Transylvania
| |||||
| National motto: "Threeeeeeeee is ze number of ze Day ! Ah, Ah, Ah!!" | |||||
| Official language | Heavily accented English | ||||
| National Anthem | One! One Transylvania, ah ah ah! | ||||
| Capital | Castle | ||||
| Head of State | |||||
| Independence - Declared - Recognised |
From Pridal Federation Never | ||||
| Currency | 100 Batsvings to the Blut | ||||
| National Drink | Palinca | ||||
| Motto | |||||
| National anthem | Toccata and Fugue in D minor, J. S. Bach | ||||
| National Flower | Anything pink is nice. Or purple; maybe, if it's not too blue-ish. | ||||
Good eeeeeeeevening. I am... Uncyclopedia. Velcome to my article about... Transylvania. Ah ha ha ha ha!
Transylvania ees country in Central Europe. It is a picturesque beauty spot vell known for its trees, mountains, castles and dungeons. Eet is home to much interesting fauna, little known in the world beyond. The rare Carpathian wolves, for example. What beautiful music zey make!
Many in ze Vest associate Transylvania vith horror movies. Zis is a misapprehension. Transylvania is no more haunted than ze isolated farms of New England, ze lonely Scottish castles on the windswept moor or ze Pyramids of Egypt.
Society[edit | edit source]
Transylvania is populated mostly by Romanians and Hungarians, two different nations which share the passion for palinca, a locally produced type of brandy, similar to ţuică. A handful disappear periodically due to attacks by the isolated population of vampires in the region.
An important minority in Transylvania is represented by vampires sinister Gypsies Werewolves Dr. Frank N Furter Italians. Zis ethnic group was first documented by the great historian Bram Stoker Pliny, and are believed to have entered ze region when the wolfsbane blooms and the full moon glows bright during Roman times.
Transylvania must not be confused with Pennsylvania. After all, vun is full of monsters with huge teeth; the other is in Eastern Europe.
People[edit | edit source]
Population According to 2008 Census
32% Hungarians
20% Vampires
19% Werewolves
14% Witches
9% Gypsies
5% Serbians
4% Orcs (Including Uruk-hai)
2% Rromanians
1% Sweet Transvestites
1% Other/Sheep
0% Humans
Economy[edit | edit source]
Ze Transylvania is based on tourism. Many people stay in quaint country houses, ven cars break down in ze frequent storms. Transylvania Tourist Bureau has discount for virgins dressed in diaphanous nightgowns tour groups. Other major exports include garlic, silver and splintery wood; approximately 100% of Transylvania's annual production of these substances is exported, often at heavily discounted prices.
Transylvanian exports include horrible Eastern European beverages, monsters, coal, bauxite, wheat and coffin-sized boxes full of soil. Imports include virgins, brains, human flesh nothing.
Transylvania recently joined ze competitiff energy export market, with electricity from lightning-based power stations now being transmitted as far away as Modora and Latveria.
History[edit | edit source]
“
Transylvania... home for many centuries to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks.”
The area ve now know as... Transylvania vas first described by the Roman geographer Abrahamus Vanhelsingus, who conducted a survey of ze region in the first century BC. He described two distinct groups of locals. Vun group he described as being swarthy, superstitious and prone to forming angry mobs at the slightest provocation. Zese he described as Tribus Superfluae, or ze tribe of extras. Ze other, smaller group consisted of paler, spookier people who had pointy teeth, pronounced vidows peaks, mocking laughs and a deep seated compulsion to count things during thunderstorms. Zese he referred to as the Gothae; an odd attributions, since at zis time the Visigoths and Ostrogoths were both based in Scandinavia, and the people of Transylvania are ethnically unrelated to them.
Ze Transylvanian region had remained largely closed to outsiders before ze Romans conquered the region. Over the centuries, only the Romans, Turks and Russians have successfully conquered Transylvania. Curiously, all these peoples were fond of garlic.
In ze middle ages, the Transylvanian aristocrats began a program of castle building. Oddly, these castles were not sited vere zeir defensive structure would be useful, ie, on strategic land and river routes, to protect resource centers, or to control mountain passes. Instead, zey vere built high up in inhospitable mountain ranges, often many miles from ze nearest population center.
In ze 16th century, the area vas conquered by ze Turks. Ze Turks brought vith them astronomers and alchemists, who began Transylvania's long tradition of forbidden cutting-edge scientific research. Notable Transylvanian inventions include corpse-robots, earmuffs, human/wolf hybrids, flesh-eating nanobots, and ze glow-in-the-dark keyring.
In the late 19th century, ze Congress of Berlin established Transylvania as a part of the newly-formed Kingdom of Romania. However, ze people of the region maintained many of their own dialects, customs, genetic mutations and burial practices.
During World War I, Transylvania... uh... vich side was Romania on during WWI? Oh, vell, let's skip this bit. During World War II, Romania vas neutral, an Axis country and an Allied country. Must have made sense at the time. Anyhoo, Transylvanian soldiers volunteered in great numbers, almost as if they were happy to be leaving the country. Meanwhile, many Transylvanian scientists vent on sabbatical to German research centers in Poland. When they returned at the war's end, zey claimed to have "learned much."
After the war, Romania came under Soviet occupation. Oddly, the Transylvanian peasantry seemed pretty much at ease over this, and Soviet authorities were often surprised to receive "application letters" from peasants wishing to be relocated to forced labour camps in Siberia.
Ven European Communism collapsed in the 1990s, Romania followed the lead of Russia and reformed as a quasi-feudal post-industrial kleptocracy modern democracy and economic powerhouse. Ze departure of the communists allowed many exiled aristocrats to return to their ancestral castles, vile the peasants vept with what could well have been joy, perhaps.
Government[edit | edit source]
Transylvania is governed by the Transylvanian Regional Council, which in turn reports to the Romanian central government. It just doesn't report very often. The council consists of six members:
| GOVERNOR | ||||
 Count Alucard, Governor of Transylvania 1899-1905, 1989-present.The Governor of Transylvania has | ||||
| Minister for Health | Minister for Science | Minister for Internal Security | Minister for the Environment | Minister for Transportation |
Immediately below the Council are five Junior Ministers.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Dracula
- Romania and Geography of Romania
- Michael Jackson
- Vlad the Impaler
External links[edit | edit source]
- Transylvania Castles
- Transylvanian tourism agency
- The digital map of Cluj, a Transylvanian county (caritas home)
