The Quiet Hour

Changing Lives

New Way of Life Family Talks

By: Jim & Jeane Zachary

Copyright 2004, The Quiet Hour, Inc.

The Quiet Hour 630 Brookside !e " # Bo$ 3000 %ed&'nds, C (23)3*+,00

-.00/ (00*(02+ -(0(/ )(3*2,.. 0 1 -(0(/ )(3*4),4 e*2'i&3 ch'r&ene45the6uiethour.org

T'7&e o8 Contents

Introduction 2'9ing "o4er 8or the 0'2i&y :e'&ing 4ith nger The Christi'n 'nd T; Co22unic'tion :e'&ing 4ith Con8&ict 0'2i&y 0in'nces The <i8t o8 0orgi!eness <od=s "urpose 8or 0'2i&ies >h't Is True ?o!e@ "'renting Ae&8*>orth Te2per'2ents I Te2per'2ents II 0'2i&y >orship

Introduction

The "&'t8or2 "resent'tion 'nd "r'yer 8or the 0'2i&y

The ital elements of relationshi!s are a""resse" in this se#ment of the ni#htly !ro#ram$ Because %atan has attacke" society all o er the worl"& an" morality has reache" an all'time low& families are hurtin# an" "es!erate for ho!e$ The healin# messa#e of (o")s lo e !ro i"es restorati e !ro!erties that facilitate ha!!y homes$ *eo!le nee" to hear a+out an" ha e mo"ele" for them a ,hristian home en ironment$ Li ely an" informati e talks an" "ramati-ations on family life are an im!ortant hi#hli#ht of The Quiet Hour e an#elism !ro#ram$ The family talks !ro i"e a +on"in# e.!erience that ser es to +reak "own +arriers an" +uil" trust$ /ach team will ha e their own s!ecial e.!eriences they will wish to share$ 0s !ersonal e.!eriences an" stru##les are share"& the !eo!le +e#in to relate as they consi"er their own stru##les$ 0 relational +ri"#e is +uilt an" hearts are warme" an" +ecome rece!ti e to the messa#e that is share"$ 0 marrie" cou!le i"eally !resents the family talks$ 1f !ossi+le& ha e a male translator for the hus+an" an" a female translator for the wife$ 2ou "o not ha e to use these in the or"er they are +oun"$ Feel free to re ise an" rearran#e them any way you wish$ Be sure to +e sensiti e to the aryin# cultural !atterns re#ar"in# the family$ 3ften hi#her i"eals are hel" in forei#n countries than in North 0merica$ 0fter the family talk& a s!ecial !rayer for the family is offere" an" a +lessin# is in oke" u!on each home re!resente" at the meetin#$ 4any are hurtin# +ecause of !ro+lems in the home& an" as they sense the comfortin# lo e of (o" surroun"in# them& the healin# !rocess can +e#in$

B CID< "#>E% 0#% THE 0 BI?F

Jesus offers won"erful hel! for your family to"ay: Families are un"er attack$ 2our family& my family is un"er attack$ We know a+out that enemy who is calle" the 5ra#on who #oes a+out as a roarin# lion$ But let)s rea" it in 6*eter 7:8& 9Be so+er& +e i#ilant +ecause your a" ersary& the "e il& walks aroun" as a roarin# lion& seekin# whom he may "e our$: How can we +e !rotecte" from %atan)s attacks; The "e il woul" like to "estroy your family an" my family$ How can we +e !rotecte"; We ha e so many !ro+lems in our society to"ay: a$ There is the humanistic culture that has turne" it)s +ack on the thin#s of (o"$ +$ There is he"onism& li in# for !leasure$ c$ The content of much tele ision is a#ainst all the (o"ly life that the scri!tures talk a+out$ "$ %ociety)s alues often !lace the alue of human en"ea ors a+o e the alues of (o")s wor"$ e$ %elf'interest& or the total selfishness of our a#e that causes wars& trou+les an" terri+le "ifficulties to"ay$ f$ The culture fre<uently ur#es wron# !riorities = !uttin# the thin#s of (o" at the ery +ottom of our list an" the thin#s of !ower an" wealth at the to! of our !riority list$ #$ 0nti'scri!tural alues$ 1t is sa" the way the alues that (o" #i es us in the Bi+le are not consi"ere" alua+le +y much of our culture to"ay$ %o& we "o ha e some real challen#es$ %atan is the one who encoura#es all of these terri+le alues$ The result is that there is a lot of sorrow in families$ 3ur families nee" s!ecial hel! to"ay$ There are four won"erful sources of hel! for families$ Let)s take a look at these$ The first source is the Bi+le$ *salm 66>:66 says = 92our wor" ha e 1 hi" in my heart& that 1 mi#ht not sin a#ainst 2ou$: There is !ower in the Bi+le to li e an o+e"ient life& a #oo" life$ ?omans 6:6@ says& 91 am not ashame" of the #os!el of ,hrist& for it is the !ower of (o" to sal ation for e eryone who +elie es$: %o we ha e the !ower of the #os!el a aila+le to us$ 0n" you remem+er Jesus met tem!tation with the statement& 91t is writtenA: 4att$ B:B$ There is !ower in the scri!tures& !ower in the #os!el to hel! us in "aily li in#$ 1n a""ition& there are C&DDD Bi+le !romises for families to claim$ There is hel! in the Bi+le for e ery !ro+lem we face in li in#$

0ma-in# *ower for the Family *a#e E

The secon" source of !ower that is a aila+le to e ery !erson on earth is !rayer !ower$ When we fall on our knees an" talk with (o" in !rayer& there is won"erful !ower$ The Bi+le says& 90sk an" you will recei e$: What a !recious& !recious !romise$ Whate er the "ifficulty is& we can take it to the Lor" in !rayer$ There is a story a+out a cat that re eals this !ower in a !erson)s !rayer life$ 0 !astor was a !risoner in one of the /astern /uro!ean Fails "urin# the time of communism$ The !olice !ut him in !rison +ecause he ha" +een witnessin# a+out Jesus an" the scri!tures to nei#h+ors an" frien"s$ 0n" as the Failer took him to the !rison cell he sai"& 9Look& 1)m #i in# you this Fu# of water$ 1 am not #oin# to #i e you any foo"$ We)ll see if your (o" can #i e you any foo"$ 1)m an atheist& a communistG 1 "on)t +elie e there is a (o"$ But if there is he can #i e you foo"$ We)ll see what)s #oin# to ha!!en$: With that& he locke" the "oor an" our !astor frien" was left alone$ He sai" he s!ent many& many hours in !rayer$ 4ealtime came an" all he ha" was water& there was no foo"$ He !raye" the Lor")s *rayer& 9(i e me this "ay& my "aily +rea"$: 0n" as he was !rayin#& he hear" a noise$ When he turne" aroun"& a cat ha" crawle" throu#h a little hole in the wall of his cell$ %he ha" a slice of +rea" in her mouth$ He took the slice of +rea" an" with a !rayer of thanks he ate the +rea" e.ce!t for the little !iece she hel" in her mouth& which he !ut in his !ocket$ The ne.t "ay& the cat came in a#ain with another slice of +rea"$ 0#ain he thanke" the Lor"& !ut the little +ite in his !ocket an" ate the rest$ The thir" "ay it ha!!ene" a#ain the ery same thin#& another slice of +rea"$ The fourth "ay& the Failer thou#ht& 91)" +etter #o see that fellow$ He)ll +e "es!erately hun#ry an" will +e willin# to "o anythin# to #et some foo"$: But as he a!!roache" the cell& he hear" ha!!y& Foyous sin#in# an" thou#ht& 9How can that !risoner +e so ha!!y when he)s hun#ry;: 0s he o!ene" the "oor& he sai"& 9Well "i" this (o" of yours #i e you any +rea";: 0n" !astor sai"& 92es&: as he took the three little +ites out of his !ocket$ 9Three "ays a#o&: he sai"& 91 ha" this !iece of +rea"& two "ays a#o& this !iece& an" yester"ay& this !iece of +rea"$: Just then& the cat came in a#ain$ The Failer looke" at the cat an" sai"& 9That)s my catH That)s my +rea"H: 0 won"erful story of (o" answerin# a !astor)s !rayer Fust for a slice of +rea"$ *salm 7D:67 tells us& 91n the "ay of my trou+le& 1 will call u!on you& for you will answer 4e$: What a +eautiful !romise$ The !ower of !rayer will hel! us in our "aily li in#$ The thir" source of !ower is Jesus& for He says& 9,ome unto me all ye that la+or an" are hea y la"en an" 1 will #i e you rest$: 4att$ 66:EC$ We ha e the !recious !romise of Jesus& that He will hel! us$ 0n" the Bi+le tells us that He went a+out *alestine "oin# #oo"& hel!in# !eo!le& healin# their "iseases& answerin# their !rayers$ *hili!!ians B:6C says& 91 can "o all thin#s throu#h ,hrist who stren#thens me$: No matter how +i# our family !ro+lems may +e& we can take them to Jesus an" throu#h his stren#th& we will ha e hel!$ 91 will ne er lea e you& nor forsake you&: Jesus !romise" in He+rews 6C:7$ What a !recious !romise$

0ma-in# *ower for the Family *a#e C

0n" the fourth source of !ower for the family is the Holy %!irit$ Jesus !romise" us omni!otent !ower$ 3mni!otent !ower is = all the !ower of (o" to hel! us$ 0n" this !ower is a aila+le throu#h the Holy %!irit$ Jesus ma"e the !romise in 0cts 6:8& 92ou shall recei e !ower when the Holy %!irit has come u!on you$: 0n" the Holy %!irit is a mem+er of the (o"hea"$ He is the li in# (o"$ We ha e the sym+ol of the Holy %!irit as a "o e that came "own u!on Jesus at His +a!tism$ The Bi+le says He is our ,ounselor$ He can hel! us when we "on)t know which way to #o$ He is our Teacher& to teach us the thin#s that will +rin# ha!!iness an" stren#th to us$ He is our Hel!er to hel! us with whate er !ro+lems we ha e$ No !ro+lem is too +i# for Him$ 0n" He is our (ui"e to #ui"e us safely to a ha!!y family an" all the way throu#h to Hea en$ 3ur families can +e ery& ery ha!!y if we ha e Jesus li in# within them& an" we utili-e these four sources of !ower$ Let)s re iew them +riefly: the !ower of the Bi+le& the !ower of !rayer& the !ower of Jesus an" the !ower of the Holy %!irit$ Let)s close with !rayer$

:E ?ID< >ITH D<E%

(o" has s!ecial +lessin#s for your family$ These +lessin#s ha e to "eal with your family knowin# new ha!!iness an" Foy$ 2our family can +e won"erfully ha!!y$ To"ay we want to think of each mem+er of the familyG that (o" will richly +less them$ 1n or"er to ha e ha!!ier families there is somethin# we must reco#ni-e$ 1n e ery family there are times when we say wor"s we shoul"n)t sayG we !erform unkin" actions that shoul" ne er +e !erforme"$ %ometimes we #et an#ry with each other an" so our <uestion toni#ht is = What shall we "o with an#er that sometimes flares out in the family; How "oes an#er affect a !erson !hysically; Let)s take a careful look$ %cientists tell us the followin# thin#s ha!!en: 6I EI CI BI 7I @I First& the heart +eats faster when the !erson is an#ry$ The +loo" !ressure of this !erson will rise& which can +e "an#erous$ He will +reathe more ra!i"ly to #et more o.y#en into his +loo"$ His "i#estion will +e slowe" "own or sto!!e"$ 4ore a"renaline is !um!e" into the +loo"& so he +ecomes stron#er$ 0n" finally& more +loo" su#ar is release" into the +loo"$

0n" so& when a !erson is an#ry& some !hysical thin#s ha!!en to him$ 0n an#ry man& shoul" he strike someone& +ecause of e.tra a"renaline an" +loo" su#ar& is stron#er than he is or"inarily an" this can cause serious inFury an" heartache shoul" he !hysically assault another !erson$ How shoul" we "eal with an#er; We are !eo!le that want to +e ha!!y$ We are !eo!le that +elie e in the li in# (o"$ How can we !lease (o" an" make our families ha!!y; There are three ways that !eo!le "eal with an#er: 6I *eo!le try to suppress their an#erG try to hi"e itG try to kee! it insi"e$ ,onse<uently& resentment +uil"s a wall aroun" his an#er an" one of two thin#s may ha!!en$ a$ First of all& he may try to show a !leasant attitu"e while he)s +oilin# insi"e& +ut his oice is ten"er& the smile is there& +ut it)s all a sham$ +$ %econ"ly& he refuses to let it out e en thou#h he may +e ery an#ry an" his face may show it& +ut still he hol"s it insi"e$ The result to the an#ry !erson of co erin# u! his an#er& of su!!ressin# it& can +e illness an" e en ulcers$ 1t is not #oo" for our health if we try to hol" an#er insi"e$ EI The secon" way many !eo!le "eal with an#er is to !ent their an#er = they let it out$ He may say thin#s he shoul"n)t sayG he may "o thin#s he shoul"n)t "o$ Let)s take a look at some of the ways this ha!!ens$

5ealin# With 0n#er *a#e E

a$ There is an attack of cruel& an#ry& cuttin# wor"s$ We) e all hear" this = a hus+an" an" wife +e#in to shout an" say thin#s that are harsh an" unkin" an" they hurtG they hurt "ee!ly$ +$ %ome !eo!le let out their an#er with !hysical a+use$ To take our fist an" hit someone can +e a ery "an#erous thin#$ The father who strikes a little chil" when he is an#ry may not +e aware of how seriously he can inFure his little one$ 0n" what is the result of releasin# our an#er this way; 0 lot of sa"ness& an" a lot of tears$ 4emories an" feelin#s are create" which can ne er +e erase"$ This is not the way to "eal with an#er$ CI The thir" way of "ealin# with an#er is to process it$ What "o we mean +y that; How "o we !rocess an#er;

These are the ste!s in !rocessin# an#er: 6I We nee" to 'd2it& 91 am an#ry$: 1n fact& if a hus+an" is an#ry with his wife& he coul" sim!ly say& 95arlin#& what has ha!!ene" here has ma"e me ery an#ry insi"e$: EI We nee" to sto! lon# enou#h to disco!er the re'son$ What is the cause of the an#er; 5o we feel that our Fu"#ment is <uestione"& as a man is my manhoo" threatene"; CI :e'& 4ith the pro7&e2 an" not the !erson$ Now that)s ery& ery im!ortant$ %ometimes an an#ry !erson #oes after an in"i i"ual +ut the !ro+lem is still there$ We nee" to focus our attention on sol in# the !ro+lem$ %ol in# the situation that cause" the an#er$ BI Lastly& we nee" to pr'y that (o" will hel! us take these ste!s in the ri#ht way$ We can claim some won"erful Bi+le !romises$ /!hesians C:ED& 9Now to Him who is a+le to "o e.cee"in#ly a+un"antly a+o e all that you ask or think accor"in# to the !ower that works in us$: 1sn)t that a won"erful !romise; No matter what the !ro+lem is& the !ower of (o" is #reater than the !ro+lems an" He can "o e.cee"in#ly a+un"antly a+o e any of our most !recious !rayers +ecause of this !ower = the !ower of (o" that works within us$ 0n" then the result of !rocessin# our an#er an" "ealin# with the !ro+lem not the !erson is ha!!iness$ We will +e ha!!y& our families will +e ha!!y& our nei#h+ors will +e ha!!y& our church will +e ha!!y$ Jesus says& 9,ome unto 4e all you that la+or an" are hea y la"en& an" 1 will #i e you rest$: He will hel! us "eal with the !ro+lem of an#er$ Let)s close with !rayer$

THE CH%IATI D D: T;
Thank (o"& he !ro i"es #ui"elines to !rotect our families from new "an#ers that woul" "estroy our ha!!iness an" eternal future$ Toni#ht our to!ic is 9TJ an" your family$: We)" like to ask oursel es& 9What kin" of !ower "oes TJ ha e o er our families;: Tele ision = here is a +i# <uestion$ 1s it a +lessin# or a curse for the ,hristian family; This is a ery& ery im!ortant <uestion$ Where "o our chil"ren s!en" their time; %ome research amon# 0merican chil"ren shows this: 0 chil" s!en"s 6E&DDD hours in school +y the 6Eth year of his e"ucation$ But at the same time he s!en"s EE&DDD hours watchin# tele ision +y the 6Eth year of school$ This is a serious !ro+lem$ 4ost of the e"ucation of chil"ren is comin# from the tele ision an" not from their hours in school$ 6I What kin" of an e"ucation are they #ettin#; What is a aila+le to"ay on tele ision; What are our chil"ren watchin#; 1)m afrai" there)s an awful lot of iolence$ *ro#ram after !ro#ram an" hour after hour "ifferent ty!es of iolence are seen$ EI When we look at the 6D comman"ments& the Kth comman"ment says& 9Thou shalt not commit a"ultery$: 1n other wor"s we are to +e se.ually !ure$ But this comman"ment is i#nore" as a hi#h amount of immorality is shown on tele ision& which makes men an" women li in# to#ether without marria#e a!!ear acce!ta+le$ TJ also !ictures women ha in# se. with women an" men with men as normal acti ity$ 0n" all of these actions are !ara"e" +y ery !o!ular mo ie stars$ CI There is an unrealistic !icture of life$ *ro+lems are sol e" in CD minutes& an" often throu#h iolence$ The !ro+lems we face in life are not sol e" this way$ BI There is a "an#er in tele ision +ecause s!iritual alues are un"er attack$ When we think of the wor" of (o" as the only safe #ui"e to eternal life an" we see the im!ortance of !rayer an" learn from the scri!tures who Jesus is an" how much He has "one for us& then we reali-e that much of tele ision !uts a thum+s "own on the alues it u!hol"s$ 3ften tele ision !ro#rams ten" to su+tly ri"icule the alues of the Bi+le$ 7I *sycholo#ists tell us that all tele ision e"ucates$ There is #oo" tele ision that "oes a #oo" Fo+ of e"ucatin# an" u!hol"in# #oo" thin#s$ But there is also +a" tele ision& which e"ucates too$ 0n" so& it is im!erati e that families make "ecisions for #oo" when it comes to sittin# +efore the tele ision set$ There are some thin#s we must say 9No: to$ 91 will not ha e that in my home$: There are other thin#s that we can welcome into our families$

The ,hristian an" TJ *a#e E

2ou know T14/ is a talent from (o"$ Tele ision can +e a terri+le thief$ 1t may ro+ us of time s!ent for some ery hel!ful& won"erful thin#s$ Let)s take a look at what tele ision can ro+ the family of = 6I Time for s!iritual thin#s$ %o& instea" of the family #atherin# to#ether for family worshi!& a son#& a Bi+le rea"in# an" a !rayer& they)re sittin# +efore some immoral iolent tele ision !ro#ram$ EI Time for family "iscussions$ To Fust ha e father& mother an" chil"ren "iscussin# life& the future& family !ro+lems an" !lans +rin#s a family closer to#ether$ CI Time for social family e.!eriences$ 5oin# thin#s to#ether& such as takin# a walk& !layin# #ames to#ether& #oin# on a !icnic hel!s to !romote the sense of +elon#in#& which watchin# TJ to#ether with no interaction cannot "o$ BI Time to rea" #oo" +ooks$ There are so many won"erful #oo" +ooks that can o!en our worl" to many new e.!eriences$ 1t)s #reat when we can rea" a +ook to#ether as a family& as well as ha in# time for in"i i"ual rea"in#$ 7I Time for e.ercise out"oors$ We ha e too many 9couch !otatoes: sittin# there watchin# tele ision& eatin# snacks an" #ettin# fat when we shoul" +e out runnin#& !layin#& walkin#& Fo##in# an" workin#$ *sycholo#ists in 1srael !erforme" a ery im!ortant e.!eriment a few years a#o$ They sat some chil"ren +efore a tele ision !ro#ram an" they stu"ie" their +rain wa es$ There are two ty!es of +rain wa es: +eta +rain wa es& which are ery ra!i" mo ements in which the min" is alert& thinkin# an" makin# "ecisions$ 0n" then there are al!ha +rain wa es& which show the acti ity of the +rain when we are not makin# "ecisions& when we are rela.e" an" not !rocessin# information$ What were the results of the e.!eriment; 1n Fust ED minutes the chil"ren)s min"s mo e" from the +eta +rain wa es to the al!ha +rain wa es$ The !sycholo#ists "eci"e" that this result was Fust +ecause these were chil"ren so they "eci"e" to try the !rocess on themsel es$ They sat "own in front of the tele ision an" connecte" their machines to their own +rains to check themsel es$ To their sur!rise they foun" that the results were the same& only it took a little lon#er for their +rains to shift into al!ha than it took for the chil"ren$ 1n other wor"s& here is the "an#er = !eo!le sit an" watch tele ision an" make no moral Fu"#ments while they are watchin# it$ But at the same time our +rains are storin# e erythin# they ha e seen& an" without makin# Fu"#ments a+out them$ %o& all of these immoral thin#s or #oo" thin#s are re#istere" in the +rain an" im!rinte" there& +ut no moral Fu"#ments are associate" with them$ 2ou know& as we #o throu#h life we nee" to take an acti e role in what we see$ We nee" to +e a+le to say& 9No& that)s wron#& 1)ll not ha e a !art of that or let that enter my thinkin#$: But tele ision !uts all those "ecisions to slee!$ This is ery& ery "an#erous$ Here is a ery ur#ent !oint ' (o" e.!ects each !erson to use his intelli#ence to make moral "ecisions in harmony with the !rinci!les of the Holy Bi+le$

The ,hristian an" TJ *a#e C

4ost tele ision is "an#erous to your s!iritual health$ '' That nee"s to +e re!eate"$ '' 4ost tele ision is "an#erous to a !erson)s s!iritual health$ 1 cannot +e #ettin# rea"y to #o to hea en if 1 am fillin# my min" with the trash an" Funk on tele ision$ Lee! these erses near your tele ision set$ First& *hili!!ians the fourth cha!ter& erse 8$ 9Whate er thin#s are true& whate er thin#s are no+le& whate er thin#s are Fust& whate er thin#s are !ure& whate er thin#s are lo ely& whate er thin#s are of #oo" re!ort& if there +e any irtue an" if there +e anythin# worthy of !raise& think on these thin#s$: 0n" also& *salm 6D6:C = 91 will set no e il thin# +efore my eyes$: What a mo"ern te.t for tele ision to"ay$ 0n" another ery im!ortant <uestion we nee" to ask = What woul" Jesus "o to"ay; Woul" he sit there an" s!en" time with some of this ru++ish an" trash an" iolence on tele ision$ No& he woul" ne er& ne er "o that$ We must follow his e.am!le$ 2ou ha e !ro+a+ly hear" this ery im!ortant health !rinci!le = We are what we eatG in other wor"s& our +o"ies are ma"e the thin#s we eat$ The same !rinci!le is true of our min"s = We are what we think$ 1f we let our min"s "well on what is #oo"& we will ha e min"s that are !ure an" stron#$ 1f we let our min"s "well on rot an" filth an" #ar+a#e& that is the kin" of !erson we will +ecome$ We nee" to think of our chil"ren$ 4ay (o" !rotect your family from all e il$ We nee" the Holy %!irit to #ui"e us to "o the ri#ht thin#$ We nee" to come to the !urity of Jesus$ He says& 9Follow 4e$: 4ay our families !lace a #uar" u!on the literature& tele ision& i"eos& an" mo ies that are harmful to our s!iritual !re!aration for Hea en$ Ha e !rayer to close$

C#BBGDIC TI#D
We)re thankful that (o" has +lessin#s for each family$ He lo es our families an" He wants us to ha e #reater ha!!iness$ 1n fact our families can +e won"erfully ha!!y$ 0ll of our !ro+lems an" "ifferences can +e sol e"$ 0n" how ha!!y to ha e #ran"!arents& !arents& teena#ers an" chil"ren all in harmony$ Where "oes the ha!!iness of many families +reak "own; 1t is at the !oint of ,344MN1,0T13N$ What is communication; Let)s take a look at this little "ia#ram$ The hus+an" s!eaks& The wife listens$ The wife s!eaks& The hus+an" listens$ %o communication is two'way: s!eakin# an" listenin#$ The !ro+lem is we ten" to +e e.!erts at s!eakin#& while we nee" to "e elo! the #ift of listenin# more$ Look at some +arriers to #oo" communication$ 0e'r = we hol" some concerns insi"e +ecause we are afrai" of the res!onse of the s!ouse$ They may #et an#ry& we want to a oi" confrontation& an" so we hol" the concerns of our heart insi"e +ecause we are afrai"$ 0nother +arrier to communication is not &istening$ The wife may +e s!eakin# an" the hus+an" is watchin# tele ision or "oin# somethin# else& his min" is far away& an" he ne er catches the concerns of her heart$ The thir" is 7ody &'ngu'ge$ 2ou know& our wor"s may say one thin#& +ut our +o"y lan#ua#e says somethin# else$ 1 remem+er one time a la"y went into see the colle#e !resi"ent o er a !ro+lem& an" all the while she was talkin#& he was rea"in# a news!a!er$ By the !hysical act of rea"in# the news!a!er he was sayin#& 91) e #ot somethin# more im!ortant to "o$ 1)m not intereste"$: Bo"y lan#ua#e is ery& ery im!ortant$ The tone o8 !oice is another +arrier to communication$ 2ou know& we can say& 91 lo e you "ear&: NsweetlyI or we can say& 91 lo e you: N#rufflyI an" make it soun" harsh an" insincere$ The tone of the oice is sayin# Fust the o!!osite of what the wor"s are sayin#$

,ommunication *a#e E

There are "ifferent le els of communication an" we nee" to un"erstan" these so that we can im!ro e communication +etween hus+an"s an" wi es$ Let)s look at fi e "ifferent le els of communication$ The first le el is <uite shallow = Fust common chit'chat$ 0 frien" or s!ouse may say& 9How are you to"ay;: 0n" the answer& 91) e ne er +een +etter$ How are you;: This is Fust common chit'chat$ Ne.t we look at the secon" le el of communication$ This is the news re!orter$ Here the la"y says& 9What "oes your family !lan to "o to"ay;: 0n" the #entleman re!lies& 9%ince the weather is so #oo" we are #oin# to ha e a !icnic$: %o there)s information #i enG there)s news takin# !lace$ The family is #oin# on a !icnic$ 1t)s informati e& +ut not really "ee! communication$ The thir" le el of communication is sharin# of conce!ts$ Notice now that each le el is +ecomin# more in ol e" an" "ealin# with more im!ortant !ersonal information$ The wife says& 9We ha e two chil"ren in colle#e$ How can we !re!are to meet colle#e e.!enses;: The hus+an" says& 9Let)s #et some hel! in !re!arin# a soun" +u"#et$: Now we are "ealin# with conce!ts of how we can sol e !ro+lems$ This is "ee!er communication$ The fourth le el of communication is the sharin# of our feelin#s$ This is comin# a little closer to our heart& to our inner'most thinkin#$ For instance& the hus+an" may say& 91t makes me an#ry when the nei#h+or)s "o# +arks all ni#ht$: The wife may say& 92our snorin# is ery annoyin# to me$: %o we are sharin# our feelin#s& our emotions in this one$ This is "ee! communication$ The fifth& an" "ee!est le el is self'"isclosure$ Now we o!en the "oor to the inmost sanctuary of our hearts$ This is the most "ifficult& +ut the most im!ortant$ 1f hus+an"s an" wi es ha e not learne" to communicate here& there coul" +e mountains +uil"in# u! that will lea" to se!aration an" heartache$ The hus+an" may say& 90fter these meetin#s 1 reali-e that 1 nee" the new +irth in Jesus ,hrist$: 0n" the wife re!lies& 91 think we +oth nee" a closer walk with (o"$: Here they are talkin# a+out some of the most intimate !arts of their s!iritual +ein#$ 3r& they coul" talk a+out some of the innermost& !ersonal relationshi!s +etween the two of them$ They must "iscuss these an" not let +i# #a!s occur +etween the two of them$ Let)s look at some su##estions for success in communication$

,ommunication *a#e C

<et rid o8 8e'r$ We shoul" ha e a relationshi! +etween hus+an" an" wife where either one of them can o!en their hearts an" kin"ly say whate er they wish to their com!anion$ There 2ust 7e ' tot'& 'ccept'nce o8 e'ch other$ 1n other wor"s& the wife can say in her heart& 91 acce!t this man Fust as he isG with his stren#ths& with his #oo" !oints& with his weak !oints& with his +a" !oints$: This is total acce!tance& an" the hus+an" "oes the same thin#$ Then we can really communicate with each other$ Here are some other su##estions for success: >e need to &e'rn ho4 to &isten$ This is ery& ery im!ortant$ Here is a #oo" way to test to see if we really #ot the messa#e$ Let)s say the wife has +een un+ur"enin# her heart an" the hus+an" says& 9Let me see if 1 un"erstan"& let me re!eat what 1 think you sai" to me$: 0n" so he re!eats it an" she may say& 9No& that)s not it at all$: 93kay& "arlin#&: he re!lies& 9say it a#ain an" 1 will listen e en more carefully$: %he "oes that& an" he says& 93kay let me see if 1 #ot it this time$: %he may say& 9That)s +etter +ut$$$: 1t may take three or four times +efore the hus+an" really has #otten the messa#e$ We nee" to learn how to listen$ 0nother su##estion for success = we nee" to 4'tch our 7ody &'ngu'ge 'nd our tone o8 !oice to make sure our !hysical actions a#ree with what we really want to say in our wor"s$ Then our tone of oice shoul" +e !leasant& lo in#& an" kin" an" it will also con ey the messa#e of lo e$ 2ou know& for a hus+an" an" wife to +e truly ha!!y = They must make sure that Jesus is the center of their home an" as they communicate with the %a ior& they will learn to communicate with each other$ We !ray that (o" will richly +less your family an" hel! you communicate effecti ely with others$ We will close with !rayer$

:E ?ID< >ITH C#D0?ICT

%cenario: N1t is ery effecti e +efore sayin# anythin# else to +e#in with this little "rama which will re<uire a man an" woman$ 1t is +est if there are two translators an" if they are marrie" it will +e easier for them to act out the !artsI$ Wife Nan#rilyI: Hus+an": Wife: Where "i" that new cassette !layer come from; 1 +ou#ht it to"ay$ Now we can ha e some #oo" music in the family$ That was a stu!i" thin# to "oH 2ou know we "on)t ha e the money for thatH

Hus+an" Nalso an#ryI: Well& we "i"n)t ha e the money for that new "ress you +ou#ht eitherH Wife: Hus+an": 2our mother shoul" ha e +rou#ht you u! +etter than that$ 2ou are careless with money$ 2ou take that thin# ri#ht +ack to the storeH How can you +e so harsh; 2ou ne er "i" like my mother anyway$

What can we "o when there is conflict in the family; There are times when there will +e tensions& "isa#reements an" e en conflict$ What can we "o a+out this; This cou!le was ar#uin# a+out the !urchase of a ,5 !layer an" a "ress$ How coul" this ha e +een han"le" +etter; Here are some su##estions$ 6I Try to a oi" 9Fou: statements$ 92ou: statements attack the other !erson$ a$ 23M are wastin# our money +$ The "ress 23M +ou#ht c$ How can 23M +e so harsh; "$ 23M are careless with money Mn"erstan" that all of these are su##estin# attackG they in ite a res!onse$ EI 0ttack the pro7&e2& not the !erson$

What was the !ro+lem in this "ialo#ue; a$ Han"lin# of the family +u"#et an" "eci"in# how the money was s!ent$ +$ 4akin# a si#nificant !urchase without the a#reement of the family or s!ouse 1t woul" ha e +een +etter to attack the money situation with a W/ attitu"e = how can W/ "o a +etter Fo+ of han"lin# money$

5ealin# With ,onflict *a#e E

CI

:isco!er '&tern'te so&utions = 2ou remem+er O6 was to a oi" 23M statements& OE was' 0ttack the !ro+lem& not the !erson$ 0n" now OC is "isco er alternate solutions$ 1t)s too late to fi#ht o er the "ress an" the recor"er$ The money has alrea"y +een s!ent$ What are some alternate solutions to this !ro+lem; a$ Fin" sources of fun"s or economies that will hel! meet the e.!enses$ +$ 5e elo! a soun" +u"#et !lan$ This then will !re ent future !ro+lems$ c$ Be willin# to com!romise ' The selfish "eman" of ha in# one)s own way all the time will lea" to constant conflict$ "$ Learn to #i e an" take #raciously$ There is !eace an" Foy in makin# it !ossi+le for one)s s!ouse to recei e thin#s$

BI

At'y on the topic * 1t was unkin" an" unwise to refer to the hus+an")s mother$ The !ro+lem ha" to "o with the family metho"s of makin# !urchases$ a$ /ach s!ouse shoul" ha e an allowance$ They can then s!en" money without ha in# to answer for it$ / eryone shoul" ha e a little !ersonal free"om$ +$ Han"le lar#e e.!en"itures to#ether$ This will a oi" the !ro+lems here$ c$ ?emem+er to !ray to#ether$ There is won"erful !ower in !rayer$ "$ ,laim the C&DDD Bi+le !romises an" a!!ly them to the !ro+lems of "aily li in#$

Let)s listen to how this coul" ha e +een sol e" without this conflict an" usin# the !rinci!les we ha e liste"$ Wife: Hus+an": Wife: Hus+an": Wife: Where "i" that new cassette !layer come from; 1 +ou#ht it$ Now we can ha e some #oo" music in the family$ But& Honey& you know we ha e to ha e money for Junior)s "ental work ne.t weekH 3h& 1 for#ot a+out thatH Well& 1)ll take my lunch to work ne.t week instea" of eatin# with the others in the lunchroom$ 0n" may+e 1 can cut somethin# from the househol" e.!enses this month$ 0fter all& 1 "i" #et a new "ress last week an" you nee" to #et somethin# once in a while too$ We)ll mana#e if we economi-e$

,onflict c'n +e a oi"e" +y careful thou#ht& ri#ht "ecisions& an" throu#h !rayer$ 4ay (o" +less your home with His !eace an" lo e$ With Jesus there is !eace that !asses un"erstan"in#$ The +est "ecision is to in ite Jesus into your home$ /n" with !rayer$

0 BI?F 0ID DCEA

Toni#ht we)re #oin# to talk a+out somethin# that e eryone has some of& +ut no one has enou#h of = or at least no one thinks he has enou#h of$ That is money$ %ociolo#ists an" marria#e counselors tell us that money is one of the three lea"in# causes of !ro+lems in the family = at least that)s true in the 0merican family& an" 1 sus!ect it is true in nearly all families$ Why is money a !ro+lem in most families; 1s it +ecause most families "on)t ha e enou#h; *erha!s the cause is more +asic than that$ / en in families where money is !lentiful there are "isa#reements o er its use$ %o& the !ro+lem must +e "ee!er an" more fun"amental$ 4ay+e it has its roots in the fact that money has more than Fust economic alue& it also has sym+olic alue$ Let)s e.!lain what we mean +y sym+olic alue$ The way we think an" feel a+out money is influence" +y the !sycholo#ical an" emotional alue it has for us$ For e.am!le& for some !eo!le money sym+oli-es !owerG for others it re!resents security$ Let me #i e an e.am!le$ Let)s create an ima#inary cou!le& we)ll call them Ben an" 4ary$ Ben is a salesman an" often takes !ros!ecti e clients out to "inner$ 3n occasion he may take some of his fellow workers out also& an" from time to time he takes little #ifts to his secretary$ He tells 4ary that this is all essential in or"er for him to maintain #oo" workin# relations with his com!anions& an" in or"er to #et #oo" or"ers from clients$ But 4ary #rew u! in a !oor home where there was often not e en enou#h to eat& an" she has a su+conscious fear that one "ay her family will suffer want& as she "i" when a chil"$ %o& 4ary feels that it is essential that they !ut as much money in the +ank as !ossi+le each month$ %he may wear clothes until they +ecome rather sha++y& an" she will wei#h each !urchase carefully +efore s!en"in# any money$ Ben& on the other han"& always "resses in style an" has an am!le war"ro+e& +ecause he says it is im!ortant in his work that he make a #oo" im!ression$ There are lots of !otential for family !ro+lems o er money in this family$ Ben thinks of money as a means of #ainin# acce!tance from his collea#ues an" as +uyin# success in his career& so he s!en"s li+erally$ But for 4ary& money re!resents security from want& so she wants to sa e it$ For +oth Ben an" 4ary money has !sycholo#ical o ertones$ %o& 4ary may na# Ben that he is s!en"in# too much an" not sa in# enou#h& an" Ben will likely com!lain that 4ary is "e!ri in# the family in or"er to !ut money in the +ank$ For most of us money has emotional& as well as !sycholo#ical& alue$ 1t will hel! us to un"erstan" oursel es& an" each other if we can e.!lore to#ether what money means to each of us$ This will take some in'"e!th "iscussions an" thou#htful reflection to "etermine its sym+olic alue$ There are a num+er of ste!s a cou!le can take to hel! ease "isa#reements o er money$ 3ne of these is to a#ree on a +asic !lan for the use of the family money$ By this& 1 mean& know how much your family makes an" a#ree on how much you nee" for the +asic family re<uirements& such as shelter& foo"& clothin#& e"ucation& etc$ When you ha e "etermine" how much is essential each month& set this asi"e +efore s!en"in# for e.tras$ This will likely re<uire you to make a +u"#et& +ut this shoul" +e "one to#ether$

Family Finances *a#e E

This is a #oo" o!!ortunity for family !lannin# sessions& in which the entire family can !artici!ate$ 1t will hel! the chil"ren to +e more ca!a+le at han"lin# their own finances when they are #rown an" ha e their own families$ What a+out the <uestion of who han"les the money; 1n some cultures it is the wife who carries the fun"s$ 1n others the hus+an" han"les all the money an" the wife may not e en know how much money the family has$ 1s there a !referre" family mem+er as financier; The one who han"les the money shoul" +e the one who is most ca!a+le of "oin# so$ Whether it is the wife or the hus+an" is irrele ant& so lon# as +oth a#ree$ But +oth shoul" know how it is +ein# s!ent an" a#ree with the e.!en"itures$ 0re there any !rinci!les that shoul" #o ern our use of money; We coul" "o an entire stu"y on money in the Bi+le& +ut one of the fun"amental te.ts is that of 1 ,orinthians 6D:C6$ We must remem+er that 0LL that we "o is to #lorify (o"$ That inclu"es our use of the fun"s that He has entruste" to us$ %cri!ture tells us that all is His& e en the cattle on the hills$ Therefore& we must remem+er that we "o not !ossess any money& we are sim!ly His stewar"s& an" when He comes He will look for faithful stewar"s$ %o& when we sit "own to !lan our monthly e.!en"itures& we shoul" always !ut the Lor" at the to! of our list$ Let)s close with !rayer that (o" will #ui"e our families as we !lan the use of our incomes$

THE <I0T #0 0#%<I;EDEAA

%omethin# ama-in# an" won"erful ha!!ene" at the cross on ,al ary)s hill$ This act of (o" will +rin# untol" +lessin#s to the family$ 1t was at the cross where Jesus !ai" for our sins an" for#a e us all of our trans#ression$ 0n" +ecause of what Jesus has "one& your family can +e won"erfully ha!!y$ For ha!!ier families& there is a #ift that +rin#s won"erful !eace$ What is this #ift; That)s our stu"y for toni#ht '' The Won"erful (ift '' %ometimes there are !ro+lems in the family$ 4ay+e harsh wor"s are s!oken or may+e cruel accusations are ma"e$ 3r& #oin# a little +it farther& there may +e !hysical iolence or !ointin# the fin#er of +lame at the other !erson$ There is a +etter way than harsh& unkin" wor"s& or a !hysical reaction$ 0n" what is that +etter way; Let me tell you the story of an an#ry father who ma"e a ery& ery hasty "ecision$ 0n" in this hasty "ecision which in ol e" "isci!linin# a chil"& the chil" was hurt$ 2et the little #irl who was hurt& Fust a+out three years of a#e& went o er to her father an" !ut her arms aroun" him an" sai"& 91 for#i e you& 5a""y$: The #ift of for#i eness is = that is The Won"erful (ift = the one that +rin#s !eace to the family$ There was a cruel !rison #uar" in one of the (erman concentration cam!s$ Two sisters ha" +een arreste" an" taken to the cam!$ While the two sisters were there in the concentration cam!& one sister "ie" +ecause of the cruel treatment of the !rison #uar"$ The sur i in# sister)s heart ache" an" she was #reatly hurt as a result$ 2ears later she was #i in# lectures on her e.!erience in the concentration cam!$ 0t the close of one of these lectures& this same #uar" walke" u! to the !latform$ %he reco#ni-e" him$ When he #ot to the !latform& he sai"& 91 ha e +ecome a ,hristian$ ,an you for#i e me for the terri+le thin#s 1 "i" to you an" your sister;: %he thou#ht for a lon# time$ 0ll the hurt an" +itterness welle" u! in her heart& +ut finally& she sai"& 94y +rother& 1 for#i e you$: 0n" with that #ift of for#i eness& a new Foy an" !eace came to her heart& which she ha"n)t e.!erience" for some time$ The Bi+le story of (omer is an e.am!le of the measure of (o")s for#i eness$ This story "emonstrates the measure of (o")s lo e$ (omer& the unfaithful wife of one of (o")s !ro!hets& left her hus+an" an" chil"ren an" ran off with one man& an" then another& an" another an" finally the last man #ot tire" of her an" he took her "own to the sla e market to sell her$ The woman)s hus+an"& the *ro!het Hosea& went to the market an" +ou#ht his wife +ack$ He for#a e her an" lo e" her$ That)s a meta!hor of the won"erful& for#i in# lo e (o" has for us$ 1t)s a ery thrillin# story foun" in the scri!tures$

The (ift of For#i eness *a#e E

0nother story is of a !arents) lo e for a waywar" son$ 0 youn# man ha" +roken the law an" was now in a !enitentiary$ 0s his time of im!risonment was comin# to com!letion& he wrote a letter to his !arents an" sai"& 91 am #oin# to +e a free man$ 1 will +e on a train #oin# towar" the West ,oast of the Mnite" %tates$ 1f you coul" for#i e me for the terri+le thin#s 1 ha e "one& an" the way 1 ha e "is#race" the family& !lease tie a yellow ri++on in the tree +y the railroa" tracks& an" when the train !asses our house an" 1 see that ri++on 1 will know that you ha e for#i en me an" 1 will #et off the train an" come home$ 1f there is no yellow ri++on there& 1 will stay on the train an" you will ne er see me a#ain$: 0s the train neare" his !arent)s farm& he was ery ner ous$ Woul" there +e a ri++on in the tree; 0n" this is what he saw$ The tree was co ere" with scores of ri++ons the family ha" tie" there$ He #ot off an" the family was reunite"$ True lo e is measureless$ We nee" to +rin# this kin" of lo e into our families& the lo e that for#i es each !erson for the mistakes they make$ 2ou remem+er the e.am!le of Jesus for#i in# us on the cross$ When he looke" "own from the cross he sai" of those who ha" naile" him to the cross& 9Father& for#i e them& for they "o not know what they are "oin#$: He was willin# to for#i e e en his mur"erers$ 1t is interestin# to note that these men ha" not aske" Jesus) for#i eness$ %ometimes we Fustify oursel es +y sayin#& 9When he or she asks for my for#i eness& then 1 will for#i e them$: But if we will +e like Jesus we will for#i eness e en when it is not re<ueste"$ 1n /!hesians& B:C6& CE we fin" these wor"s& 9Let all +itterness& wrath& an#er& clamor an" e il s!eakin# +e !ut away from you with all malice$ 0n" +e kin" to one another& ten"erhearte"& for#i in# one another e en as (o" in ,hrist for#a e you$: What a !recious te.t that will +rin# ha!!iness into our familiesG to +e kin" to one another& ten"erhearte"& for#i in# for#i in# one another Fust as (o" has for#i en us for all our sins$ 0n" so for a ha!!y family = #ran"!arents& !arents& an" chil"ren must look to Jesus an" see how for#i in# He was$ With the Holy %!irit)s hel! we can to learn to +e the same way$ Let)s close with !rayer$

<#:=A "G%"#AE 0#% 0 BI?IEA

1n the first two cha!ters of (enesis we ha e a !icture of the ste!s (o" took in creatin# the earth$ We are tol" that when (o" looke" at this s!ot in the uni erse He saw an earth that was 9without form an" oi"&: an" that 9"arkness co ere" the earth$: 0n" so& (o" +e#an +y creatin# li#ht$ 0n" su""enly this corner of the uni erse was +ri#ht with li#ht$ (o" s!oke an" it was "one$ 0n" %cri!ture says that& 9the e enin# an" the mornin# were the first "ay$: 3n the secon" "ay (o" se!arate" the mists of moisture that were a+o e the earth from those on the earth an" create" the atmos!here that wra!s the earth an" makes all forms of life !ossi+le$ 0n"& %cri!ture says& 9the e enin# an" the mornin# were the secon" "ay$: 3n the thir" "ay (o" #athere" the water on the earth into lakes& ri ers& streams an" seas an" create" the +o"ies of "ry lan"$ Then& on the "ry lan" (o" create" all kin"s of !lant life& +loomin# in !rofusion$ 0n"& %cri!ture says& when (o" saw all the He ha" create" He !ronounce" it #oo"$ 0n" 9the e enin# an" the mornin# were the thir" "ay$: The other hea enly +o"ies of our solar system were create" on the fourth "ay$ The sun was set in the sky to #i e li#ht to the earth in the "ay& an" the moon an" stars were a!!ointe" to li#ht the earth in the ni#ht$ 0n" a#ain& when (o" looke" u!on His creation He saw that it was #oo"$ With the "awnin# of the fifth "ay (o" +e#an His work of creatin# li in# creatures$ 3n this "ay He fille" the waters that He ha" ma"e on the thir" "ay with all si-es an" sha!es of water creatures$ 0n"& into the air an" the lofty trees that He ha" create" on the thir" "ay& He !ut all kin"s an" colors of +ir"s$ 0n" su""enly the air was fille" with lo ely melo"ious +ir" son#s$ 90n" (o" saw that it was #oo"$ 0n" the e enin# an" the mornin# were the fifth "ay$: With the "awnin# of the si.th "ay& (o" +e#an His crownin# efforts for this !lanet$ He +e#an +y creatin# all kin"s of animals$ What fun that must ha e +een for (o"& as He !lanne" the #iraffe& the ele!hant& the !an"a +ear& the #raceful "eer an" the cats from the little house cat to the stately ti#er$ What a won"erfully creati e ima#ination (o" hasH But then& as the clima. of His work& (o" "eci"e" to !lace in the !osition of stewar" of His creation& one like Himself$ But for this task (o" chose not to Fust s!eak that one into +ein#& +ut He actually scul!te" the form Himself from the clay of the #roun"$ Then He leane" o er his com!lete" scul!ture an" +reathe" into this form His own +reath& an" the man +ecame a li in# +ein#$ ,an you Fust ima#ine the man stretchin# an" o!enin# his eyes to see his ,reator +en"in# o er him; Then (o" took the man that He ha" ma"e an" showe" him all the creatures He ha" create"& an" He #a e to man the fun of namin# each create" +ein#$ But as the man saw each create" form of life he reali-e" that while each ha" its counter!art he ha" none$ 0n" he felt lonely$ 0n" so& (o" cause" the man to #o to slee! an" from his si"e (o" took a ri+ an" from the ri+ He fashione" another +ein# similar to man$ 0n" so was !erforme" the first sur#ery with anesthesia$ Then (o" awakene" the man an" !resente" to him his wife$ 0n" (o" tol" them to +e fruitful an" multi!ly an" !eo!le the earth$ 0n" so& the first marria#e was !erforme" in the #ar"en that (o" ha" create"& an" was solemni-e" +y the Lor" Himself$ Thus en"e" the si.th "ay& an" (o" !ronounce" it 9 ery #oo"$:

(o")s *ur!ose for Families *a#e E

0n" on the se enth "ay (o" an" His two chil"ren worshi!!e" an" reste" to#ether in cele+ration of His creati e acts$ This makes the marria#e ceremony an" the family unit the ol"est social institution in e.istence$ (o" #a e man "irection at this time that to esta+lish this new family he shoul"& in the future& lea e his mother an" father an" 9clea e: to his wife$ No !ro ision is ma"e here for multi!le wi es& or for multi!le marria#es& for the two are to +ecome one$ What "o we mean when we say the two +ecome one; ,ertainly& !hysically& they still retain their in"i i"ual +o"ies$ But in #oals& in !riorities& in commitment an" loyalty they were to +ecome one$ We mi#ht illustrate it +y sayin# that (o" has "rawn a sacre" circle aroun" each marrie" cou!le$ While the cou!le may ha e many frien"s in"i i"ually an" as a unit outsi"e the circle& no one else shoul" come into this sacre" circle& e.ce!t (o" Himself$ The wor"s s!oken an" the actions taken within this circle are to +e share" with no one else$ 3nly Jesus can enter this circle$ Why "i" (o" create the family; What was His !ur!ose for the marria#e relationshi!; 3ne of His maFor !ur!oses in creatin# the family unit was that it mi#ht +e a means of !eo!lin# the earth& an" of e"ucatin# the youn# an" hel!in# them to know an" worshi! their ,reator$ This is why He #a e the 1sraelites throu#h 4oses the "etaile" instruction foun" in 5euteronomy @:6' K$ (o" wants His chil"ren to share in the future He has !lanne"& an" to "o this they must know Him an" choose to ser e Him$ 1n a""ition to wantin# His create" chil"ren to +e with Him eternally& (o" "esires their ha!!iness an" health in this life$ We fin" this in C John E$ 0n" a ha!!y home in which the family mem+ers lo e (o" an" each other is the closest we can come to hea en in this earth$ 1n /!hesians 7:EE throu#h @:B we fin" the Lor")s instructions to the family throu#h the 0!ostle *aul$ %ome !eo!le take a erse or two out of conte.t from this instruction& +ut when it is all !ut to#ether !ro!erly it #i es a ery +alance" !icture of the ,hristian family$ 1t is (o")s !ur!ose for the family$ 1n /!hesians 7 an" also in ?e elation the Bi+le com!ares the marria#e relationshi! to (o")s relationshi! to His church& which He calls His +ri"e$ %urely& this shoul" hel! us to reali-e that marria#e an" the family unit coul" not hol" a hi#her !osition in (o")s estimation$ 0 true ,hristian family which li es as (o" woul" ha e us li e is a testimony to the community in which it is locate"& an" one of (o")s most effecti e e an#elistic tools to lea" others to know an" lo e Him$ Let us close with !rayer$

>H T IA T%GE ?#;E@

9,ome unto meA&: Jesus says$ He in ites us to come to Him +ecause He has +lessin#s for our families$ 2our family can +e won"erfully ha!!y$ Whether it)s !arents& #ran"!arents& +a+ies& or teena#ers& (o" has a +lessin# for each one an" our families can ha e new ha!!iness$ We woul" like to talk a+out a 4M%T for true ha!!iness$ What is the +asic essential for ha!!iness of the family; L3J/ We nee" to take a careful look at this$ %omethin# terri+le has ha!!ene" to the meanin# of lo e$ To"ay in most cultures the meanin# of lo e has +een "istorte" an" twiste"$ 6I EI CI BI For some it sim!ly is !hysical attraction$ For others& it)s +asically selfishness = what can this !erson "o to make me ha!!y$ For some it is lust = a terri+le +asis for lo e$ 0n" finally for some ' it sim!ly means& ha in# se.$

What is true lo e; 1)m sure no one a#rees with the "efinitions of this "istorte" lo e$ %o let)s take a look now at some of the characteristics of true lo e$ True lo e has to "o with a !rinci!le of selflessness that is e.!resse" +etween two !ersons or !arents an" chil"ren$ 1t)s a holy !rinci!le of #o"ly affection that !uts it on a ery hi#h !lane$ 1t is +ecomin# #o"like in our relationshi!s one with another$ Lo e is a "ecision that affects others an" oursel es for #oo"$ 1t)s those "aily "ecisions that +rin# ha!!iness to others an" the result is ha!!iness in our own li es$ 1t)s interestin# that Jesus tells us in 4atthew 7:BB that we are to lo e our enemies$ 1f lo e is a warm affectionate feelin#& this woul" +e an im!ossi+le comman"$ How can we feel warm affectionate feelin#s for someone who hates us an" is tryin# to hurt us; But if we reco#ni-e that lo e is really a "ecision this comman" +ecomes "oa+le$ We can choose to lo e e en if we "o not ha e the feelin#s$ Let)s take& as an e.am!le& a +rick wall$ The color of the +ricks is re" an" the mortar is white$ Just as mortar hol"s the +ricks to#ether& lo e hol"s a family to#ether$ Two !eo!le that are truly in lo e can ne er consi"er se!aration& "i orce or estran#ement& +ecause they choose to show lo e in their relationshi!$ Lo e is so im!ortant$ 1t is this +asic !rinci!le of #o"ly lo e that kee!s a hus+an" an" wife faithful to each other& chil"ren to each other an" chil"ren an" !arents to each other$ But& +eware of counterfeit lo e$ ,ounterfeit lo e is the cause of much of the unha!!iness in families to"ay$ 1t is usually self'centere" an" self'ser in#G lookin# for others to make it ha!!y& yet not carin# whether or not it !leases them$ The result of this kin" of counterfeit lo e is #reat unha!!iness an" sorrow$ We must #et ri" of this kin" of lo e in our families$

What 1s True Lo e; *a#e E

True& #enuine lo e !uts the Lor" Jesus firstG it li es to honor an" !lease the li in# (o" an" to follow his comman"ments$ %econ"ly& the !erson who has true lo e in his heart reaches out to others to hel! them ha e a ha!!y& +etter life$ This ty!e of !erson is sayin#& 91 lo e others$ (o" first& others secon" an" myself last of all$: The result of this #enuine true lo e is won"erful ha!!iness$ 0n" so& it is so im!ortant for our families to make sure we "on)t ha e the counterfeit lo e& +ut we ha e this true lo e$ Where is this #enuine lo e +est "emonstrate"; 1n the Bi+le in John C:6@ we see this unselfish& #o"ly lo e$ We see it +est in the Lor"& Jesus ,hrist an" the ama-in# sacrifice that He ma"e$ ?emem+er& He was the ,reator of hea en an" earthG the Lin# of Lin#sG the (o" of all other #o"s$ 1n John C:6@ we rea"& 9(o" so lo e" the worl" that He #a e His only +e#otten %on& that whosoe er +elie es in Him shoul" not !erish& +ut ha e e erlastin# life$: 3h& if we all coul" lo e with this selfless lo e that !uts others truly first in our affectionsH What Jesus "i" is an ama-in# e.am!le of lo e$ 1n *hili!!ians E:7 we rea" these wor"s& 9Let this min" +e in you which was also in Jesus ,hrist$: ?emem+er& Jesus was the li in# (o"$ 0n" yet +ecause of the !ro+lems of mankin"& He then +ecame +orn of a ir#in an" came to earth to +e a ser ant$ / erythin# He "i" was to hel! others an"& finally& His o+e"ience was so !rofoun" that He #a e Himself on the cross to "ie for re+ellious mankin"$ This is ama-in# lo e$ The most selfless lo e that has e er +een "emonstrate" was when Jesus left the throne of the uni erse an" "ie" u!on the cross$ What ama-in#& #o"ly lo eH /!hesians 7 s!eakin# to hus+an"s says& 9Hus+an"s lo e your wi es as ,hrist lo es the church$: 0n" we see that lo e "emonstrate" at the cross$ He went to the cross +ecause He lo e" the church$ 1n fact He lo e" the whole worl"$ But He !articularly wins +ack the loyalty of the church +y "yin# for them$ 0n" then the Lor" says to hus+an"s an" to wi es& that hus+an"s shoul" lo e their wi es Fust like ,hrist lo es the church$ 0n" so& the sym+ol of the cross is the challen#e for us men to really lo e with unselfish lo e$ 0n" when we lo e this way& our wi es will res!on" to this kin" of lo e$ 0n" so we) e learne" to"ay the secret of ha!!iness in the family& ha in# this #enuine& true #o"ly lo e$ 1n these New Way of Life meetin#s our #reat +ur"en is that families ha e this kin" of ha!!iness& an" a ery im!ortant thin# for us each e enin# in this meetin# is to ha e a s!ecial !rayer for the family$ 0t this time why "on)t we ha e each family stan" an" we will ha e a s!ecial !rayer for you$ 1f your family isn)t here& you can stan" to re!resent them$ We will close this section with a !rayer for the families$

" %EDTID<
1n the Bi+le there is a #reat "eal of hel! an" counsel for !arents$ Let us stu"y the wor" of (o" to#ether to"ay an" ask (o" to #i e us s!ecial hel! as we think of the #reat res!onsi+ility that !arents ha e$ 3ne of the most sacre" res!onsi+ilities is ' +ein# a !arent$ Ha in# a little son or "au#hter to take care of an" "e elo! into a"ulthoo"& an" to lea" that little one to lo e Jesus an" to +e rea"y for Hea en is a ery hea y res!onsi+ility$ 2ou remem+er 4oses recei e" the 6D comman"ments from (o" when he was on 4t$ %inai& an" he wrote these !rinci!les in the scri!tures$ 1n a""ition to the 6D comman"ments& in the first fi e +ooks of the Bi+le we ha e all the other counsel that (o" #a e to 4oses there on 4t$ %inai an" we also see the e.!erience of (o")s !eo!le$ Now 4oses was a+out to "ie an" in his last sermon& recor"e" in 5euteronomy @:B'>& he tol" them this& 9Hear& 3 1srael& the Lor" is one$ 2ou shall lo e your (o" with all your heart$ These wor"s that 1 comman" you shall +e in your heart an" you shall teach them "ili#ently to your chil"ren$ Talk of them when you sit "own& when you lie "own an" when you #et u!G ha e them as a si#n on your han"& your forehea"& your "oor!ost an" your #ates$: This is ery& ery im!ortant for !arents$ These three thin#s: first& to know (o")s willG secon"& to li e (o")s will& or to +e a #oo" e.am!leG an" thir"& to teach (o")s will to your chil"ren$ That)s the only way they can +e rea"y for Hea en$ 2ou see& !arents) !recious res!onsi+ility when that little +a+y is +orn& is to hel! that little one mature into +ein# rea"y for school& teena#e an" finally a"ulthoo"$ What a sacre" res!onsi+ility$ Buil"in# a life for eternity$ Jesus is comin# ery& ery soon$ This is the messa#e that we recei e from John the ?e elator$ 0n" his +ook closes with Jesus) !romise re!eate" three times in ?e elation cha!ter EE& 91 am comin# soon$: 0n" John re!lies& 9/ en so& come Lor" Jesus$: %ince Jesus is comin# soon& our families must +e rea"y$ 1 am sure e ery mother an" father woul" like to ha e all their chil"ren an" #ran"chil"ren rea"y for eternity$ *arents can ha e won"erful hel! to sa e their chil"ren so they can +e with Jesus in hea en$ ,hil"ren are un"er #reat !ressures: a$ There)s !eer !ressure$ 3ther chil"ren will try to !ush them in the wron# "irection$ +$ There)s cultural !ressure$ 0 culture that is #o"less an" e il will try to lea" the chil"ren to lo e the thin#s of this worl" more than (o")s ways$ c$ There are social !ressures$ 9/ ery+o"y)s "oin# it: is so often true to"ay$ But a+o e all of these& we must hel! our chil"ren to withstan" these !ressures an" look to the scri!tures as their #ui"e$ They nee" to look to Jesus to +e their teacher& their %a ior& an" to choose the thin#s that !lease Him an" will !re!are them for eternity$

*arentin# *a#e E

Let)s look at !arents an" "isci!line$ *art of our Fo+ is "isci!linin# our chil"ren$ But we "o ha e some #ui"ance here$ Let)s first esta+lish the "efinition of "isci!line$ 5isci!line is correcti e #ui"ance$ The thin#s we "o an" say that will correct our chil"ren$ 1t)s not to #et e en with them& to hurt them or to ent our an#er$ 1t must chan#e the "irection of their li es$ What shoul" +e the #oal or the tar#et of "isci!line; 6I To "e elo! a lo e for the Holy Bi+le$ 1t)s so im!ortant to ha e our chil"ren say& 91) e #ot a new #oal now$ 1 see (o")s wor" is s!ecial$ 1 want to make it my #ui"e in life$: EI To "e elo! a lo e relationshi! with Jesus ,hrist$ 1t)s so im!ortant to ha e our chil"ren weane" away from the lo e of this worl" an" to lo e the Lor" Jesus ,hrist an" ha e a relationshi! with Him$ 5isci!line shoul" "o that$ CI To hel! them set #o"ly !riorities in life$ To reFect some of the social !ressures to #o in a "ifferent "irection an" to say& 94y #oal is to honor (o" an" use my life to +rin# #lory to His name$: BI 0nother !ur!ose of "isci!line shoul" +e to assist them to "etermine to ser e (o" an" mankin"$ To +e one who +rin#s solutions to the !ro+lems of the worl" an" to honor (o" an" ser e Him$ 7I To hel! them to +e rea"y to meet Jesus$ That)s so im!ortant$ We must ha e our chil"ren li in# the kin"s of li es that will hel! them +e rea"y for hea en$ 0n" when they "o thin#s that are wron#& an" #o in the wron# "irection& "isci!line shoul" +e correcti e to +rin# them +ack to Jesus& +ack to the Bi+le& +ack to #ettin# rea"y for hea en$ We reach these o+Fecti es throu#h the followin# ways: 6I *arental e.am!le is so im!ortant$ 1f 1 tell my chil"ren they shoul" +e honest +ut 1)m "ishonest& my e.am!le nullifies my teachin#$ 1f 1 tell my chil"ren to +e !ure& +ut 1 am li in# an immoral life& my e.am!le nullifies my teachin#$ 1 must li e a life that is safe for my chil"ren to follow$ EI *arental teachin#$ We nee" time to sit "own with our chil"ren an" share with them (o")s !lan for their li es& our +ur"en for their li es an" show them the "an#ers of makin# the wron# "ecisions$ CI *arental alues$ The thin#s that are im!ortant in our li es will +ecome im!ortant in our chil"ren)s li es$ 1f the im!ortant thin# in my life is to watch iolence on tele ision& +o.in# matches an" so on& my chil"ren will know that an" these will +ecome their alues$ But if my alues are ery "ifferent& their alues will +e "ifferent$ BI Teachin# chil"ren to acce!t Bi+le alues for their own$ There was a +oy in a Bi+le class that was aske" to #i e a re!ort on the +i+lical +asis for worshi!$ He went u! to the front of the class an" he sai"& 92ou know& all of my life my mother has "ra##e" me off to church$ But after my stu"y in !re!aration for this !a!er& 1) e "isco ere" that it is (o")s will for me an" 1) e ma"e my "ecision = 1)m #oin# to church +ecause 1 want to #o$: Now& that chil" an" his !arents learne" a ery s!ecial lesson$ He wasn)t "oin# somethin# +ecause his mother force" him to "o it$ He now was "oin# it

+ecause he a#ree" with (o" an" his mother to "o this$ %o we nee" to teach our chil"ren to acce!t Bi+le alues$
*arentin# *a#e C

We nee" to look at some metho"s of "isci!line to hel! us with this correcti e "isci!line we are talkin# a+out to"ay$ Notice these !rinci!les for ,hristian "isci!line: 6I 1t must ne er +e in an#er$ 0n#er only stirs u! the wron# res!onse in our chil"ren$ 1f we fin" there is any an#er in our hearts& we nee" to fall on our knees an" ask (o" to fill us with His lo e an" then we can #o to our chil"ren in a ery "ifferent way$ There may +e hurt an" "isa!!ointment& +ut no an#er$ 1f we can)t "isci!line now without an#er we shoul" !ost!one the "isci!line until we can "o so$ EI 3ur "isci!line must always +e in lo e$ This is har" to "oG to "isci!line a chil" so that the chil" knows they are still lo e"$ To ha e a chil" say& 94ommy& 1 know you lo e me an" 1 am sorry 1 "i" this$: Then the "isci!line has +een successful$ CI 1t must +e reasona+le$ 1t must not +e too lenient or too strict& an" ne er harsh$ We nee" to make sure it fits the mis"emeanor an" it lea"s to correction an" a chan#e in thinkin#$ BI 1t must +e a!!ro!riate$ %omethin# that is hel!ful& that will +rin# a+out chan#e$ 1t takes the s!ecial wis"om of the Lor" to hel! us follow these four !rinci!les$ We !arents nee" to remem+er the im!ortance of fer ent !rayer$ We nee" to a#oni-e with (o" for wis"om an" skill to train our chil"ren so they will themsel es choose to follow Jesus an" not "o the ri#ht thin#s +ecause they)re afrai"$ 1 remem+er a stu"ent in +oar"in# aca"emy that sai" one "ay& 9Four more "ays an" 1)ll #ra"uate an" 1 will +e free from this !lace$ Then& 1 can "o what 1 want$: That was a terri+le mistake$ He was only o+eyin# +ecause he was afrai" he woul" +e e.!elle" from school$ But as soon as he woul" #ra"uate then he woul" for#et all he)" learne" an" li e his own life$ We ha e hel! for !arents to sa e our chil"ren$ That hel! is foun" in Jesus$ 1t is foun" in the wor" of (o" an" it)s foun" throu#h the Holy %!irit$ 0n" all of this can come to us throu#h the !ower of !rayer$ Let)s !ray now for our families an" for !arents !articularly& an" for the hea y res!onsi+ility we ha e of trainin# our chil"ren in a way that will lea" to their sal ation$

AE?0 H >#%TH
Jesus has s!ecial +lessin#s for your family$ We will learn somethin# ery s!ecial that Jesus "oes for each !erson$ 2our family can +e ery& ery ha!!y$ 0n" we& in this New Way of Life meetin#& woul" like to hel! each one of you to ha e more !eace an" ha!!iness in your families$ 3ur to!ic toni#ht is +uil"in# self'esteem$ 1)" like to ha e you think a+out a !ossi+le situation$ We)" like to look at two "ifferent +oys$ 0n" we are #oin# to ask <uestions$ 3ne +oy is ery& ery ha!!y$ 0n" one is ery& ery sa"$ What makes the "ifference; What causes one !erson to #o one "irection an" the other !erson to #o a "ifferent "irection; Let)s take a look at the ha!!y +oy$ His father says to him& 9%on your work is ery& ery #oo"$: His mother says& 91)m ery !rou" of you& son$: 0t school the chil"ren say& 92ou are our first choice when we choose for #ames$ We like you$: 0n" his teacher says& 92ou know& your schoolwork is ery carefully "one$ 1 a!!reciate what you)re "oin# ery& ery much$: The result is that the +oy thinks& 91 feel #oo" a+out myself$: Now let)s take a look at the other fellow$ He is ery sa" = look what ha!!ens to him$ His father says& 92ou ne er "o anythin# ri#ht& son$: His mother scol"s& 9Why can)t you +e like your sister& 4ary; 2ou)re ho!eless$: The chil"ren say& 9We "on)t want you on our team$: 0n" another one says& 92ou)re Fust so clumsy$: His teacher says& 92our !a!ers are ne er "one !ro!erly$: What is the result; He thinks a+out himself 91)m no #oo"&: +ecause e eryone treats him that way$ 2ou see& self'esteem is +uilt on three as!ects of life$ 6I 0 sense of com!etency& a feelin# that 1 can "o thin#s an" 1 can accom!lish thin#s$ EI 0 sense of +elon#in#$ 1 am a !art of this #rou!$ They like me$ We can work to#ether$ CI 0 sense of self'worth$ Feelin# #oo" a+out one)s self$ Now let)s look at these in"i i"ually$ sense o8 co2petence3 Here the !arent nee"s to reco#ni-e the "ifferent skills of each !erson$ 3ne chil" can +e skille" in one area& another one in a "ifferent area$ For instance& in a classroom situation = some are #oo" at rea"in# an" writin# an" literature skills$ 3thers are #oo" with their han"s$ 0 !erson may #et ery low #ra"es in s!ellin#& +ut he coul" #et ery hi#h #ra"es in +uil"in# a mo"el of somethin# that can +e +rou#ht to class$ %o& we nee" to #i e a!!reciation to each one$ 9We a!!reciate what you are "oin#$ 2our s!ellin# test was ery #oo"$ 2our arithmetic was #oo"$ 2our science e.!eriment was e.cellent$: We shoul" reco#ni-e each !erson& each stu"ent)s or chil")s skills$

%elf = Worth *a#e E

sense o8 7e&onging: *arents shoul" work to "e elo! the sense of family$ We)re all here& we)re all im!ortant$ We like each one$ 3ne way to !romote a sense of +elon#in# is to use 9we: an" 9ours: an" to e.!ress lo e an" su!!ort +ecause each one is a !art of the family$ sense o8 se&8 4orth: There is a story a+out a #irl on an islan" of the %outh *acific whose !arents looke" "own u!on her +ecause they felt she wasn)t attracti e$ 0s a result& the #irl #rew u! ery shy an" unkem!t$ When she +ecame ol" enou#h to +e marrie"& the father thou#ht& 93h& no one will e er want this "au#hter& she)s Fust no #oo"$: But the son of the richest man in the illa#e came +y one "ay an" sai"& 9%ir& 1)" like to make arran#ements to marry your "au#hter$: 92ou want to marry my "au#hter;: sai" the father in sur!rise$ 92es& 1 "o$ 1 will come +y tomorrow an" we will +ar#ain for the +ri"e)s !rice$: When the youn# man left& the father sai"& 9He)s Fust mockin# me& he)ll ne er come +ack$ No one wants my "au#hter$ %he)s no #oo"$: But the ne.t "ay the youn# man "i" comeG they sat "own at each en" of a #rass mat$ The youn# man sai"& 9How many cows woul" you like for your "au#hter;: The father sai"& 91 nee" to talk with my counselor here& an" the counselor sai"& 92ou)" +etter ask for threeG you mi#ht #et one& +ut she)s not e en worth a sick cow$: 0n" so the father sai"& 9For this ery fine "au#hter& 1)" like three cows$: The youn# ma" sai"& 93nly three cows; 1 am !re!are" to #i e ei#ht cows for your "au#hter$: 9/i#ht cows;: the sai" incre"ulously$ 9That)ll +e fine$: He was ama-e" an" thou#ht& 9He)s still mockin# me& he)ll ne er come +ack$: But the ne.t "ay the youn# man came +ack with ei#ht cowsG there was a we""in# an" off they went for the honeymoon$ The youn# man +ou#ht his new wife a ery +eautiful mirror an" some new clothes an" treate" her like a <ueen$ When the cou!le came +ack home& the father har"ly reco#ni-e" her$ 0n" what was the "ifference; The hus+an" treate" her as a ery s!ecial wife$ 0n" she +ecame that kin" of a !erson$ 4en& how many cows is your wife worth; 2ou see it is so im!ortant to e.!ress alue for the mem+ers of the family$ That will #i e them a sense of worth$ There are two reasons why we all ha e #reat worth$ What are these two reasons; 2ou remem+er the Bi+le says that in the +e#innin# (o" create" the hea ens an" the earth$ By creation all mankin" are the sons an" "au#hters of (o"$ That means that each !erson is the son or "au#hter of the li in# (o"& a !rince or a !rincess of the kin# of the uni erse$ 0lso& Jesus "ie" for mankin" that we mi#ht li e fore er with him$ What a !recious !recious thou#ht$ Because of creation an" +ecause of the crucifi.ion of Jesus& we ha e #reat alue& #reat worth$ 0s we look u! at the cross of Jesus& at the !lace where he "ie"& we see that we ha e #reat alue$ We shoul" treat each !erson = our s!ouse& our chil"ren& as in"i i"uals whose !rice for their re"em!tion was !ai" +y the kin# of the uni erse$ How shall we treat each other then; Whether it)s a hus+an"& a wife& or a chil" = we treat them with lo e an" res!ect$ 5e elo!in# self'esteem in each mem+er will +rin# ha!!iness to your family$ 0n" we ha e alue +ecause one "ay we will li e with Jesus in hea en$ We nee" to remem+er that eternal life is ours +ecause he "ie" for us$ Let)s treat each other as !eo!le we reco#ni-e are !ai" for +y the "eath of the %on of (o"$ Why "oes all mankin" ha e alue; We are all create"

in (o")s ima#e an" are #i en His ri#hteousness$ %o we are s!ecial !eo!le$ Let)s close with !rayer$

TEB"E% BEDTA H I
(o" ma"e e ery !erson a s!ecial in"i i"ual$ /ach !erson is "ifferent from each other$ We nee" to un"erstan" each other$ ,onse<uently the !ur!ose of this "iscussion toni#ht is to learn how we can un"erstan" each other +etter$ 2ou can ha e a ha!!y family& fille" with smiles$ Mn"erstan"in# our tem!eraments will hel! us to un"erstan" each other an" oursel es& an" ha e #reater ha!!iness$ 0n" so our to!ic is = Mn"erstan"in# your s!ouse an" yourself$ (o" create" the worl" with infinite ariety$ No two snowflakes are alike$ No two !ersons are alike$ 0ll si. +illion of us are "ifferent$ The !sycholo#ists tell us there are four +asic ty!es of !ersonalities$ We are all "ifferent +len"s of these four +asic tem!eraments$ None of us is totally one ty!e$ The four are: 6I EI CI BI ,holeric = The lea"er ty!e 4elancholy = The artistic ty!e *hle#matic = The !eacemaker ty!e %an#uine = The fun lo in#& out#oin# ty!e

There are some !rinci!les to remem+er when we look at our tem!eraments$ 6I /ach !erson is +orn with a tem!erament mi.$ EI This mi. is ours for our entire lifetime$ 1f we are +orn mainly a choleric& we will +e mainly choleric until the "ay we "ie$ We may make some minor a"Fustments& +ut we cannot com!letely chan#e our tem!erament$ CI /ach tem!erament has +oth stren#ths an" weaknesses$ That is im!ortant to remem+er$ BI We must try to un"erstan" each other$ 7I We nee" to acce!t each other Fust as we are$ These last two are ery im!ortant !oints P to un"erstan" each other an" to acce!t the other !erson Fust as they are& reali-in# that they will ha e +oth stren#ths an" weaknesses$ /ach !erson "oes ha e stren#ths an" weaknesses$ These stren#ths can make us ery ha!!y$ %ome of the weaknesses may not make us so ha!!y$ But& what shoul" we "o; We must a!!reciate the stren#ths an" +e !atient with the weaknesses in the relationshi!s with our chil"ren an" our s!ouse$ Let)s look at the first tem!erament$ ,holeric = there are se eral thin#s we nee" to remem+er a+out his stren#ths$ 6I He is stron# in lea"ershi!

EI He makes ery thorou#h !lans$ He likes to make 9to "o: lists 6& E& CA He is ery or#ani-e"$ CI He is ery "ecisi e$ He knows how to make a "ecision an" mo e ahea"$
Tem!eraments 1 *a#e E

BI He has skills in mana#in# !eo!le$ These ten" to +e the !eo!le who are su!erinten"ents or lea"ers of or#ani-ations$ 7I He #ets much accom!lishe"$ 0s soon as one Fo+ is "one& he mo es to the ne.t an" so on$ @I He is an or#ani-er$ He knows e.actly what he)ll "o throu#h the "ay$ He has his !ro#ram !lanne" out$ He has the a+ility to act an" #et thin#s "one$ KI He is a#en"a oriente"$ Now& not e ery choleric will ha e all of these !oints& +ut this will +e the main thrust of the way this !erson li es an" acts$ Howe er the choleric "oes ha e some weaknesses$ 6I He can +e ery harsh sometimes +ecause he wants to #et the Fo+ "one an" has so many thin#s on his list that he !ushes ahea" an" sometimes is im!atient with !eo!le$ EI He can +e ery unfeelin# +ecause he has to #et his list "one an" is not ten"er to !eo!le)s feelin#s sometimes$ CI He may ha e a <uick tem!er$ 1f he is not #ettin# his way& his tem!er may flash$ BI He may +e o er+earin# +ecause he feels he has to #et the Fo+ "one$ 7I He may +e ery controllin#$ 1t)s #ot to +e his way$ @I He can +e arro#ant an" +ossy sometimes = tellin# !eo!le what to "o$ KI He coul" +e har" to !lease unless thin#s are "one his way$ No ,holeric has all of these weaknesses& +ut he will ha e some or se eral of them$ What kin"s of Fo+s will the ,holeric "o well; 6I EI CI BI 7I 4ana#er in a factory or store Foreman or#ani-in# a #rou! of men or women *resi"ent of a country or or#ani-ation ,hairman of a committee %u!erinten"ent

2ou see this is the man or woman that #ets thin#s "one an" or#ani-es !eo!le$ The #reatest nee"s of the ,holeric: Let)s take a look at these from a ,hristian stan"!oint$ 6I To +e sensiti e to other !eo!le)s nee"s$ 1n other wor"s& to +e ten"er a+out !eo!le e en thou#h you want to #et your Fo+ "one or you ha e many items on your 9to "o: list$ EI 5e elo! a ,hrist'like s!irit +y Bi+le stu"y an" !rayer$ CI To +e a #reat lea"er one must ha e the s!irit of Jesus to +e for#i in# an" ten"er an" com!assionate$ BI ,onfess an an#ry s!irit an" seek for#i eness from (o"$

7I Be more communicati e with !ersonnel$ 1n other wor"s& let them un"erstan" what you)re "oin# an" let them ha e a !art in the !lannin#$ @I 1t)s ery im!ortant to +e for#i in# an" tolerant$

Tem!eraments 1 *a#e C

Followin# these su##estions will make the ,holeric a +etter !erson$ Now let)s look at the 4elancholy$ Look at his stren#ths: 6I He is ery analytical$ EI He is careful with "etails$ This !erson likes to "o e erythin# to the ery hi#hest stan"ar"$ CI He is artistic an" a!!reciates the +eautiful$ BI He often has musical #ifts also$ 7I He is #oo" at creati e work$ @I He is ima#inati e an" in enti e$ He can en ision new ways of "oin# thin#s an" "o them ery well$ KI He is self'"isci!line"$ 8I He likes "etail$ He enFoys takin# care of the minute thin#s$ >I He is conscientious an" thorou#h in his work$ 6DI He is a "e!en"a+le an" loyal frien"$ There are a lot of ery stron#& #oo" !oints$ But& as with all !ersonality ty!es& the 4elancholy also has some weaknesses$ 6I He ten"s to +e moo"y$ EI He ten"s to remem+er for a lon# time the sli#hts an" the thin#s that !eo!le ha e "one to him$ We sometimes say he re!lays his ta!es$ CI He ten"s to +e !essimistic an" ne#ati e$ He sees the har" !art& the ne#ati e an" "iscoura#in# si"e of thin#s$ BI He is sus!icious of others +ecause they may not +e "oin# thin#s Fust ri#ht$ 7I Har" to #et alon# with +ecause he is so careful a+out "etails an" a+out "oin# somethin# Fust e.actly the way he wants to #et it "one$ He is a !erfectionist$ @I He may +e too analytical$ KI He is often "iscoura#e" +ecause he fails to reach the hi#h stan"ar"s he set for himself$ 8I He is too sensiti e to hurts$ He will feel +a"ly an" feel hurt often$ >I He may +e a hy!ochon"riacG +ecause of his self'a+sor+tion he may ima#ine he is always ill$ What kin" of tasks woul" a 4elancholy "o well; 6I 0rtists EI 4usicians CI 0ccountants +ecause they are so #oo" with "etails$

BI Home "ecorators +ecause they like to see thin#s "one +eautifully$ 7I Lan"sca!e artists$

Tem!eraments 1 *a#e B

What are the #reatest nee"s that the 4elancholy has; 6I EI CI BI To o ercome a critical s!irit$ To +e "eli ere" from self'a+sor!tion$ 1nwar" lookin# too much$ To #i e lo in# ser ice for others& for#ettin# self$ To "e elo! a thankful s!irit$

2our s!ouse is a s!ecial !erson create" +y (o"$ 6I EI CI BI (i e total acce!tance to this !erson Fust as they are$ Be !atient with the weaknesses 0!!reciate the stren#ths *ray to#ether o er the a"Fustments that will nee" to +e ma"e$

Tomorrow our to!ic will +e on the other two main tem!eraments an" how they "iffer from the ,holeric an" the 4elancholy$ 1f you "i" not reco#ni-e either yourself or your s!ouse toni#ht !erha!s tomorrow you will see a familiar !icture$ We nee" to remem+er that !rayer hel!s us in a"Fustin# to the "ifferent tem!erament ty!es of family mem+ers$ We nee" to learn to acce!t them an" we nee" to learn to a"Fust$ Jesus acce!ts each one Fust as we are$ There is ha!!iness when we "o the same thin# +y acce!tin# our s!ouse an" family mem+ers Fust as they are$ *rayer

TEB"E% BEDTA H II
(o" ma"e e ery !erson a s!ecial in"i i"ual$ /ach !erson is "ifferent from e ery other in"i i"ual$ We nee" to un"erstan" each other$ The !ur!ose of this lecture toni#ht is to learn how to un"erstan" our s!ouses +etter an" to acce!t them Fust as (o" ma"e them$ 0cce!t their stron# !oints an" +e !atient with their weak !oints$ 2ou can ha e a ha!!ier family +y learnin# to un"erstan" your s!ouse$ Let)s take a look at the four +asic tem!erament ty!es$ Last ni#ht we "iscusse" the ,holeric who is the lea"er ty!e an" the 4elancholy who is the artistic ty!e$ Toni#ht& we will look at the last two: the *hle#matic& who is the !eacemaker ty!e an" the %an#uine& who is the fun'lo in# ty!e$ We can)t stress enou#h that we nee" to remem+er that each !erson has stren#ths an" weaknesses$ The stren#ths can make us ery ha!!y an" the weaknesses can make us ery sa"$ 0n" so& what shall we "o; We nee" to a!!reciate the stren#ths an" we nee" to acce!t the weaknesses an" acce!t our s!ouse Fust as they are$ ?emem+er& each one of us is a +len" of the "ifferent tem!eraments: the lea"er ty!e& the artistic ty!e& the !eace'lo in# ty!e& an" the fun'lo in# ty!e$ We each are a +len" of the stren#ths an" weaknesses within the four "ifferent ty!es& so in one in"i i"ual the lea"er may "ominate the !ersonality& while& in another the artistic may "ominate& etc$ %o you see& the +len"in# is usually ery "ifferent in each !erson$ Now we)ll look at the last two ty!es$ Let)s take the *hle#matic ty!e first = they ha e some won"erful stren#ths$ Look at them$ 6I EI CI BI 7I @I KI 8I >I He is willin# to com!romise& willin# to a"Fust$ He is a !eacemaker$ This is a +eautiful stren#th$ He a oi"s confrontation$ He is content with the way thin#s are #oin# an" is ery !leasant to #et alon# with$ He is a #oo" listener$ He is a "e!en"a+le worker& faithful at his Fo+$ He makes frien"s ery easily$ He has a sta+ili-in# influence$ He is neat an" !roficient$

0#ain& thou#h as with the others& he has some weaknesses$ 6I EI CI BI 7I @I KI 8I He may +e la-y$ %ome !rocrastinate too much$ %ome may "eny their !rinci!les in or"er to a oi" hassles$ He may +e in"ecisi e& he sort of hol"s +ack an" waits an" "oesn)t make a "ecision$ He is o!!ose" to chan#e$ He likes to follow routines$ He can +e stu++orn$ He "oesn)t want to #et out of his comforta+le rut$ He may com!romise too much an" #i e u! some !rinci!les he shoul"n)t$ He is a worrier$

Tem!eraments 11 *a#e E

Now not all *hle#matics ha e all of these& +ut they all ha e some of these weaknesses$ The #reatest nee"s of a *hle#matic from a ,hristian stan"!oint& are the followin#: 6I To o ercome this inertia$ To +ecome more enthusiastic an" to +ecome in ol e" an" mo e ahea"$ EI To learn to #i e of self to others$ That)s a ery im!ortant trait$ CI To +e a true ,hristian rather than Fust actin# like one$ BI To reco#ni-e worry as a sin an" to o ercome it$ Now& what kin"s of Fo+s can a *hle#matic "o well; 6I EI CI BI 7I @I KI *eacemaker 0#reea+le s!ouse 0 teacher 0 "i!lomat 0 social worker 0 secretary 0 counselor

Let)s mo e on to the %an#uine$ The %an#uine has some ery nice& stron# !oints: 6I EI CI BI 7I @I KI 8I He has a ery ha!!y outlook on life$ 1s a #reat story teller$ He attracts !eo!leG they like him +ecause he is so frien"ly an" ha!!y$ He is the life of the !arty$ He s!eaks ri#ht out an" is not afrai" to o!en u! his heart to !eo!le$ 4akes frien"s ery easily$ He +ree"s enthusiasm$ He can encoura#e others to #et with it$ He)s #ifte" in carin# for the sick$ His cheerful& !atient ways are ery !leasant in "ealin# with the sick$ He is ten"er an" sym!athetic an" res!onsi e to !eo!le$

These are won"erful stren#ths$ Not e ery %an#uine has all of these& +ut all %an#uines ha e some of them$ Now let)s look at some of the weaknesses$ 6I The %an#uine e.a##erates too much$ His stories are +etter than reality$ EI He ne#lects "uties$ He is so +usy ha in# fun& he "oesn)t always #et thin#s "one$ CI He a!!ears to +e !hony +ecause he is o erly frien"ly& e en if he har"ly knows a !erson$ BI He is easily "istracte"$ He will run from one thin# to another$ 7I He talks too much a+out self$ @I He seeks a!!ro al$ He wants e eryone to like him$

Tem!eraments 11 *a#e C

KI He "ominates a con ersation$ He will har"ly let !eo!le ha e a chance to say a wor"& he Fust mo es ri#ht in$ 8I He is <uick to olunteer for assi#nments +ut soon for#ets his !romises$ >I He is com!letely "isor#ani-e"$ Now& no %an#uine has all of these faults& +ut e ery %an#uine has some of these faults$ What are the tasks an" Fo+s that a %an#uine can fill; 6I EI CI BI 7I @I KI *oliticians 0ctors *reachers ?ece!tionists Lin" !arents Nurses Lawyers

The #reatest nee"s of the %an#uine are: 6I EI CI BI To +e more relia+le an" "e!en"a+le$ To "e elo! a #reater self'"isci!line" life$ To re!lace e#o with #enuine humility$ To "e elo! a sincere s!iritual life$

We will sen" four "ifferent !ersons with the four "ifferent tem!eraments to trim a he"#e$ We will come +ack an hour later to check their !ro#ress in trimmin# the he"#e$ The first fellow has finishe" his Fo+$ He is !uttin# his tools away an" is rea"y to #o onto the ne.t Fo+$ This is the ,holeric$ The ne.t one has not finishe" +ut e erythin# is !erfect& e ery leaf is in the ri#ht !lace$ He still somethin# to "o& he)s not <uite "one$ This is the 4elancholy$ We mo e to the ne.t !erson an" fin" he hasn)t e en starte" yet$ He)s sittin# +ack rela.in#& he can "o it tomorrow$ This is the *hle#matic$ 0n" the last !erson has seen his nei#h+or across the fence an" is too +usy tellin# stories$ He hasn)t starte" his Fo+ yet$ This is the %an#uine$ Ha e you seen yourself an" your s!ouse in some of these characteristics; 1f so& you see some of the weaknesses you can work on in your own tem!erament& an" you see some of your s!ouse)s characteristics which are a fun"amental !art of the way they ha e +een create"$ 0n" so& you nee" to acce!t your s!ouse)s weaknesses Fust as they are an" to a!!reciate their stren#ths$ 0n" remem+er& !rayer makes a "ifference$ (o" hel!s !rayin# s!ouses$

Let)s close with !rayer$

0 BI?F >#%AHI"
Toni#ht we want to "iscuss a ery im!ortant to!ic$ We want to talk a+out how our families can come to know our +est Frien"$ 0n" relate" to that #oal is the "esire to ha e a "ee!ly s!iritual home where !rayer is a ital !art of the lifestyle of each family mem+er$ We know that (o" create" us with the nee" to know Him$ We are s!iritual +ein#s$ To achie e #enuine ha!!iness this as!ect of life must +e nurture"$ 1n (enesis we rea"& 9Then (o" sai"& QLet us make man in our ima#e& accor"in# to our likeness$): 0n" so& the <uestion is& how can a family "e elo! a stron# s!iritual e.!erience; First of all& the family shoul" center aroun" Jesus& the Bi+le& an" !rayer$ The father is the !riest of his family$ The father)s "uties shoul" inclu"e: 6I EI CI BI Lea"in# out in worshi! 5irectin# his family to the Bi+le an" Jesus Li in# an e.em!lary ,hrist'like life %!en"in# !rime time with his family

The mother #i es su!!orti e lea"ershi! to her hus+an"$ (en$ E:68 says& 91t is not #oo" for man to +e aloneG 1 will make a hel!er com!ara+le to Him$: 1n (enesis 6E we ha e the story of (o" callin# 0+raham to lea e his country an" his father)s househol" an" follow Him$ 0n" we are tol" that 0+raham left& not knowin# where he was #oin#$ 0s we rea" on in this cha!ter we fin" that where er 0+raham sto!!e" he +uilt an altar to worshi! (o"$ 0+raham left an e.am!le of re#ular family worshi!$ This is un"ou+te"ly one reason why (o" in 1saiah B6:8 calls 0+raham his frien"$ How won"erfulH To ha e (o" consi"er me a frien"H The #reat lea"ers of the Bi+le& those whom (o" honore"& were those who le" their families in the worshi! of (o"$ We see this "emonstrate" also in the e.am!le of Joshua& recor"e" in Joshua EB:67$ There& Joshua sai" to the chil"ren of 1srael& 9,hoose you this "ay whom you will ser eA +ut as for me an" my house& we will ser e the Lor"$: 1f we woul" +e frien"s of (o"& we too must see that our chil"ren are reare" knowin# an" choosin# to ser e Him$ How can we "o this; 1n 5euteronomy @:6'> 4oses #a e instruction alon# this line$ He liste" the !arents) "uties: 6I EI CI Lnow (o")s will Lo e (o")s will Teach your chil"ren (o")s will = EB hours a "ay

We also ha e lessons from the Wal"ensian !arents of the 5ark 0#es& who carefully tau#ht the %cri!tures to their chil"ren& "urin# a time when it was ille#al to !ossess the Bi+le$

Family Worshi! *a#e E

Let)s look now at some ways in which we can !lan for family worshi!$ Family worshi! !lannin#: 6I EI CI BI 7I 4ake it a Foyous occasion$ Worshi! shoul" +e ,hrist'centere"$ 4ake worshi! Bi+le'+ase"$ *raise (o" with Foyous music$ The !ro#ram shoul" suit the a#e le el an" +e a!!ro!riate for each a#e$

Whene er we ha e a s!ecial occasion in the family we shoul" cele+rate this at family worshi!$ We shoul" make !lans for these s!ecial occasions an" we shoul" +e sure to honor each family mem+er at these times$ %ome of these s!ecial occasions coul" +e: Birth"ays 0nni ersaries = not Fust we""in# anni ersaries& +ut anni ersaries of other im!ortant occasions = may+e s!ecial answere" !rayers& for instance$ Holi"ays Fri"ay e enin#s ,lose of %a++aths Bi+le chara"es will often make worshi! s!ecial occasions$ 2ou may not ha e use" this "e ice& +ut it is one in which chil"ren ea#erly take !art an" which hel!s to im!rint the Bi+le stories on their memories$ The !roce"ure is this: 5i i"e the #rou! into two teams = team 0 an" team B /ach team selects a Bi+le story The mem+ers of team 0 act out their story silently No one is !ermitte" to s!eak Team B #uesses what story team 0 is !resentin# 0fter team B i"entifies the story in team 0)s chara"e& they act out their story an" team 0 #uesses ,hil"ren lo e chara"es an" will want to !lay it a#ain an" a#ain$ The lessons from the stories shoul" then +e "iscusse"$ %!ecial hel!s can +e use" to make worshi! interestin#$ We can fin" these for the a!!ro!riate a#e #rou! an" coul" inclu"e: Bi+le story+ooks Bi+le i"eos Bi+le cassettes ,hil")s Bi+le

Family Worshi! *a#e C

Ha e your chil"ren hear" you !ray each "ay; 1f we want our chil"ren to #row u! +elie in# that !rayer is an im!ortant facet of their "aily li es they must see that it is im!ortant to us$ Take time each "ay to !ray with your family an" for your family$ 4ay (o" +less your family& an" remem+er to in ite Jesus into your home e ery "ay$ *rayer