10 Tips For Building A Strong Relationship
10 Tips For Building A Strong Relationship
10 Tips For Building A Strong Relationship
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10 Tips for Building a Strong
Relationship
For a long time marriage counselors and others thought that couples
had the best chance of staying together if they had similar
backgrounds and interests. But recently, experts have developed a
different view. Many people now believe that common backgrounds
and interests may be less important than other factors, such as
differences in values, how couples handle disagreements, or how
committed they are.
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Staying committed begins with accepting that having a good
relationship takes work. Problems can occur in any relationship, and
both people have to make compromises and adjustments. So it’s
important to accept some difficulties or “rough patches” as normal and
inevitable. Instead of trying to pretend that they don’t happen, make a
commitment to solving your problems together.
Couples who stay together see themselves as good friends. They share
a variety of activities, enjoy each other’s company, provide support in
good times and bad, and they don’t take each other for granted.
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person’s views or interests as more important than the other’s. Each
person feels that he or she is making a vital contribution to the
relationship.
One of the best ways to foster this kind of equality is to ask for the
other person’s opinion frequently and show that you value it. Try to
make joint decisions on big issues -- deciding how to save for
retirement or how to divide up the household responsibilities -- and
learn to find creative solutions or make compromises when you can’t
agree.
More than two-thirds of the couples who seek counseling say that their
problems include poor communication. It’s vital to learn how to
communicate with your partner so that both of you are able to express
your needs and desires clearly. One study found that couples can stay
close by spending as little as twenty minutes a day simply talking to
each other.
When they fall in love, many couples think they don’t need anybody
but each other. In the long run this usually turns out to be untrue.
Maintaining a good relationship is difficult enough that most couples
who stay together need a lot of support along the way. This may come
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from their friends or family. But it can also come from groups or
organizations that reflect their deepest values.
No matter how upset you feel, try to focus on the issues involved in a
disagreement, not on who’s “right” or “wrong.” If you’re unhappy that
your spouse doesn’t pay the bills on time, don’t accuse him or her of
being lazy or neglectful. Instead you might say, “I’m concerned about
how late we’re paying our bills. This could affect our ability to buy a
house someday.” Or, “I’ve noticed that we’ve had a lot of late charges
on our bills. Do we need to work out a better system for making sure
these get paid on time?”
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8. Make sure each of you has some privacy and independence.
In practical terms, this means that each member of the couple needs
time alone or with friends away from the other. Allowing each other
some independence is a way of giving your relationship room to
“breathe” and showing that you respect another’s unique needs and
interests.
These activities help couples to define their values and can become a
kind of emotional glue that holds them together. The specific rituals
you choose aren’t as important as whether yours have a meaning and
importance for you and your partner. You might want to adapt the
favorite traditions of both of your families, create some new ones, or
use a combination of both.
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10. Have fun.
No matter how hard they work, couples who stay together usually
make time for fun. Some set aside one night a week for a “date” with
each other even if you just go out for pizza or for a moonlit walk. What
you do isn’t important, what’s important is that you spend time
together having fun.
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