How To Resolve Conflicts?

Khanh
Good morning classmates and Mr Ha. I am ____ and today my group is going to
talk about conflict resolution.
We will share a simple and effective step by step process called STABEN that you
can use for resolving your conflicts with other people.
We shall only take about 8 minutes of your time.
Now, the presentation can be broken down into 2 main parts:
In the first section, we will define the term conflict.
For the second section, we will introduce a simple scenario where a conflict
occurs and we will show you how to apply a process to resolve this conflict.
I will now pass the time on to ____.
Hi, my name is ____ In this first part, I will define conflict. conflict is a very
natural thing that happens whenever we live with other people. Everyone of you
here interacts with people all the time; In these everyday interactions, conflicts
can arise anytime. I shall repeat that word, anytime.
anytime your wishes,desires, feelings do not perfectly match mine, we have a
conflict.
Since you can expect to encounter conflicts pretty much everyday in your life,
knowing how to resolve them is a very very useful skill to have.
We introduce a simple conflict scenario which we will resolve later ; B is here to
talk about her tense working relationship with A.
Hi I am B. My groupmate A and I have to do a business proposal. She is such a
perfectionist its driving me crazy. I just gave her my part about the marketing
strategy. She reads through it, and you know the first thing she says when she
hands it back to me. Theres an extra space on page 1, and there are
grammatical errors in the 2nd paragraph.
Lien
Hi, I am ____. I will now show B how she can apply STABEN to handle her conflict
with A in a non-aggressive way. This is a method in which B learns to talk to A
about the conflict in their working relationship in a way that is quick, efficient,
very easy to learn and very effective.
Ok lets unpack the first letter in STABEN, S. So what does S stand for? S stands
for source. So, the first step is to identify the source of conflict. Basically, WHO is
the source of conflict? WHAT difference in personality and opinions are causing
the conflict? Ok B, can you carry out the first step.
B: Well WHO is easy: A is the person who I have a conflict. Hmm. The WHAT is a
bit harder. I think that we have differing standards of what constitutes good
work, her standards are just too high.
After having identified the source, we now move on to the second step: T, T is
time and place. B now needs to identify the right time and place to talk to A
about her unreasonable standards.
B: Well Thursday morning in the canteen seems to be a good choice. We are both
free in the morning, and she seems to be a morning person. And the canteen is
pretty quiet in the mornings.
Nhu
Great! Now for the third step: A stands for amicable approach. And this is a fancy
way of saying: you start the conservation with the positive. So when youre
talking with someone and you want them to listen to you, you start by saying
something positive about the person. It can be anything as long as it is genuine
and positive. Now sometimes this is really hard if youre really angry at someone
but it is so important, and the reason is because you want the persons attention,
you dont want their negative attention, you dont want them defensive, you
want their positive attention so they are going to be receptive to what you say.
So B can you give this a try: try to think of something specific that A did or say;
avoid general statements like : Youre a great person. These are a bit vague and
you can come across as phoney.
B:Oh man, this is really quite hard. I am really annoyed at her at the moment,
just talking about her gets me worked up and sours my mood. Its hard to think
of anything I like about her. Hmmn. Well I have to admit, I am always impressed
with the quality of her work, her sections of the report are just really good, so
well written and the argument is really tight and well-constructed. So perhaps I
could compliment her work.
Tram
So now that youve got As attention, youre going to go on to step 4,B, Behavior.
B has to identify very very specifically the behaviour that was a problem. Well
lets help B out a bit here. B shouldnt say something like you are too demanding,
I get so frustrated working with you. That is a bit vague. You should instead be
more specific about the behaviours that you find over the top. Like You get really
upset over minor mistakes like wrong formatting or grammatical errors. You want
to be very very specific, what people tend to do in conflicts is to lump together
all sorts of conflicts into one big giant conflict and try to resolve them all at once
and this doesnt tend to work very well. So maybe B is also mad about A because
A always seems to be criticising Bs work, and B takes this personally. Maybe
shes also mad at A for setting unreasonable deadlines. B shouldnt lump all
these conflicts together, but resolve them one by one.
Ok now for E. This step is called emotion. Now B is going to say: Because of this
behaviour, I feltwhatever. I felt annoyed, I felt you were criticising me as a
person, whatever you are feeling is what you say. And its important that you use
the word I and you dont make it general, you dont use the word her or him. Its
your behaviour that made me feel this way.
Now for the last step. N is need. What do I need to end this conflict? Ok B, why
dont you try and answer this question:
B: Instead of pointing out the extra spaces to me, A should just fix them as she
proof-reads my part.
So that is it. B starts off with identifying the WHAT and WHO in source. She then
needs to identify the best time and place. She has to have an amicable
approach, start the conversation with something nice about A. She introduces
the behaviour that is bothering her and creating the conflict. Because of this
behaviour, she feels dot dot dot. And she ends with her need, what does she
need from A to end this conflict.
Before we end the presentation, let me just repeat the simple 6 steps in the
process.
S for source, T is time-place, A is amicable approach. B is behaviour, E is
emotion and N is need.
Hopefully we will be able to show you how to apply STABEN to more complicated
scenarios in the next presentation. We hope that all of you remember the
acronym STABEN and can explain what each word stands for if asked. Thank you
for listening. If you have any questions you would like to ask, please feel free to
do so.
Deleted parts:
So lets run through the steps again a bit: The source is B and her unreasonable
standards for work. B has chosen Thursday morning to be the time and place to
bring up the conflict. She will start the conversation with a compliment about As
work. The specific behaviour that annoys B is that A is fussing over the minor
details.

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