MODULE 1

Counselling: Meaning, Techniques, Types and Problems

Meaning of Counselling:
It is the people in the organisation who are the most important and valuable asset. They
have emotions, feeling and a tender heart. Sometimes emotions and feelings create
problems and men and women could not overcome and lose their confidence and fail to
put their mind in the work. These problems do not necessarily relate to the work. They may
be family problems, financial problems, marital problems etc. All have a negative impact
on their jobs. They can’t work properly and can’t put hundred percent.
The need of the hour is to remove the problem and help the individual to regain his or her
self confidence and esteem and put his strength in work. Counselling can do the magic and
help an individual to overcome his lost confidence and self respect because of the problem.
So counselling is the process of helping an individual facing a problem and to regain his
lost confidence and self esteem and put his mind in his job.

The process of counselling begins with establishing relationship between counsellor and
counsellee and taking into confidence the counsellee by the counsellor and allowing him to
open his or her heart and after understanding the situation advising him to face the harsh
realities of life and society boldly and building his confidence and paving way to make the
best use of his strength by overcoming his weaknesses. B.J. Prasantham has rightly
pointed out that, “Counselling is a relationship between the counsellor and counsellee
characterized by trust and openness, in a one to one, or a small group relationship,
whereby the counsellee is helped to work through his interpersonal and or intrapersonal
problems and crisis.
He is also helped to mobilize his inner and outer resources and to find new options in
facing life. Along with this, counselling also helps the client to discover and develop his
God given potentialities and lead an integrated life and make his contribution for the
welfare of his fellow men.” Counselling does not necessarily relate to the jobs. It is not
advising alone. Under counselling, counsellor’s job is the most important. He has to make
wholehearted efforts to understand problem and situation facing the individual and should
study the strength, weaknesses of the problem individual and the environment at
workplace and at his home.
The counsellor has to take him into confidence and be friendly with him. He has to console
and put him at comfort. The counsellor has to take care that the individual feels at ease and
open up his mind to him so that he knows the real problem faced by the individual. The
counsellor must exercise lot of patience and try to restore confidence in counsellee.
Counsellor:
Any person can act as counsellor. He must be a person with charming personality, caring,
should attract other persons toward himself and should be affectionate towards one and all
and should understand and interpret the behaviour of others. Counsellor commands
respect from the people and enjoys status in the entire organisation as his services help in
achieving good human relations. Manager has to act as counsellor many a times. If this is
so then manager has to be very careful.
It is an additional responsibility he has to shoulder. It is an added advantage for the
manager as counsellor that he knows his employees and subordinates well and could find
no difficulty in understanding the problems faced by them. Manager must know that the
problem ridden employees cannot work better but commit mistakes and sometimes come
across accident causing immense loss to the organisation. Problems may be work related
or personal, both affect job performance and losses have to be borne by the organisation
increasing botheration of the manager.
It is, therefore, to be taken seriously. If proper counselling services are rendered to the
problem employee by the manager and his self confidence is restored, he can be a potential
contributor towards the achievement of organisational objectives. Any employee can face
problem even the good and hard working employees can face problems because of certain
emotions or hurt self respect. The manager should immediately rush to their rescue, take
them into confidence and try to free them from the emotional trap they are caught in. It
will have positive effect.
The troublesome situation can be created at any time and due to any reason. Some of the
causes are, fear or threat, worries, anxiety, hostility. All these are the mental processes
created in the minds of people affecting their behaviour at the workplace. The need is to
make sincere efforts to remove the real causes from their mind, restore confidence and self
respect and bring them on track. The manager must study the causes and analyze them.
Most of them are psychological and imaginary. The people get depressed and do not put
their hundred percent in work. The employees being human resources and the main
contributors to the productivity they should be well maintained and due care should be
taken thereof. It is, therefore, essential on the part of the managers in general and human
resource managers in particular to take care of their employees and subordinates and
provide counselling services as and when needed by them for smooth running of the
organisation and employees’ well-being. Counsellor must be an expert in industrial
psychology.
Requirements of Effective Counselling:
Counselling is a serious job an executive has to perform in addition to his routine work. He
as a counsellor must therefore develops good relationship with the counsellee.

There are several ‘Do’s and ‘Don’ts to be followed in order to have effective
counselling:
1. He should develop good relationship with counsellee.
2. Develop mutual understanding, respect for counsellee.
3. Be patient.
4. Listen to the grievances carefully.
5. Develop cooperative attitude.
6. Be simple and have sympathy with the counsellee.
7. Do make attempts to know the background of worries, threats, anxiety etc.
8. Make himself available to help the counsellee.
9. Be friendly with counsellee and be frank.
The counsellor should abstain from or try to avoid the following:
1. Should not develop conflict with counsellee.
2. Do not have any vested interest in counselling.
3. Do not be angry with the counsellee.
4. Don’t resist.
5. Avoid being biased, be impartial.
6. Don’t exploit the counsellee for self interest.
7. Do not use pressure tactics?
The counsellor should act as a friend, philosopher and guide to the counsellee in the strict
sense of the phrase. The practicing of the above ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ will make the counselling
effective. There are several problems which affect the behaviour of the person at the
workplace and elsewhere.
Through counselling these problems need to be removed to bring back the person on the
track of normal behaviour. The counsellor therefore has to find out the problems which are
responsible for acentric behaviour of the counsellee.
These problems may include partial treatment at the workplace, drinking habits, drug
addictions, strains in interpersonal relations, inferiority complex, sex related problems,
disputes in family, low morale etc. The counsellor tracing out these problems has to make
all out efforts to remove it. No one is born with a problem. Problems are created. Most of
them are psychological. The counsellor should find out the root cause and try to remove it.

Manager can very well render the counselling service but if the manager cannot provide
this service then the organisation can hire the services of the expert. He can provide the
counselling services. Many large companies hire the regular services of counsellors. If
managers are to work as counsellor then they need to be trained in this respect.
Counselling should be treated as the basic employee assistance because it is required by
many employees as well as executives.
Most of them suffer from emotional imbalance, stress, and drug, alcohol and other such
ills. Counselling is a problem oriented interaction process with the aim of increasing
learning and changing behaviour. At the workplace employees need counselling in respect
of wage problem, absenteeism, relations with superiors.
Scope of counselling should not be limited to work related problems alone. The marital
problems, financial problems, problems with children and other psychological issues need
counselling. These problems also affect employee performance at the plant or office.
The employees who are about to retire need counselling. Counselling in respect of career
building is also necessary Career counselling programme help employees with career
transition of all kinds. Human resource manager can provide this service through expert
employed for the purpose.

Expert in career counselling require counselling skills, information inventory in respect of

counsellee such as attitudes, motive, training, experience, strength and weaknesses, career
option and path in and outside the organisation. Career counsellor can set employees
career on right path.
Techniques of Counselling:
The effective counselling needs counselling skills, complete information about the persons
to be counselled i.e. the information relating to his motives; experience, weaknesses,
strength, attitudes and behaviour should be collected before counselling.
After gathering complete information through various sources the counselling services be
provided to the person. The techniques of counselling cannot be uniformly adopted. They
vary from person to person and also depend on circumstances.
Counselling is not a modern phenomenon it is practiced since the evolution of mankind.
Only the need of it is very severely felt in modern times. Counselling is a two way process.
Counsellor can help the counsellee if he cooperates with counsellor and open his heart to
him, otherwise counselling becomes a difficult task. However, there are certain techniques
of counselling that can be followed and adopted as per the need of the situation and
counsellee.
The following are some of the techniques:
1. Releasing Emotional Tension:
Some people are more emotional. They become so at everything. They take things
emotionally and they come into the grip of emotions very often. The emotions are
associated with fear, respect, insult, anxiety, guilt, hostility etc. If the counsellee is under
emotional tension it is to be released. The counsellee is to be taken into confidence and
listen to him carefully as if counsellor is the only caretaker of him. Try to know the real
causes of his emotional breakdown.
When he will narrate the causes, gradually he will overcome the pain and embarrassment
related with his guilt. He is caught in emotional whirl, may be because of guilty feeling
resulting out of non fulfillment of promises or he has been insulted by someone.
Discharging the counsellee of emotional tensions is a very difficult job and needs patience
from counsellor. Only the expert counsellor can do the job of releasing emotional tensions.
Releasing emotional tension is a process of getting out of your mind and heart.
Release of emotional tension helps to gain power of going through or looking into and
understanding the things in their proper perspective and the reasons that has affected his
behaviour. He will then make an analysis of the situation and overcome the emotions and
whisk away the tension. Coming under the influence of emotions is a human weakness
present in almost all the human beings. When he overcomes this weakness he realizes that
he was unnecessarily caught up in the emotional grip which was impractical and far away
from the facts.
2. Effective Communication:
Effective two way communication help subordinates to narrate their difficulties to their
superiors through which many problems get automatically solved. Supervisor can perform
the job of counselling. Effective two way communication remove fear from the minds of the
subordinates and they talk freely and open up their mind to the superior who can render
necessary advice then and there and can help him getting the tension of any kind released.
Through effective communication the superior can understand the subordinate’s point of
view and develop counselling relationship with the counsellee. Supervisor as counsellor
understand what the employee means to say through communication with him.
Communication thus is a tool and a method of counselling. The counsellor supervisor
should take a note that he should abstain from stressing his own point of view on the
counsellee employee. Through communications, counsellor can divulge counselee’s
prejudice against himself or others. Similarly misunderstanding and misconception can be
removed.
3. Clarified Thinking:
One should think positively and shun negative thinking. It is negative thinking needs to be
removed from the mind of counsellee. Negative thinking helps developing
misunderstanding, distrust and lies. Counsellor should develop new pattern of thinking.
Counsellee should be motivated and encouraged to think positively. Positive thinking helps
building up cordial relationship with the colleagues and superiors. Manager should
develop cordial relationship with his subordinates not only for counselling but also for his
success in the organisation.
4. Performance Counselling:
As the name suggests it relates with the performance. If the employee is not keeping his
performance constant and it is below standard then counselling is required to maintain the
standard level of performance. Performance gets affected by many reasons. Those reasons
must be spotted by the counsellor and try to remove them from the counsellee. If he is
taking leaves and remaining absent citing petty reasons from the work he should be taken
into confidence and remove the reasons for remaining absent.
5. Counselling Against Alcoholism and Drug:
Alcoholism and drugs especially alcoholism in India is the major problem. It severely
affects the productivity and cost that affects the organisation quite heavily. Alcohol and
drug users remain absent frequently and consume more sick leaves as compared to other
employees.
They feel tardiness at the workplace and make their departure early. They cannot judge
properly and cannot make decisions and very prone to accidents. Serious efforts on the
part of the organisation and the counsellors are needed to bring back alcoholics and drug
addicts on the track. They should be treated properly. Counsellor should develop
friendship with them and take them into confidence and convince them of the benefits of
not drinking and make aware against the health hazards of alcohol and drugs.
Organisations must take lead in arranging for counselling and sponsor programmes for
treatment of alcoholics and drug addicts. Alcoholics should be motivated not to drink and
lectures by experts of religious and spiritual nature will also help them to get rid of their
bad drinking habits. It is very difficult for alcoholics to get rid of his drinking habits. It is
also equally difficult for counsellor to convince him to abstain from drinking. But dark
cloud has a silver lining. If he is properly educated of the better life free from alcohol he
will lead a normal life.
Types of Counselling:
The following are the types of counseling:
1. Directive Counselling:
Under directive counselling the counsellor issues certain instructions to the counsellee or
he is directed to do certain things e.g.: he is asked to behave in a particular manner, asked
to abstain from alcohol or drug, asked to respect his colleagues and superiors.
2. Non Directive Counselling:
Under non directive counselling counsellor does not issue directions but observe the
behaviour and attitude of the counsellee towards his work and his colleagues and superiors
and subordinates. If he errs then counsellor comes to his rescue and corrects him realizing
him that he was wrong. He will not issue him any instructions or will not direct him.
3. Cooperative Counselling:
This is a kind of counselling that can be done through extending full cooperation to the
counsellee and makes him realize his mistakes relating to his behaviour and attitudes so
that he himself will be back on the track and improve himself. It is winning the heart of the
counsellee through cooperation. His confidence will be won by the counsellee and he in
turn will extend his cooperation and become self disciplined.
4. Marital and Family Counselling:
Employees need counselling in respect of marriage and family problems. The troubled
employees can discuss out their problems with the counsellor who can take them into
confidence and prescribe solutions for their ills.
Problems Needing Counselling:
There are several problems with which the employees and subordinates are infested. Some
employees come across problems others do not. None is born with a problem. Only a few
are problem employees. These problems need recognition and study.
The employees ridden with these problems need counselling. These problems can be
removed from the employees. This is very essential because problem employees cannot
work properly, commit mistakes and are usually accident prone. This leads to low
productivity and losses to the organisation. For rehabilitating and improving problem
employees counselling becomes essential.
The counsellor’s responsibility is to liberate employee from the clutches of these problems.
He has to use a suitable technique for the purpose. But here one should remember that
counselling is not the responsibility of the organisation alone, employees’ and their unions
must also shoulder the responsibility and cooperate with the management of organisation.
The following are the problems that need counselling:
1. Inferiority Complex:
Some employees suffer from inferiority complex. The employees who suffer from this
complex consider themselves as incompetent as compared to others. It is a feeling of
insufficiency. Extreme feeling of inferiority complex is bad. It affects productivity
adversely. It deprives the employee many benefits in life and puts him to losses.
Inferiority complex arises out of comparison. If comparison is avoided, this feeling gets
vanished. If an employee is trapped under the influence of this feeling then he needs
counselling. Counsellor in this case should try to convince the affected employee of his own
strength, self power and self importance.
2. Drinking Habits:
Drinking or alcoholism is a very common problem faced by the employees. It disturbs the
family, social and work life of the employees. It is a serious threat to the work environment
of the organisation. It is very difficult to get rid of drinking habits of the employee.
It requires lot of courage and determination on the part of an employee to stop drinking.
The employees start drinking on account of any reason. No strong and reasonable cause is
necessary to start this dirty habit. Once the person has developed this habit, it is very
difficult for him to get rid of it.
Counsellor finds it very difficult to deal with such people. But sincere effort on his part may
yield some fruits. The counselling in such cases takes more time to bring back the
counsellee on track. Counsellor must develop good acquaintance and friendship with
drunkards.
He must then explain to them the disadvantages and ill effects of drinking and benefits of
being teetotaler. The drunkard should not be discarded. Ask him to change the life style
and try to keep him away from drinks as far as possible. Slowly and gradually he will come
on track. Though counselling in this regard is difficult but not impossible. Sincere efforts
will yield fruits some day.
3. Drug Addiction:
In modern times this is a very serious problem which has affected the young people at the
workplace. Drug addiction has led to many evils. This is more serious a problem than
drinking. It tears the fabric of peaceful life. The main reason of drug addiction is the
parents their lack love, affection and care of their children. This drives them to drugs.
There are few more causes e.g.: company of bad people, lack of affection in the family,
depression, tensions, lack of self confidence etc. Drug addiction changes the behaviour of
the addict severely. He faces the financial crunch.
He becomes arrogant. It is the most difficult task to deal with drug addict. Counsellor has
to face an uphill task in counselling these people. It requires immense efforts and patience
on the part of counsellor. Drug addicts must receive timely help from the counsellor and
physician both. It is actually a task of psychiatrist to deal with such people. Changes in his
behaviour are to be brought. Drug addict is to be motivated and encouraged to leave the
habit. A lot of sincere efforts are required in this regard.
4. Disturbed Family Life:
Everyone has to face problem cropped up in his family life. Serious problems of family
disturb peace of mind. Employees facing such serious family problems cannot work
properly at the factory. They are under tensions. Counsellors should take these employees
into confidence and know the problems and their causes and try to remove them. These
problems do not pose a serious threat and can be dealt with effectively. This is
comparatively an easy task.
5. Mental Worries:
Many problems are the creation of human mind and they start worrying. These problems
disturb the mental peace of the person. The person cannot get job satisfaction and cannot
contribute his hundred percent to the production also. In Indian industries there are more
than one union. These rival unions sometimes victimize the members of other unions. The
inter union rivalry disturbs the peace of mind of the members and they worry all the while.
The victims of these unions get depressed. The worries of these employees can be removed
through timely counselling. They need proper guidance from the someone who cares.
Remaining unmarried for long time or to wait for marriage also become the cause of
worries. There is a chance of sexual perversion in case of these people.
Usually young people are in the grip of worries. These problems if not traced and
counselled on time may lead to alcoholism and drug addiction also. They need timely
guidance from the counsellors. These people should be closely observed and should be kept
in group or be allowed to work in a group.
Some employees get ill treatment from their superiors. These ill treatments also become
the cause of worries to the employee. They are the victims of injustice done to them by
their superiors. Sometimes on the basis of biased reporting by the superiors get deprived of
many benefits and rights.
This deprivation leads them to extreme depression and may very often become victim of
alcoholism or drug addiction. The timely interference and restoring his lost benefits by the
counsellor put back the employee on track.
Counselling is not the job of executives or employer alone, employees themselves and their
representatives in the unions should come forward for the job and help their colleagues
and themselves and keep them in good shape mentally and physically. They should
develop the skills and ability to help themselves under crisis and get out of it.
Self help is the best help. One should be able to develop sustainability so that he can stand
under any circumstances. Self development is the best development. There are many
methods of self development. One should stand on his own. Each one has an inner urge for
self development. It will help him to build confidence, competence and capability to cope
up with any circumstances and changes within and outside the organisation.
Change cannot be arrested. It is continuous. One should aware of the change and face it
boldly and courageously and should not lose confidence. For self development one should
make his/her swot analysis to know one’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities available
present and future and the possible threats in his way.
Swot Analysis:
Swot analysis means knowing one’s strength or strong points in him, weaknesses present
in him, the opportunities available and the threats he has to face.
Strength:
Strength is the first ingredient in the swot analysis. Strength includes knowledge, ability,
competence, skill, experience, decision making prowess, attitude, techniques and methods.
One should make analysis of his strength.
He should know what are the areas where he is competent and can be able to handle the
things effectively or perform the jobs successfully. Strength is a precious asset of an
individual with the help of which he can fight out anything coming in his way and win over.
Simply boasting on your proud possession of strengths is not sufficient you should develop
your acumen.
Weaknesses:
One should spot his weaknesses seriously and make their analysis. Some of them can be
easily improved upon. One should try to do that first and convert them into your strength.
Lack of knowledge can be improved upon by gaining it. Skills can be acquired through
training. Many things can be learned through experience and by observing as to how
seniors come over or win over the circumstances. Discussions, reading, seeking advice can
remove the weaknesses inherent in the person.
Opportunities:
The third ingredient of swot analysis is opportunities. There are several opportunities
available to the person of competence and knowledge. One should know his potential and
go ahead to grab opportunity available to him he will succeed in his venture. One should
not look back then. Opportunities should not be missed.
The chance once lost will seldom come again. Opportunities are to be traced and grabbed.
There are many in service opportunities also. One should not miss them. Negligence on the
part of an individual land him in trouble. Organisation provides many opportunities to its
employees to rise make their career grow.
Threats:
The last ingredient of swot analysis is the threats. One should spot and identify the real
threat and not the imaginary one. Your rivals and colleagues in the employment may be a
threat to you or your seniors may deny you an opportunity and pose a threat to you. But
one should not be shaken by all these. Do not allow yourself to be taken out by them.
Face the threats boldly and fight them out. If you are on right path success is yours. You
should plead your case before the authority and demand justice. Do not tolerate injustice.
Only cowards can do that. Prepare to face them boldly and go to any possible and
legitimate extent to fight them out.
Don’t be complacent. Don’t get satisfied with small success. Prescribe sky as the limit.
Always aspire high. Always think that the next day is the new day with full of challenges
and have to meet them. The attitude will get you high. Try to give your best every day.
If one has done his swot analysis seriously and perfectly he will never face any trouble, he
will never come across depression, frustration and will not fall a victim to bad habits of
drinking or drug addiction etc. and he will not require any counseling efforts by anyone but
will become a role model for others. It is a sure way to success.

FUNCTIONS OF COUNSELLING - INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS MANAGEMENT

The main objective of Counselling is to help the employee attain a better mental, emotional
and physical health.A counsellor is the one who can help a person realize a better
tomorrow by the attainment of self- confidence, self-development, patience and self-
growth. The objectives of counselling are achieved through the counselling functions.

Functions of Employee Counselling

The counselling functions are the activities that can be done by counselling. The functions
are:
1 Advice:; Advice giving is not desired for counselling, as it s a process of self-
growth which advising would hamper. But many a time's counsellors do have to
advice so as to show/ guide the counselled towards a path of action.
2 Reassurance: Counselling has to provide reassurance to the employee that he or
she is progressing well and moving towards achieving the desired goal.
Reassurance here can be meant as encouragement also. This is mostly in the case
of the mid career managers where counsellor can only reassure that everything will
work out Employees' Counselling fine and also encourage him or her to work as the
desired goal is within reach.
3 Communication: Counselling is mostly about proper communication. A proper
communication is required to pass the employee problems to the management and
also to air the views of the management to the employees. Communication skills
such as listening, providing feedback and so on are required for an effective
counselling session.
4 Release of Emotional Tension: Counselling gives a scope to the employees to
release their emotional tension. Emotional outbursts help the employee to release
one's anger and frustration to a sympathetic listener,which in turn helps in subsiding
the tension.
5 Clarified Thinking: Discussing one's problem with someone helps the person to
see those points and facts which have been overlooked earlier due to emotional
involvement with the problem. The counsellor is not required to guide the person in
such a case, as only listening to the outpouring will help.Once the counselled
person starts speaking very soon many facts are clarified as the counselled starts
thinking aloud which in turn results in rational and logical thinking and helps in
solving the problems, real or imaginary.
 6 Reorientation: Reorientation is a result of clear thinking which helps an employee
to assess oneself - one's potential and limitation and in accordance to them set new
goals and values. Reorientation leads a person to have a better self-image and it
also helps to treat the patients of depression. A clear self-image leads to be a more
confident person and also a more effective worker.

What Are the Goals of Counseling?

Introduction
Different individuals have different perceptions of what can be expected of counseling.
Individuals preparing to become counselors, and those who seek counseling, as well as
parents, teachers, school administrators and governmental agencies, all differ in their
expectations of the counseling experience. The final designation of these goals is to be
determined by the counselor and the client as a team.
Counseling theorists do not always agree on appropriate counseling goals because they
are often general, vague and saturated with implications. However, these are the five most
commonly named goals of counseling:
1 Facilitating behaviour change.
2 Improving the client’s ability to establish and maintain relationships.
3 Enhancing the client’s effectiveness and ability to cope.
4 Promoting the decision-making process and facilitating client potential.
5 Development.
These goals are not mutually exclusive and will naturally be emphasized by some theorists
and not others.
Enhancing Coping Skills
We will inevitably run into difficulties in the process of growing up. Most of us do not
completely achieve all of our developmental tasks within a lifetime. All of the unique
expectations and requirements imposed on us by others will eventually lead to problems.
Any inconsistencies in development can result in children learning behaviour patterns that
are both inefficient and ineffective. Learned coping patterns, however, may not always
work. New interpersonal or occupational role demands may create an overload and
produce excessive anxiety and difficulty for the individual.
Children who grow up in excessively strict homes frequently adjust to such training
measures through learned behavioural inhibition. When social or occupational
responsibilities require individuals to be assertive, they may experience anxiety and be
unable to handle responsibilities effectively. In addition to psychological symptoms,
physical symptoms such as frequent headaches, stuttering in front of people in authority or
the inability to sleep are common. This maladjustment to daily living makes coping skills an
important goal of counseling.

Improving Relationships
Many clients tend to have major problems relating to others due to poor self-image.
Likewise, inadequate social skills cause individuals to act defensively in relationships.
Typical social difficulties can be observed in family, marital and peer group interaction
(e.g., the troubled elementary school child). The counselor would then strive to help the
client improve the quality of their lives by developing more effective interpersonal
relationships.
Promoting Decision-Making
The goal of counseling is to enable the individual to make critical decisions regarding
alternative courses of action without outside influence. Counseling will help individuals
obtain information, and to clarify emotional concerns that may interfere with or be related
to the decisions involved. These individuals will acquire an understanding of their abilities
and interests. They will also come to identify emotions and attitudes that could influence
their choices and decisions.
The activity of stimulating the individual to evaluate, accept and act upon a choice, will
assist them in learning the entirety of the decision-making process. The individual will
develop autonomy and avoid dependence on a counselor.

Five Counseling Theories and Approaches

Psychotherapy theories provide a framework for therapists and counselors to interpret a

client’s behavior, thoughts, and feelings and help them navigate a client’s journey from
diagnosis to post-treatment. Theoretical approaches are an understandably integral part of
the therapeutic process. But with so many different methods out there, how do you know
which counseling approach works best for you? Whether you’re a student learning about
counseling theories or a client looking for the right therapist, the following detailed
descriptions will give you a deeper understanding of each counseling method. These
theories are integrated throughout the curriculum of Counseling@Northwestern and are
built into a foundation grounded in the psychodynamic perspective.
Psychoanalysis/Psychodynamic Theory
Psychoanalysis or psychodynamic theory, also known as the “historical perspective,” has
its roots with Sigmund Freud, who believed there were unconscious forces that drive
behavior. The techniques he developed, such as free association (freely talking to the
therapist about whatever comes up without censoring), dream analysis (examining dreams
for important information about the unconscious), and transference (redirecting feelings
about certain people in one’s life onto the therapist) are still used by psychoanalysts today.
Counseling@Northwestern uses this theory to train counselors, and it is embedded
throughout the counselor training process. In general, psychotherapists and counselors
who use this approach direct much of their focus and energy on analyzing past
relationships and, in particular, traumatic childhood experiences in relation to an
individual’s current life. The belief is that by revealing and bringing these issues to the
surface, treatment and healing can occur. This theory is highly researched, and as the field
of neuroscience advances, counselors are finding how psychodynamic theory can actually
positively affect a client’s brain. Psychodynamic theory can be more time intensive in
comparison to some short-term theories because it involves changing deeply ingrained
behaviors and requires significant work on understanding one’s self.
Behavioral Theory
Behavioral theory is based on the belief that behavior is learned. Classic conditioning is
one type of behavioral therapy that stems from early theorist Ivan Pavlov’s research.
Pavlov executed a famous study using dogs, which focused on the effects of a learned
response (e.g., a dog salivating when hearing a bell) through a stimulus (e.g., pairing the
sound of a bell with food).
B. F. Skinner developed another behavioral therapy approach, called operant conditioning.
He believed in the power of rewards to increase the likelihood of a behavior and
punishments to decrease the occurrence of a behavior. Behavioral therapists work on
changing unwanted and destructive behaviors through behavior modification techniques
such as positive or negative reinforcement.
Cognitive Theory
In the 1960s, psychotherapist Aaron Beck developed Cognitive Theory
. This counseling theory focuses on how people’s thinking can change feelings and
behaviors. Unlike psychodynamic theory, therapy based on cognitive theory is brief in
nature and oriented toward problem solving. Cognitive therapists focus more on their
client’s present situation and distorted thinking than on their past. Cognitive and behavioral
therapy are often combined as one form of theory practiced by counselors and therapists.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, has been found in research 
External link
  to help with a number of mental illnesses including anxiety, personality, eating, and
substance abuse disorders.
Humanistic Approach
Humanistic therapists care most about the present and helping their clients achieve their
highest potential. Instead of energy spent on the past or on negative behaviors, humanists
believe in the goodness of all people and emphasize a person’s self-growth and self-
actualization.
Humanistic theories include client-centered, gestalt, and existential therapies. Carl Rogers
developed client-centered therapy, which focuses on the belief that clients control their
own destinies. He believed that all therapists need to do is show their genuine care and
interest. Gestalt therapists’ work focuses more on what’s going on in the moment versus
what is being said in therapy. Existential therapists help clients find meaning in their lives
by focusing on free will, self-determination, and responsibility.
Holistic/Integrative Therapy
Holistic and integrative therapy involves integrating various elements of different theories
to the practice. In addition to traditional talk therapy, holistic therapy may include
nontraditional therapies such as hypnotherapy or guided imagery. The key is to use the
techniques and psychotherapy tools best suited for a particular client and problem.

Basic communication skills for counsellors

Since counselling is a conversation or dialogue between the counsellor and client, the
counsellor needs certain communication skills in order to facilitate change.
The counsellor needs the following basic communication skills to do effective counselling:
1. Attending
Attending refers to the ways in which counsellors can be “with” their clients, both physically
and psychologically. Effective attending tells clients that you are with them and that they
can share their world with you. Effective attending also puts you in a position to listen
carefully to what your clients are saying. The acronym SOLER can be used to help you to
show your inner attitudes and values of respect and genuineness towards a client (Egan.)
S: Squarely face your client. Adopt a bodily posture that indicates involvement with your
client. (A more angled position may be preferable for some clients - as long as you pay
attention to the client.) A desk between you and your client may, for instance, create a
psychological barrier between you.

O: Open posture. Ask yourself to what degree your posture communicates openness and
availability to the client. Crossed legs and crossed arms may be interpreted as diminished
involvement with the client or even unavailability or remoteness, while an open posture
can be a sign that you are open to the client and to what he or she has to say.
L: Lean toward the client (when appropriate) to show your involvement and interest. To
lean back from your client may convey the opposite message.
E: Eye contact with a client conveys the message that you are interested in what the client
has to say. If you catch yourself looking away frequently, ask yourself why you are
reluctant to get involved with this person or why you feel so uncomfortable in his or her
presence. Be aware of the fact that direct eye contact is not regarded as acceptable in all
cultures.
R: Try to be relaxed or natural with the client. Don't fidget nervously or engage in
distracting facial expressions. The client may begin to wonder what it is in himself or
herself that makes you so nervous! Being relaxed means that you are comfortable with
using your body as a vehicle of personal contact and expression and for putting the client
at ease.
Effective attending puts counsellors in a position to listen carefully to what their clients are
saying or not saying.
2. Listening
Listening refers to the ability of counsellors to capture and understand the messages
clients communicate as they tell their stories, whether those messages are transmitted
verbally or nonverbally.
Active listening involves the following four skills:
• Listening to and understanding the client's verbal messages. When a client tells you
his or her story, it usually comprises a mixture of experiences (what happened to
him or her), behaviours (what the client did or failed to do), and affect (the feelings
or emotions associated with the experiences and behaviour). The counsellor has to
listen to the mix of experiences, behaviour and feelings the client uses to describe
his or her problem situation. Also “hear” what the client is not saying.
•
• Listening to and interpreting the client's nonverbal messages. Counsellors should
learn how to listen to and read nonverbal messages such as bodily behaviour
(posture, body movement and gestures), facial expressions (smiles, frowns, raised
eyebrows, twisted lips), voice?related behaviour (tone, pitch, voice level, intensity,
inflection, spacing of words, emphases, pauses, silences and fluency), observable
physiological responses (quickened breathing, a temporary rash, blushing,
paleness, pupil dilation), general appearance (grooming and dress), and physical
appearance (fitness, height, weight, complexion). Counsellors need to learn how to
“read” these messages without distorting or over?interpreting them.
•
• Listening to and understanding the client in context. The counsellor should listen to
the whole person in the context of his or her social settings.
•
• Listening with empathy. Empathic listening involves attending, observing and
listening (“being with”) in such a way that the counsellor develops an understanding
of the client and his or her world. The counsellor should put his or her own concerns
aside to be fully “with” their clients.
Active listening is unfortunately not an easy skill to acquire. Counsellors should be aware
of the following hindrances to effective listening (Egan, 1998):
• Inadequate listening: It is easy to be distracted from what other people are saying if
one allows oneself to get lost in one's own thoughts or if one begins to think what
one intends to say in reply. Counsellors are also often distracted because they have
problems of their own, feel ill, or because they become distracted by social and
cultural differences between themselves and their clients. All these factors make it
difficult to listen to and understand their clients.
•
• Evaluative listening: Most people listen evaluatively to others. This means that they
are judging and labelling what the other person is saying as either right/wrong,
 good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable, relevant/irrelevant etc. They then tend to
respond evaluatively as well.
•
• Filtered listening: We tend to listen to ourselves, other people and the world around
us through biased (often prejudiced) filters. Filtered listening distorts our
understanding of our clients.
• Labels as filters: Diagnostic labels can prevent you from really listening to your
client. If you see a client as “that women with Aids”, your ability to listen
empathetically to her problems will be severely distorted and diminished.
•
• Fact?centred rather than person?centred listening: Asking only informational or
factual questions won't solve the client's problems. Listen to the client's whole
context and focus on themes and core messages.
•
• Rehearsing: If you mentally rehearse your answers, you are also not listening
attentively. Counsellors who listen carefully to the themes and core messages in a
client's story always know how to respond. The response may not be a fluent,
eloquent or “practised” one, but it will at least be sincere and appropriate.
•
• Sympathetic listening: Although sympathy has it's place in human transactions, the
“use” of sympathy is limited in the helping relationship because it can distort the
counsellor's listening to the client's story. To sympathise with someone is to become
that person's “accomplice”. Sympathy conveys pity and even complicity, and pity for
the client can diminish the extent to which you can help the client.
3. Basic empathy
• Basic empathy involves listening to clients, understanding them and their concerns
as best as we can, and communicating this understanding to them in such a way
that they might understand themselves more fully and act on their understanding
(Egan, 1998).
• To listen with empathy means that the counsellor must temporarily forget about his
or her own frame of reference and try to see the client's world and the way the client
sees him or herself as though he or she were seeing it through the eyes of the
client.
• Empathy is thus the ability to recognise and acknowledge the feelings of another
person without experiencing those same emotions. It is an attempt to understand
the world of the client by temporarily “stepping into his or her shoes”.
• This understanding of the client's world must then be shared with the client in either
a verbal or non-verbal way.
Some of the stumbling blocks to effective empathy are the following:
• Avoid distracting questions. Counsellors often ask questions to get more
information from the client in order to pursue their own agendas. They do this at the
expense of the client, i.e. they ignore the feelings that the client expressed about his
or her experiences.
• Avoid using clichés. Clichés are hollow, and they communicate the message to the
client that his or her problems are not serious. Avoid saying: “I know how you feel”
because you don't.
• Empathy is not interpreting. The counsellor should respond to the client's feelings
and should not distort the content of what the client is telling the counsellor.
• Although giving advice has its place in counselling, it should be used sparingly to
honour the value of self?responsibility.
• To merely repeat what the client has said is not empathy but parroting. Counsellors
who “parrot” what the client said, do not understand the client, are not “with” the
 client, and show no respect for the client. Empathy should always add something to
the conversation.
• Empathy is not the same as sympathy. To sympathise with a client is to show pity,
condolence and compassion - all well?intentioned traits but not very helpful in
counselling.
• Avoid confrontation and arguments with the client.
4. Probing or questioning
Probing involves statements and questions from the counsellor that enable clients to
explore more fully any relevant issue of their lives. Probes can take the form of statements,
questions, requests, single word or phrases and non-verbal prompts.
Probes or questions serve the following purposes:
• to encourage non-assertive or reluctant clients to tell their stories
• to help clients to remain focussed on relevant and important issues
• to help clients to identify experiences, behaviours and feelings that give a fuller
picture to their story, in other words, to fill in missing pieces of the picture
• to help clients to move forward in the helping process
• to help clients understand themselves and their problem situations more fully
Keep the following in mind when you use probes or questions:
• Use questions with caution.
• Don't ask too many questions. They make clients feel “grilled”, and they often serve
as fillers when counsellors don't know what else to do.
• Don't ask a question if you don't really want to know the answer!
• If you ask two questions in a row, it is probably one question too much.
• Although close-ended questions have there place, avoid asking too many close-
ended questions that begin with “does”, “did”, or “is”.
• Ask open-ended questions - that is, questions that require more than a simple yes
or no answer. Start sentences with: “how”, “tell me about”, or “what”. Open-ended
questions are non-threatening and they encourage description.
5. Summarising
It is sometimes useful for the counsellor to summarise what was said in a session so as to
provide a focus to what was previously discussed, and so as to challenge the client to
move forward. Summaries are particularly helpful under the following circumstances:
• At the beginning of a new session. A summary of this point can give direction to
clients who do not know where to start; it can prevent clients from merely repeating
what they have already said, and it can pressure a client to move forwards.
• When a session seems to be going nowhere. In such circumstances, a summary
may help to focus the client.
• When a client gets stuck. In such a situation, a summary may help to move the
client forward so that he or she can investigate other parts of his or her story.
6. Integrating communication skills
Communication skills should be integrated in a natural way in the counselling process.
Skilled counsellors continually attend and listen, and use a mix of empathy and probes to
help the client to come to grips with their problems. Which communication skills will be
used and how they will be used depends on the client, the needs of the client and the
problem situation.

Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication Skills

Verbal Communication Skills
Verbal communication is the use of words to share information with other people. It can
therefore include both spoken and written communication. However, many people use the
term to describe only spoken communication. The verbal element of communication is all
about the words that you choose, and how they are heard and interpreted.
This page focuses on spoken communication. However, the choice of words can be
equally—if not more—important in written communication, where there is little or no
non-verbal communication to help with the interpretation of the message.
What is Verbal Communication?
Verbal communication is any communication that uses words to share information
with others. These words may be both spoken and written.
Communication is a two-way process

Communication is about passing information from one person to another.

This means that both the sending and the receiving of the message are equally
important.
Verbal communication therefore requires both a speaker (or writer) to transmit the
message, and a listener (or reader) to make sense of the message. This page discusses
both parts of the process.
 
There are a large number of different verbal communication skills. They range from the
obvious (being able to speak clearly, or listening, for example), to the more subtle (such as
reflecting and clarifying). This page provides a summary of these skills, and shows where
you can find out more.
It is important to remember that effective verbal communication cannot be fully
isolated from non-verbal communication:  your body language, tone of voice, and
facial expressions, for example.

Clarity of speech, remaining calm and focused, being polite and following some basic rules
of etiquette will all aid the process of verbal communication.
Opening Communication
In many interpersonal encounters, the first few minutes are extremely important.
First impressions have a significant impact on the success of further and future
communication.
When you first meet someone, you form an instant impression of them, based on how they
look, sound and behave, as well as anything you may have heard about them from other
people.
This first impression guides your future communications, at least to some extent.
For example, when you meet someone and hear them speak, you form a judgement about
their background, and likely level of ability and understanding. This might well change what
you say. If you hear a foreign accent, for example, you might decide that you need to use
simpler language. You might also realise that you will need to listen more carefully to
ensure that you understand what they are saying to you.
Of course your first impression may be revised later. You should ensure that you
consciously ‘update’ your thinking when you receive new information about your contact
and as you get to know them better.

Basic Verbal Communication Skills: Effective Speaking and Listening

Effective speaking involves three main areas: the words you choose, how you say
them, and how you reinforce them with other non-verbal communication.
All these affect the transmission of your message, and how it is received and understood
by your audience.

It is worth considering your choice of words carefully. You will probably need to use
different words in different situations, even when discussing the same subject. For
example, what you say to a close colleague will be very different from how you present a
subject at a major conference.
How you speak includes your tone of voice and pace. Like non-verbal communication
more generally, these send important messages to your audience, for example, about your
level of interest and commitment, or whether you are nervous about their reaction.

Active listening is an important skill. However, when we communicate, we tend to

spend far more energy considering what we are going to say than listening to the
other person.
Effective listening is vital for good verbal communication. There are a number of ways that
you can ensure that you listen more effectively. These include:
• Be prepared to listen. Concentrate on the speaker, and not on how you are going
to reply.
• Keep an open mind and avoid making judgements about the speaker.
• Concentrate on the main direction of the speaker’s message. Try to understand
broadly what they are trying to say overall, as well as the detail of the words that
they are using.
• Avoid distractions if at all possible. For example, if there is a lot of background
noise, you might suggest that you go somewhere else to talk.
• Be objective.
• Do not be trying to think of your next question while the other person is giving
information.
• Do not dwell on one or two points at the expense of others. Try to use the
overall picture and all the information that you have.
• Do not stereotype the speaker. Try not to let prejudices associated with, for
example, gender, ethnicity, accent, social class, appearance or dress interfere with
what is being said (see Personal Appearance).
Improving Verbal Communication: More Advanced Techniques

Reinforcement
Reinforcement is the use of encouraging words alongside non-verbal gestures such
as head nods, a warm facial expression and maintaining eye contact.
All these help to build rapport and are more likely to reinforce openness in others. The
use of encouragement and positive reinforcement can:
• Encourage others to participate in discussion (particularly in group work);
• Show interest in what other people have to say;
• Pave the way for development and/or maintenance of a relationship;
• Allay fears and give reassurance;
• Show warmth and openness; and
• Reduce shyness or nervousness in ourselves and others.
Questioning
Questioning is broadly how we obtain information from others on specific topics.
Questioning is an essential way of clarifying areas that are unclear or test your
understanding. It can also enable you to explicitly seek support from others.
On a more social level, questioning is also a useful technique to start conversations, draw
someone into a conversation, or simply show interest. Effective questioning is therefore an
essential element of verbal communication.
We use two main types of question:
• Closed Questions

Closed questions tend to seek only a one or two word answer (often simply ‘yes’ or
‘no’). They therefore limit the scope of the response. Two examples of closed
questions are:

 “Did you travel by car today?” and

“Did you see the football game yesterday?” 

These types of question allow the questioner to remain in control of the
communication. This is often not the desired outcome when trying to encourage
verbal communication, so many people try to focus on using open questions more
often. Nevertheless, closed questions can be useful for focusing discussion and
obtaining clear, concise answers when needed.
• Open Questions

Open questions demand further discussion and elaboration. They therefore
broaden the scope for response. They include, for example,

“What was the traffic like this morning?”

“What do you feel you would like to gain from this discussion?”

Open questions will take longer to answer, but they give the other person far more
scope for self-expression and encourage involvement in the conversation.

Reflecting and Clarifying

Reflecting is the process of feeding back to another person your understanding of
what has been said.
Reflecting is a specialised skill often used within counselling, but it can also be applied to a
wide range of communication contexts and is a useful skill to learn.

Reflecting often involves paraphrasing the message communicated to you by the speaker
in your own words. You need to try to capture the essence of the facts and feelings
expressed, and communicate your understanding back to the speaker. It is a useful skill
because:
• You can check that you have understood the message clearly.
• The speaker gets feedback about how the message has been received and can
then clarify or expand if they wish.
• It shows interest in, and respect for, what the other person has to say.
• You are demonstrating that you are considering the other person’s viewpoint.
Summarising
A summary is an overview of the main points or issues raised.
Summarising can also serve the same purpose as ‘reflecting’. However, summarising
allows both parties to review and agree the message, and ensure that communication has
been effective. When used effectively, summaries may also serve as a guide to the next
steps forward.
Closing Communication
The way a communication is closed or ended will, at least in part, determine the way
a conversation is remembered.
People use both verbal and non-verbal signals to end a conversation.
Verbal signals may include phrases such as:
“Well, I must be going,” and
“Thank you so much, that’s really helpful.”
Non-verbal conclusions may include starting to avoid eye contact, standing up, turning
away, or behaviours such as looking at a watch or closing notepads or books. These non-
verbal actions indicate to the other person that the initiator wishes to end the
communication.
People often use a mixture of these, but tend to start with the non-verbal signals,
especially face-to-face. On the telephone, of course, verbal cues are essential.
Closing an interaction too abruptly may not allow the other person to 'round off' what he or
she is saying so you should ensure there is time for winding-up. The closure of an
interaction is a good time to make any future arrangements. Last, but not least, this time
will no doubt be accompanied by a number of socially acceptable parting gestures.

Non-Verbal Communication

When we talk about ‘communication’, we often mean ‘what we say’: the words that we use.
However, interpersonal communication is much more than the explicit meaning of words,
and the information or message that they convey. It also includes implicit messages,
whether intentional or not, which are expressed through non-verbal behaviours.
Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions, the tone and pitch of the voice,
gestures displayed through body language (kinesics) and the physical distance between
the communicators (proxemics).
These non-verbal signals can give clues and additional information and meaning over and
above spoken (verbal) communication. Indeed, some estimates suggest that around 70 to
80% of communication is non-verbal!
Using Non-Verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication helps people to:
• Reinforce or modify what is said in words.

For example, people may nod their heads vigorously when saying “Yes” to
emphasise that they agree with the other person. A shrug of the shoulders and a
sad expression when saying “I’m fine, thanks” may actually imply that things are not
really fine at all!
•
• Convey information about their emotional state.

Your facial expression, your tone of voice, and your body language can often tell
people exactly how you feel, even if you have hardly said a word. Consider how
often you have said to someone,

“Are you OK? You look a bit down.”

We know how people feel from their non-verbal communication.
•
• Define or reinforce the relationship between people.

If you have ever watched a couple sitting talking, you may have noticed that they
tend to ‘mirror’ each other’s body language. They hold their hands in similar
positions, they smile at the same time, and they turn to face each other more fully.
These movements reinforce their relationship: they build on their rapport, and help
them to feel more connected.
•
• Provide feedback to the other person.

Smiles and nods tell someone that you are listening and that you agree with what
they are saying. Movement and hand gestures may indicate that you wish to speak.
These subtle signals give information gently but clearly.
•
• Regulate the flow of communication

There are a number of signals that we use to tell people that we have finished
speaking, or that we wish to speak. An emphatic nod, and firm closing of the lips
indicates that we have nothing more to say, for example. Making eye contact with
the chair of a meeting and nodding slightly will indicate that you wish to speak.
Learning the Language
Many popular books on non-verbal communication present the topic as if it were a
language that can be learned, the implication being that if the meaning of every nod, eye
movement, and gesture were known, the real feelings and intentions of a person would be
understood.
This, of course, is absolutely true.
Unfortunately interpreting non-verbal communication is not that simple.
As our Interpersonal Communication page, non-verbal communication is not a language
with a fixed meaning. It is influenced and driven by the context in which it occurs.
This includes both the place and the people concerned, as well as the culture.
For example, a nod of the head between colleagues in a committee meeting may mean
something very different from when the same action is used to acknowledge someone
across a crowded room, and again when two people are having a social conversation.
Non-verbal communication may also be both conscious and unconscious. Facial
expressions are particularly hard to control, because we cannot see ourselves to know
what we are doing. We may, therefore complicate communication by trying to convey one
message consciously, while in fact conveying quite another unconsciously.
Interpersonal communication is further complicated because it is usually not possible to
interpret a gesture or expression accurately on its own. Non-verbal communication
consists of a complete package of expressions, hand and eye movements, postures, and
gestures which should be interpreted along with speech (verbal communication).
Non-Verbal Communication in Writing

Over the years, many people have argued that written words also contain non-verbal
communication. Your handwriting can give clues about how you were feeling when you
wrote a note, for example, and nowadays, your choice of font and colour also says
something about you.
However, it is now generally agreed that these forms of non-verbal communication are
pretty unreliable indicators of character. They convey far less information than the non-
verbal communication that is part of face-to-face interactions.

new-middle-leader

The Cultural Context

The good news is that most of us learn to interpret non-verbal communication as we
grow up and develop. It is a normal part of how we communicate with other people,
and most of us both use it and interpret it quite unconsciously.
This can make it harder to interpret consciously. However, if you stop thinking about it, you
will probably find that you have a very good idea of what someone meant.
The bad news is that non-verbal communication can be very culture-specific.
Examples of culture-specific non-verbal communication

1 The popular stereotype of Italians, involving big gestures, lots of hand-waving, and
plenty of loud and excited shouting, may be a stereotype, but it exists for a reason.
In the Italian culture, excitement is shown a lot more obviously than in the UK, for
example. Non-verbal communication tends to be a lot more obvious. This can make
it much harder for Italians to interpret non-verbal communication in the UK or USA,
where it is more subtle. However, even in Italy, there are geographical variations.
2 The thumbs-up gesture, which generally signals approval in English-speaking
countries, is considered offensive in other countries, including apparently Greece,
Italy and some parts of the Middle East.
 3 

Making a circle with your thumb and forefinger like this means OK in Western
cultures. It is used in particular by divers in this way. In Japan, however, it is
reputedly the sign for money, and in Arabic countries, it is a threat.

It’s worth being careful how you use gestures and body language!
For more about this, see our pages on Intercultural Communication and Intercultural
Awareness.

The Importance of Non-verbal Communication

It is essential to remember that non-verbal cues can be as important, or in some cases
even more important, than what we say.
Non-verbal communication can have a great impact on the listener and the outcome
of the communication.

People tend to have much less conscious control over their non-verbal messages than of
what they’re actually saying.
This is partly because non-verbal communication is much more emotional in nature, and
therefore much more instinctive.
If there is a mismatch between the two, therefore, you should probably trust the
non-verbal messages, rather than the words used.
A lack of non-verbal message may also be a signal of sorts, suggesting that the speaker is
carefully controlling their body language, and may be trying to hide their true emotions.

Types of Non-Verbal Communication

There are many different types of non-verbal communication. They include:
• Body movements (kinesics), for example, hand gestures or nodding or shaking
the head, which are often the easiest element of non-verbal communication to
control;
• Posture, or how you stand or sit, whether your arms are crossed, and so on;
• Eye contact, where the amount of eye contact often determines the level of trust
and trustworthiness;
• Para-language, or aspects of the voice apart from speech, such as pitch, tone, and
speed of speaking;
• Closeness or personal space (proxemics), which determines the level of
intimacy, and which varies very much by culture;
• Facial expressions, including smiling, frowning and blinking, which are very hard
to control consciously. Interestingly, the broad facial expressions that show strong
emotions, such as fear, anger, and happiness, are the same throughout the world;
and
• Physiological changes, for example, you may sweat or blink more when you are
nervous, and your heart rate is also likely to increase. These are almost impossible
to control consciously and are therefore a very important indicator of mental state.
There is more about all of these types of non-verbal communication on our pages on Body
Language and Face and Voice.
In Conclusion…
Non-verbal communication is an extremely complex yet integral part of overall
communication skills. However, people are often totally unaware of their non-verbal
behaviour.
A basic awareness of non-verbal communication strategies, over and above what is
actually said, can help to improve interaction with others. Knowledge of these signs can be
used to encourage people to talk about their concerns and can lead to a greater shared
understanding, which is, after all, the purpose of communication.

Barriers to Effective Listening

It is common, when listening to someone else speak, to be formulating a reply whilst the
other person is still talking. However, this means that we are not really listening to all that
is being said. 
Even good listeners are often guilty of critically evaluating what is being said before fully
understanding the message that the speaker is trying to communicate.  The result is that
assumptions are made and conclusions reached about the speaker's meaning, that might
be inaccurate.  This and other types of ineffective listening lead to misunderstandings and
a breakdown in communication.
Even if we are not formulating a response whilst listening, we may still be thinking
of other things, albeit subconsciously.  During a conversation, how often have
thoughts such as "What am I going to have for my dinner", "Will I have time to finish that
report?" or "I hope I am not late picking the kids up" crossed your mind? At such times,
we are distracted and not giving our full attention to what is being said.  In other
words we are not actively listening to the speaker.
We can easily pick up bad habits when it comes to listening - this page examines some of
the barriers and bad habits of listening - enabling you to address and correct them. 
Listening is a key interpersonal skill and a prerequisite to many other communication skills
– by learning to listen more effectively you can improve the quality of your professional and
personal life.

Common Barriers to Listening

There are many things that get in the way of listening and you should be aware of
these barriers, many of which are bad habits, in order to become a more effective
listener.  Barriers and bad habits to effective listening can include:
• Trying to listen to more than one conversation at a time, this includes having
the television or radio on while attempting to listen to somebody talk; being on the
phone to one person and talking to another person in the same room and also
being distracted by some dominant noise in the immediate environment.
• You find the communicator attractive/unattractive and you pay more attention to
how you feel about the communicator and their physical appearance than to what
they are saying. Perhaps you simply don't like the speaker - you may mentally
argue with the speaker and be fast to criticise, either verbally or in your head.
• You are not interested in the topic/issue being discussed and become bored.
• Not focusing and being easily distracted, fiddling with your hair, fingers, a pen etc.
or gazing out of the window or focusing on objects other than the speaker.
• Feeling unwell or tired, hungry, thirsty or needing to use the toilet.
• Identifying rather than empathising - understanding what you are hearing but not
putting yourself in the shoes of the speaker. As most of us have a lot of internal self-
dialogue we spend a lot of time listening to our own thoughts and feelings - it can be
difficult to switch the focus from 'I' or 'me' to 'them' or 'you'. Effective listening
 involves opening your mind to the views of others and attempting to feel
empathetic. (See our page: What is Empathy? for more information)
• Sympathising rather than empathising - sympathy is not the same as empathy,
you sympathise when you feel sorry for the experiences of another, to empathise is
to put yourself in the position of the other person.
• You are prejudiced or biased by race, gender, age, religion, accent, and/or past
experiences.
• You have preconceived ideas or bias -  effective listening includes being open-
minded to the ideas and opinions of others, this does not mean you have to agree
but should listen and attempt to understand.
• You make judgements, thinking, for example that  a person is not very bright or is
under-qualified so there is no point listening to what they have to say.
• Previous experiences – we are all influenced by previous experiences in life.  We
respond to people based on personal appearances, how initial introductions or
welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal encounters.  If we
stereotype a person we become less objective and therefore less likely to listen
effectively.
• Preoccupation - when we have a lot on our minds we can fail to listen to what is
being said as we're too busy concentrating on what we're thinking about. This is
particularly true when we feel stressed or worried about issues.
• Having a Closed Mind - we all have ideals and values that we believe to be correct
and it can be difficult to listen to the views of others that contradict our own
opinions. The key to effective listening and interpersonal skills more generally is the
ability to have a truly open mind - to understand why others think about things
differently to you and use this information to gain a better understanding of the
speaker.

Non-Verbal Signs of Ineffective Listening

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Although with all non-verbal signals a certain amount of error has to be expected,
 generally signs of inattention while listening include:
• Lack of eye contact with the speaker – listeners who are engaged with the
speaker tend to give eye contact.  Lack of eye contact can, however, also be a sign
of shyness.
• An inappropriate posture - slouched, leaning back or ‘swinging’ on a chair, leaning
forward onto a desk or table and/or a constantly shifting posture.   People who are
paying attention tend to lean slightly towards the speaker.
• Being distracted - fidgeting, doodling, looking at a watch, yawning.
• Inappropriate expressions and lack of head nods - often when a listener is
engaged with a speaker they nod their head, this is usually an almost subconscious
way of encouraging the speaker and showing attention.  Lack of head nods can
mean the opposite – listening is not happening.  The same can be true of facial
expressions, attentive listeners use smiles as feedback mechanisms and to show
attention.
Further Signs of Ineffective Listening
Other common traits of ineffective listening include:
• Sudden Changes in Topic: When the listener is distracted they may suddenly
think about something else that is not related to the topic of the speaker and
attempt to change the conversation to their new topic.
• Selective Listening:  This occurs when the listener thinks they have heard the
main points or have got the gist of what the speaker wants to say.  They filter out
 what they perceive as being of key importance and then stop listening or become
distracted. (See also: Types of Listening)
• Daydreaming:  Daydreaming can occur when the listener hears something that
sets off a chain of unrelated thoughts in their head – they become distracted by
their ‘own world’ and adopt a ‘far-away’ look.
• Advising:  Some people want to jump in early in a conversation and start to offer
advice before they fully understand the problem or concerns of the speaker.

Top Eight Attributes of an Effective Counselor

Professional counselors are licensed mental health therapists who provide assessment,
diagnosis and counseling to people facing a variety of life stresses and psychological
problems. They help people with relationship issues, family problems, job stress, mental
health disorders such as depression and anxiety, and many other challenging problems
that can impact feelings of well-being and happiness. To be effective in their roles,
counselors should enjoy helping others and possess specific attributes and skills.

Communication Skills
Effective counselors should have excellent communication skills. Although some of these
skills can be honed during graduate school and are developed and refined over the course
of your career, you should already possess certain communication skills before embarking
on a counseling career. Counselors need to have a natural ability to listen and be able
clearly explain their ideas and thoughts to others.
Acceptance
Being nonjudgmental and accepting are important attributes in any of the helping
professions. But professional counselors must be able to "start where the client is at." This
phrase is often used in counseling to describe the ability to relate to clients with an open,
nonjudgmental attitude – accepting the client for who she is and in her current situation.
Counselors need to be able to convey acceptance to their clients with warmth and
understanding.

Empathy
Counselors help people through some of the most difficult and stressful times of their lives.
They must be able to display empathy – the ability to feel what another person is feeling.
Empathy means that you are truly able to imagine what it's like to stand in someone else's
shoes. Compassion and empathy help your clients feel understood and heard.
Problem-Solving Skills
It's not up to a counselor to solve her clients' problems, no matter how much she might
want to help. But counselors must have excellent problem-solving skills to be able to help
their clients identify and make changes to negative thought patterns and other harmful
behaviors that might be contributing to their issues, says Dr. Lynn Ponton in an article for
PsychCentral.
Rapport-Building Skills
Counselors must possess a strong set of interpersonal skills to help establish rapport
quickly with clients and develop strong relationships. They must give their undivided
attention to clients and be able to cultivate trust. Counselors need to be able to place all of
their focus on what their clients are saying and avoid being distracted by their own
personal problems or concerns when they are in a session.
Flexibility
Flexibility in counseling is defined as the ability to adapt and change the way you respond
to meet your clients' needs. You don't stay rigid and stick to a predetermined treatment
path when your clients require a different approach. Being flexible is one of the most
important attributes of a professional counselor, says Gerald Juhnke, professor of
counseling at the University of Texas at San Antonio, in an interview with "Counseling
Today."
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to look within and identify your own unmet psychological
needs and desires, such as a need for intimacy or the desire to be professionally
competent. This ability prevents your issues from affecting or conflicting with those of your
clients. Self-awareness has a major impact on a counselor's effectiveness, says professor
David Hutchinson in his book, "The Essential Counselor."
Multicultural Competency
Counselors help people from all walks of life. They must display multicultural competency
and adopt a multicultural worldview, says Hutchinson. Multicultural competency means
that you try to relate to and understand your clients regardless of their race, ethnicity,
religious or political beliefs or socioeconomic background.