Boys Town Social Skills Book PDF

EDUCATION
Step
R
2nd evised
Edit
Step
ion
Step
Teaching
Social Skills
Skill Steps and Useful Teaching Techniques
Teaching Social Skills to Youth features the step-by-step component behaviors
to 182 skills, from the basic (following instructions and introducing yourself ) to the
complex (managing stress and resolving conflict). Opening chapters explain the
individual and group teaching techniques that enable youth to recognize when,
where, or with whom to use a particular skill. The authors also show how to plan
Youth
to
skill-based treatment interventions for youth with difficult problems such as
substance abuse, aggression, running away, depression, or attention deficits.
New Edition Features Updates and CD-ROM

The second edition of this classic guide offers many updates and new features including:
g A CD-ROM that helps readers search for social skills by title, category, or
problem behavior and allows you to print copies of social skill steps for display
Dowd
g New information on how to help youth generalize the use of individual skills to
varied social situations
and
g An index that cross-references the 182 skills to the Six Pillars of Character –
respect, responsibility, trustworthiness, fairness, caring, and citizenship A Step-by-Step Guide to 182 Basic to Complex Skills
Tierney
References to and information from the latest research findings
Teaching Social Skills to Youth is an ideal resource for the classroom, in counseling
Plus Helpful Teaching Techniques
or therapy, and in job training programs. Use it to increase the skill competency of
any child, help improve student behavior in school, or develop an individualized
plan of treatment for troubled or at-risk youth. New!
Includes CD-ROM
with reproducible
social skills posters
for instructional use
Boys Town, NE 68010

www.boystownpress.org
0901-014, 45-014
By Tom Dowd, M.A. and Jeff Tierney, M.Ed.
Also from the Boys Town Press
Tools for Teaching Social Skills in School
Teaching Social Skills to Youth with Mental Health Disorders
More Tools for Teaching Social Skills in School
Changing Children’s Behavior
by Changing the People, Places, and Activities in Their Lives
The Well-Managed Classroom
Safe and Effective Secondary Schools
No Room for Bullies
Time to Enrich K-6 Activity Kit
Time to Enrich Grades 7-12 Activity Kit
Common Sense Parenting®
Common Sense Parenting® DVD Series
Building Relationships
Teaching Children Self-Control
Preventing Problem Behavior
Correcting Misbehavior
Teaching Kids to Make Good Decisions
Helping Kids Succeed in School
Competing with Character
The 100-Yard Classroom
Effective Study Strategies for Every Classroom
There Are No Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Dealing with Your Kids’ 7 Biggest Troubles
Practical Tools for Foster Parents
Skills for Families, Skills for Life
Unmasking Sexual Con Games
Getting Along with Others
For Adolescents
Boundaries: A Guide for Teens
A Good Friend: How to Make One, How to Be One
Who’s in the Mirror?
What’s Right for Me?
Little Sisters, Listen Up!
Guys, Let’s Keep It Real!
For a free Boys Town Press catalog, call 1-800-282-6657.

www.boystownpress.org
Boys Town National Hotline

1-800-448-3000
A crisis, resource and referral number especially for kids and parents.
A Step-by-Step Guide to 182 Basic to Complex Skills
Plus Helpful Teaching Techniques
By Tom Dowd, M.A. and Jeff Tierney, M.Ed.
Boys Town, Nebraska

Teaching Social Skills to Youth 2nd Edition
Published by Boys Town Press
Boys Town, NE 68010
Copyright © 2005 by Father Flanagan’s Boys’ Home
ISBN-13: 978-1-889322-69-8
All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce pages 61-257 for classroom or
individual counseling use only. No other part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording,
or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of
Boys Town Press, except where permitted by law. For information, address Boys Town
Press, 14100 Crawford St., Boys Town, NE 68010 or btpress@boystown.org.
Boys Town Press is the publishing division of Boys Town,

a national organization serving children and families.
Publisher’s Cataloging in Publication

Dowd, Tom (Tom P.)
Teaching social skills to youth / Tom Dowd and Jeff Tierney. -- 2nd ed. -- Boys Town, NE :
Boys Town Press, c2005.
p. ; cm.
Accompanied by a CD-ROM which enables searching the text using various approaches.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN: 1-889322-69-5
ISBN-13: 978-1-889322-69-8
1. Social skills in children--Study and teaching. 2. Social interaction in children--Study and
teaching. 3. Interpersonal relations in children--Study and teaching. 4. Socialization--Study and
teaching. 5. Social learning--Study and teaching. I. Tierney, Jeff. II. Title.
HQ783 .D69 2005
303.3/2/07--dc22 0508
15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Acknowledgments
We would like to thank the following Boys Town staff members for their contributions to the re-
vised edition of this book and for their commitment to providing a valuable resource for all those
who strive to improve the lives of children: Doug Czyz, Kevin Lee, Jack Nelson, Debra Ondar,
Clarence Reed, Kevin Murray, Barbara Lonnborg, and Terry Hyland.
Table of Contents
Introduction to Social Skills Teaching........................................................................... 1
Chapter 1
An Overview of Social Skills Training............................................................................. 7
Chapter 2
Elements of Social Behavior..............................................................................................11
Chapter 3
Individual Teaching Techniques.....................................................................................17
Chapter 4
Generalization of Social Skills..........................................................................................33
Chapter 5
Teaching Skills in Group Settings...................................................................................37
Chapter 6
Social Skills and Treatment Planning.........................................................................47
Chapter 7
The Social Skills Curriculum................................................................................................ 55
Appendix A
Social Skills Grouped by Skill Type.................................................................................261
Appendix B
Social Skills Grouped by Character Trait....................................................................267
Appendix C
Social Skills Grouped by Behavior Problem.............................................................277
Appendix D
Social Skills Grouped by Situation.................................................................................293
References....................................................................................................................................301
Bibliography................................................................................................................................305
Index.................................................................................................................................................309
Introduction to
Social Skills Teaching
B
efore he learned the skill of “Following Instructions,” 10-year-old Damone
would look down at the floor and mumble to himself whenever someone asked
him to do something. If the person giving the instruction was lucky, Damone
would carry out the task or activity, but his track record for following through was
shaky. Even if he did the task, Damone didn’t know that he was supposed to let the per-
son know he was finished. He didn’t have much confidence in himself because he just
wasn’t sure what was expected of him. People didn’t have much confidence in Damone
because they couldn’t be sure he was reliable. At home and at school, Damone was
often in trouble for not doing what he was told.
Damone’s education in how to appropriately follow instructions started in school
when his teacher began teaching students the skill as part of her class. Then she sent
home some papers with the steps of the skill: Look at the person; Say “Okay”; Do what
you’ve been asked right away; Check back. Damone’s parents started working with
him on learning the steps and practicing. Within a couple of weeks, Damone had the
steps down, and his behavior began to change for the better. Now when someone gives
him an instruction, he does what is asked quickly and with confidence. He gets along
better with his parents and teacher, and they are proud of his progress. For this child,
one simple, basic skill made a huge difference in his behavior, his personality, and the
way he gets along with others.
Social skills like “Following Instructions” Most importantly, these skills help young-
are nothing new – except to the children (and sters begin to develop and build on the essential
adults) who don’t have them or know how to use character traits of responsibility, trustworthiness,
them. The earlier children and adolescents (and caring, respect, fairness, and citizenship. These
even adults) learn and know how to use social traits provide young people and adults with the
skills, the more successful they can be. internal moral compass that enables them to dis-
Everyone needs social skills. Social skills tinguish right from wrong, understand why it is
are the tools that enable people to communicate, important to do what is right, and make good
learn, ask questions, ask for help, get their needs choices in their thinking and behavior. (The six
met in appropriate ways, get along with others, traits have been identified as the Six Pillars of
make friends and develop healthy relationships, Character by the CHARACTER COUNTS! Co-
protect themselves, and generally be able to in- alition, a project of the nonprofit Joseph & Edna
teract with anyone and everyone they meet in Josephson Institute of Ethics. [See the box on
their journey through life. page 5.] The Coalition is a diverse partnership of
1
Teaching Social Skills to Youth
nearly 500 organizations that works to improve gral part of every child-care program Boys Town
the character of America’s young people by pro- offers. Boys Town has been caring for children
moting consensus ethical values. Boys Town and since 1917, and while times and children’s prob-
the Coalition have worked together on youth- lems have radically changed over the years, our
oriented projects.) approach of combining the “head” – child-care
While the long-term goals of social skill technology, research, and innovation – and the
instruction are generalization (using the right “heart” – compassion, caring, and loving guid-
skill at the right time in the right situation) and ance – has remained constant. All kids – espe-
internalization (making skills a natural part of cially those who are at risk or in danger of be-
one’s everyday life), the short-term benefits to coming at risk – need the kind of attention and
teaching children skills cannot be overstated. In help that brings about positive, lasting changes
fact, when children learn foundational skills like in their way of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
“Following Instructions,” “Accepting ‘No’ for
Social skills hold the key to unlocking the po-
an Answer,” and “Disagreeing Appropriately,” it
tential for good that every child possesses.
enables whoever is teaching to continue teach-
Boys Town’s mission is to change the way
ing and sets the stage for instruction in more
America cares for her children and families. Ac-
advanced and complex skills. In other words, if
a child knows how to appropriately follow in- complishing that mission on a day-to-day basis
structions, he or she can be directed to adopt and is difficult, and requires commitment, sacrifice,
use a variety of prosocial behaviors that make and skilled caregivers. In addition to our long-
up other beneficial skills. It is the repertoire of range goals, Boys Town first provides a safe
skills a child develops over time that shapes how environment for young people where they can
he or she functions in society. put their lives in order and, in many cases, begin
A child who does not learn social skills and healing wounds that run very deep. Within this
the basics of social interactions is at tremendous caring atmosphere, individualized treatment fo-
risk for failure in the classroom, juvenile delin- cuses on enhancing a youth’s strengths and im-
quency, being ostracized by positive peers, or be- proving his or her deficiencies.
ing adversely influenced by negative peers. Chil- At the famed Village of Boys Town near
dren who are never taught social skills develop Omaha, Nebraska, and at nearly 20 other sites
their own habits and devices for getting their across the United States, the work that our
needs met, habits and devices that often conflict founder, Father Edward Flanagan, began in 1917
with what society views as acceptable behavior. continues today. Four major programs are re-
The result can be an adolescent and adult life sponsible for the majority of direct and indirect
punctuated by violence, drug and alcohol abuse, care we offer. These programs are:
failed relationships, incarceration, and the frus-
g Long-Term Residential Program, where
tration of never realizing one’s goals.
boys and girls live in separate group homes
with trained married couples called Family-
Boys Town’s Approach to Teachers. In this family-style environment,
Teaching Skills each resident has his or her own individual-

ized Treatment Plan to address behavior
Social skill instruction and achieving skill problems and is part of the larger commu-
competency are so important to the success of nity of youth. More than 100 group homes
young people and adults that they are an inte- serve the needs of youth across the country.
2
Introduction to Social Skills Teaching
g Assessment and Short-Term Residential without compassion is pure manipulation; love

Program, which includes emergency shel- and compassion without good science is pure
ters and staff-secure detention facilities for sentimentality.
youth who must be removed from a dan- While the Boys Town Teaching Model has
gerous environment or who are awaiting a its basis in learning theory, it has not adopted
more permanent placement. a “mechanistic” view of how a child learns, as
g Ecological Family-Based Services Pro- have other models that take this approach. In the
gram, where trained Consultants work with Boys Town Model, the child is an active partici-
families who are in danger of having a child pant in the teaching and learning that occurs.
or children removed from the home. Treat- The child isn’t merely told how to behave; he or
ment occurs in the home as the Consultant she learns positive behaviors and how to choose
and family work together to enhance family to use them in many different situations. This
members’ existing strengths and develop “empowerment,” or self-help, approach com-
new ones. bines the active participation of the child with
g Ecological Treatment Foster Care Pro- the active teaching of the parent or caretaker.
gram, which provides foster care for youth The strength of this approach is that it teaches
with more difficult behavior problems. children prosocial skills and helps them build
Trained married couples (and sometimes healthy relationships with others.
trained single parents) provide a safe, loving The goal of this approach is not to control
environment as well as teaching and treat- children, but to help them take control of their
ment for children for as long as necessary. own lives. This is an ongoing learning process.
Boys Town’s teaching methods utilize behavioral
In all four programs, the source of all treat-
principles, while allowing children to integrate
ment is the Boys Town Teaching Model.
their thoughts and feelings into this learning
process. And, unlike many other learning theory
The Boys Town models, Boys Town effectively uses external
reinforcement, where appropriate, to promote
Teaching Model and maintain skill-learning and relationship de-
To understand the concept of helping chil- velopment. This allows children to change in-
dren learn new skills and behaviors so that trinsically. Inadequate thought patterns change,
they can competently use them in society, one negative feelings diminish, and inappropriate
must first realize that we are in the “business” behaviors are replaced by positive behaviors for
of bringing healing and hope to children and the youth and others.
families. Everything we do is rooted in the hu- In addition to teaching skills, other elements
man experience – the successes, the failures, of the Boys Town Teaching Model include build-
the progress, the obstacles. Children are human ing healthy relationships, supporting moral and
beings, not products on an assembly line. Boys spiritual development, creating a positive, fam-
Town’s caregivers are not robots programmed to ily-style environment, and promoting self gov-
perform the same task, the same way, every day. ernment and self-determination. Together, these
It is true that technology and theory (the head) elements comprise a proven, research-based,
are necessary, but so is genuine compassion and outcomes-oriented, and effective approach to
concern (the heart) and treating each youth as helping children. In our programs, we expect
an individual with unique problems. Technology kids to get better, and they do.
3
While all of the elements of our Model share pendices A, B, C, and D at the end of this book.)
equal importance, teaching skills is what helps A compact disk at the end of the book contains
kids learn new ways of thinking, new ways of these appendices and the entire Social Skills
feeling good, and new ways of behaving. Through Curriculum. Individual skills and their steps can
teaching, we give kids the skills they need in or- be printed from the CD.
der to take control of their lives and be success-
ful. Whether it’s a parent who wants to teach his NOTE: For ease of reading, we use the term “so-
daughter the skill of problem-solving, or a staff cial skills” throughout this book when referring
member in a youth shelter trying to help a youth to all of the Curriculum skills in general. The
learn anger control strategies, teaching skills is specific skill types – social, emotional manage-
the key to healthy child development and replac- ment, academic, ethical/moral, and independent
ing problem behaviors with positive alternative living – are used to better define the link between
behaviors. individual skills and behavior areas. Definitions
of the five skill types are on page 6.
What This Manual Offers Skills open the door to success for youth, no
This manual reflects and focuses on the im- matter the setting in which they are taught. We
portance of teaching social skills to youth of all hope these tools can contribute to and enhance
ages, the elements of social behavior (task and your work as you bring about lasting change,
behavior analysis), individual and group teach- instill hope, and prepare young people for the
ing techniques, generalization of skills, the role future that awaits them.
of skill-based treatment interventions for diffi-
cult youth problems, and the Boys Town Social
Skills Curriculum itself.
Our Social Skills Curriculum of 182 skills
defines the positive alternatives to many of the
maladaptive and self-defeating behavior patterns
in which a young person might engage. It is in-
tended to serve as an effective resource and tool
for anyone who works with children and adoles-
cents. This includes teachers, staff members in
long-term residential youth programs and youth
shelters, foster parents, counselors, therapists,
and others.
All 182 skills and their steps are presented
in this manual (Chapter 7). Besides being task-
analyzed into their specific behaviors, the skills
also are paired with specific skill types – social,
emotional management, academic, ethical/mor-
al, and independent living – and character traits,
and categorized according to behaviors and
situations in which they can be used to address
problems or enhance a youth’s abilities. (See Ap-
4
Introduction to Social Skills Teaching
The Six Pillars of Character

(As described by the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition)
Trustworthiness
Be honest. Don’t deceive, cheat, or steal. Be reliable – do what you say you’ll do. Have the courage
to do the right thing. Build a good reputation. Be loyal – stand by your family, friends, and country.
Respect
Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule. Be tolerant of differences. Use good manners,
not bad language. Be considerate of the feelings of others. Don’t threaten, hit, or hurt anyone.
Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and disagreements.
Responsibility
Do what you are supposed to do. Persevere: keep on trying! Always do your best. Use self-control.
Be self-disciplined. Think before you act – consider the consequences. Be accountable for your
choices.
Fairness
Play by the rules. Take turns and share. Be open-minded; listen to others. Don’t take advantage of
others. Don’t blame others carelessly.
Caring
Be kind. Be compassionate and show you care. Express gratitude. Forgive others. Help people in
need.
Citizenship
Do your share to make your school and community better. Cooperate. Stay informed; vote. Be a
good neighbor. Obey laws and rules. Respect authority. Protect the environment.
(In Appendix B at the end of this book, these character traits are paired with the specific Curriculum skills
that can be used to teach and reinforce the traits.)
5
Skill Types
Social Skills
Skills in this category are related to most situations in which a person interacts with another
person or other people. These situations might range from having a private, one-on-one conversa-
tion with a friend, to asking directions from a stranger, to being with a small group of people in a
doctor’s waiting room, to being part of large crowd at a party. Social skills enable a person to ap-
propriately communicate with, respond to, make a request from, and get along with other people.
Emotional Management Skills
Emotional management skills enable a person to find and maintain a balance between not feeling
anything and letting one’s feelings control his or her behavior. These skills also help a person main-
tain self-control, stay calm in exciting, stressful, or frustrating situations, and make good choices
under pressure. One major area where this is important is anger control. People who know which
skills to use to prevent or control their anger and not become physically or verbally aggressive are
able to stay out of trouble and solve problems or overcome obstacles in appropriate ways.
Academic Skills
Completing homework and turning it in on time, studying, taking tests, reading, doing learning
activities, and taking notes during lectures are just a few of the areas where having good academic
skills is necessary. And while we usually associate academics only with school, these skills are use-
ful in any learning situation, whether it is with a teacher in a classroom or reading a book or work-
ing on a computer to expand one’s knowledge.
Ethical/Moral Skills
Skills that help a person learn positive ethics and morals contribute to building character and
developing a conscience. A person’s ability to use ethical/moral skills provides the “moral compass”
that helps him or her know right from wrong, good from bad, and prosocial from antisocial. Good
character stems from knowing the right thing to do and following through.
Independent-Living Skills
People are able to perform the activities of life – cooking, shopping, keeping up an apartment or
house, managing finances, balancing a checkbook, looking for a job, buying a car and making pay-
ments, and many others – because they have learned how to take care of themselves. Indepen-
dent-living skills prepare people to be on their own and to contribute to society as a wage earner,
a good neighbor, a productive citizen, and an independent person.
(In Appendix A at the end of this book, specific Curriculum skills are grouped according to these skill types.)
6
Chapter 1
An Overview of
Social Skills Training
T
eaching social skills to youth is a daunting derstanding how the environment changes, and
task that requires perseverance and dedi- how the social validity of every social skill is
cation. It is a process that also calls for dependent on the ability of youth to make nec-
constant repetition and practice if caregivers are essary adjustments to the people and situations
to make a critical impact on their youths’ future within that environment.
development and overall social competence. So- Defining the concept of social skills has been
cial competence, individual social behavior, and challenging ever since its inception. Depending
their outcomes require that youth learn social on how a skill is viewed, most definitions focus
skills that can develop and improve their abil- on individual behavior and its effects and out-
ity to communicate effectively, solve problems, comes upon others. Gresham (1998) defined so-
maintain self-control, and enjoy self-efficacy. cial skills as “socially acceptable learned behav-
This is a tall order because what has been iors enabling the individual to interact effective-
taught and modeled for some youth is often in- ly with others and avoid or escape socially un-
adequate and sometimes dysfunctional, creating acceptable behavior exhibited by others.” Along
serious development and life-event problems.
with this definition, Gresham (1998) proposed a
This is especially true for youth who have con-
two-dimensional model of social skills and inter-
tact with social services, the juvenile justice sys-
fering problem behaviors in which social skills
tem, mental health services, and youth treatment
can be classified into three distinct classes: 1)
programs.
social acquisition deficits; 2) social performance
deficits; and 3) social fluency deficits.
Social Skills Training Social acquisition deficits are defined as the
absence of knowledge of how to execute particu-
and Social Competence lar social skills or a failure to discriminate when
Social competence is the outcome of differ- certain social behaviors are appropriate. Social
ent behavioral, cognitive, and emotional com- performance deficits recognize the presence of a
ponents. Competence suggests that one has the social skill or skills, but there is a failure to per-
ability to perform a given task or set of tasks in a form the acceptable behavior in specific situa-
way that is deemed acceptable by others. When tions. Social fluency deficits reflect the presence
looking at social skills and competence, we are of a skill, but there is an inability to perform the
interested in how a person is validated by his or skill because of a lack of appropriate models or
her current social circle or environment. What practice, or inconsistent reinforcement when the
makes social skills training challenging is un- skill is used.
7
These three classes enable us to assess youth plement solutions immediately when appropri-
behaviors and move toward determining an ap- ate reinforcement for the interaction is not ob-
propriate intervention. Also included in assess- tained. This reflects the adjustments necessary
ment is the determination of interfering problem during a sustained ongoing socially competent
behaviors, the second dimension of Gresham’s interaction. Addressing any competent social in-
two-dimensional model. Many times, youth teraction requires knowledge, mastery, and flu-
have internalized or externalized problems, ency to be successful. Without these there will
which compete or interfere with skill acquisi- be misperception, misinterpretation, and possi-
tion, performance, or fluency. This makes it nec- bly an escalation in negative behavior.
essary for recognition and intervention to occur The philosophy of social skill instruction
simultaneously. Internal problem behaviors can within Boys Town programs is that youth have
be characterized as fear, social withdrawal, de- strengths and weaknesses (identified problem
pression, etc. External problem behaviors can be behaviors), and that active, direct instruction
characterized as impulsivity, aggression, hyper- and practice is a key to remediation and growth.
activity, etc. (Gresham, 1998). Focusing on a youth’s strengths provides a foun-
Social competence is a judgment made by dation and a starting place for building skills and
others that reflects one’s ability to perform a so- alleviating weaknesses, and provides a positive
cial skill adequately and receive appropriate re- approach to remediation and treatment. Positive,
inforcement. If we are to effectively teach youth prosocial behaviors, including those that require
appropriate alternative or replacement behaviors growth, can be modeled, taught, and rewarded,
that ensure that they receive ongoing reinforce- and therefore, become viable alternatives for a
ment for recognizing, choosing, and using the youth who has gotten into trouble in such situa-
right social skill, we must be able to identify and tions in the past.
recognize factors that influence youths’ perfor-
mance of skills and allow them to be perceived
as socially competent (Spence, 2003). These
Benefits of Social
factors include the ability to: Skills Training
g use interpersonal problem-solving skills. Social skills training has numerous benefits
g perceive and process social information. and ultimately can assist in developing social
competence. Benefits include improving one’s
g understand and choose the appropriate skill. ability to get along with others, maintaining self-
g manage emotions and affect while interact- control, regulating affect, increasing academic
ing with others. success, and improving self-esteem, self-confi-
g self-monitor and make adjustments to be- dence, and self-efficacy. As noted earlier, inter-
havior as needed. fering problem behaviors can hinder or block
a youth’s ability to achieve social competence.
g understand and interpret any environmental Numerous studies related to specific problem
contingencies that require the modification behaviors and the use of social skills training
or adaptation of a skill. to address them indicate promise in helping
These factors occur simultaneously and rap- youth improve or develop increased social com-
idly during any given interaction with others and petence. Areas where improvements have been
are more reflexive than planned. Any part of an noted include aggression, juvenile delinquency,
interaction that is planned reflects on a youth’s child abuse and neglect, and mental health dis-
ability to spontaneously solve problems and im- orders.
8
An Overview of Social Skills Training
Another distinct advantage of social skills skills necessary for the transition to adulthood
training is that it can be used as a primary, sec- (LeCroy, 1983). Youth need to become increas-
ondary, or tertiary intervention (Walker, Ramsey, ingly skilled as they face the developmental
& Gresham, 2004). As we will discuss in later tasks of adolescence, such as identity and value
chapters, varying interventions enables caregiv- formation, independence from family, and ap-
ers to do group and individual teaching and al- propriate group affiliation. Without a strong so-
lows for general-to-specific intervention, based cial and psychological base from which to de-
on the severity of the problem at hand. velop, many adolescents fail to negotiate these
Primary interventions are those that deal tasks successfully.
with teaching general social skills to larger Social skills training programs have repeat-
groups of youth and do not target a specific skill edly demonstrated their effectiveness in devel-
for change. This intervention is focused more on oping a wide range of interpersonal behaviors
developing and improving the overall positive and skills in diverse populations of children and
climate of a program or classroom. A secondary adolescents (Kazdin, 1985). The quality of any
intervention is more specific in its overall goal social skills training effort is enhanced by un-
of dealing with youth who are having difficul- derstanding and recognizing the complexity of
ties with a specific class or set of skills (e.g., social interactions, choosing appropriate social
self-control, problem-solving, etc.), and could skills for normalizing those interactions, and
benefit from focused social skills training. Many teaching them in meaningful ways that can be
times, this intervention is done in small, homog- valued by the youth, their peers, adults, and so-
enous groups, which creates more efficient and ciety in general. Caregivers can use group and
cost-effective teaching settings. Finally, tertiary individual interventions that are designed and
interventions are focused on reducing nega- structured to enhance interactions with their
tive, antisocial behavior that causes youth to be youth to build important life skills and treat be-
at risk for more restrictive interventions (e.g., havioral deficits on a daily basis.
foster care placement, incarceration, etc.). This
intervention requires more intensive individual
services and generally requires specific treat-
ment designs that focus on greatly reducing or
eliminating antisocial behavior that, if left un-
checked, will likely result in major life problems
as a youth gets older.
Summary
Deficits in social functioning appear to be
implicated in numerous behavioral problem ar-
eas that children, adolescents, and young adults
face. While children of all ages can experience
these deficits, developing the ability to interact
effectively with others may be especially criti-
cal during adolescence. This is normally a time
when a youth should be refining a variety of ba-
sic social behaviors and learning more complex
9
Chapter 2
Elements of Social Behavior
T
he goals of a social skills training pro- The events in the environment that may serve
gram for youth are to establish new sets to modify or control a youth’s responses are nu-
of responses to social situations and to merous, but can be generalized into two main
teach youth how to integrate their behavior with categories: antecedent events and consequent
others in the environment. In order to accom- events. Both of these are closely associated in
plish this, caregivers working with the youth time with the occurrence of a behavior.
must have a clear conception of what consti-
tutes social behavior and social skills, as well as Antecedent Events
a method of analyzing youths’ current level of
An antecedent event represents the situation
functioning. This chapter will focus on the func-
or conditions that immediately precede a behav-
tional relationships between a youth’s behavior
ior or performance of a skill. Often, the anteced-
and the environment, the structure of appropri-
ent event is a cue to a person that a particular
ate social skills and task analysis, and methods
behavior would be appropriate in that situation.
of assessing skill deficits and targeting alterna-
For example, a ringing doorbell is a cue, or ante-
tive responses.
cedent event, for going to the door and answer-
ing it.
Functional Relationships Antecedent events are critical when attempt-
ing to analyze a problem behavior a youth is
of Behavior using. A caregiver (parent, youth-care worker,
A behavioral approach to social skills teacher, or counselor) may be able to examine
training first recognizes that all behaviors oc- the events that immediately precede a negative
cur within a context of environmental events. behavior such as a tantrum or becoming physi-
A youth engages in a particular behavior or ac- cally aggressive, and begin to detect patterns in
tivity in a given situation in order to have some the behavior’s occurrence. For example, a youth
effect on his or her surroundings. Examples of may begin to argue and whine when told “No,”
this may include getting someone’s attention, but not when he is asked to complete a chore.
obtaining a possession, or being left alone. In this case, the antecedent event would indicate
But the result of that behavior, whatever the to the caregiver that more time should be spent
original intent, also will have an effect on the teaching the youth the social skill of “Accepting
youth. Thus, the relationship between a youth’s ‘No’ for an Answer” and not as much time needs
behavior and the environment is bi-directional, to be spent on teaching the skill of “Following
or functional. The youth is affecting the social Instructions.” The pattern of antecedent events
environment, while the environment is simul- that may be observed around any particular be-
taneously affecting the youth. havior problem or skill deficit of a youth will
11
help determine the appropriate alternative skill problem behavior or increase a positive behavior.
to teach. By acting without determining whether a conse-
It also should be mentioned that improvement quence will be helpful or harmful in a given situ-
in problem behaviors, as well as gains in social ation, caregivers could unintentionally or inad-
skills, can be accomplished through manipula- vertently reinforce and/or increase a negative be-
tion of antecedent events (Gresham, 1981). If a havior they are trying to decrease. For example,
parent complains that his son always loses his if parents respond to their child’s tantrums by
temper when told to go to bed, observation may giving in to her demands for a possession, or by
reveal that the parent walks into the living room ignoring the child and not interacting with her,
in the middle of a television show each night and both responses may increase the likelihood that
commands the child to go to bed. Changing the the child will throw a tantrum again in similar
antecedent event by having the parent prompt situations. And remember that the relationship
the child 15 minutes before bedtime that bed- between the child’s behavior and the environ-
time is approaching and negotiating a bedtime ment is bi-directional. So, if the parents’ giv-
that is after the youth’s television show may be ing in or ignoring immediately stops the child’s
enough to prevent the problem from occurring. tantrum, they are more likely to respond in the
Recognizing antecedent events and choosing same way in the future. This, in turn, increases
correct responses can be a major challenge for the likelihood of even more tantrums because
youth with social skill deficiencies. Situations the child learns that she can get what she wants
that are ambiguous, including ones where others or can avoid her parents by using that behavior.
give vague verbal or nonverbal responses, can Such is the nature of functional relationships.
be easily distorted and misinterpreted by these On the other hand, identifying and using
youth. Confusion over intent in ambiguous situ- consequences that will consistently reinforce
ations has been viewed as a major precursor to positive behaviors in the social environment will
aggressive acting out in some youth (Patterson, increase the frequency of the positive behaviors
1982; Dodge, Price, Bachorowskie, & New- over time. In order to establish and maintain new
man, 1990). Therefore, one area of teaching that social skills in a youth, a caregiver must rein-
should not be ignored by caregivers who are at- force a youth anytime he or she uses the skill,
tempting to improve their youths’ social compe- especially when first teaching the skill. When
tency is the recognition of situational cues, and the youth becomes proficient at using the skill
strategies for dealing with these cues when they and begins to experience the natural reinforce-
can be confusing or easily misinterpreted. ment that results (e.g., comfort in social situa-
tions, better peer acceptance, more effective
Consequent Events communication), the caregiver’s rewarding of
Consequent events (or consequences) are those behaviors becomes less important and can
the outcomes that result after a particular be- be faded out.
havior or skill has occurred. Broadly speaking, In conducting a functional analysis of a
behavioral consequences can be classified into youth’s social behavior, caregivers begin by ob-
two general types: reinforcing and punishing. serving and describing the antecedent and con-
Reinforcing consequences invariably strengthen sequent events that appear to precede and follow
the behavior they follow, and punishing conse- each significant behavior. Between these two
quences weaken the behavior they follow. descriptions, caregivers can construct a detailed
Consequent events also must be analyzed account of the youth’s behavior. By analyzing
when caregivers are attempting to decrease a each component (the “ABC’s” – Antecedent,
12
Antecedent Event Behavior Consequent Event
Billy approaches an adult and asks to Billy begins to argue, raise his voice, The adult responds by saying, “Okay,
go outside and play. The adult says, curse, and complain that the adult is you can go outside, but only for 20
“No, it is time to get started on your never fair to him. minutes.” Billy calms down immedi-
homework.” ately and goes outside to play.
Figure 1
Behavior, Consequence), a caregiver should ob- haviors that are part of them. Behaviors are in-
tain a relatively clear picture of: 1) events that dividual, discrete, observable acts demonstrated
appear to be cues for the behavior to occur; 2) as part of a larger measure of activity. Some be-
consequences that seem to be maintaining the haviors may be so subtle that they are performed
behavior; and 3) the appropriate social skill that unconsciously (such as looking at a person who
should be taught in order to replace the youth’s is talking to you), and may be part of nearly ev-
current problem behavior. An example of a func- ery social skill.
tional analysis is provided in Figure 1. Skills, on the other hand, are sets of related
By analyzing this interaction according to a behaviors or components that are designed to
functional analysis model, we could obtain the produce positive results for the user in defined
following information: situations. It is the consistent and generalized use
1. The situational cue for Billy to begin argu- of such skills that constitute social competency
ing and cursing appears to be when he is (LeCroy, 1983; Spence & Donovan, 1998). It is
denied a request (or told “No”). critical that caregivers become adept at defin-
ing, recognizing, teaching, and reinforcing the
2. The consequent event that is likely to main-
behavioral elements of social skills.
tain the behavior is the adult giving in to
The elements of social skills are identified
Billy’s arguing and complaints about fair-
and defined through a process called “task anal-
ness, and Billy engaging in an enjoyable
ysis” (Cartledge & Milburn, 1980). The essen-
activity immediately following the behavior.
tial steps involved in the task analysis of a social
3. The two skill areas that should be addressed skill area are:
in this situation are Billy’s difficulty with
1. Specifying the desired outcome or goal
accepting “No” answers and following in-
structions. 2. Identifying the essential component behav-
This example illustrates the information iors of the goal or skill
that can be obtained through a functional analy- 3. Stating the behavioral elements of the skill
sis exercise and observation of a youth’s social in observable terms
behavior. The critical elements of any behavior 4. Sequencing the component behaviors in or-
pattern are the events that precede and follow der of performance.
the target behavior or skill, and the specific ver-
bal and nonverbal components of the skill. For example, if a desired outcome for a
particular youth is stated as “will comply with
Social Skill Components instructions,” the task analysis process might
guide the caregiver to teach the youth to: 1) look
In a behavioral teaching program, it is im- at the person giving the instruction; 2) acknowl-
portant to distinguish between skills and the be- edge that you heard the instruction; 3) get started
13
right away and stay on task; and 4) let the person skills to teach as substitutes. This is accomplished
know when you are done. most effectively on an individual, prescriptive
It is important when task-analyzing so- basis for each youth. However, some generali-
cial behavior to remember that the youth is the ties can be made in order to demonstrate how the
primary person who needs to comprehend the choice of opposite competing skills is targeted.
listing of individual behaviors. Therefore, the Sterba and Dowd (1998) identified a list of pos-
analysis of social skills, if it is to be an effective sible replacement skills that could be taught as
treatment tool and resource, has to be concise part of treatment for conduct-disordered youth.
and clear, and use objective language. Figure 2 Their list is summarized in Figure 3.
summarizes guidelines for effective task analy- The process of developing skill-based in-
sis of social skills. terventions for youth with difficult behavioral
problems is initially dependent on the caregiv-
er’s ability to clearly specify and target areas that
Guidelines for Task Analysis need remediation and frequent teaching. Agree-
ment then needs to be reached regarding what
1. The scope of the main task or skill should be
skills constitute “behavioral opposites” and how
kept limited.
they will be taught. For example, if one youth
2. Subtasks (behaviors) should be written in ob- accompanies another in a shoplifting episode,
servable terms. and some caregivers are teaching the skill of
“Being Honest” while others are teaching “Re-
3. Terminology should be at a level understood
sisting Peer Pressure,” the youth may not receive
by the potential user.
the intended benefits in either area.
4. The task should be written in terms of what
the learner will do.
Summary
The fundamental elements of a youth’s so-
5. The task, not the learner, should be the focus
cial behavior and skills include the context or
of attention.
situational variables in which they occur, the be-
(Moyer & Dardig, 1978) havioral components that the youth is capable of
performing, and the consequent events that affect
Figure 2
future performance. Also, in order for the youth
Deficits in social functioning can be mea- to become socially “competent,” he or she needs
sured and assessed in numerous ways. The pri- to be capable of recognizing the subtle social
mary methods of formal assessment, mainly in cues of others in the course of an interaction and
populations of younger children, include socio- making appropriate behavioral adjustments.
metric measures, naturalistic observation and In the Boys Town programs, a compre-
recording, and teacher/caregiver ratings (Gresh- hensive curriculum of social skills guides staff
am, 1981; Oden, 1980). These techniques are members’ instructional interactions and treat-
primarily designed to produce ratings of peer ment planning. This curriculum is presented in
acceptance, popularity, and social integration Chapter 7. Each skill is task-analyzed and later
that can be correlated with other characteristics grouped according to related behavior problem
of children who score particularly low or high areas and relevant situations (see Appendices C
on these measures. and D) in order to augment the treatment plan-
Once skill deficits are observed and defined, ning process for serious youth issues or special
caregivers can choose appropriate alternative populations.
14
Replacement Skills for Conduct-Disordered Youth

Following Instructions Structured Problem-Solving
Accepting Consequences Dealing with Accusations
Accepting “No” for an Answer Dealing with Frustrations
Accepting Criticism Expressing Feelings Appropriately
Anger Control Strategies Negotiating with Others
Listening to Others Problem-Solving a Disagreement
Positive Self-Statements about Others Assertiveness
Compromising with Others Conflict Resolution
Controlling Emotions Accepting Decisions of Authority
Coping with Anger and Aggression from Others Communicating Honestly
Self-Monitoring and Reflection Keeping Property in Its Place
Expressing Concern and Understanding for Others Interacting Appropriately with the Opposite Sex
Relaxation Strategies Waiting Your Turn
Making Restitution Showing Respect
Seeking Positive Attention Getting Teacher’s Attention
Disagreeing Appropriately Care for Others’ Property
Showing Sensitivity to Others Controlling the Impulse to Steal
Following Rules Use of Appropriate Language
Interrupting Appropriately Making New Friends
Making an Apology
Figure 3
15
Chapter 3
Individual Teaching Techniques
W
hen teaching skills to children and ple, Patterson (1982) and his colleagues found
adolescents, how the skills are taught that parents of children who were later described
is often as important as what is being as having aggressive behavior problems were
taught. In other words, caregivers must have an more likely to: 1) use harsh commands and de-
effective, structured method for helping youth mands with their children; 2) reward negative
learn new skills, improve on existing skills, and behaviors with attention or compliance; and 3)
become proficient at choosing the right skills to ignore, or even punish, prosocial behaviors that
use in specific situations. their children demonstrated at home. New data
The teaching methods that will be covered in point to other negative or antisocial behavior
this chapter are integral parts of the Boys Town on the part of parents, as well. These children,
Teaching Model, and are effective in helping then, are more likely to act out aggressively
children and youth build a repertoire of skills in conflict situations at school and with peers,
in a variety of settings. By using components and to be deficient in critical social skill areas
such as modeling, demonstration, role-playing, such as compliance with rules, problem-solving
giving feedback, practice, and activities to pro- strategies, and communication skills. While one
mote generalization, these teaching approaches task of the caregiver – child-care treatment pro-
work together to prevent inappropriate youth vider, educator, parent, etc. – may be confront-
behavior, reinforce positive behavior, and cor- ing inappropriate behaviors that occur, another
rect negative behavior. simultaneous task is to encourage and motivate
Many children who lack critical skills may the child to replace those behaviors with more
not have had the benefit of growing up in an socially adaptive responses.
environment where positive social behavior was Before we discuss the teaching methods,
taught or reinforced. The adults present may let’s look at two factors that set up successful
not have modeled appropriate styles of inter- teaching: specifying behaviors and identifying
acting with others and the local peer culture or what skills to teach.
neighborhood may not have valued these posi-
tive behaviors. A child, therefore, may have not
received any direct instruction in appropriate Specifying Behaviors
ways to get his or her immediate needs fulfilled, A key ingredient in any instructional inter-
as is typical in most functional family settings action with a child is being specific. This means
(Oden, 1980). that behaviors and skills that are being taught
The lack of reinforcement for important so- are clearly defined, and even demonstrated for
cial skills may be a particularly critical feature the child, reducing the potential for confusion
in the learning histories of children with serious as much as possible. Chapter 2 referred to the
behavioral and emotional problems. For exam- specific elements of appropriate social behav-
17
ior and task analysis. This same degree of being “terrible”) that may emotionally harm a child or
specific and objective must be reflected in the trigger a negative reaction.
verbal interactions between adults and the youth
they work with or care for.
There are numerous advantages to teach-
Identifying What
ing social skills in a clear, concrete manner. Skills to Teach
The overall effectiveness of an adult’s instruc- The practical application of individual
tion increases dramatically as the language used teaching techniques for building skills begins
becomes more specific and objective. Youth are
with identifying what skills should be taught
more likely to learn the components of social
to a youth. In terms of content and sequenc-
skills and, once learned, are more likely to gen-
ing, individual teaching sessions can focus on:
eralize those skills to other situations in which it
1) a progression of skills from basic to more
would be appropriate to use them (school, home,
advanced; 2) skills specifically identified to be
on the job, etc.). This may be particularly critical
relevant to the youth’s most critical treatment is-
for those youth with cognitive or learning prob-
sues or needs; 3) preparation for a specific set of
lems. For example, a learning-disabled child may
circumstances or event; or 4) all of the above. An
have particular difficulty understanding vague
important consideration in this process is that
instructions from teachers or caregivers, recog-
the youth begins to see the value in the skills
nizing and interpreting the social cues of others,
that are to be taught (LeCroy, 1983). If the youth
and choosing the appropriate social response in
sees appropriate skills as meaningful only to the
a given situation (Cruickshank, Morse, & Johns,
adults who are teaching them, he or she is much
1980). Clear descriptions and demonstrations of
less likely to internalize and generalize those
behaviors and skills may help these youth learn
skills. That is why it is so critical that the teach-
more efficiently and, subsequently, handle dif-
ing process that is used to train the youth in a
ficult or ambiguous social situations more suc-
new set of skills includes steps that explain the
cessfully.
personal benefits of learning such skills.
The process of describing skill components
For the most part, the choice of which par-
specifically and objectively also may enhance
ticular skills to teach a youth varies with the
the quality of adult-youth relationships and build
youth’s immediate needs and long-term treat-
trust. Many youth, especially those in treatment
ment goals (if applicable). Skills and teaching
programs or institutions, have been told repeat-
methods also should always be appropriate for
edly what not to do or have been “put down” for
the problems they may have. But when adults a child’s age and developmental level. Once the
take the time to instruct youth in a positive, ob- skills have been identified and prioritized, an
jective manner, focusing on the skills to use in adult can map out a strategy that defines how
situations that have caused them difficulties in best to teach necessary skills, reinforce their use,
the past, they are communicating care and con- and promote internalization and generalization
cern for the youth in a tangible way. As a re- for long-term benefits.
sult, the youth become more open to the adults’
teaching and intervention and are more likely to Opportunities for Teaching
try out the new skills and behaviors they have
been taught. This is especially true when adults
and Reinforcing Skills
are careful to avoid judgmental and value-laden In almost every child-care or educational
words (“that was wrong,” “bad,” “stupid,” or setting, there are essentially three situations in
18
which skill instruction takes place. They are: grocery store, kids love it when an adult notices
g When a youth is observed using a skill ap- they’ve used or tried to use a positive behavior.
propriately (or using an approximation of a Some of the children with whom you work
skill) may rarely have heard those important words of
encouragement and praise. They may have been
g When preparing or reminding a youth to use bombarded with criticism plenty of times, and
a skill in an upcoming situation at times, may have been physically punished for
g When a youth’s inappropriate behavior must their misdeeds. And the times when these kids
be corrected and an alternative appropriate have tried to do the right thing or have found
behavior must be taught success, it may have been ignored or treated like
it’s nothing special.
The three teaching methods – Effective The children in your care may be hungry for
Praise, Proactive Teaching, and Corrective praise. As an important part of a child’s treatment
Teaching – we will discuss in the next few pages or education, praise nurtures emotional growth
have been developed to meet the needs of youth and provides motivation for youngsters to learn
and those adults who work with youth in these new skills. It is also one of the key elements to
situations. The beauty of these methods is that building a warm, healthy relationship with kids.
they can be modified and adapted to meet the Giving praise shows that you genuinely care, that
needs of almost any youth in almost any situa- you will take the time to notice when a boy or
tion and in almost any setting – schools, shelters, girl does well, and that you are proud of each
residential programs, treatment facilities, foster child’s accomplishments and efforts. Consistently
care homes, private care programs, and others. “catchingt’em being good” also builds self-confi-
While these methods are essential in provid- dence in youth, enhances learning, and helps kids
ing structure for teaching to youth, there will al- to like themselves. Eventually, youth begin to re-
ways be times when informal teaching occurs. alize that they should use certain behaviors and
Teaching through modeling appropriate behav- skills simply because it’s the right thing to do.
iors, discussing with youth events where some- The best kind of praise is praise that is sin-
cere, natural, and effective. By sincere we mean
one used either an appropriate or an inappropri-
that youth understand that you are giving praise
ate behavior, and having informal conversations
because you are pleased with what they’ve done,
about routine matters all are opportunities for
not just because it’s part of your job or because
caregivers to help youth expand, enhance, and
you want them to do something. Praising chil-
strengthen their skill base.
dren naturally means responding spontaneously
in a positive way as part of your life. Sometimes,
Effective Praise caregivers mistakenly think that praise situ-
ations have to be planned out, or that they are
Everyone likes praise. We want people to tell “episodes” that are separate from the daily rou-
us when they notice we’ve done something well tine. When that happens, caregivers can come
or accomplished a goal. Getting a pat on the back across as “mechanical” and children don’t see
or a word of congratulations makes us feel good, the praise as being sincere. The way to measure
both about what we’ve done and who we are. praise’s effectiveness is by watching whether
This is especially true for children. Whether a child who is praised for a specific behavior
it’s coloring a picture, studying hard for a test, continues to use the behavior. If he or she does,
or holding the door open for someone at the it’s a good indicator that praise motivates the
19
child and that he or she will try to repeat the be- 4. Ask for acknowledgment – Make sure the
havior because it earns a positive response. youth understands the reason for using the
Although frequent general praise creates behavior and why he or she should continue
a nurturing atmosphere, there are times when using it.
praise needs to be more specific. (By general 5. Give a positive consequence – The youth
praise, we mean brief comments or statements earns a positive consequence, which usually
– “Nice job!” “Way to go!” “All right!” – that is some kind of reward; again, label the skill
adults use to informally recognize a youth’s ap- and specifically describe the behaviors as
propriate behavior.) At Boys Town, we’ve devel- you tell the youth what he or she earned.
oped a teaching approach called Effective Praise,
Here’s what Effective Praise might sound
a step-by-step method to ensure that youth get
like when a caregiver in a shelter program sees
clear messages about their positive behavior. Ef-
that a youth has followed an instruction to clean
fective Praise is a way for caregivers to let youth
off the dinner table.
know exactly what they did and why they should
continue it, and then to give a positive conse- 1. Give brief praise – “All right! Look at this
quence. guy go.”
2. Describe the appropriate behavior
Steps of Effective Praise – “Jimmy, you did a great job of following
instructions. You not only cleaned off all the
Effective Praise has five steps. All caregiv- dishes and silverware and took them to the
ers should use all five steps when they first start sink, but you also put the leftovers in the re-
working with youth. Later on, as caregivers be- frigerator. And you did that on your own.”
come more comfortable with giving praise in this
manner and have made it a natural part of their 3. Give a reason for using the behavior –
everyday contact with youth, a step or two may “When you follow instructions to complete
be left out. The point to remember when using chores like this, it helps keep the kitchen in
Effective Praise is that praise must be sincere, order and shows us that we can count on
and that children must understand why they are you to take on responsibilities.”
being praised. 4. Ask for acknowledgment – “Do you un-
derstand why it’s good for you to follow
The five steps are: instructions when something needs to be
1. Give brief praise – This can be short, en- done?”
thusiastic words or expressions of praise 5. Give a positive consequence – “Thanks
that let the child know that you recognize he for your help. For cleaning off the table and
or she has done something well. putting away the leftovers, you’ve earned a
2. Describe the appropriate behavior – Spe- half hour of playing video games tonight.”
cifically describe what the youth did, and Here’s another example that shows how Ef-
if the situation calls for it, label the skill he fective Praise can be adapted for different set-
or she used (followed instructions, greeted tings and situations. In this example, a teacher
someone, accepted a “No” answer). praises a usually shy fourth-grade student for
3. Give a reason for using the behavior participating in a class discussion.
– This helps children make the connection 1. Give brief praise – “Celia, I wanted to let
between what they say or do and the pos- you know that I was very pleased with your
sible outcomes or results of their actions. participation in class today.”
20
2. Describe the appropriate behavior – “You It is easy to see when someone makes a mis-
raised you hand almost every time I asked take or does something wrong. But as a caregiver
a question, and when I called on you, you working with children who have not learned the
gave clear answers that were full of good “right” way to do many things, it is just as im-
information.” portant to praise positive behavior as it is to cor-
3. Give a reason for using the behavior rect negative behavior. Focusing your attention
– “When you participate in class like that, on what a child does well or his or her attempts
you help yourself and the other students to do the right thing may require you to change
learn. And you show that you are paying some of your behaviors and attitudes. This is yet
attention and really thinking about what we another challenge of working with children.
are discussing.” At Boys Town we have discovered a simple
4. Ask for acknowledgment – “Does that truth – praise works wonders. But some adults
make sense?” say that even when they praise children, it doesn’t
seem to work. Usually, we find that these adults
5. Give a positive consequence – “Great job
are praising only the biggest achievements or
in class today! For participating so well,
momentous occasions. Once they begin to con-
you can help me hand out the markers and
paper for our art hour.” sistently notice and praise the little things, as
well as the big things, their children are doing,
As well as Effective Praise works, it should they begin to see positive behavior changes.
not totally take the place of more general praise Never underestimate the power of praise.
that can be given anytime. Simply telling youth, This raises the question: Should we praise
“That’s great!” “Good job,” or “Wonderful children for every positive behavior, even what
work!” can go a long way toward letting them
they are supposed to do? The answer is “Yes.”
know that their efforts are recognized and ap-
Children like praise, and the more often they
preciated. This is especially true when youth
receive it for even the simplest tasks – putting
use a specific skill or behavior frequently. When
their clothes in the laundry basket, turning off
kids know they’re doing something correctly
and seem pleased with themselves for doing it, a the lights when they leave a room, bringing in
simple “Thanks” may be all that is necessary to the mail – the more likely they are to repeat
acknowledge the positive behavior. those activities. Praise feeds a child’s desire to
succeed. Here are three areas to concentrate on
When to Use Effective Praise when deciding what you should praise:
Sometimes, the hardest part about using Ef- g When youth use behaviors they already
fective Praise is remembering to do it and re- do well or that you want them to continue
membering to do it often. Unfortunately, our to use. Often, adults don’t see any reason
society “trains” people to focus on the negative to praise youth for things they do right;
aspects of a situation rather than the positive. An kids are just expected to make appropriate
example of this is what is known in the restaurant choices. However, it is not always easy for
business as the “3-11” rule. This rule states that kids to make good decisions; when it hap-
if you have a good dining experience, you will pens, it is an extremely positive accomplish-
tell three people about it, but if you have a bad ment. Giving credit for a youth’s success to
dining experience, you will tell eleven people. In his or her own effort and ability, and provid-
other words, we tend to emphasize the negative ing encouragement that similar success can
over the positive. be expected in the future, can give a youth
21
something to be proud of, even when he or

she misses the mark while attempting new
Proactive Teaching
skills. Is it better to correct and teach a child not to
touch a hot stove after she has burned her hand
g Improvements in behavior, even small
on it, or to teach her ahead of time that touching
ones. Praise any effort a youth makes to
a hot stove can hurt her and that she shouldn’t
choose and use positive skills and behav- go near it?
iors. Recognizing and rewarding a step in Obviously, teaching a child how to prevent
the right direction helps keep youth moti- or avoid a potentially harmful situation would
vated to work hard and strengthens your be better than letting the child get hurt before
relationship with them. teaching takes place. When it comes to prepar-
g When youth are learning new skills and ing and helping children learn how to respond to
making positive attempts to use them. the many situations they will face, prevention is
Provide reinforcement every time a child the key! This is the idea behind the Boys Town
uses a new skill correctly. This can help kids method called Proactive Teaching.
develop skills more quickly and increase Proactive Teaching is a way for adults to
the probability that they will use those skills introduce new skills, reinforce skills youth are
again. Don’t be surprised if kids become learning, and to prepare youth for future situa-
frustrated the first few times they try to use tions where they will need to use certain skills or
a new skill. This is natural. (Think about the behaviors. This is similar to how a coach prepares
first time you tried to begin an exercise or his team or players for an upcoming game. This
diet program, repair a broken appliance, or teaching occurs during planned, neutral times,
wallpaper a room.) That’s why kids need a when kids are not upset or being corrected, and
great deal of encouragement. Once a new when the adult (parent, teacher, staff member,
skill is learned and mastered, the amount of etc.) and the youth can both concentrate on what
encouragement can be reduced. is being taught and learned.
Proactive Teaching is so important to the
It is sometimes very difficult for children to care and treatment of children because, as we
learn new skills. When they try to learn some- have said, many youth have not yet learned even
thing new, praise the effort. Praising positive the basic skills that are needed to function and
attempts to learn or try new skills and other im- be successful in society. Normally, children be-
provements with enthusiasm will carry over to gin learning these basic skills – “Following In-
many other areas of children’s lives. Make the structions,” “Getting Along with Others,” “Ac-
most of every opportunity to praise kids’ posi- cepting ‘No’ for an Answer,” “Accepting Criti-
tive attempts to learn. cism,” and others – at an early age from their
Effective Praise is a teaching tool that rec- parents and other significant adults in their lives.
ognizes and rewards youth for using skills and Adult caretakers model certain behaviors, show
specific positive behaviors, increasing the likeli- and tell children how to do skills and when to
hood that they will use those behaviors in the use them, and continually help children practice,
future. Praise helps build positive relationships either formally or informally, to help them get
with kids, while helping them to begin feeling better at using those skills.
good about themselves and their accomplish- Many kids don’t always have those invalu-
ments. When Effective Praise is used frequently, able learning experiences. They may not know
kids will become more positive and be more re- things like how to solve problems without get-
ceptive to your teaching and/or treatment. ting angry, how to ask for something politely,
22
or how to share. These skill deficits often have 1. Give initial praise.
landed them in trouble and have added to the 2. Identify the skill and give examples.
frustration and anger they feel when they are not
able to get what they want or need, or accom- 3. Describe the appropriate behavior
plish a goal. (give the skill steps).
In addition to introducing new skills and re- 4. Give a rationale (reason)/Request
inforcing ones that youth already know how to acknowledgment.
do, Proactive Teaching is vital in helping chil- 5. Practice.
dren achieve “generalization.” Generalization, a
skill in itself, is the ability to adapt a specific Give feedback.
skill to a variety of antecedents, situations, or Give a positive consequence.
circumstances. (See Chapter 4 for more on gen- 6. Schedule a follow-up practice.
eralization.) For example, a youth who can pro- 7. Offer praise and encouragement
ficiently use the skill of “Following Instructions”
throughout.
at home, at school, and at swimming practice
has learned how to “generalize” the skill to dif- 1. Give initial praise.
ferent situations and people. As caregivers, the
The best way to begin a teaching session
ultimate goal is for kids to be able to think for
is on a positive note. Specifically and sincerely
themselves, make good decisions, and follow
praise any aspect of a child’s behavior that is
through with appropriate, prosocial behaviors,
appropriate to the situation. Starting the teach-
on their own. Proactive Teaching is the training
ing positively establishes an atmosphere where
ground where children learn how to do that.
the child is more likely to listen, participate,
As with all our teaching methods, Proactive
and learn.
Teaching should become a natural part of the
care you provide for children. An adult’s biggest Example: “Thanks for taking a few minutes to
challenge here is to recognize what needs to be talk with me, Sam.”
taught, when it needs to be taught, how best to
2. Identify the skill and give examples.
teach it, and how to determine whether a youth
is learning. Begin the next step by clearly labeling and
explaining the skill. Review a number of specif-
The Steps of Proactive Teaching ic ways the skill can be used and give the youth
plenty of opportunities to ask clarifying ques-
Proactive Teaching has seven steps. When it
tions. Also describe how the skill can be used in
is first used with new youth and with youth who
a variety of situations and settings; this shows
are learning new skills, all seven steps should be
the child that it can be applied to a variety of
used in each teaching session. As youth become
antecedent conditions or settings.
more skilled, adults may choose to modify their
teaching to fit a child’s individual needs and situ- Example: “Sam, I want to talk with you about a
ation. This might mean briefer teaching sessions skill that will really help you here while you’re in
because youth are already familiar with a skill this program, at home, on the job, and in school.
and are getting better at using it. The steps are It’s called ‘Following Instructions.’ You may get
listed here and an explanation and example of instructions from staff members here and from
each follows. (In the example, a staff member your teachers at school. And when you go home,
with a child-care program is working with a pro- I’m sure your mom will have instructions she
gram youth.) will want you to follow.”
23
3. Describe the appropriate behavior (give point. After the youth practices, provide feed-
the skill steps). back in the form of sincere, descriptive praise
In this step, specifically describe the behav- for all appropriate behaviors, along with a posi-
iors that make up the skill. Demonstrating the tive consequence for the practice session.
skill is a good way to describe it, and a demon- Example:
stration may be necessary for younger children
or youth at lower developmental levels. Staff member: “Let’s practice just to make sure
you got it. Let’s pretend I’m your mom at home.
Example: “When someone gives you an in- When I give you an instruction, look at me, say,
struction, Sam, you should look at the person, ‘Okay, I’ll get on that,’ pretend to do the task, then
and with a pleasant voice say something like let me know you are done. Are you ready?”
‘Okay’ or ‘Sure.’ Then, do the task right away.
When you’re done, check back with the person Staff member (playing mom): “Sam, will you
by saying something like ‘Okay, I’m done. Is go finish cleaning your room?”
there anything else?’ That would be the best way
Sam: “Okay, I’ll get on that right now.” (Youth
to follow instructions.” pretends to clean room.) “I’m done with my
Again, you might need to demonstrate the room. Is there anything else?”
skill to ensure that the youth understands. Dem-
onstrations are especially helpful in communi- Staff member: “Fantastic, Sam! When I gave
cating body posture, voice tone, facial expres- you that instruction, you looked at me, used a
sions, and other behaviors that are difficult to pleasant voice tone, and said, ‘Okay, I’ll get on
describe verbally. that right now.’ Then, you pretended to do the
task and checked back with me when you were
done. You have done an outstanding job of prac-
4. Give a rationale (reason)/Request ac- ticing and learning the new skill of ‘Following
knowledgment. Instructions’! For practicing the skill, you have
A rationale for learning the skill is next, earned a positive consequence of having an ex-
along with a request for a verbal acknowledg- tra snack.”
ment from the youth. Here, you are asking the
6. Schedule a follow-up practice.
youth if he or she understands why it is impor-
tant to use the particular skill. Teaching is further reinforced through a
series of follow-up practice sessions. Ideally,
Example: “Sam, when you are able to follow in-
the first practice should occur shortly after the
structions from staff members, teachers, or your
teaching session (5 to 15 minutes). Other prac-
parents really well, you may have more time to
tices can be done later in the day or evening.
do the things you want to do. Do you under-
stand?” Example: “It’s important that we practice the
skill of ‘Following Instructions’ again real soon.
5. Practice (give feedback and a positive Let’s practice in about 15 minutes, okay?”
consequence). To further help the youth succeed in these
After describing the behavior and provid- follow-up sessions, prompt him or her before the
ing a rationale, have the youth practice the skill. extra practice. The prompt reminds the young-
Practicing helps youth become more comfort- ster of the skill that was practiced earlier and
able with the skill and allows adults to determine may include having him or her briefly describe
the clarity and quality of their teaching up to this the appropriate behaviors that make up the skill.
24
After each practice, continue to provide descrip- focus on teaching basic social skills or advanced
tive praise, descriptions of the appropriate be- treatment-oriented skills, preparing a youth for a
havior, and positive consequences. Over time, specific set of circumstances, or “troubleshoot-
prompts can be faded out as youngsters show ing” a youth’s skill deficits. When you first begin
that they can remember and demonstrate the working with a youth, there should be a heavy
skill consistently. emphasis on Proactive Teaching. However, we
7. Offer praise and encouragement encourage adults to continue to use this teaching
throughout. technique whenever necessary.
In a treatment or school setting, one of the
Throughout your teaching it is important to
first Proactive Teaching sessions might include
provide specific, ongoing praise to the youth.
teaching youth rules and routines, how they
The teaching should end as it began – positively
work, and why they are important. Early ses-
– with praise for the youth’s participation and
sions also can focus on an explanation of the
recognition of the appropriate behaviors the
basic skills that are needed to be successful in
youth displayed during the interaction.
a program, at school, within one’s family, and in
Example: “Thanks for taking the time to prac- one’s community.
tice with me. You looked at me during the en- Once this basic information is communi-
tire session, stayed on task, and asked some cated to a youth, the youth can be introduced to
good questions to help you understand what I skills that have been identified as ones that he
meant.” or she needs to learn or work on. As mentioned
earlier, basic skills usually are taught first. Ex-
Preventive Prompt amples of basic skills to be taught include “Fol-
lowing Instructions,” “Accepting Criticism,”
A special type of Proactive Teaching is the
“Accepting ‘No’ for an Answer,” “Accepting a
preventive prompt. A preventive prompt is a
Consequence,” “Making a Request,” and “Dis-
brief reminder or statement about the use of a
agreeing Appropriately.” Proactively teaching
skill just before a situation in which the child
these basic skills helps the youth become more
will use the skill. This is like a coach reminding
open to and comfortable with the process of
one of her players about how to run a specific
learning new skills. These basic skills should
play before sending the player into a game. An
be taught to every child; they are the building
adult can use visual, verbal, or physical cues to
blocks to successfully learning advanced skills.
remind youth what skill they are expected to use
Often, the process of learning new skills is
and to provide encouragement and reinforce-
reinforcing in and of itself, both for youth and
ment. A good example of a preventive prompt
adults. In effect, it is easier to teach youth once
would be asking a youth, “Do you remember
they’ve acquired the basic skills.
the steps to following instructions?” just before
Most children receive a gradual education
asking him to empty the dishwasher. Preventive
in basic and advanced skills from their parents
prompts are a quick, easy way to help children
and other adults through modeling, discussion,
remember appropriate behaviors and prevent in-
praise, and discipline. But as we mentioned ear-
appropriate behaviors.
lier, many youth typically have not been part of
When to Use Proactive Teaching this natural, prosocial education process. In fact,
these youth may have received an inconsistent
Proactive Teaching can be done privately and often dysfunctional education that has left
with one youth or in small groups. Adults can them confused and socially inept. Frequent,
25
specific Proactive Teaching is critical if these Direct, frequent, consistent, and concerned
youngsters are to make up for lost time and lost teaching also helps caregivers. A structured
opportunities. teaching approach provides a specific, effective,
Caregivers also can use Proactive Teaching and positive way to deal with problem behav-
when they are helping with a specific skill or be- iors. Because teaching is a positive intervention
havior that is giving a youth problems. Often, that works well and is liked by children, you can
this type of skill deficit can escalate and lead to a avoid punitive approaches that would damage
loss of self-control. Proactive Teaching can help relationships.
reduce the chances of an emotional response. At Boys Town, we have developed a teach-
For example, if a youth consistently becomes ing method called Corrective Teaching for deal-
verbally or physically aggressive and loses self- ing with problem behaviors and teaching more
control when given a “No” answer, Proactive appropriate replacement behaviors. By thought-
Teaching sessions should focus on the skill of fully and consistently using Corrective Teach-
“Accepting ‘No’ for an Answer.” ing, you can help each child recover from the
Proactive Teaching builds relationships and past and grow into the future.
fosters skill development. It can be used to teach
youth basic and advanced social skills, prepare Steps of Corrective Teaching
youth for specific situations or circumstances,
Corrective Teaching is a structured method
and “troubleshoot” specific skill deficiencies.
for responding when a child misbehaves or fails
Proactive Teaching can be done on an individual
to do something he or she should do. Through
basis or with the entire group of youth, depend-
Corrective Teaching, adults teach alternative
ing on the circumstances. Proactive Teaching is
appropriate skills to replace a child’s negative
a real key to youth success and to a caregiver’s
responses to situations and people around him
sense of accomplishment.
or her. This teaching also allows caregivers to
share their experiences, knowledge, and abilities
Corrective Teaching to help kids learn and grow socially and emo-
tionally.
While an important goal is to praise children This proven teaching method consists of
for using appropriate skills and behaviors when- nine steps and is characterized by three central
ever possible, and to prepare them for situations concepts – description, relationship, and con-
where they will have to use certain skills, there sequence. Description involves specifically de-
will be times when you have to correct a child’s scribing a behavior through words or actions,
misbehavior. role-playing, and practice. The relationship con-
As a caregiver, you are responsible for help- cept involves using warmth and pleasantness,
ing children learn new appropriate behaviors and showing genuine concern for the youth. It
and skills that can be used to replace past prob- also focuses on helping the child to learn how to
lem behaviors. These new skills assist younger develop healthy relationships with others. Con-
children in their normal development as they sequences include giving feedback and practice,
grow through adolescence, and help adolescents and having a youth lose a privilege or something
as they grow into adulthood. When kids are di- he or she likes for using an inappropriate behav-
rectly and consistently taught new ways of be- ior. For teaching to be effective, there must be a
having, they can more successfully and comfort- balance among these three concepts.
ably adapt to societal norms and get their needs Let’s take a closer look at the nine steps and
met in more acceptable ways. their definitions:
26
1. Give initial praise or empathy. 3. Give a negative consequence.

2. Describe or demonstrate the inappropri- This step involves having a youth lose some-
ate behavior. thing that is meaningful to him or her for using
the inappropriate behavior. When consequences
3. Give a negative consequence. are given, it is important that children understand
Positive correction statement that their behavior earned the consequence and
4. Describe or demonstrate the appropriate that they are responsible for that behavior. After
behavior (give the skill steps). the consequence is given, tell the child that he or
she will have a chance to earn back part of the
5. Give a rationale (reason). consequence (no more than half) for practicing
6. Request acknowledgment. an alternative appropriate skill with you. This is
7. Practice. called a “positive correction statement,” and it
gives kids hope that all is not lost.
8. Give feedback.
4. Describe or demonstrate the appropriate
Praise behavior (give the skill steps).
Positive consequence (up to half of the In this step, give a simple and brief explana-
negative consequence) tion of the skill or behavior the youngster should
9. Offer praise and encouragement use in place of the inappropriate behavior. If
throughout. necessary, go over the steps to a specific skill
or demonstrate the specific behavior you want
1. Give initial praise or empathy. the youth to use in a similar situation. You also
This begins teaching on a positive note. Us- can help the youth generalize the skill or behav-
ing a statement of empathy (e.g., “I know this is ior to other situations by saying something like,
hard for you.”) lets kids know that you care and “When an adult you know and trust asks you
want to help. Praise statements (e.g., “Thanks to (name the skill or behavior), you should....”
for coming over right away to talk with me.”) Again, it is important to make sure your words
recognize the child for using a positive behavior. or demonstration match the child’s age and de-
Both kinds of statements are excellent ways to velopmental level.
prevent a youngster from reacting with volatile 5. Give a rationale (reason).
behaviors to your upcoming teaching and con- This step is where you tell youth why they
sequence. should change their behavior. In a sense, it’s
2. Describe or demonstrate the inappropri- where you “sell” the skill to kids. Generally
ate behavior. speaking, younger children and kids who are
The description of what the child did in- new to teaching respond best to rationales that
correctly should be simple and brief so that the let them know the personal benefits of using
child can understand it. For some kids, especial- the new behavior. A rationale that explains the
ly younger children and youth at lower devel- negative consequences of continuing to use the
opmental levels, a demonstration may be nec- old inappropriate behavior also works with these
essary. A word of caution: Spending too much kids. With older youth and youngsters who are
time on the description of the misbehavior can familiar with your teaching, “other-centered”
come across as “nagging,” which can trigger a rationales usually work best. These rationales let
loss of self-control from youngsters. kids know how using a new skill or behavior will
27
benefit others. Here, caregivers are helping kids rection) given earlier. For example, if a youth’s
move away from thinking only of themselves to consequence is losing a half hour of playing
thinking about how their behaviors and actions outside, he or she could earn back a maximum
affect others. As a result, kids begin to learn and of 15 minutes of playing outside for practicing
develop morals and positive values. and accepting feedback. Positive correction is a
powerful incentive for getting kids to take prac-
6. Request acknowledgment.
ticing seriously and not give up when the nega-
After giving a rationale, ask youth if they
tive consequence is delivered.
understand it and what is being taught. If a child
doesn’t understand the rationale, patiently give 9. Offer praise and encouragement
another one. It’s important not to move on to the throughout.
next step until the child lets you know that he or This ends teaching on a positive note by
she understands what you are teaching. Requests recognizing and praising a youngster’s efforts
for acknowledgment can be used anytime during to learn and practice a new behavior. Praising
teaching when a youth appears confused. and encouraging kids at this time and through-
7. Practice. out the interaction helps take their focus away
Here, the youth is given an opportunity to from the negative consequence and allows them
use the new skill or behavior in a pretend situ- to leave the teaching session feeling good about
ation. Make sure to set up the practice clearly themselves.
so that he or she isn’t confused about what to
do. The best practices are ones that are somehow Corrective Teaching Example
related to the child’s original inappropriate be- Let’s take a look at an example of what
havior. (Avoid practices that might come across Corrective Teaching might look and sound like
as contrived or silly; for example, don’t say, when teaching the skill of “Compromising with
“Billy, please pick up that pencil,” when practic- Others.”
ing the skill of “Following Instructions” because Tim, 14, and Dwayne, 13, are residents of a
Billy didn’t take out the garbage when asked.) group home. During free time, Tim and Dwayne
Practice is important because it gives the child begin to argue about what TV program to watch.
a chance to be successful and gain confidence The boys begin shouting at each other and fight-
before he or she has to use the skill or behavior ing over the remote control. When a staff mem-
in a real-life situation. ber hears the ruckus, she tells the boys to stop
8. Give feedback. arguing and sit on the couch. When they comply,
Following the practice, tell the youth how she begins Corrective Teaching.
well he or she did using the new behavior or
skill. This provides an opportunity for youth Staff member: “Tim and Dwayne, thanks for
to “fine-tune” their new behaviors and skills. stopping your argument and sitting down right
Depending on the situation, you may have the away. (Give initial praise or empathy.) Let’s talk
youth practice again or simply point out any- about what just happened. I saw both of you
thing that was left out and remind him or her to yelling at each other over what channel to watch
include it the next time the skill is used. After the and fighting over the remote. That is not accept-
practice and feedback, kids can earn back up to able behavior.” (Describe or demonstrate the in-
half of the negative consequence (positive cor- appropriate behavior.)
28
Tim: “But Dwayne was hogging the TV. It was Dwayne: “Yes.”
my turn, and my favorite show was on.”
Staff member: “Great. Let’s practice what you
Staff member: “I understand that you both are going to do and say.”
really wanted to watch your programs. (Give
praise/empathy.) But for yelling at each other Tim (looking at Dwayne): “Dwayne, you’ve
and fighting, you’ve both lost an hour of TV been listening to that CD on the stereo for a long
time. (Give a negative consequence.) Remember, time. How about if you let me listen to my CD
you’ll both have a chance to earn some of that for a while and you can listen to one of my CDs
time back when we practice. (Positive correction later.” (Practice.)
statement.) Okay?” Dwayne: “Okay, that would be cool. Can I lis-
Tim and Dwayne nod in acknowledgment. ten to the CD you just bought?”
Staff member: “Super job of accepting your Tim: “Sure. Thanks Dwayne.”
consequence, Tim and Dwayne! (Give praise.)
Now, let’s talk about how you can settle a dis- Dwayne: “You’re welcome.”
agreement without arguing and fighting. One Staff member: “That was fantastic! You both
way is to use the skill of ‘Compromising with stayed calm and came up with an excellent op-
Others.’ Compromising means coming up with a tion. Remember, if both of you aren’t able to
plan that people can agree on when they’re hav- agree on a solution, continue to stay calm and
ing a problem. Next time you have a disagree- go find an adult to help out. (Give feedback.)
ment with someone, the best way to handle it is Since you did such a great job of practicing this
to remain calm. Then talk to the other person new skill, you’ve both earned back a half-hour
about what you would like to do and what he of TV time. (Give a positive consequence.) Tim
would like to do, and suggest something that and Dwayne, you did a super job of remaining
both of you can agree on. If you aren’t able to calm this whole time and working hard with me
agree, stay calm and go find an adult to help. on learning this new skill. I’m really proud of
(Describe or demonstrate the appropriate be- you!” (Offer praise and encouragement.)
havior.) That way, you’re more likely to come up
with a solution that works for you and the other Corrective Teaching is a proven method
person, and no one ends up getting hurt. (Give for helping youth learn how to use appropriate
a rationale.) Do you understand all that?” (Re- behaviors in place of inappropriate behaviors.
quest acknowledgment.) Three concept areas – description, relation-
ship, and consequence – comprise the Correc-
Tim: “Yeah.”
tive Teaching Interaction. Within these areas are
Dwayne: “Yes.” nine specific steps that provide structure to the
teaching process while also allowing adults to
Staff member: “Now let’s practice how to com-
develop and strengthen relationships. The effec-
promise with others. Dwayne, pretend that you’re
tive use of Corrective Teaching can empower
playing a CD on the stereo and Tim comes in to
kids to make new behaviors a permanent part of
play one of his CDs. Do you both remember the
their daily lives and enable them to successfully
steps to compromising with others?”
use these behaviors and skills in many different
Tim: “Yes.” situations.
29
Promoting Generalization 3. “Homework” assignments: These are

commonly used in group social skills train-
during Teaching ing (see Chapter 5) or on an outpatient ba-
sis. The youth is given an assignment to use
Generalization is addressed in more detail in
a skill in a particular situation, record the
other parts of this book. (See Chapter 4.) When
outcome, and report back to the adult who
it comes to specific teaching techniques, it is
is teaching the skill.
sufficient to say that several components of Pro-
active Teaching, Effective Praise, and Corrective 4. Altering reinforcement contingencies:
Teaching are geared to promote the use of skills This approach increases the natural rein-
across situations. The “rationales” component forcement for prosocial behavior. Gener-
is probably the most important of these. Well- alization is enhanced when skills that are
constructed rationales point out to a youth how taught are ones that parents, teachers, and
learning appropriate styles of interacting with peers will reinforce more often than the
others will produce favorable outcomes in other youth’s inappropriate responses (Howing,
arenas of his or her life (including school, with Wodarski, Kurtz, & Gaudin, 1990).
peers, at home, etc.). However, for rationales to It is apparent that a number of activities
be truly effective in getting a youth to learn and within a skill-teaching session with a child can
implement new skills, the adults working with and should be used to promote generalization
that youth must know his or her individual likes and maintenance. However, in day-to-day in-
and dislikes, values, and experiences very well. teractions with their youth, caregivers should
Knowledge of what a youth finds important and be attuned to the opportunities that are present
meaningful in life is critical to fostering the in- for rewarding prosocial behavior and correcting
ternal motivation to change. inappropriate behaviors that occur. These two
Other specific techniques can be utilized processes themselves are critical to the general-
during social skills training in order to increase ization of skills that are taught in planned, struc-
the potential for generalization and maintenance tured teaching situations.
(Sulzer-Azaroff & Mayer, 1986; Cartledge &
Milburn, 1980; Goldstein, Sprafkin, Gershaw,
& Klein, 1980). They include: Summary
1. Teaching in different settings: This means Teaching children skills and behaviors so
varying the location of instruction in order that they can change for the better is an awe-
to simulate the different situations the youth some responsibility. Every situation you face
may encounter. Simultaneously teach the will pose a different, and often difficult, chal-
youth to discriminate between situations and lenge. Having confidence in your abilities and
successfully identify which skills to use. tools – specifically effective teaching methods
– and constantly working to improve how you
2. Teaching with different people: This
apply them in your service to youth, will be the
means using more than one caregiver or
key to success for you and the young people in
staff person to define, model, and role-play
your care.
the target skills with the youth. It is best if
Everyone who shoulders the responsibility
persons who are involved with the youth
of helping, teaching, or caring for children has
in other stimulus situations can participate
some ability to teach new skills and appropri-
(i.e., the youth’s teacher or counselor, a par-
ate behaviors. Only when a person applies that
ent, peers, etc.).
30
ability in a compassionate and competent man-

ner, with the best interests of the youth at heart,
can the desired results be achieved – a youth
who has learned not only how to behave differ-
ently but how to live differently.
31
Chapter 4
Generalization of Social Skills
I
n effective behavior-change programs, tion of skills. Successful generalization training,
youth (or adults) learn and become profi- however, employs active methods like practice
cient at using skills and behaviors, and then and role-playing to ensure that the learner can
are able to use them in many situations inside successfully use socially important behaviors in
and outside the instructional setting. In other a number of relevant social contexts.
words, a youth is able to apply what he or she Before we examine ways to help youth
has learned beyond the bounds of the program, achieve generalization, a key philosophical point
with many different people and in many differ- must be made. We must realize that when youth
ent situations. This is called generalization, do not or cannot generalize skills and behaviors,
and it is one of the true measures of the success it is usually due to the failure of adults, not the
of social skills training. youth. Youth seldom choose not to use learned
Generalization means that skills learned skills in different settings. Adults must assume
under one set of antecedent (or stimulus) condi- the responsibility when this happens, and must
tions are used under different sets of antecedent work harder to educate youth in the skill of gen-
(stimulus) conditions. For example, a youth who eralization.
learns and uses the skill of “Following Instruc-
tions” at home with his parents, and then can ap-
propriately use the skill with teachers at school, Generalization Training
has learned how to generalize that skill to dif- Gresham, Sugai, and Horner (2001) cite sev-
ferent situations. Generalization is a skill in and eral likely reasons for the lack of generalization
of itself, and it helps youth move from simply in social skills training. One reason is that skills
performing skills to making cognitive choices tend to be taught in artificial situations and often
about when, where, and how to use them. are not reinforced in the youth’s natural environ-
Generalization of skills and behaviors is ment. So, one way to achieve generalization is to
achieved through the process of generalization train those skills or behaviors that are most like-
training. Generalization training is a procedure ly to be reinforced in the natural environment.
in which a behavior is reinforced in a number This approach is called “trapping” and involves
of different stimulus situations until the behav- developing behavior that falls into the “behavior
ior occurs naturally and reliably across settings. trap” represented by what happens in the envi-
Often, behavior-change programs teach a num- ronment when those behaviors are used (Baer &
ber of socially important skills and behaviors to Wolf, 1970). Social skills such as “Talking with
clients and then expect them to automatically Others,” “Accepting Criticism,” and “Follow-
be able to use the skills and behaviors in new ing Instructions” will probably be socially rein-
situations. Stokes and Baer (1977) call this the forced by a significant number of people in the
“train-and-hope” approach to the generaliza- youth’s environment. The youth is more likely to
33
continue to use these behaviors after the train- to use the skill. Research supports the idea that a
ing because natural reinforcers like positive at- new behavior can be taught and learned through
tention and approval by others will reinforce the direct instructional techniques; many times,
behaviors. however, a skill is taught in a contrived setting
In terms of the “behavior trap,” it is impera- and has little meaning or utility to a youth out-
tive to teach skills that are considered socially side of that setting (Gresham, 1998). This does
valid. The concept of social validity (Wolf, 1978) not mean a skill cannot be discussed and mod-
provides a basis for identifying relevant behav- eled outside the classroom. But to increase the
iors to be taught. A skill or behavior is socially likelihood that the youth will successfully gen-
valid if it is efficient and reliable. An efficient eralize the skill, it is best to actually practice the
skill produces the expected outcome with less skill in a classroom or a classroom-like setting.
effort and likely some form of reinforcement. Such a generalization teaching approach
A reliable skill produces the expected outcome also should include varying the training condi-
or reinforcers consistently. If the newly trained tions when possible, training in different loca-
skill of “Talking with Others” leads to increased tions, using different instructors, and incorpo-
reinforcement and the desired outcome (peer in- rating pairs or small groups of learners to make
clusion), then it is said to be efficient and reli- the training more realistic. When training takes
able. Selecting socially valid skills prior to inter- place in an environment that is different from
vention demonstrates how generalization can be the actual setting, real-life experiences should be
programmed into an intervention from the be- used whenever possible and the training should
ginning. When possible, parents (or other care- be related to experiences that occur outside the
givers) should be involved when determining training environment. This means discussing
what social skills would be beneficial to a youth with youth specifically where, when, and with
because parents play a critical role in social skill whom skills may be used.
development and generalization (Arthur, Boch- Social skills training also should include
ner, & Butterfield, 1999). some form of “cognitive mediators.” Cognitive
mediators incorporate a “how-to-think” com-
Promoting Generalization ponent into social skills training. They enable
youth to assess how well or how poorly they
Now that we have established the necessity used a skill, and to think about what, if anything,
of selecting relevant skills to be taught, what is they should do differently the next time they use
the best way to teach these skills in order to pro- the skill. Research indicates that cognitive strat-
mote generalization? egies like this can decrease hyperactivity/impul-
Whether or not generalization occurs de- sivity and disruption/aggression, and strengthen
pends heavily on how similar the different stim- prosocial behavior (Robinson, Smith, Miller, &
ulus situations are. The more similar these situa- Brownell, 1999).
tions are, the more initial generalization there will Caregivers can implement this element by
be between them. Social skills should be taught providing clear expectations, imagery, some
in situations that are as similar as possible to the form of self-talk, such as a rationale for using
environments in which youth can be expected to the skill, and problem-solving strategies. Gener-
use the skills. For example, the skill of “Getting alization is enhanced when there is some form of
the Teacher’s Attention” should be taught in situ- internal motivation to use the skill. For example,
ations that closely simulate a classroom setting a youth who understands that using a particular
because that is where a youth ultimately is going skill will help her avoid a negative consequence
34
Generalization of Social Skills
is more likely to use the skill in a variety of set- The key to any successful social skills train-
tings. The same may be true for a youth who sees ing program is what happens when a youth dem-
that using the skill of “Following Instructions” onstrates a skill spontaneously. When this occurs
helps him complete a task faster and earns him a in a new setting, reinforcement of the behavior
reputation of being trustworthy. The use of cog- should be increased enough to ensure that the
nitive mediators in social skills training should youth will consistently maintain the behavior. If
assist the youth in identifying and interpreting a youth fails to use a skill or uses the skill inap-
social cues, predicting what may happen next, propriately, there should be a consistent method
selecting what skill to use, and evaluating the of correction, with emphasis on teaching the al-
outcome of using the skill. ternative behavior.
To further promote generalization, the final
stages of social skills training should involve the Summary
use of natural and logical consequences that are In a manner of speaking, generalization is
very similar to those that will occur in real life. the pot of gold at the end of the social skills
Many programs that teach youth social skills training rainbow. When a youth shows that he or
use some form of a motivation system in which she can competently and correctly generalize a
youth earn or lose points, tokens, or some other skill to a variety of situations, it is a sign of suc-
form of consequences, contingent on their be- cess that the youth has moved to a new level of
havior. (Boys Town uses a motivation system skill competency.
where youth earn points for appropriate behavior Generalization is most likely to be achieved
and lose points for inappropriate behavior. When when social skills training and practice occur in
youth have a preset number of points at the end situations that are as similar as possible to the
of the day, they can use the points they’ve earned situations where a youth will be expected to use
to purchase privileges and other rewards.) new skills. Regardless of where youth are learn-
Ideally, an effective motivation system is ing skills – in a child-service program, at school,
paired with praise and other forms of positive in a youth shelter, in a clinical setting, at home
attention and approval. This allows caregivers to – the ultimate goal is to equip youth for social
gradually “fade” a youth off the motivation sys- interactions by giving them the skills they need
tem and rely on praise, attention, and approval and to prepare them to use those skills in many
alone to motivate him or her to continue using situations. Social skills training without general-
positive behavior and skills. For example, as a ization only provides youth with a list of behav-
youth in a program learns the skill of “Follow- iors that lead to appropriate behavior. Knowing
ing Instructions” and improves her proficiency how and when to apply those behaviors is the
with it, she receives points or tokens for using real key to long-lasting and meaningful change
the skill in applicable situations. The program that, in the end, helps kids overcome problems
staff then gradually fades the use of points and and be successful.
increases social praise for the youth’s use of the
skill. Eventually, the youth will be motivated
to continue to use the skill by praise and other
forms of approval, the natural and logical con-
sequences she would receive for appropriate be-
havior at home or school.
35
Chapter 5
Teaching Skills in Group Settings
A
n alternative way to teach interpersonal a variety of circumstances, as well as a more
skills to children and adolescents is to natural teaching situation (Trower, Bryant, &
use a group-teaching format. Bandura Argyle, 1978). The youth’s ability to participate
(1989) stated that most social learning takes in group activities, concentrate on lessons and
place by observing others and the results of their tasks, and respond to performance demands may
actions. A group setting provides an immediate give adults valuable insight into potential prob-
social environment in which specific skills can lems in other situations that would require simi-
be taught and practiced, and in which a youth lar skills (such as being in a classroom).
can gradually become sensitized to his or her Because skills-training groups allow several
role as a group member. This is an important youth to participate together, there is increased
process because of the numerous “groups” all opportunity for each member to share his or her
youth must function in as a part of normal fam- responses and differing perspectives to problem
ily and community life (school classes, peer situations, and to perhaps generate alternative
groups, sports teams, work groups, etc.). ways of handling difficult circumstances (Ha-
By incorporating social skills group training zel, Schumaker, Sherman, & Sheldon-Wildgen,
into a setting where a child is receiving treat- 1983). This may be especially important for
ment, education, or other types of care, adults those children with learning or cognitive deficits
can address individual goals and target areas who tend to rigidly stick to one set of responses
and effectively teach and maintain skills. In in diverse situations. Participation in a group
other words, the advantages of a group-teaching may let children know that there are numerous
format can be applied to each youngster’s indi- ways to handle stressful or demanding situa-
vidual benefit. In this chapter, we will review tions and that their previous strategies represent
these advantages, some previous uses of group only one option. Many times, a youth’s peers
skills training, a structured format for conduct- themselves communicate this message most
ing skills groups, and techniques for maintain- effectively. Several studies with autistic chil-
ing productive group meetings. dren reveal that involving peers in social skills
interventions provides children with autism the
Advantages of Group Teaching opportunity to observe, imitate, and learn from
the social behaviors of their typically developing
There are many reasons for incorporating peers (Kamps et al., 2002).
skill-building groups into child-care programs There also is evidence that behaviors and
and educational settings as a way to augment skills learned in a group setting may come un-
individual efforts. The group provides a ready- der control of a greater number of clearly differ-
made social setting in which to assess each ent stimuli, thus increasing the probability that
member’s ongoing social functioning under learned skills will be used in situations outside
37
the group (Howing, Wodarski, Kurtz, & Gaudin, carcerated male delinquents participated in a so-
1990). The result, therefore, would be greater cial skills training program designed to increase
generalization of the specific skills taught in the cognitive empathy in participants. The results
group to diverse situations that youth face and showed that these youth improved on measures
greater maintenance of these skills following of being considerate, insight, and anger control.
treatment. This is especially true when several In addition, a one-year follow-up of the partici-
different training techniques (as well as different pants revealed that they had lower rates of re-
adult trainers) are used to enhance and prompt cidivism and better community adjustment than
generalization. their counterparts in a control group.
In addition to these benefits, providing skills Skills groups also have been conducted with
training in group settings can increase the num- court-adjudicated adolescents on an outpatient
ber of youth who may be served by a particular basis (Hazel et al., 1983). This typically involves
program or service, or may increase the cost-ef- having youth attend a weekly group meeting
fectiveness of a program with limited staff or that lasts 1½ to 2 hours and focuses on a limited
resources. The advantages of conducting skills number of target skills (e.g., “Following Instruc-
training in group settings are summarized in tions,” “Resisting Peer Pressure,” and “Accept-
Figure1. ing Criticism”). In an evaluation of one such
program for court-adjudicated youth, Hazel et
Advantages of Group Settings al. (1983) demonstrated that this effort also pro-
duced lower rates of recidivism for group par-
1. Assessment of social functioning in the group ticipants after one year than were evident in a
comparison group that did not participate in the
2. Training in more realistic settings training.
3. Opportunity to share experiences and options Skills-training groups have been used as
part of inpatient psychiatric and day-treatment
4. Enhanced generalization and maintenance of skills programs for adolescents as well. For example,
when conversation skills were taught to inpatient
5. Cost efficient and time efficient
children and adolescents, the result was better
communication behaviors demonstrated both
Figure 1 with peers and with unfamiliar adults (Hansen,
Group skills training has been used in many St. Lawrence, & Christoff, 1989). The effects
treatment settings, schools, and outpatient pro- of an improved style of communication can en-
grams. The populations and age groups that hance the other therapeutic gains made by each
have been served using this format have been youth within the psychiatric setting.
extremely varied as well. This also has been considered true for so-
One group of youth that has received par- cial skills groups conducted as part of day-treat-
ticular attention in regard to skills training is ment programming for emotionally disturbed
juvenile delinquents. This is no doubt due to adolescents (Friedman, Quick, Mayo, & Palmer,
the well-documented relationship between low 1983). In this case, the training resulted in better
social skill functioning and delinquent behavior peer relationships and better conflict resolution
in adolescents and young adults. Several stud- within the program, and thus greater gains by
ies have shown the effectiveness of using group the program’s participants overall.
teaching techniques with groups of juvenile de- Skills intervention based on a group format
linquents. In one report (Shivrattan, 1988), in- has been used effectively in educational settings
38
with both handicapped and nonhandicapped one trainer, preferably a male and a female, also
youngsters. In-school social skill instruction has is recommended in order to enhance the poten-
been used with disruptive students of all ages in tial for generalization and to help monitor the
urban and rural high schools to reduce antisocial behavior of the participants.
behavior and discipline referrals. An additional The youths’ previous grouping or participa-
benefit of this approach is a corresponding in- tion in groups in other primary treatment pro-
crease in on-task behavior from students and grams most often determines those youths’ char-
better performance on curriculum measures. acteristics. For example, a social skills group
The implication here is that school may, in fact, may include all of the children in a particular
be the ideal place in which to conduct social hospital unit or special education class. In these
skills training groups because the positive ef- cases, the group members may already know
fects of training may be more pronounced there each other or have formed some friendships. On
anyway. the other hand, group members may be drawn
For many young people, school remains the from the population of young people adjudicat-
biggest challenge in their lives. Gresham (1995) ed by a county juvenile court for a one-month
notes that schools are one of the most important period. In this case, special activities would be
settings in which children acquire, develop, and necessary at the outset to introduce group mem-
refine the skills that are essential for establish- bers and make each comfortable with the situa-
ing and maintaining interpersonal relationships. tion. In both of these examples, however, a posi-
By learning new sets of positive, prosocial be- tive group atmosphere needs to be created at the
haviors within the school environment, students outset and maintained by the group leaders.
may be more immediately equipped to deal with Ang and Hughes (2001) found that skills-
academic and social obstacles. training intervention delivered in the context of
groups of only antisocial peers produced small-
er benefits than did skills-training interventions
Structure and Format that avoided grouping only antisocial peers to-
of the Skills Group gether. This is critical since the issues under dis-
cussion may include alternatives to delinquency
In deciding on the structure, scheduling, and or drug behavior, which group members should
content of a skills-training group, a large num- not glamorize or brag about. (Techniques for
ber of factors must be considered. These include maintaining a productive training environment
the size and makeup of the group, characteris- will be covered later in this chapter.)
tics of the participants, and decisions regarding Issues related to grouping and participant
who will lead the training exercises. The content characteristics also include whether to combine
of any given session may vary according to the groups of children who are different in their func-
age, developmental level, abilities, and present- tioning level and/or handicap. It is appropriate
ing problems of the youth. to combine higher-functioning and lower-func-
Despite the flexibility possible in designing tioning children in a social skills training group
and implementing a skills-training program, a as long as the behaviors of the higher-function-
few generalities can be made based on previ- ing children are generally attainable and capable
ous experience. For example, small groups of 10 of being modeled and performed by the lower-
or fewer youth are thought to be more effective functioning members (Howing et al., 1990). In
with regular instruction occurring at least twice fact, the inclusion of nonhandicapped peers into
a week (Howing et al., 1990). Using more than a social skills group for handicapped children is
39
quite positive because the nonhandicapped chil- sist, depending on the size of the group and the
dren’s behaviors are more likely to be modeled activities that are planned.) While a residential
and imitated, especially if these behaviors result treatment program is used in this example, it is
in peer reinforcement (Gresham, 1981). important to remember that group training can
Prior to beginning a skills-training group, be used in a variety of settings with a variety of
trainers should invest a good deal of time in children.
preparation and planning. The setting should
be arranged, materials organized, and reinforc- Group Teaching Components
ers planned in advance in order to reward posi-
tive performance and participation. Additional 1. Start the group session.
guidelines for specifically planning instructional
content include (Oden, 1980): 2. Introduce the topic or skill.
1. Select content focus. Select the one or two 3. Define and model the skill.
skills that will be covered in that particular
session. 4. Role-play the target skill.
2. Organize the content. The content and ma- 5. Have youth earn positive consequences (Indi-
terials should be clearly organized, with par- vidual/Group).
ticular emphasis on matching the language
to be used to the ages and developmental 6. Give a generalization assignment and prompt.
levels of the participants.
Figure 2
3. Prepare the oral presentation of mate-
rial. Plan examples to be used and role- 1. Start the group session: The group leader
play scenes that can be acted out. Prepare brings the session to order with a clear
answers to different responses from group beginning prompt or cue that is used con-
members and an explanation of how inap- sistently to start each session. The leader
propriate behavior will be addressed. then welcomes the participants and reviews
the group rules and the behaviors expected
4. Select activities for peer interaction and
from group members. (See Figure 3 on page
reinforcement. The skills instruction may
45.)
be built around normal activities or a spe-
cial game. The trainer also should plan rein- The group could then review the previous
forcing activities for group members at the lesson or any assignments that were given
conclusion of the session. at the end of the previous lesson. The leader
should also remind group members about
the reinforcers or rewards available for
Group Teaching Format positive group participation or skill perfor-
mance.
The specific components and format of
skills training are summarized in Figure 2. A Example
definition of each component and an example of
what the component might sound like in a resi- Leader: “Okay, guys, let’s bring this meeting to
dential treatment program follows. (For ease of order. (pause) Good, thanks for quieting down.
presentation, only one leader is conducting the Before we get started, let’s review the rules we
session in the example. Usually, it is best to have established for our group meetings. Tom, can
two “co-leaders”; other staff members can as- you tell us one?”
40
Tom: “Yeah, we raise our hands before talking ‘No.’ What are some other times when someone
and don’t just call out.” might tell you ‘No?’”
Leader: “Good, Tom, that’s right! Raising our Bill: “I might ask my teacher if I can get a drink
hands will help our meetings be more organized and he could tell me ‘No.’”
and probably go faster. Does anyone else have
a rule they would like to give? If not, then let’s Leader: “That’s a good example, Bill. Tell me
see if you have your homework from our last ses- what you have done when things like that have
sion. Please pass it up front and remember that happened before?”
if you are turning in your assignment, you can Bill: “I guess I usually got pretty mad and lost
earn an extra 15 minutes of game time on the my temper.”
computer. Also, I want to remind you guys that
if you work hard on today’s skills, you can earn Leader: “Okay, and can anybody tell us what
up to a half hour of extra TV time this afternoon. could happen if you get mad and lose your tem-
Okay, let’s get started.” per in school?”
2. Introduce the topic or skill: Here the group Alicia: “I know when I’ve gotten mad like that I
leader introduces the skill or skills that will usually ended up in the office.”
be the focus of the session. They are stated
as a concept and labeled by the name that Leader: “You’re right. That could happen. So
everyone will consistently call them. Then, today we are going to talk about a different way
the leader talks about situations where the to handle being given a ‘No’ answer.”
target skill may be used. The leader may
3. Define and model the skill: The leader now
give an example of these situations first,
verbally and visually defines the component
then ask for suggestions from the group.
This not only promotes more meaningful behaviors of the target skill. This is first
involvement, but also helps to reinforce the done with a verbal explanation of each step
ongoing level of understanding of the group of the skill. During this time, the leader
members. The leader also may ask the lists any youth responses on chart paper or
youth how they have handled these types a chalkboard. The leader then models these
of situations in the past and whether those behaviors by using a situation based on one
responses have resulted in negative conse- of the examples given during the previous
quences. step. Modeling a situation can be repeated
or several situations can be acted out in or-
Example der to help the youth understand. The group
Leader: “We are going to talk today about a leader also explains a reason for using the
skill that will really help you all here in the pro- appropriate responses rather than inap-
gram and when you go home to your parents. propriate ones that may result in negative
The skill is ‘Accepting “No” for an Answer.’ This consequences for the youth. The leader then
skill has to do with what you might say and do asks the group members for more examples.
when you want to do something and the person Example
you ask tells you ‘No.’ For example, if you wanted
to go outside and play, you might ask your mom Leader: “Whenever you receive a ‘No’ answer,
if it’s all right to do that. But your mom might here’s what you should do. First, continue look-
say that dinner is almost ready, so the answer is ing at the person you are talking to. Second,
41
acknowledge the answer by saying something should first practice the skill with the leader,
like ‘Okay’ or ‘Sure, no problem’ in a pleasant and then with a peer. The leader follows
tone of voice. Third, don’t use any behaviors up each practice with immediate behav-
like whining, arguing, or mumbling under your ioral feedback for the youth by praising the
breath. And fourth, if you have a question, ask youth’s efforts, describing the parts of the
the person if you can discuss your request later role play that were correctly done to criteria,
on. If you do those things, you will be accepting and describing any component behaviors
a ‘No’ answer really well. In fact, to show you that were left out or not performed to crite-
guys what we’re talking about, Alicia and I will ria.
practice this skill using Bill’s example of asking
While it is important that effective teaching
his teacher if he can get a drink during class.”
takes place, the emphasis also should be
The leader and Alicia model the skill. on making the practices fun and reinforc-
ing, and avoiding a test-like atmosphere.
Leader: “Did everyone see what we did here? The leader (or other staff members) should
When I told Alicia ‘No’ about getting a drink, closely monitor each role-play and provide
she continued looking at me, said ‘Okay, maybe feedback to youth on their level of partici-
later,’ and did not argue or whine. The reason it pation and seriousness. The leader should
is so important to use these behaviors is that the end the role-plays by praising the youth for
person who told you ‘No’ this time may be will- their efforts and having a discussion about
ing to negotiate later on for something else if what was practiced.
you can accept the first answer without arguing
or becoming aggressive. Does everybody under- Example:
stand that? Can anyone else think of another
reason to accept ‘No’ answers appropriately?” Leader: “Okay, then, let’s review the steps of
accepting ‘No’ for an answer one more time.
Tom: “Maybe because if you get angry you’ll Then we can practice it together. Whenever
just end up in more trouble than you started someone tells you ‘No,’ you should keep look-
with.” ing at the person, acknowledge the answer in a
calm voice, and not argue or pout. And if you
Leader: “That’s right, Tom. And maybe you will disagree or have a question, bring it up later.
make the other person angry back at you and Tom, how about you practicing once with me? In
he or she will be less willing to ever say ‘Yes’ to this situation, Tom, I’ll play the part of your dad
you when you want to do something in the fu- and you’re going to ask me if you can go out with
ture. Does anyone else have a reason for why we some friends. When I tell you ‘No,’ I want you to
should accept ‘No’ answers like this?” use all of the behaviors we just described. After
4. Role-play the target skill: In this step, each we practice, you and Alicia can try a few situa-
youth is given an opportunity to rehearse tions together.”
the behaviors of the target skill several The leader and Tom role-play the situation.
times in order to learn and begin to general-
ize the component behaviors. This begins Leader: “Tom, that was great! You kept look-
with the leader reviewing the components ing at me the whole time we were talking, said
of the skill and then setting up realistic role- ‘Okay, maybe I can go later,’ and did not argue
play situations, possibly based on earlier or start whining. That’s just how to accept ‘No’
examples offered by the youth. Each youth for an answer. Why don’t you and Alicia try it?
42
In your situation, Tom can be Alicia’s boss, and special target area for you, you’ve earned 1,000
Alicia can play an employee who is asking to points for doing so well at the role-play and 500
leave work early.” points for staying on task in our group. Every-
one also worked so hard today that we are going
Tom and Alicia role-play the situation. down the street to get some ice cream when we
Leader: “You both did a really super job on this are done here. And when we get back, you all
skill. You stayed on task and listened really well. can play video games for 15 minutes.”
I hope you see how accepting ‘No’ answers in an
appropriate way can help you out in school, on a 6. Give a generalization assignment and
summer job, and back home with your parents.” prompt: In the final component of the
5. Have youth earn positive consequences group-training format, the leader may
(Individual/Group): At this point, each give an assignment that the youth are to
group member earns a consequence for the complete outside the group and report on
amount and quality of his or her participa- at the next session. The generalization as-
tion in the group. The positive consequenc- signment is a key ingredient in helping the
es that are awarded can be either privilege- youth learn to use skills in many different
based or token-based, or a combination that situations (Goldstein et al., 1980). The as-
incorporates the motivation system that is signments themselves can range from writ-
in effect in the program. At the conclusion ten homework reviews of group topics to
of the session, a reward, such as a special journal recordings on the success (or lack
snack or activity, can be offered to the entire thereof) encountered in implementing the
group based on some pre-arranged contin- target skills. The group is then adjourned
gency agreement. The important aspects of with more prompts and encouragement for
the positive consequence component are group members, and an opportunity to use
that the rewards are meaningful and valued privileges or rewards.
by the participants, and are specifically
Example:
paired with whatever behavior the leader
wishes to see again in the future and consid- Leader: “Your assignment for our next meet-
ers a priority (i.e., participation and effort ing is to record in your notebooks all the times
versus flawless skill performance). people tell you ‘No’ this week and what your re-
NOTE: If the leader wants to teach a sec- sponse is to them. And if you can, write down
ond skill, he or she can either save the posi- what their reaction is when you accept ‘No’ in a
tive consequences until all of the practices positive way by looking at them, saying ‘Okay,’
and role-plays are completed or provide a and not arguing. I’ll be interested to see how this
consequence after each skill is practiced in- skill, and all of the skills we talk about here, help
dividually. you in situations that have caused you problems
in the past. If there isn’t anything else, we’ll ad-
Example: journ our meeting and go down the street for
Leader: “Each of you did really well today. Bill that ice cream! Thanks, everybody.”
and Alicia, you’ve each earned 500 points for This sample format for a skills-training
practicing accepting ‘No’ for an answer and group is limited only by the creativity of the
500 points for listening and participating in leader (and other participating adults) and the
our group today. Tom, since accepting ‘No’ is a needs of the youth in the group. Variations in
43
terms of role-play activities, audio-visuals, re- and what interventions will occur if a youth
inforcers, etc., only serve to enrich the process must be removed from the group. Consequences
and make it more enjoyable for the youth. Lead- for positive and negative behaviors should be
ers of social skills groups have ranked boredom planned out in advance as well.
and inattentiveness as the primary barriers to Once group leaders have created a list of
their groups’ smooth functioning (Howing et al., expected behaviors (rules and guidelines) and
1990). Boredom can be addressed by varying corresponding consequences for group sessions,
teaching methods and materials, as well as the they can teach these behaviors to each potential
reinforcement available, in order to maintain the group member individually before they meet for
youths’ interest and enthusiasm. the first time. They then can review the behaviors
Inattentiveness is one of many ongoing be- at the group’s first session. After that, each meet-
haviors that should be closely monitored during ing can begin with a brief review of the group’s
the group session and corrected if necessary. rules as a preventive prompt and a reminder to
Some techniques for addressing the behavior of each member of his or her responsibility. Vi-
group participants are discussed next. sual prompts such as posters, handouts, and
note cards also can serve as effective cues for
using appropriate skills. This preventive work is
Maintaining a Productive rounded off by reviewing the rewards that are
Group Atmosphere available at the conclusion of the group session
for individuals who display attentive behaviors
A number of procedures can be used to help and participate in activities.
maintain a group environment that is enjoyable, The adults who are leading a skills group
yet productive and goal-directed. This is pos- must closely monitor the youths’ behaviors dur-
sible only if group members display certain being the group session. As we mentioned earlier,
haviors while participating that are not distract- it is a good idea to have two “co-leaders” for
ing, disruptive, or apathetic (nonparticipation). each session. Should a youth require individual
However, given that youth usually are referred to attention or corrective feedback, one leader can
a group due to lower-than-expected social skill continue with the group while the other works
functioning, group leaders and other involved with that youth. The leaders should remember,
adults must assume that the positive behaviors however, that ongoing praise and reinforcement
necessary for a smooth-running group will oc- of positive group behaviors is as equally critical
cur only with a significant amount of proactive as corrective feedback for negative behaviors.
and ongoing teaching. The main purpose of this Praise and reinforcement not only helps ensure
that youth will continue to use positive behav-
teaching is to educate group members and pre-
iors, but also enhances the positive atmosphere
vent disruptive and other inappropriate behav-
within the group. Figure 3 features a partial
iors during group sessions. Even then, it is quite
list of behaviors that should be addressed in a
likely that some youth will become distracted
group setting.
or irritable, or even completely lose emotional
control during a group session. Overall, the best In addition to the leaders’ ongoing prompt-
approach to use is one that has been thought out ing and teaching to youth behaviors, numerous
and even rehearsed in advance of these prob- other approaches can be used to maintain pro-
lems. That’s why it is necessary for group leaders ductive skills groups with children and adoles-
cents. One technique for intervening in serious
to define which behaviors will be praised, which
peer conflicts is called “fair fighting” (Friedman
will be addressed through Corrective Teaching,
44
The group setting functions almost like a “shel-

Positive and Negative tered workshop” for socially deficient youth
Group Behaviors to Address where they can learn, practice, and generalize
skills that will be critical to their success in al-
Behaviors to reinforce most every arena of life. Group teaching also
1. Raising hands and waiting to be called on can function effectively as an additional treat-
ment strategy for each youth individually. A
2. Being attentive and remaining on task youth’s specific needs are best addressed through
3. Volunteering and participating in activities a comprehensive, integrated treatment approach
that prepares the youth for less-restrictive living
4. Making positive comments about others or educational alternatives, and improves his or
her overall social functioning.
5. Following directions and accepting feedback
One hallmark of the Boys Town Teaching
Behaviors to correct Model is a system called “Self-Government,”
which is designed to encourage group partici-
1. Calling out or leaving seat without permission
pation and decision-making. One component
2. Distracting others, fidgeting, or yawning of the Self-Government System is a nightly
meeting of the youth and their caregivers called
3. Making negative comments or insulting others “Family Meeting.” Within the structure of this
meeting, each youth has an opportunity to dis-
4. Bragging about inappropriate behavior
cuss problems, offer potential solutions, and
5. Noncompliance, arguing, and complaining even vote on certain house rules. The caregiv-
ers use this nightly meeting to encourage group
Figure 3 problem-solving, give each youth a chance to
provide input about the operation of the pro-
et al., 1983). In this technique, when two youth
gram, and teach a wide variety of important
become extremely angry at each other, they are
social skills (discussion skills, giving and re-
initially separated and each one goes to a pri-
ceiving criticism, reporting problems, etc.). In
vate area to talk to an adult alone. Each youth
this way, each youth’s individual Treatment Plan
tells his or her side of the argument to the adult,
is augmented by what is taught and reinforced
who gives the youth instructions to calm down.
during Family Meeting.
The youth and the two adults then get together,
and the youth observe the adults discuss the
problem issue from the youths’ perspective and
arrive at a resolution. This serves to defuse the
immediate crisis situation and allows adults to
model appropriate conflict resolution strategies
for the youth.
Summary
Teaching skills in group settings can be a
viable alternative for many children and youth
who require instruction in interpersonal skills.
45
Chapter 6
Social Skills and

Treatment Planning
C
hildren and adolescents, like all human at the world – have been shaped by his or her
beings, are part of social groups. They past experiences, and play a major role in how a
depend on relationships with others young person interacts with others.
to meet even their most basic needs. A child’s During the past two decades, a convincing
sense of well-being is directly related to his or body of evidence indicates that unless children
her success, or lack of success, in dealing with achieve minimal social competence by about
significant others. age 6, they have a high probability of being at
Early in life, young people learn that there risk into adulthood in several ways (Ladd, 2000;
are consequences, both positive and negative, at- Parker & Asher, 1987). Recent research (Hartup
tached to how they interact with others and how & Moore, 1990; Kinsey, 2000; Ladd & Profilet,
they choose to respond in social situations. This 1996; McClellan & Kinsey, 1999; Parker & Ash-
process of “socialization” begins in the earliest er, 1987; Rogoff, 1990) suggests that a child’s
interactions between infant and parent; it pre- long-term social and emotional adaptation, aca-
pares kids for more difficult situations later in demic and cognitive development, and citizen-
childhood and through the teenage years. Ide- ship are enhanced by frequent opportunities to
ally, lessons learned at each stage in a child’s strengthen social competence during childhood.
development become the tools he or she uses
All of these factors must be considered when de-
to successfully meet the challenges presented at
veloping effective treatment for youth.
later stages of life.
Today, young people face an increasingly In order to successfully cope with these
difficult world. Many factors can affect a child’s external and internal issues, young people must
ability to learn new skills and change behaviors. learn how to interact with others in socially ac-
Age, developmental level, family problems, ceptable ways and make appropriate decisions
substance abuse, economic pressures, the lure in social situations. In treatment settings, this
of gangs, delinquency, and many other external means developing an individual treatment plan
issues threaten children physically, emotionally, for each youth that identifies the youth’s needs,
and spiritually. Also, internal issues like possible strengths, and deficiencies, and incorporates
chemical imbalances in a child’s brain, genetic social skill instruction (along with other inter-
traits inherited from a child’s parents, medi- ventions) to address these areas. This chapter
cal problems, and others can have an impact focuses on the reasons children need treatment
on learning and behavior. In addition, a child’s and the role of teaching social skills in treatment
thoughts and feelings – the way a child looks planning.
47
Why Kids Misbehave tional for them and will produce the best long-
term results. This means that every youth re-
Youth require intervention and treatment quires individual treatment. Some youngsters
for many reasons. At Boys Town, we have de- will initially need to learn the most basic skills
termined that one of the most influential factors (e.g., “Following Instructions,” “Accepting Con-
in the development of behavioral and/or mental sequences,” “Accepting ‘No’ for an Answer,”
health problems is that youth have not yet learned etc.) so that a foundation can be laid for learn-
the social skills needed to overcome the prob- ing more complex skills (e.g., “Expressing Feel-
lems in their lives. In most cases, when troubled ings Appropriately,” “Resisting Peer Pressure,”
youth require treatment, the environments they “Spontaneous Problem-Solving,” etc.). Many
come from have significantly contributed to and times, caregivers and other adults will need to
fostered the formation of problem behaviors gradually shape a youth’s behavior by patiently
and/or mental health difficulties teaching basic social skills so that the youth can
A number of factors contained within the learn the final desired behavior. This can be a
home, community, and school are related to slow, arduous process for caregivers and youth,
antisocial behavior (Mayer, 2001). However, but it is necessary if the youth is to overcome his
a factor that cuts across all three of these areas or her problems.
is an aversive or punitive environment (De- The use of appropriate social skills involves
Baryshe, Patterson, & Capaldi, 1993; Dishion, an immensely complex chain of rapidly occurring
1992; Elliott, 1992; Mayer, 1995). Research interpersonal events. For youth, especially those
has taught us that aversive or punitive environ- suffering from behavioral and mental health dis-
ments predictably promote antisocial behaviors orders that dramatically limit their emotional and
such as aggression, violence, vandalism, and es- cognitive functioning, correctly performing these
cape (Azrin, Hake, Holz, & Hutchinson, 1965; skills at the right time can be an overwhelming
Berkowitz, 1983; Mayer, 1995). However, these task. They have considerable difficulty organizing
learned inappropriate behaviors and skills serve and blending their behaviors into smooth-flow-
a purpose: They enable the youth to get what he ing interactions with others, particularly under
or she needs and wants. stressful conditions. So, supervisors in treatment
Over time, these same behaviors and skills or care settings should encourage caregivers to
become reinforced and strengthened, and even- adjust their teaching techniques, vocabulary, and
tually spill over to other environments (e.g., interpersonal behaviors to best meet the learning
school, sports teams, jobs, relationships with style of each youth.
peers and adults, and so on). In these new set- When assigning social skills for treatment,
tings, youth try to use the same negative behav- it is important for a caregiver or treatment team
iors that were “successful” for them in the past. (i.e., supervisors, caregivers, and other adults
But when they don’t work, kids flounder, not involved with the youth) to take into account
knowing what it takes to be successful. So, in individual factors like the age and developmen-
order for youth to succeed in previous and new tal level of the youth, the severity of the youth’s
environments, situations, and relationships, they behaviors, the length of time a youth has been
must learn new prosocial skills that will help exposed to social skill instruction, and so on.
them to get their needs met in ways that are more These factors play a pivotal role in the success or
socially acceptable. failure of each youth’s treatment plan. Once the
With social skill instruction, youth learn most appropriate skills have been identified and
skills that are determined to be the most func- prioritized, caregivers can use various teaching
48
Social Skills and Treatment Planning
interactions to reinforce and teach youth new eventual success of the learner. This is true for
prosocial ways of getting their needs met. (At all youth behaviors, but it’s especially true when
Boys Town, these interactions include Proac- a caregiver or treatment team is confronted with
tive Teaching, Effective Praise, and Corrective particularly difficult or troublesome behaviors
Teaching. See Chapter 3.) It also is critical to from their youth. Boys Town’s working defini-
identify and target the specific situations and an- tion of “difficult” youth problems includes those
tecedent conditions in which the problem behav- behaviors that can cause harm to the youth and
ior occurs. (See Chapter 2.) others, that persist chronically over time, and
Culture and background also greatly influ- that may eventually lead to negative program de-
ence behaviors, appearance, expression of affect parture and other negative consequences for the
or feelings, thoughts and cognitions, and lan- youth. This definition includes behaviors such as
guage. Because all behavior is culture-based, so- stealing, physical aggression, chronic noncom-
cial behaviors need to be defined and interpreted pliance, running away, truancy, sexual acting
in a cultural context. Culture is not inherited but out and sexual aggression, and drug use – all of
learned, passed on over generations and trans- which necessitate a systematic approach to treat-
mitted largely through the institutions of family ment planning and target skill selection.
and school. Parenting practices and family dy- In general terms, the treatment team decides
namics greatly influence a child’s beliefs, values, what skills to target for “typical” youth prob-
social attitudes, and eventual behavioral patterns lems or treatment issues by first analyzing the
that are reflective of these teachings (Cartledge functional relationships that exist in the youth’s
& Milburn, 1996). environment that appear to reinforce the prob-
As we’ve said, one part of successful treat- lem behaviors. It also is critical that the specific
ment planning is to identify and target appropri- situations and antecedent conditions in which
ate social skills. Thus, a treatment team must the behaviors occur be identified and targeted.
consider a child’s culture and the critical role it Caregivers then can begin preventive measures
plays in his or her behaviors, thoughts, and per- through Proactive Teaching, and systematically
ceptions. For example, looking at an adult is the begin to teach appropriate alternative response
first step in almost all of the social skills that kids sets (i.e., the individual skills listed in the Social
are taught at Boys Town. However, this behavior Skills Curriculum). The treatment team must be
may be a sign of disrespect or defiance for chil- sure, however, that the targeted skills directly
dren in some cultures. Knowing that a child of address the problem behavior and occur under
a specific culture holds such a belief directly af- the same situational variables that are associated
fects how one teaches social skills to that child. with the problem behavior being treated.
Skill steps may have to be modified to meet the Oftentimes, a youth may have many nega-
child’s needs and the child may have to learn to tive behaviors and skill deficits, or have particu-
determine whether or not to use all of the steps larly serious behavior problems. In the area of
of a skill in different situations. identifying which social skills to teach and how
to teach them, a systematic analysis of a youth’s
problem behaviors and the contingencies that
Treatment Planning for appear to be supporting them is necessary when
Youth Problems and Behaviors developing or revising a treatment plan. A pro-
cess used at Boys Town for formulating a “spe-
The appropriate choice of skills to teach cialized” treatment plan for difficult youth prob-
youth is critical to the teaching process and the lems is summarized in Figure 1. An explanation
49
of each step in the process follows. This process whoever takes the lead) assist this decision-
can be adapted by programs that develop or wish making process by prompting discussion on
to develop treatment plans for their youth. issues such as: 1) What problem behavior
occurs most often?; 2) What behavior re-
lates most closely to several other behaviors
Treatment Planning Process that were listed?; 3) What behavior causes
the most trouble or failure for the youth?; 4)
1. Problem inventory What behavior presents the greatest danger
to others?; and 5) What behavior causes the
2. Problem selection most distress to the adults, family members,
3. Problem specification or peers who interact with the youth? In this
step, the treatment team should prioritize
4. Baselining
the problem behaviors that were generated
5. Specification of treatment goals and select the primary behavioral issues to
6. Formulation of treatment strategies be addressed first. The final choice of what
problem behaviors to focus on should also
7. Follow-up/Revision be left to the primary caregiver or those who
8. Maintenance work closely with the youth. Problems can
be made worse when team members differ
Figure 1 widely on what behaviors are the most dis-
ruptive or difficult to address. Behaviors can
1. Problem inventory. The treatment team be- be treated most effectively when all treat-
gins by generating a list of all relevant prob- ment team members consistently respond
lem behaviors the youth is displaying. This to targeted problem behaviors in a well-de-
is a brainstorming session designed to in- fined manner.
ventory all of the youth’s behavioral deficits 3. Problem specification. In this step, the
currently being observed by team members problem behaviors the treatment team has
(i.e., caregivers, teachers at school, coaches, chosen to address are clearly defined and
program supervisors, therapists, parents, specified. This is necessary in order to
etc.). The problem behaviors need not be facilitate more effective treatment by the
listed in any particular order or priority, but
primary caregivers and quicker learning of
as they are mentioned by team members
alternative behaviors by the youth. First, the
who are involved directly with the youth.
actual circumstances in which the problem
The process of prioritization begins later.
behaviors consistently occur are noted, as
This step also gives caregivers a chance to
well as other variables such as time of day,
discuss any frustrations they are having in
location, and people who usually are present
working with the youth and to deal with any
negative emotions they may be experiencing. when the behaviors occur. It also is impor-
tant to note the social or verbal interactions
2. Problem selection. In this step, the treat- (antecedents) that take place immediately
ment team begins to discuss and then decide before the youth engages in the inappropri-
what behaviors listed in the youth’s problem ate behaviors. These factors help determine
inventory appear to be of the greatest imme- the social skill areas in which teaching will
diate concern. Supervisors or therapists (or take place with the youth.
50
In addition, the team specifies the youth’s occurrence prior to introducing a new inter-
actual verbal and physical problem behav- vention. This measurement can be obtained
iors. Whether the youth’s voice becomes in formal and informal ways (e.g., charting,
elevated or sullen, or whether his or her frequency count, estimating, data collec-
verbal statements are sarcastic or threaten- tion, moving a penny from one pocket to
ing are important in defining appropriate the other when behavior occurs, etc.). The
responses. When problem behaviors are treatment team can derive a formal baseline
clearly defined, the treatment team is able measurement from systematic observation
to more easily identify the appropriate al- of the youth in various circumstances, and
ternative responses to teach. In addition to from carefully recorded clinical/treatment
specifying the youth’s problem behaviors, documentation.
the treatment team should list the typical An informal baseline measurement can be
consequences that have followed the inap- based on the caregivers’ recall of when,
propriate behavior. This would include the where, how often, and under what circum-
consequences that caregivers have used stances a behavior occurs. The goal is to ob-
(e.g., restricting privileges, tokens/points, tain the most accurate measure possible to
chores, etc.) in the past when trying to treat use as a comparison after the teaching strat-
the problem, as well as social responses of egy has been in place for a period of time.
others (e.g., attention, ignoring, getting up- The treatment team also should estimate
set) who have been present when the youth how often the youth may use the appropriate
displayed the inappropriate behaviors. This replacement skill. This will help the team
analysis can increase the treatment team’s evaluate whether the caregivers’ teaching is
insights into what contingencies have been increasing the youth’s use of the skill while
supporting the youth’s problematic responses. decreasing the negative behavior that was
The problem specification step ends when targeted.
the team has identified the alternative skills 5. Specification of treatment goals. At this
– or “target skills” – to teach the youth in point in the treatment planning process
the same situations or circumstances that for social skill instruction, the treatment
the problem behaviors previously occurred. team must decide, given the current level
The target skills should be “functional” in of the youth’s functioning, what percent
that they empower the youth to appropri- of the time they would initially like to see
ately handle the situations that have caused the youth use the target skill. For example,
the most problems. The emphasis should be the baselining step reveals that a particular
on choosing skills that eventually will be youth correctly follows the caregivers’ in-
reinforcing to the youth and help him or her structions only two out of every 10 times,
meet treatment goals and needs in a socially and refuses to follow instructions the other
acceptable manner. eight times. Caregivers might then plan to
4. Baselining. It is critical for the team to have teach the skill of “Following Instructions”
some knowledge of how often a youth’s tar- to the youth for the first two weeks of
get behaviors occur. By recording these be- treatment with the goal of having him im-
haviors daily, weekly, or monthly, caregivers prove to five out of 10 times. Eventually,
can measure the effectiveness of their teach- the goal should be increased to 90 percent,
ing over time. A “baseline” measurement or even 100 percent. Remember, however,
is the frequency of a particular behavior’s that it is important for both the youth and
51
the treatment team that initial skill goals on such issues as how each technique is to
are reasonable and obtainable. be used and applied, when and how often
Goal specification also should be related to each strategy will be used, and in what
the components of the particular skill be- situations the caregivers will use each tech-
ing taught. For example, the eventual goal nique. Again, consistency among the adults
of teaching a youth to follow instructions working with and caring for the youth is
would be to have the youth use all of the critical.
skill’s component behaviors (i.e., look at the The treatment team also should develop
person, say “Okay,” do the task, and check a monitoring or data collection system to
back) when directed to engage in an activity track the youth’s performance of the tar-
by caregivers, teachers at school, parents, geted social skill. The emphasis here is
and others. By specifying the behaviors to to collect sufficient information on the ef-
be used in “instruction” situations, caregiv- fectiveness of the teaching strategies so that
ers are more likely to be consistent in their successful techniques can continue and less-
expectations and teaching, which enables productive techniques can be revised.
the youth to be more successful in meeting 7. Follow-up/Revision. After implementing
those expectations and being rewarded for the skill-based treatment plan, the treatment
doing so. team meets to review the treatment goals
6. Formulation of treatment strategies. that were set for the youth and the progress
In this step, the treatment team agrees on that has been made. The team compares the
what strategies will be used and integrated youth’s current level of functioning in the
in the teaching of the target skill. These targeted skill area with the baseline data
strategies may include preventive skill- collected earlier. If there are negative data
building exercises and role-play (Proactive trends (i.e., the youth has made no progress
Teaching), spontaneous efforts to reinforce or demonstrates the skill less frequently
positive performance in the skill area (Ef- than before), the treatment team should re-
fective Praise), recognition of negative view the plan. There may be problems in the
performance and alternative skill-teaching way it is being implemented by the caregiv-
(Corrective Teaching), and consistent use ers that can be corrected with further train-
of rewards and privilege losses that are con- ing or by further specifying the strategies.
tingent on the youth’s behavior. Other tech- Oftentimes, caregivers, parents, teachers,
niques such as participation in a social skills and other adults need a lot of encourage-
group, practice with parents or peers, and ment and support to respond differently to
counseling interventions may be integrated a youth’s behavior. Also, it is important that
into this plan as well. Also included are ef- the person who is directing the intervention
forts to promote the youth’s generalization consistently monitors the caregivers’ social
of the target skill to other situations and skill instruction to ensure that they are fo-
environments where the skill may be used. cused on and effectively teaching to targeted
Since using the target skill in other diverse social skills.
situations is a key indicator that the youth If it appears the plan has been implemented
is learning, caregivers should monitor this correctly and has been used long enough
area to measure progress. to be effective, but there still is no prog-
In applying the various teaching strategies, ress, the treatment team can revise specific
it is important that the caregivers are clear aspects of the treatment plan. This could
52
involve changing the frequency of Proactive should still be used, but without a tangible
Teaching and cued practice exercises, revis- reward in the consequence step. Follow-up
ing the consequences that are being offered, on the youth’s progress should be ongoing
or even changing the skill itself. The im- and revised as needed. If a youth regresses
portant part of this process is making such to an earlier level of skill use, the original
decisions based on concerted observation plan (or modifications of the plan) can be
of the youth’s skills and any data that can be reinstated.
collected.
If the data on the youth’s learning of the tar-
geted social skill indicates a positive trend Additional Assistance in
(i.e., the youth is meeting improvement
goals and showing a degree of generaliza-
Treatment Planning
tion), the treatment team may decide to con- As an additional aid to the treatment plan-
tinue to use the current treatment plan. The ning process, Appendix C of this manual offers a
team could, however, set a higher goal for listing of Curriculum skills grouped by behavior
performance of the skill, such as having the problems and Appendix D lists skills by situa-
youth follow instructions nine or 10 out of tions. Appendix C provides a quick reference
10 times instructions are given to him or her for caregivers who need to identify skills that
by caregivers, teachers at school, etc. When can be used in the treatment of a youth who is
the goals for this level of performance are demonstrating behaviors that are characteristic
consistently being met, the team can decide of a particular problem area (e.g., aggressive and
to move on to the last step of the treatment antisocial behavior, depression and withdrawal,
planning process and focus treatment efforts etc.). The skills listed under a particular prob-
on other prioritized skill deficits. lem behavior are those that may positively affect
8. Maintenance. We know that a youth will the youth’s functioning in that area. Appendix D
not consistently continue to use a newly lists several common situations or circumstances
learned skill without intermittent reinforce- a young person may encounter. The skills listed
ment. In this step, the treatment team de- under each situation are ones that may assist
vises a specific plan for maintaining and re- the youth in appropriately responding to the de-
inforcing the youth’s progress. Formal Pro- mands of that situation.
active Teaching and practice sessions can be In both cases, the decision on which skills
gradually decreased to only once per week
are appropriate to teach a particular youth must
or month, instead of daily as in the original
be based on a functional assessment of a particu-
plan, and the use of artificial rewards such
lar youth’s needs and abilities. Thus, the listings
as earned tokens/points and privileges may
provided in Appendix C and D are not intended
be gradually removed. It is critical during
this fading process that the social reinforce- as a “cookbook” for planning the treatment of a
ment of the youth’s use of targeted skills young person, but rather as a guide for caregivers
be consistent and frequent. In other words, in selecting relevant skills to teach the youth.
when the youth demonstrates a positive skill Another helpful resource is Boys Town’s
that now no longer earns him or her tangible book, Treating Youth with DSM-IV Disor-
positive consequences or privileges, the ders: The Role of Social Skill Instruction. This
caregivers still should respond with enthusi- book contains a series of charts that list so-
astic and meaningful praise. Effective Praise cial skills to teach to children and adolescents
53
who require treatment for specific DSM-IV

disorders.
Summary
Treatment planning charts the course for a
youth’s improvement in the way he or she thinks,
feels, and behaves. Effective treatment planning
considers the many factors that contributed to a
youth’s present state, the youth’s strengths and
weaknesses, and the best ways to change nega-
tive behaviors and reinforce positive ones. A
good treatment planning process is individual-
ized, positive, and focused on teaching the ap-
propriate social skills, and empowers youth to
make good decisions. It also emphasizes the
long-term goals of helping youth internalize and
generalize social skills.
54
Chapter 7
The Social Skills Curriculum
T
he 182 skills of the Boys Town Social more likely to contain cognitive or “metabehav-
Skills Curriculum are drawn from the ioral” steps. Examples of these include cues to a
vast number of situational variables youth to identify characteristics of the immedi-
young people might encounter as they grow and ate situation, notice the responses of other people
develop toward independence. Each skill has involved, monitor his or her own responses and
been task-analyzed into its essential behavioral feelings, and instruct himself or herself to engage
elements that may include: 1) specific verbal in certain activities. This added area of learning,
responses; 2) nonverbal behaviors; 3) specific along with the specific behavioral responses pre-
behaviors to omit; 4) behavioral cues and self- viously taught by the caretaker, greatly increases
instructions; and, in some cases, 5) subclasses the youth’s repertoire of skills that can be drawn
of skills that may be learned separately. The fo- from in complex, and demanding, situations.
cus here is to provide caregivers and treatment The Social Skills Curriculum is structured
teams with a comprehensive resource they can so that the last group is likely to include skills
use when developing effective, therapeutic treat- that have many more of these cognitive-based
ment plans. (Treatment teams can consist of component steps, whereas the first group could
anyone involved in a child’s care – parents, ther- be considered more “basic” behavioral skills.
apists, direct-care staff, supervisors, teachers, Many youth in treatment programs typically
school principals, counselors, etc. These teams begin learning the basic social skills first, and
would have the most immediate and consistent then advance to the more complex skill areas
means of implementing the treatment plan.) contained in the higher levels. But this may not
The skills in the Curriculum are organized always be the case. The idea is not that all youth
into four groups – Basic, Intermediate, Ad- need to learn the skills from each group in the
vanced, and Complex – according to the per- precise order in which they are categorized, but
ceived complexity associated with the perfor- rather that skills can be chosen from the Curric-
mance of each skill. The degree of difficulty ulum that match each youth’s individual behav-
increases from Group 1 (Basic Skills) to Group ioral needs, abilities, and treatment issues. The
4 (Complex Skills), mainly due to the number system of groups simply gives the child-care
of component behaviors required to perform the staff or teacher some measure of relative com-
more advanced or complex skills or because of plexity when prioritizing skills for a youth.
the difficulties of situations associated with those Likewise, when organizing the Curriculum
skills. for a social skills training group, instructors
The nature of many of the component be- would require some measure of cognitive in-
haviors of the listed skills also changes with volvement and difficulty in order to appropriate-
increasing complexity. Skills found in the more ly match the Curriculum content to the abilities
complex groupings of the Curriculum will be of the participants. The appropriate choice of
55
skills to teach a youth or group is critical to the Skill 10 Accepting Compliments

teaching process and the eventual success of the Skill 11 Accepting Consequences
learner. This is especially true when staff mem- Skill 12 Accepting Decisions of Authority
bers are confronted with particularly difficult or
Skill 13 Answering the Telephone
troublesome behaviors from their youth.
Skill 14 Asking for Clarification
In the remainder of this chapter, we list the
182 skills of the Social Skills Curriculum, num- Skill 15 Asking for Help
bered and grouped according to their degree of Skill 16 Asking Questions
complexity. Following the list is a large section Skill 17 Being on Time (Promptness)
where all of the skills are presented with their Skill 18 Checking In (or Checking Back)
respective steps. In that section, rationales and Skill 19 Choosing Appropriate Words to Say
helpful hints are offered for each of the eight
Skill 20 Closing a Conversation
Basic Skills.
Skill 21 Completing Homework
Skill 22 Completing Tasks
For schoolteachers and others who provide in- Skill 23 Complying with Reasonable
struction in educational settings, Boys Town offers Requests
the book, Tools for Teaching Social Skills in School. This Skill 24 Contributing to Discussions (Joining
book provides lesson plans for teaching specific skills, in a Conversation)
reproducible skill pages, techniques and examples for Skill 25 Correcting Another Person (or
blending skill-teaching with academic lessons, ideas Giving Criticism)
for motivating and monitoring behavior, and strate- Skill 26 Doing Good Quality Work
gies for increasing parent support and involvement. Skill 27 Following Rules
Tools for Teaching Social Skills in School is available Skill 28 Following Written Instructions
through the Boys Town Press. Skill 29 Getting Another Person’s Attention
Skill 30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention
Skill 31 Giving Compliments
Basic Skills Group Skill 32 Greeting Others
Skill 1 Following Instructions Skill 33 Ignoring Distractions by Others
Skill 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer Skill 34 Initiating a Conversation
Skill 3 Talking with Others Skill 35 Interrupting Appropriately
Skill 4 Introducing Yourself Skill 36 Introducing Others
Skill 5 Accepting Criticism or a Skill 37 Listening to Others
Consequence Skill 38 Maintaining a Conversation
Skill 6 Disagreeing Appropriately Skill 39 Maintaining an Appropriate
Skill 7 Showing Respect Appearance
Skill 8 Showing Sensitivity to Others Skill 40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene
Skill 41 Making an Apology
Skill 42 Making a Request (Asking a Favor)
Intermediate Skills Group Skill 43 Making a Telephone Call
Skill 9 Accepting Apologies from Others Skill 44 Making Positive Self-Statements
56
Skill 45 Making Positive Statements about Skill 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing

Others Skill 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends
Skill 46 Offering Assistance or Help Skill 78 Communicating Honestly
Skill 47 Participating in Activities Skill 79 Complying with School Dress Code
Skill 48 Refraining from Possessing Skill 80 Compromising with Others
Contraband or Drugs Skill 81 Concentrating on a Subject or Task
Skill 49 Reporting Emergencies Skill 82 Contributing to Group Activities
Skill 50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior Skill 83 Controlling Eating Habits
(or Peer Reporting)
Skill 84 Controlling Emotions
Skill 51 Resisting Peer Pressure
Skill 85 Controlling Sexually Abusive
Skill 52 Saying Good-Bye to Guests Impulses toward Others
Skill 53 Saying “No” Assertively Skill 86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie
Skill 54 Seeking Positive Attention Skill 87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal
Skill 55 Showing Appreciation Skill 88 Cooperating with Others
Skill 56 Showing Interest Skill 89 Coping with Anger and Aggression
Skill 57 Staying on Task from Others
Skill 58 Trying New Tasks Skill 90 Coping with Change
Skill 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone Skill 91 Coping with Conflict
Skill 60 Using Anger Control Strategies Skill 92 Coping with Sad Feelings (or
Skill 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving Depression)
(SODAS) Skill 93 Dealing with an Accusation
Skill 62 Using Table Etiquette Skill 94 Dealing with Being Left Out
Skill 63 Volunteering Skill 95 Dealing with Boredom
Skill 64 Waiting Your Turn Skill 96 Dealing with Contradictory
Messages
Skill 97 Dealing with Embarrassing
Advanced Skills Group Situations
Skill 65 Accepting Defeat or Loss Skill 98 Dealing with Failure
Skill 66 Accepting Help or Assistance Skill 99 Dealing with Fear
Skill 67 Accepting Winning Appropriately Skill 100 Dealing with Frustration
Skill 68 Advocating for Oneself Skill 101 Dealing with Group Pressure
Skill 69 Analyzing Skills Needed for Skill 102 Dealing with Rejection
Different Situations Skill 103 Delaying Gratification
Skill 70 Analyzing Social Situations Skill 104 Displaying Effort
Skill 71 Analyzing Tasks to Be Completed Skill 105 Displaying Sportsmanship
Skill 72 Being Prepared for Class Skill 106 Expressing Appropriate Affection
Skill 73 Borrowing from Others Skill 107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately
Skill 74 Caring for Others’ Property Skill 108 Expressing Optimism
Skill 75 Caring for Own Belongings Skill 109 Expressing Pride in Accomplishments
57
Skill 110 Following Safety Rules Complex Skills Group

Skill 111 Following Through on Agreements Skill 146 Accepting Self
and Contracts
Skill 147 Altering One’s Environment
Skill 112 Giving Instructions
Skill 148 Asking for Advice
Skill 113 Giving Rationales
Skill 149 Assessing Own Abilities
Skill 114 Interacting Appropriately with
Skill 150 Being an Appropriate Role Model
Members of the Opposite Sex
Skill 151 Being a Consumer
Skill 115 Keeping Property in Its Place
Skill 152 Being Assertive
Skill 116 Lending to Others
Skill 153 Being Patient
Skill 117 Making Decisions
Skill 154 Budgeting and Managing Money
Skill 118 Making New Friends
Skill 155 Clarifying Values and Beliefs
Skill 119 Making Restitution (Compensating)
Skill 156 Differentiating Friends from
Skill 120 Managing Time Acquaintances
Skill 121 Negotiating with Others Skill 157 Displaying Appropriate Control
Skill 122 Organizing Tasks and Activities Skill 158 Expressing Empathy and
Skill 123 Persevering on Tasks and Projects Understanding for Others
Skill 124 Planning Meals Skill 159 Expressing Grief
Skill 125 Preparing for a Stressful Conversation Skill 160 Formulating Strategies
Skill 126 Preventing Trouble with Others Skill 161 Gathering Information
Skill 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement Skill 162 Identifying Own Feelings
Skill 128 Responding to Complaints Skill 163 Interviewing for a Job
Skill 129 Responding to Others’ Feelings Skill 164 Laughing at Oneself
Skill 130 Responding to Others’ Humor Skill 165 Maintaining Relationships
Skill 131 Responding to Teasing Skill 166 Making an Appropriate Complaint
Skill 132 Responding to Written Requests Skill 167 Making Moral and Spiritual
Skill 133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior Decisions
Skill 134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors Skill 168 Managing Stress
Skill 135 Setting Appropriate Boundaries Skill 169 Planning Ahead
Skill 136 Sharing Attention with Others Skill 170 Recognizing Moods of Others
Skill 137 Sharing Personal Experiences Skill 171 Resigning from a Job or Project
Skill 138 Suggesting an Activity Skill 172 Resolving Conflicts
Skill 139 Using Appropriate Humor Skill 173 Rewarding Yourself
Skill 140 Using Appropriate Language Skill 174 Seeking Professional Assistance
Skill 141 Using Relaxation Strategies Skill 175 Setting Goals
Skill 142 Using Self-Talk or Self-Instruction Skill 176 Stopping Negative or Harmful
Skill 143 Using Spontaneous Problem-Solving Thoughts
Skill 144 Using Study Skills Skill 177 Taking Risks Appropriately
Skill 145 Working Independently Skill 178 Tolerating Differences
58
Skill 179 Using Community Resources

Skill 180 Using Leisure Time
Skill 181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
Reflection
Skill 182 Using Strategies to Find a Job
59
Basic Skills
1. Following instructions
1. Look at the person.
2. Say “Okay.”
3. Do what you’ve been asked right away.
4. Check back.
2. Accepting “No” for an answer

2. Say “Okay.”
3. Stay calm.
4. If you disagree, ask later.
3. Talking with others

2. Use a pleasant voice.
3. Ask questions.
4. Don’t interrupt.
4. Introducing yourself
1. Look at the person. Smile.
3. Offer a greeting. Say “Hi, my name is....”
4. Shake the person’s hand.
5. When you leave, say “It was nice to meet you.”
61
5. Accepting criticism or a consequence
2. Say “Okay.”
3. Don’t argue.
6. Disagreeing appropriately
3. Say “I understand how you feel.”
4. Tell why you feel differently.
5. Give a reason.
6. Listen to the other person.
7. Showing respect
1. Obey a request to stop a negative behavior.
2. Refrain from teasing, threatening, or making fun of others.
3. Allow others to have their privacy.
4. Obtain permission before using another person’s property.
5. Do not damage or vandalize public property.
6. Refrain from conning or persuading others into breaking rules.
7. Avoid acting obnoxiously in public.
8. Dress appropriately when in public.
8. Showing sensitivity to others

1. Express interest and concern for others, especially when they are having troubles.
2. Recognize that disabled people deserve the same respect as anyone else.
3. Apologize or make amends for hurting someone’s feelings or causing harm.
4. Recognize that people of different races, religions, and backgrounds deserve to be
treated the same way as you would expect to be treated.
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Basic – Skill 1
Following instructions

Rationale:
Looking at the person shows that you are paying attention.
Helpful hints:
• Look at the person as you would a friend.
• Don’t stare, make faces, or roll your eyes.
• Look at the person throughout your conversation.
• Avoid being distracted.
• Looking at the person will help you understand his or her mood.
2. Say “Okay.”
Rationale:
Saying “Okay” lets the person know you understand.
Helpful hints:
• Answer right away.
• Use a pleasant voice.
• Speak clearly.
• Smile and nod your head (if it is appropriate to do so).
3. Do what you’ve been asked right away.

Rationale:
You are more likely to remember exactly what you’re supposed to do if you
do it right away.
63
Helpful hints:
• Complete each step of the task.
• Stay on task. Don’t let other things interfere.
• Do the best job you can.
• If you have problems, ask for help.
4. Check back.
Rationale:
Checking back lets the person know that you have followed the instruction.
Helpful hints:
• Tell the person you have finished as soon as you are done.
• Explain exactly what you did.
• Ask if the job was done correctly.
• Correct anything that needs to be done over.
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Basic – Skill 2
Accepting “No” for an answer

Rationale:
Helpful hints:
• Don’t stare or make faces.
• Don’t look away.
• If you are upset, control your emotions. Try to relax and stay calm.
• Listening carefully will help you understand what the other person is saying.
2. Say “Okay.”
Rationale:
Saying “Okay” lets the other person know that you understand.
Helpful hints:
• Answer right away.
• Speak clearly. Don’t mumble.
• Don’t sound angry or start to argue. That might lead to problems.
• Take a deep breath if you feel upset.
3. Stay calm.
Rationale:
Staying calm allows you to hear exactly what the other person is saying.
65
Helpful hints:
• If you react negatively, you may make the situation worse.
• People will think you are serious about improving if you stay calm.
• Staying calm shows that you have control of your emotions.
• Accepting a “No” answer this time may improve the chances of getting a “Yes”
answer later on.
4. If you disagree, ask later.

Rationale:
If you disagree right away, you will appear to be arguing.
Helpful hints:
• Take some time to plan how you are going to approach the person who told
you “No.”
• Plan in advance what you are going to say.
• Accept the answer, even if it is still “No.”
• Be sure to thank the person for listening.
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Basic – Skill 3
Talking with others

Rationale:
Looking at the person shows that you are paying attention and shows the person that
you want to talk.
Helpful hints:
• Look at the person’s face; this will help you understand his or her mood.

Rationale:
People won’t want to talk to someone who seems unpleasant, angry, or threatening.
Helpful hints:
• Speak clearly.
• Use short sentences that are easily understood.
• Think before you speak.
3. Ask questions.
Rationale:
Asking questions includes the other person in the conversation.
Helpful hints:
• Avoid asking questions that can be answered with only a “Yes” or a “No.”
• Ask the person about his or her opinions, likes and dislikes, and interests.
• Listen intently.
• Be prepared to answer questions the person might ask you.
67
4. Don’t interrupt.
Rationale:
Interrupting shows you don’t care what the other person is saying.
Helpful hints:
• Make sure the person is done speaking before you respond.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Maintain good posture; don’t distract the other person by fidgeting.
• Don’t monopolize the conversation or jump from topic to topic.
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Basic – Skill 4
Introducing yourself
1. Look at the person. Smile.

Rationale:
Looking at the person is one way of showing that you really want to meet him or her.
Helpful hints:
• Get the person’s attention appropriately.
• Looking at the person sets a friendly tone for the beginning of your conversation.

Rationale:
You will make a good impression if you appear to be friendly.
Helpful hints:
• Speak clearly.
• Talk loud enough to be heard, but not too loud.
• Use proper grammar and avoid slang words.
• Don’t interrupt.
3. Offer a greeting. Say “Hi, my name is....”

Rationale:
Saying “Hi” shows you are friendly and makes the other person feel welcome.
Helpful hints:
• Make sure the person hears you.
• Listen if the other person says anything in return.
• Smile if it is appropriate to do so.
69
4. Shake the person’s hand.
Rationale:
Shaking hands is a traditional way of greeting someone.
Helpful hints:
• Make sure your hand is clean before shaking hands with someone.
• Use a firm grip, but don’t squeeze too hard.
• Three shakes is about right when shaking hands.
• Say “It’s nice to meet you” as you shake hands.
5. When you leave, say “It was nice to meet you.”

Rationale:
Saying something nice ends your conversation on a friendly note.
Helpful hints:
• Be sincere.
• Use the person’s name again when saying good-bye.
• Remember the person’s name should you meet again.
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Basic – Skill 5
Accepting criticism
or a consequence

Rationale:
Helpful hints:
• Look at the person throughout the conversation. Don’t look away.
• Listen carefully and try not to be distracted.
• Paying attention shows courtesy; looking away shows disinterest.
2. Say “Okay.”
Rationale:
Saying “Okay” shows that you understand what the other person is saying.
Helpful hints:
• Nodding your head also shows that you understand.
• Don’t mumble.
• By nodding your head or saying “Okay” frequently throughout a long conversation,
you let the speaker know that you are still listening carefully.
• Use a pleasant tone of voice. Don’t be sarcastic.
3. Don’t argue.
Rationale:
Accepting criticism without arguing shows that you are mature.
71
Helpful hints:
• Stay calm.
• Try to learn from what the person is saying so you can do a better job next time.
• Remember that the person who is giving you criticism is only trying to help.
• If you disagree, wait until later to discuss the matter.
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Basic – Skill 6
Disagreeing appropriately

Rationale:
Helpful hints:
• Keep looking at the person throughout your conversation.
• Be pleasant and smile.

Rationale:
The person is more likely to listen to you if you use a pleasant voice.
Helpful hints:
• Speak slowly and clearly. Don’t mumble.
• Use short sentences. They are easily understood.
• Keep a comfortable distance between you and the other person while you
are talking.
• Smile. People are more comfortable talking with someone who is friendly.
3. Say “I understand how you feel.”

Rationale:
Saying you understand gets the conversation off to a positive start.
Helpful hints:
• Plan what you are going to say before you start to speak.
• If you still feel uneasy about how you are going to start your conversation, practice.
• Start to discuss your concerns as part of a conversation, not a confrontation.
• Be sincere.
73
4. Tell why you feel differently.
Rationale:
Using specific words and reasons avoids confusion and gets your point across.
Helpful hints:
• Use as much detailed information as possible.
• Be prepared to back up what you say.
• If necessary, practice what you are going to say.
• Always remember to think before you speak.
5. Give a reason.
Rationale:
Your disagreement will carry more weight if you give a valid reason.
Helpful hints:
• Be sure that your reasons make sense.
• Support your reasons with facts and details.
• One or two reasons are usually enough.
• Remember to stay calm during the conversation.

Rationale:
Listening shows you respect what the other person has to say.
Helpful hints:
• Don’t look away or make faces while the other person is talking.
• Don’t interrupt.
• Stay calm.
• Don’t argue.
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Basic – Skill 7
Showing respect
1. Obey a request to stop a negative behavior.

Rationale:
When you obey a request to stop a negative behavior, you show that you can follow
instructions. Being able to follow instructions is one form of showing respect.
Helpful hints:
• By stopping your negative behavior, you may avoid getting into trouble.
• There will always be people who have authority over you. You must do what
they say.
2. Refrain from teasing, threatening,

or making fun of others.
Rationale:
By refraining from such behaviors, it shows you understand that teasing, threatening,
and making fun can be hurtful to others.
Helpful hints:
• If you are always making fun of people or threatening them, you won’t have many
friends.
• People will think of you only as a tease, not as a nice person.
3. Allow others to have their privacy.

Rationale:
Sometimes people need or want to be alone. You show respect by following
their wishes.
Helpful hints:
• Always knock before entering someone’s room or a room with a closed door.
• Honor someone’s desire to be left alone.
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4. Obtain permission before using another person’s
property.
Rationale:
You have certain possessions that are very important to you. You don’t want people
using them without permission. When you ask permission to use others’ things, you
show that same kind of respect.
Helpful hints:
• Always return items in the same condition as when you borrowed them.
• If you damage a borrowed item, offer to repair or replace it.
5. Do not damage or vandalize public property.

Rationale:
Vandalism and damaging property are against the law. Besides getting into trouble,
you show disrespect for your community and country when you vandalize public
property.
Helpful hints:
• Accidents do happen, but they always should be reported.
• Offer to replace or repair property you have damaged.
6. Refrain from conning or persuading others into

breaking rules.
Rationale:
People will think less of you if you are always trying to take advantage of others or
get them into trouble.
Helpful hints:
• If you use people, they won’t trust you.
• People don’t appreciate being manipulated.
76
7. Avoid acting obnoxiously in public.
Rationale:
You make a good impression with people when you show that you know how to
behave and use proper social skills in public.
Helpful hints:
• Be on your best behavior in public. Don’t do things like cursing,
swearing, spitting, or belching.
• Be courteous to others and mind your manners.
8. Dress appropriately when in public.

Rationale:
When in public, people are expected to look their best. When you live up to this
expectation, you show that you are mature and understand society’s rules.
Helpful hints:
• Being well-groomed and well-dressed makes a good impression.
• Use good judgment when deciding what to wear. Where you are going usually
determines what you wear.
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Basic – Skill 8
Showing sensitivity to others
1. Express interest and concern for others, especially

when they are having troubles.
Rationale:
If you help others, they are more likely to help you.
Helpful hints:
• If you see someone in trouble, ask if you can help.
• Sometimes, just showing you care is enough to help a person get through a
difficult time.
2. Recognize that disabled people deserve the same

respect as anyone else.
Rationale:
A disability does not make a person inferior. Helping people with disabilities without
ridiculing or patronizing them shows that you believe all people are equal, although
some people need a little extra assistance.
Helpful hints:
• Be ready to help a disabled person when needed by doing such things as holding
open a door, carrying a package, or giving up your seat.
• Don’t stare at disabled people or make comments about their special needs.
3. Apologize or make amends for hurting someone’s

feelings or causing harm.
Rationale:
Saying you’re sorry shows that you can take responsibility for your actions and can
admit when you’ve done something wrong.
79
Helpful hints:
• You can harm someone by what you fail to do, just as easily as by what you do.
Some examples are breaking a promise or not sticking up for someone who is being
picked on.
• If you hurt someone, apologize immediately and sincerely.
4.
Recognize that people of different races, religions,
and backgrounds deserve to be treated the same way
as you would expect to be treated.
Rationale:
Treating others equally shows that although people are different, you believe that it
shouldn’t matter in the way you treat them.
Helpful hints:
• Don’t make jokes and rude comments about the color of someone’s skin or what he
or she believes.
• Some people have different customs for doing things. Some people have more
money than others. No matter, all people should be treated the same.
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intermediate – skill 9
Accepting apologies
from others
1. Look at the person who is apologizing.
2. Listen to what he or she is saying.

3. Remain calm. Refrain from making sarcastic
statements.
4. Thank the person for the apology; say “Thanks for

saying ‘I’m sorry’” or “That’s okay.”
81
Intermediate Skill – 10
Accepting compliments
1. Look at the person who is complimenting you.
2. Use a pleasant tone of voice.

3. Thank the person sincerely for the compliment.
4. Say “Thanks for noticing” or “I appreciate that.”
5. Avoid looking away, mumbling, or denying the

compliment.
82
Intermediate – Skill 11
Accepting consequences
2. Say “Okay.”
3. Don’t argue.
4. If given instructions or suggestions on how to correct
the situation, follow them.
83
Accepting decisions
of authority

2. Remain calm and monitor your feelings and behavior.
3. Use a pleasant or neutral tone of voice.
4. Acknowledge
understand.”
the decision by saying “Okay” or “Yes, I
5. If you disagree, do so at a later time.
6. Refrain from arguing, pouting, or becoming angry.
84
Answering the telephone
1. Pick up the phone promptly.

2. Use a calm, pleasant voice.
3. the residence of….”
Answer the phone by saying “Hello” or “Hello, this is
4. Listen carefully to the other person.
5. Find the person the caller wants to speak with or offer

to take a message.
6. Write the message down and ensure that the right

person receives it.
85
7.
End your conversation by saying “Good-bye” or
“Thanks for calling,” and gently hanging up the
phone.
86
Asking for clarification

2. Ask if he or she has time to talk. Don’t interrupt.
4.
Specifically state what you are confused about.
Begin with “I was wondering if...” or “Could I ask
about...?”
5. Listen to the other person’s reply and acknowledge

the answer.
6. Thank the person for his or her time.
87
Asking for help
2. Ask the person if he or she has time to help you

(now or later).
3. Clearly describe the problem or what kind of help

you need.
4. Thank the person for helping you.
88
Intermediate Skill – 16
Asking questions
1. Appropriately get the other person’s attention

without interrupting. Wait to be acknowledged.

3. Use a pleasant tone of voice.
4. words such as “Please,”“Would,”“What,” or “May I....”
Phrase what you are asking as a question by using
5. Listen to the person’s answer.
89
Being on time (Promptness)
1. Know exactly when you need to be where you are

going, and how long it will take you to get there.
2. Leave with plenty of time to spare (usually about 5-10

minutes before you would have to leave).
3. Go directly to your destination with no diversions.
4. When you arrive, check in with someone in authority

or with the person you are meeting.
5. If you are late, apologize sincerely for not being on

time.
90
Checking in (or Checking back)
1. Promptly return or complete the task.

2. with.
Immediately find the appropriate person to check
3. Check in by pleasantly saying “Here I am...” or “I’m

back from....”
4. Truthfully answer any questions about your activities

or where you have been.
5. End by saying “Is there anything else?”
91
Choosing appropriate
words to say
1. Look at the situation and the people around you.

2. Know the meanings of words you are about to say.
3. around you or that they will not understand.
Refrain from using words that will offend people
4. Avoid using slang, profanity, or words that could have

a sexual meaning.
5. Decide what thought you want to put into words and

then say the words.
92
Closing a conversation
1. Change topics only when everyone appears to be done

talking about a particular issue.
2. Change to a conversation topic that somehow relates

to the previous one, if possible.
3. Allow everyone present a chance to talk about the

current topic.
4. If it is time to depart or move to another area, wait for

a comfortable break in the conversation.
5. Stand and say “Excuse me...” or “It was very nice

talking to you....”
93
Completing homework
1. Find out at school what the day’s homework is for

each subject.
2. Remember to bring home necessary books or

materials in order to complete your assignments.
3. Get started on homework promptly, or at the

designated time.
4. Complete all assignments accurately and neatly.
5. Carefully store completed homework until the next

school day.
94
Completing tasks
1. Listen carefully to instructions or directions for tasks.

2. the task.
Assemble the necessary tools or materials needed for
3. Begin working carefully and neatly.
4. Remain focused on the task until it is completed.
5. Examine the product of your work to make sure it is

complete.
6. Check back with the person who assigned the task.
95
Complying with
reasonable requests
1. Look at the person making the request.

3. Acknowledge the request by saying “Okay” or “Sure.”
4. Promptly complete the requested activity.
5. you cannot do what he or she requested.
If you are unable to do so, politely tell the person that
96
Contributing to discussions
(Joining in a conversation)
1. Look at the people who are talking.

2. Wait for a point when no one else is talking.
3. the topic being discussed.
Make a short, appropriate comment that relates to
4. Choose words that will not be offensive or confusing

to others.
5. Give other people a chance to participate.
97
Correcting another person

(or Giving criticism)

2. Remain calm and use a pleasant voice tone.
3. saying “I understand....”
Begin with a positive statement, some praise, or by
4. Be specific about the behaviors you are criticizing.
5. Offer a rationale for why this is a problem.
6. Listen to the other person’s explanation. Avoid any

sarcasm, name-calling, or “put-down” statements.
98
Doing good quality work
1. Find out the exact expectations or instructions for tasks.

2. Assemble the necessary tools or materials.
3. task.
Carefully begin working. Focus your attention on the
4. Continue working until the task is completed or

criteria are met.
5. Examine the results of your work to make sure it was

done correctly.
6. Correct any deficiencies, if necessary. Perhaps, check

back with the person who assigned the task.
99
Following rules
1. Learn what rules apply to the current situation.

2. rules exactly.
Adjust your behavior so that you are following those
3. Don’t “bend” rules, even just a little.

4. ask about the rules in question.
If you have questions, find the appropriate adult to
100
Following written instructions
1. Read the written instructions for the task one time

completely.
2. Do what each instruction tells you to in the exact

order in which it is written.
3. Don’t change written instructions or skip any without

permission.
4. If you have any questions, find the appropriate adult

to ask about the instructions in question.
101
Getting another
person’s attention
1. Wait until the other person is finished speaking or is

available to you.
2. Look at the other person.

3. Get that person’s attention by saying “Excuse me....”
4. want to say.
Wait until he or she acknowledges you. Say what you
102
Getting the teacher’s attention
1. Look at the teacher.

2. Raise your hand calmly.
3. Wait to be acknowledged by the teacher.
4. Ask questions or make requests in a calm voice.
103
Giving compliments
1. Look at the person you are complimenting.

2. Speak with a clear, enthusiastic voice.
3. him or her exactly what you like about it.
Praise the person’s activity or project specifically. Tell
4. Use words such as “That’s great,” “Wonderful,” or “That

was awesome.”
5. Give the other person time to respond to your

compliment.
104
Greeting others

3. Say “Hi” or “Hello.”
105
Ignoring distractions by others
1. Try not to look at people who are being distracting.

2. Stay focused on your work or task.
3. Do not respond to questions, teasing, or giggling.
4. authority figure.
If necessary, report this behavior to a nearby adult or
106
Initiating a conversation
1. Look at the person or people you are talking with.

2. Wait until no one else is talking about another topic.
3. Use a calm, pleasant voice tone.
4. about a new conversation topic.
Ask a question of the other person or begin talking
5. Make sure new conversation topics are about

appropriate activities and will not offend other
people.
107
Interrupting appropriately
1. If you must interrupt a person’s conversation or phone

call, stand where you can be seen.
2. Wait for that person to acknowledge you or signal for

you to come back later.
3. When it’s time for you to speak, begin with “Excuse

me for interrupting, but....”
4. Be specific and to the point with your request or

information.
108
Introducing others
1. Position yourself near or between the people you are

introducing.
2. Use a clear, enthusiastic voice tone.

3.
Introduce two people by saying each person’s first and
last names. For example, say “Bill, I’d like you to meet
Jeff Thompson. Jeff, this is Bill Smith.”
4. Allow time for each person to shake hands, greet each

other, etc.
5.
You also may provide more information about each
person to the other (their jobs, schools, where they
are from, etc.).
109
Listening to others
1. Look at the person who is talking.

2. giggling.
Sit or stand quietly; avoid fidgeting, yawning, or
3. Wait until the person is finished speaking before

you speak.
4. Show that you understand (say “Okay,” “Thanks,”

or “I see”).
110
Maintaining a conversation
1. Continue looking at whomever is speaking.

2. head to show ongoing acknowledgment.
Maintain a relaxed, but attentive, posture. Nod your
3. Ask follow-up questions that pertain to what the

other person just said and show attentiveness.
4. Avoid fidgeting, looking away, or yawning.

5. occur, say “Excuse me” and let the other person speak.
Don’t interrupt the other person. If interruptions
6.
Tell your own stories that pertain to the current
topic, but be careful not to dominate the conversation
or exaggerate.
111
Maintaining an appropriate
appearance
1. Use appropriate daily hygiene skills.

2. Comb your hair.
3. activities.
Choose clean clothing that will match your day’s
4. Use a moderate amount of make-up, perfume, or

cologne.
5. Ask for advice if you are unsure what is proper.
6. Maintain your appearance throughout the day

(hair combed, shirt tucked in, etc.).
112
Maintaining personal hygiene
1. Bathe or shower daily.

2. Brush your teeth in the morning and at bedtime.
3. Brush or comb your hair.
4. Put on clean clothes daily.
5. bathroom.
Wash your hands before meals and after using the
6. Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
113
Making an apology

2. Use a serious, sincere voice tone, but don’t pout.
3. sorry for....”
Begin by saying “I wanted to apologize for...” or “I’m
4. Do not make excuses or try to rationalize your

behavior.
5. Sincerely say that you will try not to repeat the same
behavior in the future.
6. Offer to compensate or pay restitution.
7. Thank the other person for listening.
114
Making a request
(Asking a favor)

2. Use a clear, pleasant voice tone.
3. “Would you...” and “Please....”
Make your request in the form of a question by saying
4. If your request is granted, remember to say “Thank

you.”
5. If your request is denied, remember to accept “No” for

an answer.
115
Making a telephone call
1. Accurately identify the number you need to call.

2. Dial the number carefully.
3. “May I please speak to...?”
Ask to speak to the person you are calling by saying
4. Use appropriate language over the phone; no

obscenities or sexually oriented words.
5. If the person you are calling is not there, ask the

person who answers if he or she will take a message.
6. At the end of your conversation, thank the person for

his or her time.
116
Making positive self-statements
1. Make positive statements about actual

accomplishments.
2. Don’t lie or exaggerate.

3. of...” or “I think I did well at....”
Begin by saying in a pleasant tone of voice “I’m proud
4. Don’t brag about yourself or put down other people’s

efforts.
117
Making positive statements

about others
1. Try to notice or find out positive things or events

about others.
2. Use a clear, enthusiastic tone of voice.

3. congratulate him or her on a recent accomplishment.
Praise a specific trait or ability of the other person, or
4. Don’t say anything that would invalidate your

compliment, such as “It’s about time....”
118
Offering assistance or help
1. Ask the other person if he or she needs help.

2. Listen to what the person needs.
3. Offer to help in ways that you can.
4. Do what you agree to do for that person.
119
Participating in activities
1. Appropriately request to be a part of an activity.

2. others to take their turns.
Cooperate with others in the group, such as allowing
3. Use a pleasant voice when talking to others.

4. Remember to accept losing or winning appropriately.
120
Refraining from possessing

contraband or drugs
1. Refuse to accept drugs or contraband from strangers,

acquaintances, or peers.
2.
Examine your own possessions and decide whether
they are appropriate to have (legally, morally,
rightfully yours).
3. Turn in drugs or contraband to the appropriate adult

or authority figure.
4. Self-report your involvement; peer report, if

necessary.
5. Honestly answer any questions that are asked.

121
Reporting emergencies
1. Identify exactly what the emergency is.

2. or call 911.
Immediately find a responsible adult or police officer,
3. Specifically state who and where you are.
4. Specifically describe the emergency situation.
122
Reporting other youths’

behavior (or Peer reporting)
1. Find the appropriate adult or authority figure.

3. Use a clear, concerned voice tone.
4. reporting.
State specifically the inappropriate behavior you are
5. Give a reason for the report that shows concern for

your peer.
6. Truthfully answer any questions that are asked of you.
123
Resisting peer pressure

2. Use a calm, assertive voice tone.
3. inappropriate activity.
State clearly that you do not want to engage in the
4. Suggest an alternative activity. Give a reason.
5. If the person persists, continue to say “No.”
6. If the peer will not accept your “No” answer, ask him or
her to leave or remove yourself from the situation.
124
Saying good-bye to guests
1. Stand up and accompany guests to the door.

3. Use a pleasant voice tone.
4. Extend your hand and shake hands firmly.
5. (name), it was nice to meet you.”
Say “Good-bye, thank you for visiting” or “Goodbye
6. Ask the guests to return in the future.
125
Saying “No” assertively

2. Use a clear, firm voice tone.
3. Say “No, I don’t want....”
4. Request that the person leave you alone.
5. Remain calm, but serious.
6. If necessary, remove yourself from the situation.
126
Seeking positive attention
1. Wait until the adult or authority figure has time to

attend to you.

3. Wait for acknowledgment.
4. Appropriately ask for time to talk.
5. Discuss positive events or activities.
6. begging.
Do not seek attention by whining, pouting, or
127
Showing appreciation

2. Use a pleasant, sincere voice tone.
3. Say “Thank you for...” and specifically describe what
the person did that you appreciate.
4. If appropriate, give a reason for why it was so

beneficial.
5. Offer future help or favors on your part.
128
Showing interest
1. Look at the person who is talking.

2. head or saying “Uh huh.”
Give quiet acknowledgments, such as nodding your
3. Acknowledge specifically by saying “That’s

interesting....”
4. Ask follow-up questions for more information.
129
Staying on task
1. Look at your task or assignment.

2. Think about the steps needed to complete the task.
3. Focus all of your attention on your task.
4. the nearby adult who gave you the task.
Stop working on your task only with permission from
5. Ignore distractions and interruptions by others.
130
Trying new tasks
1. Identify a new task or activity you’ve never done

before.
2. Request permission from the appropriate person.

3. Think of all the steps needed for the new task.
4. Breathe deeply and try your best.
5. Ask for help, advice, or feedback if the task is difficult.
131
Using an appropriate voice tone
1. Look at the person you are talking to.

2. are speaking with.
Listen to the level and quality of the voice tone you
3. Lower your voice (if necessary) so that it isn’t too loud

or harsh.
4. Speak slowly. Think about what you want to say.
5. Concentrate on making your voice sound calm,

neutral, or even pleasant and happy.
6. Avoid shouting, whining, or begging.
132
Using anger control strategies
1. If a person is talking to you, continue listening and

acknowledging what he or she is saying.
2. Monitor your body’s feelings and how quickly you are

breathing.
3. Breathe slowly and deeply.
4. Give yourself instructions to continue breathing

deeply and relax your tense body areas.
5. If appropriate, calmly ask the other person for a few

minutes to be by yourself.
6. While you are alone, continue to monitor your

feelings and instruct yourself to relax.
133
Using structured
problem-solving (SODAS)
1. Define the problem Situation.

2. Generate two or more Options.
3. Look at each option’s potential Disadvantages.
4. Look at each option’s potential Advantages.
5. Decide on the best Solution.
134
Using table etiquette
1. Sit quietly at the table with your hands in your lap.

2. Place your napkin in your lap.
3. Offer food and beverages to guests first.
4. “Thank you.”
When requesting food, remember to say “Please” and
5. Engage in appropriate mealtime conversation topics.
6. Avoid belching, taking large bites of food, talking with

your mouth full, or grabbing food with your fingers.
7.

When you’ve finished eating, ask permission to be
excused and offer to clear your guests’ plates.
135
Volunteering

2. Use a clear, enthusiastic voice tone.
3. Ask to volunteer for a specific activity or task.
4. completed.
Thank the person and check back when the task is
136
Waiting your turn
1. Sit or stand quietly.

2. Keep your arms and legs still. Do not fidget.
3. Avoid sighing, whining, or begging.
4. by an adult.
Engage in the activity when directed to do so
5. Thank the person who gives you a turn.
137
Advanced – Skill 65
Accepting defeat or loss
1. Look at the person or members of the team who won.

2. Remain calm and positive.
3. Say “Good game” or “Congratulations.”
4. Reward yourself for trying your hardest.
138
Accepting help or assistance
1. Look at the person offering help.

2. needed, politely decline the person’s assistance.
Sincerely thank him or her for helping. If help is not
3. If help is needed, accept the help or advice and again

thank the person.
139
Accepting winning appropriately
1. Look at the person or members of the team who lost.

2. Remain pleasant but not overly happy or celebratory.
3. game and for trying.
Congratulate the other person or team for a good
4. Do not brag or boast about winning.
140
Advocating for oneself
1. Identify a situation in which you should advocate for

yourself.
2. Remember to remain calm and use a pleasant or

neutral voice tone.
3. Describe your point of view or the outcome you desire.

4. Give rationales for advocating for yourself.
5. Thank the person for listening.
141
Analyzing skills needed for

different situations
1. Look at the immediate situation facing you.
2.
Define the situation by what is occurring (i.e., people
are giving you criticism, people are giving
instructions, people are introducing themselves, etc.).
3.
Match a curriculum skill or skills to the situation (i.e.,
Following Instructions, Accepting Criticism, greeting
skills, etc.).
4. Perform the steps of the appropriate skill.
142
Analyzing social situations
1. Think about the people you are getting ready to

encounter.
2. Look at the situation that is occurring.

3. in the past.
Think about appropriate behaviors you have learned
4. Choose the behaviors that seem the most appropriate

for the situation and people you are dealing with.
143
Analyzing tasks
to be completed
1. Clarify what task or assignment has been given

to you.
2. List every step that you need to do in order to

complete the task.
3. Identify which step needs to be done first, second,

third, etc.
4. Begin completing the steps in order.
144
Being prepared for class

1. Gather all necessary books, papers, homework, and
writing implements.
2. Be on time for class.

3. teacher asks for them.
Present homework and assignments when the
4. Write down assignments and homework to complete.
145
Borrowing from others
1. Appropriately ask to borrow something from another

person.
2. Accept “No “ if the person declines.

3. the possession you are borrowing.
If the person agrees, find out when you need to return
4.
Care for others’ property while you have it and
promptly return it when you are finished.
146
Caring for others’ property
1. Use others’ property only with their permission.

2. something that belongs to another person.
Make an appropriate request if you want to use
3. Use others’ property only as it is supposed to be used

or according to instructions.
4. Take care of others’ property as if it was your own.
5. If something gets broken, apologize and offer to

replace it.
147
Caring for own belongings
1. Use your own property as it is supposed to be used or

according to instructions.
2. Avoid needlessly tearing, writing on, or breaking your

possessions.
3. When you’re done, return possessions to the

appropriate place.
4. If something gets broken, tell an adult.
148
Choosing appropriate clothing
1. Think about what situations and activities will occur

during the day.
2. Choose clothing that suits the season.

3. Match colors and styles.
4.
Do not wear clothing that is too revealing or
associated with gang activities, alcohol, drugs, or
cigarettes.
5. Care for your clothing throughout the day. Do not cut,

tear, or write on clothing.
149
Choosing appropriate friends
1. Think of the qualities and interests you would look for

in a friend.
2. Look at the strengths and weaknesses of potential

friends.
3. Match the characteristics of potential friends with

activities and interests you would share.
4. Avoid peers who are involved with drugs, gangs, or

breaking the law.
150
Communicating honestly

2. Use a clear voice. Avoid stammering or hesitating.
3. Respond to questions factually and completely.
4. Do not leave out details or important facts.
5. behaviors you displayed.
Truthfully take responsibility for any inappropriate
151
Complying with
school dress code
1. Know the clothing limits of your school.

2. Choose clothing that matches those limits.
3. Do not tear or write on your clothing at school.
4.
Do not change what you are wearing to school (add
or subtract clothing) without telling the adults who
are responsible for you.
152
Compromising with others
1. Identify disagreements before they get out of hand.

2. could agree to do.
Suggest alternative activities that you and your peer
3. Listen to what your peer suggests.
4. Remain calm and continue to talk about a

compromise.
153
Concentrating on
a subject or task
1. Promptly begin work on a task.

2. Focus your attention directly on the subject.
3. concentrate on the task.
If your attention wanders, instruct yourself to
4. Ignore distractions or interruptions by others.
5. Remain on task until the work is completed.
154
Contributing to group activities
1. Appropriately request to join in an activity.

2. Ask what role you can play.
3. Do your job thoroughly and completely.
4. feedback.
Cooperate with others by listening and accepting
5. Praise others’ performance and share credit for the

outcome.
155
Controlling eating habits
1. Eat mainly at mealtimes and limit between-meal

snacks.
2. Eat slowly, putting your knife and fork down between

bites.
3. Limit yourself to reasonable portions and few second

helpings.
4. Do not eat impulsively or when you are anxious or

frustrated.
5. Ask for help from a caring adult if eating habits get

out of control.
156
Controlling emotions
1. Learn what situations cause you to lose control or

make you angry.
2. Monitor the feelings you have in stressful situations.

3. stressful feelings begin to arise.
Instruct yourself to breathe deeply and relax when
4. Reword angry feelings so they can be expressed

appropriately and calmly to others.
5. Praise yourself for controlling emotional outbursts.
157
Controlling sexually abusive

impulses toward others
1. Identify sexual feelings or fantasies about others as

they occur.
2. Instruct yourself to consider the consequences of

acting on these impulses to you and the other person.
3.
Prompt yourself to not act on sexually abusive
feelings. Remember what sexual abuse does to young
children.
4. Redirect your thoughts to other things or more

appropriate behaviors.
5. Ask for help from a caring adult to deal with sexually

abusive impulses.
158
Controlling the impulse to lie
1. Identify untrue statements before you say them.

2. Stop talking and pause.
3. statements.
Answer all questions factually and make only truthful
4. Consider the long-term consequences of lying to

others.
5. Apologize for any untrue statements that you

previously made.
159
Controlling the impulse to steal
1. Identify and avoid situations in which you are likely to

steal.
2. Before you steal, stop your behaviors immediately.

3. Instruct yourself to leave the area without stealing.
4. Consider the long-term consequences of stealing.
5. Self-report any previous stealing.
160
Cooperating with others
1. Discuss mutual goals or tasks with others.

2. goals.
Know what you must do to help accomplish those
3. Give and accept constructive criticism appropriately

with peers.
4. Follow rules if you are playing a game and share

resources with others.
5. Praise peers’ efforts and cooperation.
161
Coping with anger and

aggression from others

2. Remain calm and take deep breaths.
3. smirking.
Use a neutral voice and facial expression; no laughing or
4. Avoid critical or sarcastic comments.
5. Listen to and acknowledge what the other person is saying.
6. If the other person becomes aggressive or abusive,

leave the situation.
7. Report the incident to an adult.

162
Coping with change
1. Identify exactly what is changing.

2. Ask questions for clarification.
3. Remain calm and relaxed.
4. with a caring adult.
Appropriately discuss your feelings about the change
5. Avoid becoming unmotivated or depressed.
163
Coping with conflict

2. Listen to what the persons in conflict are saying.
3. Think of helpful options.
4. involved in the conflict.
If appropriate, offer options to the people who are
5. If the situation becomes aggressive or dangerous,

remove yourself.
164
Coping with sad feelings

(or depression)
1. Identify what situations tend to make you sad.

2. Acknowledge sad feelings when they arise.
3. Report your feelings to a caring adult or peer.
4.
Find alternative activities that you enjoy and
participate in them. Get outside for fresh air and
sunshine.
5. Avoid isolating yourself or withdrawing from friends

and relatives.
6. Discuss sad feelings openly and frankly.

165
Dealing with an accusation
1. Look at the person with a neutral facial expression.

2. Remain calm and monitor your feelings and behavior.
3. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying.
4. problem exists.
Acknowledge what the person is saying or that a
5. Ask if this is the appropriate time to respond. Say

“May I respond to what you are saying?”
6.
If the person says “Yes,” respond truthfully and
factually by either self-reporting, peer reporting, or
honestly denying the accusation.
166
7.
If the person says “No, “ delay your appropriate
disagreement to a later time and continue to listen
and acknowledge.
167
Dealing with being left out
1. Accurately identify that you have been left out or

excluded.
2. Remain calm and monitor your own feelings and

behavior.
3. Either find another positive activity to engage in or

locate an adult to talk with.
4.
Possibly discuss your feelings with those who initially
left you out. Remember to give and accept criticism
appropriately.
168
Dealing with boredom
1. Identify the feeling of being bored.

2. Look for alternative, appropriate activities.
3. other activities.
If necessary, request permission to participate in
4. Avoid delinquent or gang-related behavior.
169
Dealing with
contradictory messages
1. Identify which messages or people appear to

contradict themselves.
2. Ask each person for clarification.

3. contradictory.
Specifically explain what messages appear
4. Remember to continue following instructions and

delay disagreements.
170
Dealing with
embarrassing situations
1. Think ahead to avoid as many embarrassments as

possible.
2. When embarrassed, remain calm and monitor your

feelings and behavior.
3. Continue to breathe deeply and relax.
4. If possible, laugh at yourself and forget about the

embarrassing situation.
5. Otherwise, remove yourself from the situation in

order to collect your thoughts and to relax.
171
Dealing with failure
1. Accurately identify that you did not succeed in a

particular activity.

3. Instruct yourself to control emotional behavior.
4. or other negative feelings.
Find a caring adult and discuss your disappointment
5. Be willing to try again to be successful.
172
Dealing with fear
1. Identify what is making you afraid.

2. afraid or intimidated.
Decide whether you are in danger or just feeling
3. Remain calm and relaxed. Continue to breathe deeply.

4. Discuss with a caring adult what is causing your fear.
5. Instruct yourself to eventually conquer your fears.
173
Dealing with frustration
1. Identify feelings of frustration as they arise.

2. Determine the source of these feelings.
3. Breathe deeply and relax when frustrations arise.
4. Discuss frustrations with a caring adult or peer.
5. success.
Find alternative activities that promote feelings of
174
Dealing with group pressure
1. Look at the group.

3. Assertively say “No “ to inappropriate group activities.
4. If possible, suggest an alternative activity.
5. Remove yourself if pressure continues.
175
Dealing with rejection
1. Examine behaviors that may have led to being

rejected.

3. Use a neutral tone of voice with the other person.
4. criticism.
Possibly disagree appropriately or give appropriate
5. If rejection continues, remove yourself and engage in

alternative activities.
176
Delaying gratification
1. Identify what you want or what you want to do.

2. inappropriate for the situation.
Instruct yourself to stop behaviors that are
4. Find alternative activities to substitute.
177
Displaying effort
1. Remain on task and work diligently.

2. Do your best to accomplish tasks to criteria.
3. Inform others of your efforts, if appropriate.
178
Displaying sportsmanship
1. Play fair and according to the rules.

2. Avoid fighting or criticizing others.
3. bragging.
Remember to accept winning appropriately without
4. Remember to accept losing appropriately without

pouting or complaining.
5. Thank the other players for participating.
179
Expressing appropriate
affection
1. Identify your relationship with the other person.

2. closeness between you and the other person.
Determine the appropriate boundary or level of
3. Choose the appropriate behaviors to match that level

of closeness and the situation.
4. Assess the other person’s comfort with the situation

and your affectionate behaviors.
5.
Refrain from using overly physical displays of
affection in public or with people you have only
recently met.
180
Expressing feelings
appropriately

3. Describe the feelings you are currently having.
4. Avoid profanity and statements of blame.
5. Take responsibility for feelings you are having.
181
Expressing optimism

2. Use an enthusiastic voice tone.
3. Describe potential positive outcomes.
4. Express hope and desire for positive outcomes.
182
Expressing pride in
accomplishments

2. Use an enthusiastic voice tone.
3. Describe accomplishments and your pride in them.
4. Be careful not to brag, boast, or put down others.
183
Following safety rules
1. Learn the rules that apply to different situations.

2. Adjust behaviors according to directives in rules.
3. Do not “bend “ or test safety rules.
4. good.
Report others who break safety rules, for their own
184
Following through on
agreements and contracts
1. Avoid making commitments you cannot keep.

2. make.
Know exactly what is involved in any agreements you
3. Do exactly what you committed to do, promptly and

completely.
4. If you cannot follow through, apologize and offer to

compensate.
185
Giving instructions
1. Look at the person you are instructing.

2. Begin with “Please.... “
3. her to do.
State specifically what you would like him or
4. Offer rationales, if needed.
5. Thank the person for listening and for following your

instructions.
186
Giving rationales

2. other person can understand.
Explain your point of view with rationales that the
3. Use rationales that point out the potential benefit to

the other person.
4. Ask if the person understands your reasoning.
187
Interacting appropriately with

members of the opposite sex
1.
Determine the appropriate level of closeness or
boundary that fits the relationship, observing proper
moral standards.
2. A boundary is an imaginary line that determines the

amount of openness and sharing in a relationship.
3. In general, boundaries are intellectual, emotional,

physical, and spiritual.
4. Avoid overly physical displays of affection.
5. Avoid jokes or language that are sexually oriented

and that may make the other person uncomfortable.
188
6.
Do not engage in inappropriate sexual behavior,
which includes sexual intercourse, homosexual
activity, incest, sexual activity with someone much
older or younger, rape, violent or intimidating boy-
girl relationships, sexually taking advantage
of another person, and overt public displays of
affection, such as fondling and petting.
189
Keeping property in its place
1. Know where property is usually kept or belongs.

2. property.
Ask the appropriate person for permission to remove
3. Take care of property you are responsible for.
4. Return the property to its place in its original

condition.
190
Lending to others
1. If possible, respond to requests of others by saying

“Yes.”
2. Lend only your property or things for which you are

responsible.
3. Specify when you would like your property returned.
4. Thank the other person for returning your property.
191
Making decisions
1. Accurately identify what decision you must make.

2. Examine what your choices currently appear to be.
3. Generate other choices, if possible.
4. negative) of each choice.
Look at the potential consequences (positive and
5. Pick the first- and second-best choices based on the

potential outcomes.
192
Making new friends
1. Look at the potential new friend.

2. Use a pleasant voice and introduce yourself.
3. Share some of your interests and hobbies.
4. interest.
Listen to the other person’s name and areas of
5. Plan appropriate activities with permission.
193
Making restitution
(Compensating)
1. Begin by making an appropriate apology.

2. committed.
Offer to compensate for any offenses you may have
3. Follow through on restitution promises.
4. Thank the person for allowing you to make

compensation.
194
Managing time
1. List all tasks for a particular day or week.

2. Estimate the time needed to complete each task.
3. Plan for delays, setbacks, and problems.
4. tasks.
Implement a daily schedule that includes planned
5. Evaluate your time-management plan for

effectiveness.
195
Negotiating with others
1. Calmly explain your viewpoint to the other person.

2. Listen to the other person’s ideas.
3. beneficial.
Offer an alternative or compromise that is mutually
4. Give rationales for opinions.
5. Together choose the best alternative.
196
Organizing tasks and activities
1. List all tasks you are required to do.

2. and time.
Prioritize tasks based on importance and your abilities
3. Complete tasks in the order of priority.
4. Manage your time well and avoid putting off tasks

until the last minute.
197
Persevering on
tasks and projects
1. Know exactly what must be done in order to complete

a task or project.
2. Get started promptly without procrastinating.

3. Remain on task until finished.
4. disappointments.
Deal appropriately with frustrations or
198
Planning meals
1. Know what food is available or make a grocery list.

2. Plan meals based on the four food groups.
3. roommates.
If necessary, ask for suggestions or feedback from
4. Monitor the contents of foods you buy. Avoid foods

that are high in fats and carbohydrates.
199
Preparing for a stressful

conversation
1. Remember and practice relaxation strategies.

2. Instruct yourself to continue breathing deeply.
3. express your feelings appropriately.
Remember to keep looking at the person and
4. Review skills such as Accepting Criticism, Disagreeing

Appropriately, and Solving Problems.
200
Preventing trouble with others
1. Identify situations that commonly result in conflicts.

2. specific situations.
Review the skills that are necessary to handle those

3. a willingness to compromise.
Approach situations with a positive voice, a smile, and
4. Ask for advice from a caring adult.
201
Problem-solving
a disagreement

2. Remain calm. Use a pleasant voice.
3. Identify options for solving the disagreement.
4. Consider the potential consequences.
5. Choose the best solution for the situation.
6. Be open to the other person’s views.
202
Responding to complaints

2. Remain calm.
3. Listen closely to the person’s complaint.
4. Express empathy and acknowledge the problem.
5. problem.
If appropriate, apologize and attempt to correct the
6. Delay disagreements until later.
203
Responding to others’ feelings
1. Listen closely to the other person.

2. Acknowledge what he or she is saying and feeling.
3. Express concern and empathy.
4. wants it.
Offer to help or provide advice, if the other person
5. Encourage the person to seek additional help, if

necessary.
204
Responding to others’ humor
1. If the humor is appropriate, laugh accordingly.

2. person not to make such jokes.
If the humor is inappropriate, ignore it or prompt the
3. If inappropriate humor continues, report the other

person’s behavior to an adult.
205
Responding to teasing

2. Assertively ask the person to stop teasing.
3. remove yourself.
If the teasing doesn’t stop, ignore the other person or
4. If the teasing stops, thank the other person for

stopping and explain how teasing makes you feel.
5. Report continued teasing or hazing to an adult.
206
Responding to
written requests
1. Read the request completely.

2. Ask for clarification, if needed.
3. Perform the requests promptly and thoroughly.
4. Check back when the task is completed.
207
Self-correcting own behavior
1. Monitor your behaviors during difficult or stressful

circumstances.
2. Notice the effects your behaviors have on other

people. Notice their response to what you say.
3. Instruct yourself to correct behaviors that appear to

make others uncomfortable.
4. Use new behaviors and note their effects.

5. Continue to make adjustments, as necessary.
6. Reward yourself for correcting your own behaviors.
208
Self-reporting own behaviors
1. Find the appropriate person to report to.

3. Remain calm and use a neutral voice tone.
4. are reporting.
Truthfully and completely describe the behaviors you
5. Honestly answer questions that are asked.

6. Peer report, if necessary.
7. Avoid making excuses or rationalizing behaviors.
209
Setting appropriate boundaries
1. Imagine a series of circles radiating out from you. Each

represents a boundary.
2.
Picture people you encounter in one of the circles,
depending on the level of closeness with which you
and another person are comfortable.
3. Disclose personal information only to those in the

closest boundaries.
4. Touch others only in ways that are appropriate to your

boundaries. Also, respect the boundaries of others.
210
Sharing attention with others
1. Sit or stand quietly while sharing attention.

2. loudly, or complaining.
Avoid distracting behaviors such as whining, laughing
3. Wait until others pause before speaking or

participating.
4. Contribute to the discussion or activity appropriately.
211
Sharing personal experiences
1. Decide if you should share personal experiences with

the other person.
2. Determine whether that person appears comfortable

with what you are telling him or her.
3. Share experiences that are appropriate for another

person to know.
4. If what you told the other person is confidential,

make sure he or she knows that.
212
Suggesting an activity
1. Get the other person’s attention.

2. Suggest a specific activity or project to engage in.
3. Give rationales for your ideas.
4. Listen to the other person’s opinions.
213
Using appropriate humor
1. Use humor only under appropriate circumstances.

2.
Avoid humor that makes fun of groups in society,
handicapped people, or individuals in your peer
group.
3. Avoid sexually oriented jokes and profanity.
4. If humor offends others, promptly and sincerely

apologize.
214
Using appropriate language
1. Choose words that accurately reflect your thoughts

and feelings.
2. Avoid making blaming statements.

3. Know the meaning of words and phrases you choose.
4. offensive.
Avoid profanity, slang, or terms that others may find
5. Frequently ask if you are being clear and understood.
215
Using relaxation strategies
1. Breathe deeply and completely.

2. Tighten and relax any tense body areas.
3. Instruct yourself to remain calm.
4. along a beach, etc.).
Visualize a relaxing scene (e.g., mountains, walking
5. At the first sign of increasing stress, say to yourself “3,

2, 1, relax” and continue breathing deeply.
216
Using self-talk or self-instruction
1. Look at what is happening around you.

2. Stop ongoing behaviors that are causing problems.
3. Think of the best alternative behavior to engage in.
4. alternative behavior.
Instruct yourself to engage in the appropriate
5. Reward yourself for using self-talk or self-instruction.
217
Using spontaneous
problem-solving
1. Stop ongoing problem behaviors and relax.

2. Define the immediate problem situation you face.
3. Think of alternative actions and strategies.
4. Think of the possible consequences for each option.
5. improving the situation.
Choose the best strategy for avoiding trouble and
6. Use the best strategy and assess the outcome.

7. Reward yourself for solving a problem.
218
Using study skills
1. Gather the necessary books and materials.

2. Focus your attention on the required academic work.
3. Make notes of important facts.
4. Repeat important points to yourself several times.
5. or TV on).
Remain on task, free from distractions (no radio
219
Working independently
1. Start on tasks promptly without procrastinating.

2. Remain on task without being reminded.
3. completed.
Continue working unprompted until the task is
4. Check back with the person who assigned the task.
220
Complex – Skill 146
Accepting self
1. Accurately identify your own strengths and

weaknesses.
2. Express appropriate pride in your accomplishments.

3. strengths.
Compensate for weaknesses by accentuating your
4. Use self-accepting phrases when talking about your

tastes, style, etc.
221
Altering one’s environment
1. Identify situations in which you encounter difficulty.

2. changed to bring about improvement.
Look for parts of those situations that could be
3. Make appropriate changes to improve self-esteem,

behavior, and performance.
222
Asking for advice
1. Identify a person who is qualified to give you advice.

2. Ask the person if he or she has time to talk.
3. need help.
Specifically describe the situation in which you
4. Listen closely to the advice.
6. If the advice appears useful, implement the

suggestions.
223
Assessing own abilities
1. Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses.

2. have had problems.
List situations in which you have been successful or
3. Plan future activities in consideration of your abilities.
224
Being an appropriate role model
1. Identify a situation that requires you to appropriately

model behavior for younger peers or siblings.
2. Engage in positive interactions with adults or peers.

Initiate only appropriate conversation topics.
3. Refrain from inappropriate language, sexual

behavior, delinquency, bullying, etc.
4. Correct peer behavior in a positive, constructive

manner.
5. Remember that inappropriate role-modeling can

negatively affect younger children.
225
Being a consumer
1. Know the contents of food and beverages you buy.

2. store brands, using coupons, etc.
Look for ways to save money through sales, buying
3. If a store sells you a defective product, return it and

appropriately request a refund.
4. Keep track of receipts, warranties, etc.

5. Learn what rights consumers have.
226
Being assertive

2. Use a neutral, calm voice.
3. Remain relaxed and breathe deeply.
4. emotional terms.
Clearly state your opinion or disagreement. Avoid
6. Acknowledge his or her viewpoints and opinions.
227
Being patient
1. Sit or stand quietly.

2. Wait until your turn or until you are called on.
3. Avoid making loud complaints or becoming angry.
4. Disagree appropriately later on.
228
Budgeting and managing money
1. Assess your consistent weekly or monthly income.

2. that time period.
List all of the bills or expenses you have to pay during
3. Estimate the costs of appropriate leisure time

activities and entertainment.
4. Set aside 10% of your income for unexpected needs or

to put into a savings account.
5. Stay within the budget you have developed.
6. Refrain from impulsively spending money or writing

checks.
229
Clarifying values and beliefs
1. Decide what behaviors you consider to be appropriate

or inappropriate.
2. Learn how your behavior affects other people.

3. and don’t want to change.
Decide what characteristics about yourself you value
4. Decide if you have characteristics that you do not

value and would like to change.
5. Picture the type of person you want to be and how

this would affect others.
230
Differentiating friends from

acquaintances
1. For each person you know, think about how long you
have known him or her.
2. Identify the activities you may engage in with each

friend or acquaintance.
3. Share personal information only with people you

know as close friends.
4.
Avoid compromising situations (e.g., accepting rides,
dating, drinking) with people you have known for only
a short time.
231
Displaying appropriate control
1. Monitor your feelings and your verbal and nonverbal

behavior.
2. Use relaxation strategies to manage stress.

3. Speak calmly, clearly, and specifically.
4. words.
Accurately represent your feelings with well-chosen
5. Use language that will not offend others.
232
Expressing empathy and

understanding for others
1. Listen closely as the other person expresses his or

her feelings.
2. Express empathy by saying, “I understand....”

3. Demonstrate concern through your words and actions.
4. seems like you’re saying....”
Reflect back the other person’s words by saying, “It
5. Offer any help or assistance you can.
233
Expressing grief
1. Find an appropriate person to talk to.

2. Discuss your feelings of grief.
3. Feel free to cry or release hurt feelings as needed.
4. Ask for advice, if needed.
5. If needed, seek professional assistance.
234
Formulating strategies
1. Decide on the goal or product.

2. Analyze the critical steps in accomplishing the goal.
3. List any alternative strategies.
4. completion.
Implement the best plan and follow through to
235
Gathering information
1. Know your topic or what you need information about.

2. online search engines.
Go to the school or local library, or use appropriate
3. Ask for help from library reference staff, if needed.
4. Assemble materials.
5. Write down or copy the information you need.
236
Identifying own feelings
1. Examine how you are currently feeling.

2. situations and experiences.
List how your feelings change with different
3. Monitor your physical feelings and your emotions

when you actually encounter these situations.
4. Correctly identify and label various feelings as they

arise.
5. Communicate your feelings so they can be understood

by others.
237
Interviewing for a job
1. Dress neatly and appropriately for the interview.

2. Introduce yourself enthusiastically to the interviewer.
3. Answer all questions honestly and calmly.
4. still need to learn.
Emphasize your strengths, as well as what you would
5. Ask any questions you have about the job at the

conclusion of the interview.
238
Laughing at oneself
1. Identify a situation that previously may have caused

you embarrassment or discomfort.
2. Look for the humor in these situations.

3. Be willing to laugh at your mistakes or imperfections.
239
Maintaining relationships
1. Frequently ask for feedback from others and be

willing to accept it.
2. Express concern and appropriate affection.

3. Negotiate and compromise on activities.
4. exclusionary behaviors.
Share attention with others and avoid possessive or
240
Making an appropriate
complaint

2. personal attack.
Phrase your complaint as an objective problem, not a
3. Remain calm and pleasant.
4. Be assertive, but avoid repeating your complaint over

and over.
5. Thank the person for his or her cooperation.
241
Making moral and

spiritual decisions
1. Identify your values regarding life, sexuality, and

intimacy.
2. Remember that your values should be expressed in

your behavior.
3. Do not use people for your own personal or sexual

gratification.
4. Behave in ways that demonstrate your respect for

fellow human beings and concern for their needs.
242
Managing stress
1. Identify situations and/or circumstances that produce

stress.
2. Learn your body’s responses to stressful situations.

3. Use relaxation cues to overcome stress responses.
4. tend to cause stress.
Generalize these relaxation cues to the situations that
5. Reward yourself for using stress-management

techniques.
243
Planning ahead
1. Know your eventual goal or outcome.

2. need to occur.
Identify the sequence in which tasks or objectives
3. Make plans for completing tasks that account for

demands on your time.
4. Keep future plans flexible so they can be adapted to

changing circumstances.
244
Recognizing moods of others
1. Notice the situation that is occurring.

2. and gestures.
Note the other person’s facial expression, voice tone,
3. Think about what feelings you are experiencing when

you demonstrate similar behaviors.
4. Assess the other person’s current mood or feelings.

5. If possible, check out your assessment with him or her.
245
Resigning from a job or project
1. Find out the required amount of notice to be given.

2. intention to resign.
Inform your supervisor calmly and pleasantly of your
3. Give a positive reason.
4. Always give at least the minimum amount of notice

required.
5. Avoid walking off a job or leaving under negative

circumstances.
246
Resolving conflicts
1. Approach the situation calmly and rationally.

2. Listen to the other people involved.
3. Express your feelings appropriately and assertively.
4. Acknowledge other points of view.
5. compromise.
Show that you are willing to negotiate and
6. Help arrive at a mutually beneficial resolution.

7. Thank the other person (or people) for cooperating.
247
Rewarding yourself
1. Decide if what you have just done is praiseworthy.

2. good about it.
If so, tell yourself you have done a good job and feel
3. Possibly give yourself an extra privilege or treat for a

particular success.
4. Prompt yourself about your increasing competency

and ability.
248
Seeking professional assistance
1. Decide if you are having a serious problem or crisis.

2. Identify the type of professional that can help you.
3. currently know or in the phone book.
Locate one through a referral from a professional you
4. Specifically describe your problem to the person you

go to for help.
249
Setting goals
1. Decide on your overall values and lifestyle desires.

2. options.
List the resources you need to fulfill these lifestyle
3. Examine the intermediate steps in accomplishing your

overall outcome.
4.
Establish short- and long-term goals that will help you
accomplish the steps necessary for the desired
outcome.
250
Stopping negative
or harmful thoughts
1. Identify negative or repetitive thoughts you wish to

avoid.
2. When these occur, consistently say to yourself, “Stop!”

3. relaxing thought.
Immediately visualize a more positive scene or
4. Reward yourself for using strategies to stop your

negative or harmful thoughts.
251
Taking risks appropriately
1. Identify new activities that hold reasonable risks.

2. have negative consequences.
Evaluate whether these risks could be dangerous or
3. If appropriate, try the new activity and do your best.
4. Ask for a trustworthy adult’s advice if you are unsure.
252
Tolerating differences
1. Examine the similarities between you and another

person.
2. Take note of the differences.

3. between you and the other person.
Emphasize the shared interests, tastes, and activities
4. Express appreciation and respect for the other person

as an individual.
253
Using community resources
1. Identify your exact needs.

2. contact government agencies and services.
Use information numbers and phone directories to
3. Use online search engines or phone directories to

locate and contact nonprofit agencies that can
assist you.
4. Look in the newspaper listings under “community

services” for additional resources.
5. Ask staff members at public libraries for help in

identifying community resources.
254
Using leisure time
1. Engage in leisure activities when tasks are completed

and with permission.
2. Choose activities that are age-appropriate, healthy,

and productive.
3. Develop new interests and hobbies whenever

possible.
4. Avoid delinquent or gang-related activities.
5. Limit your TV, computer, and videogame time.
6. Look at resources in the community for entertainment

and fun.
255
Using self-monitoring
and self-reflection
1. Think about behaviors you are engaging in and the

feelings you are having.
2. Correctly identify and label your behaviors and

feelings.
3. Think about whether these are appropriate for the

current situation.
4. Identify alternative behaviors or skills that would be

more productive.
256
Using strategies to find a job
1. Decide on the types of jobs you are qualified for.

2. employment ads.
Look in the newspaper or go online to check current
3. Check the phone book for businesses where you can

apply for a job. Start at their personnel offices.
4. Check with adults you know about businesses they

may be familiar with.
5. Examine ads posted at local employment offices.
257
Appendices
T
he following appendices are designed to problem areas. The problem areas are ones that
serve as a guide for caregivers in identify- we believe caregivers most commonly encounter
ing which skills to teach to the youth with in most child-care settings.
whom they work. Appendix D categorizes skills by situations.
Appendix A lists all skills in the Curriculum These situation categories cover the most com-
by skill type (social, emotional management, aca- mon areas where children need to use skills to
demic, moral/ethical, and independent living). function and succeed.
Appendix B groups skills by the character The categories provided in Appendices C and
traits (trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, D are not comprehensive, and do not cover every
fairness, caring, and citizenship) the skills can be possible scenario where skills should or must be
used to teach. taught to young people. The categories that are
These groupings present the skills we suggest included were chosen because they represent the
teaching in order to meet youth needs in specific most common behavioral and situational areas
skill areas, and the skills that can be taught to help we experience in our direct work with children
develop and reinforce specific character traits. and in the training and consultation we provide to
Appendix C lists skills according to behavior child-care providers.
259
Appendix A
Social Skills
Grouped by Skill Type
Social 19 Choosing Appropriate Words to

Say, page 92
Skill No. Skill Name, Location 20 Closing a Conversation, page 93
1 Following Instructions, page 63 23 Complying with Reasonable
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, Requests, page 96
page 65 24 Contributing to Discussions
3 Talking with Others, page 67 (Joining in a Conversation),
page 97
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69
27 Following Rules, page 100
5 Accepting Criticism or a
Consequence, page 71 29 Getting Another Person’s
Attention, page 102
6 Disagreeing Appropriately,
page 73 31 Giving Compliments, page 104
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others, 32 Greeting Others, page 105
page 79 33 Ignoring Distractions by Others,
9 Accepting Apologies from Others, page 106
page 81 34 Initiating a Conversation, page 107
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 35 Interrupting Appropriately,
12 Accepting Decisions of Authority, page 108
page 84 36 Introducing Others, page 109
13 Answering the Telephone, page 85 37 Listening to Others, page 110
14 Asking for Clarification, page 87 38 Maintaining a Conversation,
15 Asking for Help, page 88 page 111
16 Asking Questions, page 89 41 Making an Apology, page 114
18 Checking In (or Checking Back), 42 Making a Request (Asking a
page 91 Favor), page 115
261
43 Making a Telephone Call, 109 Expressing Pride in

page 116 Accomplishments, page 183
46 Offering Assistance or Help, 111 Following Through on Agreements
page 119 and Contracts, page 185
47 Participating in Activities, 112 Giving Instructions, page 186
page 120
113 Giving Rationales, page 187
52 Saying Good-Bye to Guests,
118 Making New Friends, page 193
page 125
121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior,
55 Showing Appreciation, page 128
page 208
56 Showing Interest, page 129
135 Setting Appropriate Boundaries,
57 Staying on Task, page 130 page 210
59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone, 137 Sharing Personal Experiences,
page 132 page 212
61 Using Structured Problem-Solving 138 Suggesting an Activity, page 213
(SODAS), page 134
140 Using Appropriate Language,
62 Using Table Etiquette, page 135 page 215
63 Volunteering, page 136 148 Asking for Advice, page 223
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137 149 Assessing Own Abilities, page 224
68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141 152 Being Assertive, page 227
69 Analyzing Skills Needed for 156 Differentiating Friends from
Different Situations, page 142 Acquaintances, page 231
70 Analyzing Social Situations, 158 Expressing Empathy and
page 143 Understanding for Others,
page 233
73 Borrowing from Others, page 146
165 Maintaining Relationships,
74 Caring for Others’ Property,
page 240
page 147
170 Recognizing Moods of Others,
77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,
page 245
page 150
80 Compromising with Others,
page 153
Emotional Management
Skill No. Skill Name, Location
82 Contributing to Group Activities,
page 155 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,
page 65
88 Cooperating with Others, page 161
108 Expressing Optimism, page 182 Consequence, page 71
262
Social Skills Grouped by Skill Type
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, page 89 Coping with Anger and

73 Aggression from Others, page 162
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 90 Coping with Change, page 163
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to 91 Coping with Conflict, page 164
Say, page 92
92 Coping with Sad Feelings (or
25 Correcting Another Person (or Depression), page 165
Giving Criticism), page 98
93 Dealing with an Accusation, page
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, 166
page 106
94 Dealing with Being Left Out, page
44 Making Positive Self-Statements, 168
page 117
95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169
45 Making Positive Statements about
96 Dealing with Contradictory
Others, page 118
Messages, page 170
54 Seeking Positive Attention, page
97 Dealing with Embarrassing
127
Situations, page 171
59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,
98 Dealing with Failure, page 172
page 132
99 Dealing with Fear, page 173
60 Using Anger Control Strategies,
page 133 100 Dealing with Frustration, page 174
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137 102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176
65 Accepting Defeat or Loss, page 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
138
105 Displaying Sportsmanship, page
66 Accepting Help or Assistance, 179
page 139
106 Expressing Appropriate Affection,
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately, page 180
page 140
107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately,
70 Analyzing Social Situations, page page 181
143
108 Expressing Optimism, page 182
83 Controlling Eating Habits, page
109 Expressing Pride in
156
Accomplishments, page 183
84 Controlling Emotions, page 157
85 Controlling Sexually Abusive
125 Preparing for a Stressful
Impulses toward Others, page 158
Conversation, page 200
86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie,
126 Preventing Trouble with Others,
page 159
page 201
87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal,
page 160
263
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement, 168 Managing Stress, page 243

page 202
171 Resigning from a Job or Project,
128 Responding to Complaints, page 246
page 203
172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247
129 Responding to Others’ Feelings,
176 Stopping Negative or Harmful
page 204
Thoughts, page 251
130 Responding to Others’ Humor,
181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
page 205
Reflection, page 256
131 Responding to Teasing, page 206
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, Ethical/Moral
page 208 Skill No. Skill Name, Location
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, 7 Showing Respect, page 75
page 209
26 Doing Good Quality Work,
136 Sharing Attention with Others, page 99
page 211
41 Making an Apology, page 114
141 Using Relaxation Strategies,
page 216 48 Refraining from Possessing
Contraband or Drugs, page 121
142 Using Self-Talk or Self-
Instruction, page 217 50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior
(or Peer Reporting), page 123
143 Using Spontaneous Problem-
Solving, page 218 51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124
146 Accepting Self, page 221 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,
page 149
147 Altering One’s Environment,
page 222 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
153 Being Patient, page 228
101 Dealing with Group Pressure,
157 Displaying Appropriate Control, page 175
page 232
103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
158 Expressing Empathy and
Understanding for Others, 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
page 233 page 179
159 Expressing Grief, page 234 106 Expressing Appropriate Affection,
page 180
162 Identifying Own Feelings,
page 237 114 Interacting Appropriately with
Members of the Opposite Sex,
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239 page 188
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 115 Keeping Property in Its Place,
page 241 page 190
264
Social Skills Grouped by Skill Type
116 Lending to Others, page 191 132 Responding to Written Requests,

page 207
119 Making Restitution
(Compensating), page 194 144 Using Study Skills, page 219
139 Using Appropriate Humor, 145 Working Independently, page 220
page 214
161 Gathering Information, page 236
page 215
150 Being an Appropriate Role Model,
page 225
Independent Living
155 Clarifying Values and Beliefs,
page 230 13 Answering the Telephone, page 85
167 Making Moral and Spiritual 17 Being on Time (Promptness),
Decisions, page 242 page 90
177 Taking Risks Appropriately, 26 Doing Good Quality Work,
page 252 page 99
178 Tolerating Differences, page 253 28 Following Written Instructions,
page 101
Academic 39 Maintaining an Appropriate
Appearance, page 112
40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene,
14 Asking for Clarification, page 87
page 113
21 Completing Homework, page 94
47 Participating in Activities,
22 Completing Tasks, page 95 page 120
30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention, 49 Reporting Emergencies, page 122
page 103
58 Trying New Tasks, page 131
57 Staying on Task, page 130
61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
72 Being Prepared for Class, (SODAS), page 134
page 145
63 Volunteering, page 136
79 Complying with School Dress
71 Analyzing Tasks to Be Completed,
Code, page 152
page 144
81 Concentrating on a Subject or
Task, page 154
104 Displaying Effort, page 178
page 147
122 Organizing Tasks and Activities,
75 Caring for Own Belongings,
page 197
page 148
123 Persevering on Tasks and Projects,
76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,
page 198
page 149
265
77 Choosing Appropriate Friends, 179 Using Community Resources,

page 150 page 254
83 Controlling Eating Habits, 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
page 156
182 Using Strategies to Find a Job,
90 Coping with Change, page 163 page 257
110 Following Safety Rules, page 184
111 Following Through on Agreements
and Contracts, page 185
112 Giving Instructions, page 186
117 Making Decisions, page 192
120 Managing Time, page 195
page 197
page 198
124 Planning Meals, page 199
132 Responding to Written Requests,
page 207
145 Working Independently, page 220
149 Assessing Own Abilities, page 224
151 Being a Consumer, page 226
154 Budgeting and Managing Money,
page 229
160 Formulating Strategies, page 235
163 Interviewing for a Job, page 238
169 Planning Ahead, page 244
171 Resigning from a Job or Project,
page 246
173 Rewarding Yourself, page 248
174 Seeking Professional Assistance,
page 249
175 Setting Goals, page 250
266
Appendix B
Social Skills
Grouped by Character Trait
Trustworthiness 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,

Skill No. Skill Name, Location page 150
1 Following Instructions, page 63 78 Communicating Honestly,

page 151
17 Being on Time (Promptness),
page 90 86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie,
page 159
18 Checking In (or Checking Back),
page 91 87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal,
page 160
23 Complying with Reasonable
Requests, page 96 95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169
27 Following Rules, page 100 101 Dealing with Group Pressure,

page 175
28 Following Written Instructions,
page 101 104 Displaying Effort, page 178
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,

Appearance, page 112 page 179
48 Refraining from Possessing 108 Expressing Optimism, page 182

Contraband or Drugs, page 121 109 Expressing Pride in
50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior Accomplishments, page 183
(or Peer Reporting), page 123 111 Following Through on Agreements
51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124 and Contracts, page 185
57 Staying on Task, page 130 115 Keeping Property in Its Place,

page 190
68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141 (Compensating), page 194
73 Borrowing from Others, page 146 120 Managing Time, page 195
74 Caring for Others’ Property, 121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
page 147
267
122 Organizing Tasks and Activities, 5 Accepting Criticism or a

page 197 Consequence, page 71
123 Persevering on Tasks and Projects, 6 Disagreeing Appropriately, page 73
page 198
7 Showing Respect, page 75
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others,
132 Responding to Written Requests, page 79
page 207
9 Accepting Apologies from Others,
137 Sharing Personal Experiences, page 81
page 212
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82
12 Accepting Decisions of Authority,
146 Accepting Self, page 221 page 84
13 Answering the Telephone, page 85
page 225 19 Choosing Appropriate Words to
Say, page 92
20 Closing a Conversation, page 93
page 229 24 Contributing to Discussions
(Joining in a Conversation),
162 Identifying Own Feelings, page 97
page 237
25 Correcting Another Person (or
163 Interviewing for a Job, page 238 Giving Criticism), page 98
167 Making Moral and Spiritual 29 Getting Another Person’s
Decisions, page 242 Attention, page 102
177 Taking Risks Appropriately, 30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention,
page 252 page 103
179 Using Community Resources, 32 Greeting Others, page 105
page 254
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others,
page 106
34 Initiating a Conversation, page 107
Respect 35 Interrupting Appropriately,
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, 36 Introducing Others, page 109
page 65
37 Listening to Others, page 110
3 Talking with Others, page 67
38 Maintaining a Conversation,
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69 page 111
268
Social Skills Grouped by Character Trait
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,

41 Making an Apology, page 114 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
42 Making a Request (Asking a
Favor), page 115 80 Compromising with Others,
page 153
44 Making Positive Self-Statements,
page 117 84 Controlling Emotions, page 157
45 Making Positive Statements about 85 Controlling Sexually Abusive
Others, page 118 Impulses toward Others, page 158
52 Saying Good-Bye to Guests, 87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal,
page 125 page 160
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126 89 Coping with Anger and
Aggression from Others, page 162
54 Seeking Positive Attention,
page 127 91 Coping with Conflict, page 164
55 Showing Appreciation, page 128 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 166
56 Showing Interest, page 129
94 Dealing with Being Left Out,
page 168
page 132
page 133
62 Using Table Etiquette, page 135
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137
100 Dealing with Frustration, page 174
65 Accepting Defeat or Loss,
page 138 101 Dealing with Group Pressure,
page 175
66 Accepting Help or Assistance,
page 139 102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately, 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
page 140
105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141 page 179
74 Caring for Others’ Property, 106 Expressing Appropriate Affection,
page 147 page 180
75 Caring for Own Belongings, 107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately,
page 148 page 181
76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing, 109 Expressing Pride in
269
112 Giving Instructions, page 186 143 Using Spontaneous Problem-

Solving, page 218
113 Giving Rationales, page 187
146 Accepting Self, page 221
114 Interacting Appropriately with
Members of the Opposite Sex, 148 Asking for Advice, page 223
page 188
115 Keeping Property in Its Place, page 225
page 190
152 Being Assertive, page 227
125 Preparing for a Stressful page 230
Conversation, page 200
156 Differentiating Friends from
126 Preventing Trouble with Others, Acquaintances, page 231
page 201
157 Displaying Appropriate Control,
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement, page 232
page 202
128 Responding to Complaints, Understanding for Others,
page 203 page 233
129 Responding to Others’ Feelings, 159 Expressing Grief, page 234
page 204
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239
130 Responding to Others’ Humor,
page 205
page 240
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint,
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, page 241
page 208
167 Making Moral and Spiritual
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, Decisions, page 242
page 209
135 Setting Appropriate Boundaries, page 245
page 210
136 Sharing Attention with Others,
page 211
Thoughts, page 251
137 Sharing Personal Experiences,
178 Tolerating Differences, page 253
page 212
139 Using Appropriate Humor,
page 214
Responsibility
page 215 1 Following Instructions, page 63
270
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, 57 Staying on Task, page 130

page 65
Consequence, page 71
page 133
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, page
73
(SODAS), page 134
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83
68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141
15 Asking for Help, page 88
69 Analyzing Skills Needed for
16 Asking Questions, page 89 Different Situations, page 142
17 Being on Time (Promptness), page 70 Analyzing Social Situations, page
90 143
18 Checking In (or Checking Back), 71 Analyzing Tasks to Be Completed,
page 91 page 144
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to 72 Being Prepared for Class, page 145
Say, page 92
75 Caring for Own Belongings, page
22 Completing Tasks, page 95 148
23 Complying with Reasonable 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,
Requests, page 96 page 149
26 Doing Good Quality Work, page 79 Complying with School Dress
99 Code, page 152
28 Following Written Instructions, 81 Concentrating on a Subject or
page 101 Task, page 154
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, 82 Contributing to Group Activities,
page 106 page 155
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 83 Controlling Eating Habits, page
Appearance, page 112 156
40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene, 84 Controlling Emotions, page 157
page 113
89 Coping with Anger and
41 Making an Apology, page 114 Aggression from Others, page 162
48 Refraining from Possessing 90 Coping with Change, page 163
91 Coping with Conflict, page 164
49 Reporting Emergencies, page 122
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126 Depression), page 165
271
93 Dealing with an Accusation, 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,

page 166 page 202
95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169 132 Responding to Written Requests,
page 207
Messages, page 170 133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior,
page 208
Situations, page 171 134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors,
page 209
page 210
104 Displaying Effort, page 178 page 214
105 Displaying Sportsmanship, 140 Using Appropriate Language,
page 179 page 215
106 Expressing Appropriate Affection, 141 Using Relaxation Strategies,
page 180 page 216
108 Expressing Optimism, page 182 142 Using Self-Talk or Self-
Instruction, page 217
111 Following Through on Agreements Solving, page 218
144 Using Study Skills, page 219
114 Interacting Appropriately with
Members of the Opposite Sex, 145 Working Independently, page 220
page 188
115 Keeping Property in Its Place, page 222
page 190
148 Asking for Advice, page 223
(Compensating), page 194
page 225
page 197
page 229
page 198
156 Differentiating Friends from
124 Planning Meals, page 199
Acquaintances, page 231
page 201
page 232
272
160 Formulating Strategies, page 235 65 Accepting Defeat or Loss,

page 138
page 139
page 237
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately,
page 140
page 240
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 80 Compromising with Others,
page 241 page 153
168 Managing Stress, page 243 93 Dealing with an Accusation,

page 166
169 Planning Ahead, page 244
171 Resigning from a Job or Project, Messages, page 170
page 246
173 Rewarding Yourself, page 248 page 179
174 Seeking Professional Assistance, 121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
page 249
175 Setting Goals, page 250 page 198
176 Stopping Negative or Harmful 125 Preparing for a Stressful
Thoughts, page 251 Conversation, page 200
177 Taking Risks Appropriately, 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,
page 252 page 202
180 Using Leisure Time, page 255 128 Responding to Complaints,
181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self- page 203
Reflection, page 256 129 Responding to Others’ Feelings,
182 Using Strategies to Find a Job, page 204
page 257 134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors,
page 209
Fairness 136 Sharing Attention with Others,
37 Listening to Others, page 110 138 Suggesting an Activity, page 213
42 Making a Request (Asking a 150 Being an Appropriate Role Model,
Favor), page 115 page 225
47 Participating in Activities, 152 Being Assertive, page 227
page 120
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137 page 230
273
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
page 179
Caring page 181
Skill No. Skill Name, Location 108 Expressing Optimism, page 182
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others, 109 Expressing Pride in
9 Accepting Apologies from Others, 112 Giving Instructions, page 186
page 81 113 Giving Rationales, page 187
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 114 Interacting Appropriately with
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to Members of the Opposite Sex,
Say, page 92 page 188
25 Correcting Another Person (or 116 Lending to Others, page 191
Giving Criticism), page 98 118 Making New Friends, page 193
31 Giving Compliments, page 104 125 Preparing for a Stressful
44 Making Positive Self-Statements, Conversation, page 200
page 117 129 Responding to Others’ Feelings,
45 Making Positive Statements about page 204
Others, page 118 131 Responding to Teasing, page 206
46 Offering Assistance or Help, 146 Accepting Self, page 221
page 119
51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124 page 225
52 Saying Good-Bye to Guests, 152 Being Assertive, page 227
page 125
55 Showing Appreciation, page 128 page 230
56 Showing Interest, page 129 157 Displaying Appropriate Control,
59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone, page 232
page 132 158 Expressing Empathy and
85 Controlling Sexually Abusive Understanding for Others,
Impulses toward Others, page 158 page 233
88 Cooperating with Others, page 161 159 Expressing Grief, page 234
89 Coping with Anger and 165 Maintaining Relationships,
Aggression from Others, page 162 page 240
94 Dealing with Being Left Out, 167 Making Moral and Spiritual
page 168 Decisions, page 242
274
170 Recognizing Moods of Others, 67 Accepting Winning Appropriately,

page 245 page 140
172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247 79 Complying with School Dress
Code, page 152
Thoughts, page 251 82 Contributing to Group Activities,
page 155
Citizenship 90 Coping with Change, page 163
Skill No. Skill Name, Location 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
3 Talking with Others, page 67 104 Displaying Effort, page 178
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
7 Showing Respect, page 75 page 179
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 110 Following Safety Rules, page 184
12 Accepting Decisions of Authority, 111 Following Through on Agreements
page 84 and Contracts, page 185
23 Complying with Reasonable 116 Lending to Others, page 191
Requests, page 96 126 Preventing Trouble with Others,
24 Contributing to Discussions page 201
(Joining in a Conversation), 147 Altering One’s Environment,
page 97 page 222
27 Following Rules, page 100 150 Being an Appropriate Role Model,
30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention, page 225
page 103 171 Resigning from a Job or Project,
32 Greeting Others, page 105 page 246
43 Making a Telephone Call, 178 Tolerating Differences, page 253
page 116 179 Using Community Resources,
46 Offering Assistance or Help, page 254
page 119 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
page 120
48 Refraining from Possessing
49 Reporting Emergencies, page 122
page 138
275
Appendix C
Social Skills Grouped by

Behavior Problems
Aggressive and 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,

page 132
antisocial behavior 60 Using Anger Control Strategies,
1 Following Instructions, page 63 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
(SODAS), page 134
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,
page 65 69 Analyzing Skills Needed for
Different Situations, page 142
Consequence, page 71 80 Compromising with Others,
page 153
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others, 89 Coping with Anger and
page 79 Aggression from Others, page 162
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 166
25 Correcting Another Person (or page 175
27 Following Rules, page 100 page 181
35 Interrupting Appropriately, 119 Making Restitution
page 108 (Compensating), page 194
37 Listening to Others, page 110 121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
41 Making an Apology, page 114 125 Preparing for a Stressful
45 Making Positive Statements about Conversation, page 200
Others, page 118 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,
277
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, 31 Giving Compliments, page 104

page 208
32 Greeting Others, page 105
141 Using Relaxation Strategies,
34 Initiating a Conversation, page 107
page 216
38 Maintaining a Conversation,
page 111
Solving, page 218
39 Maintaining an Appropriate
page 232
page 113
Understanding for Others,
page 117
page 233
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239
Others, page 118
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint,
page 241
page 120
168 Managing Stress, page 243
51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124
page 127
Depression and 58 Trying New Tasks, page 131
withdrawal problems 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,

page 132
3 Talking with Others, page 67 (SODAS), page 134
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69 66 Accepting Help or Assistance,
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, page 139
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 Different Situations, page 142
15 Asking for Help, page 88 83 Controlling Eating Habits,

page 156
page 91 90 Coping with Change, page 163
20 Closing a Conversation, page 93 92 Coping with Sad Feelings (or

Depression), page 165
22 Completing Tasks, page 95
24 Contributing to Discussions
(Joining in a Conversation), page 97 98 Dealing with Failure, page 172
278
Social Skills Grouped by Behavior Problems
102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176 17 Being on Time (Promptness),

page 90
108 Expressing Optimism, page 182
Requests, page 96
118 Making New Friends, page 193 35 Interrupting Appropriately, page
108
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors,
page 209 37 Listening to Others, page 110
143 Using Spontaneous Problem- 41 Making an Apology, page 114
Solving, page 218
50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior
148 Asking for Advice, page 223 (or Peer Reporting), page 123
152 Being Assertive, page 227 54 Seeking Positive Attention,
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, page 127
page 241 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,
168 Managing Stress, page 243 page 132
172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247 60 Using Anger Control Strategies,

page 133
Serious conflicts 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
(SODAS), page 134
with authority figures 63 Volunteering, page 136
1 Following Instructions, page 63 Different Situations, page 142
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 65 page 151
3 Talking with Others, page 67 86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie,
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69 page 159
5 Accepting Criticism or a 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
Consequence, page 71 page 166
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
page 73 page 179
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 111 Following Through on Agreements
page 84 115 Keeping Property in Its Place,
page 190
15 Asking for Help, page 88 Conversation, page 200
279
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement, 39 Maintaining an Appropriate

page 202 Appearance, page 112
132 Responding to Written Requests, 40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene,
page 207 page 113
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, 41 Making an Apology, page 114
page 209
143 Using Spontaneous Problem- page 117
Solving, page 218
148 Asking for Advice, page 223 (or Peer Reporting), page 123
152 Being Assertive, page 227 51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126
page 241
168 Managing Stress, page 243 page 127
172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,
page 132
Thoughts, page 251 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
(SODAS), page 134
Sexual behavior or 70 Analyzing Social Situations,
identity problems page 143
Skill No. Skill Name, Location 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,

page 149
page 65 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,
page 150
Consequence, page 71 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
page 79 79 Complying with School Dress
Code, page 152
15 Asking for Help, page 88 85 Controlling Sexually Abusive

Impulses toward Others, page 158
page 91 92 Coping with Sad Feelings (or
Depression), page 165
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to
Say, page 92 95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169
27 Following Rules, page 100 97 Dealing with Embarrassing

page 106 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
280
105 Displaying Sportsmanship, 174 Seeking Professional Assistance,

page 179 page 249
106 Expressing Appropriate Affection, 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
page 180
107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately, Reflection, page 256
page 181
114 Interacting Appropriately with Sexual perpetrator
page 188
behavior
118 Making New Friends, page 193 page 65
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, 5 Accepting Criticism or a
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, 7 Showing Respect, page 75
page 209
135 Setting Appropriate Boundaries, page 79
page 210
page 212 15 Asking for Help, page 88
140 Using Appropriate Language, 18 Checking In (or Checking Back),
page 215 page 91
142 Using Self-Talk or Self- 41 Making an Apology, page 114
42 Making a Request (Asking a
143 Using Spontaneous Problem- Favor), page 115
Solving, page 218
146 Accepting Self, page 221 Others, page 118
155 Clarifying Values and Beliefs, 50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior
page 230 (or Peer Reporting), page 123
156 Differentiating Friends from 54 Seeking Positive Attention,
Acquaintances, page 231 page 127
157 Displaying Appropriate Control, 60 Using Anger Control Strategies,
page 232 page 133
162 Identifying Own Feelings, 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
page 237 (SODAS), page 134
167 Making Moral and Spiritual 65 Accepting Defeat or Loss,
281
70 Analyzing Social Situations, 141 Using Relaxation Strategies,

page 143 page 216
77 Choosing Appropriate Friends, 142 Using Self-Talk or Self-
page 150 Instruction, page 217
78 Communicating Honestly, 143 Using Spontaneous Problem-
page 151 Solving, page 218
84 Controlling Emotions, page 157 150 Being an Appropriate Role Model,
page 225
Impulses toward Others, page 158 155 Clarifying Values and Beliefs,
page 230
page 159 157 Displaying Appropriate Control,
page 232
102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176 page 233
103 Delaying Gratification, page 177 162 Identifying Own Feelings,
page 237
page 180 165 Maintaining Relationships,
page 240
113 Giving Rationals, page 187
114 Interacting Appropriately with Decisions, page 242
page 188 168 Managing Stress, page 243
117 Making Decisions, page 192 174 Seeking Professional Assistance,
page 249
(Compensating), page 194 176 Stopping Negative or Harmful
Thoughts, page 251
Conversation, page 200 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, 181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
page 208 Reflection, page 256
page 209 Peer interaction problems
135 Setting Appropriate Boundaries, Skill No. Skill Name, Location
page 210 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,
137 Sharing Personal Experiences, page 65
page 212 3 Talking with Others, page 67
140 Using Appropriate Language, 4 Introducing Yourself, page 69
page 215
282
5 Accepting Criticism or a 65 Accepting Defeat or Loss,

6 Disagreeing Appropriately, 67 Accepting Winning Appropriately,
page 73 page 140
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others, 69 Analyzing Skills Needed for
page 79 Different Situations, page 142
9 Accepting Apologies from Others, 73 Borrowing from Others, page 146
page 81
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 page 147
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,
Say, page 92 page 150
24 Contributing to Discussions 80 Compromising with Others,
(Joining in a Conversation), page 153
page 97
29 Getting Another Person’s Aggression from Others, page 162
Attention, page 102
94 Dealing with Being Left Out,
31 Giving Compliments, page 104 page 168
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, 97 Dealing with Embarrassing
page 106 Situations, page 171
37 Listening to Others, page 110 101 Dealing with Group Pressure,
40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene, page 175
page 113 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
41 Making an Apology, page 114 page 179
47 Participating in Activities, 114 Interacting Appropriately with
page 120 Members of the Opposite Sex,
page 188
Contraband or Drugs, page 121 121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,
(or Peer Reporting), page 123 page 202
51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124 129 Responding to Others’ Feelings,
page 204
page 132 136 Sharing Attention with Others,
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137 page 211
283
150 Being an Appropriate Role Model, 35 Interrupting Appropriately,

page 225 page 108
152 Being Assertive, page 227 37 Listening to Others, page 110
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239 39 Maintaining an Appropriate
page 240 41 Making an Apology, page 114
178 Tolerating Differences, page 253 47 Participating in Activities,
page 120
180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
School behavior and page 127
attendance problems 57 Staying on Task, page 130
Skill No. Skill Name, Location 63 Volunteering, page 136
1 Following Instructions, page 63 64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137

5 Accepting Criticism or a page 139
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately,
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 page 140
12 Accepting Decisions of Authority, 72 Being Prepared for Class,
page 84 page 145
15 Asking for Help, page 88 75 Caring for Own Belongings,
page 148
page 90 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
23 Complying with Reasonable Code, page 152
Requests, page 96
26 Doing Good Quality Work, Task, page 154
page 99
27 Following Rules, page 100 page 155
28 Following Written Instructions, 89 Coping with Anger and
page 101 Aggression from Others, page 162
30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention, 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 103 page 166
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, 97 Dealing with Embarrassing
page 106 Situations, page 171
284
101 Dealing with Group Pressure, 7 Showing Respect, page 75

page 175
109 Expressing Pride in page 79
122 Organizing Tasks and Activities, page 84
page 197
page 198
page 90
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,
page 202
page 91
page 207
page 208
page 211
Instruction, page 217 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,
page 132
Solving, page 218 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
(SODAS), page 134
144 Using Study Skills, page 219
148 Asking for Advice, page 223
page 147
175 Setting Goals, page 250 page 150
78 Communicating Honestly,
Dishonesty or page 151
stealing behavior 86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie,

page 159
87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal,
1 Following Instructions, page 63 page 160
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 65 page 166
285
95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,

page 65
Messages, page 170 5 Accepting Criticism or a
page 175 21 Completing Homework, page 94
103 Delaying Gratification, page 177 22 Completing Tasks, page 95
111 Following Through on Agreements 24 Contributing to Discussions
and Contracts, page 185 (Joining in a Conversation),
page 97
115 Keeping Property in Its Place,
page 190 26 Doing Good Quality Work,
page 99
116 Lending to Others, page 191
29 Getting Another Person’s
119 Making Restitution Attention, page 102
(Compensating), page 194
30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention,
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, page 103
page 208
134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, page 106
page 209
Solving, page 218 42 Making a Request (Asking a
Favor), page 115
page 222 47 Participating in Activities,
page 120
page 229 54 Seeking Positive Attention,
page 127
page 230 57 Staying on Task, page 130
167 Making Moral and Spiritual 59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone,
169 Planning Ahead, page 244 64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137
175 Setting Goals, page 250 66 Accepting Help or Assistance,
page 139
Impulse control difficulty Different Situations, page 142
and attention deficits 71 Analyzing Tasks to Be Completed,
page 144
1 Following Instructions, page 63 Task, page 154
286
95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169 181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
103 Delaying Gratification, page 177 Chronic relocation
120 Managing Time, page 195 and running away
122 Organizing Tasks and Activities, Skill No. Skill Name, Location
page 197
123 Persevering on Tasks and Projects, page 65
page 198
133 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, Consequence, page 71
page 208
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, page
136 Sharing Attention with Others, 73
page 211
139 Using Appropriate Humor, page
214 12 Accepting Decisions of Authority,
page 84
140 Using Appropriate Language, page
215 13 Answering the Telephone, page 85
141 Using Relaxation Strategies, page 15 Asking for Help, page 88
216 17 Being on Time (Promptness), page
142 Using Self-Talk or Self- 90
Instruction, page 217 18 Checking In (or Checking Back),
143 Using Spontaneous Problem- page 91
Solving, page 218 23 Complying with Reasonable
144 Using Study Skills, page 219 Requests, page 96
145 Working Independently, page 220 27 Following Rules, page 100
153 Being Patient, page 228 44 Making Positive Self-Statements,
page 117
page 232 45 Making Positive Statements about
Others, page 118
160 Formulating Strategies, page 235
47 Participating in Activities, page
168 Managing Stress, page 243 120
169 Planning Ahead, page 244 48 Refraining from Possessing
175 Setting Goals, page 250 Contraband or Drugs, page 121
176 Stopping Negative or Harmful 50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior
Thoughts, page 251 (or Peer Reporting), page 123
287
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126 134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors,

page 209
(SODAS), page 134 141 Using Relaxation Strategies,
page 216
page 138 142 Using Self-Talk or Self-
page 139 143 Using Spontaneous Problem-
Solving, page 218
Different Situations, page 142 147 Altering One’s Environment,
page 222
page 151 157 Displaying Appropriate Control,
page 232
page 153 159 Expressing Grief, page 234
84 Controlling Emotions, page 157 162 Identifying Own Feelings,
page 237
page 159 166 Making an Appropriate Complaint,
page 241
Aggression from Others, page 162 168 Managing Stress, page 243
90 Coping with Change, page 163 172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247
91 Coping with Conflict, page 164 174 Seeking Professional Assistance,
page 249
Depression), page 165 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
93 Dealing with an Accusation, 181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
page 166 Reflection, page 256
98
101
Dealing with Failure, page 172
Dealing with Group Pressure,
Low self-esteem
103 Delaying Gratification, page 177 3 Talking with Others, page 67
117 Making Decisions, page 192 4 Introducing Yourself, page 69
125 Preparing for a Stressful 5 Accepting Criticism or a
Conversation, page 200 Consequence, page 71
126 Preventing Trouble with Others, 9 Accepting Apologies from Others,
page 201 page 81
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement, 10 Accepting Compliments, page 82
page 202 15 Asking for Help, page 88
131 Responding to Teasing, page 206 16 Asking Questions, page 89
288
20 Closing a Conversation, page 93 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,

page 149
24 Contributing to Discussions
(Joining in a Conversation), 82 Contributing to Group Activities,
page 97 page 155
25 Correcting Another Person (or 83 Controlling Eating Habits,

Giving Criticism), page 98 page 156
26 Doing Good Quality Work, 90 Coping with Change, page 163

page 99
31 Giving Compliments, page 104 Depression), page 165
34 Initiating a Conversation, page 107 94 Dealing with Being Left Out,

page 168
38 Maintaining a Conversation, 98 Dealing with Failure, page 172
page 111
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 99 Dealing with Fear, page 173
40 Maintaining Personal Hygiene, page 181
page 113
44 Making Positive Self-Statements, Accomplishments, page 183
page 117
Others, page 118 118 Making New Friends, page 193
page 120 123 Persevering on Tasks and Projects,
page 198
59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone, Instruction, page 217
page 132 146 Accepting Self, page 221
page 138 152 Being Assertive, page 227
66 Accepting Help or Assistance, 162 Identifying Own Feelings,
page 139 page 237
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately, 164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239
page 140
68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141 173 Rewarding Yourself, page 248
75 Caring for Own Belongings, 174 Seeking Professional Assistance,

page 148 page 249
289
177 Taking Risks Appropriately, page 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,

252 page 149
180 Using Leisure Time, page 255 77 Choosing Appropriate Friends,
page 150
Drug and alcohol abuse 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
1 Following Instructions, page 63 Code, page 152
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie,
12 Accepting Decisions of Authority, page 159
page 84 87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal,
15 Asking for Help, page 88 page 160
17 Being on Time (Promptness), 95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169

page 90 101 Dealing with Group Pressure,
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to page 175
Say, page 92 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
27 Following Rules, page 100 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
37 Listening to Others, page 110 page 179
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately,

41 Making an Apology, page 114 111 Following Through on Agreements

page 120 115 Keeping Property in Its Place,
page 190
Contraband or Drugs, page 121 116 Lending to Others, page 191
50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior 117 Making Decisions, page 192

(or Peer Reporting), page 123 119 Making Restitution
51 Resisting Peer Pressure, page 124 (Compensating), page 194
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126 120 Managing Time, page 195
54 Seeking Positive Attention, 134 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors,

page 127 page 209
61 Using Structured Problem-Solving 141 Using Relaxation Strategies,

(SODAS), page 134 page 216
66 Accepting Help or Assistance, 147 Altering One’s Environment,

page 139 page 222
73 Borrowing from Others, page 146 150 Being an Appropriate Role Model,
page 225
290

page 230
page 232
page 237
Decisions, page 242
168 Managing Stress, page 243
page 249
179 Using Community Resources,
page 254
291
Appendix D
Social Skills
Grouped by Situation
Interactions with 34
37
Initiating a Conversation, page 107
Listening to Others, page 110
parents and family 41 Making an Apology, page 114
43 Making a Telephone Call,
1 Following Instructions, page 63 page 116
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, 49 Reporting Emergencies, page 122
page 65
52 Saying Good-Bye to Guests,
3 Talking with Others, page 67 page 125
5 Accepting Criticism or a 54 Seeking Positive Attention,
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, 55 Showing Appreciation, page 128
page 73
7 Showing Respect, page 75
9 Accepting Apologies from Others, page 139
page 81
71 Analyzing Tasks to Be Completed,
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 page 144
11 Accepting Consequences, page 83 74 Caring for Others’ Property,
13 Answering the Telephone, page 85 page 147
18 Checking In (or Checking Back), 75 Caring for Own Belongings,

page 91 page 148
22 Completing Tasks, page 95 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing,

page 149
25 Correcting Another Person (or
Giving Criticism), page 98 78 Communicating Honestly,
page 151
293
84 Controlling Emotions, page 157 165 Maintaining Relationships,

page 240
Impulses toward Others, page 158 168 Managing Stress, page 243
86 Controlling the Impulse to Lie, 170 Recognizing Moods of Others,
page 159 page 245
87 Controlling the Impulse to Steal, 172 Resolving Conflicts, page 247
page 160
93 Dealing with an Accusation,
Classroom behavior
page 166 and academic performance
106 Expressing Appropriate Affection, Skill No. Skill Name, Location
page 180
1 Following Instructions, page 63
page 181
page 65
111 Following Through on Agreements
112 Giving Instructions, page 186
124 Planning Meals, page 199 page 73
125 Preparing for a Stressful 8 Showing Sensitivity to Others,
Conversation, page 200 page 79
127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement, 11 Accepting Consequences, page 83
page 202
129 Responding to Others’ Feelings, page 84
page 204
16 Asking Questions, page 89
page 209
page 90
page 215
Solving, page 218 22 Completing Tasks, page 95
150 Being an Appropriate Role Model, 24 Contributing to Discussions
page 225 (Joining in a Conversation),
page 97
Understanding for Others, 26 Doing Good Quality Work,
page 233 page 99
294
Social Skills Grouped by Situation
27 Following Rules, page 100 93 Dealing with an Accusation,

page 166
28 Following Written Instructions,
page 101 103 Delaying Gratification, page 177
30 Getting the Teacher’s Attention, 104 Displaying Effort, page 178
page 103
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, page 179
page 106
37 Listening to Others, page 110 Accomplishments, page 183
39 Maintaining an Appropriate 110 Following Safety Rules, page 184
115 Keeping Property in Its Place,
41 Making an Apology, page 114 page 190
47 Participating in Activities, 120 Managing Time, page 195
page 120
50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior page 198
54 Seeking Positive Attention, page 208
page 127
55 Showing Appreciation, page 128 page 211
57 Staying on Task, page 130 140 Using Appropriate Language,
page 215
page 132 144 Using Study Skills, page 219
63 Volunteering, page 136 153 Being Patient, page 228
64 Waiting Your Turn, page 137 160 Formulating Strategies, page 235
page 139 Interpersonal conflict
72 Being Prepared for Class, and disagreement
79 Complying with School Dress 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,
Code, page 152 page 65
81 Concentrating on a Subject or 3 Talking with Others, page 67
Task, page 154
82 Contributing to Group Activities, Consequence, page 71
page 155
88 Cooperating with Others, page 161 page 73
295
7 Showing Respect, page 75 78 Communicating Honestly,

page 151
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82 89 Coping with Anger and
91 Coping with Conflict, page 164
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to
Say, page 92 93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 166
Requests, page 96 102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176
25 Correcting Another Person (or 105 Displaying Sportsmanship,
Giving Criticism), page 98 page 179
29 Getting Another Person’s 107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately,
Attention, page 102 page 181
31 Giving Compliments, page 104 113 Giving Rationales, page 187
32 Greeting Others, page 105 121 Negotiating with Others, page 196
33 Ignoring Distractions by Others, 125 Preparing for a Stressful
page 106 Conversation, page 200
35 Interrupting Appropriately, 126 Preventing Trouble with Others,
page 108 page 201
37 Listening to Others, page 110 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,
page 202
128 Responding to Complaints,
45 Making Positive Statements about page 203
Others, page 118
129 Responding to Others’ Feelings,
53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126 141 Using Relaxation Strategies,
59 Using an Appropriate Voice Tone, page 216
page 132 142 Using Self-Talk or Self-
60 Using Anger Control Strategies, Instruction, page 217
page 133 143 Using Spontaneous Problem-
65 Accepting Defeat or Loss, Solving, page 218
page 138 152 Being Assertive, page 227
67 Accepting Winning Appropriately, 157 Displaying Appropriate Control,
page 140 page 232
70 Analyzing Social Situations, 158 Expressing Empathy and
page 143 Understanding for Others, page 233
296
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 31 Giving Compliments, page 104

page 241
36 Introducing Others, page 109
page 245
39 Maintaining an Appropriate
page 113
Friendship and dating 42 Making a Request (Asking a
Favor), page 115
2 Accepting “No” for an Answer, page 116
page 65
3 Talking with Others, page 67 Others, page 118
4 Introducing Yourself, page 69 50 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior
5 Accepting Criticism or a (or Peer Reporting), page 123
Consequence, page 71 53 Saying “No” Assertively, page 126
6 Disagreeing Appropriately, 54 Seeking Positive Attention,
page 73 page 127
7 Showing Respect, page 75 55 Showing Appreciation, page 128
8 Showing Sensitivity to Others, 56 Showing Interest, page 129
page 79
10 Accepting Compliments, page 82
17 Being on Time (Promptness), page 150
page 90
18 Checking In (or Checking Back), page 151
page 91
19 Choosing Appropriate Words to page 153
Say, page 92
24 Contributing to Discussions page 155
(Joining in a Conversation),
29 Getting Another Person’s 85 Controlling Sexually Abusive
Attention, page 102 Impulses toward Others, page 158
297

Situations, page 171 Transition to
101 Dealing with Group Pressure, independent living
102 Dealing with Rejection, page 176
page 180 4 Introducing Yourself, page 69
107 Expressing Feelings Appropriately, 5 Accepting Criticism or a

114 Interacting Appropriately with 6 Disagreeing Appropriately,
Members of the Opposite Sex, page 73
page 188 13 Answering the Telephone, page 85
130 Responding to Others’ Humor, page 90
page 205 22 Completing Tasks, page 95
page 210 26 Doing Good Quality Work,
page 99
page 212 28 Following Written Instructions,
page 101
138 Suggesting an Activity, page 213
page 214 39 Maintaining an Appropriate
156 Differentiating Friends from page 116
Acquaintances, page 231 57 Staying on Task, page 130
Understanding for Others, 58 Trying New Tasks, page 131
page 233 61 Using Structured Problem-Solving
164 Laughing at Oneself, page 239 (SODAS), page 134
167 Making Moral and Spiritual 66 Accepting Help or Assistance,

178 Tolerating Differences, page 253 68 Advocating for Oneself, page 141
298
70 Analyzing Social Situations, 171 Resigning from a Job or Project,

page 143 page 246
76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing, 173 Rewarding Yourself, page 248
page 149
90 Coping with Change, page 163 page 249
95 Dealing with Boredom, page 169 175 Setting Goals, page 250
111 Following Through on Agreements 178 Tolerating Differences, page 253
179 Using Community Resources,
117 Making Decisions, page 192 page 254
118 Making New Friends, page 193 180 Using Leisure Time, page 255
120 Managing Time, page 195 182 Using Strategies to Find a Job,
page 257
124
page 197
Planning Meals, page 199
Interaction with
supervisors and co-workers
page 222 1 Following Instructions, page 63
149 Assessing Own Abilities, page 224 2 Accepting “No” for an Answer,
page 65
page 225 3 Talking with Others, page 67
151 Being a Consumer, page 226 4 Introducing Yourself, page 69
154 Budgeting and Managing Money, 5 Accepting Criticism or a
155 Clarifying Values and Beliefs, 6 Disagreeing Appropriately,
page 230 page 73
160 Formulating Strategies, page 235 10 Accepting Compliments, page 82
161 Gathering Information, page 236 11 Accepting Consequences, page 83
163 Interviewing for a Job, page 238 12 Accepting Decisions of Authority,
page 84
page 240 14 Asking for Clarification, page 87
166 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 15 Asking for Help, page 88
page 241 18 Checking In (or Checking Back),
167 Making Moral and Spiritual page 91
Decisions, page 242 19 Choosing Appropriate Words to
169 Planning Ahead, page 244 Say, page 92
299
23 Complying with Reasonable 127 Problem-Solving a Disagreement,

Requests, page 96 page 202
24 Contributing to Discussions 128 Responding to Complaints,
(Joining in a Conversation), page 203
page 97
42 Making a Request (Asking a 139 Using Appropriate Humor,
Favor), page 115 page 214
49 Reporting Emergencies, page 122 145 Working Independently, page 220
55 Showing Appreciation, page 128 148 Asking for Advice, page 223
63 Volunteering, page 136 156 Differentiating Friends from
Acquaintances, page 231
page 139 158 Expressing Empathy and
page 233
page 147 166 Making an Appropriate Complaint,
page 241
page 151 170 Recognizing Moods of Others,
page 245
page 153 171 Resigning from a Job or Project,
page 246
93 Dealing with an Accusation,
page 166 178 Tolerating Differences, page 253
98 Dealing with Failure, page 172 181 Using Self-Monitoring and Self-
182 Using Strategies to Find a Job,
page 257
page 198
page 201
300
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Index
A antisocial, 48, 53
assessment, 8, 11, 14
Accepting Apologies from Others, 56, 81 definition of, 13
Accepting Compliments, 56, 82 describing, 19, 20-21, 23-24, 26-29
Accepting Consequences, 15, 25, 48, 56, 62, expectations, 34, 44
71-72, 83 external problem, 8
Accepting Criticism, 15, 22, 25, 33, 38, 56, 62, functional relationships of, 11-13
71-72, 142, 200 improvements in, 22, 222
Accepting Decisions of Authority, 15, 56, 84 internal problem, 8
Accepting Defeat or Loss, 57, 138 modeling, 7, 17, 19, 28, 39-40
Accepting Help or Assistance, 57, 139 negative, 7
Accepting “No” for an Answer, 2, 11, 13, 15, monitoring, 44, 56
22, 25-26, 42-43, 48, 56, 61, 65-66, 115, negative, 2-4, 8-9, 11, 14, 19, 26, 45, 48-49,
146 54
Accepting Self, 58, 221 correcting, 17, 30
Accepting Winning Appropriately, 57, 140 decreasing, 12,
acknowledging instructions, 13-14, 20-21, 24, preventing, 17
27-29, 96 rewarding, 17
Advocating for Oneself, 57, 141 patterns, self-defeating, 4, 8
aggression, 8, 11-12, 17, 26, 34, 48-49, 83, positive, 45
162-164 increasing, 12
Altering One’s Environment, 58, 222 punishing, 17
Analyzing Skills Needed for Different reinforcing, 12, 17, 21, 25-26, 30, 34,
Situations, 57, 142 45, 54
Analyzing Social Situations, 57, 143 replacing, 3, 4, 8
Analyzing Tasks to be Completed, 57, 144 sequencing, 13-14
Answering the Telephone, 56, 85-86 sexual, 49, 57, 158, 225
antecedent events, 11-12, 19, 23, 49 shaping, 2-3, 8-9, 12, 54
components of, 12-13 social, 7, 11-15
Asking for Advice, 58, 223 specifying, 17-18
Asking for Clarification, 56, 87 behavioral principles, 3
Asking for Help, 56, 88, 131 “behavior trap,” 34
Asking Questions, 56, 89 Being a Consumer, 58, 226
Assessing Own Abilities, 58, 224 Being an Appropriate Role Model, 58, 225
Being Assertive, 58, 227
B Being Honest, 14
behavior Being on Time (Promptness), 56, 90
analysis, 4, 11 Being Patient, 58, 228
model, 13 Being Prepared for Class, 57, 145
309
Borrowing from Others, 57, 146 positive, 20-21, 23, 24, 27, 29, 40, 43-44
Boys Town punishing, 12-13
Assessment and Short-Term Residential reinforcing, 12-13
Program, 3 Contributing to Discussions (Joining in a
Ecological Family-Based Services Conversation), 56, 97
Program, 3, 4 Contributing to Group Activities, 57, 155
Ecological Treatment Foster Care Program, Controlling Eating Habits, 57, 156
3, 4, 9 Controlling Emotions, 15, 57, 157
Long-Term Residential Program, 2-3, 4 Controlling Sexually Abusive Impulses toward
Social Skills Curriculum, 4, 14, 49 Others, 57, 158
Teaching Model, 3-4, 17, 45 Controlling the Impulse to Lie, 57, 159
Budgeting and Managing Money, 58, 229 Controlling the Impulse to Steal, 15, 57, 160
Cooperating with Others, 57, 161
C Coping with Anger and Aggression from
Others, 15, 57, 162
caring, 1-2, 5
Coping with Change, 57, 163
Caring for Others’ Property, 15, 57, 147
Coping with Conflict, 57, 164
Caring for Own Belongings, 57, 148
Coping with Sad Feelings (or Depression), 57, 165
CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, 1-2
Correcting Another Person (or Giving
Checking In (or Checking Back), 56, 91
Criticism), 56, 98, 176
child-care technology, 2, 3
correction statements, 27, 29
Choosing Appropriate Clothing, 57, 149
culture, 49, 80
Choosing Appropriate Friends, 57, 150
Choosing Appropriate Words to Say, 56, 92
citizenship, 1, 5 D
Clarifying Values and Beliefs, 58, 230 Dealing with Accusations, 15, 57, 166-167
Closing a Conversation, 56, 93 Dealing with Being Left Out, 57, 168
cognitive mediators, 34 Dealing with Boredom, 5, 167
Communicating Honestly, 15, 57, 151 Dealing with Contradictory Messages, 57, 170
communication Dealing with Embarrassing Situations, 57, 171
clear, 7, 12-14, 18, 34, 73 Dealing with Failure, 57, 172
problems with, 17 Dealing with Fear, 57, 173
unclear, 12 Dealing with Frustration, 15, 57, 174
compassion, 2, 3 Dealing with Group Pressure, 57, 175
Completing Homework, 56, 94 Dealing with Rejection, 57, 176
Completing Tasks, 56, 95 Delaying Gratification, 57, 177
Complying with Reasonable Requests, 56, 96 delinquency, 2, 8, 38, 169, 225
Complying with School Dress Code, 57, 152 depression, 8, 53, 163, 165
Compromising with Others, 15, 28-29, 57, 153 Differentiating Friends from Acquaintances, 58,
Concentrating on a Subject or Task, 57, 154 231
consequent events/consequences, 12-13, 26, 29, Disagreeing Appropriately, 2, 15, 25, 56, 62,
47, 192, 252 73-74, 170, 176, 200, 228
identifying, 12 Displaying Appropriate Control, 58, 232
natural/logical, 35, 159, 218 Displaying Effort, 57, 178
negative, 26-29, 34-35, 44, 49, 51 Displaying Sportsmanship, 57, 179
310
Index
Doing Good Quality Work, 56, 99

I
E Identifying Own Feelings, 58, 237
Ignoring Distractions by Others, 56, 106
empathy, 27-29, 38, 203-204, 233 Initiating a Conversation, 56, 107
empowerment, 3, 29, 54 Interacting Appropriately with the Opposite
Expressing Appropriate Affection, 57, 180 Sex, 15, 58, 188-190
Expressing Concern and Understanding for internalization, 2, 18, 54
Others, 15 Interrupting Appropriately, 15, 56, 108
Expressing Empathy and Understanding for interventions, 4, 34, 48
Others, 58, 233 determining, 8, 44
Expressing Feelings Appropriately, 15, 57, 181 primary, 9
Expressing Grief, 58, 234 restrictive, 9
Expressing Optimism, 57, 182 secondary, 9
Expressing Pride in Accomplishments, 57, 183 skill-based, 14, 38-39
F tertiary, 9
Interviewing for a Job, 58, 238
“fair fighting,” 44-45 Introducing Others, 56, 109
fairness, 1, 5 Introducing Yourself, 56, 61, 69-70
Family Meeting, 45
feedback, 17, 23, 24, 27, 28, 29, 44, 131, 155
Flanagan, Father Edward, 2
J
Following Instructions, 1-2, 11, 13-15, 22-25, Joseph & Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics, 1
28, 33, 35, 38, 48, 56, 61, 63-64, 142, 170
Following Rules, 15, 17, 56, 100 K
Following Safety Rules, 58, 184 Keeping Property in Its Place, 15, 58, 190
Following Through on Agreements and
Contracts, 58, 185
Following Written Instructions, 101
L
Formulating Strategies, 58, 235 Laughing at Oneself, 58, 239
Lending to Others, 58, 191, 191
G Listening to Others, 15, 56, 110
Gathering Information, 58, 236
generalization, 2, 4, 13-14, 18, 23, 38, 54 M
assignments, 40, 43 Maintaining a Conversation, 56, 111
promoting, 17, 30, 34-35, 39 Maintaining an Appropriate Appearance, 56,
training, 33-45 112
Getting Along with Others, 22 Maintaining Personal Hygiene, 56, 113
Getting Another Person’s Attention, 102 Maintaining Relationships, 58, 240
Getting the Teacher’s Attention, 15, 34, 56, 103 Making a Request (Asking a Favor), 25, 56,
Giving Compliments, 56, 104 115
Giving Instructions, 58, 186 Making a Telephone Call, 56, 116
Giving Rationales, 58, 186, 187, 196, 213 Making an Apology, 15, 56, 114
Golden Rule, 5 Making an Appropriate Complaint, 58, 241
Greeting Others, 56, 105, 142 Making Decisions, 58, 192
311
Making Moral and Spiritual Decisions, 58, 242

Making New Friends, 15, 58, 193
R
Making Positive Self-Statements, 56, 117 rationales, 20, 21, 23, 24, 27, 28, 29, 30, 34, 48,
Making Positive Statements about Others, 15, 56, 63, 64, 65-66, 67-68, 69-80, 141, 186-
57, 118 187, 196, 213
Making Restitution (Compensation), 15, 58, Recognizing Moods of Others, 58, 246
194 Refraining from Possessing Contraband or
Managing Stress, 58, 243 Drugs, 57, 121
Managing Time, 58, 195 reinforcement, 34, 44
mental health disorders, 8, 48 appropriate, 8
motivation systems, 35 contingencies, 30
external, 3
N inconsistent, 7, 17
Reporting Emergencies, 57, 122
Negotiating with Others, 15, 58, 196 Reporting Other Youths’ Behavior (or Peer
Reporting), 57, 123, 166, 184, 205, 206,
O 209
Offering Assistance or Help, 57, 119 Resigning from a Job or Project, 58, 246
Organizing Tasks and Activities, 58, 197 Resisting Peer Pressure, 14, 38, 57, 124
Resolving Conflicts, 58, 247
P Responding to Complaints, 58, 203
Responding to Others’ Feelings, 58, 204
Participating in Activities, 57, 120
Responding to Others’ Humor, 58, 205
peer
Responding to Teasing, 58, 206
acceptance, 12, 14
Responding to Written Requests, 58, 207
conflicts, 44-45
responsibility, 1, 5, 30, 44, 181
negative, 2, 14, 39
Rewarding Yourself, 58, 248
positive, 2
role-playing, 17, 24, 26, 33, 40, 42-43, 44
reporting, 57, 123, 166, 184, 205, 206, 209
Persevering on Tasks and Projects, 58, 198
Planning Ahead, 58, 244 S
Planning Meals, 58, 199 Saying Good-Bye to Guests, 57, 125
popularity, 14 Saying “No” Assertively, 57, 124, 126, 175
practice, 7, 8, 17, 23-29, 33 Seeking Positive Attention, 15, 57, 127
praise, 25-29, 35, 44, 98, 155, 157 Seeking Professional Assistance, 58, 249
Effective, 19-22, 23, 30, 49 self-confidence, 19, 28, 30
steps of, 20-21 self-control, 7, 8, 9
when to use, 21-22 loss of, 26
general, 2 Self-Correcting Own Behavior, 58, 208
Preparing for a Stressful Conversation, 58, 200 self-esteem, 8, 222
Preventing Trouble with Others, 58, 201 self-government, 45
Problem-Solving a Disagreement, 15, 58, 202 promoting, 3
program departure, 49 Self-Reporting Own Behaviors, 58, 160, 166,
prompts, 24-25, 40 209
preventive, 25 Setting Appropriate Boundaries, 58, 210
312
Index
Setting Goals, 58, 250 individual, 4, 9, 17-31

Sharing Attention with Others, 58, 211 opportunities for, 15-19
Sharing Personal Experiences, 58, 212 philosophy of, 8
Showing Appreciation, 57, 128 short-term benefits of, 2
Showing Interest, 57, 129 two-dimensional model of, 7-8
Showing Respect, 15, 56, 62, 75-77 treatment-oriented, 25
Showing Sensitivity to Others, 15, 56, 62, social
79-80 acquisition deficits, 7, 8
sincerity, 19, 23, 73, 139, 214 competence, 7-8, 13
Six Pillars of Character, 1-2, 5 developing, 8
skills minimal, 47
academic, 4, 6, 8 fluency deficits, 7, 8, 12, 14, 22-23, 47
advanced, 57-58, 138-220 information, 8
alternate, 12 integration, 14
basic, 55, 56, 61-80 performance deficits, 7, 8
choosing, 8, 12-13, 14 skills
complex, 55, 58-59, 221-257 acquisition, 8
deficits, 11-12, 22-23, 25, 49 assigning, 48-49
definition of, 13
components of, 13-14, 17-18
emotional management, 4, 6, 8, 9
defining, 1, 2, 6, 7, 40
ethical/moral, 4, 6
generalization of, 33-45
for conduct-disordered youth, 14, 15
modeling, 40, 41, 42
identifying, 17, 23-24
targeting, 9, 13, 51
independent-living, 4, 6
teaching/training, 1, 3, 4, 7, 7-8, 12, 14,
intermediate, 56-57, 81-137
17, 30, 48
learning new, 22-23
problem-solving, 4, 7, 9, 17, 34 benefits of, 8-9
interpersonal, 8 Boys Town’s approach, 2-3
social goals of, 2, 11
assigning, 48-49 group, 4, 9, 30, 37-45, 55
components of, 13-14, 17-18 advantages of, 37-39
defining, 1, 2, 6, 7, 40 format of, 39-44
generalization of, 33-45 productive, 44-45
modeling, 40, 41, 42 individual, 4, 9, 18
targeting, 9, 13, 51 opportunities for, 15-19
teaching/training, 1, 3, 4, 7, 7-8, 12, 14, philosophy of, 8
17, 30, 48 short-term benefits of, 2
benefits of, 8-9 two-dimensional model of, 7-8
Boys Town’s approach, 2-3 sociometric measures, 14
goals of, 2, 11 spirituality, 3, 49
group, 4, 9, 30, 37-45, 55 Staying on Task, 57, 130
advantages of, 37-39 Stopping Negative or Harmful Thoughts, 58,
format of, 39-44 251
productive, 44-45 Suggesting an Activity, 58, 213
313
T Using Self-Talk or Self-Instruction, 58, 217

Using Spontaneous Problem-Solving, 58, 200,
Taking Risks Appropriately, 58, 252 218
Talking with Others, 33, 34, 56, 61, 67-68 Using Strategies to Find a Job, 59, 257
tantrums, 11, 12 Using Structured Problem-Solving (SODAS),
task analysis, 4, 13-14 57, 134
guidelines for, 14 Using Study Skills, 58, 219
Teaching, Using Table Etiquette, 57, 135
Corrective, 19, 26-30, 44, 49
example, 28-29
Interaction, 29
V
Volunteering, 57, 136
steps of, 26-28
Proactive, 19, 22-26, 30, 49
steps of, 23-25 W
when to use, 25-26 Waiting Your Turn, 15, 57, 137
Tolerating Differences, 58, 253 Working Independently, 58, 220
Tools for Teaching Social Skills in School, 56
“trapping,” 33-34
Treating Youth with DSM-IV Disrders:
The Role of Social Skill Instruction, 53
treatment plan, 47-54
additional assistance in, 53-54
developing, 49-53
follow-up, 52-53
goals, 51-52
individual, 45, 47, 49-53
maintenance, 53
monitoring, 52
process, 50-53
revising, 49, 52-53
teams, 55
trustworthiness, 1, 5, 18
Trying New Tasks, 57, 131
U
Using an Appropriate Voice Tone, 57, 132
Using Anger Control Strategies, 4, 15, 57, 133
Using Appropriate Humor, 58, 214
Using Appropriate Language, 58, 215
Using Community Resources, 59, 254
Using Leisure Time, 59, 255
Using Relaxation Strategies, 58, 216
Using Self-Monitoring and Self-Reflection,
59, 256
314
Book Offers Social Skill
Lesson Plans for Teachers
Dealing with disruptive behaviors in the
classroom can reduce the time a teacher has available
for academic teaching. You can help prevent problem
behaviors by teaching social skills to students. When
children practice and learn how to behave in the
classroom, they contribute to creating an environment
that’s calm, quiet, and conducive to successful learning.
This book provides teachers with:

Lesson plans for teaching 28 different social skills
with activities that can be adapted for students
in grades K-12. The plans include suggestions for
discussion, activities, journaling, role-play, and Tools for Teaching
reading. Social Skills in School
Reproducible skill pages that you can hand out or ISBN: 978-1-889322-64-3
post in the classroom as reminders to students, and
coupons you can use to reward good behavior. The authors have a combined 40
Techniques and examples for “blending” the years of teaching experience in
teaching of social skills into academic lessons in K-12 classrooms, and train
reading, writing, math, and social studies. teachers, administrators, and other
school staff across the United
Ideas for using bulletin board displays to motivate
States in the Boys Town Education
and monitor behavior.
Model. The Model emphasizes
Strategies for increasing parent support. building relationships with
students, teaching social skills,
Available from Bookstores or from The Boys Town Press and reinforcement of positive
1-800-282-6657 • www.boystownpress.org behavior.
The Boys Town Press offers many books, videos, and CDs
useful to teachers, counselors, other youth-serving professionals,
and parents.
For a free catalog:

Call 1-800-282-6657
Visit www.boystownpress.org
Teaching Social Skills to Youth CD-ROM
This is a cross platform CD-ROM that will work on both
Windows and Mac platforms.
REQUIREMENTS
Display Settings: 800x600 or greater, 24 bit Color
Windows: Windows 2000, Windows XP, Windows 98
(Performance is decreased on older Windows 98 systems.)
MAC: Mac OS Classic (9.x) and Mac OS 10.x
This program requires you to download the appropriate
version of Adobe Acrobat Reader. Visit Adobe’s website at
http://www.adobe.com/ to obtain the free reader.
TO START
On Windows Systems: No installation is required. This
program runs from the CD-ROM. Insert the CD-ROM. On
Windows systems with the “Autorun” feature turned on, the
program will launch automatically. If this does not occur,
access your CD-ROM drive and double click on the icon
labeled “Start.”
Mac Systems: No installation is required. This program runs
from the CD-ROM. Insert the CD-ROM and double click
on “CD-ROM” icon. Select a folder that represents your
Operating System (“MacClassic” or “MacOSX”). Then
double click on the icon labeled “Start.”
NOTES
If you wish to bypass this program, you can access the PDF
files directly by going to “D:\SKILLS” on the CD-ROM.

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EDUCATION

New Edition Features Updates and CD-ROM

Boys Town, NE 68010

For a free Boys Town Press catalog, call 1-800-282-6657.

Boys Town National Hotline

By Tom Dowd, M.A. and Jeff Tierney, M.Ed.

Boys Town, Nebraska

Boys Town Press is the publishing division of Boys Town,

Publisher’s Cataloging in Publication

Introduction to Social Skills Teaching........................................................................... 1

Teaching Skills each resident has his or her own individual-

g Assessment and Short-Term Residential without compassion is pure manipulation; love

The Six Pillars of Character

Elements of Social Behavior

Antecedent Event Behavior Consequent Event

Replacement Skills for Conduct-Disordered Youth

Accepting Consequences Dealing with Accusations

Accepting “No” for an Answer Dealing with Frustrations

Accepting Criticism Expressing Feelings Appropriately

Anger Control Strategies Negotiating with Others

Listening to Others Problem-Solving a Disagreement

Positive Self-Statements about Others Assertiveness

Compromising with Others Conflict Resolution

Controlling Emotions Accepting Decisions of Authority

Coping with Anger and Aggression from Others Communicating Honestly

Self-Monitoring and Reflection Keeping Property in Its Place

Relaxation Strategies Waiting Your Turn

Making Restitution Showing Respect

Seeking Positive Attention Getting Teacher’s Attention

Disagreeing Appropriately Care for Others’ Property

Showing Sensitivity to Others Controlling the Impulse to Steal

Following Rules Use of Appropriate Language

Interrupting Appropriately Making New Friends

Individual Teaching Techniques

something to be proud of, even when he or

1. Give initial praise or empathy. 3. Give a negative consequence.

Promoting Generalization 3. “Homework” assignments: These are

ability in a compassionate and competent man-

Generalization of Social Skills

Teaching Skills in Group Settings

The group setting functions almost like a “shel-

Social Skills and

who require treatment for specific DSM-IV

The Social Skills Curriculum

skills to teach a youth or group is critical to the Skill 10 Accepting Compliments

Skill 45 Making Positive Statements about Skill 76 Choosing Appropriate Clothing

Skill 110 Following Safety Rules Complex Skills Group

Skill 179 Using Community Resources

2. Accepting “No” for an answer

3. Talking with others

8. Showing sensitivity to others

1. Look at the person.

3. Do what you’ve been asked right away.

Accepting “No” for an answer

1. Look at the person.

4. If you disagree, ask later.

Talking with others

1. Look at the person.

2. Use a pleasant voice.