PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

 SELF-DEVELOPMENT 
Knowing and Understanding Oneself during Middle and Late Adolescence

SELF-CONCEPT

 Self-concept refers to how someone thinks about, evaluates or perceives their selves. It
has two broad categories:
a.) the ideal self
b.) the actual self

IDEAL SELF ACTUAL SELF

The self you aspire to be. The self you actually see, who we are.
It is the one that you hope will possess characteristics Self-Concept
similar to that of a mentor or some other worldly figure. It is the self that has characteristics that you were nurtured or,
in some cases, born to have.
Awareness of
yourself
It is how we think, how we feel, look, and act.
Developed over time, based on what we have
learned and experienced. It can be seen by others, but because we have no way of truly
knowing how others view us, it is our self-image.

Include components of what our parents have

taught us, what we admire in others, what our Built on self-knowledge - from social interactions that
society promotes, and what we think is in our provide insight into how others react to you.
best interest.

 Figure 1: Self-Concept

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● There is negotiation that exists between the two selves which is complex because there are
numerous exchanges between the ideal and actual self.
● These exchanges are exemplified in social roles that are adjusted and readjusted, and are
derived from outcomes of social interactions from infant to adult development.
● Therefore, alignment between the ideal and actual self is important which is either congruent
or incongruent with each other.

Incongruent Congruent

Ideal Self Actual Self Ideal Actual Self

Self

Figure 2: Alignment between Ideal Self and Actual Self

● When there is a mismatch (little overlap) between how you see yourself (your actual self)
and who you wish you were (your ideal self), your self-concept is "incongruent."
● This incongruence can negatively impact your self-esteem. It can also cause mental
distress or anxiety.
● The greater the level of incongruence between the ideal self and real self, the greater
the level of resulting distress.
● Incongruence has its earliest roots in childhood. When parents place conditions on their
affection for their children (only expressing love if children "earn it" through certain
behaviors and living up to the parents' expectations), children begin to distort the
memories of experiences that leave them feeling unworthy of their parents' love.
● Unconditional love, on the other hand, helps to foster congruence. Children who
experience such love feel no need to continually distort their memories in order to
believe that other people will love and accept them as they are.
● Thus, we do not simply sit and wait for our self-concept to develop: we take an active
role in shaping our self-concept at all ages (whether we are aware of this or not).

“We cannot change, we cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept
what we are. Then change seems to come about almost unnoticed.”

- Carl Rogers

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ASPECTS OF THE SELF

● The self-concept is represented by several

aspects of the self. It is conceived as a collection
of multiple, context-dependent selves.
● This construct believes that context activates
particular regions of self-knowledge and self-
relevant feedback affects self-evaluations and
affects.
● A deeper look on the different aspects of self can
identify specific areas of self-regulation, stability
and improvement.
● The following are the different aspects of the self:
1. Physical Self
They relate to the body which is tangible, obvious and can be easily responded to. It
includes description of height, weight, facial appearance, and quality of skin, hair and
descriptions of body areas such as your neck, chest, waist, legs.
2. Intellectual Self
This is the part of the self that directs the other aspects. It learns what to do and
communicates the information to the body and the feelings. Includes how well you
reason and solve your problems, your capacity to learn and create, your general amount
of knowledge, your specific areas of knowledge, wisdom you have acquired, and insights
you have.
3. Emotional Self
The human emotions are the most feared aspect of the self, as individuals are reluctant
and unprepared to manage them. Managing feelings is like trying to hold water in the
palm of your hand. They are illusive and deceptive. Typical feelings you have, feelings
you seldom have, feelings you try to avoid, feelings you especially enjoy, feelings from
the past and present & feelings which are associated with each other
4. Sensual Self
How you feel as a sensual person. What you use most-sight, hearing, smelling,
touching. How you feel about different ways you take in information- through the eyes,
ears, mouth, nose and skin.
5. Interactional Self
It includes your description of your strengths and weaknesses in intimate relationships
and relationships to friends, family, classmates and strangers in social settings. These
are the strengths and weaknesses which your friends and family have noticed.

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 6. Nutritional Self
How do you nourish yourself? The food you like and dislike. What you like and dislike
about these.
7. Contextual Self
Descriptors could be in the areas of maintenance of living environment: reaction to light,
temperature, space, weather, colors, sound and seasons and your impact on the
environment.
8. Spiritual Self or Life Force
This could include your feelings about yourself and organized religion, reaction about
spiritual connections to others, spiritual development and thought of metaphysical self.
Think of your inner peace and joy, spiritual regimen or routine.

PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

● Personal effectiveness means making use of

all the personal resources - talents, skills,
energy and time, to enable you to achieve life
goals.
● In short, personal effectiveness means getting
the best out of yourself.
● Your knowledge of yourself and how you
manage yourself impacts directly on your
personal effectiveness.

● Keys to improving your personal performance:

 Self-awareness
 Making the most out of strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses
 Learning new skills and techniques
 Behavioral flexibility
 Communicate better
 Plan and prioritize
 Avoid multitasking
 Learn to manage interruptions
● Our personal effectiveness depends on our innate characteristics:

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 > talent - needed to be identified first and
then developed to be used in a particular
subject area

> experience - includes (a) knowledge and

(b) skills acquired in the process of cognitive
and practical activities.

a.) Knowledge is required for setting goals, defining an action plan to achieve them and
risk assessment.
b.) Skills also determine whether real actions are performed in accordance with the plan.
If the same ability is used many times in the same situation, then it becomes a habit that
runs automatically, subconsciously.
Here are some skills that will greatly increase the efficiency of any person who owns
them.

1. Determination.
➢ It allows you to focus only on achieving a specific goal without
being distracted by less important things or spontaneous
desires.

2. Self-confidence.
➢ It is a result of getting aware of yourself, your actions
and their consequences.
➢ It is manifested in speech, appearance, dressing,
gait, and physical condition.
➢ To develop it, you need to learn about yourself and
your capabilities, gain a positive attitude and believe
that by performing right actions and achieving right
goals you will certainly reach success.

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3. Persistence.
➢ It makes you keep moving forward regardless of emerging
obstacles - problems, laziness, bad emotional state, etc.
➢ It reduces the costs of overcoming obstacles. It can also be
developed with the help of self-discipline exercise.

4. Managing stress.
➢ It helps combat stress that arises in daily life from the environment and other
people.
➢ Stress arises from the uncertainty in an unknown situation when a lack of
information creates the risk of negative consequences of your actions.
➢ It increases efficiency in the actively changing environment.

5. Problem-solving skills.
➢ They help cope with the problems encountered with a
lack of experience.
➢ It increases efficiency by adopting new ways of
achieving goals when obtaining a new experience.

6. Creativity.
➢ It allows you to find extraordinary ways to carry out a specific action
that no one has tried to use.
➢ It can lead to a decrease or an increase of costs, but usually the
speed of action is greatly increased when using creative tools.

7. Generating ideas.

➢ It helps you achieve goals using new, original, unconventional ideas.

➢ Idea is a mental image of an object formed by the human mind, which can be
changed before being implemented in the real world.
➢ For generating ideas you can use a method of mental maps, which allows you to
materialize, visualize and scrutinize all your ideas, which in turn contributes to the
emergence of new ideas.
➢ These are just some, but the most important personal effectiveness skills which
make the achievement of any goal easier and less costly.

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 ● In conclusion, personal effectiveness is a key trait amongst successful people and
professionals, and being able to hone the skills necessary to demonstrate it will make a
big difference. Having an excellent understanding of your own strengths and motivations
takes time, but the benefits of this awareness and drive are endless.
BUILD ON YOUR STRENGTHS AND WORK ON YOUR WEAKNESSES

● Most failures emanate from weaknesses that are not recognized or probably recognized
but not given appropriate attention or remedy.
● Instead of giving up or indulging in self-pity, take action:

Identify your strengths.

Instead of simply focusing on your weaknesses, recognize your own talents and abilities, build on them,
utilize them to your greatest advantage.

Identify where you could use some improvement.

What are some of your weaknesses, or things that you’d like to improve about yourself? And how might
they be adversely affecting you? Be honest with yourself, but don’t be hard on yourself.

Consider the benefits of changing.

Set specific
Visualizing goals.can be a powerful and motivating exercise. One of the benefits of changing this
success
tendency
Having a isconcrete
that you’ll
goalcome off gives
in place as more
you reliable andspecific
something responsive, which
to work canwhich
toward, makecreates
you seem moreof
a sense
trustworthy and dependable.
accountability. It also gives you an end goal, so you can figure out actionable steps for how to get from
here to there..

Embrace the challenge.

Instead of looking at it as a chore, look at it as a challenge that you’re ready to take on. Embrace the
challenge, and enjoy the process. Working on improving yourself will make you a better-rounded person.

Be consistent.
It takes time and consistent effort to yield results. Be consistent in your efforts, and keep it up.

Figure 3: How to Work on Your Weaknesses

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YOU NEED TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR FUTURE

● There are three kinds of people in this world:

The first is the Moviegoer. This person watches the movie of their
lives admires some parts and criticizes others. Aside from that they do
nothing else. All they say the whole day is, “I like this thing” and “But I
don’t like this thing”. The Moviegoer feels they have absolutely no
control of their lives --- except to comment about it. Moviegoers are the
most pathetic, miserable people in the world.

The second is the Actor. This person does not only watch
the movie of their life. They actually realize they are the
Actor - and can control a big part of their life. They can
actually make or break the movie - by how well they deliver
their lines and how they portray their character. Actors are a
happy bunch, realizing they’re the start of the show and
enjoy some level of control. But many times, they wish that
the movie would end in another way - but realize they have
no say in such things.

The third is the Scriptwriter. This person does not only watch, and
they don’t only act, but they actually create the entire movie from their
mind. They determine what they will say, what they will do, and how
the movie will end. They realize they have enormous control over their
life, and see to it that the movie of their life will turn out beautiful.

Who are you among these people?

Do you merely watch your life go by?
Or do you act out a script that you feel has been handed to you?
Or do you write the script and make your life beautiful?

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 ● Unless you’re consciously working to create your future, you’re risking becoming a
bystander in your own life.
● Take charge of your life by:
➢ Understanding what you want and then having the courage, self-control and patience to
follow through.
➢ Know your life mission statement (e.g. My purpose is to live life to the fullest by taking
the care of my relationships, finances and overall happiness to the best of my abilities.)
➢ Be True to Yourself - being connected with your values and vision and setting
meaningful goals for yourself.
➢ Simplify, Declutter & Repeat - get rid of the noise and unnecessary moving parts in your
life. Simplify and give yourself room to breathe.
➢ Stop Trying to Sprint All the Way - stop trying to do everything at breakneck speed.
Make a little time to smell the flowers, celebrate successes and appreciate life along the way
instead. Appreciate the power of slowness.
➢ Living a full, productive life requires maintaining balance between work, relaxation and
recreation.
➢ Appreciate self and practice self-love.
● We can have more control of our life. You can start taking charge of your life and making
positive changes. This will bring joy, happiness and power into your life.
● You can start taking charge of your life right now, instead of leaving everything at the
mercy of circumstances or other people.
● Nobody can change your life except you! You are the creator of your own reality.

MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND ACTIONS

● The following is an old Cherokee Indian story that is enlightening and helpful.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside
people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all."
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow,
regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego."

He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same
fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

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 The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf
will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed".

● Knowing
which wolf to feed
is the first step
towards recognizing
you have control
over your own
self.
● Have you ever had
thoughts,
feelings or acted in
ways that were

unacceptable to yourself but felt powerless to control?

● The purpose of this story is to help you find ways to manage your mind so that you can
live your life more in accordance with what your own judgment says is best for you.
● It serves as an important reminder of the power we have over our experiences and
emotions.
● As we grow up, we gradually become aware of the many things in the external world
which are largely beyond our ability to control. These include other people in general and
most events in our lives. Initially this is difficult to accept, but a more shocking realization
is that there are many things about ourselves that we seem powerless to control.
● Some of these are our own thoughts, feelings, and actions which unfortunately can be
the source of much distress.
● It may be thoughts such as “I cannot stop hating my boss for passing me over for a
promotion.”
● It may involve an emotion e.g. “My girlfriend left me and I cannot stop feeling sad, lonely
and unloved.”
● It can also be in the form of a behavior such as the inability to control one's craving for
food such as sweet desserts or constant snacking. “
● But are we indeed really powerless to control our own maladaptive thoughts, feelings
and actions?

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● The grandfather’s answer "The one you feed" is deceivingly simple. The results of
psychological research indicate that there are at least four important concepts or ideas
implied by the answer:
➢ The mind is not the unitary entity it seems to us but consists of different parts. For
example in the story there are the two wolves and the “you” that chooses between
them.
➢ These parts of the mind/brain can interact and be in conflict with each other i.e.
the two wolves fight for dominance over our mind and behavior.
➢ The “you” has the ability to decide which wolf it will feed.
➢ Having made a choice, “you” can decide specifically how to “feed” or nurture the
selected wolf.
● Questions to help improve your control over your own mind, feelings, and actions
1. Are you aware of two different opposing “wolves” operating within your mind, one
of which leads to pain and a diminished sense of life and the other to a joyous,
meaningful, and fulfilling life?
2. Do you recognize that within your mind is a separate entity which is the core
you? Other names for this core self are “ego” or just simply the “self”.
3. Have you ever experienced times when you noticed a conflict or fight between
parts of yourself so that you did not know which way to turn?
4. Were you ever disappointed by the choice of behavior made by “you” because
you knew that there was a more positive option but you just didn’t choose it?
5. In general, how effective is your ego in choosing the thoughts feelings and
actions which are best for you?
6. What ways or techniques or exercises do you use to strengthen your ego or self
so as to increase its potency to choose and hence control your life?
7. In what specific ways do you feed the negative wolf?
8. What specific ways do you use to feed the positive wolf?
9. Having become aware of how you feed the wolves within, can you think of ways
to better nurture your chosen wolf?

THE POWER OF JOURNAL WRITING: UNFOLDING YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY

● The purpose of journal writing is to help you become the Scriptwriter of your life.

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● There are four (4) practical reasons to maintain a journal:

1. It is cost efficient and available.

Emotional stress can be dealt with in many ways like talking to a friend
over a cup of coffee, eating, travelling, shopping, painting and many more
but writing is the most inexpensive. Notebooks and pens are easy to find,
available and do not cost so much.
2. It is preventative and proactive.
Writing yields self-awareness. When you write, you can discover your
strengths and limitations. You will know what your reactions are in
different situations and what better ways to prevent, avoid, or face your
fears.
3. It is creative and productive.
Journal writing expounds your imagination. You can see various
dimensions of your problem, different points of view and better solutions.
4. It is personal and private.
Unless you want to share your stories, you have the choice to keep them
to yourself. Writing is your time alone. It is your way of loving yourself.
You will not be judged by your writing.
● You just need one (1) notebook to maintain a personal journal. You may use
these questions as you write in your journal:
1. How do you find your day? What are the positive things that happened?
What are those things that made you upset?
2. As you reflect the ups and downs of your day, what may be the greatest
lesson you can learn from them? What actions have you done well and
what actions can you do better?
3. What do you really want in life? What do you want to achieve for yourself,
your family, your community and your country?
4. As you close the day, what are the small and big things you are thankful
for? Who are the people who made your day extra special?

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