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UNIT 1

Interpersonal Foundations

Interpersonal Communication
Creates Meaning on Content
and Relational Levels
Messages create meaning on two different levels: content and
relational.19 The content level in your message is what your
message is about and is usually conveyed by using verbal messages. The relational level focuses not on what is said but on
how its said. Relational meanings are usually created by using
nonverbal messages, such as tone of voice, eye contact, and
posture. Heres an example to illustrate the difference between
content and relational levels of messages: Rudy and Sharon
are on a first date. When saying good night, Rudy informs
Sharon that he will give her a call. Unfortunately, Sharon pays
attention only to the messages content (I will give you a
call) and not to the messages relational cues (Rudys voice
was insincere, and he did not make eye contact with Sharon).
Sharon continuously monitors her phone to make sure she
doesnt miss Rudys phone call. The call never comes. If
Sharon had paid as much attention to the relational cues in
Rudys message as to the content of his message, she probably
would have interpreted his message more accurately and not
expected him to call her.
The following is another example that illustrates the difference between content and relational levels of messages. Read
the following verbal message aloud seven different times, each
time stressing the word in boldface:
This popular film highlights the
confusing nature of interpersonal
relationships and how people
misinterpret messages by not
focusing on both the content and
relational dimensions of a message.

I didnt say you had an attitude problem.

I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
I didnt say you had an attitude problem.
Do you hear how the content of the verbal message (what you say) can create seven
different meanings based on your use of nonverbal messages (how you say it)? Your
stressing the word in bold is a type of nonverbal message that can change how others interpret what you say. You will learn more about nonverbal messages in Chapter 5.

Interpersonal Communication Occurs

on an ImpersonalIntimate Continuum
In your daily life, you encounter a wide variety of relationships. Although all relationships require communication, not all relationships require interpersonal communication. Figure 1.2 illustrates the relationship continuum. On one end (the blue zone)
are impersonal relationships such as the ones you have with a checkout clerk at

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CHECKING YOUR UNDERSTANDING

Understanding Interpersonal Communication
Its time again to check your understanding of the key concepts that were discussed
in this section of the chapter. How easy is it for you to answer the following questions?
1. What is the difference between the content and relational levels of interpersonal
communication? Which level is more closely related to nonverbal messages?
2. How would you answer the following questions: Is all interpersonal communication intimate communication? Does interpersonal communication include impersonal communication? Explain.
3. Why is it important to understand that interpersonal communication is both
irreversible and unrepeatable?

Personality and Interpersonal Communication

Your personality plays an important role in your interpersonal communication.
Psychologist Carl Jung once said, The meeting of two personalities is like the contact
of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed. You know
from first-hand experience that some relationships have chemistry where you and the
other persona are as Jung mentionedtransformed. You become better people as a result of the relationship. Unfortunately, other relationships are more like a failed chemistry lab experiment where theres no chemical reaction or the experiment blows up in
your face. One way to get a better handle on the chemistry in your relationships is to
examine personality.
Personality is the total psychological makeup of an individuala profile that reflects experiences, motivations, attitudes, beliefs, values, and behaviors.20 Your personality is a combination of various traits, which are distinguishable ways in which one individual differs from others.21 In some ways, your personality is like a very specific
mixture of chemicals or traits that make you as unique as your fingerprint. No one has a
personality exactly like your own. Your communication is an expression of your personality. For example, listen to how your friends describe other people. Its common to hear
them describing communication behaviors.
Shes very easy to talk to.
He talks too much.
Shes very quiet.
Hes loud and funny.
Shes always defensive.
Hes so demanding.
Shes very warm and approachable.
Hes cold and distant.
Have you ever noticed how some people make communication look easy? They
walk into a room, introduce themselves to others, carry on conversations with ease, and
make others feel good about themselves. Theyre social magnets. People like them and
are attracted to them. They have a number of high-quality relationships.

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13

FIGURE 1.3

The Big Five Personality Profile for a Single Person

Neurtoticism
Openness
Agreeableness

Extraversion

Conscientiousness

Students often ask, How do they do it? Why are they so socially skilled and Im
not? Why do I have such a difficult time introducing myself or initiating a conversation with others without making a fool of myself? Why does it come so naturally for
them and its so unnatural for me? These important questions deserve answers. One
way to answer these questions is to examine more closely the role of personality in interpersonal communication, which is a unique feature of this particular textbook.

Understanding Your Personality

Psychologists Robert McCrae and Paul Costa are responsible for identifying and labeling a collection of personality traits known as the Big Five model of personality, which
include openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.22
Although the exact number of personality traits has been questioned over the years, the
McCrae and Costa Big Five personality model is widely accepted among todays psychologists and communication researchers.23 Figure 1.3 illustrates the Big Five model of
personality for a single individual. According to McCrae and Costa, your personality is a
composite of these five traits, with some traits playing a larger role than others in your
communication behavior.
Openness. People who are open are intellectually curious, have an appreciation for art,
and tend to be imaginative and creative. They tend to be more aware of their feelings.
Individuals who are open to experience also tend to be highly individualistic and unconventional. They enjoy being unique. People with low scores on openness tend to
have narrow and common interests. Put another away, they like what others like. They
tend to prefer whats familiar rather than whats novel or unique. Here are a few items
that describe a person with a high level of openness:

I am full of ideas.
I am quick to understand things.

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Interpersonal Foundations

I have a vivid imagination.

I spend time reflecting on things.
I have a rich vocabulary.

Conscientiousness. People who are conscientious are goal-driven; they develop plans

and work hard to achieve their goals. They are perceived to be intelligent and dependable.
They walk the talk, meaning that they do what they say they will do. They can also be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Some might perceive them to be stuffy and boring.
People who are not conscientious are perceived to be unreliable, lazy, and living for the moment. Here are a few items that describe a person with a high level of conscientiousness:

I am always prepared.
I follow a schedule.
I like order.
I pay attention to details.

I get chores done right away.

Extraverson. People who are extraverted like to talk and socialize. They tend to be

high-energy and action-oriented individuals who like to say Yes to exciting opportunities. Extraverted individuals assert themselves and like to draw attention to themselves
whenever possible. Low extraverted people (introverts) tend to be quiet and enjoy their
own company. Unfortunately, their lack of social involvement is sometimes misperceived as their being shy or depressed. Here are a few items that describe a person with a
high level of extraversion:

Your personality makes you unique.

Even brothers and sisters who have
the same parents and were raised
in the same manner can behave
and interact with others in an entirely different way. For example,
shes highly extraverted and open
to new ideas. Her brother, on the
other hand, is highly conscientious
and introverted.

I am the life of the party.

I feel comfortable around people.
I start conversations.
I dont mind being the center of attention.
I talk to a lot of different people at parties.

Agreeableness. People who are agreeable tend to be positive. They get along with others

and are considerate, friendly, generous, and willing to extend a helping hand when needed.
Disagreeable individuals tend to be selfish and to be unconcerned about other people.
Agreeable people tend to be more popular. Others are attracted to agreeable people and
tend to avoid disagreeable people. Here are a few items that describe a person
with a high level of agreeableness:
I am interested in people.
I am aware of others emotions.
I have a soft heart.
I take time out for others.
I sympathize with others feelings.

Neuroticism. People who are neurotic tend to

experience feelings of anxiety, anger, and depression. They are emotionally reactive, and
their emotional reactions are usually intense.
Highly neurotic individuals tend to perceive

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15

ordinary situations as threatening and have little patience. They have a negative attentional focus, which means that they tend to focus on the negative and overlook the positive aspects in their environments. Conversely, low neurotic individuals are less easily
upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm and emotionally stable.
Here are a few items that describe a person with a high level of neuroticism:

I am easily disturbed.
I get irritated easily.
I get stressed out easily.
I have frequent mood swings.
I worry about things.

Table 1.1 provides a quick review of the Big Five factors that comprise a personality.
Rather than having a single personality trait, you have a personality that is made up
of a variety of traits, which form a personality profile. Some traits are so strong that they
influence your communication behavior regardless of the situation you find yourself
in.24 For example if youre highly extraverted, you probably talk too much in libraries
and theaters where most people tend to be quiet. On the other hand, being extraverted
can allow you to be more adaptable in your communication behavior. By becoming
aware of your personality and how it influences your communication behavior, youre
better able to modify your communication behaviors making them appropriate for the
situation or context.
Two questions that people often ask are What personality profiles make the perfect
relationship? and Can I change my personality or my significant others? There are
no simple answers to these questions. People with all different types of personality profiles can work together. It depends on how well you and your significant other communicate with each other. Although personality influences how you communicate, its your
communication that ultimately influences the quality of your relationships.
In terms of the second question, the research suggests that your personality can
change over your lifetime; however, the amount of change is a question that researchers
are still investigating.25 Rather than investing time in changing your personality or the
other persons personality, its probably better to invest that time in trying to learn as
much as possible about each others personalities and how these personalities influence
the communication that is created in your relationship.
TABLE 1.1

Review of the Big Five Model of Personality

Trait

Description

Openness

Being curious, original, intellectual, creative, and open to

new ideas.

Conscientiousness

Being organized, systematic, punctual, achievementoriented, and dependable.

Extraversion

Being outgoing, talkative, and sociable and enjoying social

situations.

Agreeableness

Being affable, tolerant, sensitive, trusting, kind, and warm.

Neuroticism

Being anxious, irritable, temperamental, and moody.

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ASSESSING on the web

A
Log on to our self-assessment library, MyPersonalityProfile, on MyCommunicationLab (www.mycommunicationlab.com) and assess your Big Five personality traits by
completing Gosling et. al.'s Ten Item Personality Inventory(TIPI). Encourage
your relational partner to do the same. Then you can compare and contrast your
scores and begin to understand better how your personality may influence your
interpersonal communication.

As we examine how personality impacts your interpersonal communication, were

also interested in better understanding what makes communication ethical.
Throughout this book we introduce a number of different ethical issues as they apply to
a particular concept in a boxed feature titled Interpersonal Communication Ethics. An
ethic is a belief, value, or moral principle by which we determine what is right and
wrong. We use our ethics when making important decisions. Below is an ethical issue
we would like you to think about since its related to your personality.

Connecting Personality, Communication, and Biology

For several decades researchers have been interested in better understanding why we
communicate the way we do. The general belief was that our communication behavior

ETHICS in interpersonal communication

Can Your Personality Influence the Ethics
of Your Communication?
Machiavellianism is a personality trait that influences not only
your communication, but also the ethics of your communication.
The concept of Machiavellianism is based on the 16th century
writings of Niccol Machiavelli, who offered advice on how to
get other people to do things for you. Researchers are still uncertain about how a person acquires a Machiavellian personality
trait, but like most, its probably a combination of nature and
nurture influences. People who are high in Machiavellianism
(high Machs) differ from those who are low in Machiavellianism
(low Machs) in that high Machs manipulate more, win more,
and are persuaded less . . . in situations in which subjects interact face to face with others.26 High Machs believe that the ends
justify the means. Put another way, high Machs do whatever it
takes to be successful, including restricting others choices and
using misleading and false information in their communication.27
High Machs tend to prevail in situations involving emotional involvement more often than low Machs do because high Machs
have the ability to ignore how others are feeling and concentrate
more on winning, whereas low Machs care about how others
are feeling.28 Additionally, high Machs often view unethical behaviors as being acceptable.29

The research examining Machiavellianism and communication introduces a number of interesting questions related to interpersonal communication. What do you think about the following questions?

Can a personality trait actually cause someone to be unethical in his or her communication? Cant a person choose
not to be unethical in his or her communication?

Are all high Machs unethical in their communication?

Can a person be held responsible for communication that

may be unethical if it is personality-driven?

Should a low Mach who is in a relationship with a high

Mach be worried?

Can a high Mach learn to become a low Mach? Can a low

Mach learn to become a high Mach?

Log onto our MyCommunicationLab

Self-Assessment Library (www.mycommunicationlab.com) and
assess your Machiavellianism by completing the interactive assessment. Encourage your relational partner to do the same.
Then you can compare and contrast your scores and begin
to understand better how your Machiavellianism may influence
your interpersonal communication.