Skyrim Titties

Before anything I address that this work may seem too autobiographical (although I consider that
every kind of human creation is at some degree a projection of the self). This is done in that intent,
as I believe that we are part of a generation whose experience is extremely similar yet,
paradoxically, seemingly unique. And it is not until we read some no-one in the internet write a
smartly relatable comment in an anime remix playlist when we are hit with the reality that we are
not such a special snowflake. That aside, please unzip your pants as for a complete experience, I
highly recommend edging while reading this text.
When I was in the prime of my younger years, being your stereotypical nerd who managed to have
some kind of social life in high school, I quickly discovered that having friends was something
tiresome but necessary. This pushed me to recur more than ever to the quintessential escape of the
millennials: videogames. At first, I went through a time of pirated games and emulators due to
relative poverty and the fact that obtaining them meant letting my old ones what I do all the time
with my computer*. But shortly after, thanks to good old Gabe and a small Team Fortress 2
addiction, I started recurring to Steam and their big library where I played games like fallout 3 and
Half-life for years. Enter Skyrim: you know what I am talking about; the fantasy, the mesmerizing
landscapes, the almost human interactions and more importantly the freedom, freedom that kept
giving, freedom I could not have enough from.
The honeymoon months were great, the world really kept me busy for the weekends, I did a couple
of playthroughs, roleplayed as different styles of characters and the wonders kept coming every
time. But after that the interest start to fade away, adding to that the surge of more social games like
LoL made me drop the old one into the toy box… for like a month or two. Skyrim is one of those
things that were able to transcend their original intend, this thanks to the wonderful mod community
it has, these guys had no rest, this collective of hard-working men managed to make what Todd
Howard won’t ever do: they build a complex framework of customization that permitted the
average user have exactly the game they want. or at least it was the intention, I guess.
If you have ever modded Skyrim I believe you can very well identify with what I lived. The cycle
goes like this. First you read that some guy found the solution to this particular Bug that kept
getting on your nerves every time you went to some part of the game, have a look at random Nexus
mod community post and see that they have some cool texture or feature you find cool and seems
easy to install, you play for a few hours with the new feature and then he, for the first time, wakes
up. I am talking about this little voice in your head that only says one thing: “What if…?”. From
here it starts going south, because that voice will keep asking questions and Nexus will most likely
give a positive answer. Renewed weapon system? We got that! More types of dragons? Oh boy
there you go! Fully integrated Survival system? We got a shit meter for you, don’t forget to wash
your hands! And this goes on until, for the first time you manage to crash your game and, probably,
your whole computer. The game doesn’t run anymore, and you are forced to wipe it out of your
computer because you were too silly to know where you put the last mod. Sad!
You get smarter, you download the game again, start to use mod managing tools, your text file
editing gets on point and in general you are a master in the art of stacking things on each other until
they crash, rinse and repeat for weeks. You find complete guides to revamp the game entirely,
spend days following the guides to the letter to get this beautiful experience that Bethesda studios
could only have imagined. Then you play the game for a couple of hours, THIS IS GREAT! But
*We are talking about 2009, time of the rampant anarchy of internet content where Highly
graphical Hentai games were a small understanding of Japanese and meddling with system folder
files away.
then there is he again, he got more articulate: “you know this TV show everyone talks about?
Game of Thrones, is pretty much Skyrim do you know? It has swords and battles and dragons and
als…” -so what, I already got tha… - “also, SEX”.
What if…?
So back to me; this was part horny teenager, part man testing the limits of possibility. The persisting
question led me to discover the now famous Lovers Lab, or the Adult Skyrim modding community.
There I discovered that this question and more were already asked. Fully integrated naked skins,
penises, sex animations etc.
The original call for “a complete experience” led me organically to download the naked skins for
the characters, or that’s what I told myself, I wanted to keep my gaming experience as virgin as
possible. But, although they added another layer of naturality, the clunky bodies started to look
again like a videogame. It wasn’t yet a complete experience, what I liked to call it.
So I went on and downloaded the giggly women animations so they had some realism.
Play with one hand for a couple of hours… Fake again.
Ok lets add more realism, maybe the sex is what is missing, you know? Like game of thrones…
Cool! But it feels just like looking at porno, control is good but sex on command is juust meh...
Aaah, there is a fully integrated arousal system where characters have pseudo organic reactions to
looking at sex and naked people, that should be it…
No… and the inner dialogue went on, and on, and the complexity grew without feeding yet this
yearn for do-not-know-what…
Life went on, university made me drop this adventure that Skyrim modding was. And it slowly
faded away from my memory, it stayed there as the blurry memory of a boy looking for authenticity
in a world made of 1s and 0s.
Human Breasts
We are adults now; our vocabulary is richer, and our understanding is deeper. Going back to these
kind of memories leaves us with a mischievous feeling a very special Nostalgy that a couple of
years before would otherwise be a strong Cringe and a denial of the self. With these new tools we
can look at ourselves and say that this escape from the real life, this longing for authenticity in
places where it is not supposed to be found had a very understandable ground. We grew up in times
full of masks, times where the symbols were more important that the substance they represented, we
could see through this but lacked the capacity to express it.
And this is not some kind of esoteric Mass awakening like some of the nuttier ones like to call it. It
is coming of age plain and simple. The conditions of it where completely different from the ones
our elders lived, that’s why no one could help us with it. Because in an attempt to protect us (best
intentions) or keep us down (worst ones) they perpetuated the veils, and as their capacity to keep
them in check faded away, not even them can tell what is authentic and what is not. Leaving us with
a framework where eternal children can run the game, not needing to know its machinations.

*We are talking about 2009, time of the rampant anarchy of internet content where Highly
graphical Hentai games were a small understanding of Japanese and meddling with system folder
files away.
Apocalypse means “Revelation”, I don’t know but to me that sounds like getting to know
something. Maybe the world as we know it wasn’t even like that at all. Maybe the end they all talk
about is not but more than a new beginning. And beginnings are exciting. My friend if you stayed
with me all the way here I can tell that you get it. Life is a dance with ourselves, a immense act of
onanism, because nothing belongs to us, and there is nothing beyond now, this is not some call for
fatalist existentialism but a reminder that we are part of this big hyperobject that I don’t dare or care
to name, but is beautiful and I love it. So, If you find joy in simulating anime titties in VR I am
happy for you, if you want to be a sociopath climbing the entrepreneurial ladder, go for it king, if
you want to cut off your dick and heavy make up your face for the rest of your life, won’t stop you.
But always, and I say always, stay authentic, how do you do that? I don’t know either, but I try
every time.

*We are talking about 2009, time of the rampant anarchy of internet content where Highly
graphical Hentai games were a small understanding of Japanese and meddling with system folder
files away.