Copyright © 2016 Lis Norman and Tracey Samios

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the copyright owner except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author(s) of this book do not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author(s) is only to offer information of a general nature to help you. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author(s) and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN: (sc) 978-0-9953976-6-8

ISBN: (e) 978-0-9946337-6-7

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to our kids, whose very existence created the memories that make up this book!

To Daniel and Callan-

I love you to the moon and back… infinity times and beyond!

Thank you for being such amazing kids, enriching our lives in so many ways and editing and proofreading!

To Kathleen, Millie and Louise-

I love each of you deeply and marvel at the beautiful young women you have become; our lives have been blessed with your presence.

And of course to our beloved husbands…

Stu-

I loved you yesterday and I love you still. I will love you tomorrow and I always will. Thanks for the last 34 years of memories (both before and after kids!)

Ray-

You are my very precious partner in life, I love you very much.

A special thanks to Chris Norman (Bandits&Co) for the photography and design of front cover.

INTRODUCTION

Being a Mum is the hardest job you will ever have. The hours are long (24/7!), the work is often tedious and repetitive, and you can never resign! The bonuses, however, make it all worthwhile; the small hand that curls itself in yours, the cuddles and kisses, and the words I love you, Mummy that have melted the hearts of mums worldwide. It is by far the most rewarding job you will ever hold, and it is yours forever.

This is a collection of stories and memories from life with our kids. It will show you how parenting can be very different from family to family. It may make you cry, we hope it makes you laugh, but most of all we hope it shows you there is no such thing as the perfect parent. As long as you and your kids are happy, you’re doing okay!

Lis & Tracey

CONTENTS

Best friends

The Magic of childhood

Conception

Pregnancy

Hospital

Breastfeeding (Tracey)

Breastfeeding (Lis)

Mum’s freedom

A dummy’s guide to dummies

Time (Tracey)

Time (Lis)

Trauma of toilet training

In sickness and in health

Flour

Feeding time at the zoo

Hard to swallow

Humpty Dumpty

Night terrors

Night owl

Locked out

In the genes

Living in the moment

Kids on wheels

Little fingers

Naughty and nice

Activities (Tracey)

Activities (Lis)

A shopper is born

Collections

Recollections and collections

Bad teacher

Nessie

High jinx

Little Monkey

Mummy’s little helpers

Computer games (Tracey)

Computer games (Lis)

A hairy tale

Fishy business

Four legged friends

The Rainbow Bridge

Special friends

Odd socks

Sock horror

Birthdays

Mother’s worry

Mummy politics

Nine Eleven

Road trip

That’s where clouds come from

So much more than just a mum

Blow, blow, blow your nose

Double double this this!

Mum knows best

Never ending eggs

Mum loses her temper

Eensie weensie spider

Boys will be boys

Race for the front seat

Planes, trains and automobiles

Pocket money

The Wiggles concert

The F bomb

Sleep

Belt up

Memories

Mother’s Day

Daddy’s little helpers

TV and DVDs

TV world

Trouble

What’s that smell?

Venturing out

Yarram pool

Going once, going twice

The family home

The magic of Harry Potter

The little things

Toys R us

Trust

Everyone’s a winner

Have a banana

Ode to my life partner

Revenge time

Me, myself and I

Family holidays

The Anzac on the Wall

Good guys don’t always win

The circle game

Fifteen minutes of fame

Blast off

Visiting Lorraine’s house

End

BEST FRIENDS

Tracey has been my best friend for almost fifty years and we share so many memories, both before and after kids. The following is an essay I wrote in a Year 11 exam (Form 5, as we knew it!) in which I wrote about our childhood memories. I think it’s a perfect beginning to our memoir of motherhood memories, beginning our journey from kids to mums!

Lis Norman (left) & Tracey Samios.

THE MAGIC OF CHILDHOOD (LIS)

I remember the day the magic died, but I’d rather remember when it was there.

Tracey was my best friend. I mean, she still is, but we’ve changed from the children we were; the children who played in those brief spaces between school and to whom everything was a dream. What little fuel it took to keep our dreams burning then.

I remember so many things, precious things from my childhood, things which over the years I have lost. For instance, the way I talked to my pet cat and dog; I can’t talk to an animal the way I did then, I’ve tried. Tracey and I lived in our dream world, a world in which parents and animals were most important, and a dream in which the world was our oyster. I remember the way we used to cook, using soil and water for coffee (probably as good as I make now), daisy heads for eggs, and rocks for potatoes. Only we knew when those eggs and potatoes were cooked to perfection!

I remember the magical games of doctors and nurses, with our pet doll Anne the only patient. Over the years that doll suffered major changes with the most drastic being her acquisition of a rock for a heart during a major heart transplant operation!

I remember the cities we built in the sand, complete with roads and even shop signs, hexagons made from cardboard. Alas, however, the tide would eventually change, and the sea would inevitably wash away our cities, just as my childhood dreams would eventually be washed away.

The memory which hurts the most is the memory of the game of "I’m going to be" – what glamorous jobs we chose for ourselves; women spies with the precious secrets of our country safe in our head, on our way to China, a sinister man sitting across the aisle…

I remember, too, the tall ancient tree which had dominated our back garden. Looking at it now it’s hard to believe that it had at one stage of my life been an entire jungle. Somehow over the years Tracey and I changed; our minds shifted into higher gear. No longer were we little girls with games on our minds, we were big girls with the latest boyfriends and the latest parties on our minds.

I remember the day the magic died. I came home from school one summer, went down to our playhouse, entered, and shut the door behind me. I sat down and waited for the old spells and the magic to begin. Nothing happened. Sadly, I looked down at the teacup in my hand, cracked and dusty. Somewhere far off a door slammed and a dog barked. Slowly I left, closing the door tightly behind me.

No longer was it the ‘playhouse’; after that it was the ‘storeroom,’ used to store last year’s dresses from the school dance, last year’s hats, last year’s jeans now outgrown.

Gradually my life became more and more demanding and more and more exciting, and I learnt to put the past behind me, but nothing could fill the small empty ache inside of me, which was all that remained of my childhood dreams.

I didn’t ask Tracey how the magic died for her. I didn’t want to know.

CONCEPTION (LIS)

My journey to becoming pregnant was a long and often traumatic one. Once we decided to start our family, when the months rolled by without me getting pregnant, my husband and I had to accept the fact that we might need help. So began a roller coaster ride; fertility drugs, miscarriages, IVF, and ectopic pregnancies.

Becoming pregnant became the focus of our day to day life and it seemed that everywhere I looked there were pregnant women or friends (including Tracey), announcing an impending happy arrival. And then of course, everywhere you went the inevitable questions-"Do you have kids? When are you going to start a family?" Having married at 21 (who would marry that young?) these were perfectly natural questions for people to ask seven or eight years later, but they were questions I didn’t want to have to deal with.

I’ve always said that if we knew there was going to be success at the end, the whole process would have been bearable. What was so hard was dealing with the fear that it would never happen. People constantly offered well-meaning advice; relax, don’t drink, drink more, go on a holiday, forget about it, and so on…. until you felt like screaming (or strangling the advice giver!) My all-time personal favorite had to be oh well, you don’t really want kids, they’re a pain in the neck…

I won’t dwell on this time except to say that the whole experience bought my husband and me closer together; something we were very grateful for, as often it can drive couples apart. We learnt to do many things, including giving myself daily injections in the stomach, and him having to give me one in the bum! Our whole lives revolved around the clock – I even had to get a pass out from a Bon Jovi concert, go to his nearby work, and lie on the floor for my injection. Luckily everyone else had left for the day! It’s ironic that in our last successful attempt I dropped the vial of liquid used in the injection and watched it shatter on the tiles. I got a replacement vial at the mere cost of $150 and all was back on track. My conclusion – I bought 2 vials, therefore I got 2 babies!

Through all this I learnt that my husband truly is my ‘soul-mate’ and the last 32 years of marriage we have been through thick and thin and are still as much in love as when we first got married. (Before running for the bucket, don’t worry, he still drives me insane at times, as I do him!)

After 10 eventful years of trying, I made the phone call (fittingly, it was my birthday) to see whether our last attempt had been successful, and I was given the