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Imam Ibn al-JawzT

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M

V
al-Hafiz
• •

Abu’l-Faraj Ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH]

SKETCHES of
FOOLS and SIMPLETONS
An abridged rendering of Imam Ibn Al-Jawzf s
‘Akhbar al-Hamqa wa’lMughaffalin’

^
aLri Tji^
 (
AlI Ibn Abl Talib { radiyAllahu ranhu) said:

' Provide recreation for the hearts, and seek

for them something of wisdom (hikmah), for
they get bored just as the human body gets
tired. y
 Sketches of
Fools and Simpletons

al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj Ibn al-Jawzi

-
Dar as Sunnah Publishers
B I R M I N G H A M

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 First Published in Great Britain, July 2018 / Shawwal 1439H
by Dar as-Sunnah Publishers

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British Library Cataloguing in publication Data.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Tide: Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

By al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj Ibn al-Jawzi
An abridged translation from the original Arabic

ISBN 1-904336-57-4
Paper-back

First Edition 1439 AH/2018 CE

Typeset by: Dar as-Sunnah Publishers

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book neither the authors,
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 CONTENT

THE BIOGRAPHY OF THE AUTHOR

Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj Ibn al-jawzl 8

INTRODUCTION. 15

CHAPTER ONE
Scholars Seek Permissible Entertainment , 21

CHAPTER TWO
Comical Laughter that is Forbidden and that which is
Permissible 22

CHAPTER THREE
What is Foolishness 24

CHAPTER FOUR
The Difference between Foolishness and Insanity. 25
CHAPTER FIVE
Clarifying the Abundance of Foolishness 26

CHAPTER SIX
Differences of People Concerning Foolishness 28

CHAPTER SEVEN
The Names of the Foolish 30

CHAPTER EIGHT
The Attributes of the Fools 31

CHAPTER NINE
Warning Against Befriending a Fool 38

CHAPTER TEN
Arabs Setting a Parable of the Ones who’s
Foolishness is Evident 42

CHAPTER ELEVEN
Stories of those whose Foolishness and Idiocy
were Set as Parables 44

CHAPTER TWELVE
Women associated with Idiocy and Foolishness 66

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Stories of some Intelligent People who committed
Acts of Foolishness, insisted on it and believed it to
be appropriate, which made them among fools and
idiots 69

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Stories of Other People who Committed Acts of
Foolishness and Idiocy. 73

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Acts that Resemble Idiocy. 79

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The Idiots among Commanders and
Governors 87-96
 THE BIOGRAPHY OF THE AUTHOR

Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ‘Abdu’l-Rahman

ibn JawzI

His Name and Lineage

He is Abu’l-Faraj Jamal al-Din Abdu’l-Rahman ibn AlI ibn

( (

Muhammad ibn AJl Ibn Ubayd Allah Ibn al-Jawz! al-Qurashl

(

al-Tamimi al-Bakrl from the family of Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr

al-Siddiq, al-Baghdadl al-Hanball.1

His Birth and Upbringing

He was born in 509 or 510 A.H. Upon reaching adolescence,
his aunt took him to Ibn Nasir from whom he learned a great
deal. He came to love preaching while barely having reached the
age of puberty, and from then started to give sermons to the
people.

His father passed away when he was three years old so his aunt
Thail al-Raudatain, p.21, al-Bidayah wa’l-Nihayah, p. 13/ 26.

8
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

took care of him. His relatives were copper merchants so at times

in hadith hearings he would write his name as ‘Abdu’l-Rahman ibn
‘All al-Saffar [i.e.The Coppersmith].

His first hadith hearing was in 556 A.H., as cited by al-Dhahabi.2

While still very young he became known as a religious person

who would not socialise with anyone. He would not eat from any
food whose source was doubtful. He would only leave his house
for prayer and he would not play with other kids. He was a person
of very great determination and ambition. He spent all his life busy
in seeking knowledge, preaching and authoring.3

His Teachers

Al-Hafiz Ibn al-jawzl has already introduced his teachers in

his book Mashjakhat Ibn al-Jawsf [i.e. the scholars who taught Ibn
al-jawzl] where he listed many of them. In the field of hadith he
benefitted from accompanying Ibn Nasir, in Qur’an and Adah [i.e.
Manners] from Sibt al-Khiyat and Ibn al-Jawaliql. He was the last
to narrate from al-Dinawari and al-Mutawakkili.4

His Students

Those who narrated from him include his son and companion,
the great scholar Muhyl al-Dln Yusuf who was a teacher in the

2
Thailal-Raudatain, 21, Thail 'ala Tabaqatal-Hanabila, 1/ 401, Shatharatal- Thahab,
4/330.

3
al-Bidayah ivayl-Nihayah, 13/29, Said al-Khatir, 238.

4
Styar al-A lam al-Nubula\ 21/366, 367.
{

9
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

institute of al-Musta sim billah, his oldest son ‘All al- Nasikh, his
(

grandson, the preacher Shams al-Dln Yusuf ibn Farghall al-Hanafl

the author of Mir at al-Zaman (Mirror of Time), al-Hafiz ‘Abd al-
Ghani, Shaykh Muwaffaq al-Dln Ibn Qudama, Ibn al-Dubaythl,
Ibn al- Najjar and al-Diya.5

His Children

His grandson Abu al-Muzfir and majority of those who wrote

his biography say that he had three sons:

1. The oldest of them, Abu Bakr Abd al- Az!z: He became

( (

a jurist in the school of Ahmad and took knowledge from

Abu al-Waqt, Ibn Nasir, al-ArmawI and a group of his
father’s teachers. He traveled to the city of al-Musul where
he preached and held sermons there for which he earned
the peoples full acceptance. It is said that the family of al-
Zahrazurl used to be jealous of him so they made someone
put poison in his drink which caused him to die in al-Musul
in 554 A.H. during the lifetime of his father.6
2. Abu al-Qasim Badr al-Dln ‘All al- Nasikh*
3. Abu Muhammad Yusuf Muhyl al-Dln7: He was the most
6
Thail Tabaqat al-Hanabila , 1/ 430, 431.

*
Publishers note: For a detail biography of him please refer to,‘The Sincere Coun-
cil to the Seekers of Sacred Knowledge\ by Ibn JawzI, published by Dar as-Sunnah,
Birmingham, UK, 2011.

7
cf. Siyar al-A lam al-Nubula\ 23/372, al- Tbar; 5/237, Duwal al-Islam, 2/122,
{
,

al-Bidayah wa’l-Nihayah, 13/ 203, Thail Tabaqat al-Hanabila, 2/258-261 , al-‘Usjud

al-Masbuk , 635, Shatharat al- Thahab, 5/ 286287, Ibn Shattl: Mukhtasar Tabaqat
al-Hanabila, p.57.

Midat al-Zaman, 8/503, Abu Shamma: Thail al-Raudatain, 26.

10
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

intelligent and youngest son as he was bom in 580 A.H. He

became involved in preaching and held sermons after his
father, in which he excelled and by which he was looked up
to by his confreres. He then was appointed to control and
supervise markets of Baghdad, and after that he was assigned
to deliver the messages of the caliphs to kings of other dif-
ferent regions peculiarly to the AyyubI family in the Sham
region. He held the position of teacher in the institute of
caliph al-Musta sim in 640 A.H. till he was killed in prison in
(

656 A.H. by Hulaku who occupied Baghdad and destroyed

it. His three sons Jamal al-Dln, Sharaf al-Dln and Taj al-Dln
were killed with him. He has authored many works, includ-
ing Maadin al-Abri fi Tafstr al-Kitab al- Atf and al-Madhab
^ ^
alAhmad ft MadhabAhmad. Unlike his brother Abu al-Qasim,
he was a dutiful son who honored his father and treated him
well.

His grandson mentioned that Ibn al-jawzl had many daughters;

( (
Rabi a, Sharaf al- Nisa’, Zainab, Jauhara, Sitt al- Ulama al-Sughra
and Sitt al- Ulama al-Kubra.8
(

His Uniqueness as a Preacher

Excellent indeed are the words of al-Hafiz al-Dhahabl about

him: 'He was the leading figure in reminding the people and had
no equal. He would recite pleasant poetry and eloquent prose
spontaneously. His fine words and moving speech was abundant.
There has never been anyone like him, not before him and not
after him . He is the carrier of the flag of exhortation in its vari-
ous forms. He had a pleasant appearance and a good voice and
his talks had an impact on peoples’ hearts. His lifestyle in general
s
Siyar al-A ldm al-Nubula\ 21, 367.
(

11
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

was beautiful.’9 He also said: T believe there will not be another

one like him.no

Al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab said: ‘So we conclude that his gatherings

of exhortation were one of a kind and nobody had heard of
anything like them. They were gatherings of great benefit where
the heedless would be reminded, the ignorant would come to
know, the sinners would repent and the polytheists would become
Muslims.

His Works and Effects

Shaikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said in al-Ajmba al-Misrijyah:
‘Shaikh Abu’l-Faraj excelled in many sciences and has many
writings to his account. He would write on many topics, and as
I counted his works I found them to be over one thousand in
number. Afterwards, I found out about other works as well.’12

Having mentioned some of his books, al-Dhahabl said: ‘I don’t

know of a scholar who has written what this man has.’13

The virtuous teacher ‘Abd al-Hamld al- Aluj!has written a book

(

on his works which was printed in Baghdad in 1965. In this piece

he researched their titles, their copies and copies that had been
9
-
Siyar al-A'lam al Nubula\ 21/367.
10
Siyar al-A Ham al-Nubula\ 21/384.
11
Thail Tabaqat al-Hanabila^ 1/ 410.

12
Thail Tabaqat al-Hanabila, 1/415, al- Taj al-Mukallal, 70.

13
Tathkirat al-Huffa 1344.
^
12
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

printed and put them in alphabetic order. Whoever wishes to know

about these books should refer to this work, keeping in mind that
many of the manuscripts mentioned therein by al- Aluji have now
(

been printed.

He authored approximately 300 books, some of his printed

works include:
Talqih FuhumAhli al-Atharfi Mukhtasari al-Siyari ivalAkhbdr.14 [Only
a portion has been printed]
Al-Athkiya wa AkhbarahumP [Printed]
Manaqib Umar ibn Abdul Afi%.16 [Printed]
(

Rawhu al-Arwah }1 [Printed]

Shudhur al-‘Uqudfi Tarikh al- <Uhud.18 [Manuscript]
Zad al-Masirfi dim al- Tafsir.19 [Printed]
Al-Muntadham fi Tarikh al-Muluk wal UmamA [Only 6 volumes
have been printed]
Al-Dhahab al-Masbukfi Siyaril MulukA [Manuscript]
Al-Hamqa wal Mughaffalin.22 [Printed]

^
14
The book mentions the historical reports concerning the Prophet ( ) and
his companions.

1S
A literature book in which he includes stories of intellectual people..

u' The book details the virtues of the Caliph, Umar ibn ‘AbduHAziz.
(

17
The book explains the concept of spirit and spirituality

IH
An abridged version of the known history book Tarikh al-Muluk wal Umam.
19
The book explains the science of Tafsir:

The book mentions the history of nations and kings.

n The book focuses on leaders and kings throughout history.

n A literature book in which he reports the stories of idiots and fools.

13
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Al- Wafa fi Fade?ili al-MustafaP [Printed]

Manaqib Umar ibn al- KhattabP [Printed]
(

Manaqib Ahmad ibn HanbalP [Printed]

Gharib al-hadithP [Printed]
Al-TahqiqP [Only the first volume has been printed]

And also a considerable number of works in other fields of

knowledge.

His Death

Ibn al-jawzl passed away on Friday the 12th of Ramadan in 597

A.H and was buried next to the grave of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal
in the cemetery of Bab Harb.28
23
T h e book relates the virtues of the Prophet (H) .

24 (
The book relates the virtues of Umar ibn al-Khattab.

2:5
The book relates the virtues of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal.

26
The book explains one major aspect of the science of hadlth i.e. the ghareeb
had ” th .

27
The book examines the authenticity of narrations used in the known book
- ’ of al-Qadi Abu Ya’la, and how classification of hadlth effected
‘al- TaTiq al kabir
scholars views.

28
For a more detailed biography of al- Hafiz Ibn al-Jawzi, refer to: Ibn Athir’s
al-Kamil,12/71 , Sibt Ibn al-jawzl: Midat al-Zaman, 8/ 481, al-Mundhiri: al-Takmila,
Biography 608, al-Bagghal: al-Mashyakha, 140, Abu Shamma: Thailal-Raudatain,
21, Ibn al-Sa'i: al-Jdm\ 9/ 65, Ibn Khalkan: al-Wafaydt, 3/140, al-Dhahabl: al-
Ibar, 4/297, Duwal al- Islam, 2/79, Tathkirat al-Huffag, 4/1342, Siyar al-AHam
(

al-Nubula\ 21/365, Ibn Kathir: al-Bidayah wa l-Nihayah, 13/26, Ibn Rajab: Thail
Tabaqdt al-Hanabila, 1/399, al-Jazari: Ghayat wal-Nihayah, 1 /375, Siddlq Hasan
Khan: al- Tdj al-Mukallal, 70, Ibn ShattI: Mukhtasar Tabaqdt al-Hanabila, p. 42.

14
 INTRODUCTION

In the Name of Allah,

Most Beneficent, Most Merciful

T HE ONE IN NEED OF THE Mercy of Allah, Most

High, the Shaykh, Imam Jamal al-Dln Abu’l Faraj ABdu’l-
(
Rahman Ibn AlI Ibn Muhammad Ibn al-jawzl, may Allah
grant us benefit through him, said:

All praise is due to Allah who gave us abundantly from His

Blessings, accepted little praise (than what is due to Him) and
preferred us to much of what He has created. May Allah bestow
His peace and blessing upon our master, Muhammad , of whose
kind He made no equivalent, and upon his Family and Compan-
ions, day and night.

I set out to collect the stories of the intelligent ( akhbar al-

adhkijja\ and reported some of what is conveyed from them to
serve as examples (mithat) to be followed, for indeed the stories of
brave men teach bravery ( shujaa). But then I realised it would be
better to collect the stories of the foolish and simpletons ( akhbar
al-Humqa rva l-Mughafilin) . This was done for three reasons.

15
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Firstly: When an intelligent person ( <dqil) hears of their anecdotes,

they will appreciate what Allah has granted them, and this will
encourage them to increase in their thankfulness (shukr ) [to Allah].

Muhammad Ibn Nasir Al-Hafiz told us, conveying from Al-

Hasan that he said, ‘Allah created Adam when he did , He took
the people of Paradise (Jannah) out from his right-side, and the
people of Fire ( N a f ) out from his left-side. So when they walked
the earth - among them were the blind, the deaf and the disabled.
Adam asked, ‘O Allah, why did You not make my children equal?’
And He said, ‘O Adam, I wanted to be thanked.”

Muhammad Ibn Abdu’l-Malik told us that Muhammad Ibn Mus-

lim said, ‘A man spoke in the gathering of Ibn ‘Abbas (radiyAllahu
( (
anhuma) , and made a lot of mistakes. Thereupon Ibn Abbas
{
( radiyAllahu anhuma) turned to a slave of his and freed him, so the
man said to him, ‘What are you being thankful for?’ He replied,
‘That Allah did not make me like you.”

Secondly: Mentioning the foolish (mughafilin) entices a knowl-

edgeable person to avoid the means of ignorance (asbab al-ghafla) ,
in case it is an acquired trait, impacted by exercise (to overcome
it). If negligence becomes an established trait however, it is almost
unchangeable.

Third: As means of recreation by looking in the lives of those

who were unfortunate (mabkhusin) in life, for the soul ( nafs) might
grow weary of diligence and hard work (Jad) . Hence seeking com-
fort in some of the permissible amusement (lahivu). The Messenger
(M ) said to Hanzalah ( radiyAllahu 'anhu.) , “There is a time for this
and a time for that.”

16
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons
(
Hanzalah ( radiyAllahu anhu) narrated that , ‘The Prophet
(rH) mentioned Paradise and Hell so much so that we were almost
able to see them with our own eyes. Then I went out one day and
met my family, together we laughed, and something moved within
me.’ Then I met Abu Bakr and told him, ‘I have turned into a
hypocrite.’ He said, ‘How so?’ I said, When I am with the Prophet,
he mentions Paradise and Hell so much so that I am almost able to
see them with our own eyes, then I return to my family and laugh
with them (i.e. losing the impact of what I experienced before).’
(
Abu Bakr ( radiyAllahu anhu) then said, ‘I also do that’. So I went
to the Messenger and told him about it, he (H) said , “O Hanzalah,
If your state when you are with your families was the same as the
state you are in when you are with me, then the Angels would shake
hands with you upon your bedding, and in your walkways. But O
Hanzalah, there is a time for this and a time for that. 1

Giving rest to the hearts is necessary and desired. AlI Ibn Abl
(

Talib ( radiyAllahu *anhu) said, ‘Provide recreation for the hearts, and
seek for them something of wisdom (hikmah) , for they get bored
as the bodies get bored.’”

(
Usamah Ibn Zayd (radiyAllahu anhu) said, ‘Relax the hearts in
order for them to understand Allah’s words.’
(
Al-Hasan (radiyAllahu anhu) said , ‘These hearts live and die, so
when they are alive, prompt them to do the recommended good
deeds ( nafila). When they are dead, prompt them to do the com-
pulsory good deeds, {faridaf

Al-Zuhn said, ‘A man used to sit with the Companions of the

Prophet ($H) and talk with them, when they increased in number
Muslim in his Sahib, # 2750. Downloaded via sunniconnect.com

17
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

and got weary of serious talk, he would say, 'The ears are desorbing
and the hearts are sour, so bring forth your poetry and stories.”

(
Abu’l-Darda’ ( radiyAllahu anhd) also said, T amuse myself with
some trivialities to avoid burdening it with serious matters until
it grows weary.’

Muhammad Ibn Ishaq conveyed that when Ibn 'Abbas

(
( radiyAllahu anhuma) sat down with his companions, he would
teach them for a while then say, 'entertain us’, and engage in the
tales of the Arabs, and then he would do that repeatedly.’

It is narrated that Al-Zuhrl would say to his companions, 'Bring

forth your poetry, bring forth your stories, for the ears are desorb-
ing and the hearts are sour (from serious learning)’

Ibn Ishaq conveyed that Al- Zuhrl would teach and then after-
wards say, 'Bring forth your humour. Bring forth your poetry. En-
gage in some of what amuses you and increases your friendliness,
for the ears are desorbing and the hearts are unstable.’

Malik Ibn Dinar said, 'When people before you got weary of
serious discussion, they would say, 'the ears are desorbing and the
hearts are sour, so bring forth your funny stories.”

Abu Zayd said that his father told him, 'Ata’ Ibn Yasar would
talk to me and Abu Hazim until we would weep, then he would
talk to us until we would laugh’, then he added, 'Sometimes like
this, and sometimes like that.’

I say; scholars ( 'ulama ) and the people of virtuous (afadal ) still

enjoy jokes and anecdotes. They are positive towards them since

18
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

they relax the soul and comfort the heart from the fatigue of
contemplative thought.
(
Shu bah used to teach and then say when he saw Al-Mund Al-
Nahawl:

The house of livestock did grow difficult for us

While the house spoke (and brought) us news

We have conveyed from Ibn ‘A’isha funny stories, some of

which included obscenity. A man once told him, ‘Can this come
from the likes of you ?’ He then replied , ‘Woe to you, don’t you
see their (i.e. misguided people’s) narrators?’ Anyone from whom
I conveyed from is better than everyone of our time. You are one
however, who is inherendy ugly, and so you assume ugly manifes-
tations from others, while the essence of those people is better
than what they manifest.’

People described a pious man to ‘Ubayd-Allah Ibn A’isha and

(

said, ‘He is serious all the time’, and so he replied , ‘He has con-
stricted himself. Had he released it by moving from one state of
mind to another, he would relieve it and return to seriousness with
enthusiasm and (greater) strength.’

Al-Asmah said , ‘I heard Harun Al-Rashid say, “Anecdotes

sharpen minds and open ears.’

It was narrated that Hammad Ibn Salamah used to say, ‘Only

real men like witticism, and only false men hate it.’

(
Al-Asma I also said, ‘I recited the following poem to Muhammad
Ibn ‘Imran Al-Tamlml, the Judge of Madlnah, and I knew no wiser

19
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

judge than him:

0 you who asks about my abode

£

I am staying in an inn, all by myself

Bread from the baker passes by
who neither accepts credit nor forgets
I eat from my sack and my clothing
Until my molars pain me’

So he said, ‘Write it for me.’ I said, ‘May Allah rectify your af-
fairs, you want this type of incidents written?’ Then he said, Woe
to you, write it, for the virtuous people admire witticism [witty
remarks or stories].’

20
 CHAPTER ONE

Scholars Seek Permissible Entertainment

I
T IS CLEAR from what we mentioned that scholars allow
permissible amusement (lahwu) for the soul, as it refreshes
their energy in preparing them for more serious matters. In
that sense, it is considered an aspect of seriousness.

Abu Firas said:

T refresh the heart with some banter

Out of inattention, not ignorance
I trifle [thing of little value or importance] therein is the
trifling [unimportant or trivial] of the virtuous
And joking sometimes, gives clarity to the intellect’

21
 CHAPTER TWO

Comical Laughter that is

Forbidden and that which is Permissible

T HEREFORE, IF SOMEONE SAID, Telling stories of

fools and idiots entices laughter, and you have conveyed
from the Prophet ( H) that he said, “A man may say word
<

to make his companions laugh, which will make him fall in Hellfire
farther than the distance between Heaven and Earth.’” Then the
answer is that this applies to whatever makes them laugh using lies
that is stated in the hadlth explaining, “Woe to him who tells stories,
speaking falsely, to make people laugh thereby.” It is allowed for
a person to intend to make another person laugh sometimes. In
(
AfradMuslim' it is stated from the hadlth of Umar Ibn Al-Khattab
(
( radijAllahu anhu ) that he said, “ I will speak to the Messenger|
( jg)
that he may laugh.” He then proceeded, “...I ( jokingly) said, If I
£

(
found Bint Zayd, the wife of Umar, asking me for expenditure, I
will wring her neck,’” so the Messenger| (t g) laughed.

What is not recommended is that making people laugh becomes

22
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

the habit of the person, for little laughter is not to be detested.

The Messenger ($g) used to laugh until his premolars appeared,

yet much laughter is loathed, for it is narrated that the he ( )
said, “Much laughter kills the heart.” Seeking comfort in such ^
thing every now and then is like adding salt in the cooking pot
(to enhance flavour).

I have divided this book into various topics1, and tided them
as follows:

Topic 1: Foolishness and its meaning

Topic 2: In clarifying the abundance of foolishness
Topic 3: The difference of people concerning foolishness
Topic 4: The names of the foolish
Topic 5: The attributes of the foolish
Topic 6: Warning against befriending a fool
Topic 7: The Arabs setting an example of the one whose fool-
ishness is evident
Topic 8: The stories of those whose foolishness and idiocy
were set as examples
Topic 9: The stories of some sane people who committed acts
of foolishness
Topic 10: The idiots and fools among commanders and gov-
ernors.

1
|Publishers Note]: There were many more topics, however some of the topics
were omitted from the English translation as they are only useful for the Arabic
speaker who is familiar with Arabic grammer and morphology. For English
speakers, it would be of little relevance.

23
 CHAPTER THREE

What is Foolishness

I
(
BN AL- ARABI said , ‘The Arabic word for foolishness is
derived from ‘marketplace-stagnation’ {hamaqtal-souq), mean-
ing that this person is of poor sell or of stagnant mind and
opinion, so he should not be consulted or regarded in serious
matters like war and battle strategies [i.e. lack of good sense or
judgment which could lead to stupidity].

Abu Bakr Al-Makarim said, ‘Pigweed ( baqld ) is called, ‘foolish

weed’ (>humqa ) because it grows in water ways and in the path of
camels.’

(
Ibn Al- Arabi said, ‘That is why a man is called foolish, because
he does not distinguish his words from his folly.’

24
 CHAPTER FOUR

The difference between

Foolishness and Insanity

w E HAVE MENTIONED what is known linguisti-

cally, for the intent does not become apparent until
the meaning is uncovered.

We say that the definition of foolishness (Jpamq ) and idiocy (taghfil)

is: The error in the way and means to the goal, while the end may
be correct. This is in contrast to insanity '( junun), which refers to
flaws in both the end and the means. The foolish (ahmaq) aims well,
but his taking of the path is inappropriate (and corrupt) , while
believing that the path leads to the end and is incorrect. However,
the origin of the madman’s decision-making is corrupt, since he
chooses what ought not to be chosen. This will be clarified with
what we will relate about some of the foolish people.

For example: A pet bird flew away from a ruler. So he ordered

that the gates of the city be closed! The aim of that man was to
keep the bird from escaping in the open air.

25
 CHAPTER FIVE

Clarifying the Abundance of

Foolishness

A BU ISHAQ SAID, ‘If you come to learn that a rich man

became poor, believe it. If you come to know that a poor
man became rich, accept it. If you learn that a living
person died, believe it - but if you learn that a foolish
(ahmaq ) person became intelligent ( aql) , do not believe it.’
(

QadI Abu Yusuf said, ‘From three stories; believe two and do
not believe the third: If you were told that a man was with you,
so he hid behind a wall and died, then believe it. If you were told
that a poor man traveled to a place and earned money, believe it.
But if you were told that a foolish person { ahmaq) traveled to a
place and gained intellect ( raql) , do not believe it.”
(
It was reported that Al-Awza i used to say, ‘It had reached me
(
that Isa Ibn Maryam ( alayhum as-saldni) was asked, ‘O the Soul
(

[that proceeded] from Allah, do you bring life to the dead?’ He

said, ‘Yes, with the permission of Allah’. They said, ‘And cure

26
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

those who were born blind?’ He said, "Yes, with the permission of
Allah’. They said, ‘So, what is the cure for foolishness ?’ He said,
‘That is something which baffles me.’

Ja far Ibn Muhammad said

2
, ‘Manners for the fool is like water
in the roots of colocynth , the more it is irrigated, the bitter it
becomes.

Al-Ma’mun said , ‘Do you know what happened between me and

Amir Al-Mu’minln, Harun Al-Rashid? I did something inappropri-
ate, so I entered upon him and greeted him; he said , ‘Go away, O
fool.’ So I left angrily and did not enter upon him for days. Then
he wrote to me saying:

I wish I knew, since you are excessive in desertion

Was it my fault or yours?
If you had wronged us, Allah forgive you
And if I had wronged you, then forgive me

So, I went to him and he said , ‘If we were at fault, we have asked
your forgiveness, and if you were at fault, we have forgiven you.’ I
said to him, ‘You called me a fool, had you called me a foolhardy, it
would have been easier on me’ He said, “What is the difference?’
I told him, ‘Foolhardiness comes from women, and catches the
man from his long association with them. So, when he leaves them
and accompanies real men, it leaves him. As for foolishness, it is
a (mental) instinct, and some wise men said:
Curing the bodies is far easier when they are sick
than curing minds.

2
A type of bitter apple

27
 CHAPTER SIX

Differences of People Concerning

Foolishness

V TT' TE HAVE STATED that foolishness is a corruption

^
""

\ It /of the mind (dahn) , and that whatever is in the original

V essence is an instinct that cannot be trained. Training is
only useful for those whose essence is uncorrupt, so training can
remove the corrupted extrinsic. Moreover, people vary in intellect
(
( aql) its essence and the amount they were granted thereof; that
9

is why foolishness varies.

Ibrahim Al- Nazzam was asked , cWhat are the limits of

foolishness?’ He replied, "You asked about that which has no limits.’
TJmar ( radiyAllahu anhu) once recited this verse.
(

^
3»
“ What has seduced thee from thy Lord Most
Beneficent?”
\al-lnfitdr (82): 6]

28
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

and replied, “Folly [foolishness], O Allah.”

( (
Ali ( radiyAllahu anhu) said, ‘Everybody has some kind of fool-
ishness with which they live with.’

Abu’l-Darda’ ( radiyAllahu anhri) said, ^We are all fools in com-

(

parison to Allah /

Wahb Ibn Munabbih said, ‘Allah created man with an inherent

(aspect of ) foolishness, otherwise he would not have been satisfied
with mere (worldly) living/

Mutarrif said, ‘If I swore, I would wish to confirm that there

is none who is not a fool in what is between him and Allah the
Almighty/ And he used to say, ‘’Everyone is a fool in what is be-
tween him and Allah the Almighty. However, some foolishness is
lighter than others/

It was narrated that he also said, ‘The intellect of people is in

correspondence with their era /

He also used to say, ‘They are people and monkeys. And I see
some people immersed in people’s water.’3

Sufyan Al-Thawn said, ‘Man was created a fool to benefit from

living.’ Some people said (in poetry):

‘1 swear, you never miss anything due to injustice.

But in the minds is the illusion /

3
What he might be implying is that some people get soiled with others’ urine.

29
 CHAPTER SEVEN

The Names of the Foolish

(Note: This chapter lists the names a foolish person is called by.
There are about 50 synonyms in this chapter, all of which implies
foolishness or idiocy, some of them are for men and others are for
women. If the readers have a good comprehension of the Arabic
language, they should refer to the Arabic text of this book. Thus,
consequendy this chapter isn’t translated as they all mean the same
thing in English.]

30
 CHAPTER EIGHT

The Attributes of the Fools

[Note: This chapter lists some of the characteristics of the fool-

ish people. Although the modern world would not entirely agree
with contents of such classifications - some of which are taken
from discoveries made by ancient Greeks in the field of anatomy
- traditional cultures around the world retain aspects of belief that
concur with what is included herein. However, due to the offence
this may cause readers, we have excluded much of the first half
of the chapter from this publication].

Abu’l-Qasim Abdu’l-Rahman Ibn Muhammad told us, T was

(

told that when Al-Mahdl4 was done with Isa Badh5, he rode there
(

in a small caravan to have a look. He ordered that everyone who

was there to be taken out. However two people remained who
were hidden from his agent’s eyes. When he saw one of them, he

4
A b u ‘Abdullah Muhammad Ibn ‘Abdullah al-Mansur, he was the third Ab-
basid Caliph.

5
A district that used to be in East Baghdad.

31
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

became puzzled , uncomprehending, so he asked him, "Who are

you?’ He replied , T, am I [me].’ He said, 'Woe to you! Who are
you?’ The man said, T do not know!’ He said, 'Is there something
you need ?’ He said, 'No, No.’ Al-Mahdl then said, 'Get him out
of here, may Allah take his soul.’ So they pushed him by the back
of his neck, forcing him out. Al-Mahdl told his servant, 'Follow
him secretly without him knowing, ask about his matter and his
job, for I think he is a tailor.’ So, the boy went after him.

Then he saw the other man and asked him the same questions.
But this man answered with a strong determination, he was elo-
quent and very articulate. Al-Mahdl said, 'Who are you?’ He said,
'A man from your movement.’ He asked, 'So, what brought you
here?’ He said, T came to look at this beautiful building, enjoy
the scenery and pray for Amir Al-Mu’minln to have a long reign,
complete with blessing and an increase in glory and safety.’ He
said, 'Is there something you need?’ He said , 'Yes. I proposed to
my cousin, her father rejected me and said, 'You have no wealth,’
people desire wealth, and I am fond of her.’ Al-Mahdl then said,
'1 have ordered that you be granted fifty thousand dirhams.’ In
response the man said, 'May Allah allow me to lay my life for
you, O Amir Al-Mu’minln. You have maintained the ties, this is
an abundant maintenance, you have endowed me a great endow-
ment. May Allah make the remaining of your life longer than what
has passed you by, and the last of your days better than the first.
May He let you enjoy his favours to you, and let your subjects
enjoy you.’ So he ordered to make him from his inner circles, and
instructed some of his associates and said, 'Ask about his job, for
I feel he is a scribe.’

So, when the first messenger came back, he said, T found the
man to be a tailor,’ and when second the messenger came back,
he said, "I found him to be a writer.’ Al-Mahdl said, T could tell

32
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

by speaking with the tailor and the writer.’

(
It was narrated that Mu awiyah (radijAllahu fanhu) asked his com-
panions, ‘How do you recognise the fool without accompanying
him?’ Some of them said, ‘From his walk, looks and hesitation.’
So he said, ‘The folly of a man is rather known by his nickname
or the inscription of his signet-ring [with letters or design carved
on it].”’ And while they were engaging in such a discussion, a man
(
called for another, ‘O Abu’l-Yaqut’, so Mu awiyah (radijAllahu
(
anhu) called for him, who was a man wearing a gown, so he spoke
with him for a while then asked, ‘What is that on your signet-ring’s
stone?’ He said,

<«> <%£sir a&dti

“Why do I not see the hoopoe - or is he among the
absent?”
\al-Naml (27) : 20]

They then said, ‘O Amir Al-Mu’minm, the matter is as you said.’

It was narrated that Imam al-ShafTl said , ‘If you see a man’s
ring to be large and its stone to be small, then he is an intelligent
person. If you see its silver to be litde and its stone to be large,
then he is helpless. If you see a writer’s inkwell on his left, then
he is not a writer, but if it is on his right and his pen behind his
ear, then he is a writer.’

The Second Classification: Regarding traits ( khisdl) and actions

( afal ) : They include disregarding of consequences, easily trust-
ing whom one does not know or even speak to nor have ties of
friendship with. It includes having pride fujh) and talking too much
( kathurat al-kalani).

33
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Abu’l-Darda’ (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) said, ‘Do not be fooled by a

man’s wit and eloquence (fasaha) . Even if you see him praying all
night {qaim al-layi ) and fasting all day { saim al-nahar ). If you see
(
three traits in him: (having) pride ( u/ b) ; speaking too much (kathu-
rat al-muntic}) in what does not concern him; and being angry with
people for doing what he sometimes does. These are the signs of
the ignorant ( alama al-jahil).’
(

‘Umar Ibn ‘AbduVAzIz said, ‘As long as you do not get rid of
the fool (ahmaq) , you will not get rid of two traits: Giving answers
quickly { su / atal-jawab) and frequent flip flopping { kathuaral-iltifat)?
A man once spoke up in Mu‘awiyah’s counsel, he talked so exces-
sively until Mu‘awiyah got bored, so he said him, ‘Be silent!’ the
man replied, ‘Did I even speak?’

The signs of a fool include being essentially void of knowledge

( 7Z%), for the intellect (?aql) must encourage the person to acquire
some knowledge, even litde. Therefore, if old age sets in without
acquiring any knowledge, it indicates foolishness ( hamq).

Al-A‘mash said, ‘If I see an old man having no knowledge, I

feel like slapping him.’

(
Abdullah Ibn Muawiyah Ibn AblTalib was a friend of Al-Walid
Ibn Abdu’l-Malik who visited and entertained him. They sat down
(

to play chess. As they were playing they were interrupted by the

guardsman who came in and said, ‘Allah bless you, O Amir, a man
from your uncles has come, from the nobles of Thaqlf, he is a
fighter, and he wished to greet you.’ Al-Walid said, ‘Leave him [i.e
ignore him] .’ So, ‘Abdullah said, ‘It is alright. Let him in and we
shall continue playing later’. He called for a napkin to be placed
[on the game], and said, ‘Let’s greet the man and then we shall

34
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

return.’ Al-Walid did so and said, 'Let him in.’ He was a man with
prestige, between his eyes was the trace of prostration, he was
wearing a turban and he had combed his beard. He saluted the
ruler then said, 'Allah bless the Amir, I came as a fighter and did
not wish to pass by without fulfilling your due right.’ Abdullah
said, 'May Allah bless you.’ Then he stopped talking to him until
he became acquainted with him. Al-Walid came to him and said,
‘O uncle, did you learn the Qur’an?’ He said , 'No. We were occu-
pied by other things.’ He said, 'Did you memorise something of
the Sunnah, war stories or hadlths of the Prophet| (< g) ?’ He said,
‘No. We were occupied by other things.’ He said, 'What about the
stories and poems of the Arabs ?’ He said, 'No. We were occupied
by other things.’ He said, 'What about the stories and jokes of the
people of Hijaz?’ He said, 'No.’ He said, 'What about the stories
and literature of non-Arabs?’ He said, 'That is something which
I did not seek.’ Al-Walid then raised the napkin off chess board
and said , 'Checkmate,’ so Abdullah Ibn Mu awiyah said, 'Glory
(

be to Allah!’6 Al-Walid said, 'No! by Allah, there is nobody else

in the house with us.’ So, when the man saw this he left and they
continued their play.’

The attributes of the fool { kisal al-ahmaqi) include being pleased

with false praise (>madh), and being moved by ego trip [or self-
flattery]; even if he was unworthy of it.

It was narrated that Al-Hasan Ibn All (radiyAllahu anhumai ) said,

(

'Walking after the fools rarely allows one to remain (sane) .’

Zayd Ibn Khalid said, "Nobody is more foolish than a rich person
( ghani) who feels secure from poverty (faqr) , and a poor man (faqir)
who despairs of richness {ghina) P
6
A phrase to express exclamation

35
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Al-Asma‘1 said, ‘If you wish to know the level of a man’s intel-
lect in one sitting, then speak to him about baseless issues [vain or
poindess matters]; if you find him listening and accepting it, then
he is a fool. But if he disproved it, then he is intelligent (*aqil).”

A wise man once said, ‘The traits of foolishness (hamq) include

rashness ( *ajala ) lack of due respect ( khafa), disaffection (jiffa) , arro-
y

gance (guru?), immorality (fajur), weak-mindedness (sifa), ignorance

(jahl) , slackness (tawani) , betrayal ( khiyana) , oppression ex-
travagance (diya ) , carelessness (tafrit) , unawareness (ghafla) , delight
( surur) , pride ( khiyalaf excessive indulgence (/5/ r) and cunningness
( makr ). He is ungrateful in his self-sufficiency ( batr ) , despairing
in his poverty, excessively proud in his happiness, obscene in his
speech, stingy ( bukhl) when asked and persistent when asking. If
he speaks, he does it poorly, and if he is spoken to, he does not
comprehend. If he laughs, he brays [like the loud, cry of a donkey
or mule], and if he cries, he screams.’

Another wise man said, ‘A fool is recognised by six traits: Anger

(ghadab) for no reason, giving not one’s due right, speaking uselessly,
trusting everybody, blabbing secrets jfshd’ al-sirr), not distinguish-
ing his friend (sadiq) from his foe jadu) , speaking whatever is on
his mind, and imagining himself to be the most intelligent.’

Abu Hatim Ibn Hayyan Al-Hafiz said , ‘The signs of foolish-

ness are giving quick answers, disregarding verification, excessive
laughing, frequent turning around, backbiting good people and
associating with evil people. If you turn away from the fool, he
is upset, and if you turn to him, he is excessively proud of him
self. If you are gende to him, he is mean to you. If you are mean
to him, he is gende to you. If you treat him nicely, he treats you
badly, and if you treat him badly, he treats you nicely. If you are

36
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

unjust to him, you will get your justice, and if you give him justice,
he will be unjust to you.

Therefore, whoever is tried with the company of the fool should

be thankful to Allah for giving him what He deprived the other of /

Muhammad Al-ShamI said:

We have a companion who turned his back to manners
His companions are in distress of his speech
He is ignorantly angry when he ought to be pleased
And is pleased when he ought to be angry

37
 CHAPTER NINE

Warning Against Befriending a Fool

A
LI IBN ABI TALIB ( radiyAllahu anhu) said , ‘Do not
(

befriend the fool, for he gives you advice and exhausts

himself wrongly. Perhaps he wishes to benefit you, but in
reality he harms you. His silence is better than his speech,
his farness is better than his nearness, and his death is better than
his life.’

Ibn Abu Ziyad said, ‘My father told me, ‘Son, keep close to intel-
ligent people and associate with them, and avoid fools (humqa );
for whenever I left after sitting down with a fool, I found that my
intellect has decreased.”

‘Abdullah Ibn Hubayq said, ‘Allah, the Almighty revealed to

Musa ( alayhi as-salam) , “Do not be angry with fools, or your dis-
(

tress will increase.”

(
Al-Hasan (radiyA.llahu anhu) is narrated to have said, ‘Deserting
the fool brings you closer to Allah, the Almighty.’

38
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Salman Ibn Musa said, “Three kinds of people are deprived of

justice from three types of oppressors: A forbearing ( halim) from
a fool (ahmaq), an honourable ( sharif from a wretched (dam), and
a pious (hart) from a evil [or a sinner] fajir ) )

We also conveyed from Al-Ahnaf Ibn Qays that he said - con-

veying from Al-Khalll Ibn Ahmad, ‘People are divided into four
kinds: A person who knows and is aware that he knows, this one
is a scholar ('alim) - so follow him. A person who knows but is
unaware that he knows, he is forgetful (nds ) - so remind him. A
person who does not know and is aware that he does not know,
this one is a student ( talib) - so teach him. Finally, a person who
does not know and is unaware that he does not know, this one is
a fool ( ahmaq) - so reject him.’

He also said, ‘There are four types of people, so speak to three

and do not speak to the fourth: A person who knows and is aware
that he knows, speak to him. A person who knows but is unaware
that he knows, speak to him. A person who does not know and
is aware that he does not know, also speak to him; and a person
who does not know and is unaware that he does not know, so do
not speak to him.’

JaTar Ibn Muhammad said, ‘People are divided into four types:
A person who knows and is aware that he knows, that is a scholar
( *alim) - so follow him. A person who knows and is unaware that
he knows, he is asleep ( na’im) - wake him up. A person who does
not know and is aware that he does not know, that is ignorant
( jahl) one - teach him. Finally, a person who does not know and is
unaware that he does not know, that is a fool ( ahmaq) - avoid him.’

We have narrated that Al-Qadi Abu Yusuf said, ‘There are three
kinds of people: mad (;majnun), half-mad (nisf al-majnun) and intel-

39
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

ligent ( <aqil) . With the mad and the half -mad , you are in comfort
( raba) . As for the intelligent, you have been sufficed his provision.”
(
It is narrated that Al-A mash said, 'Blaming the fool is like blow-
ing air in a sack of wool.”

‘Abdullah Ibn Dawud Al-Khuraybi said, 'Every foolish friend is

more dangerous to you than your enemy.’

Bishr Ibn Al-Harith is narrated to have said, 'Looking at the

fool is a discomfort to the eye.’ I heard him say, 'There will come
a time when authority will be in the hands of fools.’ He is also
narrated to have said, 'The fool is a discomfort to the eye; whether
present or absent.’

Shu‘ba said, 'Our intellect is weak, so if we sit with the less in-
telligent, that little intelligence you have will go away [disperse].
Whenever I see a man sitting with a less intelligent person, I dis-
like him.’

A wise man said, 'The sane person’s provision is his respon-

sibility, and the fool’s provisions is the responsibility of others
(towards him). Whoever has no intellect has nothing in this world
or the Hereafter.’

Another wise man said, 'Not everybody is capable of handling

the fool, but I am.’ He was asked, 'How?’ He said , T give him less
than his due for him to ask exactly for his due, because whenever
I give him his due, he will ask for more.’

It was said - in poetry:

40
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Beware the fool and his company

For the fool is like an old dress
Whenever you patch one side of it
The wind tears it [in another spot]

Or like a crack in a weak glass

Did you see a glass crack get healed?

Or like the donkey; if you feed it

it runs around, and when it’s hungry it brays

Or the wicked servant; if you starve him

he steals from people,
and if you feed him he indulges in evil and sin
And if you blame him in order to stop it
He spoils the counsel with his stupidity

41
 CHAPTER TEN

Arabs Setting a Parable of the Ones who’s

Foolishness is Evident

T HE ARAB SET EXAMPLE of fools, sometimes of

whose foolishness is well known, sometimes of foolish
acts of birds and animals, and other times of things that
do not act, but whose actions would be foolish if they were im-
agined.

As for parables about people whose foolishness is well known,

Abu Hilal Al-‘Askar! said: ‘The Arabs say: “More foolish than
Habnaqa ”, whose stories will follow, and “more foolish than
Hadhanah”.

It is said this is a certain man, some say that it refers to a man

with small ears, light head and litde brains that make him a fool,
and it is also said that Hadhanah is a woman who used to blow
her nose with her wrist bones.

The Arabs also say: “More foolish than Abu Ghabshan”, “More

42
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

foolish than Joha”, “More foolish than Ajl Ibn Lujaym”, “More
(

foolish than Hujaynah” who was a man from Banu al-Sada’ clan;
“More foolish than Bayhas ”, “More foolish than Malik Ibn Zayd
Manah”, “More foolish than Adyy Ibn Habbab”, and “More
foolish than the woman whose dowry was one of her anklets”.

As for parables about animals, they say: “More foolish than a

hyena”, “more foolish than Umm Amir”, “more foolish than
a ewe on a water basin” because when it reaches water, it bends
down without pause, and “more foolish than a she-wolf because
5

it leaves her baby and breast-feeds the hyena’s baby.

Asfor parables about birds, they say: “More foolish than a pigeon”
because it does not repair its nest, so its egg tend to fall down
and break, and it may lay its eggs on wedges causing them to fall,
“more foolish than an ostrich” because when it passes by other
ostriches’ eggs, it takes it and leaves its own, “more foolish than
a vulture”, “more foolish than a magpie” because it loses its eggs
and youngsters, and “more foolish than a curlew (a large wading
bird of the sandpiper family)” because when it sees people, it falls
on the road so that they take it.

Among the animals accused of foolishness, the North African

blue crane (bird), the ewe (female sheep), the camel, the peacock
and the giraffe.

Asfor the parables of things that have no action, like their saying
“more foolish than purslane (common plant) ” and the foolish
weed “Pigweed” since it grows in riverbeds.

43
 CHAPTER ELEVEN

Stories of those whose Foolishness and

Idiocy were Set as Parables

These are divided into men and women.

They include stories of \Habnaqawhose real name is Yazid Ibn

Tharwan, some say Ibn Marwan, a member of Banu Qays Ibn
Thadaba’s clan. His foolishness is manifest in that he put on a
necklace made of cowrie shells, bones and pottery and said , '1 fear
I may lose myself, so I did this in order to be identify by it.’ One
night, the necklace was moved from his neck to his brother’s neck,
so when he woke up he said, 'O brother, you are me, so who am I?’

He once lost a camel, so he went around calling, 'Whoever finds

it can have it.’ He was asked, 'So, why are you looking for it?’ He
said, Tor the pleasure of finding it!’ In another version he said,
'Whoever finds it shall have ten camels,’ and when he was asked,
'Why are you doing that?’ he said, 'For the pleasure of finding it!’

They also include the two clans story: Banu Tafawa and Banu

44
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Rasib; argued over a man, each claimed he was from one of their
clan, so Habnaqa said, The judgment is that he should be thrown
in water, so if he floats, he is from Tafaiva\ and if he precipitates,
he is from Rasib!’ The man then said after hearing this judgement,
‘If that is the judgment, then I abstain from both clans.’

When he used to herd sheep, he would direct the fat ones for
food and keep the skinny ones away and say, T do not repair what
Allah had corrupted.’

They also include Abu Ghabshan: Who is of Khuza'a clan; he

was the guardian over the Ka bah8. He once met with Qusay Ibn
(

Kilab9 in Ta’if to drink, so when he became drunk, Qusay bought

the guardianship of Kabah from him for a sack of wine, he then
took the keys, went to Makkah and said , ‘O people of Quraysh,
(
these are the keys of the House of your grandfather, Isma il ( *alayhi
as-salarri) . Allah returned it to you without treachery or oppression.’
When Abu Ghabshan returned to consciousness, he felt regret,
giving rise to the phrases: ‘More regretful than Abu Ghabshan’;
‘a worse loser than Abu Ghabshan’ and, ‘more foolish than Abu
Ghabshan’. Someone said:

Khuza‘a sold the house of Allah, while drunk

For a sack of wine, what a wretched transaction
It sold its guardianship for wine, and went away
from the standing place; the house and the caller were lost

7
Tafaiva literally means Floatation, while Rasib means precipitate.

The Masjid al-Haram in Makkah , Saudi Arabia.

9
Qusay Ibn Kilab was the leader of Quraysh in his time and was the fifth great-
grandfather of Prophet Muhammad| (s g) . His father died while he was a child.

45
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Then Khuza a came and tried to defeat Qusay, but he prevailed.

(

They also include the story the Shaikh of Mahiv: which is a clan
of the descendants of Abdu’l-Qays, whose name is Abdullah Ibn
Baydara. The clan of Iyad was disgraced for (frequent) passing
of wind, and one of them went to Ukaz market with two gowns
(
and yelled, ""O people, I am from Iyad. Who wants to buy the
disgrace of farting in exchange for these two gowns?’ Abdullah
Ibn Baydara came and said , "I will.’ And he wore both gowns. The
(
man from Iyad asked people of other clans to be witnesses for the
incident, and Abdullah returned to his people saying, T brought
you the eternal disgrace.’ And so the disgrace stuck to Abdu’l-Qays
clan.

They also include the story Ajl Ibn Lujaym: His foolishness was
evident when he was asked , What did you name your horse?’ So
he went up to it, gouged one of its eyes and said, T named it the
one-eyed (al-a'war).’

Al-AnzI said in lines of poetry:

The descendants of Ajl accused me of their ancestor’s illness

And who among people is more foolish than Ajl?
Their ancestor was disgraced for his horse’s eye
And so, he became a standard for ignorance.

They also include story of Hamzah Ibn Bayd: Abu Talib TJmar
Ibn Ibrahim said, "Hamzah Ibn Bayd called for a cupper, who was
annoying and talkative. When he sharpened his razors, Hamzah
said to him, "Will it hurt me now?’ He said, "No.’ Hamzah said ,
"Leave it today. Leave and come back tomorrow.’ The man said,

46
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

"You don’t know what could happen until tomorrow The razors
are sharp, and it is only a moment away.’ He said, ‘If it is as you
say, then give me one of your testicles to be held as a hostage in
my hand, so that if you hurt me I can hurt you.” The cupper said,
“I think you should forget about bloodletting (i.e. cupping) this
year,’ and left immediately.
(
Muhammad Ibn Al- Ala’, the writer, said, ‘Hamzah Ibn Bayd
said to his servant, ‘On which day did we pray the Friday Prayer in
Rasafah?’ The servant thought for a while and then said, ‘Tuesday’

Hamzah Ibn Bayd was asked, ‘How much wine do you drink?’
He said, ‘A litde over two pounds.’

They also include the story Abu Usayd: Muhammad Ibn Raja’
said, ‘Abu Usayd spoke, during Al-MahdI’s reign before Al-
Mansour’s death, and said, ‘Two camels passed by me.’ So, people
around him asked, ‘Which one was more beautiful?’ He said, ‘One
of them was more beautiful than the other.’ They said, ‘Which one
was it?” He said, “The latter was more beautiful than the former.’

Muhammad Ibn ‘Abdu’l-Muttalib said, ‘Abu Usayd looked at a

sleeping man and said to him, ‘Wake up! How long will you sleep
like a herd of camel?’

Abu Usayd was asked , ‘Tell us of Ibn ‘Umar ( radiyAllahu \anhu).’

He said, ‘He used to shave his moustache until the whiteness of
his armpits appeared.’

They also include the story of Joha: Known as Abu’l-Ghusn.

Some of what is narrated from him indicates wit and cleverness,
but most of it reflects idiocy. It is said that some of his enemies

47
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

made up stories about him, but Allah knows best.

It is narrated that MakkI Ibn Ibrahim said, T found Joha to be a

witty funny man. That which is said about him is lies, for he had
cowardly neighbours with whom he used to banter and who used
to banter with him; they made up these stories.’

Abu Bakr Al-Kalbl said , T left Basrah, and when I arrived at

Kufah, I found an old man sitting in the sun, so I said, ‘Old man!
Where is Al-Hakam’s house?’ He said, ‘After you.’ So, I went back
and he said, ‘Glory be to Allah!10 I tell you that it is after you and
you go back?’
(
Ikrimah told me, on the authority of Ibn Abbas ( radiyAllahu
(
anhuma), with regards to Allah’s saying,

“As there was after them a king who seized every ship
by force.”
[ al-Kahf (18): 79]

that it means ‘in front of them’. I asked, ‘Who are you?’ He said,
‘Abu’l-Ghusn, I then asked, ‘The name?’ He said, ‘Joha.’ This story
was narrated to us differendy.

(
Abbad Ibn Suhayb said, ‘I arrived at Kufah to hear from Isma il
Ibn Abi Khalid, and passed by an old man sitting, so I said, ‘Old
man, how do I reach the house of Ismael Ibn Abi Khalid?” He
said, ‘It is after you.’ I asked, ‘Should I go back?’ He said, ‘I tell
you it is after you and you ask go back!’ I asked, ‘Does not after
me mean behind me?’ He said , ‘No.’
10
A phrase used for exclamation.

48
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons
(
Then he said , Tkrimah told me, on the authority of Ibn Abbas
( radijAllahu 'anhuma), that

“as there was after them ”

\al-Kahf (18): 79]
means ‘in front of them .’ I said, ‘By Allah, tell me who you are,
old man.’ He said, ‘I am Joha.”

The author said: ‘Most of what is narrated from Joha is idiocy,

which we will convey as we heard it.’

Abu’l-Hasan narrates that a man said to Joha, ‘I heard screams

coming from your house.’ He said , ‘My shirt fell from above.’ The
man replied, ‘What’s that got to do with it?’ He said, ‘You Fool!
Had I been wearing it, it would not have fallen screaming!’

Abu Mansur Al-Tha alabl narrated in the book Ghurar Al-

( (

Nan>adir\ ‘Abu’l-Ghusn was once annoyed by the wind, so he

spoke to it, ‘No one knows you except Sulayman falajhi as-salam) ,
the son of Dawud ('alayhi as-salam) who captured you until you
ate your own stool.”

Once on a cold day He got out of the bath, and the wind hit
him. He inadvertently touched his testicles and found that one
of them had shrunk. In a panic he rushed back to the bath room
in search for it. Later when asked, ‘What is wrong with you?’ He
said, ‘One of my testicles was stolen!’ However when he eventu-
ally became warm, the testicle returned. When he discovered it
again, he prostrated to Allah in gratitude, saying, ‘Whatever was
not taken by hand, is not lost.’

49
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

One of his neighbour died, so he called for the gravedigger to

dig his grave, when he arrived they argued about the gravedigger’s
fee. So, Joha went to the market and bought a piece of wood for
two dirhams. When asked about it he said, ‘The gravedigger does
not dig for less than five dirhams, and I bought this piece of wood
for two dirhams for us to crucify him on it, this will save us three
dirhams and relieve him of the questioning of Munkar and Nakir.’11

It is said that Joha incensed himself one day, and his clothes
were burned, so he got mad and said, T swear to Allah, I will not
incense myself except naked.’

One day, an intense wind came, so people hastened to pray to

Allah and repent from their sins, so Joha yelled out, ‘O people, do
not hasten to repentance; it is just a storm and it will pass.’

It is said that dust gathered on Joha’s father’s door from demoli-

tions, so the father said, ‘Now the neighbours will compel me to
remove that dust, and I will need supplies, and it is not suitable for
making bricks; I don’t know what to do with it.’Joha said to him,
‘If you could not make use of this dust, then I wonder what you
are good at.’ His father said, ‘So, tell us what you would do with
it then.’ He said, We should dig holes and press the dust into the
ground.’

He bought flour one day, and loaded it onto a carrier, but carrier
took off with the flour. Then a few days later,Joha saw him, and he
hid from the carrier. When asked, “Why do you do this?” He said,
‘I fear that he would ask me for payment for carrying the flour.’

His father sent him to buy a grilled animal head, so he did. He

then sat down on the road side and ate its eyes, ears, tongue and
11
The two angels who test the faith of the dead in their graves.

50
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

brain. He then carried the rest to his father, who said, ‘Woe to you!
What is this?’ He said, ‘That is the head that you requested.’ He
said, ‘So where are the eyes?’ Joha said, ‘It was blind.’ He asked,
‘Where are the ears ?’ He said, ‘It was deaf.’ He asked, ‘So where
is the tongue?’ He said, ‘It was mute.’ The father asked, ‘So where
is the brain?’Joha said, ‘It was bald.’ His father said, ‘Woe to you!
Return it and take back your money.’ He said, ‘The seller sold it
with immunity from all defects.’

It is told that Joha buried some money in the desert, and marked
money with a cloud in the sky.

His father died, so he was told, ‘Go and buy the funeral cloth.’
He said, ‘I fear that if I buy them, I will miss the funeral prayer.’

It is narrated that Al-Mahdl brought him to banter with him,

and ordered his servants to bring a leather mat [that is usually
placed under the person sentenced to death] and a sword. So
when he was put on the mat, he told the executioner, ‘Do not hit
the areas where I had undergone bloodletting, for I have recendy
undergone cupping.’

People saw him running in the market one day, and they asked
him, What is with you?’ He said, ‘Did you see the slave girl of a
man with a dyed beard?’

He once passed by the door of a main masjid, and asked, What

is this ?’ He was told, ‘This is Al-Jamf Masjid [Al-Jamf means the
main masjid of this locality].’ He said, ‘May Allah have mercy on
Jami°s soul, for he built this masjid so nicely.’
He passed by some people, while he had peaches in his sleeve,
so he asked them, Whoever can tell me what is in my sleeve, I

51
 SKETCHESOFFOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

shall give him a peach therefrom.’ So they said, Teaches.’ He said,

"Whoever told you that is a son of a prostitute.’

He heard someone say, "How beautiful is the moon!’ So he re-

plied, "Yes, especially at night.’

A man once told him, "Can you do maths with your fingers ?’ He
said, "Yes.’ The man told him, "Take two measures of wheat,’ and
Joha crossed the ring and pinky fingers. He told him, "Take two
measures of barley,’ and he crossed the index and thumb fingers,
and extended the middle finger. The man said, "Why did you extend
the middle finger?’ He said, "So that the wheat and barley do not
get mixed together.’

He passed one day by children playing with a dead bird, so he

bought it from them for one dirham and carried it home. His
mother said, "Woe to you! What will you do with a dead bird?’ He
said, "Be quiet, if it had been alive, I would not have dreamt to buy
it even for a hundred dirhams.’

His father was leaving for pilgrimage to Makkah so he said while

seeing him off, ""By Allah, do not stay away for too long, and try
to return by Eid for the animal sacrifice.”
(

They also include the story of Muzbid: Abu Zayd said, "Muzbid
was told, "Such-and-such gravedigger has died.’ He said, "Allah
curse him! Whoever digs a bad grave shall fall therein.’

Muzbid said to a man, "Would it please you to take a thousand

dirham and jump from the roof top of a house? The man said,
"No.’ Muzbid said, "I wish I would get a thousand dirham; I am
prepared to jump off heights as high as the starts in the sky.’ The
man said, "Woe to you! If you jump, you will die.’ He said, "What
52
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

do you know! I might fall in haystacks or on Zubaydah’s12 bed.’

He was once told, "Would you like to have this garment?’ He said,
‘Yes, andyou may lash me twenty times in exchange.’ They said,
‘What makes you say that?’ He said , "You cannot have something
without giving something in return.’

They also include story of A.%har the donkey: He was sitting at

the council of the Prince "Amr Ibn Al-Layth eating a watermelon.
‘Amr asked him, "Does it taste good?’ He said, "Have you ever eat
feces?’

A messenger came to Prince Amr from the Sultan, so he brought

the dining table and told Azhar, ""Bless us with your silence today,”
so he remained silence for a while but could not help it and said,
‘I built in the village a tower that is a thousand-feet high.’ The
doorkeeper signaled him to be quiet but the messenger asked
him, "How wide is it?’ He said, "one foot wide.’ The messenger
said, "Something that is a thousand feet high cannot be one foot
wide.’ He said, "I wanted to say more, but that doorkeeper stopped
me.’

Another messenger came, so Azhar was told, "Do not speak

today and be on your best behaviour for that messenger.’ So he
remained silent for a while, then the messenger sneezed , so Azhar
wanted to bless him - to say "Allah bless you’ - but instead said,
‘May Allah give you a good morning.’ The prince said, "Have I not
told you to keep quiet?’ He said, "I did not want the messenger to
return to Baghdad and say: These people don’t even know Arabic.’

The doctor told him, ""Take two pomegranate fruits, squeeze

12
Zubaidah is the wife of Harun Al-Rashid .

53
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

them with their fat and drink their juice.” So he brought two
pomegranate fruits and a piece of fat, pounded them together,
squeezed them and drank their juice.

They also include the story of Abu MuhammadJami* the phar- 9

macist: AlI Ibn Mu adh said, T wrote a letter to Jam? the phar-
( (

macist, so he wrote his letter and made the address ‘To the man
who wrote to me.”

People came to him with a matter related to a wall, and said, ‘Abu
Muhammad, since when do you know this wall?' He said, ‘I know
it since it was young, owned by such-and-such.'

He was asked once, ‘How old are you?’ He said, ‘Seventy-one

years.’ He was asked, “Who do you remember from the sons of
Al- Abbas?’ He said, ‘Itakh’13
(

He rode on a boat and gave the sailor a piece of coin, so he asked

for more, Jamf said, ‘May Allah disfigure me into a four-legged
creature like you if I gave you anymore.’

He went to the market to buy a shoe for his son; the seller asked
him, ‘How old is he?’ He said, ‘I don’t know, but he was born when
the Dariyan14 grapes first ripened. My son, Muhammad, Allah
bless him, is eight months older than him.’

He had a daughter, and he was asked how old she is, he said, ‘I
only know that she was born in the days of fleas.’

13
A Turkish military leader, imprisoned by Al-Mutawakkil, and he died of
thirst in 235H.
14
Belongs to Darraya, a village then, a suburb now, of Damascus.

54
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons
His toilet once squirted water, so he said to his boy, ‘Hurry and
get someone to fix it, so that we eat it before it eats us.’

His son went to pilgrimage one year, so he said to him, ‘Son,

you know I can’t endure your absence. So try hard to perform the
animal sacrifice with us; you know that your mother does not eat
on Eid until you return from the prayers.’

They also include the story of Abu Abdullah al-Jassas: It was

narrated that he ate with the minister one day, so when he finished
eating he said, ‘Praise is due to Allah; there is no one greater than
Him to be sworn by.’

He looked inside the Mushaf (copy of the Qur’an) one day and
said, ‘By Allah it is so cheap. That is from the favour of Allah. I
eat and enjoy myself for one dirham.’ And when he looked in the
Mushaf, he read the verse,

“Let them eat and enjoy themselves”

\al-Hijr (15) 3],
but he misread “dharhunr. let them be” to be “dirham”.

One day, Ibn Al-Jassas entered upon Ibn Al-Furat, the minister
of Khaqani, he while was holding a watermelon his hand. He
wanted to serve it to the minister and then spit in Tigris river, but
he instead spat in the minister’s face and threw the watermelon
in Tigris. The minister was shocked and Ibn Al-Jassas was vexed
and said, ‘I swear by Allah, the Great, I made a mistake. I wanted
to spit in your face and then throw the watermelon in Tigris.’ The
minister told him, ‘That is what you did, you idiot.’ So, he was at
fault both in action and in apology.

55
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

He looked in the mirror one day and said, ‘O Allah, turn our
faces white on the Day that some faces will turn white, and turn
them black on the Day that some faces will turn black.’

He said one day, T desire a she-mule like the she-mule of the

Prophet |j ) to name her T) uldul\
(|

One day, he looked at the mirror, and said to someone with him,
'Do you think my beard has grown tall?’ The man said , ‘The mir-
ror is in your hand.’ He said, ‘You are right. But the present sees
what the absent does not’

Once, he was breaking almonds, so one almond flew away, he

said, “There is no deity except Allah!15 Everything tries to escape
death, even the animals.’

He once gave some nabk as a present to the minister Al-<Abbas

Ibn Al-Ahnaf, and wrote on it, ‘I gave you this nabk, hoping that
you would live for long.’ He wrote in reply, ‘You did not become
like an elephant16, you became like a cow.’

Ibn Al-Jassas used to supplicate every day and say, We seek refuge
in Allah from His blessings, repent to Him from His grace, resign
from His granted wellbeing, and ask Him for stumbling blocks. Suf-
ficient for me is Allah, His Prophets, and His honourable Angels.’

He used to pray, ‘O Allah, bless us with palaces upon their graves,

monasteries, ports and churches. Glory be to Allah before Allah.
Glory be to Allah after Allah.’
Also meant for exclamation.

16
The Arabic words for being hopeful and being like an elephant have the
same spelling.

56
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

His servant brought him a young bird , he said, ‘Look at this

young bird, how much it resembles its mother!’ Then he said, ‘Is
its mother male or female?’

He got sick once, so he was asked, ‘How are you feeling?’ He

said, ‘The whole world is feverish.’

Muhammad Ibn Ahmad Al-TirmidhI said , ‘I was at the

glassmaker’s17 house, consoling him for the loss of his mother,
and there was a number of leaders and writers, when Ibn Al-Jassas
arrived. He entered while laughing and said, “Praise is due to Allah;
I am really pleased, O Abu Ishaq.’ The glass maker and the attend-
ants were surprised, and he was asked, ‘How do you find somthing
pleasing when it grieves him and grieves us ?’ He said, ‘Woe to
you, I had heard that he was the one who died, and then when I
learned that she was the one to die, I was pleased.’ Everybody then
laughed.

Ibn Al-Jassas wrote to his agent to carry a hundred weight meas-

ures of cotton, and he did, but after he ginned it, only a quarter
of the total weight remained. So he wrote to the agent, ‘This cot-
ton only yielded twenty-five weight measures. In the future, only
cultivate ginned cotton and some wool also.’

He went to a garden one-day and he ate Picris18, which inflamed

him, so he asked the gardener for some onion to quell the bitter-
ness, but he did not have any. He told him, ‘Why don’t you plant
some for us?’

17
Referring to Abu Ishaq, a scholar of Arabic linguistics who used to be a
glassmaker in his younger years.

18
A plant from the sunflower family

57
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

He was once praying behind the Imam, and the Imam said,

“or of those who are astray.”

\al-Fdtihah (1) 7]
Ibn Al-Jassas said, ‘Yes, I swear.’

He used to supplicate and say, ‘Allah is sufficient for me alone.’

He said once, ‘A rat used to live in the ceiling and annoy us, so
one person prescribed a certain medicine for me. Since then, I
heard no dose from them,’ when he meant to say ‘sound’.

He described three kinds of clothes and said, ‘If I wear one of

those I care not for the others.’

He said one day, ‘The air was cold yesterday, but I could not
find it.’

He was once presented with ground ostrich meat, and he liked

it and said, ‘What if I ate it with a village?’ when he meant to say
‘soup’.

When he got sick, he was asked, ‘Perhaps you ate something

bad?’ He said, ‘No, I swear. I only ate fake young chicken.’

A man was mentioned to him and he said, ‘His mother told me

that he begot his father when he was eighty years old.’
One day, he was presented with a Branco de chumbo19, he said
to those around him, ‘Eat, for this is the Mother of Cities.’

He said once, ‘I went to the toilet yesterday and the lantern was

58
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

out, so I looked around with my tongue until I found the toilet

seat.’

He went to visit a sick person, who complained to him of his

shoulders. He said, ‘1 swear, I do not sleep from the pain of these
shoulders of mine, and he hit his knees with his hands.’

However, it was narrated that Ibn Al-Jassas used to pretend,

and that this was not his true nature. So it is important to note
this.

‘All Ibn Abu’l-AJl Al-TanukhI conveys from his father that

he said, cIn Baghdad in the year 356H, I met with Abu ‘All Ibn
Abu ‘Abdullah Ibn Al-Jassas, and I found him a kind sociable
old man. I asked him about the stories associated with his father,
such as saying “Yes, I swear” behind the Imam instead of ‘Amin’;
saying that he wanted to kiss the minister’s head, when he was
asked, 'Does it have gold in it,’ he said, 'Even if it had feces in
it, I would kiss it’; and describing a Mushaf that was very ancient
as 'Khosrowian20’. He said, '1 swear that all these and their likes
are lies. He was not a simpleton to do all that, and he was [not]
amongst the most cunning of people. But he used to spread, in
the presence of ministers, similar stories out of the kindness of
his heart, and because he wanted to depict himself, in their view,
as a fool so that the ministers felt no danger from him, since he
was meeting privately with Caliphs frequendy.’

'1 will convey something that he told us, which will indicate to
you how very serious he was. He told me, 'When Abu’l Hasan Ibn

A type of pigment powder paste

,( l
Related to Khosrow, the King of the Sasanian Empire.

59
 SKETCHES OF FOOLSAND SIMPLETONS

Al-Furat was appointed as the minister, he had malice towards me,

so he sent agents to my estates, ordered to block my transactions,
and started to badmouth me in his council. I entered upon him
one day, and as I was leaving, I heard his doorkeeper say, ‘Can
there be such a treasury walking on the face of the earth with no
one to collect it?’ I thought, ‘Surely that must be the talk of his
master, and that I am going to be pillaged.’ During that time, I
had seven million tangible dinars, jewels and other wealth. I spent
the night thinking of what to do with him, and then a thought
came to me in the last third of the night, so I rode to his house
immediately and found the gates closed, so I knocked on them.
The gatekeepers asked, ‘Who is this?’ I said, ‘Ibn Al-Jassas.’ They
said, ‘This is not the time for visits; the minister is asleep.’ I said ,
‘Tell the doorkeepers that I came for an important matter.’ They
informed them and one of them came out to me and said, ‘He
will wake up in a while.” I said, “It is too important to wait. Wake
him up and tell him of me.’ He went inside for a while, then got
out and brought me into the house until I reached his bedroom, he
was sitting on his bed and surrounded by about fifty servants and
housemen, as if they were guards. He was terrified, thinking that
a serious matter has occurred and that I am bringing the message
of the Caliph, this is what he was expecting I would be bringing.

He stood up and greeted me then said, ‘What brought you at this

hour? Did something happen or do you have a message from the
Caliph ?’ I said, ‘Do not worry, nothing happened nor do I have a
message from the Caliph. I only came for a matter that concerns
me and concerns the minister, which can only be discussed in
private.’ He calmed down and told those around him to leave, so
they did. He said, ‘Bring it.’ I said, ‘O Minister, you have displayed
the most malice intentions about me and sought to destroy me and
abolish my wealth. In that abolishment is the outing of my soul,

60
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

and for the soul there is no compensation. I swear I have done

nothing wrong in your service other than try to rectify any wrong
I saw, and I have strived to reform you with all my power, but you
have insisted to bring me harm. Nothing in this life is weaker than
a cat. However, if it is spotted by the grocer in his shop, caught
and cornered , it will jump on him and scratch his face and body,
tear his clothes, and cling to life with all its might. I have found
myself in that situation with you, yet I am not any weaker than
the cat. I have made this a clear warning; accept my resolution or
I will bring you down with me.” And I made the strongest vows,
“to head for the Caliph at this hour, transfer from my treasury to
him two million dinar and to make sure they reach him before
morning arrives, which you know I am capable of. I would tell
him to take that money, and deliver Ibn Al-Furat to such-and-such
and appoint him as a minister instead , then give him the name of
whom I think should be appointed, who has a adequate outlook,
pleasant talk and good writing. I will only choose from among
your scribes, for the Caliph will not see the difference between
you when he sees the money to be present, and he will receive you
immediately. The newly appointed will see me as someone who
took him from a lower state, made him a minister and spent all
that money on him, and he will serve me and seek my council. I
will deliver you to him to torture you until he takes the whole two
million dinars; you know you have that much wealth, but you will
be penniless afterwards; and the money will return to me without
any loss on my part. I will have destroyed my enemy, quenched
my hatred and regained my money; my wealth will be safe, and my
status will rise for removing a minister and appointing another.’

When he heard this, regret overcame him and he said, ‘O en-

emy of Allah, would you consider that to be permissible?’ I said,
‘1 am not the enemy of Allah. The enemy of Allah is he who

61
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

thought it permissible to do what compelled me to this thought

at an hour like this. Why wouldn’t I regard permissible to bring
ordeal to he who wanted my destruction and the abolishment of
my wealth?’ He said, So what is the alternative?’ I said, You vow
£ £

at this hour with the strongest vows not to go against me in any

matter - whether small or big, and not to reduce my dues, alter my
transaction, conspire against me or refer to me poorly - whether
in an apparent or a hidden fashion.

He said, 'Would you also vow to display good intention and

proper obedience and support?’ I said, I will.’ He said, 'Allah
£

curse you, for you are the devil. By Allah, you have bewitched me.’
He asked for an inkwell and we composed a vow, so I made him
swear to it first, then I swore to it. When I wished to leave he said,
'O Abu 'Abdullah, you have risen in my sight and relieved me of
a burden. By Allah, Al-Muqtadir 21 would not have differentiated
my efficiency from that of my lowest scribes in the presence of
that money. Let what happen between us remain hidden.’ I said,
'Glory be to Allah!’ He said, 'Come to the council tomorrow to
see how I treat you.’ I got up, he said, 'Servants! All of you be with
Abu 'Abdullah.’ Around two hundred servants went out with me
and I returned to my house.

When the morning arrived and I had some rest, I came to his
council. He introduced me to those who were present, he told them
of what had happened of absolute carelessness, treated me in a
way witnessed by the attendees, and instructed to send orders to
his agents in the districts, to honour me. My agents, officials, and
to maintain my wealth and estates. I praised Allah and got up, he
said, 'Servants! Be with him,’ and the doorkeepers accompanied me
holding their swords, while people were in astonishment. Nobody
21
The then Abbasid Caliph.

62
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

knew the reason for that, for I never told the story until after he
(
was imprisoned.’ Abu Ali then asked me, ‘Can the person who
did that be the same person about whom these stories are told?’
I said, ‘No.”

Al-TanukhI conveyed that Ibn Al-Jassas properties were seized

during Al-Muqtadir’s reign, the seized properties increased, and
around six million dinar remained for him.
(
Al-Tanukhi said, conveying from QadI Abu Amr that Ibn Al-
Jassas and his idiocy were mentioned in front of him and he said,
‘Allah forbid, he is nothing like what is said about him. I had visited
him a few days ago, and in his inner courtyard, there was a set-up
pavilion, so we sat talking by it. Then we heard the squeaking of
a shoe from behind the pavilion, so he said, “Servant! Bring me
the person wearing that shoe.’ A black slave girl was brought to
us, and he said, ‘What were you doing here?’ She said, ‘I came to
tell the servant that I’d finished cooking, and ask permission to
bring it.’ He said, ‘Go about your business.’ At that point, I knew
that he wanted to inform me that walking in such a specific way is
of a vulgar slave girl, and that she is not of his women. Can that
person be from the foolish?

Al-Tanukhi also narrates from Abu’l-Qasim Al-JuhanI that

he said, ‘I was at Ibn Al-Furat’s council while Ibn Al-Jassas was
present, and people talked about the things they leave for their
descendants. Ibn Al-Furat asked, ‘What is the most valuable thing a
man can leave for his descendants?’ Some said ‘land and properties’,
others said ‘real estate’, others said ‘monetary wealth’ and other
said, ‘Light valuable jewelry. For the Umayyads were asked: Which
kind of wealth was most useful for you in your calamity? They said:
‘Light valuable jewelry; we used to sell it without being required
to identify themselves, and each one is lighter than its price.’ All

63
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

while Ibn Al-Jassas remained silent, so Ibn Al-Furat asked him,

'What do you say, O Abu Abdullah?’ He said, 'The most valuable
thing people leave for their descendants are estates and brethren;
if they leave them estates, properties or wealth without brethren,
it will all be lost and annihilated.’

He continued, T will tell the minister of a story that happened

long ago, which will support my statement.’ Abu’l-Furat said,
'What is it?’ I said, 'People know that Abu’l-Hasan was a man fa-
mous for collecting jewelry for himself and to leave it for his sons
and daughters. I was sitting at home one day, and my doorkeeper
came to me and said, 'A women is asking permission to come in.’
I allowed her in, and she asked me to empty the council for her,
which I did, then she said, T am such-and-such, the widow of
Abu’l-Hasan.’ I recognised her and felt pain by the state in which
she was in, so I called upon my servants to bring me something to
change that state. She said, 'Do not call upon anyone; I am not in
need, and this is not why I came to you; I need you for something
more important.’ I said, 'What is it?’ She said, 'You know that
Abu’l-Hasan only left us jewels. When the incidents happened and
we scattered and our situation changed, I had jewels that he had
given me and granted it to me and to our daughter, such-and-such,
which is here with me. I feared if I appeared in Egypt that it would
be taken from me, so I prepared for travel and left in disguise with
my daughter, but Allah protected us until we reached this country
with all our wealth. I got some of the jewels worth five thousand
dinar, I took it to the market and received an offer of two thousand
dinars, so I agreed to this price. When they brought the money,
they asked, 'Who is the owner of these jewels ?’ I said I was. They
said , 'You are not in a position to have such wealth, you must be
a thief . They held on to me to take me to the police, and I feared
to be arrested and recognised, so the jewels would be confiscated

64
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

and I asked for payment. Therefore, I bribed the people with some
dinars that I had, left the jewels with them and came. I could not
sleep - distressed by what had happened and fearing poverty for
that was my only way to wealth, and now I am rich yet so poor. I
did not know what to do, then I remembered what was between
us and you, so I came. What I need from you is your influence
to get back what was taken from me, sell the rest, get my money
and buy my daughter and myself some estate from which we can
profit.’

I said, ‘Who took the jewels from you?’ She said, ‘Such-and-
such.’ I went to him, and spoke with him privately and said, ‘This
is a woman from my household , I had sent her with the jewels to
assess their price, so that I am not seen selling something without
knowing its value. So why did you interfere with her?’ They said,
‘We did not know, and our policy, as you know, is that we do not
buy something without knowing the identity of the owner. When
we asked her about the owner, she was confused, so we feared
that she was a thief.’ I told him, ‘I want the jewels right now.’ I
took them from him and dismissed him. The woman stayed at my
house, and I strived to sell the jewels for her for as a high price
as I could. She got more than five thousand dinars for it, and she
bought estates and a residence where she lives with her children up
until now. Therefore, I saw that when jewels were with her without
a (trustworthy) friend, they were just stones; they were even a cause
for harm. But when she found a friend to help her, she received
this great sum of money for it. Therefore, a friend is better than
the inheritance.’ Abu’l-Furat said, ‘Well said, O Abu ‘Abdullah.’

65
 CHAPTER TWELVE

Women associated with

Idiocy and Foolishness

A S FOR WOMEN associated with idiocy (taghfil), then there

% are many stories.22

They include the story of a woman who undid her spun thread:
Muqatil Ibn Sulayman said, 'She is a woman from Quraysh called
( (
Raytah bint Amr Ibn Ka b, who whenever she span her thread
would untwist and unspin it. Ibn al-Sa ib said that her name was
5 5

'Raytah , while Abu Bakr al-Anbarl said, "Her name is Ratyah

5

(
bint Amr al-Mariyah and she was nicknamed 'Al-Ja ra . She was ( 5

from Makkah, and she was known for her unparalleled antics. She
was extremely foolish, spins threads of cotton or wool until she
strengthens it, and then asks her servant to undo it. Some said that
she used to spin threads with her slave girls, and then order them
to undo what they span.
22
[Publishers Note]: This is by no way degrading of women as all stories that
were mentioned so far included men and idiocy and foolishness is not specific
to any gender or race in particular.

66
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

They include the story of a Daghah hint Mughnaj: Mughanaj is

Rabi'a Ibn Ajl, and her Mu'awiyah with Daghah being a nickname.
(

She got married at a young age in Al-Anbar clan, and got pregnant.
When the pains of childbirth came to her, she thought she was
defecating, so she asked the co-wife of her husband, 'Does the
feces open its mouth ?’ She said , 'Yes, and calls for its father.’ And
(
the co-wife took the child. Banu al-Anbar clan are called 'Al-Ju r
(the feces)’ clan because of this incident.

She saw the fontanel (soft spot) of her child being irritated, so
she cut it with a knife and got part of his brain out saying, '1 got
this substance out of his head so that his pain stops.’

It is said that she had beautiful front teeth, then when she had a
child , his father was kissing him and saying, 'Who has nice tooth
sockets?’ Then she thought that he liked that in him, so she broke
her teeth, and when he said, 'Who has nice tooth sockets?’ she said,
'O man, we all have sockets.’ He said , You have baffled me with
threaded teeth, so what will you do to me with sockets!’ Thereafter,
Daghah was used as a parable for her foolishness.

They also include the story of Raytab bint 'Amir Ibn Numayr:
She used to mark the heads of her children, by shaving parts of it
and leaving other parts, in order to identify them from the children
of other people.

They also include the story of a woman whose dowry was one
of her anklets: Muhammad Ibn 'Abdu’l-Malik told us, conveying
from Ibn Khalaf that it is said , 'more foolish than the woman
whose dowry was one of her (own) anklets’, who is a woman
from Fazarah Clan.

67
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

They also include the story of Hadhanah: We have already ex-

plained the debate over the name, and we stated that one of the
views is that it is the name of a woman that used to blow her nose
with her wrist bones.

68
 CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Stories of Some Intelligent People who

Committed Acts of Foolishness, Insisted
on it and Believed it to be Appropriate,
which made them Among Fools and Idiots

The first and the elite among them is Iblis (Satan): For he was a
worshipper and a leader for the angels ( mala ika), but he displayed
'

foolishness ( hamq ) and idiocy {ghafla) above all other idiots ( mughfal).
When he saw Adam ( alayhi as-salani) being created from clay, he
thought to himself, Tf I was preferred to him, I will destroy him,
and if he was preferred to me, I will disobey him.’ Had he pon-
dered, he would have known that Adam was already chosen, and
that he could not overcome that with a trick or act of foolishness.
Yet he was ignorant of fate (Jahl al-qadr ) and forgetful of his own
position. Had he even stopped here, it would have been limited
to envy ([ hasd) , but he went beyond that to challenge the Creator
that His decision was not wise (hikmah) , by saying,

69
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

jFrz=> JU
“Do You see this one whom You have honoured above
me?”
[*/-Zrn? (17): 62]

Meaning why did you honour him, then he claimed to be better

( afdal ) than Adam ( alayhi as-salam) by saying,
(

“You created me from fire and created him from clay.”

(
[ al-A rdf (7): 12]

His words imply, T am wiser than the Most Wise (al-Hakim),

and more knowledgeable than the All-Knowing (al- Ailm) , and
that His preferring of Adam was not correct.’ He was aware that
his knowledge was obtained from the Greatest Knower ( al-
<
alam al-akbar) , so he implied,‘O You who taught me, I am more
knowledgeable than You. O You who decided to honour this man
above me, you were wrong.’ Then, when his arguments failed him,
he was satisfied to destroy himself and tightened the noose of his
stubbornness. He then strived to destroy others beside himself
and said,

“I will surely mislead them.”

[Sad (38): 82]

His ignorance (Jaht) in that statement is evident for two reasons:

Firstly. He said that with the aim of affecting the One punish-
*

ing him. Unaware that Allah is the Truth and He is not affected,
harmed nor does He benefit by anything, for He is the Self-
Sufficient.
70
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Secondly: He forgot that he is unable to mislead those whom Allah

wishes to protect, then he remembered and said ,

“Except Your chosen servants among them.”

\al-Hijr (15) 40]
So if his actions are ineffective, and his misleading does not
impact those guided by Allah, then his knowledge has gone to
waste. Then due to his weak resolve, he was satisfied with a short
period (of respite), which he knew would pass quickly - when he
said,

“Grant me reprieve until the Day they are resurrected.”

[al-ASdf (7 ): 14]

Making the sinner commit sins became he gains pleasure out

of it, as if he is trying to enrage [Allah] thinking ignorantly that
He would be affected. He forgot the soon approaching eternal
punishment, so there is neither idiocy nor ignorance like his. How
wonderful is the saying:

I wonder at Iblis in his arrogance

and the malice of intent he displayed
He was too proud against Adam to bow down
and became a pander for his offspring

Another among them is Abu’l-Husayn al-Rawindi: I never saw

someone else top Iblis in madness (janun) and idiocy like Abu’l-
Husayn al-Rawindl. He had published books where he degrades
the Prophets falayhum as-salam) and insults them. He then penned

71
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

a book in response to the Noble Qur’an, accusing it of contain-

ing linguistic errors, which none of the enemies of the Qur’an
dared accuse or was able to prove - but he allegedly did what the
eloquent could not.

Then he wrote his book !Al-Damgh\ but I deem myself above

mentioning some of what he did of attempts to oppose the Creator
(al-Khaliq) , in His Exaltedness, and describing Him with the lowest
descriptions with which a human can be described.

For example, he claimed that from Allah comes injustice (%uhn)

and evil (.sharr), in a far uglier phrasing, some of which I have
mentioned in the past. It is astonishing how they argue against
the Creator after proving Him. The non-Muslim has found rest
(in his works). Could Allah have granted these people perfect in-
(
tellects ( aqul kamila) , while He himself is imperfect ( naqs) in His
Attributes (.Sifai) ?

Exalted is Allah , far above the idiocy (taghfil) of those

people.

72
 CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Stories of Other People who Committed

Acts of Foolishness and Idiocy

Among them is the story of Qabil ( Cain): Iblis was followed in

idiocy and foolishness by Qabil. It is a great idiocy to say to he
whose sacrifice was accepted,

“I will surely kill you.”

[al-Ma’idab (5): 27],

which is really foolish because if he had been wise, he would

have looked at why his brother’s sacrifice was accepted and his
was not. It is further idiocy to carry his brother’s body on his back
and not being guided to bury him.

Among them is the story of those who said, ‘burn him and sup-
port your gods.’ Other instances of idiocy are evident from people
who spoke these words, as Mentioned by Allah in the Qur’an:

73
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

“Burn him and support your gods - if you are to act.”

[al-Anbiya (21): 68],

and

“Continue, and be patient over [the defense of ] your

Gods.”
[Sad (38): 6]

Among them is the story of Nimrod: The king who disputed

with Ibrahim ( alayhi as-salarn) was King Nimrod who spoke these
(

words, as Mentioned by Allah in the Qur’an,

^ -
1 *\\'i
“I give life and cause death.”
[ al-Baqarah (2): 258]

Among them is the story of Pharaoh: [There is no greater fool-

ishness than that of Pharaoh of Egypt],

“Does not the kingdom of Egypt belong to me, and

these rivers flowing beneath me?”
[al-Zukhruf (43): 51]

Fie boasted of a water body, which he did not cause to run nor
does he know its source or drainage. He also forgot to mention
other similar bodies that are not under his rule. There is no folly

74
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

greater than Pharaoh’s claim to be a deity. The wise people gave

an example for that and said, ‘ Iblis entered upon Pharaoh who
said, ‘Who are you?’ He said,‘ Iblis.’ He said , ‘What brought you?’
He said, ‘I came to look at you and wonder at your madness.’ He
said, ‘How so?’ Iblis said , ‘I have opposed a creature like me and
refused to bow down to him, and in return I was expelled and
cursed. You, on the other hand, claim to be the deity. That is, by
Allah, cold madness.’

Among the astonishing forms of idiocy is worship of idols: For

the deity is supposed to make, not be made. Moreover, it is idi-
ocy from Nimrod to build the tower and then throw an arrow to
allegedly kill the deity of Heavens. Had his opponent seen a bow
aiming towards him, could he not have thrown himself off its
path?!

Among the forms of idiocy is what was manifested by the broth-

ers of Yusuf (falayhi as-salam) when they said,

“a wolf ate him.”

[ Yusuf (12): 17]

without tearing his shirt. As well as their story with Yusuf falajhi
as-salam) when he said , ‘The beaker is telling me such and such.’

It is also asininity for Harut and Marut23 to claim insusceptibil-

ity to sin and the power to overcome fate. Therefore, when they
descended from heaven with that intention, they were brought
23
The two angels that were sent to Babylon to teach magic to its people, as a
trial for them . Their story was mentioned in Al-Baqarah.

75
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

down.

Among theforms of idiocy are those of Bani Israel: Another sign

of stranger idiocy is when the Children of Israel said to [Prophet]

^
Musa i alayhi as-salam) after he had crossed the sea with them,

“ make for us a God.”

\al-AWdf (7) 138],
(
and the Christian’s claim that [Prophet] Isa ( *alayhi as-salam) is
a God { ilah) or a Son of God. They claim divinity for a human
being that had no existence before he was born, and who could
not remain alive except by eating food.24

The Divine is one whom all things depend on, not the other
way around. They believe him to be the son of Allah, and filia-
tions imply being part and or equal to Allah, both of which are
impossible when speaking about Allah. In addition to that, when
they claimed that he was killed and crucified, they accuse him of
helplessness and inability to defend himself, all of which are signs
of delusional idiocy.

(
Another form of idiocy is the belief (it iqad) of the MushabihahA
Who say that the deity (ma'bud) has parts and organs (like humans) ,
and that He resembles His creation, when they know that the cre-
ated is in need and dependant a Creator.
24
Like any normal human being.

25
Mushabihah (or Mujassimah)'. Those who declare that Allah is like His creation
and that the Attributes of Allah are like the attributes of the creation . This
was first propagated by Maqatil ibn Sulayman al-Khurasanl, during the era of
the tabfln.

76
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Anotherform of idiocy is the belief al-RafidahF Who are know

of ‘All’s ( radiyAllahu anhu) acceptance of the pledges of allegiance
(

(
( bay *ah) to Abu Bakr ( radiyAllahu anhu) and Umar ( radiyAllahu
(

*anhu) ,begetting children itomAl-Hanafiyah when she was of the

captives during Abu Bakr’s reign, and marrying his daughter Umm
Kulthum to Umar Ibn Al-Khattab ( radiyAllahu *anhu) . All of this
(

proves his acceptance of their rule. Then these Rafidah, some of

whom charge Abu Bakr ( radiyAllahu *anhu) and TJmar ( radiyAllahu
anhu) with blasphemy and insult them, trying to prove with that,
(

their love and support of All, when in reality they far from their
claim and have really left it behind.

If you follow the likes of the aforementioned, you will find they
are many, but we have included them briefly to stimulate thinking
in that regard, and we chose not to go into detail, since the larger
purpose of this book is different.27

It is narrated that Ahmad Ibn Hanbal said, ‘If a man came to

me and said, ‘1 have made an oath of divorce not to talk to a fool
that day’, then he spoke to a RafidI or a Christian - I would say,
‘He did break his oath.’ So, Al-Daynurl said, ‘Allah bless you, why
did they become fools?’ He replied , ‘Because they went against
the sayings of those they (claim to have) believed. As for the first,
26
Al-Rafidah: Also well-known as the Shl‘ah, who call themselves the Ithna
Ash’ariyyah (The Twelvers) of JaTaris. This sect was founded by ‘Abdullah ibn
Saba’, a Jew, who appeared in the time of the Khilafah of ‘Uthman. He claimed
love for ‘All and Ahl ul-Bayt (the family of the Prophet Gfg)). They curse the
Companions declare them disbelievers, in particular Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and
‘Uthman and the wives of the Prophet (< ). They also believe the Qur’an to
H
be incomplete.

27
The author discusses them in detail in his book ‘ The Devil's Deceptions' published
by Dar us-Sunnah Publisher, Birmingham, U.K., 1st ed. 2014.

77
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

‘[Prophet] ‘Isa ( alayhi as-salam) said to the Christians,

(

“Worship Allah.”
[al-Md’idah (5): 117]

and said ,

“Indeed, I am the servant of Allah.”

\Maryam (19): 30],
but they said, ‘No. He is not a servant, but he is Allah. 5

As for ‘All (radiyAllahu anhu) , he narrated that the Prophet

(

fiH) said about Abu Bakr ( radiyAllahu anhu) and ‘Umar (radiyAllahu
(

'anhu) , “These two are the masters of the elder people among
the inhabitants of Paradise.” Yet the Rafidah insult them and
renounce them.

Anotherform of idiocy andfoolishness are stories of idiocy of old:

Besides, among the most astonishing stories of idiocy of old, is
what Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah (radiyAllahu ‘anhuma) narrated, ‘A man
worshipped Allah in a monastery. It rained and grass grew in the
land, then he saw a donkey eating grass, so he said, ‘O Allah, if
you had a donkey I would have herded it (to eat) with my donkey. 5

When news of this reached one of the Prophets of the Children

of Israel, he wanted to pray against him, but Allah the Almighty
revealed to him, ‘I only take account of people in accordance with
their intellect.
5

78
 CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Acts that Resemble Idiocy

M
ANY SANE PEOPLE COMMITTED acts that re-
semble idiocy, but they did not mean it, so it was con-
veyed as humorous stories of foolishness. For exam-
ple, it was narrated from a poet that he said, T went to a prince
to recite poetry to him, and one of the ministers was mentioned,
so I spoke something of virtues and generosity to encourage the
prince to follow in his footsteps, then I recited:

Those who seek Kafour turn away from others

and whoever sought the sea must take the small river [as a route] 28

He said, ‘May Allah curse you. What example is that?’ So I realised

and swore that I did not mean him.’ Something similar happened
to ‘Abdullah Ibn Hasan, when he was accompanying Abu VAbbas

28
This line is from a poem for Al-MutanabbI that starts with:

What a great illness, that for which death is the healer;

and what a great calamity, that which makesyou wish for death.

79
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

al-Saffah29, and looking at his city that he built in Al-Anbar City,

and he recited:

Did you not see that Malik spent his day building
houses that benefitted Buqayla Clan
He wished to live as long as Noah
When Allah’s command30 comes every night

Abu’l-Abbas got angry, and the poet apologised to him. Moreo-

(
ver, while Isa Ibn Musa was walking along Abu Muslim the day
he entered upon al-Mansour, he said:

It will come to you that which annihilated the earlier generations

(
And what fell upon Ad and Jurhum

Abu Muslim said, Ts this in exchange for the safety I granted

(
you?’ Isa said, May I be stripped of all that what I own if that
£

was my intention.’ When al-Amin31 was surrounded, he told his

slave girl to sing, so she sang:

Kulayb, I swear, had more supporters

and was richer than you, was imbrued in his blood

These words were stressful and caused him to have grief, so he

said, ‘Sing something else,’ so she sang:

29
The first Abbasid Caliph.

30
Referring to death.
31
The sixth Abbasid Caliph.

80
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

My eyes complained of their absence, which made them sleepless

Awaiting loved ones causes crying

He said, “May Allah curse you! Do you not know something

else?’ Then she sang:

The night and day do not alternate

and the stars do not rotate in the sky
Except to transfer power from a king
that went under the dust, to another

He then said, ‘Get out.’ So she stood , stumbled at a crystal cup

and broke it. Someone then said,

“The matter about which you both inquire has been

decreed.”
[ Yusuf (12): 41]

Al-Ma’mun32 entered upon Zubayda to console her of the death

of al-Amin. She said, ‘Why don’t you keep me company and have
lunch with me today?’ so he did, and she called for one of al-Amin’s
slave girls to sing, and she sang:

They killed him to take his place

just as Khosrow’s governors did to him

He jumped angrily, and Zubayda said, ‘O Amir Al-Mu’minin.

32
The seventh Abbasid Caliph.

81
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

May Allah deprive me of his reward if I knew what she was going
to say or told her to say.’ He believed her.

When Al-Mu tasim33 finished building his palace, people en-

£

tered upon him, and Ishaq Ibn Ibrahim asked for permission to
sing poetry. So he sang of the palace and the council beginning
with:

O house, deterioration has changed you

By Allah , what has befallen you?

Al-Mu'tasim regarded it as an ill omen, and people wondered

at Ishaq, why he said such in spite of his intelligence. They left
and the palace was abandoned, and was not frequented by anyone
afterwards.

Al-Sahib Ibn Abbad sang to 'Adud Al-Dawla34 a poem of trib

ute, saying:
I came to Taghlib clan, as I was lost
for Taghlib prevails, as long as the day and night

(
Adud Al-Dawla considered the word 'prevails’ a bad omen and
said, 'We seek refuge in Allah.’ And Al-Sahib realised what he said,
and his face changed colour.

Ishaq al-Muhallabi said, '1 entered upon Al-Wathiq35 who told

33
The eighth Abbasid Caliph.

34
An emir of the Buyid dynasty. He ruled an empire stretching from Zaranj as
far to Yemen and the shores of the Mediterranean Sea.

35
The ninth Abbasid Caliph.

82
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

me, ‘Sing to me something of Arabic.’ So, I said:

O house, if deterioration has erased you

I would like to see you

Hatred was evident in his face, which made me regret what I

said.

Abu’l- Najm al-Ajli entered upon Hisham Ibn ‘Abdu’l-Malik,

and sang a poem until he reached a verse that talked about the sun
and said, “It is in the horizon like the eye of a cockeyed person.”
Then, Hisham ordered his head to be struck, and he was driven
out.

(
Arta’ah entered upon Abdu’l-Malik Ibn Marwan, and he was an
old man, so ‘Abdu’l-Malik asked him to recite something of what
he wrote during his long life, and so he sang:

I saw the person consumed by days

as the ground consume the fallen iron pieces
Death does not leave, when it comes,
in the person’s soul anything behind
Be aware that it will continue fighting
until it fulfills its promise by taking Abu’l-Walid’s life.

‘Abdu’l-Malik, whose cognomen was Abu’l-Walid, felt scared and

thought that Arta’ah meant him, and Arta’ah realised his mistake
and said, “ O Amir Al-Mu’minin, I am also known as Abu’l-Walid,”
and the attendees concurred to that.

83
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Dhu’l-Rimmah entered upon Ahdu’l-Malik and sang:

Why are the tears falling from your eye

as if flowing from torn kidneys?

It also happened that ‘Abdu’l-Malik’s eyes were flowing, so he

thought he was indirectly referencing him, so he got angry, cut
him off and drove him out.

(
A poet entered upon Tahir Ibn Abdullah and sang:
(
The camels caught fire from AzIzah
that she lit, and how can one visit you?

While Tahir mother’s name was AzIzah, so the attendees ex-

(

changed derisive glances, until he realised his mistake, and stopped

talking.

A man entered upon ‘Uqbah Ibn Muslim Al-Azdi and sang:

O daughter of Al-Azdi, my heart is distressful,

infatuated with you, and refuses to return.
They have blamed me, and I said leave me
whom you are blaming me about is my lover

TJqbah’s face changed, and when the poet noticed that, he

stopped.

84
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons
(
The governor, Abu’l-*All Al- AlawI entered upon another gover-
nor one day. While they were chatting, a servant of that man came
and said, “Sir, on which horse should we put the saddle today?”
He said, “The AlawI one.” Abu All told him, “Choose your words
(

wisely, sir.” He was embarrassed and said, “It was a slip.”

Al-Murtada Abu’l-Qasim, chief of the Adawls,36 passed by on a

Friday by the door of Al-Mansour Masjid in the place where sheep
(
are sold. He heard the appraiser yelling, We sell this AlawI male-
£

goat for a dinar.’ He thought the appraiser was referring to him and
was distressed by that, but when he investigated he found that a
male-goat that has two pap’s on its neck is called ‘Alawi’ because
of the two strands of hair that were hanging down on Al- Alawi’s
(

neck.
(
Something similar happened to Abu’l-Faraj Al- AlawI, who
was lame and cock-eyed, so he heard an appraiser yelling about a
male-goat, “ How much would like to pay for this lame cock-eyed
male-goat?” and he had no doubt that the appraiser was referring
to him. Therefore, he went and beat him up until he discovered
that the male-goat was lame and cockeyed, and all who were
present laughed.

Abu’l-Hasan Al-SabI said , A friend of mine went to visit a man

6

who had recendy bought a house near his. He greeted him, was
friendly with him and said, “This house belonged to our friend
and brother, but you, praise Allah, are more generous and clement
than him, so praise is due to Allah who have replaced him with a
better person.” Then he sang:

36
People who are the descendants of ‘All ibn Abl Talib - may Allah be pleased
with him.

85
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

The falcon was replaced by a piebald crow

The man burst into laughter until he fell down and felt embar-
rassed , and it became a funny story that he was crazy about.

86
 CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The Idiots among

Commanders and Governors

M
(
UHAMMAD IBN ZIYAD SAID that Isa Ibn Salih
was foolish, and he had a son called ‘Abdullah. When
‘Isa was appointed as the military leader of Qinnasrin,37
he appointed his son to take his role. His son said , ‘My father’s
messenger came to me at night, asking me to come at an early
time, which is usually reserved for urgent matters, so I thought
that a letter came from the Caliph in some matters that required
the presence of other people including myself. I dressed up in
black , led the delegation and rode to his house. When I entered,
I asked the doorkeepers whether a letter had arrived from the
Caliph or whether something had happened, but they said, ‘No.
Nothing like that has happened.’ When I reached a place beyond
the doorkeeper’s presence, I asked the servants as well, and their
answer was the same as the doorkeeper’s. When I reached the lo-
cation where my father was, I found him on his bed , and he said,
‘Son, I have stayed up all night thinking of a matter.’ I said , ‘Allah
A town in northern Syria.

87
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

bless the Amir, what is it?’ He said, ‘I desire that Allah makes me
into one of the Houris,38 and make my husband in Paradise Yusuf,
the Prophet. I thought for a long while then said, ‘Allah bless the
Amir, Allah Almighty has made you a man. Therefore, I hope that
He lets you enter Paradise and marries you to Houris.

Al-Mada’inI told us, ‘A noble man came to Baghdad and wanted

to send a letter to his father to inform him of his news, but he did
not find anybody he knew. He then took the book to his father
himself and said, T didn’t want you to be in the dark about my
news, and didn’t find anyone to deliver the letter, so I brought it
myself,’ and he handed it to him.’

Ibn Khalaf said, ‘Two men had a dispute and went to the gov-
ernor, but he could not judge between them fairly with justice, so
he punished both of them and said, ‘Praise be to Allah that I did
not miss the wrongful between them.”

Sa Id Ibn JaYar al-Anbarl told me, conveying from his father,

(

‘Abu’l-Khaytham got angry with one of his officials, then some-

one spoke to him about forgiving the official, and he said, ‘No, by
Allah, until I hear that he kissed my feet.”

Abu ‘Uthman al-Jahiz said, Farazah was in charge of grievances

in Basrah, and he had the longest beard and the least intellect
amongst mankind. He is the one about whom the poet said:
It is a grievance that you would be
in charge of grievances, O Farazah

The barber cut his hair one day, and when he was done, he asked

38
The female companions of believers in Paradise.

88
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

for a mirror. He looked in the mirror and said to the barber, ‘As for
my hair, I permitted you to cut it, but you, O son of a sly woman,
have moved on to my moustache,” and he then covered it with his
hand.

Farazah heard yelling one morning, so he asked, ‘What is all

that yelling?’ They told him, ‘Some people are arguing about the
Qur’an.’ He said , ‘O Allah, give us a rest from the Qur’an.’

An owner of a partridge passed by him so he asked, ‘How much

do you sell this partridge for?’ He said, ‘Each for a dirham .’ He
said, ‘No.’ The man said, ‘That is my price.’ He said, ‘I will take
two for three dirhams.’ He said , ‘Take it.’ Farazah said to his serv-
ant, ‘Give him three dirhams for the price of two for this is better
for the buyer.’

We learned that al-Muhallab appointed a Bedouin in Kurah39

and removed its previous leader. He got on the pulpit, praised
Allah and glorified him, and then said, ‘O people, set your sights
on what Allah has ordered you. He has made the Hereafter desir-
able for you and this worldly life undesirable, but you desired the
latter and abstained from the former. However, you are close to
missing out on this life and attaining nothing in the Hereafter, and
you will be as Allah Almighty said, ‘You neither kept the water,
nor did you relieve yourself from the heat.’40 Take warning from
the deluded who was removed from you; he strived and collected
but all that came to me in spite of him, and he became like Allah
Almighty said:

39
District in Khurasan

40
This is not the saying of Allah; rather this is a Arab proverb.

89
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Does Umm Khalid buy?

Perhaps the walking endeavors for the sitting.41

Then he got off the Minbar.

We learned that Yazid Ibn al-Muhallab appointed a Bedouin

in Kurah. On Friday, he got on the pulpit and said, ‘All praise is
due to Allah,’ then he could not think of what to say next, so he
said, ‘O people, beware of this worldly life, for you will not find
it except as Allah the Almighty has said:

This world will not last for anyone

and no one will last in this world.

His scribe then said, ‘Allah bless the Amir, that is poetry.’ He
said, ‘Will this world last for anyone?’ The man said, ‘No.’ He then
asked, ‘Will anyone last in this world?’ The scribe said , ‘No.’ He
said, ‘Then, what is your problem?’42

We learned that a Bedouin gave a sermon and said, ‘Allah has

created the heavens and the earth in six months.’ Someone told
him, ‘In six days.’ He said , ‘I swear I wanted to say it, but I felt it
is too little.’

Abu Bakr al-Naqash told us that the scribe of Mansur Ibn al-
Numan wrote to him from Basrah that he had caught a thief, but
did not wish to cut his hand without investigating his matter - and
he learned that he is a tailor. So Mansur wrote back, ‘Cut his foot
and leave his hand.’ He replied, ‘But Allah ordered us differently.’

Meaning it’s the same thing.

42
It did not occur to him that this is not a verse from the Qur'an .

90
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

So he wrote, ‘Do what I told you, for the present sees what the
absent does not.’

A slave trader came to Mansur with a mule and said, “I will sell
this for forty dinar.” So he said, ‘You will not overcharge me this
time, (turning to his servant, he said) give him one thousand five
hundred dinars.’

Mansur entered upon Ahmad Abu Hatim while he was having

lunch and eating cow heads, so Ahmad said, ‘Join us O Abu Sahl
these are young cow heads.’ He said, ‘Bon appetite [enjoy your
meal]. May Allah feed you and me from the heads of people of
Paradise.’

Al-MYmun told him, ‘O Mansur, the Tigris River has become

flooded, so give us your opinion.’ He said , ‘Hire a hundred water
carriers to take the excess water and water the streets with it.’ Al-
(
Ma mun told him, ‘I don’t know what to do with you.’

Muhammad Ibn Khalaf told us that a governor told his scribe,

‘Write to such-and-such, reproach him and tell him, ‘Wretched
is what you did, you piece of stool.’ The writer said, ‘Allah bless
you; that is not appropriate (word) for correspondence.’ He said ,
‘You are right. (Write instead), lick the stool’s opening with your
tongue.’

The ruler Abu Bakr Ibn Badr said , ‘Some men gathered around
Al-Husayn Ibn Makhlad one day and demanded money from him.
He said, ‘I have money at home, which I will bring. However, I am
to the Sultan like marble; if something is poured on top, you collect
it from my bottom. If you are patient until the money is returned ,
I will distribute it on to you, otherwise the decision is yours.”

91
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

Abu 'All Muhammad Ibn al-Hasan, the scribe, told us, T used to
write for Abu’l-Fadl Ibn 'Allan while he was in Arjan43 when he
was told, 'Abu l Mundhir al-Nu'man Ibn 'Abdullah came wanting
5

Persia, and you should meet him tomorrow. 5 Ibn Al-Fadl used to
have quartan fever, so he said, 'How can I work while tomorrow
is my day of fever, so I will not be able to meet the man! I should
have the fever now in order to be able meet him tomorrow Boy,
get me the medication so that I get the fever right now. 5

Al-Mada inl told us, 'Abdullah Ibn Abl Thawr was the governor
5

of Madinah. He gave a sermon and said, 'O people, fear Allah

and seek repentance, for He destroyed the people of Salih for a
she-camel worth five hundred dirhams.5 So, they used to call him
the she-camel5s appraiser, and al-Zubayr removed him from his
position. 5

Sulayman Ibn Hasan Ibn Mukhlid told us that his father, along
with at Shuja' Ibn al-Qasim44 and some people with grievances
entered to talk to him about their matters; so he said, 'Now is not
the time for that. The Amir sits to consider these matters the day
before yesterday. Come to him then. 5

Shuja' entered upon al-Musta'ln45 once and the edge of his robe
was torn, so he asked him about it and he answered, "I was walk-
ing on the road and I passed by a dog. I stepped on its robe, so it
tore my tail. Al-Musta'ln could not help but laugh.
55

43
A historical city near Shiraz

44
The scribe of the Abbasid Caliph, Al-Musta in.
(

45
The twelfth Abbasid Caliph.

92
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons

Jarir Ibn al-Muqaffa’ conveyed from Khusra’s minister that he

46
said, 'Kavadh was a fool; he used to go to the orchard and smell
Basil in their soil bed and say,“ I do not pluck them out of mercy.’

We heard about Nasr Ibn Muqbil - who was Harun al-Rashid’s

appointed official on al-Raqqah that he ordered to flog a goat ac-
cording to the Hudud. They said, cIt is an animal.’ He said, 'Hudud
cannot be suspended , and if I did then what a wretched governor
I would be!’ News of this reached al-Rashid, so he called for him.
When he stood before him he said, 'Who are you?’ He said, '1 am
of slave-origin and I belong to the Banu Kilab clan.’ Al-Rashid
laughed and asked, "What is your philosophy in ruling?’ He said,
'People and animals are equal to me. If an animal was even wronged
by my mother or my sister, I would punish her according to the
Hudud, without fearing the blame of critics.’ Therefore, al-Rashid
instructed that he should be relieved.

A wise Indian man congregated with his minister, and the

minister was feeble. He asked the wise man, 'What is the greatest
science?’ He said, 'Medicine.’ He said, '1 am quite knowledgeable
in medicine (too).’ The wise man said, ‘What then is the treatment
for one who has pleurisy, O minister?’ He said, 'His treatment is
to die until the fever of his chest reduces.’ He said, 'Who then
revives him after death?’ He said , 'That is another science found
in the Book of Stars (i.e. Astrology) , but I only read therein the
chapter of life because the book states that life is better for a man
than death.’ The wise man said , 'O minister, in any case, death is
better for the ignorant than life.’

Abu Khandaf observed his livestock, and found one that was

46
Sassanid king of Persia

93
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

scrawny and skinny. He said , 'Bring me the cook , after which he

5

knocked him to the ground, then he flogged him fifty times and
said, 'Why is that animal in such a state?’ He said, 'Sir, I am the
cook, I know nothing about the state of livestock.’ He said, 'By
Allah you are the cook! Why did you not tell me? Leave now, and
when tomorrow comes, I will flog the cow herder sixty times -
twenty more - so do not grieve.’

Abu’l-Hasan Muhammad Ibn al-Hilal al-Sabi narrated , 'Some

people of the Daylamites47 went to herd their cattle and caught the
thief known as ‘Al- Iraqi’ . They dragged him to the minister, Abu
(

Muhammad al-Muhallabi, and he ordered to recall Abu’l Husayn

Ahmad Ibn Muhammad al-QazwInl, the scribe who worked for the
police in Baghdad. Al-Muhallabi told him, 'This is the impulsive
Iraqi thief, whom you were unable to catch; take him and write
your letter that you received him.’

He said, 'Right away O minister. But you say three, and he is

one, so how can I write that I received three?’ He said, 'Hey you,
these three are descriptions of the same person.’ Then the writer
wrote, '1, Ahmad Ibn Muhammad al-QazwInl, have received from
the Minister the impulsive Iraqi thief; three but they are one man.’
He wrote his letter in history. The minister laughed, and al-Nasrani
thereby said, 'al-QazwInl has rectified your doctrine in receiving
that thief.’
A writer once said to a female singer, 'Write this sound to me.’
She said, 'You are the writer.’ He said, "You can write it with its
melody, but I cannot write it with its melody.’

Abu’l-Hasan Ibn al-Hilal al-Sabi said, 'Some travelling merchants

47
A Persian people inhabiting the regions on the southern shore of the Cas
pian Sea.

94
 Sketches of Fools and Simpletons
(
gave the minister Abu’l Faraj Muhammad Ibn Ja far three pieces
of silk, and they remained with him for a while. Then, their owner
came and asked for them. The minister opened the inkwell and
wrote, in a bold font, on one of them, 'This is not viable’, on the
other, 'This is satisfactory’ and on the third, 'This is expensive’.
Then he said, 'Give them to their owner’, who took them after
they were spoiled.’

Abu’l-Hasan also said, ’If a horse made a mistake while he - the

minister - was riding it, he would order withholding its fodder in
discipline. But when he was asked to reconsider, he would say,
'Alright feed it then, but do not let it know that I know that.”

A Christian came to 'Abdullah Ibn Bashar - who was the gover-

nor of Madlnah - and said, '1 want to shake your hand.’ 'Abdullah
said, 'You son of such-and-such. Did you not find anyone lesser
than me in the army of Amir Al-Mu’minln? Did you come want-
ing to throw words between Jesus the son of Mary and me until
the Day of Judgment?

One governor got on the pulpit ( minbar ) and said, 'If you honour
me, I shall honour you. But if you dishonour me, it will be lesser
for me than this fart of mine,’ he then proceeded to emit wind
by farting.

A foolish ruler once passed by an ice merchant and said , 'Show

me what you have.’ He broke a piece of it and handed it to him,
the ruler told him, '1 want it colder than this.’ He broke a piece
from the other side. The ruler asked , 'How much is this?’ He said,
'A pound for a dirham, and of the other piece, a pound and a half
for a dirham.’ He said , 'Give me from the latter kind.’

He once passed by some mud in Bab Al-Sham Street, so he said

95
 SKETCHES OF FOOLS AND SIMPLETONS

to his companions, ‘The Sultan wants to ride, so if I came back and

find it like this, I will set fire to it, and no intercession would help
you.’ Qubaysah, who was the appointee of his father on Khurasan,
gave a sermon, during which received a letter, so he said, ‘This is
the letter from the Amir, and by Allah, he is worthy to be obeyed,
and he is my father and older than me.’

Abu Ishaq Al-SabI narrated , ‘One of the most famous non-Arab

writers, known as Abu’l-Abbas Ibn Darastoyah, attended the coun-
cil of Abu’l-Faraj Muhammad Ibn Al-Abbas while he was taking
consolation for his father, after written news of his death arrived
from Ahvaz. Gathered around Abu’l-Fadl were state officials; he
had been appointed on the Divan in his father’s place. Then, when
Ibn Darastoyah settled in, he pretended to cry, and said, ‘Perhaps
this news is false rumors.’ Abu’l-Faraj said, ‘Many written letters
of news have arrived.’ He said, ’Forget that, did you receive a letter
that is handwritten by him?’ He said, ‘If such letter had arrived, we
would not have been sitting here,’ and people laughed. ‘Abdullah
Ibn Fadhlawya, the governor of Qarmisin, sang in his council,
which was full of people, these poetical verses:

For The Day of Judgment there is no cure

except art, play and music

One of the attendees replied, ‘That is the day of cupping.’ He

said, ‘Forgive me, for I am poor in grammar.’

96
Sketches of Fools
and Simpletons
Imam Ibn al -JawzT
Lack of sense leads to acts of foolishness, allowing them to mothball into comical
gags. Ibrahim Al-Nazzam was once asked , ’"What are the limits of foolishness?
"

To which he replied , You asked about that which has no limits.”

**

The art of humour is an intricate balancing act between folly and good judgement ,
measure and discomposure. People of virtue have always enjoyed a chuckle and
hearty anecdotes, remaining positive towards them because they relax the mind
and comfort the heart from fatigue of contemplative thought. Even the joshing
nature of the Prophet (SS) is well-known , yet it was guided by a higher code of
conduct cognisant of personal and public responsibility.

Purposeful joking and jest brings benefit just as salt in food , ever careful not
to be excessive. Before you therefore, is an amusing classical text reflecting a
sharp departure from the usual scholarship for which the author is known for.
Compiled in the sixth century Hijri, this collection of irreverent and playful
- -
sketches derisive and cynical observations of mischievous people are sure to
tickle your funny bone, albeit having a more sober purpose for the reader to
contemplate.

Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi compiled a book called ‘Al-Adhkiya , in which he reported

*

entertaining stories of smart and intelligent people that would serve as

model examples: for indeed stories of brave men teach bravery. He then saw it
appropriate to collect stories of foolish people and simpletons too with the intent
to deliver three main purposes, namely: Mentioning examples of the foolish
entices a knowledgeable person to avoid the means of ignorance, ensuring it
doesn’t become an acquired attribute; To appreciate what Allah has granted us
of intellect and nobility, increasing our gratitude to Him: and as a means of
recreation for the hearts , for it's important to allow some entertainment as they
tire just as bodies tire.

-
This abridged English rendering of Aklibar al -Hamqa wal Mughaffalhi is sure
to lead you to constant laughter and smiles.

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