“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.”

– Hugh Prather

Relationships evolve throughout our lifetime in as many ways as there are people. Some of these changes can be great. But, like most things, it will more likely resemble a rollercoaster ride with ups, downs, and giant loops.

Even our relationships with ourselves are seldom linear. Periods of joy and contentment may be followed by phases of insecurity, and sometimes the way we talk to ourselves doesn’t help foster what would resemble a comforting relationship we would extend to someone else.

So, on this Valentines Day, how do we foster the relationships that are important to us? And how do we help our relationship with ourselves?

1. Listen to yourself

What were you doing the last time you felt confident? Was there a gift or conversation that made you feel loved recently? When was the last time someone made you feel hurt or uncomfortable? Really sit with these questions and listen to the answers that come to you. Are there any actions you want to take based on them?

2. Act (when you can)

Was the last time you felt confident when you were doing a hobby? Can you make time for it more in your life? If someone made you feel loved by giving you a compliment, can you mirror that action to them or other loved ones? Even the simple act of letting someone know you thought of them recently can mean the world. If someone made you feel uncomfortable, can you create a boundary that feels manageable to express and maintain?

3. Change

Can you say you were the same person you were five years ago? Ten? Twenty? It’s easy to approach a loved one we’ve known for a long time as if they are the exact same person as when we first met them. It can be scary to consider that they have considerably changed, but it is also unfair to assume that we change alone. The key to maintaining truly deep relationships is to really communicate with your loved ones so that you can change and grow together!

Think of it this way, a rope is much stronger than a piece of string. Weave your relationships into a strong support system for everyone involved- but make sure the core (your relationship to yourself) is the strongest.