1

Izzy

Anime = Short for animation = Used in Japan to refer to animated media, but in most of the rest of the world, it’s specifically used to refer to animated works from Japan. These animations are often characterised by their colourful style, the characters’ big eyes and the (overly) dramatic storylines. At least, those are the ones I like the most. I especially love the ones that are really over-the-top in their character proportions, with big eyes, really big hair and poofy dresses that stand out more than gravity should allow.

Two years ago

I roll my suitcase into the hotel room. My parents finally allowed me to attend the AmAnime convention in Amsterdam with my best friend Jason.

His parents are in the next room over and will be at the event too, but I already know that we’re probably not going to be seeing them much, luckily. They’re just here to ‘supervise’ us. We’re sixteen, so we don’t need that much ‘supervision’. Though my parents, and the people organising the con, really want people under eighteen to always have adultier adults around. Sigh.

I put the suitcase at the end of my bed and sprawl all over it, letting out a long breath. Fiiiinally.

Jason sits down on his own bed, grinning as he looks my way. What? You don’t like being all folded up in a tiny car for hours on end? He also stretches out, but it doesn’t take long before he’s sitting up again. The event starts in an hour, we should get dressed. He’s, of course, talking about the opening ceremony, which is supposed to be this big event with lots of cosplayers and music and everything. I’ve seen a few of them online, but I’ve never been to one, so I don’t know what to expect from it.

Already? I groan, but then I sit up too.

People are already messaging me, they have been for an hour, asking where we are. They’re waiting out in the front halls for us. He opens his suitcase and starts pulling out clothes, spreading them over his bed, sorting through them. You don’t have to meet with them if you don’t want to, you can stay here and just play games or something.

No, I’m good. I also open my suitcase and pull out the outfit I’ve got planned for today. It’s a Japanese Lolita style black dress with bright green elements and I’m wearing really high heeled shoes with it. I’ve worked on this outfit for months, I’m not letting this opportunity pass. I know I can, and will, pull this off. I take the dress and everything I’ll need with it in my arms. I’m changing in there. I point to the bathroom.

Jason nods. Of course, just as long as you remember that I need help zipping this thing up later. He grins, pointing at his back.

He’s used to me disappearing into bathrooms to get changed. I always do that, he doesn’t know any different from me. That, and I don’t really have to watch him change either. We may have been born with generally the same body parts, but he’s a lot more comfortable with them than I am.

Understatement of the century.

I close the bathroom door behind me and hang the clothes on the bath’s edge, keeping them off the floor. Then I check myself in the mirror. My eyes are wide and intense, and I can feel a little anxiety chipping away at my sanity.

I know I’ll be fine. Rationally, I know that I’ll be fine and that there won’t be any problems. Jason has said so himself, there is nothing to worry about when we’re here, no matter what happens. Still, it’s one thing to dress up all cute when everyone around you just identifies you in a binary way: boy, girl. But AmAnime is known for having a lot of cosplayers and crossplayers around, so people may not identify me the way I want to...

And even after years of living as a girl, that still scares me more than it maybe has to. I don’t know. I’ve not been misgendered in months, if not for more than a year. But this isn’t a situation I’ve encountered before, a place where people’s genders and gender expressions are a little fluid to begin with.

I sigh. I’ve been so looking forward to today, I’ve been waiting all year to attend, but now I’m actually here, I’m starting to freak out a little.

What if people... What if people are going to make an issue with how I dress? Or the way I act? Or the way I am?

Jason knocks on the door. Izzy. His voice is calm, but I know he’s checking up on me.

Yeah? I look up, breaking the staring contest I’m having with myself.

I’m not hearing you move. Come on, get changed. He’s so excited, even though he tries to be calm for me, and I can’t help that his cheer lifts my own mood too.

Yeah, yeah. I quickly strip off the leggings and comfy dress I wore during the car ride here. Then I look at the outfit I’m about to put on and sigh. Moving now, you can stop standing there.

I know, I can hear you. Jason laughs. Going to put on some music, get in the mood and everything. He walks away from the door, and I can hear him stream some J-pop from this phone to his portable speakers.

I sit down on the side of the bath, taking off my socks and sliding on the fishnet stockings, trying not to get stuck in them. Today I’m not going as some anime character, cosplaying is for tomorrow when the real convention starts, instead, I’m wearing a cute gothic lolita style dress. When my stockings are on, I quickly put on the pristine white socks with the frilly edge, to go with my shoes, and then I stand up and pull on the dress. While the sleeves and skirt are all pretty and fiddly, the body of it is plain, but that’s because I’ve got a corset to go over it. That was the one thing of this outfit that took me months to finish, the corset, but the end result is definitely worth it.

I look around, realising I’ve left something in my bag. Jason!

Yeah?

Can you get me the black petticoat from my bag? I open the door a little.

Jason moves around the room and is back with the petticoat in no time. Here.

I take it, pulling it into the bathroom. Then I close the door again. I’m not going to flash him while putting this on, no way. I smile a little as I think about it. Yeah, flashing Jason wouldn’t even surprise him, he’d probably find it funny. Strange guy.

I pull the petticoat on and then pull the dress over it, smoothing them both down. I check myself in the mirror again, plucking at the top of my dress. I wish I had more to fill out the bust, but that’s the advantage of making clothes yourself, you can just design the fit to hide the things you don’t want people to see, like my lack of cleavage.

Which will be different soon, hopefully. I’m definitely old enough now. As I think back to the conversation I had with my parents last night, I’m fairly sure that I’ll be taking the next steps in my transition in not too long.

Then I grab my old clothes and get out of the bathroom, making sure I enter with flair and a quick spin to show off the skirt, of course, which suits a dress like this.

Jason stares at me. That, with heels and a corset? His eyebrows go up.

Yes. I grin.

Wow. He grins too. I should have gotten myself a bodyguard outfit instead.

Hey... My cheeks flare up, and I quickly drop my clothes on the bed. You know I can kick anyone’s butt any day. My parents insisted I take some classes in self-defence when I was younger, just so I would be less of a target.

I know. Jason turns his back to me. Can you zip me up? I’m not as flexible as you are.

Sure. I pull the back of his dress tighter and then zip him up. We’re somewhat of a matching pair. I’m all black and green, and he’s all black and white, both wearing similar styles of dresses, though mine is a little more extravagant. I’m going to need you to do my makeup, though.

Of course. He grabs his makeup bag, pulling a chair between the beds and puts the bag on it, going through it. I actually got you some fake lashes for today, if you want them.

Which ones? I normally wear my own, but for this look I’ve just got plain black fluttery ones, nothing too extravagant.

Green. Jason grins. Should match your dress. He picks up a small box from the bag. Check them out.

I open the little box, and he’s right, they’re bright green, a close match to the details on my dress, and they’re really soft and long. Wow. Thanks. How much do I owe you?

Nothing. Jason winks. Got them in a two-for-one sale at a new place I was trying out. They had the perfect lashes for the cosplay I’m doing tomorrow.

You have to stop doing that. Just giving me stuff when you feel like it. I pick up the green lashes. They do look really nice, if a little strange, but that’s not a bad thing in this case.

You make me things that would have otherwise cost me a lot of money, or repair some of my clothes when I ruin them. This is the least I can do. He sits down on his bed. What are you looking for? Anything specific you want with the makeup?

I shake my head. Nah, with these lashes... Just something simple would be good.

Okay. Jason leans in. I hope you’re ready to have a lot of pictures taken.

I shrug. Isn’t that what this weekend is all about?

I’m not sure what I expected of the opening ceremony, but I don’t think this was it exactly... There are a lot of people waiting around in the hallway, and I’m a little overwhelmed as I look around. Most of the people here are dressed up, though many are just in regular clothes too, probably half-half. Wow.

Jason keeps hold of the sleeve of my dress as he looks over the crowd. The guy is tall, but today he’s wearing heels, which makes him easier taller than almost anyone here. Ah. He waves and then turns to his parents. The people I’m meeting are at the other end of the hall. The guy with the pink hair and the white princess dress is one of them. He points.

His mum looks over and nods. Just be careful, please?

Yeah, yeah. Jason grins.

Careful? Him? Us? Yeah, not likely.

Are you going with him? Jason’s mum looks at me. You can always find us or just call us. We’ll probably be at the cafe upstairs.

I’m going with him. I’ve gotten a little used to all the excitement now and am calm enough to be curious again.

Good. Have fun. She grins and then takes her husband’s arm, and they walk off.

Come on. Jason tugs on my arm a little. You really need to meet Ruby, he’s awesome. And I think you’ll get along well with him, he makes his own dresses too. Jason starts dragging me through the hallway, through the crowd.

I do my best not to get stabbed by weapons or hit in the face with bags and hair. But, we make it to the other end without getting hurt, too much. Yay.

As we get out of the crowd, I’m faced with a sight I should have expected, though I’m still not prepared. We’re standing in front of a group of people who’re wearing some of the most extravagant outfits I’ve seen yet. If I thought that I’d stand out in my black and green dress with the green fake lashes, I shouldn’t have worried. These people... they definitely stand out more than I do.

Jay! A guy with a pink wig and in a big white dress comes over, taking Jason into a hug.

Ruby. Jason laughs, wrapping his arms around the other man. You look extra princess-y today.

I did my best. Ruby laughs, then he looks at me, smiling. Do you hug?

I nod.

Ruby steps closer and lets me initiate the hug. When I wrap my arms around him for a hug, he takes me in his arms and whirls me around, spinning us a couple of times. You’re adorable. I love that dress. He lets me go again, and I have to take a moment to get my breath back.

Thank you. Made it myself. I feel my cheeks heat up a little.

Cool. I’m Ruby, as you’ve probably heard. And you are?

I’m Izzy.

Izzy? So you’re the one Jay is always bragging about. Ruby eyes Jason. I don’t think your description did her justice. He grins. Okay, let’s get you introduced to the rest of the group. He turns around. So, everyone, this is Izzy. Izzy, this is the strange group of people who Jason hangs out with when he goes to conventions.

A guy with black hair and also a black and green outfit comes over, looking at me closely before he smiles. I’m Kevin, and I believe I’ve met my match for the evening. And those lashes rock.

I’m pretty sure that these people aren’t as scary as I made them out to be in my head. Just like Jason, they seem to just accept that I dress this way and am who I say I am.

This could turn into a very cool weekend. And this definitely could be the first time I get to share my passion of geeky and creative things with a lot of people instead of just one or two friends.

This convention thing rocks!

2

Elliot

Cosplay = Costume play = Dressing up as a character from an anime, manga, film or even a band. Cosplayers, people who cosplay, often try to get as close to the original character’s looks as they can, but will also play the personality, accents and things like that to get the whole package. Many of the costumes take months or even longer than that to make, as trying to find the right materials to recreate an outfit or weapon can be a real adventure. But that is what I enjoy about doing it most, the adventure, the challenge.

Now

I never really thought much about how people look at girls who cosplay as female characters. To be fair, I’ve had my share of times that I stared at a girl in a sexy outfit as she passed me by, but that was always because, you know, that was what I thought was normal. I enjoy looking at girls who dress nicely because I enjoy looking at girls, in my mind, it was that simple.

I also know how some people look at guys who cosplay as female characters, especially the ones who play a very over-the-top kind of female character and how they combine their masculinity with the female character’s outfit and personality.

But for me, neither of these things were things that I would think about very much. Usually… That was, until I found myself cosplaying a female character at an anime convention and had to consider both of these views at the same time.

The thing is, I’m not broad, I’m not bulky, I’m not even very tall. So, while I can easily cosplay the lankier male characters from most anime, the really masculine characters were never something that I thought I could pull off. But on the other side of things, there’s been something I’ve been hoping to cosplay as one day, even though I’d never shared that idea with anyone until a few months back.

I’ve always wanted to cosplay a female character, a magical girl character specifically. There’s just something about them, their strength and their cheeriness, that has always attracted me to them. Well, that and the dresses... I don’t know. Cosplaying a magical girl character has always been one of those things I wished I could do, that I wished I could pull off and that I wished I had the courage for. Only, I’ve always been too scared, too anxious, too nervous, never daring to really step out of my comfort zone.

But not this year, this year I’m going to crossplay Aoi from the Magical Princess Club! Anime, and it’s made me really, really nervous.

Most anime and gaming conventions I tend to go with a group of friends, but this year they’re too busy working during summer break to come along. They’re trying to save up money for a gaming convention later this year, so they don’t want to spend it all on this convention first. Well, most of them anyway, one of my friends is still here with me, Mya. Though, I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t skip any anime or gaming convention that she could attend, within reason, because she loves them.

Even though it’s going to be just the two of us, I appreciate that I won’t be on my own this weekend, that I won’t be on my own when I’m going out in public in a dress for the first time. Not that she’ll be at my side the whole time, she’ll probably be off doing her own thing this weekend most of the time anyway, but it’s nice to have her here.

Mya is not as much into cosplaying as the rest of us are, she’s here for the swag, the collectables and the fan-items. The most she’s ever done for cosplaying is putting on a pair of dark jeans, a white t-shirt, some smudged eyeliner and putting her hair up so that it looks all short and fuzzy. I don’t really think that can even be considered ‘cosplay’ to be honest. But I don’t mind that she’s not into it so much, it means that when we travel together, she can drag some of my props and bags for me, since she won’t have as many. I’ve gotta make use of our situation somehow, right? It’s not like she doesn’t do the same thing with me either, especially when we go to game releases, and she makes me stand in line, keeping her spot, as she walks off to talk to people she knows. What else are friends for?

Of course, when I’m nervous, I start thinking in weird ways and rambling inside my head. This AmAnime is even worse than usual because I’m doing something scary, for me anyway, I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone big time. Luckily, most people here don’t really know me or recognise me that well, so I don’t feel as scared of their judgements as I would of my friends. And Mya already knows about all of it, so it’s not really a surprise to her.

This year is the first year I’m not just cosplaying, I’m crossplaying all weekend, and even my non-cosplay outfits for this weekend are a bit more on the feminine side.

What most of my friends I normally attend cons with don’t know is that I regularly crossdress. I wear women’s clothes, dresses, skirts, frilly shirts, things like that. I also finish the look off with a long-haired wig, since my hair is way too short to do anything interesting with. Mya has helped me out a lot with clothes and makeup in the last months, and she’s been great about it all. It’s always nice to have someone at your side who at least understands you somewhat. Or, well, someone who doesn’t mind answering silly questions, mostly.

I take a deep breath as I walk into the large hall of the convention building, a little nervous as I keep glancing around me. Today, I’m wearing a black unisex cotton skirt with chains running across it and a fishnet shirt. It’s not exactly crossdressing, but it’s still on the more androgynous side of things. My other option for his outfit was a tight black shirt with floral lace patterns, but I’m not brave enough to put that on today, not for the opening show of the event. I may feel braver later in the evening, but for right now, I’m not doing it, going like this took me long enough. I just spent twenty minutes in front of a mirror doing my makeup while Mya was on the bed reading a manga. It took her not even two minutes to put on some eyeliner and be done with it.

Elliot! Mya waves, motioning for me to come over.

You were suddenly gone. I glare at her. We stepped out of the elevators and she’d suddenly disappeared from my side.

Yeah, sorry. Saw someone. Don’t worry, I’m not running off. You want to wait here until the opening show or go outside for a moment? Mya keeps moving, all energetic.

Let’s go outside. It’s seriously hot this weekend, and I’m not so sure anymore if the cosplays I’ve got planned for the event will be a good idea. They may be too hot and stuffy. Though, once you’re through the front hall into the main part, those are usually pretty okay in temperature. But right now, it may be a little less overly hot outside.

We walk to the front doors, showing our festival bracelets to the guy at the doors as we step outside. Outside it’s just as hot as inside, but at least there is a little breeze here.

We go over to some picnic tables at the side of the building and sit down. Mya immediately pulls out her phone, scrolling through something and then shows me the screen.

We really need to find this stand tomorrow. She grins. Mya is showing me a picture of a stand with what appears to be fan art of some popular manga and anime, including some fan-made mangas. Their description lists it as having some Destruction of Elysium anime fan art, which, you know, I always need more of.

Really? I take her phone, trying to find something in the picture that could tell me more, but it’s too small, and there is too much going on. Do you think they’ll have some Deimos and Athena art? That would be awesome. Destruction of Elysium started out as a video game but they also made some anime seasons because of how popular it was. This season, they’re not running a new season of the anime but the last one was last winter. There is some really interesting fan art of two of the main characters going around, which I would love to get my hands on. I cosplayed Deimos, one of the main characters in the anime, last year at this convention. Maybe I should have gone as Deimos this year too... They could have given me a discount at the stand, maybe. I grin.

Mya smiles, shaking her head. I don’t know. I don’t think that they would really do things like that though... Plus, hey, you finally get to cosplay the character of your dreams, a magical girl.

I nod, though my smile falters a little. Still, I wish you’d also cosplayed as someone from the anime, even just a side character. I’ll feel so obvious when I’m playing Aoi on my own tomorrow.

Mya keeps smiling. "I know that you’ll