Innocent young Benjamin Denton arrives in the isolated village of Royston Vasey where pre-operation transsexual cabbie Barbara takes him to the house of his weird aunt and uncle Val and Harvey and their naughty little twin daughters. Benjamin has come to meet his friend Martin but has reckoned without Edward and Tubbs,a paranoid couple who run the local shop for locals only and,fearing that a proposed new road will bring strangers to the village,kill incomer Martin and the policeman investigating his disappearance. Elsewhere Mr. Chinnery,an incompetent vet,puts the wrong dog to sleep and Pauline,the training officer at the Job Centre,makes it clear that dim,hopeless Micky is her favourite client,to the annoyance of efficient Ross. In the pub three local businessmen Brian,Geoff and Mike,are involved in a joke-telling session that turns ugly.

Benjamin makes unsuccessful efforts to ring Martin but is interrupted by Val. Judee Levinson is off on holiday to Antigua and gives instructions to her cleaner Iris,who keeps on about her husband's sexual appetites. Hilary Briss,the Royston Vasey butcher,is seen as a man who gives 'special' offers to certain clients. Pauline holds a workshop for her restart clients though it is essentially a lesson in selling the Big Issue. When Ross protests she shows him up in a role play that puts Micky in a good light. Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint arrive at the 'local' shop to serve the compulsory purchase order to allow for the new road but flee in terror after being tied up and tarred and feathered after being made to watch Tubbs do her erotic dance.

Pauline is angry when she discovers that her clients have been stealing her precious pens,with most of the anger,as usual,being directed towards Ross. Benjamin has an unpleasant breakfast-time experience when Harvey lectures him on the merits of drinking one's own water. Chinnery tries to treat a tortoise which refuses to eat but his use of compressed air as a cure has the inevitable disastrous result whilst magistrate Maurice is not impressed by Hilary Briss's latest tempting offer. A workman for the new road goes into the local shop and shows Tubbs an atlas. For the first time she appreciates that there are 'lines' leading to places other than Royston Vasey and screams in terror,bursting the man's eardrums. As excavation for the road begins,Edward plants something to halt it, a strange creature which will be unearthed as 'the Beast of Royston Vasey'.

Watched by Edward through binoculars Chinnery examines the remains of the 'Beast of Royston Vasey' and faints at what he finds. However the beast turns out to comprise bits of animals stolen from the Roundabout Zoo, so Edward's plan fails. To the horror of right wing vicar Bernice Woodall, Legz Akimbo, a theatre group whose motto is Put Yourself Inside a Child, arrive to perform a play about gays at the local primary school though the children are unimpressed and certain company members fall out. Having left sweets for the scarecrow in Farmer Tinsel's field - in which the farmer has imprisoned his wife's lover - the twins return home for Benjamin to baby-sit them. Their naughtiness leads Benjamin to accidentally kill the prize toads Harvey was hoping to enter for the Annual Croaker Parade. Stella and Charlie Hull have a meal at Luigi's restaurant, bickering about the man Stella brought back to their hotel on their holiday.

Brian is getting married to Cheryl, whom Geoff, the best man, detests. However Geoff manages to get to the end of his speech with no trouble - but then pulls a gun on the groom. Harvey and Val give the toads an honorable funeral but Benjamin, desperate to leave Royston Vasey, rings Barbara. However she has advertised in the small ads to meet a man and erroneously believes Benjamin to be her date. At Stump Hole, the caves which form the village's tourist attraction - named after a deceased prostitute - Mike, the tour guide is still traumatised by the death of a child visitor some while ago and the resultant arrival of a TV crew. Hilary Briss unlocks his freezer in the middle of the night to give Maurice his 'special delivery'.

Edward and Tubbs' son David, who has been away at college, comes into the shop and stuns them by revealing that his construction company is behind the new road-building. He is anxious to take his mother to London but when she goes to meet him she finds he looks like Edward and has' decided' to stay in the village. Chinnery goes to Tinsel's farm to help a cow to calf and puts his hand up the animal's backside. Unfortunately,with his customary incompetence, he kills it so that when Barbara arrives at hospital for her operation and finds that Chinnery is the surgeon she is not too pleased. After Pauline has taught her Shop a Scrounger class Ross reveals that he is an undercover investigator from head office and she will be sacked for her incompetence and favoritism. Having paid Harvey for the loss of his toads, plus the other items for which Val has billed him, Benjamin leaves their house and prepares to return home. He calls into the shop for food for the journey and notices that Tubbs is wearing his friend Martin's boots. Will she and Edward do away with him too?