God's Plan For Marriage and Spousal Love: Fr. Matthew Habiger, OSB

understand the seriousness of the present state
of marriage.
Fol lowi n g clo sel y t h e te ac hi ng o f t he
Catechism of the Catholic Church, the
pastoral letter first discusses marriage as a
natural institution essentially linked to malefemale complementarity and ordered to the good
of the spouses and the procreation of
children.
The letter views marriage as an institution facing
"fundamental challenges" from contraception,
homosexual unions, divorce and cohabitation.
On
contraception
the
bishops
teach:
"Deliberately intervening, by the use of
contraceptive practices, to close off an act of
intercourse to the possibility of procreation is
a way of separating the unitive meaning of
marriage from the procreative meaning. This
is objectively wrong and in and of itself and is
essentially opposed to God's plan for marriage
and proper human development."
On same-sex unions the bishops teach: "The legal
recognition of same-sex unions poses a
multifaceted threat to the very fabric of society,
striking at the source from which society and
culture come and which they are meant to serve.
Such recognition affects all people, married and
non-married: not only at the fundamental levels
of the good of the spouses, the good of children,
the intrinsic dignity of every human person and
the common good, but also at the levels of
education, cultural imagination and influence,
and religious freedom."
On cohabitation the bishops teach: "Social science
research finds that cohabitation has no positive
effects on a marriage. In some cases, cohabitation
can in fact harm a couple's chances for a stable
marriage.
More
importantly,
though,
c o h a b i t a t i o n i n v o l ve s t h e s e r i o u s s i n o f
fornication. It does not conform to God's plan
fo r ma r r i a g e a nd i s al wa ys wr o n g a nd
objectively sinful."
God's Plan for Marriage

and Spousal Love
The bishops' letter then turns to "Marriage i n

t he or der o f t he n ew c re ati on. " H ere it
discusses marriage as a sacrament, as a
reflection of the life of the Blessed Trinity,
as the foundation of the domestic church
(which is the family), and as a vocation in
which spouses are called to grow in chastity and
gratitude.
The American bishops help us to retrieve a
clear picture of God's plan for the beauty
of marriage and spousal love and family.
They point to the many helps and tools we can
use to strengthen our marriages, and how
we can encourage other couples experiencing
problems with their marriage. I encourage you to
read the pastoral letter "Marriage: Love
and Life in God's Plan." Meditate upon it!
When Jesus appeared on Earth and began
teaching and performing His great miracles,
He went to the wedding feast at Cana. Here He
elevated marria ge, fro m simpl y a natural
institution to the dignity of a divine sacrament.
A sacrament is an outpouring of divine life
and grace. Why is the Church so confident
that all married couples can measure up to the
standards of God's plan for their marriage
and spousal love? Because with God's grace
everything is possible; nothing is impossible.
If a couple will draw upon the grace of their
sacrament, and cooperate with it, the y
can
o vercome
any
difficulty,
any
disappointment, and any hurt feelings.
May the healing of our marriages begin!
For additional information go to:
http://www.nfpoutreach.org.
Pope John Paul II Society of Evangelists
P.O. Box 5584, Bakersfield, California 93388
E-mail: info@pjpiisoe.org Phone: 661 393-3239
www.pjpiisoe.org Pamphlet 616
Fr. Matthew Habiger, OSB

Early on in Jesus public ministry He went
with His mother and His disciples to a wedding in
C a n a . H e r e we s e e t ha t J es u s i s b l e s si n g
marriage, and reinforcing it with His presence
at the wedding of Cana. It is here that He
performs His first miracle. He changed (you
could say "transubstantiated") six containers
of water, each holding twent y or thirty
gallons, into choice wine. 120 gallons of
choice wine! That is a lot of spirit! The
wedding reception must have been a lively one!
God designed marriage and spousal love. He
has a definite plan for marriage and spousal
love. Since marriage is so important to each
one of us, and to the human race, we need to
reflect upon it. When God created the human
race, He designed us to be bodied persons,
male and female. The first man, Adam,
isolated and left to himself, was incomplete.
Adam yearned for a s ou l ma t e , a pe r so n
wh o c ou l d fu l fi l l hi s ye a r n i n g s f o r
c o m p a n i o n s h i p , l o v e a n d intimacy. Then
God created the first woman, Eve, to be the
perfect complement to Adam. "Male and
female He created them in His own image
and likeness." As persons, both Adam and
Eve had the ability to make the total,
personal gift of self to the other. That is
the distinctive quality of a human person: the

ability to make the total, unconditional, without
any reservations, total self surrender to another.
Genesis teaches "male and female He made them,
in His own image and likeness" (Gen 1:27).
A man and a woman reflect God, image God,
by their ability to make the total personal gift
of self to the other, just as the three persons
of God totally give of themselves in the Blessed
Trinity. In Isaiah 62 we read: "For the Lord
delights in you, and your land shall be called
married ... And as the bridegroom rejoices over
the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you" (Is
62:5). Here we see that God uses the image of
marriage to express His great love for us.
This total and personal gift of self is most
clearly seen in the marital act, the great
spousal act. "For this reason a man shall
leave his parents and cleave to his wife, the
two shall become one flesh" (Gen 2:24).
Our God is a God of both love and life. When
He designed m a r r i a g e , H e m a d e i t t o b e
a n i n t i m a t e communion of love and life
between a husband and wife. And when God
designed the marital act, He designed it to
have two inseparable dimensions: a unitive,
or love-giving dimension, and a procreative,
or life-giving dimension. Love and life: they
always go together. All love is life giving.
Real love is never intentionally made
sterile. Sterilized love is completely
unnatural and dehumanizing.
Marriage, in God's plan, has still other
dimensions. It is free, total, faithful and open
to life. Love, and married love, cannot be
forced. It must be freely given. Married love is
the total, unreserved gift of self. As God
designed it, marriage vows endure until the
death of one of the spouses. It is "until
death do us part." It calls for absolute
fidelity. And marriage is always open to
the goodness of life: a happy, healthy family

is the fulfillment of a marriage.
higher i n c i d e n c e o f i n c a r c e r a t i o n , a n d
l o w e r performance in school.
Sadly, we have strayed a long way from

God's plan for marriage, spousal love
and family. The situation of today makes a
mockery of God's plan. Today we find that
one out of t wo m a r r i a g e s e n d s u p i n a
d i v o r c e. T h i s includes Catholics. Today we
live in a fault free divorce society, where either
one of the spouses can initiate a divorce and
the law will accept that, regardless of the
wishes of the other spouse who wants to save the
marriage. Today the prevailing attitude is: "If
major problems appear, we split."
Jesus does not bless this state of marriage.

J e s u s d o e s n o t gi v e H i s a p p r o va l t o
t h i s abandonment of God's plan for
marriage and spousal love. Jesus wants His
plan for marriage and spousal love to be
taught from the pulpits and shouted from the
rooftops. He wants it to be part of the new
evangelization for the 21st century. He
wants people to understand the beauty and
goodness of mature spousal love and a total
commitment to marriage. He wants us to
understand that it takes a lifetime to live
and develop a spousal relationship. You
can't do this in ten or fifteen years. Jesus wants
us to understand that the child is the greatest
gift God can send to married couples. Children
are their greatest treasure.
Think of what this attitude does to any sense

of commitment to marriage vows
a n d permanency. Consider the pain and
damage done to the children of a divorce.
Perhaps this is why so many young couples
put off marriage and simply cohabitate.
Today, nationwide, there is an 80%
cohabitat ion rate among youn g Catholic
couples. Easy divorce and lack of
commitment has led to many single
parent families, usually with single moms.
It should be easy to see the devastation that
contraception a n d
sterilization
are
w r e a ki n g u p o n o u r marriages today.
New research reports that the percentage of
United St ates' adul ts who are married
has dropped from 78% in 1970 to 57% in
2008, according to the recently released report,
"The Marriage
Index."
Even
more
concerning, 40% of all American children
today are born out of wedlock and 71% of
African American children are born without
married parents. Research also shows that
single mothers have only one third the
fi na nc i a l as s e t s as m a r ri e d m ot h er s .
Children not brought up by both a mother
and father have lower graduation rates,
This is why we must all return to God's plan

f o r m a r r i a g e , s p o u s a l l o v e a n d f a m i l y.
Whenever I meet couples celebrating their 50th
golden anniversaries, I always ask them:
"What is the secret to your staying
married?" Their answer is always the same.
They say, "Well, don't think that we didn't
have our share of problems. We had just as
many problems as anyone else. But we made
the decision to face our problems together and
work them out. Our problems did not break
us. Rather, working with our problems in
the marriage and family helped us to mature
and discover what real love is." Then they add,
"And we are still working at it."
In November 2009, the American Bishops
released their pastoral letter, "Marriage:
Love and Life in the Divine Plan." It is very
readable, and very good teaching. I encourage
you to read it. Just go to your computer and
type on your search engine "Marriage: Love
and Life in the Divi ne Plan." Our bishops

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understand the seriousness of the present state

God's Plan for Marriage

The bishops' letter then turns to "Marriage i n

www.pjpiisoe.org Pamphlet 616

Fr. Matthew Habiger, OSB

the distinctive quality of a human person: the

the goodness of life: a happy, healthy family

Sadly, we have strayed a long way from

Jesus does not bless this state of marriage.

Think of what this attitude does to any sense

This is why we must all return to God's plan

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