ACT ONE

INSPECTOR

All right if I smoke?

SISTER BOLL

It’s not usual

INSPECTOR

I beg your pardon.

SISTER BOLL

A cup of tea?

INSPECTOR

No brandy?

SISTER BOLL

You’re in a medical establishment

INSPECTOR

Then nothing.

INSPECTOR

What was the nurse’s name?

1
 SISTER BOLL

Irene Staub

INSPECTOR

Age?

SISTER BOLL

Twenty-two. From Kohlwang.

INSPECTOR

Relatives?

SISTER BOLL

A brother in Liechenstein.

INSPECTOR

Informed?

SISTER BOLL

By telephone

INSPECTOR

The murderer?

SISTER BOLL

Please, Inspector – the poor man’s ill, you know.

INSPECTOR

Well, the assailant?

2
 SISTER BOLL

Ernst Heinrich Ernesti. We call him Einstein.

INSPECTOR

Why?

SISTER BOLL

Because he thinks he is Einstein.

INSPECTOR

Have you got the statement down?

NEWTON

Yes, sir.

INSPECTOR

Strangled, doctor?

POLICE DOCTOR

Quite definitely. With the flex of the standard lamp. These madmen often have
gigantic reserves of strength. It’s phenomenal.

INSPECTOR

Oh. Is that so? In that case I consider it most irresponsible to leave these
madmen in the care of female nurses. This is the second murder –

SISTER BOLL

Please, Inspector.

3
 INSPECTOR

- the second accident within three months in the medical establishment

known as Les Cerisiers.

PUSSI WAGNER AND NEWTON

On the twelfth of August a certain Herbert Georg Beutler, who believes himself
to be the great physicist Sir Isaac Newton, strangled Dorothea Moser, a nurse.
And in this very room. If they’d (had male attendants such a thing would never
have happened.

SISTER BOLL

Do you really think so?

INSPECTOR

J do.

SISTER BOLL

Nurse Moser was a member of the League of Lady Wrestlers and Nurse Straub
was District Champion of the National Judo Association.

INSPECTOR

And what about you?

SISTER BOLL

Weight-lifter.

INSPECTOR

Now I’d like to see the murderer.

4
 SISTER BOLL

Please, Inspector.

INSPECTOR

I mean - the assailant.

SISTER BOLL

He’s playing his fiddle.

INSPECTOR

Doing what?

SISTER BOLL

Can’t you hear him?

INSPECTOR

Then kindly request him to stop.

SISTER BOLL

Definitely not.

INSPECTOR

And why not?

SISTER BOLL

We cannot allow it, on medical grounds. Herr Ernesti has to play his fiddle,
and play it now.

INSPECTOR

5
But damn it, the man’s just strangled a nurse!

SISTER BOLL

Inspector. He’s not just any man, but a sick man who needs calming down. And
because he thinks he is Einstein he can only calm down when he’s playing the
fiddle.

INSPECTOR

Can I be going mad?

SISTER BOLL

No.

INSPECTOR

I’m getting confused. Warm in here

SISTER BOLL

I don’t think so.

INSPECTOR

Sister boll. Kindly fetch the doctor in charge.

SISTER BOLL

Quite out of the question. The Frä ulein Doktor is accompanying Einstein on
the piano. Einstein can only calm down when the Frä ulein Doktor plays his
accompaniments.

INSPECTOR

6
And three months ago the Frä ulein Doktor had to play chess with Sir Isaac
Newton, to calm him down. We can’t have any more of this, Sister. I simply
must speak to the doctor in charge.

SISTER BOLL

Certainly –

INSPECTOR

Thank you.

SISTER BOLL

- but you’ll have to wait.

INSPECTOR

How long’s this fiddling going to last?

SISTER BOLL

Fifteen minutes, an hour. It all depends.

INSPECTOR

Very well, I’ll wait. I’ll wait!

DR PUSSI-WAGNER

We’re just about finished, Herr Inspektor

INSPECTOR

So am I. You can take away the body.

DR PUSSI-WAGNER

7
Very well, sir

SISTER BOLL

I’ll show them the way through the park to the chapel.

NEWTON

Isaac Newton. Sir Isaac Newton

INSPECTOR

Inspector Richard Voss.

NEWTON

I’m so glad. Really very glad. Truly. I heard a noise in here, groans and
gurglings, and then people coming and going. May I inquire just what has been
going on?

INSPECTOR

Nurse Straub was strangled.

NEWTON

The District Champion of the National Judo Association?

INSPECTOR

The District Champion.

NEWTON

Gruesome.

INSPECTOR

8
By Ernst Heinrich Ernesti.

NEWTON

But he’s playing his fiddle.

INSPECTOR

He has to calm himself down.

NEWTON

The tussle must have taken it out of him. He’s rather highly strung, poor boy.
How did he -?

INSPECTOR

Wit the cord of the standard lamp.

NEWTON

With the cord of the standard lamp. Yes. That’s another possibility. Poor
Ernesti. I’m sorry for him. Truly sorry. And I’m sorry for the Ladies’ Judo
Champion too. Now you’ll have to excuse me. I must put things straight.

INSPECTOR

Do. We’ve got everything we want

NEWTON

I simply can’t stand disorder. Really it was my love of order that made me
become a physicist – to interpret the apparent disorder of Nature in the light
of a more sublime order. Will it disturb you if I smoke?

INSPECTOR

9
On the contrary, I was just thinking,…

NEWTON

Excuse me, but we were talking about order just now, so I must tell you that
the patients are allowed to smoke here but not the visitors. If they did it would
stink the place out.

INSPECTOR

I see.

NEWTON

Will it disturb you if I have a nip of brandy?

INSPECTOR

No. Not at all.

NEWTON

That poor Ernesti. I’m really upset. How on earth could anyone bring himself
to strangle a nurse?

INSPECTOR

I believe you strangled one yourself.

NEWTON

Did I?

INSPECTOR

10
Nurse Dorothea Moser.

NEWTON

The lady wrestler?

INSPECTOR

On the twelfth of August. With the curtain cord. But that was something quite
different, Inspector. I’m not mad, you know. Your health.

INSPECTOR

And yours.

NEWTON

Dorothea Moser. Let me cast my mind back. Blonde hair. Enormously

powerful. Yet, despite her bulk, very flexible. She loved me and I loved her. It
was a dilemma that could only be resolved by the use of a curtain cord.

INSPECTOR

Dilemma?

NEWTON

My mission is to devote myself to the problems of gravitation, not the physical

requirements of a woman.

INSPECTOR

Quite.

NEWTON

And then there was this tremendous difference in our ages.

11
 INSPECTOR

Granted. You must be well on the wrong side of two hundred.

NEWTON

How do you mean?

INSPECTOR

Well, being Sir Isaac Newton –

NEWTON

Are you out of your mind, Inspector, or are you just having me on?

INSPECTOR

Now look –

NEWTON

Do you really think I’m Sir Isaac Newton?

INSPECTOR

Well, don’t you?

NEWTON

Inspector, may I tell you a secret? In confidence?

INSPECTOR

Of course.

NEWTON

12
Well, it’s this. I am not Sir Isaac Newton. I only pretend to be Sir Isaac Newton.

INSPECTOR

What for?

NEWTON

So as not to confuse poor Ernesti.

INSPECTOR

I don’t get it.

NEWTON

You see, unlike me, Ernesti is really sick. He thinks he is Albert Einstein.

INSPECTOR

But what’s that got to do with you?

NEWTON

Well, if Ernesti were to find out that I am the real Albert Einstein, all hell
would be let loose.

INSPECTOR

Do you mean to say –

NEWTON

I do. I am he. The celebrated physicist and discoverer of the theory of

relatively, born March 14th, 1879, in the city of Ulm.

INSPECTOR

13
How do you do?

NEWTON

Just call me – Albert.

INSPECTOR

And you can call me Richard.

NEWTON

I could give you a Kreutzer with a good deal more dash than Ernesti. The way
he plays the Andante – simply barbarous! Simply barbarous!

INSPECTOR

I don’t understand anything about music.

NEWTON

Let’s sit down, shall we? Richard.

INSPECTOR

Yes, Albert?

NEWTON

You’re cross, aren’t you, because you can’t arrest me?

INSPECTOR

But Albert –

NEWTON

14
Is it because I strangled the nurse that you want to arrest me, or because it
was I who paved the way for the atomic bomb?

INSPECTOR

But Albert –

NEWTON

When you work that switch by the door, what happens, Richard?

INSPECTOR

The light goes on.

NEWTON

You establish an electrical contact. Do you understand anything about

electricity, Richard?

ININSPECTOR

I am no physicist.

NEWTON

I don’t understand much about it either. All I do is to elaborate a theory about

it on the basis of natural observation. I write down this theory in the
mathematical idiom and obtain several formulae. Then the engineers come
along. They don’t care about anything except the formulae. They treat
electricity as a pimp treats a whore. They simply exploit it. They build
machines – and a machine can only be used when it becomes independent of
the knowledge that led to its invention. So any fool nowadays can switch on a

15
light or touch off the atomic bomb. And that’s what you want to arrest me for,
Richard. It’s not fair.

INSPECTOR

But I don’t want to arrest you, Albert.

NEWTON

It’s all because you think I’m mad. But, if you don’t understand about
electricity, why don’t you refuse to turn on the light? It’s you who are the
criminal, Richard. But I must put my brandy away; if Sister Boll comes there
will be wigs on the green. Well, goodbye.

INSPECTOR

Goodbye, Albert.

NEWTON

Oh, Richard. You’re the one who should be arrested.

INSPECTOR

Now I will have a smoke

DR. PUSSI-WAGNER

We’re ready to leave, sir.

INSPECTOR

Go back to town with the men. I’ll come on later. I’m waiting for the doctor in
charge!

16
 BLOCHER

Very well, sir.

FRL. DOKTOR

My father, August von Zahnd, Privy Councillor. He used to live in this villa
before I turned it into a sanatorium. He was a great man, a real person. I am
his only child. He hated me like poison; indeed he hated everybody like
poison. And with good reason, for as an expert in economics, he saw, revealed
in human beings, abysses which are forever hidden from psychiatrists like
myself. We alienists are still hopelessly romantic philanthropists.

INSPECTOR

Three months ago there was a different portrait hanging here.

FRL. DOKTOR

That was my uncle, the politician. Chancellor Joachim von Zahnd. Well, Ernesti
has calmed down. In the end he just flung himself on the bed and fell sound
asleep. Like a little boy, not a care in the world. I can breathe again: I was
afraid he’d want to fiddle through the entire Brahms G Major Sonata.

INSPECTOR

Excuse me, Frä ulein Doktor, for smoking in here. I gather it’s prohibited but –

FRL. DOKTOR

17
Smoke away as much as you like, Inspector. I badly need a cigarette myself;
Sister or no Sister. Give me a light. Poor Nurse Straub. Simply frightful. She
was such a neat, pretty little thing. Newton?

INSPECTOR

I had the pleasure of speaking to hm.

FRL. DOKTOR

I’d better put it away.

INSPECTOR

Allow me.

FRL. DOKTOR

On account of Sister Boll, you know.

INSPECTOR

I know.

FRL. DOKTOR

So you had a talk with Sir Isaac?

INSPECTOR

Yes, and I discovered something.

FRL. DOKTOR

Congratulations.

INSPECTOR

18
Newton thinks he is really Einstein.

FRL. DOKTOR

That’s what he tells everybody. But in fact he really believes he is Newton.

INSPECTOR

Are you sure?

FRL. DOKTOR

It is I who decide who my patients think they are. I know them far better than
they know themselves.

INSPECTOR

Maybe so. In that case you should co-operate with us, Frä ulein Doktor. The
authorities are complaining.

FRL. DOKTOR

The public prosecutor?

INSPECTOR

Fuming.

FRL. DOKTOR

As if it were my business, Inspector.

INSPECTOR

But two murders -

FRL. DOKTOR

19
Please, Inspector.

INSPECTOR

Two accident in three months. You must admit that the safety precautions in
your establishment would seem inadequate.

FRL. DOKTOR

What sort of safety precautions have you in mind, Inspector? I am the director
of a medical establishment, not a reformatory. One can’t very well lock
murderers up before they have committed their murders, can one?

INSPECTOR

It’s not a question of murderers but of madmen, and they can commit murders
at any time.

FRL. DOKTOR

So can the sane; and, significantly, a lot more often. I have only to think of my
grandfather, Leonidas von Zahnd, the Field Marshal who lost every battle he
ever fought. What age do you think we’re living in? has medical science made
great advances or not? Do we have new resources at our disposal, drugs that
can transform raving madmen into the gentlest of lambs? Must we start
putting the mentally sick into solitary confinement again, hung up in nets, I
shouldn’t wonder, with boxing gloves on, as they used to? As if we were still
unable to distinguish between dangerous patients and harmless ones.

INSPECTOR

20
You weren’t much good at distinguishing between them in the cases of Beutler
and Ernesti.

FRL. DOKTOR

Unfortunately, no That’s what disturbs me, not the fuming of your public
prosecutor.

EINSTEIN

I just woke up.

FRL. DOKTOR

Oh, Professor!

EINSTEIN

Did I play well?

FRL. DOKTOR

Beautifully, Professor.

EINSTEIN

What about Nurse Irene? Is she –

FRL DOKTOR

Don’t give it another thought, Professor.

EINSTEIN

I’m going back to bed.

21
 FRL. DOKTOR

Yes, do Professor.

ISNPECTOR

So that was him

FRL. DOKTOR

Yes. Ernst Heinrich Ernesti.

INSPECTOR

The murderer –

FRL. DOKTOR

Please, Inspector.

INSPECTOR

I mean, the assailant, the one who thinks he’s Einstein. When was he brought
in?

FRL. DOKTOR

Two years ago.

INSPECTOR

And Sir Isaac Newton?

FRL. DOKTOR

One year ago. Both incurable. Look here, Voss, I’m no beginner, God knows, at
this sort of job. You know that, and so does the public prosecutor; he has
always respected my professional opinion. My sanatorium is world-famous

22
and the fees are correspondingly high. Errors of judgement and incidents that
bring the police into my house are luxuries I cannot afford. If anything was to
blame here, it was medical science, not me. These incidents could not have
been foreseen; you or I would be just as likely to strangle a nurse. No –
medically speaking there is no explanation for what has happened. Unless –
Inspector. Haven’t you noticed something?

INSPECTOR

What do you mean?

FRL. DOKTOR

Consider these two patients.

INSPECTOR

Yes?

FRL. DOKTOR

They’re both physicists. Nuclear physicists.

INSPECTOR

Well?

FRL. DOKTOR

Inspector, you really have a very unsuspecting mind.

INSPECTOR

Doktor von Zahnd.

23
 FRL. DOKTOR

Well, Voss?

INSPECTOR

You don’t think -

FRL. DOKTOR

They were both doing research on radioactive materials.

INSPECTOR

You suppose there was some connection?

FRL. DOKTOR

I suppose nothing. I merely state the facts. Both of them go mad, the
conditions of both deteriorate, both become a danger to the public and both of
them strangle their nurses.

INSPECTOR

And you think the radioactivity affect their brains?

FRL. DOKTOR

I regret to say that is a possibility I must face up to.

INSPECTOR

What’s on the other side of the hall?

FRL. DOKTOR

The green drawing room and upstairs.

24
 INSPECTOR

How many patients have you got here now?

FRL. DOKTOR

Three.

INSPECTOR

Only three?

FRL. DOKTOR

The rest were transferred to the new wing immediately after the first incident.
Fortunately I was able to complete the building just in time. Rich patients
contributed to the costs. So did my own relations. They died off one by one,
most of them in here. And I was left ole inheritor. Destiny, Voss. I am always
sole inheritor. My family is so ancient, it’s something of a miracle, in medicine,
that I should be relatively normal, I mean mentally.

INSPECTOR

What about the third patient?

FRL. DOKTOR

He’s also a physicist.

INSPECTOR

Well, that’s extraordinary. Don’t you think so?

FRL. DOKTOR

25
Not at all. I put them all together. The writers with the writers, the big
industrialists with the big industrialists, the millionairesses with the
millionairesses, and the physicists with the physicists.

INSPECTOR

What’s his name?

FRL. DOKTOR

Johann Wilhelm Mobius.

INSPECTOR

Was he working with radioactive materials as well?

FRL. DOKTOR

No.

INSPECTOR

Mightn’t he also perhaps –

FRL. DOKTOR

He’s been fifteen years here. He’s harmless. His condition has never changed.

INSPECTOR

Doktor von Zahnd, you can’t get away with it like that. The public prosecutor
insists that your physicists have male attendants.

FRL. DOKTOR

They shall have them.

26
 INSPECTOR

Good. I’m glad you see it that way. This is the second visit I have paid to Les
Cerisiers, Frä ulein Doktor. I hope I shan’t have to pay a third. Goodbye.

SISTER BOLL

Please, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

Oh, I’m sorry. Have they laid out Nurse Straub?

SISTER BOLL

Yes, under the organ loft.

FRL. DOCTOR

Have candles and wreaths put round her.

SISTER BOLL

I’ve already telephoned the florists about it.

FRL. DOKTOR

How is my Great-aunt Senta?

SISTER BOLL

Restless.

FRL. DOKTOR

Double her does. And my cousin Ulrich?

SISTER BOLL

27
No change.

FRL. DOKTOR

Frä ulein Sister Boll, I regret to say that one of our traditions here at Les
Cerisiers must come to an end . Until now I have employed female nurses only.
From tomorrow the villa will be in the hands of male attendants.

SISTER BOLL

Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd. I won’t let me three physicists be snatched away
from me. They are my most interesting cases.

FRL. DOKTOR

My decision is final.

SISTER BOLL

I’d like to know where you are going to find three male nurses, what with the
demand for them these days.

FRL. DOKTOR

That’s my problem. Leave it to me. Has Frau Mö bius arrived?

SISTER BOLL

She’s waiting in the green drawing room.

FRL. DOKTOR

Send her in.

SISTER BOLL

Here is Mö bius’s dossier. But –

28
 FRL. DOKTOR

Thank you, Sister, thank you.

My dear Frau Mö bius –

FRAU ROSE

Rose. Frau Rose. It must be an awful surprise to you, Frä ulein Doktor, but
three weeks ago I married Herr Rose, who is a missionary. I t was perhaps
rather sudden. We met in September at a missionary convention. Oskar was a
widower.

FRL. DOKTOR

Congratulations, Frau Rose, heartiest congratulations. And my best wishes to

you, too, Herr Rose.

FRAU ROSE

You do understand why we took this step?

FRL. DOKTOR

But of course, Frau Rose. Life must continue to bloom and flourish.

HERR ROSE

How peaceful it is here! What a friendly atmosphere! Truly a divine peace

reigns over this house, just as the psalmist says: For the Lord heareth the
needy and despiseth not his prisoners.

FRAU ROSE

Oskar is such a good preacher, Frä ulein Doktor. My boys.

29
 FRL DOKTOR

Good afternoon, boys.

THREE BOYS

Good afternoon, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRAU ROSE

Frä ulein Doktor, I have brought my boys with me for a very good reason.
Oskar is taking over a mission in the Marianas.

HERR ROSE

In the Pacific Ocean.

FRAU ROSE

I thought it only proper that my boys should make their father’s acquaintance
before their departure. This will be their one and only opportunity. They were
still quite small when he fell ill and now, perhaps, they will be saying goodbye
for ever.

FRL. DOKTOR

Frau, rose, speaking as a doctor, I would say that there might be objections,
but speaking as a human being I can understand your wish and gladly give my
consent to a family reunion.

FRAU ROSE

And how is my dear little Johann Wilhelm?

FRL. DOKTOR

30
Our dear old Mö bius shows signs neither of improvement nor of relapse, Frau
Rose. He’s spinning his own little cocoon.

FRAU ROSE

Does he still claim to see King Solomon?

FRL. DOKTOR

Yes.

HERR ROSE

A sad and deplorable delusion.

FRL. DOKTOR

Your harsh judgment surprises me a bit, Herr Missionary. Nevertheless, as a

theologian you must surely reckon with the possibility of a miracle.

HERR ROSE

Oh, of course – but not in the cast of someone mentally sick.

FRL. DOKTOR

Whether the manifestations perceived by the mentally sick are real or not is
something which psychiatry is not competent to judge. Psychiatry has to
concern itself exclusively with states of mind and with the nerves, and in this
respect things are in a bad enough way with our dear old Mö bius, even though
his illness takes rather a mild form. As for helping him, goodness me, another
course of insulin shock treatment might be indicated, but as the others have
been without success I’m leaving it alone. I can’t work miracles, Frau Rose,

31
and I can’t pamper our dear old Mö bius back to health; but I certainly don’t
want to make his life a misery either.

FRAU ROSE

Does he know that I’ve – I mean, does he know about the divorce?

FRL. DOKTOR

He has been told the facts.

FRAU ROSE

Did he understand?

FRL. DOKTOR

He takes hardly any interest in the outside world any more.

FRAU ROSE

Frä ulein Doktor. Try to understand my position. I am five years older than
Johann Wilhelm. I first met him when he was fifteen-year-old schoolboy, in my
father’s house, where he had rented an attic room. He was an orphan and
wretchedly poor. I helped him through high school and later made it possible
for him to read physics at the university. We got married on his twentieth
birthday, against my parents’ wishes. We worked day and night. He was
writing his dissertation and I took a job with a transport company. Four years
later we had our eldest boy, Adolf-Friedrich, and then came the two others.
Finally there were prospects of his obtaining a professorship; we thought we
could begin to relax at last. But then Johann Wilhelm fell ill and his illness
swallowed up immense sums of money. To provide for my family I went to

32
work n a chocolate factor. Tobler’s chocolate factory. For years I worked my
fingers to the bone.

FRL. DOKTOR

Frau Rose, you are a brave woman.

HERR ROSE

And a good mother.

FRAU ROSE

Frä ulein Doktor, until now I have made it possible for Johann to stay in your
establishment. The fees are far beyond my means, but God came to my help
time and time again. All the same, I am now, financially speaking, at the end of
my tether. I simply cannot raise the extra money.

FRL. DOKTOR

That’s understandable, Frau Rose.

FRAU ROSE

I’m afraid now you’ll think I married Oskar so as to get out of providing for
Johann Wilhelm. But that is not so. Things will be even more difficult for me
now. Oskar brings me six sons from his previous marriage!

FRL. DOKTOR

Six?

33
 HERR ROSE

Six.

FRAU ROSE

Six. Oskar is a most zealous father. But now there are nine boys to feed and
Oskar is by no means robust. And his salary is not high.

FRL. DOKTOR

Come, now, Frau Rose, you mustn’t. Don’t cry.

FRAU ROSE

I reproach myself bitterly for having left my poor little Johann Wilhelm in the
lurch.

FRL. DOKTOR

Frau Rose! You have no need to reproach yourself.

FRAU ROSE

My poor little Johann Wilhelm will have to go into a state institution now.

FRL. DOKTOR

No he won’t, Frau Rose. Our dear old Mö bius will stay in here in the village.
You have my word. He’s got used to being here and ahs found some nice, kind
colleagues. I’m not a monster, you know!

FRAU ROSE

34
You’re so good to me, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

Not at all, Frau Rose, not at all. There are such things as grants and bequests.
There’s the Oppel Foundation for invalid scientists. There’s the Doktor
Steinemann Bequest. Money’s as thick as much around here and it’s my duty
as his doctor to pitchfork some of it in the direction of your dear little Johann
Wilhelm. You can steam off to the Marianas with a clear conscience. But now
let us have a word with Mö bius himself – our dear, good old Mö bius. Dear
Mö bius. You have visitors. Now leave your physicist’s lair for a moment and
come in here.

FRAU ROSE

Johann Wilhelm!

THREE BOYS

Papi!

FRL. DOKTOR

My dear Mö bius, you’re not going to tell me you don’t recognize your own
wife?

MÖBIUS

Lina?

FRL. DOKTOR

That’s better, Mö bius. Of course it’s Lina.

MÖBIUS

35
Hullo, Lina.

FRAU ROSE

My little Johann Wilhelm, my dear, dear little Johann Wilhelm.

FRL. DOKTOR

There we are, now. Frau Rose, Herr Rose, if you have anything else to tell me I
shall be at your disposal in the new wing over there.

FRAU ROSE

These are your sons, Johann Wilhelm.

MÖBIUS

Three?

FRAU ROSE

Of course, Johann Wilhelm. Three. Adolf-Friedrich, your eldest.

MÖBIUS

How do you do, Adolf-Freidrich, my eldest.

ADOLF-FREIDRICH

How do you do, Papi,

MÖBIUS

How old are you, Adolf-Friedrich?

ADOLF-FRIEDRICH

Sixteen, Papi.

36
 MÖBIUS

What do you want to be?

ADOLF-FRIEDRICH

A minister, Papi.

MÖBIUS

I remember now. We were walking across St. Joseph’s square. I was holding
your hand. The sun was shining brightly and the shadows were just as if
they’d been drawn with a compass. And you – you are - ?

WILFRIED-KASPAR

My name is Wilfried-Kaspar, Papi.

MÖBIUS

Fourteen?

WILFRIED-KASPAR

Fifteen. I should like to study philosophy.

MÖBIUS

Philosophy?

FRAU ROSE

He’s an exceptionally mature boy for his age.

WILFRIED-KASPAR

I have read Schopenhauer and Nietzsche.

37
 FRAU ROSE

This is your youngest boy, Jö rg-Lukas. Fourteen.

JÖRG-LUKAS

How do you do, Papi

MÖBIUS

How do you do, Jö rg-Lukas, my youngest.

FRAU ROSE

He’s the one who takes after you most.

JÖRG-LUKAS

I want to be a physicist, Papi.

MÖBIUS

A physicist?

JÖRG-LUKAS

Yes, Papi.

MÖBIUS

You mustn’t, Jö rg-Lukas. Not under any circumstances. You get that idea right
out of your head. I – I forbid it!

JÖRG-LUKAS

But you became a physicist yourself, Papi –

MÖBIUS

38
I should never have been one, Jö rg-Lukas. Never. I wouldn’t be in the
madhouse now.

FRAU ROSE

But Johann Wilhelm. That’s not right. You are in a sanatorium, not a
madhouse. You’re having a little trouble with your nerves, that’s all.

MÖBIUS

No, Lina. People say I am mad. Everybody. Even you. And my boys too.
Because King Solomon appears to me.

FRAU ROSE

Let me introduce Oskar Rose to you, Johann Wilhelm. He is my husband. A

missionary.

MÖBIUS

Your husband? But I’m your husband.

FRAU ROSE

Not any more, my little Johann Wilhelm. We’re divorced, you know.

MÖBIUS

Divorced?

FRAU ROSE

Now you know that, surely?

MÖBIUS

39
No

FRAU ROSE

Doktor von Zahnd told you. Of course she did.

MÖBIUS

Possibly.

FRAU ROSE

And then I married Oskar. He has six boys of his own. He was a minister at
Guttannen and now he has been given a post in the Marianas.

MÖBIUS

In the Marianas?

HERR ROSE

In the Pacific Ocean.

FRAU ROSE

We’re joining the ship at Bremen tomorrow.

MÖBIUS

I see.

FRAU ROSE

Yes, that’s right.

MÖBIUS

I am glad to make the acquaintance of my boys’ new father.

40
 HERR ROSE

I have taken them to my bosom, Herr Mö bius, all three of them. God will
provide. As the psalmist says: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

FRAU ROSE

Oskar knows all the psalms off by heart. The Psalms of David, the Psalms of
Solomon.

MÖBIUS

I am glad the boys have found such an excellent father. I have not been a
satisfactory father to them.

THREE BOYS

No, Papi.

MÖBIUS

And Lina has found a husband more worthy of her.

FRAU ROSE

But my dear little Johann Wilhelm –

MÖBIUS

I congratulate you. Heartiest congratulations.

FRAU ROSE

We must be going soon.

MÖBIUS

To the Marianas.

41
 FRAU ROSE

I mean, we must say goodbye to one another.

MÖBIUS

For ever.

FRAU ROSE

Your sons are remarkably musical, Johann Wilhelm. They are very gifted
players on their recorders. Play your papi something, boys, as a parting
present.

THREE BOYS

Yes, mama.

FRAU ROSE

Sit down, my little Johann Wilhelm.

Ready – one, two, three.

More feeling, boys, more expression!

MÖBIUS

I’d rather they didn’t. Please, don’t! Don’t play any more. Please. For King’s
Solomon’s sake. Don’t play any more.

FRAU ROSE

But Johann Wilhelm!

MÖBIUS

Please, don’t play any more. Please, don’t play any more, please, please.

42
 HERR ROSE

Herr Mö bius, King Solomon himself will rejoice to hear the piping of these
innocent lads. Just think: Solomon, the Psalmist, Solomon, the singer of the
Song of Songs.

MÖBIUS

Herr Missionary. I have met Solomon face to face. He is no longer the great
golden king who sang of the Shulamitre, and of the two young roes that are
twins, which feed among the roses. He has cast away his purple robe! Now
here in my room he crouches naked and stinking, the pauper king of truth, and
his psalms are horrible. Listen carefully, Herr Missionary. You love the words
of the psalms and know them all by heart. Well, you can learn these by heart
as well. A Song of Solomon to be sung to the Cosmonauts.

We shagged off into outerspace

To the deserts of the moon. Foundered in her dust
Right from the start there were plenty
That soundlessly shot their bolts out there.
But most of them cooked
In the lead fumes of Mercury, were wiped out
In the oil-swamps of Venus and
Even on Mars we were wolfed by the sun –

43
Thundering, radioactive, yellow.
Jupiter stank
An arrow-swift rotatory methane mash
He, the almighty, slung over us
Till we spewed up our guts over Ganymede.

Saturn we greeted with curses

What came next, a waste of breath
Uranus Neptune
Grayish-green, frozen to death
Over Pluto and Transpluto fell the final
Dirty jokes.
We had long since mistaken the sun for Sirius
Sirius for Canopus
Outcasts we cast out, up into the deep
Toward a few white stars
That we never reached anyhow
Long since mummied in our spacecraft
Caked with filth
In our deathsheads no more memories
Of breathing earth.

FRAU ROSE

My little Johann Wilhelm –

THREE BOYS

Papi!

44
 MÖBIUS

Get yourselves away! And quick about it! Off to the Marianas the whole pack of
you!

SISTER BOLL

Come, Frau Rose. Come, boys. Herr Rose. He needs time to calm down.

MÖBIUS

Away with you! Get out!

SISTER BOLL

Just a mild attack. Nurse Monika will stay with him and calm him down. Just a
mild attack.

MÖBIUS

Get out, will you! For good and all! Off to the Pacific with the lot of you!

JÖRG-LUKAS

Goodbye, Papi! Goodbye!

MÖBIUS

I never want to set eyes on you again! You have insulted King Solomon! My
you be damned for ever! May you and the entire Marianas sink and down in
the Mariana Deep! Four thousand fathoms down! May you sink and rot in the
blackest hole of the sea, forgotten by God and man!

MONIKA

We’re alone now. Your family can’t hear you any more.

45
 MÖBIUS

Ah, yes, of course. Was I a bit violent?

MONIKA

Somewhat.

MÖBIUS

I had to speak the truth.

MONIKA

Obviously.

MÖBIUS

I got worked up.

MONIKA

You were putting it on.

MÖBIUS

So you saw through me?

MONIKA

I’ve been looking after you for two years now.

MÖBIUS

All right. I admit I was just pretending to be mad.

MONIKA

46
Why?

MÖBIUS

So that I could say goodbye to my wife and sons for ever.

MONIKA

But why in such a dreadful way?

MÖBIUS

Oh no, it was a humane way. If you’re in a madhouse already, the only way to
get rid of the past is to behave like a madman. Now they can forget me with a
clear conscience. My performance finally cured them of ever wanting to see
me again. The consequences for myself are unimportant; life outside this
establishment is the only thing that counts. Madness costs money. For fifteen
years my Lina has been paying out monstrous sums, and an end had to be put
to all that. This was a favorable moment. King Solomon has revealed to me
what was to be revealed; the Principle of Universal Discovery is complete, the
final pages have been dictated, and my wife has found a new husband, a
missionary, a good man through and through. You should feel reassured now,
nurse. Everything is in order.

MONIKA

You had it all planned.

MÖBIUS

I am a physicist.

47
 MONIKA

Herr Mö bius.

MÖBIUS

Yes, nurse?

MONIKA

I have something to tell you.

MÖBIUS

Well?

MONIKA

It concerns us both.

MÖBIUS

Let’s sit down.

MONIKA

We must say goodbye to one another too. And for ever.

MÖBIUS

Are you leaving me?

MONIKA

Orders.

MÖBIUS

What has happened?

48
 MONIKA

I’m being transferred to the main building. From tomorrow the patients here
will be supervised by male attendants. Nurses won’t be allowed to enter the
villa anymore.

MÖBIUS

Because of Newton and Einstein?

MONIKA

At the request of the public prosecutor. Doktor von Zahnd feared there would
be difficulties and gave way.

MÖBIUS

Nurse Monika, I don’t know what to say. I’ve forgotten how to express my
feelings; talking shop with the two sick men I live with can hardly be called
conversation. I am afraid that I may have dried up inside as well. Yet you
ought to know that for me everything has been different since I got to know
you. It’s been more bearable. These were two years during which I was
happier than before. Because through you, Nurse Monika, I have found the
courage to accept being shut away, to accept the fate of being a madman.
Goodbye.

MONIKA

Herr Mö bius, I don’t think you are mad.

MÖBIUS

49
Neither do I. But that does not alter my position in any way. It’s my misfortune
that King Solomon keeps appearing to me and in the realm of science there is
nothing more repugnant than a miracle.

MONIKA

Herr Mö bius, I believe in this miracle.

MÖBIUS

You believe in it?

MONIKA

I believe in King Solomon

MÖBIUS

And that he appears to me?

MONIKA

That he appears to you.

MÖBIUS

Day in, day out?

MONIKA

Day in, day out.

MÖBIUS

And you believe that he dictates the secrets of nature to me? How all things
connect? The Principle of Universal Discovery?

MONIKA

50
I believe all that. And if you were to tell me that King David and all his court
appeared before you I should believe it all. I simply know that you are not sick.
I can feel it.

MÖBIUS

Nurse Monika! Get out of here!

MONIKA

I’m staying.

MÖBIUS

I never want to see you again.

MONIKA

You need me. Apart from me, you have no one left in all the world. Not one
single person.

MÖBIUS

It is fatal to believe in King Solomon.

MONIKA

I love you.

MÖBIUS

I love you too. That is why you are in danger. Because we love one another.

EINSTEIN

I woke up again. I suddenly remembered.

MONIKA

51
Now, Herr Professor.

EINSTEIN

I strangled Nurse Irene.

MONIKA

Try not to think about it, Herr Professor.

EINSTEIN

Shall I ever again be able to touch my violin with these hands?

MÖBIUS

You were playing just now.

EINSTEIN

Well, I hope?

MÖBIUS

The Kreutzer Sonata. While the police were here.

EINSTEIN

The Kreutzer! Well, thank God for that! All the same, I don’t like playing the
fiddle and I don’t like this pipe either. It’s foul.

MÖBIUS

Then give them up.

EINSTEIN

52
I can’t do that, not if I’m Albert Einstein. Are you two in love?

MONIKA

We are in love.

EINSTEIN

Nurse Irene and I were in love too. She would have done anything for me. I
warned her. I shouted at her. I treated her like a dog. I implored her to run
away before it was too late. In vain. She stayed. She wanted to take me away
into the country. To Kohlwang. She wanted to marry me. She even obtained
permission for the wedding from Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd herself. Then I
strangled her. Poor Nurse Irene. In all the world there’s nothing more absurd
than a woman’s frantic desire for selfsacrifice.

MONIKA

Go and lie down again, Herr Professor.

EINSTEIN

You may call me Albert.

MONIKA

Be sensible, now, Albert.

EINSTEIN

And you be sensible, too Nurse. Obey the man you love and run away with
him; or you’re lost. I’m going back to bed.

MONIKA

That poor, confused creature.

53
 MÖBIUS

Well, he must have convinced you finally of the impossibility of remaining in

love with me.

MONIKA

But you’re not mad.

MÖBIUS

It would be wiser if you were to treat me as if I were. Make your escape now!
Go on, run! Clear off! Or I’ll treat you like a dog myself.

MONIKA

Why can’t you treat me like a woman?

MÖBIUS

Listen. Come here. I have committed a grave mistake. I have not kept King
Solomon’s appearance to myself. So he is making me alone for it. For life. But
you ought not to be punished for what I did. In the eyes of the world, you are
in love with a man who is mentally sick. You’re simply asking for trouble.
Leave this place, forget me: that would be the best thing for us both.

MONIKA

Don’t you want me?

MÖBIUS

Why do you talk like that?

MONIKA

54
I want to sleep with you. I want to have children by you. I know I’m talking
quite shamelessly. But why won’t you look at me? Don’t you find me
attractive? I know these nurses’ uniforms are hideous. I hate my profession!
For five years I’ve been looking after sick people out of love for my fellow-
beings. I never flinched; everyone could count on me: I sacrificed myself. But
now I want to sacrifice myself for one person alone, to exist for one person
alone and not for everybody all the time. I want to exist for the man I love. For
you. I will do anything you ask, work for you day and night: only you can’t
send me away! I have no one else in the world! I am as much alone as you.

MÖBIUS

Monika. I must send you away.

MONIKA

But don’t you feel any love for me at all>

MÖBIUS

I love you, Monika. Good God, I love you. That’s what’s mad.

MONIKA

Then why do you betray me? And not only me. You say that King Solomon
appears to you. Why do you betray him too?

MÖBIUS

Monika! You can believe what you like of me. I’m a weakling; all right. I am
unworthy of your love. But I have always remained faithful to King Solomon.
He thrust himself into my life, suddenly, unbidden, he abused me, he
destroyed my life, but I have never betrayed him.

55
 MONIKA

Are you sure?

MÖBIUS

Do you doubt it?

MONIKA

You think you have to atone because you have not kept his appearances
secret. But perhaps it is because you do not stand up for his revelations.

MÖBIUS

I – I don’t follow you.

MONIKA

He dictates to you the Principle of Universal Discovery. Why won’t you fight
for that principle?

MÖBIUS

But after all, people do regard me as a madman.

MONIKA

Why can’t you show more spirit?

MÖBIUS

In my case, to show spirit would be a crime.

MONIKA

Johann Wilhelm. I’ve spoken to Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd.

56
 MÖBIUS

You spoke to her?

MONIKA

You are free.

MÖBIUS

Free?

MONIKA

We can get married

MÖBIUS

God.

MONIKA

Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd has arranged everything. Of course, she still
considers you’re a sick man, but not dangerous. And it’s not a hereditary
sickness. She said she was madder than you, and she laughed.

MÖBIUS

That was good of her.

MONIKA

She’s a great woman.

MÖBIUS

Indeed.

57
 MONIKA

Johann Wilhelm! I’ve accepted a post as district nurse in Blumenstein. I’ve

been saving up. We have no need to worry. All we need is to keep our love for
each other. Isn’t it wonderful?

MÖBIUS

Indeed, yes.

MONIKA

You don’t sound very happy.

MÖBIUS

It’s all happened so unexpectedly –

MONIKA

I’ve done something else.

MÖBIUS

What would that be?

MONIKA

I spoke to Professor Schubert.

MÖBIUS

He was my teacher.

MONIKA

He remembered you perfectly. He said you’d been his best pupil.

58
 MÖBIUS

And what did you talk to him about?

MONIKA

He promised he would examine your manuscripts with an open mind.

MÖBIUS

Did you explain that they have been dictated by King Solomon?

MONIKA

Naturally.

MÖBIUS

Well?

MONIKA

He just laughed. He said you’d always been a bit of a joke. Johann Wilhelm! We
mustn’t think just of ourselves. You are a chosen being. King Solomon
appeared to you, revealed himself in all his glory and confided in you the
wisdom of the heavens. Now you have to take the way ordained by that
miracle, turning to neither left nor right, even if that way leads through
mockery and laughter, through disbelief and doubt. But the way leads out of
this asylum, Johann Wilhelm, it leads into the outside world, not into
loneliness, it leads into battle. I am here to help you, to fight at your side.
Heaven, that sent you King Solomon, sent me too. Dearest.

MÖBIUS

Yes dear?

59
 MONIKA

Aren’t you happy?

MÖBIUS

Very.

MONIKA

Now we must get your bags packed. The train for Blumenstein leaves at eight
twenty.

MÖBIUS

There’s not much to pack.

MONIKA

It’s got quite dark.

MÖBIUS

The nights are drawing in quickly now.

MONIKA

I’ll switch on the light.

MÖBIUS

Wait a moment. Come here.

MONIKA

You have tears in your eyes.

MÖBIUS

60
So have you.

MONIKA

Tears of happiness.

NEWTON

What’s happened

MÖBIUS

I’ve strangled Nurse Monika Stettler.

ACT TWO

FRL. DOKTOR

Cigar?

INSPECTOR

No, thanks.

61
 FRL. DOKTOR

Brandy?

INSPECTOR

Later. What was the nurse’s name?

FRL. DOKTOR

Monika Stettler.

INSPECTOR

Age?

FRL. DOKTOR

Twenty-five. From Blumenstein.

INSPECTOR

Any relatives?

FRL. DOKTOR

None.

INSPECTOR

Strangled again, doctor?

POLICE DOCTOR

Quite definitely. And again, tremendous strength was used. But with the
curtain cord this time.

INSPECTOR

62
Just like three months ago.

FRL. DOKTOR

Would you like to have the murderer brought in?

INSPECTOR

Please, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

I mean, the assailant.

INSPECTOR

I don’t think so.

FRL. DOCTOR

But –

INSPECTOR

Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd. I am doing my duty, taking down evidence,
examining the corpse, having it photographed and getting the police doctor’s
opinion. But I do not wish to examine Mö bius I leave him to you. Along with
the other radioactive physicists.

FRL. DOKTOR

And the public prosecutor?

INSPECTOR

He’s past being angry now. He’s just brooding.

63
 FRL. DOKTOR

Warm in here.

INSPECTOR

I don’t think so.

FRL. DOKTOR

This third murder –

INSPECTOR

Please, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

This third accident is the end as far as my work at Les Cerisiers goes. Now I
can resign. Monika Stettler was my best nurse. She understood the patients.
She could enter into their states of mind. I loved her like a daughter. But her
death is not the worst thing that’s happened, My reputation as a doctor is
ruined.

INSPECTOR

You’ll build it up again.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Dinner for the dear good patients, Frä ulein Doktor.

INSPECTOR

Uwe Sievers.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

64
Correct, Herr Inspektor. Uwe Sievers. Former European heavyweight boxing
champion. Now chief male attendant at Les Cerisiers.

INSPECTOR

And these two other bruisers?

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Murillo, South American champion, also a heavyweight. And McArthur, North

American middleweight champion.

Murillo, the tablecloth.

Mc Arthur, the Meissen.
Murillo, the silver.
McArthur, the soup tureen in the middle.

INSPECTOR

And what are the dear good patients having for dinner? Liver-dumpling soup.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Poulet à la broche. Cordon Bleu.

INSPECTOR

Fantastic.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

First class.

INSPECTOR

65
I am a mere fourteenth-class official. Plain cooking is all we can run to in my
home.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Frä ulein Doktor. Dinner is served.

FRL. DOKTOR

Thank you, Sievers. You may go. The patients will help themselves.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Herr Inspektor. Glad to have made your acquaintance.

INSPECTOR

Well I’m damned

FRL. DOKTOR

Satisfied?

INSPECTOR

Envious. If we had them with the police –

FRL. DOKTOR

Their wages are astronomical.

INSPECTOR

With all your industrial barons and multimillionairesses you can certainly
afford such luxuries. Those fellows will finally set the public prosecutor’s
mind at rest. They wouldn’t let anyone slip through their fingers.

66
There’s Einstein at it again

DR PUSSI-WAGNER

We’re finished now, Herr Inspektor.

INSPECTOR

Take the body out. Again.

MÖBIUS

Monika! My beloved!

FRL. DOKTOR

Mö bius! How could you do it! You have killed my best nurse, my sweetest
nurse!

MÖBIUS

I’m sorry, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

Sorry.

MÖBIUS

King Solomon ordained it.

FRL. DOKTOR

King Solomon. So it was His Majesty who arranged the murder.

MÖBIUS

67
I was standing at the window staring out into the falling dusk. Then the King
came floating up out of the park over the terrace, right up close to me, and
whispered his commands to me through the window pane.

FRL DOKTOR

Excuse me, Inspector, my nerves.

INSPECTOR

Don’t mention it.

FRL. DOKTOR

A place like this wears one out.

INSPECTOR

I can well believe it.

FRL. DOKTOR

If you’ll excuse me – Herr Inspektor Voss, please express my profound regret

to the public prosecutor for the incidents that have taken place in my
sanatorium. Kindly assure him that everything is now well in hand again.
Doctor, gentlemen, it was a pleasure.

INSPECTOR

There. Now you can take the body into the chapel. Put her beside Nurse Irene.

MÖBIUS

Monika!

Monika, my love.

68
 INSPECTOR

Mö bius, come and sit down. Now I absolutely must have a cigar. I’ve earned it.
Good grief! My dear Mö bius, behind the fireguard you will find a bottle of
brandy hidden away by Sir Isaac Newton.

MÖBIUS

Certainly, Herr Inspektor. May I pour you one?

INSPECTOR

Indeed you may.

MÖBIUS

Another?

INSPECTOR

Another.

MÖBIUS

Herr Inspektor, I must ask you to arrest me.

INSPECTOR

But what for, my dear Mö bius?

MÖBIUS

Well, after all, Nurse Monika –

INSPECTOR

69
You yourself admitted that you acted under the orders of King Solomon. As
long as I’m unable to arrest him you are a free man.

MÖBIUS

All the same –

INSPECTOR

There’s no question of all the same. Pour me another glass.

MÖBIUS

Certainly, Herr Inspektor.

INSPECTOR

And now hide the brandy bottle away again or the attendants will be getting
drunk on it.

MÖBIUS

Very well, Herr Inspektor.

INSPECTOR

You see, it’s like this. Every year in this small town and the surrounding
district, I arrest a few murderers. Not many. A bare half-dozen. Some of these
it gives me great pleasure to apprehend; others I feel sorry for. All the same I
have to arrest them. Justice is Justice. And then you come along and your two
colleagues. At first I felt anger at not being able to proceed with the arrests.
But now? All at once I’m enjoying myself. I could shout with joy. I have
discovered three murderers whom I can, with an easy conscience, leave

70
unmolested. For the first time Justice is on holiday – and it’s a terrific feeling.
Justice, my friend is a terrible strain; you wear yourself out in its service, both
physically and morally; I need a breathing space, that’s all. Thanks to you, my
dear Mö bius, I’ve got it. Well, goodbye. Give my kindest regards to Einstein
and Newton.

MÖBIUS

Very well, Herr Inspektor.

INSPECTOR

And my respects to King Solomon.

NEWTON

What’s cooking? Liver-dumpling soup. Poulet a la broche, Cordon Bleu.

Extraordinary. We usually only have a light supper in the evenings. And a very
modest one. Ever since the other patients were moved into the new building.
Lost your appetite? I quite understand. I lost mine too after my nurse. Stay
here.

MÖBIUS

Sir Isaac?

NEWTON

I have something to say to you, Mö bius.

MÖBIUS

Well?

71
 NEWTOWN

Wouldn’t you like to try just a spoonful of the liver-dumpling soup? It’s
excellent.

MÖBIUS

No

NEWTON

Mö bius, we are no longer lovingly tended by nurses, we are being guarded by

male attendants. Great hefty fellows.

MÖBIUS

That’s of no consequence.

NEWTON

Perhaps not to you, Mö bius. It’s obvious you really want to spend the rest of
your days in a madhouse. But it is of some consequence to me. The fact is, I
want to get out of here. Mmm – Now for the poulet a la broche. These new
attendants have compelled me to act straight away.

MÖBIUS

That’s your affair.

NEWTON

Not altogether. A confession, Mö bius. I am not mad.

MÖBIUS

But of course not, Sir Isaac.

72
 NEWTON

I am not Sir Isaac Newton.

MÖBIUS

I know. Albert Einstein.

NEWTON

Fiddlesticks. Nor am I Herbert Georg Beutler, as they think here. My real

name, dear body, is Kilton.

MÖBIUS

Alec Jaspar Kilton?

NEWTON

Correct.

MÖBIUS

The author of the Theory of Equivalents?

NEWTON

The very same.

MÖBIUS

So you wangled your way in here?

NEWTON

By pretending to be mad.

MÖBIUS

73
In order to –spy on me?

NEWTON

In order to get to the root of your madness.

MÖBIUS

And because poor Nurse Dorothea stumbled on the truth, you –

NEWTON

- Yes. I am most extraordinarily sorry about the whole thing.

MÖBIUS

I understand.

NEWTON

Orders are orders.

MÖBIUS

Of course.

NEWTON

I couldn’t do anything else.

MÖBIUS

Naturally.

NEWTON

My whole mission hung in the balance, the most secret undertaking of our
Secret Service. I had to kill, if I wanted to avert suspicion. Nurse Dorothea no

74
longer considered me to be demented; Frä ulein Doktor von Zahnd thought I
was only slightly touched; to prove my to total insanity I had to commit a
murder. I say, this poulet à la broche is simply superb.

MOBIUS

Einstein’s at it again.

NEWTON

That Bach Gavotte.

MÖBIUS

His dinner’s getting cold

NEWTON

Let the old idiot get on with his fiddling.

MÖBIUS

Is that a threat?

NEWTON

I have the most immeasurable respect for you. It would grieve me to have to
take violet steps.

MÖBIUS

So you mission is to abduct me?

NEWTON

Yes, if the suspicions of our Intelligence Service prove correct.

75
 MÖBIUS

What would they be?

NEWTON

Our Intelligence Service happens to consider you to be the greatest genius

among present-day physicists.

MÖBIUS

I’m a man whose nerves are sick, Kilton, that’s all.

NEWTON

Our Intelligence Service has other ideas on the subject.

MÖBIUS

And what is your opinion?

NEWTON

I simply consider you to be the greatest physicist of all time.

MÖBIUS

And how did your Intelligence Service get on my trail?

NEWTON

Through me. Quite by chance I read your dissertation on the foundations of a

new concept of physics. At first I thought it was a practical joke. Then the
scales seemed to fall from my eyes. I realized I was reading the greatest work
of genius in the history of physics. I began to make inquiries about its author
but made no progress. Thereupon I informed our Intelligence Service: they got
on to you.

76
 EINSTEIN

You were not the only one who read that dissertation, Kilton. As a matter of
fact, I’m not mad either. May I introduce myself? I too am a physicist. Member
of a certain Intelligence Service. A somewhat different one from yours, Kilton.
My name is Joseph Eisler.

MÖBIUS

The discoverer of the Eisler-effect?

EINSTEIN

The very same.

NEWTON

“Disappeared” in 1950.

EINSTEIN

Of my own free will.

NEWTON

Eisler, might I trouble you to stand with your face to the wall, please?

EINSTEIN

Why of course. My dear Kilton, we both, I suspect, know how to handle these
things, so don’t you think it would be better if we were to avoid a duel? If
possible? I shall gladly lay down my Browning if you will do the same with
your Colt.

NEWTON

Agreed.

77
 EINSTEIN

In the fireplace. Just in case the attendants come in suddenly.

NEWTON

Good.

EINSTEIN

You’ve messed up all my plans, Kilton. I thought you really were mad.

NEWTON

Never mind: I thought you were.

EINSTEIN

Things kept going wrong. That business with Nurse Irene, for example, this
afternoon. She was getting suspicious and so she signed her own death
warrant. I am most extraordinarily sorry about the whole thing.

MÖBIUS

I understand.

EINSTEIN

Orders are orders.

MÖBIUS

Of course.

EINSTEIN

I couldn’t do anything else.

78
 MÖBIUS

Naturally.

EINSTEIN

My whole mission hung in the balance; it was the most secret undertaking of
our Secret Service. But let’s sit down.

NEWTON

Yes, let’s sit down.

MÖBIUS

Eisler, I presume that you, too, want to compel me now to –

EINSTEIN

Now Mö bius –

MÖBIUS

- want to persuade me to visit your country.

EINSTEIN

We also consider you to be the greatest physicist of all time. But just at the
moment all I’m interested in is my dinner. It’s a real gallows-feast. Still no
appetite, Mö bius?

MÖBIUS

Yes. It’s suddenly come back. Now that you’ve both got to the bottom of things.

NEWTON

Burgundy, Mö bius?

79
 MÖBIUS

Go ahead.

NEWTON

I’ll attack the Cordon Bleu, what?

MÖBIUS

Make yourselves perfectly at home.

NEWTON

Bon appétit.

EINSTEIN

Bon appétit.

MÖBIUS

Bon appétit.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Patient Beutler!

NEWTON

Here:

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Patient Ernesti!

EINSTEIN

Here.

80
 CHIEF ATTNDT.

Patient Mö bius!

MÖBIUS

Here.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Head Nurse Sievers, Nurse Murillo, Nurse McArthur. On the recommendation

of the authorities, certain security measures are to be observed. Murillo. The
grille.

McArthur. Lock up.

Have the gentlemen any further requests before retiring for the night? Patient
Beutler?

NEWTON

No.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Patient Ernesti?

EINSTEIN

No.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Patient Mö bius?

MÖBIUS

No.

81
 CHIEF ATTNDT.

Gentlemen, we take our leave. Good night.

EINSTEIN

Monsters.

NEWTON

They’ve got more of the brutes lurking in the park. I’ve been watching them
from my window for some time.

EINSTEIN

Solid steel. With a special lock

NEWTON

They’ve put a grille over my window. Quick work. Same for Eisler. And for
Mö bius. Locked.

EINSTEIN

Prisoners.

NEWTON

Only logical. What with our nurses and everything.

EINSTEIN

We’ll never get out of this madhouse now unless we act together.

MÖBIUS

I do not wish to escape.

82
 EINSTEIN

Mö bius –

MÖBIUS

I see no reason for it at all. On the contrary. I am quite satisfied with my fate.

NEWTON

But I’m not satisfied with it. That’s a fairly decisive element in the case, don’t
you think? With all respect to your personal feelings, you are a genius and
therefore common property. You mapped out new directions in physics. But
you haven’t a monopoly of knowledge. It is your duty to open the doors for us,
the non-geniuses. Come on out: within a year , we’ll have you in a top hat,
white tie and tails, fly you to Stockholm and give you the Nobel Prize.

MÖBIUS

Your Intelligence Service is very altruistic

NEWTON

I don’t mind telling you, Mö bius, they have a suspicion that you’ve solved the
problem of gravitation.

MÖBIUS

I have

EINSTEIN

You say that as if it were nothing.

MÖBIUS

How else should say it?

83
 EINSTEIN

Our Intelligence Service believed you would discover the Unitary Theory of
Elementary Particles.

MÖBIUS

Then I can set their minds at rest as well. I have discovered it.

NEWTON

The basic formula.

EINSTEIN

It’s ludicrous. Here we have hordes of highly paid physicists in gigantic state-
supported laboratories working for years and years and years vainly trying to
make some progress in the realm of physics while you do it quite casually at
your desk in this madhouse.

NEWTON

Mö bius. What about the – the Principle of Universal Discovery?

MÖBIUS

Yes, something on those lines, to.. I did it out of curiosity, as a practical

corollary to my theoretical investigations. Why play the innocent? We have to
face to consequences of our scientific thinking. It was my duty to work out the
effects that would be produced by my Unitary Theory of Elementary Particles
and by my discoveries in the field of gravitation. The result is – devastating.
New and inconceivable forces would be unleashed, making possible a

84
technical advance that would transcend the wildest flights of fantasy if my
findings were to fall into the hands of mankind.

EINSTEIN

And that can scarcely be avoided.

NEWTON

The only question is: who’s going to get at them first?

MÖBIUS

You’d like that for your own Intelligence Service, wouldn’t you, Kilton, and the
military machine behind it?

NEWTON

And why not? It seems to me, if it can restore the greatest physicist of all time
to the confraternity of the physical sciences, any military machine is a sacred
instrument. It’s nothing more nor less than a question of the freedom of
scientific knowledge. It doesn’t matter who guarantees that freedom. I give my
services to any system, providing that system leaves me alone. I know there’s
a lot of talk nowadays about physicists’ moral responsibilities. We suddenly
find ourselves confronted with our own fears and we have a fit of morality.
This is nonsense. We have far-reaching, pioneering work to do and that’s all
that should concern us. Whether or not humanity has the wit to follow the
new trails we are blazing is its own look-out, not ours.

EINSTEIN

Admittedly we have pioneer work to do. I believe that too. But all the same we
cannot escape our responsibilities. We are providing humanity with colossal

85
sources of power. That gives us the right to impose conditions. If we are
physicists, then we must become power politicians. We must decide in whose
favor we shall apply our knowledge, and I for one have made my decision.
Whereas you, Kilton, are nothing but a lamentable aesthete. If you feel so
strongly about the freedom of knowledge why don’t you come over to our
side? We too for some time now have found it impossible to dictate to our
physicists. We too need results. Our political system too must eat out of the
scientist’s hand.

NEWTON

Both our political systems, Eisler, must now eat out of Mö bius’s hand.

EINSTEIN

On the contrary. He must do what we tell him. We have finally got him in
check.

NEWTON

You think so? It looks more like stalemate to me. Our Intelligence Services,
unfortunately, both hit upon the same idea. So don’t let’s delude ourselves.
Let’s face the impossible situation we’ve got ourselves into. If Mö bius goes
with you, I can’t do anything about it because you would stop me. And
similarly you would be helpless if Mö bius decided in my favor. It isn’t we who
have the choice, it’s him.

EINSTEIN

Let us retrieve our revolvers.

NEWTON

86
Let us do battle.

EINSTEIN

I’m sorry this affair is moving to a bloody conclusion. But we must fight it out,
between us and then with the attendants. If need be with Mö bius himself. He
may well be the most important man in the world, but his manuscripts are
more important still.

MÖBIUS

My manuscripts? I’ve burned them.

EINSTEIN

Burned them?

MÖBIUS

I had to. Before the police came back. So as not to be found out.

EINSTEIN

Burned.

NEWTON

Fifteen years’ work.

EINSTEIN

I shall go mad.

NEWTON

Officially, you already are.

EINSTEIN

87
We’ve played right into your hands, Mö bius.

NEWTON

And to think that for this I had to strangle a nurse and learn German!

EINSTEIN

And I had to learn to play the fiddle. It was torture for someone like me with
no ear for music.

MÖBIUS

Shall we go on with dinner?

NEWTON

I’ve lost my appetite.

EINSTEIN

Pity about the Cordon Bleu.

MÖBIUS

Here we are, three physicists. The decision we have to make is one that we
must make as physicists; we must go about it therefore in a scientific manner.
We must not let ourselves be influenced by personal feelings but by logical
processes. We must endeavor to find a rational solution. We cannot afford to
make mistakes in our thinking, because a false conclusion would lead to
catastrophe. The basic facts are clear. All three of us have the same end in
view, but our tactics differ. Our aim is the advancement of physics. You, Kilton,
want to preserve the freedom of that science, and argue that it has no
responsibility but to itself. On the other hand you, Eisler, see physics as

88
responsible to the power politics of one particular country. What is the real
position now? That’s what I must know if I have to make a decision.

NEWTON

Some of the world’s most famous physicists are waiting to welcome you.
Remuneration and accommodation could not be better. The climate is
murderous, but the air-conditioning is excellent.

MÖBIUS

But are these physicists free men?

NEWTON

My dear Mö bius, these physicists declare the yare ready to solve scientific
problems which are decisive for the defense of the country. Therefore, you
must understand –

MÖBIUS

So they are not free. Joseph Eisler, your line is power politics. But that
requires power. Have you got it?

EINSTEIN

You misunderstand me, Mö bius. My political power, to be precise, lies in the

fact that I have renounced my own power in favor of a political party.

MÖBIUS

89
Would you be able to persuade that party to take on your responsibility, or is
there a risk of the party persuading you?

EINSTEIN

Mobius, that’s ridiculous. I can only hope that the party will follow my
recommendations, nothing more. In any case, without hope, all political
systems are untenable.

MÖBIUS

Are you physicists free at last?

EINSTEIN

Well, naturally, they too are needed for the defense of the country –

MÖBIUS

Extraordinary. Each of you is trying to palm off a different theory, yet the
reality you offer me is the same in both case a prison. I’d prefer the madhouse.
Here at least I feel safe from the exactions of power politicians.

EINSTEIN

But after all, one must take certain risks.

MÖBIUS

There are certain risks that one may not take: the destruction of humanity is
one. We know what the world has done with the weapons it already

90
possesses; we can imagine what it would do with those that my researched
make possible, and it is these considerations that have governed my conduct. I
was poor. I had a wife and three children. Fame beckoned from the university;
industry tempted me with money. Both courses were too dangerous. I should
have had to publish the result of my researches, and the consequences would
have been the overthrow of all scientific knowledge and the breakdown of the
economic structure of our society. A sense of responsibility compelled me to
choose another course. I threw up my academic career, said no to industry,
and abandoned my family to its fate. I took on the fool’s cap and bells. I let it
be known that King Solomon kept appearing to me, and before long, I was
clapped into a madhouse.

NEWTON

But that couldn’t solve anything.

MÖBIUS

Reason demanded the taking of this step. In the realm of knowledge we have
reached the farthest frontiers of perception. We know a few precisely
calculable laws, a few basic connections between incomprehensible
phenomena and that is all. The rest is mystery closed to the rational mind. We
have reached the end of our journey. But humanity has not yet got as far as
that. We have battled onwards, but now no one is following in our footsteps;
we have encountered a void. Our knowledge has become a frightening burden.
Our researches are perilous, our discoveries are lethal. For us physicists there
is nothing left but to surrender to reality. It has not kept up with us. It
disintegrates on touching us. We have to take back our knowledge and I have
taken it back. There is no to her way out, and that goes for you as well.

91
 EINSTEIN

What do you mean by that?

MÖBIUS

You must stay with me here in the madhouse.

NEWTON

What! Us?

MÖBIUS

Both of you.

NEWTON

But Mö bius, surely you can’t expect us to – for the rest of our days to –

MÖBIUS

I expect you have secret radio transmitters.

EINSTEIN

Well?

MÖBIUS

You inform your superior that you have made a mistake, that I really am mad.

EINSTEIN

Then we’d be stuck here for the rest of our lives. Nobody’s going to lose any
sleep over a broken-down spy.

MÖBIUS

92
But it’s the one chance I have to remain undetected. Only in the madhouse can
we be free. Only in the madhouse can we think our own thoughts. Outside
they would be dynamite.

NEWTON

But damn it all, we’re not mad.

MÖBIUS

But we are murderers.

NEWTON

I resent that!

EINSTEIN

You shouldn’t have said that, Mö bius!

MÖBIUS

Anyone who takes life is a murderer, and we have taken life. Each of us came
to this establishment for a definite purpose. Each of us killed his nurse, again
for a definite purpose. You two did it so as not to endanger the outcome of
your secret mission; and I because Nurse Monika believed in me. She thought I
was an unrecognized genius. She did not realize that today it’s the duty of a
genius to remain unrecognized Killing is a terrible thing. I killed in order to
avoid and even more dreadful murder. Then you come along. I can’t do away
with you, but perhaps I can bring you round to my way of thinking. Are those
murders we committed to stand for thing? Either they were sacrificial killings,
or just plain murders. Either we stay in this madhouse or the world becomes

93
one. Either we wipe ourselves out of the memory of mankind or mankind
wipes out itself.

NEWTON

Mö bius!

MÖBIUS

Kilton.

NEWTON

This place. These ghastly male attendants. That hunchback of a doctor!

MÖBIUS

Well?

EINSTEIN

We’re caged in, like wild beasts!

MÖBIUS

We are wild beasts. We ought not to be let loose on humanity.

NEWTON

Is there really no other way out?

MÖBIUS

None.

EINSTEIN

Johann Wilhelm Mö bius, I am a man of integrity. I’m staying.

94
 NEWTON

I’m staying too, for ever.

MÖBIUS

Thank you. Thank you for leaving the world this faint chance of survival. To
our nurses!

NEWTON

I drink to Dorothea!

THE OTHERS

Nurse Dorothea!

NEWTON

Dorothea! You had to be sacrificed. In return for your love, I gave you death!
Now I want to prove myself worthy of you.

EINSTEIN

I drink to Irene Straub!

THE OTHERS

Nurse Irene!

EINSTEIN

Irene! You had to be sacrificed. As a tribute to your memory and your

devotion, I am now going to behave like a rational human being.

MÖBIUS

95
I drink to Monika Stettler.

THE OTHERS

Nurse Monika!

MÖBIUS

Monika! You had to be sacrificed. May your love bless the friendship which we
three have formed in your name. Give us the strength to be fools, that we may
guard faithfully the secrets of our knowledge.

NEWTOWN

Let us be changed to madmen once again. Let us put on the shade of Newton.

EINSTEIN

Let us once again scrape away at Kreisler and Beethoven.

MÖBIUS

Let us have King Solomon appear before us once again.

NEWTON

Let us be mad, but wise.

EINSTEIN

Prisoners but free.

MÖBIUS

96
Physicists but innocent.

SIEVERS

Yes, boss?

FRL. DOKTOR

Sievers, the portrait.

It’s better for General Leonidas von Zahnd to be hung in here than among the
women patients. He still looks a great man, the old war-horse, despite his
goiter. He loved heroic deaths and that is what there have been in this house.
And so the Privy Councillor must go into the women’s section among the
millionairesses. Put him in the corridor for the time being.

Has my general administrator arrived with his minions?

CHIEF ATTDNT.

They are waiting in the green drawing room. Shall I serve champagne and
caviar?

FRL. DOKTOR

That gang’s here to work, not stuff its guts. Have Mö bius brought in Sievers.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Sure, boss. Mö bius, out!

MÖBIUS

A night of prayer. Deep blue and holy. The night of the mighty king. His white
shadow is loosed from the wall; his eyes are shining.

97
 FRL. DOKTOR

Mö bius, on the orders of the public prosecutor I may speak to you only in the
presence of an attendant.

MÖBIUS

I understand, Frä ulein Doktor.

FRL. DOKTOR

What I have to say to you applies also to your colleagues.

McArthur and Murillo. Fetch the other two.

MURILLO AND MCARTHUR

Out!

NEWTON

A night of secrets. Unending and sublime. Through the bars of my window

glitter Jupiter and Saturn unveiling the laws of the infinite.

EINSTEIN

A blessed night. Comforting and good. Riddles fall silent, questions are dumb. I
should like to play on for ever.

FRL. DOKTOR

Alec Jaspar Kilton and Joseph Eisler – I have something to say to you.
Gentlemen, your conversation was overhead; I had had my suspicions for a
long time. McArthur and Murillo, bring in their secret radio transmitters.

CHIEF ATTNDT.

98
Hands behind your heads!

NEWTON

It’s funny!

EINSTEIN

I don’t know.

NEWTON

Too funny!

CHIEF ATTNDT.

Hands down.

FRL. DOKTOR

Sievers. The searchlights.

The villa is surrounded by guards. Any attempt to escape would be useless.

You three, get out!

You alone shall hear my secret. You alone among men. Because it doesn’t
matter any longer whether you know or not.

He has appeared before me also. Solomon, the golden king.

MÖBIUS

Solomon?

FRL. DOKTOR

99
This many a long year. The first time was in my study. One summer evening.
Outside, the sun was still shining, and a woodpecker was hammering away
somewhere in the park. Then suddenly the golden king came floating toward
me like a tremendous angel.

EINSTEIN

She’s gone mad.

FRL. DOKTOR

His gaze came to rest upon me. His lips parted. He began to converse wit his
handmaiden. He had arisen from the dead, he desired to take upon himself
again the power that once belonged to him here below, he had unveiled his
wisdom, that Mö bius might reign on earth, in his name.

EINSTEIN

She must be locked up. She should be in a madhouse.

FRL. DOKTOR

But Mö bius betrayed him. He tried to keep secret what could not be kept
secret. For what was revealed to him was no secret. For what was revealed to
him was no secret. Because it could be thought. Everything that can be
thought is thought at some time or another. Now or in the future. What
Solomon had found could be found by anyone, but he wanted it to belong to
himself alone, his means toward the establishment of his holy dominion over
all the world. And so he did seek me out, his unworthy handmaiden.

EINSTEIN

100
You – are – mad. D’you hear, you – are – mad.

FRL. DOKTOR

He did command me to cast down Mö bius, and reign in his place. I hearkened
unto his command. I was a doctor and Mobius was my patient. I could do with
him whatever I wished. Year in, year out, I fogged his brain and made
photocopies of the golden king’s proclamations, down to the last page.

NEWTON

You’re raving mad! Absolutely! Get this clear once and for all! We’re all mad.

FRL. DOKTOR

I went cautiously about my work. At first I exploited only two or three

discoveries, in order to rake in the necessary capital. Then I founded
enormous plants and factories, one after the other. I’ve created a giant cartel. I
shall exploit to the full, gentlemen, the Principal of Universal Discovery.

MÖBIUS

Frä ulein Doktor Mathilde von Zahnd, you are sick. Solomon does not exist. He
never appeared to me.

FRL. DOKTOR

Liar.

MÖBIUS

I only pretended to see him in order to keep my discoveries secret.

FRL. DOKTOR

You deny him

101
 MÖBIUS

Do be reasonable. Don’t you see you’re mad?

FRL. DOKTOR

I’m no more mad than you.

MÖBIUS

Then I must shout the truth to the whole world. You sucked me dry all these
years, without shame. You even let my poor wife go on paying for me.

FRL. DOKTOR

You are powerless, Mö bius. Even if your voice were to reach the outside
world, nobody would believe you. Because to the public at large you are
nothing but a dangerous lunatic. By the murder you committed.

MÖBIUS

Monika –

EINSTEIN

Irene -

NEWTON

Dorothea –

FRL. DOKTOR

I simply seized my opportunity. The wisdom of Solomon had to be

safeguarded and your treachery punished. I had to render all three of you

102
harmless. By the murders you committed. I drove those three nurses into your
arms. I could count upon your reactions. You were as predictable as automata.
You murdered like professional.

There’s no point in attacking me, Mö bius. Just as there was no point in burning
manuscripts which I already possess in duplicate.

What you see around you are no longer the walls of an asylum. This is the
strong room of my trust. It contains three physicists, the only human beings
apart from myself to know the truth. Those who keep watch over you are not
medical attendants. Sievers is the head of my works police. You have taken
refuge in a prison you built for yourselves. Solomon thought through you. He
acted through you. And now he destroys you, through me.

But I’m taking his power upon myself. I have no fears. My sanatorium is full of
my own lunatic relatives, all of them loaded with jewels and medals. I am the
last normal member of my family. No more. The last one. I am barren. I can
love no one. Only humanity. And so King Solomon took pity on me. He, with
his thousand brides, chose me. Now I shall be mightier than my forefathers.
My cartel will dictate in each country, each continent; it will ransack the solar
system and thrust out beyond the great nebula in Andromeda. It all adds up,
and the answer comes out in favor, not of the world, but of an old hunchback
spinster.

CHIEF ATTENDT.

Yes, boss?

FRL. DOKTOR

103
I must go, Sievers. The board of trustees is waiting. Today we go into world-
wide operation. The assembly lines are rolling.

NEWTON

It is all over.

EINSTEIN

The world has fallen into the hands of an insane, female psychiatrist.

MÖBIUS

What was once thought can never be unthought.

NEWTON

I am Newton, Sir Isaac Newton. Born the 4th of January, 1643, at Woolsthorpe,
near Grantham. I am president of the Royal Society. But there’s no need to get
up on my behalf. I wrote the Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy. I
said: Hypotheses non fingo – I do not invent hypotheses. In the fields of
experimental optics, theoretical mechanics, and higher mathematics my
achievements are not without importance; but I had to leave unresolved
certain problems concerning the nature of gravitational force. I also wrote
theological works. Commentaries on the Prophet Daniel and on the Revelation
of St. John the Divine. I am Newton, Sir Isaac Newton. I am the president of the
Royal Society.

EINSTEIN

I am Einstein. Professor Albert Einstein. Born the 14th of March, 1870, at Ulm.
IN 1902 I started work testing inventions at the Federal patent office in Berne.

104
It was there that I propounded my special theory of relativity which changed
our concept of physics. Then I became a member of the Prussian Academy of
Science. Later I became a refugee. Because I am a Jew. It was I who evolved the
Formula E =mc2, the key to the transformation of matter into energy. I love my
fellow men and I love my violin, but it was on my recommendation that they
built the atomic bomb. I am Einstein. Professor Albert Einstein, born the 14 th
of March, 1879,at Ulm.

MÖBIUS

I am Solomon. I am poor King Solomon. Once I was immeasurably rich, wise,

and God-fearing. The mighty trembled at my word. I was a Prince of Peace, a
Prince of Justice. But my wisdom destroyed the fear of God, and when I no
longer feared God my wisdom destroyed my wealth. Now the cities over
which I ruled are dead, the Kingdom that was given unto my keeping is
deserted: only a shimmering wilderness. And somewhere round a small,
yellow, nameless star there circles, pointlessly, everlastingly, the radioactive
earth. I am Solomon. I am Solomon. I am Solomon. I am poor King Solomon.

105