Effects of Parental Separation on Children

A Research Project Submitted to the Faculty

Of

Immaculate Heart Academy

Senior High School

Tanjay City, Negros Oriental

In Partial Fulfillment of the Subject

Research Project

Researcher: Capilla, Leallyn Jhoana V.

Research Adviser: Nicolas Rey R. Aguilar

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Abstract ………………………………………………………………………………………….i
CHAPTER I: Introduction …………………………………………………………………….1
Background of the Study ………………………………………………………………………...2
Significance of the Study ………………………………………………………………………...2
Scope and Limitations …………………………………………………………………………...3
Effects of Parental Separation on Children …………………………………………………..4

CHAPTER II: Literature Review ……………………………………………………………..5

Father-Child Relationship ………………………………………………………………………..6
Mother-Child Relationship ……………………………………………………………………….7

CHAPTER III: Conceptual Framework ………………………………………………………8

Perceived Guilt …………………………………………………………………………………...8
Grief ………………………………………………………………………………………………9
Despair ……………………………………………………………………………………………9
Visual Presentation of the Framework ………………………………………………………….10
Hypothesis: Why is Parental Separation should be explained on Children ………………..11
How to explain to Teenagers ……………………………………………………………………11
How to explain to Kids …………………………………………………………………………..12

CHAPTER IV: Methodology ………………………………………………………………….13

Data Requirements………………………………………...…………………………………13-14
Plan Analysis ……………………………………………………………………………………14

CHAPTER V: Data Analysis ………………………………………………………………….15

Presentation of Data……………………………………………………………………………..15
Findings ……………………………………………………………………………………..…..16

CHAPTER VI: Conclusion …………………………………………………………………...17

Summary of Findings ……………………………………….………………………………..17-18
Recommendations ……………………………………………………………………………….19
References…………………………………………………………………………………….20-21
 ABSTRACT

This study examined the effects of parental separation that affected the children

emotionally, mentally, and socially. There are some researchers that have been looking at the

different effects of parental separation on children, but little has been done specifically related to

children that are undergoing this situation. The separation also affects the child’s nutrition; it can

be stress-eating, insomnia, depression, weight-loss, etc. Parental separation also affects the

child’s motivation, by this manner; children who have parents that are undergoing this situation

are particularly at risk of having a lower academic performance. Some may or may have been

experiencing trauma while they are growing up and this can lead to having trust issues at a very

young age. The trauma can differ in many aspects; it can be emotionally or physically. Due to

this instance, children who have been experiencing this trauma are somewhat resilient and this

has become a significant moderator for them to avoid thinking too much. When parents’

separate, the effects of divorce on children can vary in many ways. Some other teenagers out

there are going through the same thing between their parents but the only thing they can do is to

understand their decision because love is about affection towards two people, if it hurts it is not

love. Some children react to divorce in a natural and understanding way, while others may

struggle with the transition. A child may feel a sense of loss. For some children a divorce or

separation also means as well as losing their home they also lose the way of their life.

i
 CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

The family is the basic social unit which plays an important role in care, nurturing and

socialization of children. Unfortunately these days a lot of situations are affecting this very

important social unit of our society, one of them is parental separation. Parental separations is

when parents no longer love each other and decide to live apart due to physical abuse, financial

problems, infidelity and marital conflicts. As for the child he/she can feel as if their world has

been turned upside down. The hurt and stress on children are twice as likely to have emotional,

social, behavioral and academic problems. The increased risk of poor adjustment in children may

partly be due to high conflict and other problems in the family before the separation. This may

affect the children’s ability to cope with the separation. The level of upset the child feels can

vary depending on how their parents separated, the age of the child, how much they understand,

and the support they get from parents, family and friends. Overall, the effects of parent–child

separation are consistently negative on children's social-emotional development, well-being, and

mental health. They are more severe when the separation is prolonged or accompanied by other

forms of deprivation. This research explores and elaborates the effect of separation for children

and to whom they lean on during this time of turbulence. This also aims to know the different

experiences of children in different ages, and how they were able to cope with their parent’s

separation.

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Background of the Study

The effects of separation on children can vary depending on how the parents separated; it

can differ in domestic violence, financially unstable, infidelity or third-party, conflict,

commitment, etc. Part of the major social change is the increase in rates of parental separation.

This study explores and elaborates the effect of separation for children. Various studies have

specified how separation affects child’s behavior (Fagot 1990) that can cause anxiety disorder

(Warren, Huston, Egeland, and Stroufe 1997), trauma and stress related disorders (Moser,

Simons, and Foa 2007), drug addiction, stress eating and many more. By this matter the outcome

of the child’s future can have environmental risks like poverty and lack of knowledge (Seifer and

Dickstein 2000). These findings need further attention to understand the considerable effects of

parental separation on their child’s development. The impact of parental separation on a child’s

life is a matter of concern and responsibility all throughout the world. This issue has led to

several findings regarding risks to children that are associated with parental separation, as well as

financial instability, social problems, mental or psychological problems.

Significance of the Study

The reason why this kind of topic needs to be addressed is because this has been the

insecurity of some teenagers ever since the separation has happened. And now that this research

has been done, tackling this sensitive topic can let everyone know and learn that life is precious

and do not let anyone or anything stop you from growing, learning, and understanding things.

This may or may not be applicable by anyone, but this works for some.

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Scope and Limitations

The purpose of this research is to focus on the outcome of the child rather than the

process of the child that is affected by the separation, and to seek the child’s explanation and

provide experiences from their own perspectives. This ensures every single child that is

undergoing this problem that everything happens for a reason and not even separation can stop

you achieving your goals in life. Children whose parents are going through divorce may have a

hard time socializing with others and tend to have lesser friends. This focuses on making the

children more confident on carrying the impact whether it is negative or positive, the child

should be still thankful that he/she has been loved by his/her parents thus the separation. This

research can also be a mind-opener to other people that judge children with separated parents and

bully them for the reason of not having a complete and happy family. A family can be happy

whether it is complete or not. Most importantly, a family is genuinely happy when they will not

trample and belittle anyone. What is the use of a complete family when the parents have no time

for the children and always use the work hours as an excuse. It’s just good when your family is

broken but they take turns making up for it for their children and that is the real definition of a

happy family.

3
 EFFECTS OF PARENTAL SEPARATION ON CHILDREN

According to this research, those who benefit more from the separation are particularly

men. When the father separates from the mother of his children, the income of his wage will

increase, while the woman, and suffer from financial problems and penalties. Regardless of this

problem, women are stronger and lay low for many years and rise back again (Amelia Hill

2009). There is no right or wrong in the world of separation because it is all depending on the

situation of the married couple. Almost half of all the marriages here in Barangay 1 Naga in

Tanjay City, will end in separation due to many reasons regarding financial problems, third-party

and physical abuse. And 13% children under 18 years old are affected by the said case.

Separation can be a difficult time for a family. Not only are the parents realizing new

ways of relating to each other, but they are learning new ways to parent their children. When

parents’ separate, the effects of divorce on children can vary in so many ways. Some children

react to the separation in a natural and understanding way, while other children may struggle

with the transition and they seek to know the truth behind the separation.

Tackling this topic openly can be a voice to some teenagers that have no courage to talk

about this topic due to it being very sensitive to them and many people misunderstood their

situation to the point that they will be judged and bullied for some nonsense reasons. This topic

can tell the world that the children who are experiencing this are strong and can fight alongside

the parents to love the life they wanted despite the turbulence they have on their way. This topic

is for everyone especially to those children who are from a broken family and are thriving to

make a complete family someday.

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 CHAPTER II: LITERATURE REVIEW

Divorce has never been an intentional act in every family’s life, thus it is something that

can emotionally affect each of the family members differently by the day goes by. Many factors

are needed to be considered especially when the separation has a child involved in the situation.

Literature shows that children from divorced families experience difficult adjustments such as

social, academic, and behavioral compared to children of intact families (Doherty & Needle,

1991). This study will be focusing at the impact that separation can cause to the children up to

their teenage years, this will also be looking on the parent to children relationship and the

relationship of the parents themselves. When explaining to the children the situation individually,

it can result to have mixed feelings about what and whom the child should be “siding” with. One

of the negative effects of this situation that matters mostly on the child is having less time

together and the closeness of each other that can lose the bond of what family is supposed to be.

This paper can help the parents understand what consequences separation can do to their

children. This theory is looking unto the relationship that has formed before and after the

parental separation. The relationship between the parents and the children is a factor that can

relieve or add stress to the parents. This also provides very important information that can inform

everyone who has been experiencing or undergoing the same problem, and to all the involved

people to work out and solve while it is still early.

5
 FATHER-CHILD RELATIONSHIP

The fathers’ interaction with his child after the separation differs in two ways, a toxic

relationship between the children or a healthy relationship. As the traditional way of describing a

father, the father provides the need and the welfare of his family. Anyone can stand a father

figure to a child, but being a dad who can support and love his child takes a lifetime. Fathers play

a role in a child that cannot be filled by others.

Fathers are the pillars or the foundation of children’s emotional well-being. The child

looks for their father to obey and follow the rules, providing the feeling of security, your physical

and emotional safety. There are some standards that a father can do that mothers could not. The

way a father treats his child will also influence how the child socializes with other people.

Friends and lovers are always chosen based on how the child learned the meaning of the

relationship with his or her father. The father affects how the child will socialize with other

people by the means of learning what the father taught and showed to the child.

A father to his daughter shows what a good relationship with a guy looks like. If the

father shows a loving, gentle and good relationship to his daughter then she will look for those

qualities when she begins dating. If a father is strong, valiant and has an untouchable aura, she

will relate closely to men with the same character as what the father portrays.

A father to his sons, unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their

father’s character, boys model themselves after their father’s character. Boys will seek approval

from their fathers from a very young age (Pediatrics of Franklin 2022).

6
 MOTHER-CHILD RELATIONSHIP

Mothers and their children are already connected even before birth. A mother is one of

the most important roles a woman can portray. A mother has a big role in a child’s life by caring

for them, loving them, teaching and giving them the knowledge of everything. The mother is the

very first teacher of the child, which is why the mother can affect the child’s developmental

growth socially, emotionally and physically. Being a good role model is a very crucial move that

a parent can make, because children are good imitators so give them something good to imitate

(Anonymous). As a mother it is very important to have a healthy attachment with your child

because throughout the day emotions are constantly changing and as a mother you should make

your child understand that the real world is full of chaos and the only one who can help you is

yourself.

A child’s behavior outside and inside the house are all coming from the teachings of the

mother themselves because of the fact that they are the ones who are babysitting their child.

Even though the child is naughty sometimes, mothers should always learn not to scold them, but

instead, teach them how to properly do something because children have never been very good at

listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them (James Baldwin 1987).

Being a safe haven is also a mother’s thing when it comes to consoling their child’s

feelings. Taking time to talk with your child helps to establish a strong bond and connection

between the two of you. Mothers have such a magic power that can take away all the pain when

you open up your problems to them. They know that you are carrying something heavy in your

heart, as they say, Mother’s Instincts.

7
 CHAPTER III: CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORK

This research paper is more on having factual and real events that have been explained in

some of the chapters that have happened in real life. Some of the teenagers out there are facing

these situations wherein we are seeking and finding the value of love from our parents. Being in

a separated family is hard especially when you have no right to choose where you will stay.

Some of the children have no knowledge of what was going on especially when they are just a

mere innocent kid when his/her parents had separated. The parents did not mind the side effects

of the separation as long as they decided to end it once and for all. The child has the right to

speak and question his/her parents and for the parents they should elaborately explain to their

child in any circumstances for them to understand the situation they are facing.

Perceived Guilt

As we all know, guilt can be defined as the negative feelings that arise from having done

something that is or is perceived to be wrong (Baumeister et al. 1994). This is the most common

emotion that the child will feel when they know their parents are separating. They will feel

accused to the point that they are the reason why his/her parents got separated. Guilt can control

the emotion of a young child that is innocent and has no idea of what is happening between

his/her parents. Although it is difficult to assess in an individual case wherein a child suffers as a

result of the separation, if the child has problems after separation, parents may still feel some

responsibility for these problems. Of course, married parents may also have children with

difficulties and studies suggest that parents are confronted with guilt problems in such cases as

well (Godwin 2004).

8
Grief

Every child experiences this, especially in the situation wherein their parents are in the

state of separating. Separation fills children with questions that they are afraid to ask. A child

may be so uncomfortable with the feelings that the idea of divorce evokes that it may take a long

time before his/her parents can discuss them. Any unusual or out of the ordinary behavior may

be your child’s way of acting out these feelings, giving you clues and an opening for discussion.

Every child can feel this state of frustration; you will feel that you’re the one responsible for the

separation, locking up in your room and crying all out. Parents have their own personal reasons

that children should have no right to meddle with the mistakes the parents made.

Despair

Parental separations could result in a range of emotions for the child including fear,

helplessness, dysphonia, rage, confusion, and anxiety (Bowlby, 1973; Malone, Westen, &

Levendosky, 2011). For instance, during World War II, children who were separated from their

caregivers were known to exhibit symptoms of despair (Freud & Burlingham, 1943). According

to (Wallerstein et al., 2000), the impact of divorce hits them most cruelly as they go in search of

love, sexual intimacy and commitment. Their lack of inner images of a man and a woman in a

stable relationship and their memories of their parents' failure to sustain the marriage badly

hobbles their search, leading them to heartbreak and even despair.

9
 Visual Presentation of the Framework

Perceived Guilt

Effects of
separation that Grief
can affect the
child's growth

Despair
 10

HYPOTHESIS: Why is Parental Separation should be explained on Children

Separation can be a challenging and painful transition that a child can ever experience.

The parents can help their children by explaining to them what is happening and how they end

up with the decision to part ways. Being civil when talking to the child is one way of helping

them understand the situation, by not criticizing or belittling the other parent when talking in-

front of your child. Reassuring your child that the separation has nothing to do with them and

they had to make that decision in order to save their child away from any circumstances and

consequences if they never decide to separate.

How to explain to Teenagers

Be honest with teens to avoid feelings of distrust. Answer questions in a simple,

straightforward way. Share information that is appropriate to the teen’s level of understanding

concerning relationship issues or other concerns. Let them know they can approach you with

questions. Support your teen’s positive relationships with friends or peers and assist them in

finding relationships with other caring adults who can talk with them about concerns. Family

relatives, mentors or counselors can be a resource to help them talk about and deal with

frustrations or concerns. Lastly, reassure them of your love and ease any fears of being

abandoned. Let them know you have not abandoned them. Provide regular support and listening.

Tell them clearly that you love them and will be there for them.
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How to explain on Kids

Give verbal reassurance to young children. Tell them often that you love them, that

everything will work out and that you will give them your full support. Also, listen and allow

them to share thoughts or feelings and help them realize that feeling scared or upset is okay and

can be worked out. Hold young children and give them physical comfort, hugs and reassurance.

Most young children naturally seek the comfort that comes from being held or hugged. Give

children extra hugs, smiles and hand-holding. Set aside time to sit together, put your arm around

them or hold them and talk about their feelings.

It is important not to pull your child into the conflict, reassure them that they are still

loved and cared for by both of the parents, and all their emotions are valid and it is okay to ask

questions when they are mentally ready to know. Show that as a parent you are interested and

hearing your child’s perspective about some point of views, but make it clear that parents are

responsible for the decisions. If the result and cause of parental separation will be explained

clearly then the effects on children will be understandable.

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CHAPTER IV: METHODOLOGY

Data Requirements

VARIABLES OPERATIONAL DEFINITION

Impacts of Parental Separation on children To know if the effect of parental separation is

positive or negative

Present legal guardian with the children after Having a legal guardian after the separation

the Parental Separation can guide the children

Relationship with your mother after the Communication with the mother is important

Parental Separation for nurturing the development of the child

Relationship with your father after the Parental Communication with the father is important for

Separation promoting the strength and bravery of the child

Effect on children upon growing up after Effects of the separation on the child are

Parental Separation normal and is all part of the process

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Plan of Analysis

Primary data collection of online survey questionnaires and my personal observation that

is very helpful and useful to this research, not only for personal gain but also for the readers to

understand the depth of this said research and on how it affects our daily lives. This method that

is used helped to gain insights into the interactions on how other children cooperate and open up

their sad thoughts regarding their situation.

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CHAPTER V: DATA ANALYSIS

Presentation of Data

Answers on Survey

Male Students that answered

Female Students that answered
Have negative impact of the sepa-
ration
Have positive impact of the separation
Communication of Father
Communication of Mother
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Findings

Out of 10 students that only 6 answered, nonetheless, these answers are to present what

the questions are supposed to be answered. Male students that answered the survey are only 2

while Female Students have answered 4. As you can see in the chart, green and violet distinguish

negative impact (green) and positive impact (violet), and most of their answers have negative

impact on their growth as a teenager entering the early stage of adolescence. Communication

with your parents is important in our developmental growth, especially when having problems

and the problem can only be talked about by the father and vice versa. As seen in the chart, the

communications in two parties have the same answers. By this matter, it is still important to

communicate with your mother and father even if they have separated because, as for some cases

it is very hard when you’re not in touch with each other especially when times are hard and your

mother or father is not present in your hard times.

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CHAPTER VI: CONCLUSION

Children should have the right to know the situation they are in when they are in the right

time and age to know and understand the problem. They need to have the explanation in order to

also help themselves conquer the effects of the separation that affected their side. Parents should

also have the courage to tell their children, not by the means of scolding and blaming it to them,

but in ways of confronting and having a seat to have a heart-to-heart talk in order for them to

truly understand the situation even though it is very hard. But the difficulty of saying it will be

much easier for them to understand that their parents are going through this challenge and it also

will be a key for them to help their parents to get through with the problem. As they say, children

are a blessing in disguise and they should be cherished and loved for the rest of their life.

Parental Separation is a sensitive topic which can make the child be frustrated at times when it

will be talked to them, because having this topic makes them think that they have something to

do with the separation but apparently not.

Summary of Findings

This research has many negative effects but also has positive sides that should not be

addressed also. Every divorce differs from every other divorce and affects each child in its own

unique way. Some are impacted in a positive way but most of the time it has a negative impact

on them. Since parental separation can result in various and multiple negative effects, one of the

most factual and rampant effects is having perceived guilt because having this side-effect can

lead to overthinking that maybe they are the reason for the separation by this matter, it can be

affecting their motivation and social engagement with other people.

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Rebellion is also a common effect that can be seen on a child, they likely lose their

respect, acquiring hatred or disliking his/her parents and making foolishness to get their

attention. One of the most rebellions a child can do is drug habits and sometimes they engage in

sexual participation because of the lack of guidance by their parents. No matter how hard the

child acts, that they are not affected by the situation, their actions speak more loudly than what

they say and it affects them deep down inside. Regardless of the age of any child that is in the

middle of facing these kinds of problems, they somehow feel that the separation was their fault

and some of the children may think that way and at the same time they are also trying to save

his/her parents’ marriage. One of the positive effects a child can learn about the separation is that

they can make it a lesson when the time comes that they become a parent in the future. Children

are most likely to become more self-sufficient as both parents are most likely working, they

become self-dependent and understand more the situation they are in when they are alone.

Children from divorce sometimes develop a deeper understanding of the stakes involved when

deciding to marry. Some children, especially as they reach young adulthood, often decide they

do not want to repeat what they saw in their parents’ relationships in their own relationship in the

future. Some may develop trauma and they do not want to make their children experience what

they go through before. They will often make special efforts to ensure their relationships are

more stable and healthy as a result of experiencing conflict between their parents and resulting

stress when they experienced it while growing up.

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Recommendations

If parents handle the separation sensitively then the challenges and effects of the

separation can help children learn important skills like self-sufficiency and independence.

Parents can encourage their children to talk about what is bothering them so that the problem

cannot cause family problems, by this they will learn how to hear each side of the story and have

a conversation that is coming from the heart. Coping with separation is very hard for a child.

That is why it is important to have guidance from your parents and have some advice to some

elderly that have seen your situation to enlighten what you feel and make you understand the

means of your life and the freedom that separation made to our parents. The only

recommendation that this research can give to whoever reads this is that when going through a

parental separation, children should have the bravery and strength to face the consequences

because the only person who can only save you, is only yourself. You were there from day one,

which is why it is important to be strong and tough to be a young adult because this will help us

when problems may come in the near future. As they say, “God never gives us consequences and

problems that we cannot handle.”

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References

Brian M. D’Onofrio, PhD, 2011

Deborah Chen (2017) Effects of Parental Separation on the Resilience of Children who have

experienced Trauma. Retrieved from

https://mountainscholar.org/bitstream/handle/10217/184026/Chen_colostate_0053N_14402.pdf?

sequence=1

Diane Hogan (2002) Children’s Experiences of Parental Separation. Retrieved from

https://www.tcd.ie/tricc/assets/pdfs/crc-archive/2002-Hogan-Halpenny-Greene-Parental-

Separation.pdf

Divorce or Separation of parents – The impact on Children and Adolescents: for Parents and

Carers 2022

Family Means (2020) What are the effects of Divorce on Children? Retrieved from

https://www.familymeans.org/effects-of-divorce-on-children.html

Family Relationship Advice

Feelings of Guilt in the Family: The Case of Divorced Parents 2020

Graine Mediation 2020

Healthway Medical 2020

Helping children cope with separation and divorce 2018

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Karen Stephens (2007) Dealing with Separation teaches valuable lessons. Retrieved from

https://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-

resource-library/documents/separation-teaches-valuable-lessons.pdf

Kathy Hardie-Williams (September 7, 2017) Stay together for the Kids? Retrieved from

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/stay-together-for-kids-when-divorce-might-benefit-everyone-

0907174

Keith Walsh 2015

Kyle Barth 2013

Laura Nelson (2009) A Review of Literature on the Impact of Parental Divorce on Relationships

in Adolescents. Retrieved from

http://www2.uwstout.edu/content/lib/thesis/2009/2009nelsonl.pdf

Parenting Exchanging by Karen Stephens 2007

Parents Together 2019

Pediatrics of Franklin 2022

ReachOut Australia 2020

Talking to Children about Divorce 2015

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