Better Relationships With Those You Lead
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About this ebook
The focus of the book is on human interactions, constructive workplace conversations and developing productive working relationships.
Nine Reflective Activities and Ten Tools are included to facilitate learning, problem solving, self management (so leaders don't get in their own way!) and how to work effectively with others (even when they may be interpreted as "Difficult").
Five "real workplace case studies" are presented to provide leader/managers with a basic "recipe" to follow to lead and manage a range of workplace situations. These include managing under performing staff, workplace bullying, managing your boss, developing workplace trust and managing the workplace.
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Better Relationships With Those You Lead - Dr Nicky Howe
family.
Acknowledgments
My thanks go to my husband Vassili Mikhaltsevitch, Alan Sieler, Anne Courtney, Gihan Perera and Garry Gower. You have each supported me to be able to write this book.
Vassili is my ongoing supporter and encourager, the one who is always by my side even when we are writing in our separate caves.
Alan has been the person who first inspired me with his book ‘Coaching to the Human Soul’ and helped me to develop my knowledge and skill as an ontological practitioner. You will see his influence throughout the book.
Annie has been the person who has partnered with me to practice the craft, art and science of ontology of the human observer. Together we have developed and run leadership programs, retreats and learning spaces. Many of the reflective activities are drawn from what we have jointly created. Annie has been my coach and friend for many years.
Gihan has been the person who helped me to get started, to re-find my writing voice and who has given me his guidance and wisdom on how to write my first book.
Garry has read and re-read my book, offered his excellent eyes and valuable feedback which I am very grateful for.
It is through practice that I am able to learn, so my thanks also go to the people I have worked with, who have been open to me ‘practicing on you’ and have been generous with feedback.
Introduction
Let’s start with you. Because it really is all about you!
My invitation is for you to take a few minutes to reflect on the key issues you face as a leader/manager. What are the challenges you are grappling with? How well do you think you are meeting these challenges? Do you know where your development/learning gaps are? What do you consider to be your relationship strengths and areas that require some improvements?
Critical to your effectiveness as a leader/manager and to the success of the organisation is the effectiveness of the working relationships between people. So who are the people you have key relationships with? How would you rate each of these key relationships out of 10? Do you know why some of your relationships are better than others?
As you work through this book I am going to invite you to reflect back to one of the critical issues or relationships that you have just identified. I urge you to reflect on the relevance and usefulness of the various concepts, tools and reflective activities I have introduced you to.
A Snap Shot of an Organisation Mikeoh Inc.
Had I stepped into Mi6? The doors to offices, the board room and training rooms were always locked, a senior staff member turned up at 10am. There was no executive leadership team, the accounts department appeared to have captured the organisation ‘the tail was wagging the dog’, the financial statements and accounts were presented in cash accounting format. There were no clear systems and processes for payroll and human resource management. Staff in different sections/departments didn’t have conversations with each other. There was a real problem of staff failing to effectively execute a request. Work was not done, or delivery of work was half-done, deadlines and tender renewals were missed. There were many flaws in how staff took action together. Staff did not talk to one another face-to-face, staff made vague requests and actual performance was not specified. Delivery dates were proposed without confirmation – if they were mentioned at all. Agreements to deliver, when they were defined, shifted and derailed without a clear conversation between the person requesting or expecting an outcome and the supplier/performer(s). Line managers did not have their own budgets. Managers and staff often blamed each other and managers protected their ‘turf’, it was very territorial. There was poor communication and relationships, staff backstabbed each other and quality and productivity of the services suffered. Poor performance was not managed; there were no organisational values, no performance management system. Managers and staff did not take or accept responsibility for their actions.
I invite you to ask yourself "What is going on here? How is it that intelligent people with high degrees of expertise could function like this? Perhaps there is something missing in our traditional approach in education and training to leadership development…
They were also some amazing staff and volunteers who were very committed to the organisation, staff were eager to learn and were keen and open to change. Staff could see the problems and were just waiting for the opportunity to be able to do something – to have people follow through. They knew what needed to be done to improve things. They just needed to be listened to, encouraged and unleashed.
If some parts of this organisation sound familiar, keep reading as I provide you with many tools to support you to address these problems.
Who is this book for?
This book is for you if you are in a leadership or management position and you know that the only way work gets done is through people, but you don’t know exactly whether you need to change, they need to change or what needs to change.
This book is for you if you are working in private enterprise, public service or the not for profit sector. You may be a board member, a staff member, a volunteer or a contractor. You may be managing one person or 50. You may be the CEO, a member of the executive, a manager, a first time coordinator or a staff member. You may be managing volunteers or a call centre or you may be managing yourself.
What will you get?
This book uses the material that I learned from being a manager and leader in public, private and the not for profit sector for over 25 years. I also draw on what I have learnt by undertaking the Diploma and Advanced Diploma of Ontological Coaching, facilitating leadership programs, retreats and workshops. Plus you get my knowledge and experience as a CEO.
Much of my learning as a leader and CEO is based on my study of Ontology. This is a big subject, and I won’t refer to it a lot in the book, but it does underpin everything in the book. So let me explain it briefly. Ontology is the study of the nature of being, which is a big subject. The focus of the material I draw on is from Ontology of the Human Observer. The branch of ontology centres on how we, as human beings, use our language (speaking and listening), our moods and emotions and our physiology (our body) to create our Way of Being
. My Way of Being is based on these three domains, as is yours.
The following Way of Being model demonstrates this conceptually
There is interplay between the three areas (language, moods and emotions and our physiology/body) and the world we each experience is shaped by our Way of Being.
How we each use our Way of Being and how we observe our Way of Being can open up possibilities for us or close down opportunities. Working with Way of Being helps you to understand how you and others function and how you can shift your Way of Being to improve your personal and professional life.
This