How To Counsel Teens With Drug - Dan Britton
How To Counsel Teens With Drug - Dan Britton
How To Counsel Teens With Drug - Dan Britton
Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was
correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party
for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result
from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
Table of Contents
1. Introduction: How Bad is the Problem
2. Understanding Why Teens Turn to Drugs and Alcohol
3. Approaching Teens About Substance Abuse
4. How a Counselor Can Help a Troubled Teen?
5. Support to Parents During Teen Substance Abuse
6. Substance Abuse in Evangelical Christianity
7. A Youth Pastor’s Perspective
Here is a list of the most common warning signs of drug or alcohol abuse.
• Loss of interest in hobbies or social activities.
If a teen quickly loses interest in their favorite activities such as sports, hobbies,
or social gatherings, it could be a strong warning sign. Look out for phrases such
as "I don't like that anymore" or "I don't have time for that." The less they are
willing to talk about it or explain their reasoning for the change in priorities, the
more likely there is to be a problem.
• Changes in friends.
Drugs and alcohol are a common reason for changes in social groups among
teenagers. Users may become uncomfortable or disinterested in spending time
with non-users. They also might begin to spend time in different places. If a teen
chooses to spend time with other teens who also show warning signs for
substance abuse, that is a good indicator that they may be using.
• Unexplained need for money.
It is common for teenagers to ask for money, but the way in which they ask for it
can give you information on whether they might be using it for drugs. Teens who
need money for drugs will often ask their parents for money without explaining
what it will be used for. Or they will inflate the prices of things they need and
then spend the extra money on drugs. They may also insist on being given the
money to buy things for themselves rather than allowing their parents to buy
them. This is a strong indicator that they are lying about how they will use this
money.
• Changes in appetite, sleep, or personal hygiene.
Both an increase and decrease in a teen's appetite or the amount they sleep could
indicate substance abuse. Some drugs make teens want to sleep or eat more, and
some reduce the desire for food and rest dramatically. Any sudden gain or loss in
weight or change in energy level should be noted. Likewise, teens often begin to
neglect their physical appearance as their dependence increases. They might stop
brushing their teeth or hair, putting on their makeup, carefully choosing their
clothing, or even bathing or showering altogether.
• Sudden changes in mood.
Adolescence is a time of change, so changes in mood are to be expected.
However, there are certain clues that the problem may be drug related rather than
just a matter or hormones. The most telling sign is if a teen suffers from sudden
and dramatic mood swings. They might also become unusually irritable, fidgety
or anxious. Any strong change in temperament or personality that happens
within a short span of time is a good indicator that something might be wrong.
• A drop in academic performance
As substance abuse increases, priorities change. Grades are often one of the first
priorities to fall by the wayside. Others include the neglect of other
responsibilities. Teens who use drugs may stop doing their homework, taking out
the trash when they are supposed to, or attending family, school, or church
functions. The more quickly this happens, and the greater the change from their
previous behavior, the stronger the warning sign.
• An increase in secrecy or paranoia.
It is a cliché that teenagers lie to their parents and other authority figures, but it
may also be a sign of substance abuse. They will start to lie frequently about
where they have been, what they have been doing, or who they are spending
time with. Or they will refuse to speak of these matters at all. Often they will
engage in paranoid behaviors such as refusing to let anyone into their room or
touch their bags or any objects they carry around with them.
• Physical symptoms.
Different drugs cause different symptoms, but the following could be indicators
of substance abuse: loss of motor control and coordination, bloodshot eyes,
slurred speech, or coughing or nausea that lasts longer than you would expect
from an illness.
Even one or two of these signs might mean it is time for parents to sit their teens
down for a conversation, or take further action. The sooner a teen gets help, the
more likely it is to prevent the problem from turning serious, and the easier it is
to assist them in getting to the root of the problem that led them to substance
abuse in the first place. Many of these warning signs are also indicators of
possible depression or other mental health issues. Even if the teen in question
isn't using drugs, these signs are strong evidence that they probably do need
some kind of help.
Pick a time when the teen is not busy or under particular stress. If they have a
test to study for or a big game the next day, they will have difficulty focusing on
the discussion. It is best to talk when the teen is in a calm and even mood,
although this may not be possible.
The most important factor is that, unless you have no other choice, you should
never try to discuss substance abuse with a teen while they are under the
influence. Wait for them to sober up and then speak with them. Parents in
particular sometimes make this mistake when signs of inebriation cause them to
panic. However, it is very unlikely a discussion with an inebriated teenager will
achieve any results.
The right attitude
Clear, direct, and calm is the correct attitude to take when confronting a teen
about substance abuse. Many parents and counselors dance around the issue at
hand for fear of pushing the teen away or making them defensive. However,
being subtle or indirect makes it difficult to broach the subject in a meaningful
way, and it leaves room for the teen to steer the conversation away from
substance abuse. Instead, state your evidence and concerns clearly and directly.
It helps to write the specific warning signs you have observed in the teen down
in advance, so you can bring them up. This also helps to keep the discussion
focused and on target.
It is equally important that these statements are delivered in a calm manner with
an emphasis that your interest is in supporting and helping the teen, rather than
punishing them. Make statements of fact, not accusations. Leave your emotions
at the door. This includes panic and fear as well as aggression. This can be
particularly difficult for parents who have such a strong emotional investment.
However, emotion-fueled accusations will make teens defensive, and more likely
to lie or shut down. If you can create a safe and accepting space, they will find it
easier to open up.
Dealing with deception
When someone has a substance abuse problem, lying can become second nature.
Teens will often tell well-rehearsed and convincing lies in an attempt to hide
their behavior from adults. Parents can be easily fooled because they do not wish
to believe their child has a problem. It is important to go into a discussion with a
teen about substance abuse with the attitude that the potential problem is
probably real, and they will most likely lie about it. Trust your instincts. If you
think something is wrong you will be right most of the time.
That does not mean you should be accusatory. But it does mean you should
counter excuses or explanations a teen gives with observations and counter-
evidence. Be on the watch for common excuses. It is rare for teens to go to
drinking parties without drinking. If you smell marijuana or cigarettes on their
clothes, you can be confident they were not merely "hanging around people who
were smoking." Make it clear that you will not believe or tolerate lies and
excuses, and they are more likely to stop.
At the same time, make it clear that you do not take deception personally, and
that it will be forgiven as soon as they start to tell the truth. Often when teens
start to lie, they are afraid to admit they lied even when it becomes obvious. Tell
them you realize they are not telling the truth, but that you understand and are
not judging them for it. Teens, especially those who use drugs, are not often
consequence-oriented thinkers. They might lie even when they know you will
see right through them.
Always keep in mind that you are dealing with someone going through a
difficult situation. They may change their story or get angry and defensive while
you are speaking to them. These are emotional reactions, but they may also
strategies they will use to derail you and avoid coming clean. It is your
responsibility to stay calm and focused and guide them toward telling the truth
and talking about their problems.
It is vital to have a treatment facility or professional chosen before you begin the
conversation. You may speak to the teen with the belief that they have just begun
to experiment with drugs or alcohol, only to find that they are already deeply
addicted and have been for some time. Some teens are much better at hiding the
signs than others. For both parents and counselors, this can be a shock. Having a
treatment plan in place helps to take the worry out of what to do next.
It can also provide great comfort to a teen who has decided to accept help for a
serious problem. The more knowledge and solutions you have going into the
conversation, the more confident and self-assured you will be, and the more you
will be able to give the teen the help they need.
The first step in helping a teen with their drug or alcohol problems is to figure
out if they indeed have a problem. The sad truth is that, more often than not, if
you believe a teen is using drugs, they probably are. We spoke in other sections
of how to identify the warning signs of substance abuse and how best to
approach a teen about their drug problem. As a counselor, you are in a unique
position to help teens who might otherwise have difficulty finding help.
Many teens find it easier to talk to a neutral third party than to go directly to
their parents or guardians. Make it known that you are only interested in
listening and helping and that when they speak to you there will be no judgment.
There is a large range of situations in teen drug use. Studies have shown that
talking to a teen in the early stages when they are thinking of trying drugs, or
have only done so a few times, can dramatically reduce the likelihood of
addiction.
If you are knowledgeable, supportive, and make others feel safe, it is more likely
that teens will talk to you, and you can more easily determine whether their
problem is serious enough that they need professional treatment.
Convince Them They Need Treatment
Therapists and rehabilitation centers only help if the person in need shows up.
Fortunately, if a teen is under 18 years of age, they cannot refuse treatment if
their parent or guardian decides they need it. If they are over 18, it might require
a push from a school administrator, employer, or the legal system. As a
counselor, you cannot compel a teen to receive treatment. If you determine that
treatment is necessary and the teen refuses, you should immediately inform their
parents or guardians so they can take the next step.
That being said, it is better to convince the teen they need treatment if at all
possible. It will make the transition process smoother and more likely to be
effective if everyone involved agrees. It can be difficult to get any teenager to do
something they don't want to do, and the problem is much worse with addicts.
However, there are strategies you can use that have proven effective.
Get the teen to talk about the problems drugs or alcohol have caused in their
lives. Even if they claim they are fully functional and have no interest in getting
clean, if you probe deeply enough you will often find they are fully aware of
negative effects of their drug use. They just try not to think about it. Ask them to
describe an event in which their drug use made a situation worse or hurt them or
someone else. Ask them about what they have lost or given up for drugs. Even if
they claim they don't care about any of this, telling someone else about these
issues will bring them into the forefront of their mind and perhaps help them see
the situation differently.
Try to find the root of the problem. Research shows that as many as 75% of
teens who use drugs suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety or
depression. The drugs seem like an easy cure. Help them to see that there are
other, better ways to deal with their problems, and they may be more amenable
to the idea of getting sober.
Help them see the potential consequences of their substance abuse. Ask them
about their life goals and what they want to do in the future. Talk about the way
that drugs and alcohol can interrupt these goals. Let them do as much of the
talking as possible. If a counselor or parent lectures a troubled teen, they are
likely to shut down or dismiss what they hear. If they come to the conclusions
themselves, they will be more convincing and powerful.
Suggest easing them into treatment. Teens might be more open to the idea of
speaking to a therapist or certified substance abuse counselor than to going
straight into a rehabilitation center. These professionals are trained to help teens
overcome reluctance and denial and to determine and work on the underlying
causes that lead to the substance abuse.
The specifics of getting teens into treatment will vary based on your area and the
exact situation. This is why it is vital to familiarize yourself with these factors in
advance. Counselors should be fully knowledgeable and up-to-date on all
treatment options in their areas. Find out all you can about local therapists, social
workers, certified counselors, rehabilitation programs, and treatment centers.
Determine who offers the best treatment and what their specialties are.
If you can, develop a relationship with as many of these people and institutions
as possible. Call them up and tell them who you are and what you do. More
often than not, they will be happy to talk to you and offer you practical and legal
advice on what you should and should not do in your counseling. Different teens
with different problems often require different types of treatment, so it's
important to know what the options are. Once you get this information, keep it
organized and always on hand.
Going into treatment can be a difficult and emotional time for both affected teens
and their families. There is often a great deal of paperwork to fill out and legal
hoops to jump through. This is where a counselor can provide both great comfort
and invaluable practical assistance. If you are familiar with the process, it takes
some of the burden off of the parents during a highly stressful situation. And if
you already have a relationship with the therapist or treatment center in question,
it can smooth the process even further.
Counseling Guidelines to Consider
When dealing with teens that have drug and alcohol problems it’s vital to have
some clear guidelines when counseling them. That is why it’s good to let them
know what’s expected of them.
*What is the timing and frequency expected of the counseling sessions?
*What are the goals of the counseling?
*What are specifics they need to know about the process?
The counselee needs to know that they can talk about themselves openly and
honestly. The counselor must have a humble and loving attitude towards the
counselee.
It is easier to confront an issue on a teen when they feel comfortable with the
counselor.
If dealing with a minor, they need to understand that their parents must be
involved in the process of change. Basically they need to hear that you plan on
telling their parents if the issue involves anyone getting hurt.
The Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) survey reported the following
information about parental involvement. “The reality of a growing adolescent
drug problem should serve as a wake-up call to every all parents who are
tempted to say, ;’It will never happen to us.’ Every one of our children will be
faced with a decision about drugs and alcohol. Parents play the most significant
role in helping children make those decisions. Parents, who set a good example,
talk openly about drugs, and who live and teach biblical theologies of substance
abuse are more likely to raise children who won't become statistics.”
Parents may find it very difficult to talk to their teens about their substance
abuse. It is important that the person who confronts a teen about their drug
problem is clear, direct, and calm. This means approaching the situation with a
clear head, free of rampant emotions. It is understandable that this is very hard
for parents.
In our society, we have an image that parents are supposed to be role models and
guiding lights for their children. But parents are people, too. They aren't perfect,
and they shouldn't have to be. When parents find out their children are using
drugs, they often feel angry, hurt, or betrayed. Even if they believe they have
these feelings under control, they might flare up when they try to actually sit
their teen down to talk. What should be a supportive and controlled conversation
transforms into a fight, an angry lecture, or a bevy of accusations. None of these
are likely to get through to the troubled teen and can create alienation and make
the problem even worse.
When parents face this problem, a counselor can be of enormous help. Let
parents know that you are willing to talk to their teen if they might not be able to
handle it calmly or if they have tried already and feel they are not making
progress. This can either be done in private with just you and the teen or you can
offer to serve as a mediator. As a mediator, you would sit down with both the
teen and one or more parents and serve to keep the conversation calm, focused,
and moving forward.
Parents may come to rely on counselors as the single solution to their teen's
substance abuse problems. If you have had success in getting through to teens
and helping them get treatment, parents may begin to treat you as they would a
therapist or certified counselor.
Make sure they know that you are not trained or authorized to provide this level
of treatment. Impress upon them whenever needed that your role is that of a
friend and mentor, not a professional in substance abuse. You are there to give
them advice and guide them on to more serious treatment if they decide it is
needed.
Often times it is the small, practical things that make all the difference. Parents
get overwhelmed by the fact of their teen's substance abuse. Too much stress
makes it difficult to perform even simple tasks. When getting a child into
treatment, the tasks pile up, and so does the stress.
If you can step in and help them with the process of filling out forms and making
phone calls, it can ease the burden and let parents focus on dealing with their
lives and providing emotional support to their teens. Let parents know that if
they don't have to do everything themselves. You may only be able to provide a
limited amount of support, because you are only one person. But that does not
mean that parents have to go through this alone.
Many families don't want to tell anyone their teen has substance abuse problems
out of fear or shame. They do not want to be judged or ostracized. But if they are
willing to open up to their family, friends, and community, they may be amazed
at how much support they receive.
When people are ill, their community and loved ones bring them food, offer
them rides to the doctor, and provide them with many other kinds of support.
Addiction is an illness and it can be just as hard on a family as any other illness.
Parents may need some coaxing from you to open up, but you can coach them
that most of the time, fear is an illusion. If they can overcome it, it will give the
important people in their lives the chance to show how accepting and supportive
they can be.
Unfortunately, the sad truth is that in some cases, these fears are justified. Some
families don't have strong support structures or have jobs and community
positions that could be threatened if they reveal their teen's drug problem. In
these cases your role becomes even more important. If your role as counselor is
part of a church, school, or teen or community center, start a teen support fund to
help families during periods of addiction.
Get people to donate food or other goods, no questions asked, that can be given
to families that need them. In many cases, the parents and families that need help
the most are the ones who are least able to get it for themselves. As a counselor,
you can be there for them when no one else is.