Knights of The Dinner Table 083

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KENZER AND
COMPANY
Knights of the Dinner Table #83
ORGS OUT?
WHO LET THE WORGS
“W HO L ET THE W ORGS O UT ? ”
September, 2003
THE KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM IS
_________________________ J OLLY R. B L ACKBURN • B RIAN J ELKE
© Copyright 2003, Kenzer and
Company, All Rights Reserved. S TE VE J OHANSSON • D AVID S. K ENZER
Knights of the Dinner Table™ mag-
azine (ISSN 1526-307X) is published TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S
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ABLE™ was accidentally created by Jolly R. Blackburn way back in 1990
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(925) 240-0862.
Kly didn’t
NIGHTS OF THE INNER
as ‘filler’ for his small press magazine, S
HADIS™. It was something of a ‘creative burp’ and Jolly real-
give it much thought. Perhaps that’s why he was just as surprised as anyone that soon
email: aldo@impressionsadv.net KODT was overshadowing everything else he’d ever done and that the created was now controlling
Legal Notice: Knights of the Dinner Table, HackMaster the creator. Fortunately, writing and drawing KODT strips isn’t the lonely job
and Kingdoms of Kalamar are registered trademarks of it was in the past. Hundreds of fans have contributed to the beast over the
Kenzer and Company. Who Let the Worgs Out?, Cries
from the Attic, Table Talk, KODT, Retro-KODT, years and since joining the ranks of KENZER AND COMPANY and the formation
Hacklopedia of Beasts, Off the Shelf, Tales from the of the KODT D-TEAM, the Knights have gone far beyond anything Jolly or
Table, Adventurers for Hire, Summon Web Scryer, • 1997 • • 1998 •
GameVine, Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board, Back Room at fellow D-team members, Steve, Dave or Brian ever imagined. It’s been a wild
the Games Pit, Brian’s Small Press Picks, Disks of ride and the D-Team looks forward to seeing where the gang takes them next.
Wondrous Power, The Gamer’s Eye on the Movies/TV,
Parting Shots, Hard Eight Enterprises, One-Two
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Kenzer and Company under license. Copyright 2002
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CRIES FROM THE ATTIC
C R E D ITS
PUBLISHER
Kenzer and Company
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Jolly R. Blackburn
jolly@kenzerco.com
ASSISTANT EDITOR
Noah Kolman
noah@kenzerco.com
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Steve Johansson
ABOVE: Hoody Hoo! The audience at the KODT Live Reading at GenCon Indy wait for the festivities to begin. SALES AND MARKETING
Convention staff turned people away from the sold out event and promised to provide us more space next year. Jeff Abar
Personally, I saw the move as a positive thing. I was jeff@kenzerco.com
A TA L E O F saddened by the news to be sure, but I also knew the show ADVERTISING LIAISON
TWO CONS... had outgrown Milwaukee. Okay ,I’ll be honest — I’m a
little biased. As a born-and-raised hoosier, the thought of
Impressions Advertising
& Marketing
few weeks ago, for the very first time in its thirty GenCon moving to my home state made me school girl aldo@impressionsadv.net
A year history, the big

kahuna of gaming
conventions was held outside ™
giddy. Still, letting go of those old traditions...
As I write this, GenCon Indy is only a few weeks past
and still fresh in my mind. Was it the end of the world as
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the state of Wisconsin. we know it? Hardly. STRIP WRITING
Perhaps you felt the earth Jolly R. Blackburn
rumbling under your feet. By all accounts, the show was a tremendous success.
Gamers from all over the world descended on Indy and Brian Jelke
For this was no small deal Steve Johansson
to those of us who have been the show went on. I’m told attendance actually exceeded
expectations. True, the show was plagued with problems. David S. Kenzer
attending the show for many
years. For us, GenCon is as You probably heard the horror stories of gamers standing KODT STRIP ART
much about tradition as it is in line for 3 to 5 hours to get their badges. It was bad Jolly Blackburn
gaming. Making that pil- enough that the show’s organizers offered a partial refund
grimage each year to down- (roughly 50%) for those who bought one day passes on COVER ART
town Milwaukee was something to look forward to. It was Saturday and spent half their stay standing in line. Pat Quinn
the place we HAD to be. You can miss your sister’s wed- Even so, most everyone agrees it was an exciting show. CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS
ding. You can even bail on your Aunt Etna’s funeral. But The old friends from previous Gen Cons were all there. Fred L. Dailey
you NEVER miss GenCon. It just isn’t done. Those who We simply had to start a few new traditions. (Our new Peter Delgado, Jr.
do obviously don’t have their priorities in proper order. mantra is, “I’ll meet you at the Alcatraz Brewery!”). I’m Brendon Fraim
For thirty years, old friends have gathered at their confident the show will get better and better each year. Brian Fraim
favorite eateries and watering holes in Milwaukee to renew Eventually it will even feel like coming home to those of The Brothers Grinn
friendships, play games, and enjoy the company of other us making the return trek. The horrific lines will be a fad- Chuck Lukacs
gamers. The phrase, “Meet me at the Safe House” or “I’ll ing memory. The wrinkles will have been smoothed over. Don Thomas
see ya at the Velvet Room tonight” has become a mantra George Vrbanic
for many of us. As for Milwaukee? Aaaaaah, the ghosts still haunt me.
I had the opportunity to attend GameFest Milwaukee a CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
We’ve always taken comfort that despite the fact many Jeff Aldrich
week after GenCon.
games have waxed and waned over the years, GenCon can Alan Atkinson
always be counted upon. It’s where the ‘next big thing’ in Gamefest was held in the same convention center, in
fact. A smaller crowd turned out the show (about 1,300 Barbara Blackburn
gaming each year is traditionally unveiled (or at least Jolly R. Blackburn
where the ‘buzz’ about the next big thing usually hits). as opposed to Gen Con’s 20,000+). It seemed a bit eerie
Noah J.D. Chinn
Yep, GenCon is a tradition. And as the old saying goes — to be walking the same streets and aisles which had been Tony DiGerolamo
you don’t mess around with tradition. choked with gamers in years past. Everywhere I looked, a Elizabeth J. Gough
So when it was announced a few years ago that the new memory was stirred. At first it was sad, but by the end of The Brothers Grinn
owner of GenCon was moving to the show to the show, something strange had happened. Andrew Hind
Indianapolis in 2003, the news hit many gamers like a fist The smaller crowd made things more intimate. The Michael Hughes
to the gut. The idea of GenCon not being in the land that games I played were just as fun as the ones I played at Noah Kolman
gave birth to role-playing didn’t sit well with many people. GenCon. The company I kept just as enjoyable. Rick Moscatello
Some saw it as an act of betrayal. Others saw it as the Kenneth Newquist
beginning of the end. Yet one more sign of change in a And the Safe House? It was still there. Only not as
crowded. It appears some old traditions haven’t died after John O’Neill
hobby which had already seen its fair share in recent years. Wil Upchurch
First TSR had given up the ghost. Then Wizards of the all. When you get right down to it, size doesn’t matter.
Jason Zavoda
Coast was sold to Hasbro. Now this? When Sunday rolled around ,I knew I’d be back next
“Another nail in the coffin of role-playing,” one friend year. Both GenCon and Gamefest were great shows. SHIPPING DIRECTOR
told me upon hearing the news. Each for different reasons. Everyone’s a winner. Sweet. Don “Captain” Morgan
For others it wasn’t about doom-and-gloom. It was Game on, folks!! CHARMED PERSONS
more about the sense of loss they felt. About the death of Chris Allen
a long standing tradition. Josef Zimmerman
Jolly R. Blackburn
2 ———————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

TABLE Our Readers Talk Back!
TALK I’d like to see the same thing with 3.5.
So I’m putting out the call here to our readers.
Write a review of 3.5 and send it in. We’ll pick the best
I think Sara was way off base on the ownership
issue of Brian "selling Bob his OWN mini." Sorry,
Bob quite clearly relinquished ownership of the
ones and run them in a future issue.— Jolly mini to Brian. I wonder if Sara would've felt the
same if Brian had come to game one night and told
Bob he finally fixed that mini, but he'd like com-
: You Guys Rawk!!. pensation for his efforts. Or for that matter if she
know pretty much every email you get says this, had been in Brian's place.
I but I gotta say it again. You guys have created
one of the best comics ever. Every single issue is
Cheers,
fantastic. Not a single bad one in the lot. Since I've Thomas Rais
completed my collection (I recently acquired an Right you are, Thomas. In fact, I have a copy of
elusive copy of #25), I have gone back and read the Avalon Hill’s classic version of the board game on my
whole series in order. From 1 to 80 in less that a shelf. I haven’t played it in years, but I have such fond
week. It was awesome. memories of the game I don’t have the heart to part
You gotta do some more brawls. I think strips with it.
like Nitro's revenge and the riot at hacktourney are From what I’ve seen of the game, the new version
some of the best. Also, it would be cool to see some of Civilization resembles the computer game more
EDITOR’S NOTE: The mail just never seems strip from the other gaming groups, like Slackers than the original board game. They are very different
to stop. While we make every effort to read Hackers. animals. Unfortunately I haven’t had an opportunity
each and every letter, it is not always possible By the way, is KODT distributed in Greece? to play the new version personally. — Jolly
to give a personal reply. So even if your letter isn’t pub- I'm gonna be going to school in Athens next year,
and I gotta get me fix. : T HANKS TO K ENZERC O !
lished or if you don’t get a direct response, rest assured
you ARE being heard. Peace out i! This last year I have been caring for a friend
Remember, KODT is an interactive magazine. We El Gibson H of mine who had terminal prostate cancer.
The last 4 months have been especially tough, and
want you, the reader, to be involved. So keep your sug- Love your enthusiasm, El. So glad to that you when he passed on at the Hospice last month while
gestions, thoughts and opinions (constructive and oth- appear to be enjoying all our hard work. It’s been I was holding him, I found sleeping very difficult.
erwise) coming. Opinions expressed by readers are not reported by other readers that KODT is available in
Greece. But I have no idea where you should start This is where the Knights comes in. It was
necessarily shared by the editor or Kenzer and
looking. You may want to post on our discussion reading the Knights that helped me, by being some-
Company.
boards at www.kenzerco.com. We have members from thing comforting and familiar, they helped get me
Please be aware that due to space considerations, all over the world who post daily.— Jolly through what was a horrible time.
some letters have been edited and/or trimmed. — Jolly Now I am ok and rebuilding my life which has
: Origins of Civilization been on hold for a year or so now. So again I say
: REVIEW 3.5 PLEASE!!! thank you, I know it's "only" a comic book but it
'm a bit behind on my reading, so this may have
A fter reading your strip "TO REVISE OR NOT

TO REVISE" [KODT Origins Special 2003] ,
I already been covered, but I noticed in issue 72 of
KODT the announcement that Sid Meier's
brings joy and that is something to be very proud of
doing. Thank you
I decided to ask for a review of D&D version 3.5. Civilization was "finally" getting made into a board Becca James ( leona24 )
Unlike the glowing accounts of all things D&D, I game.
want a review of the Pros and CONS of the new Well, while many people out there may not be : You Guys have Heart...
edition. old enough to remember, me and half my gaming ust a quick note to say thank you for the edito-
What I want in a review is someone who exam- group are, as I'm sure you all are once I jog your
memories, Civilization STARTED OUT as a
J rial in issue 80. Jolly’s thoughtful insight into the
importance of friends and family really struck home
ines the play balance of some of the new changes. I
have already tested the "New Improved" ranger and board game, with me. You see, I recently lost my best friend. We
found that it is devastating when proper favored YEARS before the old ega version came out, first met back in 1979 at a game of D&D in col-
enemy choices are combined with boots of Striding which was years before the "classic" CIV2 everyone lege.
and Springing and the Archer option. knows and loves. It's great that this game is getting Dan was the best man at my wedding. The god-
As you can probably infer, I want a meaty, seri- a re-visit as a boardgame, but let us not forget its father of my daughter. The guy I turned to when
ous discussion before I consider purchasing the new history. Let us not be like the TV guide channel my house burned down and my family needed a
edition, and I don't believe I’ll can get that from when they conveniently deleted over 10 years of place to stay. He was an incredible individual and I
anyone else. Is there any chance we might see some- Elizabeth Hurley's career in their biography. miss him dearly. I haven’t gamed since his passing.
thing like that any time before the end of the year? On a similar note, I'd like to know if anyone has His absence still hurts and my heart can’t bear it.
Charles Stucker tried the new version and compared it to the origi- My only connection with gaming these many
nal board game. months has been your comic. Dan was a huge fan
Sure, Charles. We can run such a review. In fact,
prior to D&D 3.0’s release we ran dual reviews from By the way, in the Metal Rage strip in issue 72, of Knights of the Dinner Table and particularly
two different freelancers with very different opinions. I've got to say I totally agree with Brian right up liked the character, Bob (in fact he was partial to
until the end there, when he really did screw Bob. running a dwarven thief who used a crossbow).
HOW TO CONTACT US
: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion forums.
: via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and questions to mailbag@kenzerco.com.
: via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at KODT c/o KenzerCo, 25667 Hillview Court, Mundelein, IL 60060.

ne of the many perks of MageKnight 3D Dungeons
EDITOR’S
PICKS
OF THE
O being the editor of a gam-
ing magazine is a LOT of
kewl gaming swag comes across
are incredibly fun to work with.
Building 3D dungeons has never
been so simple or fast. Rooms
MONTH my desk month to month. Never and corridors can be built on the
before in the history of the adven- fly. Sets include traps, doors,
ture gaming industry has SO floors, walls, and furnishings.
much product been churned out. Even though they are made for
It’s absolutely amazing. MageKnight, they can be used
I can’t share the swag but I with any fantasy RPG. I love
CAN steer you toward some of
these things because they are easy
the my favorites each month.
to store and more economical
Here’s my picks for this issue:
than the resin-cast 3D sets.
BANG! is a fast playing beer-and-pretzel game that captures

the wild wild west in a deck of cards. One player takes on the
role of the Sheriff. The others take on the role of outlaws,
deputies or the renegade. Rounds involve shooting it out with
your opponents in an attempt to eliminate them. Only the
Sheriff’s identity is known. Everyone else’s role remains a
secret. Deputies attempt to aid the Sheriff. Outlaws attempt
to kill him. The Renegade wants to to eliminate ALL other
players. Special cards bring Indians, Dynamite, Stage Coaches
and a wide variety of weapons into play. I LOVE this game.
CHESSEX recently began selling these nifty little card-holders made out of wood. They come in a variety of
sizes spanning from 8 inches or so to 18 inches. Although they’re great for holding cards, they also serve a sec-
ondary (and in my opinion) a more useful role. The 18” cardholders can be slipped on to the bottom of Role-
Playing screens to form a sturdy base which keeps you’re shield standing upright and in place.
Anyway, one of the reasons I love your comic is And I'm sure he can tell you that on top of a regu- Unit# 96159
that it touches me on many levels. I think that’s rare lar combat load, carrying a stack of books and cards APO AE 09325-6159
for a publication of any sort. You guys really have is not the best thing for your back. You can stuff a
heart. lot of things in the new rucks, but eventually you go And then just magically mail me the stuff cause
Gina Hyatt turtle when the weight gets too much. oh man, the guys out here need it. Our tattered
Now as to the good news. Specialist Atkin did boardgame of RISK didn't even survive the third
: S TUCK IN I RAQ write the people of Wizards of the Coast. These sandstorm. The dice that Atkin has are always get-
awesome gaming fanatics actually sent a box of over ting lost and then we have massive hunts for them.
n a previous issue you guys had mentioned from
I another writers’ letter that you guys were taking
paypal submissions and sending the materials
a couple hundred dollars worth of stuff to him, and
now we play D&D whenever we get the time.
We game on a table we made from plywood and
some scavenged nails from a bombed out hangar.
bought out to soldiers in the Iraq desert. We also while away a few hours on Magic since We rig lights from generators and often start fires,
This would seem to me a very good idea as I am these people also sent a care package to Sergeant lol. For those of you who were in the army, send it
an avid gamer and scream Hoody-Hoo myself when Innerarity who is also in the same company.
to buds. Heck, I didn't even get to Read KODT till
we get the triple nat twenty, but unfortunately you And how did these avid gamers get this cool SPC Atkin showed me it out here. (His wife mails
went the official way. swag? Why, they simply wrote and asked for it to him the comic...)
Now seeing as how there are at least 40 gamers be sent direct.
So come on gamers. Support those of us out
out here in Key West Airbase just outside of the The sad fact is unless you target a package to
someone, the odds of anyone getting it are the same here who haven't seen our wives for half a year or
town where Saddam's children most recently
bought the farm, I can guarantee that we the gamers as a villager avoiding Knuckles while hiding a ruby more, and just got told it wouldn't be until next
out here will never get to see these items. in their back pocket. march until we got home. We got six long months,
They could get away, but somehow Brian and and not enough GMs. We need more. Remember
Nope. Not a single DMG or PHB or
HackMaster book. Not a one. Dave would also have to be figured in and then the game must go on, and you can help that by sup-
most likely there is a pack of pitbulls or a swack iron porting the troops. Thank you,
Here's how it works when you go through
MWR. You give them the stuff. They slap it all in dragon out there also. Not the best odds to face. Louis Lund
a carton that is going to be labeled BOOKS, and So, why not simply ask for a lot of the people SPC, USA
then they simply send it to an MWR rep. This rep out in the desert to write in and give their unit, and
then merely hands it out to whoever he meets first. then you can target a care package straight to them. Thanks for educating us, Louis. That’s exactly
what we needed. A care package is on it’s way (in fact,
So right about now I assume that everything you Here, let me be the first to beg for the free swag,
have sent is currently sitting down in Kuwait being cause, oh yes, I'm on my knees begging for some you should have it by the time this issue sees print). I
stared at by people who don't wanna play, and games. Any games. You have no idea how boring included your address in case some of our peers want to
maybe if you're lucky a couple that do want to play. it is out here. chip in and send you some swag as well. As for other
But, it isn't getting out here to those of us sucking Just address the package to: units out there — if you send us an address as Louis
up dust. did, we’ll do our best to send you something. Kudos to
Thanks to Specialist Atkin we have Magic: the SPC Louis Lund WotC for their generous support and for setting the
Gathering and D&D, but that seems to be about it. C Co, 8-101 Aviation Regiment example. — Jolly
Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ———————————— 5

The above newspaper clipping was turned in by one of
our european readers with the comment, “Looks like B.A.
was RIGHT about squirrels being horrific beasts!”
: Talking the Talk
just finished reading Issue #81 of KODT, and was, as always, impressed and
I amused. The humor in your book is a regular part of my overall gaming
experience, and I can't thank you enough for all the hard work the folks at
Kenzer & Co. put into it!
I read Greg Davis' inclusion of Minister Zeph Daniels' comments on
Dungeons & Dragons in "Table Talk", and was alarmed by it. I went to
Zeph's website to acquire his e-mail address, and I wrote him a note. I was
quite surprised and pleased when he wrote me back, the next day no less!
Below are the contents of his response to me. I thought you might want to
include this in your next "Table Talk," to show that some good can come of
dialogue with those who have concerns about Dungeons & Dragons specifi-
cally, and role playing games in general.
I was so happy and pleased at his response. I hope this can be used for the
edification of the rest of KODT's readership, and maybe even start to repair
some of the highly unfortunate damage that was done between the role-play-
ing and spiritual constituency of the United States and abroad starting back in
the 80s.
Once again, great magazine, Jolly, and your comic is one of those I can't
wait to yank out of my box each month at my local comic shop!
Kevin
* * * Zeph Daniel’s Reply * * *
Dear Kevin:
Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written letter. Please understand,
my focus on national radio was not to put down D&D as some horrific satan-
ic cult (though I shot my mouth off to that effect!), but the topic did come up
and I answered it honestly. You have alerted me to the fact that some people
can play this game without losing their minds/souls/hearts, etc. to the demon-
ic side of things. That it is just a game, and that's all it is. I too watch secu-
lar movies (on occasion) and listen to secular classical music and am delighted
by it.
Some people listen to my audio messages and believe me to be possessed!!!
Others don't – but that doesn't matter. You make a good point in addressing
the fact that, depending on your spiritual walk and discernment, ANYTHING
can be a gateway for evil. Certainly we have heard of actors taking on evil roles
and not being able to shake the character – even to the point of harm.
I in no way meant to cast judgment, but was reflecting on the victims I
knew about who committed suicide, and many thought it was because of the
game.
Please accept my apology and forward this to the D&D community, if
there is one. Now, having read your letter, I agree that I should look into it
more thoroughly.
Sincerely,
Min. Zeph Daniel
The Zeph Report
* * * end of reply * * *
Thanks for taking the time to contact Minister Daniel and forwarding his
reply, Kevin. Sometimes the right attitude and approach can do wonders when it
comes to clearing up misunderstandings. —Jolly
❑

What’s the Plan? by jolly r. blackburn
RECAP: last issue, SWITCH

pressured CRUTCH into
going over a set of BLUE-
PRINTS on a botched “JOB”
he was trying pull off.
CRUTCH reluctantly agreed,
seeing it was the ONLY way
he’d ever see the HUNDRED
BUCKS switch owed him.
after being RUN out of
HAWG WALLERS, the DUO
heads to the GAMES PIT
looking for a
PRIVATE PLACE to work...
hey, guys. GRUNGE
how’s it going? WARRIOR
Just In!
eep! NEW EDITION
OPEN!!
COPIES!!!
WE NOW MAKE NEW SERVICE!!
RENT TO
OWN GAMES!!
GRAB THE BULL
BY THE HORNS
hey ya straw boss. SWITCH and ME are sure, sure, we UNDERSTAND, son.
wantin’ to use the BACKROOM fur a the thing is, we won’t be that LONG.
bit. figured it’d be okay with PETE. twenty, thirty minutes -- TOPS.
damn.
ummm, maybe this wasn’t
the backroom? such a GOOD idea, dawg.
let’s try someplace else...
ummm, sorry guys.
we’re running a SPECIAL
GAME * back there tonight
-- room’s BOOKED.
\ wouldn’t feel COMFORTABLE okay, \ can guess

discussin’ “BIZNUS” here anyways -- what this is about.
if’n ya know what \ mean. whoah!! that’s not
sorry -- pete laid down the why we’re here.
it’s KEWL, LAW. no ALCOHOL or POKER on
hoss. relax. the premises 'til AFTER midnight.
yer a little early. come

back AFTER the game.
* Bob would be referring to the game of Cattlepunk Pete will be running for Bob, his dad, and a few hand picked others. (See KODT#82: The Dad
Factor). After losing a cut of the cards to Pete, Bob Herzog Sr. agreed to play in a role-playing session with his son.

we just wanna go over oh... well why didn’t you SAY so?
some NOTES and SUCH.
wanna talk STRATEGY away from
that’s pretty much it. the PRYING EYES of yer GM, that it?
a few minutes of PRIVACY uh... yeah. something

and we’re outta here. like that. sure.
no problem. that’s what

the WAR ROOM’s for, dude.
the WAR ROOM?
saaaay, how’s that for a

you mean you’ve NEVER been? it’s there’s just one thing.
FOUR POINT HANGER? *
DOWNSTAIRS in the BASEMENT.
pete requires a minimum TWO
did we come to the RIGHT place
that’s where MOST players go to DOLLAR purchase per person
or did we come to the RIGHT place?
compare notes and what-not for USE of the room. sorry.
when they need to get away
from the GAMEMASTER-TYPES. huh? oh, and don’t MESS
whatever, dawg.
whad’ \ with the BOARD GAME **
tell ya? set up on the main
as long as
table down there.
it’s PRIVATE.
as long as the sign on
the door is flipped to two bucks?
“KEEP OUT,” nobody EACH?? -sigh-
will DISTURB ya.
okay, give us a cou-
ple’ a bags of them
PORK RINGS then.
sort of a --- and some SODA.
HOUSE RULE
around here. you
got it.
A WEE BIT LATER IN THE “WAR ROOM”...

okay, so here’s the deal. \’m
hey, where does only giving ya some POINTERS.
yeah, well ol’ VANCE was runnin’
THAT door LEAD to?
a METH LAB in his PAINT SHACK.
we CLEAR on that? and just this
you SURE there’s
relax, hoss. ONE TIME. anything goes WRONG,
only ONE way IN and
my name stays OUT of it. PERIOD.
OUT from down here?
things are
KEWL here.
you know me...
sure, sure.
you bet.
ever since that
RAID out at
VANCE MULLER’S
machine shop \ get
TWITCHY if my
ROUTES of ESCAPE
are LIMITED.
* Not many readers will be familiar with this slang term. It’s a term taken from the barroom game of Shuffleboard. A puck which ‘hangs’ on the edge of the
board is worth a coveted four points. Literally teetering between a value of 3 points and zero (if it should fall off). The phrase literally means, “We couldn’t
have done any better.”
** See BOT#3:Turn 54 — Pete and Brian have been playing the epic World War I game, The Great War, in the basement of the Games Pit for several
years. Neither player will admit defeat as the game grinds on week after week, month after month, year after year.

one of those TWELVE-FOOT
okay, so like \ wuz tryin’ to TELL ya before HAWG done
jobs. CHAIN-LINK. eight gauge
run us out -- we got in OVER our heads on this one.
wire, \ reckon - maybe six.
\’m not gonna LIE to ya about that, dawg.
sign claimed it was wired for

okay, so take me STEP by STEP. what was your HIGH VOLTAGE -- but it LIED.
APPROACH? where are the TROUBLE SPOTS?
the entire FENCE LINE is topped
well, for starters -- ya see nuttin’ with SCALE-INHIBITORS and FOUR
the OUTER CONTAINMENT FENCE? UNUSUAL STRANDS of CONCERTINA WIRE.
about that.
runs around the
ENTIRE building. what about okay...
the FENCE
all the GATES are itself?
rigged with
SECURITY ALARMS.
the MAIN SWITCH is

inside the perimeter.
so where’s the problem? you the ENTIRE fence line is BATHED with FLOOD LIGHTS.
back a BOX VAN up to the fence. drop \’m tellin’ ya -- like the FIFTY YARD LINE at the frickin’ SUPERBOWL.
the TOMMY-LIFT, ZIP the fence with a pair
of BOLT CUTTERS, spread it open with a the VAN would’a stood out like a SORE THUMB
HOUSE JACK -- BOOM, yer in!! from the HIGHWAY. the TREE LINE is pushed back a
good TEN YARDS on ALL SIDES. no cover whatsoever.
jess like we USED to do. hell,
hoss - that’s basic GROUND WORK.
that’s why we had to RISK
one or two men hit the BUILDING -- usin’ the main gate. figured the gate?
one man stays at the WHEEL as if we could get the VAN back
LOOK OUT with the engine running. long side the LOADIN’ DOCK whatta ‘bout
we could get it out of sight. the ALARM?
nope --
no good!
well, SHACKLES figured he could

BYPASS it with a pair of JUMPER CABLES. only by REPUTATION. and you brought a GUY
\ aim to KEEP IT that way. like THAT into this
and didn’t TELL me?
did a right SMART job of it TOO as far JEEZUS, SWITCH!!
as | could tell. he made quick work of...
you told me you and
CROWBAR wuz workin’
SH-SH-SHACKLES? what the HELL’S
this one ALONE.
wrong with you?
not BIG EASY
SHACKLEFORD? it’s a THREE-
MAN job.
say, that’s right.
you KNOW ‘im?
\ TOLD ya that.

when you BAILED
on us we HAD
to ask SHACKLES
WHAT THE FIRK...??!!!
alright, alright,
to ride with us. whoah-whoah-WHOAH! \’m SORRY. sheesh.
SHACKLES is da GUY?
besides, this is \ didn’t BAIL on look, SHACKLES is
SHACKLES’ ANYONE. you GOT that? the guy \ wuz
mark. he’s TELLIN’ ya about. well, yeah. he did some
the guy \ was NEVER a part of SUBCONTRACTOR work
who pointed it... this -- you KNOW that. the guy \ shared on this site before
a CELL with in he went in the PEN.
the STATE PEN. *
he KNOWS
the inside.
what in the BLUE BLAZES is WRONG he’s the piece of BLUE RIVER-TRASH lil’ TOMMY
with you, hoss? huh? are you frickin’ INSANE? GRIFF and WALL-EYED PEDRO ran with YEARS back.
have you gone and FALLEN the three of ‘em pulled that job
completely off your SKITTER? at the PAINT FACTORY in SOUTH
WHITELY back in ‘94. ‘member that?
a good man
back up, dawg. my ASS! not exactly. \ wuz doin’
yeah, well, \
SHACKLES a stint in JOLIET at the time.
heard yer
is a GOOD man. BUDDY took a
PLEA BARGAIN.
put the FINGER on TOMMY and PEDRO. crutch, TRUST me on this. \’m the SOUL OF CAUTION.
TAGGED dem boys for the D.A. good \ spent THREE YEARS in a cell with the guy. \ KNOW
on a string of QUICKY MART robberies him -- he’s a STRAIGHT ARROW. \ can VOUCH for ‘im.
they pulled down in GOSHEN.
aaaaaah, what do | care? after all,
not to mention a few JOBS \’m not even INVOLVED in this -- right?
they weren’t even INVOLVED with.
\’ll tell ya what \
that’s right, bruiser. know. you pay me
them’s just RUMORS, you KNOW how you AIN’T involved. back my HUNDRED
dawg. BAR ROOM \ feel about BUCKS and
GOSSIP. dat’s all. SNITCHES. SHACKLES never
KNOWS \ help ya.
* See KODT#80: OLD DEBTS — Switch explains to Crutch that he shared a cell with a guy “who used to help build Industrial Parks.” He goes on to
say,“He has this PLAN -- knows all the ins and outs. Got it figured EVERY which way.” According to Switch this ‘plan’ is the BIG ONE.
10 ——————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

okay, okay, so where WERE we? TWENTY MINUTES LATER...
damn, hoss. \ hate to tell

you BYPASSED the alarm
ya this but \ got NOTHING.
on the gate. then what?
well, we pulled around this place is SEALED UP tighter than a

back to the LOADIN’ DOCKS. drum. no wonder there’s no SECURITY
GUARD on duty -- they don’t NEED one.
CROWBAR stayed with the truck
and \ don’t RECOGNIZE these ALARM SYSTEMS.
with a POLICE RADIO while...
they must be NEW. \ wouldn’t even know
where to BEGIN as far as bypassing ‘em.
\ was \’m bettin’ SILENT

AFRAID ALARM. even if you
you’d KNEW how to
say that. disarm them,
you could
NEVER be sure.
face facts, SWITCH. the era of the \ just can’t FIGURE it.
this is the BIG ONE!
SMALL TIME HOODLUM is over.
why’re you wasting yer time
with this BAIT TRAP. there’s PLENTY \ told you
it’s not like the OLD DAYS. all this of warehouses out there that when \
HIGH TECH crap they have now? without a SMIDGEN of security. first CAME to ya.
it’s just not WORTH the risk no more.

you know what SHACKLES sez
a man can get CAUGHT and not even
YOUR problem is? this place has
know it 'til they SHOW UP at his door.
a PAYROLL SAFE.
you don’t LISTEN.
says you. \
ain’t beat YET.
we’re talkin’ FAT trucker

wages. this outfit doesn’t
like to pay TAXES so every- HEY BA-BA-BOB...??
thing is CASH under the... GUYS!!!
ummm, er, what are
YOU doing here?
WA-WHAT THE...!!! sorry, guys.
-sputter--
didn’t mean to
x
STARTLE ya.
\’m on BREAK.
Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ——————————— 11

The Consultant by jolly r. blackburn
thought \’d LOOK in on ya and

see if \ can be of any HELP. \’m a CARD-CARRYING member of the HMPA.
umm, we APPRECIATE that, you know our motto -- “what’s SAID

bob. really. but umm... er.. among players STAYS among players.”
ta tell ya the TRUTH,

oh PA-LEEZE. it’s all GOOD, dude.
this is sorta PRIVATE.
you know who yer you can TALK in

yeah. what
TALKIN’ to here? front of me.
he said.
so watchu got here? \ heard something er, ACTUALLY this is for... ummmm, for
about a SAFE and some SHACK... a game SWITCH is playing in. yeah. that’s it.
OH WOW!!! DUDE!!! who the hell’s your GM? oh yeah? DAMN, \ didn’t know you
SA-WEET!! these maps are frickin’ AWESOME. SLUNG DICE, switch. who’s yer GM?
er... you wouldn’t

is this for HACKNOIA?
KNOW him, bob. that’s too bad.
GM? he’s, ummm, he’s from the looks of
uh oh... \ didn’t know PATTY
from OUT of town. his PROPS he runs
ran MODERN ERA stuff.
a KICK ASS game.
so what’s the OBJECTIVE here? RESCUE? uh, THANKS for the

INFORMATION GATHERING? SABOTAGE? or is it a HEIST? offer, straw dawg.
-sputter- -cough- it’s nuttin’ personal, but \’d like to keep

actually an INFORMATION job!! this TIGHT between CRUTCH and...
it’s a...
nothing SPECIAL.
oh... no -- it’s okay, switch.
after all, it’s JUST -ahem- a
kewl. fill me in. GAME. no harm in filling BOB in.
\’d LOVE to help.
are you high? wow! these
\ can’t tell... blueprints
look so REAL.

A WEE BIT LATER...
look, hoss -- the kid THINKS this
is part of SOME game -- let
him keep THINKIN’ dat way. ...so ya see, it’s a simple IN-AND-OUT safe job.
FIRST LEVEL STUFF - really. SWITCH

otherwise the JIG is up.
just needed a few POINTERS. fact is, \
think \’ve given him enough to run with.
are you nuts?
what if he...
jess PLAY along ‘'til yeah. we wuz JESS APPRECIATE yer

he gets BORED wrapping things up. offer to help though.
and goes away.
in and
out,
huh?
well \ could be WRONG about this...

lemme ask you something -- have you CASED the
joint during normal hours of OPERATION?
but all the TELL-TALE signs ARE here.
a DOUBLE FENCE usually indicates a DOG RUN.

ummmm, no. oh... so you’re
we haven’t. AWARE of the and these SMALLER
DOGS then. outer structures?
no NEED to.
4 feet high, 4 feet in
dogs?
length -- 4 feet wide...
a couple of GOOD dogs are a much

sure looks like a DOG PEN to me. my guess is they place
GREATER deterrent than some out
the dogs INSIDE at night.
of shape RENT-A-COP type
it’s the SECONDARY ENCLOSURE especially with a
who MAY or MAY NOT stay awake
that really GIVES it away. WAREHOUSE like this which
doesn’t operate 24-7.
they’re substantially cheaper too.
that would that forces anyone
explain the who BREAKS in to
seemingly DEAL with the threat.
well we didn’t which is why
INORDINATE roving ATTACK
see no DOGS. you should
LACK of DOGS are a GAWD
CASE the AWFUL thing
security
place by day. to RUN into.
measures
elsewhere.
for example,
the LACK
of a GUARD
SHACK at the
MAIN GATE.

leavin’ the dogs in the YARD at NIGHT don’t SWEAT the dogs. if they’re THERE, they can be DEALT
only makes ‘em vulnerable to with. \ can show ya how. KNOWING is half the battle.
LACED SCOOBY SNACKS or small arms fire.
we were up against the EXACT same situation a few months
ago in a backwoods LUMBER TOWN in the UKRAINE.
saaay, you seem ta
KNOW a little someplace was a COVER for some
thing about this of course. \’ve MAJOR underworld ARMS dealing.
kinda this stuff. been gaming for we were on a BLACK OP to take it out.
YEARS. modern
era ain’t nothin’ talk about a GOOD
NEW to me. plan going BAD!!
we had it FIGURED out every which way from SUNDAY. some major
HIT POINTS were
lost THAT day,
or so we thought -- we took out the GUARDS, the
\ can tell ya.
COMMUNICATIONS SHACK, the POWER gRID. hell, we even took simple OVERSIGHT.
out a BRIDGE to cut off any chance of REINFORCEMENTS. not only were we
nearly cost SURPRISED, but \
us our lives FUMBLED a SAVE-
but we forgot about VS-DEX roll and
AND the mission.
the DAMN dogs. took a FALL off a
HOIST CRANE.
bastards nearly
DID us in.
nothing like
5d6 of falling
damage to
RUIN yer day.
well, THAT and my OLD JOB.

er... gee...
that’s too bad. ummmm, you might wanna
\ used to work for a take NOTES on this.
FARMER’S INSURANCE GROUP.
sounds like you’ve

we worked a LOT of CLAIM
learned a LOT from
ADJUSTMENTS on commercial \ think
gaming, hoss.
BREAK-INS and ROBBERIES and so forth. maybe \ SHOULD.
\ picked up a LOT of useful
info \’ve been able
to PORT back to my game.
is that so...?

A WEE BIT LATER STILL... ...security cams?? IGNORE ‘em.
they’re a RED HERRING. with no

...takin’ out the ALARMS is a NO-BRAINER. even with
ON SITE security guards after
the DEAD-AMP CHIPS and MOTION DETECTORS, you can hours, who the hell’s around
FOIL ‘em with some FREON and a spray can of PAM. to view the MONITORS anyway?
just go with STOCKING

‘course a FAILED skill check will MASKS or something to
make for a BAD DAY regardless, you gettin’ THWART any after
ALL this...? mission IDENTIFICATION.
but \ say yer chances
of pullin’ it off are GOOD... otherwise, the GM
will make life
oh yeah...
MISERABLE for ya.
\’m gettin’ it.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...

doesn’t add up? wadda ya mean?
...and you say the SAFE is supposed
to be located HERE -- on the upper
level of the MAIN WAREHOUSE? the BUILDING SPECS are all wrong.
according to the blueprints, that area is

ummm... that’s what our
enclosed with walls made of ALUMINUM
INSIDE information tells us.
STUDS placed sixteen inch on center
well it
and SHEATHED in DRY WALL.
just doesn’t
oh we KNOW it’s
ADD up. nobody in their
there. that’s a FACT.
so...? RIGHT MIND
would put
a SAFE there.
there isn’t
even a
CONCRETE
SLAB for an
ANCHOR BOLT
and RETAIN-
ING CHAIN.
say what...?!!! \’ve seen HUNDREDS

of them at
\ don’t know who the hell wadda ya MEAN a decoy? my OLD JOB.
your GM is, but he’s a SHREWD
ONE -- \ can tell you THAT. the idea is that
just that. they put it in the ANYONE breaking in hits
most LIKELY area anyone the DUMMY-VAULT and
breaking in would check -- doesn’t bother
this safe right outside the SHIPPING hanging around to
is a DECOY. MANAGER’S OFFICE. find the REAL one.
no DOUBT
in my mind. it’s called a
DUMMY-VAULT.

works, too. that’s why my old COMPANY used to give okay, SMART GUY.
a discount on PREMIUMS for COMPANIES which had ‘em.
\ ain’t never heard of
no DUMMY-SAFE. but
ya see, they keep a MODEST amount of let’s say yer RIGHT.
SWAG in the DECOY safe while
the GOOD STUFF is kept in the REAL one.
where’s the
REAL one?
yep -- some guy makes off with
well of ALL the
the CHUMP CHANGE and never
DIRTY TRICKS...
realizes he’s been DUPED. that’s EASY.
if this INTEL
yer after has
any REAL
value, you
can BET it’s
not in the
DUMMY-SAFE.
first off, they EXCEED the

take a look at this LOWER STORAGE room.
specs for the BUILDING CODE.
notice anything PECULIAR?
16 inches of poured CONCRETE
with STAINLESS STEEL REBAR?
give me a break. they aren’t
no... can’t look at the even LOAD-BEARING walls.
say that \ DO. WALLS...
that’s where
they tell SECRETS, the GOODS are
my friend. gentlemen.
\ HOPE was \
oh GEEZE!!! look it the TIME.
you takin’ NOTES able to HELP.
on this, HOSS? \’m WAY past my BREAK.
you gettin’ ALL this? SQUIRRELY will have my ass. oh... you WERE bob.
MORE than
you know.
\’m gonna have
trust me. to RUN, guys.
\’m ‘a gettin’ it.
thanks, dawg.
\ OWE you one. aahhh,
don’t
worry
about it.

just do me a FAVOR... oh... there’s just ONE thing \ should mention.
let me know how it all turns out. watch yer back on this one.
\ got a BAD FEELING about it.
man oh man -- that’s ONE

will do. GAME \’d LOVE to sit in on. what about,
hoss?
a bad hard to put
feeling? my THUMB on
it.
later....
\ dunno, SWITCH.
something about the BACK-
STORY on this MISSION just
hot damn, these notes maybe he’s right.
doesn’t WASH with me.
are PURE GOLD, dawg. but something don’t seem
RIGHT about this one.
think the kid’s RIGHT about
your GM may have
there being a SECOND safe?
an ACE or TWO
maybe you
up his sleeve.
should PASS
on this job.
all \’m sayin’
is, DON’T
let yer
guard down.
PASS??!! are you CRAZY? MEANWHILE....
the KID just HANDED me the KEYS. alright, ALRIGHT! \’m LATE.
he gave me the ANGLE we wuz lookin’ for.
so take an EXTRA twenty on
your frickin’ SMOKE BREAK.
\’m gonna RUN out there
in the MORNING on my
BIKE. see if he’s RIGHT hrunnhh!!
about those dogs. GRUNHH!!
you do
that.
sheesh!!
ta
ta p!!
ta p!!
p!
!

Cattle Call by jolly blackburn
RECAP: last issue, okay, dammit -- it’s now HALF-PAST!! the man is OFFICIALLY late.
WEIRD PETE and BOB
HERZOG SENIOR what the FRICK? \’ve got a GAME to run here.
made a little WAGER
-- to be resolved by hrrmmpphhh! \ FIGURED yer old
a CUT of the cards. man would WELSH on his bet, bob.
PETE ended up winning he BETTER show! \ drove FORTY-

it was like PULLIN’ teeth gettin’
and per the terms of him to SHOW UP last night FIVE freakin’ miles for this crap.
the wager, BOB SENIOR to roll up his CHARACTER. and \ AIN’T too happy about it.
must play ONE session
chill, dude.
of a ROLE-PLAYING he’ll be
game with his son. here, pete.
WEIRD PETE’s hand- give him a few

picked group of players more minutes.
is assembled and the
game is about to begin...
look, we’ve been sitting here the \ BOUGHT her spot.

bob’s right -- he’ll show!!! better part of THIRTY MINUTES!
\ got better things to... to...
cost me TEN BUCKS
you can say what you WILL and a dozen
WAIT a minute --
about bob’s OLD MAN, but hand-painted GREVAN
it just HIT me.
the guy’s WORD is his BOND. BORDERLAND ROVERS...
\ thought pete said
besides, \ heard his character he had picked SARA
is KICK ASS. he got REAL lucky oh, ummm,
FELTON to fill the
rolling them DEE-SIXES. he did.
FOURTH CHAIR.
yeah?
TEN BUCKS??!!! \ had to go OVER her head and pay PETE directly.
but it was criminy -- she was TORQUED

TOTALLY when she found out about it.
worth it.
hrrmmpphh, she put the TORQUED is an UNDERSTATE-
SCREWS to you BIG TIME. MENT. \’d be WATCHING my back
if | was you, BIG GUY.
you could’ve had
MY chair for NOTHING. aaahhh -- she’ll
no WAY \ get over it.
oh, \ didn’t
was gonna \’m not
pay HER.
to miss THIS. KIDDIN’. you mean to say
not that \ didn’t you BRIBED pete?
well, \ wouldn’t
TRY. she wouldn’t she’s
call it a BRIBE...
take my MONEY. PISSED.

what the HELL, pete -- this is your
look! don’t give me any GRIEF tonight.
idea of a HAND-PICKED GROUP??
you HEAR??!! this happens
YOU DICK!! only reason \ CAME was ‘coz you to MEAN a LOT to bob.
went ON and ON about how you were assembling
the “BEST.” you PLAYED me AGAIN didn’t ya?
BA-RU \ want EVERYONE to
ZZZ!!
hey, BRIAN is a LEGITIMATE choice. he be on their BEST behav... -oop!-
was number THREE on my SHORT list.
damn. if \’d known there’s the

his, er, umm, show of THROWING MONEY at FRONT DOOR now.
ENTHUSIASM the situation would
simply made me get me off the hook... maybe
RETHINK my that’s
picks -- that’s all. him.
MOMENTS LATER...
so how LONG is
well, well... FINALLY decided to SHOW up did ya? this gonna take?
glad to see ya could an HOUR?

MAKE it, mister herzog.
gave ya my WORD, didn’t \? hour and a half?
ta tell ya the truth, \ had a MEETING which ran LONG.
we were beginnin’
ta think you’d but \’m HERE now, so let’s
\ TOLD ‘em
WELSHED on our bet. get this NONSENSE OVER with. \’d like to
you’d be here,
get home
MR. HERZOG.
in time
hey, for
dad. CROSSFIRE.
-sputter- SIX TO EIGHT HOURS???!!

hour and a half?? heh, that’s RICH!
for ONE stinkin’ GAME?
with the ADVENTURE \’ve cooked up??
shouldn’t be TOO long. \ reckon that’s a frickin’ LIFE TIME! it took THREE hours
it’ll take SIX to EIGHT hours. just to ROLL UP my character last night.
hey, that was YOUR fault!

that is IF you \ WARNED you about it’s okay, dad.
guys LIVE WHORING for those BPS
long enough and milking the QUIRKS and FLAWS. time FLIES when
to see yer role-playing.
it to its
CONCLUSION.

look, \ VALUE my free time TOO
HIGHLY to spend it PENNY- \ was makin’ TOUGH KITTY TOE NAILS!!
FARTING around all night. GOOD money off
you and your you LOST the bet. now be a MAN and SUCK IT UP!
can’t you give me the LOSER friends.
ABBREVIATED version?
we ain’t got time for a bunch of
you know -- WHINY ASS YIP-YAP!! your being LATE
hell, \ won
SPEED things up? has put us BEHIND schedule as it is.
enough to make
a CAR PAYMENT.
c’mon -- you spent THAT so let’s get to it.
much time playin’ POKER not
the sooner we get start- fine.
last week. RIGHT ed -- the SOONER whatever.
here at THIS table! SAME.
we’ll get THROUGH it.
okay, first things first -- \ wanna go AROUND the table okay, \ got ‘PICKED’ for this on short
as you INTRODUCE your characters to one another. notice, so \ just DUSTED OFF one of
my old CATTLEPUNK characters
-- STRETCH MURDOCK! *
ummm, brian, let’s start with you and work
THIS way. we’ll leave MR. HERZOG for LAST.
he’s a fifth level GUNSLINGER
introduce our characters? who’s managed to stay TWO
oh GEEZE -- you STEPS in front of the LAW
have GOT to be kidding. by laying LOW in the TERRITORIES.
hey, that’s not

hush, mr. herzog. all -sigh- hey, can you a BAD idea. STRETCH used to
yer doing is SLOWING have that damn MON- \’ll take a lead a gang of
down the game. KEY fetch me a BEER? SAM ADAMS. BLOODTHIRSTY
bank robbers
called the “HARD
TIMES GANG.”
we TERRORIZED the PANHANDLE for several months ‘fore

the FEDERAL MARSHALS came down on our ASSES.
they were RELENTLESS in hounding us. seemed like we spent a MONTH

of nights slappin’ leather and HOOFIN’ it from cowtown to cowtown.
since then \’ve been
in the END we were SOLD OUT by some NPC DANCE HALL HOOCH. we were NURSING my wounds
AMBUSHED. most of the gang got SHOT TO PIECES. me? \ was able to and looking
grab a bridleless PALAMINO by the MANE and make for the HIGH COUNTRY. for a NEW gang
to hook up with.
yer runnin’ STRETCH??
* See Knights of the Dinner Table Special Edition Number 1: Payback

this won’t take long -- \ rolled up a NEW character.
that’s good, brian. his name is JIM. just a drifting SADDLE

TRAMP who never AMOUNTED to much.
how about really not TOO much to say about him.

YOU, he has a rusty SIX-SHOT MACFEARLAN revolver his DAD gave him
stevil? and a FIFTY DOLLAR GOLD PIECE which he keeps HIDDEN in his boot.
oh... and he’s not too

PARTICULAR about jim??
who he rides with. that’s it?
damn, dude. you could have at

LEAST rolled on the “COLORFUL the BIG GUY’s right, stevil.
NICKNAME” table if you couldn’t
think of anything BETTER. that ain’t a PROPER
name for a character.
his name is JIM!! alright?!
you say he’s a SADDLE
well what’s his LAST name? TRAMP? that class
especially BLOWS as far
for CATTLEPUNK. yeah, well as SKILL SUITES.
it SUITS jim.
he doesn’t
HAVE one.
no offense, dude... CATTLEPUNK is

look! his name is JIM and he’s a SADDLE TRAMP.
RIDICULOUSLY
but even some MINIMAL attritbute lethal!!
it’s MY character. \’m running him as
tweaking on yer WORST he is. you got a PROBLEM with that?
ROLLS can usually SWING
the PREREQUISITE scores for
for ROGUE SLINGER or
you any idea
even a PLAINS DRIFTER. hey, whatever FLOATS yer boat.
how many
CHARACTERS
but \’ve seen RANDOM NPCs
\’ve PISSED
just takes a with more PERSONALITY.
through?
little EFFORT
and a few if you MUST know, \ don’t want
QUIRKS to get ATTACHED to him.
or FLAWS.

my days of putting SIX freakin’ HOURS into pay no mind to STEVIL. it ANNOYS him that DEATH
fleshing out a CHARACTER only to have him is “FOREVER” in CATTLEPUNK. he’s never
GUNNED down in the FIRST ENCOUNTER are over!! had a C.P. character make it past FIRST level.
hell, LAST TIME \ played this game

seems some people can’t handle
my character didn’t even get a
a GAME if’n it doesn’t include
SHOT off before some BASTARD
blew a HOLE in his chest for a RAISE-DEAD PACIFIER.
LOOKING the wrong way.*
ouch!
somebody’s
been HURT \ see.
hrrmmpphhh -- that’s HIS problem.
can’t wait
alrighty, BOB. look’s like yer up. to see
what you
brought,
oh... okay. bob.
since this is kind of a SPECIAL night and all, \, ummm -- \ decided

to pull out one of my FAVORITE characters from RETIREMENT.
he’s a SIXTH LEVEL CATTLEPUNK by the name of BEAR CLAW MCGRANGE. an EX-INDIAN
SCOUT who’s just about the MEANEST CUSS to ever strap on a pair of SIX-SHOOTERS.
some of the guys in the OLD campaign took to callin’ him NINE LIVES you pulled out
MCGRANGE ‘cos he’s something of a SPONGE when it comes to takin’ damage. BEAR CLAW??
he’s been GUT SHOT three times and shot in the FACE TWICE!! kewl!! \ LOVE
that guy.
\ won’t BORE you with the FULL DETAILS, BEAR CLAW has both the HAIR PIN
but here’s a quick run down on him. TEMPER and ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER
quirks -- a LETHAL COMBINATION for
he rides a HORSE named FIRE BREATHER! anyone who gets on his BAD side.
a spirited ARABIAN STALLION who comes
to me when \ WHISTLE, can UNTIE
KNOTS, and HOOF STRIKES he also has the FOUL WEATHER
with a PLUS ONE to HIT and DAMAGE. KNEE and NEAR SIGHTED flaws.
a HORSE
who can he carries a pair of SAWED
he was a GIFT from a KIOWA UNTIE OFF double-barrel
MEDICINE WARRIOR \ met KNOTS? GRANGER SHOTGUNS.
at the BATTLE OF FOUR STARS.
but his
LANTRY
DRAGOON
is his
PREFERRED
weapon.
* See KODT#33: Night of Living Dangerously

he’s not FAT on skills, \’m afraid. most of his BUILDING
POINTS were BLOWN on raising his FAST DRAW attribute.
but he’s got HIGH MARKS on trail savvy, witty banter,

bronco riding, bare knuckle fighting, card counting... and that would bring us
to YOU, mister herzog.
oh, and he can FIELD STRIP and REASSEMBLE a GATLING GUN.
\’ve never USED that one, but \ figure it might come in handy.
\ should probably point out \ speak SPANISH, SIOUX,
APACHE, and most of the ALGONQUIAN dialects. oh and \...
great.
okay, bob. that’s GOOD.

\ think we have a good now THAT’S a properly
FEEL for BEAR CLAW. FLESHED out character.
it’ll be of INTEREST to know, don’t sweat it, SIR. \’ve lost a few PCs going after those BPs
MISTER HERZOG actually myself. oh man -- \’m DYIN’ to see what you came up with.
rolled up THREE
CHARACTERS last night.
yeah, well, don’t get TOO
excited there, PAUNCH.
the FIRST two yeah. that’s a LOT

\’ve got a PLAINS DRIFTER. hey, that’s GOOD better than just
tragically
\ call him ZAYNE KOLBY. dad. ZAYNE?? plain ol’ “JIM.”
DIED during \ like it.
the GENERA-
TION process.
now WHY in the hell would

\ need a BUFFALO RIFLE?
he’s got 15 dollars as his STARTING POKE.
and he picked a DERRINGER for a weapon.
you can’t go WALTZIN’
around with just a
DERRINGER in yer pocket.
that set me back three ten bucks for a RIDING PONY?
dollars. \ shelled out you should’a HAGGLED sir. you
another TEN for a you’ll be BUZZARD
could have gotten that down
RIDING PONY three bits BAIT in no time FLAT.
to SEVEN or EIGHT bucks EASY.
for a SUIT and HAT.
hey, \’ve got a a derringer is the WORST.

a DERRINGER??
that’s no good, dad. GRETCHIN BUFFALO
RIFLE \ can LOAN ya. oh...? is that
you need something he’s got a point.
SO, is it?
with MORE punch. you might as well
go in UNARMED.

so tell us a little more about your character, dad. okay gents -- so much for SHOW AND TELL.
what kind of SKILLS did you take? now that you’ve INTRODUCED
yourselves to one another,
we’ll get on with the ADVENTURE.
sorry -- that’s not
something \’m prepared to to SPEED things up
DISCUSS with strangers. hey, he’s we’re going to
ROLE-PLAYING. ASSUME you’ve all
met and have decided
strangers? the OLD MAN to THROW IN together.
catches on QuICK.
ZAYNE doesn’t know hrrmmpphh, \ guess
you from ADAM, son. if we’re STRANGERS
\ won’t be LOANING
him that RIFLE then.
a hot DESERT wind blows across the streets of COYOTE \ remember that -- FESS SHILO.
FLATS -- you sit in the BUST GUST SALOON around a table
HEAVY with trail dust attempting to CUT yer thirst. poor guy took a SLUG to
the jaw while we were
hitting the WELLS FARGO station.
good luck with THAT!!
the WATERED-DOWN brew they have broke my HEART

the gall to call BEER is hardly worth to have to RIDE FESS was a kewl
the two-bits a GLASS you paid for it. ON and leave him character. he was
behind like that. TOUGH. they had to
coyote flats?
the bar seems DESERTED except for your- hang him TWICE
kewl. one of my
selves, the BAR KEEP, and a ONE-EYED TEXI- before it TOOK.
characters was
CAN drover trying to make time with a DANCE
LYNCHED here.
HALL GIRL near the BILLIARDS TABLE.
good gawd they’re BIG BRUTES!! a couple of DESPERADO

while yer SITTIN’ there types -- BLACKENED from an ARIZONA SUN and eyes
just MINDIN’ yer own HARDENED by a YEARS on the WRONG SIDE of the law.
business, two LARGE
FIGURES come through their STEELY BLACK eyes scan the
the SWINGING DOORS bar and then settle on YOUR table.
followed by WISPY
CLOUDS of TRAIL DUST. a quick GLANCE by ONE to the OTHER and a sly smile
bearing YELLOW TEETH signals TROUBLE in the air.
the barkeep
seems to as they make their way toward your table you oh, geeeze. here it
SHRINK can hear the JING-JANG-JANGLE of their comes. look
as he SPURS rackin’ across the HARDWOOD floor. out everybody.
NOTICES
the pair.

watch yer self, dad -- most
CATTLEPUNK adventures start with he makes a DAMN good point. no GUNPLAY!!
an OBLIGATORY barroom brawl.
you hear? no matter WHAT these guys try to
START with us -- we DON’T go for the guns.
especially when NEW PLAYERS are
sitting in. it gives ‘em a chance to
FLEX and get a feel for COMBAT.
it’ll only give ‘em an

you think these it’ll probably start with EXCUSE to do the same.
guys are looking some TRASH TALK. then
for TROUBLE? move to a BARE KNUCKLES.
hey PETE...
we probably want to AVOID
is that it? any GUNPLAY at this point.
damn, brian. WA-WA-

\ let the BOBSY TWINS take go ahead and that was WADDA
AWESOME!! preemptive
about THREE STEPS toward ROLL yer TO-HIT. YOU DOING?? strike.
us and then \ pull out my
SAW-OFFED SHOTGUNS and
give ‘em FOUR BARRELS!!
\ aim SQUARE
for their
CHESTS. MOMENTS LATER...
droppin’ to
yer SECOND blast only WINGS its the FLOOR and
target. the DESPERADO skins a COLT reloading
DRAGOON and comes around BLAZING!! here...
A WEE BIT LATER...
now that \’ve THOUGHT on

it, you may be RIGHT about
well...., that DERRINGER...
things seem to
have gotten maybe \ should INVEST
OFF to a in another FIREARM. speaking of LOOTING --
GOOD START. \ call DIBBS on that
you don’t INVEST in cattlepunk, FIFTY DOLLAR GOLD
dad -- you LOOT!! take yer pick! PIECE in jim’s boot!!
you should find SEVERAL
good weapons lying about.
TO BE CONTINUED...

Shanks for the Memories by steve johansson
let’s see... upon DEATH or PERMANENT

INCAPACITATION of lender, lendee assumes
full legal possession of all personal since foul raven
RECAP: last issue,
property including but not limited to CASH, is dead, \’m gonna
NEWT'S pc FOUL RAVEN,
REAL GOODS, SECURITIES, |.O.U.s, TREASURE activate crimson.
suffered an ignominious
SHARES, BEASTS OF BURDEN... OK?
death by tripping on the
stairway leading out so what do you figure the
from the dungeon. kid’s SCRAP VALUE at?
sure, whatever.
this has kicked in the
hard to say. damned shame that
death clause in the
protege garnishment clause yeah,
contract his character
becomes void on his death. shoulda
signed with the calami-
foreseen
tus brother.
that.
now, STEVIL and WEIRD
PETE must scramble to
recoup what they can
from there investment...
just don’t get TOO ATTACHED to crimson.

hold on there. foul raven may be
like \ said, foul raven’s case is still OPEN.
DEAD, but he’s not out. as executors
of his estate, it’s OUR right to close
his casefile. and we don’t aim to close
it until we’re EVEN.
that’s right!
we’re not so nitro, we rifle the body. hopefully he
through with had some better stuff than the worthless
go ahead and DESPOIL
him yet. items he put up as collateral.
HIS CORPSE if you want -
\ don’t really care. he’s
dead so \ get to activate can \ help?
you’re a frickin’ thief.
CRIMSON.
of course not.
he’s wearing a shredded

why don’t you have othello
suit of plate mail, a bat-
tered medium shield, boots huh? this is all WORTHLESS CRAP! perform one of those
desperately in need of crippled raise deads on
resoling, a leaky canteen, raven?
soiled undergarments, a
backpack with a busted hey, training is
buckle containing 105 cop- too risky. we need a
expensive ya know...
per and 12 silver, a rusty pro. there’s too much
helmet, 4 iron spikes... well \ think you’re at stake for an amateur
holding out on us. job. if he botches it,
we’re SCREWED.
he is sneaky, \’ll good point.

give him that much.

nitro, othello casts
‘course, callin’ in a pro is gonna cost A LOTTA money. SPEAK TO THE DEAD
\’d hate to throw good money after bad. on foul raven’s
corpse. Question
check this out, one is, “WHERE THE
pete... HELL DID YOU
STASH ALL OF YOUR
you’re never LOOT, YOU LITTLE
gonna find foul don’t be too WEASEL?”
raven’s STASH sure about that
now that he’s gordo...
dead.
and until | judge that foul

\ don’t have to answer raven is FOREVER DEAD, so back to my post-mortem interrogation.
that, do \ sir? he’s not he remains YOUR where the hell is all your treasure
PLAYER CHARACTER. PUNK?
even my character any
more - TECHNICALLY. \’m just being kind by
letting you play crimson for
the time being. \ had HOPED you failed your
\’m afraid you do that it would keep you occu- save so you’d best
son - barring a pied and out of my hair. answer him.
successful saving
throw that is. \ COULD always insist that
you continue to play foul it’s back in
raven... IN SILENCE! nardlington.
-gulp- we have to go back

message there anyway to rest
received, sir! up and resupply.
ok, EXACTLY WHERE

in nardlington?
um, in the commercial 404 shady way.

quarter. suite 12b.
you want to play the

DECEASED EDITION of see, that wasn’t so
20 questions? fine, bad now was it?
\’m game. \’ve got a
free schedule tonight.
THE NEXT GAME DAY if you don’t mind
ohhh, \ love question but \ didn’t get WASTING an hour of
grrr... what STREET
games. can \ ask the to ask ANY game time it wasn’t.
ADDRESS on shady
next one? way? questions!

hey pete, you feel that CHILL IN THE AIR?
we’ll have to drop by and pick that stuff \ think we should start a campfire and
up AFTER we finish our errands. rest here before heading back into town.
our FIRST TASK is to get you RAISED.

now that you mention it, \ do.
\’ve got some firewood, but what
actually, my will states that \ am NOT to be will we do for KINDLING?
raised from the dead UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
my soul is pledged to arnuya. hmm... good question. too bad all the
leaves around here are damp.
\ guess we’ll have to use some DRY
well \’m sure your vengeance PAPER to get the fire going.
gawdess won’t mind you sticking
around a little bit longer. \ suppose you’re right.
it’s the only FEASIBLE alternative.
you can’t mess with
a person’s will,
stevil. it’s SACRED!
BACK IN NARDLINGTON... YOU REALLY MEAN IT?

ooh, there’s this new TAPAS BAR
ok nitro, we’re asking around to find that \’ve been dying to try out.
out who’s the best cleric in this dump. and then we can drop in on the
night clubs down by the wharf.
note to self. actually stevil, NARDLINGTON is quite a ‘course you guys will have to get
transcribe will BEAUTIFUL CITY. just look at this wide SPRUCED UP a bit. fortunately,
to cuneiform tree-lined boulevard that leads to the the clothiers of nardlington have
tablets. governor’s palace. and the architecture some of the trendiest silks this
is quite unique. notice the extensive use side of fangaerie.
of decorative wrought iron...
fine gordo, you can
crimson’s headed
take us on a GUIDED
over to the ARMOR TOUR later.
EMPORIUM for his
final fitting.
so when is my
so do we see any ornate temples which cry the temple warhola is an imposing
armor going to
out, “\’m a successful high level cleric POST-MODERN structure set in the
be finished?
fully capable of raising the dead?” middle of a large slate-paved plaza.
it looks something like a perfectly
it’ll be another week to smooth 120-FOOT TALL OBELISK.
finish it up. your last
installment why don’t we head over to the TEMPLE as you get closer, you see that the
payment of 50,000 gold, WARHOLA in the bourgeois quarter. building is constructed entirely out
however, is due now. deacon mueller is well respected and of huge smoked glassteel plates.
renowned for his healing skills.
no problem. fine
diamonds are
sure. acceptable, right? lead the way gordo.

as you enter the lobby, a we have business to discuss with your boss
couple of guards approach the deacon. now why don’t you be good little
from the direction of the chaperones and take us to him.
souvenir shoppe.
we’re sorry, but the deacon does not see
“what seek ye cats from the anyone without an appointment.
servants of warhol?”
appointment?
you’re kidding, right?
let me assure you that we do not jest.
article four of our EMPLOYEE AGREEMENT \ always figured andy
specifically prohibits it. warhol’s temple would be
eccentric somehow. this is
kind of a letdown.*
does the gift shop look
like it’s open?
fine, we go over to the secretary’s office.
the secretary, an attractive fortyish half-elf,

so when can we see the pages through a large book on her desk.
“hmmm... \ can fit you in next thursday between
DEACON then?
5:00 and 5:20. may \ have the nature of the busi-
ness you wish to discuss with the deacon?”
yea, we need him to raise
someone from the dead.
you’ll have to check with his

she hands you over a four color brochure. “here is a
APPOINTMENT SECRETARY. catalog of our standard fees. you’ll note that we
her office is right next to offer a batch discount should you require any addition-
the stairwell. can’t miss it. al services. a FIFTY PERCENT DOWN PAYMENT is geez. and
required which is NON-REFUNDABLE unless you cancel \ thought my
your appointment 24 hours in advance.” dentist was
strict.
YOU had a TRIUMPH?? how the are you even LISTENING to me?
heck did you even fit into it?
20,000 gold for a raise dead? \ was trying to make an analogy to
this guy is STEEP! it was a long time ago. our current situation with newt.
but my point is that \ kept there comes a time when you have
pouring money into the darned to cut your losses and admit
thing and something else - defeat.
ya know, stevil, \’m gettin’ a bad
feelin’ about this whole thing. usually MORE expensive - would go
wrong as soon as \ got the last the kid snookered us. took us for
thing fixed. a whole lotta cash. but \’m afraid
kinda reminds me of that time \ we’re gonna lose even more trying
bought a USED TRIUMPH. to get it back.
should have bought a honda.
\ haven’t had a single
problem in 90,000 miles.
admit defeat.
NEVER!
* see “The Lord of Steam” in Bundle of Trouble vol.Three for a vivid example of [Nitro’s version of] Andy Warhol’s eccentric behavior

we’ve got six days to kill here don’t be so NEGATIVE.
in town & there’s no way \’m nitro, pete and \ are heading out
going BAR HOPPING with gordo. to 404 shady way - suite 12b.
of course his stash is
there.
we can swing down shady way you two coming along?
and pick up the loot he stashed.
that ought to be more than the dead can’t lie.
enough to get this raise dead. \ can’t. \, um, have a
haircut scheduled for
this afternoon.
sure,
alright, \’m in. \ guess.
but if it comes
up dry...
wuss.
SHADY WAY is a NARROW, POORLY PAVED ALLEY \ flip the kid a silver.
in the heart of the commercial quarter. now off you!
no street numbers are on the buildings.
there’s a well-constructed
iron door in the side of the
the street urchin you building. as you approach, a
threatened points to a SLOT opens and you hear a
ramshackle building voice call out, “whadda ya um, stevil.
about 50 yards ahead. want, mac?” maybe we
“that’s 404. can \ go should go...
now?”
nonsense.
a meaty halfling is seated behind an ornate, yet too

large desk. a STUB OF A CIGAR hangs from the corner
\ step up to the door. of his mouth.
\’m here to talk to you about an “gentlemen, please have a seat. \ understand you have
individual called FOUL RAVEN. an inquiry regarding one MR. RAVEN - an individual in
whom we both share an interest.”
the slot slides shut. a minute my SOURCES have informed me that

later the door opens outward there’s some PERSONAL PROPERTY
and a shadowy figure ushers of his stashed in this place.
you in.
since \ have LEGAL TITLE to his
“come in, please.” interesting... estate, \ aim to collect what’s mine.
ours, stevil.
OURS!

in point of fact, mr. raven DID the name’s guido, but my friends call
leave some collateral for a me... come to think of it, \ don’t have
any friends.
LOAN which he sought from us.
my associates, however, call me
GUIDO “THE SHANK” BLACKFOOT.
collateral which \ would be
DELIGHTED to dispense with. -gulp-
and like \ said, \’d be happy the shank??
to part with the CURSED
ITEMS mr. raven left as
well alright then. pretty
COLLATERAL.
reasonable of you, mister...
\ didn’t catch your name.
...and OBLIGATIONS.
if \ understand you gentlemen
correctly, your contract with OBLIGATIONS?
the LATE MR. RAVEN gives you WHAT OBLIGATIONS??
title to his collateral...
you’re just the folks me and
my BUSINESS PARTNERS have
been waiting for...
shoulda asked some
more questions there
QUINCY!
to be continued...
Fuzzy Knights of the Dinner Table by Noah J.D. Chinn

GAMEMASTERs’ ™
WO R K S H O P
ALL
THINGS
MAGIC
O F F I C I A L M AG I C
ITEMS FOR YOUR
H AC K M A S T E R C A M P A I G N
C LOAK OF A RMOR R EPAIR

EPV: 2,000 GPV: 20,000
very adventurer knows that armor repair is one of the most
E common combat-related expenses. It is also one of the most

expensive and time consuming. Anything that can make this
task easier is sure to make people sit up and take notice.
One of the most sought-after magic items, therefore, is the Cloak
of Armor Repair. It can be a tremendous benefit to anyone who
owns it. When worn, it can repair one hit point of armor damage
per round. There is a major drawback to wearing this cloak, how-
ever. In order for the cloak to successfully repair armor, it inflicts
two hit points of damage to the wearer.
For this reason, the cloak is considered by many to be cursed.
They say that the whole point of armor is to protect its wearer from
damage, and that the cloak defeats this purpose. Others feel that the
sacrifice of health is worth the high cost of armor repair, as long as
the owner of the cloak uses it at a time when he is up to full health
and out of danger.
Anyone wearing the cloak, who is unaware of the damage it deals
out may begin to wonder as he walks around a dungeon after a bat-
tle and finds himself still suffering damage.
There is a story of one, Sir Gollof Marsquell, who was wearing
the cloak in a fierce battle against a band of Dark Knights. He was
unaware of the cloak’s major side effect, and was being hit in combat relentlessly. Eventually, he was victorious, but, sadly,
he dropped down dead afterwards as the cloak kept taking hit points. He suffered tremendous damage, but his armor looked
great.
The origin of the cloak is not known, but many assume it was some sort of divine gift to a faithful warrior. It is a beau-
tiful cloak to behold, no matter where it came from. The magical aura is extremely strong surrounding this item.
The cloak was last spotted on the back of a holy knight who was reported to be on a quest to retrieve a sacred artifact for
the Temple of Luvia in Fangaerie. ❑
By Barbara Blackburn
GAMEMASTERS’
The GOOD...
WO R K S H O P
Teevee
AKA: Boy
RA: Human CL: NPC LV: 0
SX: M AL: LG
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
STR: 5/15 DEX: 16/32 CON: 8/25
INT: 11/13 WIS: 9/51 CHA: 13/87
COM: 14/20 HON: 15 FAME: 0
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
+H: -2 +D: -4 HP: 10
DEX BONUS: -2 R/AT ADJ: +3 AC: 8
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
AGE: 10 APPEARANCE: Cute but shabby.
Notable Possessions: A shovel, a horse brush, and some

raggedy clothes.
Notable STPs: Animal Lore (52%), Animal Handling (56%),

Glean Information (33%).
Motivation: To do a good job and not make his boss mad.
Weaknesses (including Quirks/Flaws): Extreme fearful-

ness, low social status, Socially Awkward.
Background: Little Teevee was found wandering the streets

makes sure their coats are brushed regularly, and that they
at age 4, dirty and scrounging grain to eat from the horses in
have enough grain to eat. He also makes sure they have plen-
the town livery stable. The owner of the stable, Mr. Gray
ty of water and that their hooves are free of stones and
Gadfyr, caught him and would have beaten him if his wife
other debris.
Lillian hadn’t stepped in and stopped him.
As a stable boy,Teevee is seldom noticed. Because of this, he
A kind soul, she took the boy into their home, bathed him,
continues to overhear many interesting conversations. In
fed him, and tried to find out what his name was. The boy
fact, little Teevee has a wealth of information for anyone who
could only say “Teevee.” She never did find out where he
knows how to draw him out of his shell. This is a delicate
came from, or where his family was. Lillian fell in love with
process because he has a great fear of just about everyone.
this little boy with the big brown eyes, dark hair, and innocent
It takes patience, gentleness, and time to earn the trust of this
smile. She had always wanted a son.
little boy. Food, trinkets, and affection go a long way with him,
The stable owner, who was also the town blacksmith, said the however, because he doesn’t get much from Mr. Gadfyr.
boy could only stay if he worked in the stables tending the Kindness to the animals also helps. He will never trust any-
animals and cleaning the stalls. The boy took to his work with one who is mean to an animal. He talks more freely with
dedication, enjoying the solitude of the stables and loving the women than men, because he remembers the love of Lillian.
animals. Lillian helped him whenever she could without her He will never talk when Mr. Gadfyr is around.
husband finding out. She lavished him with affection and
If sufficiently persuaded that he will be treated well, Teevee
made sure he had plenty to eat and clean, mended clothing.
would probably leave the stables to work for an adventuring
Then, one day, Lillian became deathly ill. Within a week, she party as an animal handler. He wouldn’t require a high salary,
was dead. Her husband, who was already a somewhat angry just meals, clothing, a little attention and a copper now and
individual, became unhinged, taking all his frustration out on then.
the boy. Anytime he made a mistake, made too much noise,
Teevee has been accused of stealing items from patrons after
or made some sort of mess there was hell to pay. He had
several complaints have been made about theft from saddle-
never liked the boy, and had been jealous of all of the atten-
bags. He is innocent of these thefts, but has been made a
tion his wife had given him. The child did his best to become
scapegoat for his employer, who can’t resist rifling through
invisible and to stay out of the way while still maintaining his
peoples’ belongs and snatching whatever catches his eye.
duties.
When missing items are found on the premises, he simply
Teevee is a wonder with animals. He has a connection with blames the boy. This is another reason Teevee is anxious to
them, as if he can sense their feelings. He works diligently to leave town. ❑
keep them comfortable. He cleans their stalls fastidiously,
By Barbara Blackburn

the bad...
Gray Gadfyr
AKA: Smitty
RA: Human CL: Thief LV: 1
SX: M AL: NE
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
STR: 17/25 DEX: 16/55 CON: 13/87
INT: 11/65 WIS: 8/31 CHA: 7/50
COM: 9/30 HON: 12 FAME: 2
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
+H: 2 +D: 5 HP: 24
DEX BONUS: -2 R/AT ADJ: +3 AC: 8
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
AGE: 52 APPEARANCE: Muscular arms, aver-
age facial features.
Notable Possessions: Hammer, blacksmith tools, black-

smith shop, livery stable, stolen items (10 daggers, 15 gems of
various sizes and values, 50 gps, one scroll with a charm per-
son spell, a set of pearl buttons worth 100 gps each), safe
with business earnings ranging from 100-1,000 gps depending
on what day it is and the amount of business he’s had, a light
war horse named Gus.
Notable STPs: Blacksmith tool proficiency, proficiencies

with hammer and dagger, Blacksmithing (100%), Animal
Handling (40%), Riding: Land based (32%), Skilled Liar (78%). Gray hides the items he has stolen in his small house behind
the stables. He moves his stash frequently in an attempt to
Motivation: To do business and not get caught stealing. escape being discovered. The boy knows what’s going on,
however. Rarely does anything escape Teevee’s notice.
Weaknesses (including Quirks/Flaws): Temper,
Kleptomaniac, Greedy, Jerk. In spite of his thievery, Gray lives a modest life. He doesn’t
care much for fancy clothing or ostentatious wealth. If he
Background: Gadfyr’s Smithy and Stables has been a main- had a million gold pieces, he’d probably bury them some-
stay in town for generations. Its current owner, Gray Gadfyr, where and still refuse to feed his stable boy more than
is an excellent blacksmith, but not much of a people person. scraps.
His personality took a decided turn for the worst after his His greed is so great that he will never consider giving any-
wife Lillian died, however. Ever since that day, Gray’s temper one a discount for his smithing or stable services. In fact, he
has become worse and he has become a kleptomaniac. charges between 10-30% more for his services than others
in other towns. He gets away with it because he happens to
His stable boy, Teevee, gets the worst of Gray’s temper be the only smith and stables in town.
tantrums. The boy also suffers due to his bosses’ penchant
for stealing from the saddlebags of patrons. That’s because At one time, a young blacksmith attempted to open up a rival
anytime his boss is confronted with a theft, he blames the boy shop across town. He was forced to close up shop however
and beats him. when his shop burned to the ground one night.
Gray feels no pangs of conscience for his treatment of the Besides the boy, the only other member of his household is
boy because he blames him for his wife’s death. But, even his horse Gus. Gray tricked a drunken soldier into leaving
though he hates Teevee, he knows he could never find any- the horse with him, by convincing him that it was dying.
one more convenient to have around. The boy works hard
and well, and only for table scraps. Also, he makes a handy In reality, the horse had an upset stomach from eating some
scapegoat whenever his thieving comes back to bite him. green apples. Teevee tended to the horse, and nursed him
back to health. Gray, however, treats the horse about as
In spite of his need for the boy, he might consider parting badly as he treats his stable boy. ❑
with him for a hefty fee. Gray would do just about anything
for money. Recently, his penchant for thievery has led him to By Barbara Blackburn
try his hand at picking pockets. So far, he hasn’t been caught.
LEGEND: STPs= Skills,Talents and Proficiencies RA= Race, SX = Sex, AL= Alignment, CL = Class, LV = Level, HP = Hit points,
AC= Armor Class +H= to hit bonus, +D= Damage Bonus, S.T. Bonus = Saving Throw Bonus, R/AT Adj: = Reaction/Attack Bonus.

...AND THE UGLY
Lt. (J.G.) Van Aster
AKA: Lt. Bastard,Troll Face
RA: Human CL: Soldier LV: 2
SX: M AL: LN
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
STR: 18/49 DEX: 11/14 CON: 11/58
INT: 12/11 WIS: 10/21 CHA: 8/44
COM: 6/34 HON: 23 FAME: 4
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
+H: +3 +D: +6 HP: 42
DEX BONUS: 0 R/AT ADJ: 0 AC: 6
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
AGE: 20 APPEARANCE: Big and stupid.
Notable Possessions: Scale mail, great spear, 40 gp, long

sword.
Notable STPs: Armor Maintenance (11%), Weapon

Maintenance (10%), Shaving/Grooming (12%), Dig Hasty
Grave (18%), Reading/Writing Common (13%), Basic
Leadership (16%), Military: Battle Sense (14%), proficiencies in
great spear, long sword, dagger, long bow.
Motivation: To find out who’s been stealing on his patrol
route.
Weaknesses (including Quirks/Flaws): Gullible, Butt tinue unchecked.

Ugly, Superstitious (carries a lucky rock), Temper, Enmity
toward Orcs. He has always suspected Mr. Gadfyr, but the businessman’s
respectable position in town has made arresting him difficult.
Background: Lt.Aster knew there was no other life for him When he found what he considered pretty good evidence of
but the military from the time he was a little boy. He grew Gadfyr’s guilt, namely stolen items hidden in his house, the
up fighting. In school, his classmates made fun of his appear- blacksmith simply blamed his stable boy and beat him severe-
ance and his name. But he was bigger than most, and he ly.
learned to defend himself quite effectively. Even though he still suspects the blacksmith, Lt.Aster cannot
Not only that, but his father was a town guard who was killed prove it wasn’t the stable boy who stole the items. Because
in an orc attack. This made young Van determined to follow he is such a respected member of society, Lt.Aster knows he
in the brave footsteps of his father. has to be very careful before arresting him. His commander
has pushed for the arrest of the boy, but Van doesn’t think the
As soon as he was old enough, Aster marched to the town boy is clever or brave enough to steal, knowing that beatings
guard post and applied to join the militia. Van took to the await him if he’s caught.
physical tasks involved in soldiering like a pig to slop. But,
when it came to some of the mental aspects, he took a So, Lt.Aster is determined to keep a close eye on the stable.
longer time to learn, in spite of his high Intelligence. That’s Aster has something of a hot temper, probably because of the
because he lacks common sense, and finds himself easily dis- constant ridicule he has endured over the years because of
tracted. Still, he managed to slog through training, and his unattractive appearance. His fellow guards are no excep-
because of his physical prowess, was a favorite of many of his tion. They call him Lt. Bastard and Troll Face, among other
trainers. They overlooked his unattractive appearance and names. After rearranging a couple of faces, the name calling
gullibility and put him in charge of helping some of the clum- has ceased as far as Van’s concerned. They still call him names
sier recruits. behind his back, however.
Van had no trouble getting hired by the town militia after his The lieutenant has sworn to discover who has been stealing
training and service in battle against orcs in Hells’ Throat. on his patrol route, and he has vowed to make the guilty
He has been assigned to patrol a portion of the town that party sorry for making a fool out of him. Anyone caught
includes Gadfyr’s Smithy and Stables. Recently, several stealing on his watch is cruising for a bruising and then some.
reports of theft from Gadfyr’s customers have put Lt. Aster Lt. Aster’s patience has worn out, and he’ll be damned if he
in hot water. He has received a tongue-lashing from his com- gets into anymore hot water because of some lousy thief. ❑
mander for not catching the culprit and a threat of further By Barbara Blackburn
humiliation and other consequences should the thefts con-

All trademarks are property of Wizards of the Coast, Inc. ©2003 Wizards. Illustration by Wayne Reynolds.
SMARTER
Wade into combat knowing what it takes to survive—anytime,

anywhere. With expanded rules for head-to-head skirmishing and mass
battles, the Miniatures Handbook is reinforced with new base classes, feats,
spells, prestige classes, and monsters—so you can really put up a fight.
Pick one up and charge right in. P L AY MORE

PHOTO
GALLERY 1 2
he problem with GameFest Milwaukee this year is that Jolly, Dwarf and Brian had SUCH a
T blast, they neglected to take as many photos as usual. They can be forgiven, however, due to
the fact they spent most of their time at the booth running demos. We are sorry that the photos
here are somewhat limited in their scope, but they’re better than nothing! Other companies such
as Human Head, AEG, Troll Lord, Games Workshop, Mayfair, and Eagle Games were also
running demos at the show. Jolly and Brian have vowed to return next year.
1. Hangin’ with Gary!! Gary Gygax was at the Troll Lord Games’ booth throughout the con.
3 2. Don Reents hawking dice and other goods at the Chessex booth. Jolly was seen making several trips
to the “Dice Cage” and returning with bulging pockets. “ You can NEVER have enough dice.”
3. Dwarf running a session of Dwarven Dig at the KenzerCo booth.
4. Jolly and Kevin helping HackMaster neophites roll up characters in preparation for their first
adventure. Sadly, many of them wouldn’t survive to tell the tale.
5. Brighten Jelke running the register at the KenzerCo booth. Will you be paying in gold pieces
or electrum, sir?
6. Aldo Ghiozzi of Wingnut Games sharing trade secrets with Stephen Chenault of Troll Lord Games.
7. This prototype of Dwarven Forge’s Gladiatorial Coliseum drew a lot of oooo’s and awwws.
8. George Gordon preparing to belly up to the table and play in Jolly’s demo.
9. The Open Gaming area of the show saw lots of gaming action over the weekend.
10. The infamous ‘Dice Cage” at the Chessex booth. A person could drown in there.
11. Brian Jelke, in a rare break from running demos, is making a sale. Ka-Ching!! There’s lunch.
12. Chimera Hobby’s booth — home to some of the best bargains found at the show.
GAMEFEST
RAWKS!!
6
8 9
10 12
11

All trademarks are property of Wizards of the Coast, Inc. ©2003 Wizards.
16 rand
omized inis
minis & more mized m
8 rando
EASIER
No glue. No paint. Open a box and jump into battle. With DUNGEONS & DRAGONS®
Miniatures, you get pre-assembled, pre-painted, randomized plastic minis, all statted up
and ready for action. So you know where you stand—and where your enemies will fall.
Pick them up and roll for initiative. P L AY MORE
usiness as usual!! Despite its migration south
GENCON INDY B and well and still Queen Supreme of the gami
exhibitors breathed a collective sigh of relief. To b
Photo Gallery Conga Lines of Death and entangled unfortunates fo

a vengeance we’re told. We’re confident they’ll be a
our photo gallery.
Indianapolis, Indiana July 24 thru 27 1. Dwarven Dig co-designer Japji Khalsa (left
2. Wearing the ‘Hubcap of Shame,’ a KODT
3. David Sutton (left) doing his Weird Pete im
4. KODT Live Reading — the HackBeth sails
5. Mike Steele asking, “The ghoul did WHAT
6. A record breaking turnout for this year’s KO
of the Fire marshall. GenCon organizers prom
7. Noah Kolman (right) draws names for the
8. “Pappy” Blackburn (Jolly’s dad) at the Kenz
9. A fan dressed up as Dave Bozwell as the Wh
10. Brian Jelke, Jolly Blackburn, and Dave Ken
3 of Johnny Kizinski in the strip, “Carvin’ Marv
1 2 11. A modified mini of Brian VanHoose as a B
12. Jolly during a game of Dwarven Dig — a
13. Dave Kenzer and Noah Kolman spanking
14. HMA Director Eric Engelhard (second fro
15. Lew Herring, Jolly Blackburn, and Dave K
16. Mark Plemmons and Mark Mueller spot T
4 5
6 8
9 11
10 11
12 13
Indianapolis and predictions of doom-and-gloom by the naysayers, GenCon proved it was alive
cons. The ‘best four days of gaming’ drew larger than expected crowds as both gamers and
ure, there were problems. Computer glitches and uncooperative printers created never ending
as long as five hours as they waited for badges. These problems and more are being tackled with
l memory at next year’s show. Despite the problems, a good time was had by all as evidenced in
unning a demo of his critically acclaimed game.

der tells a character death story to an unreceptive audience.
ation as Brian Jelke (right) looks on with approval.
gain!!
o my face?” in a demo of Final Days.
DT Live Reading left KenzerCo staff a bit stunned. Many were turned away by order
ed MORE ROOM for next year’s event. See you there. 15
xt Live Reading as Dave Kenzer (left) wonders where he parked his car.
Co booth (three hours after making the mistake of asking Dwarf how minis are made).
per. Before we could get his name he mysteriously disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
r with Sara — the nine year old girl who upstaged the D-Team while reading the part
’” As one audience member put it, “she stole the show.”
ood Bowl referee. Sweet!
t perturbed that his dwarven engineer has just been shockwaved.
group human players in Final Days.
left) claiming, “I don’t know these, guys. Really. I’m just in from Toledo.”
nzer in a game of Final Days.
cy Lords signing autographs. “Hey, I think she digs me.” 16
True Dungeon™ Photo Gallery

ne of the highlights of GenCon Indy was the True Dungeon. This popular event sold out quickly as word-of-mouth spread. Six man
Oadventuring teams took turns going through a Live Action dungeon crawl facing monsters, riddles ,and mind numbing puzzles. Our own
Jolly took a crack at the crawl with a band of his stalwart friends. You can read his detailed review in this month’s installment of Critical Mass.

Apocalypse
NOw!
Under the Hood
with Kenzer and
Company’s new
Miniatures Game
of Apocalyptic
HorrorBy Noah Kolman
t Gen Con Indy this year, Kenzer and Company type and attacked in the same way, but humans fighting
A revealed its latest project, the much anticipated skir-

mish-level miniatures game Final Days. To coincide
with this release, we here at KODT thought it might be a
undead presented a problem. The humans fight with
weapons: guns, clubs, chainsaws, and the like. Representing
these powers with a natural statistic didn’t seem right. On
good time to dust off the old Under the Hood column and the other hand, the undead fight with their natural weapon-
give Final Days the full treatment. And since I, your hum- ry, which is more suited to a natural statistic than a weapon
ble assistant editor, also had the good fortune to be inti- block. To resolve this, we kept the three statistics, but
mately involved with the Final Days design process, I humans have only Ward points, and undead have more
thought I’d give you an insight into how the game evolved Strike points than Ward points. Without Strike points,
into the version now available. humans would need a weapon to attack, and undead could
In order to be complete, we must start where all long jour- use their strike points to attack with their natural weapons.
neys start: at the beginning. Final Days began as a way to A final rule stating a figure needed to have a specific skill to
use a cool card-based combat mechanic we had. Many gen- use weapons prevented guns and the like in the hands of
res were suggested, but it was David Kenzer’s enthusiastic zombies and ghouls.
description of driving a car down an alley, shooting and run- There was another wrinkle with the statistics that we had
ning over zombies that won the day. Humans and undead to resolve. We wanted to be able to accommodate a wide
were quickly chosen as the participants, and an apocalyptic range of statistics, from lowly dogs and puny humans to
setting soon followed. After some on-the-spot assigning of powerful demons and vampires. However, we also wanted
statistics, the humans and zombies were prepared to embark the guns in the game to be lethal – just as they are in real life.
on what would become the first game of Final Days. The original system of one point to one card didn’t grant us
As it turned out, the marriage of modern weapons and enough flexibility, so we doubled the ratio. In Final Days,
undead worked beautifully with the playing card combat every two points represent one card and the weapon dam-
system. Combat was quick and easy to resolve, and ade- ages are increased; a solution to both problems.
quately simulated the lethality of both a submachine gun With the basic rules in a somewhat concrete form, we
and a vampire’s bite. These were all goals of ours, as we started some more specific playtesting. The way the initial
wanted a game with simple mechanics but deep strategy. games had played out, the humans had a distinct advantage
Plus, the use of a poker deck instead of dice was a nice depar- at range, and the undead were lethal once they reached
ture from the standard fare, and would set Final Days apart hand-to hand. We liked the way this played, as it gave each
from other games. force a different flavor and stayed true to the horror movies
The original statistics system required much more tweak- that were our inspiration. But we didn’t want to force armies
ing. We had three statistics – Strike, Ward, and Supernatural to be played a certain way, so the chain saw and the ghoul
– that represented a figure’s offensive capability, defensive were born.
capability, and magic capability respectively. Each figure The chain saw was a staple of zombie flicks, and it gave
would have a number of points in each of the three abilities. the humans (called the Forsaken in the game) an equalizer in
This worked well when the combatants were all of the same hand-to-hand. It deals 4 points of damage per hit, which is

enough to take out a zombie or seriously wound a ghoul.
Plus, nothing beats wading through a crowd of zombies with
a chain saw hacking down as many as you can get to.
Similarly, the ghoul was designed as a way to moderate the
Forsaken’s range advantage. They were given a fast move-
ment rate (9”) and the ability to cover any terrain without
penalty to make them the fastest units in the game. With
the ghouls able to jump on the Forsaken quite quickly, it dis-
courages the humans from sitting in one spot and sniping
the undead.
The rules for breaking away, skills and traits also grew out
of playtesting. At first, figures could leave hand-to-hand
combat without any penalty. However, this made it too dif-
ficult for the zombies to hurt anyone, and it greatly favored
the humans. So the break away rule was created to penalize
figures that left hand-to-hand combat. In the current ver- A vampire directs his troops to overrun a human position.
sion, any figures in hand-to-hand with the leaving figure
either get a free attack or can attempt to hold the figure in The scenario description indicates which side of each map
place. A draw from the deck determines whether the break to use as well as how to arrange them on the table. The
away succeeds, and is modified by the number of figures try "Units" heading describes the make up of the Forsaken
to hold. We found that this rule evened the playing field forces followed by the Legions of the Pit forces. For the
somewhat, and made hand-to-hand with zombies much Forsaken, this lists the number and type of each unit, as well
more deadly. as the equipment it carries. For the Legions of the Pit, this
The skills and traits came up during a playtest when a describes the number and type of each unit. The set up con-
vampire wanted to pick up the shotgun of his defeated foe. ditions are listed next. If the scenario does not use the stan-
While it seemed fine that a vampire could use a weapon if he dard set up rules, the new rules are presented here. The next
wanted, we didn’t want to have zombies and ghouls running three sections define the goal, victory conditions, and turn
around with submachine guns. It just didn’t fit the game. limit of the scenario. Finally, the special rules section
So we came up with a weapon skill, which was necessary to describes any special rules for the scenario. These rules apply
use a weapon of every kind. This grew to include a dozen only to the scenario, though if you like you may add them
skills and traits, each defining some special rule for a partic- to any game you play.
ular unit. The advantage of general skills and traits is that it I have designed this scenario to be played individually or
allowed us to give the same special abilities to multiple units as the first part of the “Holiday in Forest Hills” campaign. If
without having to rewrite the same rules over and over. you wish to play the scenarios as a campaign, check out
As the game evolved, more tweaks were added, names www.kenzerco.com and play them in the order they are pre-
were changed, point values adjusted, and stats tinkered with. sented (Get Out in the Dodge!, Residential Rumble, Hell on
But the soul of the game remained the same, and persists to Earth, Last Chopper to Salvation). The end of each scenario
the final product today. It was a long and sometimes painful will describe any changes to the next scenario based on the
process, but we think the final product speaks for itself. outcome of the first.
FINAL DAYS ADVANCED SCENARIOS GET OUT IN THE DODGE!

As a bonus for this installment of Under the Hood, I have Scenario: The town of Forest Hills has fallen to the
included an advanced scenario that I wrote for Final Days. Legions of the Pit. A Vampire known only as Raven has
This scenario was originally the first part of a four scenario assumed control of the city, and his zombie army swells by
campaign intended for the supplemental rulebook. Due to the day. A band of four surviving Forsaken has stopped at a
space, however, it was cut, and you get to benefit! Be sure to burned out convenience store in Forest Hills before they flee
check out www.kenzerco.com for the remaining three sce- the city. Hoping to scavenge some much-needed supplies,
narios and the campaign rules. the humans have stopped to rummage through the wreck-
This description lists everything you need to know to age. Upon learning of their presence, Raven dispatched one
begin playing. The "Scenario" heading describes the back- of his lieutenants, another vampire, and a legion of zombies
ground for the situation, indicating how each of the forces to set up an ambush. Now time is running out, and seems
has arrived at the current location. Following that is the that the only hope for the Forsaken lies scattered in the con-
"Maps" section. All of these scenarios use the two maps pro- venience store parking lot…
vided with the game. Since the maps are two sided, we have In this scenario, one player will control the Legions of the
identified each map side as either commercial or residential, Pit, who are trying to kill the humans. The other player
and given it a number (1 or 2). The commercial maps have assumes control of the Forsaken, who must gather enough
no grass or trees, and the residential maps do. Commercial parts to build a functioning car.
1 has two buildings, and Commercial 2 has a large building Maps: Commercial 1 and Commercial 2
and a parking lot. Residential 1 has a double driveway that Forsaken Units:
spans a corner of the map, and Residential 2 has a double Max "Scar" Hanson - Human Hero
driveway that only touches one street. Though the scenarios Shotgun, 1 Hand Grenade, Club
are designed to be used with these maps, you could easily Emily Hanson - Human Soldier
adapt them to other maps or your own terrain. Pistol, First Aid Kit

Michael Foster - Human Soldier Car Parts to
Submachine Gun, Club determine Table 1: Car Parts
Juan "Diablo" Castrejon - Human Psychic what parts are
Submachine Gun, Holy Water f o u n d . CARD PARTS
Legions of the Pit Units: Picking up a
2 No Parts
Blood Eye - Vampire part also takes
1 Ghoul an action. A 3-5 Sparkplug
8 Zombies human can 6-8 Tire
Setup: Lay the maps next to each other on the table so carry one car 9-Jack Battery
that one set of the smaller sides are touching. Arrange the part without Queen-King Can of Gasoline
maps so that the large building on Commercial 1 is on the penalty, but Ace-Joker Draw 2, treating this
left side of the board, and the large building on Commercial each part result as a King
2 is on the right side of the board. The parking lot on beyond the
Commercial 2 should be across the street from the small first slows his
building on Commercial 1. movement by 2".
Next, place between four and eight additional car pieces The car with the Objective token does not have any sal-
on any of the streets of the map. The number of cars you vageable parts, but it does have its keys in the ignition! This
place will determine how difficult the scenario will be for the is the one working car on the board. The Forsaken player
Forsaken player. The more cars on the map, the easier it will must install one battery, one sparkplug, one tire, and one can
be for him to collect the necessary car parts. Each player of gasoline in the car to make it run. Once the car is run-
should take turns placing one of the car tokens on the map, ning, living human figures that come in to base to base con-
starting with the Legions of the Pit player. Players may place tact with it are safe. If two or more living humans make it
the cars on any road on the map, but not in the parking lot to the car, the game is over.
of the convenience store (Commercial 2). If a ranged weapon damages a character carrying the can
Once the map is set, the Forsaken player may place his fig- of gasoline, the controlling player must draw a card. If he
ures anywhere within the convenience store (the building on draws a face card, the gasoline explodes. Treat it as a direct
Map D). The Legions of the Pit player should keep his hit from a grenade. ❑
pieces off the map to start. On the first turn, he moves his
units on to the map from the edge of Map C farthest from
the convenience store (large building on Map D).
Finally, place a hit counter under each car on the map (for
those drawn on the map, cover them with a piece of paper
after they are place). You should use both the 1 side and 2
side, but there should be at least twice as many 1s as 2s.
Assign the hit tokens to each car on the map randomly.
Make sure that neither player knows what lies under each
token. Instead of a hit counter, one car should have an
Objective marker under it.
Goal: The Forsaken player is trying to acquire the parts
needed to assemble a working car so that he can escape the
undead attack. To do so, he must scavenge parts from the
cars on the board (the placed car tokens and those drawn on
the map itself ). Once the Forsaken player has one battery,
one sparkplug, one tire, and one can of gasoline, he must
find the working car (the one with keys in the ignition),
install the parts, and drive out of town.
The Legions of the Pit player is attempting to kill all the
humans and prevent them from escaping Forest Hills.
Turn Limit: None.
Victory Conditions: The Forsaken player wins if he gets
two or more humans into a working car, or he kills all the
Legions of the Pit figures. The Legions of the Pit player wins
otherwise.
Special Rules: Each of the cars on the map has some sal-
vageable parts. When a human figure’s base comes into con-
tact with any of the cars (either the tokens or those depicted
on the maps), as an action he may scavenge for parts. Draw
a card to determine what parts the figure finds. The num-
A group of humans with a mountain of dead bodies rising
ber on the token indicates the number of draws. A human up around them. Who said dark future couldn’t be fun?
cannot salvage two of the same parts from the same car.
When picking twice, a duplicate result indicates that the
searcher did not find any additional parts. Consult Table 1:

STRIP O
kay, as a recent KODT LIVE READING was winding down, we opened
it up to the audience to ask questions about the strips. I was a little
stunned to learn that many of those asking questions seemed to have
better recall of the strips than I did.
TEASE
That’s what inspired this new feature. Just how good IS your recall? Think you
know your KODT inside and out? Okay, hero. Let’s find out. The following
are one panel excerpts from various strips. Your mission? Figure out the story
urn
by Jolly R. Blackb and issue they came from. Good luck. —Jolly.
(By the way — Answers can be found at www.kenzerco.com)
\ dunno, that’s a big step in any

relationship. in many people’s eyes, there’s hey MISHTER BUTT UGLY¡¡
a STIGMA associated with being a GAMER! my widdle dwarven friend can
KICK YER ASSH¡¡
that’s why \ DON’T date AMERICAN women. sho ya better not be DISHIN’
him or anything!!
my RULE OF THUMB is to wait A
MONTH before \ tell a chick \
SLAY ORCS on thursdays.
\’ve found that EASTERN

EUROPEAN women are much
more sophisticated when it
comes to ROLE-PLAYING!!
1. 2.
i just looked at the latest sales figures and there’s no contest. hmmmm, i could work in
HACKMASTER is still paying the bills around here. sure, sales have been those DOG-PADDLING
dipping the last three quarters but it’s still the best moving product we have. so RULES i worked up.
i think we should revamp the old lady and relaunch with a NEW EDITION¡
HACKMASTER 4th EDITION¿¿ but sir we and i’ve been working on

just released the 3rd edition nine months ago!!! marvelous idea, splitting edged weapons into
we’re still getting flack from the fans because GEE-JAY¡¡ brilliant!! honed-edge and
it was hot on the heels of 2nd edition!! serrated-edge classes!
3.
for crying out loud i rolled a ONE!!

DAMN!! the torch-bearer
was more effective as a
FEED ME
fighter than bob!! now
we’re really hurting.
A LINE
as you tried to W HO SAID IT AND WHERE ?
raise your cross-
bow you fumbled. dude!! you bob is inflicting 1: “that’sthe fifth turn you’ve
one bolt hits killed little more damage on just built up defenses!
brian’s character KNOBBY us than the the name of the game is
in the back. the FOOT! dungeon. RISQUE not CAUTION!!!”
other one kills the
TORCH-BEARER. 2: “hey, b.a.! \’m gonna pay RUDY
an extra FIFTY in gold to let me
SADDLE him up and ride him. \
already bought drinks for him at
the TAVERN and stuff so he
should be down with that.”
4.

Hard 8. K45 - 13 'The Perp Walk' CHESTER [Former Member KODT]
ENCYCLOPEDIA Chad catches Eddie eating his
M&M hit points. Burned by Eddie's
A former member of the Knights
who moved out of state. He is disliked
HACKTANICA wandering appetite he is rightly upset. by Bob, Dave, and Brian. TV1 - 20
'The rainbow colored lips don't lie. 'Shadis #17'
What more proof do you need?" Chad CHRIS CARVER
is sent to the time out corner to ponder HMPA member. He filed a griev-
Patty's Five Points for his outburst. ance against Hackcon Memphis
K45 - 26 'Five Points to Ponder' (HMPA case number 940415A) with
Chad is planning on giving Crutch the result that a player may read his
the Black Die, but Patty reminds him wish from a prepared statement so long
how nobody wanted him in their as it's contained within a single sen-
group back when he started playing. tence. K36 - 21 'Wishful Thinking'
Chad was a 13 year old munchkin and
only Patty would take him in at her CHRIS HODGE
table. Still, Chad doesn't think that One of the Knights' loyal readers in
Crutch is Perp material. K46 - 7,8 love with another loyal reader
'Final Deliberation' (Brande). He proposes to her within
Chad doesn't think much of the strip itself. K71 - 36 'A Proposal of
KNIGHTS AND Crutch's style of play. K47 - 30 a Proposal'
Chris' letter to the Knights asking
'Hackmaster 101'
OTHER PEOPLE Chad digs himself in deep when he them to put his proposal into print.
(How could anyone say no!). K71 - 76
PART II tells Patty that girl gamers are lame,
except for her, and she is just like one 'Cupid Does Dice'
COMPILED BY JASON ZAVODA of the guys. Then his character hears a CLEVENGER
BRENT BOZWELL rustling in the underbrush and it's time A busboy at the IHOP who wit-
Dave's brother who, while stationed to 'roll for initiative.' K47 - 42 nessed Pete and Stevil rolling up their
in Korea, is said by Dave to have had 'Backroom at the Games Pit' characters for Nitro's campaign and
Hemoragic Fever. Maybe why we've Chad is thrown into Nitro's cam- signed their sheets. BT10 - 17 'A New
never heard mention of him before or paign during the inter-campaign affair Beginning'
to this day. K75-14 'Sick Call' and bonds with Bob, who thinks that CODY WINKLE
he is a straight arrow. K57 - 12-16 "What's my motivation for this
CAGEY CLEO 'Straight Arrows'
A hooker's business manager who character" sums up Cody's gaming
Chad's behavior as a player is exem- style in a nutshell. He's with the
Bitter Stevil shared a ride with in the plary and clears Patty's group, in the
back of a police car. (Trixie was the Knights to fill the empty chair left by
Knight's opinion, from any involve- Bob. "Thank you for playing, Cody.
hooker's name). K55-9 'Bad Boys, ment with the Slacker Coalition. After
Bad Boys...' NEXT!!" BT4 - 30 'The Empty
Brian disemboweled Crutch's charac- Chair'
CASEY MAE ter, Chad's character makes all the Cody was almost a Black Hand, but
Crutch's Ol' Lady. She lives with arrangements for having him raised, at good sense prevailed. BT6 - 30 'Carry
him in their double-wide trailer and is Brian's character's expense. K57 - A Big Stick - Note:'
just starting to believe he has gone 21,22 'The Army Who Came In From His 'Looking for a game’ notice was
legit. She disapproves of Crutch's old The Cold' stuck on Weird Pete's bulletin board
gang (Switch, Crowbar, and the like). As a member of the Alliance of for six months when B.A. brought him
K80 - 11-13 'Old debts' Interloper Campaign Hoppers, Chad in to try out for Sara's chair at the
CHAD AGUILAR and the rest of Patty's Perps compete in table. He starts out on a bad foot this
A member of Patty's Perps. a Grudge Match against the Slacker time, the guys practically chased him
“The name's Chad. I'm currently Coalition. Chad runs his character away when he filled in for Bob the last
doing my graduate study over at BSU. Murgain, a 17th level battle mage. K59 time. Cody arrives late having landed
Nothing stellar. I'm just a history -8 a delightful little role playing Sancho
major. Hope to teach someday. I do Murgain, Chad's character, lost half Panza in Don Quixote. He's growing
some Dee-Jay work part-time for frat his levels and was zapped with a spell for the part. His cigarette smoking
parties and some campus events. mishap causing an intense hatred of his does not help, especially with Brian.
Helps to supplement my grant and illegitimate brother, which Crutch has Cody senses the hostility in the air.
keep food on the table”. a problem with. K76 - 26, 27 'The His smoking has something to do with
Chad plays a 9th level Elven battle Accident' it. Even though his Keanu Reeves
mage, Murgain, full bore. He was CHAN (PROFESSOR) School of Method Acting style of
third runner up for 'Best Character He has a grant to run ballistic tests HackMaster without character sheet or
Portrayal' at Hacktourney '96. on lightweight composite material, dice won him a standing ovation at
Chad researches and designs spells, a about which he is highly secretive. Pat Renn Faire, it isn't going to work with
sweet little 3rd level spell, Murgain's 'Lanky' Grogan is his lab assistant. the Knights.
Migraine, was even made 'official' by K78 - 28 ' Troy's Ploy' A wandering militant minstrel,
ABBREVIATIONS DIS = Disclaimer

FC = Front Cover
IBC = Inside Back Cover
IC = Inside Front Cover
BC = Back Cover
BT = Bundles of Trouble HO = Hand Out TV = Tales from the Vault
K= Knights of the Dinner Table

Cody's character Raphael Hoolisar is Brian saves the day and stops Cody's One of Bitter Stevil's coworkers.
rich with detail and panache. He character from killing Bob and Sara's BH1 - 3 'A Call to Arms'
bonds with Hodgy while Cody praises PCs. Cody fesses up and spills the COLONEL PROWLER (FULLBIRD)
Brian's role-playing skill. While Brian beans on the Player Exchange Program B.A.’s cat.
may just be back in La La land and Conspiracy. K57 - 21 'The Army “Meeeoooowwwrrr!! Hissssssss!!!!!”
after Cody's private talk with Hodgy Who Came In From The Cold' His preparatory attack call. B.A. is tied
the Brownie/Hand Puppet, it's appar- Cody is running his character, up and left to Prowler’s mercy. The
ent that Cody is lost in La La land too. Raphael Hoolisar, now a 9th level bard 24lb tomcat is called 'the jaguar' in
K32 - 9-15 'The Came Cody' for the Slacker Coalition in the Teflon Billy's journal. K41 - 20
Cody is late for the game, having Grudge Match against the Knights and 'Fumble in the Jungle'
gone to Weird Pete's for the Black their allies. K59 - 8 Scamper! Scamper! Rustle! B.A. is
Hands get out of jail welcome home Cody watches as Pete Skipowski once more left for Col. Prowler, now
party and B.A. runs his character. whittles down Slacker's Hackers grown to 50lbs. K63 - 21 'The Big
While he is gone, both Raphael and before the competition even begins. Pay Off'
Hodgy are killed. In the end it is back K59 - 24, 25 'Thinning the Ranks' Col. Prowler's litter box is cleaned
to Weird Pete's bulletin board and a Much to Sheila's surprise and hor- by B.A. K66 - 13 'Design is Job One'
new 'Player Wanted Notice’ as Brian ror, it is Cody Winkle who represents And once again in KS2 - 11
feeds Cody's character's body to the Slacker's Hackers in the Grudge 'Unlikely Allies.
gators. K33 - 13-16 'Murder Most Match. As Cody says "The Fates inter- Other Prowler references: BT8 - 92
Foul' vened on our behalf. When you're (bio), K41 - 20, K50 - 55 (bio), K63
Reference to 'Murder Most Foul' called you don't ask questions. You - 21, K66 - 13, KS2 - 11
where Cody's character accuses Teflon just step up to the plate and assume
Billy of murdering Hodgy. K34 - 28 battlestance." CROIX (Bob's Niece)
'Hell Hath No Fury’ Unfortunately, Hodgy didn't make Bob's niece is mentioned for the first
NOTE: Cody has found a chair it, and despite Sheila's rudeness, Cody time, but not by name. K75 - 2 'Cries
with Slacker's Hackers, but finds relates his faithful hand puppets last From The Attic'
himself at Nitro's table during the moments before breaking down into Croix learns a thing or two about
Player Exchange Program Conspiracy. tears. But when listening to Ty's tragic her Uncle Bob while he babysits. Her
He has resurrected Hodgy and plans tale of woe and broken dreams about Mom is right, he is a dork. K77 -
on killing off the other player charac- his character Faust, Cody is inspired to 23,24 'Child's Play'
ters, but the Knights have plans of their compose a ballad, a lost soul saga. K61 Bob babysits again and Croix real-
own. While Cody is away at the Clove - 8-12 'Ready, Set, Bet' izes that her Uncle Bob is both a jerk
N' Chowder having a vegan burger, Cody's character is sent to parley and a sore loser as he ruins Candy Land
Bob and Sara have second thoughts with the Untouchable Trio. Scratch for her and her brother Hunter. KS2 -
about their own scheme, not knowing one bard. K61 - 20,21 'Once, Twice, 21-23 'Board Squawk'
of Cody's plan. K57 - 12-16 'Straight Three times the Trouble' Other references to Croix; K75 - 2,
Arrows' K77 - 23,24, KS2 - 21-23 ❑
COLLEONI
CROSSED SWORDS by Alan Atkinson

ACROSS
4. Organization for the protection of the rights of HackMaster
players (1,1,1,1)
6. Dave’s favorite character (2,7)
8. This type of character is always treated badly by Bob, Dave, and
Brian (1,1,1)
9. The (13 Across) ____ Plus One
13. See 9 Across
16. Instigator of 20 Across
17. _____ Pete Ashton, owner of the Games Pit
19. Short, bearded demi-human species
20. Collective name for the conflicts over the ownership of the
contents of a certain bag of holding, involving 16 Across
22. The organization of mages to which Teflon Billy belongs
23. Abbreviation of the term applied to the person who is running
the game (1,1)
DOWN
1. (2 Down) of ____ Things
2. See 1 Down
3. Brian’s preferred character class
5. Common term for a miniature figure
7. High Priest of the Southern Orc League (3,4)
10. __ _____ Pickens, the Knights’ nemesis in Cattlepunk (3,5)
11. A certain halfling torch-bearer (6,4)
12. The character class dedicated to worship and healing
14. The sort of hit you want to get all the time
15. Sara’s old henchman; lord of Fangaerie
18. B.A.’s failed attempt at a role-playing game *The solution can be
21.The abbreviated term for a game where you play a role (1,1,1) found at www.kenzerco.com

D E A D LY
TRAPPINGS
Another trap is presented here for your use. Once again, I’d like
to point out that it is my hope that that this column will keep its
momentum based on freelance submissions. Got an idea for a trap?
Write it up and send it in. We’ll pay you five cents a word (a sim-
ple sketch showing how the trap works will help our art-monkeys
bring it to life).
GREED’S PAYMENT
AKA BOWLING FOR BURGLARS 1
LETHALITY: High INTENT: Death/Crushing
MECHANISM: Trigger ENGINEER: Elizabeth J. Gough 1. Hey, nice tapestries, Joe. Do you think
SUGGESTED DAMAGE: 3d12 of crushing damage. they’re worth anything? Maybe you should have a look.
Greed’s Payment was commissioned by a group of monks of a
minor religious cult. Their temple’s wealth was not in gold, statues,
or books, but in expensive tapestries. When war threatened their
country, the monks felt they needed to protect their precious weav-
ings. They hired Master Trapsmith Javen Tripwire to design a
mechanism to protect the tapestries. Master Tripwire’s creation was
so popular, soon there were variations of it being used in other
temples, nobles’ homes, and even royal castles.
Greed’s Payment is a remarkably simple trap in that it uses only
a lever and gravity. A 6 to 20 feet deep tunnel is set into a wall and
rises at a 20 to 45 degree incline. A boulder at the top is kept in
place by one end of a lever while the other end is attached to the
top of the tapestry that conceals the tunnel from view. Since the
easiest way to steal a weaving is to rip it down, a would-be thief
would do just that. As the tapestry comes down, so does one end
of the lever. The other end lifts up from the boulder, freeing it to
roll down the incline and onto the thief, very often killing him.
This trap can also be used to protect other valuable items which
hang on walls, such as paintings.
Other versions of Greed’s Payment use gates which are lifted up,
triggering the boulder, but this is more difficult in that sometimes
the gate fouls up the boulder’s descent. Others use a swinging arm 2
with sharpened sticks on it instead of a boulder, but when triggered
it tends to swing through the tapestry or painting, destroying it as 2. Sweet! Nice craftsmanship. This will fetch a
well as the thief. With a boulder, a tapestry is pushed up and out pretty penny back in town. Come to papa!!
of the way of the boulder’s path, leaving it unscathed.
Getting the boulder back up into its tunnel is the main disad-
vantage to this trap. The boulders used tend to be extremely heavy,
and many workers have been killed trying to reset the trap. Most
individuals who use these traps hire a team of half-ogres or other
strong men to reset the trap. There have even been rumors that
pack apes have been able to perform this task.
There have been variations where trap owners have used other
deadly items to maim or kill would-be thieves, but they have had
extreme disadvantages. One noble used a vat of acid, but it ate
through his prized silk tapestry and ruined the floor and several
hand-woven rugs. Another noble used a vat of hot oil. Not only
did he ruin his valuable wall hanging, but he set his entire estate on
fire, burning it to the ground. Therefore, boulders seem to be the
weapon of choice for these traps. Besides being much safer to valu-
able items, they are relatively inexpensive.
There have been cases where thieves have outsmarted the trap by
tapping on the tapestry and thereby discovering the hole. Several
trapsmiths have counteracted such attempts by attaching a thin 3
board to the back of the tapestry so that if anyone taps, they will be
convinced the wall behind the hanging is solid. 3. Ouch! Look on the bright side, Joe. You can always rip
WARNING: This trap is not for use by those with short-term the tapestry to shreds and splint those broken bones.
memory loss. ❑

Game On!
How to Game
Anywhere, Anytime
By Jeff Aldrich
GEOHACK for. Anticipating what loot he might find, he quickly opens

Putting Some Teeth into Geocaching up the cache. Oh no! A Grizzly Squirrel GeoHack card is
in there guarding the cache! Bob quickly pulls out his own
EQUIPMENT GeoHack card: Gagwaller.
Your standard geocaching gear, including a GPS device Bob’s Gagwaller has never entered a battle before, so only
GeoHack Cards one circle is filled in under each stat. He looks at the Grizzly
BACKGROUND Squirrel card and sees that it has two circles filled in under
I was first introduced to geocaching by Jolly Blackburn in Attack, but only one circle filled in under Armor and Hit
KoDT. Since then, I’ve logged lots of caches, planted one of Points. Bob flips for initiative and wins! He flips one coin
my own, met some great folks, and gotten others hooked on for his attack and gets a tails. Rats, a miss! Bob flips two
this great hobby. If you haven’t already tried geocaching, you coins for the Grizzly Squirrel and gets one heads and one
really don’t want to sit out any longer. As Jolly said, "This tails, so the Grizzly Squirrel scored one hit. Bob flips one
hobby has gamer written all over it." Nothing could be coin for his armor save and gets a heads. Whew! Bob negat-
more accurate. So, for this month’s Game On! we’re going ed the hit. Now it’s Bob’s turn again. He flips a coin for his
to provide you with a great little game to kick your geo- attack and gets a heads. He then flips a coin for the
caching experience up a notch. So grab your GPS and get Squirrel’s armor save and gets a tails. Bob scored a success-
out there for a little GeoHack. ful hit, eliminates the Grizzly Squirrel’s one hit point, and
defeats it. Hoody Hoo!! Bob does his victory dance and
SETUP proceeds to look through the loot in the cache.
Download the GeoHack cards from www.kenzerco.com,
then pick a card to use for yourself and maybe take a few THE SPOILS OF WAR
extra cards along to plant in other caches. Fill in one circle If you win a battle
for each of the stats of your card and you are ready to play. against a card you found
in a cache, you get to fill
OBJECT in two circles under any
To battle GeoHack monsters, whilst enjoying the great of the Stats on your card
outdoors. (you may assign the cir-
cles under the same stat,
HOW TO PLAY or two different ones.)
You have one card that is a monster or character that you If the card in the cache
control. When you are out geocaching and you encounter a had an item card
GeoHack card in a cache, a battle begins. attached to it, you get to
1. Choose heads or tails and flip a coin – if you win you keep the item card. In
get initiative, if not – the card in the cache gets initia- addition, you get to
tive. remove the defeated
2. The card with initiative gets to attack first. GeoHack card and then
hide it in another cache.
3. Attacks continue back and forth until one card is This way, cards get to
defeated. travel around and other
To make an attack, a card gets to flip a number of coins geocachers get to pick
equal to the number of circles that are filled in under the up on the game.
Strength stat. For each heads that comes up, the attacker has However, when you
made a hit. The defender then flips a number of coins equal hide the defeated card
to the number of circles filled in under the Armor stat, for again, go ahead and fill
an armor save. Each heads that comes up negates one hit in one circle under the
from the attack. For each hit that was not negated by the stat of your choice
armor save, the defender will take one point of damage. before you place the
Cards have a number of hit points equal to the number of card.
circles that are filled in under Hit Points. When a card’s hit If you lose the battle,
points are reduced to zero, it loses the battle. you must fill in one cir-
cle under the stat of
EXAMPLE OF PLAY your choice on the card
Bob is out geocaching and finds the cache he is searching in the cache, and you

must leave it in the cache. Cache monsters only get one new er loses the battle, then they may not take an item card and
circle for a win, but they also get a new circle each time they will have to try again another day. Monster cards that are
are hidden in a cache. This ensures that one card won’t sit part of an Encounter Pack do not gain circles for their own
in a single cache getting tougher and tougher and never get wins. Instead, the person who places the Encounter Pack
a chance to travel. sets the difficulty of the encounter by filling in a number of
circles for the monster’s stats as they see fit. The monster
ITEM CARDS might have seven circles filled in for Strength, five circles for
To increase the GeoHack Hackfactor, you may wish to Armor and five circles for Hit Points. It all depends on how
hide item cards in caches for others to find. You might difficult the player wants the encounter to be. Since the
attach it to a monster or simply hide it by itself for some monster does not gain more circles for defeating players, the
lucky geocacher to find.
encounter remains at a pre-set difficulty. It might be a good
Item cards give some sort of bonus to the owner. Perhaps
idea to keep Encounter Packs in a zipper sandwich bag in
a bonus on attacks, or armor saves – it’s up to the person
order to keep the cards dry.
who places the card.
The card sheet available for download consists of a page
Players may have up to three item cards for their own
for the card backs and a page featuring some ready-made
monster or character card.
monster cards, a couple of items and a few blank cards to
Cards encountered in caches may never use items, even if
allow you to create custom cards. Simply print them out on
they are placed with an item card.
some card stock and you’re ready to go.
ENCOUNTER PACKS Hiding stuff in geocaches is great fun. If you hide a mon-
Truly enterprising GeoHack players may decide to place ster in one, you might even go so far as to attach your email
an Encounter Pack in their own caches or even someone address to the card and ask folks to send you a message when
else’s. If you want to place one in someone else’s cache, it they defeat it and move it to another cache. Doing some-
might be polite to ask permission since the Encounter Pack thing like this will allow you to keep track of your critter,
is intended to stay in one cache. where it travels and how well it’s doing.
Encounter Packs consist of a GeoHack monster card that So what are you waiting for? Get out there and start hid-
dwells within a single cache. These monster cards guard a ing those GeoHack cards! The more you hide, the better the
stack of item cards. If a player defeats the monster, then they chance of getting more folks involved.
get to take one of the item cards as treasure (along with the Even in the depths of the wilderness and remote corners
reward of filling in two circles on their own card). If a play- of the world, you can still Game On! ❑

Lands of
Adventure
Historical Locations
for your Favorite
Campaign
By Andrew Hind
CRETAN ARCHERS: AN ANCIENT ELITE default they looked to mercenaries from Crete to fill the
parta. The very name still fires the imagination of niche. Sparta had close relations with the cities of Crete, so
S people today, more than 2,000 years after that city-

state’s heyday. It fielded the only full-time army in
ancient Greece, and was thus a terrifyingly successful elite
the fit was a natural and easy one. The force is estimated to
have been between 300 and 600 men, perhaps fluctuating.
The first mention of these troops was in 401 in the army
force. On the backs of their disciplined soldiers was won an of Cyrus the Younger, a pretender to the Persian throne.
empire. This army, assembled with Spartan assistance, contained 200
And yet, as mighty as the Spartan hoplite (infantry) was, Cretan archers. Seven years later a force of 300 archers
it came to rely upon the support of another force to secure accompanied the Spartan army at the Battle of the Nemea.
their victories: Cretan Archers. These auxiliary troops, prized Increasingly, the Spartans began to rely upon this ancillary
as the best missile troops in the world and for their raiding branch of their army, both for fire support and as scouts and
ability, were every bit as elite as the Spartans themselves. raiders. In 362, during the Mantineian Campaign, it was a
This article takes a look at Cretan archers, and how they Cretan archer who uncovered and reported the plans of the
might be used as the basis of campaign set in Ancient Theban commander Epaminodas to make a surprise attack
Greece. The date for this article is assumed to be the winter on one of the undefended Spartan cities. Thanks to this
of 394, in the second year of the Corinthian War. man’s actions, the plot was foiled.
HISTORICAL BACKGROUND SPARTA

The Spartans despised archery. To their machismo- Sparta sits in the valley of the River Eurotas in southern
charged minds, the only true way to fight was as heavy Pelopponese. Several wide river valleys with relatively fertile
infantry in close quarters, mano a mano. Missile weapons soil, which allows for good farming, mark this region of
were cowardly and dishonorable. Indeed, Plutarch records Greece, known as Laconia. Sparta was but one of the cities
that a dying Spartan hoplite was unconcerned with his in Laconia, but by the 8th century it had come to dominate
impending death, save for the fact he had been brought its neighbors. These neighbors lost their independence and
down by a "womanly" archer because it was seen as a humil- became slaves (helots), performing all the manual labor for
iating way to perish. Spartan society and thereby allowing the Spartan men to
That said, being the most successful fighting force in the serve as full-time soldiers. This was the underpinning basis
world means that one by necessity adapts. When the for the city’s military prowess.
Spartan garrison at Sphakteria surrendered in 425 after expe- Cretan archers in the employ of Sparta would be consid-
riencing the withering effect of Athenian archers, it marked ered neither citizens nor helots, but rather perioeci
a low point in Spartan fortunes. Never before had a force of ("Neighbors"). They would live in their own garrison
Spartans of any significance size every surrendered! This was towns, and although they have no political rights, they are
the army, after all, that had previously fought to the death at free to live as they choose. Their only obligation is to remain
Thermopylae, despite being faced with odds of almost loyal to Sparta while in their employ.
100:1. Nevertheless, in the wake of the humiliating defeat Two kings rule Sparta, one each from two royal families –
at Sphakteria, the Spartans analyzed the action and made sig- the Agiads and the Eurypontids. One king is generally away
nificant changes. Once again, they adapted their tactics and on campaign at the head of the army, while the other
force structure to maintain their dominance. remains at home governing the land.
Perhaps the most important of these changes was the rais- THE CORINTHIAN WAR (395-386)
ing of a contingent of archers. As we have seen, no self- Sparta dominated southern Greece with an iron first.
respecting Spartan would have taken up the bow, so by Angered by this tyranny, Thebes allied with its erstwhile

enemy Athens, and together established a coalition designed PLACES OF NOTE
to overthrow Sparta. Tied down by conflict with Persia, the Athens: The capital of Attica, a bleak land almost bare of
war began poorly for Sparta. An invasion of Boeotia was vegetation in the inhabited lowlands. This explains the city’s
defeated by Thebes, and with Persian money, Athens rebuilt traditional focus on maritime trade. Athens lays five miles
its once proud fleet. With its navy restored, Athens was inland, but is connected to its port, Pireaus, by an excellent
dominant at sea, defeating a Spartan fleet at Cnidus in 394 road. Athens, Pireaus, and the road between are defended by
and, by 390, retaking many Aegean ports and islands. extensive fortifications, called the Long Walls. Athens is a
By this time, however, the war on land began to swing in center of art and learning, and famous for its many glorious
Sparta’s favor. It won at Nemea (with Cretan archers mak- spectacles, among them the Parthenon, the Theater of
ing a sizable contribution to victory) and Coronea in 394, Dionysus, and the Erechtheum.
and blockaded Corinth a year later. Sparta’s successes caused Crete: Crete was once the center of a prosperous trading
Persia to withdraw its support from Athens and throw itself empire, known as Minoa. The capital was Knossos, site of
behind the winning side. the legendary King Minos and the Minotaur. The island is
By 387, Athens’ only real military power, its navy, was littered with the earthquake-ravaged ruins of palaces from
trapped in the Dardanelles by a Persian fleet. Almost the Minoan golden age. Today a rustic backwater, Crete is
defenseless and all but bankrupt, Athens had no choice but only of importance for its famed archers, reputed to be the
to accept a Persian brokered peace (the "King’s Peace") in best in the world.
386. This dissolved the Athenian alliances in the Aegean, Delphi: One of the most sacred sites in all of Greece,
while Thebes lost control of its Boeotian cities. Sparta was Delphi is located on the cliffs of Mount Parnassus, just north
all-powerful, though as a virtual Persian client state. of the Gulf of Corinth. The famous Oracle of Delphi,
known as Pythia, resides here in a complex of buildings ded-
THE PCS AS CRETAN ARCHERS icated to Apollo. Pythia’s influence extends beyond the spir-
Playing a Cretan archer is appealing on numerous levels.
itual to include the political as well.
It offers the opportunity to get involved in the important
Knossos: The Knossos of antiquity has long since crum-
events of the war, but while still retaining the freedom that
bled into a mass of ruins, though the fabled labyrinth
players crave. It wouldn’t be much fun to play a Spartan
remains intact, located in the basement of the King Minos’
hoplite, since their lives are so regimented. As auxiliaries,
derelict palace. The Minotaur, if he ever truly existed, is now
however, the PCs may be given assignments by officers, sim-
as dead as the civilization which spawned him. A favorite
plifying task of the GM, but because of the nature of archers
pastime, dating back to the Minoan era, is Bull-dancing.
in general – loosely organized into small units favoring skir-
Competitors form into teams of three: one to leap over the
mishing and scouting – the players retain much of the inde-
bull’s back, another to throw him, and a third to catch him.
pendence that drives good role-playing.
The danger to all three individuals -- but particularly the
Another element that drives good-role-playing is the fish
leaper -- is immense. Some heroic bull-dancers are soloists,
out of water/outcast syndrome. While archers are recognized
increasing their personal danger but likewise increasing the
as a battlefield necessity, the Spartans emphatically don’t like
potential glory.
or trust them, thinking them a cowardly, skulking lot. It will
Thebes: As the largest city, it dominates the Boeotian
take a lot to earn their respect, which in itself may be reward
confederation of city-states. Athenians tend to look down
enough for adventuring. As well, being foreigners, the PCs
on Thebans, and the two are now uneasy allies. Thebans are
are something of second-class citizens and have few legal
reputed to be stupid and good for nothing beyond farming,
rights in Sparta.
their city unassuming and without any notable temples or
Cretan archers are an elite. Being among the best of the
shrines.
best is certainly an appealing thought, as is serving alongside
the legendary Spartan hoplites. IMPORTANT CHARACTERS
Archers carried bows, of course, and perhaps some spe- King Agesipolis (444-360), Ari3/Ftr7
cialized arrows (barbed to hinder extraction, blunt for stun- Succeeded his brother Agis II as one of the twin kings of
ning game). Some, more likely the veterans, would wear Sparta, after he convinced the citizens to ignore the claims of
cuirass breastplates to afford protection in light of their Agis’ son. He has spent much of the last decade fighting
inability to wield shields, this despite the fact that most against the Persians in Asia Minor, where he demonstrated a
troops were discarding them in favor of increased battlefield penchant for ravaging areas with lightning raids. Agesipolis
mobility. Armored archers are especially found in sieges, was recalled in 394 in response to the Theban-Athenian
where hindered mobility is not as great a concern. Helmets threat, and has immediately reversed Spartan fortunes by
were common, and as with all Spartan troops, they wore dis- defeating the forces of the Athenian ally Corinth at Coronea.
tinctive crimson robes. The short sword or dagger was used He is a capable politician and a courageous soldier with con-
as a secondary weapon. siderable tactical skill, as demonstrated by his universal bat-
While characters are all "archers," this is a reflection of tlefield success. More than perhaps any other man,
their battlefield role rather than their class or occupation. Agesipolis embodies Sparta’s expansionistic tendencies.
Many are fighters, but others might be rangers or thieves as Iphicrates (412-353), Ftr3
well. What kind of adventures might the PCs face? This young man is among Athens’ newest heroes and one
Scouting and foraging; skirmishing and ambushing enemy of its rising stars. The son of an obscure Athenian family,
units; participating in set-piece battles alongside hoplites; when war with Sparta broke out he raised and trained a force
recruiting new archers back home in Crete; serving as mis- of light infantry. This unit has proven to be among the best
sile troops aboard naval vessels; tracking down beast slaying in the army due to its level of training and the reforms he has
local livestock; slipping into besieged cities on reconnais- made in their equipment. There are rumors, however, that
sance/sabotage missions; surviving Spartan bigotry and strict Iphicrates may be bribable.
laws; exploring the ruins of Crete (including the maze of the Pythia, Clr12
minotaur); and visiting the Oracle of Delphi. The possibil- No one knows what this woman looks like, for she
ities are nearly limitless. remains hidden behind a screen at all times. She is said to

speak with the voice of Apollo, and it is to her that people an Athenian assassin sent to disrupt the unit as a prelude to
turn when they desire to know the outcome of some future a new offensive; or perhaps the specter of the Minotaur, hav-
endeavor. Sacrifices and gifts must be offered in exchange ing followed them from Crete?
for divination, yet her answers are always in riddle or verse,
and often quite enigmatic. Several male priests of Apollo IN OTHER GENRES
attend her. As thrilling and evocative as classical Greece may be, some
Stratokles, Rgr4 people may not want to play in a historical setting.
Little is known about this individual, save that he com- Nevertheless, an industrious GM can find inspiration in this
manded the force of Cretan archers serving under Agesipolis article and mine it for ideas in their own campaign. To that
in Asia Minor. It can safely be assumed that he was himself end, some suggestions for using this article in non-historical
from Crete, and that he followed Agesipolis to Greece upon settings have been provided.
the latter’s recall in 394. Stratokles will, therefore, be the Fantasy: One interesting option is to create a campaign
PCs’ direct commander and it will be through him that they set in a high-fantasy, pseudo-mythical Greece as was used to
will most often receive their orders. such great effect in the television series’ Hercules and Xena.
This would allow the use of traditional fantasy gaming con-
ADVENTURE IDEAS ventions, as well as offering the opportunity to go one step
1) Clearly, Crete is invaluable to Sparta as an ally, which further with this setting. Perhaps the archers that the
is why they grow concerned when an insurrection breaks out Spartans so derisively labeled "womanly" are indeed female
on the island that threatens to put a Persian puppet on the archers, like the legendary Amazons, calling themselves the
throne. Idomeneus was the grandson of King Minos, and Atrakon (Greek for "spindle"; a term used by Spartans to
himself a hero in the Trojan War. During his return, how- mean arrows, in reflection of their cowardly connotation).
ever, his ship was best by a fierce storm and in danger of In light of Crete’s association with the Minotaur (the King
being swallowed by the sea. Idomeneus made a vow to Minos myth), it might be appropriate to substitute this race
Poseidon that he would sacrifice the first thing he saw upon for Thebans and Athenians.
returning home if only the god would him to return safely. Pulp: Maybe the Cretans have maintained their remark-
The storm abated, and when the king arrived home he killed able reputation for marksmanship into the present day.
the first thing he saw, as promised. The victim was his son. Greece in the 1930s was inherently unstable and civil war
The gods were angered by this deed, and brought down a was always a possibility, so offer things a nudge in the right
plague upon the land, forcing the people to cast Idomeneus direction and have the nation torn asunder by rival factions.
into exile in Asia Minor. It seems now a descendant, spon- Cretan snipers would be highly prized. Alternatively, the
sored by the Persians, has returned to claim his birthright. conflict could be against the Germans (the initial occupation
The PCs are sent to defeat him; failure would see Crete fall followed by the resistance) or, by extending the parameters
into the Persian camp, and a new plague cast down upon the of the pulp period a bit, against the communist guerrillas in
island. the real Greek Civil War that ran from 1945-49.
2) The PCs are tasked with scouting ahead of a force sent Pendragon: One of the most beautiful things about the
to raid into Theban territory. Returning home, the troops, anachronistic Pendragon setting is the feeling that just about
heavily laden with plunder and driving herds of goats, are anything can fit into the landscape of King Arthur’s Europe.
halted in a pass by someone (or something) that ambushes Why couldn’t Greece still be dominated by city-states, vying
anything that attempts to pass. With hard-charging Theban for supremacy and the patronage of the Byzantine Empire?
cavalry closing fast, the PCs are sent ahead to clear the path. Creating a Greek campaign would give PCs an opportunity
Little do they know that the culprit of the attacks is actually to wield bows for a change, since typical Pendragon charac-
the mythical sphinx, which, true to its form refuses to allow ters – knights – are forbidden by honor to do so (it’s a peas-
anything to pass unless it correctly answers a riddle. ants weapon, don’t you know?). Alternatively, you could
3) Cretan archers are found murdered in horrible fashion, have player knights be sent by Arthur as emissaries the
and the PCs are tasked with finding the killer before he finds Byzantium and falling into the wars in Greece. ❑
them. Is the killer a sociopath Spartan who despises archers;
THAT’S IT, b.a.! \ will not stand here

while that dude insults me. he’ll think
twice about callin’ me a CRETAN! don’t listen to
dave, yer doin’
but... but... dave, that thing HER, dave.
I WASTE HIM WITH MY LONGBOW!
\ think yer mis- again. that
understandin’ word doesn’t you can’t let an
me... DUDE, you can’t mean what you npc TRAMPLE on
do that! that’s think it yer HONOr like
MY LINE!! means... that.

ummmm... son? it says here yer CHARACTER
has MONKEY CLIMB, CHEETAH SPEED, and
and an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL education.
\’m afraid this sounds more

\ took a few LIBER- a few liberties?
like a SUPERHERO than
TIES with the RULES,
an OLD WEST character.
sir. thought it might sounds like you
make JACKE JUSTICE took a SLEDGE
stand out a bit. HAMMER to the
rules if
you ask me.
ONE-TWO
PUNCHES by Jolly Blackburn
my character is in a FOUL MOOD today, b.a. he’s gonna HANG around the INN and pick
FIGHTS with the LOCALS. \’ll be donning my ASS-KICKIN’ ENSEMBLE. that would include
my GNARLY GLOVES OF SUCKER PUNCHING, my STEEL-TOED BOOTS OF
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, and my GREAT HELM OF STAND-OFFISHNESS.
sounds like FUN, dude. kewl! gimme me a few

if \ excuse myself mind if \ JOIN you? turns to REMEMORIZE my
and say \ have to SPELLS and \’m there.
use the RESTROOM,
\ could slip out
the window and
make it to my car...
\’m tellin’ ya, PETE. \’m really HOPPED UP MAD so \ ask her for a PHONE NUMBER and she grabs a
over this latest STURMQUEST supplement. NAPKIN from the counter and sorta SCRIBBLES a
bunch of numbers on it and SLIDES it back to me.
500 pages and no INDEX? not even a decent
TABLE OF CONTENTS. what the hell’s up with \’m thinkin’ \’m in like FLYNN at this point. so
that? \ spent FOUR HOURS looking up the \ make with the SMALL TALK. you know -- FEEL
rules on TREASURE DISPERSAL last night. her out a bit and get to KNOW her some.
TABLE OF CONTENTS?? oh, \ got JUST wow! she gave you her number?
what you need. you’re lookin’ for SUP- just like that? how’d you manage that?
PLEMENT 4C. it’s got ALL that stuff in
there along with some new ERRATA. \ rolled
a NAT TWENTY.
twenty-four fifty
plus tax. want -sigh-
me to RING it up? yeah, go
ahead.
oh.

Gamemaster’s
workshop
The Deck
of Many
Backgrounds
By Michael Hughes
he PC is freshly minted, the character sheet is crinkle COMPANION – The PC begins the game with a loyal animal
T and stain free, and the player is already mentally

counting off the gold needed to get a shiny suit of
half plate. Complacent, his character sits in the local tavern
companion, much like a druid, but with a maximum of 1
HD. If the PC has a familiar, the Companion result boosts
the familiar’s abilities (treat as Caster Level +1 when deter-
waiting to meet like-minded individuals before heading off mining powers). The downside is that the love between
to explore those ruins outside of town. them is stronger and the PC suffers a –2 to Con instead of
As the adventurers make their way to the exit, Leisa, the just one should it be dismissed or die. If the PC is a druid,
barmaid who has been noticeably ill in the past few days, increase the HD of their animal companion by 1.
confronts a PC. DEBT – The PC or his family owes someone a substantial
“I’m with child and it’s yours,” she announces happily to amount of money. The GM will undoubtedly use this as a
the assembled throng. “I think it’s twins.” plot or adventure hook. Expect debt collectors to show up
No sooner has she spoken then she is shouldered aside by frequently for a hearty discussion on the techniques of
Thrugnor the Barbarian, a meaty half-orc who likes to fight resetting leg bones until the money is paid. But remember,
with a sawn off great axe. large men in ill fitting leather armor without a license to
“Your father maimed my father. Now I maim you,” lend legally tend to have trouble calculating the correct
Thrugnor bellows, pointing at the PC cleric, before waving interest the longer a debt is left.
his axe under the cleric’s nose.
The PC’s pet monkey takes exception to this threat and DEPENDENT – Someone is dependent on the PC. It could
immediately leaps off the cleric’s shoulder and claws the bar- be a baby sister, an elderly blind uncle, or Teebo the
barian’s face, inevitably leading to a brawl. In the aftermath, orphaned urchin, adopted by the PC after the cheeky lad
the PC who got Leisa in trouble is awoken by a bucket of attempted to pick their pocket. The dependent generally
water from the innkeeper. He demands a stipend to care for needs some care, and can be expensive to look after at
his waitress until she works again, and it’s the only inn in times. And of course, the GM could have them kidnapped.
town. Excellent. They didn’t even make it out the door. The PC should be able to leave their dependent in the care
The Deck of Many Backgrounds is designed to be used of others – but will have to look in on them now and then
during character generation to help spice up a PC so he and be ready to pay for any accumulated expenses. The PC
looks less like one of the standard templates in the Player’s has an emotional tie to this dependent, and will not harm
Handbook. him in any way.
In honor of the Deck of Many Things, the notorious DISGRACED – The PC or his family is disgraced, and their
magic item, Background selections are determined by a card shame is well known to the community. NPCs will likely
draw. This requires a pack of cards using 10s and up with inflict the PCs with constant snide comments, refuse serv-
no jokers. Alternatively, roll a d20 and count down the table ice, or even start a fight, until the PC somehow manages to
(i.e. a 1 is an Ace of Hearts, a 2 is a King of
Hearts etc, with a 17+ equivalent of a 10 card
result). Each player should continue drawing THE DECK OF MANY BACKGROUNDS
cards until he draws a 10 (any suit). A descrip- CARD RESULT CARD RESULT
tion of results is as follows: Ace of Hearts Companion King of Spades Debt
CHILD – The PC has a child, either known or King of Hearts Favor Queen of Spades Dependent
unknown to them (though in the case of a Queen of Hearts Friend Jack of Spades Disgraced
female PC I’d hazard she probably has a clue). Jack of Hearts Heirloom Ace of Clubs Enemy
The exact circumstances and relationship Ace of Diamonds Investment King of Clubs Mental Flaw
between the PC and child is largely up to the King of Diamonds Mentor Queen of Clubs Physical Flaw
Queen of Diamonds Patron Jack of Clubs Poor
player, but the GM can use it as a nasty plot
Jack of Diamonds Wealthy Any 10 Stop drawing.
hook at some point.
Ace of Spades Child

rectify their shame – or cripples enough people that NPCs PATRON – The Patron can be an individual or an organiza-
learn not to be a wise ass. Lots of fun – especially if the dis- tion that has some power or influence. They like the cut of
grace was very humiliating. the PCs jib and have entered into a symbiotic relationship
ENEMY – The PC made a life-long enemy who wants noth- with them. They scratch his back and he scratches theirs.
ing more to see him dead, humiliated, or destroyed. The Another great adventure starter for the GM. A PC can call
enemy will be of similar level to the PC, and often recruit on his patron for assistance with a problem – though such
hirelings to attack him. Examples could be a fellow appren- assistance will always come with a cost. Examples could be
tice, a scorned lover, or even a sibling. The enemy could be a Wizard or Wizard’s guild, a Thieves Guild, The Order of
an entire family that has a blood feud with the PC’s family. the Blue Cantaloupe, a mercenary leader, a high priest, etc.
See Favor for other possible examples.
FAVOR – The PC is owed a big favor from someone with
power or influence. He can call on this favor in time of PHYSICAL FLAW – The PC has a minor physical flaw. Use
need because of something he or his family did. Once used, the table in the DMG listing penalties for damaged body
the favor is spent unless the PC maintains the relationship parts, but halve any penalties. The flaw can probably be
and in turn assists the favor giver. Good plot hook stuff. cured by healing magic, but would probably need an adven-
Examples could be a ship captain, the watch commander, a ture to do so. Examples include a cocked eye, partially
courtier in the royal court, a dwarven clan chief, province fused fingers on one hand, a club foot, being deaf in one
governor, town mayor, head of the thieves’ guild, etc. ear, a slight limp, etc.
FRIEND – The PC has a trusted friend who will do his very POOR – The PC has half the starting wealth available to their
best, within reason, to assist the PC in times of need. class. Suck it in, poor boy. If you’re lucky you’ll start with
Likewise, he expects the same level of commitment in a dagger or a piece of wood and the clothes you walked in
return. The friend could be from childhood, the result of a with.
blood oath, someone the PC saved from death, or any WEALTHY – The PC has double the normal starting wealth
number of other things. or maximum starting wealth – whichever is higher.
HEIRLOOM – The PC starts the game with an heirloom of However, their expensive clothing, powdered face, and
their family, a gift from their mentor or master, or some- propensity to imbue snuff may make them a target for the
thing that was left with them on the doorstep when they beat-people-and-steal-their-money community.
were abandoned as a baby. It could be anything that the For example, I get a Queen of Hearts, a Jack of Hearts, a
GM feels is appropriate and would provide grist for the King of Diamonds, an Ace of Clubs, and a 10 of Clubs.
intellectual mill. Examples could be a Masterwork Weapon That’s four results – as the last one was a 10 card, which
or Armor, tools, or a minor magical item. It may even be a stops the draw. The results are Friend, Heirloom, Mentor,
powerful artifact if the GM deems is necessary to their and Enemy. My character is a half elf cleric. Here’s his char-
game. Heirlooms should not be consumable. acter background, modified by the GM using the Enemy
INVESTMENT – The PC has an investment worth D6+6 times result as a plot hook.
their starting wealth, but it cannot be cashed in prior to Parasec was a foundling, abandoned by his human mother at
starting the game. It makes D20-10 percent profit (or loss a temple to be raised in church’s care. Thanks to a high Wisdom,
if the result is negative) a year and as the PC is likely traips- he was trained to become a priest alongside a fellow foundling,
ing all over the place, is probably run by someone else who Bescant, his best and most trusted friend.
funnels the profits back into the business. GMs of course Another orphan, an oily snot by the name of Tuber, did not
can use an investment as a delicious plot hook in their foul have the right stuff for clerical instruction. Naturally, he decid-
schemes. ed to make his rivals’ lives Hell. Tired of his cruel pranks and
constant insults, Parasec and Bescant sought out Tuber one day
Selling the investment can take time, though a quick ‘fire and threw him in the midden. Shortly after, Tuber left the
sale’ could probably net the PC 10% to 20% of its value, church to sign on with a passing mercenary company.
depending on circumstances. Examples could be shares in Parasec and Bescant’s instructor was Barakesh, a once power-
a trading costar, ship, mine, or tavern. The PC could own ful cleric whose body was ravaged by age and the culmination of
a tenement, a shop in the business district, or their family many wounds. Barakesh, a single man by rite of his order, treat-
home. ed the two as if they were his own, teaching them all he knew,
MENTAL FLAW – The PC suffers from a minor mental flaw, including the noble art of fisticuffs (Parasec selected the
such as a mild obsessive compulsive disorder, kleptomania, Improved Unarmed Combat feat). Coming of age, they were
pyromania, blood lust, etc. It’s up to the player to select a released into the world as fully ordained members of the order
flaw, but obviously their class and race should be kept in and charged with furthering the church’s cause. Before they left,
mind when doing so. their mentor gave each student one of his treasured possessions
MENTOR – The PC was mentored by someone who took a from his adventuring life, with Parasec receiving a pair of
genuine interest in the PC’s development. However, the Masterwork Gauntlets with the holy symbol of the church.
Mentor is not in a position to assist the PC beyond that of Parasec began his new life by seeking adventure with like-
instructing them in a particular trade or career path. minded others, eager to rid the world of evil. Having answered
Examples could include an outcast wizard, retired caravan a call from a village beset by goblins and bandits, Parasec and
guard commander, now crippled former master thief, etc. his companions arrived to discover two mercenary bands had
The PC gets 4 skill points or a Feat courtesy of the expert joined the defenders. Much to Parasec’s shock, one archer was
tutelage. none other than Tuber, his childhood nemesis. Having to work
with his former foe again. And with a battle approaching Tuber
The PC can call on their Mentor for advice, training, or was the last person in the world he wanted at his back – espe-
assistance (within limits of the Mentor’s abilities). On the cially one who was a deadly shot with a bow and had a score to
flip side, a GM can do nasty things with a red-hot poker to settle. ❑
get the PC’s gander up. Be warned says I.

Movies
on the
Battlemat
A Gamer’s Guide
To Exploiting Films
By Wil Upchurch
ere we are again, exploiting movies for the good our cunning wit, asks his advisor, "What does that mean?" And
H games. I told y’all that I would stay away from

France, so I have, but I just can’t seem to escape that
part of the world. This month’s selection is The 13th
so the Arab joins the Northmen on their grand adventure.
The remainder of the film feels like it moves from one
montage to the next. There is the montage where Ibn learns
Warrior, one of the greatest D&D adventure movies of all to speak the language of the Northmen by listening to their
time. This movie was recommended by a bunch of people campfire boasts and jests. Then there is the sea travel mon-
on the Kenzer & Company discussion forums, and as with tage in which the Arab displays his ignorance of the ways of
so many others it made me slap my forehead and think, "I the sea, and also contrasts his desire to avoid adventure with
can’t believe you haven’t gotten to that yet!" the bravery of his companions. The scenes at the besieged
town have a montage feel although they are not technically
THE 13TH WARRIOR (1999) in the style. The group meets with the half-insane "king" of
This movie is the tale of Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan Ibn Al the settlement and his ambitious son, and they determine
Abbas Ibn Rashid Ibn Hamad, who shall be referred to sim- that without help the community will never survive. They
ply as Ibn for the rest of this essay (thanks Herger!). Ibn was go about building defenses around the town – a fence, a
a poet somewhere in Arabia until he met the displeasure of moat, and archer’s towers – and establishing themselves as
his sultan, who banished him and made him an emissary to leaders.
the barbarian lands to the north. After traveling with his Through exploration of a nearby farm and the defeat of
advisor (Omar Sharif, who must have been thinking "What an assassination force sent to destroy the Thirteen, Buliwyf
am I doing in this film?!") into dangerous lands, he comes and Ibn learn that they are not besieged by an ancient evil,
across a camp of Northmen with whom he is determined to but a tribe of barbarians who believe themselves to be bears
parley. in human form. The demons can bleed. The Thirteen
Now, at this point I have to mention the "Johnny become eleven after the nighttime attack, but that does not
Mnemonic moment" in this film. A Johnny Mnemonic weaken their spirits. Delivering a line that defines the spirit
moment is one in which a character delivers a line or solilo- of the movie, Herger tells Ibn not to be afraid:
quy so poorly that you just know the actor is gritting his "The Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go
teeth. At least, it makes us in the audience grit our teeth. It’s and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant
named after the garbage pile "I want my shirts laundered!" longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing."
speech near the end of that movie. In any case, the Johnny After a sleepless night the warriors hurry to finish their
Mnemonic moment in The 13th Warrior comes early in the preparations, for there is no doubt that the attack will now
film as Ibn complains "I am an ambassador, I am supposed come that night, and come it does. The Fire Wyrm can be
to talk to people!" Maybe it’s just a matter of Antonio’s seen descending the mountain on nights when mists cover
Spanish accent tripping over his Arabic accent, but the line the forest, and the mists begin to swirl around the moun-
is as painful as any I have seen. tains even before the sun goes down. Soon a long trail of fire
Ibn and his advisor stay with the Northmen and watch can be seen snaking down the mountain toward the town,
them bury their old king and crown a new one, Buliwyf. (I but Ibn’s scouting reveals that it is not a dragon but a huge
know, I know, it sounds like "bulv-eye," but check the cred- force of mounted barbarians. The attack is short and brutal,
its!) Almost immediately a boy comes with an urgent plea with the cavalry launching javelins and burning torches into
for the new king, who he asks for by name (This made me the town in an effort to burn out the defenders. After the
wonder what would happen if the other king had been destruction is wrought, the barbarians retreat back to their
crowned). An unspeakable evil has risen against the coun- mountain lair.
tryside and it must be stopped. So the king calls for his With the townsfolk weary and their defenses crumbling,
witch, who throws the bones and determines that thirteen the warriors know that they will likely not survive another
warriors must rise to meet the challenge in the north. assault. They seek the advice of a 100-year-old witch who
Twelve Northmen throw their lot in with Buliwyf, but the tells them to seek the enemy in the earth, and that the head
witch proclaims that the thirteenth warrior must be no of the beast must be severed to insure victory. Puzzled, the
Northman. Ibn, in a scene clearly meant to establish his warriors decide that they must take the fight to the enemy, a

last, desperate attempt to defend the town. They track the countryside where an epic tale might be woven into history.
barbarian’s to their lair and sneak through the hordes to get Wil’s Rating: A Must See for Epic-Minded, Manly
at the "mother," an old crone who apparently spends her Gamers!
days mixing poison in a bowl in case some Nordic adven-
turers sneak past her hundreds of guards. (Hey, it happened GAME ELEMENTS
didn’t it!) This is possibly the coolest sequence in the film, Sometimes there is so much in a movie that you could
and is a great example of a dungeon crawl with plenty of ten- turn into a game element that it’s tough to decide where to
sion and challenges but with little combat. (In fact, it start. Other times a movie seems to have lots of cool stuff
inspired me to create just such a dungeon at the end of my and then, just when you start to write this part of the col-
latest adventure at http://www.direkobold.com. umn, you find yourself stuck for what to write about. I’m
After Buliwyf is poisoned by the Mother, he beheads her not telling which one this is. In any case, this time I thought
and rejoins his friends for their escape. Most simply I’d just present you with a template that is good for mim-
assumed they would die when they entered the caves, but by icking the legendary status of the barbarian tribe in The 13th
fortune’s favor they find an escape route and return to the Warrior. Ibn was so frightened of them in the beginning,
village, where Buliwyf falls ill. They have little time to tend but once he fought them for a while, he realized that they
him, however, as the barbarians can be seen descending their were only humans and they lost their power over him.
mountain, uncharacteristically during the day. They are Therefore, I give you the False Legend template.
coming for revenge. The townsfolk steel themselves for yet NEW TEMPLATE: FALSE LEGEND
another defense, and Buliwyf inspires them to courage by Sometimes a creature or group of creatures has such a leg-
taking a stand at the front of the defensive wall. He is deter- end about it that its enemies are affected whenever they are
mined to meet the barbarian commander in personal com- in the creature’s presence. This could be a small dragon
bat in order to put a stop to the terror once and for all. After whose powers have grown with each new tale or rumor, or a
a mighty battle that leaves only seven of the original thirteen group of barbarians that are rumored to eat the heads of
warriors alive, Buliwyf slays the leader and takes his seat their enemies and have the ability to survive even the most
along the wall to die with sword in hand. grievous of wounds. No matter the origins of the legend or
Buliwyf ’s last request was that Ibn write the story of his whether or not a character believes in them, this grants the
life, and this is how the movie ends. We now understand creature several advantages over its enemies until the legend
that what has been told is the tale as recounted by Ibn in his is proven false in the eyes of its enemies.
journal of the events surrounding his journey to the north. "False legend" is an acquired template that can be added
WHAT I THOUGHT to any creature, as long as that creature is not well known
I liked this movie from beginning to end. I think it’s a and maintains an air of mystery as seen by local cultures. A
great example of a movie where manly virtues win out over false legend uses all the base creature’s statistics and special
modern sensibilities. There are no apologies for the violence abilities except as noted here.
or the attitudes of the characters. They don’t try to explain Initiative: A false legend gains a +2 bonus on Initiative.
it away as barbaric or ignorant, instead focusing on the This bonus no longer applies once a creature makes its Will
goodness of placing honor and loyalty above concern for save against the creature’s legendary aura (see below).
one’s own life. The characters make jokes about each other SPECIAL QUALITIES
and play rough in a way that would have "self esteem facili- Legendary Aura (Ex): Any intelligent creature that meets
tators" rolling in their hypoallergenic bedsheets. a false legend for the first time and has heard of its legendary
As I said above, this is a great example of an adventure nature must succeed at a Will save (DC 17) or be affected by
that relies only partially on hack and slash combat for its ten- the creature’s legendary aura.
sion. The characters must use several skills and abilities that Affected creatures suffer a -2 penalty on attack rolls, sav-
do not relate to combat, such as knowledge of the weather, ing throws, and AC against the false legend. In addition, the
tracking, and local customs. They must handle a king who false legend gains a +4 bonus on all Intimidate checks versus
knows he is growing senile but still wishes to assert his mas- affected creatures.
culinity, an ambitious prince who resents the warriors for A creature that fails its initial save can make a new save
doing the job that he is not equipped to do, as well as an any time it scores a critical hit on the false legend or when
enemy that attacks them with overwhelming numbers and he knocks a false legend unconscious or dead.
superior technology. The warriors all have different If a creature is facing a group of similar false legends, it
strengths, from the archer to the ranger to the powerful only needs to succeed at a single Will save to dispel these
fighter to the agile rogue. They lack spiritual or arcane guid- effects when dealing with any member of the group.
ance, but they do not need it. They go forth into each day If a creature fails its initial save against a false legend but
knowing that it could be their last and that they should live then succeeds at a later save, he goes into a minor rage for
it well. They are loyal companions to the end, and each is the duration of the encounter. This grants him a +2 bonus
willing to give his life for the others. A truer adventuring to Strength and Constitution, and a +1 bonus on all attack
party there could not be. rolls, AC, and saving throws against the newly revealed false
The costuming and sets in the movie are understated but legend. The creature is not fatigued after the encounter. ❑
still excellent. I do not mind this at all. While I love elabo-
rate costuming and set pieces, I’m just as happy to watch
them go forth from a converted hunting lodge as from a Want to see your name
fully detailed and custom built frozen palace as one might
find in Lord of the Rings. The weapons are cool looking in in print?
a way that takes ones mind away from historical accuracy
and brings us to a place of epic adventure. The locations then head on over to
they used to shoot were beautiful, and the cinematographer www.kenzerco.com and download
did an excellent job of taking us to a medieval Scandinavian the submission guidelines

BAIT: to lure, tempt or entice.
™
TACKLE: to knock to an opponent to the ground.
ait and Tackle™ is a new regular feature that presents BAIT &
B a series of brief adventure hooks a GM can take and
flesh out on the fly. They can be useful if the GM
finds he’s short on ideas when preparing an adventure or if
TACKLE
he finds his group has outpaced the night’s adventure. Each
hook is presented in a simple three-part format.
SETTING: This is a tag that identifies where the encounter Adventure Hooks and
takes place i.e. wilderness, city, subterranean, etc. Encounters for
BAIT: Exactly that – the situation used to lure or ‘hook’ the GM to run with.
the players and prod them in the right direction.
TACKLE: This is the hammer or twist that makes the situ- Compiled by Jolly R. Blackburn
ation dangerous, exciting, or challenging. Without the tack- the perceived threat.
le, what’s the point? As good as he sounds, there is a major drawback. The dog
As with other features in the magazine, readers are encour- is cursed. While traveling with the party, random encoun-
aged to submit B&T’s of their own. Hooks should be gener- ters occur at twice the normal rate. The animal also bestows
ic in nature, the briefer the better. a -1 to all to-hits, damage, and saving throws for the entire
Barney the Gate Guard party.
SETTING: Urban If sold, abandoned, or driven away, the dog will return to
BAIT: As the party attempts to pass through a gate and its master in 1d24 hours without fail. Only the death of the
enter a city or town, they find they are confronted by a low- dog will permanently rid the party of the animal.
level guard. His little bit of authority has gone to his head.
He takes a disliking to one or more of the party members GAAAA!!!!! MUTE??!!
and proceeds to harass them. watta ya MEAN, \’m MUTE?
so much
TACKLE: As it turns out, the guard has only recently been for taking
promoted. A few days ago he was a lowly stable boy with no sorry, bob. \’m BLIND??!!! a ‘LITTLE
responsibilities. A recent war has depleted the town of men you’re not how am \ gonna PEEK’ in
allowed to TALK HACK if \’m the CHEST.
of fighting age, and the authorities have been forced to frickin’ BLIND?
scrape the bottom of the barrel to bolster the ranks of the for the REST of
the game.
guard. This particular youth has been pressed into service
and he takes his job very seriously.
“Barney” will determine that one of the party members
has violated some small, obscure law – an infraction he’s not ba-ba-but..
willing to overlook. He is very stubborn and refuses to allow

the party member to enter the city. The more the party tries
to convince him otherwise, the more obnoxious he becomes.
Although he is obviously young and inexperienced, Barney
will become very insulting and threatening if the party per- A Sense of Trouble
sists in arguing with him. SETTING: Any
Of course, no self respecting adventurer is going to take BAIT: The party encounters a high-level cleric who wants
such abuse. The problem is, Barney will be backed up by to hire them for an easy job. The cleric wants them to take
1d12 guards if he is attacked or molested. a small locked chest to a temple several days travel away.
Four Legs and an Attitude He’s willing to pay a modest amount of gold. If the group
SETTING: Dungeon accepts the job, the cleric gives them the key to the chest
BAIT: After vanquishing a monster and exploring its lair, with instructions not to look inside. They are to give the key
the party discovers a small cage hidden under a tattered blan- to the priest at the temple when they deliver the chest.
ket. Through the bars of the cage a pitiful dog (a yellow Lab) TACKLE: As the party makes its way to the far off temple,
peers out. The animal looks weak from starvation and they will need to stop and camp at least twice. When doing
whines pathetically as it wags its tail timidly. so, they will notice the chest occasionally glows from within.
TACKLE: The dog appears gentle, licking the hand and Any elves in the party will detect the sound of beautiful
face of anyone who frees it from its prison. The dog will loy- music coming from the chest. When lifting the chest, the
ally serve the person who physically opens the cage. The ani- party will notice that sometimes it seems extremely light,
mal is keenly intelligent and obeys a wide variety of one and and other times it is quite heavy. Finally, the chest will
two-word commands. (Sit, Stay, Attack, Get Help, etc.) change color (from bronze to silver) once during the journey.
The dog also has some amazing abilities. If passing by a Any party member has a 1 in 6 chance of noticing.
secret door, he has a 3 in 6 chance of detecting it and will All of this is meant to entice the party into opening the
stop and ‘point’ at the door in bird dog fashion. He can also chest to investigate. Doing so, however, will have disastrous
sense evil creatures up to 50' away and will stop and growl effects. If anyone opens the chest, the following curse is
lowly when doing so. immediately bestowed upon the entire party:
The dog will be fiercely loyal to its master. If anyone rais- One third (rounded down) of the party will be stricken
es his voice or hand to the dog’s owner, it will attack imme- blind. Another third of the party (rounded down) will find
diately without regard for its own safety or well being. If they are deaf. The remainder of the party will become mute.
called off (by its master), it will obey but will remain in a The curse can only be removed through magical means (like
high state of alert, refusing to turn its attention away from Remove Curse). ❑

Shooting
Your Way
What’s New This
Month From
KenzerCo
K INGDOMS OF K AL AMAR : S ECRET S OF THE A L UBEL OK C O AST
This enticing Kingdoms of Kalamar world supplement provides D&D players and DMs with useful
details on the city of Sobeteta, a trading hub located in the archipelago and other surrounding towns
including the nearby Mythar settlement of Dakelvale that holds back the hordes of wicked beings from
the UnderDark. You'll get details on the military, merchants, sailors, nobles, adventurers, guilds, local reli-
gious orders and so much more. Just like other Kingdoms of Kalamar products, this setting supplement
ports nicely into any medieval fantasy campaign. It includes many new goodies like spells, familiars, mon-
sters, magic items and weapons.
K INGDOMS OF K AL AMAR : D UNGEON M ASTERS ’ S HIELD FOR D&D 3.5

Updated for D&D 3.5 Edition! The ultimate DM screen and the essential accessory for any D&D or d20
Dungeon Master. Dozens of tables, charts, and all new and beautiful artwork cover this amazing 24-panel
screen! Everything a DM has ever imagined and longed for. You’ve seen the HackMaster screen – now get
ready for the D&D screen! Every essential d20 table is included, along with a host of other useful informa-
tion, all at your fingertips. Spend more time playing, and less time searching for rules.
H A CK M ASTER RPG: T EMPLE OF E XISTENTIAL E VIL

Its been years since the priests of the Temple of Existential Evil swept forth from their dungeon complex
to impose their brand of oppressive fashion and wicked ways on the good, yet frumpy people of Oerth. Now
the tide of terrifying, yet sharply dressed denizens of darkness is stirring once again and the Hammlet of
Ommlet is in need of defenders. Check out this classic HackMaster adventure adaptation for the Oerth cam-
paign setting.
H A CK M ASTER RPG: S IR ROBIL AR ’ S C IT Y OF B RASS

By Rob Kuntz
From the mighty pen of its original author sprouts the one and only City of Brass! This sourcebook will
include everything you ever wanted to know about the legendary city of the efreeti, its history, its sur-
rounding, its people and its things. Can your intrepid band of adventurers brave the Tongue of Flame?
Will they be able to confront the priests of the Blood Cult? And what of Narshuan’s comet? Will it spell
the end of the City of Brass?
From Sir Robilar himself comes this fine HackMaster product for HackMaster players everywhere. It includes adventures
and source material, and its guaranteed to transport you to the early days of role-playing when a shield, a sword and a lot of
attitude was all you needed. Explore the realms of fire like never before. Derived from the 1st/2nd edition Advanced
Dungeons and Dragons game system (under license) - millions of players already know the basics of HackMaster! Now get
'em out to the outer planes and have fun - just like the old days.
K NIGHT S OF THE D INNER TABLE : I LLUSTRATED #26

Writer: Mark Plemmons
Artists: Brendon and Brian Fraim
The Black Hands return! Taking a break from the Untouchable Trio (Plus One) and their climactic finale
of last issue, we check back in with Rasputin, Fire Blossom, Kragin and Mephisto! Can even the Black Hands
wage hysterical warfare against both gawds and mortals?! Don't miss “The Gawds Must Be Crazy!”
L IVING K INGDOMS OF K AL AMAR : C AMPAIGN B OOK

The first year of the Living Kingdoms of Kalamar campaign has come to a close, and what a year it has been! The Living
Kingdoms of Kalamar Campaign Book includes all the information a Living Kalamar player could want. Included is a list
of published adventures and their DU cost, maps of Bet Rogala, character creation rules, race/class matrices, a complete list
of campaign rulings, a 3.5 conversion guide, and much more. This product is not to be missed. ❑

LOST GAME
S A FA R I
The Hunt for Out-of-Print
Games Worthy of a Second Look
VAMPYRE was good, so I wanted to give it a shot, but I didn’t have very
high hopes. I was blown away. Not only was Vampyre great
Publisher: TSR fun to play, but it had several very cool rules, lots of strate-
Type: Mini Boardgame gy, and a surprising amount of complexity. Due to some
Number of Players: 2-6 good luck and good strategy (well, good in my opinion), I
Designer: Phillip A. Shreffler managed to slay Dracula just as my fellow companions had
turned into Nosferatu and were preparing to take me down.
Date Published: 1981
It was close all the way to the end, and a great time was had
Frequency: Rare by all.
Going Rate for a Copy: $15.00+
Scouted by: Noah Kolman
THE GAME
Vampyre has some very cool aspects, and while they
consider myself a regular lost game hunter, but some- might not be original, they are certainly unusual and refresh-
I times the best finds come when you’re not on safari

actively looking for them. For me, Vampyre (yes, that
“y” is correct) was one such game. I had actually seen the
ing. The most unusual is the cooperative play. In the game,
all the players take the role of a character hunting Dracula.
Each of the characters is from Bram Stoker’s book, and
case several times, as one of our regular Gen Con volunteers though in game terms they are the same, its a nice little
always brings it with. But the game never looked terribly detail. Since all the characters are hunting Dracula, they
interesting to me, and we always had longer, bigger games to must work together to survive. The player who ultimately
play. kills the vampire is the winner, but he’ll need his friends if
This Gen Con we still had plenty of big games to play, but he’s going to make it. And because Dracula is quite power-
I also got the chance to take a closer look at Vampyre. It ful, there’s a good
doesn’t look like much on the outside. It is packaged in a chance that no
pocket-sized plastic clamshell that probably wouldn’t pass one will kill him.
muster today. But when I cracked open the case and saw the Another neat
double-sided map, the cool chits, and the in depth rules, my detail is the time
interest was piqued. In a short while a few of us had some of day chart.
time to kill in between games, and I got a some fellow play- Once you get to
ers for a game of Vampyre. Dracula’s castle
I was expecting a light game, possibly interesting and fun, (more on this
but otherwise pretty straightforward. My friends insisted it later), each turn

the clock is moved forward one hour.
During the daylight hours, you have a
+1 bonus to kill Dracula or any other
supernatural opponent. But when it
gets dark, beware! Not only do you lose
your bonus, but after midnight, all the
monsters respawn and the encounter
counters are randomized. When the
sun goes down, it is often a good strat-
egy to go running for the gatehouse.
The final little innovation is the map
itself. When the game starts, everyone
places their pieces on the map of the
region. The map has several towns and
other important locations, as well as
roads, mountains, forest, and other ter-
rain. During the first part of the game,
players travel around the area surround-
ing Dracula’s castle defacing coffins and
collecting items. As soon as one player
has defaced three coffins, the map is
flipped over and a detailed floor plan of
Dracula’s Castle is revealed. Play now continues in the cas- strategy, and it really gives the game a feeling of urgency.
tle itself, with the players searching for Dracula while trying When you and five other friends are racing around Dracula’s
to survive the attacks from the other guardian monsters. castle, trying to find the vampire before sunset, you can real-
ly feel the tension. That adds a lot to the game and to the
WHY MIGHT YOU LIKE THIS GAME? playing experience.
Perhaps the most appealing aspect of Vampyre is the
cooperative play. Because killing Dracula is quite difficult, WHY MIGHT YOU NOT LIKE THIS GAME?
you really do need to work together in order to succeed. Vampyre is a hard game not to like. It is quick and fun,
Being the player that actually kills Dracula is nice, but since with plenty of strategy and theme. However, luck and ran-
he may kill all the players, just killing him at all is a victory. domness are a significant part of the game. Combat is
Vampyre manages to combine both cooperation and com- resolved with a die roll, as is movement, encounters, and sev-
petition, and that is a refreshing change from most games. eral other random factors. If you do not like a large element
In addition, it is possible (in fact, quite likely) that one or of randomness in your games, this might upset you. A few
more of the humans will be turned into a Nosferatu (player bad rolls can put you in a very bad position, despite what
vampire) or a Werewolf. When this happens, they become might be a great strategy. Similarly, finding items and mon-
an agent of Dracula, and move around the board trying to sters is purely a matter of luck. The chits representing items
prevent the other players from accomplishing their goal. and encounters are distributed randomly on the maps, mak-
More generally, the rules are relatively simple (though ing finding a good thing a matter of luck.
there are some complex details) and the game plays quickly. Ultimately, I think this is a great game to have in your col-
Learning the game takes only a couple of minutes, as the lection. It is a great filler game, works well in between
actions are straightforward and the goal obvious, and a com- games, and is a nice break from the heavier fare. I highly rec-
plete game rarely lasts more than 20 minutes. Combat is ommend it. Until next time, keep hunting! ❑
simple and brutal, so players either succeed or die quickly.
The combat tables can be a little confusing at first, but once
you’re familiar with codes, its quick and easy.
LOST GAME SAFARI
The theme is probably a big selling point, too. The game AUCTION WATCH
is pretty faithful to GAME #APPEARING/AVERAGE BID*
Bram Stoker’s novel, Battle Masters 11/$57.05
and if you are a fan of Carrier Strike 6/$30.50
the book or its many Dark Tower 7/$105.00
spin-offs, you’ll have a Divine Right (1979) 6/$69.00
Escape from Colditz 7/$35.00
better chance of enjoy- Fireball Island 8/$64.00
ing Vampyre. All the Frontier Six 2/$64.00
characters and places Groo (basic game) 2/$25.00
have names from the Groo (basic game & expansion) 3/$40.00
book, and if you know HeroQuest (basic game) 9/42.00
what each of the places King Oil (2nd edition) 7/$26.00
is, you’re bound to Survive (1982) 8/$39.45
have more fun. Talisman (2nd edition) 6/$73.50
Finally, I think the Titan (1982) 8/$112.00
use of time in the * Price shown indicates the average winning bid. Only
game is a big plus. It complete games in Good to Excellent condition were
increases the random- monitored.
ness of the encounters,
it adds a whole level of

IwillnAvengers
this puzzle we salute our favorite comics. From the
to Wolverine, we hope that all comic fans
KODT
find at least one of their favorites among the 40
comic-related words. Just sit back, grab your pencil,
and turn on your Spidey senses and you’ll do just fine.
WORD
FIND
Compiled by Barbara Blackburn
Stumped??!!! The solution can be found at www.kenzerco.com

❑ aquaman ❑ hulk ❑ punisher ❑ titans So, BOB, this
halloween are
❑ authority ❑ inhumans ❑ robotech ❑ thor are you kiddin’? WOLVERINE
you gonna be
❑ avengers ❑ kingpin ❑ runaways ❑ thunderbolts somebody rocks!!! ‘sides, money’s a
❑ batman ❑ manga ❑ scion ❑ thundercats besides
little tight this year.
❑ born ❑ marvel ❑ sentinel ❑ transformers WOLVERINE?

❑ daredevil ❑ micronauts ❑ sojourn ❑ trouble
❑ domino ❑ mystique ❑ spawn ❑ tsunami
❑ exiles ❑ namor ❑ spiderman ❑ ultimates
❑ fables ❑ necrowar ❑ superfriends ❑ venom
❑ flash ❑ outsiders ❑ superman ❑ wolverine

in that number. Consider this an enthusiastic As the video tape concluded, we were pretty
review of my experience. psyched up about the whole thing. This
A CALL FOR HEROES sounded like fun. We were gonna kick ass.
The first step in tackling the True Our GM appeared shortly and escorted us
Dungeon was to form an adventuring party to what was essentially a training room. Each
consisting of six players. Our band of heroes character class had his own training station.
consisted of myself, John Lahr, Lew Herring, The Thief had 15 minutes to practice disarm-
Joel Bozell, Mike Steele, and Ed Whalen (you ing traps. The Cleric had to memorize various
may recognize the names of Lew and Joel. spell components for different spells. As the
The characters Bob Herzog and Brian Bard, I had to memorize 25 to 30 glyphs (evil,
VanHoose from KODT were originally good, wind, fire, protection, etc.). The Ranger
inspired by them). and Fighter practiced combat and so on.
After securing a time slot for our crawl, we Since each party member had his own class
proceeded to the processing area where we specific abilities to learn, I’m afraid I can’t go
were handed six placards and told to choose a into great detail on how each was handled.
character class – Bard, Thief, Ranger, Fighter, But I can give some basics.
Cleric, or Magic-User. After a bit of arguing For the thief, disarming traps and picking
TRUE DUNGEON ™ and brow beating I ended up as the party locks involved moving a metal rod through a
LIVE ACTION EVENT Bard. Once you chose your character class narrow groove cut in a sheet of metal. The
ORGANIZER: TrueDungeon.com you hung the placard around your neck. contraption was rigged to a battery so it would
PRICE Ten bucks per person. They were essentially your character sheets buzz if the rod touched the metal. (Think of
REVIEWED BY: Jolly R. Blackburn based on the with stats and abilities on one side and your the game Operation). The more complex the
event as run at GenCon Indy, July 2003. name, class, and current hit-point level on the pattern of the groove -- the more complex the
other. trap or lock (if the thief failed an attempt he
rue Dungeon is a unique live action Once the party had been formed, we were could be shocked or squirted with water).
T event which made its debut at GenCon

Indy just a few weeks ago. The brain
child of Jeff Martin (the owner/operator of a
handed a page of introductory text that gave
the backstory of the dungeon we were about
to enter. With barely five minutes and count-
Combat was also simulated in unique
manner which required a bit of dexterity.
Whenever a monster was encountered the
sign shop), this landmark event was financed ing ‘til game time, we were told we didn’t have party would be shown a table with the silhou-
in part by GenCon, LLC. It is hoped the a LOT of time to read it and that we should ette of a body painted on it. These tables were
event will become a regular event at GenCon, get moving. actually shuffle boards of sorts. Fighters made
returning each year with improvements and Of course, this was Lew the Cleric’s cue to their attacks by attempting to slide pucks hit-
upgrades. Ultimately, if successful, the organ- excuse himself to go the ‘little boy’s room.’ ting vital spots on the ‘body.’ There were dif-
izers hope it will become a traveling event Meanwhile, John the Thief disappeared in the ferent sized pucks with different numbers
appearing at other conventions around the other direction. By the time we had gathered depending on the attacker’s ability/weapon.
country (as of this writing it is unclear if the the group together again we had to settle for Different parts on the body yielded different
event will make it to GenCon Southern the Cliff’s Note’s version of the backstory as results if hit. (Hitting the ‘head zone’ result-
California in December). Joel the Magic-User read the ‘important parts’ ed in crits). This turned out to be much more
to the group. This was our first mistake. difficult than it sounded.
“I had some sleepless nights as my mind
Joel had barely finished when our “GM” Once our fifteen minutes of training was
searched for flaws, as I was about to spend a
approached us and asked us to follow him to finished, we were handed a battery-operated
great deal of GenCon’s money AND gamers’ the briefing room. torch and escorted to the first room of the
hard earned cash.” reports Jeff on the True Dungeon. It was game time!
Dungeon website. According to Jeff, the PRELUDE TO DISASTER
event was a “huge gamble.” In the briefing room we were seated and A ROUGH START
instructed to watch a 15 minute video. Here
As it turns out, Jeff didn’t have anything to I’ll be honest. We were a bit cocky going
worry about. Buzz about the live dungeonwe were informed about what to expect. The into this. We were told we were at the gate of
adventure would take approximately two
swept the show early Thursday morning and the dungeon and had 15 minutes to figure out
hours and 15 minutes to complete. During
tickets (at ten dollars a pop) quickly sold out. how to get in.
the adventure we would work our way from
More than 400 people would run through the No problem we thought. We immediately
room to room. Each room would have some
crawl over the course of four days. It just so went into game mode. To the left of a for-
sort of challenge that would have to overcome
happens (ahem) that I was lucky enough to be boding looking portal was a sign which bore a
before we could puzzle and a dozen or so letters on wooden
proceed to the blocks. It was clear we had to arrange the let-
next room. In ters in the proper sequence in order to open
other words we the portal. Not as easy as we thought.
had 15 minutes Ten minutes later it was obvious we were in
to solve each over our heads. Everytime we arranged the let-
room.
ters and stepped back the GM would look at
Players who them, shake his head and say, “The entire
were killed, we party just took two more points of damage.”
were informed,
After taking three such hits we were
would be escort-
relieved that the door finally opened. With a
ed off the prem-
third of my hit points lost in the first room, I
ises by ‘Death’
and not allowed was beginning to realize this wasn’t going to
to continue on be the cake walk I thought it would be.
the adventure. The second room was bit darker than the
Above: Our would-be heroes moments before entering the True first. The thief held our torch high but it did
So far so good.
Dungeon. Ed, Joel, Jolly and Mike (Lew and John not pictured). little to push back the darkness. This room
lost a good friend. Joel was DEAD! He was for two points of damage.
physically gone. We couldn’t talk to him any- We were puzzled by this development. It
more. He was no longer in the running. was only AFTER the adventure that John
A full two rooms later I was searching the explained. Apparently in the tunnel he had
walls for glyphs when I noticed Lew standing come across a sign.
nearby with his hands on his hips and staring The sign explained that he had stumbled
at the floor as though upset. upon some treasure and had TWO choices.
“What’s wrong, dude?” I asked. 1. He could heal everyone in his party
He was silent for a moment and then (except for himself) for two points. Or....
shook his head. 2. He could betray his party and win a free
“I should’ve healed Joel. Even if he didn’t t-shirt emblazoned with the words, “I screwed
Above: Damn, dude — we suck! want me to. I should have done it.” my party for this T-Shirt”
Mike takes a hit in the FIRST room No joke. Twenty minutes later and the (When I heard the story, I immediately
as the GM marks off his hit points. Cleric was still beating himself up for the death told told him he had made the wrong choice.
had a series of letters on the floor in checker- of a comrade. Talk about ‘true’ adventure. I would have gone for the T-shirt if I’d been
board fashion and a sign which read, “Know It was right about this time that John the him).
thyself and walk a straight path.” Another Thief detected a small secret door about three A few rooms later we hit paydirt. A room
puzzle. feet in diameter along the wall. filled with locked chests. There was so much
As the party approached the tiled floor, I As he opened it, a low tunnel was revealed to do and only 15 minutes to do it in.
caught something out of the corner of my eye snaking away into the inky darkness. After We were still debating on which chests to
on the wall. I was JUST about to say, “Hey! asking for the torch he lowered himself to all open first when Lew the Cleric muttered,
That’s the glyph for FIRE!” when we heard a fours and scurried off into the dark maw. A “Ummm, guys...?”
hissing sound coming from the wall and the few moments later the door slammed shut. We turned thinking he had spotted a haz-
room suddenly filled with stage smoke. “You wait for several hours,” said the GM ard.
“Everybody freeze!” cried out the GM. “I softly, “It becomes clear the thief is not com- “I hate to do this but... I gotta go.”
need to see where you are standing.” ing back. You decide to move on.” “You gotta go?”
He quickly decided the Magic-User and We looked at each other. Our party now “I gotta use the rest room. Sorry. I can’t
Fighter had been hit by the trap for three numbered four and we were about to enter hold it.”
points each. Ouch!! the next room. We were losing party mem- Of course we’d been briefed on the rules
“Sorry guys,” I said feeling sort of guilty. “I bers at the rate of one per room. and knew what this meant. Anyone leaving
should have noticed that sooner.” The next ‘room’ turned out to be a wide the Dungeon for ANY reason would be con-
At this point, Lew the Cleric stepped for- crevasse with a bridge spanning its distance. sidered dead and would not be allowed to
ward. “Who needs healing? We might want In the middle of the bridge was a large Troll reenter.
to take care of that before tackling this puz- blocking our way. On the other side we could “You sure about this? You only have two
zle.” hear an all too familiar laugh. rooms to go.” said the GM.
As the Thief held the torch we all looked at It was John the Thief. “Naaa, I’m sure.” said Lew.
our placards and compared hit points. I don’t “Hey guys!” he cried as he waved and And so we lost our Cleric to the ‘call of
recall the specifics but I remember Joel the snapped a photograph. nature.’ No joke. In the next room we lost
Magic-User saying, “I’m okay. Heal the Bard. John the Thief after he tried his luck with the
You can get me the next time.” We had a tough time defeating the troll on
the bridge. (The Cleric ended up ‘command- “Chest of Many Drawers.”
Next we turned ourselves to the puzzle. Moments later Ed the Fighter (who had
ing’ him to jump into the crevasse). All the
After some discussion we decided we were been transformed into a Gnome by the same
while John the Thief was chuckling and
supposed to spell the name of our characters Chest and forced to walk on his knees) was
as we walked across the tiles. laughing on the other side.
When we finally crossed the bridge and taken out by a monster.
Joel decided to test the theory and went Now Mike the Ranger and myself found
first. He had barely taken two steps when the rejoined him, the GM pulled him to the side
and asked, “So what’s it going to be? Option ourselves utterly alone as we turned and faced
GM said, “Okay — you take two points of the door leading to the LAST room in the
damage.” 1 or 2?”
John looked at us and gave us a mischie- dungeon.
We were all a little surprised when Joel We ended up dying in the last room solv-
pulled off his placard and said, “Shoot — I’m vous smirk before responding, “I’ll go with
option 1. But I’m kicking myself. I REALLY ing the LAST puzzle. Not bad really. As it
dead.” turns out only SIX groups walked out of the
want to go with option 2.”
“You’re dead??!!!” cried Lew the Cleric dungeon alive the entire weekend.
“Why didn‘t you let me heal you?” The GM turned and announced that each
of us (except for John) had just been healed So was it worth ten bucks? You bet. True
Joel shrugged as the GM pulled out a Dungeon was the highlight of GenCon for
walkie-talkie and muttered, “Death to the myself and many others who were lucky
Tile Room!” enough to buy tickets before they sold out.
We stood in the dark for several moments I’ll be back next year. One of those ‘new’ tra-
before a hooded figure brandishing a staff ditions I spoke of in this issue’s editorial.
suddenly stepped out of the shadows. Although it wasn’t mentioned specifically,
“Who am I taking?” he asked the GM. the Dungeon appeared to be handicapped
“The Magic-User here.” accessible for the most part. Sweet. The staff
“Okay, let’s go.” and volunteers were friendly. Most impor-
As Joel fell in behind Death and started to tantly the crawl was challenging and fun.
walk away he turned and waved. If you get a chance to run through it, do
“Good luck, guys.” so. You won’t regret it. Just keep your eye on
I gotta tell ya. It was a weird experience. the Thief — you just never know. ❑
In a strange sort of way it felt like we had just

1. Throw cow, which will cause pit to collapse. “Excuse me, milord general. Can you please
repeat that phrase?”
TALES 2. Enter pit, retrieve cow.
3. Repeat.
Alas, after a few hours of this, the game had to
The GM did so and the wizard player smiled.
“If that gatehouse could be taken, would that
FROm THE end. But my experience was enough to convince shorten the war?”
TA B L E
Actual Home-brewed
my gaming group that we need to give HackMaster
a try, and the sooner, the better. —Semah G Noj

“Why, certainly, milady wizard,” said the GM as
the General. “By months, if not years. If we could
get into the city proper, we could then siege the
Keep itself.”
Legends from our readers. “WHAT? NO WINGS?”
“I can do that. But I need a few things.”
Our adventuring group, The Acquisition, was
on our way down to Barcen to start up the White A few minutes looking at the books produced a
Doom Mountain campaign. By wagon it took us list: Two wands of extended reduce. A garment for
about a month and a half. The group is composed a person 10' tall that has a hundred pockets in it.
of Malachi, a human cleric of Nudor, Giff, a pixie And to talk to the halfling contingent of the army.
fairy thief, and myself, a human Sniper sole practi- So, the GM figured with an army of 50,000 sieging
tioner who dabbles in the occult (warlock). Now the city, there were less than 500 halflings, in a
Giff thinks himself vastly superior to the rest of the capacity of support mostly.
party in many ways. We're big, loud, smelly, have The wizard questioned them, the other PCs test-
no antennae, but worst of all, we have no wings. ed them, and 100 were selected, then lightly armed
Flabby land-walkers is his current term for us. and armored. At the appropriate time, the compa-
Three days out on our wagon trip we get ny was gathered and the spells were cast.
ambushed by near a dozen trash ogres, which Enlarge on the wizard. She was now 10' tall.
thankfully killed none of the oxen (not for lack of Then she donned the garment. Meanwhile, two
trying) before we killed enough for them to fail borrowed spellcasters used the wands.
their morale check. The next day we’re riding along At 5th level extended reduce, an equipped
a quiet forest path and the GM turns to me and says halfling weighs about 5 pounds, and will stay that
“Hey, your familiar tells you that he sees a small way for 10 minutes. The two wands had them all
“SUPER OGRE AND A DEAD COW” pixie-like creature. He hops into the wagon and done in about 5. A tenth level wizard can only tele-
This past weekend I was at the Milwaukee begins rummaging around in one of your packs.” port 500 lbs, usually only 2 other PCs.
Gamefest and had the privilege of taking part in one My familiar is a pseudo-dragon named Zoot, and But now, the full company of halflings could be
of the “Learn to Hack” demos of the HackMaster thank the Gawds he can see the invisible. taken. They scrambled all over her in climbing into
game. I rolled up a character and then Jolly ran One sting later and the thieving critter is laid the pockets (Yes, it tickled as they climbed her)
everyone through a short adventure. The experi- out in the bed of the wagon, unconscious and visi- She had been the Evil Overlord’s girlfriend for a
ence was one of the more unique gaming experi- ble. While the cleric and myself were deliberating as while (long story, don’t ask) and knew she could
ences I have ever taken part in. I decided to roll up to what we'd do with the intruder, Giff lands from teleport into the gatehouse itself. She did so, and, a
a Half-Ogre barbarian and after rolling for more scouting up ahead to see what all the hub-ub is few moments later the reduce spells began to wear
quirks and flaws that was reasonably sane, my guy about. After a brief examination, the GM informs off.
wound up with a Strength that rivaled Thor, no him that he knows this pixie-kin as a “packasite,” The company and the wizard took the gatehouse
Intelligence, Charisma, or Comeliness, and a whole cowardly creatures that have a propensity for drink- by surprise, lowering the drawbridge, raising the
bung of building points left over. Jolly was getting ing spare potions they find and being huge portculli, and opening the gates for the awaiting
ready to start the game and I still had two BPs left, moochers, but can be encouraged to do tasks if allied army to enter the city.
so I hurriedly selected the literacy skill, followed by treated well.
Less than a day later, the siege of the Evil
the “Secret Persona” skill. One of the other players Giff’s eyes light up for a moment as he consid- Overlord’s keep proper began, which ended with
noticed this and asked me why I went with these ers the possibility of an invisible minion, and a fel- him escaping and the party giving chase.
and I replied, “It’ll be funny.” I then decided my low pixie-kin no less, to do his thiefly biddings.
Then he asks for a detailed physical description of And the phrase that the allied general uttered
half ogre had a secret identity named “Super Half- the intruder. As he listened carefully to the descrip- that started all this (emphasis mine): “With a hun-
Ogre” which he disguised (not very well) by wear- tion of this passed-out packasite, we could see the dred Stout fighters we could take that tower.” —
ing glasses and a jacket over his cape. Then the light in his eyes fade and get replaced with a look of Vahktang
game started. disgust before he exclaimed in frustration:
Jolly had us meet the mayor of a small village “WHAT? No wings?!? I boot its ass out of the
and he told us of a bunch of fairies that were ter- wagon and riddle him with crossbow bolts.” — TRAPS THAT DO NOT KILL US
rorizing a local farmer’s livestock and asked if we Manos Back in the AD&D 2nd edition days, we decid-
could help him. I replied “I cannot. But I know ed to delve into the world of Dragonlance. Well, as
someone who can.” and proceeded to “sneak off”
and transform into Super Half Ogre and we were we ventured forth, we eventually had to run into the
“WE’RE TAKIN’ THE CITY!” tinker gnomes. There was just one problem. Our
ready to go. A few problems came up along the way
when the other half-ogre’s pyromania flaw kicked in The story goes like this: resident kender thief just couldn’t cut the mustard
and he tried to burn down both the farmer’s wagon Our GM was a classical history major and the when it came to trap detection. So it was all up to
and the forest, but they got smoothed out. campaign started with the siege of the Evil us burly fighter types to trade off pushing a ten-foot
Then we met the dire cow. Overlord’s city and keep. pole. After days of pleading for another chance, we
We started out as 1st level characters, helping to resumed searching speed and this time an odd
Then we killed the dire cow. spherical trap slammed around our poor kender.
guard supply caravans. As we went up in level, we
Then, Super Ogre decided that picking up the got more and more responsibilities, guarding supply After laughing at his predicament for some time our
dire cow's corpse and bringing it with him would be lines, running supply trains, gaining allies for our resident dwarf hacked the trap off of its trigger. We
fun. Soon after, a troop of fairies attacked us, doing side, preventing the EO from gaining allies, etc. then spent a day refining the spherical cage until we
a fair amount of damage to our surprised selves. had a rolling “kender ball.” Most of the traps in this
Jolly asked us what we were doing in turn. I looked So we’re all about name (10th) level and since
the Evil Overlord was a lich with at least a 15th level nasty gnomish dungeon were either pitfalls or cages,
at the battlemat and the miniature setup, pointed at
one of the fairies, and said “I’m going to throw this cleric to his name, it would be a while before we both of which were too small for our kender ball.
cow at that fairy.” Jolly paused for exactly one sec- confronted him personally. As has been a lesson put in my personal GM book
ond and said, “Roll to-hit.” On this night the GM was giving flavor text, the “Traps which do not kill us, make us more devious.”
allied armies’ general going on about yet another —DeanTheAdequate
Apparently a thrown dire cow corpse does
enough damage to kill your average fairy. Super failed attack on the wall, as we settled in and wait-
Half-Ogre (After transforming to his secret ID ed for the information about the next mission. GOT A ‘TALE FROM THE TABLE’
Curley Kent, male pattern baldness, you see) dis- Suddenly, the player of the female elven wizard OF YOUR OWN TO SHARE?
covered more uses for a dead cow. They are very looked up from the copy of the Lord Of the Rings EMAIL IT TO KODTSUBMIT@KENZERCO.COM
good at discovering pit traps in three simple steps: DVD she had bought that day and said:

FIRK DING BLASTIN’ FAT HEADED SUNUVAGREL MORON CLUELESS FAT COW BETTER TAKE IT BACK
E O
YOU STUPID RAT HAIRED SCRUFFY FACED IDIOT OR \LL KICK YER ASS FROM NOON TO SUNDAY AND
C FF!
THEN I’LL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND SPIT DOWN YOUR FRICKIN’ THROAT AND MAKE YOU CALL ME
FA
SALLY COULDN’T POUR PEE OUT OF A BOOT YOU MUNCHKIN LOOKINBALD BUTT FACE OF YERS AND
MOP THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FACE YOU GOT THAT FIRK DING BLASTIN’ FAT HEADED SUNUVAGREL
MORON CLUELESS FAT COW BETTER TAKE IT BACK YOU STUPID RAT HAIRED SCRUFFY F
TAKIN’ A POSITION
A ND DEFENDING IT
Note: Each month a question is posed to our audience on our discussion forums at www.kenzerco.com.
The replies below represent the views and opinions of readers and are not necessarily shared by
KenzerCo or members of its staff. Our role is merely to instigate and then step out of harm’s way.
THIS ISSUE’S DEBATE TOPIC: INTEGRATING REAL-WORLD RELIGION INTO GAMING?
NOT AT M Y TA B L E ! IT’S OKAY

“…I’m definitely leaning more towards the ‘no integrating “I’d hesitate to introduce a real world religion, unless of
religion into gaming.’ course we’re talking about Pendragon or similar. While I per-
“I feel that since we don’t want to integrate ‘real’ satanism sonally have no objection to it, and generally consider myself
or occult aspects in our RPGs, we shouldn’t put in any of the a fair, open-minded kinda guy, you’re always going to eventu-
‘good’ religious stuff in there either. Both are extremes that ally get someone who takes offense. HOWEVER, there is
can brew up some trouble. ” — HisDivineShadow nothing to stop me giving God a quick costume change; take
the fundamentals, change the names, dates, and places to pro-
◆◆◆ tect the innocent and run with it. Avoiding cliché is tricky, but
“I do not allow the religions of this world into my gaming what the heck?
world. The chances for offense are too great. Besides, all of “Plus it gives us from approx 1500 (Islam) to approx 3000+
my players are non-religious and if one was to play a ‘cleric of (?) (Judaism) years of history to pillage for backstory…” —
Jesus’ it would probably descend to the level of parody, which Pilum
IMO is not OK either.” — StJude ◆◆◆
◆◆◆ “Kinda.
“Let me explain.
“No. Different world, different religions. All the deities in “My faith strongly influences my handling of religion in my
my realm have the option to take an active part in the game. I campaigns [as GM], but Christianity doesn’t exist as we know
don't think making Jesus an NPC is a good idea. Funny? it in my game wurlds.
Probably. Offensive? Yes. Besides, the only spells the clerics “Because I’m most familiar with, and have more resources
could do would be: part water, sticks-to-snakes, water-to-wine,
dealing with, a monotheistic feudal society vs. a polytheistic
water walk, Multiply Loaves and fishes, cure disease, heal, and
feudal society, I tend to merge the pantheons a little tighter
burn bush.” — BlackTom
together. (Snuggle in close guys)
◆◆◆ “For instance in my GURPS WoG game, when characters
talked about the church, they meant the church of Pelor. Pelor
“I would agree that it is best to keep real religion,
is top dog, and everyone else in the pantheon was a child/servi-
(Christian, Jewish, Islam, Pagan, etc.) out of the fantasy world
tor etc. of Pelor. Mayaheine his shield maiden. Beory his wife.
of your campaign.
etc. It ended up with a medieval Catholic feel.
“I am a Christian Minister, and I don’t use my real faith in “Different clerical orders compared nicely to the different
my playing, and most of the others I game with do likewise. monastic orders of the middle ages, and the lesser deities were
“However, I will say that any gaming group has the freedom treated much as Saints were (are?) in the catholic church...
to do what the group wants, and if it is agreeable to ALL mem- power flows from Pelor, but his servants [lesser deities] can be
bers of the group, then of course play the Paladin of Christ if asked to intercede on a worshippers behalf. I’ll have to hunt
you want. down my notes, as the Pelorite church is the one I did the most
detail on. A LN gawd’s followers ended up as the inquisition
“I know about the new Old Testament RPG coming out, of the Pelorite church as a whole - usually reigned in by the
and I am divided on wether or not it is a good idea, I will Pelorite orders.
reserve judgment until I actually see a copy. I did start a thread “Each pantheon has its big cheese, and servants, and each of
about that game over in the Talk Back Forum, under ‘Stats for course claims to be the one true faith (gotta have conflict).
God?’ “I can have clerics throw the H word around (heresy) in the
“Also, I kno, awhile back TSR did ‘A Mighty Fortress’ (I pantheon, and the I word at ‘those other people.’
think that was the title) about the Christian Europe during the “The creation myth for the wurld also talks about a creator,
Protestant Reformation period AD 1400-1700. I only saw it and a bringer of peace, but defines neither.
in the stores a couple of times and never really got the chance “All these things actually raised our comfort level, and let
to read it. Did not know any one who actually used it. Is there me use existing material with minimal changes.” — Delcar
anyone out there who has a copy of either of these works who ◆◆◆
could give us some input on how it it was handled there.” —
“Well, I sort of did integrate a real religion into my cam-
evershear
paign in 2E. Kind of...
◆◆◆ The Roman pantheon was more or less the most well

NOT AT MY TABLE IT’S OKAY BY ME
“Would not do it in my game, and probably wouldn’t play known, at least in the areas that the PCs dealt with.
in a game where it was done. I agree with several of the previ- “But there was these other weird religions. One of which
ous posters about it most likely degrading into parody and was followed by the Druids. Rather mysterious, a bit sinister.
probably becoming offensive, even if unintentionally. Just as “The other was a sect that worshiped this deity called the
an example, the various Christian religions or sects cannot even All-Father. Essentially, the All-Father was more or less mod-
agree on dogma, so how could I (not being a theologian) pos- eled on Christianity. I never actually fully worked things out.
sibly do justice to any real world faith.” After all, nobody was particularly interested in playing a priest
“I personally feel much more comfortable with everything in D&D that didn’t get spells. But they would have powers,
being nice and fake. No real gods here, just fantasy. Of course, of a sort. This would've been introduced subtly into the game.
different groups have different levels of comfort with different Certain things just seem to happen...
topics, and while I could not pull it off, someone else may do “For some reason, undead seemed never to be able to
it marvelously.” — Ex Dis approach the churches and other holy or sanctified grounds
blessed by the priests of the All-Father.
◆◆◆ “If you were resting and recovering under priests of the All-
“Horrible idea! Father, well, they didn't have the cure light/moderate/serious
wounds spells, but you certainly seemed to go through natural
“Obviously this is a game, and anyone can play them the healing a LOT faster than normal. If a priest of the All-Father
way they want to, but real world religion and ideas have no real was traveling with you, hostile encounters happened a little
place being in a fantasy ‘game.’ (that is played by unbiased less often...”— King V
people)” — onetimeasianlover ◆◆◆
◆◆◆ “If the game was set in a historical setting then sure, give me
“Personally, I’ve got a serious problem with religion as a some of that old time religion, but in a Fantasy type of setting
whole, and even barring my personal prejudices, the whole then I think it is best to park it at the door. I think that racial,
monotheism of modern religion and some of the dogmas of religious, and political views of the players can be kept in hia-
fantasy worlds grinds with me – I like to choose what deity my tus for a few hours.” — Eolas
character worships based on how they click with his role-played ◆◆◆
personality, not because its the only one. “I think some parts of religion could be cool if implement-
“I despise Paladin players who role-play their character’s ed in a game, such as Biblical history and some of the leg-
fanaticism all the time, because although its kinda cool to do ends…” — Burseg
so and its the basic point of the game, it does get very, very old
at times; the only Paladin I’ve played with that has played nice- RIDIN’ THE FENCE
ly is a player who told us all in advance that he liked to role- “My group is composed of four to six people who just don’t
play his character’s beliefs a lot, and if we ever found it to get give a damn… as a witch I for one am happy to see my religion
bored or uncomfortable, to tell him and he’d role-play other accurately portrayed in a game for once, since between hollywood
aspects of his Paladin’s personality. The strange thing was, and other sources it happens so infrequently. As far as christiani-
although he did it frequently, it never really got old since we
ty and other monotheistic religions, well there are plenty of cheap
had the choice to tell him if it did.” — Kirant
knock-offs in D&D already, and if people want to play the real
◆◆◆ thing, more power to them… it’s about player responsibility… my
“Just the thought of trying to integrate real-world religion group tends to avoid these types of things…because we all play
into gaming sends a chill up my spine and makes my head ache D&D to escape real life. ” — Superball Z
like a Jagermiester hangover. That is one can ‘o worms I
wouldn’t touch with the proverbial ten-foot pole! NEXT ISSUE’S DEBATE QUESTION:
When I was younger and just starting my foray into gaming,
my family’s church made it a point to spread the word about
Q; Rules’ lawyers:
which toys were evil and violently unsuited for gift-giving at Helpful or Real Pains?
Christmas. Of course D&D made the list, which was funny to
me since they denounced it entirely, but playing Star Frontiers EMAIL YOUR RESPONSE TO MAILBAG@KENZERCO.COM OR
POST IT IN OUR DISCUSSION FORUM AT WWW.KENZERCO.COM
seemed to be ok. I’m sure the Mennonites weren’t the only
ones to do so. There are enough religions putting a negative
spin on gaming that we don’t need to add fuel to their fire.” —
Face S T R AY S H O T S : T h o s e c o m m e n t s
t hat r i c o che t e d o f f t a r ge t .
\’m sorry, bob. “RAISING HELL” try MY gawd, bob. “I think my players may be “Here's me with my 10' pole
is a LIFESTYLE, not a RELIGION. he has a really running religious characters... not touching this topic... in
LOOSE definition of Every time I throw something game or out.” — Geezerjoe
but \’m chaotic the term MURDER. at them they say ‘Oh my god!’”
good. why can’t \? — Burseg “On a GM only incorporat-
ing his religion in a game my
“Hey, if you’re going to use that thought would be to bring
hot potato... why not integrate down the corrupt mother
real politics into gaming as church and bring utter chaos
well?” — mossfoot in the world…” —
SeptumSin

LOOKIN’ AT
COMICS
By Tony DiGerolamo
I N D I E S D O W N , M AI N S TR EAM U P
ey fanboys and fangirls. This month I find myself in what the publishers were thinking when they upped the
H Stormwatch Comics in Berlin, NJ. (Just ask for

Lupe. Hi Lupe!) Let’s see what he has on the racks:
The Authority: Volume 2 #2 by Robbie Morrison,
paper quality on this book, but cut the pages. Although,
quite frankly, the writing was so ponderous, I’m glad the
story was cut mercifully short. It’s nice to see Tim Vigil
Dwayne Turner, Sal Regla, and David Baron. The lending his talents to the covers (hey Tim!), but, uh, if you
Authority is about a world in which a group of superheroes want to see demons kicking-ass, I’d have to recommend an
(ala the Justice League) take an active role in influencing the issue of Faust.
politics of Earth. Created by Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch, Jack the Lantern #2 of 5 from Castle Rain Entertainment,
I had heard great things about this book. The series feels like castlerainentertainment@hotmail.com, 18 pages of black
just what it is: someone taking the JLA characters (and and white story for $3.00, created/written by Michael
maybe a few of the Avengers) and upping the ante. Toss in Angelos, illustrated by Scott Lee and cover by Tim Vigil.
a few curse words and a gay cou- Paradigm #9 by Matthew
ple in the team and what you Cashel, Jeremy Haun, and
have essentially boils down to William Haun. This comic is
what the JLA and the Avengers probably one of the most con-
could be: something modern fusing comics I’ve ever read.
that speaks to a current comic There is an intro comic that is
book audience. The Authority drawn by one of the characters
has an edge and it’s nice to see which is mildly amusing. After
someone take the idea of a team that, Cashel, Haun, and Haun
of superheroes further down dive into a “story” that cuts back
stream, but ultimately that’s and forth between what I guess
what limits the book. It’s what I is a flashback. Even the intro
call the Crisis Syndrome: After synopsis that is supposed to
you’ve saved the multiverse that catch a reader up makes no sense
includes a billion worlds and to me. Uh, I think there is a
everything since the beginning conspiracy and this ex-cop is try-
of time, where do you go? The ing to save this girl, but he takes
answer is, there is nowhere else a boring detour to the apartment
to go. You can’t up the ante any- of a comic creator. This comic
more and stories that happen smacks of self-important mas-
after seem a little dull and life- turbation disguised as attempts
less, even when they’re good. at being clever. A clever thing
The Authority, without having would’ve been to put the eight
going through that story line, pages of letters on a website.
already feels that way. Still, if Who do these guys think they
you like superheroes, it’s defi- are? Dave Sim? And please, this
nitely a step up from the norm. is a notice to all comics creators,
The Authority: Volume 2 #2 can you stop doing the scene
from Wildstorm, www.wild- where we get half a page of dia-
storm.com, 22 pages of color logue with one illustration?! If
story for $2.95, written by you can’t write (and most comics
Robbie Morrison, penciled by Dwayne Turner, inked by Sal writers can’t) this page is torture! Please stop!
Regla, Colors by David Baron. Moreover, the most confusing part is this: Why is Image
Jack the Lantern #2 of 5 by Michael Angelos, Scott Lee, publishing this comic? It seems to be aimed at pretentious
and Tim Vigil. Jack the Lantern centers around a man who college freshman that read Vertigo. How are they going to
is “the one.” This time, the one is having a bunch of cool find this under the Image “I”? My head hurts. Let’s move
demon powers and getting to look like you have a pumpkin on.
for a head. Michael Angelos takes his creation waaaaaaay too Paradigm #9 is from Image Comics, www.imagecomics
seriously and his convoluted back-story was annoying to .com, created by Matthew Cashel and Jeremy Haun, inks by
read because of the antique font someone decided to use. As William Haun.
a creator and publisher who managed to publish 26 to 33 Ultimate Spiderman #42 by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark
page black and white stories for $2.95, I have to wonder Bagley, and Art Thibert. Okay, John O’Neill has gushed

over this comic, so I will try not to retread old ground, but
here goes: It’s good. Bendis has a good ear for snazzy dia-
logue. The art is a little overdone for the story, but fine,
you’ve got Art Thibert inking, so you can’t go wrong. The
problem, for me, a veteran Spiderman reader from back in
the day, is this: the Peter Parker that I know is a loser. That’s
why I identify with him. Like me, he was a dateless wonder
in high school that logged more time on a computer or in a
book than he did with talking to girls. But when Peter puts
on the costume, he turns into another person. Ultimate
Spiderman is good, it’s just not that Peter Parker. This Peter
Parker goes to fight bad guys and complains about it because
he had to stop making out with his hot girlfriend, Mary Jane
(plus he’s got Gwen Stacy on the backburner). Sorry, if you
have a hot girlfriend, you’re just not a nerd. Take it from
someone who knows. That’s not to say the book isn’t worth
reading, but once again, what are we doing here? Bendis is
a great talent. He could’ve made the current Spiderman con-
tinuity work or, God forbid, CREATED A NEW CHAR-
ACTER. Please, Marvel, turn Bendis loose on his own
book. Anyhow, if you’ve never read Spiderman or if you’d
like to see all the Marvel characters as teenagers again, you
could do far worse than Ultimate Spiderman. (Or you
could just buy the reprints of the earliest stories.)
Ultimate Spiderman #42 from Marvel, www.marvel.com,
21 pages of color story for $2.25, written by Brian Michael
Bendis, pencils by Mark Bagley and inks by Art Thibert.
Way of the Rat #14 by Chuck Dixon, Luke Ross, Drew
Geraci, and Chris Garcia. Well, with all the comics coming
out of CrossGen, I was bound to find one that I liked!
Veteran scribe Dixon scripts a kung-fu tale that reads like a
Jackie Chan movie. Way of the Rat centers around a thief
in a feudal Asian kingdom that acquires a magic staff that
makes him a fighting master, a scroll that is the gateway to
Hell, and an enchanted monkey that serves as his guide. I
read the first issue as a giveaway during Free Comics Day.
(See? It works!) I was interested to see if the current issue
held up as well as the first. It totally does and the main char-
acter isn’t even in it! Chuck takes you for a fun ride and isn’t
afraid to kill off characters. It’s nice to see him stretch his
creative wings. (For a while, Chuck was becoming the Tom
Clancy of the comics world. It seemed he couldn’t write a
story without “Black Ops,” the CIA, and lots and lots of
guns.) W of the R is head and shoulders above the rest of
CrossGen’s line in this reviewer’s opinion. It’s about high time
someone put out a good kung-fu comic. This is just the sort
of solid storytelling and subject matter that might actually
bring new fans into the medium. If you’re starting an
Oriental HackMaster campaign, this comic book is a must.
Way of the Rat #14 from CrossGen, www.crossgen.com,
22 pages of color for $2.95, written by Chuck Dixon, pen-
ciled by Luke Ross, inked by Drew Geraci and colored by
Chris Garcia.
That’s it for this month, fanboys and fangirls. See you at
the con.
❖❖❖
Tony DiGerolamo is the writer/creator for The Travelers,
Jersey Devil and The Fix. He is also the writer for
Everknights. Don’t miss his new column on www.paren-
theticalnote.com called “Ask the DM.” To see more of his
deranged scribblings visit www.thefixsite.com. Complaints
and comments can be sent to Tony DiGerolamo c/o SJRP,
PO Box 839, Hammonton, NJ 08037. ❑
THE PHILOSOPHER’S
STONE
By Noah Kolman
T H E A RT OF M E SSA G E B O AR DS
elieve it or not, I’m still here, and I’m back for anoth- a given topic as well as their appreciation of it. By using an
B er month of useless, irreverent ramblings on games

and gaming. Having just returned from the whirl-
wind that is convention season, I thought I’d take a bit of a
obscure name, they demonstrate that they are familiar with
more than just the major characters. This practice is more
common with popular gamer books and movies – Star Wars,
break from the more “serious” fare. That is, of course, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, etc. – but it happens to some
assuming any of you take me seriously. Which you should- degree with all things. In fact, the inspiration for this col-
n’t do. But I digress. umn came when I saw the screen name Ankh-Morpork
Let us return to the topic at hand, which this month is Guard. I love the Discworld novels (if you haven’t read
internet screen names and other message board issues. I them, you should stop reading this column and do so now),
thought this would be an interesting topic to discuss in a col- but you wouldn’t know where this screen name came from
umn, and frankly, my deadline is approaching and I can’t unless you had read one of the books.
think of anything else. And since part of my job is to patrol Another popular type of screen name is that of a favorite
the internet for Kenzer and Company, I have a lot of screen RPG character. Often these are cool-sounding, and if the
names, and I’ve seen quite a few message boards. So, based message board uses avatars have the potential for cool art as
upon my vast background, my extensive research, and my well. Like previously discussed screen names, these two are
innate ability to sound like an expert on things I know little a way of paying homage to a favorite character. But unless
about, I now present my analysis of the internet. your character is extremely well known, or is/was an NPC in
Of course, not all screen names are interesting. For exam- a well known adventure or campaign setting, chances are
ple, my screen name on the Kenzer and Company boards is that this is more of a very small inside joke. You may get a
Noah. It’s just my name, and that’s boring. In fact, most question or two about your screen name, prompting a long
screen names that are just variations on the person’s name are character story most likely, but unlike other tribute screen
boring. I don’t have much to say about boring screen names. names, you’re not really revealing anything about yourself.
They work if all you are looking for is utility, but they don’t That’s not to say that character name screen names are bad,
really show any imagination. And what we are looking for just that they aren’t as fun for the rest of us.
in a good screen name is imagination. There are a few ways Along the same lines as the screen name is the signature
to spice up a name screen name. I’ve seen names spelled block. Most message boards allow you to store a standard
backwards, which can be good if your name spells something signature that follows all of your posts, and this has become
or sounds cool when read backwards. I use Namlok (my last another place where people express themselves. In addition
name Kolman spelled backwards) a lot. It sounds like the to their name, people will add any game related design/edit-
name of a killer robot to me, and killer robots are usually ing/art credits they may have or anything that demonstrates
pretty cool. Switching the first letters of the first and last some authority in the industry. Many people think this
name has potential too, but it really only works with certain shows some sort of authority to comment on issues in the
names. There are other things you can do, but most of them game industry, but as a game industry “professional” (and I
depend on the specific name being used. use that term as generally as possible), I don’t think I have
Most good screen names, however, tell you something any extra authority or knowledge.
about the person they represent. They often are related to Quotes are extremely common to find in signature blocks,
one of the person’s favorite hobbies or pastimes, and are as they are at the end of just about any email from anyone.
meant to identify the person’s interests as much as identify With gamers, though, these quotes tend to be lighter fare
him or her. In addition to paying tribute to the favorite than what the average person might have. Your not likely to
movie or TV show or whatever it is, they seek to find people find Shakespeare at the end of a post, but a Simpsons quote
of a common interest. Thus, StarWarsFan259 would (“The word ‘unblowupable’ is thrown about a lot...”) is quite
undoubtedly get friendly comments from other Star Wars likely.
fans (and likely draw the ire of die hard trekkies). A tribute The “If I were a ___, I’d be ___” personality tests are also
screen name is a way to be part of a community of people, pretty common. I enjoy taking these, especially if they are
without ever meeting or talking to them. funny (What Golden Girl are you?), so I enjoy when these
Of all the screen names that pay tribute to some thing or appear in the signature block. They don’t usually tell you
another, it is far more common to find obscure names and anything about the poster, but they’re funny.
references than obvious ones. While I wouldn’t be surprised Ultimately, the screen name and signature block are two
if there were a StarWarsFan259 somewhere on the internet, of the ways that gamers can express themselves to other
you are more likely to run into a Star Wars related screen gamers. I feel they often go unnoticed, but the next time
name like JPorkinsLives or FreeCoruscant. The reason that you get the chance, browse through a long thread on a mes-
obscure screen names are more prominent is that most sage board just reading the screen names or signatures. You’d
gamers wish to demonstrate their extensive knowledge about be surprised how interesting it can be. ❑

SUMMON
WEBSCRYER
By Kenneth Newquist
I R R AD IATE YO U R P R E S E NT W ITH
G AM MA W O R L D
amma World has a long and storied history, one bones offering, but useful if
G that's almost as old as Dungeons & Dragons. It's

seen numerous editions and been in and out of print
too many times to count. Yet, like the game's mutants
you're looking for GW mate-
rial.
If you prefer your Gamma
always struggling to live in their radiation-filled wastelands, World with a touch of
Gamma World keeps finding someway to survive. humor, check out The New
The latest iteration of the game was Omega World, a d20 West. It's a Gamma World
variant that was published in Dungeon/Polyhedron #94. campaign set in post-apoca-
Unfortunately, the Paizo Publishing website doesn't contain lyptic Texas “where the men are men, the women are
any supplemental material for the game, so you'll need to women, and the cactus will try to bite your head off if you
dig up the back issue if you want it. Another Gamma get too close.” It's got the best sense of style and humor of
World d20 release is planned for an October 2003 release by any of the sites I visited, including first-rate artwork that
White Wolf, but unfortunately, there's little information nicely captures its setting. It's got rogue and art galleries
about it available on their website. depicting various NPCs from the campaign, a “Critters” sec-
Although current Gamma World material can be hard to tion featuring such original creations as Cactisaurus Rex (a
find, there's a heck of a lot of material for older editions as flesh-eating, mobile cactus) and Judgment Bugs (sentient
well as a handful of new d20-based entries. insects that enforce law and order in “Bugtown”).
To start, check out Wizards of the Coast's Gamma World Looking for adventure ideas? Surf over to The Gamma
page. A relic of the age before d20, this site represents the World Plot Book, a collection of a dozen-odd plot hooks
last proper edition of the game, one based on the Alternity and encounters for Gamma World. Each hook includes a
rules. It proudly proclaims itself to be the first Gamma title, overview, description, and GameMaster notes.
World product since 1993 and at the time that was Finally there's Darwin's World, a post-apocalyptic, d20-
undoubtedly true. Now it's a deteriorating cyberhulk, albeit based role-playing game that isn't based on Gamma World,
one with a few useful resources still intact. The site includes but which is close enough to serve as a useful substitute.
artwork from the book, text excerpts detailing a monster, The first edition of the game, available for purchase in print
hero species, three mutations updated from previous edi- or as a PDF download, was based on the d20 Fantasy rules.
tions, and a “Web enhancement” covering the NPC known A new edition is in the process of being released, and is now
as “King Snake.” The “Downloads” section includes fan- based on the more appropriate d20 Modern rules. The site
submitted artwork, a four-page Microsoft Word version of supports the core books with a bunch of content useful to
the Gamma World character sheet, and two issues of The GW fans. There are maps of war-ruined America, gazetteer
Apocalyptic Post, a fanzine. articles detailing the setting's radiation-plagued lands, write-
Tormentor’s Virtual Wasteland is an extensive Gamma ups on major factions, and a Yahoo discussion group.
World site including numerous resources for the game's 4th Upcoming Columns: Big Eyes, Small Mouth (as well as
edition. The Bestiary holds seven GW conversions from other anime RPGs), HarnWorld, and Call of Cthulhu. If
Dungeons & Dragons, artwork of GW monsters, numer- you have any site suggestions for these topics, or have a topic
ous PC and NPCs, and a huge number of weapon stats. idea, send it to me at knewquist@nuketown.com.
The site also includes a bunch of random generators for
treasure, encounters, mutations, names, books, and even WIZARDS OF THE COAST GAMMA WORLD
herbs. http://www.wizards.com/gammaworld/
The Gamma World Mail Group is high-volume e-mail TORMENTOR’S VIRTUAL WASTELAND
list run by Tormenter. It's a good place to get re-acquainted http://www.falconx.com/gammaworld/
with Gamma World because of all the sites I visited, this GAMMA WORLD MAIL GROUP
one's the most current. The Yahoo Group saw 400+ mes- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gammaworld/
sages in July, and averages at least 200-300 in other months. GAMMA WORLD NET RING
Recent topics included White Wolf's upcoming d20 release, http://www.ringsurf.com/netring?ring=gammaring;action
numerous homegrown d20 options, and miniatures ques- =info
tions. Its Files section contains errata from previous edi- THE NEW WEST
tions, fonts used in the game, lists of GW articles in Dragon http://www.bigfella.com/newwest.dir/newwest.html
and Polyhedron, a smattering of modules, and assorted GAMMA WORLD PLOT BOOK
other tidbits of varying usefulness. http://venus.spaceports.com/~vadvaro/gamma_plot_frame
The Gamma World Net Ring is a collection of 25 linked .html
Gamma World sites. Like most of its kin, it’s a pretty bare DARWIN'S WORLD RPG
http://www.darwinrpg.com/

DISKS OF
WONDROUS POWER
By Rick Moscatello
YO F R EAK I N ’ H O H O , B AB Y ,
I T ’ S P I R ATE T I M E
t its heart, piracy is what most gaming is about – find
A people (or the more morally acceptable enemy, mon-

sters), kill them, and take their stuff. Thus, it's a
surprise that so few good pirate games have made it to store
shelves. Sid Meier's Pirates! was the ultimate and has yet to
be topped, but, recently, three titles in different genres made
an attempt at supremacy.
The first game is Tropico 2: Pirate Cove. It's what is
known as a 'gawd sim,' a form of gaming that almost never
came to exist. The first such sim was Sim City, which could-
n't find a publisher, since most of them didn't even think it
was a legitimate game (and some balked at the $10,000 fee
the designer wanted). Luckily, it was a success, and now
gawd sims cover many different genres. Despite the '2' in
the title, Tropico 2: Pirate Cove isn't much of a sequel – the
original was a gawd sim on an island, and the engine is sim-
ilar, but the 'sequel' truly counts as a whole new game. amusement.
As the title implies, Pirate Cove has the player attempting Our next scurvy game is Pirates of the Caribbean, which
to set up a thriving pirate base on a tropical island. While bears no relation to Disney or that stylishly cool movie. It's
this might seem a bit narrow in scope, setting up a viable from Bethesda, makers of the awesome Morrowind games,
economy under pirate situations is no easy matter. although not by the same developers. A role-playing pirate
The unique economy is what truly sets this game apart game is, of course, a bit limited – not so many options for
from other sims. Yes, you're trying to get rich, but the character class, and elven or dwarven pirates are few and far
means to this end are far different from the usual fare. Your between.
'workers' are enslaved captives, so you don't have to pay Thus, it's forgivable that your name, Nathaniel Hawk,
them, and seeing to their needs is more a matter of keeping and initial occupation, captain, is chosen for you (and heck,
them too afraid to run away (and, satisfying religious needs) being captain right off solves a few problems). Alas, you
than providing luxuries. Acquiring skilled workers is also don't start with a treasure chest, as the game begins in the
different – you can't just build schools as 'your people' have middle of a battle between the French and English.
no ability to learn. You'll need to send pirates out to capture Naturally, your first goal is to administer a smackdown to
the right kind of laborer, unless you get lucky with the French – an easy task since Napoleon never made it to
marooned travelers. At least you can resurrect skeletons to the Caribbean.
do grunt work (a bit of magic never hurt any game!), a real Once that business is out of the way, it's off to the high
lifesaver when captives are hard to come by. seas, where influences of Sid Meier's epic become painfully
Instead of producing true luxury items, you produce what clear. You steer your little ship across the open seas, often
true pirates need – swords and ships, primarily. Hopefully, spotting other ships that you can ignore or fight (and a spe-
you'll eventually attract experienced pirates to your island. cial treat is when you come across ships already fighting, as
In turn, you can fill a ship with them, and they'll go out and you can go after the weakened winner, for double bonus
capture lots of booty to bring back to your island – and this loot!).
is mainly how you get rich (although ransoming captives and Eventually you'll enter naval combat and, again like
some island industries also produce money as well). Alas, Pirates!, the perspective switches to a smaller scale, and
sending ships out is a brutally risky endeavor, and a single you'll focus on raising and lowering your sails while firing
lost ship, especially your first one, can easily spell disaster for your cannons to devastate the enemy. Familiar, yes, but
your island. “Save and reload if a ship is lost” is the obvious good ideas are worth re-using. Eventually you'll board the
solution, but it's a shame there's no better way to control enemy ship for hand-to-hand combat, although in this game
your destiny after putting so much direct effort into your you'll get to fire a pistol in addition to the more useful sword
island. The only other weakness in the game is the moral fighting.
ambiguity (if it can even be called ambiguous) about enslav- While the main form of combat is solid, the town inter-
ing people and building houses of ill repute, but is this real- action leaves much to be desired – all towns buy an infinite
ly worse than slaughtering some poor dragon in its own amount of goods (why in the wurld wouldn't they use Sid
home and taking its hoard? Meier's ideas here?), making selling off loot a bit too easy.
Pirate Cove is a hypnotically addictive game, low on stress Money can also be made by accepting quests to escort trav-
(at least with a few cheat codes to help you get critical sup- elers to various remote parts (the seas are filled with danger-
plies when you need them), and well worth many hours of ous pirates, after all), and, of course, by fulfilling the main

storyline.
The big divergence here is that
this game is a role-player, and you
gain special abilities as your levels
increase. There are many skills to
gain, focusing on either trading,
captaining, or fighting, and you'll
certainly not gain them over the
course of a single game. There is
a formal main story to follow, but
this is a fairly open-ended game (in the Morrowind tradi-
tion, although by no means is it in the same league) and
might be worth two play-throughs, at least if no other good
RPGs come out soon. There's even a dash of magic here,
too, with skeletal pirates running around again... say, does
anyone know how pirates got linked with the undead?
Finally, we come to the synthesis game, combining aspects
of the previous two: Port Royale. It's from the same design-
ers of Patrician II, but this time covering an era Americans
are more familiar with, unlike 13th century Hanseatic
League trading.
Unlike Carribean, you have far more choices for your
character, as trading, piracy, pirate-hunting, and privateering
(i.e., legal-ish piracy) are all reasonable options. Naturally, it
uses many of the same ideas, with similar side quests for lost
family members and such, and you have many initial choic-
es regarding era (control of the Caribbean by Europe varied
dramatically with each decade) and nationality of your char-
acter, allowing you to set the game depending upon how you
wish to play.
You start in town with a pathetic ship and a small pile of
gold. From here, you can hire a crew, arm them, and go a'pi-
rating, or start a business in town (in turn causing it to grow,
which might make sacking the town a nice option in a few
years), or engage in other activities.
Much like Patrician, historical accuracy is a serious factor
in the game, and this especially comes out if you go pirate
hunting, as you track down real pirates for impressive
rewards (and the captured ships are no small prize, either).
There's also a nice role-playing element to all this, as you
can't control more ships (among other things) until you gain
sufficient levels, and eventually you'll be able to command
navies and armies.
Perhaps my biggest issue with Port Royale is piracy just
doesn't pay as well as more legitimate ventures. The game
has a super-involved trading system, and to be truly success-
ful, you'll need warehouses and facilities in many towns
through the region. As a pirate, however, towns start closing
their doors to you, making trading difficult (and good luck
accessing your warehouse in a forbidden town). This
either/or situation might give the game good replay value,
but it really seems this game focuses on the non-pirate
aspects of the Caribbean... but at least this avoids the moral
issues of the previous games. And there is an option to play
everything out as a totally lawless pirate, hunted by all, so I
guess it's more of a personal quirk of mine, being annoyed
that a single character can't do everything.
While Port Royale is far, far, more complicated than the
other two games, and is a bit rougher around the edges
(voiceovers, text, and random missions that are impossible to
solve being a few examples), it does a fine job of covering all
the bases of the other two games, while avoiding most of the
pitfalls of being somewhat less focused.
In any event, now is a great time to play a pirate game, as
who would have imagined having so many good choices?
AAArrrgh! ❑

OFF THE SHELF
By John O’Neill
JUDGE DREDD VERSUS

AL I E N S: I N C U B U S
Judge Dredd Versus Aliens: Incubus predictable disaster befalls the out-matched but valiant
By John Wagner, Andy Diggle and Henry Flint Verminator crew, and the wounded but never out-matched
Dark Horse; 4-issue mini-series; $2.99 Judge Dredd. The mystery around the origin of the trio of
alien eggs deepens, and Dredd uncovers a much deadlier
know what you’re thinking. Judge Dredd versus Aliens? conspiracy in the ruins of the old city under the streets of the
I Come on. megalopolis, one that threatens all 400 million inhabitants.
One of the comic’s more enjoyable elements is the sur-
But it’s good. No, really.
Judge Dredd, of course, is the flagship character of the prisingly comfortable way the two universes mesh. The
long-running British 2000 AD anthology comic, first Judge Dredd series is set in the dark, fascist future of Mega-
appearing in… (come on Google, don’t let me down now), City One, a huge, overcrowded metropolis spanning the
ooooh, look at that. 1977, three months before Star Wars. entire eastern seaboard, one of the three habitable zones left
No wonder he looks so wrinkled. in America following the Atomic Wars started by President
Like all long-running comic characters, Dredd’s had Robert "Bad Bob" Booth. The rest of the continent is a sav-
something of a checkered career, with some fine early age, irradiated desert full of hostile tribes of mutants, known
episodes and some genuine stinkers. as The Cursed Earth.
His movie career, however, is not checkered at all. Judge Dredd and his fellow peacekeepers spend their time
Frankly, it stank. One movie starring Sylvester Stallone in acting as Judge, Jury and (as often as not) Executioners,
1995 that’s best overlooked. keeping their city free from various apocalyptic threats such
The Aliens, meanwhile, had a much better movie career as spies from communist counterpart East-Meg One,
(four movies, only one of which stank), and have lived on in undead Judges, and pro-democracy terrorists. The unearth-
comic merchandizing ever since. Over the last dozen years ly menace of the Aliens, discovered off world and covertly
the Aliens have faced fellow Warner Brother’s brought to earth by mutant exile Mr. Bones, fits in
movie monster Predator, as well as the Terminator, superbly well with the noir future setting.
Superman, Batman... the list goes on. Rumor has Dredd creator John Wagner and collaborator
it they’ll be taking on the entire US Woman’s soc- Andy Diggle do a terrific job of upping the stakes
cer team early next year. in every issue of the mini-series, and of keeping the
Let’s face it – something as goofy as Judge surprises coming. I also enjoyed the cast of heroic
Dredd vs. Aliens could only occur in comics, and and cowardly secondary characters, Judges and
only in comics could it be played completely hapless Verminators both. It’s hard to cheer for a
straight and still be successful. I’m glad to report character as dry and loveless as Dredd, and the best
that Judge Dredd vs. Aliens is one of the high- of the series’ writers know this, so it’s refreshing to
lights of the franchise – it’s surprising, well plotted, see him share the stage with some more sympa-
and genuinely exciting, and especially enjoyable in thetic characters. Likewise, the colorful parade of
the face of my rather dubious preconceptions. It’s things like villains has always been a major series draw, and you won’t
this that make me proud of my hobby. be disappointed here – the hideously scarred Mr. Bones
The plot starts out routinely enough. A protest against a takes his place among the Pantheon with pride.
new geothermal power station draws a cadre of Judges – The moody, atmospheric art of British artist Henry Flint
including Dredd, who quickly proceeds to crack heads and is a big component of the success of the book. His prior
sentence everyone in range to "six months detention in iso- credits include earlier Dredd work and Nemesis the
cubes plus mandatory rehab" – and the resulting traffic dis- Warlock, and I intend to seek them out.
aster greatly inconveniences small time hood James Godber, I picked up the first issue of this mini-series almost scorn-
desperately trying to reach Eisenhower General Hospital. fully; the second seemed like a guilty pleasure. By the last
Jimmy is gunned down by his associates just as the Judges issue, it was the most anticipated title of my week. I don’t
arrive, and no sooner is he wheeled into the hospital lobby know if Dark Horse has plans to release it as a trade paper-
than a fledgling alien bursts from his chest and slithers into back, but either way I hope you make the effort to seek it
an air vent. out. You won’t regret it. ❑
Dredd orders a crack team of "Verminators" to cleanse the
hospital of its weird new pest, and follows Jimmy’s trail back ❖❖❖
to a deserted warehouse where he was apparently breeding a
trio of new "killer beasts" to clean up in the pit fights. John O’Neill has dozens of 2000 AD issues containing
Carnage ensues at both locales, and by the end of the first early Dredd strips buried somewhere in his basement, and
issue the scene is nicely set for a claustrophobic tale of bug for the last week has been trying to trick his children into
hunting in the dark shafts of Mega-City One. digging them out for him. You can chastise him at
But it’s in the second issue that things really pick up, as john@blackgate.com.

Industry News, Rumors, and More
LLC is very excited to officially combat dial, which adds more depth to
announce the launch of a brand new play by giving game figures attack and
show - Gen Con SoCal. Gen Con defense values that are more in line
SoCal will bring the same caliber of with their character’s individual
gaming to the Southern California strengths and abilities. Instead of the
market with Gen Con favorites such as L-shaped stat slot that fans of WizKids’
the highly-anticipated exhibit hall, art CMGs have come to know and love,
show, computer gaming LAN area, and the new Mage Knight combat dial fea-
lots of hobby gaming. Gen Con SoCal tures a more pie-shaped window that
GamingReport.com is scheduled to take place at the adds a new dimension to game play. A
GEN CON INDY BREAKS 35-YEAR Anaheim Convention Center in new “ability nexus” can modify a fig-
Anaheim, CA on December 11-14, ure’s speed, attack, defense or damage
ATTENDANCE RECORD 2003. value to reflect his or her special abili-
Gen Con Indy debuted in
Gen Con Indy will return to ties as they change in combat.
Indianapolis to enthusiastic approval
Indianapolis, IN August 2004. The Mage Knight rules changes also
from it’s attendees numbering more
allow for bigger armies without a dra-
than 25,000, jumping up from 23,000 WIZKIDS ANNOUNCES matic increase in game time, so players
year over year. These numbers are still REDESIGNED MAGE KNIGHT get more action into every game.
unofficial, and actual attendance num- The game that started the hottest There are also new victory conditions
bers will be available in the coming trend in the gaming world is set, once that focus on gaining and holding bat-
weeks. again, to twist tabletop recreation in a tlefield objectives, keeping action at an
“We are absolutely thrilled,” says Peter whole new direction. exciting pace right up to the end of the
Adkison, CEO of Gen Con, LLC. “We WizKids, LLC, inventors of the col- game.
weren’t quite sure what to expect by mov- lectable miniatures game (CMG) cate-
ing the convention from its Wisconsin gory, announced a massive redesign of CROSSGEN CARD GAME TEAM-UP
home of 35 years, but the fans of the the world’s first CMG, Mage Organized Play Corporation
show, the exhibitors, the city of Knight™. announced today that it has entered
Indianapolis, and everyone else involved The revamp incorporates more than into an agreement with Fast Forward
really came together to make this the three years’ worth of worldwide tour- Entertainment to provide organized
biggest and best Gen Con ever. We had a nament and play experience acquired play support for Fast Forward
great time and can’t wait to bring Gen by the company since the game’s Entertainment’s new collectible card
Con back to Indy for many years to release in 2000. While the mechanics game based on the CrossGen Universe.
come.” of play remain the same, nearly every- Fast Forward Entertainment will be
Notables from Gen Con Indy 2003: thing else about Mage Knight has been utilizing OrganizedPlay’s technology to
• Gen Con, LLC CEO Peter updated. There are new game pieces, provide a comprehensive tournament
Adkison was awarded the Key to new rules, new victory conditions, and environment for its upcoming
the City of Indianapolis on a new combat dial. In addition, CrossGen collectible card game.
Thursday night by Chief Deputy unique-level figures can be custom- Tournament organizers will be able to
Mayor Michael O’Connor. equipped for every battle. The entire apply for official recognition, and once
redesign has been accomplished while certified, will be able to submit events
• A Gen Con baby was born! Gen
still retaining the playability of the for official sanctioning. Players of the
Con’s youngest volunteer started
more than 40 million Mage Knight CrossGen card game will be able to view
their trek into the world in the
figures already sold, as all figures from a continuously updated calendar of
trading card game hall where
previous versions of Mage Knight will events, as well as leader boards by ELO
mom was volunteering.
be 100% playable in the new game. Rating and Win/Loss ratios.
• Several downtown restaurants Three new elements in the game add
completely ran out of food on to the level of strategic depth available PHIL & DIXIE JOIN EROTIC
Saturday evening and had to close to players. “Relics” are armor, books of FANTASY
down for the remainder of the magic, and powerful weapons that An idea that has been talked about
weekend. players add to Unique-level figures to for years finally comes to fruition - Phil
• With more new product intro- customize and further enhance their & Dixie, beloved gaming cartoon char-
ductions than any other show, ability in combat. “Terrain” can be acters, have long hoped for rules of sex
and a wealth of downtown Indy assembled to create landscape features to incorporate in their fantasy role-
establishments to choose from, that change the battleground. The set playing game. Now, not only do they
the cash was flying and soon,most also includes “domains” that add bat- get their wish, but also the pair will be
ATM’s within a couple of blocks tlefield variables such as weather, and featured in the upcoming Book of
of the convention center ran out help determine battle conditions. The Erotic Fantasy.
of money. new pieces will be randomly inserted Phil Foglio, creator of Phil & Dixie,
into Mage Knight Starter Sets and has been contracted to create an exclu-
• Many of the convention’s sive Phil & Dixie strip for the Book of
booster boxes, giving players more
exhibitors experienced signifi- Erotic Fantasy. This very special, high-
game, and collectors more excitement,
cantly greater sales than previous ly collectable Phil & Dixie will only be
in every purchase.
Gen Cons. available in the Book of Erotic
Another thing Mage Knight fans
In further Gen Con news, Gen Con, Fantasy.
will notice about the game is the new

from the Games News source, GamingReport.com
WHITE WOLF TO END THE to expect top-notch storytelling from the tional card games, such as Once Upon A
WORLD OF DARKNESS World of Darkness, and a great story Time and Lunch Money.”
After 12 years of buildup, White needs a great ending. It’s time to deliver.” “Citizen Games has always been sup-
Wolf Publishing is bringing its award- Indeed, after March of 2004, White portive of the game,” commented
winning World of Darkness to a cli- Wolf will cease publication (and Thomas Denmark, Dungeoneer's cre-
mactic end in an unprecedented series reprinting) of game books set in the ator. “I'm very happy with the decision
of game supplements and tie-in novels. modern World of Darkness. (The to transfer the rights to Atlas Games. I'm
This is the Time of Judgment. Dark Ages™ product line – White working overtime to make the 2nd edi-
At a special announcement held as Wolf ’s medieval horror setting – will tion and expansion the best possible
part of the Gen Con Game Fair in continue as normal.) Dungeoneer!”
Indianapolis, IN, White Wolf The Time of Judgment begins on
Publishing brought the exciting and January 14th, 2004 with the release of PINNACLE RELOADS THE
cataclysmic news to its fans and the the first game supplement in the apoc- DEADLANDS SIX SHOOTER
entertainment community at large. alyptic series. The entire rollout Pinnacle Entertainment recently
Over the first three months of 2004, (including lead-in products) includes announced Deadlands Reloaded, a
the Time of Judgment will unfold and 12 releases beginning in late 2003 and new Deadlands release due in March
bring a finale to the entire World of finishing in May 2004. An all-new 2004.
Darkness and its trademark games -- World of Darkness launches in August The world's best-selling Western
Vampire: The Masquerade®, of 2004. role-playing game, winner of no less
Werewolf: The Apocalypse™, Mage: than 7 Origins Awards and the presti-
DUNGEONEER CARD GAME gious Nigel Findly Award, gets a whole
The Ascension®, Hunter: The MOVES TO NEW HOME
Reckoning®, Demon: The Fallen™, new look!
Citizen Games, Atlas Games, and This gorgeous 224-page full color
Changeling: The Dreaming™, Thomas Denmark recently announced
Mummy: The Resurrection™ and hardcover book features everything you
the transfer of the Dungeon-Delving need to play in the Weird West!
Kindred of the East™. Four hardcover Card Game: Dungeoneer.
game supplements will allow World of Finally, the whole incredible backstory
Dungeoneer, the hit card game pub- can be told, from the beginning of the
Darkness players and Storytellers to tell lished this spring by Citizen Games,
their own tales of the Time of Reckoning to the Great Rail Wars to
sold out quickly and left fans and the Cackler and the death of Ronan
Judgment. These books will be accom- retailers clamoring for more.
panied by three tie-in novels and spe- Lynch! No more secrets, no more leads
Atlas Games, Citizen Games, and
cial releases for both Mind’s Eye – everything you've ever wanted to
Dungeoneer creator Thomas Denmark
Theatre™ (White Wolf ’s popular live- know in one beautiful place!
are pleased to announce that they have
action role-playing game) and And that's not all – Hell on Earth
finalized an agreement for Atlas Games
Vampire: The Eternal Struggle® and Lost Colony get their own
to take over publication of
(White Wolf ’s collectible trading-card relaunch as well, all in full-color and as
Dungeoneer and its expansions and
game). sequels. Atlas plans to release the 2nd complete as the Weird West itself!
“We’ve been building to this point for edition of the original Dungeoneer set, Each book gets a whole new cover and
years,” said Justin Achilli, Intellectual The Tomb of the Lich Lord, in is written by the grand architect of
Property Manager for Vampire: The October. In November, the eagerly Deadlands himself, Shane Hensley!
Masquerade. “It’s time to put up or shut awaited expansion-sequel, Vault of the All three books require Savage
up.” Indeed, even the very first edition Fiends, will follow. Worlds. Shane Hensley, founder of
of Vampire, released to acclaim in Citizen Games President Scott Pinnacle said “Yes, you will need Savage
1991, included prophecies of Bagley had this to say, “We are commit- Worlds to play. One rule book, one set-
Gehenna, the vampires’ version of ted to the success of Dungeoneer, but ting book. That's our mantra for Savage
Armageddon. In 1998, that game’s realized that Citizen Games is not yet in Worlds. There may be follow-on prod-
revised edition ushered in the Final a position to make the financial invest- ucts for Deadlands – that's still being
Nights™, a multi-year build up to the ments required to make that happen in a determined – but they won't be “splat
Time of Judgment. Every year there- timely manner. We worked closely with books” or anything else you'll need to buy.
after brought a major step toward the Tom Denmark to find another game They're more likely to be details on some
brink of apocalypse. The Year of the company whose proven track record in the of the events we unveil in the Reloaded,
Reckoning™ brought an end to gaming industry and financial integrity GRW troop statistics, adventures, and
Wraith: The Oblivion™ and ushered would provide Dungeoneer with the that kind of thing for the GM who wants
in Hunter: The Reckoning, a game greatest chance of achieving its potential.” additional material. These may be print
chronicling humanity’s last stand “We're honored that Citizen Games products, a sort of PDF subscription pro-
against the monsters lurking in the and Thomas Denmark would turn to us, gram, or most likely both. We'll have to
shadows. Similarly, the Year of the and we're very excited by this opportuni- determine that later in the year when we
Damned™ saw the arrival of demonic ty,” said Atlas Games President John have a better idea of what the market
forces at large as the gates of the bibli- Nephew. “We've really enjoyed playing looks like.
cal Hell opened, setting the stage of the Dungeoneer game, and we look for- For more daily news updates, check
Demon: The Fallen. “An apocalypse is ward to building on the success that out GamingReport.com. Thanks for
only exciting and terrifying if it can actu- Citizen Games has already proven. It's a reading and we’ll see you next month.
ally occur,” said Mike Tinney, White great fit for our product line, comple- ❑
Wolf ’s President. “Our fans have come menting our perennial best-selling tradi-
ment or a show of patriotic french bashin). church (of an admittedly evil cult), stole everything
Although all of the events in the article are well of value an desecrated the altar, which, to our dread,
documented (a quick search on Google produced he announced quite loudly (Freiburg Hospital is
dozens of hits) I have no idea if (as you charged) they partly financed by the church). Yet they told us that
were fabricated by intelligence agencies with an agen- of course we could continue gaming the next day -
da. Regardless of the validity of the charges, such poli- these guys are really great.
tics have no place in KODT and is beyond the scope of So I wanted to give my friends a BIG virtual hug
this forum. through KODT (because I know they all read it)
I regret he fact that neither Noah or myself caught and say "Thank you very much, Kerstin, Siobhán,
the volatile nature of the piece before it went to press. Felix, Malte, Peter, Jan and Markus! You rule!"
My apologies to our french readers. — Jolly Apart from gaming with me or simply visiting
me, Malte even provided me with the latest issues of
WASTE OF SPACE KODT, which really lightened my mood, so I think
he deserves an extra "Thank you" and a fat, sloppy
A n Opinion oncerning "A Newbie's Guide to Knights of
A r ena and C the Dinner Table", I feel that designating a
kiss (Um... on second thought, a pat on the back
should suffice).
Open ForFor um full page to explain who the characters are in each
issue is not the best use of space. I know that space Due to all the positive energy provided for me,
is always an issue, so it seems that it would be an the operation went extraordinarily well (I think the
improvement to simply direct the readers to your surgeon received a +10 bonus or something the
web site, seeing that you have posted bio's of all the like), and I feel really good now. On top of that, I
characters there. now work at Karlsruhe's (my home city) biggest
GameStore - how kewl is that?
New readers would be able to find all the infor-
mation they could possibly want online. At the And if I may get a few more lines of space, I
s the subheading indicates, this is a
A sounding board where gamers can give

their two-cents’ worth on whatever
seems to rile them. So pull back the curtain
same time, the KODT team would have a full extra
page to work with and you wouldn't be repeating
redundant information month after month.
would like to thank the numerous fellow KODT-
Fans who e-mailed me to tell me they missed me on
the Kenzer-board or enjoyed my homebrewed
KODT stuff from both the magazine and my hum-
and come on in the Back Room. You can leave I'm sure you have your reasons for keeping this ble fanpage www.kodt.de. It is amazing to get such
that thin-skin at the door but be sure to bring in the magazine... but please consider putting the
massive support. I am really stunned. Kindest
your opinions with you. Note that due to space pages in your magazine to better use. A concerned
regards, —Agin
limitations some letters are edited reader — Justin
Got something to say? We wanna hear it. Just A valid concern, Justin. As an editor it’s nice to SHOW ME THE NON-D20 STUFF
use one of the following options; hear that readers want MORE of what they’re getting fter reading the Cries from the Attic in issues
: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to each issue. Let me explain a bit of the madness behind
my method.
A79, I have a few words to say. While I may be
www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion overly critically, your statement in regards to the
forums. For every issue of KODT a given percentage is hundred of up coming D20 production with no
: via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, read- reserved for paid advertising. Ads pay the bills and mention of non-D20 products coming out over the
er mail, back room fodder and questions to allow us to continue to do what we do. Those allotted same time, upsets me.
pages which aren’t sold to outside advertisers are used to
mailbag@kenzerco.com. At the present time we see too much of the "If it
advertise in-house (KenzerCo) products.
: via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at not D20 is not worth my time" or "How can it be
KODT c/o KenzerCo, 25667 Hillview Court, Since its debut, "A Newbie's Guide to Knights any good, if its not D20". This is destroying the
Mundelein, IL 60060. of the Dinner Table" has been filling a page reserved creativity that made this hobby fun in the first
__ for ads. If we pulled it, it would be replaced with a place, I consider learning of new system part of the
FRENCH BASHING! KenzerCo ad. So why not advertise something useful fun of this hobby.
on the page and stop running redundant info?
am a french gamer, very fond of your work at Much to Hasbro's disdain there are still non-
I KODT. Because I can't get a subscription, I I want to make the new reader’s experience with
KODT as entertaining as possible. I want him or her
D20 products out there and new ones coming out
all the time. Including the new Marvel RPG,
order half a dozen back issues at a time and crack
my ribs laughing for hours in a row reading them. to come back again and again. Having the thumbnail Chaos Earth (Palladium Books), as well a new
character bios in each issue is my way of hedging the products for Palladiums existing lines and of course
Lastly, I had an hard time laughing at the 'Lands bet. So the next time you see the Newbie’s Guide and SJG GURPS.
of Adventure' column in issue 76. It certainly think, “Oh great — redundant information” just
looked like a good try at french bashing. remind yourself it’s an ad. — Jolly I guess the reason this upset me so much is
KODT has always been considered outside of the
I thought you would be interested in hearing an
opinion from the other side, across the ocean. The TRUE FRIENDSHIP business politics of his hobby. And Yes, this means
american people felt left off when we declined you have to walk a very careful path. Otherwise if
am writing you today because I recently experi-
Big thumbs up for the rest, but I think you I enced what true friendship feels like. I had kind
of a hard time, the doctors discovered that I have a
you starting to look like just a mouthpiece for
Hasbro you will look much of your credibility with
should stick to game material and let the interna- the Gamer Fandom. —Ben P. Balestra
tional mud slinging to others. brain tumor and my boss (I worked at an advertis-
ing agency) fired me because he feared that I would I think perhaps you read too much into a simple
Yours, — Francois not be efficient anymore, with a disease like that. I statement, Ben. As a company which produces both
Thanks for the letter, Francois. I hope you’ll forgive then had to stay at Freiburg Hospital for nearly two d20 role-playing product AND non-d20 product, I
me for cutting out the bulk of your letter (which dealt weeks because of an operation. think it’s safe to say we still walk that path very care-
with various political views on the subject of U.S — fully, Ben. You forget I mentioned at least four non-
Everybody who ever was in hospital knows that
French relations and the Iraqi war). I felt it would d20 games on my ‘wish list’ before pointing out the
this usually means no fun at all, even in the most
only serve to throw gasoline on the fire. flood of new d20 product coming out in the com-
beautiful and new hospital, like Freiburg. But my
ing weeks. Both d20 and Non-d20 seem to be thriv-
The truth is you are correct — politics has no place friends would visit me every single day, and we even
ing — and I’m glad for it.
in KODT. Running that particular article was a mis- had several roleplaying sessions, sanctioned by the
take in hindsite. I should point out we slated it for medical staff of the hospital, which really surprised We don’t put much stock in to the D20 vs. Non-
publication well before the current political hotbed me. I never thought they would be that kewl, espe- D20 debate here. We happen to think there’s room
unfolded. (i.e. it wasn’t meant to be a political state- cially after our Shadowrun Troll broke into a small for both. — Jolly
GAMEVINE KODT, NOW IN GERMAN!
ow appearing in your favorite
N (German) comic book or game store,

Knights of the Dinner Table Bundle
of Trouble vol. 1. Thanks to the fine trans-
lating of Welt Der Spiele, these Knights
adventures are available in German. Now
fans across Germany will get to know the
classic strips the rest of us love.
"After our Canadian translation deal fell
through, our deal with WDS really lifted our
spirits" Kenzer and Company Vice President
Brian Jelke said. "This will open up our prod-
ucts to an even wider audience."
According to Jolly Blackburn, another
Kenzer and Company Vice President, this
could be an indication of things to come.
SEND YOUR "We are currently analyzing a few proposals for
NEWS ITEMS TO: translations into Hobgoblin and Draconic. We
GAMEVINE
want to make it clear, however, that we are not
c/o kenzerco
25667 hillview court
favoring any demi-human translation over the other." Kenzer and Company and
mundelein, il 60060 Welt Der Spiele have long preached tolerance between the demi-human races, and
or email this looks to be a good first step along that path.
kodtsubmit@kenzerco.com The first Bundle of Trouble is already available, and more are on their way. Be
sure to check them out! ❑
mark yer
DO YOU LIKE TO
K O D T
frickin’
CALENDARS! cos \ AIN’T
repeatin’
myself!
PLAY GAMES?
CO NV E NTI O N
W
e here at Knights of the Dinner Table love
CAL E N DAR games, and so we’re always on the lookout
for new games to recommend to our read-
CALIFORNIA INDIANA ers. Now, you can help!! Just send an email to
noah@kenzerco.com or post on our discussion boards
10/10/03-10/12/03 10/18/03
GNA's Into the Woods CampCon GallowsCon 2003 at www.kenzerco.com.
Santa Barbara, CA Valparaiso, IN Recommend any game you enjoy playing, and
GNA is proud to host "Into the GallowsCon is Northwest Indiana's pre- we’ll take a look at it. If we like it, it may be featured
Woods," a camping/gaming convention miere gaming convention, featuring
of seriously fun proportions at the Live your favorite RPGs, card, board, dice in the Editor’s Picks column. So let us know what
Oak Camp in Santa Barbara County, and miniatures games. Several vendors you like to play, and share the love! ❑
California. Live Oak is a gorgeous out- and exhibitors will be on hand to show
door group camping site with bath- you their wares and demo some games,
rooms, hot showers, a commercial and we will have a concession stand
kitchen, a covered dining area that seats open for our attendees. Check out our
250, and more! And, yes, you'll be
camping there amongst the 20 acres of
trees and birds and all things natural.
website at www.the-hangmen.org for
more information.
Contact information: Jason Schmelzer
GREMLINS STRIKE
Planned activities include: Board games
(Settlers of Catan, Monopoly, Tikal,
etc.), Role-playing games (D&D, Star
377 N 650W
Valparaiso, IN 46385
prdirector@the-hangmen.org
DANGEROUS DENIZENS
Wars, GRUPS, et al.), Card games hoops! From time to time, we here at
(Illuminati, Hearts, Magic the
Gathering, et al.), Party games
(Guestures, Charades, Curses, etc.),
Living Greyhawk, etc.
MICHIGAN
11/14/03-11/16/03
U*CON Gaming Convention
W Kenzer & Company are assaulted by evil
gremlins who wreak havoc on our careful-
ly and lovingly prepared manuscripts. We fight these
Contact Person: Robert Moon Ann Arbor, MI vile beasts at every turn but every now and then they
U*Con is an annual gaming convention
ILLINOIS held at the Student Union of the claim one small victory. And so it was with their
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. deletion of the names of certain hardworking
10/02/03-10/05/03 U*Con offers Role-Playing Games,
Archon 27 Collectible Card Games, Board Games, playtesters who contributed to our recent Dangerous
Collinsville, IL Miniatures, Train Games, Live Action Denizens D&D monster book. Here are those
Archon 27 Science Fiction and Fantasy RPGs, Dealers' Hall, Auction, Specialty
Convention features Guest author, Gaming Tracks, Anime Room, and names:
artists and media people. Activities much more!
include panels, presentations, video Contact Infor: http://www.ucon-gam-
rooms(3), art Show, Masquerade Show, ing.org/ Pete D'Amica, Rev. Kevin Elmore, Jon Karl
dance with DJ each night, hospitality Hayens, Will Jones, Matt Maddy, Andy
room, dealer room and gaming. 200+ PENNSYLVANIA
game events will be presented. McCullough, Jeff Waltersdorf and Andrew
Contact Person: Jon Bancroft 10/03/03-10/05/03 Webb
Archon 27 MEPACON
P.O. Box 8387 Easton, PA
St. Louis, MO, 63132-8387 Contact Person: Ed Lehman Thanks guys. And let all gremlins beware! ❑

HOODY HOO!
our adventuring company,
CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE,
has two openings for dedicat-
ed hackers. we meet every fri-
day night in TURLOCK in cali-
fornia’s central valley.
you may contact our agent
at bloodymage@msn.com if
interested.
ALARUMS & EXCURSIONS

(Origins Award-winning best amateur magazine,1999-2001)
Welcomes new writers and readers. Contact contributor Spike Y Jones,
spikeyj@crosslink.net, or editor Lee Gold, http://theStarport.com/xeno/aande.html
-- wink wink --
KENZERCO.COM
now featuring
KODT strips
5 times a WEEK!
-- nudge nudge --
Scream of Kachooloo Wants You!

The new & improved Call of Cthulhu
Players Directory
available at:
www.yog-sothoth.com/players/
Remember: it Hastur be Cthulhu...
WEIRD PETE’S BULLETIN BOARD

is a meeting place where readers may pass along information, barter, trade and gossip. Readers are invited to place classified ads, announce
group meetings, seek out other players, etc. Subscribers of KODT may place classified ads free of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a
maximum of twenty-five words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at the rate of 50¢ per word with a limit of 25 words. Companies may place
ads at the following rates: [5.5” x 2” - $160], [2.75” x 2” - $80], [1.5” x 1” - $40]. Non-profit organizations (serving the gaming community)
and Conventions or Seminars may place ads for free. All ads are placed on a first-come first-served basis with subscribers having priority.
ATTACK! AND ATTACK! EXPANSION
BRIAN’S Eagle Games • www.eaglegames.net
L
SMALL
PICKS
ast month I presented my favorite games from ORIGINS
2003, having just returned from the convention as I wrote this.
Now I sit here with both ORIGINS and Gen Con under my belt,
and I can honestly say I made a mistake. While all the games I
reviewed here last month are excellent products, the best game at
ORIGINS I didn’t even play until I got back. And that game was Attack by Eagle Games.
It is frightening how quickly this game has become one of my favorites, and I owe it
all to Jolly. He went to ORIGINS with the intention of picking this game up. I was a
little gun shy, and I regret every day that I lost. When we got back to the office, he taught
me the rules, and I immediately went out and purchased the game and the expansion.
PRESS Attack is a World War II wargame similar to Axis and Allies, but with several advan-
tages. Most importantly, Attack is not historically based. Though I enjoy Axis and Allies,
the games are generally the same, and the board set up, alliances, etc. are always the same.
PUBLISHERS! SEND YER Attack has the feel of WWII with its look and pieces, but isn’t wedded to any initial setup
REVIEW COPIES TO:
or alliances. Instead, each player begins play as one of four political ideologies:
KODT: BRIAN’S PICKS
Attn: Noah Kolman • Kenzer and Company Communism, Democracy, Monarchy, and Facism. A player’s political philosophy influ-
25667 Hillview Court • Mundelein, IL 60060 ences how they score victory points, how easy or hard it is to influence neutral territories
with diplomacy, and a few minor things. This gives the feel of major superpowers bat-
tling each other, ala WWII, without committing the players to anything specific.
The rules are quite nice too. Some are pretty standard for the genre, but a few things stand out as exceptional. Instead
of each player having a set number of moves, attacks, or actions, each player has a certain amount of oil. The first action
costs 1 oil, the second 2 oil, and so on. Oil is only replenished with Oil economic cards. It gives players a lot of flexibil-
ity, and requires some careful planning. A player’s economy is represented by economics cards, and he has one card per
territory he controls. As he gains or loses territories, his economy grows. But each card has a different resource and a dif-
ferent value, and it can be quite unpredictable.
Attack is sold as a basic game and an expansion, each for thirty bucks, and they are both worth it. I’ve never played just
the basic rules, but they aren’t as cool as both sets together. Get this game as quickly as you can, you won’t be sorry.
Brian’s Rating: One of the Best Wargames I’ve EVER Played!!!!!
THE PAINTING WIZARD’S WORKSHOP 1 & 2

The Painter’s Guild • paintersguild.com
A t best, I am a passable miniatures painter (unlike this column’s namesake), and I am always try-
ing to pump better painters for tips. You can imagine my joy, then, when I found The Painting
Wizard’s Workshop 1 & 2. These videos were just what I was looking for, and even if you aren’t a
visual learner like myself, you will improve your painting just from watching these.
The best aspect of the Painting Wizards Workshop videos are that the instructions are slow and easy to understand, and
they are ALL demonstrated on actual miniatures in front of your eyes. This is especially helpful for techniques such as
washing and drybrushing, where the consistency of the paint and the water to paint ratio are very important. In addition,
the videos cover a wide range of topics in an easy to follow, linear fashion. This means that you can watch one section of
the video, stop, practice, and then move on to another. If you get the DVD version, this is even easier to accomplish.
The first video covers basic painting techniques as well as priming and cleaning minis. For beginners, this is an excel-
lent starting point. The second video is more advanced, but still easy to follow.
Brian’s Rating: A Work Of Art!!!
BREWMASTER: THE CRAFT BEER GAME

Reviews/Recommendations written by Noah Kolman
Cold Creek Publishing Co. • www.brewmastergame.com
I can honestly say that I have never brewed my own beer, but if it is half as fun as BrewMaster: The
Craft Beer Game, I just might have to give it a try. This non-collectible card game simulates the
difficult choices and production strategy of brewmaking quite well, and the result is an enjoyable, quick game.
Of course, no knowledge of beer making or beer drinking is necessary to enjoy BrewMaster. When looked at abstract-
ly, BrewMaster uses a limited pool of resources to force players to compete for scarce but necessary cards. Specifically, each
player represents a microbrewery competing for the limited dollars available in the microbrew market. To do so, they must
use the ingredient cards in their hand to “brew” one of six types of beer. Each beer type has its own market, and each new
beer of a certain type grabs part of that market. If there haven’t been three beers of that type played yet, then more fans
are added to the particular market. But if three beers of that type exist already, then someone gets squeezed out. On top
of this, not all beer types have the same number of cards, further adding to the strategy.
BrewMaster is a quick, enjoyable game that should appeal to all gamers, not just those that enjoy a little ale now and
then. I reccommend this as great light fare.
Brian’s Rating: This Will Sastisfy Your Thirst!!

HELP, I need a Cleric!!
P ARTING
To the tune of “Help” by the Beatles.
[Chorus] My many hit points seem to vanish in the
Help! I need a cleric haze.
Help! Not just any cleric That's why, you see, I'm feelin' mighty
Help! they gotta cast a spell insecure.
Pleeaaase heal me... I know that I just need that spell like I
never have before.
When I was stronger, so much stronger
[chorus]
SHOTS than todayyyy
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
When I was at full health, much tougher
But now I took a crit, I'm not so self-
than before,
OVERHEARD assured.
I was doin all right till I opened up that
I met a troll- I fudged my roll- I wound up
AT THE TABLE on the floor.
door,
I took that ol' rot gut's breath right into the
“Never Poke a Dead Dwarf [chorus] faaaace,
with a Stick” — overheard at I didn't even get a chance to smash him
Orgins 2003. Heal me, cleric, my hit points are
with my mace.
doooown,
and I do appreciate that gawd you've [chorus]
“Damn. I’ve got hit-points I
don’t even know what to do foooound, won't you please, please heal me, heal me,
with.” — overheard at Heal me so I can get off the grooooound heal me...
GameFest HackMaster ses- won't you pleeeeease heal me... aaaaugh...
sion.
And now my life has changed in oh so Submitted by Kjones.
many ways.
\’m sorry, bob. SLAPPING the PRINCESS around like a 20 WAYS TO

“PINATA” doesn’t reveal the SECRET of the IMPERIAL DOWRY.
TICK OFF AN ELF!
but it DOES produce 24 well-armed ELITE GUARDS 1. Ask ‘em if they’re a 10th level Wuss.
drawn by her FRANTIC screams. roll for INIT! 2. Compare them to Mr. Spock (only
with better hair!)
c’mon, b.a. something tells
3. Tell them you really loved the Star
damn, dude. me we WON’T be Trek movies.
\ was giving her the you were getting an 4. Ask them if they were in ‘Peter Pan.’
BACK of my hand with my ROBBED. INVITATION to
PLUS FIVE gauntlets of 5. Petition to have the name ‘Elflord’
the CORONATION.
PIMP SLAPPING. changed to ‘Wusslord.’
6. Tell one to, “Dance for me Elf-boy!”
7. Tell them to go ‘frolic’ or something.
8. Wuss-slap ‘em repeatedly.
9. Ask if they’re anorexic.
10. Ask them if they’re king is named
Fabio.
11. Tell them that King Fabio is look-
ing for his conditioner and mousse.
12. Ask one if he is a ‘merry man of
Sherwood Forest.’
13. Ask them for Robin Hood’s auto-
graph.
14. Tell them that they lack ‘elf ’ disci-
pline.
15. Tell ‘em to learn some ‘elf ’ control.
16. Accuse them of ‘elf ’ lovin.’
17. Mess with their hair.
18. Give ‘em a wet willie (with those
ears, they’re just askin’ for it!)
19. Point at their feathered hats and
laugh.
20. Ask if they work for a fat man in a
red suit one day a year.
Submitted by Michael Long

All trademarks are property of Wizards of the Coast, Inc. ©2003 Wizards

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What are some of the recurring sections in the magazine?

What are some of the recurring sections in the magazine?

What homebrew content is featured?

What homebrew content is featured?

www.kenzerco.

A year history, the big

2 ———————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

A fter reading your strip "TO REVISE OR NOT

4 ———————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

BANG! is a fast playing beer-and-pretzel game that captures

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ———————————— 5

6 ———————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

RECAP: last issue, SWITCH

\ wouldn’t feel COMFORTABLE okay, \ can guess

yer a little early. come

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ———————————— 7

a few minutes of PRIVACY uh... yeah. something

no problem. that’s what

the WAR ROOM?

saaaay, how’s that for a

A WEE BIT LATER IN THE “WAR ROOM”...

8 ———————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

sign claimed it was wired for

the MAIN SWITCH is

well, SHACKLES figured he could

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ———————————— 9

10 ——————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

damn, hoss. \ hate to tell

well, we pulled around this place is SEALED UP tighter than a

\ was \’m bettin’ SILENT

it’s just not WORTH the risk no more.

we’re talkin’ FAT trucker

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ——————————— 11

thought \’d LOOK in on ya and

umm, we APPRECIATE that, you know our motto -- “what’s SAID

ta tell ya the TRUTH,

you know who yer you can TALK in

er... you wouldn’t

so what’s the OBJECTIVE here? RESCUE? uh, THANKS for the

-sputter- -cough- it’s nuttin’ personal, but \’d like to keep

12 ——————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

FIRST LEVEL STUFF - really. SWITCH

jess PLAY along ‘'til yeah. we wuz JESS APPRECIATE yer

well \ could be WRONG about this...

a DOUBLE FENCE usually indicates a DOG RUN.

a couple of GOOD dogs are a much

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ——————————— 13

well, THAT and my OLD JOB.

sounds like you’ve

14 ——————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

they’re a RED HERRING. with no

just go with STOCKING

TWENTY MINUTES LATER...

according to the blueprints, that area is

say what...?!!! \’ve seen HUNDREDS

Knights of the Dinner Table® Magazine • September, 2003 ——————————— 15

first off, they EXCEED the

16 ——————————————————— Issue #83: Who Let the Worgs Out?™

man oh man -- that’s ONE