TADEU MAGALHÃES

250 GAGS AND

ONE LINERS FOR
MAGICIANS

250 gags and one liners for magicians Copyright © 2019 by Tadeu
Duarte de Lucena Ribeiro Magalhães. All rights reserved.
“WHY AM I READING A BLANK BOOK?”
 INTRODUCTION

You might be asking yourself: Why would someone publish something like
this material?
FOR MONEY - OF COURSE!
Just kidding… I decided to publish this e-booklet to help other magicians,
but I’m not going to complain if I can make a little change on the way.
At first I thought about making it free, especially because if I were to actually
charge for what I consider this material to be worth it would be much more
than the spare change I’m charging for it.
So why am I charging for it?
I figured that, by charging a very small amount I could advertise on the
internet and try to accomplish my goal: help magicians. By charging a little I
could make sure everyone gets to know about this and can use it.
(Also, the extra money I hope to make will help cover the expenses of the
course I’ll be releasing in a month or two. It’ll be over 3 hours of material
and that’s just the first part of it. It’s something I’ve been working on for the
past 9 months or so and I’m very excited to share with everybody, but that’s
for later)
My overall intention is to help you increase the entertainment value of your
show by adding comedy to it as well as give you a few hundreds of options
for when you need to misdirect the audience with humor.
I believe that these lines will eventually save you when you least expect!
Without going too deep on a discussion about originality, I don’t claim to be
the comedian that thought those jokes. They’re but a simple compilation I
did over many years of watching and performing magic.
These are some of best gags and jokes I’ve gathered from many different
kinds of artists – not only magicians but also comedians, mimes, musicians,
actors and so on.
With that being said, virtually every single item has been edited (and
hopefully improved) over the course of a few years.
You might not find some of these funny, but try them out once or twice
before you completely discard them.
It’s important to make sure you’re interpreting the jokes and not just flat out
reading them. Practice in front of a mirror and try a different timing for the
jokes… Personalize them, make them yours and adapt them to the moment.
Keep in mind that right now they’re just random jokes but when inserted at
the right moment, with the right context, these can kill the audience in
laughter.
I think it’s a very good idea to select your favorite jokes, maybe even rate
them from 1 to 5 stars. After you’ve done that, study all of these jokes (or at
least your favorite ones) so you know everything without having to look at it.
If you do so they should pop in your head involuntarily while you’re doing
magic and something reminds you of a joke. Your brain will do the
connection automatically.
Should be very helpful.
Thank you for buying this (you bought this, right?!) and I really hope you like
it and that it turns out as useful to you as it is to me.
If you wish to find me you can do so at
https://www.instagram.com/tadeumagalhaesbg/
Without any further ado:
 250 – AND A FEW MORE - GAGS AND JOKES:

1. (after a good trick) Imagine what I could do if I weren’t an idiot!

2. (after good trick) I know! I was completely normal until I saw this…
3. (after a good trick) I love this one… I do it for myself all the time!
4. (after “weird” magic – e.g. breaking your finger) Not “how”...”why”.
5. (after an iffy trick) If you can’t convince them… confuse them!
6. (after a great trick) Isn’t that amazing?
7. (after a great trick) Don’t worry… I only use my powers for good.
8. (after first trick – make it a great one) I’m just warming up…
9. (after a few card tricks) Ok… now let’s do some card tricks!
10. (when someone is really shocked) Calm down… it’s just a card
trick.
11. (repeating an effect) I’ll repeat for those who forgot to applaud.
12. (repeating an effect) I’m gonna do it once more because maybe
it was too fast, or you got distracted... and sometimes I cheat… not on
my wife… …well… ok, that doesn’t matter.
13. (repeating an effect) I’m gonna do it again, but this time with
more personality.
14. (repeating an effect) There is a rule in magic that says “never
do the same trick twice”… So I’ll do this 3 times.
15. (nobody laughs) I love this joke... if we have enough time I’ll tell
it again.
16. (nobody laughs) let’s watch the replay so that everybody can
see, in slow motion, the exact moment where no one laughs…
17. (nobody laughs) I thought I was gonna kill you with this one…
18. (people don’t laugh) COME ON... It’s a great joke!
19. (people don’t laugh) That one kills me…
20. (people don’t applaud) The first time I saw it I forgot to
applaud too…
21. (people don’t applaud) I know you’re saving the applause but
now is the moment…
22. (only a few applaud) Thanks, mom!
23. (only a few applaud) If you’re gonna applaud make it look like
a whole crowd, please…
24. (only a few applaud) Thanks… 13% of you…
25. (only a few people laugh or applaud) You don’t come out
much, do you?
26. (when people won’t stop laughing) I’ve only got 10 minutes…
27. (when people won’t stop laughing) You people are crazy!
28. (someone can’t stop laughing) STOP IT! If you don’t stop
laughing I’m gonna leave… because I’m here to entertain you!
29. (getting more applause) You’re awesome! A round of applause
for yourselves!
30. (intro) My show is like a mini-skirt: Long enough to cover the
essentials but short enough to keep your attention…
31. (intro) Now I’ll invite on the stage a man who never tasted
alcohol, smoked a cigarette or touched a woman … until he was 11!
32. (intro) Ladies and gentleman: when I say this guy is the best
magician in the world I’m not exaggerating… I’M LYING!
33. (error – mistake) Last show it took me a week to get it right.
34. (error – mistake) If you try to fail and do… Did you fail or
succeeded?
35. (error – mistake) My last show was so boring people were not
only looking at their watches… they were shaking it to make sure it
hadn’t stopped.
36. (error – mistake) I’m pretty sober… but I’m prettier
high/drunk…
37. (error – mistake) Nothing captures the audience’s attention like
a good mistake…
38. (error – mistake) It doesn’t matter because the next effect is the
one you’ve all been waiting for! … No sir, it’s not the last.
39. (error – mistake) I learned magic on YouTube…
40. (error – mistake) I only missed this once… that was my second
time trying it.
41. (error – mistake) At least it can only get better from now on.
42. (error – mistake) *gather your things in a hurry* START THE
CAR!
43. (error – mistake) I know what you’re thinking: if you hit me here
or here.
44. (error – mistake) Sometimes mistakes happen... that’s why
some of us are here tonight…
45. I’ve always wanted to win the lottery… like my dad. He never
won it, just wants to.
46. I used to be scared of pretty girls, but now I know… they’re just
as scared of me.
47. Having birthdays is great… but too many will end up killing you!
48. Look at all we can do and we only use 10% of our brain…
imagine what we could do with the other 60%!
49. (asking for help) Have you ever done magic? No? Me neither…
what a coincidence!
50. My cousin died last week. He was only 19… He was killed by a
beaver, the natural enemy of golfers.
51. People compare me to Juan Tamariz… they say: “compared to
him, you’re shit”.
52. Everybody has a price... mine is 9 bucks.
53. (when you use a miniature deck of cards) I left my cards in my
pants pocket and put it in the washing machine by accident…
54. To be happy you don’t need to be rich and famous... Being rich
is enough.
55. Santa has the best job ever… he knows where all the bad girls
live.
56. If I could have any super power in the world I’d have… cold war
Russia.
57. Did you realize that every time you call a wrong number
someone picks up?
58. Something I learned over the years about cooking: When cutting
something … it’s better to use a knife.
59. Two advices: never trust a magician and always identify who to
blame in case of an emergency.
60. There are three kinds of people: the ones who can count and the
ones who can’t.
61. I’ve been married for 5 years and I’m still in love with the same
woman… Just hope my wife doesn’t find out.
62. My grandpa was a priest. He never had sex, used drugs or ate
fatty/unhealthy food… He killed himself the day before his 30th
birthday.
63. (gag) Try it yourself… maybe even you can do it!
(condescending tone).
64. If you can’t remember my name just say “beer!” and I’ll turn
around.
65. This song wasn’t released, it escaped!
66. Days have 24 hours. Beer cases have 24 cans. Coincidence?
67. I’m gonna give you an advice: “never give advices”.
68. You know what’s great? Arguing with someone while they’ve got
the hiccups.
69. The other day I saw a naked guy jogging in front of my house…
so I asked him “what are you doing here naked?” … and he said: “what
are you doing home so early?”
70. I’m great at keeping secrets… but the people I tell them too
can’t keep their mouth shut…
71. I love kids... but I don’t think I can eat a whole one right now...
72. Do you like card magic? … Yes? Well, I don’t but if you do…
73. I hate that we’re not gonna have daylight saving time anymore…
it’s the only saving I was gonna do all year.
74. If we really are what we eat I’m fast, easy and cheap.
75. The other day I saw a sign carved in wood at the park. It had an
arrow pointing somewhere saying “you’re here”… How does it know?
76. (someone stands up) Wow... I just begun and there’s already
someone starting the standing ovation.
77. People say ants work really hard… so how come they always find
time to go on picnics?
78. Pay attention so you don’t say it’s a camera trick.
79. (Spec says “Oh my god!”) I’m just a magician…
80. If someone can laugh when things are going bad… he’s probably
a stoner/high.
81. I went out with this girl the other night… she was so ugly the
waiter gave me a tip.
82. I got into magic because I really liked watching it... I couldn’t get
how they would do that… it was like porn!
83. My dad is like a father to me.
84. (ask an older person, they should answer “I’m retired”) What
do you do for a living? … Retarded? I’ll go slower then!
85. God bless your heart and all of your other vital organs.
86. Notice, please, that my hand is firmly attached to my arm.
87. Are you having fun or did your wife come with you?
88. Why did Noah save cockroaches?
89. Behind every wise man there is always a pissed-off woman.
90. Can you see me or should I speak louder?
91. Women like men who let them talk… they think we’re listening.
92. My relationship is like Pen and Teller… only one of us get to
talk.
93. I’m just starting to learn how to drive but it’s nice that people
are noticing I’m improving. Today somebody left me a note saying:
“Great parking!”… That’s nice.
94. It’s pretty safe to fart at zoos.
95. I was very decided about things... now I don’t know…
96. I’ve never killed anyone... but I’ve read news with an awful lot of
pleasure…
97. I’m single by choice... but not mine.
98. My kids are amazing! Luckily my wife cheats on me…
99. (heckler) Seems like he needs his little pill now… where is his
nurse?
100. I’ve always wanted to join the army. Travel everywhere, meet
people from all over the world… kill everybody…
101. I’ve made enough money for the rest of my life… unless, of
course, I want to buy something.
102. I don’t like this whole going to the gym, doing diet and keeping
healthy trend… when I die I wanna be really old and sick.
103. I’ll never forget my grandpa’s last words: “Shit, a truck!”
104. The hardest part about my grandma’s death was… making it
look like an accident.
105. What card is this? … I could say it myself but I know you don’t
believe anything I say…
106. (asking for help) Can you help me with this? There’s no need to
be scared... you should BE PETRIFIED! (scare them)
107. You know what I was doing before I got married? Anything I
wanted…
108. People who complain about not having time always find time to
complain about not having time.
109. You shall not lie, you shall not cheat and you shall not steal…
government doesn’t like competition.
110. I know exactly what you’re thinking: “thank god it’s almost over”
111. My grandpa died at the age of 101… minding his own business.
112. Act naturally! Such a contradiction!
113. When people are nice to me I start looking for the hidden
cameras…
114. This is not my first marriage. You know what I learned from my
first marriage? Wives are like grenades! You remove a ring and BOOM!
… A house is gone…
115. (you drop something) I’m just testing to see if gravity still
works…
116. The problem about having kids is… you can’t return it.
117. I don’t kill flies. I think that’s cruel… instead, I just confuse
them! I put them on top of the world globe... they get super crazy:
OMG! I FLEW TOO HIGH!/I’M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW!
118. I once went to a dog competition… and won!
119. If you say the glass is half-full you’re an optimist… if you say it’s
half-empty you’re Charlie Sheen.
120. The only thing in the way of me having a perfect married life is
my wife.
121. Is this coin real? … It’s not a chocolate coin or something like
that, right?
122. Why do people make lemon soda with scents and lemon
detergent with real lemon?
123. An advice: “never, under any circumstances, have, on the same
night, a laxative and a sleeping pill.”
124. I might start a diet soon because my skin is getting pretty
small…
125. The only thing I have in common with my wife is the day we got
married…
126. If god is a girl we’ll all go straight down to hell and we’ll never
know the reason!
127. I’m a very skillful mind reader. Think of anything and I’ll tell you
what you’re thinking of… “That’s not what I was thinking”.
128. I sleep like a baby… Every 3.5 hour I wake up looking for my
bottle.
129. I don’t get opera... someone get’s stabbed on the back and
instead of dying he starts singing…
130. I had the weirdest dream about eating 10kg of cotton candy.
When I woke up my pillow was gone…
131. Love might be blind but getting married will definitely open your
eyes.
132. I’m also a writer. I write many checks, most fictional.
133. Now we are going to play a game. The name of the game is
magician versus sucker/pretty girl… which one do you want to be?
Makes no difference to me…
134. Don’t you hate people who answer their own questions? I do!
135. I can’t remember the last time I did something really bad for
someone intentionally… my memory is so bad…
136. Never get a tattoo during an earthquake.
137. A magician without a pretty assistant is like a duck without a
computer.
138. I asked my parents if I had been adopted… they said “not yet,
but we just put an announcement on the radio”.
139. The first few times I slept at my girlfriend’s house, her father
didn’t wouldn’t let us sleep together… it was frustrating because he is
very attractive.
140. Once… during a camping trip to the mountains… I lost my bag
of weed/rolling papers and had to live on food and water on several
days.
141. (gag with linking rings) Hold linked rings in one hand so
people don’t see they’re linked yet… “This is a classic of magic; you
may have seen it before: the mystery of the linking rings!” *separate
links and expose they’re linked* “As you can see they’re already linked
so that saves us a lot of time”.
142. I really like reading mystery books like quantum physics or
philosophy.
143. (someone looks stunned by an effect) Are you getting any of
this?
144. Do you know Kevin Hart? I’m one of the people who write his
jokes… every time he tells a joke I write it down!
145. Laughter is the best medicine… unless you’re diabetic, then its
insulin.
146. My girlfriend has the prettiest face, never complains and, the
best part, inflates in under a minute!
147. (phone rings in the audience) If that’s my wife tell her I’m with
you!
148. You know what I hate? Waking up in the morning not knowing
the girl’s name, where she lives… how she died… have you had that? It
sucks…
149. Adolescents are so annoying... they’re like… god’s punishment
for having sinned/sex.
150. What card games do you play? … I don’t play that but I can give
it a try if you wanna play for money.
151. (after telling wife/marriage jokes) My wife doesn’t like that
joke very much… But it’s not her least favorite. I once made a joke
about black people… you know… the stereotype… She hated it… she
was pissed! She said: “Tadeu, you can never tell this joke!... If you tell
this joke and there’s a black person in the audience... they might stab
you?”
152. I love cooking with beer… sometimes I even put some on the
food!
153. (gag) Do you like this? I’m thinking about buying it! *reveal price
tag/security device still attached* (e.g. David Stone’s jacket @ got
talent)
154. He’s got such big ears he can probably hear what I’m thinking.
155. (asking for help) JOE! (try to scare/surprise person a little)
I’m sorry, did I wake you up?
156. (People should think it’s a compliment, but it’s not) This is
something people should really consider not drinking/buying…
157. I’m making 2 diets at the same time... one is not enough food
for me.
158. You make a great couple! Except for him…
159. Every journey of 1000 miles begins with someone saying “I know
a shortcut”.
160. Always smile! It’ll make people wonder “what did he do?” *smile
as if you had pranked the person you’re looking at*
161. Things are funny... now it’s easy to know the sex of a baby
before it’s born… but hard to know what it’s gonna be once it grows
up.
162. I met my wife at a bar… she was supposed to be with the kids,
so I’m a little concerned…
163. I love the face kids make when you finally let them out of the
closet.
164. (asking for help) I need an uninterested party… you! *point
someone* you haven’t been interested the whole time.
165. I called my brother to tell him I quit smoking… he said I’m weak.
166. My head isn’t very good… sometimes in the middle of a sen…
*freeze* …tense…
167. I don’t know why people waste so much money with
psychologist… I just buy bubble wrap and pop it all… it’s the same
thing!
168. (gag) Ask someone to check something and hand them the
object. Pull it away right before they can reach it, saying “that’s good
enough”. (e.g. shuffle the cards… -that’s perfect!)
169. (visual gag) Use a bald persons head as a mirror.
170. When I think about the past I get so many memories…
171. Quick! Say a number from 1 to 10!... Wrong! Take off your
clothes.
172. (after someone did something you requested) You follow
orders very well… are you married?
173. My dad taught me everything about cars and football. About
women he didn’t have a clue…
174. (after drinking water) Oh, wow! I gotta get the recipe for this!
175. Ladies and gentlemen... and the ones that came with you…
176. (heckler) You’re so fat you should use 2 watches… one in each
arm because you’re in 2 different time zones.
177. I’m a self-made-man… so my parents can’t be blamed.
178. I try to watch what I eat… but I need faster eyes.
179. I almost got married to this clairvoyant, but she dumped me
before we met.
180. What is your name?... Your real name, its ok... that’s your real
name?
181. I heard a wise man say every exit is an entrance… long story
short: my girlfriend said no.
182. (gag – male version) I love nature! *turn to a female (if you’re a
male)* Did your parents take you to be in the nature, like waterfalls or
in the woods, when you were a little girl? … My parents would often
take me to the woods when I was a little girl… But I always found my
way back…
183. (People should think it’s a compliment, but it’s not) Have you
seen how great the new Windows is? Me neither…
184. My friend is so dumb… I gave him water skis and he hasn’t used
yet because he couldn’t find a sea with the proper inclination.
185. (someone is taking a long time to do something) No need to
rush! … I get paid per hour.
186. Why is the show named Sponge Bob if Patrick is the star?
187. (after drinking water) As you can see this is an instant
speech… all you have to do is add water and…
188. (phone rings in the audience) Ask her what she’s wearing…
189. My friend drinks a lot so I told him that alcohol in a poison that
would kill him slowly… He said he is not in a hurry.
190. My mom told me cat’s like drinking from the toilet water
because the water is colder… How does she know that?
191. I can juggle 3 glass bottles with my left hand and pick up the
pieces from the floor with my right and.
192. Jackie and Donna just won the prize for 2 prettiest ladies at the
party. I came in 3rd but I don’t hold a grudge.
193. (asking for help) *start staring and walking up to someone* “I’d
like the help of a volunteer… this can be anyone at all… if you wanna
 help raise your hand so I know where you’re sitting…” *they raise their
hand* “You? I didn’t even see you there!”.
194. How do you call a boomerang that won’t return? … A stick.
195. Getting old is inevitable, but growing up is optional… I can be
immature for the rest of my life!
196. I used to be a boy trapped in a girl’s body… but after 9 long
months I was finally born.
197. Wow! Nice to see you wearing your nice/matching socks… big
night tonight?
198. My wife doesn’t drive... She points with the car.
199. I have a car so slow I should sell it to the post office.
200. We can send a man to the moon but can’t make a protein
powder that mixes properly with the water…
201. You can’t have everything... where would you put it?
202. How come sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
203. Though expensive, life is still very popular!
204. Anything that looks like talent is a coincidence.
205. Why don’t they make cat food that taste like rat?
206. Who invented that brush… the one that stays besides that toilet?
That really hurts!
207. I don’t have a problem with making money... the problem is
sharing it!
208. I started with very little and I still have almost everything.
209. A wise man once said: “Love is the magician that pulls man out
of his own hat”… I once said that “The secret to longevity is to not
die”.
210. My magic is similar to David Blaine… I too use a deck of cards.
211. My belt is holding up my pants, but my pants have belt loops to
hold up the belt… what is actually going on? Who is the real hero?
212. (when someone asks you what year are you at college or
school) 2019… duuh! What year are you at?
213. People are always overwhelmed or underwhelmed… I’ve never
seen someone whelmed properly.
214. ... It was passed from generation to generation... No one wanted
it!
215. Some people think magicians are talented people but anyone
can do it really… anyone who doesn’t have a life, or friends…
216. I invented wigs for cats/bathroom golf/extension cables for air
pods.
217. I’m looking for a serious one night stand.
218. My wife and I were happy for many years... then we met.
219. Wherever you go, you’ll be there.
220. I had a lot of requests about the next trick… but I’m gonna do it
anyway.
221. (having a card selected) Take any card you want… except that
one.
222. I started meditating... it’s better than saying I don’t do nothing
the whole day.
223. Some people think I suffer from insanity but they couldn’t be
more wrong… I enjoy it very much.
224. (gag) I’m gonna ask you to please, point to someone, but, just a
small condition… point to someone who is already here!
225. Sex is one of the healthiest, prettiest and most natural
experiences you can get with money.
226. My nickname is AAA... I’m famous for being the world’s best
arcade player.
227. Why are carrots more orange than oranges? I’m pretty sure they
named carrots before oranges…
228. Sex? I don’t even remember who ties who…
229. I have a great relationship with my parents. I still talk to them at
least once a week. It’s the least I can do… I still live with them.
230. I had amnesia once... or twice, I don’t remember…
231. I’m so clumsy I ran over my dog… and I don’t even have a dog!
232. Always finish what you star… *get distracted with something
else*
233. Can you believe they lost my hand luggage?
234. I’m having amnesia and déjà-vu at the same time. I think I’ve
already forgotten this before.
235. Pizza arrives quicker than the police… what kind of society are
we living at?
236. My friend told me my magic is both good and original, but good
part is not original and the original part is not good.
237. This will be a quick show because I want to finish it before
coming down.
238. I’m very creative and have many ideas… the problem is that
most of them sound really stupid when I’m not high.
239. Every 11 minutes a woman gets hit by her husband… we gotta
find this guy and top him!
240. (having a card selected – especially good for red/blue back
color changing routines like the Chicago opener) Remember the
card… both sides…
241. My friend is so short/tiny it always looks like she is really far
away…
242. I used to smoke weed… I still do, but I used too.
243. The prize for the first place was a week trip to Bolivia. For the
second it was 2 weeks.
244. I’m a little uncomfortable in men’s clothes but I’ll get used to
it…
245. My grandma died when she was 103 years old. Cause of death:
103 years
246. My parents were so poor they got married for the rice.
247. (gag – having a free card selected) Pretend to poorly and
obviously force a card, making the spectator avoid it. Once he’s taken
a different card say “This may not work”.
248. Healthy food is really bad for me…
249. I love autumn... watching the birds changing colors and falling
from the trees.
250. (when somebody asks you the secret of a trick) The secret is
that… you’re stupid! … and I’m a genius!
251. Some people just can’t drive... I call them “everyone but me”.
252. Stealing ideas from someone is plagiarism… stealing from many
is research.
253. I never knew what being happy really was until I got married…
but then it was already too late.
254. God doesn’t exist! *look up* If you exist, give me a sign! … See?
I told you jasdhasgiofpohafhpoafgioa…
255. The most common word used by weed smokers is “ear”…
*simulate passing the joint and saying “here” while “pressing”*
256. I made my greatest contribution to the world of music when I
was 18… decided not to be a musician.
257. (when you have a card signed) Wouldn’t you think that if your
card appeared somewhere else, like my pocket, it would be a
duplicated card? That’s where the sharpie comes in… *start bringing
sharpie slowly* You see it coming in?
258. Where are you from?... Sorry? … I heard you the first time, I’m
just sorry.
259. I told Shin Lim the other day: “I don’t like to brag about people I
know”.
260. My friend is so fat his blood type is Nutella.
261. I stopped smoking for my wife… now I only smoke for myself.
262. My older brother is an artist; my younger brother is an artist;
and I don’t do anything either.
263. I used to believe in reincarnation, but that was another life…
264. I was elected one of the best entertainers of Wherever… which is
like if I were elected one of the top 10 airport bands in Russia.
265. What is your name?... *look surprised when she answers* Oh,
I’m sorry… must pretty girls don’t answer me back…
266. Gas is so expensive nowadays that even taxis are taking the
shortest way to the airport.
267. You’re my type: woman/female!
268. (someone makes a bad joke) I think it’s best if you just leave
the jokes for me…
269. (gag – pretend to ask for a prop) You, sir… do you have a
handkerchief? … No? Well, then do this *wipe nose*... there’s
something hanging in there.
270. I’m very thankful to my parents... especially my mom and my
dad.
271. I bought my dog food the other day and on the package it said:
NEW FLAVOR! MUCH BETTER... and I’m like: “who tasted it?”
272. Whoa! Great hair... I didn’t know Stevie Wonder had a barber
shop.
273. If we gave the government the sun we would have no energy in a
year.
274. I was passing by and a homeless guy shook his small cup with
money at me… I think that’s very offensive… do they really have to rub
it in they have more money than me?
275. I’m writing a book... already numbered all the pages.
276. Bad news for the ones who gave the key to gentleman at the
entrance: we don’t have valet parking…
277. (card to pocket routine) Check… is my pocket really empty? …
My wife was here before you…
278. (heckler) God loves you... but everyone else thinks you suck.
279. (asking for help) Focus because if you get it right, everybody
will applaud! And if you get it wrong… you’re gone! *point to the exit*
 FINAL NOTES

The words in italic are very flexible so experiment changing them for funnier
and more personal options to you!
If you liked this and would like a Volume 2, please tell everybody and let me
know!
If you hated it and want your money back, please don’t tell anyone!
Again, if you would like to get in touch with me you can find me at:
https://www.instagram.com/tadeumagalhaesbg/
tadeumagalhaesbg@hotmail.com

Tadeu Magalhães.