7 ANALYSIS OF THE TRANSLATION

In this chapter I shall analyse and compare the language and style of the
translation of Butterflies are free by Ivo T. Havlů to my translation. Havlů translated the
play in 1972, only three years after the original version was written. I have re-translated
it and attempted to replace the superannuated expressions with words of progressive
Czech so that the contemporary audience could better understand the meaning.
Simultaneously I concentrated on maintaining the time period and events that are
vicariously described in the play. The setting of the play is very important and it was not
possible to transpose the whole story to the present. (For instance Jill, one of the two
protagonists, is nineteen and speaks about her identification with hippie movement she
had experienced four years ago.) Thence we have to be aware that the story really takes
place around the 1960s.
Each type of drama has its structure and uses its typical language. Butterflies are
free is an Ibsenian, socially-critical drama that has its roots in critical realism. Gershe
endeavours for a maximal realistic accurateness. Nevertheless, Havlů shortens and
omits the features of the inner language of the drama, i.e. the authorial notes. But he
therefore loses the characteristics of realistic drama. The notes should be present in the
script so that the reader, director, actor and finally the spectator can see the impact of
realism.
The chapter is subdivided into two parts, first of which deals with the general
analysis and comparison of the particularly diverse expressions. In the second part I
have chosen seven excerpts to demonstrate and analyse the discrepancies in detail. As
far as the graphic form of the second part is concerned, the translation of Ivo T. Havlů is
preceded by the original English version of Leonard Gershe. Finally my translation and
the analysis follow.

7.1 WHY I FIND HAVLŮ’S TRANSLATION OUTDATED

7.1.1 Social and psychological aspect

The way the characters address each other is the first significant difference
between Havlů’s and my translation. Havlů lets Jill and Don be on formal terms with
each other as the social rule used to be at the time of his translation (1972). In his
version the characters start being on first names only after they had slept with each

72
other. Nevertheless, I think two young people in such a situation would definitely be on
first name terms from the very beginning, even if we take into account that the story
takes place in the 1960s. I let them intentionally be on formal terms only during the
opening conversation “over the wall.” As soon as they first meet each other and
introduce themselves, they fluently start calling each other their first names.

Kufnerová and Skoumalová deal with the question of salutation in a literary text as
follows:
“The appearance of salutation in the text is given by the genre. For example drama the
basic text structure of which is a dialogue, uses salutation as an inherent, text-forming
and style element. Similarly, in the passages of fiction and other genres the dialogue is
presented. Salutation is above all a sociological problem. Within salutation we can
distinguish a relation of social hierarchy (superior, inferior), sometimes a relation of
qualification (academical degrees), age differences (older, younger), personal relations
of all kinds, such as conceited etc. The salutation of dignitaries (secular or clerical)
creates an independent unit (Excellency..) and it requires knowledge of a temporal
background. In the system of communicational relations the salutation is in the first
place. It is interesting to monitor how a deeper social shift is accompanied by a mass,
perspicuous and direct change of salutation.
Referring to translations from English into Czech the translator has to deal with being
on formal terms or being on first-name terms. But it is not always explicit even in
languages where these two features are distinguished. For example, whereas in
contemporary Czech it is normal to address the parents “ty”, in the past it was polite to
address them “vy”, which is nowadays used in some cases when addressing partner’s
parents.” (Kufnerová, Skoumalová 1994, p.163)

Hereafter, I have been considering the translation of the word “mother” that
frequently appears in the script and meaningfully influences the language of the
characters. Havlů lets both characters use a Czech word “maminka.” In the 1970s this
word might have been socially acceptable in general but in my eyes it presents a very
emotional expression. These days even the small children call their mother “máma“ and
teenagers even “matka.“ It would sound too childish and illogical if especially Jill called
her mother “maminka“ while describing her impossible behaviour and crazy ideas.

7.1.2 Syntactical aspect

Another feature to deal with was the usage of language. In the original English
version many American slang words had been used, on the basis of which I formed an
idea on the way the characters speak. Don was brought up in a relatively high class

73
background, and he is therefore less informal than Jill, but during the play he gradually
adapts to her peculiar language and behaviour.
Within the Czech language, there are many indicators of expressing slang, colloquial
and informal language. Unlike English, Czech uses different word endings to indicate
various language qualities. Havlů combines literary and informal endings which, in my
estimation, breaks the unity and fluency of the play unless those are used intentionally.
There are moments when Jill wants to sound smart and studiedly, but these should be
even more contrastive to the remainder of her utterances. I have tried to use one
language tone for the whole play and finally for both of the characters. In some cases
my translation might seem too informal, with too many slang words appearing, but that
is how I had imagined Jill and how I would have acted in her role. In Jill’s diction
formal features of the Czech language would seem inappropriate to me.

7.1.3 Aspect of outdated language and expressions

As I have mentioned at the beginning of my dissertation, I had used a
monologue from this play in order to perform it at the entrance exams at the theatre
university. For deeper understanding of the role I had read the whole play and had
encountered many unsuitable and antiquated Czech words. I did not even know the
meaning of some of them. Indeed, this is a feature of a natural language development,
and I have therefore replaced those words with expressions of progressive Czech. With
several particular words in Havlů‘s script, present-day audience might be confused and
the sense of the play misunderstood.

In the following table I shall adduce the comparison of particularly diverse expressions
of Havlů‘s and my translation :

Table 1 – Comparison of expressions with a different Czech interpretation

Havlů’s translation My translation

page 6 ..zdi jak ze sajnpapíru.. page 3 ..zdi jako z krepáku

page 7 ..úplná Kalupinka.. page 4 ..všechno je tady tak uklizený..
page 9 ..jedno vím ale na betón.. page 7 ..vím ale jedno..
page 11 ..a příští den jsem měla skládat page 8 ..a taky jsem myslela na dvě
dvě zkoušky a to mi taky strašilo zkoušky, který mě čekaly další
v kouli.. den..

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page 12 ..já nenávidím každou page 9 ..nesnáším žádnou morbidnost..
morbíďárnu..
page 14 ..řeknu vám na rovinku, že topage 11 ..hele poslouchej, jediná věc,
jediný, co.. která..
page 15 ..vím přesně, kolik je to kroků dopage 11 ..přesně vím, kolik kroků je to
hokynářství.. třeba do potravin..
page 18 ..ještě se začněte bít v prsa.. page14 ..to jako mluvíš se mnou, nebo
s Dalajlámou?..
Note: the original version: Are you speaking to me or Gunga Din?

page 19 ..ale mně je to vlastně putýnka.. page 15 ..i když mně je to vlastně jedno..
page 21 ..ale dovedete si představit něcopage 16 ..ale můžeš si přát něco lepšího,
epesnějšího, než žít ve městě, než bydlet ve městě, který chtěj
který stojí za podívanou?.. všichni vidět?..
page 29 ..musíme odstrčit ten šifonér.. page 24 ..nejdřív musíme posunout tu
skříň..
page 37 ..no-nějaký epesný kvádro-page 30 ..hm, určitě nějaký ujetý
vodvaz.. oblečení..
page 39 ..to je takový něcíčko.. page 31 ..to je něco jako šmrnc..
page 40 ..ale myslela jsem si, že bys bylpage 32 ..ale říkala jsem si, že bys možná
třeba rád, kdybych ti řekla, že rád věděl, že seš . . . hm . .fakt
jsi…no-že jsi júra.. dobrej..

At the end of this subchapter I would like to comment on the name of the
protagonist of books written by Don´s mother - Little Donny Dark. Havlů translates his
name as “Malý Donny Dma.“ I understand his attempt to keep the sense of alliteration
but I would prefer to maintain even the original version as it is. I dare to estimate that
most of the spectators will understand what “dark” means in Czech and it shall
consequently help them to understand the author’s intention to express an important
quality of the character via his name.

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7.1.4 Aspect of cultural background
One of the most difficult parts of translator’s work, not depending on which
genre he translates, is to deal with the variety of cultural backgrounds and cultural
penetration. In Butterflies are free, several expressions closely connected with cultural
background appear and it had not been always easy to find the most suitable and
realistic Czech idiom.
The original phrase is usually understandable only to the audience in the home
background of the author. In that case it depends on the translator‘s originality,
imagination and ability to find the best equivalent of his own cultural background. If
this is not possible, the translator leaves the original word in and has to provide it with
further explanation, so that the reader (or the audience) does not misunderstand the
meaning of the word and its logical placement and sense within the story.

Newmark suggests following solution of such expressions specific to the source

language:
“An important word (key-word) in a text which is used in a peculiar sense by the writer
can first be translated ‘literally’ with an explanation or definition, and then by a word
relating it more closely to the target language translation, used first as a translation
label. The latter may be adopted for subsequent recurrence, leading the reader ‘gently’
into a more accepted use of a word.” (Newmark 1995, p.153)

In Butterflies are free I have encountered a few such examples. They were real
persons, names of places, name of a children game etc.
Four following examples represent the aspect of cultural background and I have
supplied them with explanation and comparison of the two Czech translations.

a) “Helen Keller“
Helen Keller was a girl from Alabama USA who fell ill at the age of two and the illness,
called “brain fever” by the doctors of the time, had left her both blind and deaf. Under
the supervision of Anne Sullivan and her descendants, Helen had learnt to read and
write in Braille. She had graduated from Radcliffe College, becoming the first deaf-
mute person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. She had written several books and given
many lectures during her tour around the USA. In 1953 a documentary film “The

76
Unconquered” was made about Helen’s life, this was to win an Academy Award as the
best feature length documentary. 1

In Helen Keller’s own words:

“The public must learn that the blind man is neither genius nor a freak nor an idiot. He
has a mind that can be educated, a hand which can be trained, ambitions which it is right
for him to strive to realise, and it is the duty of the public to help him make the best of
himself so that he can win light through work.”
(www.rnib.org.uk/xpedio/groups/public/documents/publicwebsite/public_keller.hcsp)

I assume that an average person in the USA knows who Helen Keller was, or at least
knows that her name is connected with blindness or deafness in some way. That is why
Leonard Gershe does not have to provide her name with any further information in the
story of Butterflies are free. He just lets Jill say: “She was blind and deaf and dumb, but
she became . . . Helen Keller.” (Gershe 1969, p.27)
Havlů translated the passage literally: “Bože, podívejte se na takovou Helenu
Kellerovou. Byla slepá a hluchá a němá – a stala se z ní…Helena Kellerová.“ (Havlů
1972, p.28)
Firstly, I think the name of Helen Keller should be translated as “Helen Kellerová“ to
maintain the original version as authentic as possible. Secondly, I would supply the
information about Helen Keller with further explanation so that the Czech audience can
imagine how famous or important she was. That is why I have finally translated this
passage as follows: “No, vem si třeba takovou Helen Kellerovou. Byla slepá, hluchá a
němá, a nakonec se z ní stala ta slavná Helen Kellerová, která přednášela po celý
Americe a napsala spoustu knížek.”
b) “Pin the Tail on the Donkey”
Pin the Tail on the Donkey is an American children game. One child gets blindfolded
and started for the donkey and he or she is supposed to catch any other child and slap
his bottom. The slap represents the process of pinning the tail on the donkey.
On the basis of this game Jill develops the whole story about her being the blindfolded
child and slapping by mistake the bottom of Mrs. Patterson.

1
Information about the life of Helen Keller was taken from:
www.rnib.org.uk/xpedio/groups/public/documents/publicwebsite/public_keller.hcsp.

77
“JILL. We always played it at birthday parties when I was a kid. I remember Julie
Patterson’s birthday. I guess I was about seven. They blindfolded me and started me for
the donkey and I stuck the pin smack into Mrs. Patterson’s ass.
DON. Oh, no. Well . . . donkey . . . ass . . . it’s all the same, isn’t it?
JILL. No to Mrs. Patterson, it wasn’t. She never believed I didn’t do it on purpose. I
didn’t. I didn’t have to. I mean if you knew Mrs. Patterson’s ass – well, you couldn’t
miss it . . . just no way. But you’d’ve won every prize there.”
(Gershe 1969, p.25)

Havlů replaces the original American game with a Czech children game.
“Hrál jste někdy hru Ptáčku, pípni? Jako malá holka jsem to hrála pořád. To sedí všichni
v kruhu, jednomu se zavážou oči a ten se pak poslepu k někomu došmátrá, sedne si mu
na klín a řekne: “Ptáčku pípni“. Ten, komu sedí na klíně, pípne a vy musíte uhodnout,
kdo to je. Smíte si přitom vypomáhat hmatem. Já to vždycky zkaňhala. V tomhle byste
vy byl bez konkurence.“ (Havlů 1972, p. 27)

By replacing the original American game, Havlů completely omits the funny story
about Mrs. Patterson and Jill’s accident with her bottom, which is a pity. I attempted to
add a spontaneous explanation of the game in the script so that it looks as if Jill would
be explaining the rules of the game to Don who does not really know them:
“JILL. Hráls někdy hru na oslí ocásek? Vždycky jsme jí hráli na narozeninovejch
oslavách, když jsem byla malá. Pamatuju si, když měla narozky Julie Pattersonová.
Bylo mi asi sedum. Zavázali mi oči, a já měla za úkol někoho chytit, plácnout ho po
zadku, a tím mu jako přilepit oslí ocásek. Jenže já se trefila přímo na zadek paní
Pattersonový.
DON. A sakra. I když . . . zadek osla . . nebo paní Pattersonový . . . není to jedno?
JILL. No, právě že paní Pattersonový to jedno nebylo. Dodnes si myslí, že jsem to
udělala schválně. Ale to není pravda. Proč bych to měla dělat schválně? Kdybys znal
zadek paní Pattersonový, tak bys pochopil, že ho prostě nejde minout . . . no prostě
nejde. Ale ty bys to tam určitě pokaždý vyhrál. “

Referring to translation of phraseology Kufnerová and Skoumalová state:

“While translating phraseology, or even a higher unit – a proverb, we do not translate
but substitute by what is common to say in the native language in a given context.
Phraseology cannot be translated according to its components but globally, i.e. we have
to replace the whole phraseological unit with another unit (equivalent of situation).
Phraseology does not represent a closed group, it is very dynamic, many new
expressions arise from day to day and they express emotions and subjective evaluation.
Phraseology is an area of appellation that uses higher units than a word – units of more
words and components. Such expressions are not only used for a neutral appellation of a
particular situation or fact, but they focus on subjective evaluation on the basis of
astonishment and surprise. Phraseological units may thus depict the opinion, attitude
and may comment on it astutely at the same time.

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There are three circumstances under which such units function:

1.Expressivity of phraseological means.

2.Their ephemeral, impermanent character.
3.Their variability, mutability.

The ephemeral character of expressive means is the source of dynamics: such phrases
date rather fast and they are constantly being replaced with new ones depending on the
creativity of the native speakers.” (Kufnerová, Skoumalová 1994, p.143)

c) „Saks“
Saks is an American luxury clothes company with many stores around the world.
Occasionally, Don’s mother goes shopping to Saks and as it is not far from his
apartment she intends to visit him after the shopping. Don who does not want her to
visit him replies: “Come to town and go to Saks, but you’re not coming down here.“
(Gershe 1969, p.7)
Havlů has not included this part of the script in his translation. I have left Saks in there,
supplied again with a short explanation:
“Dneska odpoledne ne . . . .To je mi jedno. Jo, přijď klidně do města a jdi si něco
koupit do toho snobskýho butiku Saks, ale sem nepůjdeš.“

d) „Scarsdale“
Scarsdale is a place where Don has been living his whole life. He hates it and hopes
never to get back there. In Gershe’s version, Jill is reacting on the ambiguity of this
name and says: “Scars-dale. It sounds like a sanitarium where they do plastic surgery.”
(Gershe 1969, p.11)
Havlů adapts this phrase as: “To je hnusný jméno – Scarsdale. Zní to skoro strašidelně.“
(Havlů 1972, p.10)
Originally I have been considering the possibility of finding and adequate Czech
equivalent of Scarsdale but finally I decided to preserve the original expression and
used the method of a further explanation again: “Scarsdale? Vždyť to je doslova
jizvový- údolí. To se tam vyrábí nějaká kosmetika, nebo co?“

Kufnerová and Skoumalová had commented on the translation of proper names

(although of persons primarily) as follows:
“Comical proper names represent a specific translation problem. They are such names
above all that have arisen from ordinary words of language (not names), and they have
maintained their original meaning to a certain extent. Their meaning is connected with
character of the bearer of the name (it either characterizes him or contradicts his

79
qualities). The translators has three options to deal with such a comical name. He can
leave it untranslated, in the original version. In this way he will deprive his readers of a
comical effect connected with the name (he may not reveal the semantic meaning of the
name and its relation to its bearer), but he may compensate the comical effect in another
part of the text. This procedure is usually used when the translation of a name presents
difficulties or when the name is not that important for understanding the play (it is
usually only attendant, secondary source of the comicality).
Another possibility is to translate the name, to replace it with an equivalent of the native
language. The characteristic and comical function of the name shall be thus preserved
for the readers of the translation. However, this procedure is not always adequate, for
such a proper name may cause a comical effect in the place, not appearing in the
original (e.g. the name of playwright Brain would be translated as Mozek into Czech,
the name Shakespeare might mean Třeshruška). Another associations may be connected
with the native version of the name in the target language. Moreover, this procedure
blurs the foreign atmosphere of the work and naturalizes the translation, which may or
may not correspond with the goal of the translator.
The third option when dealing with comical proper name is to translate it but make the
native expression sound exotically. When being read the name sounds as a Czech word
but at first sight, concerning the graphic trait, it looks as a foreign name. It is a
compromise and rather common and adequate solution of translation. The translator has
several options again to perform that. He either translates the whole name and
additionally he uses graphic features that are not common in native Czech words (E.g.
Mr. Slush=pan Blaff, Mr. Butt=pan Wlezley). He can also translate only a part of the
name and leave the other part as it originally was (Rashellfrida=Hergotfrida, countess of
Dashleigh=hraběnka Potterhleighová). Finally, the name may be changed in view of
preserving its language and culturally-social associations (A: What can I do for you,
Mr…er…? B: Smith. Wily Smith. A: Willy? (adjective meaning despiteous) B: Wily. In
Czech: A: Co byste potřeboval, pane..ehm…? B: Smith. Had Smith. A: Had jako
Hadley? B: Had jako had.).“ (Kufnerová, Skoumalová 1994, p.121)

Finally, I shall quote Newmark’s characterization of the aspect of cultural

background:
“The difficulties of literal translation are often highlighted not so much by linguistic or
referential context as by the context of a cultural tradition. Bagehot wrote about 130
years ago that ‘Language is the tradition of nations…people repeat phrases inculcated
by their fathers, true in the time of their fathers but now no longer true.’ To write off as
‘untranslatable’ a word whose meaning cannot be rendered literally and precisely by
another word is absurd, particularly when it could at least be better delineated by
componential analysis into four or five words, though as a footnote, not in the text of
the play. Looking at translation in an ideal sense, Gadamer has pointed out that ‘no
translation can replace the original…the translator’s task is never to copy what is said,
but to place himself in the direction of what is said (i.e. in its meaning) in order to carry
over what is to be said into the direction of his own saying.” (Newmark 1988, p.78)

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7.1.5 Aspect of time
The play Butterflies are free takes place in 1960s and Gershe mentions several
real personalities of that time. For example during Jill’s description of her own funeral
she is mentioning Beatles, Doors, Simon and Garfunkle etc.
Or when Don is talking about books written by his mother, Jill is asking him how
polular the books are. Don answers: “They were pretty popular . . .no Mary Poppins, but
pretty popular. . “ (Gershe 1969, p.26)
As Havlů translated the play in 1972 he could afford to use the comparison to Mary
Poppins with whom the Czech audience of that time might have been familiar: “ To
byste koukala, jak šly na odbyt…ne že by to byla nová Mary Poppins, ale docela by se
vám to líbilo..“ (Havlů 1972, p.27)
But nowadays even the older generation of Czech readers would hardly remember who
Mary Poppins was. That is why I have replaced Mary Poppins with well-known My fair
lady that serves as a suitable comparison to how popular or unpopular the books of Don
´s mother were.

7.2 Comparative language analysis

7.2.1
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.8)
JILL. I hope you don’t mind me inviting myself in. Would you do the zipper on my
blouse? I can’t reach back there. Your living room is bigger than mine. How long have
you been here?
DON. A month. This isn’t the living room. This is the apartment. That’s all there is
except I have a big bathroom.
JILL. I’ve got three rooms if you count the kitchen. I just moved in two days ago, but I
didn’t sign a lease or anything – just by the month. God, you’re neat. Everything is so
tidy.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.6)

JILL. Doufám, že vám nevadí, že jsem se tak sama pozvala. Zapnul byste mi ty horní
knoflíčky? Nemůžu si tam dosáhnout. Tenhle obejvák je větší než ten můj. Jak dlouho
tu bydlíte?
DON. Akorát měsíc.

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JILL. Já tu jsem teprve dva dni. Vzala jsem to zatím jen na měsíc. Žádnou nájemní
smlouvu jsem jim nepodepsala. Nebude vám vadit, když se tu trochu porozhlídnu?
Moje ložnice je větší. Ježíšmarjá – vy tu máte ale pořádek! Všecko jako ze škatulky.
Úplná Kalupinka.

Dagmar Trávníková:
JILL. Doufám, že ti nevadí, že jsem se takhle sama pozvala. Mohl bys mi, prosím tě,
zapnout ten zip? Nemůžu tam došáhnout. Tvůj obývák je větší než můj. Jak dlouho už
tady bydlíš?
DON. Měsíc. A tohleto není obývák, ale celej můj byt. To je všechno, až na to, že mám
velkou koupelnu.
JILL. Já mám tři pokoje, když počítám kuchyň. Nastěhovala jsem se před dvěma dny,
ale nepodepisovala jsem žádnou smlouvu o pronájmu nebo něco takovýho – budu tady
zatím jen měsíc. Ty jo, ty seš pořádnej. Všechno je tady tak uklizený.

ANALYSIS:
This part of conversation takes place at the beginning of the play, when Jill actually
invites herself for coffee in Don´s flat.
We can notice a subtle difference between the fasteners on Jill´s blouse. Havlů´s Jill
asks Don to button up her blouse whereas I have followed the original version and used
a zipper. It is not that important what kind of fastener there is, but in authorial notes
Gershe reminds us about a flash of awkwardness when Don tries to do the zipper, or in
Havlů´s case to button up the blouse.
Havlů often omits lines of the script (for instance in this passage Don´s description of
his flat is missing) and even more often he omits translating and using the inner
language of the drama – the authorial notes. Although in the original Gershe´s version
there are many such notes, and the characters change their position nearly after every
sentence, which is, in my estimation, disturbing and unnatural, it helps the director or
stage producer to keep the reality of the play and Gershe’s original intention.
Finally, I would like to refer to the last Jill’s line including the fairly outdated word
“kalupinka” in Havlů´s version which I have replaced with the phrase “všechno je tady
tak uklizený“ and which has already been compared in the previous part of this chapter
(Table 1).

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7.2.2
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.11)
JILL. I heard you last night.
DON. Sorry.
JILL. No, it was good. First I thought it was a record ‘til you kept playing one song
over and over.
DON. I can’t read music so I have to learn by ear. I’m trying to put together an act.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.9)

JILL. Slyšela jsem vás včera večer.
DON. Nezlobte se . . .
JILL. Vůbec ne, bylo to fajn. Napřed jsem myslela, že je to deska, dokud jste nezačal
hrát jednu písničku pořád kolem dokola.
DON. Nemůžu číst noty, tak se musím učit nazpaměť. Pokouším se dát dohromady
takový číslo.

Dagmar Trávníková:
JILL. Včera večer jsem tě slyšela.
DON. Promiň.
JILL. Ne, vždyť to bylo dobrý. Nejdřív jsem si myslela, že je to kazeta, dokud jsi
nezačal hrát jednu písničku pořád dokola.
DON. Neumím noty, takže se to učím podle sluchu. Zkouším dát dohromady nějaký
číslo.

ANALYSIS:
Concerning the aspect of time I have translated the „record“ as a cassette in order to
agree to the rest of the updated script. Another word I have replaced is the Czech
analogy of “over and over” used by Havlů. His expression “pořád kolem dokola”
reminds me more of a spatial than of a temporal adverbial phrase.
Furthermore, there is a difference in the translation of Don´s line: “I can´t read
music…“ I have used the second meaning of the modal can – to know how to do sth,
whereas Havlů inclines towards the its original meaning – to say that it is possible for
sb./sth. to do sth., or for sth. to happen. Taking in consideration the fact that at this point
Jill does not know yet about Don´s blindness, Havlů´s translation actually lets Don

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divulge himself. He is saying that he is not able to read notes, although we know he
wants to keep Jill unconscious about this fact as long as possible.
The last ambiguity appears within the translation of the phrase “to learn by ear.” The
dictionary interprets this phrase as “to play music by remembering how it sounds rather
than by reading it.” Havlů translates it as learning by heart, I use the Czech idiom of
learning to play something according to a recorded piece of music. Nonetheless, both
possibilities seem well-founded in the context of the play.

7.2.3
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.19)
JILL. I’ve never read Dickens. Actually, I’ve never read anything by Mark Twain,
either, but I always thought he wrote that. Have you read . . . Oh, damn it!
DON. Yes, I’ve read Dickens and most of the things by Mark Twain and stop falling
apart with every word. They’re published in Braille.
JILL. But it’s awful to ask someone blind if he’s read something.
DON. As a matter of facts, I read very well . . . with my finger tips. Just ask me if I’ve
felt any good books lately.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.19 )

JILL. Jakživa jsem žádnýho Dickense nečetla. Abych pravdu řekla, já nečetla ani toho
Marka Twaina, ale vždycky jsem si myslela, že to napsal on. Čet jste…Ale sakra!
DON. Jo. Čet jsem Dickense a skoro všecko od Marka Twaina a přestaňte si pořád
šlapat na jazyk! Všecko to vytiskli Braillovým písmem.
JILL. No jo – ale je to blbost ptát se někoho slepýho, jestli něco čet.
DON. Ujišťuji vás, že mi čtení nedělá potíže…čtu hmatem, konečky prstů. Tak se mě
můžete tedy zeptat, jestli jsem v poslední době prohmát nějaký pěkný knížky.

Dagmar Trávníková:
JILL. Nikdy jsem nečetla Dickense. Vlastně jsem nikdy nečetla ani Twaina, ale myslela
jsem, že to napsal on. Četls. . .Sakra!
DON. Jo, četl jsem Dickense a většinu věcí od Twaina, a přestaň se už konečně
zasekávat po každý větě. Všechno to bylo vydaný v Braillově písmu.
JILL. Když to je tak příšerný ptát se někoho slepýho, jestli něco četl.

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DON. A přitom já čtu celkem dobře – konečkama prstů. Prostě se mě můžeš zeptat, jestli
jsem si v poslední době něco dobrýho ošahal.

ANALYSIS:
In this extract we can notice one of Jill’s embarrassing moments while talking to Don as
to a ‘healthy man’ and realizing that he is blind only after he answers her curious
questions in an ironic way. I have agreed with Havlů on translating the expression “Oh,
damn it” as “sakra” and I suppose that it is an adequate equivalent of this not that much
indecent word. But what has been translated differently, is Don’s sentence “stop falling
apart with every word.” Havlů interprets it as “přestaňte si pořád šlapat na jazyk,”
which, however, reminds me more of a defect of proper pronunciation. But Don asks
Jill not to get stuck wordless after every sentence of which she things it might harm or
offend him as a blind person. That is why I have interpreted this phrase as “přestaň se už
konečně zasekávat po každý větě”, which might seem too direct in a way, but expresses
Don’s intention exactly.
Another differently interpreted expression is “they’re published in Braille”, which is
translated as “všecko to vytiskli Braillovým písmem“ by Havlů. In this case I incline
towards the literal translation and thus use “všechno to bylo vydaný v Braillově písmu.“
Last but not least the expression “..if I’ve felt any good books lately” presents a
challenging task for the translator. Havlů substitutes “felt” by “prohmát“ whereas I have
translated it as a little bit ambiguous verb “ošahal“. Nevertheless, both ways seem
comprehensible in the context.

7.2.4
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.22)
DON. Were you in love with him?
JILL. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love with anyone. I don’t want to be. It’s
too . . . confining and somebody always gets hurt. Are you hungry?
DON. Not very. Are you?
JILL. Always. My appetite embarrasses me. I told you I think about food a lot . . . and
care deeply. Why don’t I go down to the delicatessen and get something? I know
exactly where it is – forty-four steps from the front door.

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Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.22 )
DON. Milovala jste ho?
JILL. Já snad nikdy nebyla do nikoho doopravdy zamilovaná. Ani o to nestojím.
Člověka to …omezuje. Máte hlad?
DON. Ani ne. A vy?
JILL. Já vždycky. To je až trapný, ten můj apetýt. Říkala jsem vám přece, že myslím na
jídlo v jednom kuse…a ráda. Co kdybych si skočila pro něco do toho delikatesu? Vím
už přesně, kde to je – čtyřicet čtyři kroků od vchodu do baráku.

Dagmar Trávníková:
DON. Milovalas ho?
JILL. Já asi nikdy nikoho úplně nemilovala. A ani nechci. Moc to . . . svazuje, a
vždycky se pak někdo cítí ublíženej. Nemáš hlad?
DON. Ani ne. Ty jo?
JILL. Vždycky. Ta moje neustálá chuť k jídlo je fakt šílená. Už jsem ti říkala, že na
jídlo hodně myslím . . . a že mi na něm.. záleží. Tak proč si neskočím do těch potravin a
něco si nekoupím, že jo? Už vím přesně, kde to je – čtyřicet čtyři kroků od hlavního
vchodu.

ANALYSIS:
This extract represents differences in the field of individual word translations above all.
The atmosphere in Havlů’s translation of “Ani ne. A vy?“ seems more formal than my
interpretation “Ani ne. Ty jo?“. I have already been commenting on the influence of
being on formal terms or first name terms on the final impression, atmosphere and
obvious relationship of the characters. The literal Czech translation of “appetite” is
another expression I have replaced as it seemed outdated and unconceivable to hear
from a present-day 20 year old girl to me. Finally, Havlů has translated “delicatessen”
as a rather obsolete word “delikates” whereas I have chosen more realistic expression
“potraviny“ although the root of the word “delikates” evokes the idea of something
‘delicious’ and the audience might thus imagine what kind of shop it is about.

7.2.5
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.34)
DON. When were you a hippie?

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JILL. I guess it was right after my marriage. I used to hang around Sunset Strip and
smoke pot and say things like, “Down with the fuzz” and “Don’t trust anyone over
thirty.” The whole bit. I just did it because everybody was doing it. Then I stopped
because everybody was doing it. I felt I was losing my individuality – whatever that is.
The main thing, of course, was to protest against my mother, but it didn’t work. I mean I
walked in one day with my hair long and stringy, wearing far-out clothes and beads and
sandals . . . she LOVED it! Next day, she had stringy hair and far-out clothes and beads
and sandals. Well, I mean how can you protest against someone who’s doing the same
thing you are? Right? So, I went the other way and joined the Young Republicans for
Ronald Reagan. Another mistake. There’s no such thing as a young Republican. There.
You look terrific.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.38)

DON. Kdy ses přidala k hippíkům?
JILL. To bylo akorát, jak shořelo to mý manželství. Placatila jsem se pak mezi nima a
kouřila marihuanu a prohlašovala věci jako „Kdo po nás pendrekem – my po něm
květinou“ nebo „Nevěřte nikomu nad třicet“. A tak vůbec. Dělal to kdekdo, tak jsem to
dělala taky. Pak jsem toho nechala, protože toho kdekdo zase nechal. Cítila jsem, že
začínám ztrácet individualitu – ať už to znamená cokoliv. Hlavně jsem tím chtěla
pochopitelně protestovat proti mamince, jenže ta mě převezla. Já ti jednou přijdu domů,
vlasy až bůhvíkam, vodvazový šatičky a korálky a sandálky - - a ona byla úplně na
větvi. Den nato měla taky vlasy až bůhvíkam a vodvazový šatičky a korálky a sandálky.
No řekni sám – dá se protestovat proti někomu, kdo dělá to co ty? Nemám pravdu? Tak
jsem si to honem odkormidlovala jiným směrem a dala jsem se k Mladým
republikánům, který horovali pro Ronalda Reagana. To byl ovšem další průšvih a omyl.
Ona totiž taková věc jako mladý republikán neexistuje. Nedej se jima oblafnout.
Vypadají sice jako mladý, ale myslí jim to postaru. Ty by určitě nebaštili můj funus.
Tak. Vypadáš senzačně.

Dagmar Trávníková:
DON. Jak je to dlouho cos byla u hippíků??
JILL. Těsně po tý mý svatbě. Poflakovala jsem se okolo Sunset Stripu, kouřila trávu a
říkala věci jako, „Pryč s policajtama“ a „Nevěř nikomu nad třicet.“ Všechny tyhle věci
jsem dělala, protože to tak dělali všichni. A pak jsem toho nechala právě proto, že to

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dělali všichni. Připadalo mi, že ztrácím svojí osobnost – ať už to znamená, co chce. To
hlavní byl samozřejmě protest proti mý matce, ale nefungovalo to. Jednou jsem přišla
domů s dlouhejma zacuchanejma vlasama, oblečená do ulítlejch hadrů s korálkama a
sandálama . . . a jí ..se to děsně líbilo! No a další den měla zacuchaný vlasy ona. A taky
ulítlý oblečení a korálky a sandály. Takže jak jsem mohla protestovat proti někomu, kdo
dělal to stejný, co já? Chápeš to? Tak jsem šla zkusit něco jinýho, a přidala se
k Mladejm Republikánům za Ronalda Reagana. Další blbost. Neexistujou totiž žádný
mladý Republikáni.
Tak, to je vono. Vypadáš skvěle.

ANALYSIS:
Concerning the renovation means, this passage has been especially demanding. Jill is
telling Don about her past – her identification with hippie movement and her later
affiliation to Young Republicans for Ronald Reagan. Nevertheless, she had
experienced these events only four years before her present narration. Consequently, I
had to preserve the time setting of the script and within the language renovation
inescapably use several expressions connected with the hippie period, i.e. the 1960s and
1970s. Unlike Havlů, I have translated “I used to hang around Sunset Strip” literally to
maintain the lifelikeness of the play. The hippie ‘proverbs’ also represent a challenging
feature. Havlů had lived in this period and I suppose he had thus used the authentic
Czech equivalents of the two mentioned ‘slogans’. I have translated them literally, not
having the opportunity of comparison with the Czech background. Within translating
the following part of Jill’s monologue: “I just did it because everybody was doing it.
Then I stopped because everybody was doing it. I felt I was losing my individuality –
whatever that is.” I encountered a problem of a translational ambiguity. The given
context might be interpreted in two ways. Jill might have stopped because everybody
else was stopping at that time and she therefore no longer wanted to be a part of the
movement. However, it might also mean, especially in connection with the following
sentence, that she had stopped being a hippie just because it had been so fashionable to
be a hippie and to do all the things connected with it so that it made her feel losing her
individuality.
Havlů has inclined to the first interpretation and translated the part as “Dělal to kdekdo,
tak jsem to dělala taky. Pak jsem toho nechala, protože toho kdekdo zase nechal.“

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The final outdated expressions of this passage I have re-translated were Havlů’s verbs
“odkormidlovala jiným směrem“ and “horovali pro Ronalda Reagana“, which I found
obsolete and unsuitable in the contemporary Czech language background.

7.2.6
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.27)
DON. But we’d be practically living together. How would it look? Who cares how it
looks? I can’t see, anyway!
JILL. (Crosses to the kitchen, finds a large knife and crosses to her door.) I’ll bet we
can open it with this big knife.
DON. We’ll have to move the chest.
JILL. Move it toward you. That’s fine.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.29)

DON. Ale to pak budeme prakticky bydlet spolu. Jak by to vypadalo? Ať to vypadá jak
chce! Já stejně nic nevidím.
JILL. Dá se to na beton otevřít nožem. Kde tu máte nože?
DON. Druhá zásuvka odprava.
JILL. Tlačte to na mě. Prima.

Dagmar Trávníková:
DON. Ale to bysme pak vlastně bydleli spolu. Jak by to vypadalo? Vlastně komu je co
do toho, jak by to vypadalo. Já stejně nic nevidím!
JILL. Vsadím se, že s tímhle nožem to půjde otevřít.
DON. Nejdřív musíme posunout tu skříň.
JILL. Šoupni jí k sobě. Takhle to je dobrý.

ANALYSIS:
While comparing and translating this extract, among others, it seemed to me Havlů
might have been working with a different original version as his lines differ
comparatively from Gershe’s version from 1969 I have been using for my dissertation.
In Havlů’s version Jill is asking Don where the knives are and he is describing in which
drawer she can find them. Whereas in the original we are only given the information in

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the directorial notes that ”Jill Crosses to the kitchen, finds a large knife and crosses to
her door.” No further discussion about knives follows. The English expression chest
(of drawers) has been translated as “šifonér“ and “prádelník“ by Havlů. I have
interpreted it as more neutral “skříň” as I find it applicable in a wider sense.

7.2.7
Leonard Gershe: (Gershe 1969, p.35)
JILL. If I want to go to bed with a guy . . . usually, I have a little smile that lets him
know I’m interested.
DON. Oh, yeah? I want to feel that smile. Is that it?
JILL. I can’t do it now. You’re making me laugh. I’ll do it later. But I had to use a
different approach with you, didn’t I? Well, I didn’t want you to think I was terrible.
DON. I didn’t . I don’t.
JILL. I hate talking about sex, but I thought maybe you’d like to know that you’re . . .
well, really groovy.

Ivo T. Havlů: (Havlů 1972, p.40)

JILL. Když se chci s nějakým klukem vyspat . . .tak si obyčejně nasadím takový lehký
úsměv, z kterýho pozná, že mám zájem.
DON. Usměj se tak. Ať aspoň cítím, jak to vypadá.
JILL. Nemůžu. Musím se smát.
DON. To je ono?
JILL. Ne, jasně že ne. Ááále – teď mi to nejde. Zkusím to potom. Ale musela jsem
s tebou použít jiný taktiky, chápeš? No – a nechtěla jsem, aby sis o mně něco špatnýho
myslel.
DON. Nic takovýho mě nenapadlo. Fakt ne.
JILL. Nesnáším debaty o sexu, protože mám pocit, že to je něco, co se provozuje a ne
něco, o čem se debatuje, ale myslela jsem si, že bys byl třeba rád, kdybych ti řekla, že
jsi . . . no – že jsi júra.

Dagmar Trávníková:
JILL. Když mám chuť jít s klukem do postele . . . většinou nahodím takovej zvláštní
úsměv, kterej mu naznačí, že mám jako zájem.
DON. Jo? Fakt? Chci si na ten úsměv šáhnout. Je to on?

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JILL. Teď to nejde. Ty mě rozesmíváš. Ukážu ti ho pozdějc. Ale s tebou jsem musela
použít jinou taktiku, víš? No, prostě jen nechci, aby sis myslel, že jsem tak… zkažená.
DON. Nemyslel jsem si to. Teda nemyslím.
JILL. Nenávidím řeči o sexu, ale říkala jsem si, že bys možná rád věděl, že seš . . . hm . .
. fakt dobrej.

ANALYSIS:
Jill is describing here her ‘little smile’ she usually has before ‘going to bed with a guy’.
I do not find Havlů’s translation “tak si obyčejně nasadím takový lehký úsměv“
adequate, especially not these days. The verb “nasadit” is, in my opinion, more
appropriate when talking about clothes or accessories but not when describing a smile.
Consequently, I have used more progressive and informal expression “většinou
nahodím takovej zvláštní úsměv”. Concerning the translational accurateness, Havlů has
enlarged comparatively Jill’s last line of this excerpt. The original Gershe’s line “I hate
talking about sex, but...” has been thus interpreted as “nesnáším debaty o sexu, protože
mám pocit, že to je něco, co se provozuje a ne něco, o čem se debatuje, ale…“. We may
suppose he has used the additional sentences to depict Jill’s direct character or for
reasons of comicality. Finally, as it has been already demonstrated in Table 1 on page 3
of this chapter, Havlů’s “júra“ as an equivalent of “groovy” sounds fairly outdated and I
have replaced it with a very popular expression of present-day teenagers “fakt dobrej”.
(Another teenager expression “dost dobrej” would also fit here.)
Concerning the original Gershe’s expression ‘groovy’ that has been used several times
in the play, Michael Toscano, the reviewer for The Washington Post has stated:
“At 34 years old, Leonard Gershe's play is hopelessly dated, a product of
a long-gone, ephemeral wrinkle in culture, and it's not just overuse of
the word "groovy" that makes it seem archaic.” (The Washington Post, 11.3.2003)

Consequently, we may notice that as the translation gets outdated, so does the original
work and it might therefore be convenient to ‘re-translate’ the dramatic work even
within the source language.

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 To conclude this chapter I shall quote Newmark’s advice about the last step of
the procedure of translating that I have followed and that has helped me to analyse and
compare Gershe’s and Havlů’s translation to mine:
“Finally, you should note the cultural aspect of the source language text; you should
underline all neologisms, metaphors, cultural words and institutional terms peculiar to
the source language or third language, proper names, technical terms and
‘untranslatable’ words. Untranslatable words are the ones that have no ready one-to-one
equivalent in the target language; they are likely to be qualities or actions-descriptive
verbs, or mental words- words relating to the mind, that have no cognates in the target
language, e.g. words like ‘fuzzy’, ‘murky’, ‘dizzy’, ‘snug’, ‘snub’; many such English
words arise from Dutch or from dialect. You underline words that you have to consider
out of as well as within context, in order to establish their semantic range, their
frontiers: unlike Humpty, you cannot normally decide to make any word mean what you
want, and there are normally limits to the meaning of any word.“ (Newmark 1988, p.17)

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