. And if you have difficulty getting together for purely social reasons, this may be a great option for you. Serve at a shelter for the unhoused, clean up a beach or park or trail, play with puppies or kittens at a rescue—they need socialization, or make those no-sew blankets mentioned in #12.
Go ahead and gather together
Let’s normalize gatherings and stop making them a big deal. That means we need to let people into our messes a bit. Admit that we don’t live in a perfectly appointed home that is perfectly tidied all the time.
Gathering together has so many benefits. To share joy and divide sorrows. To get perspective on our lives with many a “What? You too? I thought I was the only one” moments. To understand that everyone struggles, everyone has ups and downs. We need to get out of our heads, out of our hypotheticals, to engage our senses, to live in the physical and not in the virtual world. To know we’re not alone. To de-stress. To disconnect. To laugh.
End of pep talk. I’m off to make some plans!
I love this!! Thank you!
Your thoughts and article are quite refreshing and I agree with you wholeheartedly! When I was young, I made a super big deal about entertaining and completely lost my joy in the process. So much stress and so many expectations I put on myself! That was back when Martha Stewart was the rage, and I read her books from front to back and duplicated Her decorating and baking all the while raising children and working full-time. Your words and thoughts are words of wisdom. Truly, we are spending less time together with our loved ones…. friends and family. Reaching out, sharing and caring is simple and powerful.
I remember the days when I worked for your grandfather in the early 70s. He and Gladys‘s home was free flowing with life…completely natural daily movement. No formalities. I was included in those daily movements just because it was life. How normal and special as I reflect back.!
Thank you for submitting this article Lisa! I think it is extremely useful for all of us to hear that simply extending ourselves to include friendship is the essence of what makes life meaningful. Letting go of our internal expectations and stress allows that free flowing way of life!
Hi Pamela – Thank you so very much for your kind comments. I”m glad these thoughts resonated with you. And thank you for reminding me of my grandfather’s constant hospitality. I hadn’t been thinking about him when I wrote this, but you are absolutely correct. He had his standing weekly open gatherings – were they Tuesdays? – and anyone could come. There was no fancy spread, but there was lots of great conversation. We too easily get bogged down in the details that no one notices when the important part is just being together.