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THE VOORMAN PROBLEM Screenplay By Mark Gill Baldwin Li Based on an extract from NUMBER9DREAM By David Mitchell

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SCENE 1 - EXT. PRISON - DAY A man of about thirty five stops at a street corner, he looks at a piece of paper before heading off in a new direction. He walks past an enormous wall that almost obscures the sky. Gothic turrets poke out above the wall. He is dressed in a suit and overcoat, he carries an umbrella and a laptop case. He arrives at a gate and presses an intercom button. waits a few seconds: no reply. He tries again. channel eventually clicks open but no one talks. He The intercom

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS I am Dr. Williams. Governor Bentley is expecting me. Silence. The black lens of a camera leers at him. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Is anybody there?

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He puts his ear to the intercom - distant and eerie chanting can be heard. After a pause the gate opens by itself. With a puzzled look at the intercom he steps through the gate.

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SCENE 2 - INT. OFFICE - DAY GOVERNOR BENTLEY is decrepit, nervous and slightly drunk. The Doctor stands, looking over the room. The Governor is pouring brandy into a coffee mug.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY

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Doctor.

Please, sit down. DOCTOR WILLIAMS

Thank you.

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Clearly appalled, WILLIAMS sits down - the dimly lit office is an explosion of papers and litter. chair. at his visitor. BENTLEY sits in a huge He starts to screw the top onto the bottle then looks

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GOVERNOR BENTLEY Can I offer you a drink, Doctor? DOCTOR WILLIAMS No thank you. I find it affects my judgement.

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WILLIMAS looks at BENTLEY, to see if he takes the hint. BENTLEY decides to empty the last drop from the brandy bottle into the coffee mug and disposes of the bottle by dropping it into an overflowing bin full of empties.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY Chin chin. BENTLEY knocks back his mug. GOVERNOR BENTLEY Doctor, let me get to the point. It has taken some time to find a replacement psychiatrist - what with this ever-expanding war on terror, experienced doctors are being snapped up by the military. Prisons are not priorities in times of war, except if we're housing extremists. This Government had the bizarre notion to-"

DOCTOR WILLIAMS -Governor, the point?

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GOVERNOR BENTLEY The point is (he leans forward and lowers his voice almost to a Whisper) the Voorman problem.

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GOVERNOR BENTLEY shifts in his chair. The Doctor frowns. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Voorman is a prisoner here?

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GOVERNOR BENTLEY Voorman is a prisoner who maintains he is a god. DOCTOR WILLIAMS A god. GOVERNOR BENTLEY Each to his own, I'd normally say, but he has persuaded the entire prison population to share his delusion. We've isolated him but The chanting you The Song of it's no use. Voorman. doctor. riots.

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heard coming in?

The inmates are restless I fear disturbances...

DOCTOR WILLIAMS I see you have a problem, but howGOVERNOR BENTLEY -I'm asking you to examine him. If

you decide he is clinically insane I can ship him off to the asylum. WILLIAMS reaches for his notebook.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS
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Of what crime was he convicted?

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BENTLEY leans back and shrugs. GOVERNOR BENTLEY The computer system - it crashed last year and all the files were deleted.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS But how will you know when to release the prisoners?

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BENTLEY is flummoxed. GOVERNOR BENTLEY "Release?" "The prisoners?"

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SCENE 3 - INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY VOORMAN is already seated in an interview room. chair. His hair is lank and he is unshaven. He is

straitjacketed with his ankles bound to the legs of the He fixes the WILLIAMS doctor with a cool stare. notebook onto a table.
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An empty chair opposite.

empties his case. He removes his laptop, then his pen and He turns and addresses his subject.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS Mr. Voorman .. . can you tell me how long have you believed yourself to be a god?
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VOORMAN I may ask you the same question.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS I do not believe I am a god. VOORMAN But you believe yourself to be a psychiatrist.

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Yes.
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DOCTOR WILLIAMS Ever since I began practising my profession. VOORMAN nods considering his response.honlodge productions ltd registered office: 18 St. Andrews Drive, Heywood, Lanes, OLlO 2DT

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VOORMAN I have been a god since I began practising my profession.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS I see. What does your profession involve?

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VOORMAN Chiefly, on-going maintenance. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Maintenance of what?

VOORMAN Of the universe.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS So you created our universe? VOORMAN Exactly. Nine days ago.

WILLIAMS weighs this up.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS Evidence suggests that the universe is somewhat older than nine days.
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VOORMAN I know. too. WILLIAMS sits down. DOCTOR WILLIAMS I am thirty five years old 1 Mr. Voorman. How do you account for my memories of last summer 1 my childhood 1 myI created the evidence1

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VOORMAN -I created your memories when I created you. DOCTOR WILLIAMS So everything in this universe is a figment of your imagination?

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VOORMAN Precisely.

You

this prison 1

reality TV 1 Barack Obama. WILLIAMS makes notes. On his pad are the words: "delusions

of grandeur" 1 "Sollipsism syndrome."

DOCTOR WILLIAMS Must be quite a workload.

VOORMAN Greater than you could ever conceive.

(MORE)

VOORMAN

(cont'd)

Worse

still, I have to keep imagining every single last atom, or it all goes... upoof!U Up in smoke... Solipsism only has one L, Doctor.

WILLIAMS looks up quickly eyes narrowing. He subtly closes his notebook. Voorman sighs. VOORMAN I know you are sceptical, Doctor. I made you that way. my claim? DOCTOR WILLIAMS May I propose an objective experiment to verify

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What do you have in mind? VOORMAN Belgium. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Belgium? VOORMAN I don't suppose even the Belgians would miss it, do you?

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SCENE 4 - INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT The WILLIAMS live in a modern apartment. all over the room. on the table. WILLIAMS is serving take out food. Unpacked boxes are

A TV serves its menu of fear. MRS A bottle of wine stands He doodles on his

She looks at her husband.

notebook, the words sollipsism syndrome stand out amongst his many scribblings. ongoing war. The laptop screen shows a report about the

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MRS WILLIAMS
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Are you OK?

You look worried.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS Not worried exactly yet...

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MRS WILLIAMS Is it this new case? it's so unreasonable. Forcing you to do the job of a court judge,

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS It's not that that worries me. this country there's little difference between the prison and the asylum. In

MRS WILLIAMS Then what is it?

She places a plate of food in front of him. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Is he the slave or the master of his imagination? He swore to make Belgium disappear by teatime.

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MRS WILLIAMS Is Belgium another prisoner? WILLIAMS starts to eat, eyeing his wife. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Belgium. MRS WILLIAMS A new cheese?

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS Belgium.

The country.

Between

France and Holland.

Belgium. Her husband smiles

MRS WILLIAMS shakes her head doubtfully.

to hide his annoyance. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Bel-gi-um. MRS WILLIAMS Is this a joke?

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS You know I never joke about my work...

There is a pause, a moment of tension.

MRS WILLIAMS still

shows no sign of recognition. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Right! The doctor gets up from his seat, he starts to rummage through some of the unpacked boxes. He eventually finds what he's looking for and returns. finds what he's looking for. He gazes, thunderstruck. DOCTOR WILLIAMS This cannot be. this cannot be This cannot be... He opens an atlas book of the Eventually he Between His face stiffens. world and starts to flick through the pages.

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France and Holland is a feature called the Walloon Lagoon.

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SCENE 5 - INT. INTERVIEW

ROOM - DAY an air vent in the His eyelids

The chanting can be heard faintly through interview room. are closed.

Voorrnan is humming his song.

A door can be heard opening and closing. VOORMAN

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Hello Doctor.

Will Belgium figure

in your session notes today? !

WILLIAMS

ignore this, his eyes are dark and baggy. VOORMAN Sleep badly last night, Doctor?

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WILLIAMS

glares at Voorrnan. After a moment he begins Voorrnan licks his lips. WILLIAMS

emptying his case, yet it is now with shaky hands that he arranges his materials. !
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tries his best to ignore Voorrnan. VOORMAN Tut tut... Is that your medical I am not a but a opinion, Doctor? demon? ! WILLIAMS sharply. !
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lunatic, not a malingerer,

Am I to be exorcised?

slams down his notebook and looks at the prisoner

DOCTOR WILLIAMS Do you believe you should be? Voorrnan shrugs. WILLIAMS sits down.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS Just supposing you are... who you claim to be !

VOORMAN Say it, Doctor, say it.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS What is a god doing straitjacketed in a prison?

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VOORMAN What would you do if you were a god? Spend your days playing golf?

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS So what do you do with your time? VOORMAN I seek amusement - in humans. Take this war for example: comedy gold.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS I am not a religious man, Mr. Voorman -

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VOORMAN That is why I chose you. DOCTOR WILLIAMS - but what kind of god finds wars amusing?

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VOORMAN A bored one. Yes. I equipped humans with imaginations merely so they can dream up new ways to entertain me.
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DOCTOR WILLIAMS Which you choose to observe from the luxury of your cell?

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VOORMAN I am rather fond of prisons. fed congregations. And prisoners are more fun than wellYet you amuse Your me more than most, doctor.

remit is to diagnose me either a

faker or a lunatic, and yet you end up proving my omnipotent divinity. DOCTOR WILLIAMS Nothing of the sort has been

proven. VOORMAN True, doctor true. decision. But I've made a We're going to change You

places. You can juggle time, gravity, waves and particles. can sift through the trashcan of human endeavour for tiny specks of originality. You can watch glaciers fall and continents pillaged in your name, while I.. I am going to make you your wife
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smile in a most involuntary way and partake of the Governor's brandy.

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DOCTOR WILLIAMS
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You are sick, Mr. Voorman. The Belgium trick stymies me, butWILLIAMS freezes. VOORMAN whistles the national anthem of France. DOCTOR VOORMAN Time has flown... I must be going. WILLIAMS, now the prisoner, chokes. WILLIAMS WhatThe new Doctor flexes his new muscles. again, low and steady. The chanting begins

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WILLIAMS What have you done to me? DOCTOR VOORMAN If you can't discuss things like a rational adult I'll be left with no choice but to terminate this interview.

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WILLIAMS Put me back you... you monster! DOCTOR VOORMAN You'll soon learn the ropes.

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DOCTOR Voorman clips his bag shut. DOCTOR VOORMAN Watch North Korea. Hot spot.

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He takes off the glasses and lets them fall to the floor, the lenses crack.

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Guards!

WILLIAMS Guards!

The door bursts open and DOCTOR VOORMAN shakes his head sadly at the prison guard, TODD, and leaves. shut and slides the bolts into place.
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WILLIAMS Stop him! WILLIAMS! I'm the real Doctor He... he made Belgium

disappear!!!
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WILLIAMS shrieks and twists but being strait-jacketed to a chair makes his attempts to escape futile.

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WILLIAMS I am Doctor WILLIAMS, Stop him! He's going to molest my wife!! I am Doctor WILLIAMS!! I am Doctor WILLIAMS!!

The chanting which is reaching a feverish pitch and cell bars are being banged in time.