A Mission is Coming: Be Prepared to Enter The Room

O NCE UPON A TIME, Bd. Raymond of Capua, the

spiritual director of St. Catherine of Siena, was
doubting the special favors granted to St. Catherine so
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I
had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 30
years to write each of these thousands or even millions of
he put her to the test, asking her for the favor of feeling cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was
a “great and extraordinary contrition for his sins”. He written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my own
knew that “when contrition for sin rises up in our signature.
hearts this is always a great sign of the grace of God.” When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened
The devil would never grant such a request. To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The
The next day, as he was talking to the saint, there cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I
came before his mind an unusual vision of his sins hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not only
such that … “the cataracts of my flinty heart were by the quality of music, but also by the vast amount of time
loosed and fountains of water overflowed to lay bare I knew that file represented.
the depth of my sins: I burst out into tears, so violently Nearby I saw the file bearing the title “Time I Have Spent
that (I say it with shame) I almost felt my heart would in Prayer.” The handle was brighter than those around it,
break. Catherine in her wisdom, having come for this newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small
very purpose, no sooner saw the state I was in than she box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I
stopped talking and let me go on crying and sobbing. could easily count the cards it contained.
After a while, still crying, I began to wonder about this When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts and
strange event, and then I remembered what I had Actions,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file
asked her for the previous evening and the promise out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a
she had made. ‘Is this the [contrition] I asked for card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think
yesterday?’ I said. ‘It is,’ she replied, and getting up, that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal
and, if I remember rightly, tapping me on the shoulder, rage broke upon me. One thought dominated my mind:
she said, ‘Never forget the graces of God!’” St. “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see
Catherine had a way about her of making people this room! I have to destroy them!” In a frenzy I yanked
remember their sins. What if this same grace were the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it
granted to us? What would it be like? Imagine finding and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began
yourself in a certain room… pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge any cards. I

I FOUND myself in the room. There were no

distinguishing features save for the one wall covered
with small index card files. They were like the ones we
became desperate and pulled out a single card with great
effort, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its
used to find in libraries listing titles by author or slot, leaned my forehead against the wall, and let out a
subject in alphabetical order. long, self-pitying sigh. I cried out, “No one must ever, ever
But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.” But
and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very then I saw someone come in. I knew immediately it was the
different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the Lord. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files
first to catch my attention was one that read “People I and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch. And in the
Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through moments I could bring myself to look at His Face, I saw a
the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I deep sorrow. He seemed to go intuitively to the worst
recognized the names written on each one. And then, boxes. Why did He have to read every one?
in a flash, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless Finally He turned and looked at me with compassion in
room with its small files was a crude catalog system for His eyes from across the room. I dropped my head, covered
my life. Here were written the actions of my every my face with my hands and then the sorrow came. I began
moment, big and small, in a detail my memory to weep. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of sorrow
couldn’t match. and from the overwhelming shame of it all. I wept for
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with having offended God so deeply.
horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening He walked over and said, “Be of good heart, son, thy
files and exploring their content. Some brought joy sins are forgiven thee.” Then He got up and walked back to
and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and the wall of files. Groaning, He started at one end of the
regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to room and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine
see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” on each card in an ink that was a rich, dark red. The name
was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.” of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His Blood. I
The titles covered everything and were exact. don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly,
“Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Consolation I but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file
Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” “Things I Have and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my
Done in Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My shoulder and said, “It is finished. Your sins are forgiven
Breath.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. you! Arise! Go and sin no more.”
Often there were many more cards than I expected. I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There were
Alas, other times there were fewer than I hoped. still cards to be written. 
T HEROOM helps us see how the Sacrament of
Confession really works. There are five parts to
consider.
He have to read every one?” and “He started at one
end of the room and, one by one, began to sign His
name over mine on each card … It was written
1. We acknowledge our sins through an with His Blood.” We too can have Our Lord,
EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE. Our “write off” our sins by taking advantage of the
Blessed Lord taught us: “know the truth, and Sacrament of Confession. In this Sacrament, the
the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). The Precious Blood of Our Savior is applied in time to
first step in our being set free from the our souls to wipe away all sins present there. Note
bondage of sin is the recognition of our sins in that we can confess our venial sins inside or
complete humility and truth. The story outside of the confessional and receive forgiveness
indicates this when the man acknowledges the as long as we are sorry for them. This is not true,
cards as belonging to himself and not to however, of mortal sins. They must be brought to
someone else: “Each was written in my own the confessional. St. Jean Vianney once said, “The
handwriting. Each signed with my own sins we try to hide, always reappear. To hide one’s
signature.” sins well, one must confess them well.”
2. We are sorry for our sins. This SORROW 5. We must complete the confession by doing
must be of the will and not just the emotions. PENANCE and resolving to AMEND OUR
In other words, even if we do not feel sorry for LIVES. We must satisfy the justice of God by at
our sins, we must be sorry for them in our will least starting the process of paying the debt of
at least for each and every mortal sin. The punishment incurred by our sins. This we can do
story displays this when the man weeps over by performing penances. We must also strive not
his sins: “And then the sorrow came.” to commit the same sins over again by amending
3. We must CONFESS our sins to a priest who our lives. The story represents this by saying:
acts in persona Christi capitis, that is, in the “There were still cards to be written.”
person of Christ the Head. Did not our Blessed
Lord give this power to the Apostles who in
turn passed it on so that we could have access
F EAR NOT to approach the confessional by keeping in
mind that the Lamb awaits you there to remove
your sins. St. Therese of Lisieux expressed it in this
to it even today? We read in St. John’s Gospel: way: Our Lord “is the perfection of perfectness;
“[Jesus] breathed on them, nevertheless He has one great
and said to them, ‘Receive ye infirmity, if I may dare say it—He is
the Holy Ghost. Whose sins blind! And there is one thing He does
you shall forgive, they are not know—arithmetic! If He could
forgiven them; and whose see and calculate properly, our sins
sins you shall retain, they are would surely constrain Him to
retained’” (John 20:23). This annihilate us; but instead His love for
part of the Sacrament is us makes Him positively blind ... But
represented in the story by the to produce this blindness and prevent
fact that Our Lord read the Him from making a simple addition
cards: “I watched helplessly sum you must know how to capture
as He began to open the files His heart ... That is His weak side.”
and read the cards.” We capture His Sacred Heart in
4. If our confessions are to be the confessional. Once this Merciful
valid, they must be Heart has bled for us, God becomes
INTEGRAL. An integral blind and unable to add up our sins.
confession is one in which we Take advantage of the Sacrament of
confess all our Mortal Sins in Confession now by confessing ALL
kind and number (e.g., I your sins to Him Who takes no
missed Sunday Mass so many pleasure in the death of a sinner, but
times). Never forget—the only mortal sin that rather that he should turn from his way and live (cf.
cannot be forgiven in the confessional is the Ezek. 18:23).
one that is not brought to confession or the one Let us work toward making our minds and hearts
that is purposely left out! How can our Blessed places for God and God alone, even as we go about
Lord sign His name over ours if we are not our daily affairs so that on the Day of Judgment, we
willing to give the sin to Him in the will not be ashamed to walk with Our Blessed Lord
Confessional? In the story, this part of through all the thoughts and actions of our entire
confession is represented as follows: “Why did lives. May He may find us faithful in all things. 