1

AMARA

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: my best friend is getting engaged today and she has no idea. Let me say that again so you understand why I can’t keep calm. Teeyana, my girl, my person, is about to be taken off the market and she’s sitting next to me right now without the slightest clue.

It was only yesterday when Teeyana and I were fighting off bullies in high school and today she’s getting engaged? Sometimes life feels so surreal that I live each day waiting for someone to pinch me back into reality. But no, this is not a dream. My girl is really getting engaged. Eeeek!!!!

Myself and Jayden, Teeyana’s soon-to-be-fiancé, brainstormed and planned the whole engagement behind her back. I’m so proud of myself for keeping it a secret for three whole months, but boy, I’m tired of hiding things from Teeyana. She thinks this is just her college graduation party, but Jayden is going to pop the question any minute now.

Teeyana’s family and closest friends are sitting on tables of five spread out across Teeyana’s grandpa’s backyard here in Atlanta. With a temperature of eighty degrees Fahrenheit, this sunny April afternoon will be perfect for taking photos—engagement photos, of course.

Clusters of purple balloons are floating on the side of each table with the words, ‘Congratulations Teeyana’ plastered on them. Teeyana’s cake is a four tier mound of sugary goodness, much taller than the one I ordered for her eighteenth birthday, and a porcelain figurine of a smiling Teeyana is sitting on the top tier on a bed of purple roses.

Everyone is chattering and sipping on their drinks as soft music plays in the background. Nobody knows what’s coming except me, Jayden, and Teeyana’s parents. I ain’t gonna lie though, I can’t sit still. Excitement is welling up in my chest, butterflies are flying around in my belly, I’m pretty sure my heart is pounding at two hundred beats per minute, and⁠—

Wait a minute. Am I sweating? Oh, come on, girl. I pick up a folded sheet of paper and fan under my arms. I’m wearing an off-shoulder turquoise dress, so I don’t want to get a sweat patch in the engagement photos. That would absolutely not look cute.

Amara, are you okay? Teeyana’s voice draws me back to earth, and I turn to look at her as she tucks a curly strand of her weave behind her ear. She’s wearing a white one-shoulder dress which I helped her pick out and she looks lit in it.

Girl, I’m fine. I nod and lean back in my seat. Jayden, who is sitting on the other side of Teeyana, gives me a knowing look and I smile. He nods and turns his head away before fixing the collars of his grey suit and white shirt.

I ball my hands into tight fists and place them under my thighs to curb my fidgets. Girl, you’ve come so far. You can’t ruin the surprise now. I rock back and forth in my chair as Teeyana’s dad, Trevor Sparks, clinks his glass to get everyone’s attention. Yaas, it’s about to go down.

Thank you, everyone, for coming to celebrate with my beautiful daughter, Teeyana. Mr. Sparks begins. I can’t believe I now have a daughter who is a college graduate. I’m getting old. The crowd bursts into laughter before Mr. Sparks continues. It’s time for the speeches, and I’d like to invite my father-in-law to do the honors and start us off. Mr. Sparks gestures to the table across from ours.

Everyone cheers and claps as Grandpa Thompson pushes himself up from his seat. He balances on his walking stick as Teeyana’s mom, Jamila Sparks, helps her dad walk across the lawn to the central open space where Mr. Sparks is waiting.

Grandpa Thompson clears his throat, and the crowd quiets down. He adjusts his glasses and turns to focus on Teeyana. "I remember the day my daughter, Jamila, phoned myself and my wife to tell us we had become grandparents. It was the best news I received that day, and holding her in my arms for the first time was nothing short of a miracle.

Teeyana, it has been a joyful experience watching you grow over the past twenty-two years and I believe that this is only the beginning of greater things for you. I want you to always remember that I love you so much, and… his voice breaks and his bottom lip quivers. I know your grandma would have been so proud of you too. He takes off his glasses and wipes the tears away from his eyes.

Teeyana walks up to Grandpa Thompson and wraps him up in a hug as everyone cheers again. After Grandpa Thompson returns to his seat, Mr. and Mrs. Sparks give their speeches, followed by Teeyana’s aunt—Bella, who is Mrs. Sparks’ younger sister. She’s here with her husband and their two-year-old daughter, Letoya.

Letoya and Teeyana’s younger brother, Danny, come in to give their own speeches. Danny is wearing a white shirt over black trousers with a black bow tie, while Letoya is wearing a burgundy puffy dress. They both hold on to the microphone and lean in. Congratulations, Teeyana. We love you. They say in unison before giving Teeyana a hug and running back to their seats.

Mr. Sparks clears his throat again and says, And now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for, Teeyana, honey, we have a surprise for you.

I suppress a squeal and lean forward as Jayden rises from his seat and walks up to Teeyana. After loosening the blue tie around his neck, he takes her hand and clears his throat. Tee, I love you. Jayden starts. I’m so proud of everything God has helped you accomplish, and I love the woman you are becoming. I want to keep walking this purpose God has given us with you by my side, and I want to keep loving you every single day for the rest of my life. So... Jayden reaches into his pocket and takes out a small black box before going down on one knee.

Teeyana’s hands fly up to her chest as Jayden reveals the silver amethyst three-stone ring. The center stone is a deep purple color and judging from the tears running down Teeyana’s cheeks now, I can tell the ring is still as beautiful as it was the day I helped Jayden pick it out.

Teeyana Joy Sparks, Jayden continues. Will you make me the happiest man on earth by agreeing to be my wife?

Yes!!! Teeyana bends over and plants many kisses on his lips. Everyone in the crowd stands, clapping and cheering as Jayden slides the ring on Teeyana’s finger. She turns around to look at me, and since I’m now unable to contain my excitement, I run up to her and wrap my arms around her in a tight hug.

Bet you never thought your graduation party was going to be your engagement party, huh? I wink at her and she pushes me with her hips.

Amara, I can’t believe you and Jay hid this away from me. She sniffles and dabs the tears sliding down her cheeks with a handkerchief.

I lean back and cross my arms against my chest. The same way you hid the fact that you were transitioning to your natural hair? I laugh as the soft music starts playing again in the background.

"Ugh, you’re so annoying." Teeyana pokes my shoulder.

Ouch, I’m kidding, girl. I say before turning to Jayden. Well done, lover boy. We did it. I give him a high five.

Thanks, Amara. I would’ve never done this without your help. Jayden smiles before wrapping his arm around Teeyana’s waist. Amara was the brain behind this operation. I just followed her lead.

Well, thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. I flip my braids to the side and pat my shoulders and we all laugh. Seriously though, I’d do anything for this girl right here. She’s my person. I grin at the couple, but only Teeyana gives me a knowing smile as I use the famous phrase from Grey’s Anatomy—the medical drama I’ve been trying to convince her to watch for years.

An auburn-haired, green-eyed girl, wearing a black jumpsuit touches Teeyana’s shoulder from behind, and she turns around. Heather. Teeyana gasps and pulls the girl in for a hug. I’m so glad you could make it.

Heather Osborne was Teeyana’s dorm room mate in freshman year at St. John’s university. Heather gave Teeyana a hard time at first, and they hated each other for most of the year. But since Teeyana shared the gospel with her, Heather has changed and I heard she even started going to anger management therapy. I ain’t gonna lie, the girl still scares me a little.

Hey, Amara. Hey, Jayden. Heather flashes a smile at me.

Hi, Heather. I send her a small wave. I’m so glad you’re here with us. She flew in all the way from New York to be here. That was very nice of her.

Thank you. Please excuse me while I get a drink. It’s very warm today. Heather says before fanning herself.

Alright, I’ll catch up with you soon. Teeyana says and Heather turns around and walks toward the house.

Oh, before I forget, I say when Teeyana turns to face me again. I have one last surprise for you.

Teeyana frowns. Seriously? What else have you been hiding? Her gaze switches from me to Jayden.

I bite my bottom lip to build the suspense, but in the end, it all comes pouring out of me. I passed my N-Clex exam yesterday. I’m officially a registered nurse.

Oh my gosh, you did? Teeyana squeals and pulls me in for another hug. Congratulations. Jesus did it. She says, holding me at arm’s length.

"Yaas, Jesus." I wave one arm above my head before doing a short praise break dance.

We laugh and Jayden gives me a side hug. Congrats, Amara. I never doubted you. You always work so hard.

Thanks, Jayden.

What about jobs? Teeyana asks. Have you applied for any yet?

I nod. Yeah, I started applying last month. I’m praying I get a NICU one though.

Oh, I’m sure you will. Teeyana squeezes my hand.

Jayden leans in and scratches his head. Errrm... what’s a NICU again?

Neonatal intensive care unit, babe. Teeyana responds on my behalf.

Yeah, it’s where they look after all the cute newborn babies who are premature or critically ill.

I see. Jayden says before wrapping his arm around Teeyana and pulling her close.

Okay, enough about me. You two go on and celebrate your engagement. I push them toward the crowd of people behind them. I’ll just wait here until it’s time to take photos.

As I take a step back to study the newly engaged couple, I can’t help but notice their broad smiles, the way Jayden holds Teeyana protectively, and the way Teeyana leans in to him—confirming that she feels safe in his arms.

It’s hard to believe that I watched this romance blossom from friends to lovers. I was right there encouraging Teeyana when they faced their challenges, and I was also there to celebrate their victories with them. It’s like watching two of my children grow into adults.

I swallow to fight off the surprising tears of joy leaking out of my eyes, but my desperate attempt is fruitless as the tears trickle down my cheeks, ruining the makeup I worked so hard to perfect this morning.

Darn it, girl. I sniffle and take a tissue out of my bag before dabbing under my eyelids. And then it hits me—a feeling I’ve never felt before.

I want to share a love like this with a special someone too. I want someone to love me like Jayden loves Teeyana. There’s only one problem though; there’s no man, and there never has been one.

All I’ve had since high school are countless crushes; boys who never seem to notice me and who I’ve always admired from afar. But things are changing now. I’m no longer in high school or college. Soon, Mom will start asking whether there’s a man in my life—especially when she finds out Teeyana is engaged.

Don’t worry, Adamma. Mom said to me last Christmas as she used her famous nickname for me. Your husband will come as soon as you finish nursing school and get a good job. I don’t know why she ever got the impression I was worried. I certainly never told her that.

Mom owns her own catering business, so she has catered to the weddings of the daughters of her friends in the Boston Igbo women's society. She used to drag me to a lot of these weddings, but she never mentioned marriage until last Christmas. Even then, I never thought twice about marriage until today—until now.

I love Teeyana and I’m happy she has found her dream man, but honestly, this engagement has only made me realize how behind I am in life. Ever since Teeyana and Jayden started dating in freshman year of college, they’ve worked perfectly well together; going on mission trips and helping others.

I wish I had the confidence to do things like that without letting all the mean words of my high school bullies hold me back. For something that happened years ago, I thought I would have gotten over it by now. But the truth is, those words still greet me every morning, they still make me question every decision I make, and they still have the same dreadful impact they had on me the first time they were screamed in my face in high school. Amara, you’ll never be good enough.

2

RAYMOND

If my father was still alive, I would’ve wished for him to see this day—the day I ask the woman I love to marry me. He would’ve been proud of the man I’ve become—a man who has vowed to commit to loving Kate the same way he loved my mother. 

I’m sure the old man’s heart would’ve been bursting with joy, and the evidence for this would’ve been the broad smile on his face, the sparkle in his eyes, and the infectious laughter radiating from his lips.

But even though I’m happy knowing that my father would shake my hand if he was here, I still wonder every day what he would’ve thought of Kate. Some days, I convince myself he would’ve welcomed her with open arms, the same way he welcomed every visitor who came to our family home in Nigeria. But other days, I can’t help but imagine him having his reservations too, like my mother does.

I thought after three failed relationships, my mother would be happy that I found a woman to marry. I thought after a year of dating Kate, my mother would’ve finally warmed up to her and started seeing her as her daughter-in-law. But I thought wrong.

"Oko mi, are you sure about this?" my mother asked when I called her last week. 

Mommy, of course I’m sure. I love Kate. I replied.

 Hmm, of course you love her. She clicked her tongue. "You have a soft heart like your father, but please think about this some more, my son. I just feel in my spirit that this girl is not the right one for you." She said, and my shoulders slumped. 

I always imagined that when I told my mother I wanted to propose to the woman I love, she would scream for joy and start singing her favorite Yoruba songs. I imagined her dancing around the living room, the same way the mothers did in all the Nollywood movies I watched while growing up. I never imagined that she’d be trying to talk me out of it.

Come on, Raymond. Focus. I mumble to myself as I stare at my reflection in the restaurant bathroom mirror, my bald haircut bringing out all the features of my face. Today is my twenty-ninth birthday and if Kate...I mean when Kate says yes to my proposal, I would be the one breaking into Yoruba songs and dancing around the restaurant. I’ve prayed about this, and I’m choosing to dismiss my mother’s fears. I know Kate loves me and tonight will be the proof of that.

Opening the faucet, I wash my hands before drying them with a paper towel. Then I slap my cheek lightly, as if doing so will slap the doubts out of my head. Everything will go as planned. I say as I adjust the sleeves of my navy blue blazer.

Slipping my hands into my pocket, my fingers brush against the velvet box which has the ring, and I let out a sigh of relief. I’ve done that at least fifteen times since I got here half an hour ago. Out of all the things that could go wrong tonight, losing the ring would be the worst. At least I’d like to think so.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and when I take it out, a new message pops up on the screen. It’s from Joe—my best friend. Last night, I practiced my mini-speech with him and he shared experiences on how not to propose, like not putting the ring in any kind of food, so the girl doesn’t end up choking on it. Joe would know that because that’s exactly what happened when he proposed to his wife Josephine.

Joe: Papa G. The hour has finally come. I hope you remember everything we talked about. I pray it goes well and I’ll call you tonight.

Smiling, I swipe up and type a quick response.

Me: Thanks, my guy. I appreciate all your help. You will definitely get the gist tonight.

Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I rest both arms on the sink in front of me and close my eyes. Turkish music from the speakers above fills my ears, but I block it out of my thoughts and say a quiet prayer. Lord, I commit this night into Your hands. Please take control.

Opening my eyes again, I fix the collar of my white shirt before stepping out of the bathroom and walking back to the table I reserved for Kate and I. The music is louder in the main sitting area and the lights dimmer to fit the mood. The clanking of plates and silverware is mixed with the chatter of guests scattered around the room. 

A waiter walks past me carrying a colorful tray of meat, rice, and salads, the sight of the food making my mouth water. This Turkish food better be as delicious as it looks. I settle behind the table and roll one sleeve up to check my watch again; it’s 7:05 pm. Kate and I planned to meet at seven pm, but she takes this African timing thing way too seriously and she’s always late for events. I’m hoping she’ll at least make my birthday dinner an exception and not turn up an hour late.

Twenty-five minutes pass, and I’m still sitting at the table alone, tapping the silverware, endlessly checking my watch, and glancing at the door so often that my neck starts cramps up. Where is she? I groan and let my head fall into my hands. She promised she won’t be too late this time, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. So much for getting my hopes up.

Excuse me, sir?

I snap my head up and the same waiter who walked past me earlier is standing in front of me.

Are you ready to order? He smiles as he pulls out his notebook and pen. This is the third time he’s asked me since I got here. I don’t blame him, though. Between my purposeless flipping through the menu pages, and endless bathroom breaks, I’m sure the guy is thinking I’m acting suspicious.

Erm… I clear my throat and straighten my back, preparing to give him the same awkward reply. Sorry, I…uh...I’m still waiting for my girlfriend who should be here any⁠—

"Did someone say girlfriend?" A familiar voice from behind me takes me off guard and I turn around.

And she’s here. I push my chair back and stand up. My girlfriend is here, so please come back after ten minutes and I’m sure we’ll be ready to order then, I say to the waiter, who nods at us and walks away. 

Hey, babe. I lean in and kiss her cheek, inhaling her fruity scent.

Hey, sugar. Did you miss me? She winks at me before walking to the opposite side of the table. Her elegant black dress compliments her brown skin and her heels are so high, she looks like she’s much taller than her five foot two self. Her black weave is laying bone straight on her head, and her edges are neatly laid—as always.

Of course I missed you, I say, before pulling out a chair for her. I think the waiter was getting impatient. I shoot a glance at the young man, who is now talking to a customer at the far end of the restaurant.

Aww, I’m sorry about that. Kate places her bag on the floor as I take my seat opposite her. My makeup just wasn’t cooperating with me today. I couldn’t get it right but in the end, I had to give up and get here.

I lean across the table and hold her hand. Well, if it means anything, I think your makeup looks amazing. 

Kate smiles and leans forward to hold my other hand. Thanks, baby.

Okay, let’s have a look at this menu before the waiter comes back. 

Kate giggles as we go through our menu and place our orders. She opts for the vegetarian special while I go for the roasted lamb meatballs cooked in tomato sauce with potatoes and served with Turkish bread. There’s no way I’ll come to a restaurant and eat only vegetables.

When the waiter walks away to the back of the restaurant, my heart rate, which has been cooperating so far, picks up speed again. Soon, I’ll ask Kate to be my wife and it’ll all be real. 

So. I smile at her. How was work today? I proceed with the first step of my plan, like Joe and I discussed. If I want Kate to be surprised, I have to play it calm and ask her normal questions. If not, she might join the waiter and start suspecting my actions.

Oh, please. Kate’s smile disappears, and she rolls her eyes. Babe, we spend so much time in that hospital, and you know patients can be so annoying, so don’t even get me started.

Hmm. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but I can always scrap the plan. Kate and I met at the hospital a year ago. I had just completed my residency and started my fellowship program at the pediatric cardiology unit. She was the assigned physical therapist for one of the children I was caring for. We immediately got along and it was really hard not to fall in love with her. She’s beautiful, she’s a Christian, and she’s very hardworking. I mean, what more could I possibly ask for?

That’s okay. I clear my throat. We don’t have to talk about work. How are you?

Her smile returns. I’m doing good, but I’m sure I’ll feel so much better when I find out what you’ve planned. She squeezes my hands.

Oh? Planned? Does she know I’m going to propose to her?

Last year’s road trip for my birthday was amazing, so I can’t wait to hear what you planned for us this year. Ooh, let me guess, are we going to Paris like we always said we would? Oooh, we could treat ourselves to a very relaxing spa day, you know. You and I both need to get rid of all the tension from work. And speaking of a spa, you won’t believe what happened when Laura and I went to the spa the other day...

As I half-listen to Kate ramble on about her experience at the spa, I run through my mini-speech in my head again. Joe and I had a plan, but if I don’t propose soon, Kate might keep guessing until she ruins the surprise for herself. 

...so I had to ask him to call his manager because he was being rude to Laura and I. Kate slaps her palm lightly on the table, and brings my attention back to her. In the end, the manager compensated us and told us our next visit to the spa will be free. She squeals. 

Wow, honey, that’s great. I swallow to wet my dry mouth, silently praying she doesn’t ask me to recount details of what she just said. Well done for sticking up for yourself like that.

Thanks, baby. She says before turning her head to the back of the restaurant. Oh, where is the food? I’m starving.

Okay, this is it. I have nothing to lose. I can’t wait any longer. Kate?

Yes, babe? She turns to face me again and sips on a glass of water.

I clear my throat, but as I open my mouth, the speech I’ve been practicing for weeks vanishes from my head. In its place are a jumble of words, which are no good, so I give up and freestyle. You know I love you, right?

Her smile broadens. Of course, I know. You tell me every day, and I love you too. She brushes my cheek with her soft palms.

The past year with you has been amazing and I’m so grateful God brought you into my life. I never want this to end. I want to continue growing and learning with you. I pause and exhale. So, that’s why... I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the black velvet box, before going down on one knee. Excited gasps and whispers swoosh across the whole restaurant as everyone’s eyes focus on us.

Erm, babe, what are you doing? Kate says through gritted teeth as she forces a smile and looks around the restaurant.

 Kate, will you marry me? I open the box to show her the rose gold diamond ring I picked out for her. But instead of the tears of joy, gasps and excited shrieks I see in movies and on social media, Kate’s smile slowly fades until it's nonexistent. 

Erm...Raymond, I… She rubs the back of her neck and avoids my gaze. Are you sure about this?

Raymond? She never calls me Raymond. The doubts creep up my chest again and my mother’s words echo in my head, asking me the same question. Am I sure about this?

Yes, honey, I am. I take out the ring and place the velvet box on the table, but when I try to reach for Kate’s hand, she moves it away and my heart drops. Kate, I want you to be my wife. Don’t you...don’t you want that too?

Oh, boy. Kate’s dark gaze finally settles on me and she drops her hand. Fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve, she lowers her head and her voice. Raymond, I...I can’t marry you.

The words hit me like a bat, and for a second, it feels like all the air has been zapped out of my lungs.

We’re different people. She continues. We want different things, you know?

What? Where is all this coming from? We’re not supposed to want the same things. They say opposites attract, right? What matters is that we love each other, right? 

Kate remains silent, her forehead creasing, and her eyes clearly relaying a message I’m refusing to accept.

Right? I ask again, frustration erupting in my chest.

Her silence this time is loud and clear. I swallow the lump in my throat as my knee aches from the