EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

UNIT I

Emotion

An Emotion is a mental and psychological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts
and behavior. Emotions are intense feelings directed towards someone or something.

Different people define emotions in different ways. Some make a distinction between emotions and
feelings saying that a feeling is the response part of the emotion and that an emotion includes the
situation or experience, the interpretation, the perception, and the response or feeling related to the
experience of a particular situation. For the purposes of this article, I use the terms
interchangeably.

John D. (Jack) Mayer says, “Emotions operate on many levels. They have a physical aspect as
well as a psychological aspect. Emotions Bridge thought, feeling, and action – they operate in
every part of a person, they affect many aspects of a person, and the person affects many aspects
of the emotions.”

Dr. Maurice Elias says, “Emotions are human beings’ warning systems as to what is really going on
around them. Emotions are our most reliable indicators of how things are going on in our
lives. Emotions help keep us on the right track by making sure that we are led by more than the
mental/ intellectual faculties of thought, perception, reason, and memory.”

In turn, the dictionary defines affective as: "pertaining to feeling or emotion, especially to
pleasurable or unpleasurable aspects of a mental process."

Emotion - an experience that includes a subjective feeling, a cognitive interpretation, a physical

reaction, and a behavioral expression.

Human emotions consist of four components:

1. Cognitive reactions - perception, thinking and memory are involved in emotional

expression; what happened
2. Affect - all emotions are affective - involving a positive or negative state; joy, anger, fear,
anger, etc.
 3. Physiological reaction - hormones attribute to our emotional state. These can increase
heart rate and blood pressure. Other changes that can occur are metabolism change and
change levels of neurotransmitters in brain.
4. Behavioral Responses - emotions motivate us to actively express our feelings; overt
behaviors. These may include crying, screaming, facial expressions, or body language.

Types of Emotions

All emotions fall into two categories:

1. Positive - Joy, Happiness, Content, Calm, Excitement

2. Negative - Sadness, Fear, Anger, Contempt, Hate, Frustration,
Distress, Guilt, Shame, Embarrassment

Positive and Negative Emotions

Emotion is Energy-in-Motion. It is a way of expressing oneself in life. It is the quality of how one relates
to life. The emotions expressed by humans can be divided into two broad categories. We can regard
them as polarized, as opposite of each other, or we could just say that there is a dividing line where
one type of emotions change into the other type of emotions.

Negative emotions express an attempt or intention to exclude. Strengthening one's own position at the
expense of others. Keeping bad stuff away, destroying what is perceived as a threat. Negative
emotions are fueled by an underlying fear of the unknown, a fear of the actions of others, and a need
to control them or stop them to avoid being harmed.

Positive emotions express an attempt or an intention to Include. Positive emotions are

fueled by an underlying desire for enjoyment and unity.

Negative emotions are, for example: apathy, grief, fear, hatred, shame, blame, regret, resentment,
anger, hostility, Positive emotions are, for example: interest, enthusiasm, boredom, laughter, empathy,
action, curiosity.

Positive and negative emotions are polarities. We can't get rid of one and just keep the other.
Ultimately they need to be integrated.
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Typically, negative emotion in a client will point us towards areas that need to be processed. They
show that there is something there that the person isn't dealing with. We would make her deal with
them and transform them into something more useful and enjoyable. The negative emotions are useful
as motivation for moving away from what one doesn't want. The positive emotions are useful as
motivation for moving towards what one does want.

Function of Emotions

Emotions have three primary functions (Kennedy, Moore & Watson,:

● Adaptation & Survival - Fear and disgust alert us to danger

and possible contamination, respectively
● Regulation - emotions affect how we perceive the world; recall memories

● Communication - relay feelings and needs to others

Primary or Secondary

There are tons of emotions we express and recognize. Some even overlap. Thus differences in
emotion are usually more a matter of degree or intensity instead of kind. In fact, some emotions are
merely a blend of others.

Ex. disappointment = sad + surprise

According to Robert Plutchik (1980), there are eight primary human emotions that relate to
adaptive behavior. It is believed that these are innate or develop early on due to their survival
values. They are made from four pairs of opposites:

1. Anger - blocking goal destruction of object;

2. Fear - threat or danger protection;
3. Sadness - loss something valuable seek help/comfort

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 4. Disgust - gruesome or loathsome object; rejection; push away; poison or sour milk
5. Surprise – unexpected event; turn toward; attend; sharpen our focus
6. Anticipation - new place/event explore & search
7. Trust – acceptance; membership sharing; cooperation; support and reciprocity
8. Joy – gain something valuable; potential mate courting; stimulates paternal nurtu

The remaining emotions or emotion blends are secondary – learned over time based upon family
expressiveness and life experiences. When intensity is increased, an emotion in the inner circle
emerges.

List of emotions as described in Parrot (2001), where emotions were categorized into a short tree
structure.

Primary
Secondary emotion Tertiary emotions
emotion

Adoration, affection, love, fondness, liking, attraction,

Affection
caring, tenderness, compassion, sentimentality
Love
Lust Arousal, desire, lust, passion, infatuation

Longing Longing

Amusement, bliss, cheerfulness, gaiety, glee, jolliness,

Cheerfulness joviality, joy, delight, enjoyment, gladness, happiness,
jubilation, elation, satisfaction, ecstasy, euphoria

Zest Enthusiasm, zeal, zest, excitement, thrill, exhilaration

Contentment Contentment, pleasure

Joy
Pride Pride, triumph

Optimism Eagerness, hope, optimism

Enthrallment Enthrallment, rapture

Relief Relief

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Surprise Surprise Amazement, surprise, astonishment

Aggravation, irritation, agitation, annoyance,

Irritation
grouchiness, grumpiness

Exasperation Exasperation, frustration

Anger, rage, outrage, fury, wrath, hostility, ferocity,

Anger Rage bitterness, hate, loathing, scorn, spite, vengefulness,

dislike, resentment

Disgust Disgust, revulsion, contempt

Envy Envy, jealousy

Torment Torment

Suffering Agony, suffering, hurt, anguish

Depression, despair, hopelessness, gloom, glumness,

Sadness sadness, unhappiness, grief, sorrow, woe, misery,
melancholy

Disappointment Dismay, disappointment, displeasure

Sadness
Shame Guilt, shame, regret, remorse

Alienation, isolation, neglect, loneliness, rejection,

Neglect homesickness, defeat, dejection, insecurity,
embarrassment, humiliation, insult

Sympathy Pity, sympathy

Alarm, shock, fear, fright, horror, terror, panic, hysteria,

Horror
mortification
Fear
Anxiety, nervousness, tenseness, uneasiness,
Nervousness
apprehension, worry, distress, dread

Physical Effects of Emotions

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Emotions control your thinking, behavior and actions. Emotions affect your physical bodies as
much as your body affects your feelings and thinking. People who ignore, dismiss, repress or just
ventilate their emotions, are setting themselves up for physical illness. Emotions that are not felt
and released but buried within the body or in the aura can cause serious illness, including cancer,
arthritis, and many types of chronic illnesses. Negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, negativity,
frustration and depression cause chemical reactions in your body that are very different from the
chemicals released when you feel positive emotions such as happy, content, loved,
accepted. Emotions have a direct effect on how our bodies work. Fear-based emotions stimulate
the release of one set of chemicals while love-based emotions release a different set of
chemicals. If the fear-based emotions are long-term or chronic they damage the chemical systems,
the immune system, the endocrine system and every other system in your body. Our immune
systems weaken and many serious illnesses set in. This relationship between emotions, thinking,
and the body is being called Mind/Body Medicine today.

How We Repress Emotions

When we have an experience that we find painful or difficult, and are either unable to cope with the
pain, or just afraid of it, we often dismiss this emotion and either get busy, exercise more, drink or
eat a bit more, or just pretend it has not happened. When we do this we do not feel the emotion
and this results in what is called repressed, suppressed or buried emotions. These feelings stay in
our muscles, ligaments, stomach, midriff, auras. These emotions remain buried within us until we
bring that emotion up and feel the emotion, thus releasing it. Emotions that are buried on the long-
term are the emotions that normally cause physical illness.

The following are a few examples of the methods people use to avoid feeling their emotions.

● Ignoring your feelings

● Pretending something hasn’t happened
● Overeating
● Eating foods loaded with sugar and fat
● Excessive drinking of alcohol
● Excessive use of recreational drugs
● Using prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or Prozac
● Exercising compulsively
● Any type of compulsive behavior
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 ● Excessive sex with or without a partner
● Always keeping busy so you can’t feel
● Constant intellectualizing and analyzing
● Excessive reading or TV
● Working Excessively
● Keeping conversations superficial
● Burying angry emotions under the mask of peace and love

Symptoms of Repressed Emotions

It takes a lot of energy to keep emotions repressed and buried. If you keep emotions buried for a
long period of time, you lower your overall vibrations, and lower vibrations lead to illness and an
accelerated ageing process. Buried emotions create fatigue and depression. The following are
some major symptoms of buried and repressed emotions.

● Fatigue
● Depression without an apparent cause
● Speaking of issues/interests rather than personal matters and feelings
● Pretending something doesn’t matter when inside it does matter
● Rarely talking about your feelings
● Blowing up over minor incidents
● Walking around with a knot in your stomach or tightness in your throat
● Feeling your anger not at the time something happens but a few days later
● In relationships, focusing discussions on children/ money rather than talking about
yourselves
● Difficulty talking about yourself
● Troubled personal relationships with family, friends, acquaintances
● A lack of ambition or motivation
● Lethargic – who cares – attitude
● Difficulty accepting yourself and others
● Laughing on the outside while crying on the inside

Intelligence

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Intelligence is defined as general cognitive problem-solving skills. A mental ability involved in
reasoning, perceiving relationships and analogies, calculating, learning quickly… etc.

“Intelligence is a hypothetical idea which we have defined as being reflected by certain types of
behavior.”

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to
assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate
emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth - Mayer & Salovey, 1997.

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Some
researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others
claim it is an inborn characteristic.

Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional
intelligence. In their influential article "Emotional Intelligence," they defined emotional intelligence
as, "the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others'
feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's
thinking and actions" (1990).

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in
positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome
challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your daily
life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others.

If you have a high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and
the emotional states of others and engage with people in a way that draws them to you. You can
use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships,
achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Two aspects of Emotional Intelligence

⚫ Understanding yourself - your goals, intentions, responses, behavior and all

⚫ Understanding others- Their character and their feelings

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Emotions and Emotional Intelligence

An emotion is a physiological response to a situation that is too important to leave to intellect

alone, such as danger, painful loss, persisting towards goal despite frustrations, bonding with
a mate, building a family. In effect, we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.
The brain evolved over a million years to deal with the major challenges of survival -
whether to fight or flee, ignore, or embrace the approaching challenge. Although our day-to-
day challenges seldom relate to those faced by the caveman, social problems such as road
rage, drive-by shootings, and in-your face taunts on thesports field give evidence to emotions
out of the control of rational thought.While we use hundreds of words to describe emotions,
they are commonly related to about eight basic emotions: anger, fear, happiness, sadness,
love, surprise, disgust, and shame. Paul Eckman, head of the Human Interaction Laboratory
at the University of California, has found that there are characteristic facial expressions to
describe the first four of these, which have been found to be consistent in all cultures,
including primitive ones with no access to the outside world.We cannot remain in a high
emotional statefor long. Eckman states that the full heat of emotion lasts for just seconds. At
a less intense level, we may have moods that last for hours or days. At an even more
fundamental level, we all have basic temperaments that shape our view of life and our role in
it. Some people are naturally cheerful or optimistic, while others are negative or pessimistic.
These temperaments shape our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. Goleman
suggests that as student with a positive disposition would see an F on a math test as
evidence that he needs to work harder, while another may see it as evidence that he is
stupid.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

● Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and
behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
● Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your
emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to
changing circumstances.
● Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other
people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power
dynamics in a group or organization.
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 ● Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships,
communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

History of Emotional Intelligence

● 1930s – Edward Thorndike describes the concept of "social intelligence" as the ability to get
along with other people.
● 1940s – David Wechsler suggests that affective components of intelligence may be essential
to success in life.
● 1950s – Humanistic psychologists such as Abraham Maslow describe how people can build
emotional strength.
● 1975 - Howard Gardner publishes The Shattered Mind, which introduces the concept of
multiple intelligences.
● 1985 - Wayne Payne introduces the term emotional intelligence in his doctoral dissertation
entitled "A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear,
pain and desire (theory, structure of reality, problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning
in/coming out/letting go)."
● 1987 – In an article published in Mensa Magazine, Keith Beasley uses the term "emotional
quotient." It has been suggested that this is the first published use of the term, although
Reuven Bar-On claims to have used the term in an unpublished version of his graduate thesis.
● 1990 – Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer publishes their landmark article,
"Emotional Intelligence," in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.
● 1995 - The concept of emotional intelligence is popularized after publication of psychologist
and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It
Can Matter More Than IQ.

Branches of Emotional Intelligence

Salovey and Mayer proposed a model that identified four different factors of emotional intelligence:
the perception of emotion, the ability reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotion and
the ability to manage emotions.

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 1. Perceiving Emotions: The first step in understanding emotions is to accurately perceive
them. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body
language and facial expressions.
2. Reasoning with Emotions: The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and
cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond
emotionally to things that garner our attention.
3. Understanding Emotions: The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of
meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of
their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean
that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his
way to work that morning or that he's been fighting with his wife.
4. Managing Emotions: The ability to manage emotions effectively is a key part of emotional
intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of
others are all important aspect of emotional management.

According to Salovey and Mayer, the four branches of their model are, "arranged from more basic
psychological processes to higher, more psychologically integrated processes. For example, the
lowest level branch concerns the (relatively) simple abilities of perceiving and expressing emotion.
In contrast, the highest level branch concerns the conscious, reflective regulation of emotion (1997).

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define
emotional intelligence:

Personal Competence – how we manage ourselves

1. Self Awareness – knowing your strengths and weaknesses

2. Self Regulation - trustworthiness, responsibility, adaptability,

3. Motivation - drive, commitment, initiative, optimism, charisma

Social Competence - how we handle relationships

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 4. Empathy - awareness of other’s feelings and concerns

5. Social skills - adeptness a inducing desirable responses, such as communication, conflict

management, cooperation, and leadership

Personal Competence
1. Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware.
They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them.
They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of
control.
They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and
weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people
believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.
Emotional awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects. People with this
competence:
● Know which emotions they are feeling and why

● Realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say

● Recognize how their feelings affect their performance

● Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals

Accurate self-assessment: Knowing one’s strengths and limits. People with this
competence are:
● Aware of their strengths and weaknesses

● Reflective, learning from experience

● Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self

development
● Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves

Self-confidence: Sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities. People with this
● competence:

● Present themselves with self-assurance; have .presence.

● Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right

● Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures
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2. Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-
regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't
make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-
regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.
Self-control: Managing disruptive emotions and impulses. People with this competence:
● Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well

● Stay composed, positive, and unflappable even in trying moments

● Think clearly and stay focused under pressure

Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity. People with this

competence:
● Act ethically and are above reproach

● Build trust through their reliability and authenticity

● Admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others

● Take tough, principled stands even if they are unpopular

Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance. People with this

competence:
● Meet commitments and keep promises

● Hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives

● Are organized and careful in their work

Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change. People with this competence:

● Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change

● Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances

● Are flexible in how they see events

Innovativeness: Being comfortable with and open to novel ideas and new information.
● People with this competence:

● Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources

● Entertain original solutions to problems

● Generate new ideas

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 ● Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking

3. Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated.
They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive,
love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.
Achievement drive: Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence. People with this
competence:
● Are results-oriented, with a high drive to meet their objectives and standards

● Set challenging goals and take calculated risks

● Pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find ways to do better

● Learn how to improve their performance

Commitment: Aligning with the goals of the group or organization. People with this
competence:
● Readily make personal or group sacrifices to meet a larger organizational goal

● Find a sense of purpose in the larger mission

● Use the group’s core values in making decisions and clarifying choices

● Actively seek out opportunities to fulfill the group.s mission

Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities. People with this competence:

● Are ready to seize opportunities
● Pursue goals beyond what’s required or expected of them

● Cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done

● Mobilize others through unusual, enterprising efforts

Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks. People with this
competence:
● Persist in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks

● Operate from hope of success rather than fear of failure

● See setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw

Social Competence

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4. Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence.
Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of
those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even
when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually
excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid
stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.
Empathy is Sensing others feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their
concerns. People with this competence:
• Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
• Show sensitivity and understand others. perspectives
• Help out based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings
Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customer’s needs. People with
this competence:
• Understand customers. needs and match them to services or products
• Seek ways to increase customers. satisfaction and loyalty
• Gladly offer appropriate assistance
• Grasp a customer’s perspective, acting as a trusted advisor
Developing others: Sensing what others need in order to develop, and bolstering their
abilities. People with this competence:
● Acknowledge and reward people’s strengths, accomplishments, and development

● Offer useful feedback and identify people’s needs for development

● Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and grow a person’s
skills.
Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through diverse people. People with this
competence:
• Respect and relate well to people from varied backgrounds
• Understand diverse worldviews and are sensitive to group differences
• See diversity as opportunity, creating an environment where diverse people can thrive
• Challenge bias and intolerance
Political awareness: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships. People
with this competence:
• Accurately read key power relationships
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 • Detect crucial social networks
• Understand the forces that shape views and actions of clients, customers, or competitors
• Accurately read situations and organizational and external realities

5. Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another
sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team
players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine.
They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building
and maintaining relationships.
Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion. People with this competence:
• Are skilled at persuasion
• Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener
• Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support
• Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point
Communication: Sending clear and convincing messages. People with this competence:
• Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message
• Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
• Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information fully
• Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good

Leadership: Inspiring and guiding groups and people. People with this competence:
• Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
• Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of position
• Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
• Lead by example
Change catalyst: Initiating or managing change. People with this competence:
● Recognize the need for change and remove barriers

● Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change

● Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit

● Model the change expected of others

Conflict management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements. People with this

competence:
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 • Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact
• Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help deescalate
• Encourage debate and open discussion
• Orchestrate win-win solutions
Building bonds: Nurturing instrumental relationships. People with this competence:
• Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks
• Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
• Build rapport and keep others in the loop
• Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates
Collaboration and cooperation: Working with others toward shared goals. People with this
competence:
• Balance a focus on task with attention to relationships
• Collaborate, sharing plans, information, and resources
• Promote a friendly, cooperative climate
• Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration
Team capabilities: Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals. People with this
competence:
• Model team qualities like respect, helpfulness, and cooperation
• Draw all members into active and enthusiastic participation
• Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment
• Protect the group and its reputation; share credit

Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:

● Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.

● Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.

● Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal
communication.
● Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with
challenges.
● Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with
confidence.
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The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at any time. But there is a
difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life.
Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you
become overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack your best intentions.

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn
how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and
accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional
intelligence in order to master it. You have to experience and practice the skills in your everyday
life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress

High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, getting in the way of your ability to
accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of your own feelings and
needs, and communicate clearly.

Being able to quickly calm yourself down and relieve stress helps you stay balanced, focused, and
in control–no matter what challenges you face or how stressful a situation becomes.

Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment

Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:

▪ Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what
stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or
stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of
your physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.
▪ Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. If you tend to
become angry or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that
quiet you down. If you tend to become depressed or withdrawn, you will respond best to
stress relief activities that are stimulating. If you tend to freeze—speeding up in some ways
while slowing down in others—you need stress relief activities that provide both comfort
and stimulation.
▪ Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce
stress quickly is by engaging one or more of your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and
touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that
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 are soothing and/or energizing to you. For example, if you’re a visual person you can
relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to sound,
you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain
helps to quickly reduce your stress levels.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Emotional awareness

Being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions

and how they influence your thoughts and actions—is the key to understanding yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger,
sadness, fear, and joy. This may be the result of negative childhood experiences that taught you to
try to shut off your feelings. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t
eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without
emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to
communicate effectively with others.

Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication

Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Often, what you say is less
important than how you say it or the other nonverbal signals you send out—the gestures you make,
the way you sit, how fast or how loud you talk, how close you stand, how much eye contact you
make. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, you need to be aware
of and in control of this body language. You also need to be able to accurately read and respond to
the nonverbal cues that other people send you.

These messages don’t stop when someone stops speaking. Even when you’re silent, you’re still
communicating nonverbally. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say
matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your
body is clearly signaling the opposite. Your nonverbal messages can produce a sense of interest,
trust, excitement, and desire for connection—or they can generate fear, confusion, distrust, and
disinterest.

Tips for improving nonverbal communication

Successful nonverbal communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your
own emotions, and understand the signals you’re sending and receiving. When communicating:

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 ▪ Focus on the other person. If you are planning what you’re going to say next,
daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal
cues and other subtleties in the conversation.
▪ Make eye contact. Eye contact can communicate interest, maintain the flow of a
conversation, and help gauge the other person’s response.
▪ Pay attention to nonverbal cues you’re sending and receiving, such as facial expression,
tone of voice, posture and gestures, touch, and the timing and pace of the conversation.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten your burdens and
help you keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings
your nervous system back into balance.

Playful communication broadens your emotional intelligence and helps you:

▪ Take hardships in stride. By allowing you to view your frustrations and disappointments
from new perspectives, laughter and play enable you to survive annoyances, hard times,
and setbacks.
▪ Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps you say things that might be
otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
▪ Simultaneously relax and energize yourself. Playful communication relieves fatigue and
relaxes your body, which allows you to recharge and accomplish more.
▪ Become more creative. When you loosen up, you free yourself of rigid ways of thinking
and being, allowing you to get creative and see things in new ways.

How to develop playful communication:

It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side.

▪ Try setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it
becomes.
▪ Find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature.
▪ Practice by playing with animals, babies, young children, and outgoing people who
appreciate playful banter.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively

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Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive
ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or
punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is supported by the previous four
skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and
aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle
emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.

Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:

▪ Stay focused in the present. When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, you
can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving
old feelings about conflicts.
▪ Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve
them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
▪ Forgive. Other people’s hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up
the urge to punish or seek revenge.
▪ End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You
can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.

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 UNIT II

HANDWRITING ANALYSIS

Handwriting analysis is also known as graphology which is a method of identifying the traits related
to an individual. By analyzing a person's writing, a behavioral profile can be determined to gain
insight into physical, mental, and emotional states of the writer. It helps in understanding personality
traits through the strokes and patterns revealed by handwriting. It can reveal traits such as
emotional and mental instability, which can further lead an individual to engage in deviant behavior.

Handwriting is unique to every individual, regardless of the word formation of an individual’s

handwriting; the shape of the character is will remain the same. This is applicable to all languages.

Forgery of another person’s handwriting can easily be identified by proper forensic examining
characteristics like pen pressure and shakiness. Theoretically, it is difficult to determine personality
especially when it is related to forensics.

This is because current automated systems are preprogrammed by humans. Another reason why it
may be difficult to accurately examine handwriting samples is the fact that there is no threshold or
scale available which can accurately provide the results of the analysis. The automated pattern
recognition system also may need training on few samples so that they can get the scale and do the
analysis for the next available scanned samples.

Determining handwriting and signature through forensic examining has been successful to some
degree. However there have been many instances in handwriting analysis where a forensic

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handwriting expert will compare handwriting on the basis of clear sets of characteristics and cannot
make any relation between the handwriting characteristics and the personality traits because
accuracy is the major issue in such forensic examining Handwriting Analysis is the study of
relationship between handwriting and personality. Hand writing Analysis is the science of
understanding the human subconscious mind through the handwriting .Handwriting analysis can
quickly reveal such factors as your character, emotions, intellect, creativity, social adjustment, your
desires, fears, weaknesses, strengths and sexual appetite just to mention a few.

Graphoanalysis is a scientific system of identifying and assessing the character and personality of
an individual through a study of handwriting. The techniques used are based on a well-defined,
standardized method of:

– Identifying strokes,
– Relating these strokes to specific personality traits, and
– Evaluating the relative strength of the interrelated traits.

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How does handwriting analysis work?

Handwriting is as an instantaneous photograph of your mind. Your nervous system acts as a wire
from brain to hand. A thought in your brain is transmitted by electrical impulses through the nervous
system and fibers of your body, arm, hand and fingers. The fingers are only vehicles that put it in
writing. The thoughts and feelings in the human mind have an immediate impact in the formation of
handwriting. You will be able to spot differences in the handwriting by comparing your own writing
samples written in various moods when you are angry, happy, tired or feeling sick. When you
compare these different samples you will be able to see noticeable differences in pen stroke usage,
even though your handwriting style remains basically the same. Handwriting is like an
instantaneous photograph of the mind. Just like finger prints, no two handwritings are identical.

Uses of Handwriting Analysis

It saves time in accurately finding out all about a person. Furthermore handwriting analysis can aid
in business life. It is used in the hiring and promotion process. It can also help determine physical
or mental ailments, drug or alcohol use and work style compatibility.

Handwriting Analysis can help you understand yourself:

Having an accurate means of uncovering and understanding basic character and personality traits
has many advantages; knowing yourself is not the least of them. A handwriting analysis report can
help you gain insights into your own strengths and weaknesses. And though you may have to face
some unpleasant truths, it will at least enable you to make wiser decisions for your personal and
professional life.

Handwriting Analysis can help you understand other people:

Under normal circumstances, it could take years to really get to know someone, and most of us
don't have that kind of time or opportunity. With handwriting analysis, you have a quick, sure
means of discovering what someone else is like, what their expectations are, and what's the best
way to approach them, and this can make your family, social, and business contact that much
easier. (Why marry someone to find out whether you can live them - or live with them to find out

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whether you should marry them- when a careful comparison of your handwriting and their will tell
you where or whether you are compatible and where or whether conflicts could arise.

Handwriting Analysis can help you choose a career:

Vocational analysis can help guide you, and those for whom you do an analysis, in the choice of a
career or profession. By pointing out talents, abilities and preferences, it gives you a means of
deciding what type of work would best suit you, and just as important, what kind of employment
situation to avoid.

Handwriting Analysis is also useful to an employer:

It can help a personnel manager determine whether or not a job applicant is suitable for a particular
position, and/or where it's best to place someone. Because handwriting knows no sexual or racial
distinctions, graphology is truly an equal opportunity placement tool.

Handwriting Analysis can help you guard your health:

Your handwriting and your physical health are closely related. When you're ill or injured, it affects
the smoothness and coordination of your script, and very often an impending illness will show up in
handwriting before you're even aware that something is happening to you. As you know, the earlier
an illness is spotted, the easier it is to deal with it; and with graphology, you may be the reason
someone gets to a doctor for a check up before a disease has a chance to take hold.

Change your handwriting change your life:

Knowing your weakness isn't enough, if you have to keep living with them. The question is, can you
change what's wrong with your life? The answer is emphatic yes.
Just as your thoughts and feelings can affect the way you form your handwriting, the way you form
your handwriting can change your thoughts and feelings. Graphotherapy can be used to effect
character and personality changes in anyone who can write. This is not a miracle process; both the
preparatory analysis and the therapy procedure take time, and require concentration and hardwork
on the part of the writer. But you are how you write - and you can write how you want to be.

And finally, handwriting analysis can be a career:

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Especially now, when this science is being recognized by more and more institutions as the
accurate counseling and investigative tool it is. There are openings in business, police,
departments, hospitals and mental health centers, to name a few. And there is also the possibility
of becoming an independent consultant

Handwriting Analysis Guidelines

Slant

Right slant indicates a response to communication, but not how it takes place. For example, the
writer may wish to be friendly, manipulative, responsive, intrusive, to sell, to control, to be loving,
supportive, just to name some possibilities.

If the handwriting is generally upright, this indicates independence.

A left slant tendency shows emotion and reserve. This writer needs to be true to self first and
foremost and can be resentful if others try to push for more commitment from them.

Size

Handwriting is made up of three zones - or cases - middle, upper and lower. A basic average
measure - or benchmark - by which size can be judged is 3mm per zone. This gives a benchmark
for a non-remarkable full height of 9mm. More than this is large; less than this is small.

Large size handwriting can mean extravert and outgoing, or it can mean that the writer puts on an
act of confidence, although this behaviour might not be exhibited to strangers.

Small size can, logically, mean the opposite. Small size handwriting can also indicate a thinker and
an academic, depending upon other features in the script.

If the writing is small and delicate, the writer is unlikely to be a good communicator with anyone
other than those on their own particular wavelength. These people do not generally find it easy to
break new ground socially.

Pressure

Heavy pressure indicates commitment and taking things seriously, but if the pressure is excessively
heavy, that writer gets very uptight at times and can react quickly to what they might see as

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criticism, even though none may have been intended. These writers react first and ask questions
afterwards.

Light pressure shows sensitivity to atmosphere and empathy to people, but can also, if the pressure
is uneven, show lack of vitality.

Upper zone or case (as in l, t, h, etc)

Tall upper strokes are reaching towards goals and ambitions or, if they are very extended, there
may be unrealistic expectations of what the person feels they must achieve.

If there are reasonably proportioned upper zone loops, this indicates someone who likes to think
things through and use their imagination in a sensible way. Wider upper zone loops indicate more of
a tendency to dream up ideas and mull them over.

If the up-stroke goes up and then returns on top of itself, the writer may be squeezing out
imagination and keeping to the basic requirement of getting down to the job in hand.

Lower zone (as in g, y, p, etc)

Lower loops are also varied and have different meanings.

For example a straight stroke shows impatience to get the job done.

A 'cradle' lower stroke suggests an avoidance of aggression and confrontation.

A full loop with heavy pressure indicates energy/money-making/sensuality possibilities, subject to

correlation with other features.

A full lower loop with light pressure indicates a need or wish for security.

If there are many and varied shapes in the lower zone, the writer may feel unsettled and unfocused
emotionally. Again the handwriting analyst would look for this to be indicated by other features in
the script.

Middle zone or case (as in a, c, e, etc)

These middle zone shapes can give some particularly interesting information.

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The middle zone in the script represents the ego - from it we get a lot of information as to how the
writer feels and acts in public settings - what makes them tick socially and at work.

Some people's handwriting consists of only one single style, but many people will have a mixture of
two handwriting styles or more.

Again this provides useful information.

All of these features have potentially positive and negative connotations; the analyst uses the flow
and facility (ease, smoothness) of the script to infer a positive or negative interpretation.

Word spacing

The benchmark by which to judge wide or narrow spacing between words is the width of one letter
of the person's handwriting.

Wide spaces between words are saying - 'give me breathing space'.

Narrow spaces between words indicate a wish to be with others, but such writers may also crowd
people and be intrusive, notably if the writing lacks finesse.

Line spacing

Handwriting samples are always best on unlined paper, and particularly for exhibiting line-spacing
features.

Wide-spaced lines of handwriting show a wish to stand back and take a long view.

Closely spaced lines indicate that that the writer operates close to the action. For writers who do
this and who have writing that is rather loose in structure, the discipline of having to keep cool under
pressure brings out the best in them.

Page margins

The sides of the page each have a meaning.The left side margin shows the roots and
beginnings/family.The right side shows other people and the future.The top is goals and
ambitions.The foot of the page shows energy, instincts and practicality.Therefore margins are very
informative.

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If the writer has a wide left margin, the interest is in moving on. If it is narrow, caution and wanting to
avoid being pushed before they are ready is indicated.

Narrow right margin shows impatience and eagerness to get out there and on with things.

Wide right margin shows that there may be some fear of the unknown

LISTENING PROFILE

Stages of listening process

Hearing, Attending, Understanding, Remembering, Evaluating, and Responding. These stages

occur in sequence, but they generally performed with little awareness an often rapid succession

1. Hearing - It refers to the response caused by sound waves stimulating the sensory receptors of
the ear; it is physical response; hearing is perception of sound waves; you must hear to listen,
but you need not listen to hear (perception necessary for listening depends on attention
2. Attention- Brain screens stimuli and permits only a select few to come into focus- these
selective perception is known as attention, an important requirement for effective
listening; strong stimuli like bright lights, sudden noise…are attention getters; attention to more
commonplace or less striking stimuli requires special effort; postural adjustments are aided by
physical changes in sensory receptor organs; receptor adjustments might include tensing of the
ear´s tympanic muscle for better response to weak sounds
3. Understanding- To understand symbols we have seen and heard, we must analyze the
meaning of the stimuli we have perceived; symbolic stimuli are not only words but also sounds
like applause… and sights like blue uniform…that have symbolic meanings as well; the
meanings attached to these symbols are a function of our past associations and of the context in
which the symbols occur; for successful interpersonal communication, the listener must
understand the intended meaning and the context assumed by the sender.
4. Remembering- It is important listening process because it means that an individual has not only
received and interpreted a message but has also added it to the mind”s storage bank; but just as
our attention is selective, so too is our memory- what is remembered may be quite different from
what was originally seen or heard.

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5. Evaluating- It is a stage in which active listeners participate; it is at these point that the active
listener weighs evidence, sorts fact from opinion, and determines the presence or absence of
bias or prejudice in a message; the effective listener makes sure that he or she doesn’t begin
this activity too soon ; beginning this stage of the process before a message is completed
requires that we no longer hear and attend to the incoming message-as a result, the listening
process ceases
6. Responding- This stage requires that the receiver complete the process through verbal and/or
nonverbal feedback; because the speaker has no other way to determine if a message has been
received, this stage becomes the only overt means by which the sender may determine the
degree of success in transmitting the message.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF LISTENING

Informative Listening

Where the aim of listening is to concentrate on the message being given it is termed as Informative
listening. This may be the content of a lesson, directions, instructions, etc.

Appreciative Listening

Where the listener gains pleasure/satisfaction from listening to a certain type of music for example.
Appreciative sources might also include particular charismatic speakers or entertainers. These are
personal preferences and may have been shaped through our experiences and expectations.

Critical Listening

Where the listener may be trying to weigh up whether the speaker is credible,whether the message
being given is logical and whether they are being dupedor manipulated by the speaker. This is the
type of listening that we may adoptwhen faced with an offer or sales pitch that requires a decision
from us.

Discriminative Listening

Where the listener is able to identify and distinguish inferences or emotions through the speaker’s
change in voice tone, their use of pause, etc. Some people are extremely sensitive in this way,
while others are less able to pick up these subtle cues. Where the listener may recognize and

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pinpoint a specific engine fault, a familiar laugh from a crowded theatre or their own child’s cry in a
noisy playground. This ability may be affected by hearing impairment.

Empathic Listening

Where the listener tends to listen rather than talk. Their non-verbal behaviour indicates that the
listener is attending to what is being said. The emphasis is on understanding the speaker’s feelings
and being supportive and patient. The remaining exercise and paired activities are designed to
demonstrate the advantages of empathic listening and to highlight a range of obstructions that may
prevent us from being effective listeners.

Tips for being a good listener

● Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what
else is going on in the room.
● Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you
know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind
wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
● Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to
say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks
like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
● Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy
thinking about what you want say next.
● Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get
across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times.
Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The
thing to remember is..."
● Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a
good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your
understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are
alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
● Give feedback. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show
that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent.
These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you
listen with your face as well as your ears!
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 SELF ESTEEM

Self esteem is how we feel about ourselves. It is our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. For
example: I am good looking. I feel good about myself. I am kind. I am competent.

The level of our self esteem determines how we operate in life - how we interact with others,
spouse, children, friends, and strangers. It determines our goals and what we strive for, our
achievements, and our satisfaction and happiness in life.

The importance of self esteem can be seen when we look at the relationship between healthy self
esteem and other psychological traits. Self esteem and personality are closely related.

In simple words, self-esteem refers to your opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold
yourself in high regard, whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about
yourself and can be the cause of depression and a host of other problems.

Therefore, self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important you think you are.
It’s a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.

Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s actually knowing within, that you are worthy of
the best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not about thinking you are
perfect (nobody is).

Why is self-esteem important?

Every individual needs to have self-esteem, quite simply because it affects every aspect of one’s
life. Having a good self-esteem is essential, because:

● It helps you feel good about yourself and everything you do.

● It translates into belief in yourself, giving you the courage to try new things.

● It allows you to respect and honor yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you
respect yourself, others will respect you too.
● When you have a good self-esteem, you will know that you’re smart enough to make your
own decisions.
● When you honor yourself, you will make choices that nourish your mind and body.

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 ● You will value your safety, your feelings and health. Therefore, you will choose to make
healthier eating choices, exercising, or taking time off to do something you like (without
feeling guilty about not doing something for somebody else).
All this does not mean that a person with good self-esteem discounts others, but that — a person
with a good self-esteem values oneself and ensures that his/her feelings or needs are not
discounted.

WILLPOWER

Willpower is your ability to set a course of action and say, “Engage!”

Willpower provides an intensely powerful yet temporary boost. Think of it as a one-shot thruster. It
burns out quickly, but if directed intelligently, it can provide the burst you need to overcome inertia
and create momentum.

Willpower is the spearhead of self-discipline. Willpower is a concentration of force. You gather up all
your energy and make a massive thrust forward. You attack your problems strategically at their
weakest points until they crack, allowing you enough room to maneuver deeper into their territory
and finish them off.

The application of willpower includes the following steps:

1. Choose your objective

2. Create a plan of attack
3. Execute the plan

Will power

● It is the ability to control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses.

● It is the ability to arrive at a decision and follow it with perseverance, until its successful
accomplishment.

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 ● It helps you overcome the desire to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits.

● It manifests as inner strength, and the ability to overcome inner and external resistance or
obstacles.

● It is the antidote to laziness and procrastination.

● It is one of the corner stones of success, both spiritual and material.

SELF DISCIPLINE

● It is the companion of will power. It gives you with the stamina to persevere with whatever
you do.

● It gives you the strength to withstand hardships and difficulties, whether physical, emotional
or mental.

● It also manifest as perseverance and tenacity.

● It enables you to reject immediate satisfaction, pleasure or comfort, in order to gain

something better, but, which requires effort and time.

Everyone has inner, unconscious, or partly conscious impulses; making them say or do things they
later regret saying or doing. On many occasions, people do not think before they talk or act. By
developing these two powers, you become conscious of your inner, subconscious impulses, and
gain the ability to reject them, when they are not for your own good.

SELF-CONFIDENCE

Self-confidence is an attitude that you hold about yourself that allows you to move forward and
achieve your goals. Self-confidence means believing in yourself and your abilities. It means being
ready and willing to face new situations and accomplish difficult tasks. Self-confident people are
usually eager, assertive, motivated, willing to accept criticism, emotionally mature, optimistic, and
productive. People who don’t have self-confidence lack the inner belief in their ability to be
successful. They tend to be withdrawn, unmotivated, overly sensitive to criticism, distrustful, and
pessimistic. They don’t feel good about themselves. Often they feel like failures.
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It is very necessary that one should have faith in one’s ability and this can only be done when one
has confidence in oneself. Remember, confidence is one of the most important ingredients for
success. However, in the process, do not get overconfident. Though there is a thin line of difference
between the two, the end result is way apart. While confidence can lead to success, overconfidence
can bring about downfall. So tread the path to confidence cautiously, lest you become
overconfident.

What Affects Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence is affected by life experiences. You are influenced by parents, siblings, friends, and
teachers. From them, you learn how to think about yourself and the world around you. It is the
support and encouragement you receive from the people around you – or the lack of it – that helps
shape your inner feelings about yourself.

A nurturing environment that provides positive feedback improves self-confidence. People learn by
making mistakes, and they need to feel that missteps along the way are to be expected. However,
when friends, family, and others offer unfair criticism, hold unrealistic expectations, or put too much
pressure on a person, self-confidence can be affected.

Steps to Building Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is not built overnight. It is a process that begins by first understanding why you lack
confidence, then taking active steps to change your negative thinking and behaviors into positive
ones. Think of building self-confidence as a process. Aim to make small, positive steps toward
success. Practice these strategies until they become your new habits.

❖ Think about your good qualities. Are you conscientious, loyal, reliable, and cooperative?
Recognize your talents and abilities; these will help you feel better about yourself.
❖ Think positively about yourself and what you set out to do. Negativethoughts lead to worry,
which can confuse you and keep you from achieving success.
❖ Set realistic goals that you can truly reach, both large and small. Praise yourself when you
reach even the smallest goals, but keep striving for the bigger ones.
❖ Focus on your successes and not on your failures. Realize that everyone makes mistakes,
and let yours be tools for learning.

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❖ Be assertive. It is essential for people to express their thoughts, feelings, and emotions to
others. You are entitled to your opinion, and you have important things to say. Don’t be afraid
to say them.
❖ Find a creative outlet for self-expression. Find an activity that lets your abilities shine, such
as music, art, cooking, crafts, or sports. You don’t have to be the best at what you do, but the
risks you take and the things you create provide a fast route to greater self acceptance.

6 KEYS TO THE ART OF SAYING NO

1. Be honest with yourself: Quickly ask yourself a few questions: Why do I want to say
yes? How does the idea of saying yes make me feel? What’s the risk if I say yes? What’s
the risk if I say no? Could I be wrong? Am I making up a story here?

2. Be honest with the requestor: You can give a big long reason why your answer is “No”
but that doesn’t change the reality of your response. Giving a story, or worse, a story that is
laced with a white lie to make someone feel better, doesn’t work in the long haul.

3. Remember, you are the same: It doesn’t matter if it’s your boss, your child, your friend or
your neighbor you’re the same – you’re all just people. We all have our own needs and
priorities. Their needs are not greater than yours nor are yours greater than theirs.
However, you are the only person that can weigh your choices and make the right decision
for you.

4. Supportively offer an alternative: We’re not four years old and there is no need to shout
“No” at someone and charge off in the opposite direction. Recognize someone’s humanity
and let them know you recognize the importance of their need although you still can’t help.
Try: I can tell that this is important to you. Let’s talk about how we can make this work
another time. If you want to open the door to deeper discussion on helping in the future,
state that you want to help and let them know what’s stopping you. Ask: “Can we work
together on this?”

5. Get over the guilt: When you say no, with love and peace in your heart instead of fear and
guilt, you are fully embracing your own destiny.
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 6. Stop talking: Simply say, “No” and don’t offer a “but” as if you are not allowed to stand up
for your needs and priorities. The more your talk, the more you’re trying to make yourself
feel better for your response. Live with the truth of your “No” and get clear on what you’re
staying “Yes” to in your life in exchange.

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

Abraham Maslow is well renowned for proposing the Hierarchy of Needs Theory in 1943. This
theory is a classical depiction of human motivation. This theory is based on the assumption that
there is a hierarchy of five needs within each individual. The urgency of these needs varies.

Five Levels of the Hierarchy of Needs

There are five different levels in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

1. Physiological Needs
These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air,
food, and sleep. Maslow believed that these needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in
the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.
2. Security Needs
These include needs for safety and security. Security needs are important for survival, but they
are not as demanding as the physiological needs. Examples of security needs include a desire
for steady employment, health insurance, safe neighborhoods, and shelter from the
environment.
3. Social Needs
These include needs for belonging, love, and affection. Maslow considered these needs to be
less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic
attachments, and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does
involvement in social, community, or religious groups.
4. Esteem Needs
After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important.
These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social
recognition, and accomplishment.

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 5. Self-actualizing Needs
This is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware,
concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested
fulfilling their potential.

Maslow believed that human needs are similar to instincts and play a major role in motivating
behavior. Physiological, security, social, and esteem needs are deficiency needs (also known
as D-needs), meaning that these needs arise due to deprivation. Satisfying these lower-level needs
is important in order to avoid unpleasant feelings or consequences.

Maslow termed the highest-level of the pyramid as growth needs (also known as being needsor B-
needs). Growth needs do not stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a
person.

COLOUR PREFERENCE AND PERSONALITY TRAITS – STUDY FROM THE NOTES GIVEN IN
THE CLASS

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