DUAS :-

In case a boy or a girl has not been able to get married & wishes to do so Recite foll :-

-Recite surah al Ahzaab (chapter 33) regularly.  -Recite Surah al Mumtahinah (chapter 60) five times
daily,  -Recite surah at Taha (chapter 20) and blow breath on a glass of water and let the girl drink it.

-Sura-e-muzammil each day once for  41 days & pray for it  REF: Wazaif-ut-talib, pg no. 76.

-Recite verse 36 of Yasin 100 times before salat of tahajjud for 40 days "subh'aanallad'ee khalaqal
azwaaja kullahaa mimmaa tumbitul arz'u wa min anfusihim wa mimmaa laa ya'lamoon, "

-Recite Surah Furqan Ayat 74,75 & 76 21 times for 3 days & pray for nikah

-Recite Surah Tariq Ch86 esp on Arafat day

-It is written in Biharul Anwar that to invoke the almighty Allah that a grown up boy or a girl be
suitably married carry out the following a'mal of du-a'a of Mashlul

(i) Recite du-a'a al Mashlul preferably after Fajr salat or any obligatory salat for 40 consecutive days.

(ii) Do not eat animal flesh

(iii) Always remain the state of Ablution

(iv) Wear Ihram dress at the time of reciting the du-a'a

Dua'a 181  To invoke the almighty Allah that a grown up boy or a girl be suitably married, recite the
following du-a'a after giving sadaqa to deserving mumin .

“O Causer of the Causes; O He

who opens the doors (to
opportunities); O’ He who
gives an answer to the call
from wherever (He is called).”

Yaa Musabbibal Asbaabi Yaa

Mufattihal Abwaabi Yaa
Man Haythu Maa Du-ee-Ya
Ajaaba

-Dua'a 182 According to Biharul Anwar to invoke the almighty Allah that a grown up boy or girl be
suitably married recite the following du-a'a 100 times daily for 40 consecutive days after any
obligatory salat.

“Make easy (my difficulties), by

Your superabundant favours, O’
the Most Mighty.”

Sahlam Bi Fadhlika Yaa `Azeez

-Dua'a 183  It is written in Bihar al Anwar that if a grown up girl is not receiving any offer of marriage,
her father should pray a 2 rak-at salat (like Fajr salat) on Friday after Jumu-ah prayers and after the
salam go into Sajdah and recite surah al Muzzammil (chapter 73) 21 times. Inshallah very soon she
will be married to a suitable man.

Dua'a 184  It is written in Biharul Anwar to write the following portion of verse 132 of at Ta Ha on a
paper with the solution of musk, saffron and rose water and bind it as a Ta'wid on the right arm, if a
man desires to be married soon. Bind another Ta'wid like above on the right arm of the man or
woman who is negotiating the proposal of marriage.

“It is We who give you

sustenance, and the good of the
hereafter is for those who have
Allah consciousness and guard
themselves against evil.”  Nahnu
Narzuquka wal `Aaqibatu Lit-
Taqwa

-Dua'a 185 It is written in Kanzul Maknun to write the following du-a'a on a paper like a Ta'wid and
bind it on the right arm of the grown up girl who is not receiving any offer of marriage. Inshallah,
soon she will be married. As there is ismi a'z'am in this du-a'a, it should be removed during menses.

O Light of everything which

guides them, You are He who
cuts asunder darkness with
His light.

yaa noora kulli shay-in wa

hudaahu antallad'ee falaqaz'
z'ulumaati binooruhoo

Dua'a 186 Matrimonial affairs proposal of Marriage According to Imam Jafar bin Muhammad as
Sadiq(as), it is written in Biharul Anwar, whoever desires to marry should recite the following du-a'a
before making a formal request for marriage.

‫اَل ٰلّ ُه َّم ِا ِّنيْ ا ُ ِر ْي ُد اَنْ اَ َت َز َّو َج َف َقدِّرْ لِيْ م َِن ال ِّن َسآ ِء اَعْ ِفهُنَّ َفرْ جً ا َو احْ َفظِ هُنَّ لِيْ فِيْ َن ْفسِ َها َو اَ ْوسِ عْ هُنَّ لِيْ ِر ْز ًقا َواَعْ َظ ِمهُنَّ لِيْ َب َر َك ًة فِيْ َن ْفسِ َها َو‬
‫صالِحً ا فِيْ َح َياتِيْ َو َبعْ َد َم ْوتِي‬ َ ‫َما لِيْ َف َقدِّرْ لِيْ ِم ْن َها َولَ ًدا َط ِّيبًا َتجْ َعلُ ٗه َخلَ ًفا‬
“O’ Allah! I desire to marry, so
arrange for me a woman from
those who willingly abstain
from what is unlawful and
who safeguards her soul for
my sake and because of her,
not only my means of
sustenance will increase, but
also make there be in it
abundance and also make it
sure that she will give me a
virtuous son, who will be a
noble successor in my life and
after my death.” 
 
Allahumma Innee Urreedu
An Atazawwaja Faqaddir Lee
Minan Nisaa-I A’fihunna
Farjajan wa Ah’fadh’ihunna
Lee Fee Nafsihaa Wa Awsa-i-
Hunna Lee Rizwan Wa A-
dhamahunna Lee Barakatan
Fee Nafsihaa Wa Maaleee
Faqaddir Lee Minhaa
Waladan Tayyiban Tajaluhoo
Khalafan Saalihan Fee
Hayaatee Wa Ba`da
Mawtee.

Dua'a 187

-It is written in Behaarul Anwaar that if unmanageable impediments are obstructing your marriage
write the following verses (Taahaa: 131, 132) with saffron and keep it on the body. Inshallah all
hindrances will disappear.

ْ‫ك بِالص َّٰلو ِة َواصْ طَبِر‬ َ َ‫ َو ْا ُمرْ اَ ْهل‬.‫ك َخ ْي ٌر َّو اَب ْٰقى‬ ُ ‫ َو ِر ْز‬،‫ ِلنَ ْفتِنَهُ ْم فِ ْي ِه‬،‫َوالَ تَ ُم َّد َّن َع ْينَ ْيكَ ِا ٰلى َما َمتَّ ْعنَا ِب ٖه اَ ْز َواجًا ِّم ْنهُ ْم زَ ْه َرةَ ْال َح ٰيو ِة ال ُّد ْنيَا‬
َ ِّ‫ق َرب‬
‫ َو ْال َعاقِبَةُ لِلتَّ ْق ٰوى‬،‫ك‬
َ ُ‫ نَحْ نُ نَرْ ُزق‬،‫ك ِر ْزقًا‬ َ ُ‫ الَ نَ ْسئَل‬،‫ َعلَ ْيهَا‬.

wa laa tamuddanna a’ynayka elaa maa matta’naa behi azwaajam minhum zahratal hayaatid dunyaa,
le naftenahum feehe, wa rizqo rabbeka khayruwn wa abqaa. waamur ahlaka bis-salaate was’t’abir
a’layhaa laa nas-aloka rizqaa nah’no narzoqok wal a’aqebato littaqwaa.

Do not strain your eyes towards that which we have given for enjoyment to parties (wedded pairs) of
them, the splendor of the life of this world, so that we may try them in it. The provision of your lord
is better and more lasting. Enjoin prayer (salat) on your followers, and adhere steadily to it, we do
not ask you to provide (subsistence), (it is) We who give you subsistence; and (the good of) the
hereafter is for those who safeguard themselves against evil with full awareness of divine laws.]

188 -To get your daughter married in a good family the following A’amal is recommended

    i) Recite two rak-at salat with the niyat of hajaat.

    ii) Then recite 11 times salawat.

    iii) Then recite the five tasbih of Sayyida Fatima Zehra as under :

        ALLAAHU AKBAR 34 Times ALHAMDULILLAH 34 Times SUBHANALLAH 33 Times LAA ILAHA
ILLALLAH Once

    iv) Recite 11 times salawat.

    v) Then recite the following Surahs consequently: Taha (#20), Shu-ara (#26), Naml (#27), Qasas
(#28), Ya Sin (#36) & Shura (#42).

    Beseech Allah swt with intercession of the 14 Masumin (a.s.) and the marriage relationship of
Imam Ali (a.s.) and Sayyida Fatima (a.s.) and pray for the  girls of our community and then your  own
daughter(s).

In the name of Allah, the Most Kind, the Most Merciful

- Importance of Early Marriage in Islam

A Social, Cultural, Educational & Religious E-Forum Under the Facilitation of the World Federation
of KSI Muslim Communities Issue No. 07-06, May 26, 2006 / Rabi' al Thaani 27, 1427 AH

The institution of marriage has been given tremendous importance in Islam. Generally, in the terms
of jurisprudence it is highly recommended, but in many cases due to extraordinary circumstances, it
becomes obligatory and a religious duty. For instance, marriage becoming obligatory when there is a
chance of adultery or any other similar sin.

The Holy Prophet (SAW) said,"The best people of my Umma are those who get married and have
chosen their wives and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage
and are passing their lives as bachelors."(Mustadrakul Wasail by Muhaddith Noori, Vol 2, Pg 531).

As one matures physically, sexual desires develop in the individual and gradually both girls and boys
start getting attracted to each other, which slowly develops into some sort of psychological pressure.
This natural and undirected emotion gradually seeks solace in whatever form possible. Unfortunately
more often than not, it results in the youngsters deviating from the right path and indulging in some
unwanted and undesired habits. Before becoming victims of ill-directed lust, it is better for them to
get married and settle down. Therefore, the leaders of Islam have advised their followers to follow
this most important Sunnah. As the Holy Prophet (SAW) states:"O youths, whosoever among you can
marry, he should do so because marriage protects your eyes (from indulging in sin by looking lustfully
at others in privacy."(Makaarimul Akhlaq).
Imam Sadiq (AS) narrates that one day the Holy Prophet (SAW) went on the pulpit and said,"O
people, Jibraeel has brought unto me a divine command stating that girls are like fruits from a tree. If
they are not plucked in time then they get rotten by the rays of the sun and a slight blow of the wind
will result in their falling down from the tree. Similarly, when girls attain maturity, then like other
women they develop emotions related to sex and there is no cure for it except her husband. If they
are not married, prevention of character corruption becomes a remote possibility because after all
they are human beings and no human is free from vice."(Furoo-e-Kafi, Vol 5, Pg 337).

In yet another tradition from Mustadrakul Wasail it is narrated that"When a youngster marries early
in his youth, Shaitaan cries out of desperation and says, Alas! This person has protected one third of
his religion, now he will protect the remaining two thirds also."

Imam Sadiq (as) narrates from the Holy Prophet (saww) that he said,"Those believers who marry,
protect half of their religion from danger."

In yet another tradition, Imam Sadiq (as) says,"Two Rak'as of a married person is better than seventy
Rak'as of an unmarried one."(Wasailush Shia, Vol 5, Pg 1)

The Holy Prophet (saww) once said,"Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the
remaining half he must only fear God."(La'alil Akhbar).

The sixth Imam, Imam Sadiq (as) says,"A sleeping married man is better than a fasting unmarried
man."

The Messenger of Islam (saww) said,"Do not marry a woman for the following four reasons: Wealth,
beauty, ancestry and lust. It is obligatory upon you to marry a woman on account of her
religion."(Jaame ul Akhbar).

In yet another tradition, the Messenger of Islam (SAW) has prohibited his followers from marrying a
beautiful woman from a disgraceful background.(Bihar ul Anwar, Vol 23, Pg 54).

To get a good, modest and chaste spouse is among the good fortunes of a person according to the
leaders of Islam and is also considered as one of the sources by which the religion of a person can be
protected. They have conveyed this message quite often that the worship of a married person is
much more significant and important before Allah than that of a bachelor or a spinster.

The Holy Prophet (SAW) says:"Among the good fortunes of a man is to have a good wife."Furoo-e-
Kafi, Vol. 5, Pg. 327)

Source: Excerpt from An Article by Sajjad Ali By: Yusuf G Kermalli - (Sanford, USA)

Finding A Spouse - In Light Of The Qur'an And Sunnah

http://www.rafed.net/english/women/main/family/matrimony/08-finding-a-spouse.html

In Islam it is clear that marriage is the optimum lifestyle. 

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find
repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed Signs for
people who reflect." (30:21).

Yet, as more and more Muslims become a part of the 'West', the 'West' becomes part of the Ummah
and leads us away from the strict interpretation of Islamic guidelines in regard to marriage.

Muslims are not permitted to touch, have social intercourse, have personal relationships, have
intimate relationships or date members of the opposite sex outside of specific 'blood' relationships
and marriage. Therefore, the customs of the 'West' - dating, inter-gender gatherings, and Internet
communications that become personal are forbidden. There are some who would disagree with this
statement, saying that this is 'old-fashioned' and that 'times have changed'. we would counter by
saying that the injunctions of the Qur'an and Sunnah have never changed - they were written for all
times and all peoples. They are, in fact, the categorical imperative that Immanuel Kant strove to find.
This is opposed to the customs of the 'West'.

In cultures outside of Islam, dating and touching exist. We see the results every day. Women and
men go in and out of relationships, many children are born out of wedlock, children remain
fatherless. Fatherless homes are the norm rather than the exception and these homes tend to have a
lower standard of living and a higher rate of troubled children.

Muslims are encouraged to marry - and to marry early. Holy Prophet (S.A.W.A) said, "When a man
marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half."
Marriage eliminates the temptation for zina, thus assisting partners to remain on the 'straight path'
that Allah has created for us. Marriage is a mercy for us.

Women are encouraged to marry a good Muslim man who offers himself. Men are able to choose a
woman based on her appearance, her wealth, her social standing, or her God Consciousness - the
latter being the greatest. Nowhere does it say that women can choose based on educational degree
or profession. Nowhere does it say a woman or man may seek a spouse based on ethnicity or
nationality. Yet, often there are matrimonial ads placed by a woman or her family seeking a
'professional man' or a man of specific ethnic or national origin. Often we see matrimonial ads placed
by a man looking for a woman of specific educational degree or specific ethnicity or national origin.

The notion of 'arranged' marriages is still the Islamic way. Marriages may be arranged by family,
through a service, through friends, through relatives. Today, especially in the West, there are many
settings where Muslims of opposite gender interact because of educational pursuit or employment. It
is possible that a couple may meet in a coeducational setting (university) or a work setting and be
attracted and wish to make intentions for marriage. This must never be done through personal
conversation or interaction. This should not be prolonged. We know the dangers of this situation.

The key to a good marriage arrangement is a good and capable person - one who will do a thorough
investigation and a good interview session; one in which ALL questions are asked and answered.

In the many years we saw many people in extreme marital problems because they did not have clear
understanding of the responsibilities each expected of the other in marriage. In Islam, this is never
the case. The expectations of marriage partners are clearly established. If there is conflict, it is
because of what we bring in - not what Islam directs.

While these are 'modern' times, Islam is the perfect religion - the 'categorical imperative' - in regard
to the guidelines for life, including marriage. AlHamdullillah!!!(Thank God) This has not changed - and
will not change.
 

6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse: An Islamic Perspective

Muslim conferences and conventions (like the one being held by the Islamic Society of North America
& Muslim American Society) are just one of the many places Muslims in North America often meet
potential spouses either to make a decision or to initiate the marriage communication process.

Other places include fundraising dinners, regional seminars, lectures, at the home of a relative or
friend, and the local mosque.

Sadly though, Islamic guidelines pertaining to proper conduct between the sexes are not always
respected at these meetings.

It is not uncommon to see or hear about potential candidates meeting in private, brothers and sisters
“scoping the territory” for a spouse that looks good at Muslim events like conferences or lectures, or
starting up a flirtatious conversation with someone they are interested in. None of these things fall
within the guidelines of Islam.

Below are some Islamic principles,both general and specific, to consider if you will be be meeting or
seeking a potential spouse for yourself or someone else at a conference, lecture, the mosque or
another event:

1. Ask yourself: Why am I getting married.

‘Because all of my friends are' is not a legitimate reason. This is a good question to ask even if you are
meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of
marriage from an Islamic perspective.

Marriage, from an Islamic perspective, is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet
Muhammad (saww).

As well, “my intention should be I am looking for someone with whom I will build a family,”
says Muhammad Nur Abdullah of St. Louis, Missouri, a member of the North American Fiqh Council.
He has conducted pre-marriage counseling in the U.S. for the last 20 years.

“Marriage is a commitment and relationship that starts in this Dunya (world) and will continue Insha
Allah in Paradise together,” he adds.
2. Ask yourself: what am I looking for in a spouse.

Prophet Muhammad (saww) said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their
rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed”.

This of course, applies to women as well.

However, religion it seems, is not always foremost in the minds of many people. In fact, it's probably
the last factor on too many Muslims' list.

According to Tasneem Qadeer, one of the seven volunteers who runs the Islamic Society of North
America's matrimonial service, being a doctor or a lawyer is much more important to many Muslim
women than piety.

And the men are not any better. Many matrimonial advertisements for instance, demonstrate a key
demand for a wife who is “fair, slim and beautiful”.

“If we want to have healthy Muslim families then Deen has to be first,” says Aneesah Nadir, Director
of Social Services for the Arizona Muslim Family Health and Social Services in Tempe.

She is one of the co-developers of the program “Marriage the Islamic way”, which teaches various
aspects of marriage such as how to find a spouse, the wedding and the post-wedding marriage
relationship with your spouse.

3. If you're looking for a spouse lower your gaze.

This may seem like a contradiction, but it's not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and
whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze
for both sexes and leering or ogling the person.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware
of what they do” (Quran 24:30).

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment
only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms...” (Quran 24:31).

“Scoping the territory”, from this perspective, would not be Islamically acceptable.

However, for the purpose of marriage looking at a potential mate is permissible (definitely with
limits) according to the Hadith:

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah: The Prophet (saww) said: “When one of you asked a woman in marriage,
if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. ...”.

This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare.
There is certainly limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other, and both
should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this is to build an Islamic family. 

It is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without Hijab, since he is not her Mahram (a
relative with whom marriage is not possible, or legally her husband); seeing her face and hands are
enough to determine attraction, although some scholars allow to see the hair as well.

4. Get someone to help

Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone,
especially parents, relatives, an Imam, and/or respected and trustworthy members of the Muslim
community to either look for the right spouse and initiate and participate in a communication
process is very important.

In fact, even some non-Muslims have come to see this as a more viable way of meeting someone
instead of getting involved in the disappointing dating game or picking someone up in a nightclub or
bar.

Involving others, by the way, does not mean signing over your right to say yes or no to a marriage
proposal. It simply increases the likelihood of finding out important information about a prospective
partner in a way that maintains rules of Islamic modesty (i.e. not meeting alone, see next point).

Getting that third party involved also helps verify if the person you are interested in is decent, honest
and respectful. This person(s) often checks out references, asks about the individual's character and
behavior, and looks out for your best interest in general.

This person should be a trustworthy Muslim, since you are seeking a Muslim in marriage, and would
want someone familiar with the Islamic way of doing things.

For those blessed with Muslim parents, remember that they are probably your best allies and helpers
in seeking the right husband or wife. They have known you all of your life, and have your best
interest at heart.

However, parents must be open and attentive to what their children are looking for, and never forget
the element of choice. Ultimately, it is their son or daughter who is going to make the final decision.
They must never become too pushy or aggressive, whether this pressure is being applied on their
own son or daughter, or on the person s/he is interested in.

If parents, other family members, an elderly figure or members of the community are not available,
you can also try seeking a husband or wife through the matrimonial services offered by a number of
different Muslim organizations.

Always ask for references

This is also where your “third party” comes in handy. Not only will they be able to be your reference.
They can also check out a prospective mate's references.

A reference can include an elder who knows the brother who proposed to you, a sister who knows
the woman you may want to marry well, a family friend, a boss, a co-worker, and/or business
partner.

A note about honesty and references: the people you ask may know something not very nice about
your prospective spouse. Remind them that if they reveal this information, they would not be
backbiting from the Islamic perspective. In fact, in the case of seeking marriage, complete
information should be given about an individual, both good and bad.

The advice of one of the Scholar, can help in this regard:

A man came to a Scholar and spoke in praise of another. The Scholar asked him: “Are you his nearest
neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?”

“No.”

“Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?”

“No.”

“Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams [money] which would indicate the
piety of the man?”

“No.”

“I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Quran and moving his head up and
down?”

“Yes.”

“Go, for you do not know him...”

And to the man in question, the Scholar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”

This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate's character: a neighbor,
business colleague or someone who has traveled with them.

5. When you meet, don't be alone

Rasulullah (saww) said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third”.

Also, Ibn Abbas related that Rasulullah (saww) said: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone
unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees”.
Meeting alone, in the hotel room of one or the other potential spouse for example, is forbidden. The
two cannot be in a situation where no one else can see or hear them.

Instead, a discreet, chaperoned meeting should be set up. The chaperone, while allowing the two to
talk, is in the same room, for example.

As well, parents or guardians should set a time limit, recommends Winnipeg-based social worker
Shahina Siddiqui. A whole day, for example, is too long for this kind of a meeting.

6. When you speak, be businesslike and to the point.

The purpose of meeting and talking to each other must also remain within Islamic guidelines. That
means no flirtatious speech of a sexual nature on either side.

Some of the topics discussed can include each other's interests, financial situation of the man, who is
Islamically responsible for providing for his wife and children, and the two potential spouses'
relationship with their parents.

Conversations between potential mates cannot be talking just for the sake of talking. There should
be a firm and clear intention of either pursuing engagement and marriage, or, if one of the two or
both the man and woman feel they are not compatible, a quick end to the relationship.

This ensures both sides are safe from getting hurt more than they could in this kind of a situation and
remain within the bounds of Islam, Insha Allah.

With regards to questions pertaining to a person's sexual history (for example, has s/he had a
boy/girlfriend, does s/he have any type of sexually transmitted diseases), these things have to be
investigated at the very beginning, when the communication for marriage begins. This is not
something that should be brought up at the last stage.

Other topics that should also be discussed at the early stages include level of Islamic knowledge and
practice, future career and education plans, home making skills and where the couple will live right
after marriage and in the future (state and/or country).

The couple can even get a blood test to ensure both are healthy. Some states even require this
before marriage.

Seeking marriage is something highly recommended in Islam. While looking for a potential mate
should be something Muslims help each other with, this cannot be done at the expense of Islamic
rules pertaining to modesty and respect between the sexes.

By Sound Vision Staff Writer

PROPOSAL AND ENGAGEMENT – A FEW POINTERS  BY SAYYID MUHAMMAD RIZVI

“Engagement”
Engagement is the time between acceptance of the marriage proposal (khitba) and the marriage
ceremony (‘aqd). Once the proposal is accepted, the man and the woman are known as “engaged to
be married” or simply “engaged”. Engagement has no recognition in Islamic laws. It is simply an
agreement to marry but it is not a binding agreement, it can be broken off with or without a reason.

Who Proposes?

Traditionally in all cultures, it is the man who proposes to the woman; and it is done either directly by
the man himself or on his behalf by his family. In the
West, even now the man is expected to get down on his one-knee to propose to the woman he
wants to marry. In words of ‘Allama Murtaza Mutahhari,
“From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal…
Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made the man the nightingale,
woman the lamp and man the moth.”
“This is not the case with human beings only. Other animals also behave like this. It is always the
function of the male to present himself impatiently and
earnestly before the female...” (The Rights of Women in Islam, p. 15-16) Even the Qur’ãn asks the
men to seek women for marriage. (See 4:3) And
so, in the proposal, it is the man who initiates and the woman who accepts. In the actual marriage
ceremony, however, it is the woman who initiates the
marriage and the man who accepts it.
 

When & To Whom?

Other than the mahram ladies whom he cannot marry, a man may propose marriage to any single
woman. (For list of the mahram ladies, see the Qur’an 4:23-24.)
However, in the following four cases, proposal is not appropriate.(Remember that the contemporary
mujtahids have not expressed their opinions on three of the four cases; but scholars of the early
centuries of the ghaybat have expressed their opinions.)marriage 2006

1. A divorcee who is in her three months’ waiting period (‘iddah) of the revocable divorce (talaq, a
divorce initiated by the husband.) It is forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly or indirectly
before the expiry of her ‘iddah. The divorced couple, in this case, may decide to revoke their divorce
during the grace period.
2. A divorcee who is in her three months’ waiting period (‘iddah) ofthe irrevocable divorce (khula‘, a
divorce initiated by the wife.)
It is forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly but one is allowed to propose to her indirectly.
3. A widow who is in her four months’ waiting period (‘iddah) after her husband’s death. It is
forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly but he is allowed to propose to her indirectly. (See the
Qur’an 2:235)
4. An engaged woman: Is it permissible for man to propose a lady who is already engaged? Among
the past scholars, there are
two views on this issue: from makruh (irreprehensible) to harãm (forbidden). However, if a woman
who has just received a proposal but has not yet responded to it positively, it is permissible to
propose her. In this case, if a man proposes to an engaged woman and eventually marries her, then
according to those who consider that proposal to be haram, although the act of proposing is sinful
but the actual marriage between the two would still be valid.
 

Engagement Ceremony

There is no such thing as an engagement ceremony in Islam. “Engagement” is just a nonbinding

agreement to marry. However, Muslims have adopted certain traditions from other cultures or made
their own customs. Technically, if traditions don’t violate the shari‘ah laws, then there is no problem.
For example , among the Shi‘as of north India, the man’s family go with an “Imam zãmin” to the girl’s
family and tie it on her arm as a well-wish gesture for the girl – this is done by the women of the
man’s family.
These days, many Muslim cultures have adopted the Western tradition of giving or exchanging
engagement rings. Apparently, this was first done by Maximilian I, the Holy Roman Emperor , in 1477
when he gave a diamond ring to Mary of Burgundy. However, there is a problem in this tradition:
since the engagement does not make the man and the woman mahram to one another, they cannot
touch one another even for giving the engagement ring,they still have to observe the rules of hijab.
The only solution is to recite the temporary nikah for the purpose of becoming mahram only. For
more details, see my Marriage & Morals in Islam.
 

Problems & Conflicts

These days the so-called “engagement ceremony” is becoming more like a mini marriage ceremony! I
am not saying that don’t do your engagement ceremony – if you do it within the bounds of shari‘ah,
then there is no problem, BUT don’t over do it! Don’t rob the actual marriage of its mystique!
Even the tradition of giving gifts –the man’s family gives to the engaged woman– is overdone in some
cultures. I am told that at every occasion on our religious calendar, the boy’s family is expected to
send clothes and jewellery to the girl. This is okay; but it becomes a big problem when the
engagement is broken off.
1. If the engagement is broken off by one party, then the other cannot claim for damages for
breaking the agreement since it was of a nonbinding nature. One cannot claim for damages for ‘loss
of reputation’ or ‘depression’ or ‘air fare for our trips to visit you,’ or ‘the deposit paid for the hall
rental’ and etc. Remember you cannot unwind your life; unpleasant things happen and you have to
move on and carry on with your life.
2. Of course, both parties have the right to ask back for the gifts given to one another:
(a) If the gifts were of perishable nature (e.g., sweets), then there is no basis for asking it back or its
value.
(b) If the gifts were non-perishable (e.g., cash or jewellery),then there is two possibilities:
i. If it still exists, then it should be given back.
ii. If it perished or doesn’t exist any more, then:
1. if it perished out of negligence, then pay its value.
2. if it perished without anyone’s fault, then there is nothing.
So keeping the engagement relationship simple helps in dealing with potential problems later on. But
if you still want to indulge in extravagance during the engagement period, then those who give
should be prepared to forget everything in case the engagement is broken off and those who receive
should be prepared to consider the gifts as ‘trust’ and be prepared to give them back.
3. However, according to Islamic laws, the gifts given to a person related to you by blood cannot be
asked back. (Blood relationship means biological relationship as opposed to relationship through
marriage.) So, for example, if the engagement is between cousins and then it is broken