NLP Café 

tom@tomhoobyar.com

Get Cookin’ At The

NLP Café
A Manual For Hosts

By Tom Hoobyar

Fifth Edition
© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 1
 NLP Café 
tom@tomhoobyar.com

Welcome To The NLP Café, And Thank You!

Let’s create civilization together, one person at a time…

A personal note, based on my ten years of running the Original NLP Café…

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!

People lead busy lives, and will come to the Café if you keep it open, but many times
they will just fall out. It’s not about you – it’s just a fact of human behavior.

I take the attitude of a real Café owner; I have regular hours, regardless of who shows
up or who doesn’t. It works for me, and will work for you. My attitude is that if one
person shows up, I can have a practice.

The one thing I do to encourage attendance is to send an email reminder of our

meetings about three days before the day of the Café. I also copy the local
Sleepwalkers group – a group interested in NLP and hypnosis. You can grow your
own list from local web groups and personal referrals. Samples of these reminders and
the other forms we use are enclosed in the Appendix at the back of this Manual.

There is a lot of pain and suffering in our world. NLP practitioners can do much to
ease that pain. But they must be skilled. And as you know, that takes practice.

Our time in history is full of change and conflict. Governments and institutions don’t
have a very good record for managing smooth changes. People usually just blunder
along through history, grinding over the fallen, making more people to replace the ones
we lose, fearing the unknown, and looking for someone to blame for the disasters that
come.

Today more than ever, we need people skilled and able to teach the advanced
behavioral skills offered in NLP training centers around the world.

Throughout history, when great changes and crises have threatened society, it is
individuals and small groups who have prepared themselves to adapt and who have
led the way by their example.

They didn’t wait for governments and committees to decide. They didn’t wait until
somebody could make a profit at it. They just began to gather with like-minded friends
and to develop better ways to live.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 2

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This process is the cradle of the martial arts and most other spiritual traditions.

NLP Café Hosts are helping to develop the people who will be the influencers of our
future -- a mature civilization of increased kindness, understanding, cooperation,
optimism and ambition.

Instead of Martial arts (arts of war), we are supporting Pacific arts -- arts of peace.

Our experience has taught us how rewarding it is to be at the center of a local and
growing NLP neighborhood. Through your leadership, your “Pacific arts” community
will have a place to take root and grow at your branch of the NLP Café.

We will support your success by sharing our knowledge with you now -- and on an
ongoing basis. My email address is at the top of each page. Share your problems and
discoveries with me – I’ll share our answers with you.

I founded the NLP Café in Mountain View, California in January 1995. Each branch is
independently operated by a volunteer planning group (in Mountain View that group
consists of whoever is in attendance when there is a decision to be taken). There is no
centralized membership listing, but the Hosts network through me.

In this short manual we will share our knowledge of how to succeed in running an
NLP Café -- our "secret recipe for success". The schedule of meetings, participant
guidelines and the patterns that we follow have proven over the last ten years to
maximize the satisfaction of our attendees.

It is followed by all NLP Café branches, so that the members will have a consistent
experience no matter what training organization has certified them. This pattern is
more or less stable, yet easily customized to local desires. For example, in Mountain
View we sometimes serve snacks brought by attendees, along with one of my wife
Vikki’s home-made soups.

Any interested person is welcome to attend any branch of the NLP Café. Our hope is
that over time the NLP Café will have a homogenizing and leveling effect on our
discipline.

NLP Cafés are organized across the United States and in several foreign countries. We
support the emergence of a global network of colleagues in this new discipline,
exchanging skills and inspiration as we each do our part in making the world a saner,
more humane and more good-natured place to live.

It’ll be okay.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 3

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The Mission Of The NLP Café

1. The NLP Café is a volunteer Alumni-driven organization that connects us to each

other.
NLP Café branches support the development of active NLP communities in their local
regions, and may network with each other. All interested people are invited to
participate. When we work together on a regular basis, we build ties that span
differences in training and lifestyle. We learn to love ourselves and each other. The
NLP Café supports our Alumni community.

2. The NLP Café supports its members' personal development.

We believe certified NLP graduates desire to be effective and inspiring examples of our
discipline -- and they can be, if they first develop the habit of using NLP on themselves.
While each "NLPer" has had opportunities during their training to explore personal
issues, the emphasis was on training and not on personal growth. The NLP Café
provides a safe space where we can pursue our own personal evolution, knowing that
we will be helped by other NLPers.

The NLP Café gives us the opportunity to become well integrated, flexible people who
understand and live the NLP Presuppositions when communicating with ourselves and
others. The NLP Café allows us to evolve into people who "walk their talk."

3. The NLP Café strengthens our skills.

During NLP training we have all been exposed to a large amount of information;
concepts, models, processes and techniques. In the NLP Café we develop confidence
because we take the skills that we have spent time and money learning, and "get it into
our muscles". The NLP Café is the place where we can become "unconsciously
competent". We learn best by teaching, and we are happy to share our knowledge with
others.

4. The NLP Café explores ways to use our skills in society.

There are many places where NLP skills will be useful and welcome. Non-profit
groups, volunteer counseling, shelters, hot-lines, churches, etc. The NLP Café groups
can act as a referral network to identify community coaching needs and to match
interested and qualified “NLPers” to them. We encourage you to do the same. The
NLP Café promotes community service.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 4

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The Meeting Structure

Meeting nights -- All of our branches meet twice monthly – we recommend either
Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday nights. That way, the meetings avoid most holiday
weekends and are easier to attend.

In my branch (Mountain View, California; the Original NLP Café), we meet on the 2nd
and 4th Wednesdays of each month, except December. We have our annual Holiday
Party on the 2nd Wednesday of December, which is our final get together of the year.
We have maintained this schedule, without exception, for over ten years.

The most important secret of success is to hold meetings consistently, and to start
and end on time. We have found that people to count on us to be predictable,
consistent, and respectful of their time. The standard is the same as as commercial
establishment -- regular hours and days of business, regardless of who shows up. Our
consistency is the secret of our success.

Standard Meeting Schedule

6:45 PM: A sign is posted on the front door of the meeting place that says, "NLP
PLEASE COME IN" (saves getting up and opening the door for each arrival).
7 PM: We pick a useful trait and model it in the members present for transfer to
ourselves and others. Or we just catch up with each other.
7:30 PM:: We present the evening's subject, taking from 30 minutes to all evening. It
may be a specific NLP technique, or a language process, or the night may be devoted to
exploration of a subject or a complete piece of work.
7:45-8:00PM:: We may break into pairs or trios to practice what has been presented. If
there is enough time, we reform into groups for a second round of practice.
9:00 PM: We regroup for a debrief. We discuss what mistakes we made and what we
learned, or we may share modifications someone has learned or discovered.
If time allows, we have a round-robin language exercise in context reframes or
metaphors. We usually laugh a lot during this exercise.
9:30 PM: We adjourn promptly, so that people aren't up too late on a week night.

Handouts
We have assorted handouts available for each meeting (samples are in the appendixl;
some are more used than others):
1) Discussion sheets on the Presuppositions and Sensory Acuity exercises (forms for six
months are included with this manual; contact Tom Hoobyar for more.)
2) NLP Café Mission Statements (printed on page 2)
3) Guidelines for participants.
4) NLP Presuppositions , in classic and personalized versions.
5) How To Elicit An Outcome, a tip sheet on the major intervention in NLP, (and a major
weakness among many NLP trainees)

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 5

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6) NLP Café Registration forms for new members

7) NLP Café attendance sign-up sheets
8) Schedules and maps

Finance
We keep it simple; a jar for voluntary donations. If everybody pays their share, one
dollar per person per meeting covers costs of handout copies and odds and ends. Our
annual Holiday Party on the 2nd Wednesday in December is a Potluck.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 6

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Tips On Building The NLP Café Culture

There are several elements that make the NLP Café unique and easy to maintain. These
features were built into the organizational plan following research into many other
study groups and volunteer organizations, with focus on why some succeeded and
some failed.

The important elements in the NLP Café longevity are:

1) The Planning Group 2) Time ecology 3) Paper infrastructure

4) Attendance support 5) Community Service

1) The Planning Group

The Planning Group (which may be only one person) is the governing body of an NLP
Café, to the tiny extent that the branch needs governing at all. The Planning Group
(whoever is in attendance is the Planning Group, in the case of our original Café
branch) meets approximately quarterly during a regular café meeting. We set the
schedule and the agendas for Café meetings in the future, and tweak the programming.

Planning Group member qualifications are simple -- anyone who is interested in the
welfare and the future of the NLP Café is welcome. There are no elections, no terms,
and no limit to the size of the group. Therefore there are no exclusions, no cliques, and
no politics. People who want to serve, serve. This type of organization selects for
service-oriented people, and encourages activism. It discourages power-mongering.

2) Time ecology
The NLP Café will continue to thrive only as long as it proves to be worth each
attendee’s time. We therefore strive to present information that is useful; we don’t
watch videos or allow the meeting to dissolve into an aimless discussion.

We have also found it critical that we be consistent in our scheduling. We have

discovered that people need to count on the NLP Café's punctuality, even though all of
our members may not always be punctual themselves. We respect our members' desire
for consistency by keeping our meeting days and times absolutely constant, so they can
plan their time with confidence. We’ve heard horror stories of people going to a
scheduled practice, only to find a note that the meeting was cancelled. That has never
happened at the NLP Café.

In the original branch, Café meetings have been held on the second and fourth
Wednesdays of every month since January of 1995. We start at 7 P.M. sharp, and end at
9:30 P.M. The only Wednesday we don’t meet is between Christmas and New Year.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 7

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Our members have made it clear that they want to spend time together actively
studying and using the models and skills of NLP, rather than extended visiting with
each other or watching videos. Our primary goal is that no one ever leaves a Café
meeting feeling it was a waste of their time.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 8

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3) Paper infrastructure
The NLP Café meetings all follow a standard working format, although the subject
matter changes from meeting to meeting. Samples of our signs, signup sheets and
other forms are contained the in Appendix.

We always have the Outcome Elicitation Handout available and we constantly

encourage its use, since difficulty in getting a well-formed outcome has plagued so
many NLPers. The strengthening of this one critical skill may be the reason for the
noticeable confidence and polish shown by regular attendees of the NLP Café.

There are discussion papers on selected presuppositions and sensory acuity exercises
that are featured each evening. (Note: all copyrighted material reproduced for handout
is used only with the owner's permission, which should be written and kept on file at
the branch and at Café headquarters.) There may also be handouts prepared by the
presenter of the evening's practice subject.

In addition there are various informational handouts, and signup sheets for each
meeting.

We also distribute copies of meeting schedules, agendas and maps that attendees can
give or send to any friends they may tell about the Café meetings.

4) Attendance support
Many people come to a Café meeting, register for membership, and then miss future
meetings because the meeting date slips by them. We distribute the names of members
and email a reminder Bulletin the weekend before each meeting. This serves to keep us
in contact with one another as well as increase the number of people who attend our
meetings.

5) Community service
The NLP Café Pathfinder Internship program is a dream waiting to be realized. We
may have time to launch this in 2006. It will be written up and distributed to you if
and as it develops. The purpose of the program is three-fold:

1) To put NLP skills into areas where their effects will benefit society.
2) To increase the skills of NLPers through work with members of the public.
3) To create a positive public image of NLP, and to broaden knowledge regarding the
utility and value of this civilizing and healing discipline.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 9

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A Final Note From Tom

Well, that's it. That's about all we've learned from operating the NLP Café.

A Café always begins with two or more people who want to deepen their
knowledge of themselves and their loved ones through NLP practice with people
they trust.

Robert Dilts once told me that this is precisely the way that NLP was created -- by
a small group of people who met in a private home and practiced their art --
"with discipline" (his words). I know from my own background that the martial
arts was preserved and taught for centuries this same way.

Our NLP Café can be similar, but it isn't a study of combat -- it's not a martial art.
It's a study of healing and learning, a study of creativity and cooperation, a study
of the process of peace. Instead of a martial art, NLP is a pacific art.

So instead of Warriors we become Mentors. Instead of producing Victors, the

NLP Café produces Champions -- Champions of peace, cooperation, tolerance,
ambition, creativity and optimism.

Welcome to our process of creating civilization, one person at a time. I know that
you will enjoy the company. I certainly do.

Please stay in touch. You are important to me and I'd like to hear how you're
doing.

Seeya,

Tom Hoobyar

P.S. Some people want to know what I do and why I started the NLP Café. Fair
question. Until recently I worked in Silicon Valley as the founding CEO of a small
high-tech firm. More importantly, I am a Health-certified Master Practitioner trained in
Northern California and Utah. And, I just didn't want my study groups to end. Ever!

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 10

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NLP Café APPENDIX

Meeting Handouts
The following pages are to be used as masters for copying for your own branch of the
NLP Café. We use most of them at one time or another. Or create your own. These are
just the ones that work for our community. You may choose to be more or less
organized than this. The important thing is to have an intention and a commitment to
create a group.

Be patient; people are easily distracted by the pressures of their lives. Don’t take it
personally. Keep the schedule, and know that attendance, or the lack of it, has nothing
to do with you. Keep reminding the group that they are the source of the energy for
the study group – not you.

Leadership in this game is pure service.

“NLP Come In” welcome sign

NLP Café attendance sign-up sheets used at each meeting; I note the subject
and presenter at the top – allows me to track our attendance and the subject matters
presented

NLP Café Registration forms for new members

NLP Café Mission Statements (on page 2 of this manual)

Guidelines for participants gives some orientation to newbies for NLP practice

How To Elicit An Outcome, a tip sheet on the major intervention in NLP, (and
the major weakness among many NLP practitioners)

Email Bulletins and reminders (sample of our emails)

NLP Presuppositions, in classic and personalized versions, drawn from the

work of Dr. Robert McDonald.

Pathfinder Project Characteristics, Suggested by NLP pioneer Gene Early, and

chosen as personal goals for modeling in our NLP Café. We ask (or pick) who
among the attendees personifies a trait, then we model it, looking for the “recipe” of

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 11

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the desired state so we can learn how to do it.

Set the bar high, and give it a go. What else is worth trying???

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 12

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Please 
come in.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 13

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Host:______________________________ 

Subject:____________________________ 

Sign In 
Date_________ 

NAME  Phone  Email

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 14

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Registration 
Date ______________ 

Name __________________________________________________ 

Address ________________________________________________ 

City, State ________________________________ Zip__________ 

Home Phone _____________________________ 

Day Phone_______________________________ 

Fax __________________________________ 

email______________________________________________ 

Current work _______________________________________ 

Where were you trained in 
NLP?__________________________________________________ 

How can the Café be of most benefit to you?____________________ 

_______________________________________________________ 

_______________________________________________________

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 15

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Guidelines And Tips For NLP Café Participants

Welcome! Thank you for joining us. Here are a few tips for getting the most benefits from your
time in the Café.

A. Keep attending.
You are each treasured members of a special community. The NLP Café is specifically designed
to serve your needs and to encourage your continuing growth. For the first time, there is a place
where a lifetime of psychic "wear-and-tear" can be healed, where you can design yourselves in the
company of people trained to help you, and where you in turn can develop your helping skills.

B. Keep faithful to your personal growth -- Build a dream.

We each must grow, and we must develop our skills. The NLP Café is a safe haven to do both.
Therefore everyone works in all three NLP roles -- Guide, Explorer and Observer. Dream of the
person you want to become. Here is where the path to your future can be traveled. You might
consider the questions below for your guidance:

1. What issues in my past are difficulties for me today?

2. What situations do I want to act or feel differently in?
3. What capabilities do I want to develop?
4. What new characteristics do I want to have as part of my personality?
5. What things do I want to stop doing or feeling?

C. Keep aware of time -- it's yours, so don't waste it.

We've learned that we all have a tendency to tell each other stories. Stories are interesting and
they are a good way for us to share ourselves and learn about each other. However, the time that
we have to practice with each other is limited. We encourage exercises to begin and end on time.
It will maximize our experience of each other, it's a way to develop strong information gathering
skills, and it will lead to efficient change-work habits. Your time is a precious gift, and we
respect it.

D. Keep records -- they are your tracks.

It helps to keep a log of the exercises you do each time we are together, and who you worked
with. It will track your growth, and your notes will help you form good recording habits when
you're working with others.

Each of us brings three gifts to our colleagues in the NLP Café:

Gift 1 -- the personal things that you want to work on -- what you want to design into yourself for
ongoing personal evolution -- Explorer role
Gift 2 -- Processes and skills that you want to practice or learn -- Guide role
Gift 3 -- Processes that you are really comfortable with -- Observer role

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 16

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Guidelines for Explorer Position -- (Personal evolution)

* Listen to your Guide and follow their coaching.
* Be sincere about wanting change -- work at it.
* Give useful feedback; "That worked", or "That brought me out of trance because I was in the
mountains, not the beach".

Guidelines for Guide Position -- (Developing your skills)

* Ask questions to get just enough information to understand your Explorer's personal patterns.
Be careful to avoid dropping into "chat" mode about the content.
* Listen carefully to the exact language of your Explorer so you can backtrack. The trick is to
Pace, then lead, Pace, then lead, Pace, then lead.
* Take your time -- relax. This is play, practice. Here is where you can experiment with no risk.
It's okay to take a few moments to collect your thoughts and confer with your Observer. Just
tell the Explorer what you are doing. To be good, stay curious.
* And remember -- it's okay to make mistakes; this is a good place to make as many mistakes as
you can come up with. It's how we learn and improve.
* Remember you have two jobs; support your Explorer, and strengthen your skills.

Guidelines for Observer Position -- (Sharing your strengths)

* Always be sure the guide is in a resourceful state.
* Give sensory-based feedback at all times; the highest quality feedback is to demonstrate what
you want to communicate.
* Relevancy Questions: Whenever the guide is not following the process format, and seems to
you to be lost, confused, or irrelevant, interrupt and assist by asking all the questions below, in
order. (or, the Guide may be doing something really exquisite that you aren't noticing). Either
way, the questions below will help the Guide or you to learn ways of getting an outcome:
a. "What step of the process are you on?"
b. "What is your outcome at this step?"
c. "How does your behavior lead to that outcome?"
d. "What else could you do to get that outcome?"
* Stretch: Whenever the guide is doing very well and the outcome is not going to be jeopardized,
you may suggest a "stretch", by asking that other ways to the outcome be explored. The
"Stretch rule" is, "If you can, you can't. If you haven't, you must."
* Observe the response in the Guide as you provide feedback. Stop whenever you may be
overloading or eliciting unresourceful states by your interruptions and/or feedback. Go easy.
Remember you are there to support the Guide.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 17

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NLP Café
415­948­1680
tomhoobyar@aol.com

How to Get A Well-Formed Outcome

Note: If you get answers to at least the three "key questions", you will help resolve a
majority of complaints presented to you. In order to get specific information in response to
questions 1 through 6, refer to the Meta-Model questions on page 2.)

*KEY QUESTION* 1) -- (Outcome)

"What specifically do you want?" or,

"How is that a problem for you?" or,
"What would have to happen for you to be satisfied in
this situation?" or,
"What would it be like if you got exactly what you
wanted from spending this time with me?", or,
"What will have changed when you get what you want?"
Look for an answer that satisfies these well-formedness conditions:
1A) Stated in the positive ("I don't want, like, etc." "O.K., you don't
want, like, etc.; what is it that you do want?")
1B) Client must initiate and maintain the behavior which gets the
outcome

*KEY QUESTION* 2) -- (Evidence)

"How will you know when you have it?"

Look for an answer that satisfies these well-formedness conditions:
2A) Sensory based ("What will you see, hear, and feel when you
have your outcome?")

3) -- (Context)

"When, where, and with whom do you want it?"

Look for an answer that satisfies these well-formedness conditions:
3A) Client's outcome has an appropriate context ("When wouldn't
you want this?")

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4) (Ecology)

"What will happen when you get it?"

Look for an answer that satisfies these well-formedness conditions:
4A) Must be ecologically sound ("Is there any way this could be a
problem if you had this outcome right now?" or, "Does any part
of you have any objection to having this outcome?")
4B) Future pace test "As you try out these behaviors in your
imagination, notice what you will lose if you get this new
behavioral choice.")

5) -- (Check for appropriate chunk size, locates resources)

"What resources do you have and what resources do

you need to get what you want?"
Look for an answer that satisfies these well-formedness conditions:
5A) The outcome should be an appropriate and achievable chunk size.

*KEY QUESTION* 6) -- (Elicits Problem State)

"What stops you from having it now?"

7) -- (Meta-outcome)
"What will having it do for you?"

8) -- (Future Pace)
"What will be your first step?" or,

"If you were to jump ahead six months to a time when

you will have achieved this outcome, and you look
back, what do you see now that you did to achieve this
outcome?"

META-MODEL QUESTIONS
(use during above questions 1 through 6
to obtain specific information)

1) What, Who, or Which, specifically? About whom? or

About what?
2) How, specifically?
3) What would happen if... (it did? you did? you could?)
4) All? Every? Always? Never? Nobody? Everyone?
5) Compared to what?
6) According to whom? How do you know that?

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7) How does (X) cause (Y)?

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 20

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NLP CAFÉ BULLETIN AND REMINDER (actual example)

Inside 

­Note From Tom 

­Program This Wednesday (January 11) 

­ Other Practice and Training and Stuff 

­DIRECTIONS TO THE NLP CAFE (at the bottom of this letter) 

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ 

­Note From Tom 

Happy New Year!!!  I hope your holiday celebrations were festive and cheerful, and that 
you're rested and ready to create a wonderful 2006 for yourself and those you care for. 

Remember the movie, "Groundhog Day"??  I feel just like Bill Murray in that movie, 
because ­­­­ 

I ALREADY WROTE THIS FURSHLUGINNER NEWSLETTER ONCE TONIGHT!!! 

This is a volunteer activity on my part, so I get to rant and rave every once in a while. 
and since I just trashed a couple of hours of work, I'm going to get this off my chest. 

You don't have to read it. 

And I absolutely hate it when it's my fault.  I'd much rather hate AOL.  Which I do, even 
though this was my screwup.  Hmph! 

Trouble is, I didn't save my work on this newsletter periodically.  After writing some neat 
stuff about our meeting this Wednesday, I started editing the notices that people send 
me for trainings. 

This is a pain in the ..... neck. 

Here's the thing about AOL.  If you are copying and pasting into a message like this 
one, it better be pure text.  Because otherwise, AOL gets all confused and the entire 
message gets messed up.  So, even though I ask for plain text announcements, 
sometimes people send me stuff that's formatted in html.

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Now, usually I open a text editor and copy everything into that document, which 
sterilizes all the formatting so that I can then copy it and past it into this newsletter as 
plain text.  I then turn the headlines bold manually, so that AOL will not get upset. 

But earlier tonight, after finishing the almost entire damn job, I decided to add one more 
notice. 

And I copied it directly into the email.  I didn't put it into the text editor first. 

I did not pass "go". 

When I pasted it into my finished email, ALL the text turned blue and underlined.  The 
whole damn thing! 

And I couldn't change it back ­­ so I selected one paragraph at a time, and turned it back 
into plain text.  After ten minutes or so, I began to breathe more easily.  I was about 90 
percent done when... 

The whole AOL program crashed.  Went away.  Bye­bye.  Along with my document.  My 
unsaved document. 

Which is why I'm assaulting you with this rant, instead of the moving invitation I had 
crafted about how we'll start the new year with a special meeting this coming 
Wednesday, blah, blah, blah. 

Okay.  I feel better now, having made a public ass of myself as well as a private one, 
because I FORGOT TO SAVE MY WORK PERIODICALLY.  Perhaps this will be of 
some use, as an object lesson, to you. 

But then, you probably never forget to save, or back up, or floss, or whatever.... 

Anyway, Seeya Wednesday?  I'll be better then, promise. 

Tom 

P.S. Program description below. 

LOCATION!  DIRECTIONS to the NLP Cafe (the Hoobyar home in Mountain View) is 
located after the training announcements, at the Bottom of this letter.  Way down. 
Below the dotted line, after the NLP University listing.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 22

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

­Program This Wednesday (January 11)      Host: Tom Hoobyar            Creating a 
"Different" 2006 

How come all of our resolutions end up being guilty memories?  And if that weren't 
generally so, why are there so many jokes about it??  What's going to keep 2006 from 
being just like 2005? 

One thing's sure.  In 2007, all of us will be a year older than we are now. 

How about trying something new? 

This Wednesday, we'll be exploring our values and desires, and helping each other 
make a plan for this year that will shade the odds in our favor, of actually getting some 
of these things into our lives. 

I hope to see you, and get your help in building a better 2006. 

PRACTICE OPPORTUNITIES, TRAININGS, AND RESOURCES 

SLEEPWALKERS ­ is a hybrid, a large multi­branched study group AND a Training 
company 
a free Hypnosis and NLP Study group connected to a commercial hypnosis teaching 
organization.  It is a very fast­growing with meetings in several Bay Area locations.  Go 
to: 
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/sfba_sleepwalkers/ 
for details and to subscribe to their newsletter. 
Their website is: http://www.thehypnosisclub.com/html/san_francisco.html 
San Francisco 
RSVP: Andrew Gentile <andrewinfrisco@yahoo.com> 
Sleepwalkers Stanford 
RSVP:  Sergey Berezin <sergey.berezin@gmail.com> 
Sleepwalkers East Bay 
RSVP kevin@kevindouglass.com 

EAST BAY CAFE ­ Check web site 
Note ­­ Wilma Keppel and Jan Saeger have created a wonderful online resource as part 
of their website: check out http://easychangeworks.com/nlp.htm 
510­526­1234 

NORTH BAY ­ NLP Intern Action Center  ­­ Check web site
© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 23
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tom@tomhoobyar.com

Our new shorter URL http://nlp­practitioners.com/Internship­Action­Center/  announcing 
a new interactive NLP IAC discussionboard. This is a full featured, multi threaded 
system, so you can follow discussion about a topic or start a new one. Additionally, it 
has the ability to let you post polls that others can react to and lots, lots more. 

NOTE TO TRAINERS AND TRAINING PRODUCERS 
The NLP Cafe exists to provide your graduates with more practice opportunities than 
you are able to support during the course of training.  Cafe attendees appreciate 
learning about other practice and training choices in our area.  I am happy to list your 
programs up to ninety days ahead if you will email me; plain text preferred. There is no 
charge for this listing. 

TRAINING OPPORTUNITIES IN THE NEAR FUTURE (fees listed where I have been 
informed.) 
No announcements of upcoming events during the next 90 days.  Contact the trainers 
below directly for an update. 

NEW! FREE NEWSLETTER FROM NLP COMPREHENSIVE (New contributing editor: 
Tom Hoobyar) 
just email news1@nlpco.com or call 303­987­2224 to sign up 

Be Slim for Life 
With Subconscious Reprogramming 
Masuda Jamshid 
(408) 203 9752 
masuda_jamshid@yahoo.com 

Your behavioral patterns are determined by your subconscious mind, out of your 
control. With my unique and powerful weight management program, I can help you 
rapidly and effectively: 

Ø  Uncover and eliminate all hidden causes of your weight issue. 
Ø  Create permanent changes in your patterns of behavior at subconscious levels and 
transform your conscious behavior. 
Ø  Resolve your conflicts about food and exercise. 
Ø  Learn the secrets of naturally slender people. 
Ø  Achieve your desired weight and maintain it permanently. 
Ø  Gain control over stress in your life and achieve emotional freedom.
© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 24
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tom@tomhoobyar.com

Ø  Dramatically improve your self­image and level of confidence. 

What stops you from being, doing, and having what you want? … 

Hundreds of people have succeeded and you will too. Call and take advantage of your 
FREE  CONSULTATION.  Find out for yourself how easy it will be to take control of 
your health, energy, and looks. 

Masuda is a success coach, master NLP* practitioner, and hypnothrapist. With her vast 
knowledge in nutrition, diet, and subconscious behavior, she has designed the most 
effective weight management program. 

San Francisco Institute of Personal Growth 
presents a series of free 
introductory evening seminars on NLP, and 2­day (week­end) NLP 
trainings that count towards NLP Practitioner certification. 

More info: 
http://www.sfcnlp.com 
Tel: 415­317­7960 

Renée Stephens, founder Mind for Body 
HEALING WEIGHT ISSUES WITH NLP AND HYPNOTHERAPY 

Join the Lighten Up Revolution!  Twice a month free conference calls to boost your 
motivation and help you create the body and the life you want.  First and 3rd Monday's 
of the month, from 12:00 pm – 1:00 pm PST. 

Register at http://www.mindforbody.com 

Complimentary 30 Minute Telephone Consultation 

The best way to learn if working with Renee is right for you is to schedule a 
complimentary 30 minute consultation. 
Call 415­206­1638 or email rstephens@mindforbody.com 

Renee Stephens 
Mind for Body 
email: rstephens@mindforbody.com 
phone: 415­206­1638 
web: http://www.mindforbody.com

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 25

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

THE TELOS HEALING CENTER 
Dr. Robert and Dr. Luzette McDonald 
Tel:  714­577­5717 
Email:  Robert@TelosCenter.com 
Website:  http://www.TelosCenter.com 

We will teach our flagship course, Healing The Wounded Heart:  Core Tools for 
Coaches, in Scotts Valley, CA (near Santa Cruz) on January 5­9 and Feb 23­27, 2006. 
This highly focused program answers the question: When emotional discomfort is 
determined to be unwanted and unnecessary, what specific methodologies will 
compassionately, quickly and thoroughly alleviate it?  This course will heal your 
wounded heart and could start your new career as a Certified Destination Coach! 

In just two 5­day weekends of Healing The Wounded Heart: Core Tools for Coaches, 
you will learn and practice precision skills, models, principles and processes which 
specifically address these personal issues seen in coaching settings: shock, trauma, 
grief, depression, internal conflict, anger, phobias, negative internal voices, jealousy, 
anxiety, damaging belief systems, emotional enmeshment, addiction, and issues of self­ 
esteem, self­worth and motivation.  For more specific information, please call us at 714­ 
577­5717. 

Who should attend: Coaches, counselors, hypno­therapists, social workers, therapists, 
ministers, bodyworkers. Anyone interested healing their own and/or another's heart. 
NLP background is not necessary.  If you want to help yourself and others, this program 
is for you! 

Dates & Times:  January 5­9, 2006 and February 23­27, 2006   9AM to 6PM each day 

Location:  Scotts Valley, CA 

Investment:  $2495.  Visa & MC Accepted. 
Discount:  $2395 if fully paid before December 5, 2006. 

Apply Now:  Send full tuition to 
Dr. Robert McDonald, 3343 Red Pine Road 
Yorba Linda, California 92886 

Reservations (limited to 25 students): 
Tel:   (714) 577­5717 
E­mail:  Robert@TelosCenter.com 
Website:  www.TelosCenter.com

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 26

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

This course meets the qualifications for 60 hours of continuing education credit for 
MFCCs and/or LCSWs as required by  the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, 
provider #2440.   Fees are non­refundable. 

Jason McClain I.D.E.A. 
Evolutionary Guide 
415/424.8995 ph | 646/304.8285 fax 
call or email for current schedule 

Joyce Wallach, J.D. 
www.joycewallach.com, or phone 916­341­0255. 
call or email for current schedule 

Robert W. Harrison, Founder 
Leapahead Coaching & Consulting 
"Transforming individuals, couples, and organizations" 
www.leapahead.net 
650­591­LEAP (5327) 
Free Exploratory Coaching: 
http://www.leapahead.net/free_coaching.html 
call or email for current schedule 

NLP UNIVERSITY WITH ROBERT DILTS AND JUDITH DELOZIER 
website is www.nlpu.com 
for information email Teresa at  teresanlp@aol.com 

Do you have plans for the summer of 2006? 
We would welcome you back to NLPU next summer, 
teresanlp@aol.com 
Dates for certification programs 2006: 
•  NLP Practitioner Certification ­ July 6–26 
•  NLP  Trainer & Consultancy Certification ­ July 6–26 
•  NLP Master Practitioner Certification ­ August 7–26 
•  NLP Coaching and Modeling Certification  From Coach to 
Awakener...for Business, Creativity and Success ­ August 7–18 
•  Distance Learners Practitioner & Master Practitioner
© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 27
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Certification ­ August 16–26   +*** Prerequisite 
•  Dilts/NLPU Training Materials & Distance Learning 
Authorization ­ August 20–26  *** Class size­ 25. 

Plan now for a wonderful learning experience! 

Warmest Regards,  Teresa Epstein ~NLPU Coordinator 

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ 

DIRECTIONS AND TIMES FOR THE NLP CAFE 
We no longer meet at Asepco.  The location of the NLP Cafe has been permanently 
moved.  It will be at our home in Mountain View.   Here are the directions: 

NLP Cafe meets on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month 
From 7:00 ­ 9:30 PM. 
It is located at our home, ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ 
Mountain View, CA 
Contact:   Tom Hoobyar for info or directions 
(tom@tomhoobyar.com or call at ­­­­­­­­­­­) 

Willowgate Street is the frontage street on the Bay side of Central Expressway, near the 
Moffet intersection. 

FROM HWY 85 NORTH 
Travel toward Hwy 101 and take the Moffet Exit. Turn Left onto Moffet and drive to 
Central Avenue (about the 5th signal; just BEFORE Central Expressway).    Turn left on 
Central Avenue and drive to the end (about 5 blocks) and turn right onto Orchard. Drive 
to the end (2 blocks) and turn Right.  Park in the street near the fourth driveway on the 
right, and walk into the complex.  We are the first town house. The front door will be 
unlocked and lit, with an NLP sign. 

FROM HIGHWAY 101 (North or Southbound) 
Take the Moffet Exit towards downtown Mountain View.   Drive West to Central 
Avenue (5th signal; just BEFORE Central Expressway).    Turn left on Central and drive 
to the end (about 5 blocks) and turn right onto Orchard. Drive to the end and turn right. 
Park in the street near the fourth driveway on the right, and walk into the complex.  We 
are the first town house. 

FROM EL CAMINO IN MOUNTAIN VIEW 
Drive down Castro Street toward Hightway 101.  Cross the railroad tracks and Central 
Expressway and turn Right onto Central Avenue (1 block past Central Expressway). 
Drive to the end (about 5 blocks) and turn right onto Orchard. Drive to the end and turn

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 28

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

right.  Park in the street near the fourth driveway on the right, and walk into the complex. 
We are the first town house. 

COPYRIGHT (C) 2006 by Tom Hoobyar 
Permission is granted to reproduce or distribute this newsletter only in its 
entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 29

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Presuppositions About Human Nature

Organized by Robert McDonald and used with his blessings; notes by Tom Hoobyar

1) Experience has structure - It consists of sensory impressions, some are internally generated and others
come from the outside world. That blend, plus the meaning made, constitutes the experience.
2) People are like map makers - They make internal representations (“maps”) of their experience.
3) People's maps are made up of pictures, sounds, feelings, smells and tastes - These are "languages
of the senses" that our brains use to record our experiences.
4) The map is not the territory – Our maps determined by the focus of our attention in the moment.
5) People respond to their maps of reality, not to reality itself – All thought -- memories, recall,
imaginings, daydreams, fantasies; all of these can be called maps.
6) If you change someone's map, their emotional state will change - To the individual, the map IS the
experience. Maps are the source of emotion and belief.
7) Some maps are out of awareness - We are unaware of some of the maps that we have made; it takes
language skills and sensory acuity to identify these maps.
8) Behind every behavior is a positive intention - When you seek the "outcome behind the behavior",
you will find a universally shared need, like love, safety, self-respect, etc.
9) There is no such thing as an inner enemy - But there are frequently clumsy or misguided "inner
friends", meaning well but repeating inappropriate or outmoded patterns of behavior.
10) Choice is better than no choice - No choice means slavery or robotic behavior. Having choices in any
context gives an individual the freedom to change and grow; “More clicks on the dial”.
11) People always make the best choices available to them - At that moment -- but they would often be
happier and more effective if they had more choices available to them.
12) A system's most flexible element has the most influence. When you have more choices, you have
more influence -- more ways to get your desired outcome.
13) The meaning of any communication is the response it gets - Communication is not a solo act. It's
not about what our intentions are; communication should be assessed by the reaction it elicits.
14) People work perfectly to produce the results they are getting – And if their results are not
satisfactory, they can learn to develop more choices so they can get different results.
15) Every behavior is useful in some context - Every capability exists for some reason.
16) Anyone can do anything that anyone else can do - Since all human nervous systems are similar, we
can model and learn each other's skills and attitudes. “Monkey see, monkey do”.
17) Chunking: learn easily by breaking big subjects into small chunks - Like these Presuppositions, for
example. They are easy to learn, if memorized a few at a time.
18) People already have all the resources they need - They either have the experience in their memory
banks, or they are capable of successfully imagining it.
19) There is no such thing as failure; only feedback - You are always producing a result; if it's not what
you want, use the unwanted result as feedback to guide you to trying other choices.
20) The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our communications – Internal and
External. How we communicate with ourselves governs our perceptions; how we communicate with others
determines the way we are treated throughout our lives.
21) Mind and body are part of the same system and they affect each other - What you think affects
your health; and what you do to your body affects your feelings and thoughts.
22) Communication is redundant - People are simultaneously communicating in all three systems; visual,
auditory, kinesthetic. Congruence is when these systems harmonize.
23) Positive change comes from adding resources - NLP adds choices -- it doesn't delete.

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 30

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

24) If what you are doing isn't working, try anything else - If you keep at it you aren't certain to succeed,
but you sure stack the odds. The only way to fail is to quit trying!

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 31

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tom@tomhoobyar.com

The Inner World of Highly Effective People 
By Tom Hoobyar, from the work of Robert McDonald

All of my experience has a structure. I make "maps" of my experiences, and these maps
are my impressions of my life. My maps (or my impressions) are made up of pictures,
sounds, feelings, smells, and tastes.

Even though my maps are not reality any more than a menu is the meal, I respond to my
maps as if they were reality -- because I cannot directly know reality itself. So, if I change
my maps I can change my emotional state. However, some of my maps are outside of
my awareness, so finding and changing them takes especially skilled ways of thinking.

I have no inner enemy, no "saboteur". I know that I always make the best choices I can,
given the information that I have at the time. All of my behaviors are useful in some
contexts, and inappropriate in others. No matter how it may seem, there is a positive
intention behind everything I do, think and imagine.

The meaning (or functional significance) of my communication is the response I get back,
regardless of what my intention was. In other words, I'm working perfectly to produce
the results I'm now getting (and if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll keep getting what I'm
getting). I will change my communication until I get the response I want, because the
quality of my life is determined by the quality of my communication.

My mind and body are parts of the same system and they affect each other. My attitudes
greatly influence my health, and my lifestyle sways my thinking ability. I already have
all the resources I need to get the outcomes that I want, if I can use them effectively. If
something's possible for anyone else, it's possible for me. I can learn the skills of others
by learning and modeling their maps. I can learn complex subjects the same way I eat a
watermelon, by breaking it down into small chunks.

I never fail! I just get feedback on what doesn't work, and get useful information on how
to improve the odds on my next attempt. I will make positive changes in myself by
adding resources, and if what I'm doing isn't working I'll try something else. Having
choices is better for me than having no choice, because having more flexibility allows me
to have more influence in every area of my life. The only way I can fail is to quit.

I communicate with myself and with others through vision, sound and touch
simultaneously. When “I am of one mind" these three channels harmonize, and I become
congruent, healthy and effective.

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NLP Pathfinder Trait List

Personal
Curiosity
Optimism Social
Resilience Compassion
Ambition Clean Boundaries
Radiant Health Safe to be around
Congruence Effectiveness
Focus (Selective attention) Nurturance
Open-mindedness Charisma
Enthusiasm Kindness
Large & Small Chunk Thinking Humility
Patience Authenticity
Self-Respect Vulnerability
Intuition Trust
Creativity Generosity
Action-orientation
Inspiration
Confidence
Dedication
Commitment
Growth
Wisdom
Grace
Integrity
Love
Flexibility
Spirituality
Joy
Playfulness
Sense of wonder
Determination
Adventurousness
Self-Esteem
Humor

© 2006 Tom Hoobyar 33